Pretty soon they're gonna say that Tommy Crooks' gun jammed.
If it turns out it did, he wanted it to happen man.

Dis-a-point-ing. You fuck-ing lose.
You cant even hear me if I don't clew you.

They finally found someone who could give it to 'em raw.
Watch out folks, ya kids are talking to grampmaw.

Events keep happening, most metaphorical,
yet this all happened after I got rhetorical.

'bout to tell my girlfriend something that might get me left alone:
you literally got fat as soon as you got an iphone

>>23619285
OP had taken some drugs.

I slipt in through a very small window.
If you act wild enough, you can make the wind blow.

this couplet thread shall serve as a reminder to you all
an unskilled hand at poetry is op's greatest fault

heres a bump for you

I made this thread cause I had something to prove.
I had e-fucking-nough of that honky jambus-goose.

CIA tricky. they don't slip in aces.
Better way to do it is to plan for both cases.

In dire straights I work to earn my gold
to scrounge around where pussy may be sold

I roll with Mac Dre and Warren Zevon.
Like I keep saying my ride goes to eleven!!!!!!!!!!

I know when peoole got that on the phone syndrome,
layin on they back all day and squeal when anybody moves.

For graceful verse, none beat Old London's way:
Unstressed, then stressed, five times per line wrote they.

>>23619285
Under the hand of a janitor, Rhetoric is no literature
But in the mind of a producer, all literature is a subset of rhetoric

At this point I just ignore 'em.
I'm here for fun, they fucking boring.

I'm starting to get a little worried, my friends.
I'm going peanut butter crazy, all over again.

My girl said I should get a ken doll haircut.
"You should try it just once, so should everyone,", she said.

Even at Aldi where there's a quarter deposit.
people be leaving their carts on the lot.

That's a pro tip, if you're ever bummin it.
Probably could even say, "take your cart back for the quarter tip?"

My love is longing for me from afar;
Without me close, so is the pickle jar

Even though I got fuckin crazy ass hair,
when I'm patrollin TJ Maxx people askin if I work there.

Hey lady. you're precious. Delicious. Me encanta.
High tops, quarter socks, oh you're setting my tent up.

Scuffin 'em a little, got the loose ass laces.
So fuckin hard, grinding, ima need braces.

I'm always picking up more cookie ingredients.
Shirt size XXS but I sometimes wear mediums.

Drunk on water. High on nuts.
Same as my dad but he got more guts.

I'm getting bigger, sure enough.
Wow, I really called it, and it got rough.

You retards never shoulda showed your fuckin faces.
Zip ties, man? We do it with shoelaces.

Make sure your shoes got nice flat bottoms.
They keep tryna sell us these tilted toe squashers.

I seem to put people in some kind of trance.
I can even make nerds remember how to dance.

I'm like a baby. Wa wa wa.
Where O where is joon baba?

When it gets late i start making weak coffee.
Else I never get to bed. Maybe I'm just a softy.

Oh dear, oh dear. I'm accidentally large.
Now everyone wielding these white guy bars.

Big tool 4 u. the baldies know i love 'em.
Stanford Blatch lit posting in his undies.

They tryna throw me off so I fumble my pitches.
I got a few more left in the tank yet bitches.

I only like to vape til I get a little woozy.
When I'm puffin blue dream I roll a little bigger doobie.

How come nobody replies in this thread?
Give me your (You)s, and leave the rest unsaid.

When I'm on foot patrol my shoes be almost silent.
Quiet, quiet. I abhor to do violence.

Don't fuck with pills. Unless you're sick,
keep the doctor away. That shit kills kids.

That one got 'em pretty good, I reckon.
If someone's got a beat, we could pretty well wreck 'em.

I met some Brazilians, ones that went to Harvard.
Of the whole stupid world, we took a lot of the smart ones.

Something they don't know, who fixed on the miss:
while y'all distracted, CIA took piss.

I read a good book called Ivanhoe.
Big dick Richard struck fat blows.

This one's for Mac Dre, the very best,
they hadda kill him off cause they wouldn't be rest.

Orc take stick, and scratch bar out.
Orc think get what thread about.

Come on baby, I'm no bear.
It ain't about nothing but the size of your pair.

Don't care, bitch. Go home, baby.
You wanna scroll phone? That's not my kinda lazy.

