I'm gonna ask you guys this because you are the closest thing I have to a woman that I can ramble to without feeling like I'm too autistic for this shit. I'm a cis guy. I've been in long-term relationships with women, and had some hookups here and there. I've 'felt' the intensity of gender-based discourse which, for better or for worse, always circles around the sexual relationship between the two. It's always 'rape culture' this, 'shit-testing' that, 'I hate men' and 'women *coffee emoji*" and pretty much a perpetual feeling of resentment towards the other. And I've felt the pattern; both of the girls I dated long-term had certain expectations that led to... a dissatisfaction that eventually became emotional distancing. For example, sex would start strong; then you get into the typical issues (she doesn't like this or that, she wants me to be domineering, she starts feeling less active in sex) and sex would diminish until I would find a 'solution': sometimes it was giving in to the things that only she liked, sometimes it was to fall into a play of seduction that perpetually projected an image of a dominant man. Sex would improve, but I would feel empty; I would feel neglected and closed-off. Why am I playing this whole dominant role when all I want is to feel intimate? Why do I feel like I'm negotiating needs with who's supposed to be my realest friend?(1/2)
>>38603073Another example: money. I'd fall in love and we'd try to support each other in the best ways we can... Until a rough patch arrives, and then the expectations and the bar would be raised so insanely high I would end up associating with my partner with shame like Pavlov's dog. I would fix it, by finding the correct job or projecting the security that my girlfriend desired... But once the cover is lifted, everything felt fake again. Like I was splashed with reality: no one truly loves you, they love the idea of you.I've never been the idealizing kind. I don't have a particular type, race, or desire a particular 'image' of a woman. I just want someone to enmesh myself with. Yet, the cultural messaging that I read from women themselves —how to please them, how to carry a relationship with them, likes and dislikes— is that women are perpetually chasing an ideal: a dominant man who takes off his cover to reveal a deep secret that only his wife can hold. Someone that can sweep them off their feet, who has issues that are as fake as they are real (enough to make you cry but not enough to inconvenience you). Even the 'intimacy' and 'vulnerability' is an image; sex only works if I project the right images, and my feelings are only heard if I say them the right way. Where's the love in that? Where do I fit in in all of this? Do women ever realize the extent of this narcissistic endeavor of perpetually feeling dissatisfied for never getting the unreachable ideal man? Is it ever fair to be with someone who only wants love in their terms?(2/2)
>>38603073So basically mate the reality is you're dating the wrong women. There are a lot of women who are desperately looking for what you have to offer and can only find men who make them feel the same way.I do think, just in general, there's a big problem in modern society with dating and connecting with real people and not idealized images. We live in a world where everyone has a manicured social media presence and there is the illusion of abundance with dating apps etc. So many people, both men and women, treat relationships and dating like online shopping, where you just compare different options looking for the perfect one for you, they expect perfection and they expect no compromise because why should I compromise for a stranger when there are 1000 more I can swipe past every day, surely the perfect person is out there.Think about it compared to the past. You get to know people in your school, workplace, or local community. You have regular interactions with them, become closer and form an attachment and a genuine care for them as people. And then maybe feelings develop. And you can't just be a heartless asshole to these people because you have to interact with them irl, you can't just cut and run at the first hurdle so you're more likely to stick with it and try to work through it. Back then and today, those are the relationships that last. But now relationships are a commodity, you can meet people completely disconnected from your social circles and judge them primarily as this idealized image from their profile and how hot they are. Thus the rise in poor quality relationships and things like ghosting. You have no deeper connection to this person, if they stop being the commodity you think you purchased, you don't have to stick with them you can block them and never see them again. And also, the internet just has people brainrotted in general, we don't bond properly on a neurological level, we get dopamine OD from tiktok and now can't feel love
>>38603073As a gay who has never seen a vagina my external observation is that most women are secretly really bad at sex. Ive been with guys who are into that whole borderline larp about dominance and shit, but even then at least they usually want to get you off and have some sense of self sufficiency about it. But really you shouldnt have to put up with that at all. You should have someone who loves you as a person, not as some romance novel sex object they goon to while laying like a dead fish. And those people exist, probably some of them are even women, and you shouldnt tolerate anyone less than that. I dont really have any actionable advice for you, just that you havent done anything wrong. Those women will suffer for their shallowness and objectification far more than they should ever be able to hurt you with it. Maybe next time you meet a girl tell them early that you've had some bad past relationships where you were basically objectified by people who only wanted to be with you so long as you pretended to be their idea of a perfect man, and who lost interest in you whenever you reached the limit of that and asked them to compromise for the sake of your own happiness?
