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Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- drink a glass of water
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
(perhaps even try arrange spontaneously meeting up with an IRL contact near you!)
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)


Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: presently defunct afaik.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

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I would really like a lot of eyes on this post in particular even though it is essentially responding to >>42876840:
>We should probably put together some kind of general advice document for how to start dealing with self-loathing. I feel like a lot of people post here just saying things like “I hate myself.”
Yes, 100%. The question is how many steps into the process are feasible to preempt. I would start suggesting a base template and would like multiple people to dwell on it.
>1. What is it you hate about yourself, specifically?
Here, the goal is to first articulate specific traits (personality, looks) in concrete terms, because the self is not a monolith.
>2.a Which of these traits do you consider mutable/immutable? What have you tried in the past?
>2.b What traits you find desirable (in others) do you lack?
Both of these serve to formulate concrete goals. I don't know how much more I could make a template since it quickly becomes individual. But of course a lot will be stuff like this:
>quitting habits
>changing aspects (weight,hrt,muscles,voice,mindset)
>fulfilling needs (making friends,making money, dating)
which is where the hard part starts.

Also, please check the last thread for replies!

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>>42883914
I am so glad to hear that you get the hell out of such an awful environment.
>I am learning, and I think that's what matters most. I would rather have slightly amateurish makeup than none at all.
A beautiful outlook, catscratch! And I would say Maomao is a pretty great pick. She is hardy, but very empathetic and compassionate at heart, as much as it annoys her. I wish you nothing but the very best going forward, and hope your curiosity will lead you to many lovely discoveries.
>>42883996
>I don't know how to get anything done without having an external deadline that I personally can't alter
Have you struggled with this for most of your life, perhaps? So far a ton of people who have felt this way wound up with an ADHD diagnosis. Even if you don't have one, looking into how people with ADHD cope with these issues might give you useful insights.
>>42888769
I haven't had roasted sweet potato in ages, come to think of it.
>>42884207
>That's the most difficult part of this, there's no way to really help or reprimand him for this.
>Not without making him lash out again.
Yeah, I must admit that I am tempted to ask whether he can be reigned in by people ACTUALLY conspiring against him, instead, but that doesn't sound like it would bode well either.
>I hope work is treating you well!
Reasonably!


With that I believe I caught up. I won't be around much the coming days, stay safe.

I watched a YouTube video and felt this alien sadness I had when I was playing Class of '09
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_7YFVmbNyI
the kind of missing out sadness
I never lived in the anglosphere.
when I growed up in my shitty third-world country I always thought people in first-world country lived in an utopia where they cannot suffer.
t. SEAnig

>>42892948
>thought people in first-world country lived in an utopia where they cannot suffer
Yeah that just isnt the case.

>>42892977
I am sure they don't but for sure they have infinitely little invisible hands that help them to be, not an complete, utter failure. Things like, neetbux. while it surely enables the worst of people to not better their life, it would infinitely uplift the life of the motivated.
a strong passport, so whatever visa application you need to apply isn't viewed as some potential terrorist.

>>42892160
I think it would be useful early into the document to encourage the reader to check in on their current self care situation and make themselves more comfortable in the moment (like showering or eating if they need to) before they start thinking about the bigger picture. Because if you’re here posting about why you hate yourself, you’re probably in a state of active self neglect that will make it harder to think constructively.

It could be called something like “I Hate Myself: What Do I Do Now?”

I agree with asking the reader to think about what they hate about themselves and then to distinguish what they can change from what they can’t change.

We should probably outline a short radical acceptance exercise from DBT about accepting things you don’t like about yourself that you cannot change.

This could be like something to read while you’re waiting from a response in /sig/ or if you don’t feel ready to post.

>>42893094
You’re right that even though poverty and hardship do exist in the anglosphere, people in the first world have a tendency not to recognize that they are still better off relative to people in the third world. It’s unfair, just as it’s unfair for anyone to live in deprivation while others keep more than they need.

It’s important to recognize what is possible in order to realize the better world we want to exist, instead of passively accepting that things must always be the way they are.

But for the sake of our own mental wellbeing, it’s just as important not to judge our lived reality against a fantasy. Our fantasies, by their nature, seem better than reality, and it’s all too easy to overlook what is good in our actual lives by deciding that our fantasies are better.

There’s a classic poem called “Miniver Cheevy,” about a man who stays miserable because he thinks he’d be happier if he could have been a knight in medieval times instead of trying to make the best of the life he actually has. I hope you find it helpful.

https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/44978/miniver-cheevy

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Trying again to get a GP appointment to discuss a shared care agreement, although given recent events in UK trans healthcare (like stopping HRT for minors), my belief that I will ever see any HRT through prescription is extremely low. Which, if I can't get, just means any chance I have at a military career is over, also means all the money I've spent trying to go through private healthcare options will have been down the drain.
Did my laser test patch (generally a pointless thing since I've had laser before, but every new place I go seems to want their own one doing), so I've got an actual round of laser booked this week. And I'm about to go on nightshifts again, which always upsets my head.
Hit a new bodyweight low at 68.7kg (170cm), hoping I can drop to 65 inside this month at a push.
>>42856130
>Your colleague must have a density just shy of their Schwarzschild radius.
Believe it or not, they used to work in the nuclear industry. I think (or hope) they've connected the dots and either assume I'm just some form of NB at least (as opposed to a deeply repressed trans woman).
>Sounds like the most urgent possible thing to do is to find ways for you to be able to express femininity in a safe/comfortable environment?
Basically, yeah, the issue I have is that, for me, that basically means absolute privacy, which I don't have because I'm at home with my parents, and it's not like they're horribly transphobic or anything, but I have a mental block over it.
I would move out (I have an income afterall), but I'm having to squeeze all the money I have into trying to transition and probably wouldn't be able to afford to otherwise.
>>42892948
>I always thought people in first-world country lived in an utopia where they cannot suffer.
You'd think so, given the vast material wealth of such nations, but nope, first-world nations still have huge groups of people who are allowed to effectively just fail or are discriminated against into "failing".

>>42892160
>>42893331
It would also be good to explain that not hating yourself involves not only changing your circumstances, but also the way you think, since how we feel about ourselves becomes subjective beyond a certain point.

And that satisfaction is a deliberate mindset as much as it is something that we get when our needs are met. I feel like I see a lot of posts like “I can’t be happy until I have achieved these long term goals A, B and C, but I can’t bear to be unhappy for the time it will take to accomplish them.”

It seems common for people to have trouble distinguishing between wanting to make their present moment bearable and planning the big picture.

>>42894534
>recent events in UK trans healthcare (like stopping HRT for minors)
Bought 300 weeks (roughly) of HRT. So hopefully that gets here in the next few months and then I can feel like my autonomy is actually secured.

guys how the fuck do you make decisions, like long term decisions that effect your whole life, i dont know. i want to start a 2 year degree but all i can think of is how it will be 2 years of boring effort and studying, and then i wont be able to get hired, or if i do get hired ill hate the job. it all just feels like im shooting myself in the foot every time i want to do something.

>>42897749
It sounds like you’re still reacting to past situations where you were put under a lot of pressure to succeed, and you were shamed for trying your best and still coming up short. You’ve got to rethink your attitude on decision making. Just because you can imagine something bad will happening doesn’t mean it will. And it’s not your responsibility to anticipate everything that could possibly go wrong. Making a “wrong” choice doesn’t mean you didn’t try hard enough.

Failure isn’t as absolute as you’re imagining it, either. It’s possible to learn from mistakes, or for positive outcomes to follow from negative ones. Doing things imperfectly is not the same as doing them wrong. What you’re trying to avoid isn’t failure, it’s shame.

>>42897749
Also, you learn and grow and benefit more from trying things you might not succeed at right away than you do avoiding any possible “failure.”

You’ve got to remember that making a mistake doesn’t mean you can’t learn or improve a skill, or that you’re inferior or defective or “bad” in an unchangeable way. You can’t think that it’s your purpose in life to never fail, even if that means never trying.

>>42892152
>walkiung stairs for 5 minutes for instance
>walking FIVE FUCKING MINUTES FOR INSTANCE
...
for someone like yourself death is the solution lol
kinda funny....
not for me tho, for me killing myself is what we do when the alternative is surrounding to nazis?
and the nazis are genuinuiely all arrround us
sick nazis playing påretend? saying based ppl trying resisting is nazi shit?!?
the "nazis" never ever tried to hurt innocent civilians?!
you did tho, you filthy monster nazi worshipper freak
and we want you dead
as you're filth!'

>>42898033
i know, but i dont think i can afford to make any more mistakes, i just have to radically accept my life will likely be a trainwreck i think.

like a 2 year mistake is big. fuck. fuck.

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>>42898417
Have you posted here about choosing what to study in college before?

I get that the kind of mindset you’re struggling with is hard to change, but I feel like you’re really holding tight onto this idea that you’re going to choose the wrong major and it’s going to be a disaster.

I think it would be helpful for you to ask yourself, what’s the benefit of being sure that this is going to go wrong? You probably aren’t consciously following a motive, but there could be one for you all the same. Maybe you’re hoping to be relieved of this unbearable responsibility somrhow. Maybe you’re trying to protect yourself from disappointment by expecting the worst. (If that’s the case, consult pic).

Hopefully something I said can disrupt and reframe this spiral you seem to be in, but it’s okay if not.

>>42898417
Ask yourself what would you want to happen if anything were possible: You making the right choice yourself, or having the right choice made for you?

>>42898964
i understand that i shouldnt worry and ruminate, because i cant think and figure out what im supposed to do without doing something. its just i have this feeling of vertigo, diving into something without having any clue what im doing. im literally just guessing. i dont know what the right choice is.

>>42899002
I know I talked to someone in a previous thread about choosing a major, and I suggested talking to a guidance counselor or some other professional whose job is to assist in this decision you’re struggling with. You don’t have to make this choice without any kind of help.

But I think your certainty that you can’t do this right is a much bigger problem. You’re probably pretty well sucked into a familiar anxious thinking pattern right now, so the best thing to do is to calm yourself down. If you want, try breathing in through your nose, hold your breath, count to three, and exhale.

>>42899054
i think the reality of life is that you just take a leap into the unknown, how can i know what im interested in without doing it? im so jealous of people who are just interested in things, like they say oh i like programming! and i have no idea, how did they develop that interest?? i can only dabble in things and not really get it. and then theres just these huge worlds that i could go into, medicine, tech, finance... and i just dont know what im doing or what i like. the only solution is just a leap into the unknown and no more thinking.

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>>42883914
>>42892152
Hello all, Maomao poster again.

I've since moved a few boxes and things to my new place. My current housemate has actually been quite civil throughout my departure, which has made things much easier.

Today I'm getting a haircut (just a trim for maintenance) and buying some clothes for the bartending course I start tomorrow. The dress code is 'neat casual' so I'd like to be a little more prepared in that regard. I had a very bad relapse into my brainworms yesterday, but it helps me to remember that the majority of things causing them are temporary. I'm fortunate to live where I am, and I'm grateful that my circumstances make employment possible. If I can get everything else polished, the only thing left is FFS. The struggle now is finding somewhere to work. But if I can get a decent job and continue claiming welfare, saving money will actually be really easy. I only need $10K, which I've had before. If I've been at that peak before, I can reach it again.

I've unfortunately had to put my novella on hold. Between gearing up for my bartending course, moving houses, and trying to be more confident, I've simply been too overwhelmed.