Sending snapagrams on whatstatok?
Guess you'll never see my analog cock.

Black nerds play smash with all items on.
Wave dash, motherfucker, I'll hit you with bob-ombs.

I'm pretty picky when it comes to my feats.
Get you in some new stuff and you'll see I'm hungry.

I break the circle up for my peanut butter cookies.
Cup of sugar, cup PB, plus an egg, you got goodies.

You think you're being watched? Well, use your brain.
I drive all my glowies completely insane.

I save all my quarters - no one else will take hards,
but the Save-Smart machine's got Pokemon cards.

I can't stop this til I stop to breathe in.
It'll be much sweet, that August evening.

They took me off queue, and they put me on shoes,
then boxes. Gosh. Hard they work this little dude.

T.M.L.M. T.B.G.B.
Don't look at me. I get the heebie jeebies.

Being other woman could be pretty nice.
She might get brunch, but other man get Friday night.

Come up here, man, if you're breaking fourth walls.
I know you're hard, but do you have the balls?

No self-love, gotta wear gloves,
that must be pretty tough.

This make tired. As I say.
Wake up. Keep up. Not complicated.

Bee ball B-ball, bounce it off the backboard,
honeys come out, buzzing, swarming.

Left my vape at Abe's feet, sipped, and poured one out.
In the morning, cop was gingerly throwin the bottle out.

I been drivin 'em bonkers for over half a year.
Is this what people call starting a career?

I wear a size 8.5, sometimes 7 wide,
when I'm skinny, which I ain't been for a while.

Dark dark Umbreon, flashy gold brainer.
What we're wondering is, who's the trainer?

He's it. The mack. The Pennsylvania mack.
I can't say enough. Find your king and slide to the attack.

Girl, my girl, she just likes picking clothes.
Her fancy sees the future. She don't even know.

Compared to him, I'm far humbler,
all I got's old clothes and several tumblers.

You gotta be crazy, you want to be an actor.
Talking to yourself is talking practice.

Close encounters of the nerd kind,
as various as bird-kind.

O hello momsir, O how jolly bee be,
sweating out the heat and walking with the queen.

A big big part of being the best
is knowing when to hit the beat and knowing when to--rest.

Your girl acting ugly, though she like you a lot?
Don't worry, man, she probably just hot.

And if you a little funky, or the brave type of bitch,
head to the outlet and score you some vintage.

Twink twunk twerk tweety tweet twump,
if you can't touch your toes you ain't much son.

You've got to flex hard if you want to prove the best.
It's pretty tough to pass that presidential fitness test.

Pushup. Pushup. Ahh, my arms hurting.
Pushup. Pushup. Doesn't matter, still working.

I swear one time I took a picture of Gamera.
You sure can see a lot of funny things with old cameras.

I'm nose fuckin deep in them books, bet,
it's way the fuck better than reading shit on the internet.

They're looking to the left, they're looking to the right.
They never expected we'd come out of the night.

I rip it. I blow it. I'm quite the hard worker.
Lying. I know it. God, do I be shirking.

Prince of the West. Dark Lady's lover.
Not the first born: the king is my brother.

He well knows he can palm four balls.
He went into hiding cause he got way too tall.

How can anyone think they know an eternal name?
God's just one of 'em. They're really all the same.

They might talk about you for who knows how many years.
When you're looking at the sky, who is it you really fear?

God's the same as Allah, dope's the same as crank.
I'm just being funny, you can take that to the bank.

When they get to thinking they know how it's gonna run,
I just wind the clock back and shoot off another one.

If you don't like where I'm going, maybe you shouldn't come.
If it comes to nothing anyway, at least I had fun.

That doesn't mean there's no point in trying to grasp all the meanings.
It certainly does seem like something's somewhere speaking.

'Twould rouse a vengeful Dryden from the dead
To see what passed for couplets in this thread.

Judge me for what I've done. Wonder why I did it.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but I can't quit it.

Someday we all see into the great beyond.
Long have many wondered on that final nod.

If we only meet there, for that glimpse I long.
Or you might catch me on tumblr, boo, with a cat icon.

Out from their homelands, many many cheesed.
It's a strange place, America. Hard people to please.

I'm teh trap queen, I'm takin yo phone,
cause you take bad pictures and you textin with hoes.

