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Hear me out. Fantasy assassin story, but all the guards are sexy girls, and the narrator relishes in the violence.

>>23769137
feel free to unpost this

>>23769137
feel free to never set a foot on /lit/ again please

Fat cunt of a cat.

>>23769137
Zako, now there's an obscure fetish. The writing here is obviously skilled, and the negative reactions to your intentionally off-putting content means it's at least having the desired effect.

Some criticisms
The stuff leading up the kill is a bit clunky, maybe characterize the crossbowgirl more before the kill.

Starting a paragraph wih "but" is bold, and I think this could be handled better grammatically.

Having the protag marvel at the dagger in the middle of her dying could be done afterwards to not distract from the main event.

Reposting from previous thread >>23768974
>>23769168
Can anybody suggest books where these things, usually taken for granted, are explained?

I wrote for about 15 minutes all day yesterday
who else /barely wrote but still at least wrote/

>>23769209
I still write 1-2k words a day but I keep writing little shorts to practice rather than continuing my web novel.

>>23769209
If I had no internet I'd write a lot more, last time the internet went out I wrote till it came back on.
I think I'm gonna let mommy take the router's power cable with her to work tomorrow

>>23769137
>my first obstacle of the night/the next obstacle
Delete the second use of "obstacle"

Also characterising the guard with a good deal of humanity doesn't really gel with the later reveal that she's essentially a golem.

>>23769224
The humanity is what makes it entertaining, the golem bit is what makes it believable. I'm iffy on removing the second use of obstacle as it establishes how dehumanized the guards are to the narrator. I'll consider it.

>>23769190
This guy gets it. I've already rearranged the second paragraph because I agree.

>>23769171
>>23769177
Would you react the same if the killing was of a male?

>>23769237
you write like a fag

Today I write.

>wrote 1,400 words today, on a roll
>break to take a shower, thinking about all the things I can still add
>sit at computer and have completely lost all motivation to continue

>>23769237
You don't need to use the word obstacle a second time to keep the effect.
>would be the next.
is plenty because you already established what you're talking about.

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>>23769091
stilted speech schizoid here, I need a dialogue check immediately. Genre fiction ramblings by the way, all you need to know is that this is dialogue between two apprentices of magical arts

Ronic nudged Teren and pulled him back so the others couldn’t hear. “I might have let some things slip about you to my master.”
Teren stopped walking. “Huh?”
Ronic shuffled his feet nervously. “Nothing bad, really. I just… told him about some of the stuff we used to get up to.”
The gravesealer apprentice closed his eyes, holding back a curse. “What stuff, exactly?”
“Well… do you remember that time we had to get back at that Forestsworn who was beating on Birene? And you didn’t want to fight him head on? And then you coaxed the soul of his dead mother in that rotting dog and-“
“Aw, no.” Teren rubbed his eyes. “You told Quickstrider about that? Why?”
Ronic shrugged. “I don’t know, he asked about you. It was a pretty impressive thing for a kid to do.”
“You-“ Teren bit his lip. “Gah! I thought life was sacred to your order! You can’t tell him that I do stuff like that.” He glared at his friend. “Bet you didn’t tell him about the time you gave that little kid from Drifton the shakes.”
“That, uh, didn’t come up. Besides, I have no idea how I did that. Wouldn’t be right to take credit for it.”
Teren narrowly avoided stepping in a pile of cow dung. “Bet he gives you credit, though. I heard he foamed at the mouth for a month.”
“True. But…” Ronic raised a finger. “I’m sorry about that. You aren’t sorry for anything, ever.”
Teren was taken back. “I feel sorry for lots of things.”
Ronic shook his head. “I am positive that I’ve never seen you remorseful, Teren.”
“I apologize for things all the time!”
“There’s no meaning behind the words though. It’s just something you say to get people off your back.”
There was a truth in that statement Teren didn’t want to acknowledge. “The… fact that I don’t want Quickstrider to know about things I’ve done… implies guilt and remorse for those actions.”
Ronic cackled. “No, it’s more of you just trying to keep people off your back! I know you, you can’t deal with being disliked. Which I’m sure Quickstrider doesn’t, by the way.
Teren grunted. He could deal with people disliking him. The only issue was that his ideas on dealing with those people tended to be very permanent.

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>>23769137
>Hear me out. Wish fulfillment fantasy, but all the fetishes are blatant, and the author relishes in the snuff.
>>23769224
>Also characterising the guard with a good deal of humanity
He did that purely because she's an object of his lust and therefore the focus of this draft. Notice how the main character (the author) has no characterization whatsoever besides what kind of porn he likes and how much he looks down on women; his motive is summed up to one paragraph of exposition for fucks sake. The author did not set out to build something where his fetishes are secondary flavor that adds to the whole but rather to primarily sell other people on what makes his dick hard.
>>23769237
>I'm iffy on removing the second use of obstacle as it establishes how dehumanized the guards are to the narrator.
Repetition is the problem. Just say that she's the second rather than repeating obstacle.

Not enough care is being put into this for me to take it seriously so I'm not going to care about or accept any excuses such as "it's not my opinions/fetishes, it's the character's!" accompanying any replies.

‘We're here’ announced the driver, attempting to shake the pair awake. They groaned in unison. ‘I'd love to let you sleep, but I’m afraid I don’t have all day’; his attempt at urging was met with another groan – this time in antiquated E-A harmony. The driver sighed and pulled his body back out of the car, then stepped away and turned to face the horizon. The sun hadn't even finished crowning, but it was already imposing itself as a sweltering, blinding, domineering tyrant of the landscape; it only took a few seconds for his eyes to fall in line and start kowtowing to their new god-emperor. Not even his insides were spared the persecuting heat; every breath was taxed to a laboured gulp of stale, torrid air assuredly drying his tributary cougher – so still and sparse was the atmosphere that it was impossible to catch a single particle through his preferred nostrils. The driver was about to let out a tired groan of his own until he heard the merciful sound of seatbelts being unfastened behind him, and instead turned around, almost reverently, to assist the passengers out of the vehicle. Before he could reach the door, the pair had already alighted the coach; they stood to address the driver: ‘sorry about that’ said one of them, still drowsy, ‘it's been a long trip’. The driver gave a modest nod of his head before responding; ‘this is where I was told to drop you; I assume you two know what you’re doing here?’ They answered in ambivalent head gestures, clearly not yet fully awake. ‘I’ll be heading off then, take care.’ With another nod, the driver swiftly retreated to the comfort of his vehicle, and almost just at swiftly had begun disappearing into the horizon. They didn't have any baggage.
A time or so after the driver had left, the pair let out a yawn – a whimsical D-F# – and started stretching their upper bodies, as if preparing for a long journey. Without a word spoken, the pair orientated themselves just queer of the sun's position and began walking. Whether or not it was the direction they were expected to travel in didn't matter, because it was the direction that they were travelling.

The despotic heat wasn't much affecting them – not yet, at least – and their feet seemed to glide over the masses of sun-bleached sand without issue. The maddening brightness, on the other hand, could not be so easily conquered by youth's preferred method of reasoning. Hardly had it actualised its golden dawning was it before the Sun's majesty would be demanding due adulation – but the closest thing to praises set to be sung for One today were the dulcet groans of two agnostic desert travellers – defaulting back into medieval tones.

-------

An odd thing to write on such a cold day. This doesn't sound too purple does it?

>>23769339
Good prose, but do you need
>this time in antiquated E-A harmony
> – a whimsical D-F# –
>a dulcet groan
?

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>>23769305
I'm writing this on a whim. You act as if the thin premise and focus on violence is a flaw, when the snuff is the entire point. Funny how we call it snuff, when if this were just about a sneaky assassin slitting throats on his way to the big cheese we would write it off as normal. Not that I care either way. This is simply me getting this out of my system. All in all it's an entertaining little writing exercise.

