Welcome one and all to an impromptu /lit/ writing competition. Meant to make this earlier to give more prep time, but we'll see who's interested. This will be a good opportunity to practice writing under constraints to see how much you can do with limited time and resources.How it works:At 18:00 EST tomorrow (December 30), a prompt containing a randomly generated setting, character, and object will be posted in the thread. From there, all anons who want to compete have 3 hours to write a short story containing all three of those elements. After the three hours are up, anons will have 5 minutes to post a pastebin link to their stories into the thread to allow other anons to read. After 5 minutes, there will be a 24 hour review period to allow others to read the peices, offer praise and critique, and vote on their favories. Winners get bragging rights and a smooch on the cheek from the disembodied spirit of DFW.Rules:1. All submissions should be comlete stories, ie have a clear beginning, middle, end; a conflict with resolution; an arc; or some complete narrative structure. Please don't submit or consider prose samples or snippets of a broader story.2. All stories must use the three elements provided (setting, object, character). These elements will be randomly generated and posted in the thread at the designated time. The character doesn't have to be your main character in the story, but it, along with the object, has to contribute to your story's narrative in some significant way (No one-time appearances and then never mentioned again). The idea behind this is to eliminate independent variables as to judge submissions based on the quality of the story and prose.3. Only stories submitted within the 5 minute submission window should be considered. Three hours should be plenty enough to lock in and cook up something to completion, and 5 minutes should be enough to copy/paste into pastebin and post in the thread.4. There are no limits on word count or restrictions to genre.Feel free to ask questions or bring up any other considerations that I didn't think about. Remember to bump the thread. GLHF :^)
>>24067424I am going to enter and win with an AI submission btw
>>24067424>All submissions should be complete stories, ie have a clear beginning, middle, end; a conflict with resolution; an arc; or some complete narrative structure>5 minutes did you think this through at allwhy would I want to submit to this if I can't even write retarded schizo babble
>>24067424I want to play, but I think the writing window should be 24 hours
I would take part but tomorrow I won't be home until right before your submission window closes so will not partake. It is a very narrow window which will not be possible for many.
>>24067485>>24067475>>24067473By popular demand, writing window is increased to 24 hours. Stories shoud be sumitted by 18:05:00 EST on December 31. 24 hour workshop/voing period to follow
I will participate sir, I have many words in my arsenal
>>24067497exciting!
>>24067497Nice! Thanks for that.
A little over 1 Hour until prompt drop!
Good luck to everyone let's keep reading and writing all of next year too
>>24067424Alright here's your promptSetting: Heart of a cityCharacter: A millionaireObject: A pair of glassesGood luck, you have 24 hours!
>>24067424>4. There are no limits on word countThat's dumb as hell.
>>24069367The original time frame was 3 hours. TBF who's going to write anything longer than a novel-lenght chapter in 24 hours (assuming it's well written)>I shiggy diggy
>>24069373hope you enjoy reading 10k words of my incoherent stream of consciousness
>>24069373It's about lack of direction. You're going to be reading stuff like this >>24069378 alongside hundred word stories and have to compare them. It's also nicer for the writer to go in with an expectation of length.
Cringe whinging, just WRITE.
>>24069351You know what, I'm in. I'm going to bang something out. Wish my luck, you guys, I'll see you on New Year's Eve.
>>24069381Agreed. There's a fair chance I'll participate but the chance would be much higher if there was some form of standardization and expectation-setting in this regard.Cute idea though OP, these should happen more often.
One can do this sort of exercise for themselves with writing-prompt tools like picrel.
>>24069351aaaahhhhhh I have writers block I'm going insane
>>24069351>3 hour contest>4 hours ago>0 submissionslol
>>24069813We updated to 24 hours. Lurk moar.
https://pastebin.com/UkbmJMA6done
https://pastebin.com/eRSP9xyQ
pastebin.com/jsBrALTd
I hope someone else is effortposting. Stay tuned
https://pastebin.com/jcDGN6Yu
>>24069813Contribute instead of being a sabotaging j3vv.
If I had time to do this I would have Tony Millionaire and Drinky Crow get trapped in Heart of the City, probably by way of a pair of mysterious brandy snifters (the pair of glasses) which arrive by mail and when they drink from them they are transported to Heart of the City. Poignant hilarity and debauchery insures. But I would have to spend the next 10 hours reading comics to pull it off the way I want to, been years since I have read any and only have a handful of unpleasant encounters with Heart of the City so would have to read a bunch of that, as well as refresh my memory on Maakies and Sock Monkey, It being a "pair of glasses" is somewhat irritating since it makes it difficult to get Uncle Gabby there as well which would be nice, Uncle Gabby getting transported instead of Drinky Crow could work and gives Drinky Crow the opportunity to down the bottle after they are gone but I think Drinky Crow pairs better with Tony Millionaire. Hopefully someone not retarded will take the idea and run with it.
>>24069786take some low dose shrooms
https://pastebin.com/X8LyKXjZ
>>24070281>Hopefully someone not retarded will take the idea and run with it.No one’s your servant; don’t suggest others your ideas, but suggest them to yourself. >>24069786>stream of consciousness Don’t think about what you want to write , but just write down whatever pops in your mind, organize everything you have written down and re-phrase it if needed , then repeat this whole process again.
>>24070347>nooo! you can't share ideas you are not going to use and absolutely can not have hope!
>>24070347limp wristed idea guys are like weeds, they're going to show up no matter what you do. just ignore them as a part of the background scenery to any creative space
Sorry if too long, or too non sensual, my first time writing a storyhttps://pastebin.com/hUAjp4mx
>>24070357I like how you seethe and foam at others; your uncontrolled , unconstrained emotions are like an overflowing stream taking houses , vehicles and trees with it, and destroying everything in its way.
>>24069351Yeah these are shit senpai ngl
this is fun. we should do more of these.
