kys

>32
>losing sleep nightly over fantasies of worshipping and fucking dudes as a woman
>have had the exact same impossible sexuality and insane yet also boring fantasies since puberty
>have never not had shame about it and hate myself and wish i was dead after every time i fap
>have never been able to force myself to get off to anything else as much no matter how hard i try
>don't like gay porn or the idea of gay relationships so i can't go gay
>could never pass so i can't troon out
>women already think i'm weird and unattractive so i couldn't even try dating a woman if i wanted to, even if none of my sexuality involves me being a man and having sex with a woman i still wish i could be normal
>can never talk to anyone about it because it's disgusting and my biggest source of self hate and shame
>will probably die a kissless virgin because everything about my sexuality doesn't make sense and is impossible
i can even go for 6+ months without fapping at all and my tastes never change. i'm going to go through my entire life alone because i'm a freak and will never change and it's impossible for me to be a woman or even remotely resemble one. i really don't know what i did to deserve this pointless life. you can call me a disgusting porn addicted coomer or whatever but it was always there way before i watched porn, just with agp fantasies of becoming a woman. the fucking men part didn't come until puberty.

>>39395973
This is going to be my future as well. I'd considered myself gay since accepting that I liked guys and not women after trying to gaslight myself into thinking I was straight around puberty. However, I realized quite a bit later on that that wasn't entirely honest either after realizing the overwhelming majority of gay guys like stuff involving guys who are both relatively masc. I always went for basically femboy stuff because I wanted to be that myself. I realize now that I was looking for a cope for wanting to actually be female.

>>39395749
Rude

>>39396669
i've tried endless times to get into gay porn but it's disgusting to me. i've always self inserted as the woman in straight porn. it's how i found out about agp, it was always automatic for me since day 1 of puberty and i hate myself because of it. i've missed out on youthful relationships and intimacy because i'm this fucked up mistake of a human. i don't have any advice for you if you can't transition like me. it's just a nonstop self loathing experience where you block out stuff for a while and think you're okay being basically asexual and alone forever until you're not. i feel so entirely alone i can't confide in anyone about this and shut myself entirely out of a big part of the human experience (dating and sex) because my mind and body are completely disconnected from each other. i don't want to waste some woman's time either pretending to be in a male role when i don't want that.

>>39396829
also i'm gonna leave the thread again for weeks/months because even posting about this stuff is embarrassing for me because i don't ever feel valid. more like a mentally ill porn addict. i wish all older reppers the best though.

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What are we drinking today, ladies?

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>>39397099
I ran out of wine so only water and coffee :(

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>>39397099
Milk honey tea because I'm a woman with woman tastes

>>39397099
water

I want to make a roguelike but I'm retarded.

>>39397527
[code]input("You are standing at the end of a road before a small brick building. Around you is a forest. A small stream flows out of the building and down a gully.")
print("You died")[/code]

>>39397580
more of a zorklike

>>39397099
vanilla coke zero
>>39397527
ai to the rescue!
i've heard, i'm too retarded to use it ;__;

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>>39395709
Unbelievably based picrel, OP.

>>39397527
Which kind of roguelike, male anon?

>>39398005
I had to put my dcfagging somewhere

Bump

should i take hrt tomorrow

>>39395973
Same here
It's easy for people to blame it on porn but I didn't see porn till I was like 13, and I had been praying to wake up as a girl since I was 5

>>39395709
take your fucking HRT, retards

>>39400518
YES

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None of it matters
I could achieve every single goal I have, in my career, hobbies, learning things, travelling, making good money, fitness, and none of it will get me even a tiny bit closer to being how I want to be
It's all cope, and I can only grind so long before I crash and have a miserable depressed few days, and then throw myself back in again
To continue on what >>39396829 said, it'd be so nice if you could actually just talk to people about this
My internet friends dont care at all about me being a loser, or liking guys, or any of that shit, but if I ever brought this up it'd destroy the few relationships I have
Noone wants to hang around a crazy person

Well, time for some cycling so that I can stay slim and not turn into a grotesque gigantic ogre of a man

anybody else just not care about anything? With the current state of geopolitics and struggling with health + just barely making ends meet I hardly give a shit if I have boobs or not. I don't know if it's a side effect of getting older or what but I feel like an NPC now.

>>39400988
Kind of. I just want to improve my life even a little bit so that I'm not just enduring things.
I don't even need much, just a normal income, some days off, good health and sleep.
If I have all that I think I'll cope better with this stuff too, or at least won't be so damn exhausted all the time which always brings me lower.

>>39400988
I've been feeling pretty similar the past few years, not that I'm completely apathetic but I've been getting to a point where I'm more interested in my own thoughts and feelings instead of what's going on with the world at large.

why shouldn't i kms

>>39400988
I think the current state of geopolitics is starting to get interesting.

>>39404165
That's something you have to figure out for yourself. Why haven't you so far? More of the same probably. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

>>39404194
because my parents are alive and care about me
but after they die, why actually bother living especially since i live in a third world country?

>>39404205
You killing them soon? They seem like they're going anywhere fast? If not then maybe just wait and see how you feel then instead of worrying about it now. Life doesn't always go the ways you'd expect.

>>39395973
I can 100% relate to this. This is the worst sexuality.

