i cut again

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>>42273695

>>42273695
oki

chat with me, chat

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intersex stealth passoid here.

>>42273695
i broke an almost 10 yr clean streak in early november. im 1 month & 21 days clean now but i miss it everyday & i know im just gna relapse again once i get this bloodwork i gotta do for smth else done. been letting both arms heal just bc i dont want the nurse to be weird but i dont wna stop & i know that i have to want to or i wont. writing songs abt it to soothe myself.

>>42273700
lowkey my type. looks likes he likes shitty metal+++.

>>42273792
abt what. my life is weird rn. i fucked this bearded guy the other night who i have an ongoing thing w/, afterwards he bought me food. hes like a good mix of just woke enough to be based but not so much that its cringe, & hes still a little traditional & chivalrous which i like.

>>42273830
why did you cut again?

>>42273847
numbness & unresolved cliche mental shit from childhood trauma & being a multiple sa & dv survivor. had a mental health crisis summer of 24 & was in hospital for short amount of time & never rly addressed the issues just covered it up w/ weed & eventually started smoking cigs & doing k w/ a pro dj guy i fucked for drugs & rave guestlists. hopefully starting therapy next yr.

Trans elders https://youtu.be/J04v4fSFmsA?si=Y1-gCA-cOg6qXrGN

>>42273689
suicide or voice training

>>42273928
how many STDs do you have

>>42273955
hardly relevant but zero. i practice safe sex & get tested after every intimate partner, like any responible adult.

>>42273970
you're lucky for a druggie prostitute

i have the quadruple C
cancer, covid, colera, chikungunya

and autism

>>42274048
im not a prostitute. druggie? yeah sure lol. i dont do harder than k.

>>42274124
oh no.

>i fucked this guy for food
>i fucked this guy for drugs
>i fucked this guy to get invited at the party

>im not a prostitute

lol ok sweety...

>>42274199
boy math.

i dont even mind prostitutes i just mind public delusions

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How bad is my starting point as a pre-everything mid 20s repressor who was forced to do so out of security at my parents house?

Btw I CAN FINALLY START FOR REAL NOW THAT I'M MOVING OUT OF MY PARENTS HOUSE AND FOUND AN APARTMENT IN THE BIG CITY WITH OTHER PEOPLE YAY :P

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>>42274199
>i fucked this guy for food
>i fucked this guy for drugs
>i fucked this guy to get invited at the party

>>42274229
u look like south asian corey feldman, what the fuck. pls tell me this is ironic.

>>42274235
<3

>>42274264
Can't grown hair longer than a certain limit when your overprotective mother who doesn't respect your spaces swears to make you homeless if you don't cut it (happened more than once) :c (also not on HRT yet)

>>42274229
if ur serious ur gna need heavyy laser, a lip lift, nose job, brow shave. then after that if u weight cycle for a few yrs u might have a chance at passing to cis normies, if by miracle u have mastered voice training. anything short of that & ur life is gna be living hell.

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>>42274229
You‘re gonna need laser and maybe Asian genes pull through, they are unfair for trannies, but right now you look like this guy. Practice heavy makeup like douyin immediately and grow your hair out or get wigs

What's with all the hostility and shitiness?

>>42274323
they suck dicks for food, you'd be bitter too

>>42274347
correction: i slept w/ a fwb bc i wanted to sleep w/ them, then they bought me food bc i was hungry. not bitter, just realistic. what would i even have to be bitter abt, i love myself. whenever i dont wna die bc of shit i cant control i have a huge ego, which is most of the time. u cant tell me shit!

Anyone who has to say that they're a "stealth passoid" is just giving honfidence and mental retardation

>>42274423
oh pls not the projecting. i specify bc i wna talk abt shit some of the trannies here cant relate to. theres plenty of specific threads here, u cant bullshit me anon.

>>42274347
i wish i could suck dicks for food

>>42274443
that time wasnt even sucking dick for food but ive sucked dick for 2 cartons of menthols & a baggie of ketamine before.

>>42274574
was he white

>>42274590
yes, very white lmao. & i myself am the palest bitch around.