Nice to see a lot of you play fast n loose with pairs of cups and windows instead of spectacles. Now someone write a literal beating heart of a city or have a character eat some millionaire shortbread while watching that famous gameshow
I'm THINKIING I have so many IDEAS dude but I'm not writing shit down oh my god I'm gonna THIIINKKK just give me five more minutes bro, I just gotta THINK for a sec I promise I'll write something down just let me daydream a little more AAAHHH I'M THIIINKIIINGGGG I'm just such an IDEAS guy y'know I'M THINKIIINGGGG
bump
>>24069351https://rentry.org/the_false_revenantThis story is cring but sometimes it be like that.
https://pastebin.com/tvgv17fqI can't wait until it's 5 minutes before the end of the submission window and everyone will be hurrying to finish and post haha
>>24069351I proudly present dogshithttps://rentry.co/euyaor4k
>>24069351Ah, fuck, I was so concerned with banging something out before the deadline that I forgot the prompts. My story doesn't really have any of this stuff.I wrote it anyway, so you can look at it if you want:https://pastebin.com/GQjyU9Ht
A Million Reasons to Resent Feelinghttps://rentry.co/42vxd674pastebin flagged me. it seems to always do so with my prose>>24071713could you imagine
https://pastebin.com/JQ2gXyhCmine
https://pastebin.com/UjrgQ1JRmine
shocked by the amount of participation
https://rentry.co/xzr8ord5
>>24067424Humbly asking for a 30 minute extension. Making last minute changes to my piece.
AAAAND Time. 24 hour judging period is now open. Feel free to read over the other entries, give critique and pick your favorite. Ill organize the stories and make a poll to vote on the winner.
>>2407186210 minutes from this timestamp. Lowest I'm going.
Well, fuck. I started on this one late because it was linked to me from another board when there was only like eight hours left and decided to cram this out the moment I had an idea. I'm not the other anon, but I'll also beseech you to allow this last one. >>24071868https://pastebin.com/wCQifzBJ>>24071822It got linked from /vp/. At least that's where I came from.
>>24067424https://pastebin.com/siMZW1jm
No grace period for faggots that couldn't finish on time
>>24071878go back
>>24071879I was put off by all the slang and lowbrow references until the Honeywell line. Excellent payoff!>>24071878Your writing is very moving. I sensed that it would be about broken dreams fairly on, but despite the theme being rather conventional, the delivery actually affected my mood. Moving, sad prose dripping with weltschmerz like one of those Asian art films. I didn't really internalize "bespectacled" on my first read through and so I originally thought the conceit was this idea of rose-colored glasses looking back at a simpler, more hopeful past.
>>24071766I will re-evaluate, but this one is my favorite so far. It's short, but to the point, doesn't waste my time and it kept my attention the whole way through. The violent thoughts at the beggining are really nice and visceral, I could feel that anger through the screen. Nice observations about human behaviour too.As I said, the language is nice and concise, but the one part that tripped me up was>You might think it’s because you’re different. That’s not quite right. It’s because you’re the same. The same as their expectations of you. You’re a worm kid.I might just be a bit slow, but it took me a moment to process what you meant by this. I just didn't immediatelly process the same as them --> same as the expectation they have of him distinction. But again, that might just be on me. Think of it what you will.Nice job on this one, at first glance, I thought it would be overly edgy, but I think you made it work.
Okay here's how were doing it:Story 1 >>24069862Story 2 >>24070014Story 3 >>24070229Story 4 >>24070263Story 5 >>24070331Story 6 >>24070379Story 7 >>24071507Story 8 >>24071713
Story 9 >>24071724Story 10 >>24071732Story 11 >>24071766Story 12 >>24071770Story 13 >>24071804Story 14 >>24071854Story 15 >>24071878 Story 16 (Exhib) >>24071879Read through these, say what you liked, say what you didn't like, give some critique (as in actual advice not just "yeah the prose sucks/not reading this"), and pick your favorite. I'm also going to link my story below and one more who didn't reach the deadline. These will be exhibition peices for workshopping, but won't be considered in the voting, since we both failed to meet the deadline. (I included 15 bc he asked nicely).Mine: https://pastebin.com/JT3jkbcW
Link to voting:https://vote.easypolls.net/6774866665bb2c0061a2310a
When is the winner announced THOUGH
good job OP
>>2407195318:00:00 EST Jan 1
>>24071766Clicked on this one at random and already I've got a running for an early favorite. What I want to say is that I'm fond of some really deliberate word choices here that seemed thrown in for the rhythm they give to the narrator. There's this one line >Each tumbling over another to ride the wave of the current concurrent counter-culture before it washes away on the shore of dry, dull reality.specifically where I had to stop on "current concurrent" because in a less stylized voice it's pure word salad, but the furious way the words are jumbled together makes it feel like it's a satire of the exact pubescent mindset he's ranting about, which I assume is the intent. Lots of hyphenated constructions (fortune-refuse, social assembly line ecosystem) and alliterations that build the mood. The intent is all there, and I like the way it turned out.There are two parts I think could be better: the first is right at the start.>It takes 200,000 dollars to raise a child. That alone begs description. For someone who has such a grasp of visceral language, I thought it was kind of a waste that he doesn't elaborate on what that 200k is composed of, all the better to justify his contempt of children. 200k is a number, an abstract, something that begs comparison for things it could be better used on. I recognize it might detract from the immediate metaphor he makes with that statement ("I’m pretty well a poor and poor respected vault manager") but it's worth giving some thought. The second would be>You know, what with the tragedy. Shame. We hear about it all the time so why’s it a surprise when a shooting happens in our city? Ridiculous isn’t it?This one's a bit too on-the-nose IMO - really didn't take me very long to guess Glasses was going to go full Pumped Up Kicks even without this. What's more, I think it works better as a way to segue into some more critique of the society; a good way to contrast the implied upbringing he has (cf. the opening paragraph) with the spoiledness of the victims and their families, something to better support the undercurrent of what feels like class warfare going on in the story. Having said that, still a really solid piece.
