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Let's get this dogshit over with I thought I could have a day off but forget it

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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As a reminder, for newcomers, I WILL reply to every post from the last thread I feel I can add something to. So please, if you don't have 4chanx installed which makes it very easy to see whether a post (You) made has been replied to, keep an eye out.

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>>40866084
>40866102
>40866174
>I hate having no other options, I don't want to live this like forever.
You're very deep in a "the only way out is through" type of situation, yeah.
>Should I try to reach out to more people that I associate with my field?
100%, i would try to network and see what people have to say, have eyes on your CV, talk to people with experience what employers actually want.
>it is best to customise the CV before I send it off?
yes, 100%. Also, try to have a brief overview of the most important things early on. These people don't actually read, or think, a lot of the time. They skim.
>Any further advice on applying for jobs and working with recruitment agencies.
Sadly not much, it would be great if other anons could chime in.
>I use my phone a lot for communications and to use the internet on my laptop, it's a little hard to keep it away from my without a wifi connection.
Ah, that makes it more difficult. You could try to filter websites at the router level, there are a couple ways to do that and basically block yourself off them entirely, but it would be a radical and very techie solution.
>>40866181
It's nice to catch a break sometimes.
>>40866393
>I’m just seeing my psychiatrist and my dentist, but now my mom has a neat little summary of everything well in advance.
Oh nice, for the sake of redundancy?
>I also did some journaling today with a notebook and pen. I think that analog journaling is better for my concentration and attention span than journaling in the notes app on a smartphone.
That is true in general, handwritten notes are much better for retention as far as I know.
>>40867129
>60% of threads I hide
It's been a shitshow recently and this fucking poltard clownery is overfilling the fucking catalog. I have had it today. Just when we had a good fucking thing going.

i’ve been in a rut for a while where i find it difficult to get past bad habits, explore my interests, exercise, work on transition etc because i don’t have a real social network. If im not part of a community or regularly socializing it is really difficult for me not to be super depressed and therefore inactive.

But the catch 22 is bc I suck from not doing anything, it’s really hard to make friends. Even just having a conversation is difficult if you haven’t had the opportunity to do so for a while. And say you start making some friends, how could you make really substantive changes to your lifestyle, personality, or transition in that environment?

So i’m just not sure what to do. I feel guilty i’m not strong enough to just be great and live normally without any instant gratification or social connection but im not sure objectively if that’s reasonable on myself. I did that for a while been burnt out and haven’t recovered for almost a year. Just dunno what to do

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>>40867085
>i dont really see myself living out my life with him, he's too immature and it feels like he never puts effort into anything
Let's start simple, gradual. Does he take critique as a personal attack? Have you ever given him any warning shots about things you don't like? As for lacking friends: for now, for the sake of your sanity, prioritize that. You need a social safety net. I would focus on that with you right now, what options you have to meet new people, what your life circumstances are, etc.
>>40867137
>Thank you, you made me smile
All the effort I put into this general, I put in for each and every one of you. I am glad I can make you smile!
>>40867278
>hey folks, it's that runanon from indonesia.
Welcome back! Never feel bad about taking breaks from here, but please bear with me forgetting about your circumstances and what others and I suggested in the past already, you are always, always, ALWAYS welcome though.
>wasn't able to complete couch to 5k again
Sorry to hear but iirc you did put in a fair amount of effort! I am sure you can do it when life stabilizes a bit.
>i know this sounds selfish, but i don't really miss my parents.
I was raised quite radically on that front, actually: I was raised that the concerns of the parent are none of the child's business, that I oughta deal with my own shit, not theirs. I plan to raise my own kids this way too should I get a chance. But from this pov? It is essential for you to not worry about them for now.
>i'm meeting people who share the same interests as me and i now have a decent support system
It feels so good to hear someone have the exact experiences I actually rec uni for! I'm so happy for you. Shinjinon is also an angel and that cannot be overstated.

>>40884987
>>40885003
Change of plans always sucks
Hope you get to relax afterwards
Remember we will be here as well no matter how much time passes between threads

