not so extreme, but my mom was pretty overbearing and controlling like that
she got a lot better as I got older at least

>>38584591
my mom didn't really get better at all, she never learned her lesson, never apologized, feels zero remorse
its like, me being gay just means she can do whatever cuz im not a real child anyways

>>38584575
hello anon

do you think your mom being such a terrible person makes you afraid of forming close relationships with people? specifically because like, you are worried they are putting on a "miss perfect" act just like your mom does? and as a result you push away the people who care about you most, at times when you should really be pulling you closer? and as a result your support network is fractured and you have a hard time asking people for attention or help?

just curious
>t. someone who has a friend just like this

>>38584613
It makes me worry that people will use my words against me like she does and if anyone does anything wrong to me, I will be blamed, like she does. She just pretends to not notice the effects of her abuse. I think maybe her parents abused her and she never talks about that. My sister does the miss perfect/ crazy in private thing too. It's just weird. I don't get it.

>>38584575
>gay guy with mommy issues and probably daddy issues
yikes sister

>>38584681
anon i really hope your sister is able to grow into a mature human being despite her upbringing. you seem like you came out okay at least!

>It makes me worry that people will use my words against me like she does
i feel that, anon. everyone has flaws, and only terrible people expect others to be perfect. good friends will both recognize your flaws and help you move past them :]

> if anyone does anything wrong to me, I will be blamed
yes my friend does this too. she is afraid of confronting people when they mess up because she is afraid that she will get harassed for it. i always try to ask her if i did something wrong when she seems stressed because I know she has a hard time talking about things like this. im really trying to help her get better at confronting people but its a lot to unwind :)

for her, she has this bad habit where she keeps ignoring and ghosting people when they mess up because its easier for her to totally shut them out then try and explain what she is angry about.

how about you, anon? is there anyone youd like to confront but cant? did someone tick you off and youre having a hard time telling them?

>>38584762
I don't really talk to my sister much. We've drifted apart slowly since childhood but it's been clear for a long time she sees me as beneath her and contemptible.

>>38584771
that is fucked up. i hope you dont let her narcissism get to u anon

>>38584575
Don't have any anecdotes or anything but i'm sorry and hope you feel better eventually :]

>>38584775
Sometimes I am upset at them ,but more I am just baffled and confused by their behavior. It seems counterproductive to humiliate and bully your own family but they must have some reason for doing it.
But more than anything, I wonder if anyone else has been through something similar and many gays have similar stories of being treated like crap by their families, but there's been no organized way to collect those stories or do anything about it.

>>38584575
yeah

>>38584784
Do you ever remember feeling genuinely cared for by your mother? I don't. I felt like the baby bird whose mother doesn't feed him, metaphorically. I mean there were sort of rare gestures of niceness scattered but never any like genuine warm caring emotions directed at me just like I'm a genetic freak so I get basically cared for but nothing beyond that.

>>38584781
i think its because they know they are deeply flawed human beings but they cope by putting others beneath them and painting others as more flawed than them

i think it happens when they carry around a lot of guilt and regret and they try to portray others as significantly worse in order to make them perfect little angels by comparison

>>38584791
They are just really scripted about it and go into the miss perfect acts and you can't really have a discussion about it. I wonder if closer to their deaths in years if they will still keep up that act or if I will finally be able to reason with them on the same level.

>>38584575
Not my mom but my ex was like this and now I get scared when women raise their voice
>gay men
sorry missed this at first glance, am only a bifag

>>38584795
no. sunk cost fallacy. they werent able to process their guilt and forgive themselves 50 years ago, why would they do it on their deathbed?

in order to overcome it they need to accept that they have made mistakes but that does not define who they are. however first they need to recognize mistakes as learning experiences, and that would break their ability to demonize others. its a cycle and its hard to get people out of it

>>38584809
I feel like maybe if they get really ill or are in lots of pain near death they won't have such motive to keep up the charade, which mostly seems to be about this imaginary game where they feel others approve of the morality of their actions and that guides everything.
They do not admit to mistakes. My family is not like that.

