>>41317495
im drunk asf and tbhon i just wanna be called a good girl.

i hate my stupid body

>>41317495
i cope by embracing and enforcing my own revulsion and disgust at idea of myself transitioning or being mtf, dysphoria still hurts but easier to manage when i see being trans as a worse more degrading personal fate

i cope by eating chicken nuggets
>Indefinite resistance edition
why even be alive if you don t enjoy it?

>>41317495
I hate my body
I hate my body
I hate my body
I hate my stupid face
I hate my broad shoulders
I just don't deserve to life anymore

Pinkpillers and reddithons won't tell you this, but the real secret cure to dysphoria is copious amounts of Vodka, wine, and opioids.

>>41317495
body hair is the longest it's been but I just don't have the energy to shave it anymore

I'm already not the best looking and people don't see it so not really all that important

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Losing weight made my shoulders stand out even worse.

There is nothing to repress
There is nothing to cope with
There is nothing to do
There is nothing but this tiny small slice of barely a life I made for myself

I was never a girl, I had no signs of being one, not once in my life did I need to change myself. I am a normal cis male
Until loneliness took over I had no reason to interact with troonisms
I should have never tried to troon it was always already too late
Im happy I can now detrans happily
My life is over but I can just have my tiny apartment and die alone and that’s that
There is no light left
Some people are born to suffer and triumph
Me, I was born for nothing
Nothing at all

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>>41317829
Get a BBL

>>41317925
I am a poor repper, things like BBLs exist in an impossible future where I start to transition and have money for surgeries.

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>>41317495
I'm cooked bros. Its too hard to go on

>>41317495
Take your pills retards, you’ll regret it In a few months and say it’s too late then regret it some more. Your suffering will never stop unless you start hrt tdy

>>41318112
I'm gonna try ssris. Think they will help

>>41317495
Cutting, easy

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>>41317495
>>41318130
The only coping strategy that works for me is to just stop thinking about it and distract myself

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>>41318112

>>41318112
But my shoulders are huge.

>>41318112
on hrt, doesn’t do shit if ur bones are raped by testosterone, nice try fucker

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Seeing trans people passing breaks my brain but then I see them in other angles and see how chopped they are and I remember why I'm not transitioning. Now just need to stop feeling like shit when I see cis women

>>41317645
>copious amounts of Vodka, wine, and opioids.

I can't have that. And alcohol don't really do that for me.

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i was literally a normal kid before i found out about hrt at 14. i remember thinking stuff like
>damn, it would be nice to be a girl
>i would prefer to look like a woman rather than a man, i like their fashion more and i never really fit in with the other boys anyways
>...
>oh well, it's not possible. guess i gotta keep going how nature intended lol

discovering hormonal replacement and how trannyism actually works ruined this completely. now i'm bombarded with "what ifs?", every. single. day. it's an infohazard, an actual mind virus that troons spread online.
i thought many times about telling my parents when i was a teen, but always went against it, because i knew they wouldn't like it. back then i also refrained from telling them because i thought it wasn't that big of a deal and i would get over it, but now i'll never stop thinking about what could've happened if i did. who i could've been. i think i had a nightmare about seeing a female version of me that was actually well-adjusted, but it's been so long i don't know if it was an actual dream or just me fantasizing about it while tired.
now i'm too exhausted to even be upset. you won, trannies. you groomed me. are you happy now?

i want to kill myself

>>41317726
I just use an epilator nowadays, doubles as self care and self harm.

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I need cuddles

>>41318830
cissoids groomed you retard

>>41318830
Too young to live and die in blissful ignorance, too old to effectively take advantage of the new information and resources that youngshits take for granted. We're generational midshits.

i am so empty

>>41318112
I'm 6'4 190 pounds at 19
I don't think hrt would fix me, I just need therapy since it's probably an escape mechanism

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I take a while to cum when I'm masturbating thinking about fucking a girl, but when I imagine I'm the girl, I cum immediately

>>41319791
good girl

>>41319791
as long as you can cum thinking about fucking girls you are a man. just do it once in a while so it doesn't go away

i am so unhappy oh my god

>>41318112
I did but that only wasted five years of my life as a miserable hon with no friends.

>>41319876
I only cum imagining I'm a tranny topping women and men. Even straight porn has this thought in the background

no one tells you quitting hrt is like menopause. I haven't slept without waking 5+ times in nightmares and sweats in a month

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>>41317495
Please help me rep.