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>>40868829
>>40868019
By the way, it really is horrific what happened to you.. so they can put you on antibiotics and it helps but it doesn't get rid of it for good? I really, genuinely wish you nothing but the best. I understand the trust thing of course, but I agree with the other Anon, do lean on people, even if it is scary. Nobody in their right mind will ever blame you for the actions of monsters.
>>40874918
>I was super autistic about numbers at the beginning and grew complacent
Oh yes, it is easy to tell little lies to oneself in that regard. At the same time being too focused on it can end up in OCDesque/ED territory. Neither is fun. But it does get easier, the portion sizes I can finish comfortably shrunk a fair bit over time, did you notice too?
>>40872207
>I haven't posted here in like a month or 2 but I have a couple things have finally happened for me...
Welcome back, Anon! Don't worry about taking breaks, several anons have just hopped in for a visit anyway! Congrats getting on HRT! I'm happy for you.
>I found out that for some reason my classes were changed to monday/wednesday classes for some reason...
Oh I hate that when they rugpull the schedule like that, shit like that happened to me in the past too, it will be fine but i know your pain. Nothing too bad will come of it if my experience is any indication.
>I guess that's it... still not really sure if/when/how I'll tell people irl.
Well I am very proud of you, and while I am not trans myself I will gladly try and help you breaking the news to people in the little ways I can.
>>40873813
I am rooting for you, Anon. It is hard, but the point of recovery is not to have suddenly no relapses. It is lowering their frequency and duration. You are fighting, and you have made progress as far as I can tell.

links to The Adult ADHD Tool Kit: Using CBT to Facilitate Coping Inside and Out, J. Russell Ramsay and Anthony L. Rostain seem to have been disconnected.

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Gonna get a few short replies out of the way real quick.
>>40879542
Absolutely commendable results, Anon! I'm happy for you. Großartig!
>>40882220
>I am turning 25 in a few weeks.
You got all the time in the world in that case. Like, when I was a tutor at university, my experience was that people "grow up" at the age of roughly 23. Remember that at uni people have usually spent all their life up to it in school and have little real life experience, and probably have only left their parent's home for a year or two by 23. People that never once had to coordinate a household suddenly get their shit together at that age. I am confident you can at 25.
>Is aiming to get my life on track in 5 years a little too ambitious?
It is a good first approximation. You need to try and make a concrete set of goals, a timeline. Not everything at once but, let's try get the broad strokes started.
>>40883047
>I'd be happy to tell other people, even complete strangers, but not them.
This is interesting, can you articulate why?
>>40882951
> I wish I knew how to be meaner so I wouldn't be alone.
I'd like to learn more about that.
>>40885467
It does. And I appreciate it. Sorry if I sound pissed, I am not mad at anyone here. But I am mad at the influx of sewage in the catalog and the inconvenience it causes all of us.

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>>40874195
>>40874221
>Hi /sig/ its been awhile and I would like your anonymous 2 cents.
Welcome back! No need to apologize for long posts by the way, I am thankful for context.
>And I had fun and the city was beautiful and made me cry because there was so much to do compared to the shithole im forced to stay in atm
I'm happy to hear, and I do hope you get to move asap.
>which i guess in the end is still a level of gender dysphoria, idk.
In short, yes, as far as I can tell. You don't want boobs or present as a woman but are uncomfortable with being as masc as you are and want to be more andro, right?
>trying to ana-mode it up as much as possible
Please don't anamode, I understand you wanna get rid of muscle but as tough as it is it is NOT worth it slipping into ED. It will be slower this way but it will also be sustainable.
>collagen and fish oil and vitamins for hair and skin and everything else.
Keep an eye on your macros and micros in general, yes.
>what the heck is the point of all of this is and how/why you all try so hard.
On some level, a lot of working on oneself, very plainly put, ties into microdosing delusion one way or another. That sounds like a condemnation but you gotta remember that nobody ever has the mental fortitude to uphold a nuanced, multi-faceted and very unsatisfying outlook 24/7, and anything short of that to fit in a skull will be too simple to be realistic, and our brains, biologically hardwired to rationalize ANYTHING post-hoc, gotta bullshit the world around us together so we don't go insane over how obviously incorrect we are at all times. As such, pessimism is just as delulu just in a less useful way. You make a good point about brain chemistry. The issue is that we intuit many ways of doing things that lead to spirals. We have to trick ourselves to be happy. Videos like that in maximizing misery in the resources tell the story of how we tend to work if not consciously working against it. Of course, none of this answers "why".
(1/2)

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>>40874195
>>40874221
(2/2)
Because "why" is not the right question, ultimately. You do not want to be miserable, and you would like your copes to be sustainable. You are here for a reason. What you actually want is what we all do, trying to make the alleged Right Thing tolerable to execute. And that needs tricks. It is much less about toughing it out than it seems. We are not built different. We only try to rig things that giving up, tempting as it always is until you have for a few months, is just inconvenient enough and whatever sensible thing we have at hand is just frictionless enough that we can push forward. Habituation, medication, social safety nets, accountability, CBT, diet, sunlight.. it is about rigging things to be tolerable.
>my stomach will always be a ''that'' as someone has so lovingly refered to it.
Was that person by any chance themselves dysmorphic?
>it was technically still my fault for using this site
It wasn't. The main reason we treat minors as minors is because they are categorically exempt from expectations of "knowing better". I need to push back against this for your sake and that of others.
>Ill never not see myself as anything other than a fat ugly unlovable faggot that never had parents or family or friends.
That can be changed, and the hard things you do want to tackle should be in service of that. It will take external validation too. The way you talk about your weight sounds like there is some EDbrained stuff in your head already, if that is ok to say.
>If i have no irl friends,
>no places locally that i would enjoy
you are moving to change that, right? Both of these things. Finding people, finding places.
> no career, no education,
it seems like these two are only means to an end, to get the above, right?