How many times in these threads do you niggas gotta describe sunsets/sunrises. Seriously it's repetitive as fuck at this point.

>>23769339
>The driver gave a modest nod of his head before responding
You can lose the "of his head." It's obvious as that's the only part of a body that nods.

>>23769339
>This doesn't sound too purple does it?

haha

>>23769137
I actually liked this, to be honest

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>>23769349
because they're cool

>>23769348
>the snuff is the entire point. Funny how we call it snuff, when if this were just about a sneaky assassin slitting throats on his way to the big cheese we would write it off as normal

NTA, but how do you make sense of this statement? Is it snuff or is it normal? The reason it stands out is that you describe the girl in terms that describe her as a sex object rahter than a regular person (or soldier or whatever). If this is snuff it makes sense. If it's another kind of story (an "assassin story"), it doesn't make sense at all.

So I'm writing a bit of teenage drama, the group is kind of like Until Dawn with a
>Cool hunk of a dude with a mean girlfriend
>Nerdy girl who's into the hunk
But there's also
>Kind of weird friend that's into nerdy girl but she doesn't feel the same way

I was going to have the mean girlfriend of the hunk prank the nerdy girl like Until Dawn, and the weird guy tries to console her after. The nerdy girl tells him to buzz off.

Do you think it's realistic character growth for the nerdy girl to realize she wasn't very nice to the weird guy and apologize herself? I was thinking she initially doesn't think much about the weird friend but she realizes eventually, I'm not sure what would be a good way to realize she should say sorry at least.

>>23769361
It reads like an anon who posts here regularly, but I won't pass judgement just yet.

>>23769301
Looks alright to me, except
>No, it’s more of you just trying to keep people off your back
Feels a bit stiff for a mockery.

>read book in present tense
>go back to writing my book which is in past tense
>keep catching myself flipping back and forth
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>23769388
present tense is pure cringe

>>23769348
I liked the listing at the end... how much of this have you written? Are you okay?

>>23769343
Just me trying to be too clever again. 4th interval harmonies (ie E-A) were common in medieval music so it ties into the last line of the excerpt; dulcet groans is a silly pun that made me giggle.

>>23769350
Good catch, thanks.

>>23769349
This is a Sun worship general,
keep walking jewboy.

>>23769301
it's very rough. consider making dialogue more purposeful and less 'natural' sounding, because it won't ever be.

>>23769370
you're framing this around incorporating tropes; perhaps consider the story structure or themes. you should be able to make anything 'work'.

>>23769305
NTA, but why do we care? Writing is writing and violent fetish fuel is still words on the page. I don't think this general should be purely about novel writing and honestly the passage is written pretty evocatively.

could you quit samefagging?

>>23769137
The finished (unedited) piece if anyone wants to indulge themselves in some gendered violence.

https://rentry.org/uhi6o4ub

Word Count is 2417. Not bad for one night. I think I'll edit this, dump it on ao3, then call it a night. Of course after hearing your guys' feedback first!

>>23769409
I wanted the theme that no victim is truly blameless, everybody is a bit of a jerk sometimes (some more often than not). And I wanted a theme of forgiveness, and emphasizing people making their choices

Initially I wanted the characters to make amends after reminiscing over old mementos they had of one another (like a group picture) but I feel that's a bit cliche.

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>why yes, I write to indulge my sexual fantasies of violence against women. how could you tell?

>>23769301
Their manner of speaking is very modern for a fantasy setting

How often do you guys write as a character that's not your race?

>>23769432
Based on the post timings this anon just spent two and a half hours writing ~2.5k words of ero-smut all while shitposting and samefagging.

Is this based or cringe? How do I achieve this level of efficiency?

>>23769415
There's a thread on /trash/ for fetish stuff.

>>23769388
I have never read a book in present tense that I didn't drop at the first chapter. It's such a clunky way to tell a story.

>>23769370
This plot reads like the weird guy is a self insert of the author. People only like self inserts in power fantasies and romance for women.

>>23769349
Most writers write as if they're describing a film. So a lot of focus is given to sight rather than the other senses. Sunsets are pretty things you see, and look dramatic on film. Fill in the rest.

>>23769339
Give me some paragraphs, save my eyes!

>>23769301
You don't need to tell me who's rolling their eyes or whatever every other line of dialogue. If the dialogue is good then it should capture the emotions in the dialogue itself.

>>23769279
motivation doesn't drive you. You must cultivate discipline.

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>>23769511
>This plot reads like the weird guy is a self insert of the author.
I got the idea from this comic albeit reversed the directions a bit, but I won't lie, self insertion is probably part of it

>>23769195
>learning grammar
I'm assuming that you have actually learned some English grammar but nonetheless you're looking for something like [https://archive.org/details/oxford-grammar/mode/2up], which sufficed to say shouldn't be read front to back.
Most questions about grammar are better answered in the moment by doing cursory searches online. When it comes to writing most grammar issues are fringe things that no average person would ever point out or that you completely forgot because school isn't there to teach you how to do creative writing.
>sentence length
Is completely arbitrary and a matter of taste. Most people tend to write short sentences when it comes to English but grammatically speaking there's nothing wrong with paragraph long or even page long sentences so long as they're properly executed. If anything there are no guides on how to write short sentences so take from that what you will.
>other basic writing stuff
What I'd consider to be the basics are essentially a loose collection of tips that surmise the most common mistakes that newer writers make and why they shouldn't make them. I could briefly go over a few of them until 3000 characters:
>repetition
Is a tool like every other, but when you use a tool in the wrong place people will look at you funny. Most commonly a lot of newer writers fail to use pronouns, synonyms, varied sentence structures or alternative ways of referring to people or places to the detriment of their writing. Human pattern recognition is one hell of a drug.
>exposition
For most of writing's history exposition has been direct: like me telling you all of this shit about writing. More recently people have figured out that indirect exposition is also a thing which has led to many a shill postulating "show, don't tell" as a corollary to the detriment of the actual philosophy. What you need to know is that a mixture of both is probably what you want to do to start off. My not so humble opinion is that it's certainly much more involved to figure something out on your own than to have the little airplane land on your tongue.
>form
Just don't write like a web novelist. Short disembodied sentences that make up whole paragraphs, free indirect speech on full auto because who needs a thought selector where we're going, funny little BOLD and italic text because it's hard to explain to the folks at home what context is, god forbid you use a CSS box as a analog for video game UI and aren't punctuation marks but a cage to the monkey's typewriter?
Trust me, and it'll make you stand out in a sea of utter anarchy.
>style
A common mistake is confounding purple prose for literary achievement when it in fact detracts from it; like masturbating in public: pleasurable but deeply embarrassing if pointed out. Pick a person to write in, stick with it and learn why you should use it. Make it function and only then ought you explore and experiment. From there? White's your bitch, break rules!

>>23769348
I'm just saying that the snuff shouldn't be the entire point if you actually wanted to write something that isn't just liquid catharsis. Writing can be hyper violent and it's not like the entire premise needs to be spilled out in the first paragraph. If anything I wouldn't consider it a writing exercise because you're not actually achieving anything; you're exercising just as much as you're atrophying by not attempting to make it work. Will this "exercise" truly help you write a story that is hyper violent and is sexually suggestive without turning readers away?
>>23769415
I don't care if it's fetish fuel. Everyone with an healthy libido should integrate their fetishes into their writing because that's the based thing to do. I just think that it should be well written; my actual disagreement isn't with what's on the sentences but rather what's missing from the page.

>>23769349
These brave writers have stared directly at the sun for hours so that people like you and I would be able to read what the sun looks like. Show some respect for their collective sacrifice.

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How do you make clear to the reader that a character is a hallucination that represents another chracter's subconscious?

I was thinking of having it where the character is talking to the hallucination and turns away, when they turn back to talk to the hallucination it's just a mirror.

