Witcher edition.Previous thread: >>40975752Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:https://ponepaste.org/1046Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.inRemember:not to save anything of value on Pastebinignore all attempts at early new threadsignore new threads by the cheerimac posterkeep your thick, colty mare (or mares) perpetually pregnant and give 'em the licc
>>41015209Discord has magic, silly maybe he uses mind control or time stuff to find out what happens. if applejack is very suspicious than you have someone looking into you, we don't see anywhere that we need proof in this society it's run by absolute rulers silly. Also even if your not thrown in jail or stoned people might not talk to you ever again or be afraid of you and what are you going to do when a ponies finds out or is constantly trying to figure out what happened.
So tired of these mares groping my ballsNOit does NOT feel goodit is NOT funnyand it does NOT turn me on usually
>>41015928about to shove fingers in their holes and roll em like bowling balls
>>41015928Sounds like somepony needs his balls groped *telekinetically squeezes ur sack*
>>41015697Based Witcher bros. Is there a story of Geraldo in Equestria? Or in RGRE?
>>41015738Do they even have fans? Rainbow Dash is shit and AJ is barely a main character.
My darling short queen
>>41016108I never read this shit. How does it end? Does she wind up with anyone?
>>41015996Honestly balls are too delicate and sensitive for groping. Most manipulations of them border on masochism.At least boobs and teats, are soft AND supposed to be massaged for thier feeding purpose, plus women can feel genuine pleasure from mild pain. Those c&b torture fetish are in thier head, no one wants that irl.Balls are a tightly packed tube structure in the shape of a kiwi, inside a small skin sack for temperature regulation and to reduce knock on mechanical agitation. They are not squeezeable or soft. The scrote might be made soft/smooth, and a bit stretchy, but it's just not the same sensation.I don't even know why it's the trope that big balls mean more cum. Balls make sperm cells. The prostate makes the nutrient rich semen the sperm ride in. And no one wants a swolen prostate.
>it's an unspoken rule that love between herd sisters is healthy and normal>after all, they trust each other with their stallion, their foals, and their lives,>an older and more established herd's mares show affection, and have sex with each other all the time, even without a stallion present >newer herds have their mares almost always try to repress their love and gay thoughts for their fellow herd sisters >it's always falls to the stallion the give 'the herd sisters talk' with their fillies even if they refuse believe it
>>41016127Do you really expect mares to know a thing about male anatomy? They can't even feed themselves properly! If it weren't for us stallions acting like their daddies, they'd be eating nothing but hayburgers and cider.
>>41016151Watch your mouth, colt! I only buy deluxe hayburgers. That way I get plenty of nutrition.
>>41016155There's nothing wrong with a proper hayburger, honey, but you can't raise healthy foals on fast food crap.
>>41016151Do they at least know about female anatomy?
>>41016144>Ponies in RGRE are as cuddly or moreso than in canon>Sexist mares started trying to prove how tough they are by enduring touch-starvation>It caught on and got so bad through the generations that it threatened the species>More and more ponies fell to stress-related darkness attacks until one pink pegasus hugged a stupid witch or something>The resulting release of love energy made her grow a horn and become the princess of love>Now that it's cool to hug your sister, mares are overcompensating by trying to be the gayest without being gay (somehow)>Mares, amirite?
>>41016018AJ is my wife don't be mean to her
>>41016271Most mares only know that the dick slot leads into the kid factory. Depending on how far in the boonies you are, you might be lucky if she even knows sex causes pregnancy.
>>41016127Wait, have all the ball groping references over the years been actual groping? I thought it was a caress.
>>41016361It doesn't have to be the boonies. I'm from Canterlot, and when I was a filly and asked my mother where foals come from, she just rambled something about hugging and storks.
>>41016011In Equestria yes, in RGRE no.Here's the story>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/405404/librarian-twilight-tries-to-befriend-a-newcomer-to-equestria-but-hes-geralt-the-white-wolf-and-doesnt-really-get-friendship
>>41016380Probably both. Random mares touching your sack is mortifying but CBT-fetishists are the real reason ball bras exist
>>41016440>RGRE no.Well why don't we make our own then?
