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I have been reading that exercising makes you produce growth hormones unlike being sedentary
Now Im thinking of doing something like 3 days a week of exercise but not sure about which ones
What are good exercises for legs and butt? Should I do cardio too or not?

>>41606040
how skinny are you

>>41606054
very skiny
im 5'8 . I started hrt a bit ago at 130pounds and I have been trying to get more cals and now im 138

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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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I will try to catch up later..

>>41606102
then cardio is mostly pointless for you. eat more and do weights or calisthenics. basic shit goes a long way. you can even start with Pilates and then go to the other 2. once you gain more mass cardio is just to lose fat or to increase endurance.

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>>41574221
It sounds like you essentially found a working upward spiral, so to say! That's great news.
>If I do things like mindfulness and taking care of myself self love and all that jazz, then my base happiness is more stable which means I'm able to put myself out there for work and then get even happier cause the work makes me happy
This is great to hear, and hopefully an inspiration to people reading along. I'm happy for you.
>>41576447
Heya Santino!
>"What? How come it never occurred to me that I can just experience anxiety temporarily and not project a broken lifestyle for eternity?"
Tell me if I am over-simplifying but at its core it's essentially that the thought of "it will pass" is a viable anchor now for you to cling onto, right? It makes sense that it took a while to accept things as they are are not actually a forever state. It's often a difficult step in its own right.
>Is anyone else here trying to work on [raising self esteem]? Any tips?
Depends on where your self esteem is lacking. Comparing yourself to others can be a massive bane to self esteem but comparing yourself to your past self usually isn't. Sometimes it can be a matter of frequently visualizing how far you have come. That works with technical and artistic skills more than with social ones but it can still be applicable.
>>41576975
>lost about 10 pounds in a matter of a week, trying to reach my goal weight and stuff.
Impressive! But I hope it's okay if I ask what your deficit and so on are, since losing more than, say, 2-4 pounds a week is probably gonna risk binging or health risks after prolonged periods.
>>41578332
huh, gonna add this to my todo list of things to organize into the resources.
>>41580942
>The male urge to drop out of school again, get a menial nothingburger part-time job and just gayme all day
What are you studying? High school or tertiary ed?

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>>41588300
>I am also going to try to get a job I need to pull myself together because I can’t be in my house just sit and do nothing.
>I talked to a friend recently and we both discussed about a someone I used to talk to.
I'm glad you're actively looking for distractions and have people to talk to. I remember a long time ago we talked about potential OCD treatments/therapy. Have you had a chance to look into it? Since it will also massively help you with that, if you end up diagnosed etc.
>>41588874
>I refuse to not exist.
You exist, and I try my best to acknowledge posts like yours in particular. I want you to feel seen. And, even if it is just a tiny bit, I can try help give you actionable advice about the
>I realize nobody cares and I almost didn't say anything,
part. Because.. it is in your power to MAKE people care. It can be more work than it should be, but that is sometimes more down to poor luck than anybody involved. We can try formulate something actionable.
>>41592407
>>event with potential to ruin my life happened yesterday
>>some extra stressors today, due to me being stupid too
>>colleagues congratulated my birthday one day in advance
>my brain is broken. my impotence is my savior and my jailer
What's your general situation like, Anon?
>>41589171
> but wish It was simple to lose weight without fearing you'll revert to even worse habits.
>I just want to be beautiful in my own way.
If you're the Anon I replied to a bit ago I gotta ask you some questions. What's your BMI and your target? What kinda diet are you pursuing, and are you generally fine with guesstimating calories?

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>>41594293
>Therapy didnt work. Meds didnt work. Nobody cares and I just dont want to live anymore. Just going to give up and kill myself.
Are you still around, Anon? Tell me more about your circumstances. I'd like to hear more.
If you can stomach talking about it.
>>41593585
>how do i get back to my career after being out of work for like 6 years?
Okay so, what is the true reason for the break, if it is ok to ask?
>>41595373
>My torso hurts on both sides, must be poor posture
Most likely, yeah. Is it a frequent issue for you? Any plans to fix it up?
>>41589938
>Was offered by a professor to do some research for him next semester.
>I feel like I'm being thrown into a world with almost no friends and no job experience.
You're not supposed to have job experience fresh out of school, even if some HR karens might be so removed from reality that they forget that simple fact.
>I also try not to make a value judgement on if my time was well spent or not.
That's great to hear, Anon!
>Everyone is so lukewarm toward me outside of immediate family.
>My friend circle is distant.
As much as it sucks, these feelings of alienation are not uncommon, and on some level you will have to open up and make yourself vulnerable, risk rejection even, to no longer feel this way. Almost all of us are scared of being alone, and those that aren't some day may be. It's tough.. but you are just as alien as everyone else, I promise.
>The other two have been spent doing some of those same things, but largely hinged around finishing school, attempting to properly socialize myself after years of anxiety and antisocial behavior, and being in this general. /sig/ has changed my life. Can /sig/ help me make friends? No, but they can give me tips, right?
I'm so incredibly happy to hear that we were there for you when you needed us, and that we apparently managed to help you!

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>>41606040
>>41606102
Do you monitor your caloric intake? Assuming you wanna gain.
>>41593549
>Huh? How so? What you said is right on the money (as per usual), but how do you figure?
1) I am perma-locked to Insight ≥80 and occasionally can stare directly into people's souls.
2) It is a common maladaptive response. I lack the proper language to articulate it but essentially our brains constantly try to adapt to our environment in order to survive. When fed random inputs we start to express what is known as learned helplessness. And similarly, when we are essentially in constant danger, we become tense and alert. When every little microexpression and tone shift can cause someone to blow up at you horribly (which is NOT normal behavior and it sucks so many grow up in neurotic environments like that) then it is only natural our brains try to optimize away any behavior that makes us step on a land mine. Unfortunately, in reality? These people don't blow up because of our actions. They would blow up at nothing if we were absent. That means we essentially learn not to exist, and read everything as a warning sign because there are none. Our pattern seeking brains make us chase ghosts. It's very closely tied to learned helplessness vibes wise but I can't explain it beyond this outline. But a few key takeaways are that you have automatic responses that correlate danger with random noise, almost like the "pigeon superstition" experiments from skinner. Though his interpretation is disputed the phenomenon afaik is very real.
3) I lived that to some extent too. Mom as well. And I know many others that had way worse variants of it than I.
(1/2)

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Bedtime.
Keep it alive people, I have faith in you!
>>41593549
(2/2)
>Sure. Your input is much appreciated.
As for the prodding, the hard part will essentially be to feel safe with people again, which will, among other things, require you to surround yourself with some. Ideally people that are easygoing and emotionally open. The question is if anyone of that sort springs to mind?
>And I guess that's why I self-isolate.
So, from what you told me, you are very understandably locked in a fight or flight response when this happens. That's not something you can rationalize your way out of. This is deep rooted, you can't reason with the sympathetic nervous system. You kinda need to treat it like your conscious mind being chained to a small, scared animal wired to your emotional center. The good news is there are very effective treatments for this stuff.
>Someone who used to be my friend once called me a sociopath.
I tend to leave those labels to the pros, you don't really strike me as ASPD.. or at least that rage you feel is a normal response to what you have been through.
>That's good! :) Best of luck, Anon.
Thank you <3

Bump

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>>41585896
>select few people
there is no one for me to contact except for one online person, I have no places to meet new ppl irl and online isn't fruitful either
>story
tranny related stuff mostly anime/manga but not only that but it's a given and other then that then just dark or depressing stuff but I mostly seen stuff people described as good lowering my standards for what is worth picking up with time to find more niche things
>school
idk not really it was more about me liking or hating the teacher and it's not like I needed to learn anything for it with how lessons with help of learning on breaks before tests was enough for me to pass with semi good grades but it left me without a good grasp on how to learn or maybe just with no determination for it idk, it could also be something else but I'm not sure as is the case with everything about me
>meds
adhd thing isn't diagnosed so I may be making it up
I was taking antidepressants but they weren't doing anything and because of that, lazynese and the doc I was seeing being far away I just gave up on it, same with anxiety that might have disappear for the moment or which just isn't being triggered often after I started neeting
now I am taking only hrt (e) injections and rot waiting to die

how do i start havin good hygiene if i know absolutely nothing about it. my parents were bums, i was depressed since 6 and cant remember anything. everyone knows all the basics already and i feel like a disgusting tranny who cant even do that.

bump

everything i tries fails im unable to improve my life i hope i have the courage to end it soon

>>41610696
Basic hygiene is simple: Buy the most basic ass combo body wash + shampoo. Walmart sells a big bottle for like 4 bucks. Buy a loofah. Any kind.

Brush ur teeth for at least a minute after waking up and before sleeping
Try to shower once a day or once every other day. Wet ur whole body and hair, pour some of the shampoo liquid onto ur head and scrub it in. Pour some onto ur wet loofah and scrub ur whole body. Armpits, pubic area, balls, etc. wash yourself off. Should take like 15 mins.

Do this and you won’t smell like shit

>>41611566
If you can't afford a loofah/sponge you can go without by pouring soap into your hands. However you will use soap much more quickly if you have no loofah. You will use up a toothbrush in 3 months, a loofah in 4-6, 3 if you want to be really clean.

If you're really dirty, try to go without a loofah, as you are more likely to spread dirt on your body.

Especially if you have to pay for water: close the tap when you soap your body or your hair. That reduces water consumption by up to 1 m3/person/month.

For the $4 a huge bottle soap the difference is not significant if you go with or without a loofah.


If you have nowhere to shower buy a ticket to a gym or swimming pool. These facilities have a shower.

Usually you can find laundromats.
For you: put all clothes in one machine, when you get richer, separate whites and colors.
Change what touches your body (underwear and socks/pantyhose) every day, the layer above every 3 days or when it gets smelly.

That means you need for a weekly wash cycle
- 7-8 pairs of panties
- 4 pairs of bra
- 7 pairs of pantyhose
- 7 pairs of socks (if you use them)
- 3 pairs of pants
- 2 skirts (if you want them)
- 4 shirts
- warm layer (either below or above the shirt such as a pullower, if there's a cold season where you live)
- 2 coats

At the very least try to have one change of clothing beyond what you wear on you and try to wash clothing every 3-4 days. Consider wearing pads in this case if you can get fresh ones somewhere for free

pg8

I will get up and get lunch now.
I will not continue to rot in bed.
And I will refill my water bottle.
executive function go

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terrified of using the kitchen when other people are home due to ptsd but it's making it so i barely eat anything. i dont want to be a disgusting amerimutt that lives off doordash and takeout but im sick of bedroom peanut butter sandwiches and instant ramen when i feel fancy

>>41614015
>terrified of using the kitchen when other people are home
>bedroom peanut butter sandwiches and instant ramen
hah, i lived like this for three months at the beginning of the year. just go outside, touch some grass and get street food lol

>>41613944
I like this. Thanks for the inspiration.

I can now:
get up
put away the food
clear the table
fold the sofa
put the garbage in the bin
clear the pile on the right
vacuum
wash up
process the 2 piles on the tables a bit
put away the hangers
schedule laundry for tomorrow, since now it's too late
catch up with the tickler file
figure out the minimal gtd setup that won't slide back
see how much of it I can do today while the energy lasts
schedule bedtime and pre-bed hygiene
prefrontal cortex take the wheel

>>41608000
>Okay so, what is the true reason for the break, if it is ok to ask?
hopefully nobody i know lurks here but uh, anorexia that turned into severe bulimia, ended up a polyaddict trying to cope, destroyed my life in several ways that can't be rectified, that's the gist of it
aka. "medical break, focusing on personal health issues whilst caring for a family member"

I had a dream tonight that Scientology is the truth.

