>Be HSTS, start getting dysphoria at 4 or 5ish>Never had an issue with gender identity, always know I'm a woman >Grow up without really looking at porn/a small amount of smut >Now 25, discover gay romance >Call me by your Name is the first, find it to be the hottest thing I've ever seen >Get into gay romance and the divine beauty of male archetypes intertwining>Admittedly begin to fetishize gay relationships >Now starting to fantasize about detransitioning so my body becomes a beautiful twinkish masterpiece like the gay romance I read >Always end up viscerally disgusted that I had these thoughts once I'm out of the mood Has anybody else felt this way?? What do I do, I feel like I've been hit with pooner disease and I can't really control it, it feels really gross and shameful I'm not doubting that I'm a woman I just get dysphoria once I'm finished because those thoughts are so hot but so gross