>>41016460I just like them cause they're silly :(
>>41016476Because we can't write? Also Geralt is actually hard to write, he has his own character and motivations. He's not just a blank slate like Anon.
>>41016482Yes, they are very silly, right up there with hole-digging and marriage sandwiches. I just like to think they have a reason to exist in-universe beyond har har male lingerie.
>>41016526They exist because rgre society can't function properly if every hot-blooded mare is distracted by all the a big ol' swinging sacks in front of them
>>41016493Just make a Witcher Anon. Bam, problem solved
>>41016538Do Saddle-Arabians have ballburkas?
>>41016538>ball bras have invisibility enchantmentsHow do stallions put them on?
Last time:>In the middle was a group photo cutout leaving Anonymous and Fluttershy as the two remaining>"What the buck...">"Language.">Sheer Brilliance hears a click from the only exitNow>Turning around, Fluttershy is at the door staring daggers at the camera's owner>"So, you think you know sooo much about Anon.">The pegasus takes a step forward>"Uhhm... Fluttershy what are you doing?">Fluttershy takes a deep breath>"What I am doing is a service to my future colfriend.">Suddenly all manner of critters emerged from the furniture. Each baring their teeth, claws, and any other dangerous body part that could poke hard>Sheer Brilliance gulps at what she had gotten into>"You see, all manner of 'maress-uh' tried to take Anon away from me. And they all end up the same way.">"Y-You kill them?!">That put's Fluttershy to a halt>"Kill? No, I just knock them out and send them on a one-way trip to Timbucktu.">"Oh.">The unicorn breathes a sigh of relief>"But that's not a bad idea actually. Bring her to me my pretties!">Fluttershy lets out a wicked laugh as all the critters moved to pounce on Sheer>Suddenly Sheer Brilliance a war cry>But it was more like a howling changeling with a voice-crack>All of the knick-knacks containing the shrine of Anon floated up and was thrown against the small army like a gatling gun>"NO! NOT MY COLLECTION! CATCH THEM ALL!">The critters tried their best to catch as many jars and photos as possible>But it was too late, a jar of nails was smashed onto the floor sending Fluttershy in a crazed frenzy>"NOT THE NAIL JAR! It took me weeks to engrave every date I took them from the trash!">The screen cuts to see an image of chaos as Fluttershy and her animals all try to recover the Anon collection>Suddenly the scene zooms in on the pegasus before fading to black>Sheer Brilliance threw a jar out of the window and climbed out>She lands hard on the grass floor and books it to the nearest tree line>The unicorn made sure she wasn't being followed>But she ran as far away from this crazy place as possible>Good thing Unicorn school taught her basic self-defense using magic>By the time she was tired of running, she was somewhere unfamiliar to her>She realized she was in the middle of nowhere, at night>"Oh great. Just great. Well it looks like I'm in a bit of a pickle her folks- Wait where is it?"Her camera is missing. Why is it missing?!>It was around her neck and then->She threw it at the crazy pegasus>The unicorn took a deep breath>"CURSE YOU UNICORN SCHOOL OF DEFENSE MAGIC!">She let out all her frustrations from that outburst>But now what?>"I mean, it can't get any worse can it?">The sound of thunder echoed through the night sky, and a heavy downpour emerged>Sheer Brilliance clicked her tongue and looked down>No food, no water, no camera>Stuck in the middle of nowhere>"Well at least there's one thing to do.">She lied down and silently cried on the wet grass
>>41016647>Stupid town, stupid pony towns, stupid thesis, stupid STUPID STUPID!>Sheer Brilliance decides to let nature take its course and just swallow her whole>The unicorn cried her heart out, letting tiredness put her to sleep>Unaware that a creature was approaching her >Sheer Brilliance woke to the sight of Celestia's sun peering down on her>Is this Elysium?>If it is, why is her nose clogged up and her throat hoarse?>She sat up and coughed on the blanket on her before realizing where she is>She was at someone's home.>But it was quite uncanny, everything looked like it was bigger than most ponies>Tartarus, even the bed she was laying on looked like it could accommodate a herd>Where is she?>The door opened up to the sight of some sort of bipedal monster>Unicorn School of Magic Defense Secret Art: Throw the nearest furniture!>"Shitting fuck!">The creature's tray of food was knocked out from his hand with a clock, which led the hot soup pouring down on to the floor>The utensils clattered on to the floor as the weird bipedal monster- wait biped?>Sheer Brilliance eyes widened at the entity before her who was jumping around and nursing his burnt foot>"Y-You're Anon!">Anon had to sit down to a nearby chair as he rubbed on his burning foot before looking at her with a raised brow"Yeah, and I'm glad you're awake. Didn't expect the warm welcome though.">Oops
>>41016649https://ponepaste.org/8791
>>41016460>CBT-fetishists are the real reason ball bras existAnon, do you think regular bras exist to prevent vicious attack on their tiddies? I use them in my greentext because they're an easy lore-relevant object that you can acknowledge or include in a scene to make RGRE number go up while not having to plan around it.