>>23769663
Oh hey, I actually have this idea as well for my story. I'm planning my MC to have a butler, or someone similar in role, who reminds him of his appointments, offer him advices. At some point in the story (I'm not sure yet, at around the 40% mark at the earliest and 70% at the latest), the MC will finally realize that this dude isn't here at all. Here's how I think I will hint of it throughout the story
>No one aknowledges the butler besides the MC (MC actually talk to him with other people present sometimes, but they either know he's mad or are just confused and don't bring it up)
>The butler doesn't say anything the MC doesn't know (and if he does, it's knowledge that was planted in the MC's brain by something else without him knowing)
>The butler is never physically described in the book, he's just a voice. The MC starts the book... very focused on his goal, he doesn't care to turn around to look the people he's speaking to in his eyes
As for the actual revelation of the supernatural nature of the butler, I haven't got that far in yet, but I think I'll play the angle of "I know all your deepest secrets and desires, because I'm just an expression of a part of yourself"

>>23769674
For me I wanted the hallucination to be the character's subconscious telling him the truth he already knew, but refused to accept

I was thinking after the character finally accepts the truth, the hallucination disappears

>>23769604
Thank you for taking the time to answer my post.
I'll be checking the grammar you posted, plus the suggested books on the thread OP.

I started writing over 6 months ago and I have 8500 words. I am gurm level slow.

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I need help with this line: "Her personality stuck like gum to Bellas sole in the footsteps she inevitably walked."
the image I want to get across it the fellas, in being raised by her mother, and 'following in her footsteps' steps in gum, and it get stuck to her sole, and that gum I shed personality, but I'm not quite sure if this construction works.

Help here much appreciated

>>23769348
watch your passive voice. try and end each sentence with the strongest word or phrase of the sentence, for example, the first sentence should end with 'little white chef's hat' find a construction to I fit that.

All the other girls stepped out in uniform, but she was different, because on her head was a little white chef's hat. << something like that maybe.

>>23769339
'announced the driver, shaking the pair awake. They groaned. I don't have all day!' They groaned again The driver sighed and turned away, facing the horizon. The sun was a sweltering, blinding domineering tyrant of the landscape. not even his insides were spared the heat. every breath taxed to a laboured gulp of torrid air. the atmosphere like molasses in his nostrils. The driver was about to groan until the seatbelts unfastened in chorus and instead turned almost reverently, to assist the passengers out of the vehicle....'

You are too purple. it just feels like an affected voice. doesn't read naturally. try to use words more honest to your own vocabulary. the level of attention given to minor things in false grandiosity (it was impossible to catch a single particle through his preferred nostril' sounds like autistic level.)

ah executive dysfunction
sometimes my muse
forever my tether

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I've started uploading my "OC do not steal" Morrowind fanfic to Royal Road. I had gotten feedback on this from /wg/ a long time ago that was very encouraging.

https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/93215/strangers-fate

Any advice from RR guys appreciated, but mostly just wanted to share my diary. Special thanks to that one anon who I shan't name but has been a huge help.

this is the first and last thing i ever wrote, in 2016.

John was upset. Here it was, not yet his third week on the job, and again he found himself tossing yet another tie into the small, wire waste-paper basket that sat beside his desk. It was the fifth since he had taken the position. He had spent the better part of an hour trying to remove the stain with seltzer and baking soda, a tip he had overheard in a conversation between two colleagues in the cafeteria, but had only managed to transform the small, crimson splatter into a faint, brown blotch. It might’ve passed inspection, but he decided that it wasn't a risk worth taking. He let out a sigh and leaned back in his chair. He'd have to buy another, and at this rate he was likely to end the month having spent more money than he had earned. The single window in his office faced the courtyard, and provided him a clear view of the large fountain at its center. Every once in a while he’d spy a bird bathing or taking a drink, which he most enjoyed, but today’s view only offered the spectacle of the most recent batch of terrified conscripts, standing in uneasy formation before the instructor’s podium, hearing the same frenetic speech that was given to all new arrivals. He knew one of the conscripts would soon be selected to be made an example of, a sight he still hadn’t fully gotten used to, but today all he could think of is why don’t they issue red ties instead of beige.

>>23769993

The construction is awkward. Try reversing the phrases, something along hte lines of "... she was already walking in her footsteps, and even her personality seemed to stick like gum to the bottom of her shoes.."

>>23769663
>How do you make clear to the reader

You could make it something completely out of place. A person who is dead, a person who is fictional or fantastical and so on. When Colonel Sanders shows up in a Murakami novel you know it's something magical or imaginary.

>story about MC going on quest to slay beasts
>suddenly takes an unexpected turn and now it's veered off into a daughter raising simulator
>23,000 words and still no beasts slain yet

>>23769663
Verbiage, they need to talk like who they represent

>>23770764
Sounds like rising of the shield hero, keep writing it and you'll be a successful writer

How do I write fight scenes with intricate detail and tactics? I know a lot of writers say to just glaze over them, but that seems dull.

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If I write about 2000 words in a day my brain hurts for the rest of the day, I can function but it's unpleasant. What is this ache?

>>23770998
Overwork/stress? There are only so many hours of hard cognitive work that humans can do in a day.

>>23771011
It's not stress. It's like a muscle ache. Any recommended supplements or foods that can make me think betterer?

>>23771016
Take your vitamins

>>23771016
Drink water?

>>23771016
l-tyrosine and 5-htp at a 10:1 ratio

>>23771016
Omega 3 is supposed to help with brain health. But you should take a blood test and see if you're deficient in things like vitamins, magnesium, iron, etc.

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>>23771028
>>23771040
>>23771044
>>23771048
Thank you based anons. Concerning that nobody else feels this way after writing a fair amount, though. Definitely going to do something about it. I thought it was normal

>>23769432
Where can I find more like this

>>23770983
Focus on one guy vs one enemy. Don't make it confusing by trying to describe an entire rumble. Just stick to the key points. Movies and TV are better for visual fight scenes. For a book focus on the thoughts of the hero as he attacks and gets attacked, rather than "he punched this guy, then he kicked that guy, then he kicked him again."

The first chapter of Knightfall by Dennis O'Neil has a Batman fight scene versus some thugs, if you want some idea of how to do it. IIRC a lot of it goes into Batman's thought process, analyzing his enemies, deciding who to take out first and how, and while whole attack strategy. The actual fighting and action is pretty brief.

>>23770998
I understand a sort of 'mental fatigue', I get that after long, difficult exams (or used to, at least, since I'm not in uni anymore) but for your brain to hurt for 'the rest of the day' is abnormal I think. And I definitely don't get it when writing

>>23771040
Seriously this. Most headaches are actually caused by dehydration. And on top of that, do it for your kidneys. Drink 2.5 liters a day. You don't want a blockage, trust me.

>>23770983
What kind of fights are we talking about? If it's military battles, you will probably have to bookend the description with something about how the MC curated all the accounts from the campfire after the fact, as one person wouldn't be able to witness everything that shapes and wins something on that scale. It requires a broader perspective than the individual.

If it's more like sporting competition such as boxing or judo matches, or formal 1 on 1 like duelling, assuming you know enough about those things, the focus should be on the pivotal moments and how they are arrived at, eg a character spotting (or being told by a coach) that his opponent reacts badly to body shots, then pursuing that approach, then the other guy reacting to protect himself, and so on.

If it's impromptu brawling, a character dynamically discovering things on the fly, then I'd focus on how he seizes the initiative, finds a weakness or a way to evade a threat, and exploits it.

In any case, keep it snappy. Focus on what is critically important to the outcome, and not on small or extraneous information.

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I want a character to hide something somewhere that's common in forest but that you wouldn't think to look into
I was thinking of a hollowed out rock or a hollowed out tree trunk or a bird house but what else is there? It doesn't feel right

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any feedback would be appreciated

>>23771417
>any
Any
>appreciated
appreciated.