>>41608291
>>41608302
Dam I feel this
Not nearly enough protektion for abused kids ,no one really kares about us haha

>>41614935
> Terrified when using the kitchen at home due to ptsd
Do you have a safe space where you can go to cook? How impractical is getting your own apartment? Is your car large enough to host gas-powered camping gear (one or two burners, a cutting board, a gallon of water with taps, two pots, one knife, wooden spoon to stir). In your room, can you create a space which is large enough and safe enough to cook? Because if yes, you can buy an ikea induction hob, and when no one sees, steal shit from the kitchen (cutlery, cutting board, pots, wooden spoon...)
Do you have a recipe in mind you can look forward to?

>>41617224
Did you mean to respond to >>41614015? I don't live like that anymore lol

hai /sig/mas! been a while since i last updated i had some midterms lined up which took most of my time. i've been actively talking to people around, still not too social but at the very least i'm breaking out of my shell. on the weight front everything is going pretty fine, kinda got off track because stress eating but i got this i'll be back to usual very soon.
as always ly all!! sending virtual hugs and kisses goobers ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>41617079
I'm the anon /sig/anon replied to there. I don't really consider myself an "abused kid". Yeah, my childhood was rough, my family has acknowledged that without me prompting them. But saying I was abused would be a bit melodramatic, and it would be a slap in the face of my parents, who had a hard time themselves.

>>41617617
nta but nobody ever calls themselves abused. Nobody. Not even the ones that were taken advantage of sexually by family members tend to always say they were abused. You know what they say? They say it sounds "too extreme, they were just...".
I hope that doesn't sound gaslighty, I just tell you this cause.. it is not even meant to be a value label. It is not there to accuse your parents, or say you have it worse than xyz. It solely exists to explain that you were hurt, and that the hurt clings to you in ways that need healing.

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>>41617651
>nobody ever calls themselves abused. Nobody.
well, you just did lel

>>41617695
like I said, nta. Just chiming in with my own experiences. I don't think I was, myself. But it's not really a label the person themselves can always rationally assign to themselves, was my point.

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>>41617719
Fair enough. I am very high right now

>>41617767
I don't judge, I would be super grateful if you pondered it sober sometime though. No need for promises, just take me as a fussy anon that means well.

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>>41617781

pg8

today everything is good
got so much done
finally have the impetus to work on a personal project instead of treading water just getting stuff done for other people
cooking cheap for myself (beans/rice)
landlords wanna put my rent up loads
stressful
guess I gotta move

Bump

I've decided there's nothing wrong with dropping long term projects if they aren't making me happy anymore. It's silly to burden myself with something nobody else wants either. I'm so close to ready. I just have to outlast one malicious freak who doxxed me as punishment for not wanting sex. Hopefully I won't be kept waiting long.

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I'm running out of steam. That was quick... Maybe I've tried and failed too often. It's not the material, it's the deadlines. I have no idea what I'm going to do now. My career is ACK'd at this point.

so eepy

pg8

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Hi /sig/, Panty here!

I cooked some sweet potato chili with marinated tofu instead of turkey. The tofu marinade worked great, although I’m going to try it with firmer tofu next time. The soft tofu crumbled into smaller pieces than I would have liked. I also cooked seven breakfast burritos and some cornflake brittle.

Yesterday I went to a small local fan convention. I saw an ad for it a few weeks ago, made travel arrangements and bought my ticket in advance. It was nice seeing all the cosplayers, and I was able to get a bunch of cool comics for a bargain.

I’ve been doing this new exercise routine for a few weeks (Link:
https://www.instagram.com/reel/DOBHCMXkj0B/?igsh=NDlydzFjczVlZnBw

and I’m almost down another size in pants. I’ve got a few different sizes of pants in my stash of clothes I got too big for, so I won’t need to shop for new clothes for a bit. But I’m definitely making progress going through them. I’ve already cleaned out one tote of extra clothes that I either put back in my wardrobe or got rid of.

That should be enough of an update for now.

I wish I was a more hard working person.

I feel bad about not respecting all the help and advice I am blessed with here.

Goodnight.

>get spurt of energy after very low energy day
>look into spending a month's savings on a laptop with a decent screen with touch and pen input that can do tablet mode
>so I can try to chatgpt up an autism graph app to keep an overview of all the things I want to do to fix my life, so I don't miss so many opportunities during the few moments when I have the time, energy and health to do any of them
>got slowed down by food coma again today, but still did progress on account of having a car and thus being able to go places in a reasonable amount of time
I can do this, it's starting to ramp up finally after so many years of being cucked by my environment and brain

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>>41623940
Okay, it turned out to be a moderately productive day after all. I mean, I was miserable today. But I did manage to study for 2 or 3 hours nonetheless. The workload is getting heavier, but I got a lot done yesterday and today.
Why did I start feeling like shit again? I'm so confused. I went from "my life is awesome I'm so grateful" to suicidal ideation within the span of a week. Nothing of import happened. I still work out every day. Why does this keep happening.

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>weight hasn't gone down
aghahgeaigheaitheahtieahgiehaihigeiahg
1300kcal it is. I think a high stress level is not helping either, but I don't really see a way to avoid the stressor at this point.
Cycled 20 miles today. Was doing 30 mins of high-intensity on a rowing machine 2 out of 3 days for cardio as well as weights, but I think I'm just going to go all-in on the cardio now (probably 20 milers, just because I can't be at home currently due to that stressor).
While I'm rambling, I'm debating swapping to EEn since, well, the military knows anyway, so there's no point sticking with EUn beyond already having vials atp.
>>41531572
The meetup went well. I think. I worry that I am still socially weird in a lot of ways because I talk like someone who has spent entirely too much time in a factory, and that can be off-putting (like, all my body language is off as well, because I'm used to having to carry myself a certain way and so on). Getting back was what I will diplomatically call "a fun time".

Did alert me to the fact that I desperately need to voicetrain.
>>41606040
RDLs (Romanian dead lift), BSS (Bulgarian split squats - really any squat variation), Hamstring curls and then abductors (on a machine or do side raises at home). Just to round it out, throw in some situps (something like 3x20 to 3x40 depending on ability)
If you don't want to go to a gym, all of these can be done at home with a kettlebell/resistance bands in some variation. Sets/reps I tend to do 4x8/3x12/4x10 depending on weight/fatigue level.
At 130lb/5'8 you're going to need to be in a caloric surplus to see progress, ofc, cardio when compensated for in the surplus (ie, eat more calories than you burn on the cardio) will have benefits, but if you can't do that, then skip the cardio.

i just want to lose weight without feeling like i'm torturing myself man

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>>41629375
What are you doing that’s making it feel like torture?

The first thing that comes to mind is that you can drive yourself crazy measuring everything too much. Counting calories, counting steps and reps, weighing yourself. I made a point of only getting on a scale once a week so I didn’t do it too often.

Patience can be a huge asset. If you let yourself lose weight more gradually over a longer period of time, maybe you won’t feel as tempted to agonize over how much progress you’re making in the moment.

It’s very easy to turn dieting and exercising into something that feels like torture. Our idea of a “healthy weight” is distorted by beauty standards, and being overweight can feel shameful because we’re still getting bombarded with messages that being fat means you’re dumb, greedy, lazy, sinning, etc. Even if you know that’s bullshit, hearing it all the time can take a toll, and make losing weight feel like it needs to be punishment. But that only makes taking care of ourselves feel harder, and like we don’t want to do it because we’re bad.

It’s possible to diet in a way that feels good and isn’t too high stress, and it helps make everything easier.

Sunday, 10:31pm. I am seething with anger.

>>41629620
>What are you doing that’s making it feel like torture?
nothing out of the ordinary, that's the most cringe part
my main issue is the constant feeling of hunger/lust for food, it feels almost feral
the only time i don't feel it is when i fast for multiple days but then breaking the fast is a whole another problem
>drive yourself crazy measuring everything too much
i only weigh myself once a week and i'm not very strict on how much i count my calories
>Patience can be a huge asset.
i can't be patient, i'm a very all-or-nothing person so if i try to be patient it turns into complacency and i make no progress

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hey /sig/! i posted here a while ago, figured i should make this a ledger of my progress.

i've finally managed to get exercising down to a rhythm, and im very happy with my muscle growth so far. even better, i'm slowly gaining weight again (been horribly anorexic for YEARS), and ive been meaning to pick up cooking again. ive always loved cooking for people, but never for myself.

putting on weight + muscle has IMMENSELY helped my dysphoria so far, and ive managed to switch up my wardrobe a bit - no more hand me downs, finally some clothes that i bought myself, and fit my self image.

i still get panic attacks and bouts of depression, but i am able to leave the house without intense paranoia consuming me again, which is still progress.

i think my next step is probably socializing, but i have no idea where to start, or even how to start. i think i genuinely forgot how to make friends lol

>I think I need to stop people pleasing by giving people my time messaging them, because it means im attracting needy people who I don't actually care to talk to
>But I also need to stop trying to plug the loneliness wound with that too
>I am getting better at stopping spirals of dissociation/scrolling.
>I'm cooking for myself a bit. Cheap healthy food
>I'm getting deeper into my work. Still a ways to go. Need to spend time on research and suring up some skills
>I learning how to take inventory so I can look after my needs better
>I'm starting to notice insecurity and getting better at stopping it before it spirals
>I'm starting to realise I can't just manmode forever and it's damaging my mental health and I need to be more open otherwise I'm going to get and stay stuck in a very strange and sad place in life. That doesn't mean being awkwardly performatively feminine. But at least being real with people
>I'm starting to trust myself more, that I won't completely crash out in life ruining ways any more
>I'm starting to fear rejection from people slightly less. On odd comment would send me spiralling before. Now I can take stuff on the chin a bit more.
>I'm starting to realise how dire the ramifications of the house of cards of ego defenses that I've built over the last decade and a bit have been. I need to accept myself where I am or I'm going to drown in my work and in other aspects of life. The way in which I do this needs to be handled delicately as not to discard the genuine worthwhile parts of the things I've built as ego defenses

hai /sig/mas i'm a bit high and i want you all to know how much i appreciate you all! you goobers have been so fucking nice and sweet. sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃
i'm doing mostly okay but still good <3

>>41605886
Beating myself up over something and I'd appreciate some advice

So, social anxiety runs in my father's side of the family (as much as he's loath to admit it), and I was not spared. The weird thing though is it doesn't affect me in real life. I have no problem interacting with people face to face, doing public speaking, or hell, I even did theater back in high school and was able to perform in front of large audiences without issue.

BUT, here's the problem. I cannot for the life of me read anything anyone sends me via DM or email. As we speak, I have a DM on Discord from a friend of mine I haven't spoken to in some time that has been sitting in my inbox unread for around a week because I cannot bring myself to read it. We aren't on bad terms or anything, and I cannot imagine it being anything remotely bad, but I still couldn't bring myself to read it because my anxiety makes me feel an intense dread when even thinking about opening it, even if I cannot articulate what bad thing could possibly happen. And now, after having waited so long to open it, I am even more hesitant to read the message because it feels I've waited far longer than is appropriate, which means I don't want to open it since replying now means I also have to explain the delay, which I have no reasonable excuse for.