>>39404284
why would anything change? surely not

>>39404479
Because shit happens unexpectedly sometimes, for better and worse. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

>mom is mentally ill
>Dad is mentally ill
>got both their mental problems

i hate them so much

whatever happened to people taking pride in their work?

the thing i'm paranoid the most about is getting fired. i'm always worried i'm going to screw something up and get walked so i try my best to do as many things well as i can. my co-workers will call me things like ocd. i'm not ocd. i just know what it's like to get blindsided by a company and walked for stupid shit. i'm constantly on the backfoot as i feel my boss hates me for being looney-troons, and abuses my work ethic as a result. ya i double check to make sure i locked up at the end of the night. not because i'm worried about someone breaking in, but because i don't want to get fired for not locking up right. at home? i'll get drunk, pass out, and leave the door right open. what's the worst that happens? someone breaks in?

work drives my paranoia through the roof because i just wanna stay employed. my last experiences job hunting were so bad. i can't go over a year without work because no one wants to hire a tranny. i have gaps in my resume and people are like what happened? people were legally allowed to discriminate against hons. you couldn't even get a job at dunkin donuts.

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>Wake up
>Go to take shower
>Look down
>See grotesque female body
Day ruined.

deciding if i should take my hrt today or not

How does one cope as a biological female who has somehow developed all the typical male insecurities, including height, dick size, how much I can lift, and avoiding gay/girly stuff?

Saw myself in a photo yesterday, btw. I wish I could reroll. Ugly AND a latent tranny.

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>>39405781
You tell me cister, I'm the exact same. Mostly Ive been wallowing in self pity and suffering my retarded brain. Gym coping is good tho desu

>>39404597
I want to have a female body

>>39405781
imagine being a biological female with a big dick and the muscle density of a male

Where do FTM repressors hide the desiccated remains of their victims after extracting their life force?

>>39406352
I cant fathom why but I understand the general feeling.
>>39406481
Make a man suit and wear it as loungwear when I want to relax, unwind and forget about my own flesh.

>>39406399
It feels great when I imagine it, but then I start feeling like it's not enough and I need wider shoulder and narrow hips and lower voice and-

>>39406481
I feed them to my 50 cats.

>>39406542
>I need wider shoulder and narrow hips and lower voice and-
see i hate having all of that so i can't relate

I can relate to FTMs because I have the same mental illness as they do.

does anyone else also live in a third world country
that combined with this mental illness is just something i will never be able to solve so why even bother unironically?

>>39406553
You guys have the literal exact opposite feelings about masculine and feminine characteristics but feel pretty much exactly the same way about your own bodies. You should be able to relate.

>>39406481
I wish I was the victim of them so they could potentially use my male body to their wants

>>39406625
I live in a first world country whos leader worships third world countries (america). Sometimes I'm jealous of some poorer countries where hrt is easier to get and less stigmatized despite everything else here being better

>>39406673
not a bad country to live i guess
shame that i will never be able to move to it

>>39406625
At least you can speak English and therefore access the first world internet.

>>39406657
Their "wants" are antithetical to the continuation of life itself anon.

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I AM A NORMAL WOMAN

What happened to larry

>>39406953
sometimes i check gaygen just to check if hes there

>>39406840
i don't want to settle for that...

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ill probably start hrt...
twinkdeath is around the corner and i don't think id last long after that happens
therapist is probably right that i should but it feels like i lost and it hurts my pride

How do I endure this for maybe 30 more years?

>>39406953
i am here daily, suffering

>>39407374
hey wanna fuck?
i'll give you like 10 buckos if you top me

>>39407430
i am still too miserable dysphoric to do do it, i hope i will feel better at some point but fuck this existence

>>39407636
dysphoria never gets better, i'm sorry to say
how about you join me in drinking myself/yourself to a kinda comfy zone?

tfw no repper friend
Tfw no money
tfw no purpose to life
tfw bored 24/7

>>39407280
Keep yourself busy. Get obsessed with something.

>>39407921
hey repanon i'll be your friend as long as you're nice
>t. repanon

>>39407430
nta but does the offer still stand, anon? (i'm cute)
>>39407685
even better!!! let's get high/blasted and sink into the soft embrace of dissociation

>>39407685
it will go away for me, i just hate waiting so much, i have a few months of suffering extremely daily left..

>>39408462
a few months and then what? whats the magical cure larry

I believe in agp so that I know that I am some disgusting freak predator man and not actually a tranny and so that I don't have to transition and dont have to lose my friends and family and never be able to date because nobody is willing to date some weird man freak. I just wish it was easier to live

>>39406523
>I cant fathom why
me everytime I see your posts, though then again I guess that's why they call this stuff mental illness

im 100% an egg i know it i'd totally press a button to be a woman if i could and i hate being a man and having to conform to the gender roles, but...i cant fully detach from my conservative sort of social background and ingrained repression. it's way too much to take on, and im not comfortable with risk. i'd definitely crossdress once i move out and far away from my old life though. i actually look pretty cute, im small, im quiet, im effeminate, i never felt fully at home, and im submissive and passive and just want to be taken care of. sorry im drunk lmao

Honest question, why are you people here? If I wanted to repress trans thoughts I would do whatever I could to distract myself from them and live as a cis normie. I certainly wouldn't post on the gay tranny board.

>>39408637
Just take E in secret until you are comfortable being gender nonconforming. You'll regret the years spent letting your body masculinize.
>>39407201
>doing the same

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>>39408506
>I guess that's why they call this stuff mental illness
Hear hear.
>>39408960
I'm retarded. Also dysphoria is so constant it gets tiring pretending it doesn't exist ro the people around me.