>>41016562
>>41016652Thanks for the greentext CoolNon
>>41017132regular bras exist to prevent vicious gravity attacks on their tiddies
>>41017183And just like how nobody wants saggy tits, no mare wants saggy balls.
>>41017185There is might be mare who may like them sacks making impressions on Equestrian concreteAnd it could be any one of the main cast
>>41017195It's Rarity, isn't it.
>>41016115She got tricked by Velvet Remedy using her whorish charms and then got tricked by Homage who gave her enough attention that she'd go on murderhobo quests for her, it was later revealed that Homage worked for the Twilight Society and definitely had her own motivations besides fucking the stabledweller.
>>41017197Actual Fallout has happier endings than this fic.
>>41017196How dare you, she wouldn't like her balls like she likes her wine, aged and musky
"Hehe. I bet you've never even kissed a colt, Twilight.">Twilight looked up from her book toward the grinning face of her friend.>She frowned.>"Rainbow, I've been fucking since I was thirteen," she said.>Twilight normally wasn't so vulgar, and guessed that it would be somewhat more impactful to her speedster friend. Her theory was immediately proven correct, as Rainbow's smirk disappeared. The pegasi' body stiffened, and a blush crept onto her face."W-What?" she stuttered.>It was Twilight's turn not to smirk as she looked back down at her book.>"I've been dating Anon since we were eight. Him and I have been fooling around since puberty. I mean, for goodness sake, Rainbow, I have two foals. TWO. Where in Celestia's name do you think they came from?">She snorted as Rainbow did that little shimmy she did whenever she got overly embarrassed. >"I'll tell you what, it consisted of a LOT more than kissing.">Rainbow mumbled something under breath.>Twilight looked back up at her, eyebrow raised.>"Rainbow... how do you think foals are made?">Rainbow's blush deepened. In the blink of an eye, she was gone, leaving nothing but a feather floating toward the ground in the space where she had just been.>This time, Twilight couldn't help but laugh. She knew all of her friends were somewhat innocent when it came to the fairer sex. None of them ever expected her, an admitted nerd and shut-in, to already have a family, complete with a colt and filly ready to go to school.>Well jokes on them.>She FUCKS.>Regularly.
>>41017202>I have two foals. TWO. Where in Celestia's name do you think they came from?>Rainbow thinks Twilight just took them from someone
>>41017197And this is why I subscribe to my headcanon of pip and calamity fucking off somewhere else and having a nice happy family. Or at least as happy as you can get in fallout.
>>41017132Course not, I just assume it's harder to magic an enclosed object or every fight would end with a telekinetic heart attack.
>>41017197Why are groomers and the shadow government trying to make my waifu do dangerous things??