>>38584790
no. Ive realized how self focused she really is. She told me that all she wants in the world is to never be bothered again and live alone. I felt completely unwanted. Im sure her mom treated her the same way

>>38584833
they can't really admit to being self focused and call me a narcissist if i ask for things and am not groveling over getting them its just very bizarre and feels like they are in a simulation or stuck playing some game I never was told we were playing

>>38584818
>They do not admit to mistakes. My family is not like that
yeah, thats why its so important for all of us to find friends who treat you as an equal, no more and no less, who is capable of having opinions worthy of respectful disagreement.

people like that are happy when we build each other up, while narcissists are sated when they tear others down

I love my Mom but she is depressed at the moment and she cites me transitioning as one of the reasons. She’s still really supportive of me but she claims that losing her son made her ‘suicidal’. She also regards anything like FFS (fortunately I don’t need it) or SRS as ‘mutilation’ and will often tell me as much. I’ve been out for like 4 years and she proudly calls me her daughter, but still maintains all this stuff. It’s really hard to deal with because I can’t really complain but I do feel overwhelming shame and guilt for making her feel so bad. Not really sure what I can do though.

>>38584575
My mum was was either an angry rage monster or completely negligent.
t.ranny

>>38584865
ive never really found that
all of my friendships felt like either they were too popular and it couldn't become a friendship cuz they were above me, or like I did most of the heavy lifting of talking and picking activities

i want to find smart people i enjoy talking to, ive just never found that

>>38584876
>they were too popular and it couldn't become a friendship cuz they were above me
respectfully, no. this just sounds like you putting yourself down. theres no such thing as being too unpopular to be friends with someone. its totally normal to be friends with people who are vastly smarter, richer, and more capable than us, as its also normal to have people who are dumber, poorer, and less capable than us. friendship is not about our status, its about who we are

>i want to find smart people i enjoy talking to, ive just never found that
im sorry to hear that anon, i hope you find your smartypants horde of friends someday

personally I found mine in a nerd server full of source engine modders. we arent all really "friends" since theres so many of us (like a thousand) but I always really enjoy going in there and being able to learn from people who are way smarter than me

>>38584575
This is exactly my mother
She's a borderline

I learned to tiptoe around her feelings throughout my childhood to avoid screaming tantrums

>>38584965
my sister generally just avoided her to avoid screaming tantrums but I didn't really want to give in and felt super helpless
it just sucks she used to yell for hours and hours and denies it all and tells me to get therapy when she's the problem not a therapist

>this just sounds like you putting yourself down
fem gays don't go in the top of the social order
them's the rules, especially if yiou aren't hot, and I'm not

>personally I found mine in a nerd server full of source engine modders
sigh

>>38584978
>fem gays don't go in the top of the social order
> them's the rules, especially if yiou aren't hot, and I'm not
no sorry I dont believe that. im a fem gay too and sure i get teased about it but ultimately i feel like i am respected and given my due within my friend group.

besides, social hierarchy doesn’t really mix with friend groups. sure some people are more or less popular but again, friendship is about who we are, not our ever-changing social status

>sigh
:3

>>38584997
just to add on, people who are in relationships (friends, partners, or otherwise) with others purely because of social order or hierarchies are called "grifters", "gold diggers", and "pick me's". them's just not a thing champ

>>38584997
>i am respected and given my due within my friend group.
because you aren't trying to compete with alpha males let alone outrank them and your friend group is other low ranking betas
you are respected conditionally because you are submissive

>>38585025
im not respected conditionally. I do not allow people to put me down for my sexuality or personal interests. and while I may be submissive to my partner, that is my way of expressing love to him and that does not impact my whole life.

Many of the smartest women you will ever meet are submissive in bed, but that does not mean they don’t stand up for what’s right and defend themselves from unfair attacks.

>because you aren't trying to compete with alpha males let alone outrank them and your friend group is other low ranking betas
oh, you have a lot to unwind. im sorry but this is just not how interpersonal relationships work. it is not normal for people to put others down because of some bullshit made-up social hierarchy. and people who do that are called flaming assholes.

File: eyeroll.jpg (39 KB, 604x354)

39 KB JPG

>>38585070
>and while I may be submissive to my partner, that is my way of expressing love to him and that does not impact my whole life.

>>38585075
what’s your point, that loving someone a certain way means my friends wont respect me? no, sorry, this is some Andrew Tate shit. please don’t be putting yourself down like this because its not healthy to be idealizing yourself as someone who is incapable of doing things because of your sexual or romantic preferences.

>>38585083
fem gay men are expected to be totally submissive and are brutally punished for not being that way
fem gay men are not allowed to lead or rule

>>38585088
thats not true, and im sorry that you think that about yourself
would you like my disc? i also had a hard time dealing with this too when i was younger so i wanna help you out here if you'll let me <3