This sort of thing is not uncommon and happens regularly, whether it's a DM from a friend (as with the current case), email exchanges with customer support, or whatever else. It's become a strain on many relationships and I hate every time I do this because it's not rational and I can't actually explain why I have trouble with this. It makes me feel especially bad because it feels like something easily fixable if I just, ya know, actually read the DM/email/whatever, but I have such a hard time bringing myself to do it that I have spent hours at a time pacing in front of my desk, staring at the screen, or whatever else just trying to build up the courage to read messages.

emiposting

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I've been having what I can only describe as delusions of poverty lately. I have enough money right now, but I'm coasting on savings & money I get from family. I'm scared of fluking out of school again, because I genuinely wouldn't know what to do then. The odds of me getting a job with my other education are slim, because my CV is a complete mess at this point. And I probably couldn't keep said job anyway. I wish I could get on medical benefits, I have the medical history for that, but I had a consultation with some legal advisor who specializes in that and he told me to go fuck myself in so many words. It feels like all the ways ahead are blocked off. I hate being alive. I am a net negative on this planet and I wish my parents never had me.

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>>41608291
>It is a common maladaptive response
>a few key takeaways are that you have automatic responses that correlate danger with random noise
Okay, I understand.
>I lived that to some extent too. Mom as well. And I know many others that had way worse variants of it than I.
I think most people do. Most people grow up in dysfunctional families (I've heard the number of 85% thrown around), which is why I don't like to use the family/childhood stuff as an excuse. And my brain is borked for other reasons too, so whatever.
>>41608302
>the hard part will essentially be to feel safe with people again, which will, among other things, require you to surround yourself with some.
There are no people around me. I'm in a fairly rural place, and everyone seems to leave after school. Most of my coworkers have been boomers in the past, too. And doing something on my own seems daunting. Like, everyone tells me to "meet people", but I don't even know where because all the clubs are filled with boomers and everyone I used to have a connection with moved away. The last guy I was friends with in my town moved away in 2022, and he was in the EXACT SAME situation. I know because we grabbed a drink and talked about it before he left. This is just out of my control.
I say that I self-isolate, because that's what my parents and therapist tell me. But I honestly wouldn't even know where to look for people. I would have to go to the next big city (~4 hour train ride), but the prospect of going there by my own and trying to socialize seems absolutely out of the question because I can barely get myself to leave the house to walk the dog (anxiety)
>there are very effective treatments for this stuff.
In principle, I'm sure. It's just that literally every shrink I've talked to doesn't do any of that, they all just give you common sense advice that everyone can give you, because they think that you're mentally impaired/retarded and treat you accordingly.

what the fastest way to get slight abs? im moderately skinny(171cm, 50kg)

>>41635318
>50kg
Wow, I could hold you over my head like a pillow.

>>41635073
i read ur post and i know those feels, big hugs

>>41635318
Eat more
Sleep more
You could do a floor routine with leg raises to target the lower abs, side crunches to do the sides. Crunches or v sits or whatever to do the upper abs. Or if you can stand the thought of putting on any upper body strength work on a progression towards L sits.
A set or two of 10-15 reps of each exercise a couple of times a week paired with actually eating and resting (very important) and you'll have abs sooner than you think.
Also if you combine this with stuff for hip abduction/adduction and maybe some glutes stuff like squats and donkey kicks you could get a more shaped hips and butt.
That's all stuff you can do at home and it will get you far.

I posted here a long time ago
I'm making a lot of progress but some things aren't going away
I came back to post this because I was feeling nostalgic...

1. im slowly getting over my learned helplessness but i still often blank, feel like i can't do anything and anything i do is meaningless, like im stuck on a script. its an awful feeling and i dont know why it happens., i try not to think about it too much
2. right now im trying to work through my mental blocks, all the stuff i thought i couldn't do. talking to people, being in public, learning stuff, being creative. im only just starting
3. i feel invisible and like no effort actually amounts to anything. everything i should be happy or excited about just feels like an abstraction, unrelated to my frozen essence
4. my sense of self has gotten very confused
5. life is too complicated
6. ive gotten more stupid and autistic despite therapy and it makes me scared i can never go back
7. there's more but im too tired ot try to make sense. talking and explaining just unfolds more complications, it rarely ever makes things clearer. emotions make things clearer but I'm bad at that.

i hope its not over for me. i really want it to not be. i will try to scrape and uncover the language to get myself to keep trying and believing

>>41635318
Low bodyfat (important), I'd stick to simple situps (lower abs), crunches (upper abs), side crunches (obliques/"side abs")
I'd suggest focusing on these exercises, they're simple and will help you learn how to activate the right muscles in isolation. For maximal benefit, you wanna make sure you're not overcompensating with other muscles OR movements to get the exercise done. You want to feel the target muscle fibers pulling as it constricts. It'll take some time to build up this muscle memory, as well as the necessary musculature to do so consistently.

>>41617651
I feel pretty komfortable saying it ,reflekting on what I experiensed
Granted ,the word was used a lot in my household ,kuz my father hit my mother and us ,and then she hit me and skreamed at me to kill myself

goodluck, everyone

>>41636406
Thanks anon... Or, uhh, sorry that happened

pg8

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Tomorrow I'll have plenty of time for responses, look forward to it.

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Okay, I'm going to push one of my lectures into the second semester. The workload is too much for me right now. No problem, I guess this'll just take a little longer. It's a marathon, not a sprint.

>>41639935
Take your time, Anon. It's not like we're emotionally dependent on you haha that would be silly

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>>41639976
Silly as it may be, let me at least say that I do read posts and dwell on some even on days I do not have the energy to respond to properly. If you are who I think you are, let me recharge your emotional batteries a tiny bit at least. I know you are struggling, and I know some days feel way harder than they should be. It does not mean you are regressing. Mood fluctuates from all manner of factors, be it sleep, caloric intake, weather, vitamins, or no discernible reason at all. I see your efforts. And I believe in the trend line more than the day to day. I'm rooting for you, Anon.

>>41640065
Thanks Anon. I appreciate that. Have a good night.

p10!!

>>41607766
No I will be real honest it’s like I don’t know what to do because of the issue of money being needed before getting treatment I do have some health insurance but not sure if it works for therapy stuff I will look into it. I think I am going to be okay it’s just that it sucks a lot of this could have been prevented if I had medication or someone actually was looking at what was happening to me on my mental health. I just have a lot of regrets and stuff I wish I have never done, but there is no point dwelling on the past I can’t undo things. I have right now a week without masturbating did see porn briefly but said no. It’s weird just now I don’t want to watch porn no urge or nothing but that did happen last time but not again. I don’t know but I think watching some shows and movies helps beating boredom. I am never going to do any research for evidence like that ever again it was too much for me and I was freaking out thinking that the authorities wouldn’t believe me if I said the truth because it literally sounds like a lie . It really sucks that they did believe me and I could have done it a lot sooner. There really is no telling what is and what isn’t legal for me anymore and the fact that its possible that there is more stuff like that out there means that watching porn in general is very unsafe right now due to reports can’t really be done on the sites themselves, but only by authorities. I don’t really know there is much to discuss about the aspect of porn because I think I will try to continue this streak of not watching because I want to beat this addiction.

>>41605886
I have been working out regularly for the past 2 or so months and I am really proud of myself. The reason I have been doing this is because I am in physical therapy right now, so basically I have just been doing all the exercises my PT has given me. I am doing PT because I injured my back at work, but this has sort of been a big wake up call for me that I need to take better care of my body. I plan to continue regularly exercising after my PT is over and getting in better shape.

pg9

>>41643536
Woops that sounded really bad what I meant is it’s really hard to tell if it really is 18+ content now because I want it to be legal and I want to be able to tell that it is indeed legal after what happened. I was just looking for ages in the content to be sure it was legal. I remember looking everywhere to look for that fucker to report it and I remember thinking that it was him, but it wasn’t him. I just wish that I didn’t watch porn that reminded me of that bastard. He’s far away from my mind now but everytime I watched porn that reminded me of him I felt so fucking slimy and ashamed which is good because that was bad. Sorry it’s just all of it was just rent free in my mind I can’t believe I ever thought of him again afterwards. Sorry it’s just about every issue I had just revealed itself right then and there makes sense. I won’t commit acts like that ever again and no more thought crime of shit like that ever again. All I ever really wanted is to get better without any of this especially something like this, but I just can’t change how I was because at the end of day I just got so treating myself like dirt and never really trying to get out of it. The addiction was just bad and I couldn’t let go of porn it was hurting me and no matter how I tried with porn I don’t remember how to say it but there will never be a perfect thing because with addiction it is just never possible. I keep remembering saying myself to just one more. I kept seeing the girl from Pet Shop of Horrors asking for drugs on her deathbed.

pg7

pg7

pg7 (doin' the Lord's work)

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Guess who took the day off and spent most of it unwinding! Well, I am happy to announce that I still got energy for a fair few replies, I'm sure I'll manage a fair amount.
>>41610194
>I have no places to meet new ppl irl and online isn't fruitful either
Ah, rural area and struggles with online stuff? What have you tried online, how does it usually go? Tell me about your one online contact.
As for interests.. I see so fiction is not gonna necessarily help us here.
>left me without a good grasp on how to learn or maybe just with no determination for it
This is a very common "gifted child"/early bloomer sort of issue and suggests that in spite of your executive issues you probably have a good head on your shoulders. From what I gather you do not feel particularly drawn to math, the sciences, history, languages or the like but have primarily engaged with art/media. That makes it tough for me to recommend much there beyond creative pursuits.
>, it could also be something else but I'm not sure as is the case with everything about me
>adhd thing isn't diagnosed so I may be making it up
Is there a chance for you to have it diagnosed?
>doc I was seeing being far away I just gave up on it
So in other words you live presumably in a rural area and the nearest doctors are far away which makes it difficult to keep up the energy to go, and you have nobody to push you to. This feeds into the above, too. I must admit this is tricky a situation.
>>41611197
What did you try, how did it fail?
>>41614015
Do you feel safe in your current environment or are you still in an unsafe place you need to get away from? Do you have people who support you and know what you are going through? Do you have access to the kitchen and ingredients at unusual hours?
>>41616258
I hope it worked out for you as well, Anon!

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>>41616430
Ah okay, hey, I hope it helps to hear that here nobody will judge you for a past like that. I am incredibly glad to hear you have recovered some, from the sounds of it.
>aka. "medical break, focusing on personal health issues whilst caring for a family member"
Yes, that would be the usual CV line. Here is a question: do you have perhaps old contacts in the field?
>>41616732
Sounds like a nightmare, I haven't seriously thought of those guys since what feels like 10 years ago. How are you doing now?
>>41617079
It's difficult, especially with generational trauma and the like in the mix it is not always simple to just condemn the parents. That said, it fucking sucks so bad.
>>41617516
>but at the very least i'm breaking out of my shell.
It definitely sounds like it, absolutely! All the best to you, and yeah, stress can mess with weight loss even ignoring caloric intake. I am glad you are patient wit yourself!
>>41623738
Yes that's fair, what kinda project was it?
>I'm so close to ready.
>Hopefully I won't be kept waiting long.
Are they still bothering you and you're waiting for them to give up, or what do you mean?

