I will write a shit first rough draft of my shitty fanfiction story which curtails warhammer fantasy. I shall have it done this saturday.

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Ok so before i write anything on this is a movie (maybe one hour, hour and half) about a girl who moves to mars (alternate 2000's so whatever was in the zeitgeist at the time applies) but is treated like shit cause she's slavic and can't find a job in her "industry" (the arts) so she must work a menial labour job on the surface that the anglo elite does not want to work an overplayed premise or is there something here?
It's all about that alcoholic melancholy and tobacco

I found a writing contest that seems pretty interesting (in France so I doubt most of you will be competitors anyway)
>Magazine marketing itself as "Pulp"
>Texts from 5k to 50k characters
>Theme "The faraway Others"
>Submission until the 30th december

Might b cool

>>23802807
Do they make you pay a submission fee?

>>23802935
First thing I checked, no.
If you're in, you get paid 50 bucks as part of a 3-years contract and get two copies of the paper edition (which get a couple hundreds sales every year, so it's not exactly a way to make a living)

>>23803024
Merci mais mon français est trop nul pour ça

>>23802708
Doesn't sound like some bland RR-targeting slop so I say go for it

>>23803125
well it's going to be like every other movie from my region, hard-realism and humor in tragedy. Not like "haha we're going to die" humor, instead "haha he's brutalizing his wife" humor.
Where i live there are plenty of weird underground complexes or larger commieblocks have closed-off "street-like" sections that i can easily pass off as being on mars and i have access to a friend's very large green-screen studio for outside scenes.

I wanna write a poem in my native language.
But I consume media in english most of the time and I don't know how to write poetry well in my native language.
If I write in english first, and then make the translation to my native language, can it work?

>>23803278
do you talk with a lot of boomers?
in my language a lot of them tend to use "flowery" language a lot in normal convo that is similar to the vocabulary (some) poets use.
i have real trouble writing prose in english because i want to write it like its my own language but that makes it incomprehensible. Tricks of language vary a lot.

>>23803278
How about reading poetry in your language?

>>23803292
Thing is, everything I write in my language ends up sounding stupid.
I don't know how to write something not in english that'll sound serious and genuine.
>>23803380
Aye, I might have to do that. I'll take this chance to ask if you know of any good portuguese poets who write romantic poetry.

>>23803461
ok?

>>23803024
>50 bucks as part of a three year contract
Wow! I get paid 50 dollars and that magazine owns the exclusive rights to all my short stories for a three-year period! What a deal!

>>23803544
>and that magazine owns the exclusive rights to all my short stories
This isn't webtoon anon, they own the short story you submit to them and nothing more.

>>23802604
What's a good daily word count goal? I'm up to 1,000 a day but I'm usually done with that before noon and I feel I could do more.

>>23802604
I am part of the problem.

>>23803659
lots of working authors manage 2000 a day but that implies not worrying a lot about each individual sentence
like always, depends what you're writing and what your goals are

>>23803659
Stephen King said to do 2k, with 1k as a starting goal.

>>23803659
Anywhere from 500-1,000 for me. If I can go above that, great.

>>23803758
2k's a lot. I wonder how many revisions he does. I can write 2000 in an hour but 1999 of them will be trash I end up deleting.

>>23803979
I can't even think up enough content to fill 2000 words per day. I'm stuck write now writing a dinner scene. Other than describing the chicken and mashed potatoes, and a brief flashback to the farm, I'm not sure what should happen next.

Any advice on how to write a cunt that's fun to track life of?

>>23802604
>Commercialism and communism both have the com- prefix

>>23803544
Ah! The days that I thought I could be rich!

>>23803680
Maybe, but offering lemonade to sell is just one of the alternatives to selling bureaucracy, or to trading your money to healthcare institutions for their time.

>>23804122
Fun narrative voice. In stories, it is worst for a character to be boring than to be evil. So if reading about them is fun because the narration is entertaining, then that makes it worthwhile. Of we're seeing things from the character's perspective, then make the character comedic and funny.

>>23803680
>>23804144
Or it's a step up into the citrus game: from lemonade seller to citrus grower. Then at least you're part of the problem of 'what to do with surplus food', and not having a negative U:D ratio.

>>23804144
Oh, I dont sell lemonade. I just perpetuate a toxic capitalistic society.

Someone post more slop for critique

>Pastebin’s SMART filters have detected potentially offensive or questionable content in your Paste.
The content you are trying to publish has been deemed potentially offensive or questionable by our filters, because of this you’re receiving this warning.

There genuinely isn't anything that offensive in there.

>>23802708
Forst thought: It's a tyrannical premise. I as a man wouldn't like to move to Venus just to do menial work. Don't expect it the other way around. If you're looking for cheap labour start with yourself. In other words:
>Girl thinks about going to Mars
>Asks parents
>They advise against it
>She heeds their advice and stays on Earth
>She learns to be happy instead
>She only goes to Mars on school trips
Life on Earth is hard enough, why take someone fragile out of what is alteady difficult and place her on a planet that's named after the Roman god of war and agriculture? Let me answer my own question: unfulfillment on Earth, boredom and longing on Venus, trying to place herself in the Martian's shoes. That can be hard work. It's not impossible. Beyond the sky is the limit now. Unless she's what we consider on Earth to be just free on the new planet (this would be a question of relativity) and actually wants to go into those endeavors. Then, yes, I don't see why a girl-to-be-woman could not serve in the military and on the fields on the planet Mars. But take heed: whether she climbs up to be a martial martian artist (fulfilling her industry skills as an artist) or a martian farmer, she'll have to integrate at some point. Learn the rules of engagement, so forth. It'll take becoming cultured one step more than how a Venusiana would be if she integrates on Earth. So imagine the foreignness you as an man from Mars have here on Earth, then increase that foreignness with a step. Already we're complaining on these forums right now, let alone if we were on Venus. It'd be colder, too. How to work a field if the ground's always frozen? In your fictional character's perspective: how to make a living if your man worships the Roman god of war and field work, and you yourself are considered menial because of your physique and sex? The outcome's very unegalitarian. But, hey, who knows, maybe it's only mindset: then why not have what we have as the Amazones mythology on Mars? Female warrioresses, farmsters? All hands on deck, right? Surprise surprise when you're as a Martian are taking a break from warfare in one of the Martian café's and drinking Mars water and you try to talk to a woman and it turns out she's an assassin from the opposite faction! Your foctional character could become that assassin. Surprise surprise. It opens up many narratives, many situations.

>>23804160
>When life sells you lemonade use that acid for attacks against the business competitor
The above is a joke, for all intents. It's a play on the 'If life gives you lemons...' trope, paired with an absurd idea of attacking the business competitor with lemon juice. I'll probably have to make clear that it's a joke, lest I get persecuted for hate speech.

>>23804243
I mean, I'd get persecuted not for hate speech, but for indictment to violence, but I don't do that.

>>23804223
Ask and you shall receive

https://privatebin.net/?7597cdd25089a072#3M8Y9TqcYdRZ4PkG8LH1ZPKU1zJhGSz64YGkxtHrmEaH

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Do you think a little girl seeing her mother die at a young age would be a good enough reason for her to be a seeker of power?

I wanted her to think her mother died because she wasn't strong enough, so the girl constantly seems to get stronger and stronger.

>>23804092
Probably because you're routinely writing boring-sounding scenes like a dinner + flashback. If you're struggling on what to write, it probably means it isn't a scene you care about, which probably means your readers won't care, either.

A dinner is fine as a visual setpiece, but you need an actual conflict for which the dinner is an undercurrent, a means to achieving the characters' goals. Say you have two estranged siblings at a family get-together who have a lot of past grievances. They want to get at each other but want to be subtle about it, so they use their environment to compete and get in each other's way. They engage in increasingly petty acts of sabotage using the dinner setting, like "accidentally" spilling wine, intercepting passed dishes, and kicking each other under the table. This escalates with passive-aggresive remarks, involving other family members there, and culminates with one or both airing out the heart of the problem and storming off. Maybe it's a bit trite and overdone, but as a scene, that sounds so much more fun to write.

This is the kind of thinking you need to apply to your writing, especially for earlier chapters. Think of a conflict, and think of how characters tangled into it can physically use their environment to facilitate it. Once you do, you'll find yourself with a lot more to write in any given chapter.

