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>>24076722
I just finished up the second chapter of the fantasy story I’m writing about a Necromancer’s apprentice, if any of you gents are interested.
Chapter 1
https://pastebin.com/mF0J1p4J
Chapter 2
https://pastebin.com/V50DuK3i
Also available to read on A03, Wattpad, etc
linktree/BornUnderaBlackSun
Picrel, some art I commissioned of one of the story’s chimeras. A cross between an alligator and a vulture

I'm going to finish my book by the end of April.

I have 200 pages, or about 62,000 words, but there's a lot more story to tell, so that might not be indicative of anything, really. Gonna get it done, though.

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I unironically think I'm going to make it this year bros. I'll come back for u

https://www.furaffinity.net/user/alexbguy

Stuff I guess since someone linked me this thread from another thread

There's a plot point where a character has lost his organic body and his soul is in this pseudo-robot now. I say pseudo because it's more like a poseable mannequin rather than anything that has complex machinery inside.
But anyways, he misses being able to eat or have sex. The only things he can physically feel anymore are just contact, injury, or temperature, and that's it. The rest is gone.
A sample
>The meat. The salty, somewhat singed scent, grilled off of a salty rock.
>My mouth would water if I still had a mouth left to consume with. I somehow feel a pang in my nonexistent stomach.
>Watching them being able to sample something I haven't been able to taste in years... It breaks me.

>>24076818
cute dork prose

>>24076822
Not the anon that posted that piece but I can tell instantly that YWNBAW

>>24076822
Huh?

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I've had an idea for a while to write an epic set in a fantasy universe, but to write the story as if it is an in-universe story.
There are two things I want to do to try and drive home the authenticity, but I'm wondering if they would be annoying or distracting to readers.
1.) I want to write the whole story in really crude prose. Think an Icelandic saga.
>The protagonist was very handsome and strong, and he won many battles. One day he went to war and he won because he is very handsome and strong, and everyone will remember him for 1,000 years for how handsome and strong he is. After he died, his name was changed from John Protagonist to Strong McHandsome in honor of his great feats.
like that. Also using primitive, inadequate metaphors to explain bizarre phenomena. At one point, some of the characters see the images of gods being astral projected onto the sky, and the images are referred to as "big fires" rather than a more apt phrase like projection or image.
2.) The story stars characters from various cultures, but the epic is being recorded by not!Latins who romanize all character and place names. Two of the main characters are germanic. Their in-universe names are Erich (who is affectionately titled "Old Eric" posthumously) and Holter, but for the entire story they'd be referred to as Aldericus and Holderus.

Is it worth it to do these things for the sake of immersion or would it just be grating?

>>24076856
oh, also, genealogy would play an important role in the story, and the story would have to be interrupted at one point (like all the ancient epics) so that I can rattle off a whole bunch of names and bloodlines of fictitious characters.

>>24076856
>>24076860
How’s about you write the prose average/good instead of making it clunky. And then you write it like a holy book with all the verses numbers

>>24076865
I could do that. I'm thinking about formatting the text the way Icelandic sagas are typically formatted, which is that a chapter is just a huge wall of text. Then I would intersperse it with dialog being conveyed in poetic verse, and that would be how I would break up text walls.

I asked this a few days ago but now I'm considering it for real: should I change my novel's setting from the USA to my home country (third world) just because I can? Also using character names from my country.
Nothing in the story will change, but agents seem attracted to this kind of diversity.

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>>24076722

Hoping to get some feedback on my historical fantasy. This is the first 15 chapters, or 40k words.

I want to have it completed by my birthday, which is in two weeks. I have to jam out something like 3k words a day, which I don’t think is possible, but I’m going to try,

https://docs.google.com/document/d/18QaLso5KvCWkxQ4UAys5AzrjhJ0LOUhlLLr2HioC6aI

Just ordered a copy of the first anthology featuring me.

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>>24076898
>historical
>fantasy

>>24076908

It doesn’t have any actual fantasy in it, but it gets weird. It’s set during the 100 Years War and features horror and occult themes.

It would be a huge help if people read it until it sucks, and then just tell my why it sucks so I can improve it.

>>24076875
I think foreign writers setting their works in America are cowards, unless they have a particularly strong reason to do so (they never do)

>>24076915
Why would they even do that?

>>24076927
I’m writing a short novel set in America because I like the Americana vibe. I’m an occident weeb

>>24076927
When I began writing I thought it was best to use america, that the agents preferred it. Now I know better.

>>24076900
Congratulations anon!

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https://egregoreandi.substack.com/p/my-name-is-boy

a fairy tale / fable I wrote a few years back after I spent a month in India as part of a summer school paper. interested to know what you all think or if it comes across a little obviously moralistic.

>>24076900
nice mate, but surely they should send you a copy?

>>24076875
set it in your home country if you feel like the story will benefit. and diversity bullshit aside I'd rather read something set in a third-world country I don't know about just out of curiosity

>>24076749
we're all gonna make it bro. keep faith

>>24076737
write every day and post here keeping us updated. you can do it!

i am /wg/'s newest writer.

>>24077016
>write every day and post here keeping us updated. you can do it!
i'll do weekly updates. dont care if no one responds. ive done that before.

>>24077016
>click the link
>greeted by AI art
>not even good AI, but bingslop
So unfortunately mate I didn’t make it past that image

>>24077038
honestly you're right. wasn't completely happy with that image and I've decided to change it. thanks for the feedback mate

>>24076722
For the past year I have been experimenting with various AI tools to write (ChatGPT even with elaborate prompting is greatly inferior to fiction-writing tailored services out there), at first I was charmed by their ability to generate beautiful sentences utterly unafflicted by GPT's universal text-creation shortcomings (very awkwardly placed subordinate clauses, imprecisely used descriptors &c) but have only recently come to realise that there is a slippery slope effect with delegation wherein even something trivial like having LLMs help you work your way out of a writer's block will come back to sap at your ability to maintain an elaborate and beautiful mental anatomy of your narrative and thereby sap at the quality of your writing in the long run

>>24077052
Did you get GPT to write that?

>>24077060
Think about whether I did or not it will be a good mental exercise

I don't advocate for AI writing stuff for you wholesale, but I'm begrudgingly finding it useful for helping me answer extremely specific questions in regards to my story.
Granted it's different case to case but I'm just using it as a metaphorical "spackle" to patch up little holes in plot or character arcs, I already had the major beats down long beforehand.

>>24077154
i cracked the code last tuesday

Has an author attempted to analyze the elements to construct superior prose? An example to be patterns if any can be apprehended. Not simply an authors monologue on their own prose additional methods or cognitive processes, but an attempt of scientific reasoning, or as close as one can arrive, to signify analysis of patterns of assonance, etymology, rhythm, punctuation, etcetera, modified via different modes of environment.

at what point does a sentence become run-on for the regular reader of genre fic?

you post this one more time and your ass is grass

>>24077197
subject, verb (PERIOD GOES HERE) subject, verb

>>24077204
The fruit flew. The man was hit. He fell to the ground, his face splattered with red.

Night of your birth, zero three. He mumbled from the floor a prostrate corpse.

Sneed they called you.

>>24077207
show don't tell

>>24077208
you bakker i’ll learn ye to sneed

>>24077190
Yes, it's called formulaic writing and most will recommend you avoid it

What software do you guys use for writing? I'm on Word like a caveman and sometimes it's brought to its knees when I type a sentence too fast. I'm not looking for much, just something light that can handle fast travel to specific chapters, word searches, and footnotes

>>24077307

I use Google docs and write on my phone.

That might sound weird, but I really like it. I can write anytime, anywhere and everything is connected. I write for a living, so using my phone feels different and more intimate for my personal novel.

Maybe that’s weird. I don’t know.

>>24077190
>Has an author attempted to analyze the elements to construct superior prose?
No, no one has, ever. The 6000 years of human writing have all gone to waste.