>>41017202Kind of like the idea of everyone thinking Twi is a virgin spaz when she's actually not.Not this take, though, too cracked and Kinderquestria-ish.I could see something like.>The girl's are having a sleepover when the conversation of colts come up.>Rainbow brags about that time she made out with Thunderlane.>This gets Flutters to blush and AJ to reprimand her for kissing before marriage.>Rarity tells her to not be so prudish- she's made out with several colts before, and even went down on one before getting the favor returned back in high school.>This just makes AJ madder and even Pinkie says that that was a big no-no and she should have made a proper stallion of that colt to be right in the eyes of Faust.>AJ looks over at Twilight and asks her opinion, assuming she'd agree.>She just looks confused.>"What's the big deal? It's just sex. We did it all the time up in Canterlot.">Every one just stares at her.>"What? Celestia's School is pretty academically stressful. I wasn't even a main stead student, and I was stressed all the time. It's pretty common for the fillies and colts to help relieve some of that stress.">She shrugs.>"Besides, when you live in the city with the most royal guards- who consist of only the most attractive stallions and mares in Equestria- it's hard not to get pent up just walking around the city. So yeah, I've slept with quite a few stallions.">"What? How many?!">"I don't know? A couple dozen? Most of those were at orgies, so I didn't keep count. Is that seriously so surprising?">"Yes! Very surprising!">"Huh, must have been a Canterlot thing.">No one notices Fluttershy nod in agreement, face still red.>While she was a model working for Photo Finish, she visited Canterlot and got to experience a Canterlot party first hoof.
>>41017516Twilight is the city girl that joined a group of rural friends.
>>41017516>Twilight's a slootWhy I never
>>41017598What I figured.AJ probably would have seen just what sort of debauchery city slickers get up to if she stayed in Manehatten as a filly.>Besides, when you live in the city with the most royal guards- who consist of only the most attractive stallions and mares in EquestriaI wouldn't be surprised if Celestia is bi-sexual in any itteration of Equestria.Like, she was probably born straight, but after 2000+ years, she's experimented and has expanded her preferences to anyone beautiful, regardless of species or gender.As long as she finds them aesthetically pleasing to look at, she's willing to fuck them. Human's included.A green where most ponies actually find Anon weird looking except Celestia and the more adventurous nobles could be interesting.
>>41017675When you live forever, you gotta keep finding new things to do, or you'll go crazy.Luna went mad because she insisted on only having one stallion, and couldn't take it after he died of old age, her coochie was burning for dick, but she insisted on living celibate after her husband died.Meanwhile, the solar guards look forwards to Celestia's heats, she throws a party in the barracks where things get out of control.
>>41017516>>41017697Gross and degenerate.
>>41017920I agree with Applebutt.
>>41017923We don't get enough Applejack round these here parts.
>>41017920>>41017955I want to corrupt Applejack by seduinge her into sex before marriage.Throw Pinkie in there and have sex with her with the lights on, in a kinky position, for pleasure instead of only procreation.Neither one will be able to meet eyes with their family members when next they meet.
>>41018038>Cloudy Quartz nods at Pinkie Pie and tells her that she expects Pinkie to make "an honest stallion" out of Anon on their wedding night>Pinkie is sweating bullets
>>41017202I want a green about Anon showing twilight the joys of sex. You know incubus Anon
>>41017955Of course we don't talk about her she's real old school believes a man's place is in the kitchen or in the bedroom. Do you really want to raise a child with a mare that conservative?