>>23804423
I ended up getting 1674 words out. Mostly it was the flashback of the homeless girl stealing eggs from a farm and getting chased by dogs. I don't want a lot of conflict because this scene is bordered by two scenes of murder, so it's meant to be the calm before the storm resumes. But I figure giving the (now adopted) homeless girl a thanksgiving-like feast is a nice contrast, though the food reminds her of living on the streets when she didn't have food.

I don't know, as a rough draft I'll leave it. Probably will end up cannibalizing it and sticking the parts elsewhere later.

>>23804416
Make it clear that, whenever she witnesses her mother's death, she believes that it was her weakness that lead to her death. Maybe even make her weakness indirectly cause her death.

>>23804416
Not everything has to be explained.

>>23804416
Kinda basic motive, but sure, kids seeing death would traumatize them and give them a lifelong insecurity.

>>23804416
you can make it a facet of the backstory eventually but you don't have to rely on an explanation to make characters that are interesting

>>23802604
>Richie Owens
lol

>>23804416
sprinkle in a spot of rape for good measure

>>23804538
But character motivations must be given a psychological root for their flaws, motivations, cope mechanisms, etc.

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Does Wattpad allow cannibalism in a story?
I swear there's a point to it.

>>23804231
pastebin has fallen. i've seen anons use justpaste.it and pastes.io

>>23804683
ao3 seems to allow everything. it's mostly rule 34 stuff

>writing out major plot points
>read on hero's journey and other materials
>decide to re-read the novel that inspired me to write in the first place years ago
>realize it's just an amateur's re-telling of the story albeit slightly different and more watered down
How do I get over the fear of plagiarism? It's some Japanese novel (not a light novel) from like 40 years ago, has a lackluster english translation and has never been substantially been big in the West since, am I just overthinking things? I suppose by some merit a boomer or a millennial with renaissance taste might recognize the similarities right away, though.

>>23804825
Just copying the hero's journey format is in itself plagiarism.

>>23804825
>How do I get over the fear of plagiarism?

Stop plagiarizing.

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>>23804877
Damn, shit, you right

>>23803659
I do 2k minimum a day if it's a writing day, followed by a bit of an edit later down the line.

>>23804842
No it isn’t.

>>23804899
No he isn’t. You just get over it. Mix and match things you like. There is no plagiarism.

>>23802708
Why are people colonizing mars in your story?

>>23802708
Ok, but why mars?

So I posted here before about a tribe in my setting who are Asian inspired in name but translate their names literally into English like Native Americans do.

Do you think the names

>Ironstrike
>Scorchflesh
>Bonebreaker

Sound intimidating enough? This was a tribe who names their children fierce and intimidating names as a means of good luck and hope to scare off the numerous monsters that they shared a home with

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>>23805139
isn't it obvious?

>>23804761
Man, I kind of thought this was more of a wattpad story but, oh well.

I liked last thread better

Which tense are you guys writing in?
Did you choose the tense because of how you want to write the story, or do you just write in the same tense for everything?

>>23805515
I have read stories written in the present tense. In third person it don't see how it adds anything compared to the classic past tense narration. In first person I've seen it used well to really gets close to the POV characters, usually in diaries or stream-of-consciousness works, although the former usually use the diary as a framing device for a plot written in the past tense.

how did you start writing ? What is the first thing that you wrote (entirely) ?

I'm out of ideas for a story

>>23805584
I wrote futa smut just to see if I could. Now I'm published.

>>23805584
My 10th grade geography teacher told me that an essay of mine was the greatest thing he's ever read. It was a shitpost essay not at all related to the topic is was supposed to be on so I got zero marks for it, but still.

>>23805587
published how? self?

>>23805599
Unless you are a literal once in a century prodigy, all this means is that your geography teacher was

1. lying to encourage you, because the autistic kid who couldn't follow prompts needed encouragement from an older authority figure
or
2. your teacher was literally retarded and has read nothing of value at all in his entire life

Grow up anon. you should have realized this yourself

>>23805584
>how did you start writing
On a whim, wanted to write some fanfiction to see what writing was like

>what is the first thing that you wrote (entirely)?
A 65k romance fanfiction (separate from the first, probably like a year later) that was very well received. has a few hundred comments and ~3k kudos

>>23805635
...or
3. he found it funny or entertaining and was being hyperbolic.

the only retard here is you. kill yourself you sanctimonious faggot

>>23805584
>entirely

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>>23805663
>to completion
Woe is me

>>23805661
your original post definitely came off like you thought your teacher thought your work was truly incredible, not that he was sarcastically praising your shitpost, you dumb motherfucker. Try again

>>23805670
Sorry I'm just so fucking sick of obnoxious idiots like you bursting in with all this pomp and smugness and then making the most retarded sweeping over-generalisations on things as if they're objectively true. For the love of god, reflect on your narrow viewpoint before you start treating it as fact -- or gleaning the exact meaning of people's words. Language is a very prickly thing, which I'm sure you're already aware of.

>>23805584
>What is the first thing that you wrote
Skyrim fanfiction. It arose from a discussion between my friends and our then girlfriends about what sort of characters each of us would be in a fantasy setting. I daydreamed about it while playing the game and those characters we talked about evolved into more original creations and I eventually started on a story about an adventure featuring them, with the guy originally based on myself as the MC.
Like most debut works, it was way too ambitious for my skill level at the time. It had a large number of characters, for whom I had all the individual arcs in my head as I gardened my way through a ridiculously action packed story. I had a lot of high artistic and literary ideas that I had no ability to execute, and I didn't plan or structure the story beyond having an idea of where it was going in my head and writing to that. Of course I loaded the first draught with my best (terrible) prose and frequently got stuck writing different versions of certain important scenes.
I never finished it, and deleted the last version at somewhere around 70k words when it dawned on me that it was beyond my abilities of the time to write something good on that scale. I kind of wish I had preserved it, just for posterity.

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>>23804985
You know, I've been thinking pretty heavily since this, and I think it's doable, I'd just be cutting out a lot of subplots and needles expose, and shifting the timeline of things around a lot, but doable. You might not care but this means a lot, thanks anonmoose.

I have an interesting idea but it's about "war bad" but I've never been at war so who am I to write about it ? (don't feel like going to Ukraine either)

>>23805777
I don't think anyone in the world is going to disqualify you from expressing anti-war views by never having fought in one. It's an almost absurd notion to feel the opposite.
You would be far from the first.

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>>23802604
Are there any other useful books on the craft of fiction writing than picrel? Or can most people stop here

>>23805831
yeah but i may be wrong about everything. The war theme would be used to say that war bad because it dehumanize people but that's simply based on my understanding of war that I got from reading ; it may be a misunderstanding and war bad for wildly different reasons and I'm just re-expressing the ideas of someone else who thought that war bad for erroneous or personal reasons (in the grand scheme of things).
In the end, my idea of why war bad may be wrong right from the start

>>23805838
How "wrong" can you possibly be? and to whom?
I read a lot of philosophers -- and writers in general -- with conflicting views, and I appreciate every single one of them.

>>23805851
ah you're right, I should consider it as it is : a fiction. It doesn't have to show an objective truth.
Thanks

>>23804325
Literally the most pretentious horseshit I've ever read. Neck yourself.

What I find with most 'classics' is that the author is writing primarily for themselves, and not with the sensibilities of anyone around them in mind -- which is a virtuous conviction I always try to emulate myself. It's something I earnestly believe everyone should adhere to if they wish to write /their/ best works.

I think a lot of us (myself not exempt) have trouble discerning useful criticism from mere noise that is either: malicious, jealous, coming from a dogmatic position on how something 'ought' to be or whatever else I haven't thought of. I'm not saying we're all misunderstood geniuses or anything, but I think we'd all do well to take a mirror to our critiques from both angles.

I should hope you all see yourselves creating art as much as you are stories.

>>23805935
>What I find with most 'classics' is that the author is writing primarily for themselves
To an extent. The most extreme side of this would be mfers like Marquis de Sade.

>Shortly after Gaia descended,
>I was born in Tartarus.

>Chained and muted I lived, down
>In the depths of Tartarus; down
>With the servants of Hades I lived.