>>24077307
I write in Markdown format using a text editor (in my case, Pluma). Simple text editors don't lag when typing. Since it's simple text, I can store revisions using git. I convert to LibreOffice Writer using pandoc and a template, after which I can export to e-book formats, generate PDFs for paperback formats, etc.

>>24076856
You will definitely need to strike a balance with the intentionally shitty prose, but it's an interesting gimmick.

>>24076875
Why did you set it in America in the first place?

>>24077317
Based and extremely inefficient pilled

I gave my book out for free on kindle unlimited and 2 people downloaded it

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My records suggest that I've lost 2400 words somewhere between 23 and 25. But although there's evidence of it, I can't find anything that resembles chapter 24. Nothing. And 23 leads well into 25. However, again and again, there are notes about chapter 24 having 2400 words. I'm so confused boys

>>24076730
fast skimming through chap 1 so take it with a grain of salt, but your dialogue comes across a bit too YA detached. Not quite mouthpiece territory but the sort of nu-DnD best friends style where there's no texture or motivation for them speaking beyond speaking

>>24076865
What this anon said >>24076856
People are willing to dive into shitty prose bc they justify the historical nature of it
Only if they manage to get a reason to care about your world and characters will they be willing to do that, at which it's best served in as an appetizer not the main course (think if Tolkein only published his songs, genealogies, and linguistic wankery first)

ancient epics are not written in "crude prose"
they are not written in prose at all

also google "The Wake"

>>24078006
didn't ask

do you also think Shakespeare wrote that way because that's how people talked back then?
at least do a cursory study of medieval verse before embarrassing yourself trying to imitate it with retarded caveman sentences

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>24078006

>>24077979
Does this mean you don't back up your work? Or use a document format (such as Markdown-based text) that's amenable to version control?

>>24078300
No, I back my work up; I also have a timeline where I mark which chapters I've completed like a storyboard. It also says the word count per chapter. Then I have an excel spreadsheet so I can monitor my chapter length. No both the storyboard and the excel spreadsheet there's a chapter 24 with 2370 words. But when I check my files nothing exists, and my files are saved going 22 23 25 26. IT's so strange. Did I just pull this number out of my ass? Where did I get it from? I'm so confused.

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Tips on making a scene sad without going overboard? I want it to have meaning but I don't want to jump the shark here. What do you guys do with this?

>Finish novel
>Take a break for a few months
>Come back and read what I wrote
>It's absolute garbage
What do I do? Just keep editing until it feels right?

>>24078526
you are describing a very standard process, including the break. now you start the next draft

>>24078526
>>24078533
Yeah he's right, I did the same thing. I'm on my third draft now and it gets easier. It's like when you first polish a boot and have to apply loads of layers, but the more you do it the shinier it gets until all you need is the most minor dab of wax.

>>24077995
What I’m hearing from this is that the usage of overly blunt and simplistic language would be more annoying than immersive, which is kind of what I expected.
Would using more natural prose and combining it with some “archaicisms” (e.g. heavy focus on lineage and genealogy, using primitive allegories to explain supernatural phenomena, etc.) be better or would it just be annoying but in a different way?

>>24076898
There are a few details that made me pause, and I'm not the biggest medieval autist that's likely to read a book with this premise. A Roman cardinal speaking English as his conversational language is pretty strange. Smallsword seems out of place, as it is usually used to refer to a type of sword worn by 18th century gentlemen. A millennia instead of a millennium.
You also fall into a common historical fiction trap of veering off to explain something from your research like the thing with the money, and the fact that the basilica was on the site of Nero's hippodrome. The latter could be used for some literary purpose, the heart of Christendom on the site of degenerate pagan gambling has some artistic potential, but it doesn't amount to anything. In general, you seem to go for scene setting and detail without doing anything artistic with it, like you put a lot of words on the page about the opulence of the basilica but it's just that, just telling the reader it's fancy.
Honestly not bad, though. Fixing line level stuff would make it better than the last histfic I read without even touching the artistic issues. This is not a genre I like and I had an easy time reading it for the most part.

>>24078445
Generally the scenes that make me a squint a little (because I'm a manly man dude, bro) are the one that are very melancholic in tone. Like an character dying doesn't bother me that much, but throw in a funeral chapter and I might start to feel it. Obviously I need to like the character before

>>24078445
What is the sad thing that happens?

>accidentally delete the last chapter I was working on
>during the rewrite, stumble on an obvious solution to a problem that had been giving me a lot of grief
I live when things simply fall into place.

>>24076722
---- Solaria ----
9599
The Longest View

In chess he won every time
If with difficulty sufficent

To count as play against someone with
The sense of strategy

Or the art of memorable openings
Impossible to trick into boring blizkrieg wins.

Still don't care much for games
But sustain

So rich a memory of him, his minutest gestures, tastes,
His strange attachment to the lyric tone

Of dreams where all has gone incalculably well
As romantic landscape recommends

>>24077307
I use keyboards on my lap, in recliners or in bed, mostly with the wildly underrated Word Pad, and archive all of it at least in triplicate on all sorts of drives--thumbs, external HDDs, M-Disc, whatever. Word Perfect 6 was about as good, if less elegant.

>>24077571
Don't be silly. No hardware/software combination I've used since 1990 has had noticeable typing lag. For that one would have to go all the way back to, say, a VAX terminal.

Philosophy humanizes math, which alone makes people statistics and interchangeable. Math is fallible to the entropy of the mind for no mathematical equation can produce the Mona Lisa

>>24077992
It’s over.

>>24079309
This anon >>24077307 said Word is "brought to its knees" when he types too quickly. Your anecdotal evidence is irrelevant.

>>24078827
it's been ages since I've read some, but Conan might be a good reference point honestly. He's far more eloquent than the movies but still retains a blunt form of speaking in tandem with a relatively straight to the point story, lore notwithstanding
Part of why it works is that there's complimentary contrast with both the prose and other characters.
In your case, even if you relegated the simplicity to dialogue, it runs the risk of making the audience perceive them as unintelligible cavemen. Which, from what I'm gathering, your intention was to mimic the abbreviated writing of chronicles and genealogies, not make them appear stupid. It's especially important since said simplicity stemmed from having to be a scribe writing the same prose over and over your whole life while also translating into multiple languages, not from a lack of education or capability.
The tricks is figuring out where the characters are eloquent. Be it mannerisms, their loyalties, their beliefs, their fears, etc. How you convey that will dictate whether its spoken in the prose or dialogue and that will inform what the other should be. Since in the end, the simplicity should effectively be a disarming mask to guide the reader to inner truths that fall flat if simply spelled out.

>>24079659
I was being kind of silly with my original example to drive my point home. I actually really love norse sagas and poetry, and I think they can often have really powerful prose. I don't think that the simplicity really cuts against the eloquence like one would expect. Much the opposite, eloquence often being couched in blunt language creates a really nice natural contrast that isn't jarring. That's what I'm aiming for with this story: beauty in simplicity. Not grug caveman ungabunga retards beating each other with clubs, though I understand where you got that impression (my example wasn't particularly helpful it seems)

Is it sensible for someone who's trained as a surgeon to pick up using a shortsword with relative ease?