It's been very helpful to remind myself that stagnation is inevitable, and that relapsing into terrible thoughts is all but guaranteed. I know this is a given, but when you're in the throes of despair, it's sometimes hard to be aware of the progress you've made. Maomao would not let a setback be the end of her. I need be more steadfast and calm in my approach to adversity, so I can instead save my tears for the things that matter.

The first opening of the Apothecary Diaries anime is titled 'Hana ni Natte' or 'Be a Flower.' This has become my motto in all things I do. I aim to be beautiful, yes, but I also aim to be resilient. I wish for my own existence to be a testament of the very effort that brought it about.

>>42892168
Thank you for the kind words, anon. Please take care of yourself.

I need get some breakfast and then go back to sleep.

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I'll follow up on the past replies as soon as I can, but most likely a few hours from now.

I hope you all have a good day further :)

my head hurts

>>42900545
from what?

today is gonna be tough

>>42892152
today i was friendzoned by a girl i liked, i must remember that things like this are normal, and i should be happy i even put myself out there and work on myself more instead of lying in bed

I am a sick, cowardly freak.

I also may have depression.

>>42901466
it went well

>>42902632
that's great to hear

So tired, body hearts.

>>42902291
Why are you depressed, Anon?

>>42904656
I'm a pathitic loser, even by 4chan standards.

went for a run today for the first time in years. my cardio has been shit for a long while outside of like a month where i was consistently stair-mastering at the gym. only ran a mile and boy did it destroy me. worth though.

>>42905490
Congratulations, anon.

I am glad you had a successful gym session. I hope you get some adequate rest after the fact as well.

>>42892152
Single handedly keeping the fags from acking huh? Keep up the good work soldier.

>>42905490
C25k?

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im 25, about to finish college in 4 months (26 in 6 months) feel like a bit of a loser for graduating this late. I'm currently doing a internship at my uni's radio station. Just need to pass one more class to get the degree. Hopefully it works out.

There's also this guy I keep exchanging glances with in the hallways but I've never had the balls to talk to him. Any advice? Don't want my autism to make it awkward.

I need a hug.

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>>42887020
my last post in those threads was another "hi I'm back" one but then I forgot to post or check it again
my day to day routine doesnt exist, I wake up whenever, eat whenever and dont do anything
sometimes I try to keep up with going to sleep before 2-3am until I fail and ruin my sleep cycle thx to being a night owl
I sometimes eat once or not at all and sometimes I eat bit more then normal amount and thats why my weight seems to fluctuate
I sometimes spend hours on phone before coming out of bed sometimes I go back to sleep and sometimes I'm forced out of it by circumstances
in free time I talk with another neet while gaming or watching something or just browsing the web
I doom and question active suicide every other day, today was ruined by my doc propositioning my visit even tho it should still be fine
idk what I want to do in both short or long term, I dont think I will pass or get into relationship ever, can't hold a job and idk how I would cover my transition with visible tits I'm just a mess and I just don't know what to do about it, how to fix it or fix it to what I hostly don't see any other option then suicide at this point with how unlikely it is for someone who could help me to show up in my life and fix it to livable stage for me

>>42906859
nah just trying to do a mile every day or so for now until i decide i want to do more. trying to have really low expectations that i'll be able to meet yknow

>>42900136
cute bunny, whatcha readin

bump

>>42908104
From who?

I have to lose 10 pounds in 3 months, what should I do and how fucked am I?

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>>42912306
whom

>>42913080
My apologies.

>>42908104
From WHOM?

>>42856138
ty! i'll look into it for sure. i decided i'll get a fitbit charge 6 and write a custom script to get all the data and push it onto self hosted wegr (it looks pretty good for my use case).
more updates on healthcare side, i've been trying to fix my sleep and hopped on melatonin for a bit to help with it. melatonin + magnesium is deadass as close to biohacking as we can get!! apart from sleep i'll be getting in the gym and starting weight training from thursday, so pretty excited for it. i've hit my initial baseline goal for consistency.
i'm thinking of posting progress stats but not too sure about it desu :3
as always love you all /sig/mas <3 hugs and kisses for all ⊂((・▽・))⊃

I forgot how cute text emoticons are.

>>42914871
THEY'RE SO SILLY I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

>>42916131
Human communication is beautiful :3

>>42892152
Any tips on dating in this day and age?

stay strong everyone. A few more days.

>>42917069
Avoid women

>>42887034
>That is perfectly normal, I have seen people grow up around genuinely psychotic parents and even they struggle with how to feel about them
>Humans are just wired like that
I keep feeling like I owe him because of his efforts as a provider and because of what I cost him personally.
But he is NOT justified in what he is doing right now to this family.

He can't just act like our house will be gone in an instant and then go back to wanting to stay here with us after all that, it doesn't make any sense.
I keep thinking he's different now but he's just more...tired now.
He's always had anger issues, even he admits to that.

>That flag is a crimson so bright you can use it to guide traffic at 1 in the morning, bun. Your mom is right to be concerned
I'm not sure if it's even my place to say so but he has put her through so much shit in life.
I owe her so much for putting up with the life she was thrown into and for keeping me as safe as she did.
I don't think my dad can, or even wants to change.

>And I am, and will continue to, root for you!
Thank you, Siganon.
That means a lot, if you can believe it.

>>42918612
(Sorry for being so prickly in this message, it's been a very stressful couple of weeks so I apologize for not handling it more gracefully for the thread's sake)

>>42917537
thanks, take care and so forth

Any tips on losing weight? I’m currently 160lbs at 6’1 and i’d like to get down to 145ish. i currently walk 3 miles almost everyday, and workout 4-5 times a week (mostly doing weighted exercises for my legs/butt 2 days a week and then a 15-20 ab workout the other days) i really only eat once or twice a day. i was initially 185 once i started trying to lose weight and that dropped off within like 2-3 months but i haven’t made progress loosing anymore weight in like a year.

Not sure if this is the place to vent but I don't really have anywhere else and am looking for concrete ways to change my thinking

It feels like everyone I get close to be it partners or friends or situationships or just like friend groups I end up relying on to offload a lot of my emotional processing and I inevitably end up pretty much solely talking about my problems when I get a chance to speak. it makes me a really bad conversationalist and doesn't really lend itself to having long term strong bonds with people.
I've been trying to be vulnerable and talk about my feelings and be close to people but I feel like I'm doing it wrong.
funnily enough I have the best time being around people I'm not too close to since I don't really feel comfy or desire talking about my problems or showing my sadness or whatever when i'm flirting with random people at a bar where I don't recognize anyone. The troubles always start once I start to get attached to folks.

I feel so alone, the friends I do have I push away as to not get close enough to make them not want to be around me, and those I get too close to inevitably stop wanting to be around me because I don't actually have anything going for me right now.

holding myself accountable
i will do the thing now

>>42921756
good

>>42892152
Does anybody have any advice on how to handle a general case of sleep apnea?

Getting sleep and getting up rested is very hard for me these days.

>>42892152
my sickness came back i have fevers again
i thought 9 was past it but now its here stronger than before
stay frosty peeps and dont be like and overexert for nothing

>>42917553
Why?

I’m very lonely and I struggle to connect with people emotionally. I moved to a city where a good friend of mine lives. I love her very much and when I was doing really bad seeing her regularly helped me a lot.

But I don’t know how to be close to anyone, even her. It works because in a way she’s the same. We’re both separate even when we’re together, both lonely.

She’s been doing bad lately. She didn’t text all week despite plans to do something and now she told me she’s not doing good. I don’t know how to help. She is so important to me far more than myself but I don’t know to help her. Should I go and visit her? Uninvited? Or call her out of the blue? I want to help her so much, but I don’t know how.

What can I do?

>>42919930
I like being around strangers too. When I’m with total strangers I feel safe, even like I’m an interesting person.

I usually package my problems into a narrative a friend can understand. So we’re not talking about my problem but a shared problem.

Being sick and still not getting any sleep is so ASS.

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Panty here with a cooking update. I took another pass at stir frying tofu and veggies in a mango sauce. This time I bought a spicy mango sauce, but since I was blending it with reheated mango chunks it ended up too mild. Next time I’m going to try mixing mango chunks with straight chili oil and see how that turns out. Even if it could be spicier, the mango sauce goes great with the other ingredients.

I also tried blending edamame and hummus and spreading that on toast for a healthy, filling snack. This is another recipe I’m going to keep tweaking, but I’m overall in favor of blending edamame with other things to make a savory toast spread.

I also sold some toys on eBay, and bought a bigger drawing tablet for my PC and a 1 terabyte hard drive for extra storage.

>>42926994
Epic meal
I need to start selling some of my valuable junk on ebay too

>>42927043
Let me say this in case anyone needs to hear it. If you’re selling on eBay, I recommend looking at prices of completed sales for the sort of items you’re planning on parting with to get a sense of what they’re going for. That will give you a sense of what people are actually willing to pay, not just what sellers are asking for unsold items. There are a lot of items that stay listed on eBay for ages because of their optimistic prices. If you want something out of your space, price it to move.

>>42927138
Oh yeah generally I check completed items and sell for the going price minus five or ten bucks

>>42926994
Looks delicious.

how good is this for a 1month hrt mtf?
height: 5'9
shoulders: 43.5
waist: 30
hips: 37
should i lose weight or do some kind of exercise

p9 bump

>>42930971
thanks, chief

>>42926552
Tell me about it.

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>>42892152
Mini update:
>Dad moved the date for my finale decision to two or so months from now
>I got no money
>No job, not even freelance work
>Couldn't get anything done this week due to procrastination
>Out of no where I am as sick as a dog, on top of sleep getting worse again
>Feeling pretty isolated in my room, with nobody to even network with
>In general I'm always pretty much alone, I'm not sure if that's part of my problem

I'm ashamed to admit how unproductive this see was but I guess self-reflection is something at least.

I don't know what I'm doing right now, hopefully tomorrow I can get back to planning for the new week.

up you go

*paws at you* not letting the thread die
*paws at you* not letting the thread die
*paws at you* not letting the thread die

Experimenting with using pre-workout pre... workout instead of energy drinks
Day 1 went really well

>>42936949
*pets you on the head* thank you, my diligent little kitty

>>42938373
asncjsbdkb ty :3 meow

>>42892152
This is gonna sound like a long shot, but I'll do it. I'm a dude in my mid-twenties, and I'm quite fit, and I'm outgoing and outdoorsy, and I can hold a conversation well.

What I really, really want is to meet a cute slim femboy or trans girl and help them become even more beautiful by putting muscle and fat in all the right places. I know a lot about working out and diet, and so I know that I could help them become a beautiful, perfect version of themselves. I just need to meet someone who's willing to accept that kind of guidance into their life.

>>42938853
vewwy good kitty, I have to pass out from exhaustion now

have a bowl of milk and keep an eye on things here, bye fer now

>>42939140
chskbckdb mreaow! TY ^w^

>>42940010
good talk :)

>>42892152
All 3 seasons of Mob Psycho and not a single bad episode.

We got a specific channel for gym stuff, health and self improvement! Joinnn!!

https://discord.gg/gejUmDBzMG

does anyone else here work night shifts? how do I deal with having no routine no restful sleep and basically no opportunities to interact with other people? my mental and physical health is already getting worse and it's only been like two months im having bad mood swings especially

8ump

>>42941779
have you tried jerking off?