>>24071914>>24071916One of these submissions was written by me, using AI. I bet you mouth breathing retards can't figure out which one
>>24072180>when the B plot gets revealed and forgotten because nobody cares
>>24069862boring and trite.>>24070014Learn how to plot a story.>>24070229The prose is simple, which is fine but you should experiment more with how you write sentences. I would also recommend consciously avoiding -ly adverbs. replacing them with stronger word choices can help make actions feel stronger. Cute little story.>>24070263This is a familiar scenario but is spiced with the weirdness of the characters involved. It was a missed opportunity to me that there wasn't specificity in the description of the glasses. Overall I felt the prose was a bit plain.>>24070331I liked this one a lot, in fact it would be my favorite if the prose was more consistent. As it is, there is a lot of grammatical errors that distract the reader. I enjoyed how the depiction of loneliness, of that crippling anxiety that occurs when one wants to do something but is too nervous to actually do it. I liked the ending. Its great work ruined by grammar issues that could be easily fixed.
>>24070379for a first story this is a good effort, mired by the usual problems. Avoid using adverbs, they are cheap and cheapen your sentences and your characters actions. If you are going to write a separate temporal passage, you should indicate this to the reader, usually by having a line that splits the passages. The plotting could use a little work, the switching back and forth between timelines felt haphazard and purposeless. The prose was at times great, which shows you are headed in the right direction, and so you need to hone your skills to keep it consistently great. >>24071507I wrote this, good job me.>>24071713this story is fine on a technical level but it is far too on the nose for me to enjoy it. >>24071724This is dogshit I agree, also if your going to have a rape scene, write an actual rape scene. Like what is even the point of this if the rape is only 3 sentences. >>24071732I liked you usage of stilted sentences, it gives the piece a vibe that I vibe with. It could have been a bit more subtle but how obvious things are doesn't ruin it for me. Great job.
>>24071766I am going to go against the grain here and assert that the character voice of this internal monologue doesn't match the character its supposed to be for. It is extremely overwrought for what a bus driver who didn't go to a good school would think and feel. This juxtaposition is seen even in the words the bus driver actually says, where its far more mundane and normal language. Perhaps this doesn't matter much to other readers, but to me it makes the whole piece uninteresting. >>24071770There was something, like perhaps a smidge of good prose in the beginning, before it became really uninteresting. >>24071804I barely understood what I was reading with this story but I give you points for making a sci-fi thing.
>>24071854I liked this story a lot, especially how it incorporates the character's alcoholism. The characters felt the most vivid out of any of the characters in this competition, so great job on that. The specificity is also great and I enjoyed the opinionated prose. >>24071878I enjoyed this story a lot as well. The central theme that that one is limited is very well realized in this piece. The writing paints a drearyness that I adore. Great work!>>24071879Specificity is the name of the game in this work, but it is an artificial, mocking one. It compliments the fakeness of the characters and their need to be apart of a scene even as they don't understand or like them. The fact it is unfinished means I can't rightly comment on it the plotting but I still think what is here is decent.
This was a lot of fun, OP.We should do this monthly or something.
>>24072388weekly
>>24072388daily
>>24069351I just saw this can I enter?
>>24072462NO
>>24072464Fine I’ll go write sword and sorcery incest smut then
>>24072469im listening.............
>>24072474>His lance was just laying out in the open when she walked in the room and try as she might to avert her eyes the princess couldn’t help but stare, forgetting the very reason she’d come down the hall in the middle of the night to see her younger brother in the first place. She’d had a question she needed answering but now it seemed so far away as visions of him carrying such a hardy piece of wood around crowded her thoughts. How ample is his thrust, she mused, does he handle that thing like dad does from time to time? Both of them grew up seeing their father in action, gallantly proving his fortitude time and time again, commonfolk and nobility swooning alike as he passed with his lance proudly displayed as he rode atop his steed. She didn’t know her brother had one just like the king’s, could her little brother really be every bit the man their father was? “You weren’t supposed to see that yet,” he said, breaking the silence that had set in after she’d walked in unannounced, “it was supposed to be a surprise. Mom helped me get it prepared and said it looked and felt just like dad’s. She even helped me train with it.”“Oh did she now?” The princess asked, barely able to conceal her jealousy. She too, would have enjoyed helping her younger brother train. “Well, I’m sure she knows dad’s lance as well as anyone. When did you come into something so…” she trailed off as she bent down and touched it.The prince gasped, “wait no, don’t touch it. Mom told me that you weren’t supposed to know and that you’d tell dad. She’s afraid he’ll feel like he’s being replaced.” But the princess paid no mind to the prince’s apprehensions. With firm grip upon the shaft of the lance she looked him deep in the eye with a grin.“Do you know how to use it? How’s your thrust? Would you show me?” Far far away was the question she’d come to ask, now all the questions she had concerned her younger brother’s wonderful wooden surprise. “We don’t have to tell them, let’s sneak off tomorrow and you can show me”
>>24072501>>24072474Idk why the first paragraphed is in greentext, my apologies.
>>24072505not bad . . . you're onto something.
>>24072511Just what I could come up with on the spot lol
>>24069862You know what we'd say when you posted this. As someone else said, this is so hysterically trite that I actually chuckled reading the first two paragraphs---not at the prose itself, but rather at the fact that someone actually wrote it. It's a parody of itself. I liked the use of "bleated" and the use of "the thing" to refer to the receptionist. The ending was particularly unsatisfying.>>24070014In my view, this story has no middle or end.>In the wintertime, the crows like to roost downtown; tens of thousands of them . . . everything gets covered in shit. A world of shit. It’s bad for business.I liked this a lot.>The Poopmaster 9000Very distracting choice of nomenclature.>>24070229The prose has a good rhythm. The spelling and grammar choices ("Yups" instead of "yup"s or even yups) were distracting.>The aroma of the taxi was akin to that of cheap perfume mixed with weed. Mothman took a deep breath from outsidewas extremely relatable so I felt it viscerally.> including, but not limited to, a MacBook, perfumes, deodorants, reading glasses, among a few other objectsis redundant.I don't really understand the ending. I'd appreciate if you or anyone else explained it to me.
