>be me, a couple of years ago, pre-hrt tgirl>on a trip, at a hotel >time to sleep>dream that im a boymoder on hrt for a couple of years>in dream, getting off of school bus>live almost in a forest, in a house fashioned out of a tree>walk inside>look in the mirror>i stare for a while, feels like ive had this feeling many times before in dream world>dead eyes with heavy eye bags, basically how i look now since i rarely go out, pale skin, etc.>i pass, i see this and i know this, but something feels missing, and i cant feel better because of it, but it feels like dysphoria>staring, searching for it, but unable>go to bed depressed and with a pit in my stomach>wake up irl, cant sleep and just think about the dreamis this what itll be like? i think about this dream often. it felt like something was really wrong and really missing. knowing i could pass didnt make me feel anything. even if i ever could pass, im worried that there will still be something im looking for out of my transition that i cannot get or dont know how. is heavy melancholia my future? this is something i worry about often.
>>38593641yeah kinda. for me dysphoria has never completely gone away. it comes and goes like depressive episodes. and when I look back on my life it will always be a meloncholy feeling. that's life