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I really wish I could go through with transition but I just can't :/. I am too masc I find it hard to look at my face and see a woman. I think it will never happen. It's just not meant to be...

>>39407997
okay
we are friends now!!!

>>39408960
Yeah, I think the same thing. I did repress my thoughts for years, but I didn't visit /lgbt/ once. I only began visiting this board again after I transitioned again.

>>39406625
>anyone else live in a third world country
yeah, me
>why even bother
because I tried killing myself and it turned out I didn't have the spine to pull it off, so I thought "what the hell" and trooned, losing friends and a big part of my family in the process. Thankfully diy was easy to obtain due to it being a 3rd world country.
I can't easily move, but at least I look like a woman and my life isn't miserable 24/7 like it was before

>>39409134
yay!!

>>39408960
Curiosity about other people who experience something I've experienced. I find people interesting, seeing ways other people are affected by things is interesting. It's partially self centered because a lot of people find me detached and I think in many cases I don't feel the things I "should" or am expected to rather, and I wonder how common that is. Aside from that there's potentially convincing people to try things I've done that have helped me and being able to monitor how that goes for them. Knowing something worked for me in an unexpected way makes me curious and it's testable if people can be convinced to be a guinea pig.

I'm not generally emotionally affected by people I'm not close to, and even then there's degrees. Other people thinking things has little effect on my own thoughts because my thoughts are set and it takes a lot to change my mind and emotions, my own included, aren't enough to do that generally. I don't internalize a lot of things.

>>39410375
if a person* or -a +guinea pigs* pick one, either sentence works.

>>39408960
I have nowhere else to vent, complaining about these feels to anyone else would destroy their images of me and the relationships
I don't look at the rest of the board I just dump feels here every couple of weeks and then leave

>>39408011
sounds comfy :3

>>39410400
fits me to a t

Would you guys do a repper4repper relationship where it's described like this >>39405711? (Swap one gender if you're same sex attracted).
Or would you guys prefer to try being in a standard relationship where your dysphoria is repressed and unacknowledged?

i dont understand why mtf reppers just dont manmode. sure, with ftm reppers hiding the effects of testosterone is harder but if youre a mtf rep you can just at least microdose estrogen to have prettier skin, better hair and thinner bodyhair

>>39410917
i can barely keep friends , being in a relationship will never happen

im so unbelievably pathetic , seriously
i need to kill myself as soon as possible

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>>39410917
I'd prefer the latter. I'm physically and mentally unfit for a romantic relationship and bring nothing to the table, so either one's out of the question, but in the first proposition I'd no doubt just feel a constant undercurrent of jealousy and annoyance at the FtMrepper for not only having what I can't have but somehow wanting to be a subhuman like me. Also I'm not gay so the extra pegging bit doesn't sound appealing.
If I ever go down the transition route, it's going to be for myself, because that's all I've ever have.

>>39395973
I'm you but 4 years younger

>hate myself down to every fibre of my being pretrans
>do hrt to rid myself of my sexuality because i get off to futa and genderbender
>hrt only made me intensely into forcefem and identity death
>lose sleep constantly over it
>constantly struggle between being ultra feminine and ultra masculine
>dissociating more and more day by day
>let out all my femininity online
>feel like shit the next morning and have intense shame almost every single time
I have done things that I never should have done and I’m tired of pretending this is going to work out for me. But I can’t stop due to this sunk cost fallacy. But I know I’m gonna seek deeper and deeper. I don’t even like men. I don’t even get off to these fantasies. But I want it to happen to me with ever increasing magnitude, and one day, I’m gonna break, and all of my repressed desires are gonna make me do more.
The only way I can ever see this working out is if I’m retarded enough to settle for a (tranny) GF and keeping it all a secret. Only God knows what depraved things I get off to.

I can't just endure this shit anymore

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>>39408977
godspeed, hope it works out for you

>>39412825
So what if you like depraved things? Enjoy them and move on.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/nXxoBTJdpQI

>Boomerepressor gets exposed

Wtf bros...this is not proper representation.

just be a feminine male

But anons, is there any real reason not to sui? Please explain

>>39414785
not feasible for most guys as they grow older :(

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Good evening everyone, tonight I wish I was a man, like every other night.

Is this the split off trans gen where everyones stuck in the closet?

>>39416506
this is the place

>>39416506
sort of? This is the split where people refuse to even take any steps to transition despite knowing that they're trans.

/mmg/ or /bmg/ are the splits where people take HRT / get surgeries to transition, but don't come out.

>>39416516
I finally found you, boymodegen made it so hard for no reason

>>39416527
> highschool girls acting childish
yeah no wonder

>>39416525
This was exactly what i were looking for, we keep running out of closet cases to make fun of on gaygen so i thought i should try to diversify my stocks

>>39416527
bmg posters are not even closeted, most of them are youngshits and passoids who are openly trans and female irl. the ugliest of the posters there are just normal twinkhons, but actual hons and fat people get bullied off the gen and discords. its basically just a butchmoder general but for mtfs. the gen for mtfs that transitione medically but not socially is mmg, and even then most posters there just look like young twinks. actual ugly wide manly hrt reppers just use this gen and claim to not have started hrt at all

>>39416568
Do you guys ever share how ugly you are or should i just be imagining it privately in my head?

>>39416552
is that why /mmg/ blew up when i said its gross to suck cock and not look like a woman?