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any critique fags

>What confused me the most was the price he demanded. A mercenary as successful and acclaimed as he was someone I expected a hefty cost for in exchange for his services.
>Yet he didn't demand much, only asking for some medicine. I even asked him to repeat it but his answer was the same. Apparently he gave this price to most jobs, according to his crew of Swashes. Yet I didn't understand how he could be so fabulously wealthy despite his relatively small expenses. Then he said something.
>"I give these prices to the jobs that I can handle myself"
>Did he really think he could stop a full-grown Dread on his lonesome? Was he really this delusional? I decided to discreetly follow him to loot my belongings off of his corpse, but to my shock, he didn't waver in the face of the beast. He took hold of his sword's handle and just gave it a ginger, almost imperceptible tug, causing it to smoothly exit the sheathe without a sound.
>The creature receded in what I could only call absolute terror. Those noises don't come from a Dread who's content with it's victim's behavior, I'd know from experience.
>The Dread launched one of it's tendrils, the tip like a needle, only for it to seemingly phase through it's opponent. I blinked and his blade was plunged into the Dread's face. A gentle jostle caused it to drop dead on the spot
>"Alright, you can come out now."
>It was then I realized that was all a show for me.
Just wrote this out of a heat of the moment urge to write a cool swordsman character

>>24077307
Word desu. It can keep up with 100wpm as long as u dont use it online

>>24079777
No. How are they related in your head?

>>24079468
Maybe he should use a real PC to run Word, and not a fucking Manchester Mark I.

Waiting on getting some cover art done then publishing my next book. First draft of third book almost done too. Probs will have two out in 2025.

>>24076722
---- Solaria ----
9600
Ultraviolet

Infrastructure around here defies belief
To the degree of private fame, the charm

Of sweeping in almost sleepy comfort across
Fields so organized against killing cold.

>>24079468
Lulz. In 1985 I wrote a word processor for fun, in 6502, that could scroll fast as the eye could see. It operated pretty much the same with a whole lot of raster interrupts going to make analogue to digital snowy typefaces & such. Of course by then it didn't matter as far as publication goes, but I didn't care in any case.

>>24079468
>>24077307
re: 'brought to it's knees'. it's not possible. you have a keylogger or something

>>24079795
Excessive detail in the second paragraph. Nobody cares how hard or easy it is to carry.

>pastry complexion
Is this a typo or you actually think somebody's complexion can be compared to pastry? lol

>>24080217
Maybe he had a rather long phone conversation with someone with an Indian accent. I pretty much assume the FEDs are invisibly efficient, and on a qualitatively higher level, something i take a certain comfort in, or will till Jan 20 or so.

>>24080275
*Imagine having a dismal creep like Kash Patel sniffing around everyone's drives. It's about the same as giving Bin Laden the Bomb. God almighty save us from that shit.

my word processor is air gapped

>>24080057
Maybe he can't afford a "real" PC. Maybe your privilege is showing, richie.
>>24080194
Maybe he can't write a word processor for fun.
>>24080217
It's so much easier to judge than it is to understand, isn't it? You are the reason life sucks.

>>24080394
>hypocritical statement
people who lack self awareness might contribute more to that

>>24080394
>Maybe he can't afford a "real" PC
Then the poorfag must use pencil and paper. But I guess it lags even worse, since the user is retarded

My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself that I can write. I’ll play more video games.

>>24080417
>>24080445
If you're not going to try to be helpful, why reply at all? Are you trying to make up for being bullied horribly in school by becoming your own oppressor? You are the reason life sucks.

Happily working away on a few short stories and a narrative poem. I have 110+ lines finished so far, which seems to be a little over half way done.

Anyone like Brandon Sanderssons videos on writing? I mean, he's a prolific writer and teaches it at university.

>>24080623
He apparently writes literal slop so I doubt they help much

>>24080623
The only video lecture of his I know of is the one where he talks about magic systems, which are fucking gay.

>>24080623
>BrandoSando teaches writing at university.
One-sentence horror story. But shouldn't someone teach him to write first?

>>24080582
If you're not going to try to be helpful, why reply at all? Are you trying to make up for being bullied horribly in school by becoming your own oppressor? You are the reason life sucks.

you're projecting hard, hypocriteanon

>>24076722
Do you guys feel the season affects your writing? Winter makes me write more.

>>24080808
I barely notice the seasons. I just write.

>>24080623
I wouldn't take his advice on prose, but he can probably tell you about storytelling and structuring your efforts in writing and editing.

>>24080808
Winter = more time spent indoors. That's pretty much it.

I just graduated from college and want to write a series of essays about the strange characters I met there. Has anyone done this?

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>Wrote a sex scene
>It's about a girls wet dream
>It's far more poetic than every other scene in the book
kek why did I do this, they don't even have sex he just looks at her

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From >>24079091

>Write a brief narrative using pic related as a prompt

Sammy woke up. He was hungover. Pale light crept in at the edge of the curtain.

He rolled over and checked his phone, wincing at the headache.

It was 10:03, there was a message from a girl.

“Yo, fancying doing something today?”

It was Olivia.

They had met last Saturday, in a bar with a bunch of friends. They had ended up kissing.

Now she was infatuated with him, and he didn’t have the heart to tell her it had meant nothing.

Sammy put down the phone and got up, drank a ton of water, went down to the kitchen. His housemates were all asleep. In the kitchen, there were stacks of dirty dishes, pots and pans. He could see his breath in the air.

‘University living,’ he thought. ‘I’ll get breakfast in town.’

He took a bunch of pills to help with the headache, then had a shower and went out, wearing his big winter coat.

Only when he was seated in the warm cafe, and his food en route, did he message Olivia:

“Sure, what u thinking?”

No sooner had he put the phone down than the reply notification appeared on the screen.

“We could go for a walk?”

A walk, a walk; a walk meant talk, endless talk.

“Sure,” he fired back. “What time?”

~

They were walking along the beach, talking about their subjects (he was History of Art; she was Mathematics). She was prettier than he remembered.

Suddenly she stopped. “Whoa,” she pointed.

They had arrived on a fish.

“How did it get there?” she wondered, looking from the fish to the sea, far far away, for it was low tide.

Sammy didn’t know and didn’t care.

“Watch this,” he said.

Sammy took one or two running steps, then leapt high in the air, tucking in his knees at the zenith, and came down hard on the fish, his boots exploding the head. He then stomped around, mushing the fish brains in with the wet sand, grinning from ear to ear, then laughing hysterically, stomping and stomping and laughing maniacally now, until the fish and the sand were indistinguishable within the grey bloody pulp that thrashed beneath his pounding feet.

He stopped and turned around.

Olivia was aghast, frozen with terror.

Sammy smiled, walked over to her and said “come here doll” and then took her face and plunged his tongue into her open mouth, and while she was stiff at first, quickly she softened and soon they were mushing together in increasing ecstasy, spectated only by a scaly eye.

Stopping in his pleasure, Sammy looked down at the eye.

“I will call you Incel,” he said to its dumb pupil, then went on kissing the lifeless girl.

>>24081055
truly awful

>>24081055
Wow

From >>24079091

My window's facing east, and I'm a light sleeper, so I always wake up at dawn. I like to walk down to the beach before it gets too late and other people start showing up. There's always that old man, walking his old bearded terrier. That's when I turn around to go home. He's the first pensioner to show up and break the sound of the waves with his dogs insistent yapping. Nature's my alarm clock, and this is the alarm.

This morning, a silvery shape glittered on the shore. I expected flotsam, but it was a fish. A catfish, maybe? It had whiskers.

I stopped in front of it, at the edge of the tide, and resisted the urge to squat. I'd only have to get up again. It was still alive. Pale mouth opened and closed to suck at nothing, although its chest didn't move. As if a fish didn't have lungs that filled with air and exhaled carbon dioxide. This time, I fought the urge to throw it back in the water. It must've come in at high tide. That must've been a long time ago. It must be dying already. Fish were slippery, and the water was cold, and I didn't want to squat in the shallows to rinse my hands that'd still smell and taint my jacket.

Squinting up at the ocean itself, it seemed rude to do such a thing. I'd never inconvenienced it. Never bathed in it or built a sand castle or thrown rocks into it to hear the noise and watch the crash.