>>42274441
>>42274574
ah yeah you're a nigger for sure

>>42274606
too bad, your story was almost hot

>>42271677
same and my mobo has a short or smth so i need to rebuild
weh

>>42274614
ew no. moms side is danish, dads side is russian.

i miss nomi so fucking MUCH

I miss _____ so fucking much

Why do the skincare products all have to be white. Feels like the first thing im doing every morning is rubbing cum into my face

Im a transgender woman and I prefer having sex with transgender woman with dicks over ciswoman or men does that make me a chaser?

>>42274994
they know their market well

>>42274962
Dw I'm here!
>>42274574
High price for a transginder to bottom ngl, good on ya.
>>42274229
Is as they say, over

>>42275644
>Dw I'm here!
We can wait for her together then

Ngl, as much as old white cis het male bosses suck, the kinship with other women at work when we laugh at their casual bumbling sexism is always a welcome moment
But damn, sexism do be retarded sometimes
e.g.
>Newbie explained to me that he can't clean his ambo "cuz he's a man"
>made him handwash the outside of 15 ambos cuz "every man washes his car"

>>42275759
Dang she's here that was fast :3
>>42275778
Good punishment, when the cops caught me out past curfew we had to wash their cars.

>>42275778
imagine what they'll say about you now when they will learn...

>>42275870
What would they even learn?

>>42275015
If youre a bottom this just makes sense. Cis women can't fuck you and cis men into trannys are pretty awful almost universally. Only choice left is trans tops tho trans tops are rare unless you're very cute or they are very horrific. Def a big middle area where it's hard to find a looks matched trans top and i think that's where alot of people have trouble.

>>42275805
Ohhhh law breaker

>>42275930
>eternal bottom supply due to top shortage
tops stay winning

>>42275951
Yes I'm a nefarious evil sort :3
>>42275961
This is true we tops do get a bit flooded with options and such. I tend to naturally be fairly flirty but I've toned it down over the last few years cause often desperate people will think that means I'm in love and then get mad that I'm not interested that way. So these is some downside to bein a rare fem lookin top

I bought a slightly more posh epilator than the one I've been using and I should really try it out, but I haven't felt like hurting myself yet

>>42275930
I just find transgender woman more sexually attractive because of the dick maybe thats kinda chasery ironically mine gives me alot of dysphoria

>>42275951
I’m just guessing from the fact that you have a trip name that you don’t pass and are most likely an ogre.

>>42276281
Newfriend

I like dicks on men and pussy on women, controversial statement I know

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>have dysphoric episode last night that made me cry over not being born female
>wake up this morning to my chronic illness causing me to have horrible stomach pain
It's like I wished on a fucking monkey paw

Is partying through my 30s and planning to die of an overdose in my early 40s a good cope for never being able to have children and a family?

>>42276337
Its a good plan if you wanna accidentally survive until mid 40s with no retirement plans or long term partner and looking around and seeing everyone else has settled into comfy life mode whilst you're sleeping on cockroach infested mattresses

>>42276397
I'm going to be fine financially so I'm not worried about that. I just can't see myself with a long term partner because we would never have a family, which is why I'm considering it

>>42276274
If youre a top that's strange but I have a feeling you're not so its understandable:p

>>42276281
omg me
>>42276337
why do people plan with the expectation that drugs stop feeling good at some point idgi

>>42276617
>the expectation that drugs stop feeling good at some point idgi
What part of my post makes you think I expect that?

>>42276640
well you think they feel good enough to party for your 30s right
why is the OD in your 40s ?
i assumed that was intentional maybe i misunderstood

I think I feel more dysphoric the closer I'm to getting HRT, this sucks

>>42276656
At some point that lifestyle becomes sad and pathetic. If I age gracefully, my early 40s is when I think it would stop being dignified so that's when I'd want to go out with an od of something nice

>>42276710
right so in your plan here the idea is
drugs feel good enough to live for now
but drugs wont feel good enough to live for later
>gracefully
not sure meth/heroin addicts are concerned with this but maybe youre expecting to overdose on something different that doesnt make you an ugly zombie

>>42276710
if you still think its not sad and pathetic in your 30s maybe youll be ok with it in your 40s too

>>42276728
I'm not going to be an addict. I would continue using drugs the same way I have for the past 15 years, which is very occasionally and in moderation until the day the time comes
>>42276731
It is if you look old

>>42276756
oh my bad so this is just a regular kms ok proceed

>>42276763
What did you think it was?