>>39416581
I'm beautiful, and that's the problem. It's not about being ugly you profound retard.

>>39416601
come on now, you can't just say that with no picture to back it up

>>39416609
Not sharing my picture on 4chan. I don't have get any joy from it but I'm conventionally pretty for a female. IWNBAM.

>>39416674
pwretty pwlease? i would have appreciated it a lot, promise no bad intentions I'm just curious

>>39416698
I'm not putting my face here, I try to not take pictures of my face anyway. I get told very often that I look like young Anne Hathaway, feel free to imagine what you want with that. Is it fun to come read the sad retards thread ?

>>39416800
>Is it fun to come read the sad retards thread
Yes very much, i appreciate all the suffering you go through just for me to come here and gawk at you. Very kind

>>39416852
Maybe my female brain makes me too kind to like gawking at misery but I don't get it. Are you a tranny ?

Hello I wish I was a woman

>>39416869
>Are you a tranny
No i don't think i would have enjoyed this as much as i do if were, i was luckily just born gay

>>39416880
>i was luckily just born gay
I was born gay too (lesbian) but my brain is retarded and wants to be male, I do get how it's a bit funny. Your life mustn't be that great the today's entertainment is reading sad reptranny vents.

>>39416133
Why no replies
Can anyone unironically explain this
Because I really don't understand why should I do it if this is a life-long issue anyway

>>39416916
>I do get how it's a bit funny.
I wouldn't have thought it was very funny either if i were cursed with your gender dysphoria but you have to remember that I'm standing outside the glass, no need for plastic surgery and therapy to feel comfortable in my body just looking at you miserable life. It's kinda how you put on TLC shows to feel a bit better about your own situation

>>39416939
I don't want to die, I hate my body but I love my family, I love my hobbies, I like my job, I want to be in love one day even if it would be difficult. There are many reasons.

gay men dont get nearly enough hate as they deserve

>>39416961
Ah I see. Your life must not be very great if you need to compare it to ours to feel good. But I get it, also you are a gay men and your lot isn't exactly known for empathy.

>>39416967
>I don't want to die
I mean same, but clearly life is not for me

>>39416992
No worries my life isn't all that bad actually, this is just past time reality tv for me

>>39417015
I will never understand fag hags and fujo's, gay men are the most shallow, voyeuristic creatures.

>>39417045
We live in different worlds and that's okay. I think it's actually really funny to me shallow and voyeuristic with my fag hags. You clearly don't, no need for any hard feelings

>>39417095
No hard feelings either but I do hope you develop rapid onset GD.

>>39416981
They're like 80% psychopaths, just terrible people.

>>39409950
*mwah*

have a good day friend

Even when I see most trannies I just think "Meh". It's like HRT won't even get me close to what I want so what's the point.

i want a manmoder friend

>>39416581
Lot of people have told me I'm attractive, but you can imagine whatever you want. ¯\_ (ツ)_/¯

>>39418435
why manmoder specifically

What is it that prevented you FTM reppers from becoming TERFs?

>>39395709
yes. i have a background fear that the fbi is watching me and will never say certain things out loud, even in private, and moderate my online activity accordingly. if a car stays behind me for a bit too long, has tinted windows, or is driving strangely, i start to think it's them. even writing this there is a not insignificant part of my brain that's worried i'm giving away too much and that they'll use this information against me.

i also often feel like i'm on my own version of the truman show or that my life is a big experiment/simulation, and that all my problems are a test or an attempt to make me go crazy, the only escape being to kill myself after which they'll wake me up.

i don't truly *believe* these things but they often come up and are difficult to get out of my head. i also generally feel like people are watching/judging me when i'm out and about, although that fear may be more well founded.

>>39419115
I can't be that two-faced. Besides, I don't like wasting my time on social media.

>>39419115
I'm a chaser

>>39419596
of mtfs or ftms?

>>39395709
don't you know how impossible it is to be a woman? women aren't even real, they're just a bunch of makeup and an act
even an afab person can't be a woman if they're too autistic, and everyone will smell them out

>>39419612
Ftm's, never gonna act on it tho, becoming a practicing chaser is almost as bad as pooning.

>>39416494
Why on nights only of all times of the day

>>39419642
god youre like those creepy repressing transbians who chase after mtfs and troon out midrelationship. i bet you even want to be forcemasc'd you sick fuck

>>39419725
Brother you're in repgen, we all get forcemasc'd or forcefemmed

>>39419774
not me. i just want to magically turn into a woman. making other person forcefem me sounds gross bcuz im gross looking and feels too fetishy and ii dont want to put another person through that

>>39419799
You're just a faggot

>>39419825
:(

>>39395709
my transition has been a failure
I'm going to kill myself

>>39419115
I don't care if people transition and can find some attractive even. It's a nonissue. A decision I make for myself is just that, not about other people. Also I don't really think women have it bad, things are shit all around in ways and there's advantages to being female.Any hand you're dealt can be played in some fashion so may as well assess things correctly.

>>39419168
Found the antisemite.

>>39420396
i am not an antisemite. where are you even getting that from? am i dense?