>>42941695
cool

relationships are so fucking pointless

I need to lose weight or I will be forever alone
I'm not even that fat thankfully it's just still too much

>>42945050
Ur goal?

>>42945178
30 pounds

I cant wait to get a full 8 hours of sleep again sometime.

went on another run today! wanted to run every day since last one but got sick right after last time and was sick until today. setting a goal of running a mile per day until I feel like adding more distance. I wanna get better cardio and also make my ass and thighs thicker and more perky via doing strong curves routine at the gym.

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Hi /sig/! I got a few things done today. First and foremost, I got my eyebrows shaped. I also did some laundry, some vacuuming, installed PhotoShop on my computer, and started transferring some art projects from my iPad to my PC.

I’m going to give my iPad to my mom because she needs a new one, which will conveniently cover the money she lent me last year to buy my PC.

I’m going to have to return that hard drive though, because it turns out my PC didn’t have a port for a second hard drive. I know that can be changed and I’d like to get an extra hard drive into my computer eventually, but for now I’m just going to get an external hard drive.

Now that I’ve gotten a pedicure and my eyebrows done, I’m down to the big one: Getting my ears pierced.

*meows at you*
*meows at you*
*meows at you*
:3

>>42948849
inspiring!! I need to get my ears pierced as well, i want some cute flowers as earrings. thank you for the motivation :)

>>42943296
no, good idea

how do I get better skin without breaking the bank

is a glp-1 the method?
t. bmi 28

p9 bump

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I had some very productive 2 hours, so let me share the fruits of my labor before making a late lunch.
>>42892948
Would you like to share more about your experiences?
>>42893331
>>42894564
I spent some time trying to formulate something, incorporating your changes.
https://rentry.co/8ap5gt4p
>We should probably outline a short radical acceptance exercise from DBT about accepting things you don’t like about yourself that you cannot change.
That's a good idea, I sadly don't have anything on hand for that though..
>>42899071
>>42897749
How about this: once you started the degree I suspect you will be surrounded by people who also study the same subject, and you will probably be able to pivot to other degrees depending on how the system works. In that case, you don't lose 2 whole years. Besides, you describe a lack of passion for things. Are there things that aren't academic that excite you? What are your hobbies, do you express yourself creatively perhaps?

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>>42894534
Heya Navy, sorry to hear about the clown show that is UK politics at the moment affecting you like this. Hope laser went well!
>I would move out (I have an income afterall), but I'm having to squeeze all the money I have into trying to transition and probably wouldn't be able to afford to otherwise.
Stuck in a bind on that front. Are you out to others? Close friends, perhaps?
>>42898091
The goals I set are easy to overshoot because I aim for a low barrier of entry to escalate from.
What country are you from, durian? You sound shaken, did recent political events get to you?
>>42899321
Welcome back, I hope the bar tending course went well!
>but when you're in the throes of despair, it's sometimes hard to be aware of the progress you've made.
From what I can tell you are doing amazing in the face of it, not in spite of but BECAUSE it is so difficult. You have a very healthy outlook overall. Let your roots run deep, flower girl. I am glad you share your thoughts and experiences with us.
>>42901731
Hope you don't mind me checking up on you, Anon. Yes, putting yourself out there is hard, and rejection is par for the course there, I'm proud of you that you took the risk.
>>42899992
Always glad to see when people use these threads to hold themselves accountable like this.

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>>42908104
Would hug you if I could, Anon. How are you holding up?
>>42909599
Hmm, couldn't find the particular post anymore, back to square one I'm afraid.
It would be great if you could write down the month or something for me sometime, so I can find old posts of yours if you are gone for extended periods.
>how unlikely it is for someone who could help me to show up in my life and fix it to livable stage for me
Okay so, trying to summarize what you feel stuck with: your transition is stalled, you lack the energy for self care and feel miserable and paralyzed. You have at least one friend (another NEET), but seem otherwise isolated.
Would you say that, supposing all the self care things and money and whatever else were taken care of, your primary issues are isolation and your transition? What about your transition specifically in that case?
>>42914079
>i decided i'll get a fitbit charge 6 and write a custom script to get all the data and push it onto self hosted wegr (it looks pretty good for my use case).
Oh, I like that approach! Also great to hear that you're meeting your fitness goals.
>>42917069
>Any tips on dating in this day and age?
The worst possible thing you can be is atomized, in my experience. Dating is much easier within a community, where you can have people acquaint you to other acquaintances, or meet up people organically to talk about common interests. High mobility and population density are your friends.
>>42918612
>But he is NOT justified in what he is doing right now to this family.
Exactly! And it is "your place to say" anything you please, few people are as qualified as you to speak of it on this earth, other than your mom.
>I keep thinking he's different now but he's just more...tired now.
Frankly, you convince people through exhaustion more often than arguments, that is a very upsettingly universal truth. The sooner you all can steer clear of his bs the better.
>That means a lot, if you can believe it.
I do. And I am happy to hear that.

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Alright, time for a break.
>>42902291
I'd like to learn more about you, and the things about yourself you are unhappy with, if it's alright.
>>42905490
Awesome! So you're trying to make cardio a habit again?
>>42906589
I'm proud of the work I do here, and I do think I wouldn't be able to do it without all the kind people here helping one another on top of my own efforts.
>>42912366
>I have to lose 10 pounds in 3 months, what should I do and how fucked am I?
Not much, a realistic goal is about .5 to 1 pound a week, perhaps 2lb very early on.
What do you need to lost the weight for, what is your current BMI?
>>42907915
I think it's great you worked on your graduation to the point it is finally in reach, whatever it was that held you back, you've overcome it, tat is worth celebrating in my book.
>Any advice? Don't want my autism to make it awkward.
Be upfront and honest, saying that you noticed you keep running into one another and wanted to introduce yourself. How that works out is a matter we can't anticipate without knowing the guy, but: no relationship between people hinges on initial awkwardness being absent. It is normal, and on some level everyone is aware that they don't wanna die alone way more than avoiding the occasional awkward moment. That applies to him too.

I need a cute bf/gf to cuddle with.

>>42947904
me again, went for another run. took a full minute off the mile, but thats probably more because I paced better this time than it was because of any tangible gains achieved so far. had to walk later and for less time, and felt less winded afterwards. cardio gains get!!! love that its such an accessible cardio routine - just have to throw on some comfy clothes and running shoes and go. setting expectations for only a mile means no matter what, its possible to squeeze in because at worst its a 15 min commitment.
let's get healthy!!! :)

>>42953088
this would fix me

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>>42952874
I looked at my browser history and this may be the last message I posted before disappearing minus the last two "I'm back ones" >>42117849
I also don't know what I even want to do with my life but that aside recently I had another big mental breakdown over my body and so I really don't want to think about all that preferably at all so I'll skip the details. I cant take care of myself so it results in me not looking like I take care of myself, my tits are growing weird and possibly are becoming tubular and to top that off my endo postponed my visit by a month where I wanted to ask her about if it's normalish or if I will need a surgery to correct that but it would probably means implants which I dont want to get, my body figure is just a square and hrt havent helped with it at all, my face also doesnt pass at all and even thinking about doing anything where I have to acknowledge my body is just paralyzing and makes me want to go back to bed and rot as I write this, this also happens when I have to shower or do anything else
at this point I kinda wish I would never start it just so I could start over without all this baggage
there is probably more I could write about but I don't think I can do so now without reliving past few days or at least making rest of tonight into one doom session

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>>42950501
Great! This is exactly why I post here about this kind of self-care. I got stuck overthinking and worrying about this stuff for too long. If you want to get your nails or eyebrows done, just do it. The cryptic chalk mural in that movie is right: There is still time.

>>42950640
I’ve tried a couple of things I can recommend.

Drinking more water is one of the best cheap ways to improve your complexion. If you haven’t already, get a reusable water bottle, a brush to clean it regularly, a water filtration product of some kind, fill up your water bottle and drink it empty a couple of times a day. It’s good for your health in general, and if you’re not in the habit of drinking much water you’d be surprised how much better it can make you feel.

Start taking a collagen supplement if you haven’t already. I’ve been doing that for a little over a year and my skin has felt softer and looked clearer. There are reputable sources of collagen supplements that have been tested by consumer advocacy groups.

Make a habit of shading exposed skin when you’re outside in the sun. The more you cover up, and the more often, the better.

Talk to a doctor if possible about specific skin issues you’d like to address. I got a couple of prescription skin products covered by insurance.

Also, wash your face at least once a day with a face wash and put moisturizer on your face afterward. If this sounds obvious you don’t need to hear it, but washing off dirt, sweat and dead skin regularly does a lot for skin health.

>>42954103
me too

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>>42919894
So 19ish BMI, that's where things tend to get quite tough, yeah. Bear in mind that you gain muscle weight too with your current regimen. Given you have plateaued it would be a good idea to do some calorie counting without changing your diet at all for a while, to get your average intake. This way we can see if your intake matches your TDEE at your current weight or is way off.
>>42919930
>Not sure if this is the place to vent
It is, don't worry.
>I end up relying on to offload a lot of my emotional processing
How many people do are you open with like this at any given time? If you focus on, for example, one and only one person at a time this would not be too unusual and could be fixed by distributing the emotional load across multiple people as well as investigating more deeply why it is you do this, of course. What kind of emotional issues do you talk about most frequently?
>>42924692
Take care, Anon! Wishing you a swift recovery.
>>42925968
>Should I go and visit her? Uninvited? Or call her out of the blue?
>What can I do?
Sorry for the late reply, Anon. I hope you read this! Yes, call her. If she is responsive you can announce it saying "Hey, I am very worried about you, mind if I come check up on you?". If you get the feeling she says no to not burden you, you can even ignore that and go anyway. As for going unannounced: Even if it can go poorly to surprise visit someone, if you worry about her it is better to arrive uninvited and just check up on her than to regret it later. Worst case she gets briefly upset, but taking that risk is not always a bad thing.
We can discuss trying to grow more closely with people as well, if you wanna. I assume the thing you struggle with is opening up emotionally?
>>42929481
I wouldn't worry about these things at all after one month, but of course exercise can't hurt anyway. Have you ever seen the expected time line charts from hrtgen?

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Alright, I need to call it quits for tonight.
>>42933825
Thanks for the update, bunon. Do keep us posted..
>>42937154
Glad to hear, how has it been going since?
>>42938874
>I just need to meet someone who's willing to accept that kind of guidance into their life.
Oh that's a toughie. Sadly can't give much advice for it other than perhaps do postings in local LGBT spaces, or ask in discords (though it will require you to give people some location info about you).
>>42941779
Okay, so there are several things that come to mind: first of all, you might wanna look into vit D supplements. Lack of sun can and will fuck with you on top of everything. I assume you're gonna keep working night shift for the foreseeable future, or is it a temporary gig? Do you have friends and loved ones you are in contact with digitally?
>>42944894
What makes you say that, Anon?

bump

>>42957652
Thanks, I am tired as hell and I'm about to pass out.

Please keep the flame going.

>>42956180
>Glad to hear, how has it been going since?
I don't work out on the weekends so IDK!!! Haha!!!

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>>42957757
sleep well

i should probably be asleep

>>42960391
Me too, but I need some water first.

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>>42961066
stay hydrated, hope you got to sleep

I wish someone would love me but
A) I dont go out unless it’s for work or petty coffee breaks with distant friends
B) Im an incredible creepy and ugly hon tranny
C) Im done with chaser men
It’s literally impossible to find a person who can love you. It’s too late for 30 yo trooncels like me.