I feel like you see a point, a goal worth achieving. You just don't think it reachable.

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I believe I caught up, now it's time to update the resources to include anna's archive links.
>>40885587
Going off memory they are both libgen links? It seems libgen has been under extremely heavy attack recently ut I didn't look into it. You can see the state of things at https://open-slum.org/. Anna's archive is still up, so I will do my best to supplement all books with backup links to AA. Should be done within the hour.
>>40876754
>I did however give myself a bit to prepare by browsing the fridges outside. Was in there for like 10 minutes, and unbelievably, nothing bad happened! The opposite in fact, as the cashier deducted the cents from my total, making me pay less than I should. But I still was on eggshells the whole time, and felt so relieved once I exited the establishment.
What a wonderful experience overall! I'm happy for you Anon. You did amazing, and.. actually, experiences like those are the key to eventually ridding yourself of your social anxiety more and more. Seeking out discomfort on purpose though.. is hard. This however might have been the first step towards it. I am rooting for you, and happy you shared this.

>>40885835
To that I agree
The board quality only ever decreases these days….

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Updated the resources.
>>40886377
I guess it will calm down when the old fart finally keels over and the ... esteemed visitors have to look for their bread and circuses elsewhere. This too shall pass..
>>40885587
Oh I can'T read, you only mentioned one book! I updated the resources. Essentially the exact same link works for it (same md5 so same file unless the url is misleading)
ADHD toolkit: https://annas-archive.org/md5/d3fd9fd15ca84c15f464bdea713e6e00
AA also has an EPUB version though: https://annas-archive.org/md5/d3fd9fd15ca84c15f464bdea713e6e00

Jesus Christ, buddy.

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comfy post double as bump

>>40884987
Bad day Siganon?.

Infinite kindness

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Comfy, plus keep afloat.
Should anyone see thread and not sure what to say, say the smallest thing you can think of you wish was different in your life. Don't have to do anything with that, but try to pick it out!

>>40888031
i wish i was in better shape like i was before this depressive episode hit

>>40888092

What's stopping you?
Why did you stop being in shape?
How many days has been of this depressive episode?

>>40888581
i just hate myself. i'm afraid of getting knocked down. i just stopped goingbto the gym, spending more time on my computer. it started almost a year ago. i was doing really well for a couple years, i almost thought i was in remission

>>40888599

Ah i get it.
Have you tried having a coach? The ones that motivates you to be at the gym and all of that?

>>40888616
i don't have the money for something like that sadly. i don't even have rent money

>>40888626

Well, is there something you like to do that also makes you have physical movement? Like walking? That has done wonders for me.

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>>40888092
It's good you want it. Sometimes it can get to the point you don't even want that. I came by again to bump but am happy caused a small discussion of it.
>better shape like I was
It can be really, really hard to get back on the saddle when you used to be able to do so much more before something like the depressive episode. If you even walk around the block once, that's good progress.
I used to just walk...little by little wanted to more and more. It's slow, but try to compare just to yesterday and not where you used to be.
Totally fine too if it's too much to add to the mental plate among rent and other things. I know how that is well...

>>40884987
Damm she hot

>>40888757
i used to go for walks but it feels so exhausting lately. like each step is a cinder block. im sorry

>>40888883
i just wish i had that control and mental fortitude i gained a couple years ago. i don't know where it went. i really thought i was on the up and up

>>40885123

You need a vacation, buddy.
How about a Caribbean island?

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>>40888907
A lot ofcircumstances in our life may cause changes in other regions of it due to shifts of our support system. Perhaps you had more support in some way or another during that time...Perhaps not. The good news is you can work back up to that....But it will be very hard if the narrative in your mind is returning to where you "already should be" vs healing, or perhaps even growing towards where you want to go.
Not to imply thats an easy mental shift, but its one I struggled through for some time that ultimately was the difference maker.

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On that note as well Im gonna head to shleep....I hope it can stay through the night for when Signon may wake...
Deep breaths for all...water before sleep...and when waking if can.