>>23770998
I get this too and it's most likely because my glasses are old and don't suit my eyes anymore. In your case, I have no idea.

>>23771379
>hollow rock
>bird house
>common in forest

Have you ever been in a forest before, anon?

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>>23771487
Thank you!

>>23771417
Purple pretentious and self important.

>>23771707
thanks, it should be insufferable, like most of us

i can't calm down enough to write

>>23771379
Animal burrow? Like some weasel hole no one would stick their hand down because they could get bit?

It's 100 degrees. I don't want to write.

>>23766710
My visual ideas are all superseded by AI slop.
Also Failbetter stuff is more /lit/ than /v/ anyways (well technically more /vn/) since they're just chore simulators that slow down how fast you can read the stories.

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New version, now we're cooking
(0 words written today)

Have been posting one 2,500 word chapter a day to Royal Road over the last 4 days as a new user. Starting to realize it is almost impossible to gain any respect there without having half a million words published.

>>23772334
It's not like people sort by new for their next read lmao, so yeah

>>23772334
The rising stars list is filled with new stories less than a 100k words, so not necessarily

>>23771016
Lion's mane. I actually take a gorillion supplements, but that one is for brain health and focus.

>>23772399
What's it like having mental illness?

>>23772423
What are you even on about?

>>23772515
Bot post, ignore it

>have to write a scene where MC talks to their boss at work
>this is the most boring shit ever
>but it's important for setting up an event 10 scenes later
>don't want to do it
uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

>>23772564
Paraphrase it or set up something else, if you're bored writing it people will be bored reading it.

>>23772576
I thought of paraphrasing it, but it seems like a copout to just say what happened rather than show the scene. I'll think about it.

>>23772593

you don't have to paraphrase it either. you can simply allude to whatever was said or happened.

>>23772399
For the record, I've cooked an eaten a large quantity of lion's mane mushrooms with no change in cognitive function. It's a scam bro, you can literally just buy them by the pound from most quality producers.

>>23772670
The idea that something you eat will somehow change your mind is akin to a Chinaman eating a tiger's dick because he has weak erections.

>>23772670
I noticed the effect. Maybe your cognitive function is beyond help.

>>23772679
>Has never heard of the gut-brain connection

>>23772679
Caffeine gets one wired, alcohol gets one drunk. The idea that something you eat will somehow not change your mind is bizarrely ignorant.

>>23772711
Retard

>>23772720
Yeah, you are one

>>23772564
Make it interesting. You literally can do anything as a writer to make it interesting. Add stakes to the conversation in any sort of way. Don't make it an easy conversation for your MC

>>23772670
>cooked an eaten

Fresh herbs or foods have very low concentrations of whatever you are looking for. Dried has more, or even better to take supplements of whatever it is exactly you are looking for.

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>>23769091
GOOD EVENING! I've written a short sci-fi story about the afterlife of a criminal on Mars, if anyone is interested
>>>/tg/93814493

>>23772782
ayy lmao

>>23772758
Alya a SHIT!

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>>23769674

>>23772751
Implying I also don't eat raw mushrooms to taste them.
The mushrooms may contain nootropic substances, but only in extractions and concentrations.
Drying the mushrooms is not sufficient enough to get this nootropic effect.
Taking a pill or two containing 500-1000mg of dried herb is not putting 20-40 grams of dried mushroom on your salad.

>>23772709
People who call other stupid are either self conscious about the perception of their own intelligence, or have a superiority complex resulting from testing into high intelligence.
>Regardless, it makes that person an asshole and likely sociopath. Both conditions are terminal.

>>23773057
Being a sociopath is a net positive in current society thoughbeit

>>23769931
So you write about 50 words a day, try to raise it to 100 this month. Then next month raise it to 250

>>23769432
Hmph. I liked it.

>>23769931
There are people on Royal Road and WebNovel who write 8500 words a day.

>>23773103
Have you read what they write? If you figure out your grammar and construct stories only with tropes you can spam thousands of words a day.

>>23772334
>>23772380
Mysterious are the ways of the lord. Some stories blow up and have 200+ followers after five days of posting, another may be two years old and have less than 90. Both could be the exact same kind of meme slop with the same isekai premise, the same AI-generated slop cover, the same tags, the bland male warrior dude MC, the same promises of overpowered wish-fulfillment, the same uninspired writing. But one gets big, one never does. Bonus points when the story that hit rising stars is abandoned before 20 chapters, while the author diligently churns out the less popular after two years.

>>23773102
What about it did you like?

>>23773188
I think it comes down to whether the reads can see themselves in the main character. The most popular isekai has main characters with outspoken, but relatable personalities. Rudeus from mushuko tensei is a fuck up shut-in who has the sexual tastes of the average /a/non, so it's fun to watch him better himself and make a new life for himself. Kazuma is a shut-in with the personality of the average teenage gamer. Even someone like Tanya form Youjo Senki is relatable in the the sense of ideology, which is why libertarians love the series. I could keep going on, but he one selling point of isekai isn't premise, but relatability.

What is more effective as a shock?
1. MC enters home, sees back door cracked open, "that's odd", checks it, finds stain on the ground, "what is this?", follows it to see half the carcass of his pet ripped apart
2. MC enters home and finds ripped carcass on the floor

Basically, do I tease it and create build up or just BAM, dead dog right away? It's about a 1/3 of the way, so the relationship between MC and dog is well established.

>>23772298
It's...a campfire icon?

>>23773219
A rancid smell flood my nostrils as I open the door. "[insert dogs name]" There wasn't any response. A feeling of dread came over me. He would usually have been jumping on me by now. I strained my eyes to see in the darkness, that's when I saw it. The tattered remains of [dogs name]

>>23773214
Cool, but how does that answer my post? None of these web slop protagonists are in any way relatable, and barely even human.

>>23773239
The answer lays in what you just posted. If the characters are barely human, what does that make the reader?

>>23773240
I'm not interested to debate if the readers are human or bugs. The question was, why does one soulless slop succeed where another one fails, when the products are virtually indistinguishable from each other in their shameless pandering?

>>23773257
What season was it published, what planet was in retrograde, and what was the title of the story? All these things are important in whether a story is popular or not.

>>23773208
I liked how you convey action. I have a hard time doing that because turn based games have rotted my mind

>>23769339
Let's just say that the way this story progressed, it got to the point where continuing it in prose was no longer tenable – so I'm rewriting the whole thing as poem.
lol

>>23773276
Come on dude, just say 'the jews' like a normal person.

>>23773311
I'm dead serious, astrology is how the ancients predicted the mean feeling of humanity at any given time. Though sometimes it most certainly is just the jews.

>>23773219
Build up to it. Normal and comfy transitioning to tragic and horrifying is great. Not like this >>23773236 though, which beats you over the head.

>>23772298
I think for flags, you can go
>Fully abstract: color, simple shapes, universal symbols (like stars). Something anyone could draw with a ruler
>Fully detailed, with official design far more detailed than what someone without artistic talent could imitate. See the lion on Iran's flag, for example.
You took the middle-ground but it just looks like an emoji. I would at least remove the sticks, the flame itself is an appropriate symbol.

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Had a dream that I think would make a good short story of perhaps 5000 words. Wondering if I should spend today doing that or just continue working on my book. I could post it online somewhere just to have it out there.

>>23773093
Thanks, that's a good idea.

>>23773423
You have now forgot the dream you had, it has been deleted by your brain automatically as it's custom.

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>>23773592
Nuh uh anon. I'm 3000 words deep into my short story about it. When it's finished, I'll link to my Wattpad so you can call me a nigger, as is custom.

