i know what my body is. i am male, and accept this. transition isn't a complete process even if i was a passoid, and i'm also not that, i'm very much an androgyne.i look at what hrt has done for my body, at my presentation as a feminine male on estrogen (twinkhon, in the terms of this place), and it feels like enough. i'm not entirely done, there are (aside from orchi/srs) cosmetic surgeries i'd like for my face and chest, but these are just little beauty improvements that won't change all this.but society does not like this.i try to be myself with other trannies or with allies, and they refuse to recognize me as a man, treating me like some kind of weird confused repper. i try with phobes, and they refuse to recognize my transition as acceptable, seeing me as a perverted failed male. i don't try with normies, i just let them assume my gender, but even they always assume i want to be treated as a woman. and maybe this is crazy.but yknow, i am not really a woman? and like, it feels like mass social gaslighting to force me to consider myself one. i am a male, probably still fertile if i went off hrt. by male beauty standards i am hot as fuck, before estrogen and even moreso after (though could be more fit). i prefer men, but if i have biological children it would be with a woman, i'd be their androgyne father. and if i did marry a man, i'd be his gay husband with tits. and i've got the whole stem nerd breadwinner life path going on big time.by any reasonable standard, i am not just a man, i am an excellent man. beautiful, curvy, fertile, with a tall and domineering build and a voice that can be high and sweet or deep and comforting at the drop of a hat.and honestly?i think i am based as all hell for thinking of myself this way. i am a ladychad. but i want the people around me to see me as i see myself. i don't want them to see a librarian twinkhon girl, i want them to see a woman shaped man who they would trust to lead them into a war.am i wrong for this?
ran out of character limit but to sort of summarize:sure, i have this dysphoria thing going on. it makes me need to change my hormonal sex and feel better about myself when my secondary sex characteristics are stably female, and go a bit crazy if this were to reverse. and yes, i like to dress in makeup and women's clothing, because i like how it looks.but why can't i just say>okay but it's basically just antidepressants and fashion choices, i am still a manwhy do i HAVE to be a woman, to society?and should i accept the dictate?
>>39483799I’d rather be disrespected as a woman than respected as a man
>>39483849that's reasonable but i feel differently. i don't care about my social gender.i care about:>being comfortable in my body>being powerful and respected and able to use this for goodand if i can pull off this ladychad thing i get both
>>39483799You're nonbinary, and the sooner you accept this fact about yourself, the sooner you can get over it and stop spewing this unbearable cringe. You're not special, your gender isn't special, you're just a blend of two common things. Think of yourself as normal, and act like it.
>>39483936Agree on the nonbinary thing but OP isn't being cringe simply by pondering stuff out.
>>39483799>i think i am based as all hell for thinking of myself this way. i am a ladychadIn another thread and in my very recent present I've come to a similar conclusion, but calling it ladychad is way better than what I hadand I agree with you, you are based as fuck for that, holy fuck>but society does not like this.and you said the saddest truest part as well(disclaimer) IMOin our society that is so rigidly centered around the binary of male and female, there is no place for anything nonbinary, so if you say you're male, and present as a woman, people will either ignore what you're saying and treat you as a woman, or ignore what you're presenting as and put on faux respect and validate you for brownie pointsthe average person in any western society is not on a level where they can understand that>okay but it's basically just antidepressants and fashion choices, i am still a manthey've been fed the narratives about trans people about wrong souls, born in the wrong bodies, anything else of that natureand it justifys trans existance to their cis binary views of society>you can't be taking the trans pill unless you've got a womans soul>you're trying to change your body to match your brain, you're personality will catch upthere is no tolerance for>yeah that's you>the only YOU>the I N D I V I D U A L>why do i HAVE to be a woman, to society?tags like woman, man, nonbinary are ultimately for other peoples benefit, cos it boils down however many years you've been on this planet, and all the experiences that've shaped you, into a nice little box that they can then roll withyou can put the tag of man on your headbut it's not the tag people put on you, therefore it matters little outside of safe spaces>and should i accept the dictate?my own growing experience, is that disregarding it entirely is better, you cannot control how others experience your presentation of gender, and by clinging to tags you hurt yourself, COMMENT LENGTH
>>39483936>>39483991He's allowed to ponder, this shit is wonderfully deep>>39484030cont.>hurt yourself, and they don't read into it any more than just seeing a woman, or however you're showing off, they don't know youthey can't know you till you interact with them further, and even then actually understanding of your identity might never happenmy bf is very supportive of me when I talk about being MtFtTheyfab, even though he's openly said he doesn't really get what I meanThis shit is deep in the gender discussion charts and 99.99% of society is gonna have a very hard time understanding why you would put in all the effort to not accept the end resulteven if it's more in line with what you want to beit is impossible for people who know>girl is pinkand >boy is blueto keep up with this level of introspectionOk comment over now >;3
Idc, you do you bro. A lot of people just want to change their bodies and don't care to be addressed differently because of it.