>>40889037
money is the biggest stressor for me right now. i dug myself into a deeper holbc of apathy and i barely have any money anymore. i feel very stupid for the foolish choices i've made. i'm starting antidepressants tomorrow and i'm scared

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>>40889037
>>40888907
Qlso realized I didnt say but meant to....Its okay its hard right now. Youre clearly trying your best and thats part of why you even posted.
Im sorry its so hard right now...and its okay that this takes time
>hug, with quiet back rubs
Be kind to yourself, if youre able

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>>40889067
You might not believe this but Im honestly right there with you., months of financial neglect catching up with me with a mighty big hole to fill now....
Feeling stupid is at least proof for both of us that out outlook has changed from just not caring anymore at least.
Antidepressants dont change you from you, promise. They might not fix everything but hopefully they help to turn the water up inside you from bonechilling to lukewarm emotionally.
Just like the physical part of things, one tiny walk at a time.

>>40889086
thank you anon. i try to be kind to myself but it's hard when i don't like me. why be kind to someone you hate. it sounds edgy but i genuinely feel so fake when i try to be kind or patient with myself. i only keep going because it'd be selfish to let it all fall apart

bump

coffee is nice

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>>40885208
>You're very deep in a "the only way out is through" type of situation, yeah
I'm afraid you are correct there, things are very tough at the moment.
I don't know what else to do really.

>100%, i would try to network and see what people have to say, have eyes on your CV, talk to people with experience what employers actually want
Do you have any advice on how to socialise or network properly?

I have a hard time trying to be amicable with people, professionally or informally.
I don't want to be impolite when I ask people for advice or anything like that.

>yes, 100%.
>Also, try to have a brief overview of the most important things early on
Like a summary of what the CV involves?

>These people don't actually read, or think, a lot of the time. They skim
Understandable, so just try to simplify it down to the most necessary parts? And make it easy to read?

>>40885208
>Sadly not much, it would be great if other anons could chime in
Fair enough, I'd appreciate any advice for anyone at this point.

>Ah, that makes it more difficult. You could try to filter websites at the router level, there are a couple ways to do that and basically block yourself off them entirely, but it would be a radical and very techie solution
Perhaps you can explain the process more or less and then I can see if I can implement it somehow.

Also, do you happen to know of any way to use a tracker app on my voice so I can check myself for how much time I spend on apps maybe?
Or something like that?

>>40888890
Most of them are, yeah.

Goodnight, everyone.

Special thank you to Siganon for keeping up with the thread and the replies once again.

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Morning all~!
Drink some water and get some sun in your eyes to help your body know its daytime. Window sun fine too but try to feel daytime warmth.

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cozy post

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Oraaa stay upper half!

Breaking monotony a bit:
If see this take a walk break, 5 minutes no pressure! But just let yourself breathe some air n get some sunny, it helps thoughts sort slightly.

>>40884987
I've finally decided to start caring about skin care. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, so I'm trying to run off of people's suggestions. I'm going to grab that moisturizer that gets recommended, but I'd also like to get an exfoliater and antibacterial wash so I can hopefully avoid blemishes/hair bumps and such, does anyone recommend any specific products of that type?

bump

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>>40886271
>>40886255
ty for responding

>Was that person by any chance themselves dysmorphic?

nuh, and before we met they had feelings for me based off my personality, its just apparently the standard for attractiveness is being 5% body fat and having a perfect swimmer body with abs, no wonder i wasnt good enough for a pedo either, any fat means that i am disgusting and ugly, after stopping the psych meds and losing over 100 pounds, all that means is that i have a disgusting amount of sagging skin and noone will ever even look in my direction, ''beauty is in the eye of the beholder'' is just therapeutic cope to make disgusting freaks like me feel better about themselves. Ill literally never look how I actually want to

>you are moving to change that, right?

I have the ability move right now and start a new life if wanted to, but currently im stuck living with a mentally ill family member who cant afford their housing bills, so i stay with them and pay rent to try to help them get by, technically i could move and just loan them money each month but ive already poured thousands of dollars of loans into them and their still awful with money so realistically i wont be able to move for another 18 months when im almost 30 and their circumstances change, and i would prefer to see the loans repaid so this is the most miserable but efficient path forward

>it seems like these two are only means to an end, to get the above, right?

it could help, but currently all i do is hedge my bets, and theres no large economic hub in my state anyways, if i paid 40k for a degree, more than likely i wouldnt find a job locally to use it, or even if i moved to my dream city where i would be happy, if theres already a large amount of unemployed degree holders, why would i ever be a companies choice with a decade+ work gap and no experience, (and having cptsd/tism/bpd)

idk, i feel like i just got born with a shit hand in life and things outside of my control, sucks to suck and all that

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I always get super depressed during late summer/early autumn and I don’t know why. I don’t really have anything going on in my life to warrant it.