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>>39395709
I think that someone is trying to troon me
Infecting my blood and destroying my mind
No man of the flesh could ever stop me
The fight for this prog is a fight to the death
Pink pill, holy grail
Pink pill, holy grail

>>39395709
wasn't really before but I've been smoking a bunch of weed to deal with the thoughts and it's making my paranoia/anxiety way worse. feel like a schizo whenever I'm in public

>>39420425
probably a joke about how the technology the cia uses to spy on its citizens was created by israel 30 years ago to spy on palestinians in the west bank and it gave it to the us under the condition they also used it to spy on antisemites(muslims and everyone who isnt 100% on board with the genocide on gaza)

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>>39419708
The day is also plagued by pooning thoughts but at least my plebeian slave 8 to 7 job distracts me.
>>39419725
>youre like those creepy repressing transbians who chase after mtfs
Yes desu
>i bet you even want to be forcemasc'd you sick fuck
Not really, masculinity takes resolve and isn't something you submit to, I have ne desire for submission. I just want to have an ftm of my own to touch and skinwalk.

>>39420425
>i have a background fear that the fbi is watching me and will never say certain things out loud, even in private, and moderate my online activity accordingly.

I got it from this.

>>39420527
Arguably it makes sense why both sides would want to genocide each other at this point. Accepting annihilation as the limit of war makes sense when your enemy is subversive and irreconcilable conflict has been going on for so long in this manner. Tack on religion and... it's an understandable move. This isn"t a personal judgment on it I'm just saying from a political standpoint this makes sense and keeping aan eye on your enemies does too. That being said, it's more about drawing attention than anything and from there being a worthwhile threat. You'd have to be worth the resources to deal with and the vast majority of people will allow a genocide to happen or do nothing of note to prevent it anyway.

>>39420686
oh, no, the things in question are not antisemitism related. for obvious reasons i will not be stating them.

>>39420793
You hate black people? You're a communist etc. It's fine anon they'd watch you close enough to see you're harmless.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_mxKS49Reo

>>39420808
>It's fine anon they'd watch you close enough to see you're harmless.
i know the fear isn't rational, it's just something i deal with

>>39420899
Being paranoid to share your thoughts means there's something flag worthy there. Caring about being monitored wouldnt be suspicious on its own, but watching what you say is. Very interesting anon, I'm taking notes

>>39420899
https://youtu.be/rUft70iHHdM?si=mp5UYfRCbnbz4oAA

>>39420987
:)

>>39421291
<3

i love ruining all my friendships and pushing everyone away from me!!!

>>39421951
How do you go about doing that?

>>39421983
i just stop talking to ppl
if they are still pushy then i kinda freak out on them and tell them to leave me alone
i wish i didn't

>>39408479
idk, i am just tired of this bs and want to finally move on with my life and live whatever that is

I want to be a woman

>>39422005
Will never understand people who act like choices they make are completely out of their control and can't be changed.

detroon on the 'log flexing about how they threw a potential life that I would kill for away and seeing xir post makes me 10x more suicidal than usual

>>39397099
I only have two beers left, it's literally over

>>39397527
same but a VN
too bad my brain is too broken to learn skills that would let me do something cool like that

>>39395709
Stop doing drugs and you will stop seeing/visualizing monsters everywhere

>>39424805
I'm just high on life (and alcohol)

>>39424805
yes i have psychotic breaks from taking stimulants
no i will not stop taking stimulants

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Simply the thing I am shall make me live

I WISH I WAS A WOMAN

>>39397099
just starting on a bottle of red wine. soon i'll be too drunk to even spell dysphoria

i don't even think i have dysphoria at this point im just retarded and my soul is broken
oh well

>>39397142
that's just having cozy tastes

>>39397099
nothing
I'm forcing myself to wait until at least Friday because I really upset my stomach last time
wish me luck, I probably won't last that long

imagine having a vagina. and for ftms imagine having a cock.

need ftm repper girlfriend to forcemasc
t. ranny

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>committed to taking hrt for a month a few years ago after several years of questioning and a one week stint
>liked the instant effects (skin, smell, some face stuff, sleeping better) but stopped bc I still didn't know how I felt about committing to it all the way
>continue to be both happy and jealous whenever I see someone mtf be mildly successful at anything
>after several years of decent coping finally cracked last week and started again
>all good except anxiety about tits coming in too early
>suddenly have an extremely vivid cis-coded dream where I'm taking care of a woman with a sprained ankle, princess carrying her, other romantic shit, etc.
>literally only time in years I've been able to envision myself as a cis guy in some relationship dynamic for years and not be repulsed, ecstatic, think I'm cured
>realize I can't even self insert if I try to picture myself as a guy instead of some amorphous entity
I feel like I should stop because of how fast e seems to hit my tits but at the same time I like everything else don't want to stop and age into a balding ballsack. just blow my brains out and reincarnate me as a perma-androgynous anime character or something please

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by the time i understood that i have GD i was already irreparably warped by testosterone. i never had a chance to begin with.

>Tranny
>parents abused me
>narcolepsy
>brain damage from car accident

w h y a m i s o u n l u c k y

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Hello everyone, I wish I was a man.

I don't get why MTF reppers don't just take HRT anyway (DIY if need be). The effects are really slow and take a while to be noticed. It's not like for FTMs where they grow facial hair and their voice deepens relatively quickly, which is especially noticeable to others for someone living as a woman.
I was repping, and now I'm taking HRT, and my life is pretty much exactly the same as before so far but with just my libido getting dampened and my skin getting less oily.

pls end my suffering

>>39428292
I can't because I have no fucking money. Durr it's so cheap. yeah I don't have any money. I don't work and I rely on my parents for most of the shit I have.