>>39483936i have accepted myself as nonbinary. i kind of alluded to that in the post. i am both male and female of body and brain, masculine and feminine of mind... so yeah, i am a theymab if you like.but there are two reasons this doesn't solve my problem:>i tomboymode and i'm not going to stop. i like being hairless and pretty. and because of this i semipass (aka they can tell but they also think i want to be treated as a woman so they humor that) and get treated the way any other twinkhon would. pity and polite caution.>second, frankly, it's just not a socially acceptable identity. being a cis male who looks like a beautiful androgyne ladyman is always tolerated, even the nazis were cool with that shit. nonbinary is... different. it's a movement and a political agenda that i don't want to attach to. simply put, i can't identify my way out of this. i need to announce myself as a man somehow, in my appearance or vibe or something.i've been seriously considering reverting to my deadname, i think that might work.>>39483991thank you! i mean seriously, that's what spaces like this board are for!>>39484030god this is SO real and you are also based (handshake meme). i agree with all of this, and i am i guess looking for a way to communicate my truth to normies nonverbally, on first impression. to have people look at me and see a ladychad without needing to be told it's not a woman.>there is no tolerance for>>yeah that's you>>the only YOU>>the I N D I V I D U A Lgosh this really wraps up the whole package don't it?and maybe what i want is sort of impossible -- i claw myself away from nonbinary identity and its politics, but at the end of the day that's what i'm doing, rejecting the gender binary in favor of gnc individuality, inventing my own version of being a man... pretty NB lol. but i think i may be able to carve out this kind of acceptance with the right social positioning(1/2)
>>39484424>thank you! i mean seriously, that's what spaces like this board are for!My pleasure OP, even though I barely said anything. You have a really interesting way of expressing your feelings on the whole matter. Would love to see more input coming from you in the future.
>>39484030>>39484060(2/2)>MtFtTheyfabomg i have used this exact terminology before too lmao. i think i came to that because people here kept calling me theyfabbrained so maybe same for you lolit is impossible for people who know 'girl is pink' and 'boy is blue' to keep up with this level of introspection>my own growing experience, is that disregarding it entirely is better, you cannot control how others experience your presentation of gender, and by clinging to tags you hurt yourselfhmm, this is definitely worth considering. i aim to build a public profile and do a lot of social work as my career picks up though, so the whole "maneuvering for power and dignity" aspect does definitely have a utility factor for me, not just a pride thing. you may be right about this in the end, but i think i still need to try to force my ladychad inner self into observable reality. if it can be gamed like that, i'll be a lot more use to the world by figuring out the pattern.it's all about showing people what you want them to see. i just need to find a way to visibly demonstrate a soft skinned betitted leader of men and nations.honestly, i think just getting buff (without skipping on shoulders like most mtf fitmaxxers would) and changing back to my deadname might do it.the deadname part is extreme though, and would send a lot of confusion through my family. i maaaay be able to swing that by blaming it on trump, but i might also just pick up a neutral nickname.i was kinda considering just using the first letter of my first name. i find it cute but masculine. and my family calls me by my middle initial so that would be a nice symmetry.>>39484449<3>Would love to see more input coming from you in the futurenoted! :)i will definitely report the results of my ladychad fit-manipulation experiment if nothing else
oh god i dropped a chevron on a quote where i edited the line formattingmy life is officially oversomeone send me back to my english teachers so they can all slap me for bad citation formatting
>>39484424>>39484519>god this is SO real and you are also based (handshake meme).You have no idea the levels of insufferability this comment will allow me to inflict on my bf I feel like I've just done a line of coke reading validation of my recent epiphanies, so thank you for that <3>gosh this really wraps up the whole package don't it?and I'm glad you like that too >:3now>i am i guess looking for a way to communicate my truth to normies nonverballythis is your journey and I'm very happy to have bumbed into you along our mutual paths, I could suggest what I have planned, others could try and suggest what you do, but it wouldn't match your vision of youIt would be YOU as them >i want is sort of impossible -- i claw myself away from nonbinary identity and its politicsso you know what sucks, since the culture war has been brought back into full main stream in 2015 when Trump started running and the whole western world went haywire, you cannot be nb without making it political>you can be apolitical, you can never interact with either side and do everything right to avoid political discoursebut your entire existance defies one side of the political spectrumand they will take that as a threat, you and I, cannot be apolitical as we exist outside the default, the rhetoric of boys and girls, is being defied by our existanceThe binary of society I mentioned already is being AGGRESSIVELY enforced by one side, they put us on the opposite side without our consent>impossible for people who know 'girl is pink' and 'boy is blue' to keep up with this level of introspectionand you know what sucks about all that, the current agenda of right wing all over the western world, people like us, who could be more trusted and reffered to, fuckin gender philosophers, but no respect if offered to the fiend, the differentthe non binary1/2 holy fuck I can't stop rambling