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I wish i could write without reticence again.
Someone called my writing boring and it demolished me, now i obsess over every sentence even in the first draft.
I'm not very self-assured.

>>23772334
Genre? The genre and tags are basically everything on that site. If you're not writing LitRPG, Progression, Isekai, you're fighting an uphill battle.

>>23773759
I believe in you anon.
Ganbatte!

>>23773759
do you want advice?

>>23769432
Since the rentry is getting a lot of views from this thread (You sickos) I'll just like the Ao3 because it's actually edited.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/58692250

>>23774040
and me you, domo.
>>23774049
i wouldn't mind!

My writing style is fucked from years of playing JRPGs
No I will not write litRPG

>>23774763
Whats wrong with it? There's a pretty large audience online that will only read jrpg adjacent writing.

>>23774771
Main issue I'm running into is always drifting toward compartmentalizing characters into a "party" of sorts that mostly travels together, which I find doesn't work as well in this format, though on second thought perhaps I'm overthinking this as I can immediately recall other fantasy series that do the same thing

>>23774776
Five-man band is such a common trope it doesn't make any sense to fuss so much about it. If you can't fight them, join them. Find a way to subvert the trope that fits what you're already capable with and also changes the flow of what you're writing.

>>23774776
Characters banding together isn't a trope, ti's just what people do.

>>23774837
>>23774854
Yeah I'm just overthinking this, thanks for setting my head straight.

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New game plan:
I publish the chapters of my book individually online on web novel sites and a3o and wattpad and whatnot, and then once I’ve finished book one I collect the chapters and put them on Amazon

I find it incredibly hard to write the play-by-play details of a scene, especially during dialogue. My outline just says "character explains what happens," but that leaves a lot open for how it plays out. Where are they? Do they sit or stand? What are they doing while they speak? All these little details I feel have to be accounted for like stage directions and I freeze up when it comes time to write, not knowing what small actions my characters should be doing while they spew exposition.

>>23774891
Think about your characters, their backgrounds, their personalities, their fears, flaws, strengths, etc, and figure out how those affect the way they act and talk. Do they seek to be the center of attention? Or are they shy? Are they prideful and talk with certainty even of things they know nothing about? Are they jittery and anxious, or calm and collected? Their background as well; someone who lived all their life in a slum won't talk and move the same way as someone who grew up in the rich part of town. All of these things change how characters behave. Keep them in mind everytime a character does anything.

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I've lost all faith in my story.
The only way to fix it is to purge it all and start again.

>>23774953
Like a phoenix from the ashes, it will be reborn, better than before.

What's a sick animal companion for a female thief who fights with two daggers? I was thinking ferret or weasel, but that's kind of cliche, so maybe a skunk? It doubles as a weapon because it can spray pursuers as they escape.

>>23773759
Say it with me anon:
>I'll fix it in the next draft

You should not be self-assured while writing a first draft. Self-assurance is how you know you've just finished the final draft.

While writing a first draft you should just have a strong feeling of wanting to tell a story. The actual refining of the prose comes once the story is on the page.

I want to become rich as an author why is the world so unfair

>>23775058
Either you write one book that sells really well or a lot of books that sell really low.
I call this the Pirandello gambit.

>>23774891
>All these little details I feel have to be accounted for like stage directions

No, they don't. The important thing in dialogue is what they're saying. Nobody gives a shit if they'r epicking their nose or picking up a cup of coffee.

>>23774961
One can only hope.

>>23775058
>Author
>Rich
You'll make more money working at McDonald's

>>23774763
>>23774771
My fantasy book reads and plays out more like a JRPG than wrpg. Besides stories like xenogears and tales of are far more interesting than dragon age or skyrim

>>23775174
McDonald's pays crazy good these days. Over $20 an hour. Better than you can get even with a college degree. It's insane. Just cook burgers and write stories on your lunch break.

>>23775174
>You'll make more money working at McDonald's
Wow it's almost like that's the point of my fucking post

>>23774953
I always get like that when I read or watch something I truly love. I just look at what I did
>Is that it?
I don't have any advices.

Revised the beginning to my Cyberpunk Noire story. Interested in what you guys might think of it.

https://litter.catbox.moe/2xdw0u.pdf

>write the dialogue of a conversation
>add actions that happen during their conversation later

thoughts?

>>23769137
I don't think it's bad for what it's trying to be. It's written competently enough.

>>23771417
I have nothing to say except I liked it and would enjoy reading more

>>23769511
>I have never read a book in present tense that I didn't drop at the first chapter. It's such a clunky way to tell a story.
Have you read The Terror? Excellent, excellent book. Present tense was almost necessary though, to distinguish the actual protagonist/narrator of the book from the multitude of other characters since it switched perspectives often.

>>23775004
Praying mantis?
>>23775058
You and everyone else. Many famous authors enjoyed little or no success during their lifetimes. Herman Melville only became part of the Western canon after a reappraisal of his work during the 100th anniversary of his birth. Philip K. Dick struggled his whole life, only seeing real money after selling the movie rights to "Do Androids Dream Of Electric Sheep" (which became the movie "Blade Runner"), only to die two months before it was released. I could go on.

>>23775353
Despite featuring VR and furries, I somehow don't hate it. I'll read more.

>>23775353
The emojis made my headache at least twice as strong. I'm not sure that you did revise it seeing as you're using parentheses for no good reason, passing comments about the environment, headsets that talk like people, name dropping fucking VRChat and making pop culture references all over. You've either never experienced anything cyberpunk or the cyberpunk dystopia is just good ol' 2024 + a couple more years so they can invent SAO headsets.
Fix your punctuation usage, drop the pop culture shit if you're actually trying to write a fictional story worth a damn and for the love of Bayern remove those fucking emojis.

>>23775823
I always remember PKD. His sheep book was pretty good. Shame he didn't live to see the fame he deserved.

>>23775525
Works on my machine.

>>23775849
It's definitely more "soft" Sci-Fi, I'll call it something besides cyberpunk if cyberpunk requires more finesse about tech talk. The emojis stay however.
>>23775836
The furry thing is mostly to invoke Metamorphosis a la Ovid, it's supposed to be a little silly.

I wrote too simplistically for me to be any good. How do I increase my vocabulary?!

>>23775983
Use a thesaurus

H is what they call a full timer. He lives modestly, cleaning cabins and doing odd jobs to pay rent and fund his climbing, while others appropriately side hustle as guides in the Red. There's decent money to be made in preventing people from killing themselves.

We followed H to a project he'd been working on all summer. He calls the crag The Office and the six freshly-bolted routes after episodes. So he works...at The Office. Poetry, I guess. Soon other full timers join us. J is tatted from arm to skull. We share a beer and American Spirits. The conversation turns to a recent death in the Red.

You see there are two knots a climber can tie into their harness. The most popular is the figure 8. Easy to tie and safe as hell, but impossible to get loose if loaded heavily. The other is a bowline. Finicky and easy to screw up, but nice if you plan on falling a lot. Rescue services prefer it when transporting a body, for reference.

The deceased had tied a bowline, probably just one of hundreds of bowline knots he had tied before. It wasn't dressed properly and the belayer never had seen one, so they didn't know to tell otherwise. Needless to say, he fell off an overhang, it came undone, and that was it. God rest his soul. "Fuck a bowline." mutters J. He knew the belayer, and that a roommate had actually captured footage of the accident. Forensic climbers came and wrote up a full report. Climbing safety is written in blood, after all. Fuck a bowline.

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>>23773905
My story isn't under either of those tags.
Here is my performance after 4 days, with 12500 word posted.

>>23775983
simple prose is wonderful, so if that is what you mean, keep it.
and I learn way more vocab reading nonficton than i do reading fiction. vocab in nonfiction is more important because one is typically forced to understand the words to get the message, which is not usually the case in fiction

>>23776201
Not bad. Not exactly rising stars tier, but not bad

>>23776228
What do you think that threshold would be?