Guess I’ll focus on my medical responsibilities and making money. No will to even put effort in my transition KEK IM A joke
/vent

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>>42963123
Make of this what you will, but loving yourself isn’t a waste of energy. Expressing yourself and taking care of your body feels good. If it doesn’t matter whether you put effort into your transition, if you’ve resigned yourself to misery and isolation, what is there to lose?

I know for me, there was this comfort in not trying. It meant there was an option I was holding in reserve. But I was also afraid to try, because what would it mean if my last resort wasn’t enough?

But if nothing matters, what do you have to lose? Just something to think about.

And I’m not trying to suggest that it’s possible or worthwhile to care about things to make myself seem smarter. I’m just recommending giving a shit having tried it myself and finding it helpful. It’s scary to start caring if you’ve been checked out for a time because it’s like remembering that you’re the “This is fine” dog, sitting in a house you’ve allowed to become engulfed in flames. But if you care about things, believe in things, you can do things that matter. That means pressure and responsibility, but it also means agency, self-determination.

Anyway, just hope somebody finds this helpful.

>>42954084
went for another run today! did a mile again. felt slightly easier than last ones, but i also had to stop at some crosswalks which i normally dont have to do.
jogged a mile to the gym, then did a day of the strongcurves program. am trying to get that fit booty.

Employment is part of self improvement right?
Feel like I have exhausted every avenue near me and I still don't have a job

>>42956154
> Have you ever seen the expected time line charts from hrtgen?
no i havent but i do understand that it will take a while. tho already my boobs have been hurting more and more so ig smth is happening

bump, my back is starting to hurt i can’t believe i’m getting old

I took a nice long break from /lgbt/ but I'm here again. So that's one step back in terms of self-improvement. But I have been making progress elsewhere so it's not a total loss.

>Wins
Found out I have severe obstructive sleep apnea and that's probably why my sleep is fucked and I live on massive amounts of caffeine. Dropped a bunch of money on a CPAP machine, mask, and other supplies and getting started with it. My hope is that it improves m y sleep quality and I can reduce my caffeine intake and feel a little better day to day. My sleep apnea really is bad enough that I should see a real difference. My AHI was like 70, meaning that 70 times per hour I would either stop breathing or just breathe shallowly. But I'm starting CPAP therapy literally tonight which should drastically improve things once I get things dialed in.

I've been consistent with my psychiatrist/meds, therapist, and wellness coach. My meds are working. I like my wellness coach, she's helping me unfuck my sleep and build habits in other areas of life. My therapist is okay, he's at least LGBTQ affirming and used to working with autistic fucks like me.

Two weeks on E and bica. The last few days I've been breaking down and having a nice cry multiple times a day over dumb shit.

Job is going well, I anticipate getting my annual bonus sometime this spring. Once I (hopefully) unfuck my sleep schedule I should be able to start my side gig. Master's coursework seems to be going well, less than 2 months until graduation and just one big project left.

Things I want to do this week:
>Get as much sleep as possible with the new CPAP stuff
>Finish cleaning my apartment
>Primary care appointment on Wednesday
>Laser hair removal consult on Thursday
>Do all of my homework on Saturday
>Reduce caffeine intake
>Eat at home, no DoorDash

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68.2kg new bodyweight low, slipping on my diet a bit, but I'll lock it in when I'm on shift again.
Laser went fine, haven't seen hairs drop out yet because I think they turned the laser down lower than really needed. Had an FFS consult (Brault) and I'm hoping I'll be able to work through that inside the next 2-3 months.
I really do feel hideously male at the moment, especially with my hair still being short and feeling extremely isolated, I'm stressing about my stockpile of vials getting lost in mail or something while Opengate is down. Just pushing my boulder basically.
I kind of haven't felt even remotely like myself since I had my hairline done 6 weeks ago.
I need to get back in the gym.
>>42952863
>Are you out to others?
Came out to the NB at work, but more to temper their expectations on HRT because they are looking at low doses, and I'm like very non-passing while being on a high dose of E + blockers.
But nah, I don't really have a social circle to fall back on, and I'm not in an especially trans part of the UK (nor is my job).
There's not really anything that can be done. I shouldn't complain, I have savings, but they're really meant for FFS, not just trying to get by.
>>42963980
Employment is the main path to self-actualisation for most of us have, because money is not optional for transition.

Another Mini update:
>Mom has been getting mistreated by her new bf's family, the bf in question can't/doesn't bother trying to stop it
>I've been sick and fatiqued for two weeks by now
>Local municiplaity stated that our main city won't last another 4 or 5 years, big surprise
>My father has set off rumors that still affect my mother, and obviously by extension our whole family, even to this day
>Finances still suck
>A friend of the family reminded me of what my father was like during his first few years as a 'provider', it's bad
>Sister has found out there is a way for her to complete her studies faster somehow, this can be benificial to her
I can't and won't give up.

Sorry for not properly following up yet, I need to get some sleep and get ready tomorrow once I'm up.

I hope you all are doing okay.

i mealprepped for this week for lunches and dinner.. spent 2 hrs cooking after work today.

need to now exercise and focus on losing weight.

healthy 2026 is coming!!! thank you for the motivation all.

It's cold again so I will once more retreat into torpid indolence

i love twinks, with cute feet

>>42969004
based

I hate having a retarded temper.

>>42966350
>Employment is the main path to self-actualisation for most of us have, because money is not optional for transition.
yeah I don't dare trying to get E only to be this financially unstable

>>42971815
It sure sounds unpleasant.

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Hi /sig/! I just got done with a major cooking session. I cut up and froze some tofu, cut up and roasted two sweet potatoes and a butternut squash, cooked some orzo pasta, and mixed some of the roasted sweet potato with cream cheese to make a sweet potato pasta sauce.

Yesterday I picked up my weighted blanket from the dry cleaners and read a graphic novel from my book hoard. Hopefully I can read a couple more before the month is out. I also washed my bedsheets today. Here’s to taking care of business!

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I used to be full of so much hope and ambition.

Now, I envy people I don't even like.

I don't think I'm a person anymore.

>>42974357
lovely

>Learning how to connect with people more this week
>More options for emigration are popping up
>My sister is managing things better, mentally
I'm trying to be more focused on progress and security.

>>42956180
>Thanks for the update, bunon.
I appreciate having somebody listen to me :)
>Do keep us posted..
I promise to do so, I will reply more after some sleep.

I hope you are doing well, Siganon.

night everyone, sleep tight

>>42956180
>>42957812
Okay after a few days it seems to be working a lot better
200mg of caffeine from preworkout seems to work shockingly better than 400mg from drinks

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goodnight everyone. i hope you sleep well.

>>42892152
bench press is good but you should work out your throat muscles

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>>42899992
Thank you for the kind wishes. I hope your life is going good too. Billions must try.

>>42899321
Mild updates. I’m mostly using this site as a sort of self-accountability record. I have my own journal for that, of course, but I think it feels very different to share your successes with others. I’ve moved into my new place fully. I’ve spent a lot of money on stockpiling food, and I hope that next Friday, I’ll be able to get some new furniture. Things are still withering away in boxes at the moment, but it’s nothing more than a mild inconvenience.

I was unable to acquire any clothes other than a pretty tight black top, but it’s okay, because as it turns out, everyone at the course is dressing casually. I’m talking jeans and band tees casual. There’s one girl at the course who has been incredibly friendly towards me, and I think it’s soothed my brainworms a good deal. It’s nice to have reminders that some people don’t loathe my existence.

I’m going in for day three of my course today, and I’m a little nervous, but otherwise optimistic. Naturally, it tracks that my brainworms would still beat me down, and sometimes there’s really no way out than brute forcing it. When you get to the point I’m at, medication can only mitigate so much, but that’s okay. I’m pretty much clean as far as self harm goes, and I think I’ve gotten a lot better at self regulation, even though I am prone to the occasional BPD crashout.

Progress sometimes happens in small increments. Some days I think, I’m too chaotic and unstable to ever be like Maomao. But, once my mental illness episodes are over, I realise I’m not as far from my ideal as I thought.

WAGMI. Hope everyone has a splendid morning or night.

Hi, /sig/. Been a month or two. It's late and I can't sleep. Doubt anyone remembers, but I was an anon who was doing some research with a very negligent professor.

Listlessness has overcome me as the finish line for university approaches. I still have yet to sign up for commencement and I need to purchase my robes (writing this here to hopefully remind myself to do that). I have been procrastinating on homework and studying for the most part. Instead of filling that time with something worthwhile, it all gets poured into video games and shooting the shit with online friends. I'm just trying to avoid my problems.

When I graduate, I will have one friend I am leaving behind at school. I haven't had the time, energy, or chance to make any others here. I'm not even sure if I'm equipped to do so. It's bittersweet. On the one hand, I think I grew immensely since starting this journey. Before this I was a loser. I was flunking uni, I was isolated, and I was antisocial. I did not think I would ever graduate, improve my academic performance, or make friends. Now I'm on the other side of this having done all of these things, and I'm wondering what the point is. I don't have as many people as I'd like to share time with. My anxiety about economic circumstances, the political climate, and a lonely society is at an all time high. I will soon have a lot of time on my hands, but that will likely be filled with job searches, ennui, and attempting to fix other problems in my life.

I want to reduce my screen time and try to kick this video game addiction after I am done with uni. I also need to learn to cook more meals for myself. I need to find myself a social circle, or group of some kind to ease the loneliness. I also need to continue expanding my knowledge (books, experimenting in my home workshop, hobbies, etc.). Most importantly, I need to stop neglecting my physical health so much, get a normal sleep schedule, and establish a workout routine.

HONestly I wanted to approach a psychologist (AGAIN, 6th time the charm, right?) to sort out what the fuck is wrong with my life.
It's most likely due to the precariousness of my life situation (I can't choose who I want to be born to, after all), the resulting child abuse, continued breakup of my social circles by the previously mentioned shitheads (usually they will always find something to dislike out of my friend's circle if they're not straight cis religious etc etc OR IF THEY'RE NOT POTENTIAL BUSINESS PARTNERS TO PROFIT OFF, then wonder why their child doesn't have any friends hmmm I wonder.) and whatnot and something else.
I want to have a life too and it's hard to even take the first step to freedom if you keep suffering form psychological symptoms. However, I am not so sure about how to express myself to the therapist and honestly if I have to tell someone the story of my life so far and waste a single paid therapy session just for nothing I cannot take it more.
I was thinking to maybe:
- have a "cliff note" that summarizes my life so far, so the therapist could use their time better.
- finding a younger therapist that I could talk to (a fellow weeb basically) because I think it's hard for me to explain myself to a person that doesn't understand the sorrowness I have, because I think being able to use weeb words and references could describe things better.
- I have to try my hardest not to quote Halimede, while Halimede's words are the only person to be able to illustrate the intricacies and pecularities of my shitty tranny life, holy crap I don't want to make my therapist suspect I am a /tttt/ tranny. (I live in a religious third-world country, and while female weebs are more likely to be accepting, I think they're not /tttt/pilled enough, I think most of them only knows LGBT from the mainstream view)
Question:
How well could a remote therapist administer things that aren't "talk therapist"?

>>42980380
>"talk therapist"
I meant "talk therapy" I probably will need more heavier interventions than just "talking" thank you very much.

bump

>>42981748
thanks

I need some aspirin.

Why can't I sleep?