>>40895669
>I don’t really have anything going on in my life
Maybe that's exactly why

>>40885835
can you not say shit like this, im 28 and i think and act no different to when i was 16. there is no magical age when people grow up.

My depression is killing my transition
Wonder if that is even real
Oh
Well
Might just be old lazy and full of rats instead

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>>40895829
Cool it. I could likewise say to you to not say shit like this because I have the reverse experience and outlook.
There isn't a magical age people grow up but it isn't reasonable to say people generally don't have to start learning how to live very differently once they leave college/the education pipeline. Everyone has different experiences of it but they said in their experience not "everyone"

>>40895829
don't worry anon it wasn't about people in general but a very narrow group within that academic setting whose life were characterized by extremely similar trajectories. The point is more about the experiences that make them grow up, which are age independent.

>my primary stressor is something I can't talk about
I'm going to lose it. I'm not supposed to disclose shit online, but I can't tell anyone irl why I'm freaking out because I'm not out, so I just have to sit in it while my whole future is up in the air based on something I can't control.
And I'm sick of the constant fear of discrimination literally all the time, being cis would have made my life so much easier.
Feels like I've already lost and I'm just wasting time on something that can't work out for me, and god i'm so fucking alone in all of it.

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Off to the mines for a while. Hope everyone has at least a few minutes of pleasant night.

I have so many things that are lucky in my life, but I sometimes feel like I missed the mark on riding the waves that luck gave me. I hope someday I can ride the waves better.

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Floaty up to top

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Im a detransitioner and I constantly have to fight it but I still feel as though I just want to be my birth sex. The best way I have to fight it is to just stop thinking about it

>>40886541
tysm. I'm also going through the bpd workbook.

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>>40885208
>Oh nice, for the sake of redundancy?
Right, to get us both on the same page.

>That is true in general, handwritten notes are much better for retention as far as I know
I’m not surprised but I am pleased to know there seems to be evidence of this.

So my plan to eat out less last month hit a snag where I needed to buy more groceries. I’m going to take an inventory of all the groceries I bought last month to make a grocery budget and meal plan for this month.

Obvious as it sounds, it helped me a lot to think of budgeting as more than just keeping track of how much you spend and preparing for unforeseen expenses, it’s also deciding in advance how much money you intend to spend and on what things.

Also, PSG season 2 is starting to change my perception of Panty as a character. I feel like there’s been a trend of Panty trying new things and discovering interests that she never expected to appreciate. I feel like this shows that she has focused more on what other people expect of her than what she wants.

I guess you could say that until now, I felt like Panty knew something I didn’t about being yourself and living life to the fullest, and the way she’s being written now gives me the opposite impression. It’s not bad, just unexpected.

Though it does line up with what I know about real female celebrities, and their struggles with being expected to be pretty and little else, regardless of what they wanted.

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Rest well all....If can try to turn off phone and put it somewhere out of the room so can wake up without worrying about it immediately...and drink some water of course

>>40896288
You have already done your work. You live in a Western country (-ish. Terf island is still the first world, I hope). You belong there. Don't let anyone take that away from you. It's unfair that when you want to serve your country, people create random arbitrary conditions saying you can't.

[rant]
Sometimes I feel as I start to process shit in my past that my transition was a mistake. And it could have been avoided should I have had access to a competent therapist in my youth, when even being able afford food every day was a challenge.

However I also can't imagine what I would look like as a cisM, except that I... wouldn't dress so different? If I start to think about it, I'd miss my breasts. My ability to wear earrings, and have my hair long, even though I don't really style it - it's just long. And I'd definitely miss having what I currently have between my legs, or at least the fact that I'm not a sex-crazed maniac anymore since I had T purged from my system.

Theymabs don't exist, but I don't feel I could ever relate to fashion or frilly things, either.

So I don't know. Was it a mistake? It could have been. My life would have been easier without it. Double points if I grew up faster and studied military leadership or cyberwar and joined the army like all my family did in time by realizing the army is about teamwork primarily and not (all) hazing like I thought when I was 20. Or that I could just stayed in the army when I did actually "enlist" during covid into Civilian Service (where I live most pogs - army personnel who doesn't fight - accountants, cyber, comms, maintenance, and other strictly rear echelon MOS are civvies), and got "discharged" because I'm a fucking troon.

i think hornygen and the trans gens are the only ones with as much uptime as sig

I love the name I choose for myself
I enjoyed the results of selfcare today
Progress does exist, but I’m shallow and a bit blind so I can’t easily see it
I’m sorry for the bad posts
I’m glad for my few friends

I need to lose weight
I need to cut down on costs
I need to pay off my bills
I need to find time to exist outside of my house and work

I hope you are all doing okay.

wagmi

>>40884987
Weh... I need to make some job applications today, but I cannot bring myself to actually do it. Fuck executive dysfunction.