>After I came to age, the age Socrates would approve,
>I took refuge in Dionysus; he
>Was my savior, Dionysus saved me.

>A few years passed.
>Uranus had helped me find Asclepius,
>Then I discovered a Phoenician princess; he
>Gave me purpose,
>Uranus has bestowed upon me purpose.

>I found my purpose and destiny,
>It was to follow Hippocrates;
>To walk in his shoes,
>And keep his trade and philosophy alive.

>With the help of Athena and Apollo;
>I grew wings,
>I have metamorphosed myself,
>I have became Icarus; and
>I broke out and ascended closer to Helios and Olympus.

>>23805935
>What I find with most 'classics' is that the author is writing primarily for themselves, and not with the sensibilities of anyone around them in mind

This is also true of the shittiest works of fiction I've ever read.

>>23806105
Artistically, I'd rather aim high and miss spectacularly than go after mediocrity and hit my target, and I think the world would be a much more beautiful place if others did the same. I don't know about you, but I think there's enough generic bullshit out there

I want to write a story in a capeshit setting but i realize that nothing good could possibly come out of it.

Can't build a good house on rotten fundaments etc.

>>23805105
fall of the soviet union.
Instead of moving to america they move to mars.
>>23805139
Because in my worldbuilding project mars is where i deal with race-related stories. Because mars can be terraformed (a greater good to justify present evils)
Because it sounds cool when you say "Martian America" or "Republic of the Mariner Valley"
Because to me mars is infinitely far away and a symbol of the dream(tm)
I made a mistake the story is around the 2030's mars is colonized around the 2000's and the individual territories declare formal independence around 2007 but mars isn't fully independent yet in the story.
>>23804233
Mars isn't a martial soceity, i see no reason for mars to be one.
>"ooh but mars god of war"
no, not a good reason. California isn't populated by muslims because they said "ooh calipha"
The vibe of mars is what i consider to be "YEAH, AMERICA!" but instead it's mars.
Mars is organized like an apartheid society, a minority of ruling americans are on the top and the majority russo-slavic population are the daylabourers (sciaveni, based on my genuine racist experiences in western europe)
No she becomes a construction worker.
She's EVA trained cause she's from the Moon, she's moving to mars because earth has too high G-forces for her to ever set foot.
Part of her character is the longing to see the earth, but she simply can't.

Mars is supposed to be almost-like-a-failed-state with a shadowy elite that makes sure their ethnic group stays rich and powerful at the expense of everyone else.
Except the chinese colony which is just a giant anthill.

The protagonist is supposed to be yugoslav in descent (moon base founded by yugoslavia) and there is a yugoslav colony on my mars but
I imagine she moves to the russian region because of the wealth and because they have openned immigration (fall of the USSR n all that), which remains open for decades.
She moves in expecting to be in the martian art sphere, but is quickly kicked out of it because the american elite can't stomach a sciaveni in the same room as them, so she's left destitute and stumbles upon a bunch of drunkard construction workers who let her work with them (EVA training n all that)
Premise i think is clear from there.
Picrel is something i made for some /gd/ poster design challenge but i made it thinking of this idea

>>23806251
...TL;DR
is commentary on what i consider to be the "great lie of the west" and how all promises made to my half of the world have been false.

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>>23806251
wrong file sorry

>>23802604
Worldbuilding is for losers but I still like to dwell on some characters from my fantasy world that will never manifest as a book.

Above the Ashen Shores
Where strikes the Sea
With vehement roars
Stands a Stone; where He
Lay down his Sword
In final battle of Man and Sea

Thereupon is it writ
‘Hjalmar was his Name’
No waves that hit
Nor the salted Rain
Have washed or hid
A Hero’s Fame

‘Round the fabled Rock
Curls a crimson reef
And reaches for the Dock–
His empire marine–
His kingdom of Sea–
Of oaken Ale and golden Mead

Whosoever walks the Ash
Whosoever walks the Shore
Let him know of Hjalmar the Bold
Who had claimed Isles of Gold
And had walked distant Roads
Across the Waters and the Shores

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Thinking about using a narrator for my story, again.
Thing is, if I do, I need it to have a point. The biggest mistake one can make when trying to use a narrator within the story itself is to just have them show up at the beginning and at the end, basically going
>I am going to tell you a story
>I am done telling you the story. This is what you should've learned
There is no point to this. It's just an extra layer of narrative that goes between the reader and the story and drains some of the emotional impact.

The story has multiple protagonists (about 5), and so far I've been building it in a pretty standard way : third person narrative, and you follow whoever is the POV character at the time, see through their eyes, hear their thoughts. Clean breaks between chapters or paragraphs to illustrate when the POV switches. One main protagonist who gets maybe ~50% of the spotlight, a secondary one who gets maybe 30%, and 20% for the couple other secondary characters, as needed.

The big questions I ask myself are
>Who will be the narrator?
Essentially, do I make them a character involved in the story, or not? If I do, they need to work his keeps, and be involved in the action. Otherwise, how will they know what happened to tell it later? I am currently considering having him be one of the characters, but since he consider his past self a tosser, he will refer to himself in the third person until the end, but this feels a bit clunky so far. the other hard thing to consider is that a lot of the story takes place "mentally", with characters doing thing in secret. This would indicate that maybe I should make the narrator supernatural in origin, but I don't have a good idea on how to work this in yet.
>Why does he tells this story? What does he hope to gain?
>Why does this story needs to be told through a narrator?

From the books I've read, the ones that I remember having an especially strong "narrator voice" were the Unfortunate Events series from when I was a kid, and the Book-Thief, so I'm looking towards this direction. But if you remember original ways these questions were answered in others books I'll gladly accept them.

>>23806285

‘Hjalmar,’ the cold stone said
‘Hjalmar was his name.’
Naught more on th’ plaque stood
But that call to fame

In sooth, I saw, upon the wave
The tow’ring iron mast
In the distance, his crimson mane
Flowing, and flowing fast

Faster still, the Flora went
Caring not for fate or wind
By unknown gods was it sent
Golden Shores to find

From the shore on I looked
Above that forlorn Sea
How deep it stooped
The Flora and her kin

Ne’er again did she appear
Nor her captain proud
Forever lost, but ever here
Hjalmar and his brow

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I am trying to get a guage for my writing ability, am I terrible? Is it too confusing to read, is my grammar bad, is my prose boring? can you visualize what im writing, Should i be actually writing out the dialogue instead of 'recalling' it? does it stand by itself or do you need all the context i have in my head?

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>>23802662
i am interested
>>23805584
some creative writing about trench warfare when i was in eighth grade.
my fitty belfastian english teacher whom i had a massive crush on said it was prodigiously good, i loved her so much that i decided to make it my hobby. i don't even like writing that much i just do it for her. she's the only person who ever believed in me.

>>23804842
I agree in the same sense that I'd have to pay the descendants of Newton a dime every time I shoot hoop because I'm using his Theory of Gravity.

>>23806251
You thought about the Martian society and gave it form in your imagination, so I wish you blessings on your writing endeavour.

>>23806402
This is nice, pretty evocative. I like the slow mood and the doubt in the ending.
It's a bit clumsy but you're asking good questions.
>Should i be actually writing out the dialogue instead of 'recalling' it?
Right now you're paraphrasing it. I think it works out OK except for the very end, where I interpreted "Like I was" incorrectly at first, which confused the payoff. But that can probably be fixed without switching everything over.
Copy/paste your story and replace the paraphrased dialogue with quoted explicit dialogue. Then compare the two, try to notice the difference in tone it makes. Experiment some more, and try mixing them if you think that could be fruitful—you already have explicit internal thoughts, so switching to explicit quoted dialogue only for the robot's very last phrase could work.
Ultimately you have to feel it out for yourself.
>does it stand by itself or do you need all the context i have in my head?
It can stand on its own. All the crucial things are implied, I'm not left with any story-breaking questions.
I'll note that "labyrinth gifted cybernetics" comes as a surprise in the third paragraph. The buildup would be different if that element were hinted at earlier. I don't know if it would be better or worse but I'm mentioning it in case that exact placement wasn't intentional.

The switch from past to present tense between the first and second paragraph probably isn't worth it. It's strongest to stick to one. I'd suggest moving it all to past tense but here too you can experiment.