Still, I got my boots wet as I walked out and grabbed the slimy cold thing by its tail. It came to life, thrashing, spilling sand onto my trousers and slipping from my grasp to splash seawater onto the sand already on me. I reared up and watched it disdainfully for a moment before grabbing at it again. Once I held it by its tail, and it shook in my grasp, I considered how to put it down and where. I settled on gingerly walking until the water reached the curve of my toe cap, Then, a wave overtook it and seawater seeped into my socks.

Annoyed, I leant down, and swung the fish so that it'd land with its tail facing shore. It languished for a few seconds, swam slowly for a second more, and then darted off. I waded back ashore, and spotted the man with the dog. He'd probably seen me out there, possibly swinging a fish.

He called out for his dog to stop barking, like he always did, then called out to me. His 'Good morning!' seemed desperate, as if he was just going through the routine before he could get to asking me what I was doing back there. So I didn't stop for him, just growled 'Morning' in response as I walked past him with wet socks and sand on my trousers. He couldn't hear me over his dog, but I didn't stop to repeat myself.

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>>24076722
Session for today

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I've been using AI assistance in an experimental web novel, which I planned to present as a kind of open demonstration on the tech's potential as a tool of storytelling. It's going pretty great so far, but the more I work on this, the more I start to question if it'll turn out as planned.

In the end, no text generation is used as is, I've heavily rewritten everything and there are full chapters that are entirely by me. I wouldn't want the story to be left secondary to a big guessing game of "is this part AI, or is that part AI", when the scenario, messages, themes, and practically all dialogue comes purely from my own head. It would frankly fucking crush me, if even the segments where I feel I managed to surpass myself as a writer were dismissed as worthless machine generations. It's possible the reception is entirely negative too, nobody will want to see how it pans out, but just drop it as soon as they see the explanation, and I'll have wasted my time.

I don't believe readers would be able to tell if I didn't tell them myself. Maybe it would be a better idea to just keep it a secret and let them experience the narrative without preconceptions at first, and only reveal it after the project is finished, if at all? Thoughts?

>>24081177
AI is bad for you.

>>24081146
First paragraph is confusing, do u know why?

I hate that moment after I finish a draft when it's time to put the thing down and leave it alone for a while when can't stop thinking about it.

>>24081206
Yeah, I was afraid this would be the reaction. Modern day humans are incapable of intelligible discourse or handling abstractions.

Do you read your work paragraph by paragraph, or session by session, or draft by draft? I'm currently editing/rewriting two pages I wrote four hours ago instead of continuing the story.

>>24081222
Because it was a sample from page 72 and you dont know the context

>>24081285
Why is there a fountain in a courtroom bro? Did u mean courtyard?

>>24081295
Who cares? It looks nice. Indoor fountains exist

>>24076818
lame and gay, robots aren't able to smell things, and even if they did, no chemical analyzer would be able to convey scents as effective as a human no-
>I say pseudo because it's more like a poseable mannequin rather than anything that has complex machinery inside.
okay but at which point does the human end and the machine start? he has no mouth but still has his nose?

>>24081313
Fucking retard don’t tell me “who cares” then follow it up with the justification “indoor fountains exist” fucking retard u don’t think I know indoor fountains exist? There are no courtroom fountains you dumb fuck so now the reader is wondering “uh does he mean courtroom” or “is he looking out the window” and it fucks up the whole scene because the reader doesn’t know where he is

>>24081358
>“uh does he mean courtroom”
****COURTYARD FUCK

>>24081358
Suspend disbelief when you read fiction. There is a fountain here. It serves a purpose of making everything opulent and luxurious. That, and it looks pretty.

Neodecadent literature is based as fuck and needs a comeback

>>24081264
LLM are worse.

What makes writing for adults. I can't tell if I'm being too hard on myself or if I'm making YA trash prose.

>>24081366
it's the writers responsibility to paint the scene. not knowing a coutroom from a courtyard and saying "suspend disbelief" when questioned is beyond retarded

>>24081366
Put all the bullshit u want in the lobby/atrium of the courtHOUSE, but in the courtroom? Nah

>>24081358
I'm on the other anon's side on this. If anon wants a fountain in his courtroom, so be it. The confusion you bring up is minor and readers should be smart enough to figure out he meant what he meant.

>>24081382
just add a few cusses or a sex scene

>>24081405
ur objectively wrong, I mean what does this mean
>Countess Erin and Priscilla Mareino waved and the children, who had indeed been watching their matron mimic the flowing stream behind them
mimic the stream? Mimic how? And is the stream the fountain? because we wouldn't put it past this anon to place a fucking rivulet in the courtroom right? fountains do not traditionally "stream", it's the wrong verb - they spurt or spout or spray.

it doesn't make any sense.

>>24081439
>fountains do not traditionally "stream"
did not understand a metaphor award

>>24081456
A metaphor is more than a poorly placed verb you ESL fuck

>as one does so as to find
You are a terrible writer

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>>24081463
i'm not that guy by the way

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>>24081439
No clue about the mimic stuff but "stream" is a very generic word to use on water.

>>24081466
You're not me? I'm not the writer either.

>I'm not a writer either.
/wg/...

>>24081471
On water generically yes, but not fountains

>>24081481
Yes on fountains. Look at my pic.

>>24081478
Fuck writing. Editing is where it's at.

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>editors changed my "realized" to "realised" and published it without consulting me first

>>24081484
nta but do a search for "flowing stream" and see if you find any pictures of fountains. nobody thinks of water shooting upwards from a nozzle when reading about a "flowing stream"

>>24081500
I'll do that if you look up "streaming fountain" and count how many pictures you find.

>>24081504
the excerpt in question does not mention a "streaming fountain" at all so i don't see why i should. it talks about a "flowing stream."

>>24081511
Fountains can have streams, too, bigot. Get with the times.

>>24081518
You’re thinking of a spigot

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>>24081530
You mean something affixable to a fountain?

>>24081550
as opposed to a bigot, yes

If we look to the most famous fountain in 20th century English literature, Evelyn waugh does not talk about "streams" in brideshead revisited

>Found a good surname for a character
>Set it aside
>Three days later I remember that 99% of the time he's going to be called his family name anyway because he has no chums
>Check name again
>It's a surname but it's actually more used as a family name anyway
Good save, me

>>24081758
surname is family name

>>24081766
Ah, made a mistake, I meant first name

>>24081771
Fucking retard

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Where do I find beta readers? Willing to pay, don't know how much to expect.

>>24081773
everybody makes mistakes, anon
Besides me. But you peons can't compare to a God

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Any critiquefags?
short stacycore novel about a korean-american teenage girl having an identity crisis in some undetermined americana beach town
wanted to hit a 15k words target but i'm already there with a third of the scenes to go

>>24080051
Requires a steady hand and anatomical knowledge

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>>24081356
It's not really a machine. It's about as much as much a "Machine" as this thing is.
It's designed to torture him by depriving him of sensations that humans find pleasurable like eating or sex. The smelling thing is just further torment because you can smell but not eat anything

>>24081913
careful with filtering phrases like "the..image of" when "only ruined by an ugly quarrel" will do
careful with double negatives ("no signs of neither") ("didn't like not")
careful with the insertions of apositives
you're in the awkward spot where you're experimenting with sentences but haven't quite got an ear for when they don't work. Just needs maturing and experience.

>>24082122
Thanks. I'm aware of how bad some sentences sound and I agree with you with a few exceptions
>no signs of neither
sloppy writing
>didn't like not fitting in
stylistic choice

But yeah all in all I agree, stuff like
>the..image of
was just me trying to get that sentence out of the way as soon as possible fully aware that it was shit

I'm not there yet i.e, published author but its fine to get lost as I am enjoying the process of learning

The red disk broke the black background. The fluorescent spheres stopped glowing as the starlight rained down. Red and black tendrils danced about grabbing onto cobalt bespeckled shale lips. Seas of bloodred dew perpetually floating in the sky curling around crag and tree.