The only thing I can get off to is imagining myself as a passing transgirl with a chaser husband who Fucks me all day. I don't watch porn. The only I ever have watched before is trans porn where it's transgirl and a guy. I always self inserted as the transgirl but porn really serves no purpose for me and hasn't for a while. My imagination is stronger than any porn ever made. I will rep for weeks and then I'll see a passing transgirl in a movie or something and the AGAMP thoughts will come back really hard to the point where I'm overwhelmed. The only thing that makes them go away is cooming. And they always come back. Always.

How do I fix this? What can i do that will help?

hope i dont wake up

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>>41317495
someone saved my shitty meme wow

on a side note i'm sad that as a tranny (and a materialist computationalist) i'm completely excluded from religion, I love religious aesthetics, especially orthodox christianity
anyway i'll leave

>>41320587
I thought you were supposed to taper off hrt to avoid this.

can conversion therapy be effective if I go along with it and really try to get rid of these thoughts?
I know there's research showing it doesn't but it's mostly parents sending their children there against there will/with them not fully understanding all it entails.
I am an adult man and I really need it to work, what are my chances?

>>41320935
it probably won't work because you can't really logic your way out of feelings, especially these. but try it if you want and keep us updated. maybe there is a way out after all

>>41318830
This but I was 21
I just coomed to that feminization yuri and furries before

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tfw ugly triangle figure instead of curving hips

>>41320935
Imo you'd probably be better off just seeing a regular therapist instead. Ask them for coping strategies to deal with the dysphoria while making it clear that you don't want to transition. Or just save your money since therapy is mostly a meme anyway. Good luck regardless.

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I'm so lonely bros

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>>41318830
>cissoids invent hrt for meno/andropause and proceed to apply it to trannies
>its da troons who groomed me!
also
>infohazard
please fuck off back to lesswrong

>>41317495
r/transtimelines
sort controversial

this is just gonna keep going isn't it? I still haven't accepted the fact that im trutrans and repped this hard.

>>41322420
Yeah I think the trutans/faketrans thing is overblown, but every time someone tells me that I'm 'trutrans' because of something I said about my feelings or history, or just generally accuses me of thinking or acting like a woman, it kinda makes everything hurt a little more. It's like being confronted with the fact that I never had any excuse to rep when I was young and how absolutely stupid it was to deny myself to try to fit into a masculine box I didn't want, that was never made for me, and that I failed to fit anyway. All because I was a coward.

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>>41322071
lmao I always forget trans spaces attract lonely men who aren't trans at all

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i put a terf in my head to make fun of me and tell me to rep more

>>41322962
terfs don't believe in repression, they don't think dysphoria exists

>>41322988
neither do i tbqh

>>41323078
if you're just a gooner then quit porn and get a hobby

Time to put on my man uniform of t shirt and jeans for the 60 thousandth time

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All my problems are caused by poverty. Lack of resources. Perhaps bad luck. You won't convince me otherwise. Transitioning it's all about money and surgeries. Resources.

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>>41323279
im agp and i feel shame about it which has caused depression for long periods but im not sure that is "gender dysphoria" i also don't think im a gooner because despite having agp compulsions they still don't go away after long periods of not masturbating or looking at the normal shit i jer off too. i haven't ever had a relationship and at one point i thought transitioning was the answer. i come here because i relate to a lot of the people here but im sort of gender critical and skeptical about the current narrative around trans shit. i also think the whole agp = you must transition or you will never ever be happy shit is retarded.

>>41323428
There's also support. If we all grew up in one of those mystical trans-supportive families that don't fall for the puberty blocker meme, not one of us here would be reppers, or even need surgeries.

>>41323441
>don't fall for the puberty blocker meme
Don't really get what you mean but even this shit cost money.

I just grow up secretly watching that Russian tranny who started hrt about 13 yo I spy her telegram/ytube trying to figure out how she do all that stupid things always get lucky with anything and then she ended up in US
My parents spent all huge amount of money in my education (scam)
There was 1 gay nazi boy (femboy) who's I never see in college personally
They bully him not because he was nazi
And that's all I never seen LGBT person
About for 5 years when I study only chuds and phobes

Idk I wish I was that lucky I wish I wasn't bullied in school college university and work
I wish I don't end up being a unhealthy neet dependent on my parents

And the funniest thing is that I'm probably programmed to suffer to suffer my entire miserable life. My father once told me that

>you look so annoying that I want to punch you in the face.