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>>41621481
Happy to hear about your progress, Anon! The landlord thing is shitty though, of course.
>>41626785
>I feel bad about not respecting all the help and advice I am blessed with here.
Sometimes the task is simple but doing it with your energy reserves is difficult. There is no shame in that. You can tell us, too. Then we can try to break it down into more manageable, smaller steps.
>>41627168
Yes, that is great news! I'm rooting for you, Anon. It's always so nice to hear of people's progress/current situation like that. Thank you!
>>41623940
>>41627246
>Why did I start feeling like shit again? I'm so confused. I went from "my life is awesome I'm so grateful" to suicidal ideation within the span of a week. Nothing of import happened. I still work out every day. Why does this keep happening.
Like I mentioned in another post, these ups and downs are, sadly, part of the healing process. But the dips will, over time, reduce in frequency and get less bad as you keep ironing out stressors. A human brain can't catch up as quickly and consistently as one would like it to. You are doing well, and I will gladly support you in what little ways I can.

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>>41626612
I'm thankful you still keep us posted on the reg, panty. Happy to hear your weight loss journey is going smoothly.
>I’m going to try it with firmer tofu next time.
Iirc there is a nice hack compare how firm different tofus are by looking at their nutrition tables to check protein /100g, so "extra firm tofu" of brand A being 8g and of brand B being 9g suggests that brand B's is firmer.
>Yesterday I went to a small local fan convention.
Sounds like you had a lot of fun, to boot!
>>41628530
>While I'm rambling, I'm debating swapping to EEn since, well, the military knows anyway, so there's no point sticking with EUn beyond already having vials atp.
Fair, honestly (though I have no idea about the implications of that)!
>The meetup went well. I think.
That's great news! Feelings of being an alien are a normal part of connecting with people, at least for most of us.
>Getting back was what I will diplomatically call "a fun time".
>Did alert me to the fact that I desperately need to voicetrain.
>>41629375
>>41629710
If it's alright for me to chime in,
>i can't be patient, i'm a very all-or-nothing person so if i try to be patient it turns into complacency and i make no progress
In that case a good trick would likely be to, for a start, acquaint you to the maintenance intake of your target weight. That one after all is the one that you kinda have to keep up, well, forever to stay at the weight you wanna be. The reason I suggest this is because if you can make that your default level when getting complacent it won't get in the way of your weight loss and you will still gradually shed some weight. What do you think?

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Alright, not quite as many posts as I planned but good for now.
>>41628530
forgot to reply to the voice train bit: Could you ask some of your peers for advice, perhaps?
>>41629661
I know I'm late to the party but do you wanna talk about what happened?
>>41630951
>figured i should make this a ledger of my progress.
Always glad to see people do that actually. Glad to hear you are taking good care of yourself! I relate to the cooking for others bit.
>i think my next step is probably socializing, but i have no idea where to start, or even how to start. i think i genuinely forgot how to make friends lol
Okay so first off, you will always start feeling like an alien and like you don't belong to the group, that's more a thing in your head that we all experience, it does not automatically reflect how others feel. It will, more often than not, pass. The question is where you can look for people. Are the old contacts you wanna pick up again, perhaps local lgbt or hobbyist communities reflecting your interests?
>>41632193
Great news overall, Anon! As for boymode, I think you hit the nail on the head. As for social aspects: Mental energy is a limited resource, I get that you want it to invest in people who reciprocate, at least that is what I am taking away from the messaging bit.
>The way in which I do this needs to be handled delicately as not to discard the genuine worthwhile parts of the things I've built as ego defenses
Beautifully put, by the way!
>>41633955
You're such a sweetheart, Anon.

>>41614015
I have something similar where I can't bear to cook when there's anyone else around, though in my case it's a quirk of my autism rather than being caused by PTSD. It's hard to give an exact solution without knowing your specific circumstances, and the thing that ultimately helped me the most (moving into my own apartment) is very likely not feasible for you.
If your family/roommates are not the issue and the PTSD is caused by someone/something else, something that can help is trying to talk to them. My family was understanding and would try and keep some distance from the kitchen when I was cooking, and I'd try to minimize the inconvenience for them by cooking quickly and at odd hours where they'd be unlikely to want/need the kitchen. This only works if whoever your living with is understanding, though, which you did not specify.
Otherwise, as others have suggested, finding weird hours where you know others will be out or at least not in the kitchen can help. If you know people will be at work during a certain time, you can make a habit of quickly cooking something in that time. Knowing peoples' eating and work/school schedules helps with this a lot. I am especially fond of night cooking, though that could cause noise issues if others are trying to sleep and you're making anything that's not super simple.
People have also suggested trying to expand your ability to cook outside your kitchen, whether that means getting a cooktop in your room/car or finding somewhere else to cook. If the PTSD is specifically caused by the people you live with, one option is to go to a friend's house and cook a meal for them. The people I know at least are very open to this as a lot of people appreciate having someone else cook for them, and it's an excuse to hang out with friends.
Again, hard to give specific suggestions without knowing more about your circumstances, but I've been in a similar situation and I know it sucks.

>>41649516
>Ah okay, hey, I hope it helps to hear that here nobody will judge you for a past like that. I am incredibly glad to hear you have recovered some, from the sounds of it.
ty. beyond it all mostly. destroyed my life and physical health though, challenging to live with the consequences.
idc if randos judge, just don't want anyone i know seeing it if they lurk. idk if they lurk the board. rather nobody knows im still a failure stuck in a self pity loop.
>do you have perhaps old contacts in the field?
nah. completely isolated atm.

BUMP

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>>41605886
I had a very heavy conversation with my mother regarding my experiences over the past few months, as well as what she's gone through over the many years.
It's a lot to deal with mentally but I know I'm capable enough to work with this.

I would like to convey most of it here so I can ask for further advice if it's not too much trouble, I'm just trying to figure out how to phrase it all so I don't say too much (for sensitivity sake and for my own personal privacy).

I am also considering a psychological visit of some kind, so I can get a very impartial perspective, familial and small time drama is so exhausting and sad.
To be clear, I'm not looking for closure or emotional validation, I just need to know if anybody else can clinically sees how dire and unsettling things are for me and my family.

I don't want all of us to live like this anymore, I just want peace and a fresh start somehow in life.

Any advice on how I can work through complicated stuff like this?
I only learning how to navigate my experiences and feelings recently, I want to stay objective but it's hard not to get emotive.

I know it's been a while and I'm sorry, it's been hard to keep myself focused with my mind where it's at right now.

I hope the rest of you are doing okay overall, take care.

>>41608000
>Most likely, yeah. Is it a frequent issue for you? Any plans to fix it up?
I'm trying to stretch more and check my posture regularly, maybe more muscle mass would help support my body better too.

>>41649516
>It definitely sounds like it, absolutely! All the best to you, and yeah, stress can mess with weight loss even ignoring caloric intake. I am glad you are patient wit yourself!
^-^ i've went up and down weight a lot because of fuck ass decision making and shitty life choice so kinda had to learn to be patient. luckily back on track for now.
>>41650166
^-^ <3

hai /sig/mas another day another update. been swarmed with uni work so no socializing for me. been locked the fuck in, i should be pretty much done with my work by tomorrow. i can finally get some rest and sleep properly. stay hydrated and as always ly all goobers <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

Bump.
Wow, bumping a slow thread with an Emi picrel? This is just like /ksg/

I'm going to start losing weight. I'm tired of feeling shame about my body and I'm no longer going to give in to my fear of saggy skin.

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idk for the longest time i havent really made much progress with my transition, and have been boymoding. but i have a gf now, and i feel like shes kinda out of my league so i feel a lot of pressure to improve myself/make myself more interesting. to keep up with her and also her expectations of me. I want to
>lose weight (get down to 140, im 6')
>work on cardio, work on my flexibility. I also wanna work on my posture cuz im always slouching..
>i kinda wanna get more tattoos, and piercings. also kinda want a split tongue
>i wanna work on styling my hair. and maybe straightening it
>i wanna get to a good place with voice training, im not that great at it and also its hard for me to use in conversation or around my roommates
>i want to go full steam ahead on some surgeries, mostly orchi, lip work, maybe vfs and clavicle shortening surgery (wide shoulders)
>do more laser and electro
>maybe learn eyeliner (im bad at it)
>read more, re-enroll in uni/get finances together
>not necessarily hygenie, but get really on the ball with skincare routine and stuff/doing eyebrows
>stay on the ball with my injection schedule/pill taking
>pick a name/change name legally maybe
>renew my wardrobe (i have a lot of boymoding clothes)
tks for reading my blogpost..

Sad to see we're in page 10. This gen should be stickied :P

So I had some anxiety yesterday. Understandable, I'm very busy rn. I know for a fact I'll feel fantastic in December. But there's something that keeps coming back. All of my anxiety seems to boil down to my feelings of inferiority. Anxiety about uni? Because if I don't have good grades, I'm inferior. Anxiety about socializing? It was never my forte, I always assumed I was inferior because I wasn't popular. Anxiety about time? Because I need time to do stuff, and if I don't have time, I don't do stuff, and if I don't do stuff I'm inferior to the people that do more stuff than I do.

Etc etc etc

I feel inferior in all regards of life. And it causes me pain. I'm genuinely obsessed, and for graphical reasons I'm going to mention the fact that I often stalk people I feel inferior to. This is the first time I openly admit this. There's obviously an issue with my mental health that runs deeper than just anxiety. I am mostly okay, though. But I know it's a time bomb, and the sooner I defuse it the better.

I am currently reading Alfred Adler's book 'What Life Should Mean to You' and imo it's shedding a lot of light on the causes of these issues.

>>41649516
>"It's difficult, especially with generational trauma and the like in the mix it is not always simple to just condemn the parents"
Na it is that simple
Its a komplex issue from a polisy perspektive ,but morally speaking hitting your kids is pretty easily kondemnable and obviously bad from a personal perspektive

pg8

>>41656145
now its sweven

>>41655228
are you kondemning my father

>>41656970
now its schmeven

pg8

pg8

goodnight, updates friday, I think
>>41660203
you know if I could issue stamp cards I would, I really appreciate this

Pg8

>>41605886
How do I feel my emotions? Not again, but like at all?
I have zero reference on how it is to feel, and if I allow myself silence, words starts flowing and intercede, before I can make any sense of things. Or rather I make sense of things by words, that don't let me be controlled by my feelings, they guide me from them instead of letting me perceive them.

Any method, preferably as insane as possible is welcome, cause I can't try willingly anymore, because I'd need to use words for that.

Feeling ok today. Just need to keep working at stuff. Scared of the future. Need to get sleep pattern back under control

is this where the main sig threads are these days? i remember they used to be on a different chan before they shut down, and then i just assumed they moved to the discord and stopped posting on 4chan other than a few individuals doing so.