>>41018038>for pleasure instead of only procreation
>>41017516>Anon shows up to Ponyville and starts to settle in.>After a year, he starts to feel pent up and thinks about getting a girlfriend, or marefriend as the case may be.>He quickly starts to realize something, though.>While it's impossibly easy to get a date, getting one willing to do anything other than kissing and snuggling is impossible in this little town.>Every mare he tries to start a relationship makes it clear that they will not be willing to disgrace Anon's honor as a stallion by having sex with him without marriage.>How can any of them expect him to make such a massive commitment like that?>Especially when he has no post-nut clarity to really think it over with.>He's barely managed to rein himself in from accepting proposals because he knows his dick is doing the thinking.>He complains one day to the local librarian, as strange as it is, when she asks why he's so glum.>He expects some speech about propriety and tradition from the bookish mare, but that's not what he gets.>"You too? Gosh, do I get where you're coming from. All the ponies in this town act like sex is some holy, sacred thing. It's ridiculous! Like, come on, it's pretty simple stuff, not magic.""Wow, seriously? You don't think, like, Celestia will come down from the sun and smite you for premarital sex?">"Anon, I know Celestia, and let me tell you, sex out of wedlock is definitely not a big deal to her. Sex is just sex if you want it to be. Sure, it can be a beautiful expression of love- I got enough lectures from my foalsitter to know that, but it can also just be, you know, insert rod A into slot B, remove and reinsert, repeat until satisfied.">Anon chuckles at the purple mares description, earning a smirk from her."That has to be the most mechanical description of sex I've ever heard.">"Heh, yeah, sorry about that-""No, it's alright. After all the speeches I've heard from other ponies acting like sex is some ancient, ethereal act of soul bonding, it's nice to have it put so simply.">She smiles, face a little red as she tucks a strand of her mane behind her ear.>"So... I can probably close the library up for lunch if you want to... spend some time together. Upstairs.">Anon feels his mouth go dry and his pants tighten."You mean it? You aren't going to ask for my hand in marriage first?">She shrugs, blushing a little more.>"Um, no? I don't really know you that well yet, and you don't know me, but having some fun together as friends is fine... I mean, maybe later, but for now, we're just a couple of friends helping relieve each other's frustrations. That sounds good, right?""Yeah... It sounds really good."
Ay chat, anyone read this fic?>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/529053/human-house-in-equestriaFound it searching through the site
>>41018310>Anthro >less than 5k words>abandoned in 2023Anthro alone is enough reason not to bother, but seriously, 4.6k words? That's barely an intro.
>>41018367>no hoovesI totally agree with the short length too. Not werf even checking out.
How do you feel about Derpy?
>>41015928>being this homosexual
>>41016127This. I had an ex suck muh balls and can attest that it felt meh. And i love oral.
>>41018695Balls aren't sensitive enough to be worth the risk of a crazy bitch biting them.
>>41018672>dinky is anon's foal>he doesn't know>it happened shortly after he arrived in equestria>derpy has a very obvious cognitive impairment >so she never understood how sexual reproduction works>she still devotes all her time and effort to try and raise her foal >anon just figured he couldn't get a pony pregnant >he somehow found out dinky is his kid after a F.P.S interviews him on why he didn't take custody of his foal>his guilt is all consuming
>>41018672reminder that if your body is exactly like that, you will die alone.
>>41018811If he had sex with a legit retard I think he would have more than just FPS show up.Pretty sure Bon Bon and her jump out mares would be there
>>41018224>Anon and Twilight become fuck buddies for weeks, slowly growing closer.>What starts out as sex between friends becomes sex between special someponies/bodies.>After a year, she proposes and Anon says yes.>Her friends had all judged her (or were secretly envious) to different degrees because of Twilight's relationship with Anon, but are happy she's finally doing the right thing.>Even Applejack begrudgingly congratulates her for making an honest stallion of Anon.>Pinkie says that Twilight better be super pregnant after the honeymoon to make up for all the wasteful sex the couple had over the last year.>Twilight Pinkie promises to try for triplets (she knows some fertility spells, after all) to make her friend happy, which she is.>Rarity is of course asked to make the wedding dress and Anon's suit, though Twilight doesn't find it too funny when the first iterations are both pitch black.>"Well, neither of you are exactly pure virgins now are you?">Twilight is surprised when Anon says he prefers the black suit, but lets her love do as he pleases, and threatens to zap anyone who makes crude jokes about it on their wedding.
>>41018826Elaborate.
>>41018842>implying that rgr society won't be heavily biased towards the father no matter what making Anon want to die out of guilt
>>41017955I've had something sitting at 75% complete for a while now. I need to get around to finishing it.
>>41018842>Bon Bon and her jump out maresHuh?