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>>42952874
>Exactly! And it is "your place to say" anything you please,
I want to, I've spent all my life being told to mind my manners, even by people I respect.

I can barely confront anyone, the worst was being told I would be sent away to boarding school as a punishment when I was younger. I've always just lived on someone's property, I was supposed to be grateful no matter what because they didn't NEED to everything they did for me.
It's why I hate asking for things.

It feels like everyone hates being alive and wants me to know how awful life is.
I know exactly how awful it is, it's all I ever heard at times.

>few people are as qualified as you to speak of it on this earth, other than your mom
Some people know the details of a few things but unfortunately nobody has the time to 'help' us, we are very much on our own until we can financially separate from thing here in this country.

>Frankly, you convince people through exhaustion more often than arguments, that is a very upsettingly universal truth
How do you mean, exactly?

>The sooner you all can steer clear of his bs the better
I agree, I have to make peace with the fact I will never have the kind of relationship that won't be tense, I need my own strength and resources to survive in this world.
I need to be Resilient and Focused.

>I do. And I am happy to hear that
:)

been running and went to the gym for the first time in a while on monday doing strong curves
my hamstrings are so fucked. cant walk normal >:(
i was gonna run today and go the gym again but i literally cant walk more than like 10 feet without hobbling
god it feels good to be getting in shape again

goodnight

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Bench press 3-5, Squats 3-5, Pull-ups 3-5;

Bench press 3-5, Squats 3-5, Pull-ups 3-5;

Bench press 3-5, Squats 3-5, Deadlifts 3-5.

Strength training, I think it's general, for women and men (idk), but it greatly increases strength.

>>42892152
My life goals have changed and I’m increasingly realizing that I need a wife/husband.
Unfortunately I didn’t have this shift until 33. Pretty sure I’m cooked.

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>>42974357
Here’s that orzo pasta, turkey-zucchini meatballs, and the cream cheese-roasted sweet potato pasta sauce.

Also I found this book called “The Girl Within” by Emily Hancock in one of those free library boxes? The author did general interviews with a bunch of women and noticed a pattern of her subjects developing a sense of self early in childhood, that identity being disrupted by external social expectations, and then the women reconnecting with their childhood sense of self later in adulthood. I’m pretty sure this study only involved cis women but it does feel like it’s describing things that cis women and trans women would both experience. Also interesting to see actual research on that whole “adults getting back into whatever they thought was cool before they were old enough to care about being cool” thing.

>>42985229
I’m going to list some easy ways to improve sleep so you can rule out the obvious.

>No screentime an hour before bed
>Go to bed at the same time each night and wake up at the same time each morning
>Don’t lay in bed while you’re awake during the day; this makes it harder for your body to associate being in bed with sleeping
>Stop eating three hours before you go to bed
>Don’t exercise within two hours of bedtime
>Reduce your intake of caffeine and sugar during the day
>Write down stuff you’re thinking about before you go to bed so you aren’t distracted from falling asleep by trying to remember it

If you want, feel free to talk about what you have and haven’t tried as well.

goodnight everyone. i hope to make some friends soon.

good morning

>>42987816
I am glad for you.

I feel sleepy, unmotivated, drained, tired, like I just want to stay in bed and do nothing.
I think about my university assignments and I don’t want to do them.
I think about my job and I hate it.
I think about exercising and I can’t be bothered.
I think about playing video games and I get bored.
My eyes sting from crying while watching anime. I already finished the episodes I was watching, and now I feel empty again.

>>42981748
pg7

>>42986860
Looking good.

>>42991353
ditto

>>42993576
The one from Pokemon or the one from Ben 10?

>>42986652
Thank you, I've been looking for ways to improve my current routines.

Goodnight everyone, I will catch up again once I make some more progress this week.

I hope you all are well.

>>42994685
rest well

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>>42994573
You're welcome! Strongfits had good, generic, but good workouts that suited everyone, but it became a paid app. Maybe if you want something more focused on you, I would recommend it; the quality was already good, but I don't know if it justifies the app becoming paid!

Melatonin... awesome stuff

too early to die

>>42998298
sorry this kinda sounded like a vaguely worded suicide threat, i was referring to it being too early for a thread to die with the implication of having bumped the thread with that post. stay safe

weekend, finally

>>42999819
yup, finally

No idea how the fuck I'm supposed to make friends as a 28 year old ftm

updates tomorrow!

abandoned again
didnt expect this one!
but in hindsight it makes sense
we had little in common and i was a mid tier friend at best. oh well. I tried i really did
i hope she is happy now

>>42978117
And after a week I can safely say I prefer it

>>42892152
tried reaching out to my ex through a mutual and she didn't unblock me. Apparently she didn't feel good about it and thought it wasn't necessary at this point. Which is fair. It's a reminder for me that even if I feel really contrite my actions still had consequences that aren't going to go away. I don't think I know the full extent of them either.
Oh well.

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Hi /sig/. I realized today that the shorts I bought last year have a good couple of inches worth of extra inseam now. I’m down at least another size, let’s fucking go!

I got my 2 TB external hard drive today too, so now I can really start downloading and organizing the various media I’ve bookmarked and/or saved online.

>>43003063
Thank you, take care and take your time.

Accidentally stayed up an hour late it's over

>>43005886
Same, it really sucks.

first interview after trying like 3 places and not getting past applying kinda, how do i even begin explaining being a neet for years

>>43007630
Just say you were working online, or doing independent studying or you were helping to take care of a relative.

Alcohol burns my tummy like crazy.

What's up everyone, going to a psychiatrist for the first time in a few days, so I'm curious. What are the chances that I'll get sectioned if i tell them that I want to kms? Like even considering my history with sh, depressive episodes, social anxiety, etc. Like it's not that serious right? (please tell me that i'm not delusional)

>>43009160
Yeah no, drinking was not the smart move for today.
I need some water.

pg7, I hope you guys are doing okay

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Only two short posts before bed tonight, I am slowly starting to feel like myself again.. siganon is very, very happy right now though.
>>42947904
>>42954084
>>42963601
Super proud of you, Anon! It's really lovely to see updates like this!
>then did a day of the strongcurves program. am trying to get that fit booty.
Oh nice, you were one of the Anons I shared the book with? I'm excited to hear how much it helps.
>>42948849
>I’m going to have to return that hard drive though, because it turns out my PC didn’t have a port for a second hard drive.
Oh that sucks. Personally I am a huge fan of having some NFS setup at home, for longer term storage. All I need now is a backup system.
>>42950501
On the subject of piercings I would like to add something which I find quite important: You can have cheap fashion jewelry, but ALWAYS replace the parts that touch skin, if you do. Cheap stuff can contain all sorts of contaminants that can discolor your skin to outright having longer lasting health implications. Stainless steel is cheap and ubiquitous!

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I had a bigger post planned but I am too tired tonight for much more, I look forward to catching up proper tomorrow.
>>42945050
Would you like some advice on that front, have you looked into our resources for it?
>>42947700
It's more important than it feels like, moment to moment. What's getting in your way of it?
>>42950854
My limited understanding is that results are rapid and few side effects are known, the thing with it is that it makes you lose weight too damn fast, and that once you stop chances are high you will rebound like you would from a crash diet. That is why it might be worth trying to CICO for several months with a low deficit first, to build the habits you will need to maintain the target weight. I have a couple hacks that worked great for me to keep CICO manageable in terms of mental energy, and am actually asking around >>>/fit/fat right now to deepen my knowledge base.
>>42953088
Do you feel very isolated, Anon? Or would you know where to look for partners?

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>>42892152
has anyone here been on a glp-1 if so what do/did you think of it and about how did you go about getting on one?

>>42952874
>Oh, I like that approach! Also great to hear that you're meeting your fitness goals.
i've made some visible progress on that front :3 called parents after ages and they noticed changes. i'm evolving i happy!

apart from continuing fixing my health i've started focusing on skin care and hair care as well. ordered a curl cream and a couple other things ^-^
i've been socializing more as well and dressing up more presentable when i'm out. i was out smoking and a woman tried to start a conversation asking for a light. so i guess i've been progressing on socializing too!?

as always love you all goobers <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses for all ⊂((・▽・))⊃

pg9

>>43012921
I want what they have.

Oughhhh let's do it

an other wasted week cause im too tired to even wake up if its not genuinenly for my job and nothing else
extra aklcohol too
damn
at least my sunday...is ok

>>43017667
do what?

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>>42954710
Oh, thank you so much for looking it up for me, just read through the conversations we had for a while. Overall your main issue was often a lack of energy due to depression, it is very hard to stay motivated for anything in that state. Chances are your dysphoria is a major culprit in all this, and as you describe it is a very paralyzing thing overall. It would be good for your transition if we slowly tried to crowbar a backbone structure into your day to day, streamlining self care tasks and lowering barriers. One thing that we might wanna seriously consider is antidepressants to help you on that journey, I don't remember us ever having discussed that option and it is far from my forte.
>tits are growing weird and possibly are becoming tubular
Hmm, did you ever lean on hrtgen for advice there, is getting a blood test an option for you? I assume your self care struggles are depression related?
>I don't think I can do so now without reliving past few days
That is fair, I don't wanna make you spiral, either.
>>42963123
I would like to hear more about your experiences with chaser men, as well as the places you looked for partners in the past, if it is alright. It is fair to focus on other things of course, though I wanna know if you are otherwise happy with your inner circle (friends, family, communal sense of belonging).
>>42964009
Definitely give them a look, it will put your mind at ease. They are usually the OP pic. If you can't find 'em I have them on file, though.
>>42965671
>bump, my back is starting to hurt i can’t believe i’m getting old
Do you work in an office-y setting? Where is the pain located? Chances are you can easily rid yourself of the pain with an exercise routine.
>>42965913
Welcome back, s0ph1a.
>But I'm starting CPAP therapy literally tonight which should drastically improve things
I'm glad to hear things are going well overall! I wanted to check up on you now that the week draws to a close, how have you been?

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>>42966350
I have a right to complain, you are going through a lot. Dysphoria hell is not a pleasant place to be and you are doing your very best to stay on top of it all. You should give yourself plenty of grace. By the way, can you remind me what your current long-term career trajectory is, now? A lot seems to have changed the past few months and my colander memory could use a small refresher since I was quite out of it from Jan-Feb.
>But nah, I don't really have a social circle to fall back on, and I'm not in an especially trans part of the UK (nor is my job).
That makes it extra rough, and you don't have close friends around with an open mind, either then..
>>42967135
>>42976126
>the bf in question can't/doesn't bother trying to stop it
I hate that kind of behavior.
>our main city won't last another 4 or 5 years, big surprise
That sounds alarming, won't last in what way? Your sis having found a way to fast track her studies is a silver lining at least!
>I hope you all are doing okay.
I'm fine, just taking things really slowly for a while.
>I'm trying to be more focused on progress and security.
I can't stress enough that pushing through all this is damn admirable, bunon. Keep that in mind.
>>42968201
All the best, Anon! I will likely meal prep tomorrow, myself. Remember, I'm rooting for you.
>>42971815
In what kinda situations do you blow up? When did it start?