>Dur get a job
>dur get a diploma
>dur fix your whole life

normalniggers OUT OUT OUT OUT!!

The female body is so grotesque and disformed

Mtf repressor - Should I abandon my coping methods in an attempt to push my self to come out and transition?

So far, my coping methods have been effective but have been making me feel more depressed over time.

>When a FTM repper runs off a cliff for a second before looking down, putting up a sign that says "DOOD!" and then falling for 6 seconds before hitting the ground with a dust cloud

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>he has the from software build type

>>39428292
my parents would find out pretty quickly if I started growing breasts

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>>39428336
I do that

Is it repping if I know I'm trans but refuse to come out (except to a few people) until my Mom is dead?

>>39428439
are you taking hrt or just raw doggin it

>>39428213
>>brain damage from car accident
wtf me too i got hit by a car

>>39428462
Raw dogging it, no hrt, no body mod in any way.

>>39428502
youre a repper, but you should really take your pills alice

>>39428508
I'd be on T not E if I actually did start hrt, which is why I'm not DIYing or anything else, as T effects are really obvious, and my mother has built a lot of our relationship on me being her daughter, not her son.

>>39428465
we attract horrible shit to us like the universe is just itching to fuck us up

>>39428602
Trannies are the universes karmic snuffdolls, they exist to be punished for their crimes in a past life.

>>39428613
given all the bad shit that happens to me I can say that it's probably true that I am some kind of cosmic prisoner on this hell planet, forced to serve my time.

>>39428294
helium is cheap

>>39428465
I have brain damage too, but from multiple concussions instead of a car accident.

i have extremely bad working memory and extremely bad processing speed
it's a fucking pain just existing

>>39428704
Don't do that, most helium isnt concentrated enough to exit bag anymore. You want pure sodium nitrite.

>>39428818
it's easy to source pure helium tho?
sodium nitrite is a kinda shitty way to go

>>39428292
yeah im doing this now. idk but already feel more emotional wellbeing. would be deathly embarrassed if anyone ever found out.

>>39428867
Bold of you to assume anyone here knows how to properly set up a regulator, sn is much easier and the PPH rates it high consistently.

we are all doomed
>>39428704
sui pushing is not ok dirty grandpa

>>39428917
yeah true. just falling asleep forever vs extreme nausia and hoping not to vomit when unconscious? worth it

>>39428964
"dirty"?
and that's aunt for you kiddo

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It's over. Fuck my stupid dyke life.

I wonder if J.K. Rowling posts in this gen.

i want to die

>>39429033
Thats why you take meto with SN.

>>39429058
see the good part, you could have been born a man but an incel so no pussy anyway, like this you can drown in it as a lesbian

>>39429148
too transphobic towards mtfs to share a space with male reppers also i get the feeling that she has shame over her attraction to men and not being queer. she feels a strong kinship to lesbians despite obviously not being lesbian and wouldnt be surprised if she experimented as a teen or something only to be dissapointed it didnt work out. i think straight reppers like her post in ovarit, cc or lolcow while gay reppers post itt

>>39428346
>bearer
>seek
>seek
>les
what did fromsoft mean by this?

>>39408960
Im just here because for some reason I keep thinking about how I should be a man. Im not sure why I keep thinking about it and Im not sure if Im actually trans as it I dont have those thoughts all that often, they just seem to be happening more than they used to.

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>>39429309
The woman I like constantly talks about how attractive my brothers are and how perfect I would be if I was male.
>you could have been born a man but an incel so no pussy anyway, like this you can drown in it as a lesbian
If I was born a man I would have been tall and handsome like my brothers, not an incel.
Dysphoria is making being a regular dyke impossible, my retarded brain is ruining my lezzie youth.

>>39429592
You only get to be young once. Force yourself through it. I wasted my AGP youth sitting inside alone. Don't let it happen to you.

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>>39429765
I'm already 21 so not that young, I've missed out on teen love and can only fantasise about magically being a man and fucking the straight girls I'm currently into.
I'm trying to give myself autosaphoerotisism to see if it helps but since I'm already a dyke it's not doing much.

>>39429978
>I'm already 21 so not that young
OH MY GOD WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP
yes, you are young
go out there and fuck girls, and it doesn't have to be perfect. good is enough.

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im trying to figure out if my boyfriend is secretly a repper or just a gender non-conforming guy
>wants to be masc, but in a butch lesbian way
>people joke about him being trans (both ways, fyi hes amab)
>i joke ab im being a girlthing and he asked if he was my girlthing, of course i said yes but that rings some bells
am i insane?

>>39429978
Im 28 and have never dated. I wish I was 21. Don't get caught up in negative emotions. Try fucking girls with a strap on, idk, better than nothing.

My fist colliding with a FTM's soft forehead causing her head to explode in gore and giblets.

i really want to die

>>39430077
wow you and your friends sound annoying
> he asked if he was my girlthing
whats the context? is it he heard you refer to someone as your girlthing and he inferred that you meant him and he was seeking clarification. or does he want to be your girlthing and he asked to you refer to that.