Some proofreading:
>It happened so quickly, the robot-statue-man with the light-face struck out at me.
The comma is incorrect.
"robot-statue-man" is less eloquent than "cybernetics" and "construct-chest" so it gave me a skewed first impression. (Not necessarily a problem.)

>prying construct-blade
"Prying" relates to exploration so in my mind a prying motion would be slow and wiggling, not a lightning-fast clean stroke.

>he told me. His voice flat and emotionless,
The second sentence can't stand on its own because it doesn't have a verb.
You can connect the two:
>he told me, his voice flat and emotionless,
Or you can add a verb:
>he told me. His voice was flat and emotionless,

>a muffled speaker
I don't know if the speaker is in his face or chest or somewhere else. Specifying that might make it more vivid.

>He told me I was going to die, it would be slow, and that he couldn't let me leave,
I'd add some number of "that"s and "and"s. At minimum this:
>He told me I was going to die, that it would be slow, and that he couldn't let me leave,
And maybe as many as this:
>He told me that I was going to die, and that it would be slow, and that he couldn't let me leave,

>We sat in that terrible silence a long while before I found the courage to speak again.
This can and should be present tense to match the surrounding text. (Or you can make the surrounding text past tense.)

Nice job, and good luck!

>>23805584
When I was 3, I wrote a story about our family's cat.

>>23805835
The OP HOWTO list contains several references.

>>23806290
Alright, I had a think about it for a while, here's what I came up with. This isn't completely off the cuff, off course, some of this I had in the back of my mind for months, but the process isn't important compared to the final result.

The narrator will be used to exemplify the greater theme of the book: that madness always lurks when you get closer to force you don't understand, and you should take care. Some of the characters will understand this lesson, but not him.

He will start the story an academic, who wants to put the story into paper for its value as a case of interest in how the various gods of the world affect humans. He will end up a fanatic, finishing the story as a tribute to one of these very gods.

The book will be divided into 5 parts, roughly equal in heights. Here are the milestones that will define how the narrator shifts from one part into the next.

>Part 1: The academic. The narrator will have a dry, formal narration, generally not unlike a standard third person limited POV. His presence will be known through footnotes and occasional uses of "I". Footnotes will be used to clarify or give context to events the characters are referencing, and occasionnaly spoil major turns of events (for exemple, namedropping the main villain in a biographical footnote and giving the year of birth and year of death (which will be the same year the story takes place).
> Part 2: The witness. In this part, the narrator will begin to open up slightly more. While his tone will remain processionnal, his past as an old officer to a major war will push him to be slightly more opinionated in how he introduces some characters. Footnotes will still be mostly acamedicals, but they will also, for example, be used to clarify that an old general that is held in high esteem is actually a coward that shouldn't have been told to lead anything but a mule to the field of battle.
>Part 3: The storyteller. In this the narrator will start losing track of the reason why he started the exercice. He will still tell the story but with a focus that will start to shift towards concepts such as histories, or secrets, or the origins of the characters' conflicts. He will allows himself, through the ever-present footnotes to digress into short stories, tales, legends, that will be related to the events at play. He will tell more about how he feels about things, too.
(1/2)

>>23806841
> Part 4: The fanatic. In the story, this will be the lowest point of the characters, the moment where their plan go wrong, innocents die, and illusions are broken. They will not even be able to rely on the narrator's pity, because at this point his own mental corruption will be evident : he will delight in secrets coming into the light, at the explosions of dangerous truths. His footnotes will, almost gleefully, reveal the sordid secrets of the places and characters, that he will have shied away at the beginning (as a concrete example : the story opens with a murder, and the narrator will simply points to the corresponding coroner's report in part 1. In part 4, he will describe, almost obsessionnaly, the various hurts a body of a major character will have endured before expiring.
>Part 5: The prophet. The obsessive drive of the narrator is now complete. He is fully willing to accept his role as a prophet of god, something that will echo back to how the MC was before his development, as well as events he will currently describe in the climax of the story. His faith gives him powers and abilities to see details and events far beyond his means (for exemple, flashbacks about events that no one that lives know about). He will notice the symbolic nature of things and characters, which he will explain in footnotes (and here I must be careful to not simply copy and paste my own writer document on what each symbol means for each character).
(2/3 shit, misread the number limit)

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>>23806845
This seem like a big handful to carry to the viewer, which is why I'm going to tie a particular symbol to the narrator itself : in my story, spiders are very signficant. The MC serves a spider-god, and is blessed with visions of spiders to keep him on the path. Therefore, spiders show up very often in the narration, but instead of just saying "spider", they will be very particular species. The narrator, depending on where he is in the development posted above, will add his own footnotes to the spiders encountered
>Part 1: scientific name of the species, with genre and sub-genre, year of discovery, natural habitat.
>Part 2: scientific name of the species, with genre and sub-genre, but a focus on the physical properties of the species itself (its venom, the force of its bite, its jumping power)
>Part 3: more common name used for the species, with a short story attached to it (invented or real depending on my researches on the subject), for example "this is the spider that poisoned Aristotle"
>Part 4: common name, all pretense of scientific inquiry gone. The spiders will be talked about based on how and what it feeds on, obviously particular focus will be given to the prey and how all their avenues of resistance are cut off
>Part 5: in a little plateau of sanity, spiders will now be strictly talked about from their symbolism : the way the colors play on the scene, the way they move, the way they feel, and so on. I admit I haven't really looked much into it.

It was a big couple posts, but as usual I'm concerned about going "too slowly". The "voice" of the narrator is not really apparent at the start by itself (I might add foreshadowing or something else) though. The right, of course, is that reader might miss it by dropping the story too early, although of course this problem can be solved by just writing a good plot with an engaging hook.

>>23805584
The first thing I wrote was my first name in capital letters in red marker on the wall of our house at pre-primary school age. My mother was not pleased with the writing.

>>23805586
'Everything has been done before, so we must so it again'

>>23805907
You must live a very sheltered life.

>>23805670
No it didn't you poor fool.

I feel writing is often devalued as a craft.

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Read my slop!

>After a routine monster hunt goes awry, Adah undertakes a mission to seek out her team's disappearance. With each clue in her possession, Adah comes closer to finding the whereabouts of her comrades but becomes entangled in a web of mysteries where she confronts men transforming into beasts, old friends becoming new enemies, and a mysterious merchant seemingly in control of it all.

>Step by step, riddle after riddle, the puzzle pieces come together. As the threads unravel, Adah uncovers a greater conspiracy threatening the world she swore to protect.


https://litter.catbox.moe/yn90x6.pdf

>>23806924
Upvalue it then. 100% Effortwrite something.

A sad thing happened to me today. Should I force myself to write?

>>23807037
Would it help?

>>23807020
Nah. Too sloppy

>>23804325
I liked it. The dialogue was good. Would read more.

>>23807020
what's your next project gonna be?

>>23806421
Newton didn't invent gravity though, God did. Newton just wrote down how it worked. Different scenario completely.

>>23807182
I want to write another historical fiction or romantasy. Something so cheesy and terrible that it just hits trope after trope after trope. Elevate the slop genre to new heights that embarrassed all the female authors that write this genre

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I remember when I was a little boy having a really strange experience where I stood next to my chest of drawers and thought about how scary and miserable if instead of being a human child, I were just a drawer. This memory returned to me on occasion, and I always found it amusing. One day at night I remembered it and thought about how a poem would look if it were narrated from the perspective of a drawer with a consciousness. I've never written a poem (or a play, for that matter) before, so it might be wonky, especially due to the fact that I don't utilise any standard forms, or anything like that. But I did try and make some of the verses 'rhythmical'.

>>23807040
It was supposed to be happy.

>>23804325
Overlong and I don't think a younger girl would actually be interested in someone that talked that way. It came across as fantasy, and self inserty. Perhaps shorten the overall dialouge and only focus on things that sound charming rather than overly boomer.

But if the goal is to be a boomer fantasy then congrats. But old men dont buy romance novels they jerk off to porn.

>>23807194
As far as I know mister soup can also claimed to just be writing down how existing shit worked

>>23807280
you're a regular pirandello

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What's another similar adjective to Daring that starts with a D?

I wanted a character whose name started with D and was very young to display great bravery in battle, and thus earns a nickname. But what's another good adjective that starts with a D?