Taylor Swift knows Latin. I don't doubt it.
Eras means "you were." She's practically shouting it.

You really learn some shit in Pennsylvania.
You might never see him, but the king will train you.

O just look. That Lumbee sandwich.
They eat it in Philly with broccoli rabe and ham, kek.

Milk Bar makes an eight inch chocolate cookie.
Pretzels in it too, plus your favorite goodies.

I can't paw much with my little cat hands.
He's out in the night, acting like Batman.

Oh dear, oh dear. Measuring cup smashed.
Some people drop mics, I be dropping glass.

Picked up the pieces, got the rest with the vacuum.
Sure hope that's not some portent of doom.

Despite our cabochons, we are really quite mellow.
I think we could be friends, me and Elvis Costello.

I give my girlfriend trouble, always dirtying her bubble.
She's tryna bake a loaf for me, how's that for true lovin'?

In lieu of real apologies, here's some advice I be giving:
if you're looking for saviors, I'm one of many living.

Their long hair get everywhere, trust.
Don't question why women be vacuuming up the dust.

I know just what to do when my measure-cup breakt.
I have got the scale, and can measure by weight.

I made 'em lil smaller than the recipe, well, far,
I had to do it, see, to fit 'em in the jar.

I let the bat out, which the jar was keeping in --
hopefully his evils won't escape my glass terrarium.

It's got origami animals, to be his friends.
Maybe if he plays with them his darkling ways will end.

I had a Chinese fish in it, the day I thought the world would end --
the glass was all empty, but for my wooden friend.

We're careful where we step, and her boots are by the door.
There might even be a little bit of glass still on the floor.

I know to the real ones it's a frustrating sight, I'm sorry,
but there's a lot of guys gay from midnight to morning glory.

Many people's telling stories, on that internet strange.
Always remember, it could be you and just one crazy fucker on the range.

We are real heckin puppers. Such sugar smacks
When you find a little troof, you join the woof-pack.

Biden is biting 'em, his tea is ice cream.
Waxes kinda senile, but can go fuckin mean.

That's why them losers still won't step to him.
They're so fuckin scared of that silent old brain of his.

His ear's a little bent, his wings a little rough,
but despite his long jar life he still well plump enough.

I can't wait to see him. God, I'm so pumped.
He could probably step on Trump, that Pennsylvania grump.

It's been quite something, all this rolling with the tide.
I'm fairly well surprised to be back on the blue side.

We may be wild, green man raw,
but long remember this: even pirates got our laws.

Not yet 7 in the morning. Oven 350.
Baking cookies for the girls, cause they lofty and pretty.

Shot to President, from the mayor of Braddock,
swearing fucking blue, like Captain fucking Haddock.

Gosh gosh darn it. Can't find the mustard.
Oh, you're laughing? That's mister to you buster.

Crest, black, armor, shiny black,
shield with the Fetterlock, sword for the whack.

Watch the fuck out, the bat is out,
from now to Halloween he free to fly about.

I had a thought that really takes guts:
future people gonna have space marine truck nuts.

God's opportunity -- man's extremity.
You get yourself sick, I'll prescribe a remedy.

Basilisk language. Lion's tongue.
Careful when you use 'em, or your bell get rung.

Men running about, and always cranking it.
Not hard to understand why women like blankets.

Gods are those outside the Universe.
Think hard enough, you become one of us.

If I have a flaw -- and I'm loath to admit it --
I can't understand those who don't get it.

What have you done while I was dreaming?
You've been awake while I was sleeping.

Oh boy, oh boy. I'm busting out the trouble pipe.
I'm gonna make some noise. You'd better buckle up twice.

That large and tall man, his dick is a schlonger,
and doubt ye not, he is well stronger.

I did work early, and I'll do more later,
and like they always say, FUCK the haters.

He kept and kept on talking, as if it were all the same.
What the jambus-goose didn't know is this shit ain't a game.

They thought they fuckin had me, cause of my smoking and drinking.
What they never fucking guessed is I'm true as fuck to Lincoln.

Square that circle, circle that square.
You might not do it, but I try you to dare.

If it exists, I've probably thought about it,
and as for the future, don't worry about it.

So fucking exhausting. And endless. I'm lost quick.
Not that they don't sometimes get me with a surge.