>>23776233
Oh like at least 25 followers in 4 days and I'm being generous

>>23776241
That rough huh... well.
I'll just keep writing and see how it goes.

>>23775983
Read older literature, like Barry Lyndon

>>23775004
A monkey, but a small cute one not a big scary one

>>23774891
Those little details only bear mentioning if they're relevant somehow, for example if the character's body language conveys agitation that may show that they're nervous. Then they might continually pick up and set down a coffee cup without ever drinking any.

>>23776274
thackery boosted my vocab

>>23773276
any tips on astrologymaxxing? should a story be posted in a season and configuration in line with its own tone?

>>23775880
Cyberpunk kind of requires the punk.

Writing is so fun. I can write whatever I want. Nobody can stop me. Nobody even has to know! I love my life!

>>23770998
Me too. It's mental fatigue. Writing is hard. 2000 words in a day is a good number. Don't beat yourself up if you're hitting those numbers.

>>23770212
Neat

>>23769489
Never

>>23769489
all the time, it doesn't make a difference to me because I don't fall back on racial stereotypes

>>23770998
Writing is work. Do you get the same feeling at your job, or school?

>>23775353
It was a charming story. The furry thing worried me but there's probably an audience for that

I made the mistake of introducing five new characters in one chapter because I want them killed off one by one by the treacherous main character.

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My revised opening from the other thread

>>23777855

Stop mixing tenses you bloody noob.

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I was tired of working on a computer, and paper is incovenient to constantly erase and redraw, so I bought a whiteboard (about 60 x 40 cm) to doodle on.

I have this geometrical symbol in my head that represents the position of the gods in my setting, and these past months as I was working on the story proper certain symbols and lllllore started to come up, that I need to properly represent visually.

>>23777994
autism speaks

>>23777825
What you're doing will be fairly obvious to the reader. Is it one of those kill them to ensure their silence about the previous killing farces?

>>23777055
Ooo weeeee he say I'ma communism, I ain't no damn communiss

The reason why this thread is lasting for so much time is that there are less users, this is because the title is missing and the LLM bots can't find it.

>>23778204
Oh yeah, this is pure 'tism, why else would I try to write?

>>23778241
Sounds positively cyberpunk.
If I had the chops I'd write a story about it.

>>23778219
They're going into a dungeon as sort of a final exam type deal. The other characters despise the MC and she overheard them planning on "accidentally" letting her get killed by a trap or w/e. So now she's going to do the same to them. Of course there are innocent members of the party, how far will the MCs bloodlust go etc etc.

>>23777855
There are a lot of problems here but most imo stem from a lack of narrative focus. It seems like you had a few ideas you wanted to use, and there isn't anything exactly wrong with them, but spending a whole paragraph for the MC to waywardly relate that flies are buzzing round him isn't doing much in service of what the scene is trying to accomplish. I gather the point of this is to introduce something serious via the MC's apparently mundane experience slowly giving way to a sense that something is really wrong . Every piece of information you give the reader needs to serve that purpose, as well as optionally building up the MC as a person.
Him noticing that there are more flies than should normally be buzzing round some dirty house is a great idea - it shows that he isn't easily disgusted by normal stuff, thag he may have found dead bodies in similar circumstances before, and the association of flies with filth and death is obvious, but the execution is haphazard.
There are many other examples that I would attribute to the same problem, besides several cases where sentences are not well organised, eg:
>at least twice in the same sentence
>I had only managed to luckily stave off not going
>a couple swarming in my hair and a few on my face
which are just proofreading issues.

>>23777855

1) Drop the "It's broken?"

2) Learn what modicum means

>>23778298
That's probably OK as the sort of not like the other girls power fantasy it sounds like. Introduce the mean girl bitch squad and give the self insert an excuse to murder them. I assume your readers will be fine with it. I guess this is your opening?

>>23778350
Actaully no. This is about 18 chapters deep. She's the prodige of the actual MC and gained her powers by being fucked by her. Her magic is black, something that can only happen if you're corrupted by someone from the MC's race, and everyone at the school knows it.

The thing that makes her character interesting, is that she starts out the story as the bright eyed inexperienced side kick to the MCs world weary professionalism, but as they face danger together and fight enemies she realizes that she has an intense bloodlust, and longs for power above all else.

The MC sends her away to a school so she can learn to control her powers, and she advances much faster than her peers because she is a human and they are elves. So I wouldn't call her a self insert because we already know she's a bit of a psycho, and this predicament just gives her an opportunity to explore her "evil" potential.

It's also important to note that only 3 of her party members are "of the bitch squad". The other two are a shy nerd and a foreign elf who is very intelligent and capable, and is actually nice to her.

The last twist is that she comes into contact with a demon down in the tomb, strictly in her head. It wants her to kill her party to set it free and is trying to manipulate her into it, little does he know she was going to do that anyway.

>>23778384
Konoanon... where's the futa?

>>23777874
>>23778337
>>23778347

Thanks for your input I'll do a good cleanup and rework it later.

>Him noticing that there are more flies than should normally be buzzing round some dirty house is a great idea - it shows that he isn't easily disgusted by normal stuff, thag he may have found dead bodies in similar circumstances before, and the association of flies with filth and death is obvious, but the execution is haphazard.

I got the idea from listening to a couple documentaries on a few paranormal cases there is one in particular that had a bunch of flies on the porch that kept coming back no matter how many attempts there was to get rid of tem and I thought that was neat to illustrate that something isn't right there. I could really subvert my reader's expectations with this, the more seasoned occult fan will probably think I'm going the supernatural, or paranormal route but I think I'll go with something more down to earth that's causing everything.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ammons_haunting_case

>>23778475
Yeah like I said it's a good idea. It just needs to be implemented artfully.

>>23778384
If you have the opportunity to introduce the victims more naturally, take it. Dumping them all into the story in 1 chapter and having to rush everything will make it hard for anyone to give a shit when they die.

>>23778564
But then I'd lose pacing as we do not go to this characters PoV until now.

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Probably a dumb question, but do you guys plan out dialogue between characters? I always struggle with this, and it's difficult as well to make the dialogue sound natural.

It's more so on just figuring out what the characters say to each other rather than how it flows for me.
Basically I'm not a conversationalist.

Do you use contractions in your writing?

>>23778619
Talk to yourself. I do it on the shitter.

day three of no writing

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>>23778647
Always, if it sounds better when read aloud.

The reason you get 'Tis' in old, even formal, writing is that it provides a more vigorous start to a sentence than the fussy little syllables of 'It is'.

So running patreon for a few months offering advance chapters ahead of royal road and then pausing/stopping it after the first book's complete is fine, right? Probably going to transfer to Amazon KDP entirely after that since a lot of what I'm planning as the series matures doesn't seem like a good fit for RR or even the web novel format in general. But even on the off chance the story takes off there, I don't want to feel obligated to rush the second book and compromise the quality.

>>23778667
you don't owe your patrons shit. do as you will.

>>23769604
NTA, ironic grammatical correction: *as long as they're properly executed.

>>23769604
Also: *an analog

>>23770009
Funky first paragraph. Capitalize the beginning of your sentences. What is this forum, the one-eyed leading the blind? It's the basics, really.

>>23770090
You're missing a verb of some sorts. Where's the action? These are just musings and wallowings.

>>23770212
Please capitalize the first letter of the introduction sentence. As for the piece: there is a myth about an art academy teacher who'd go around grading people's words saying either a blunt 'Yes' or a 'No'. Were I that teacher, I'd say 'Yes'.

>>23778680
https://dictionary.cambridge.org/grammar/british-grammar/as-long-as-and-so-long-as
Apparently some British dialects don't have/use "so long as" but it's synonymous with "as long as".
>>23778687
This is correct though.