>>41664274
>Need to get sleep pattern back under control
Same, jesus christ same here.

pg8

God, I fucking hate everything and myself.

i should not have started looking at this fucking board again i already have way too much shit going on now that im in college and i dont think spending time on bdd blanchardian hell is helping

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>>41649507
not rural but a aging town so it's not much better, as for online most often it's me adding people off chan and it dying withing few messages to a day or me joining some discord just be overwhelmed by the mass of people that know each other or topics people talk about being something that would never interest me so I don't join it and then forget about it, sometimes it's smth else but nowadays it's rare for me
I can't keep up with doing art either I drew a small bit but it all sucked and I can't force myself to improve enough for it to be enjoyable and I tried writing few times but always gave up after less then a page of text tldr I lack discipline to get good at it and doing it badly isn't fun 99% of the time
I could possibly get it diagnosed it for free in half a year or more but I doubt I could do so for free and I don't have money to spare to do so without insurance (inb4 not usa)
the doc I was visiting was someone I had to visit while getting diagnosed with trannynism that I abandoned getting after getting hrt which was kinda stupid but whatever and I really don't want to explain being a tranny to anyone especially while not passing at all just to get meds that do nothing to me

pg8

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>>41606040
hip thrusts
glute bridge
kickbacks
lunges
squats
hip adductor/hip abductor
side planks
and yes you should cardio, cardio is OP. Crazy legs and ass not to mention ab development. Running, cycling, dancing, yoga.
If youre a lanklet bulk with protien, clean or dirty dont matter
if you arent a lanklet prioritize protien, fiber, and water consumption to feel full while reducing calories for body recomp

>>41606102
Is that skinny

>>41668819
- to add onto lunges, i love curtsy lunges as an addition to hip abductions
- front lunges w/ knee over toe are OP
- f you're doing weighted hip thrusts idk why you need to do glute bridges
- squat i like doing some back squat w/ another front squat variant later in the week (goblet/hack/front)

bump

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>>41650031
>though I have no idea about the implications of that
EEn to me just seems to be way more common than EUn so I'd feel more trusting in it, because I tend to doubt my routine even though my levels are fine, wouldn't be super hard to swap, I'd just stop taking EUn and then start injecting EEn on my next intended injection day.
>Feelings of being an alien are a normal part of connecting with people
Yeah, I just feel horribly out of place, not because of anyone else but like im skinwalking or something, because when I speak, it's just like very male to where it's like what I want to say and how I want to act has been forced through a filter.
>>41606040
Pic attached was what I did today for a workout. I need to go heavier in general, though, but I'm still trying to find a new gym routine I'm happy with.

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>>41605886
Is there a way to go go through the previous threads of this general, like via Desuarchive or something?

I saved a lot of posts with screenshots but I'd rather be certain.

>>41671382
Personally I exploit the fact that all OPs link to each other
https://archived.moe/lgbt/thread/41605886
4chanx also automatically redirects you if a >>link is dead
Alternatively
https://archived.moe/lgbt/search/subject/lgbt%20self%20improvement%20general/

I wanna lie in bed with a cute girl or a twink, while they whisper lull me to sleep right now.

I have decided that I'm gonna be a drag king for all my public facing work and double down on the separation of my personal/professional identities. I was going kinda half hearted with it and considering putting my authentic self out there. But no. The move is to be so inauthentic that it becomes drag, and is funny again. That way I can keep my male privilege, and my sanity, and develop a rich and rewarding double life that makes sense instead of half assing the compartmentalisation.
For where I am in life. This is the most logical decision. And it's really funny that my life has gotten to a position where this is the most logical decision. It's not going to be something I keep a massive secret cause having half walked this path for a while, I'm realising people just don't understand or mind or care what's going on.
I'm realising more however I need to cease manmoding in my personal life. I'm like 4 years into hrt and have barely socially transitioned. It's meaning I'm having all these shallow, weird friendships with people who barely vibe with me and then I make people uncomfortable with all my trauma bond bullshit and self loathing and general discomfort about myself. I think I am actually just trans. Doing all this I can continue my career and save up for FFS and in the meantime just not go insane and start living a richer, more authentic personal life.

I've been talking to someone I feel attracted to, and that's a strange and unpleasant thing. It makes no sense anyone would WANT these sensations. Ignoring the fact that that's probably a bad sign, I kind of don't want her to hate me for being awkward and this is the first time someone's shown interest in me without going straight to sexual assault so I have no idea what I'm doing. Are there any guides on flirting I could read?

pg7

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>>41650166
>you will always start feeling like an alien
yeah ive dealt w this my whole life, so its not rlly an issue - its just my paranoia has rlly taken hold of me. i cant spend much time outside without thinking that i'm gonna get recognized and chased away, or worse.
>old contacts
that's a hard pass for me. i think i might try enrolling in some arts & crafts classes, or some random TTRPG table. honestly i got crippling impostor syndrome and i feel like i failed academically, wasted all my life living thru my friends and now i have nothing to show for it, so cant help but feel like a failure whenever i speak w/ someone, and that shuts me down pretty quickly.

i know most of these thoughts will completely shatter once i'm actually speaking w/ someone peer to peer, but so far the first step's the hardest, and i cant help but isolate myself until i'm "good enough" to pursue my true goals. i dunno i have a very methodical way of thinking that always bites me in the ass

last year around this time i said i'd kms if i wasn't on track to become a not shut in neet and very close starting transition.
i think i mean it more this year because my dreams are getting worse and i had a mental breakdown screaming and crying in one last night over this shit lol

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>>41650031
Thanks for the information on tofu. I will make a note of that.

The last thing I cooked was a batch of cornflake brittle, and lately I’ve been having trouble with it staying in one big piece out of the oven. So I watched a video on how to melt brown sugar. I’ve been melting it in a pot, but the video recommended melting it in a pan, so I’m going to try that next time.

Here’s that video if anyone wants to watch: https://youtu.be/ZyMwFrtSPaU?si=E-qM4Hy_p_lw8m57

I went to get my hair cut a couple of days ago and asked about getting it dyed, and it was going to be almost 300 usd. I could buy a cheap wig and styling tools for a fraction of that, so I’m going to start there.

There is one thing I wanted to ask for help on. I’ve gotten a lot better at doing things I mean to do, but I’ve still found it more difficult to stop procrastinating on transition-related goals like voice training, practicing makeup, etc. I want to make my transition a priority. How can I do that?

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How do I get physical energy to achieve my goals? I can’t even wake up before it’s time to work
I can be in bed all day and procrastinate my life away
I need to move but I’m just stuck
Tips and anything appreciated
I can’t even game ffs
Just sleep and work and maybe go to appointments
If an other person isnt involved I am very capable of doing nothing for myself
And nobody in my life is reliable enough or wants to bother with my shit
Thanks

>>41678008
Thyroxine and/or Vyvanse

>>41678008
cool furry

>>41678008
>>41678592
This. Buy some meth on the street if you can't get Vyvanse, it's almost the same thing

voice isnt something you can change im convinced
haha
lol

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Alright I worked overtime at work today, unexpectedly.. so I will postpone my replies to tomorrow.

>>41663429
I'm getting better, today I could retreat from a social gathering, when I was overwhelmed, respecting my own boundaries. Also, I noticed that my inner drive and my outer appearance/behavior are seperate from the way I irrationalize what's going on with me, but I'm lacking a connection through emotions between these two and therefore, I won't trust myself or them, even though it's obvious to those around me that I'm reacting to something.

Still need help with the original question.

>>41681395
Are you telling me I literally sounded like a girl all through uni and nobody bothered to mention it? I thought I sounded like anikin skywalker but I guess it makes sense everyone would be awkward if some guy with a moustache sounded girly...

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I wish I were more masculine, it never seems enough. Hormone therapy seems insufficient, wearing men's clothes too, the fact that I have breasts and a vagina makes me feel terrible, I wish I could rip them off with my hands and swap genitals, be an average, ordinary guy.

Exercise, diet, that's what I'm doing, but how can I act more masculine? What the hell does it mean to act like a man?

Page 9?

hai /sig/mas! how have you all been? i've been mostly okay giga tired from assignments and stuff. luckily done with all of that took an hour long bath and watched video essays there with wine :3 been having a chill self care day, back to the usual grind tomorrow. as always love you all!! sending hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

>>41605886
I've been living in student halls recently, there's this girl i met that i felt really close to for a bit, i was interested in trying to date her for a bit but then i learned she had a bf and it took the steam right out of me.

I havent went to the location the group we were in would meet in months, I feel like I'm subconsciously trying to keep my distance from her because i know even if i try to keep her as just a friend i'll eventually give in and make things award between us inevitably.

I just find socialising and navigating interpersonal relationships in general very hard, being honest i have seldom few that i would call a friend, even counting online relationships. I've tried dating and going on nights out and all that but I've just never really felt comfortable in the presence of other people. The act of being perceived makes my skin crawl.

Apart from that I've been in a general slump as well recently, I've abandoned my YouTube aspirations and I'm struggling to even continue my other hobbies such as model painting and creating maps for DND. I just have felt for my whole life that i've been missing an integral human component, some form of 'drive' yknow? Not saying im suicidal or anything, i don't wanna die, it's just that I would say within the past two years, ever since my breakup with my ex, I haven't felt much emotion at all, and i am just sorta stuck slowly truging through my days, waiting for something to come to me, someone to save me from this little box i've trapped myself in.

I know that most I'm going to have to be the one that drags me out of this, but i can't seem to find a foothold to start at, I simply don't know where to re-find my enjoyment and passion for life.

Anyways, blogpost over ;p

>>41681940
Haha yea maybe
I can’t do it
I’m useless honman!!!
Why did god make me envious of transwomen????
So guilty and ashamed and awkward

p7, self care day, I should act like it!

time to shave my whole body again and laser myself

>41687830
i'm so happy i'm like genetic perfection for my mtf transition except for my disgusting body/facial hair levels. I'm getting face laser but I'm going to attack my body to get ready for hot stuff

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>>41649538
>Like I mentioned in another post, these ups and downs are, sadly, part of the healing process.
Yeah, I guess. My psych raised my Venlafaxine dosage, so now I feel better.
>But the dips will, over time, reduce in frequency and get less bad as you keep ironing out stressors.
I dunno... I think without the medication, I would very quickly be just as miserable as I was five years ago... Brain is just borked with me. My psych has already told me that I will have to stay on the meds for the rest of my life. It sucks but at least I'm not a full-blown schizophrenic. Gotta celebrate the minor blessings.
>You are doing well, and I will gladly support you in what little ways I can.
Thank u, that's nice of u....

>>41683341
I understand this feeling — that frustration that you’ve made this discovery within yourself, made this commitment, that other people can so easily fail to notice.

And that concern that you aren’t doing enough and you aren’t sure what else it will take.

I also understand that desire for instructions. It sounds like you’re not just looking for advice on how to pass better, but also to how feel like you’re properly living as a man, both in the moment and the big picture, because getting clocked is fucking with your self-esteem.

I would suggest reading about masculinity and letting yourself be guided by what you find clarifying and meaningful. Maybe keep a collection of your favorite quotes. There could be some trial and error involved, so just pay attention to what you like and don’t like at first and try to put your preferences into words in a journal or something. I think that would help you to build an internal confidence in your identity that’s independent of how well you pass — not because you could never pass, but because passing can’t give you all the inner confidence you need to feel right in your head.