Not my kind of book, though, and I don't seek 'em out.
I read 'em too long I simply pass out.

At least, that's as far as poetry goes.
Stick to straight novels, I read a few of those.

Okay. A lot. They're nice and calm.
Sometimes what you need when the world is rollicking.

The thing with Bach, though, is he's got his own rhythm,
even if he keeps it rather hidden. Beethoven likewise.

Such things fit not the timely thrum of life,
but are products of leisure, the wife of happy indolence.

As for quite a few historical numens,
I'd cuss them to a heck of being laughed at by their women.

The body and the blood, quite some tricky things,
but I've had enough of people stealing women's things.

Hail O hail that holy spirit,
if it weren't for her we might not be here yet.

I don't mean to say that there won't be more problems,
but do your best, I think you'll solve them.

Something else about I haven't got a clue --
what will men be like with not much they have to do?

Maybe worse, I hope better.
I can't tell you, I won't be around forever.

That doesn't mean not to be your own self.
What more can I say? I am but an elf.

I had a funny thought, while I was shelving shoes --
player must be having fun to get that quarter for continue.

There's where what I had in my notebook ends --
unless some more hit me, the bump's up to you, friends.

op here i am once again on return
praying your thread goes to hell just to burn

Oops, I found a bunch more on my phone.
For a few days this stuff was really banging my dome.

I'm just a little guy, but I'm tryna make it work.
You're probably good. I'm a little skinny for the milsurp.

That bad man was a superhuman sniper.
Better watch put, you ain't seen Spy yet.

Why I got fat calves and a variable gait?
You get this too. you learn to run with weight.

On a fishing line I got a crystal pendant.
It's ok to look at it, but you might not remember it.

I kept my sweat minimum while the game I played.
I learned to walk in the sun and run in the shade.

Independence. Good fucking morning.
Minuteman gang. Strike with little warning.

Effective irrationalist. Random action.
Impossible to stop. Stochastic faction.

Brownian. Jiggly.
Bounce back and forth til they pass out dizzy.

Go to Salvation Army if you be on them drugs,
or head down to Goodwill if you want to look a little good.

We loath to admit we ain't quite strong as all fuck.
That's why sometimes we be breathing put in our trucks.

Nobody knows the father, but Taylor Swift might have a baby.
Sure hope daddy don't get shoulderbashed for cuckolding Travis Kelce.

I think I just need one shot, I think the power's in me,
and if it were up to me I'd name that kid Liberty.

I hope that she will like the fruit of the fieldd which I plow.
As for when it'll happen, I'll come when she say now.

If you really really really want to be my friend,
I'll tap you on your forehead and waken up your nen.

You straight laced cablers ate sure nice and ready.
I'll still untangle curly ones. It's hard work, spaghetti.

It's true that even I sometimes even wear crocs.
They're nice for Halloween, or for walking on beach rocks.

You know what, forget about these generational cycles.
Growing up with TV fucked the shit out of people.

Biden's a real one, and it's obvious, you know.
That almost bald man grew up with the radio.

Mini mousy squirrels, I call 'em peanut,
it's kinda weird to screw 'em, but how else they gonna get a nut?

Everybody heard, we learned it in school,
about the terrible grind when the grey met the blue.

Something I didn't know, and I got a shock in my sack,
was that there was a war between the grey and the black.

They shot Martin like Lincoln, cause they were just mean.
Then the orange fought the purple, which brought out the green.

I miss when I want to miss, believe it, kid,
ear piercing with a bullet just like Tommy Crooks did.

This bitch Claire's, we do it for free.
Man up hours. Turn off the TV.

Long Tom Crooks rest well his lance.
Shot a president and did a Fortnite dance.

Coeur-de-lion ppunding the door,
laying Front-de-boeuf and De Bracy on the floor.

Who misses a head and plugs an ear?
That man shot clean, didn't even touch beer.

I worked a little hard, yeah, once or twice.
Used to carry eighty pounds in some bags packed tight.

My long sword is most refulgent.
I use the pseudonym of Y. T. Bulger.

Lonesome ranger. Home on the range.
Can a baby gang make political change?

Double B Boston, Bassachussetts.
We gonna see soon who ass is loosest.

Use your phone too much, you turn retarded.
The bad way, too, like tch, can't get started.