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Probably a stupid question but I'm noided.
If I write a story about a historical figure whose children and grandchildren are still alive today, and the story is let's just say wildly offensive towards that historical figure, should I worry about them theoretically reading it and suing me? It's not Hitler but someone who's also generally considered by most to be evil.

Any thoughts on creating a simple wordpress website to post your writing to?

>>23807584
Dashing? That's at least daring-adjacent.

>>23807584
In a military context, Devil.

>>23807584
Dauntless Dave, dennis the dauntless would also be good.

>>23807601
see the character's name is Deathsong as he follows the naming scheme in my post here>>23805242

So it'd be Deathsong the Devil.

Should I just lean into maximum edge at this point?

>>23807379
These are some good points in isolation, but I think it's partly due to a lack of context.
This is part of a larger story, and it isn't romance. It's more of a spin on the murder mystery where it's presented as a memoir by the killer and it's only revealed at the end which of the people involved in his life he killed. The girl, obviously, is one of the potential victims, and the rest of the story fleshes out her motives for having sex with the killer in a more cynical light than this section, which I posted because it's one of the more interesting points and because it's very dialogue heavy, which is part of my writing that has previously gotten heavily shit on by /wg/.
The fantasy self insert stuff is (mostly) intentional, like Lolita, but also partly unintentional on my part, also like Lolita.
Your point about the length is well-taken, though. In order to get a looser, more conversational feel, I wrote this in a very freeform way, with a lot of editing. One of the downsides of that approach is that it meanders. I will try to edit it down further on the next pass.

>>23807079
Thanks. I posted it mostly as a test of how my dialogue was received. I've heard favorable things about my prose before but dialogue has been a weakness.

>>23805907
Screenshotting this.

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>open new story
>every major female character is in an important position and/or is a morally upstanding and also sexy and also caring and empathetic person
>every major male character is just there for comedic purposes, is a total piece of shit, or does nothing for the whole story
>readers can't get enough of it
Is there a name for this besides reddit writing? Seriously, I need a name for this because I'm about one more of these away from making a fucking hour long self-important youtube rant about them. How in the absolute FUCK is it that damned near every piece of fiction published these days has such godawful character writing?

>>23807711
Sounds like your average anime

How do I know what amount of lewd is acceptable in a modern novel? I don't read any modern writing that isn't on AO3 which has probably warped my perspective some.

>>23807778
It's your story. Tell the story you want to tell. Don't be constrained by the opinion of the masses.

>>23807778
Zero. Zoomers get so little sex they have now turned it into some strange virtue that sex must be avoided and chastity cultivated

>>23807778
For mainstream publishing? You can get fairly explicit descriptions of sex acts published nowadays, more than you used to be able to.
>>23807786
Gen Z is not a significant market for literature.

>>23802604
Why do so many blurb's insist on saying the female lead is "beautiful"?
I mean, what does it add? And why include it? The point burb is to get reader to read to read the book so every word in it is important.

>>23807619
It seems like it would fit

>>23807711
I do see this a lot in light novels, but do you have any non-Japanese examples?

>>23807810
People aspire to and are fascinated by beauty.

>>23807786
How can this be the case when incel is still the go to insult for anything?

>>23807786
This is unironically my belief.

>>23807711
Third Wave Feminist boilerplate?

>>23807810
Why would you want to read a book about an ugly person?

>>23807937
Not necessarily the takeaway, but yes, I think ugly MC is more interesting because being ugly is a disablity.

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>>23807711
Bourgeois girl boss fallacy.
Cosbyisation of the Name of the Father.

It is an infantile hysteric femme fantasy and is the first step to NC mPreg Knot porn, where The Bad Man plays The Name of the Father to guarantee Potence to The Name given that all normal men have been emasculated by the castrating power of the mother's breast.

This is the first stage of the girl's fantasy, "I am Daddy's good girl, but daddy is impotent (when I figure out he's just a man." Next is "I want bad man to strangle me."

It is kind of sad but don't stick your dick in cracra.

>>23807587
Mussolini was a flawed figure.

>>23807711
I'd forgive them if not for the awful presentation of them where the females are ugly as hell and there's clear spite towards males

>>23807587
Under US law, only living people can be defamed, so they would have no standing for a lawsuit.

>>23806402
you posted this before. did you do anything with the feedback you already got on this?

>>23808068
>I'd forgive them if not for the awful presentation of them where the females are ugly as hell and there's clear spite towards males
But that's an accurate great realistic depiction of women.

>>23808079
femoid detected

>>23806402
i personally hate present tense, and feel this piece would be better in past. It's certainly not bad though. I enjoyed it.

>>23802708
That's literally that shitty indie film Moonshot released two years ago

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12585076/

Haven't written in a month.
https://pastebin.com/DA68xCcr

>>23807617
>>23807831
Damn now I'm stuck between Dauntless or Devil.

>>23808647
>goblins
You should have stayed not writing.

>>23808699
I don't know why goblin anon writes YA goblin stories either, compared to frankly anything else, but I bet he writes better than you. His prose has smooth flow and is readable which is more than I can say for ~75% of excerpts here

>>23808647
>>23808717
Samefag

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when did people start using "enter" to introduce a topic/object/person etc?
>enter X
>enter the X
>enter John Smith
etc
I hate it so much

>>23808759
Calling out samefag when you're wrong is really embarrassing btw

>>23804416
just make sure your lesbo freak totally BTFOs massive grown men with assault rifles using just her le ebin fighting skillz

>>23808647
Keep going Tad the Goblin anon. It'll take another 10 years to finish, but you'll finish!

>>23807847
incel is a millennial insult. Hence why millennials use it in their journalism, their youtube videos, and other stupid shit.

>>23808773
+
I have found a response to a similar question to mine:
"It sounds as though it comes from theatre, where scripts tend to read 'enter [name of character]' to signal that this character appears on stage. Hence the character name is a proper noun, even if it is one that usually functions as a normal noun"
so if this person is right it is not proper English and just pretentious wank like I suspected

>>23808878
It's a zoomer insult too. IDK who owns it more, but Zoomers use it a lot

>>23808878
>muh miwwenialz
its a simp/feminist insult
nothing to do with generations

You need to improve your prose? Keep these in mind.

Clarity - Do your words get the image in your head across?
Brevity - With as little words as possible?
Style - Does it roll off the tongue when you read it aloud?
Diction - Goes back to clarity, are your words properly used. Keep in mind, "throwing a ball as hard as he could" can be better prose than "rocketed a ball".
Wit - What is your play on words
Rhythm - Word length
Voice - Is it coming from the character's voice or the authors?

"incel" is not only putting pussy on a pedestal the term is ridiculous because the correct terminology for the intended meaning would be "inchaste" as in involuntary chastity

>>23808904
>as in involuntary chaste*

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>tfw waiting to hear about a submission
>have a good feeling but have been let down numerous times before

>>23808904
The insult 'incel' is usually -for- the turbo-losers who put pussy on a pedestal and simp stupid hard
Regular people just fuck, and it's not some rare and mystical thing

>>23808895
Funk yes.

>>23806583
Thanks, this is the exact kind of feedback I was looking for and it's very helpful.

>>23808820
She's actually either into older dudes or younger dudes

I'm not sure. Her dad was groomed at 13 by her mom when the mom was 20. So I'm not sure if the daughter should take after her mother in taste or her father.

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>have thought of myself as a writer ever since 2019
>have only every put out 10k words in final drafts that have been shared online

>>23809048
I started writing in 2020 and have like 1.5 mil words written

why do you write so little

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>>23809048
>have thought of myself as a writer ever since 2015
>have put out about 2m words in final drafts that have been shared online
>there's no real difference between me and this guy

>>23809056
>only worldbuilt and drew maps and created my own wiki from 2019 until 2022
>write a sci-fi story as a project just to become a better writer, get about 30k words in and share snippets with people here
>they seem to like it well enough, get some great feedback too
>started a story in 2023, got about 40k words, ended up abandoning it since I realized I didn’t even have a plot, just a world
>write a short story this past winter, really like it
>edit it several times, share it here, get good feedback
>come back a few months later and give it a final edit, end up being very happy with it
>start looking over my abandoned fantasy series, get some ideas for a plot, begin redoing the rough drafts
>get about 18k words into the rough drafts after two months
>realize at this rate I’m never gonna get anywhere
>after much meditation I realize I will never be published, nor will I be successful as a writer
>which is mildly okay and acceptable because I do this as a hobby, not a job
>decide to publish my fantasy story chapter by chapter online
>reread and edit the chapter five times, put it through an AI voice to make sure the dialogue sounds okay, and edit it again
>finally shared it online tonight
And… wahlah! That’s all there is to it. Procrastination is a bitch. But when you count 4channel posts I’ve written 500 words daily every since 2017
>>23809066
PYW

>>23809056
Stories about cyborg lesbians don’t fucking count

>>23809100
Uh... project much?