>>23770685
It's ironic that you suggest to reverse sentence parts but have reversed letters within the word 'the'. Proofreading your posts helps with that.

>>23778673
You owe them courtesy assuming you want to have good will from your paying readers...

>>23778667
So tell them your plan beforehand. It's really quite obvious a solution

>>23770983
Register or take a practice day at a gym where they offer boxing classes, partake, practice. As you get better at boxing (substitutable for any martial art) you'll be able to incorporate more boxing tactics into the text from memory and experience. Yes, feel the adrenaline, the fear, feel the sore ribcage and how it feels to punch someone 'in a safe and regulated environment'.

>>23770998
Malnutrition can be a cause: the brain notoriously needs a lot of energy to function mentally for long periods.

>>23771108
No, I sympathize in the literal-etymological meaning of the word: I'm also beaten after a working for a week.

>>23771147
NTA; +?

>>23771158
The abbreviation for 'versus' classically needs a dot afterwards. They might've changed that, that's why I tap 'classically'.

>>23778665
Wasn’t ‘tis used for poetry?

>>23771260
The term '1-on-1' is spelled with middling dashes. Your exemplii gratia is missing an abbreviation dot.

>>23771379
Grammatics aside, he could bury it under autumn leaves, or just bury it in general and mark the spot with twigs.

>>23771417
I stopped reading after the part where you slagged grammar. You use grammar in your syntaxis and language generation. Prescriptivism exists, and it's there to help you master your tool. Don't take it personally, or rather, dó take it personally, and forego the mentality that you're innately perfect and have nothing to learn.

>>23778384
>Started at futa smut
>Now at revenge power fantasy
You gotta do what you gotta do

>>23771707
>It's purple, pretentious, and self-important.

>>23772120
Here's a tip: see writing as a sport, and the medium as the ball. If you use a phone more than a book, use your phone; there is much to be learned. Combine with what you learn at school and apply it to your posts. That's how we improve.

>>23771753
Honestly, I find foregoing of proper punctualization more insufferable, but I didn't read the complete text.

>>23772237
Are those degrees measured in Celcius, Fahrenheit, or are those academic degrees? If you don't want to write then there are many alternatives for hobbies, skills, trades, and professions. However, should you want to become a cook, you'd also have to stand some heat, lest you have to get out of the kitchen.

>>23772298
At least you tapped nine words in your post, at least.

>>23772334
Shift your mindset from 'user' to 'producer' if you want to gain traction. Windows OS spooks you by calling you a 'user' at login, I know, we're being framed. And know, even whén you have produced, and produced much, stíll not one book in the bookstores might carry your name; but when you flip through them you'll think you're reading traces of your own work.

>>23772399
Consult a dietist or a doctor, lest that 'gorillion' gets out of hand - I've been there. Film and literature recommendations for scares (and solutions, if you search for them hard enough): Requiem for a Dream, Trainspotting.

>>23772423
Literature recommendation: read the DSM-V front-to-back, you'll get an idea. If you're jokingly insulting: it's not funny. If you're genuinely curious: it's being diagnosed a lot by people whom you suspect to be less intelligent than you, medicated with injection, internated into a hypermasculine (or hyperfeminine, not-excludingly) environment, it's constantly being 'on', but it's also being able to read Herodotus in Greek and Cicero while standing, it's a shift from a coin-economy to a cigarette-economy, mistrust, paranoia, resisting, getting overpowered and outnumbered, it's being pushes to the ground and starting fights, it's wanting to work to pay off a debt and not being able to land work, it's social isolation: seeing many people very, very few of whom you know, it's basically playing OSRS2007 in Hardcore Ironman mode.

>>23772576
Not all reading has to be exciting.

>>23772711
>What is this, a religion of your bellies?

>>23772711
Also, yes, drugs effect the nervous system, but that's biology.

>>23773051
You're factually wrong. I don't want to argue, so I'll advise you go to a doctor and confess.

>>23773143
Better yet, if you move beyond storytelling...

>>23778796
It's not really supposed to be a power fantasy though. What makes something a power fantasy?

>>23773188
I like the first sentence. In the Holy Book the name of the LORD is capitalized with respect capitalization. If it was a joke then the joke works better if you capitalize LORD, as it reads like screaming and invokes a certain sense of fear.

>>23778908
I was just taking the piss because the progression was funny to me, don't worry about it

>>23773219
Basically, you let the dog live and let the MC enjoy walking the dog and playing with it, meeting other dog owners and connecting with them.

>>23773222
Yes man we're straight FIYA now.

>>23774953
>No, wait, Abraham, said God to Abraham as he was on the verge of sacrificing Isaac...

>>23775004
A black lynx would do in my opinion.

>>23775189
Have you ever worked at a McDonald's? It's hard work.

>>23775823
NTA, but I'd assign the Praying Mantis pet to the Cleric, Priest, and Bishop classes.

>>23775983
There is a common jargon in a field, which is good to know at least a bit so that you can communicate with likemindeds. Learn that by lurking and reading fora, and by talking to people in the field of interest while showing an interest (otherwise they'll suspect you of braindraining and withold the jargon from you). Invent your own words for concepts that you think of on your own. New words go in, old words go out, that's the living vocabulary game.

>>23776338
Just look to the sky often and you'll learn it yourself. No book can teach you to time wishing something in your mind and then five seconds later when you go outside to see a shooting star. As for sales: it's time ón the market, not timíng the market.

>>23777994
There are many books on symbology: you might be cratedigging in LP boxes with LPs from the 1900s-2000s. Search deeper. Also, singing is a medium to explore. Why not sing an epic?

>>23777855
In art historical painting, flies are a signifier of the sin symbolism. I thought I'd point that out.

>>23778384
I've read all that shit in your post now post the chapter so I can judge how much you fucked it up.

>>23775004
Why does the animal have to fit her fighting style and occupation? Is she not allowed to have a personality and just like a pet because she just does rather than what's expect of her as an archetype?

>>23775004
is she petite and sardonic as well? Holy fucking tropes

>>23778794
interesting that you mention that because the paragraph before the ones that i posted addresses both of those ideas

>>23778794
>>23778814
i've been editing it to make it less pretentious + clearer sentence structure. reading it aloud, it sounds retarded

>>23779022
sounds like waifu material

>>23775004
A parrot or bird of some kind.

>>23779128
Maybe you just sound retarded?

>>23778999
Rule 1 of this thread: Don't post your shit. Fags on here will review bomb you for kicks.

>>23778906
So, smut and inane "slice of life" conversations? Sounds about right.

>>23779022
What part is tropes? Thief and daggers? What should a thief use then?

>>23779205
a desert eagle .50

>>23778241
>>23778285
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dead_Internet_theory

>>23778654
Maybe you need a different hobby.

>>23778654
it's okay to take a break

I hate vanity publishers so fucking much bros

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So I have an East Asian inspired tribe that killed giants in my setting. They called themselves "Titanbanes" in their pseudo-Japanese/Chinese language, and have names that's meanings are kind of aggressive like "Deathsong" or "Neckcut".

Do you think when speaking to non-speakers of their language, it would be more sensible for their names to be their native language words transliterated down (like real life Japanese and Chinese people) or to have the actual literal meaning translated, like how feather Indians are sometimes called things like Afraid of the Eagle or Blackfoot?

>>23779434
Why are vanity publishers needed? Just self-publish on Amazon.

>>23779299
Not a very stealthy weapon.

>>23775004
A poison dart frog duh. She uses it's toxins to help make kills

Decided to take a break from my shitty romance story I'm writing. Want to try my hand at rpgslop, write 2000 words in a day like it's nothing. All of it crap. This has me appreciating the 250 words I put into my shitty romance story, hard work feels better.
It's still all crap though.