>>24070263Glasses bit feels undeveloped. The prose needs a bit more polish (I don't like the HAHAHA etc) but the dialogue is excellent, and I loved the development of the conflict. Stan One's characterization was a little implausible, especially given that he was also tall fat and disheveled, but it makes that conflict much more enjoyable to watch. The fibromyalgia thing made me smile. Didn't feel like there was a strong resolution here.>>24070331>plugging the right holefelt unintentionally obscene? Can't get that out of my head.Wow, this really gestures at something that I think is a key part of the time we live in (lack of braveness, male loneliness). The hesitation to act, the nervousness around proactive socialization that becomes a spark of self-hatred ("I shook my head for not paying better attention to my choice of seat") was poignant. The entire story feels very gray, and I mean that positively.Was the reason he got fed up with James that he he couldn't relate at all to him and so the conversation became fatuous? Or is it a displaced anger from being stuck on his failure to talk to the woman? Both? Liked this story and its mood.>>24070379You often omit articles at the beginning of sentences ("Small room was dimly lit", "Old oculist reminded"). I kinda liked this, even though it's ungrammatical. However, there are quite a few other undesirable grammatical issues that I think have to be fixed; things like this can overshadow the entire work (see >>24072233 commenting on >>24070331).The story spends considerable time on minute details (looking for glasses, walking to the optometrist) while rushing past pivotal emotional moments (the mother's death, sisters' departures). Even though it's a short story, it creates pacing issues that diminish emotional impact.There are areas of unusual diction ("coursing through his life," "high-pitched ding-dong sound") that aren't quite idiomatic enough, and so they feel kind of strange. I sometimes suffer from this too and I've read that the simple solution is to read more (fills gaps in vocabulary and idiomatic construction).Also, depending on how fast and loose you want to be, I don't think it's THAT crazy to do timeskips without indicating it to the reader. Just make sure you're doing it carefully and in a way that allows us to deduce what's going on.
>>24071507Is /lit/ your main board? There's this Hazbin-adjacent, "granddaughters of the witches you couldn't burn" feel to this that I've never seen here before.The premise is interesting and chilling (maybe a little implausible, but I can suspend disbelief), and I like how it starts without a chunk of exposition before the Real Story, which is difficult to do when you're writing about crime. Did I correctly understand that she surgically modified her body to look like this guy's oneitis?The prose is technically competent but maybe TOO ordinary. "Towering temples of commerce" is a bit of a cliché, and I'd have preferred to see a bit more innovation at the sentence-level.The ending sort of contradicts the ruthlessly pragmatic voice established earlier. My idea of a methodical assassin wouldn't muse about providing closure to one of many assassination targets or justify her crime (to herself? to the audience? unclear) by self-characterizing as a revenant of love. I get that such contemplations add more depth to what would otherwise be clinical, but in context it almost makes her seem performatively cruel.>>24071713On the whole your prose is unobjectionable. The biggest issues to me are that the protagonist is a caricature of a Pull Yourself Up by Your Bootstraps hypocrite, and that the theme is really heavy-handed. The sequence of self-reflections and haphazard attempts at finding meaning, all triggered by a hard-to-believe obsession with glasses and a sudden change from pretentious to self-loathing ("maybe I am the real sheep after all") end up coming off as kind of preposterous. The conclusion also seems kind of muted relative to the expected magnitude of a nihilistic epiphany.>>24071724>She was a woman, and she was black.>"Nigga, relax!" God suddenly snapped.I laughed, I'll admit it. The rest of it is a waste of time, an elaborate set up for the utterly ridiculous punchline at the end. Not sure there's more to say. You obviously know how to write---why this of all things?
>>24069862This, nearly alone among all entries, is witty and from the looks of things the author can actually write and write fast. If points are deducted for being unserious then it's only fair to charge the bulk of entries here as being far too serious>>24070014Disjointed but a nice couple of lines and I enjoyed the pulpy atmosphere. I do like crow horror I think you could have employed the theme better. You can write>>24070229Cliche characters, no tension, bad prose>>24070263Prose, dialogue, conflict needs work but this was close to being a good try>>24070331Cliche 4chan loneliness story>>24070379Jarring time skip, the loser character & plot device both cliche
>>24071507Boring, wonky prose, pastiche "empowered" aesthetic and the author seems bitter. Obviously took him/her a great effort to write >>24071713Needs developing>>24071724Another unserious author that can write (somewhat). Parody is well honed, could do with a central conflict, tighten up the action>>24071732Not much in the way of anything but you put sentences together well>>24071766I feel like a school bus driver that murderously hates kids would probably just find another job>>24071770Rushed and needs another draft. Also this is mine btw>>24071804Not sure what's going on here but I like some of the descriptions>>24071854Very purple, cliche take on the escalating refinement trope. No-one is impressed by a feigned but surface level knowledge of everything. Learn to weave in your references more deeply, more tastefully>>24071878More depressed 4chan litLots of dysfunctional millionaires ITT
>>24072777Can you elaborate on what you mean by escalating refinement? The point was supposed to be the opposite: he knows how to make her feel unworthy by using obscurantist language to glorify $1.99 Trader Joe's wine (and shame her for her lack of knowledge thereof).This was actually fairly Write What You Know so I'm also curious as to which parts specifically seemed surface-level to you and why.
>>24072777I'm the writer of the third story. Upon rereading it,I can see what you mean. Any advice on how to improve prose? I'm very new to writing.