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Posting again since the last one was at bump limit.
Down 66lbs.

>>40897889
I feel frustrated. people who are doing better than me seem to have not put any effort in and peoplr who are doing worse refuse to work on themselves.

>>40901927
I want to believe that so badly.

>Life is a learning experience my dude. There is no set timeline. There's no life to compare yours to but your own. There's nobody to compare yourself to but yourself
I understand that much but I do still wish I had spent my life doing more than what I've been doing for a while now.
I need to hold myself accountable and try to do better and be more.
I've already decided that I will be better, I just need to keep at it.

>Everything that happens happens as a consequence of everything that came before it and therefore it is necessary for things to happen in the time they happen. Your life plays out in only one way no matter how many times it plays out.
Don't feel anything for anything but the present
Yes, I need to pay more attention to my current situations instead of day dreaming of wallowing in my regrets.
I keep fixating in how unworthy I feel or much better my life could be if circumstances were more favorable.
But that hasn't helped, so I need to make a change.
And I will, I already am in a way.

>>40902638
Sorry, I forgot the link for this part
>>40882508

>>40902638
>Look at the past only to learn from what happened and think only about the future to keep yourself on the correct course
I will, I have a lot to hold myself accountable for and it hurts but it'll hurt even more if I don't keep doing it.

>Face every day with the goal of trending positively, being some degree better than yesterday.
>The specifics do not matter. For a long time, older than you are now, I was unhappy and aimless. There were plenty of reasons for it but they are not important
I need to be more positive, not necessarily about the world but about what I can do for myself and others.

>I reached a point where I figured out that almost all of my suffering came from my own mind and that I could simply choose to not inflict it upon myself, and the rest I could tolerate
My worries are a lot more circumstantial but I do recognise I am creating more problems than I solve by staying the way I am.
I need to change and grow, and I will.

>>40902767
>Once I boiled my life down to a microcosm everything became significantly easier and I slowly got my life to where it is now and tracking towards how I want to be
If it's not too intrusive, could you let me know how things have worked out for you lately with all these decisions?
I'm always a little curious how this kind of change and development impacts somebody's life for the better.

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pg10
going for my meeting at the hospital tomorrow. nervous. not prepared because i spent the weekend eating pills.

>>40905435
All the best, shinji. what's ahead of you?

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Updates tomorrow.. I can't believe I slept 3 hours once I got home, after like half a litre of coffee no less

I have not eaten in 52 hours, won't eat until I reach 88 hours. I am cutting from 180 to 155, and will start estrogen this fall once I have a stable job.

>>40906880
Remember to eat extremely protein rich after a fast this long.
Go easy on your stomach, not a huge meal immediately but definitely 0 deficit for that day, and definitely take care to get lots of minerals into you to not accidentally shut down your circulatory system.
Fasting to an extent is perfectly fine but your micros and macros need to be kept in check.

maybe i died after not eating anything for 2 days back in 2022
maybe it was all dream
I hope i wake up

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Comfy

Take time where can guys. 60 seconds of cognizent breathing can help slow the spiral. If you feel yourself spiralling mentally, mentally counting to 10 inhale, 10 exhale. Dont have to do it perfect, its just about the intention and focusing your thought on something present. Helps me a lot sometimes.

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yeh. I just mostly feel depressed off hrt and have general sense of well being on it. but I refuse to transition again. I would rather die. unfortunately ssris effect size is like 0 so not really sure what I can do to be happy. maybe I'm only depressed because I'm thinking too hard and not doing enough real life physical action to be healthy and socially active

>>40885516
Thanks, but yea I put restrictions on myself but I bypass it because I want to see porn of a man. It isn’t bad as it was before because I don’t really save that much and I have got rid of all the bookmarked porn at times I do save it, but I always just get rid of them cuz it’s not healthy to watch porn for me. I did forget to mention, but I got my wisdom tooth removed and dear god I never knew but whenever I ate would always go back there and the pain is now gone. Tomorrow is my interview for a job and I am a bit nervous because I really never did an interview. There is something I don’t think I mentioned but I stopped going to that place where that guy I liked was because of cost and being broke mostly. I do want to see him and I don’t want to make him think I ghosted him, but I still need to address my own issues and a part of me think that he is straight.