>>41018918Detectives, plain clothes officers and FBI agents are referred to as jump out boys IRL due to them commonly jumping out of an unmarked van to due an arrest. As opposed to regular marked police in their patrol cars.Therefore in RGRE, the phrase "Jump Out Boys" becomes Jump Out mares when referring to non uniformed ponice/glowys
>>41018869top tier waifu material right here
>>41018897"This is FUCKED, Twilight">you pace back and forth in front of the mare, wiping off the cold sweat from your forehead "I don't want to take the kid from her. She's given everything to making Dinky happy">the purple pony sighs as she rubs her forehead with a hoof>"You have to Anon, FPS is going to take the foal from her no matter what. If you claim custody, Derpy can at least still see her under your supervision."This is all happening so fast, It's all going to shit. I didn't mean for any of this to happen.">"Well it happened. Now you need to mare up and start picking up the pieces."I DESTROYED THEIR LIVES, TWILIGHT!">"Yeah...">you stop pacing and lay down on the floor of the FPS office trying not to cry
>>41018976That's when you just adopt both of them.Derpy might not be allowed to be Dinky's legal caretaker, but she can be your roommate, and if Dinky just happens to call ehr mommy still and treats her the same, and Derpy still calls her muffin and does her best to protect and nurture the filly, who are you, or FPS to say that's wrong as long as you're their to keep things going smoothly.
>>41018811Or they were both drunk and Derpy doesn't remember who she slept with, and Anon naturally doesn't even once even entertain the idea that Dinky might be his kid (despite the timing) because why should an alien be able to impregnate one of the natives? This way Derpy isn't fucking I Am Sam.
>>41013089>Anon merely listened as Moondancer excitedly told her story.>"I was so proud of myself, and when I finally solved the case, I got my cutie mark! Ponies think it means magic or astronomy, but the moon and stars actually represent my ability to discover lost information. Well, more accurately, according to most books I've read, it should mean divination, and I have studied that field of magic, but my skill is more in digging through old books and making connections." "Wow, that's one hell of a tale," Anon said. "I bet it really impressed your friend growing up. Not many ponies can say they uncovered a major secret as a foal.">She blushed and scuffed a hoof against the floor.>"Yeah, it probably would have impressed some ponies... If I got to tell any growing up. I wrote a letter to Celestia right after, I guess thinking that she wouldn't have known already and be so impressed she'd take me on as her student alongside Twilight. She actually got back to me pretty quick- looking back, that's kind of amazing to know the princess reads letters even from foals.>"Anyway, she invited to to the castle, told my parents it was to reward my hard work in her school for being a top student, and when she got me alone, she told me how impressed she was, but then asked me not to tell anypony else about what I found. She said it was very important, and looking back, I guess it was. I don't know what would have happened exactly, but I think it was part of her plan to make sure Nightmare Moon was defeated and Luna was saved.">She sighed wistfully.>"I was pretty confused, but I obviously did what the princess asked and just told ponies my cutie mark was for magic. Not anything special when you're going to a school for it and most of your peers also have magic cutie marks of some kind. I couldn't even come up with a good story beyond, 'I did some spells from a book and got it'. And well, now that Luna is back and eveypony knows the story, my cutie mark story isn't that impressive anymore.">Frowning, Anon knelt next to Moondancer and put a hand on her shoulder, getting her to look at him."Your cutie mark, and the story of how you got it is amazing, Moon," he told her, frown deepening a little. "And if I'm being honest, finding out Celestia told you to hide it from the world like she did makes want to march up to her castle right now and demand she apologize to you.">Looking shocked, she quickly waves a hoof through the air.>"Oh no! You don't have to do anything like that, really! It was so long ago, I'm over it. I mean, what is there to even be upset about anymore? I have my friends and Celestia funds my research now. Because of royal stipend, it lets me go through old tombs and scrolls all day and dig up forgotten and obscure knowledge and republish it! I get to use my talent to help ponies stay in touch with our history and relearn old spells.""Still, it was a lot to put on a child. if something like that ever happened to Jane, I'd be furious."
>>41019008Why even roommates? Considering that Anon never lived with Derpy to know she was pregnant, we can assume it was a one night stand. Therefore the correct thing to do is marry Derpy, problem solved.