>>24072836I don't find these duels of high taste engaging. I once attempted it myself and cringe to this day. When I read stuff like this I am too aware that the author is conceitedly spilling his primer in art history/wine tasting all over the page. Even if the point being made is anti-haute couture/anti-conceit. The set up and payoff could have been handled much more snappily.>>24072854I'm not in the position to offer concrete advice, I'm still just dabbling in my spare time and generally find storytelling overwhelming. But personally the way I try to improve is to write from the heart with a goal you really desire in mind (i.e. I want to write a romance, an adventure, sci fi etc). Motivation is key, just like going to the gym. Whatever gets you to put words on the page. Then compare your work, your words, your sentences, your characters, your plot etc to the best of the genre, find out what makes those books tick. Seek out time-tested advice, practical advice on the scaffolding of writing. Write again, remembering those hints. And repeat. But always from the heart.I insulate myself from all modern discourse on writing (Discord, subreddits, /WG/), because I am wary that over socialising may lead me to create deindividualised rote slop. First of all because I am reactionary and hate the modern world. Second, I don't want to be too refined, mechanical, particular. I want my quirks. I just want the tools.I will say that if your goal was to show that Mothman was being paranoid, you should fasten yourself to his perspective. What, exactly, did he THINK the taxi driver did to create such doubt? Turn those innocuous words and movements of the taxi driver inside out. Don't just float and describe the scene how it objectively appears. In your story it just seems like a blithering idiot got in that taxi and then got out. We need to see the danger he thinks he sees and wonder if it is real, or is it just our preconceptions, too? However, this critique might be BS, I am just putting down what I remember from a while back.
>>24072777>author is bitter and took a great deal to writelol. I wrote this in 2 hours while in a car. Also I don't think this is empowered story, it's just a twist on the seductress assassin. As for wonky prose, could you point to a line or passage that you specifically didn't like?>>24072770>is /lit/ ur boardNo I'm a tourist>too ordinary proseYeah it's something I know I need to work on. I can write in a more interesting way but I have trouble incorporating it into more generic prose. It's either all purple or none of it is.
>>24072592the poop master is realhttps://www.pdxmonthly.com/news-and-city-life/2016/12/the-poopmaster-6000-is-the-hero-we-need-right-now
Who has actually read all of these and can tell me which one I should vote for
Happy New Year! A little over 3 hours left until the results. Votes are scant right now so lurkers please help us out. If there's a tie we'll do a runoff vote to decide the winner. It's close right now, so I'll refrain from voting to not sway things in my favor. Now for my workshop comments:>>24069862You sound like a /pol/ tourist, but I feel like you could've written a better story if you wanted to. Why hold out on us anon?>>24070014Prose is disjointed, which is fine as a stylistic choice, but your narrative gets harder to follow as it goes on. Not sure what to make of the ending.>>24070229Good descriptions. Moth Mothman was a destracting choice of a name, who looks at their newborn baby and is like "Oh yeah, Moth." You have a general narrative but you could do more to make Moth's arc a little clearer to the reader, and maybe do more with the taxi driver.>>24070263Fun story, didn't feel like the ending landed. Make sure to new line on dialogue swaps. Adds whitespace and avoids confusion.
>>24070331First one that I personally liked, especially with the pair of glasses motif. I do feel like we don't see the protagonist's true desire until the tail end of the story. Make us know he's lonely early and then escalate it throughout the story.>>24070379Good rough draft. Drop the use of "Father" and replace with "Dad," no one has adressed their dad as "Father" since the 19th century. Felt like you were going for a prodigal son ending, but it felt a little rushed and not fully resolved.>>24071507Cringe, but the current YA/booktok generation would eat this from your palms.>>24071713I apologize if it isn't, but I'm going to guess that this is your (>>24072180) submission. Too clean and very little nuance.
>>24071724Isekai slop with a funny start. Could be improved by subverting expectations and having him horribly fail despite his advantage. Maybe HE's the one who gets raped at the end instead (black god was wrong, he doesn't like rape).>>24071732Short and bittersweet. Points for creativity, none for forgetting the prompts.>>24071766This was great. I audibly went "YOOOO" at the end. Not sure what I was expecting, but you subverted it. As for the other's critiquing it, I see no reason why a bus driver can't think like that, but adding a reason as to why he's locked into the job might add a good trapdoor for the protagonist.>>24071770Good narrative structure. I do have to take off points for not having the vital action take place in the city. I was beginning to think the ending was going to come too easy, but then you made it satisfying. Consider doing more with Bindeep, she's a key character but doesn't get a lot of realestate on the page.>>24071804Felt like this was going somewhere but kind of ended with unanswered questions. Who was behind the conspiracy and how does it add to the world?>>24071854This one's pretty good. You've got a character who wants something with stakes attached to add tension. Very clever ending. Prose is a little verbose, but you could weave this in by having it start that way but become more plain as Alexander gets drunker.>>24071878I feel like all you needed was one extra paragraph to give this a satisfying ending. I echo what >>24072248 has to say.>>24071879Prose is light and airy like your protagonist. I like it, but points off for the millionaire being only speculative, not actually in the story.>>24071916Good job me, felt like I could've had more dialogue and more vivid descriptions but that's my fault for not utilizing the full 24 hours. Someone else give me some critique please.
>>24073858No, I didn't use AI for my submission. There really is no way to prove this anonymously, but I swear I spent 2 hours writing that thing. I can see what you mean by "too clean" - I'm not experienced enough to really have a distinct writing style, and I spend a lot of time rewriting sentences to make them easy to read, which can make what I write look pretty stripped down. I also agree, that the story has very little nuance, again, I'm not experienced enough to really write something too meaningful, especially in a limited time window. I admit, I mostly just typed whatever felt fun and made sense to me, I wasn't really aiming for a nuanced viewpoint.
>>24073889Makes sense. Play with your prose a little until you find a voice that you like. My second guess is that >>24070229 is AI, and if that's incorrect than I guess we're all doomed.
>>24073913wait strike that I clicked the wrong one. >>24070263 is AI final answer, and If im wrong I'm going to bomb some Si Valley servers. (In the metaverse)
>>24071854Kek. Love the copy-pasta parody at the end.