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Goodness gracious I have been slow to respond this week.. sorry about that.
>>41634457
>>Beating myself up over something and I'd appreciate some advice
Gladly, Anon. Pardon the long wait, I hope you still read this!
>social anxiety runs in my father's side of the family
>I cannot bring myself to read it.
Ah, that is a very interesting one. A stupid question perhaps to get started, how would you feel about, for example. pop-up notifications? This way you would see part of the message involuntarily when it arrives, basically jumpscaring you. I am not sure how this would affect you emotionally. Another approach, perhaps, would be exposure therapy. Do you have someone you trust who could sit by your side and help you get used to opening mails?
>>41635073
>I'm scared of fluking out of school again
Just to make sure, are you enrolled right now? Or is this a hypothetical and you aren't yet?
>I am a net negative on this planet and I wish my parents never had me.
I think I understand the general feelings of trappedness that you have. There are a couple ways around this, and it would likely be good to pursue multiple angles at once. Not everyone needs to be employed at all costs. Still, you are asserting a lot of things because you know your history better than I do. What makes you think you won't be able to hold a job? And, just as an alternative option, how would you feel of becoming a stay at home partner?
>>41637508
That checks out, not everyone experiences the above. I am sorry you went though that, RUK.
>>41639976
> It's a marathon, not a sprint.
That is true. Something I need to remind myself of too, especially at times like this.

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>>41635182
>And my brain is borked for other reasons too, so whatever.
Would you be comfortable elaborating, if you think its important context?
>I would have to go to the next big city (~4 hour train ride)
Quick question about that and friends that moved away: Let's start with an audacious proposition. What about you visit one of your old friends for a week or two? Or schedule a meetup with them for example in that city, if they live close enough to it? Would this be easier on you since you would not have to go alone?
>It's just that literally every shrink I've talked to doesn't do any of that
If you would like to get a look at the personal story of someone who suffered from anxiety, and got some time to kill, you might wanna look at the game and accompanying resources linked in the resources:
https://ncase.me/anxiety/ https://ncase.me/mental-health/
>>41636769
Welcome back, Anon! It kinda warms my heart to think I managed to keep this gen up for long enough for people to have nostalgic feelings over it.. thank you!
>1. im slowly getting over my learned helplessness
It is an uphill battle, and it is awesome you are making progress! It does take time... fighting mental blocks is no easy task, either!
>3. i feel invisible
Like people ignore you?
>and like no effort actually amounts to anything
This is not uncommon. When walking a mile it is easy to see no worth in a single step. Do you have something in all this that can be tracked, we love seeing numbers go up.
>unrelated to my frozen essence
Could you elaborate? You feel stuck?
>4. sense of self has gotten very confused
>6. more stupid and autistic
Both of these: In what way?
>emotions make things clearer but I'm bad at that.
Emotions love to rationalize feelings, yeah. Sometimes we end up chasing ghosts because of what we actually need is to find and name the feelings we try to rationalize. The way you reflect is already going in a great direction, I think.

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>>41643536
>>41645937
>I do have some health insurance but not sure if it works for therapy stuff I will look into it.
Please do keep me posted on that, I think it is reasonably urgent. If that doesn't work it would be great if we could find someone more knowledgeable what your options are in your country.
>I don’t really know there is much to discuss about the aspect of porn
I think there isn't much to do besides avoiding it for you right now, yeah.
>Sorry it’s just all of it was just rent free in my mind
I do not think ill of you, and knowing everything you told me, consider you innocent. I hope that puts you at ease. You don't need to justify yourself, it is clear your heart is in the right place. I won't speak more of it to not make you second guess my words.
>>41643700
That is awesome news, Anon! And plenty of reason to be proud of yourself.
>I plan to continue regularly exercising after my PT is over and getting in better shape.
That sounds like a great idea, keeping the ball rolling is so much easier than trying to form a new habit. Strike the iron while it's hot!
>>41649139
Oh you absolutely are, Anon. Especially in weeks where I am as fried as this one.
I admit I am terribly overworked.
... it kinda brings me to tears that you are all so patient with me.
It means a lot. This general means a lot to me, after almost 3 years I guess it's normal to get a little sentimental.
>>41634565
Important!

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idk why you trannies aren't into yoga when posture/flexibility/grace is like half of feminine mannerisms. you aren't all the putty blob people like in pic related right?

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>>41650756
Yeah, I understand. I agree that other people's thoughts shouldn't phase you, just felt like reassuring! Of course, the health consequences are the real kicker in the end, you have a very grounded perception it seems. That's a good thing. But.. you might be too harsh on yourself calling it self pity. We gotta be compassionate with ourselves in order to not overexert ourselves. Compassion and patience keeps us sustainably efficient.
>nah. completely isolated atm.
Ah shit, I assume digging up old contacts is not an easy task either, maybe people you knew from your student years?
>>41652030
Heya, bunon
>I am also considering a psychological visit of some kind, so I can get a very impartial perspective
Yes. A great idea! I am a bit scatter brained right now so I will focus on the specific questions you ask.
>Any advice on how I can work through complicated stuff like this?
>I only learning how to navigate my experiences and feelings recently, I want to stay objective but it's hard not to get emotive.
Difficult, I am not sure I can address this so broadly but I can give case by case advice when I know more specifics.
>>41652614
>so kinda had to learn to be patient. luckily back on track for now.
It's a good thing to develop, absolutely. You are so kind to people, remember to be kind to yourself, too! Hope you get plenty of rest as well, by the way.
>>41654244
I rarely went to ksg but Emi was my first, actually. I suppose it was because I worried for Hisao's health. I suppose this is appropriate background lore for a guy making a general like this.
>>41652087
You might wanna look into lower back exercises as well, it helped me at least.

>>41689939
that's literally a picture of me

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I need a break. I will try post more in 1-2 hrs. I am confident I will catch up with all current posts by sunday, so.. I should not stress too much. I will be real, work has been killing me and there is nothing I can do. The next two weeks will be hell of the same caliber. Then, perhaps, a break. I am not entirely okay. I am coping well and leaning on people in every way I can. Just.. sorry for the long downtimes. I must throttle my output to be sustainable. After all, I must lead by example to the extent I am able, right?

>>41690132
congrats you pass as a medical mistake while unconscious

I need to focus on improving my health and specifically liver and kidney health cos I'm predisposed to certain things
so like normal advice doesn't work as well for me, but I still need to lose more weight and lower my acidity tbqh

>>41690193
thanks anon finally someone tells me I pass

>>41690237
yeah you should have clicked on the diaper fetish threads instead of the feeder fetish threads RIP

>>41690141
please take care of yourself! you are already helping many of us ITT, but it would be tragic if it were at the expense of your mental health as well. please take care and dont beat yourself up too much.

>>41686810
No, I'm telling you voice training works very well if you're willing to put in the effort for a couple of months. 2 weeks in you shouldn't be using your old voice at all while alone

Sorry if this question is popping up out of nowhere:
>Do any of you have advice for basically switching off your emotions during stressful situations?

I know I've asked similar questions but I need a more permanent/effective way of disassociating from feelings.

I've had a few too many emotional breakdowns since I've been back in the country.
Living alone would feel really REALLY good right now.

I'm afraid I'm not much use to anyone like this, I'm afraid I might not be for a long while.
I don't think I am a particularly good person either, now think I'm looking at myself.

I'll follow up on previous replies soon as well.

>>41657128
If they made the desision to be abusive ,yes

>>41690141
Please do take care of yourself, siganon! You are always the most important for yourself, and you're not responsible for anyone's acute crises here.

Please do try to take time off work if you can, or at least maintain a more-or-less healthy boundary (try to move, if you work more than 8 hours per shift, try to take 2 breaks per day, drink plenty of water, use food in stead of coffee/stimulants to prop you up and if you can decide when you do overtime mornings are better than nights. Try to cap work at 12, 16 worst-case hours per day.)

>>41691811
> I need a more permanent/effective way of disassociating from feelings.
Bunanon, you're going through a lot these days, and from where I'm standing, but please correct me if I'm wrong, and I'm sorry if this hurts you, I don't think disassociating from your thoughts and emotions are good for you.

Disassociating is basically trained in BCT, or in professions where it's necessary - the medical professions, police, and psychology/psychiatry.

For me, this is automatic, so much that I can't control it.
If I'm in a situation where I need to make actual (eg. driving close calls) or presumptive "life or death" decisions (eg. unemployment or the threat thereof is life-or-death to my system, because I have this fixed idea that if I stay without an income, I will die of exposure). I'm sorry if this offends anyone who need to make actual life-or-death decisions here, and some of us here I know who needs to.

In that stage, I can endure whatever I need to, make decisions without looking back, become ultra-focused and productive.

Probably I have trained myself in university, where I regularly:
> Needed to do all-nighters
> Worked 8-12 hour night shifts + attended college, and tried to keep passing as many subjects as I could
> In exam seasons regularly stayed up 48-72 hours (2 back-to-back all nighters).
> All of that on minimal food (MAX 1 meal a day, and by the end of the week, spoiled)

ive tried everything i just cant get myself anywhere in life while not passing it ruins my mental health and i cant get myself to do anything or succeed in anything, what do i do

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>>41691811
Hello bunanon, it's shinjianon.
>permanent way of disassociating from feelings
Not possible, afaik. You can postpone them or you can alter them, or you can change your methods of engaging with them, but you can't nullify them. That would be like trying not to poop. biochemical survival processes like stress are automated. There is no turning it off.
>effective way
If the cause of your stress is other people, telling yourself that you are above them (imagining they are lower creatures, or that you are an untouchable powerful god who could kill them in the blink of an eye) can turn you momentarily cold to anything they say or do. Only momentarily though, and it doesnt make you immune to the physical downsides of stress (if anything it worsens it), so I wouldnt recommend it if you can avoid it. Your immune system isnt going to like it, and once you get away from whatever bad situation you are trying to escape the feeling of needing to be untouchable is going to stay with you.

>>41691811
>>41692198
So if you do really want to shut down your emotions, just try to believe that you or yours will die or suffer a similarly horrible fate if you don't take action *now*.

> Living alone would feel really REALLY good right now.
You're triggered by the people around you, which I can understand. I don't think your problem is with your emotions or your perceived failure to exec. But... Can you at least take a few days alone? Sleep at a friend's, find some dirt cheap hotel/hostel or workers' logding you could sleep a few nights in, camp or sleep in your car or something?

bwump

>>41689961
>I rarely went to ksg
I posted on /ksg/ fairly regularly for a while, but it's really dead as it stands now with the only regulars either using it as a diary or posting porn. Cool conversations can happen when someone new wanders in after discovering the game, but the thread basically exists for the sake of existing at this point.
>Emi was my first, actually. I suppose it was because I worried for Hisao's health
Rin seems to be the girl that people talk the most about online nowadays, but that seems to largely be because she's fetishized way more than the other girls (outside of quad amputees, double arm amputees are by far the most common preference for people with an amputee fetish. It makes me sad that everyone just hornyposts about her nowadays). But, when I've spoken to people in real life about the game, Emi definitely seems to be the character that impacted people the most. Her route is the natural choice to get if you care for your own health, and she really inspired a lot of people to work on self improvement one way or another. As much as her route is considered basic compared to some of the others, it is my favorite by far and I think it has helped a lot of people. My proof of this is that I've seen Emi art sold at cons and had long conversations with the artists about what the game meant to them, and have seen no art of other KS characters out in the wild. Also Emi's route is the best because the nurse is the best character.