>>23809097
>finally shared it online tonight
Link?

>>23808895
>Brevity - With as little words as possible?
Why should this ever be a factor? I don't understand this push for keeping things short. Sometimes it just sounds better and more eloquent to use more.

>>23809144
>Sometimes
Welcome to writing advice. nothing holds in every circumstance
Turning a lot of rambling words into a few impactful words is great advice for beginner writers. Hence: Brevity is king
But it's not universal, of course

>>23809144
It takes skill to be brief. It requires thought and consideration that waffling doesn't. Amateur writers are notorious for over-egging the pudding with excessive narration because they don't understand what the reader does and doesn't need to get it. Brevity is an important skill.

>>23809175
>they don't understand what the reader does and doesn't need to get it
This becomes more apparent as a reader. When I'm reading some book and there's two sentences of description, I fill in the rest easily. But when there's two paragraphs of description I glaze over and can't come up with a solid mental image.

>>23809132
linktree/BornUnderaBlackSun
Royal Road is ass so the chapter isn’t showing up there yet

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So I kind of want to lift a quote from House of the Dragon, specifically
>In this hour, you have proven yourself of more worth than a hundred old men
>My new Hand is a steel fist

But for this context it is a princess. Her first betrothed is a prince of equal standing, but mistreated her. So she decides to marry a lesser noble who she finds reliable and steadfast.

The lesser noble's family is associated with stoneworks, while her former betrothed is of a maritime kingdom. I was thinking for her line, she selects her new betrothed and says something like:

>In my time of need, Sir Blackstone has proven to be worth more than a hundred princes

The thing is I wanted her to favourably compare her new betrothed using a metaphor of him being reliable stone while her former intended is changeable and unreliable like the sea. I was thinking she'd continue on with something like

>My new intended is a reliable stone wall, not something as unreliable as the sea

But I feel that isn't succinct enough and is too literal. Any ideas on what to change it to?

>>23809319
>Amidst the changing waves you were the tower of stones that kept me on the right path
But people tend to associate lighthouses with the "light" part rather than its masonry. But if someone in the audience is feeling salacious they might get a chuckle out of "tower of stone"
>The waves might crash and break for a thousand years on the same cliff, but the Blackstones have proven that they will endure eternally
You might work in a secondary metaphor in there, if you want to point what actually tends to happen to stones that's been washed by the seas for ages

>>23809048
How? I started in the spring of 2020 and by the following spring I already had 1,440,000 words written. It was the pandemic, so I guess it was like writing on steroids, but I haven't stopped writing since.

Is there an easy way to refine my broad concepts? I have all these ideas for characters and worlds and lore and set pieces but they're trapped in my head and I cant for the life of me figure out how to translate them to page for a readable story.

>>23807194
Thanks, now that you explained my joke it's less funny.

>only genre i like is mystery
>fucking suck at writing it.

>>23807967
It's not Mussolini
>>23808075
>only living people can be defamed
OK, that's great to hear. Thanks for answering my retarded question anon.

>>23809771
you need to work backwards.

>>23809097
See this is the fucking problem with worldbuilding. You can have the greatest, most in-depth fantasy world ever conceived, and it won't matter for shit if you've barely written a word of the actual story. In fact that's all it does, put off the actual writing. And it's not even remotely what makes a fantasy story good or bad. People find huge success with minimalistic worlds while /tg/ autismos sit making wikis and stringing together theoretical physics for their magic system for decades with nobody but their DnD buddies ever so much as seeing their work.
Why don't you people realize this? I'm not trying to be mean, it genuinely baffles me why so many people do this. I get if it's the actual worldbuilding itself that's the core of the hobby for you and not the writing, but that's not what I'm getting from your post.

>Spend years daydreaming about writing.
>Have not produced a single short story, novel, fanfic, or even a skeleton idea more fleshed out than the initial premise.
Am i genuinely retarded?
I get story bits and loose moments pop into my head but i have not even once actually sat down to write anything concrete down despite wanting to.

It's just that whenever i get a free while, every other alternative is trumped by jacking off and vidya or actually reading stories written by talented people.

I've focused too much on my prose, and the themes of the story that I forgot how to actually make my narrative enjoyable to read.

>>23809823
I started writing down words by being very annoyed that nobody else had already written my genius fanfic ideas, after a few false starts finally managing to crap one out in under 1000 words (in a single sitting without exceeding my attention span), getting a little encouragement, and scaling up from there

>>23809827
Average litchud

My action scenes have been described as cinematic. What does that even mean? I get that it's supposed to be a compliment, but I'm struggling to extract any further meaning from it.

>>23809983
Can you post one?

Ok so, i have this story idea but it's capeshit so.i'm not sure if it's even worth writing out.
The basic premise is that in the setting every ordinary citizen has some sort of a superpower, but the society has adapted to it splendidly so, so there are no heroes or villains anymore.
There used to be for a brief while in the past, known as the age of wonder, but then obviously the world governments cleaned it all up.

The protagonist is someone who sincerely tries to make it as a honest to God compliant wagie, but finds himself just not built for the way the regular world works, and thus becomes the first Villain in a few hundred years, eventually prompting a wider societal shift by merely existing at odds with the way things are.

>>23809808
World building is a mental trap that gatekeeps the writing profession from autists. They get distracted by it and never complete a single work.

>>23807020
>Tymber
Cmon man. Should use something way more creative and unique. And there's not enough world building. What are the tax plans and all the laws used in the city? How much are the fines? The legal system? Etc. do criminals get a lawyer?

>>23810087
Not without doxxing myself.

>>23810164
Well I'd just say that, at worst, they don't really know what they're talking about and "cinematic" is just a word that sounds good to say when you feel like the writer is expecting a bit more than "cool". Or they're praising your ability to write several characters moving in a three-dimensional space in a way that is easy to understand so they're not constantly wondering where everyone is in relation to everyone else.

>>23810164
Write something short in your usual style for us

>>23810122
Eh, I don't know how you're going to go about explaining it but hundreds of years without heroes or villains seems farfetched. We've got "heroes and villains" in our world without anyone having powers. How is the government competent enough to crack down on billions of superpowered individuals for centuries, but the protagonist turns everything on its head? The idea of a wagie losing his shit and going to the dark side is fun, I just think you either need a really good explanation or to narrow the time frame since there's been a villain.

>>23809808
Of course I realize it, but I can’t seem to stop myself

>>23810314
Well, crime still exists, but the context of superheroics is dead.
The protag changes that up by indulging the oldschool theatrics of villainy as opposed to just stealing shit.
This is the part that gets him into more trouble than regular criminal activity would. Neither the established criminal underground, nor the government want to see the return of the cycle of heroes ans villains, everyday people going out of their way to become mythical figures etc.

That bit wouldn't come up instantly however, since it's not like he'd inspire people overnight.

Essentially, in something akin to reverse venture brothers, it's the performance art of villainy that's the most dangerous part.

>>23802604
How do you guys rate grammarly

>>23808197
my story is not a romcom
i guess its a "slice of life" or something

>>23810337
Decided to decrease the timeframe a bit. It's like 70 or so years since the end of superheroics. Short enough where it isn't an extremely set in stone thing, but still a sufficient amount for the mc to accept it as such.

>>23809983
I think that means it'd translate well to a visual medium. Definitely a good thing; writers make more money selling the TV/movie rights to their writing than they do selling copies of their writing.

>>23803278
It's becauee your language is inferior.

Where do you guys share your independent stories for others to read? Literally just reddit?