>>41019121Stigma of marrying a retard, I guess, plus he doesn't actually know her at all after a one night stand.Maybe he wants to wait to see if he actually loves her before marrying her.
>>41019121>Therefore the correct thing to do is marry Derpy, problem solved.Thats definitely an Apple Jack solution
>>41019074>there's morehell yeah
>>41019074I'm not personally interested in your green, but I have to give you props for apparently coming back and continuing it.So many great greens are never finished, so it's always nice to see someone continue an old work
>>41018826Jokes on you, I'm dying alone regardless.
Derpy isn't retarded she's just dumb with fucked up eyes
>>41019257That’s a retcon
>>41019356There wasn't any Canon to begin with.
>>41016649Fluttershy be trippin bro
>>41019357didnt she literally have the retard voice
>>41019378They literally made her so retarded they were forced to re edit the episode to change her voice. Luckily the older version was released on some early random episode dvds.Somehow everyone forgets this.
>>41019382Pics or it didn't happenAlso silly voices on cartoon characters is not an explicit Canon announcement of mental faculty.
>>41016108unf lewd fluff
>>41019384That's the thing with background characters They have no real story behind them so you can just make shit upDerpy is clearly a fourth generation genestealer which explains why dinky is purple
>>41019382Last roundup was absolutely edited the last roundup because soccer moms were angry about having a retarded girl named derpy, so they literally did make her less retarded. They changed her voice, and cut the line with RD calling her Derpy.
>>41019545Is there a youtube clip of her old voice somwhere?
>>41019557Wait, you really are a newfag? That was massive drama when it happened, everyone on every fandom site was mad they changed it.
>>41019557https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzV0akONkWs
>>41019582the old voice has soul
>>41019582thank you>>41019577i joined in 17 but i don't remember this
>>41019605Last Roundup was a season 2 episode so the drama would've been fresh in, what, 2011? 12?
>>41019582The new voice is definitely better in Slice of Life, but man they really leaned in on her sounding fucking retarded on that first introduction. At least they didn't try to "fix" her eyes.Also it's pretty dumb that they had to list her as "Muffins" in future listings even though she was name-dropped as Ditzy Do in Winter Wrap Up.
Get in the fucking bed you featherless biped I won't be denied dick cause you think I'm retarded
>>41018224>>41018869This is so cute, twilight is best pony.
>>41017516>>41018224>>41018869Twilight and Anon are smart. They found out how compatible they were before marriage. I bet they had even been living with each other before that even though others think it's wrong.I've always hated people who push against those things- they're just causing higher divorce rates. I can't tell you how many IRL couples I've seen get divorced because they hadn't lived together at all before marriage, and little bad home habits each had ended up driving the other crazy.It's better to find out things like do you actually enjoy sex with each other and are you able to cohabitate without being at each others throats before being hitched rather than find out after.
>>41018976I don’t see why Anon wouldn’t got straight to Celestia to fix this.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AdQnMHQ975g
>>41020259Because Celestia would get hit by a plastic bag in the wind and be fainted until he took her to a ponymon center
Mare I found in the marelet pit at the gym
>>41020340Bully her for wearing vidya costumes in public
>>41020347No I like how autistic she is
>tfw it's a comfy stream, but Anon needs to do horse taxes>tfw some angry dyke tries getting you banned for "lewd activities">tfw the mod gets back to them saying it's not lewd and to touch grass>tfw the dyke sents you fifty bits just so she can yell at you about having a "ugly bf that probably cucks you all the time" and so on>tfw you're max comfy>tfw after Anon was done with the horse taxes he leaned against you and fell asleep>tfw you chicken-dinnered>tfw life was fucking good mare
>>41016127I've seen so many videos of men getting their nutsack absolutely fucking whalloped. You have no idea what you're talking about.
>Ponies believe stallions only carry a limited amount of semen, and if they use it all up, they will die.>So stallions only having one or two foals is common.>Nine out of ten foals born are fillies.>Celestia desperately wants to boost the population, but dispite trying to spread scientific proof that there isn't a limited amount of semen, ponies are still scared of their stallions dying from running out of semen.>A hoof full of badly timed heart attacks had lead to the myth being spread cemented in the common psyche as fact.