Where the sky met land the air jostled, sending the mist into a whirlwind. A violent commotion blowing the foliage which shook in the bedlam causing a cascade of seeds to rain down. Tumbling and sliding to where the land flatten.

The disturbance ended. The gentle gusts hugged the terrain. This tumult, a stranger to this land, left something new. Under an unfamiliar shadow a pile of seed and gravel pooled around an acute set of vectors which ran up until they bent and crashed into one another forming the illustrious triangle.

>>24081358
I don't care that there's a fountain, but I think it's retarded that it's "ivory"

>>24081913
you have to be 18 to post here

>Protagonist has moments to complete the ritual before the Xenos break into his labratory.
>The Knight's bone are beginning to crackle and move, the armor too.
I do not know much of the Occult but would invoking the name of Andras to empower this corpse with demonic magic be enough to reanimate it?

>>24081146
Hey bro I’m the guy that wrote>>24081463
and, since I’ve had some time to cool off, I just wanna say ur not a terrible writer, ur actually a good writer, I just got carried away.
It’s confusing cos I don’t have context, like u said.

>>24082429
your insistence on using a shorthand you/your is annoying but I respect your humility

lmao

>>24082543
you aren't allowed to make posts like this unless you can contain them within beautiful and affecting prose

>>24081913
delete the first paragraph

>>24081913
>boardwalk cherry soda
word salad but the symbol of cherry soda conjures bitchy teenagers. I hope you come up with a better title, the potential is charming

>>24082543
Sir this is a writing general

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>>24082569
I did.

>>24082573
Sorry anon, chery soda is here to stay, it's the main motif of the romance subplot. And bitchy teen is fine, we're all deeply flawed in our own ways anyway

>>24082627
the phrase is growing on me desu senpai
my brain did not at all like "boardwalk cherry soda" on first glance but it's got some texture to it
however cherry being indicative of lesbians makes me want to roll my eyes into the back of my head. the way you frame and depict this young moid makes me suspect otherwise, but if your publisher bait immigrant story is also lesboid bait I'll be disappointed in your shamelessness

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>>24082643
I don't have a publisher, anon. I'm a techbro who decided to write because because my cousin published a book and I got a bit inspired. This is my first time writing not counting school assignments
She's not a lesbian, she just makes rash decisions

>>24082650
nobody wants to read your coomer slop here

>>24082657
It may be slop but it's not coomer slop and I was just replying to him. Also why the fuck did it bother you so much to reply lmao just hide the post if you don't like it you sperg

>>24082650
the broad pitch of your story seems like the kind of thing engineered to try and pander to publishers so I assumed the worst
so many deluded people get into writing because they think it'll make them money
lol. lmao

I'm >>24076856
I whipped up a demo of the kind of prose I was going to try and use for my story.
I'm mostly looking to gauge whether people find it charming or obnoxious. I'm trying to strike a balance between acceptable and excessive archaic-ness, but I don't think I'm always a particularly good judge of that.
https://pastebin.com/8gps4KjT

>>24082667
No way. My publishing plan is KDP, if they reject it then try Draft2Digital, if they reject it then wattpad. If I make one dollar that would be a surprise kek if anything I'm only interested in publishing it because it serves as a milestone I can work toward

>>24082700
based intrinsic motivator

Who do you guys publish with?

>>24082429
Thank you for the honesty anon. Im insecure af about my writing and I have imposter syndrome with it. I post here because I tend to get good feedback, whereas on reddit, i cant even get a conversation because they just say purple prose and disregard

I can post some more context from earlier in the novel if you want

Allegiance

The men in suits speak for me
They represent my interest
They serve me and get a just financial reward
For this service;
I know it because I was watching television
And some of my favorite youtubers,
And they told me this was true.
They also told me where I can purchase
SuperMasculine Wheat Germ Pills, with a hefty discount
If I enter code "222PLEDGE" at checkout.
This was a very nice gesture, I thought.

Once I began to question all of this,
I put my phone down and wondered if my friends
Were lying to me? I remembered the pills,
Nice gesture, I thought
But still, something...something...

So I went outside and saw men in uniforms holding guns
Staring me down and telling me about laws
And about misinformation and extremism
And I realized I was just
Having an episode
My friends are the best and always tell the truth.
These pills have changed my life.

>>24082774
Self with Amazon because I'm so shit no agent wants me

>>24082774
I publish directly to my parents via inkjet printer

Publishing is an act of self effacement.

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>>24076898

I tried to make this scene scary. I don’t know. Is it?

>>24082843
Kek
>>24082896
I think it needs more buildup. Spooky stuff happening when they enter and make camp. Also, make him go piss so he has to leave his bed, that will build suspense

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>>24082917

My story is a historical fiction with a lot of weird occult stuff set during the 100 Years War. I want it to be very Scooby Doo, where everything feels like a grim horror fantasy on the surface, but ultimately has logical explanations, however unlikely, so you react the same way a medieval person might feel encountering bizarre, paranormal things.

>>24082927
In that context it makes a lot more sense. Still think it isnt scary, but its scooby doo for sure. I guess if you read it you already expect logical explanations, so you wouldnt be scared anyway, which could be detrimental for the grim horror part in the long run

>>24081913
Way too on the nose with everything. Have some subtlety.

>>24082230
>i.e
ie.

I feel like a tech genie—I edited my keyboard inputs so I can type proper em dashes. No longer must I settle for two hyphens.

>>24083200
alt 0151

>>24083225
I will never remember that. Also, it's too many keystrokes.

Does /wg/ read screenplays? If so would love your thoughts on this short. It's about a pair of glowies questioning a psychic therapist.
https://litter.catbox.moe/lw7as1.pdf

>>24083259
use your keypad, takes an instant

>>24083272
screenplays are more /lit/ than what most of /wg/ is writing. the answer is no anyway, because we don't read

Why is the ending so hard to write?

>>24083272
It was OK. More telling than showing. Also, the movie "Scanners" already exists, so unless you're planning on doing something fresh with the idea, you're just retreading old ground.

>>24083422
Ending is by far the easiest part to write in the whole shit

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I feel like my story isn't long enough but I don't want to just fill it with random meaningless shit. What do?

>>24083516
now's a good time to explore theme

>>24083516
If it's done is done, no? I disagree with the other anon, why force it? I think worrying about word count is retarded unless you're going for a competition or aiming for an award. If you said everything you wanted to say then that's it. Go work on something else

>>24083586
it's his first of maybe several drafts. theme often comes together in the second draft, baby-writer anon

>>24083594
ok

>>24083516
You can always add content that isn't meaningless and improves the experience. It's purely a skill issue.

>>24083605
But ad hoc content waters down the work, it doesn’t improve it. Imagine animal farm at twice the word count. All good long works were meant to be long from the beginning and they couldn’t have been anything but long

How can I learn to write as though I have genuine human emotions?

>>24083618
orwell had many drafts, nigger

>>24083516
There are techniques to expand stories in ways that aren't random meaningless shit. https://www.advancedfictionwriting.com/articles/snowflake-method/ outlines one such technique.

>>24083644
no shit what the fuck does that have to do with forcing a work to be larger

>>24083650
you are seriously fucking stupid and stand no chance

people arguing on behalf of their webseries slop writing process will be ousted and lynched

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>>24083664
by who? you? you're a coward & will do nothing

>>24083650
>forcing a work to be larger
You're extremely arrogant and stupid to think your turd is somehow perfect now and expanding on any part of it would somehow ruin it.

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>>24083693
perhaps i won't, but i will cry about it

>>24083700
You're extremely arrogant and stupid to think you have enough information to reach that conclusion. Plus, you're a seething jackass.

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>Submit to Amazon after days of figuring out the formatting for both TPB and ebook like a goddamn puzzle
>"It can take up to 72 hours for your title to be available for purchase on Amazon."
>Get an email 3 days later saying "During our review, we found that the keyword(s) entered for the following book(s) may cause a misleading customer experience."
>Doesn't actually tell you the keyword or words in question so I reply hoping for a quick answer
>"We need some additional time to review everything. We'll be in touch within 5 business days. We appreciate your patience."
I'm right at the finish line and they keep throwing more obstacles at me!