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>>42975894
Tell me what you envy about them, I would love to try and help you, but for that I think there is nothing more important than to hear you out, first.
>>42978117
>>43004727
Interesting! I never used that stuff, it's essentially protein powder with caffeine, right?
>>42978614
> It’s nice to have reminders that some people don’t loathe my existence.
That is true, and increased exposure also has lasting positive impacts in that regard. If you vibe with someone, don't hesitate to get their personal contacts. It is nice to watch your progress, by the way. Hope you know there are people here that root for you!
>WAGMI. Hope everyone has a splendid morning or night.
I am settling into a pleasant Sunday evening.
>>42979495
>doing some research with a very negligent professor.
THAT is something I have an easy time remembering, welcome back!
>I'm just trying to avoid my problems.
Sounds like you were overwhelmed/in dire need of a break and it led to you becoming avoidant of your issues. Is there anything in particular where you could use a little hand holding? In your situation do not be afraid to ask!
>When I graduate, I will have one friend I am leaving behind at school.
Hm, do you not wish to stay in touch?
>I'm wondering what the point is.
>I don't have as many people as I'd like to share time with.
Are you sure it's "seeing no point" and not "wanting more"? Having not enough of a good thing is better than having none, after all.
I think you set out very sensible goals for yourself! If there is anything you need help with, remember we got your back.

>>43019507
>>42966350
I think you have a right to complain*

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>>42980380
>>42980386
Is it rude to say your family sounds like scum? I know the exact type of quasi-cultist that willingly isolates their kid like that.
>waste a single paid therapy session just for nothing I cannot take it more.
Can you tell me more about how the last few sessions went in that regard? Did they just.. hear your story and drop you? Hm, since your country is the shitty kind of religious: did a lot of them just act unprofessionally because you didn't conform to their world view?
>- have a "cliff note" that summarizes my life so far
Sounds good!
>- finding a younger therapist that I could talk to
This might make it tough but at the very least someone where the generational gap is not so gigantic that they are at least willing to engage with you on your own terms would be sensible!
>Halimede
I am not familiar with Halimede, besides the moon, who's that?
>How well could a remote therapist administer things that aren't "talk therapist"?
>I probably will need more heavier interventions than just "talking" thank you very much.
Hm, could it mean you are thinking a psychiatrist, as in someone who can provide you medication?
>>42985981
Respecting parental authority is something that has very little place in adulthood. Given my role in this thread (constantly hearing from people who were raised in oppressive/unsafe households) it is perhaps no wonder I carry a special kind of resentment for the abuse of parental authority. If someone has to resort to their power over you in social interaction, they have conceded they cannot be reasoned with. Ironically, I would almost argue I was raised with that (perhaps rebellious?) mindset to begin with.
>It's why I hate asking for things.
And the above is why I wish to drill it into you. There are levels of accommodation that are non-negotiable, and you having been denied it condemns the company you had to keep, not you.
(1/2)

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>>42985981
(2/2)
>How do you mean, exactly?
People are likely to concede a point because they are constantly challenged for it irrespective of the quality of the arguments. Gas lighting is a malignant example of that. Reassuring people over something that they are insecure about is a beneficial example.
>>42986798
>Unfortunately I didn’t have this shift until 33. Pretty sure I’m cooked.
Oh nah that is perfectly fine. On some level you gotta realize that PLENTY late-20s/early-30s people who happen to have been single for a while tend to go "oh shit this is it I NEED to do something or I will die alone fuckFUCKFUCK". Many people need until their 30s to even have a stable environment to form romantic relationships. It will be okay, the only thing that sucks is that you will need to face lots of rejection, and you need people around you besides a SO. We're here for advice on all those fronts and more though, you are not alone.
>>42986150
Not gonna lie I am looking forward to going to the gym again next year as well.
>>42990489
Oh, are you the Anon I talked to a few posts above? Would you like a little hand holding to make the coming bears a bit more bearable? Planning shit out?
>>42998505
It's funny, when I first saw the post I kinda chuckled how it could be taken both ways and moments later you posted that!

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>>43019518
>it's essentially protein powder with caffeine, right?
Not this stuff; it's caffeine + creatine + beta-alanine

>>43019446
First of all cute mothf
>I would like to hear more about your experiences with chaser men
Categorically creepy, self-centered, and often malicious and boundry pushing(I AM NOT SENDING YOU PICS OF ME I HATE HOW I LOOK)
they just want sex or dick pics or worse and im too paranoid to interact woth people who i cant know cause lmao online
>as well as the places you looked for partners in the past, if it is alright
mostly 4chan /soc/ /tttt/ and a bnit of /v/ and /r9k/...one irl whom i just...he wasnt as bad but still just in it for the gay sex as per his admission.
>friends, family, communal sense of belonging
i have literally one friend everyone else abandoned me or is too far away to be considered anything but an online friend, i appreciate online friends but i understand now that i can never meet them and our bonds are so easily snapped its not even funny, so while i cherish them as much as i can the irl connection that makes things stick isnt there unfortunatle and i cant change that
family is distant i cant even bring myself to talk to them as my life spirals
what community? They abandoned me too if we considered the local trans community and i have nothing esle but my job which im not fond of nor i care about anyone in it or around it and they dont care either.

I need a better dentist.

>>43020257
Why's that?

>>42897749
2 years is nothing.
if you hate it, drop out, no one will kill you.
I did exactly that 6 months into my two year course because i hated being back in academic writing.
I just got a full-time job and finally moved out since i was tired of university.

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Bad day for bodily dysmorphia/weight-related stuff, 68.5kg because I haven't stuck to my diet closely enough, so it hasn't gone down this week.
Might have messed up arranging my CT scan for FFS will find out tomorrow morning.
At least I sent off some requests to look at renting my own place, but I'm already having to burn money on transition as is. I've realised today I genuinely cannot live with my parents for another month in this dead-end TERF-infested town.
Spoke to my GP about shared care/blood testing, basically got a politely worded version of "we don't care and won't help you", and that has me generally feeling unkind towards my country, even if it's the answer I expected. It sucks being proven right, though, because my view of how trans people are treated in the UK is very low, and I desperately wish to be proven wrong.
>>43019507
>By the way, can you remind me what your current long-term career trajectory is
Currently, maintenance engineering in a factory, 12-hour shifts at just below average wage in the UK, but that should rise at least. Once I have my own space I'm planning to start doing robotics projects at home/self teach more PLC stuff so I can look at moving towards the programming/automation side of factory engineer work while I build a stronger background with the hands-on stuff. Then, eventually, I'd like to turn my engineering experience into a pathway into medical robotics/prosthetics, like I originally wanted to do when I did my degree.

I'm hoping I can swing something with the Army Reserves since my application for them is still technically open, and I am trying to meet their medical requirements with regard to HRT, etc. If I talk about it sometimes, it's that, it's just going on the back burner atm - there's more to write here, but it's not worth it, too many worms in that can.

>>43019524
>I think you have a right to complain
I honestly really don't, I have a plan, etc., I have ~relative~ financial independence, and my brain isn't total soup - there are plenty of people who have it far worse than I do.
All my complaints are just dysphoria/stuff I should talk to a therapist about, and a lot of it is all my fault for repressing and wasting 2+ years trying to join the military without building any other kind of life.
>>43001623
I don't really know how in my situation either, I'm nearly 25, and I basically don't talk to people irl outside of work.
>>43007630
Lie, as >>43008474 said.
>>43010173
This is my biggest concern that if I see a psych, I'll end up diagnosed with all kinds of life-limiting stuff. Wish I could offer assurances, but everything I've heard says telling them you want to hurt yourself is a bad idea.

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Hi /sig/, Panty again with some chili I made today. This time I used canned roasted tomatoes instead of regular diced tomatoes. I recommend doing that if you’re making chili, it added a lot of flavor. I learned the hard way that it’s not really practical for me to make chili by roasting whole tomatoes myself, but I think next time I’ll use canned tomatoes to fill the pot but oven roast a few whole tomatoes myself to blend with the sweet potatoes.

Also, I was surprised by how good this chili ended up looking. I just had this moment of recognition of how far I’ve come.

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>>43019507
>I hate that kind of behavior
The more stories I hear about him from my mother and siblings the more I want him to leave.
BUT since last year, my mother has to rely on him for a basic medical aid scheme.
On account of my father wanting to cut off support to my mother.
Again, my father spites my mother and us by being needlessly spiteful.
I feel like a failure for being this reliant on him.

>That sounds alarming, won't last in what way?
This country is falling apart, socially and infrastructure wise.
It has been for a while, it's just speeding up now.
That's why me and my siblings aim to leave it, we can't risk getting stuck here.
I need to see how I can help my mother, she's not perfect but I love her so much.
I don't even know if coming back was worth it, I didn't do enough to help but I missed my family so much.

>Your sis having found a way to fast track her studies is a silver lining at least!
I truly hope and believe she can reach this, going from 3 years to 1.5 would be good for her and by extension us.

Since that would make up for the years she's spent waiting for opportunities, she's staring to get experience and networking done too.

>I'm fine, just taking things really slowly for a while
I understand.

I want to emphasize that I really appreciate all of your replies, I will follow up in time and I appreciate the continued patience.

>>43019507
>I can't stress enough that pushing through all this is damn admirable, bunon. Keep that in mind
I don't feel that worthy of admiration but all the same, thank you for being kind.

>>43019534
>Respecting parental authority is something that has very little place in adulthood
It's hard to give up when I still rely on them so much, even though their legal obligations to help me have passed.

>Given my role in this thread (constantly hearing from people who were raised in oppressive/unsafe households) it is perhaps no wonder I carry a special kind of resentment for the abuse of parental authority
Its understandable, it is at the end of the day it's own form of betrayal.

I can see that it is a form of abuse going on, I just can't seen to interface or accept it being the case with me but I need to since it's affecting my siblings too.

Part of me still feel like I am wrong and ugly to think like this.
Like, I don't deserve to feel bad because it's ultimately my fault for not achieving enough monetary success in my life.

goodnight, everybody

good night

Back pain is an odd mistress.

>>43010173
>What's up everyone, going to a psychiatrist for the first time in a few days, so I'm curious. What are the chances that I'll get sectioned if i tell them that I want to kms? Like even considering my history with sh, depressive episodes, social anxiety, etc. Like it's not that serious right? (please tell me that i'm not delusional)

a common way of doing a risk assessment is 1) intent, 2) method, 3) access, and 4) timeframe, in that order.

Ideation (not just "I wish I wasn't here" but "I would like to kill myself," then do you know HOW you would kill yourself, then do you actually realistically have access to that method and would it take a really short time, then are you planning on it in the next 24-72 hours. the fewer of those points you tick off, the less of a risk you are likely to be--the seriousness with which they will take it drops off sharply. Having attempted before will also increase the risk.

If you are genuinely not intending upon attempting suicide and you "just" feel despair or dread or a desire to escape, if you don't really know how you would do it or you'd have to do a bunch of work or get more money, if you're not even thinking about that in the next few months, make that clear. It doesn't always mean you would not be hospitalized (I've been hospitalized over some real bullshit before), but it makes it harder for someone to justify it on paper, and a lazy or stupid clinician will probably just leave it at that.

Likewise, if you want to be hospitalized and those factors ARE there, tell them about all of them. Make it clear. Sometimes a doctor will disregard genuine risk, not be jumpy about it.

t. long-time crisis hotline volunteer, and before that, suicidal mess w/multiple hospitalizations

Also, self-harm/non-suicidal self-injury (NSSI) is not the same thing as being suicidal even if the causes can overlap. Most psych professionals should know that in this day and age. if they ask about it and if it's true, be clear that your self-harm was not part of a suicide attempt. And do not joke, as I did when I was younger, that you would know where and how to cut if you wanted to end it all.