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>>39430011
>>39430152
Your both right, I'm being a whiny bitch and it will me my own fault if I waste my youth. The stone butch disphoric blues is just getting to my head, I need to suck it up and stop lusting after straight women desu

u could convince stacy she’s bi i believe in you anon

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>>39430238
it was kinda a one off joke in relation to picrel and it was a prompt for a song writing comp and got first place, im probably just high and retarded but this feels too silly to not investigate
>you and your friends sound annoying
what else do you expect by putting a group of mostly NEET retards on discord

>>39430476
maybe i dont know the dude one off instances are not much to go off of. but he may just be a theymab and not a tranny repper

>>39430077
I'm a trans woman who used to rep. I remember telling my high school girlfriend (who was also kind of GNC) that "I think I like you in the way a girl likes you" and tried to act in ways traditionally a girlfriend would act (like lying on her legs), which kind of pushed her away because she didn't like that. So it does sound somewhat familiar.
I was also irrationally jealous of girls for being girls and I would do things like work out only my thighs and core so I'd look like a femboy and wear makeup and slightly feminine clothing, too.

>>39430534
i mean he IS a theymab ik that for certain, regardless he is very silly and love him all the same regardless
>>39430566
please tell me you're on E and thriving

Hey, genuine question for reppers. Why not just manmode? Besides the fear of developing visible breast and thus becoming visibly trans/deformed.

>>39430585
>please tell me you're on E and thriving
Yes, I recently started E. I ordered it a while ago, but just got on it physically this week. I had tried to suppress this side of myself for a while unsuccessfully.

>>39430623
How old are you? I remember repping through whole highschool and a bit of college.

>>39430639
I'm 22. I have the current semester and the fall semester left before I graduate college. So I'm similar to you in that I repped for a bit of college.
I wouldn't say I repped through high school, mostly because I wasn't aware that being trans was something you could be unaware of. I thought it was something you were aware of from birth. I thought I was just a weird boy who wished he was a girl and was unlike the other boys. When I thought of trans people, I thought of an article from the Washington Post where a 3-year-old "girl" (FTM) asked "Mommy, when did you remove my penis?" I didn't have such experiences as a toddler.

>>39430448
She is extremely straight, all she talks about is men, how much she totes hates them, how hot they are, whose baby she wants to have..Never began lol

>>39430685
> I thought it was something you were aware of from birth. I thought I was just a weird boy who wished he was a girl and was unlike the other boys. When I thought of trans people, I thought of an article from the Washington Post where a 3-year-old "girl" (FTM) asked "Mommy, when did you remove my penis?" I didn't have such experiences as a toddler
trvke. and i hate it so god damn much because im a fucking hon

are FTMs the perfect cuckolds? They literally have no dick.

Just an idle thought.

>>39430685
Oh, I've started HRT not long after turning 23.
And yeah, I was the same but my main reason for repping was my looks.

>>39428292
>>39430615
not wanting to raze how my close family sees me (going from mousy keeps-to-himsef weirdo to tranny) when I'm not independent enough + not convinced I have the looks for it

What should I make of the decades I have left? Should I dedicate my time to creative pursuits? Trying to make the world a better place? I'm in the right position to do both. Happiness is overrated.

when i run out of hrt idk if i'm gonna keep taking more

>>39431812
Don't stop if there's a chance you'll regret it, because you will. If you detransition, make it an intentional choice and embrace your AGAB.

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according to this quiz i took, im a girl! im so excited!
>Qott1
i am paranoid if i think too much which is why i like to keep myself distracted but it turns into delusions sometimes

do you think Marshall Applewhite, the founder of Heaven's Gate cult was a repper?
>The group increasingly focused on the suppression of sexual desire; Applewhite and seven others opted for surgical castration
>He required members to adopt similar clothing and haircuts ... "Their idea of perfection was a kind of androgyny"
>Applewhite met Bonnie Nettles, a nurse with an interest in Theosophy and Biblical prophecy.
>Applewhite soon began to live with Nettles. Although they cohabited, their relationship was not a sexual one
>In the wake of Nettles' death ... He began identifying her as "the Father" and often referred to her with male pronouns

>>39429592
>If I was born a man I would have been tall and handsome like my brothers, not an incel.
that is not how hypotheticals work, you might as well been born a small short fat ugly indian guy, instead of that you were born into a family of hot people but dysphoric so can t enjoy it properly so same horrible shit, fate gave you something amazing and fate took smth from you too, but it took way more so what it gave you good doesn t matter so you still got that indian subhuman life, probably even worse regardless, if you are not ok with being a man but ugly incel as sin then you are not dysphoric, as a mtf idk abt what woman i would be, anything would be great, just to not feel dysphoric anymore..

>>39430615
a lot of us are HRT reppers i think. that's not the same as manmoding though

>>39434874
>HRT reppers
>HRT
>reppers
off my thread faggot

>>39434960
does that apply to me too? :(
it's like a homeopathic dose i swear

>>39434960
stop looking down on other reppers. we all have to cope with dysphoria as best we can
if i hadn't been on HRT i probably would have broken down and trooned before now

>>39435007
ywnbar
I'm happy for you, now GET OUT

guys can i be a rapper

yes
rap about gd and repressing like a man

i'm beginning to feel like a rep god rep god

anyone have advice on how to stop thinking 'god i wish that were me' whenever i see a woman irl?
for me it's the envy of women that's the most upsetting. other things i can block out

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>>39435554
i usually just remind myself that it is completely impossible for me to look like them. then i usually draw some beautiful women to feel better.

would you swap bodies with a ftm/mtf repper if it meant you had to get married afterward

>>39436245
Yes, probably

>>39428292
lies i grew noticeable gyno boobs, lost 95% of sexual pleasure, and felt really dumb/unmotivated
all within a month
these are fine if you can troon and be a girl but not if you're a man lmao

>>39436379
NOOOOO hrt is perfect!!! it can't have bad side effects!!