>>23810795
royal road or ao3 depending on what it is

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Plotting is such a chore bros, I wrote by the seat of my pants for months, it forced me to acknowledge I couldn't just write the semi-complex story I had in mind off the cuffs. So I took a big break to read a bit on literacy theory, how to make original yet organic plots that builds up, this kind of thing. Now I'm probably going to spend my evening of the next month (if everything goes well) in front of a spreadsheet writing how the characters progress through the story. Obviously I'm not starting from nothing, I have had pretty consistent plans for the beginning, ending, and even a big chunk of the middle, but now I must cast away every excuse. No "I'll figure out how to go from here to there" later anymore. I am now here and I must go there, and I must do it in a way that make sense for the characters's morality and changing desires. Writing was definitely much easier at the start.
I take comfort at the fact that I like what I've come up so far, and if I manage to pull everything together I'll probably consider writing the first draft a relaxing vacation.

I'm part of the problem, however, my goal is to be the whole problem.

>>23810653
Nice. Will be expecting my TV series contract in the mail next week.

>>23809983
It's most likely a compliment, but you see the criticism on here that anons' prose is overly visual like a written description of an anime rather than something meant to be consumed as literature.

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What pitch do you prefer for a short story?
>A man starts receiving polite letters from an otherworldy being, completely unprompted. He will eventually be convinced to follow a particular ritual to join this being in another plane of existence. The story will be made entirely of the letters the man receives (therefore written in first-person in a very "my good chum" tone), with his own replies (or lack of) being implied.
>In the near future, mankind witnesses an alien ship crash-landing on mars and being under siege by a swarm or smaller ships. The people on earth will need to decide whether to provide assistance to the crashed side in a conflict they know nothing about between two civilisations obviously more advanced than them
>First-person story about a man who avoids everything that has to do with the direction "right" realizing that his neighbor avoids everything that has to do with the direction "left" and trying to find how to communicate with him (political analogy not at all intended)

>>23810941
The first one is the most interesting

>>23810932
Your expectations may be too high. Still, I applaud your audacity.

I've decided I'll dedicate at least one hour to writing every day

If you don't write at least 10k words per day then you're never gonna make it.

>>23811185
What does it mean to make it?

Should you avoid words that aren't extremely common, considering that the reader might not know said words? I know that some people dislike that sort of stuff.

>>23811416
Do it too much and it feels pretentious.
Do it only sometimes and people who don't know will just look it up, no biggie.
Do it and then explain it if you're writing a funny.
Don't do it in the first chapter or people might think you're snobbish.

>>23811416
if you're writing for the absolute lowest common denominator (or actual children), sure, that does improve accessibility

>>23811416
The simpler word should most likely be used. If you're going to use the fancier word, try to make its meaning clear through context so that those uninitiated can probably guess what it means

No seriously, is grammarly worth using?

>>23811433
>Do it too much and it feels pretentious.
>Do it only sometimes and people who don't know will just look it up, no biggie.
This. I've seen way too many people advocating for not using more complex words AT ALL, when seeing a word you don't know and looking it up is how people improve their fucking vocabularies in the first place. It has never been easier to find the definition of a word with your phone constantly on hand, yet there are people that want everything to be dumbed down to a middle school reading level. And so the bar for what's considered a $5 word just keeps getting lower.

>>23811810
I usually give a following sentence to explain and define a word.
>Joel met a haphazard inside the kitchen. The disorganized utensils inside Mary's house was as though a mischievous child misplaced the spoons and forks purposely.

>>23811763
If you're writing non fiction. For fiction, you'll be breaking a few grammar rules

>>23810545
technically it's ai. if you don't care about that use it to elevate your work but it's ai.

What was the name of that compilation of poems made by /lit/? poem of the day?
Anyway, I can't find it anywhere, I remember finding it on the wiki before but now it's closed.

>>23811902
>thinking haphazard is a $5 word
>using haphazard as a noun
>having to write a doubly long prolix 2nd sentence to justify the pet word in the 1st
nice idea anon, but not a great illustration

>>23812378
it's just an example anon

>>23812476
bout to make "an example" of you, cooley.

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Is there a way to make female teacher on male student romantic and not pedophilic?

>>23812477
wha'chu say chinaman?

>>23812502
don't be named cummings, if your last name is cummings it's already over

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>>23812503
ching chong ping pong ding dong rama rama ding dong

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https://www.wattpad.com/story/376666481-echoes-part-1
wrote this quick story at work because I was so bored, this is my first time writing anything, feedback/roast is appreciated

>>23812541
post it ITT not clicking an external link lol

>>23812506
I wonder if GRRM would've been as successful if his last name was Cummings.

>>23812502
How old is the male student? 7? Pedo. 17? It's fine

>>23812888
13 when it begins (handjobs and blowjobs only)

18 when he marries her (to the shock of many)

>>23813035
dude what the fuck.

>>23813035
based

>>23812545
NTA but Wattpad isn't known for serving up viruses, you cowardly paranoid freak.

>>23809771
>The mystery is then: 'How do you write something good in your favourite genre?'

>>23809100
>cyborg lesbians
I.. I think I would actually want to read something like that...

>>23814142
There’s a person who posts in this thread quite often who has a massive schizophrenic book where it’s a cyberpunk setting with only women, all of whom dress like anime girls and are cyborgs/androids. Some do heroin.
It has by far the best prose I’ve ever seen from an anon on /lit/.

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>>23812503
>Asian American, please.

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Hey /lit, could i ask for your feedback on the writing style and pacing of this page? Thanks in advance

>>23814456
Why is it one paragraph? I considered looking at it but decided not to, because why put effort into helping a "writer" who doesn't know what the return key is?

>>23814495
noted thank you professor

>>23814498
It's not a nitpick, by the way, if that's what you were implying. It's a major flaw that indicates you don't treat this seriously or are a day one beginner. Format your work correctly. It's the one part of writing that's easy. If you don't care about your writing, I sure don't.

>>23814522
This.

It's simply physically hard to read.

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>>23814522
for your viewing pleasure

>>23814192
Jesus Christ, I need to see that.

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Ok so purely theoretical question but let's say you send your work to a bunch of beta readers which haven't signed any kind of contract or anything. What exactly is the worst case scenario if one of them decides it would be really clever to try and pass it off as his own work (it's less than half a book)

>>23814192
Are you talking about the cherno caster anon? I don't actually know what that book is about but I don't know what anon you would be talking about otherwise and I'm here fairly often

>>23814763
I guess you could sue him with proof of you sending him the file originally if he makes it big off the plagiarised work.

>>23814763
it would never ever happen. but if you're worried about it, email yourself a copy of it first. there's your timestamp.
if you're especially autistic, you can make them sign an NDA

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thoughts (I'm new and suck ass)

>>23814192
can u post any? I'm curious

My writing as a newbie normally just feels like a string of fights and the characters don't do much of anything else. What are other things to give the characters to do?

>>23815629
Think about the kind of character interactions you enjoy when you read other stuff. What things besides fights would you want to see in a story?

>>23815466
>>23814778
>>23814711
>>23814192
>>23814142
Thanks for the interest anons, here's my wip if you want a look
https://cosmopolita.substack.com/p/a-polyphony-of-human-thought

I think that I'm going to disappoint my readers with a backstory more interesting than the actual story. I'm working on something where the first 1/3 is this one particular Romeo and Juliet type tale, and the other 2/3 is the story I really want to tell, the meat of it, and that story is a direct consequence of the first part, and doesn't have much weight without that first part.

But now I'm afraid of hooking people with one story, when that's not really the story. I don't want people to say this was a "Death Note sucked after L died" type of situation.

It's just painful man. You put your heart and years of work into something so personal and it just fails. How can anybody stay confident after finding out the things in their soul aren't interesting to anybody else?

>>23815720
All is not lost. You created something deep and personal to you and gave it life and form, your very own world. Doing that is beautiful on its own.

>>23815629
Do you mean arguments or physical fights? Both are acceptable, but if the whole book is just nonstop acrimony it gets boring. There needs to be alliances, victories, betrayals, etc in both kinds of fighting to offset the drama/action

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>>23815720
I was like you, until I realized I should be writing for me, not others.

>>23815629
eat

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>>23815412
Wrote that first version off the dome so I made some revisions. Pretty much the same thing though.