>>42276767
you said you wanted to party for a decade i assumed you meant you were going to do hard drugs that whole time
not like, live a regular life and occasionally enjoy a cart lmao

>>42276826
Most people stop going out in their 30s and go straight edge because they have families, so I wouldn't consider that a regular life

>>42276884
>Most people stop going out in their 30s
ime its not much to do with age, its whether you have kids
how old are you? im getting the sense you're early 20s at most

>>42276337
>partying through my 30s
imagine having the energy for that...

>>42276910
I'm 29, turning 30 this year. I know it's about kids, most people have kids in their 30s
>>42276914
I'm not technically 30 yet, but I feel way healthier than I ever did in my early twenties or even teenage years

>>42276967
>most people have kids in their 30s
you must have had more responsible friends than me
>im 29
i'm 39 turning 40 in june
energy and interest dont change from 30->40 ime
main difference is i earn more money

>>42276992
>more responsible friends than me
none of them have had them yet, all of them want to though. maybe i just need to make some non breeder friends idk

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>>42276992
>main difference is i earn more money
wanna share?

>>42277074
yes! with elfi heh

>>42277045
Honestly just having faggots for friends is more comfortable. That way theres no slow watching someone you were close to become a husk of their former personality because they are now merely "mom".

>>42277103
Yeah I think 90% of my anxiety about getting older is seeing how parenthood just wrecks people but also is expected of everyone. I don't know any faggots older than me so that is still the only future I can see and I hate it

Should I detransition?
I seriously wanted to die last year when I realized I was going to slowly start looking like my dad or brother as I got older.
I thought HRT would help me but I still have lots of body hair and now I have man boobs
I thought I'd like having boobs because I'd have dreams about being a woman before I started HRT but my gyno just feels weird and awkward to look at in the mirror
I also gained forty pounds after starting so now I'm 160 instead of 120 pounds
Women think I'm cute but they also think I'm a minor because I look 18 (I am actually 23 lmao). I don't think any girl would want a guy with a limp dick and man tits. I like men but I'm not really into them romantically.
I cannot get a job so I have no money to buy girl clothes with. Anytime I get a job the manager instantly clocks me as an autist twink and schedules me for 10 hours or less. Or I get fired because I'm lazy. I just got fired from my job at a warehouse before my second day even started because the boss said I wasn't showing initiative. I barely lasted a day.
I've tried making friends with trans people irl but they all ghost me when they realize what a loser I am. The one trans friend I had thought I wanted to date him and called me creepy for trying to talk to him so much after he ghosted me. That was the only person I felt like I could vent to about this stuff. Idk if he even had dysphoria because he dressed like a girl.
I live with my dad and he has no idea about any of this stuff. If he did he would probably flip out.

Anyways I think it would be easier if I quit HRT. I don't like being a man but jerking off is fun and I could probably go to the gym and get a GF before testosterone ruins my body and the extra body strength would make being a wagie easier.

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>>42277186
>Should I detransition?
up to you init.

>>42276710
It's sad and pathetic any time past your teens

>>42277186
do you feel dysphoria about masc features or about fem features

>>42277186
You've been on hrt for less than a year, changes like body hair need more time than that. My tits also felt awkward to me until I got to a point where my body as a whole looked like a place they belonged on. You should work out. You'll start being into men romantically more once you start actually being intimate with them.
The job part is awful, I assume you're American, can you move to a less shitty state?
Not transitioning is always going to be easier on paper, but you knew that before you started and apparently found reasons to do it anyway. If you detrooned now, odds are you'd be fine for a while before they rear their head again and then you'll have even more body hair and wasted time

>>42277232
agree to disagree

/gif/ said that if I picture myself as a girl in porn it means I’m heterosexual male and porn addicted? And porn addiction turns everyone trans at some point?