>>41689259
It's difficult, and honestly, it seems like nobody will understand, no matter how much effort I put in, it feels impossible. The feeling is exactly what you described. It's almost hopeless, because no matter my efforts, I'll never be seen as masculine in my current situation.

Yes, in part it is. Even transitioning, I don't feel any mental difference since I started. I'm the exact same person. In fact, it doesn't matter if I have a beard (a sparse one, but a beard nonetheless), I can't feel like a complete man. It seems like the concept of manhood, of masculinity, is something very distant. And yes, I think I'm not passable. It's a very persistent thing, even when I try to change my walk.

Thank you! I'll research masculinity and write down my preferences, and see how I can develop from there; those were good tips, honestly better than what my former psychologist said, thank you. I appreciate the advice, it gave me a good basis for how to act.

>>41683341
>What the hell does it mean to act like a man?
It's like 2:30am and I'm boutta sleep but I'll try and remember to do a writeup of stuff I learned repping (because I tried very hard to be good at being a man despite the fact I'm just kinda not lol) hanging around pretty stereotypical men.
Off the top of my head a lot of it comes down to assertiveness/firmness in speaking that you can back up with ability, having your body occupy space and being really good at faking confidence.
Heavy emphasis however on confidence not being conflated with acting like a dick however.

Also bump.
>>41687830
Yup same, gotta tick that off tomorrow.
>>41689939
I find yoga kinda boring ig. I'm not in horrible shape anyway
Conceptually I prefer the idea of being a dork femcel type beat over some like high femme perfect figure of social expectation.

>>41694168
I’m glad I could help. I understand what you’re going through because I went through it too.

I think I started passing more often over time, but getting clocked got to be easier to take when I cultivated my own sense of self so that less of my self-esteem depended on my ability to pass.

I also want to tell you a parable from the book Wisdom of the Idiots. It’s about a guy who becomes a great guru. But the guy’s uncle refuses to believe his nephew has done this, because his uncle thought he seemed too incurious as a kid. For the rest of his life, this uncle is never convinced that his nephew has become a guru. The idea is so preposterous to the uncle that he refuses to hear out anyone who tries to tell him it’s true.

The day this guru dies, a friend of the guru eulogizes him. The friend says he had no idea the guy was a guru — he seemed too practical to be religious.

What I'm realising is that so long as I'm messed up, people are going to have a hard time dealing with me.
I sometimes feel a lot of pain about this because it feels unfair. But I've since dealt with people who are hard to deal with in their own ways, through no fault of their own. And I don't want to fucking deal with them either.
There's a limit.
So I have to fix myself if I want stable relationships.
And I've been attempting that this last year. While trying to maintain a relationship.
And I've been doing ok at it, but it's just hard you know?
The damage to my brain from years of trauma. I'm learning more about it. There's areas of my brain underdeveloped. And areas overdeveloped. Paths mylenated that lead to maladaptive responses. And I've got to get so used to noticing those responses and those paths and practicing different reactions to those responses that the fix gets just as hardwired.
There are more optimal ways I could be living day to day that would get me into a position where I'm not going to be a volatile nightmare for everyone to deal with.
And then I'll be able to identify people who are just going to waste my time cause they're just empty buckets with holes in them whom i could just waste endless time trying to fill. Or endless time instructing them on how to patch the holes.
I need to learn the ways in which I need to be living each day to make this happen for myself and I need to relinquish my attachment to the people around me and accept that they may come and they may go and I may very well not get better in time and they may give up on me. I have given up on others before and I have been given up on and I need to not put so much stock into it. There's only so many years we get to spend alive. Ofclurse I want a happy life with a partner I feel safe with, doing what I love and supporting them doing what they love. But if I can't feel safe in myself. There's no amount of work a partner can do to make me feel safe.

>>41695621
>Cont
Anyway some days I feel like giving it all up. And just crashing out and just digging my heels in and stopping to try and get better. Some days I make a minor error, that I feel like may cost me everything. And sometimes those errors do cost you. I've made ones before that have cost me dearly. So I've got a perfectionist thing going on too. Which really stresses me out. Because the QC for how I feel like I've got to be in order to still be loved is so unbelievably high. And then I get scared.
And sometimes I try really hard. And then my partner notices I'm trying really hard. And somrtomes its coming from a place of insecurity and sometimes its not. And sometimes it's interpreted as insecurity when it isn't. But then how can I expect her to correctly interpret me all the time. Especially knowing she's got her own stuff going on.
So I just need to cut myself slack. And I need to cut her slack. And I just need to realise we're both healing from some really heavy stuff. And if we're going to find safety in eachother. I can't make it this environment where I'm putting pressure on myself.
I just need to keep on looking after myself. I need to keep learning how to live my days properly. And I need to cut myself slack.
I'm going to learn an awful lot about the brain. And an awful lot about the body. And an awful lot about how it all works. Cause it's going to inform my work, and it's also going to inform my healing.
But also I don't need to know everything about the brain to know that sleeping good, eating good, exercise, journalling, mindfulness, having some stable friendships, having work that you don't hate, doing therapy and stuff, not getting into rumination loops and just calming down and getting on with stuff is going to be good for me.
I don't need to put off all my healing and self care until I know everything. That's just more cope and procrastination and hypervigalance.
I think i need routine.

>>41695736
>cont
But routine isn't what I need now, now I just need to look after myself and get ready for bed so I can do my work tomorrow. It's really hard to get out of these rumination spirals once I'm in them. Idk why I'm even writing this here and not in my journal. I need to make an effort to just keep this stuff to a journal and not just be broadcasting it. But I did get it out. And idk what worth getting it out has. I guess in the moment now i'm slightly calmer and this is just a vector for me to externally process. And it's not always going to be the best vector. The best vector is myself. Sometimes I find myself externally processing at friends when I don't need to. But that's not a skill I learned until recently. I've only really been journalling since the summer. And it's not been daily practice. And sometimes it just comes out here or other places it doesn't need to come out. And I need to not be perfectionist about that either. I just need to accept that this was the means by which I externally processed tonight. And just go to bed. I've got a sunk cost thing going on cause I'm up too late. But I need to just cut it off because there's no amount of self understanding and rumination from this point forward that's going to make things better than actions are right now. So goodnight to anyone who for some reason had read all this. I apologise.

Pg9

>>41694287
> Off the top of my head a lot of it comes down to assertiveness/firmness in speaking that you can back up with ability, having your body occupy space and being really good at faking confidence.
Ouch.
I'm a fakemoder, I don't soulpass and should never have been allowed to transition.

Maybe that actually was the case, the only thing I'd have needed at that time was a really good shrink, someone to man me up and set my head straight and touching some grass?

I don't know at this distance, and I doubt I ever will.

My mother wants to talk to me about yesterday's breakdown and the whole fight that led up to it.

My mother, my sister and her boyfriend got very heated and it caused a major social blowout. I was told this happened a lot when I was away.
We're all okay physically but they did involve the police and a lot of family, everyone is one edge.

I really need to give up on this family, once we all leave this house we should just not keep in touch anymore.
There's no good in it anymore.

I'll reply to a few posts here before I get ready for the rest of the day and speak with her.

I just wanna move out of this house and be financially secure, I'm tired of constantly worrying about where I will end up every other day.

I just wanna be left alone now, I'd take isolation over either being the problem or having to deal with problems I could never fix.

>>41689961
>Heya, bunon
Hello there.

>Yes. A great idea! I am a bit scatter brained right now so I will focus on the specific questions you ask
Yeah, this physiological stuff has been a long time coming.
I don't know how much of my issues are self inflicted anymore, I question every aspect of my life every single day.
I need someone I can believe over myself.

>Difficult, I am not sure I can address this so broadly but I can give case by case advice when I know more specifics
I'll try to give an example:
I am never able to tell people that they are wrong for doing something, becouse I'm conditioned to give the right answer instead of something I believe.

So, when I'm asked what I think went wrong I'm forced to change my answer I order to please specific people.
I have no original opinion when In around people anymore, I just try to stay out of trouble.

I am always the problem, so I assume every issue is my fault somehow, so I try to make things better but always fail.

>>41692321
>So if you do really want to shut down your emotions, just try to believe that you or yours will die or suffer a similarly horrible fate if you don't take action *now*
That seems like it would work.
I'll keep that in mind from now on.

>You're triggered by the people around you, which I can understand. I don't think your problem is with your emotions or your perceived failure to exec. But... Can you at least take a few days alone? Sleep at a friend's, find some dirt cheap hotel/hostel or workers' logding you could sleep a few nights in, camp or sleep in your car or something?
At the moment, no.
I'm just eat in my room and keep quite for now, that should be enough for now.

I have nobody outside of this house that can help me with this, I am planning to change this now.
I'm giving up on further familial emotion connections, I'm gonna start networking and see how I can get money to save up.

I'll be making a 'backup fund' for when this happens again, better be prepared.

I really am a rotten person, I think.

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>>41605886
i got a job but im really scared to start working. its starbucks at a retail store, and im working 8 hour shifts. i havent had a job in years, so im feeling a lot of anxiety. especially since im out of my adhd medicine right now. wish me luck anons.... ill try to remember the money......

>>41692240
>Hello bunanon, it's shinjianon
It's good to see you again.

>Not possible, afaik. You can postpone them or you can alter them, or you can change your methods of engaging with them, but you can't nullify them. That would be like trying not to poop. biochemical survival processes like stress are automated. There is no turning it off
I was worried you were going to say that, I just figured I'd ask just to be safe.

>If the cause of your stress is other people, telling yourself that you are above them (imagining they are lower creatures, or that you are an untouchable powerful god who could kill them in the blink of an eye) can turn you momentarily cold to anything they say or do
I'm m not sure I have the self-esteem to do that but I will consider it as one of my options.

>Only momentarily though, and it doesnt make you immune to the physical downsides of stress (if anything it worsens it), so I wouldnt recommend it if you can avoid it. Your immune system isnt going to like it, and once you get away from whatever bad situation you are trying to escape the feeling of needing to be untouchable is going to stay with you
Right, I can make a note of this as well.

>>41692198
>Bunanon, you're going through a lot these days, and from where I'm standing, but please correct me if I'm wrong, and I'm sorry if this hurts you, I don't think disassociating from your thoughts and emotions are good for you
I suppose that's a fair assessment, I was really just being hopeful honestly.

>Disassociating is basically trained in BCT, or in professions where it's necessary - the medical professions, police, and psychology/psychiatry
I see.
So, I could technically train myself to do it? To a higher degree at least?
Even if it only helps a tiny bit.