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>>24076722
A couple of years ago, I tried to write some erotica involving cuckold and humiliation fantasies for some anon who claimed to be offering money for commissions on /b/. I never made it past the scheme of the first scene. My idea was to just write the general idea of the scene, and let AI do the rest of the work, but then I got lazy and figured it wasn't worth it. I just found the txt file in which I wrote down the scheme and found it hilarious.

>>24083910
>Get an email 3 days later saying "During our review, we found that the keyword(s) entered for the following book(s) may cause a misleading customer experience."
Wtf, I always spam some completely random shit there that makes no sense, and they never say anything about it

>>24083859
I don't need any special information to tell you that nothing made by mortal humans can be perfect.

I can't really figure out the mindset of a woman that's supposed to be a traditional wife that wants 10 kids and a husband. How do I write her?

>>24084139
picture her as tard wife, not trad wife
just write a bimbo who likes to bake cakes instead of makeup

>>24084139
Used up ex-party girl with multiple abortions that's done finding herself and is ready to settle down

>>24083469
Thanks for the comparable! Feel free to elaborate on which moments felt too "telly."

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>>24083645
>another writing instructor who uses words like "structure" when they mean "formula"
*yawn*

Give me that candy.

I'm reading up on all of these story structures and ways to build a narrative and everything, but then I try to apply them to books I've read. What's the main conflict of Blood Meridian, and how's the Kid solving it throughout the plot?

>>24084139
>I feel happiest and safest being taken care of by a protector.
>I value stability and people over excitement and material wealth
>I am happiest when other people around me are happy. I like to make them happy, and they like to make me happy. :)

>>24084425
The thing is, for every kind of "recognized" story structure advice you get, sure you can point out lots of examples that qualify, but there's always going to be some counter-examples that don't follow the established rules and yet have found great success and recognition.

You can maybe twist Blood Meridian to say that the main conflict is the Kid wavering between the "simple" cutthroat mentality of outlaws wanting to get a dollar, and the nihilistic approach of the Judge "rape the earth until nothing grows because that's how it's meant to be".

I haven't read a lot of book on writings (that is to say I've read half of one) but from what I've seen they usually come with big asterisks "this is how it's usually done, there are people who don't do that, but in general this is how it goes". And honestly, they're usually rights. Most stories feature characters with a central conflict working to resolve their problems. It's not a crime to write a book about that, and to identify intruders on the pattern you need to know what the pattern looks like. The trick is to take these and think about why, despite their deviation from the structure, the books themselves still work.

That's why I don't think you should read story structure too seriously. They can be a nice tool to place what you've already thought about independantly and see how everything fits, and if something is missing you should at least be able to explain why. But reading too much of them will lock you in place.

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Wrote a short story a while ago, it's supposed to be set in a fantasy world with more beneath, but this one is just about what is on the surface. I like writing just short stories as worldbuilding, to see what stories can be set in and told through this world and see what is worthy of expansion. I think this one works best as a short story still.
It's supposed to showcase the migration of stone-age people and their reconciliations with nature.
Any earnest comment is welcome.
https://pastebin.com/fbRGVJAa

>>24084085
No one but you brought up "perfect". Talk about a self-own.

>>24083910
>Put in female protagonist, fantasy, action YA, mystery, etc
>Some pajeet reads the blurb and sees the cover
>Advertises it as women's fiction

Fuck me.

>>24084359
Then use whatever parts you like, and blow off the rest
>noooooo u must completely subscribe to another's worldview
fscking NPC
>>24084493
A voice of sanity and balance in /wg/? I think I got whiplash.

>>24084552
Based Ranjesh shitting on fem protag trannies

>>24084524
This was nice. Good work, anon.

I'm writing a visual novel but have no plans for art yet, what do? How does one go about this?

>>24084546
If you claim your work has no room left for growth or change, what else is it but completely perfect in your head? You're stupid and have no self-awareness.

>>24084672
>>/jp/

>>24084524
Call me a pedant but words like pillar and city seem incongruous with a setting that has cavemen and mammoths.

>>24084734
You're possibly right about "Pillars", it could be replaced with "shafts", but I want to keep "city" as a hint at an older history still.

>Feels like literally every fantasy character is a super special prophesied hero with a stacked lineage and multiple unique abilities
>My main character is literally just a regular farmer and ends the adventure going back to his regular farm
Am I shooting myself in the foot not giving him a cursed bloodline or something? I just enjoy a regular human trying to find his way out of absurd situations.

>>24084783
There has to be a reason why he leaves his farm in the first place. In gone with the wind, Scarlett returns to Tara because a bunch of uppity nuggets and Yankees threatened to steal her house, so she leaves for Atlanta to marry a rich fuck then returns to pay off the taxes. But there has to be a reason to leave and return. Not fighting an evil demon unless said evil demon stole his cow or wife, or even him needing to have the demon sign a contract guaranteeing him 5 acres and 10 mules to raise food for the demon army

>>24084783
You basically wrote Bilbo Baggins you halfwit

>>24084783
le chosen farmer was an inversion of classic myths which generally revolve around nobles and members of royalty performing great feats. It's a liberal spin on cultural legends and folklore. However, it has become the norm now. It didn't really have any merit in the beginning, being simply a negation of an ancient motif, but it definitely doesn't have anything going for it now that it's been thoroughly run into the ground.

>>24084674
It could be "as good as it gets", which is not the same as "perfect".
>You're stupid and have no self-awareness.
projection

>>24084910
>projection
nta, but when i see someone reply this i instantly assume they're a moron. stop parroting this dumb retort literally every time someone insults you

>>24084927
>everything always absolutely forever
Resorting to a generality, when you only have one specific case, is one of the classic signs of being a sociopath.

>>24084933
it's not that deep little bro. people spam 'omg projection' to every insult and it's annoying. low-effort default responses like that make me think you're a retard

>>24084933
Sociopathy is good albeit.

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>>24084894
>>24084783
Impoverished gentry existed. One could put both put a new spin on the inversion and revitalize the trope of empowered nobility if one wanted by using an impoverished noble who just rules over a handful of peasants without being very powerful (basically a peasant to other nobles).
Historically, they would either be used to fill positions in court such as accountants, treasurers and masters of ceremony for the promise of marrying into higher nobility, or they would frequently been forgotten by higher nobility and just used as handlers and managers of peasants. In literature, they could serve as a long forgotten line of nobility that grew complacent or close to the people over the pomp of the higher nobility and end up humbling the arrogant rulers while still having a claim. Relics, skills and secrets could be handed down for generations in such a family.
A good historical example would be Jan Zizka, a tzchech folk hero who came from impoverished nobility and who ahs been turned into a myth akin to robin hood.
Theres actually a neat movie from 2022 about him called "medieval" if you want a more literature-phile approach to his story

>>24085010
petty nobility rising to greatness is a pretty common motif in myths. Nobility is simply a characteristic of blood. You could be poor and noble or low class and wealthy. A nobleman would be more likely to be wealthy because his status would confer benefits (land ownership, typically) that might allow him to better turn a profit, but he isn't wealthy of necessity.
To have a character be nobility is simply to say that this character is important, and that their importantness is built into the universe of the story. Importantness is in their blood, as they can trace their lineage back to other people who were also important.
Petty noblemen in fantasy doesn't bridge the gap between pre- and post-enlightenment ways of thinking, because the mere existence of nobility and having it matter in-universe implies the grading of humans, which is antithetical to liberalism.

>>24084676
/v/ sent me here, it's a VN in terms of medium but the story is not related to Japanese culture.