Jake brakes on your brain, like down from cocaine,
stuttering shit but can't quite slaep.

Livin on burgers and Mickey D fries,
man, I got such a little tummy inside.

Crazy lady, talking to the pigeons.
What do I know. maybe she can speak wigeon.

Lonely boy of New York, staring in the well.
While you tryna scheme heaven, I was tryna save hell.

Some people say that I'm a bit crazy.
Well, I think they're just a bit lazy.

Granny advice, don't care if you take it,
darling dear, cause she already made it.

Aelfgar, elfbar, puffin so long,
I switched out the stone like Eragon.

My girl most flummoxed, reading all night,
dealing with some itty bitty spidermites.

While other people was pushing out skeet,
I was learning new old words like eke and yeet.

Got copepods in your aquarium tank?
A shrimp'll eat 'em up from the brim to the dank.

My back's a little bent but I'm leanin like Eiffel,
straight up right like a minuteman rifle.

Wise wise man, old Gar Gar Martin.
nobody can crack his ancient hard disk.

My hair's pretty short, but I'm growin it out.
Gettin fuckin free's what the trap's about.

Bug. worm. Worm. bug.
Beetle little different. Stick bug thug.

I think every girl got a little old man in her,
just like every boy got an inside grandma.

Slow Gemini, a two-headed turtle.
I seen sadder shit than Moaning Myrtle.

Live for a .month on a spiral sliced ham.
I feel pretty bad to hurt a good pig, but damn.

That old Roman blood is mean on beans.
Fat butt and never gassed, plowin in them skinny jeans.

Brennus, vae victis, he wore them pants good.
It took the OG Caesar to get up in his hood.

Look at these wrists, bitch, I'm a shrimp.
Even my dick is thicker. Inverted pimp.

Whose hand was that? I'm like thank you, thing.
Got no clue but the big fat ring.

I got so many friends. We could make a show.
I never talk to 'em but somehow they still know.

Denim dress. Sexless. Figure obliterating.
That's my girl being positive. Imagine when she's hating.

Gettin my legs legged, Ready to lope.
Flyin cross the plains. Chasing that smoke.

There was an auld sheapheard, named young, calling clout.
He yet gets up to things no one ever knowt about.

Gar Gar Martin, I know he rereread Ivanhoe.
Thing is, you're allowed to crib from paper that old

What you're doing should affect how you smoke.
You still watching cartoons, you should aught but bubbles blow.

If you're watching Ruth Goodman's farm documentaries,
you may toke a pipe, I hereby permitteth thee.

Peter Ginn, Alex Langland, many old fact told.
Sometimes Alex busy - then cometh Tom Pinfold.

I be writing this up four days afore the start date.
You want to seem some new stuff, please roll thy tape.

I don't know that much. I draw many blanks,
like when Fornax herself askin me for farm facts.

I learned silly stuff about a dwarf named Catten.
I learned you can blow 'em out with just a pinch of Latin.

I know a smart chick, She a farmer.Ii waver.
I shan't make Tara sour. She might be Taylor neighbor.

They got the beef in the back of the place. Headless cow.
Don't go in stoned, or you might get rearranged, now.

Dates on the branch. Bar called Moro.
Mom so sweet she'd get pledged the sword of Zorro.

They drip it so good they got buckets o' honey.
Thinkin on my boys sometimes make me feel funny.

Nutty crunch bar. Sometimes it is a circle.
Deal so good it make me wax purple.

I saw a few times into the party van.
Hookah in the back. prob'ly halvah, maybe jam.

You want a hard worker, find a scooter man.
All the way from Senegal to the fat cash land.

Lysergic acid diethyl amide,
it's funny stuff, you can't slam it.

Seven foot tall. I hear the sword swing ring.
He ain't even on the horse yet - where doth thou reside yet, king?

When he rear that horse up, watch out Prince John.
Gladius down double hard like bong bong.

Maybe he'll wake up when we wassail our fruit.
Already green man Locksley shot us down a goose.

I learned to rap while you were working cold iron.
Out there in the woods no one could hear my bad rhyming.

Snowflakes in the plastic. Still short on the guest list.
I might have a need for this paper by Christmas.

Wrappin it up. I had it a long time.
Maybe by then you'll be high on the rime.

Now what I had written is actually through,
though I left a few out. I want to see what you do.