Later he called me Angel in a bad way of course Maybe he even jerk off to my pictures because he got some from my childhood
and every fucking normie around me have the same look in their eyes when they look at me
never called me man
Always guy or boy

I know that bulling never stops
Because of this fuking society
Transitioning or not
Idk maybe I just destined to live like this

>>41322071
Good source of repfuel. You don't even need to sort by controversial, once you know about angle and lighting fraud it's impossible to unsee it.

>>41323610
>Don't really get what you mean
Basically your sex hormones are responsible for how quickly your growth plates, the part of your bones that grow, close and fuse together. People with low sex hormone take longer for these plates to fuse, which results in them becoming weirdly-shaped lanklets. This is a side effect of puberty blockers because of their suppression of your sex hormones.
>>41323747
People always treat me like some incompetent child for some reason desu.

hrt literally makes my depression melt away but I refuse to take it

If I were just a regular, masculine, ugly, tall rapper, I don't know, maybe the feeling of AGP would be different. And I wouldn't be aroused by my own body. Maybe if I were more masculine, I wouldn't want to focus on a self-identity built on the desire to be a whore. Because I just don't know what else I could do that would be more appropriate with this fuking body.
But in this society I don't allowed even do things like that. And it's bringing me again to being lonely incel hermit.

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>>41323836
hrt probably made my depression worse
it's like sissyphus Vs leg irons

>>41323810
>People always treat me like some incompetent child for some reason desu.

Based I feel zero guilt for that shit because lot of cis woman's physically stronger than me
don't even mentioning mans
so I gladly take their help

Homophobia is the number 1 rep fuel for me

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if i get dubs it means god wants me to troon and i will do so, become a loyal follower of the christian faith, regardless of the lack of internal logic.
i love making bets i'm not sure i can fulfill

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>>41319791
Cum thinking about me softening up your hole with my tongue and then stretching you out and flattening your ass

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>>41324152
>missed by 3
i'll take this as god telling me i don't have the holy trinity in my heart
ill just pray more and try again a few weeks from now

is white lotus any good? i heard there's an agp/repper character in it and got interested.

>>41324242
>i heard there's an agp/repper character in it and got interested.
just watch the clip where he talks about it. hes a minor character. not really worth watching the entire show if you're only interested in him.

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I tell myself yeah transition doesnt really work, and then there's these absolute luckshits fucking kill my kms

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>>41325054
it's so fucking grim, why couldn't it be me

I think wanting to be attractive is valid but I think I would be a pretty attractive trans girl, that's not why I'm repressing. I'm repressing because I witnessed a hate crime against a trans woman and I'm terrified of the same happening to me.

>>41325180
I was a hon for years and the worst I encountered was a few people laughing at me. If you don't put yourself in dangerous situations you'll be fine

>>41325054
>>41325096
It really is all down to the midface isn't it....

>>41325228
I don't think so, women with long faces exist like shelly duval or cher. It's a more complicated issue beyond obviously clocky traits

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>>41325096
this image always horrifies me because i look like her pre transition, a LOT. like damn at first i thought this was my long lost sibling or something
but i know that if i try to troon, god will use me as a cautionary tale. cruel world

>>41325228
Nah it's not just midface. People's skeleton is sometimes unpassable. You need shoulders/hips/waist ratio to me relatively salvageable but for lots of males that's impossible. Voice too. Lots of "passoids" dont pass because voice training is so fucking difficult. There are other things that can happen other than just a long face that can fuck you but they aren't specifically coming to mind. Like having tiny face relative to skull size is one. Like it's nearly impossible but then sometimes there's some lucky fuck that just has it all

>>41325269
humblebrag

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if I passed or was even just clocky/andro and gendered f out of conflict avoidance I would transition in a heartbeat

>>41325272
True true, but strictly face passing wise, midface, skull size, and jaw (to an extent) are the main ones that FFS can't fix if you're too testosterone poisoned.

>>41325217
if a black person gets attracted to you and they clock you there's a 50% chance they will chimp out and murder you out of shame in order to preserve their masculinity

>>41325777
blacks == the dangerous situation