Currently working on a project aimed at a younger audience (I'm thinking within the 12-14 age range), and I'm wondering how well this excerpt works as an introduction. I can post more if it's too short to get a proper feel for the style or narrative.

https://privatebin.net/?81c1abb18d8471c6#AWPesqBsXkxmAKGjkwuuj6TfymKN9oyJajCDbEPu2G9Y

>>23816003
NTA, but they have more money than me, and I want them to spend their money on my work.

What's a good way to write a character being more used to following orders instead of giving them? I was thinking
>In a tense situation, he asks a superior what to do
Not sure what else could be done though

>>23816142
I'd write them as being noticeably passive, in that they always try to avoid making the first move and prefer look to someone else, to see if they can follow their lead.

>>23816114
ppffffffffffffffffttttttHAHAHAHAHAHAJAJAJAJAJAJAJAJJHAHAHAHAHAHAHQHAHAHAHAHA

>>23816142
Like everything else, show is better than tell if you can work it that way. Just show him never taking the initiative. Someone else is always making the plans and giving orders, not him. It should reveal itself naturally. You can cap it off by putting himself in a situation where it would be ideal for him to give orders in some sort of way, but he hesitates or gets noticably nervous because he's not comfortable with it.

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A good old "anomaly put our spaceship somewhere it isn't supposed to be" situation.
I always feel like I suck at dialogue so as an exercise in this story I'm going to intentionally try to avoid speaker tags and just make it clear who's talking by context and manner of speech.

>>23816332
>spent tobacco eddies lived a moment in the orange aux lighting before dissipating into haze
This sentence is leaning into pretentious territory. I'd personally just use cigarette butts instead of "spent tobacco eddies".

"Some kind of short hit all three navs"
This paragraph is laden with too many terms that I am unfamiliar with. I do not know if you explained it before, earlier in the story, but as it stands, it just makes me confused as to what exactly are the disabled systems.

>catechism
Bit of a nitpick but I'm not fond of this either

Overall I think you get the message across of "the system's fucked and they're all getting bent trying to figure it out". But some of your word choices are either a bit pretentious or are not easy to understand as someone reading it the first time.

>>23816342
An "eddy" is a whirl or convolution in the flow of a fluid.
But yeah, I admit it's a kind of dense opening. I'm shooting for being readable, but putting the reader on the back foot until some stuff gets clarified later, like you also just got dropped into uncharted space and don't totally know what's happening.

>>23816114
This has potential.

>>23815720
To date, I've written 18 novels, 9 short stories, and a handful of screenplays, and they were all flops. Everyone who bothered to voice their opinion said they were good and I never got any real complaints, but the majority just didn't give a single fuck either way. Admittedly, it's starting to somewhat eat at my will to go on.

>>23815720
>putting "years of work" into a single novel
just write faster you retard

>>23816381

Have you published? If you wrote 18 novels and none of them were good enough to get published, then that's tough.

>>23816358
Yeah but I'd still use cigarette butts, as that is something people are familiar with.

Or if you really want to use smoke, maybe "cigarette smoke" or "cigarette vapour"

Personally I'd follow Gordon Ramsay's advice for cooking here, but for writing:
https://youtu.be/3kRjemvOST8?t=520

Less is sometimes more. Keep it simple.

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>want to set up a main character as evil not by being an edgy douche bag, but having a completely warped sense of morality who thinks he's in the right.
>my own sense of morality is being questioned as I contemplate how to structure said character

>>23816400
I self-published. I'm esl but write in English, so tradpubbing was never an option.

>>23816845
Nta
If you have a good level of English and prose then I'd think that being ESL would give you cookie points for inclusivity shit. That could be exploited.

>>23816381
>>23816845
How do you market?

>>23816845
Joseph Conrad was esl, bro, you can do it.

>>23816920
That's not the issue, but...What if they want to meet you face to face? What if they want you on a promotion tour, or whatever, signing books and talking to schools? What if they want to interview you on TV? What if you win some hippie award and have to go pick up the vase? I'm sure not flying thousands of miles and jumping all those hoops for a goddamn book.

>>23816381
What are your novels about? Do you explore the underlying themes of society and the human psyche? Or are they just warmed-over anime battle montages?

>>23817147
That's your hikikomori issue

>>23817164
No, it's the reason why I don't do queries

>>23817152
They are anime battle montages that explore the underlying themes of society and the human psyche.

>>23817175
so you're aiming for the young adult demographic

Have any of you tried using an AI to serve as an editor? I always find myself in the problem that once I put something down on digital paper, it never reads as evocatively as I picture it in my head, so I use it to help me add vivid descriptions to my writing.

Got another short story drafted. Pretty pleased with it. Figure I'll start shopping it around this weekend.

>>23817181
Thank you, Captain Obvious.

Before the thread sinks: Ideas on how to vary a "Can't catch me" plot?
>At the 40% mark the characters choose to escape rather than to give the McGuffin to the government, managing to escape despite almost being caught
>At the 60% mark they narrowly manages to avoid being caught by the team sent to capture them
>At the 80% mark they escape yet again and rush to the ending, the villains on their tail all the way through
I've varied things a bit by making the people they're actually running from different every time, changing how the characters escape (by stealth, by ruse, by violence) and who they need to leave behind, but objectively speaking it's still "can't catch me sucka" for 60% of the book. Is this worrying? I feel that in theory it gives a nice sense of urgency to the plot but I'm afraid of repetition. I'm considering making the government only find their trail again at around 70% of the story, so the action part at the 60% mark is actually against the other villain, and the resulting kerfuffle puts them back into the government's radar.

>>23817188
have you tried getting better at writing instead?

>>23817188
I wouldn't even trust an AI to tell me the answer to 2+2, you want it to write for you?

Realizing that if I ever want to finish a draft of a novel I gotta be at peace with hating large swaths of it, especially in the back half.

Have any of you royal road bros joined one of the discords? Never used discord in my life, but I hear it can be good for getting your story more attention.

>>23818059
>but I hear it can be good for getting your story more attention.
Only if you do the weird review swapping cabal shit, and the benefit from that is very limited

Join them if you have a need to be social and talk to other (bad) writers, otherwise pass

>>23818059
Going outside naked with the story url painted on your chest with blood and then setting yourself on fire could get your story more attention too. You should try it.

>>23818059
>>23818132
Which discords? The only one I joined was the official RR one and it's just 3 snarky booger eaters that comprise most posts. My two attempts and being friendly were shot down. I can share my own (empty) chat if anyone wants to talk RR.

>>23818205
Networking is an effective way to grow. If you think a lot of the bigger guys aren't in private group chats collaborating at some level then you are misled.

>>23818268
>a lot of the bigger guys aren't in private group chats collaborating at some level
This is true, but usually you need some level of success already to get invites to those private discords
You should be able to hit rising stars completely on your own merit, assuming you're writing something suitable to RR. Then you get invites to private discords and such and hitting RS the second time is basically free

Just write something good, networking bros are cringe

>>23818268
>Networking is an effective way to grow
No shit sherlock. Jesus fuck you're an idiot. Makes sense you'd want to get together with other idiots

>>23818341
>You should be able to hit rising stars completely on your own merit, assuming you're writing something suitable to RR.
"Should" carrying a lot there. Early networking can give you some social proof and visibility to get you over the initial hump. I'm just telling you from my experience on other platforms that people who invest a small amount of energy into networking do better. Nobody advertises their behind the scenes support, so you are not seeing all that goes into the success of others.

If anyone wants to talk: https://dis cord.com/invite/fqTVq94v

>>23818493
It was a remedial explanation in response to a retarded point.

>>23818727
>"Should" carrying a lot there. Early networking can give you some social proof and visibility to get you over the initial hump. I'm just telling you from my experience on other platforms that people who invest a small amount of energy into networking do better. Nobody advertises their behind the scenes support, so you are not seeing all that goes into the success of others.
You misunderstand. Networking is definitely helpful, yes. But my perspective is that if you can't write a fun enough story that stands on its own merit to hit the mild-level-of-viral required to enter the RS list, then you should be focusing more on how to write engaging stories than how to shill your way into barely squeaking by.
My argument isn't "networking bad", but "if you need networking, you're bad, so be better"
(this only applies to RR, which is comparatively easy to find natural success on)