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Ended up taking a break the rest of last night. Let's see if I fare better today.
>>41654492
>i feel a lot of pressure to improve myself/make myself more interesting.
This is a double edged sword, to some extent. One, absolutely do use this mindset to motivate yourself, especially at the beginning. Two, don't overdo it: you gotta push aside fears of complacency or else you will burn yourself out or not enjoy your progress. Consistency is king. Celebrate victories.
>lose weight (get down to 140, im 6')
So a BMI of about 19. What is your starting weight? Also, remember that going too low can masculinize. If I get you correctly you wanna do it for your gf, so you should take time to consider both your personal comfort and her thoughts and feelings.
A lot of the other goals sound very good, don't worry about the blogpost aspects. Just tell us when you need advice or wanna be held accountable.
>>41654503
Heya, Santino.
>This gen should be stickied :P
Hah, if anything I am grateful staff agrees to let me keep this general up. I was weary about whether it would be considered too much from day 1, which is why the OP is structured the way it is. I must have spent several hours on it, almost three years ago.
>All of my anxiety seems to boil down to my feelings of inferiority.
Comparing oneself to others is such an alluring thing, right? It feels productive, we're social creatures after all, but often it just makes us hollow and miserable as we lose the ability to appreciate our progress, often failing to realize when the comparisons start holding us back.
>Alfred Adler's book 'What Life Should Mean to You' and
>imo it's shedding a lot of light on the causes of these issues.
Very interesting. Something you wish to share later, maybe?
>>41655228
>morally speaking hitting your kids is pretty easily kondemnable and obviously bad
Oh absolutely, I think of it more from a "getting people to cut that shit out" perspective. The philosophical/ethical side is a different matter.

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>>41663429
>>41681829
A tricky one, that. Learning to articulate feelings. I think a simple, safe approach might be to explore media and try to see if you can tell a difference in how you feel from different media you engage with. I use music to emotionally regulate, but movies, books and the like can work too. Try to see if you find yourself engaging with fiction. Things like sadness, anger, fear/discomfort or amusement may be good places to start. Do you remember the last time you cried?
>I noticed that my inner drive and my outer appearance/behavior are seperate from the way I irrationalize what's going on with me
To make sure I get what you are saying: You are essentially feeling things but not noticing that you are, and only realizing you acted a certain way because of feelings after the fact?
>>41664274
>Scared of the future. Need to get sleep pattern back under control
I am glad we get to endure and fret together, at least. I am slowly unfucking my sleep as well, at least I know this time what the cause is.
>>41664517
This /sig/ is not an offshoot from any other, I created it on a whim two Christmases ago, inspired by the general upswing I observed in the zeitgeist of this board compared to its low points. I've kept it alive (with loads of help) ever since.
>>41654266
A good call. I am so, so much happier with my face, which I see so many times a day, that I don't really care that much about my belly being a bit loose. I never regretted it.

Sometimes I'd like to try doing something, but just can't keep myself accountable to anything. At least I'm going out today so I can do the thread goal.

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>>41667077
What happened, Anon?
>>41667095
>i dont think spending time on bdd blanchardian hell is helping
I agree. If this general keeps you tempted to let yourself be brainwormed by other threads then I'm sorry though. "If it sucks, hit da bricks", the skeleton image macro posits. Do look out for yourself!
>>41670735
Ahh, okay, thank you for clarifying!
>it's just like very male to where it's like what I want to say and how I want to act has been forced through a filter.
Ah, so you have been stuck performing masculinity for so long it is hard to shake off? Or do you mean voice training as well?
>>41667290
So you are kind of forced to move yourself eventually, and it is something we might want to be wary of medium term, how to make that a realistic option for you.
>it dying withing few messages to a day or
Okay so, this is somewhat of an issue that can be resolved. Some of it may be your expectations, and some of it will be trial and error. It seems that you are very prone to giving up very quickly, both in social settings as well as in hobby ones. A few pointers with people, likely things you already know but I'm gonna run by just to make sure we are on the same page.
1. Relationships (on or offline) require persistent exposure. Conversations will frequently die off, go nowhere, derail, abruptly halt cause the other got distracted/has to do something IRL. That is the default for everyone, and does not imply a lack of interest. That's normal. Try to express what you expect of conversations for us to see whether there is an issue there. The core takeaway here is that building a relationship will require persistent, consistent effort. The fact that we keep up a conversation right here is an excellent example of both of us pushing things forward.
(1/2)

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>>41667290
(2/2)
2. Common ground/mutual enjoyment. That is hard when you struggle to enjoy things, but interest can be built, too. The more you are willing to try out new things, share things you liked, try to find common ground and shared experiences, the easier talking gets. One of my best friends was super into the lore of CoD Zombies and our early relationship was him lore dumping me and me telling him of the recent games I played, small talk, games I liked. I am not at all into the genres he is but it made him happy and excited to talk about it, we both felt like we were entertaining the other well. That was good enough, long before we opened up about feelings and deeper subjects.
3. Giving up. One big issue is to guess when it is better to cut your losses, so to say. Some people don't have the mental energy to keep up conversations no matter what you do. That doesn't have to be a deal breaker but it can be. The main issue is that people who aren't used to it give up very easily.
4. Avoiding getting overwhelmed. You mentioned discord servers, I get what you mean. I can't handle them well either. But what you can do is, for a bit, just spend time there, listen to people talk, and if any subject interests you, consider sniping the person with a DM.
>doing it badly isn't fun 99% of the time
Here is the crux: is it unfun because you don't enjoy drawing/doing whatever, or is it unfun because you look at the final result and are dissatisfied with it? Doing things badly is an integral aspect of learning, which ties into the school talk we had. The question is why you draw/write. For the sake of being good or for the sake of doing it.
>get it diagnosed it for free in half a year or more
Oh? How come in half a year, waiting lists?
>without insurance
what do you need to do to get insurance?
>doc I abandoned
you are still on hrt, right? Then, even if you see little sense in it, it might be worth picking it that back up.
>>41672928
Relatable, skinship is important.

Bleugh, working on writing up the "what I learned about how to do man stuff repping" post, but can't quite get the wording
>>41697878
>I'm a fakemoder, I don't soulpass
We all have our socialisations and learned behaviours, but I think for most of us, they're just kind of mirroring to fit in (especially if trans) because our natural way of being has generally caused us trouble (like I got so much grief as a kid for "behaving like a girl" despite ykno, being XY).
>>41699562
>Ah, so you have been stuck performing masculinity for so long it is hard to shake off?
Yeah, basically, like my body language is super off, I speak way too firmly and directly. I tend to speak up a lot more than I need to or should, and a lot of my wording is very male, shortened sentences, things like saying "cheers" instead of "thank you" that makes what im saying all a bit abrupt and harsh.
Like its voice training as well, but not just that.

>>41698480
>What is your starting weight
160..
idk ive been on E for a while but feel like i still have a lot of male muscle and need to weight cycle down..

>>41650031
>acquaint you to the maintenance intake of your target weight.
if my brain collaborated with me I'd do that, and maybe one day I'll learn how to do it but right now I can only either gorge myself or starve myself, my brain can't comprehend anything inbetween like eating slightly below current maintenance intake
best I can do is trick it by binging very low calorie foods
I have to work on my impulse control somehow

pg8

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Alright, I am so close to catching up with Friday's posts.
>>41674291
>people just don't understand or mind or care what's going on.
Frankly, as it should be.
>I think I am actually just trans.
Probably the simplest and most straightforward way to look at it, absolutely. I am 100% behind you regarding the self-actualizing more in private part. I wish you all the best on the drag king front, I genuinely hope it works out!
>>41676077
>i cant spend much time outside without thinking that i'm gonna get recognized and chased away, or worse.
So it's a matter of reclaiming your feelings of safety. Is it okay if I asked what got you paranoid? Is it the current politics circus?
>i know most of these thoughts will completely shatter once i'm actually speaking w/ someone peer to peer
I absolutely agree!
>i cant help but isolate myself until i'm "good enough" to pursue my true goals
Perhaps your methodological approach can be leveraged against it here? As in, you will likely need to learn to celebrate consistency and progress (things like gratitude exercises and journaling come to mind), and one thing that would absolutely help with that is if you would approach someone with the aim of learning something together with them. Your initial impulse will likely be to focus on the things they understand already and you don't, but the point is for you to try and teach others things. Teaching others in areas you are strong in deepens your own understanding and forces you to see others as fallible.
>>41676226
I see, then let's first take a look at your year thus far, what you tried, what worked, what didn't and such. Don't feel bad even if nothing came of anything. We're here to help!
>>41681395
As in you tried voice training and you are convinced it can't work for you?

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Alright that was plenty for a day!
>>41674855
>a strange and unpleasant thing
Ah, no wonder given your past experiences. One thing I can tell you right off the bat is that sincerity and honesty often earns you points. You are rarely as awkward as you think. We don't have a book on flirting per se but we do have a book on romantic attachment and such
>Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love, Amir Levine, Rachel Heller
Download links are in the pastebin. You can also ask me/us to pick your brain about particular exchanges, a bit of learning by example if you will.
>>41677526
You're welcome, Panty!
>I want to make my transition a priority. How can I do that?
From what I can tell you seem to work very well with sensibly structured approaches.
You seem the organized type so how about we start making a list, and try to make you commit to a time window and steps to start with?
>>41678008
>And nobody in my life is reliable enough or wants to bother with my shit
It sucks that you don't have anyone to lean on.
>How do I get physical energy to achieve my goals?
>I need to move but I’m just stuck
It is an upward spiral sorta thing. Your biggest issue is bedrotting, right? We have a book on that general subject, how to keep house while drowning, see the resources.
We also have a small video on misery you might wanna watch, the first thing we will have to fix is basically making you spend more time outside of bed.
>>41683341
>>41694168
Hmm.. do you have male friends to hang with?

i need to do better

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>>41703930
>You seem the organized type so how about we start making a list, and try to make you commit to a time window and steps to start with?

That’s a good suggestion. I’ve had a few transition goals on a list, but I haven’t put those goals on any kind of schedule. Definitely something worth trying.

Today I did go through a folder of fashion pictures I’ve saved and started looking for trends and patterns in what I like so I can find some clothes I could style more than one way.

fuck the world i got used as practice for 4 months and then she expected us to continue being friends like that's easy for me to hear

>>41704312
Me too, and we will.

bump

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>>41699570
1. I just want the convos to be interesting so sometimes it's just goofing around sometimes talking about more or less serious stuff with only problematic thing being VCs because I haven't really voice trained and usually there are people around who don't know that I'm a tranny for safety reasons. I know that both sides need to put in the effort for the connection to be lasting but if neither of us is really interested into the other person or more often when I have to carry the talk or always have to start it I'm not going to deal with it for long but from what I heard from some people it's a common thing that people on this site don't really want to do the talking.
2. stuff I'm interested in often has a lot of icky people also being into it be it childish people for whom anime is synonymous with battle shonen or some smaller stuff being infected with nazis like metal or 40k when I used to be curious about the generalized lore of it just to find out anything more detailed or more modern is shit 9 out of 10 times
3. I don't think I'm the reason why most of those talks go to nowhere it's either mutual or me not wanting to talk to a person, maybe with exceptions of people whom I added, forgot why and never messaged afterwards
4. you can lurk for only so much and try to get into talks there only so much before giving up but I don't think dming people out of the blue would be awkward
With art the problem is that I'm not good enough for the end product to be satisfactionary even as a training material and the process itself isn't fun either with how hard it is for me to convey or drew the thing I wanted to and my reason for doing it is always to convey something or to achieve some result even if it's something vague
Half a year is just a guess because it's going to be something like 2-3 visits plus wait time due to it being done with a insurance not to mention not a lot of doctors doing adhd diagnosis with adults for that

>>41699570
barely over 2k signs so part 2
I'm jobless and insurance covers way less stuff because of that possibly only really emergent stuff but I have to look into it
I don't see a point in spending money on the antidepressants with how much it costed versus it doing nothing and as for HRT I was thinking about buying diy stuff again as it's 8 times more potent so it easier to dosage and it's not stored in vials