>>42277377
i'm not sure I'd believe anything that's said on a board as obsessed with bnwo sissy hypno as /gif/ is but up to you

>>42277377
confirming this means you're heterosexual male and porn addicted
if you go speak to a doctor they'll prescribe hydrogooninol and give you instructions to resist the ejaculatory urge but you can just DIY

>>42277286
The urge to push the age its acceptable goes up as your age does. Hard to resist i know, but I've been there so hug anon :(

>>42277377
if you've started picturing yourself as the girl in porn its already too late

>>42277458
I honestly think you can push it as far up as you can keep looking good and not old. I just assume that will be over for me by my 40s

>>42277489
It isnt about your looks its about your peers that know you. At least where I'm from people started judging the ones still doing drugs and such starting at around 20, 25 was full into wow that's cringe territory. As for your own thoughts on it I know from expirence that the age you feel its ok will simply go up as your age does. Truth he told tho I know nothing I say will help you but remember this interaction with me the next time you have a wobble in your cope. Have a good one anon I believe in you :)

>>42277377
This is cope on their part as well. On hrt my porn consumption basically goes to zero. Watched way more videos of people being cut and abused etc on hrt and way more standard stuff when off it. Dudes waych insane amounts of porn i learned in my navy days, If the 4chan'cels were right then every cis man would be a tranny lmao.

>>42277588
>At least where I'm from people started judging the ones still doing drugs and such starting at around 20, 25 was full into wow that's cringe territory
That's crazy. Most of the people I meet at parties doing drugs are mid 20s to 30s. I never meet any teenagers at them.
>Have a good one anon I believe in you :)
That's, I'll do a bump for you next time I go out

>>42277707
Not surprised most other people in the parties you attend are others in your same situation. Addiction and the cope acceptance of the lifestyle isn't exactly uncommon. Would be better to see what other people in that age range think at like work, non destructive hobbies etc. I know that it's less common but the average mid 20s to 30s person is still a functional working adult with kids and such. If you look at it objectively you probably can even see it yourself as people drop out of the lifestyle each year as you get older and eventually you were the last one in your old friend groups and had to find other new friends that still live that way. For me I was around 27 when I was the last one from my original friend group and then I was 33 or so when all of the new ones were gone and I was basically alone irl party wise and then other stuff happened that shook up my brain and now I see in retrospect it was sad and pathetic to live that way after about 23 if not earlier.

>>42277823
I am a functional working adult with a job too, also far from an addict to anything
>with kids and such.
I will never have kids, that's why I need a cope or at least an alternative.
I also genuinely disagree that partying past your early twenties is pathetic. I find the mid twenties people who do nothing but play videogames at home or similar have way sadder life's. I probably would be even less insecure about this if my friends weren't all breeders who are planning on having kids soon

>>42277925
Yes we already established that you personally do not think it's pathetic, I was saying how like society and most other people see it and how you likely will someday. Fwiw I think people that only play vidya and do nothing else also live pathetically as far as like peers and society go. It's just better on your physical health and such so it's less so.

>>42277961
I guess I just don't see any non pathetic way for a person like me to live and that's my entire problem. If you have a solution, please do let me know

>>42278017
Find someone to love and spend every day loving them, doing cute fun stuff together, have hobbies, go outside enjoy nature etc etc. Plenty of cis people choose not to have kids, so happiness isn't only kids or drugs lol

>>42278063
I don't believe people stay together for life without having kids together

>>42278120
Been with one for 22 years now, no kids.

>>42278128
I have no one. I'm just going to enjoy partying while I still can. Maybe I'll even meet someone that way. I've spent too much of my life alone playing videogames, and I feel much more alive partying alone

>>42278120
Most people don't stay together with kids either. Nearly everyone my age is a child of divorced parents. And it's a trope at this point that someone will try kids to save a failing relationship and then it implodes in bitterness and resentment within a few years.