i feel like im going crazy. i feel like im never in the present, i am in a constant unending state of dissociation. i feel like i find myself re-discovering problems i thought i'd dealt with months ago. i think im traumatized, there's so much wrong and i just dont know what to do with myself. my therapist gave up on me, and i have no friends that i trust. being aspd is lonely. i feel like the cope for most of my mental issues is telling myself that i'll just die anyways and when im dead it wont matter. the gentle warmth of human touch brings me to tears. a girl embraced and held me and all i could do was ruminate on how i was so depressing to be around. i wish she could give me constant affection but i also feel like a chore to be around. i dont feel like myself at all. im a broken person. im going months at a time without a break from the OCD-esque intrusive thoughts about my problems or doubting myself until i think i'm schizophrenic or something. i just sit at home and i stir until i crack like an egg. what the hell happened to me. why am i like this. i never had any creativity to begin with. people who are like me lack creativity or the inate desire to create in general. i hate it in myself. i sat there and tried to do something without mirroring someone. something i actually enjoyed which made me happy. everything that i like is just utilitarian, essential for survival or security, or an aesthetic-influence from someone who i want to get closer to. i skinwalk their hobbies and interests to feign eccentricity. i have no soul and i cannot love. i want to be loved but i push everyone away when they want me to be there for them. what the hell do i do with myself
im losing myself in my computer and the bad company i keep here is driving me mad. the people who made me this way will never pay for their crimes.

bump, got my drivers license last week after failing a year ago, better late than never

I cant take this anxiety anymore
Why cant things just work once? And me not having to deal with people who will blame me for things they did wrong and not beig attentive?
this sucks.
I have solutions. Im working on it
it feels not enough and I feel on the cusp of everything going wrong

bump

>>40910710
Congratulations, Anon.

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Cozy postt

>>40910710
goooood stuffff anon!!

>>40908801
I will not be able to give a sufficient response to the depth of your hurt. But I did read it all and sincerely nudge in the gentlest manner I can to go walk in nature for a long time. I know that sounds like baby-tier advice bullshit but you need to be away from everything and give your mind enough time to filter through your thoughts and reach your actual self without outside influence. Nature is where our brains were programmed to do that between hunts/general survival.

I’m spiralling again and I think I’m neglecting my friend and he is already mad at me for being a narcissist
Anyway I hope you are ok friend abd everything goes your way.

Starting psychiatry, calling about HRT, getting help looking for a job, looking into gyms..... Things are looking up!

>>40906519
15 more years of disability from the sounds of it... possibly a ptsd diagnosis. easier access to antibiotics. some sort of group therapy course to teach me and the rest of the 'severe' group how to huff copium better set in a building of people studying us. some sort of physical training program. legal counseling. this one doctor who seemed disproportionally concerned about my sexuality. thank you anon.

can we cancel this week?
like
postpone everything to next weeek?

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Napped a fair amount when I got home yesterday and today but will try to wrap up most posts from Sunday.
If I manage to reply to a few monday posts today I think I made significant enough progress.
Thank you all for your patience, I will try to post tomorrow as well.
>>40886954
Yeah, wasn't the best state of mind I admit..
>>40888959
Ah.. been too long, really, hasn't ist?
>>40889054
Did have some sips just now, thank you, Anon!
>>40889115
If I may chime in, I 100% know how that feels. It helps to remember that, if nothing else, the person (you) is human, and very fallible. Mistakes are to be expected. Think of it less as kindness and more as understanding. You wouldn't blame a nervous dog for peeing itself or a kid for crying loudly in an inappropriate setting. Anyway.. you must feel alone in all this. Remember that this general is explicitly made for people like you. The second post in every thread, the little goals, are there to roll out the red carpet for people in the pit. I invite you to keep talking to us. You can just ping the OP if you like. We're here to hold your hand and make you feel less alone. We will celebrate your every victory, no matter how small.
>>40892453
And thank you for your patience and reassuring words..

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>>40891933
>>40891982
>I'm afraid you are correct there, things are very tough at the moment.
I hope it helps to talk about it, at least.. Do you have people to lean on in your new place?
>I have a hard time trying to be amicable with people, professionally or informally.
Hm.. I need to ask for details here to make sure I understand what specifically you struggle with. In what way do you have a hard time with it? Do you worry about coming off as too distant or what do you mean specifically?
>I don't want to be impolite when I ask people for advice or anything like that.
Oh! Well, I am in the same boat as you, and frankly, most people I have met don't actually care. Like, politeness is expressed extremely differently from country to country but generally speaking people like being interesting. The fact that you turn to them basically puts them in the senior role.
>Like a summary of what the CV involves?
Yes, key points of essential qualifications specific to the job and perhaps a key selling point of you personally.
>just try to simplify it down to the most necessary parts?
>And make it easy to read?
yes.
>Perhaps you can explain the process more or less and then I can see if I can implement it somehow.
Since the details of the setup depend on your router etc I forward you to the right keywords to look up if it's alright. The term you are looking for is DNS filtering. It's something many routers can do, you can even block devices based on the time of day a lot of the time. A more sophisticated alternative is getting a small raspberry pi and hooking it up. Pi-hole is a project dedicated to exactly that, and I believe is well documented.
>do you happen to know of any way to use a tracker app on my voice so I can check myself for how much time I spend on apps maybe?
Sadly I don't know tracker apps and the like very well, people mention them from time to time but I don't have any particular ones on record, sorry.