>>24072233>>24072690>>24072776Yeah, the "hahaha" I'm realizing was lazy writing. I should have described how the laughter sounded and generally tried to be more descriptive throughout. I thought about extending the section where the narrator talks about the collectible pint glasses, however, I ended up just leaving it as is. I should have listened to my gut.>>24073849>Make sure to new line on dialogue swapsJust to make sure I understand, you're saying that every time I switch between characters talking I should start a new line?What I was going for with the ending was to emphasize how trivial the whole conflict was to an outsider. At the end, it was two retirees with too much time on their hands getting into a slap fight over some trinkets. The cashier's apathetic attitude toward the whole thing and unhelpfulness is there to demonstrate that. I think it would have had more impact though if, like several people suggested, I had been more descriptive previously and spent a little more time selling the conflict. I like the ending that I wrote though, because it felt like anything more would have dragged. To me, everything after that is obvious. The cop asks some questions, there's some litigation, the two men are banned from the store, etc. but these events didn't seem important to the story.>>24073922I'm not an AI >:(
>>24071732Cute. It really captures the uneasiness and sad, pathetic limerence of someone in an undefined relationship. "Everything felt far away right now" felt a little on-the-nose, but otherwise no notes. >>24071766Really good prose. The diction is weird for a working class bus driver who doesn't come from the type of school environment he's so contemptuous of.I liked the "twist," but I don't like the anxiety exchange that you used to get there. It wasn't plausible to me that kid would ask that, even if he's troubled.>>24071770I REALLY like the characterization of Abdil: provincial and poor yet pompous; spiteful but obsequious before authority. When I read the few lines introducing the Bindeep backstory, my heart softened for him and for a moment I felt as if I understood him really deeply. And that made her disappearance later all the more poignant. You have a very strong vocabulary and the diction is excellent.The ending ruined the story for me, though. Maybe it's because Dharkesh didn't receive much characterization, but his sudden return to antagonism and violence after those several days of tenderness and vulnerability (to say nothing of the fact that they killed a man together) made little sense to me; it felt gratuitous and rushed (especially the handwavy cover-up---it would have been better not to mention that aspect at all). What exactly was his motivation? I came away from this story feeling like everyone involved was vermin, like animals. At the same time, I would also say the work also captures a certain ethos---one of pride, revenge, groveling, destruction all senseless---common in Global Southern settings like these that is worth discussing.
>>24074074Apologies for the accusation, yes whenever the dialogue swithces between persons, you should add a new line. I'll upload a picure as an example. While I agree, the conflict is trivial in the grand scheme of things, the goal of fiction is to trick the reader into sympethizing with your protagonist to a certain extent, and root for their objectives. Having the story end with "none of it really matters anyway" is like giving a middle finger to your reader and it makes them feel like their time was wasted. If you want that to be the takeaway, make your protagonist realize that. Give them the most agency in terms of realizing their objectives.
>>24074074>>24074106See picrel
>>24074104Abdilanon here, thank you for the kind words.
>>24074115god I fucking hate editors with a burning passionmay they all burn for their crimes against cognitive function
>>24073925Thank you, Oinbones. I at last feel seen.>>24071804>The shards were bloodied by injured hands hurriedly scraping them from the floor and off the dead assailant’s left boot>The fragments were suspended in a shock-absorbent, matrix-linked cocktail solution to keep them from weathering down in transport.>The briefcase was encased in an autonomous, pressurized, temperature-controlled mechanical unit, a robot, in order to keep the millions of remaining memory retinal cells alive and unlysed inside the lenses.>The robot was guarded by plainclothes personnel aboard a cargo transport.You have a habit of structuring sentences like "the X was (long predicate)". The sentences I quoted above were all directly adjacent to each other. I don't think it gives the prose a good rhythm; rather, it makes it feel monotonous. As others have said, those long predicates are really nice though!I like how information is introduced in this nonlinear way that forces me to read closely to understand what was going on.>>24071916>He had to wait in line for a few minutes to buy a ticket since some of the kiosks were broken. The exercise in patience was new to him, but he welcomed it. Once on the train, he took note of the people sitting around him. A man who looked homeless sprawled out across three seats. A girl with big hoop earrings talking to someone on their phone with the speaker on. A man wearing nothing but a beanie and a banana hammock was yelling at the window, threatening to fight the guy in the reflection.I could see, hear, and feel this as I read it. I experience it every time I go to the station at 125th & Lex to travel downtown. And the chorus of obscenities after a train gets decommissioned is all too familiar!I like this one. My only qualm is that I think the ending would be more satisfying and emotionally impactful if you found a way to communicate the satisfaction from inconvenience without explicitly informing the reader ("despite all of these inconveniences, Marcus felt satisfied").
>>24074115Interesting. I should go through some of my favorite books to see if they use tags other than "said." What you learn in school is that said said said becomes very repetitive, detracting from the story (but then again, that's merely what you learn in school).
>>24074104Also to reply:>I would also say the work also captures a certain ethos---one of pride, revenge, groveling, destruction all senseless---common in Global Southern settings like these that is worth discussing.Yes, good observation here. I didn't want to romanticise some miraculously transcendent set of characters who act like they've grown up in London, New York, Tokyo. I wanted to display slum psychology.And to address your confusion over the motivation, the ending (and middle) was rushed but I think all the ingredients are there to help solve it. Bindeep was the only thing keeping those characters there, hating each other but at least not murdering their boss. Or maybe you find your own reason. There were many nights together in that shack.
>>24069862I really have nothing to say other than that you knew how people would react when you wrote this. I can take a satire if that's what you'd like to claim this is, but in that sense my advice would be to take the ending and do something less trite with it. Make it a short fable or cautionary tale if you want to stick the landing of the joke. It seems like you know how to crack a good joke, so don't hold out on us.>>24072180I had to read this several times to understand how the paragraphs were intended to flow into each other, and once it clicked, it wasn't that bad. And then you ramble off into the story about the vineyard and do a total 180 on tone, going abstract when you'd been doing a good job thus far being grounded and pulpy. This story was submitted early, but it felt like you took the first offramp you saw instead of taking the one that led you to the banquet, which I think betrays your reader considering it's the first thing you bring up.>>24070229>sulking about, gossiping at lunchtime with people whom he despised and who they despised as well,The "they" messes everything up for me. Are you drawing "they" from the group of "people"? Who despises whom? Or was this an attempt to try to write "and they hated him back" while trying to be clever? There's a few descriptions that are really phoned-in (you could do better than "cheap perfume and weed") and some clumsy plot beats, but the underlying concept is actually surprisingly solid. The ending, where he ends up crying looking at himself in the sunglasses, is remarkably understated and makes sense to me considering the events in the taxi. Refine your technical writing skills and revisit this concept, it's a promising one in the right hands.