>>42278063
This is the way, wanting this outta life helped me find the best wife material

who cares about love and relationships tbqh
it's all about the career and spending time in nature for me
hire me in one of those jobs that send u around the world every other day, sounds like a dream, I can be friends w/ everyone but never put down roots
I'll send everyone the midnight and weekend work emails as a sign of my affection
then do yoga and art therapy during breaks during my 16 hour work days
I can be that boss lady ngl

i think if you can't have the sort of life that's good and right for normal people, you just get to choose your preferred pathetic cope and that can be nice too

it's all just cope until u realize that it's all just different kinds of cope

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>>42278368

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>>42278423
He looks like my boyfriend. So cute...

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i had a curly wurly are you jelly??

>>42274124
got any triple C's?

hey wake up, I know it's late but u need to know how I really feel...

>>42282253
i like to go to movies alone

>>42283230
What's the best movie

>>42283339
no but i hate other people touching me

>>42283339
yes

>>42283339
>>42283385
Both of these

>>42283696
Drugs, escapism, and I don't

cant wake up...

This place is so useless for drunk insomniacs anymore. I really gotta find someplace new. Anyone here at all?

>>42283955
There's a high early riser

>>42283962
Hello
>>42283963
I don't speak to drug users anymore :3

>>42283985
Hey anon it's 3am here too. Tell me about your heartbreaknand I'll give you sage wisdom of the elders.

>drunk insomniacs

living the dream like you always say uhh
at least you’re not listening to your wife having sex with someone else this time

>>42283989
My bad i don't use trip other threads

>>42283996
I'm off work tomorrow, drink 1 night a week or two with irl friends and I've been an insomniac since I was 13. Also during that """sex""" i was destroying her gfs ass :^)

>>42284018
I've found that loving someone that doesn't love you is pretty hard so I feel ya on that one I've been there for sure. Think the best and fastest way to move on is to force it, see others and let yourself feel for someone when you find someone you really vibe with. As for the fem stuff I wouldnt know. Am a hideous man beast myself, very ugly.

>>42284052
Have you tried bot being insufferable? People like kindness, respectful convo and understanding etc that sorta thing. I imagine that irl you're pretty crabby and insulting thinking it's cute or people will like it but dudes are kinda sensitive under the shell of faux toughness. Maybe try being a good person and see if that changes your luck?
>appearance stuff
Yes yes nobody wants anything to do with me I'm so hideous I feel ya what. Know your pain for sure on that one too

woke up and cutting myself kind of day

>>42283230
that's a good point ngl
>>42283926
umm I wonder, just tell him okay thanks iunno
>>42283936
hey, wake up
>>42283955
hi hru
>>42284052
hey this looks okay, traced or copied or original??

>>42284082
Hard addiction to break i hear
>>42284087
Men are more prone to violence and such but the grand majority wouldn't hurt someone that didn't like attack them. I understand the fear of them cause I lived through abuse as a kid too but I've also met truly good men too. Just gotta learn to be a good judge of character, people can't hide their nature for a super long time
>>42284094
I'm well tho a bit tipsy and restless. Hbu

you can actually make friends and more even if you are unsufferable and hideous
but you'll have to accept that you are friends or more with pieces of shit that will mistreat you
cheat on you, insult you, call you a paypig and cuck in public
ask mono and navy if im wrong, they know its true

>>42284119
Do you smell burnt toast? Like fuck man i been drinking and my sentence structure is better

>>42284106
yeh don't overdo it okay???
I just got done w/ 19k steps, but now my feet are aching and throbbing...
>>42284111
hey that's so cool, I got a light pad last year and it's really nice ngl
I mostly just use it for animation tho, but I don't have a proper pegbar so it's so so iunno
I think it could be cheating, but like everything is kind of tricks and cheats, right??
just do what works but don't say it's ur own unless it is, otherwise it's plagiarism ig
>>42284119
yeh I think so too, it has a lot more to do w/ self-hate I feel like
as for other ppl, I feel like it's like... umm... u know u wouldn't get mad at a goat for not sticking around to pose for the camera... yeh ppl are like goats or something, no need to get upset at them iunno
>>42284129
listen, anyone that can get thru this iq test isn't doing too poorly imho

>>42284152
Prob only gonna find hookups there but that can be fine too if you're into that sort of stuff
>>42284157
In not drinking anymore just still a bit from hours ago. Good jobs on the steps!

