i'm a mentally ill hon with no meaningful connections, a month away from the big 21 with a hyper-masc face and frame.i have given up on any chances of being happy. i've tried for so long and can't fucking do it anymore.i don't want to spend up to 50 more years watching my body growing even more hideous, masculine and old than it already is. i've wasted the most opportune years of my life, i have nothing left.the world hates me and wants me to die, the american pig population overwhelming voted for The Kill Trannies Party. if the world's greatest, most powerful dictatorship voted for that, the rest of the world will follow.is there a SINGLE reason for me to give life a chance?I don't believe good things are capable of happening in this world.why should I spend more time miserable and hating being alive? I hate myself and I hate humanity.
>>38612674every time i wanted to kill myself in the past, when i genuinely hated myself, my face, my voice, i asked myself why god burdened me with life. no matter who i talked to, i hated myself. and then, i convinced myself to take my first swim in seven years. i felt cold seawater run by my skin, i felt sand under my feet, and that right then and there was when i knew i didn't want to die. i had to make the realization myself that life is no burden. i hope you will make it too.
>>38612674Why kill yourself if you're ever questioning it? It's not like it's not always there or it's an opportunity you can miss. When it's time to ride you'll just do it you won't have to question it.
>>38612701i hate the beach.also my life is a complete burden on myself and anyone who comes close to me.
>>38612726Everyone suicidal thinks this. In reality they're important to so many people in their life
>>38612726that's what i thought about myself too. i had to learn myself that it just was never true at all. i didn't say you need to love the beach. but i do hope you can make the same realization that life was never a burden.
>>38612746life *is* a burden and I'm sorry that you can't see that.i was born against my will, expected to fit into a society i have no place in and am forced to be miserable because I can't.just being alive is the worst punishment imaginable and it's not fair that I'm biologically coded to fear death.
>>38612674You are literally 20. Things can and will get better
>>38612764you are obviously depressed and i suggest you seek therapy. i can genuinely say that i do not fear death, but i do love life. it is not because life is always good, but when it is bad, that makes me sad. that makes me feel like i live. there is a lot of shit coming politics wise. but trans people have always existed in spite of that and i don't intend to give up now. we've seen worse.
>>38612774why do you say that? why the fuck do you say that? are you legitimately stupid?why does anybody argue this. 20 is well past middle-aged for a tranny, especially so a disgusting honbeast ogremoder who never got on hrt.there isn't a fucking chance i don't kill myself before 25 and you have the gall to tell me it'll get better? that is some fucking nerve.
>>38612790i live in a remote area in a shithole country.therapy isn't an option.
>>38612802get on hrt and put some effort into improving your life
>>38612824>21 years old>get on hrt
>>38612790Therapy doesn't fix some issues. I've been depressed pretty much my entire life because my conditions are persistent and take away any drive I would otherwise have to change them. Your mind is not this free thing, it will be dictated to some degree by your enviorment that's the first thing retards needs to understand. Second thing is, in all our minds there is a point you cannot come back from. A point where your mind is too dependent on a change in your enviorment to fix itself. And for some of us there are enviornments where devoid of the possibility of change. Devoid of the outside help your mind needs to get better fuel. Nobody coming to save us, no internet comment that can be read no fucking beach. There's just you, abyss and the question why. I am the most qualified to know why my life IS a burden. Some retard telling me I'm depressed doesn't even come close, it's insulting no matter what their intentions.
>>38612884and? stop whining and try to look cute
>>38612971probably the best way of summarizing it.i went to therapy between the ages of like 11 and 15 and it fixed nothing for me.didnt even perscribe me the feel nothing pills, so I refuse to believe i'd be perscribed HRT in my shithole nazi country.
>>38612991i'm not agp no thanks.i just want to look vaguely female but ive already masculinized too much for that to be possible.i've got about 12 months left before my body completely masculinizes and physical feminization isn't possible anymore, and hrt takes years to kick in so it'd be over before it began
>>38613026you're literally just listening to bitter morons who say it's over if you haven't started E at 15
>>38613039they're all right.sorry that you're a hon or whatever but i wont look good if i troon out and that's just biology
>>38613052retards love ruining their own lives then complaining about it. enjoy repping buddy
>>38612674Late transition (which is really like 30+ not 20 lol), can be a burden, but I think you need to look inside and realize that your validation of being a woman is not reliant on your appearance. You'll be a woman. Maybe a little clocky, but what's actually the harm in that. If people would treat you worse for being clocky, you shouldn't be close to them anyways. I'm 25 and pre everything. I assume my dysphoria isn't as potent as others (and that's why it took a while), but I'm still looking forward to my transition. Assuming this isn't a bait post to make others feel worse, you have so much more of life to look forward to. Upwards of half an entire CENTURY. Your body will look a bit worse, but that's aging. Even cis women have troubles with looking worse as they age. Your youth won't last forever, but think about if you'd rather be a middle aged man or a middle aged woman. If both are equally revolting, then I think you might just be scared of aging. Accept the fact that you'll become an old lady and cherish it. Don't worry about the politics that much (though get to a blue area if you can). If the administration tries even half of they're short sighted campaign promises, then the backlash will be strong enough to ruin them.
>>38613066you sound mad that i'm right.typical hon delusions.
>>38613083it does matter if i'm clocky actually, i don't want to be publicly killed at any given moment for existing
>>38613093Go into deep deep blue areas. I've came out to people after the election and they've been super accepting. I understand if it'll be hard to move, but you should absolutely do it as a trans person.
>>38613123I don't live in AmeriKKKa, I live in a country that inherits only the very worst of the empire's culture.There IS NO "blue areas" here.
>>38613143Can't really make reccomendations if I don't know where you are. Sorry. Do you have easy access to neighborring countries? Are you sure the most populated city of your country doesn't have a lgbt community?
>>38613167nope, no access to neighbouring countries.there's probably lgbt groups in my country but they're far outnumbered by the people who want me dead.we inherit the worst of AmeriKKKa
Stop this nonsense. You will never be the girl you dreamed of. And any move you make to try to get close to that will only embarrass you even more when you look in the mirror and face that male body with boobs. In the end you will be a hon who will commit suicide or have to deal with reality. But dealing with reality is something you can do without having a ridiculous body.
>>38613451I have never once denied that i'll be a hon.That's why I want to kill myself.
>>38613483You need someone to love you and show you that you are perfect the way you are.
>>38613493I am a beast in monstrous skin as I am.I had someone love me once and it only made things worse.
hot cocoa
>>38613553tastes bad desu