It's almost time...
>>24071916I'm rather hungover from new years. I've read your piece. apologies if my thoughts are retarded or incoherent it's a cute piece. the plot, the prose, the overrall tone and conclusion are all oddly juvenile. which, regardless of whether it was intended or not, I found quite charming. if it was unintended then I consider you a quaint gmi. there's a quality to this piece that feels like a child's writing, but one written with joy and a love for stories. if it's intended then nice, very clever, but there are dysfunctional aspects which could be improved the prose is rather strict in its function. you never ruminate, shift the lens or psychic distance. you don't describe, you state. not a bad thing. because this is the prosaic mode of this piece, you have to create abstract qualities either through relational aspects (dialogue, plot and sequence of events) or through sheer specificity that evokes reality. you do this decently, with a few stand our moments (the white marble countertop immersed me straight into the scene), but I believe this style relies on excellence in this regard to truly shine. I think some more restraint in the beginning to distribute the pace more evenly could be a benefit. the latter half ends up sparse with a fast pace, which I simultaneously appreciated and lament. once I fell into rhythm with the style, I found myself enjoying the scene of the cafe, and that sense of space isn't touched upon again. some sprinkling of striking, true to life spatial observations would've helped keep some of what charmed me about this story
>>24074312Yeah I rushed at the end trying to meet the deadline. Thanks for the input, it's much appreciated.
>>24070263What got people thinking you were an AI is that tendency you have to describe things for the sake of it. Ask yourself why you really need to describe in so much detail what these people look like. Vary your sentence structure a bit more. Let the characters' actions speak for themselves instead of being so explanatory. The ending doesn't quite land because there's no obvious or even implicit connection made between the events before the fight and the proprietor's conclusion. There's an absurdist realist feel going on here, but it needs a lot of work in making the two Stans feel a lot less forced.>>24070331This one is the first honestly-good story I've read from this lightning round. No major technical errors, clear intent, narrator is well-established and his tendency to notice things and amble and ramble matches the feeling I got that he didn't really want to stay by the Irishman's side. You did a pretty good job keeping that slight sense of unease from someone you don't really want to talk to but who you can't really leave unless you have an excuse.>>24070379>my first time writing a storyIt definitely shows. The attempt at writing multiple chronologies wasn't bad, but the plot itself, the dialogue, and the descriptions are all painfully cliché. I don't really want to dwell on it too much -- it's good to dip your feet in, but if you want to keep writing, read more and study how people write well.>>24071507Points for writing sci-fi and for getting the tone right, but once I get past the fact that the technical aspects are solid and that the voice is okay, it feels like I've just eaten junk food. It tastes good, but it's fascinating largely in that ephemeral way where you say it's good but can't really add more to it than that.>>24071713I see the vision, right down to the pompous and timewasting prose, but the ending doesn't stick, particularly because it betrays what you spent two hours writing: he's going to come up with five million reasons in his mind why the apex of existence is hedonistic time-wasting. So if you want to keep the ending as it is, develop it -- and if you have to, trail off once you're confident we've gotten the point.
>>24071770This one was my favorite, it was really raw in a way the others weren't
And now for the moment you've all been waiting for. Sorry about the delay, had to run an errand. The winner of this /lit/ writing competition is....>>24071766 Story 11Congradulations anon, now pucker up for your prize.
>>24074348to everyone who participated and read, I have but one thing to say,wagmimwah. thank you all and goodnight
>>24074348Not bad, it wasn't my favorite but I liked it. I wish it'd been a bit longer, but it's understandable given the time constraints.
>>24074348The final counts were:Story 11: 5 votesStories 12 and 14: 2 votes eachStories 1, 4, 8, and 15: 1 vote eachThank you to everyone who competed. We can see about making this a monthly competition. Please give feedback on the structure and let me know if you'd like to see the same constraints next time or do a different gimmick. Also let me know if yall think there should be a word count limit or an increase/decrease in the allotted time. I don't think any of the submissions were too terribly long but who knows what might happen next time. Happy New Year to all of you!
>>24074362Yeah I like the format, 24hrs seems like a fair window of time to write a short story. What would you say about loosening the restrictions, and allowing for stories with less structure? Would that turn out too schizophrenic?
>>24071724Congratulations, anon, you really did write absolute dogshit, but at least you're honest about it. If nothing else, you actually made me laugh (like, a big, serious laugh) because of how absolutely unserious this story is, which the other anon who wrote the /pol/bait story didn't even manage. >>24071878This was mine. For 45 minutes' worth of time I'm lucky it even turned out somewhat coherent by my standards. I ran it by a friend afterward for a little post-mortem and agreed with him that maybe I could have worded his last answer a lot better, a bit more concretely, to realistically show how that million yen could make a difference if he really did have it. Like >>24073849 says, one extra paragraph definitely could have saved it, but that's what happens when you don't have enough time, for sure. I was deliberately aiming to use seasonal descriptions (cherry blossoms, cicadas, leaves, snow) to mark the passage of time and to follow the "connection to nature" thing that seems to mark a lot of Japanese fiction, but I don't think it quite landed because of how I jumped back and forth between chronologies while doing it. Again, time constraints. At least the emotional angle hit, so I'll take my wins where I can. I appreciate >>24071907 generously pointing out that "rose-tinted glasses" could also be a way of satisfying the prompt, but they're also right that I stuck "bespectacled" there to hit the mark. I prefer their interpretation more now that it's been pointed out.Already got to the winner here >>24072136 and if I have time I'll go through the others too. Working at weird morning hours is a bitch.
This contest was a really great experience! It was really fun seeing all the stories and reading the critiques. You guys are good at writing these, I really feel like I learned something by reading them. I was a bit nervous that everyone would tear my submission to shreds, but all the responses I got were really constructive and enlightening. We should do this again sometimes, this was cool.