>>42284166
aww ty, enjoy ur freedom, aren't u starting again next week???
>>42284169
yeh, so like I have like one of these things for like keeping punctured pages together, like two strips of metal and a back part, and I use that to keep each sheet in place and also use two clips
but if I want to do like peg shifting then it kind of doesn't work since I have to take it off to shift the page around
but no way am I paying extra for a peg bar and special paper since I'm poor ngl
>heavily inspired by like mamoru nagano and 80s fashion from Pinterest, and misc boys love
oh yeh, seemed quite familiar, it certainly stands out ngl

>>42284191
cool mecha bro

>>42278410
Why'd you come back after a decade?

>>42285039
to cope with their loneliness obviously, can’t you read?

>look how much i dont need others
>look at how much its all a cope
>i dont need anyone, this thread sucks btw and i say it everyday

>hey, let me tell you everyday too about my life bc i have no else to talk about it
>even if i hate this place
>even if i hate anon
>even if other people are useless
>but pls let me talk to someond

yep yep, oki

>>42283281
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Synecdoche,_New_York

>>42285039
bored and cos I can wbu???
>>42285185
supposedly a lot of regular posters are in relationships, it's not that deep
narratives like that only make sense if u ignore everything else cos ur fixating tbqh

>>42285243
>narratives like that only make sense if u ignore everything else cos ur fixating tbqh

that’s really funny coming from you

>>42285284
uhuh well don't die from laughter ig

the fuck is art therapy btw? paintings for fuck ups? hasnt that always been the case, like van gogh and shit?

>>42285673
When drawing you can enter flow state which is super soothing and can help if struggling

>>42285962
you mean drawing?

>>42277179
It's not just parenthood. I feel like people just act like their relationships are more important than their friends.

Like they'll get a partner and then immediately withdraw from everything else. Everything becomes about their partner and their relationship. Even worse if they get married.

Which I guess is like, human evolution or something. But it still feels kinda shitty to know someone for years and then have them ditch me for a person they met six months ago on Tinder. In my eyes friendship always comes first. It's the most fundamental and interesting kind of connection. A relationship is just a slightly deeper version of that.

>>42286002
I did say drawing, which is a form of art. Other forms do the same thing.

>>42286077
so it’s just signaling that you do art and have traumas? whew

>>42286091
Anon asked what art therapy is, i said its used because art can create flow state which is soothing to those who struggle. The fuck do you think therapy is for?

>>42285673
I mean art is a kind of self expression.

I know I sound like a tumblrite retard but I feel like if we spent more time creating instead of constantly consuming, we'd be a lot happier. The old web was all about making your own thing. The new web is about endless scrolling and it's a toxic shithole. People wouldn't be nearly as neurotic if they actually felt like they had created something in their limited time on Earth.

kek
similar to the way when you do therapy you're signaling that you talk and have trauma
or when you're working out you're moving your body parts and have a mirror

>>42286111
everyone posting here is just signalling that they can afford a computer
performative cunts

if you come here and post "hey i can afford a computer" then literally yes

>>42286134
i can afford a puter btw
neener heh gottem

only thing worse than talking to retards is when they assume they’re not retarded
sigh

>>42286149
hey i can’t afford a computer

i use 4chan by carrier pigeon

Yall don't use telegraph to post?
Hmph rich bitches

>>42287350
i wont apologize

I'm using my wife's boyfriends computer. Checkmate atheists.

>>42286164
fuck you

let me borrow it so i can post to 4chan

>2779 auc
>having enough aurei and denarii to purchase anything beyond a smoke signal
The gracchi brothers were right

>>42287628
nope sry

>>42287748
not that anon but pls gib some muny pls to me pls?