>>24085030
I guess I come more from the "nobility obliges" angle, where certain people with a claim have a responsibility to achieve that claim and use it for good.
Nobility today is often associated with a lifestyle, that's I guess why I like the impoverished gentry kind of angle.

>>24085064
You may get advise if you ask about writing, but nobody here has any experience with commissioning illustrations (probably)

>>24084672
Either use AI (lol) or work out a contract with an artist for using their art commercially
>I don't know how to do that
Learn

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When do you give up on a story?

>>24085162
never. Keep writing your dark lord slop.

>>24084976
Jumping to conclusions, the way you do, is not exactly a sign of a functioning intellect.
>>24084987
Literal clown world.

I hate commas, and I hate rules. I know you're not supposed to add a comma before "and" unless what follows is an independent clause, but it sometimes sounds so much better with the added pause. For example:
>The rumbling of his stomach reminded him he needed to get home, and not just for dinner.
would that be too grammatically incorrect or do I let it ride based on personal feeling

>>24085344
Em dash

>>24085347
Hah, I was just thinking of the same thing on the toilet after making that post. I swear I use the em dash as such a grammatical band aid. Thanks.

>>24085344
These are all examples from The Great Gatsby
I'm not sure what an independent clause is because grammar is for nerd faggots

>A brewer had built it early in the “period” craze a decade before, and there was a story that he’d agreed to pay five years’ taxes
>as if some question had been asked, or was in the air, and every vestige of embarrassment was gone
>an ecstatic patron of recurrent light, and repeated the news to Daisy
>had parted in the west, and there was a pink and golden billow of foamy clouds above the sea
>over to East Egg the night of the accident, and perhaps he had made a story about it all his own

All random. Are all of those , and really followed by independent clauses? To me it sounds like a rule for retarded academic nerd faggots

>>24085418
uh yeah most of those are independent clauses
It's basically whether or not they can stand on their own as a sentence. I hate grammar too, I just don't want to get too loosey-goosey with it.

>>24085434
I don't see how
>and perhaps he had made a story about it all his own
could be made its own sentence but
>and not just for dinner.
not.
They're basically the same thing.

>>24085438
There's no verb in "not just for dinner"

>>24085448
so according to you or to grammar or whatever
>and repeated the news to Daisy.
is independent because repeated is a verb?
there's no way that could be a sentence on its own
do writers really worry about this shit?

>>24085450
Actually screw what I just said. It could totally be a sentence. Who cares. I'm sure you can find authors who break any rule you can think of.

>>24085450
No that one wouldn't be independent as far as I could tell, but I'd have to see the full sentence as you only gave part of it.
Anyway, anon I'm playing devil's advocate here, I don't like it either. I just wanted a second opinion, and we are in writing general. I'm sure many great authors said "fuck grammar" and just wrote whatever sounded good.

I uploaded my story an AI for review and it congratulated me on not being afraid to write cringey dialog.
I don't know what to make of it.
I think GPT just roasted me

>>24085560
Post the dialogue. It could be cringekino.

>>24085344
Some anon on here likened it to time notations in sheet music, with each punctuation symbol representing a different length of rest before the next word, and it really resonated with me. Looking at some of my favourite prose, that seems to be how those authors used punctuation too, at least superficially. I think punctuation rules have their applications, as in formal or technical writing to minimise ambiguity, but in something that is supposed to be evocative and pleasing to read, looser, more poetic conventions are fine.

>>24084672
You're writing a visual novel without storyboarding?

>>24084894
Paris had the "herder with secret royal status" backstory in the Homeric myth.

>>24084840
kek

>>24084910
>It could be "as good as it gets"
Could be, but you don't seem to have the humility to admit you simply can't do better.

>>24085344
The rule you're looking for is called "comma splice". That's when you join sentences with commas. It's grammatically incorrect to do so. I'll leave the seething about "faggots" to the sort of people that "think" at that level.

>>24085822
NTA, obviously. Are you just looking for threadbare reasons to spaz out or something?

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>>24086000
Czeched

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Show me what you're working on

>>24086000
I'm not the one vehemently denying something, while at the same time implicitly admitting that's exactly the case. If cheap (you)s are the only thing that give your empty life something to look forward to, consider this my late christmas present to you.

>>24085985
writers much better than, you and anybody else here, have used commas, and all sorts of punctuation, liberally as they pleased, and effectively too, and as a matter of fact the idea itself that one should try and bound a language with the academic chains of grammer is simply insulting, and you're a faggot

>>24085985
I agree with this >>24086297 anon about all that but I'd add that sometimes it can make a point a little better if there are fewer uses as opposed to just throwing them around willy-nilly, and also you're a faggot.

>>24086494
The point is that commas are stylistic choices. Proper writing is not wrong, the problem isn't with enjoying good English, the problem is with believing your rules are universal and pretending you have any right to correct other people's style.
If you're reaching for mass appeal then you better know proper English. Harry Potter wouldn't have been nearly as popular if it had used some experimental language, but in the end writing is about self-expression. If you want to express yourself through your use of commas then don't let any academic stop you.

>>24086199
See>>24085162

>>24086199
https://pastebin.com/WVyAX5TR
Serves as the start of a story about vikings. Would you keep reading?

>>24076856
Your example you give here would be grating.
I don't think you would be able to maintain that though. I have read a book that attempted this gimmick (Gene Wolfe - The Knight) and to look at that as a case study, the result was that the author can't really maintain the bad writing style, and when it does rear its head again it sticks out like a sore thumb and takes the reader out of it. Also, I could be wrong here, but I feel there is something to real epics that is simple, but has been refined through many tellers, and would be quite difficult to replicate as a modern person writing the story directly rather than passing it through multiple people.
>>24082690
This is an example of what I mean by not sticking with the gimmick. The writing here seems quite nice to me, and even by line 6 you've accidentally moved away from writing crudely.
If it's very important to you, then more reading around the topic and a really focused effort might get you there, but I think most readers will not really be swayed by it.
Using terms like "big fires" is a different thing to changing your writing style, substitutions like that will fit pretty effortlessly and can add some "impression of depth" to your world. You may want to think about whether they would have a better term than "big fires" for that phenomena, but I imagine that was just to show what you were driving at.
About the latinisation: how much does the recorder of the story talk? Is there a preface that mentions them or talks from their perspective or do you plan to present it to the reader "as it is found"?

>>24077307
Emacs.

>>24081499
Where's it being published?

>>24077307
writing/drafting/planning in Obsidian
editing/time wasting in Scrivener

>>24086683
I really appreciate you taking the time to give detailed feedback
>About the latinisation: how much does the recorder of the story talk? Is there a preface that mentions them or talks from their perspective or do you plan to present it to the reader "as it is found"?
The fictitious author is to a certain extent a character in the story. He will have a brief introduction in the beginning, but a lot of his characterization comes from him interjecting his personal thoughts and feelings into the story.
Not to get bogged down in too much autistic lore, but in the author’s present, you have not!Rome and not!proto-germanic tribes (glossed as Morovites). King Aldericus is the sacred, ancestral progenitor of the Morovites. They have a rich oral tradition concerning him. The author wanted to coalesce the complex oral tradition into one big epic. Most of the story is his original authorship, and he is known to bend or even break the original myths for the sake of the story. But some things like the Worth-Speaking are not his authorship, they’re direct translations of facets of the oral tradition.
>The writing here seems quite nice to me, and even by line 6 you've accidentally moved away from writing crudely.
There is meant to be a style transition on about that line. The author there is excerpting a translated, localized poetic dialog.
The issue here might be that the most effective way to signpost this is to have the entire Worth-Speaking be composed in Germanic poetic meter (which I suck at writing)
Does it at all change your perception of the break in style starting at line 6 knowing that it’s supposed to be two different sources prepared by two different cultures, or is it too much of a mask-off kind of moment?