>>43019534
>If someone has to resort to their power over you in social interaction, they have conceded they cannot be reasoned with
It bothers me to say this but I don't know if I should even bother trying to talk to him about this anymore. Not even for basic advice.
He really can't be convinced of anything.
I need to get myself and the rest of us out of this situation.

>Ironically, I would almost argue I was raised with that (perhaps rebellious?) mindset to begin with
Do you mean your parental figures were the same way?

>And the above is why I wish to drill it into you. There are levels of accommodation that are non negotiable,
My father has been clear in stating that he doesn't NEED to do what he does, he does it because he loves us (me and my sister).
We are all above 18, there's no more obligation for him other than social contract.
It's why I don't want to live with him anymore, he can just ask me to leave and I won't have anywhere to go.

>and you having been denied it condemns the company you had to keep, not you
So, it's not 'entirely' my fault that things have fallen apart like this?

>>43019518
>anything in particular where you could use a little hand holding?
Some intangible things. For time immemorial I have hated who I am. This primarily applies to the way I look and the way I have interacted with others. It definitely makes social interactions difficult for me. While I have grown to enjoy small talk, it does feel like a lot of my relationships lack depth. Some of this can definitely be attributed to not taking initiative to socialize. It's hard not to feel like I'm just bothering people who are often busier than I am. This especially applies to people who are more sociable than me. But not only that, it does feel like I end up exposing my insecurities more by accident. While vulnerability is key, it will also absolutely scare people away if you keep asking for validation!
On the other hand, self esteem and confidence issues are not entirely to blame here. I admit that I am just a tad eccentric compared to the average person. The things I care about are usually drastically different and I sometimes get the sneaking suspicion people view me as pretentious or inaccessible. I also have ADHD and so it's difficult for me to remember to check in with people, to listen well (usually only with the people I know well), to stop myself from rambling (once again, usually only with the people I know well), and to speak fast and effectively.
>do you not wish to stay in touch?
I will try my best, but I usually get in my own head about these things. It would be so difficult for me to expand that relationship outside of class without a little bit of anxiety. I have made other acquaintances here whom I really like, but never got their contact info. That or I have their contact info but it feels weird to even ask to do stuff because it has been more than a year since we have regularly hung out.
>Are you sure it's "seeing no point" and not "wanting more"?
You're probably right. It's always been yearning for more and feel dejected in the face of adversity.

>>43026906
Thanks anon, calmed me down. Mybe i'll write how it ended up, not sure tho

I don't have anything to show for myself at the end of this month.
I messed up, a lot.

>>43019542
>People are likely to concede a point because they are constantly challenged for it irrespective of the quality of the arguments
So basically, wearing someone down until they see your point?

>Gas lighting is a malignant example of that. Reassuring people over something that they are insecure about is a beneficial example
So, wouldn't be possible for me to help my dad see my point in all this, if I bring it up in a less confrontational way over a few months?
Or should I just scrap it and try to carry on with life?

>>42892152
i’ve been having a hard time this week. i was sick with the flu for a week and then my birthday happened and i just feel empty mentally. I'm currently at my lowest weight i’ve ever been, (120lbs, 6'0) and my dysphoria is starting to get to the point again where i'm not functional anymore and i can't even look at my own reflection anymore. being starved makes me look so gaunt and makes my grave look really angular. right now i just need to keep trying, but it's always so defeating know that at the end of my day i see no progress. how do i keep going? how do i push myself through? i’ve been on hrt for 3 years so if i can eat things should be better, but i’ve never been able to beat my eating disorder, and now it's really in the way of my transition. everyone keeps telling me and i know i can't get fat redistribution without eating, i just have such a hard time. How can i over this? and How do i get the motivation to keep every day when it looks like i haven't done anything

bump, catalog is sharted up sadly

Getting stronger is fun. The gym is cool, and every trans person should know how to defend themselves, so at least do some boxing.

Have you ever considered the fact that given every carbon atom is replaced with an oxygen when you burn fat (CH2 units become H2O and energy), you actually lose most of your excess weight through piss?

>>43033559
I did not.
I did not consider that.

went for a bike ride today. i did not realize how wildly out of shape I am. on to new beginnings, making a plan to try to get into better shape. I hope everyone else has a good night.

I have to go back to sleep now, please don't die.

>>43035763
okay

pg8

>>42892152
i eat lots of protein, i train with intensity and do full ROM and do lots of reps and progressive overload and rest, i cycle, and my ass wont get bigger
kms

I don’t wanna care about anything and thus I don’t care about anything
I just wanna leave ya know just stop everything work self care family friends just stop existing ya know
Becayse I just cant and won’t and don’t care enough or at all to even engage and it is alll so tiresome
I’m tired and the only break is a deep deep sleep i cant even get cause of responsibilities and survival and people
I hate people and then myself and I care for neither.

I hate myself.

I'm gonna start drinking again.

I genuinely want others to suffer
I’m tired of caring

*paws at you* bump
*paws at you* bump
*paws at you* bump
*paws at you* bump

>>43041649
Thanks, I am sick from the booze again.

>>43012917
am strong curves running anon
>Oh nice, you were one of the Anons I shared the book with? I'm excited to hear how much it helps.
i dont think so but you're doing the lords work
my ankle has been hurting so i'm taking a few days to rest it. might pick up yoga in the meantime, just don't think i should be doing anything that will strain the ankle beyond something like yoga where primarily it's just stretching things out. hope i can start running again soon, started a c25k progam and was really enjoying it :(
i think ankle is fucked either from not stretching enough before the run or because the shoes are not a good fit for my feet. i also just have really wobbly ankles so i might have twisted it without realizing. we'll see!

drinking again tonight and cope eating IDGAF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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i finally hit the halfway point of my initial goal. i feel really happy but at the same time there's this empty feeling that i don't have anyone to share this with. i dislike getting into numbers but i kinda want to for this one post, i went from 93 kg to 87 without crash dieting, dropped close to 2 points in bmi. i've never made it this far, i always plateau out around 90s but this time i did end up pushing past that. i've been the happiest i am in a while yet there's this blank feeling which is getting harder to ignore. so this is my silly little letter to the void sharing my progress so far. thank you all ^-^

as always love you all /sig/mas <3 sending virtual hugs and kisses ⊂((・▽・))⊃

I am a bad person and I should feel bad about myself.

>>43019518
>Tell me what you envy about them, I would love to try and help you, but for that I think there is nothing more important than to hear you out, first
I envy the fact that they seem to be getting rewarding for their efforts.
That all their struggle has more meaning and pay off than mine ever will.

I never, and I mean ever get rewarded for what I try to do.
I'm a midtwenties fuck up that can't catch a break.

I wake up every day and see what a lifetime of wasted effort means.
Ugly.
Weak.
Untalented.
Stupid.
My life was worthless before my feet could touch the ground.

pg8

>>43042684
'tank you :3

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>>43019446
I tried few different antidepressants and only one had minimal effect bordering on placebo tied with side effects that were few times worse and was giving me some sort of attack but idk lately Ive been thinking about maybe giving them 2nd try but idk I would have to find someone who isnt living on the other end of the country and idk if I could be open about being trans with them
hrtgen havent had any tips for me when it comes to tits, my blood tests are getting worse and worse but still are within the norm I hope to talk to my endo about that in a month but idk how it will go and I already kinda gave up on it being savable without operation or smth but who knows maybe prog will save me
self care stuff seem to me to be that way because of depression but I also mention thinking about me having adhd which would be costly to prove and get meds for
I probably wanted to add smth else but I postponed it too much and forgot it so yeah

>>43033482
real

>>43046078
cute pic

I was around a lot of incel websites growing up i feel like umm
i mean the straight men really just had to change their personality non surgically for the most part
gaycels/lescels just had to turn 18
trans women just had to come out the closet

ive never called myself this but if im ftm gaycel what do i do…two bad signs 1. ive always said and thought ”i dont relate or really get along with other trans men compared to cis men and women of any type” 2. i have no patience for bisexuals attracted to vagina anymore if they project their attractions onto my body im polite but joke about wanting to line them up execution style and shoot them, if i was in any position of power. i dont think its a learned behavior but ive heard of trans women doing it in the opposite direction when guys are ”too gay” and desu inside i have a true sadistic desire to go further and make them feel ashamed of expressing their gynephilic traits in a way thats inappropriate. but its definitely all about the genitals cause ive had straight guys think im mtf and just politely corrected them no deep malice at all

YOU are a therapist
YOU replace medication

i've been writing in my diary every night! yay!

>>43048085
I am super proud of you.

I feel like I am a fraud, I give up super easily.
I was trying to learn a skill I read from books/YouTube videos detailing how to do it, but when I applied to the real world, I suck so much
perhaps it's due to that I kept being stunted because not even where I live a safe space for myself, parents always somehow levitate and teleport and often show up without announced.

it really feels like happiness will always find a way to elude me

>>43048966
ironic I decided to rot and not do anything towards my own improvement until I move out in like, I Don't know how many days, perhaps less than 9 days.
I can't feel like I am in a safe place to explore myself, it feels like I am an eternal homeless

>>43019534
>willingly isolates
Maybe they do, they want the "nice kind of friends" but not the colorful ones
>Can you tell me more about how the last few sessions went in that regard? Did they just.. hear your story and drop you?
no (the few last therapist was so understanding) but therapist are not lawyers and genuinely cannot fix what's generally known as "shit life syndrome", the last time I was found out I was told to stop because the psychiatrist who give me medicines, gave me some and they see all medicines is "le ruining body evil, but not their kind of herbal alternative """medicine""" placebo"
>at least willing to engage with you on your own terms would be sensible!
"What will you do if you see a boymoder who just generally speaks in /tttt/ lingo?"
>I am not familiar with Halimede
some self-proclaimed "cis female transwomen chaser" lesbian. Her blogposts have been my mouthpiece for words and concept that I cannot put into words before.
https://halimedemf.substack.com
https://twitter.com/halimedemf
>Hm, could it mean you are thinking a psychiatrist, as in someone who can provide you medication?
no, I mean psychologist administered therapy like DBT, CBT.
Sorry, I don't check replies often. I honestly should use a thread watcher

im fucking subhuman lol
i cna talk lime a machine that says just all the right thigns to onvince you that yeah that checks out
yeah thats right
oh well
no emtions left in me
i cant do anything but express myself like a machine
i am machine

>>43049852
it was a goodbye
all i can say is half words
but goodbye and cya later friend
all the right things but none of the right things

im such a piece of shit

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it is better like this, i'm sorry

I need to see a psychiatrist.

>>43042684
how did you maintain motivation? i'm struggling with cravings

i might be bipolar
can i know if i cant go to a doctor

>>43052532
I'm generally against self diagnosing on principle, because meaningfull self knowledge is hard and mental illness and ego by their natures cloud it, but its worth doing research for yourself.

I'm bipolar, for me I had an inkling before formal diagnosis because I experienced severe depressive episodes, with sporadic bouts of typical mania symptoms (delusions of grandeur, increased energy and emotional instability, severely reduced sleep, irrational or impulsive behaviour, etc). Got diagnosed after I had my first proper severe manic episode a few years ago (every episode prior had been comparatively minor - detrimental, but not at risk of entirely ruining my life), then got on meds. The proof was in the pudding with the meds, for me. I haven't experienced manic symptoms at all since starting my meds. I still experience depressive episodes, but they are less intense than before and my main concern was the mania - I experienced it as profoundly unsettling and distressing.