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>>40893991
Sadly I don't have much personal experience with this stuff, I can ask around if it helps though. I know >>>/fa/ has a skincare general but I can't vouch for it unfortunately.
>>40893960
>>40892463
Used these posts to refill my water bottle and brush my teeth for the night.
>>40895404
>the standard for attractiveness is being 5% body fat and having a perfect swimmer body with abs
There are people like that, but I can assure you a lot of people aren't like this. Otherwise the vast majority of people, myself included, would be single. I mean, I am an extreme case, perhaps. I was 123kg when I started dieting and went down to 83-85, and found love before I lost that weight. Of course I will always have a bit of belly as a consequence of having been overweight for a decade, but in spite of that people seem to find me attractive. It's a lot less about your body and a lot more about being exposed to the right people. Which ties into the luck aspect you talked about. A shit hand, as you put it.
For you specifically I think the meaning might come from community and belonging. Your outlook on your weight might also change a great deal when you meet more people that can appreciate you. Do you have a chance to visit the city more regularly, make friends over there?
>realistically i wont be able to move for another 18 months
That's miserable, but at least it is finite. I am sorry to hear that you ended up in a position like that.
>if i paid 40k for a degree
I see what you mean, in the US where there is such an absurd cost tied to education (beyond the time investment) I can see how this is not appealing in the slightest.
>>40895669
Seasonal depression, from my very limited understanding of it, doesn't really have a reason other than brain chemistry. It can be something as simple as vit D deficiency. It's worth looking into that and perhaps other common brainchem tweaks that are commonly listed online to see if anything gives you relief.

>>40893991
I might be able to help here.
which moisturiser are you getting anon? cerave?
>exfoliator
for your body physical exfoliation isn't half bad.
for your face a general recommendation would be getting a milder acid, like glycolic acid, that wont be as likely to leave your skin burning. The Ordinary has one that performs alright
>antibacterial wash
you'll want to look for something labelled surgical soap or antiseptic cleanser. nizoral is another option, primarily for dandruff, psoriasis, and fungal related skin issues

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>>40895887
Alright anon, walk me through what it is that needs doing.
>>40896303
I wish you nothing but the very best, Anon!
>>40897889
It's my pleasure. I hope it will be of use to you!
>>40898605
>So my plan to eat out less last month hit a snag where I needed to buy more groceries. I’m going to take an inventory of all the groceries I bought last month to make a grocery budget and meal plan for this month.
Sounds like a plan, I'm a fan of envelop budgeting (which is pretty much what you describe, having an expectation how much you intend on spending in a time frame) for this stuff which is why I like paying groceries in cash.
>I guess you could say that until now, I felt like Panty knew something I didn’t about being yourself and living life to the fullest, and the way she’s being written now gives me the opposite impression. It’s not bad, just unexpected.
It also seems like she has just generally become more interested in other things, in a way. I haven't caught up on the most recent eps but in general it seems like she engages with the world and people more.
>>40900882
I'm proud of you, Angel. I hope you know.

The best way for troooooncels to self improoove is to detransition and go to the therapy clinic.

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Alright, I think I need to take a break for today. Managed more posts than I thought I would.
>>40902581
I don't know if it helps to hear but remember that you are permitted to lean on people.
>>40902007
Do you have someone you could contact for a bit of body doubling?
>>40902104
This is still such a glow-up! Really impressive work, Anon. I'm happy for you.
>>40906926
What is it about your circumstances that is so nightmarish?
>>40897848
>>40908691
Assuming you are the same anon.. what led you to detrans? I understand you refuse to transition but I am trying to better understand your circumstances.

>>40917489
ok bottom

>>40917560
Uh, no. Maybe my mom, but she's not the best at... being a mom. God, I haven't started yet. It makes me feel dread.

I'll start tomorrow, I'll clench my teeth and do them tomorrow or help me god I'm not a woman.

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HEY HEY Thread STAY ALIVE!!!! Or get ready to go to sleep too totally fine.

Extra:
Remember not to keep your phone beside you while sleep, and try to see sun before your phone screen when you wake up even for a second if ya can!

>>40917560
>>40917028
Eyy glad got some water in ya from it, gotta keep thread's heart in gud shape.

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