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meta absurdist flash fiction

>>24085985
I thought a comma splice was when you joined two independent clauses with nothing but a comma. Don't think that applies here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DFeP863BaPM

based influencer

>>24076722
Do you think it explains why his prose is so summerfaggy?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYk5uxGXui8

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What is the best written character you saw for a children book/game/tv show?

And i mean a product that mostly kids consume

>>24086281
Neither am I, dumbass. You're assuming only one anon is replying to you here. If you can't see that, you don't even belong here, brainlet.
>>24086297
>>24086494
t. almost made it to the top 99% of the class

>>24086656
“Dead kraken” is a much more interesting first sentence than pale pinkish beast
As a mariner myself I don’t get what you mean by “John did not have the look of a sailor, but he seemed to be growing into the look of a captain”. Maybe change to “ John did not have the look of a sailor, but he carried himself like a captain.”
Sailors and captains look the same, but captains carry themselves differently. And weathered sailors don’t have weathered eyes so much as weathered skin, missing fingers, and calluses hands
You can make your shit seem more maritimey by saying what knots the sailors use
The “cap’n” shit gets old fast, maybe save it for a single salty sailor. Cap would be fine
Also I don’t see why you need to have your protagonist start off as the captain if he’s young and inexperienced, but that’s just a personal preference of mine.
I think you need to have some sort of line break to show when the flashback begins and ends. Because it starts off with the kraken dead (boring!) and dragged ashore and then they talk about how they kill it and cut it open, but it’s not clear when the flashback ended (admittedly I skimmed it)
Is John a traditional Viking name? Can you describe the layout of the vessel more?
6/10, needs a better understanding of crew dynamics

>>24086706
Let's just say I'll never be doing business with any filthy Australians ever again

>>24086656
>>24087753
Also: the kraken fight should be the interesting part of the chapter, but the actual battle lasts one paragraph, the dude just grabs a spear and kills it?
Also you should describe the ocean. The sea conditions, the time of day, the cloud coverage and wind, etc
Use flood tide/ebb tide for describing the guys riding the tide, not low or high (unless you’re navigating rocks or some shit)
A lot of this chapter is him living in the past, while in the present he killed a fucking kraken and it was over in one paragraph?
I assume Barbas is the first mate or bosun or something?

>>24087763
if youve ever stayed in a hostel you know they are also the worst tourist. probably worst peope in world handsdown

I wish you idiots had mentioned that the hardest part was getting people to read your writing

Onto chapter 8 with 45k words written so far. It's kinda worrying since I need 5-6 more chapters for Act 1 (which is as long as Act 2 and 3 combined) to be over

>>24087868
what are you writing? fantasy?

>>24087868
Oh, good. Glad to see I’m not the only one average 5k+ words a chapter

Got kicked out of the reddit discord because they were mad at me for my fantasy protagonist murdering “Indian coded” peasants

>>24087844
Always has been.

>>24087844
Can you believe there are some books people not only read but go out and encourage other people to read? Imagine writing something like that

>>24087976
I can’t. I’ve already accepted I will have to self publish and then spend tens of thousands of dollars printing paperbacks and leaving them around college campuses and libraries and mailing them to retarded streamers and e-girls

You know, I really hate it when secret society/hidden world stories employ some method of memory wiping.

>>24086911
I like it—it's got spunk.

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>>24087996
Thank you anon, this is the finished version in all its unholy glory
I was inspired by all the shitposting over commas

>>24085162
Mostly confusing. What even is the premise here?

>>24088005
Have you read A Confederacy of Dunces? I'd be surprised if not, Boor reeks of Ignatius J Riley

>>24088024
I haven't, but I may—I liked the synopsis

Why do all the normie writers freak out about their ideas getting stolen? The thought of inspiring so much that they copy my work and make it into their own thing fills me with nothing but joy.

>>24088044
non-creatives think the effort in creation lies in ideation, so they feel that they've done a great deal when they shit out an idea

>>24088010
The dark Lord seems revenge against the hero by crashing his wedding.

I think the problem was I changed it from first person to 3rd. I think I'll go back to first person

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After taking a week off, Ipve made it back on the wagon. Only 150 words tonight, but tomorrow I add a zero to that.
We're all gonna make it

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I've been slacking off since November but I've make some progress hammering out close to 1,700 words today; usually my goal is 250 words (about length of a physical page) for a day's session so I've made good progress covering absent progress since new year's. The draft is already at 11k words of the projected 80k draft goal but I may cut out 2 chapters I puked out back in November since I want to keep it as a single pov, making it two chapter for some 6,500 words; though I may rewrite the first chapter in the new draft round. I've made peace the 80k is arbitrary so if it ends up as 40k or 60k it doesn't matter the story is told and there will be no more darlings to kill like Anakin killed the younglings.

But I'm feeling good about this draft now I'm locked in not doing any further povs. This is the year I finish my life's work and probably publish it because there's no way a white guy can get a tradpub to pick me up with a sci-fi space opera with a white male protag. Good luck little bros, 2025 is a midway point to change things around and make it. We're ALL gonna make it. Every last one of us.

Guys. What are the best pen and paper for classical writing. I can't use keyboards and computers cause that reminds me of secretaries and bank jobs too much.
Any tradchads writing with pens over here? The kind of shit to levitate your work to a new level.

15,000 words in. That’s like fifty pages. Feeling proud of myself

>>24088265
i like to use a fountain pen for writing. they feel very nice whenever you write with them.

i personally use a lamy safari. i have a kaweco sport but it seems too short to use without attaching the lid to the back and the lid often gets stuck on the back.

I finished chapter 39

>>24076722
>Guy brings up past wrong someone did
>Other person doesn't remember but apologizes
>Guy says "apologies are for showing genuine remorse or guilt, so don't apologize because how can you bee sorry for something you don't even remember doing?"
Is this at least somewhat understandable logic or is it too insane troll logic?

>>24088500
Well, he's right? Apologies without sincerity are meaningless at best, insulting at worst.

>>24086728
>writing/drafting/planning in Obsidian
Any suggestion about plugins, or a specific setup for writing?

>>24088265
I buy a cheapass stack of copy paper and write with pencil. It gets the job done and is $20+ cheaper than notebooks meant for writing.

>>24087752
>You're assuming only one anon is replying to you here
I don't care who you are, or pretend to be. You stuck your head where it doesn't belong on the other retard's behalf, so you're clearly also a retard, and not worth pleasantries.

>>24088585
It's a boring answer but I recommend just using it without (community) plugins until you feel like you're missing something specific to your own writing process.

As I said, I just use Obsidian for basic early stage stuff like planning or writing my zeroth and first drafts for chapters so I err on the side of minimalism. You might need more but the base program is already enough for me to keep everything organised and easily navigable; any extra features would just tempt me to edit as I'm writing which is fatal for momentum.

>>24088665
>I recommend just using it without (community) plugins until you feel like you're missing something specific to your own writing process.
Alright, thanks.

>>24088673
Actually the Smart Typography plugin might be helpful if you aren't copying stuff over to Scrivener for later edits. It changes your quotation marks to curly ones, dashes to emdashes, etc.
Canvas (which comes in the base program) can also be helpful if you like organising your thoughts spatially or if your story has events happening simultaneously and you want to visualise it. Everything else can be on an as-needed basis. Good luck!

>>24088689
Thanks, I'll try them out!

How do you guys develop/brainstorm characters?
What are some questions you ask yourself to get a good understanding of their motivations?

>>24088757
I separate Wants and Needs
I then consider a character's relationship with the story's Themes/Motifs and how they interact with the Wants and Needs

I also think about Lies the character believes about the world and Lies the world believes about the character

>>24088757
I just let them do their thing and see what happens

>>24088906
>>24088906
>>24088906

>>24088598
>hurr durr you didn't get my permission
>nooooo how dare u reply to a post
>u must follow made-up rules in a place with very few rules
the absolute state of 4chan