>>24074362I found the format alright. personally I love contest writing, but many people will only participate if it's the event of the season. expect a much smaller turn out if you do this with any regularity I like when contests are designed to challenge a specific part of a writer's abilities or tool set. word count ranges/limits, genre constraints, etc. more gimmicky restrictions and creative goals can be fun, but it's hard to tell a fun gimmick from an annoying one. whatever way you decide to take it, keep in mind that as a community event you'll want to manage engagement by balancing keeping things fresh and keeping things reliableif you or anyone else has a passion for graphic design/a basic acquaintance with photoshop, we could garner interest by creating a mini-mag or something. a bit of spectacle and incentive for people to participate. maybe include a shortlist based off the top 3 or somethingregardless, if you do another one of these I'll likely participate
>>24074397the fewer rules the better. this is 4chan, afterall.
>>24074362Make it a holiday thing. There's at least one major holiday pretty much every month. Contest lasts the 24 hours of that day. Most people will have the day off from work so they can actually write (unless they're with family/friends--but this is 4chan so...). Could make the writing prompts themed by the holiday as well.
I know how difficult it is to write with restrictions and I did not participate, so the winner would have to wear a crown or a badge in front of the usual "anonymous" for a month. If you are reading any mod at least consider it
>24074482>this nigga really fucking thinks
WHEN IS THE NEXT ONE?>Wanted to enter but got into an accident and hurt my neck hehe funnyBravo to the winner
>>24074374Just realized but I got my comments mixed up>Prose is light and airy like your protagonist. I like it, but points off for the millionaire being only speculative, not actually in the story.This was meant for you (>>24071878)>I feel like all you needed was one extra paragraph to give this a satisfying ending. I echo what >>24072248 has to say.This was meant for >>24071879
>>24074649For what it's worth, I had (and backspaced) a scene where he actually had a winning 1m yen ticket, but realized that trying to develop it in the time I had left was going to detract from the story's pace. In an ideal world I think he would have held that ticket but resigned himself to the belief that it wouldn't change anything now and still jump into the river.
>>24074670
>>24074373>>24074400I'll allow more schizo stories as long as they have a discernable plot and aren't just stream of consciousness thought, and I do want them to conform to the gimmick. I'll keep a list of good ideas for future contests.>>24074397>>24074403Good considerations, I'm going to create a running list of the top three stories from each competition with archive links for the thread. Do you think weekend competitions would also work in terms of participation and availibility? Also I'm going to avoid genre constraints, since writing to a specific genre isn't a good practice, and also can stunt writers with a genre that isn't their strongsuit. I've been on the receiving end of that. >>24074634We could either do MLK weekend or hold off until beginning of February, whichever everyone else is good with. Regardless, I'll try to give at least a week's notice in the running /wg/ thread and make a thread three days in advance.
>>24074761That sounds fun. I'd like to keep doing this.
>>24074761I'd suggest waiting until feb>I'll try to give at least a week's notice in the running /wg/ thread and make a thread three days in advancegood idea
>>24074761Competitions every weekend would be ideal, but may require a tweaking of rules
>>24074790>every weekendyou'd get 3~ people joining per week
>>24074790You're smoking actual crack cocaine if you think I'm hosting a writing competition on here every weekend.
>>24074403>>24074820Once a month even is a lot. I think quarterly would be good.
>>24074820Cocaine isn’t bad if one isn’t an addicted degenerate , and you SHOULD start a weekly or biweekly writing ”competition”.
>>24075186fucl you man quarterly isn't enough.
if ChineseDracula's too busy (fair enough) then maybe the anons jonesing for weekly comps should just make their own clones of this thread ... ?
A weekly thread should definitely allow, and would hopefully contain all, free-form schizo rambling.
I didn't win this competition so why should I bother entering the next one?
>>24076075Because (true , raw and unbiased) DEMOCRACY is GREAT!
>>24069351April, he had long felt, was always the cruelest month and the weather that day had been no proof to the contrary. Rain had spent the night with the city and in the morning she awoke soggy, chilly and in dire need of sun only to be faced with another few days of cloud cover on the horizon. He felt her pain and, as a gust of wind swept through the park, he slapped his left hand atop his hat anchoring it down and gripped his newspaper all the tighter. It was his daily routine, rain or shine, to make his way through the park to the coffee shop on the other side and then back to his penthouse before the morning traffic and bustle settle in. He’d been an early riser since his teenage years starting out delivering the same paper for dimes on the dollar at the end of each month. That was some years ago when dimes represented a meager yet worthwhile chunk of savings but now, after some years of trials, no lack of luck and exorbitant success, his savings account had a few more zeroes in it. He could have paid a different kid to deliver each paper in the country and still been well off but he liked the walk and the consistency of his routine too much to ever do such a thing. Arriving at the front door of his building and exchanging a nod with Lester at the desk, as they did every morning, he removed his hat and made his way toward the bank of elevators. There, waiting for the door to arrive he pulled out his glasses and began a cursory perusal of the paper, a particular classified ad catching his eye. “For sale: baby shoes, never worn” read the words on the page which drilled to his core as of hoping to shatter his world and left him speechless, motionless. Moments passed and the elevator had arrived, opened, closed and departed again before he felt a hand on his shoulder. Lester was there with a concerned look on his face. “Is everything alright? I’ve never seen you so shaken.” He shook his head as if to brush off cobwebs and dust while having both hands occupied and looked back in the worried gaze. “I just…” was all he managed before a pause. The elevator doors opened and a young couple he recognized from the sixth floor were there, a carriage in front of them ferrying a beautiful newborn, the newest tenant in the building. He stood in front of them looking from their faces to the child’s and back again then took his glasses off and wiped his eyes for tears had begun to well. Lester ushered him to the side and the couple walked past with looks of genuine concern but not wanting to interrupt. They’d made it through the front door and out onto their morning walk before he finally found the words he meant to say. So he spoke them to Lester before sobbing.“April is the cruelest month.”
>>24076209the contest is over. but i like it.
>>24074761Beginning of Feb sounds good.
>>24074761yeah notifying earlier would be better, I was bummed I missed this but was busy>>24074770best elf
I wish I would've seen this. Hopefully you can host the next one soon.