No way to definitively know without professional assessment, but you can do a little bit of deduction and reflection about it to at least give you an idea. You don't have to have a formal diagnosis to say "well I experience these symptoms, what do other people with those symptoms do to manage/help themselves?" without coming to a definitive 'self diagnosis'.

>>43051997
i struggled with cravings a lot initially it's very normal. smth that helped me a lot is just not getting unhealthy snacks and keeping berries and other fruits around. and going out on walks, i started going out for walks around the time i get cravings. add more protein to meals and diversify the kind of food you have, mix in different cuisines and stuff too.

one unhealthy strat is smoking, nicotine suppresses hunger and works for cravings (for me at the very least).

>>43053258
ive tried smoking but it only suppresses my appetite by giving me crazy nausea/vertigo ): i'm not fst enough for a glp-1 script but adhd meds nor cofffee suppress my appetite either

>>43053495
the vertigo/nasuea is generally how nicotine feels when you first start using it. after a few weeks it goes away.

smoking is retarter sauce idea for losing weight, tho. waste of money, smells like shit, ruins sense of taste and smell, and health risks arguably worse than being fat.

>>43053495
ideally do the other stuff and not smoke. the negatives do not outweigh the mild appetite suppression at all. like the other anon stated not worth it at all.

I'm gonna follow up here with two more posts tomorrow, followed by asking for advice elsewhere for my career options and THEN I am going to see if I can figure what is wrong with me mentally.

I can't keep living like this anymore.

I am running out of time, I need a job and I need to make a life.

will speedrunning sonic and learning makeup make me happier

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Panty here with an uncommon cooking L. You can’t make good strawberry sandos with frozen strawberries. The strawberries end up either too hard and cold, or too soft. I should have known it wouldn’t work but I wanted it to work badly enough that I had to try it once.

I had a virtual appointment with my financial advisor today, and that went well. I feel like I’m actually beginning to plan the rest of my life.

*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die
*paws at you* don't die

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>>43019518
Thank you for cheering me on! I always think of these threads any time I do something difficult.

>>42978614
I purchased my first bit of furniture and although it's quite rudimentary (literally a wardrobe made of steel beams and canvas), I believe it will serve me well. Tomorrow I'll buy coat hangers and begin loading my clothes into it, since they've mostly just been sitting on top of my boxes at the moment. I have a couple other things I'll need to buy, but it'll be a month or two before I have everything worked out.

Psychiatrist is once again pushing for me to be on a lower dose of medication. People familiar with me know that I'm prone to becoming dangerously suicidal, but it all seems to be lost on her. It's driving me insane because I know the moment my dose is dropped – or God forbid, my meds are taken away entirely – I'll be back to how I was before. Deluded. Neurotic. Unstable.

I also had a bizarre experience in class today, where in real time, I watched people switch from using 'he' to 'she' when referring to me. I didn't even ask for it. My teacher actually apologised in private last week for misgendering me (never even told him I'm trans), and I foolishly said I don't mind what I'm called, so I'm a little confused. It's bittersweet. It hurts because I know people are only doing it to be polite since I've hit the 'obviously a tranny' stage of transitioning (frankly should've been there a year ago), but it's also nice because people don't do that unless they're sure. The fact they're going that far means there's enough aspects of my presentation that are reading as female for them to do it. I've accepted I probably won't pass without FFS, which sucks, but whatevs. I cry about it. I get brainwormed. I spiral. And then like an adult I save for FFS because that's the only solution I've got.

Life fucks you hard and then you get up. Let's all make sure we're standing or trying our best to get up tomorrow!

>>43052991
Maybe Im not then
Manic episodes arent typical of mine
Depressive episodes followed by calm periods more like
Idk
Yeah I’ll just assume no until further notice. thanks

pg7

all i wanted was to make money
is that too fucking much?
i just dont want to be homeless or impoverished

I went for a walk today, as per the thread goal. Rediscovered a thrift shop near my house and found a cute kitty <3. I'll go take a shower and brush my hair.

I plan to gain weight and fix my sleep schedule. The first of which is hard atm because I'm going through dysphoria hell: for a good chunk of the day my chest hurts and I feel this crippling dread, and it's sooo hard to eat...

I feel socially and emotionally stunted. Haven't had a friend since 2023. My anxiety and perfectionism means it took me a long time to actually write this post, and I hate that. I which I could let loose and say some stupid, lively shit every now and then, but as it stands I feel more like a robot than a human.

paige ate

I wanna apologize to anyone who ever believed in me.

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>>43065336
Just keep trying your best. So you or somebody else expected something from you and you fell short of that. That’s not the end of you. It doesn’t have to mean you can never succeed, even if it’s in a way you or the people around you didn’t plan on.

I used to fret a lot about what I haven’t accomplished “yet,” like because I wasn’t doing it as soon as I wanted to, it was too late. But, you know, better late than never.

mreaow :3

>>43067213
kitty :0

i fucking hate my life

Page 10 bump

>>43069779
me too.

>This is the last blogpost for now, after some sleep I will go back to applying myself

I have not done enough, in my life or as of 2025.
I just doom-spiral, obsess over my misery and self-isolate.

I don't want to live with my father, I know it's my 'only shot at living and working in a 1st world country' but I just don't want to.
I can't spend another 5 to 7 months waiting for somebody to give me a job.
I can't stop delaying that call with him, I have to take anti-anxiety meds just to get through thinking about this all.
I am a coward.

I desperately want to get diagnosed for something, other than depression and anxiety.
I don't want to shift blame to anything else.
I just wan to understand what and why I am so wrong for this world.

I don't even know what career to aim for:
>Tech?
>Trades?
>Teaching?
>???
I don't know, I can't tell what I supposed to do anymore. Everything is so confused and awful.

My country hates me, and nobody in Australia even cared enough to call me back most days.
How do I even compete with other tradesmen?
I couldn't work at the gas station, supermarket, the coffee shop or the sandwich place.
Even the mines weren't an option.

I threw my standards in the trash and was still denied ANY work.

I need to go to bed.
I am just so tired of never achieving anything, all these qualifications and mini-awards mean nothing to me.
Because MONEY is all that matters.
I have never been proud of myself and I never will be, I just want to make money at least.
I just wanted to be useful.

test

>>43003349
>aband
update!
I am the one fuckin up now
cause i feel like i dont beleong like all the other times
welp there is this thing...im a liar! I lied all the way through
im never gonna be anyting like these people
my dypshoria is theoritical AT BEST I just take the hrt recreationally
im not even voicetrained or have anything in common
0 in common
noithing
ask away ill tell you
what bs is this
fuck you
die
ok
simple
i lied ot get hrt and lied to people who are trans to help me troon and even make friends but im nothing lik them and realised too late and i cant just tell them that xd
and ill die like this in this
i wish i wasnt myself

>>42963601
running anon here havent ran or went to gym for a few days because ankle has been hurting. giving it a week or 2 to rest before going for another run. started doing yoga though in the meantime!

>>43048838
thank you! i'm still writing in my diary every night!

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Hello /sig/. I haven’t posted in several months, so I don’t expect anyone to remember me: This is Shinjianon writing. I wanted to say hello.

Many things have happened to me. The hospital and doctors messed up here and there, leaving me with infections, bad side effects, and in need of physical therapy. The work out group has fully adopted me. I am nearing the end of my savings account. Life.

Currently I am in my first real relationship.
I don’t think it is going to last (for a wide variety of reasons), but we do like each other. I’m reading up on trauma and relationships again to give it a fair chance. It’s scary. Soft intimacy and stereotypical couple things, like using pet names or saying ‘I love you’, doesn’t come naturally to me. All I feel truly comfortable doing is more sexual and detached in nature.
I am “rougher” than my partner, and that scares me. Their wants lean towards the opposite. They’re very kind and understanding towards me, but I can’t help but feel like I am incapable of healing that part of my personality. Maybe it’ll be a year or two of being together before it causes us to split apart. I don’t know. I feel sorry for them...

I still don’t feel like being alive. I’m trying out some therapy at the hospital. I’m doing protein powders and all of that to combat my low appetite. I don’t really know what to do that I’m not already doing.
Take care anons

>>43076894
take care

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>>43076894
I don't know you, but a lot of this resonated with me. I've been and out the hospital a lot over the past couple years, both for physical and mental ailments. While that hasn't much affected my savings, packing up and having to move places has. I can only wish that your wallet and your health replenish themselves in short order.

The relationship stuff is good. As long as you're aiming to let your walls down, you'll probably do okay. That sort of stuff doesn't come naturally to me either. A bit ago I had a sort of situationship that I called off because aspects of it got a little close for comfort. Uncomfortable questions got asked about what we were, and certain outings felt much more like dates than two friends doing things together. But there were moments in that time where the intimacy felt nice, normal even. One night I just showed her around my stupid Minecraft world while she smoked next to me, and it's probably the closest I ever felt to her. Ultimately, I couldn't make it work, but you're not me. You might succeed at letting down your walls a little more than I did. Maybe you won't, and that's okay too. All I ask is that you try your best, and from what I'm reading, you seem to be doing a good job of that.

I'm going to tell you a secret. 95% of the time, I don't feel like being alive either. That missing 5% makes the rest of it worth it though. That miniscule number holds some of the most significant moments of my life. You have to decide whether those momentary sparks of happiness are enough. Personally, I think they are.

Stay strong Shinjianon. I'm cheering for you.

I need to get back on the wagon with using Right Speech. I don't like how mean and combative I get online. It's harmful to others and counteproductive.

I need a Fanta.

*paws at you* pet me
*paws at you* pet me
*paws at you* pet me
*paws at you* pet me

>>43082995
Okie dokie
*pets you slowly*

>>43076748
yoga again! I used to be able to get both heels down during downward dog and be able to touch the ground with straight legs. I am determined to be able to do so again!! also its been helping with some lower back pain i think.

Made edamame with some tajin seasoning. Helps to lose weight to find low calorie alternatives for snacks

Bring a closeted tranny is a humiliation ritual
Meeting other trans people makes me feel sick too. I’d never be them. I’m a joke.
Sorry garbage posting

ly all <3 see you on the next thread ^-^

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>>43078836
Thank you catscratchanon. I hope your life treats you to a little more of those five percent in the near future.
I don't know if a situationship would have been better or worse for me to manage, but I appreciate getting to read your anecdote.
Going against your own programming is difficult.
Staying calm and staying present - feeling comfortable in the discomfort, and placing your trust in another person instead of the broken alarm bells inside your mind is almost painful, even if you know it might be for the better. I don't blame you for being unable to make it work.
>>43078351
thank you anon

Good night

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>another semester begins

pg9

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I'm back. Pardon my recent inactivity but I am currently writing up responses. I know the next post will make the thread hit bump limit so I took some precautions. The next thread is already typed out and I have 9 posts already prepared. I doubt I will fully catch up today, but I hope people will see the replies in the next thread when I get to them. I will try to catch up FULLY the coming days.
Sorry everyone that I take so long to reply recently. It won't be for long.
>>43005317
I hope you know I appreciate the encouragement. I worry about these threads recently. I fear many people won't see the responses because I take so long to respond.

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>>43093245
>>43093245
>>43093245
New thread, here we fucking go..

Life is a prison.

>>43093448
is that a cum zone quote?

>>43093652
no
also, are you you referring to CumTown?