>>394846882/2the more I think of it, that's what I see for myself doing cos I'm gonna have to structure all these thoughts as a shit book that gets no sales at some point xd>disregarding tags entirely is better>this is definitely worth consideringbe aware, like I said a second ago, this is my view suggesting to youand IMOultimately there's always gonna be someone, a terf, a trump supporter, an old person, a childthose who have extreme outliers on how they read other people, and the reason I'm choosing to disregard tags is that I don't think anything I can do currently, can convey 100% of what I am to every one, the majority will do>i think i still need to try to force my ladychad inner self into observable realityI hope with every ounce of me you can do that, I am desperatly doing the same with my own person I have hidden away for years because I lacked the understanding and wording, to convey it to others>i just need to find a way to visibly demonstrate a soft skinned betitted leader of men and nations>picrelI wish to be seen as a Godess, I want people on the street to see me and quake in fear and awe, I want statues and cult sacrifices in my name..but I'm 5'8 and kinda ugo passing, so we're not exactly there yetbut imo making that fiction of how you see yourself real is the biggest success you can have, and I imagine, cos I'm not there yet, that it will feel perfectI hope you can bring Ladychad into reality and I hope the journey there isn't an unbearable one <3
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>>39484688>>39484789>You have no idea the levels of insufferability this comment will allow me to inflict on my bf lmaoo oh no but also based>since the culture war has been brought back into full main stream in 2015 when Trump started running and the whole western world went haywire, you cannot be nb without making it political>your entire existance defies one side of the political spectrumyeahh, this has become innate to any kind of transness. but that's the thing, crossdressing, some degree of homosexuality, general faggotry, these are the last things to go and the easiest to wedge back in when a fascy tide rises. like i said, the nazis tolerated some level of this (not to my degree, but yk).it buys me time as well as options. in a way i'm sort of seeking to avoid not just the nb label but the entire label of trans and like, gender as a movement. i want to provide an idealized null hypothesis that craters all argument about trannies, through my own silence.succeed in my career, attain wealth, affect regime change to save the world from the current [gestures generally at everything]. be a family patriarch/matriarch. i want to fulfill the ideal masculine role in every way, and not just participate in but remake my country's politics, while taking estrogen.and the whole time, not a peep about it, and something pithy like "i'm just a faggot" if people try to stir a fuss about my gender presentation or whether i am trans or a woman or nb or anything else.and, when i win, and we give everyone healthcare, trans rights are secure too.>>picrel>I wish to be seen as a Godess, I want people on the street to see me and quake in fear and awe, I want statues and cult sacrifices in my nameBASED.>shiva and diablo in one imageayyyyy(1/2)
>>39484789>ultimately there's always gonna be someone, a terf, a trump supporter, an old person, a childi have become very good at winning these people. you don't always get the right opportunity but a friendly chat in person can do a lot. a string of them with someone does even more.>>ladychad>I hope with every ounce of me you can do that, I am desperatly doing the same with my own person I have hidden away for years because I lacked the understanding and wording, to convey it to othersi hope the same for you! and yeah same it took me many years to come to these conclusions about myself and my body and like, where i fit and why i feel like living as a 'normal' woman isn't really right. i was surrounded by uber affirmation people in school (aside from family) who filled my head with TWAW and dysphoria is a social construct etc. when i started thinking about this stuff a few years ago my ex kept calling me transphobic lol. it takes time to build a self even when you conform and tread the paths TPTB make for us. even more when you choose to forge your own fate. you'll get there step by step :)>but imo making that fiction of how you see yourself real is the biggest success you can have, and I imagine, cos I'm not there yet, that it will feel perfectvery much agreed! and while i have my "giant hot androgyne" thing, it's also very much not just about looks or like, natural size presence. how you train your body, how you use your mind and posture and voice, all of that really carries through whether it's for people trying to pass or for trying to present a masculine or just commanding aura like we're talking about here. >I hope you can bring Ladychad into reality and I hope the journey there isn't an unbearable one <3same again for you! in these times we struggle and are cast out. but we are one of several kinds of new hyper-actualized human, emerging into a stronger and freer species. one day our kind will rule this earthhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=aTDOFaAcEyc