>>39435554
You cannot control your thoughts
Only how you react and respond to them

>>39429592
Male friends often tell me they’d wife me immediately if only I was a girl, not a guy
I die inside every time

is the solution to the repper question just self seclusion?

I sometimes deliberately death grip because I hate my dick and wish I didn’t have one and also feel like I don’t deserve any sexual pleasure

the solution is to transition and make the world a better place so others dont have to suffer your same fate

>>39436581
negative

>>39435643
I want to do this too but I’m afraid of people figuring it out
I don’t usually draw women at all so if I start doing a lot of art of beautiful happy feminine women people might find it weird
I suppose I could just claim it’s for getting more Twitter likes though

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>>39436581
i've seen today's political climate, the last thing the trans community needs is a whole bunch of freakish 7'10 ogrehons who are insane enough to believe that they could ever pass, which is sadly what the average repper would be if they transitioned.
remember that we rep for YOU.

>>39436710
Reppers sacrifice their own happiness for the well-being of all transpeople, but y'all aint ready for that conversation

>>39409937
how is your day to day life

>>39436741
>>39436710
you are stabbing yourself in the stomach and thinking youre a martyr for it. just manmode(ftms bull dyke mode)

>>39436768
Trannies should pay me $5000 a month to not transition.

>>39436771
you should stop self sabotaging

>>39436710
or just become a fem guy on hrt?
take hrt until one get puffy small boobs, remove breast tissue, and then just keep going with the hrt
magatards will see you as a onions boy but who cares

the solution to not being able to look at women etc is to just crossdress you feel less pent up if you own it

>>39436781
Pay me $5000 a month stop self sabotaging.

>>39436802
lmao
i wanted to die the few times i tried crossdressing, it just made my male body so obvious when normal male clothes could at least hide it a little

take your pills today

>>39436951
i took my pills (Codeine)

>>39436803
im going to feminize you with sǒy and microplastics

>>39437053
don't you have to eat like 5 pounds of onions a day for it to have any effect on your hormones.

>>39437058
the microplastics act as an accelerant

>>39437072
being forcibly feminized sounds extremely hot. too bad it will never happen.

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>>39436794
ah yes, let's just have a bunch of uncannily soft tall men roaming around the world when it increasingly hates anything that could be even misconstrued as being gnc
what could possibly go wrong?

>>39436577
I put tooth numbing liquid in a condom and put it on to make it so I couldn't feel my dick, and I did stuff like flick it really hard and run it under painfully hot water. I also currently haven't touched it outside of washing it in 2 years.

>>39436655
drawing beautiful women is the inconspicuous thing a male can draw.

>>39436794
>just have a bunch of surgeries

daily reminder that transitioning doesn't do anything

>>39436794
if I grew breasts it would make me really sad to have to get them removed

>>39437322
The first time I used my stationary bike I had the seat height wrong and the cushion wasn’t good enough, so after like 30 minutes of cycling I got off and I couldn’t feel my junk at all, AT ALL, completely numb cock and balls and everything
I felt relieved

tatsuki fujimoto is a repper and very obviously agp

the last time i starved myself, it fucked up my health pretty badly. i both felt and looked like shit, but at the same time it was the most androgynous i've ever been. i can't do it again. and even if i could, the adult me at bmi 17 wouldn't appear genderless. it's something only a teen can pull off.

my tummy hurts

>>39438083
you should stop eating candies

>>39437406
>one keyhole surgery are many surgeries
keyhole: easy, quick, no to low scars. can keep nipple tissue too
>>39437535
yes but between not going on hrt at all to "protect" tranners?`should be the obvious choice, right?

>>39438062
i'm trying to drop my bmi to 20
i'm 35

>>39438083
you should stop eating hedgehogs

>>39438083
you should give me all your candy so i can safekeep them

>>39438128
>keyhole: easy, quick, no to low scars. can keep nipple tissue too
The issue would be getting that done in secret. Maybe if I was already moved out and off my parents insurance I could. So far I can anglefraud at least

>>39436758
I'm okay with myself when looking in the mirror or hearing myself talk, I can socialize and not feel like a fake person.
I have some basic self confidence in my femininity.
But bottom dysphoria is still there and I don't get into relationships

>>39438423
eh this is a 18+ website
not judging or anything

>>39438465
how do others treat you though

>>39438565
I pass, so like a woman. Men approach me sometimes and I prefer not to go out late because some men catcall out of cars

again, the only thing that hrt does give you is gyno, it is mega stupid to go on it and get keyhole top surgery since what is even the point of taking it then

>>39438474
I'm 22

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(you)'ve been hit by truck-kun, what are you reincarnated as?

>>39438777
stfu already
i'm this close to cutting my neck and you think larping about this is fun?!? wtf is wrong about you?

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Excellent repfuel just dropped
https://x.com/Smash_Sisters/status/1908695386098749532

>>39439820
why does that look like my bingo plushie?

>>39439840
it may well be it anon

>>39439820
more like suifuel, the reasons why hons look so horrific to me is because of how much the garrishly fake femininity highlights their masculine features. seeing them just reminds me of how disgusting my own are

>>39439820
terrible posture all round, reminder to sit up straighter

>>39439820
>crt monitors
kek

new thread
>>39440114
>>39440114
>>39440114