>>23779809
>250 words
250 words a day

https://files.catbox.moe/l3nbzv.pdf

>>23779205
Glock wit dat stendo

>>23779022
away with you, subvertoid

>>23778673
You owe them the service and content you promised them, or else they'll refund and whine about you online.

>>23775046
good advice
i'm gonna print this post out and stick it on my wall.

>>23778765
>>23778775
Is this really the best thing you could be doing with your time?

>>23780026
The "chantilly" rhyme made me cringe. Maybe someone else can read your play anon.

monologues and inner thoughts are shit and a waste of time.
>"The taste of coca-cola is a gift from the gods," Jack thought.
Shit sentence. Better to just write
>Jack's tastebuds lapped up every drop of divine nectar known as coca-cola.

>>23781581
I prefer Pepsi.

>>23781581
second is cringe

I'm taking my sweet time on Anatomy of a Story but it feels like its only outlining one approach to storytelling out of many. Like having the opponent attack the great weakness of the hero for one, I've seen plenty of stories that doesn't have this. Does the hero's weakness have to be the thing preventing them from reaching the goal and desire? Some stuff is pretty good like four corner opposition, I was kind of doing that intuitively because that's just called giving the protagonist multiple antagonists, just without the contrast in values part for me. I think plenty of ideas are great here and I should try to apply them to my stories since I'm not very good at this. But some of them feel too restrictive, so this book is just one way out of many to write a story.
I love the way this book helps with general storytelling, but since its geared for stories in general there might not be much help for prose, and most of it focuses on structure instead. It's really helped me, and if you haven't read any yet, I highly recommend you buy this book if you're a beginner or just bad at writing. Learning by doing and by reading authors is great, but having rules and techniques laid out makes things easier for me.

>>23781710
I'd probably reword this in a different way if I had a chance to post it again. But thoughts on this in general?

>>23781710
>so this book is just one way out of many to write a story.
I believe this to be true for pretty much all books about writing. They all are just "one way" to write a story, beyond at least the general advice, but they force you to look at the framework of your own story and see what some bits of it fits and why some bits of it don't. You can of course do whatever you want, but is it truly a choice you're making because you want to, or because you don't know any better? At least the books will force you to ask yourself this question.

I am also reading Anatomy of a Story (currently on the symbols part), and for everything the author says I should do, I consider it. I have found, more often than not, that I had already the tools he spoke about somewhere in my mind. But the fact that I read the book one word at a time, without jumping ahead, forces me to tell myself things lik e"alright, I am not going to the next part before I have an idea about what each of my character want". Stuff I had already in the back of my mind because obviously that's the kind of things you think about, but now I have to put it all in cold writing

>>23781581
"Taste buds" is two words, and they don't lap. If you're going to put down someone else's suggestion, don't make an objectively worse one.

>>23781581
Agreed

>>23781639
I like it. It's characterising and it has subtext. It's overdone, yes, but you can overdo things with a purpose.

All soda is shit. Drink some water you fat fucks.

>>23782240
>Jack likes soda branded coca-cola and is a melodramatic bitch
Or is the subtext that he has a oral fixation for dark brown things in his mouth?
>>23781581
You're not wrong but it's worth noting that the sentence is a faggot fagging over the taste of coca-cola so a monologue is actually more fitting since it matches the fag energy of the statement.

>>23781581
>I need hardly inform you, courteous reader, what passed through the mind of young Jack, when his tongue received the first drops from that can of coca-cola; for which man has not, after enduring a long thirst, felt those same raptures upon obtaining his refreshment? On the viney steeps of old Greece, flushed with the joys of wine, the devotees of Dionysus raised garlanded shrines out of just such swellings of reverence; and our hero would fain have done the same, and chiselled a pedestal of purest marble to set, urn-like, his empty can upon, had we not a serial novel to write, and more urgent business for Jack to attend to than pious stone-carving. Which urgent (and most exciting) business shall be related in the next chapter, purchasable from all good booksellers this coming week.

>>23782300
Calling carbonated sugar water invented by a fat southerner divine nectar has tons of subtext. I can that sentence as a tongue in cheek punchline to a paragraph that discusses consumerism and our modern separation from nature. You're dismissing it for superficial reasons.

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>>23782468
>it has tons of subtext
>it's just not there, but it COULD be

>>23782484
I'm starting to reach the conclusion that you're just not going to get this, or are trolling. For that reason, I'm not going to type out a lengthy (for this format) explanation of the subtext at work in this case, but I will reiterate that I like it and find it has much more potential to be interesting and beautiful than the pared down "Jack enjoyed a coke" phrasing you appear to be advocating.

>>23782247
Zevia is good soda, won't make you fat, and may even help stabilize your blood sugar levels. Also, some of us choose not to stay thin by indulging in narcotics, so stop acting like you're superior.

>>23782534
I've read through this post five times now and still can't figure out what the fuck it's trying to say

>>23769091
I have to win or get shortlisted for some short story prize soon. My mind has been obsessed over this singular goal for the last two years. I genuinely can't get past it. I need that public approval of my writing at least once, so I can tell myself that I am capable of worthwhile writing, so I can finally move on to larger projects. I just can't do it on otherwise. This has gone on so long and has provided fuel for so much of my current writing that I simply must see if through despite that odds being incredibly stacked against me by factors.

>>23782887
>>23782887
>>23782887

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>>23782546
Not all soda bad and drugs good.
>>23782526
I've already reached the conclusion that you don't get this. For that reason, I'm going to type a lengthy (for this format) explanation of the subtext at work in this case, but I will reiterate that the original sentence has no subtext besides what I already mentioned and I find that however much potential it might have to be hypothetical and irrelevant than the de facto "Jack enjoyed coke and is a huge faggot about it" phrasing that the author typed out twice.
The subtext included in my response is three fold, but you'll have to excuse me as some of it will continuously unfold as I'm explaining it:
Firstly, I am mocking you for your lack of understanding that I'm dismissing it for practical reasons. By mimicking parts of your response I am asserting that it's not worthwhile to formulate an original response beyond the symbolic meaning of repeating what you have said but wording it differently so as to re-iterate my previous criticism which you had missed and remains uncontested. If you pay close attention to what was originally written you might find you're imagining subtext for a sentence thgat is simply an example cooked up to make a argument about monologues.
Secondly, I am mocking your assertion that I'm too retarded to understand your point when I've always grasped it and the argument. By extending my post beyond what would have sufficed to establish the previous subtext (without explaining it) I am ironically parodying your assertion of being able to write lengthily about something that isn't there. This subtext is still unfolding thoughbeit.
Lastly, this entire post is meta-ironic. There's no actual point to any of it besides it, in of itself. Were it not for that I would not have bothered writing this post to begin with as I have nothing to prove to myself and I am still gleefully withholding other arguments that I can use to ultimately make it sound like you were wrong when the entire argument really just boils down to me calling you a retard for seeing things where there are none and not acknowledging it while you're calling me a retard for not seeing things that you've made up in your own head that I'm not openly acknowledging.
If there ever was a point is that which the file that I attached states, bringing it all back to the starting sentence of your reply: I not only am retarded in spirit but I am simultaneously a troll if you cannot surmise the crux of my deceitfully complex arguments. I thus added a new layer of irony and subtext to further the pointlessness of it all.
It's almost as if the technique of subtext should be used to achieve an effect via subtraction instead of being a shoehorned addition into any small, tight sentences that come across your glazed eyes.*

*Translator's note: This last sentence's subtext implies sexual intercourse for the sake of argument and the format change is yet another layer of irony added to this already long, irony poisoned reply.

wow, look at this pile of crap: https://files.catbox.moe/d9sukc.zip
and these bundles of joy: https://files.catbox.moe/aw9gz2.pdf https://files.catbox.moe/rpuvnd.pdf

>>23782899
Subtext exists with or without authorial intent. It seems that you aren't a troll, but also that you aren't a good writer.