>>41020412>Pip is just a Fallout nerd who actually paid 400 bits for a blue jacket that looks like it's made out of tarp
>>41020686Anon I'm going to be real, that's really fucking cute.
>>41020753>I've seen so many videos of men getting their nutsack absolutely fucking whalloped.>"Dozens, if not hundreds. I have a collection of them on my computer in a folder labeled "not porn"."
>>41020821>Celestia just wants her ponies to fuck already>Meanwhile, grandma tries not to cry when grandpa gets a boner>She's not ready to say goodbye yet
>>41020686>>41020834I miss the comfy gamer sunset greens
>>41020826No she wears a jacket I MADE for her
>>41020891>She knew you were the one when you told her that you played through the entire series of horse-Fallout games so that you could make her a lore-friendly jacket>When you said "fuck Myron", she felt her heart skip a beat
>>41020917>pipchads literally can't stop winning
Heard this and thought two things. First, I want early seasons Luna to serenade Anon and generally court him like it were ye old times,Second, I wonder if Luna can speak the Equestrian version of Latin.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ptWln_U6TqQ
>"Henlo saar please show penor and bols thank you.">"No do not rede- DO NOT REDEEM THE"so do horse!pajeetas still worship cows only or does that extend to minotaurs as well?
>>41021851All races want /hmd/
>>41021851I think it would be funny if they saw minotaurs as demon cows who take ponies away in the night. Either for completely religious reasons due to their appearance, or in part due to minotaurs raiding horse!india in ancient times.Of course, in modern times being taken away by a minotaur is probably a somewhat popular fantasy more than it is a fear.
>>41021876Holy shit thats hot. Spanish Ponk is doing things to me
>>41021916>>41021876All stallions want some mare who's tall, dark and maresome.
>>41021876>ywn have a passionate latina lover
>>41021923>t.
>>41021939kek
>>41021916The tag is Latina Pinkie Pie on boorus, and there's a little bit more art for the character. Not enough, though, despite the concept strangely working.Not sure if it's ever been utilized in green, or how one should go about that.
>>41021876Careful with those latina maresThey may be a burro
>>41022272Everyone that is into Octavia is 100% fine with it
>>41022458>>41022272Its hard not to fall for her
>>41022187>Latina Pinkie PieAight, imma need me some sauce. Whats the backstory on this one?
>>41021939This would definitely be a Twilight thing to do. Especially back when she was a Unicorn
>>41022272This is RGRE shouldn't the roles be in reverse?Stallion yelling at the mare?
>>41022531RGRE?
>>41022490I have no idea but it checks out.>bipolar or something>constantly wants to party>can break the laws of physics to throw shoes around corners and shit>yet has a very traditional religious upbringing and has kept her roots planted
>>41022531Nah, this is the equivalent of the naive white girl who keeps getting back together with the black or hispanic dude who beats the shit out of her every third night.
>>41023095Get her AWAY from my waifu!!!
>>41023409nah their cute together
>>41023095is the foe thread down or something? Why is this being spammed here?
I want to boom boom boom boom Bombshell in her room
>>41023450... on opposite day
>>41023485no u
Stallions belong in the kitchen or the marriage bed, not >page 9
>Littlepip knows Anon and Homage are fighting over her>But she doesn't understand why the alien colt and her lesbian bestie from LARP weekend are at eachothers throats over a pretty plain marelet
>>41023409>>41023450>>41023095>>41021665where RGRE?
I don't know if anybody has mentioned it yet, but what happens if sexist Anon enters RGREquestria? How can a sexism forged on Earth match up against puny pony sexism?
>>41023997And unstoppable force will meet an immoveable object.
>>41024009>Truecel Anon absolutely MOGS Marecels with perfect rarechud ideology.
>>41024025its hard being a truecel
>>41023977Right here see? >>41023968 it has the green self-insert funnyman.
>>41024037where RGRE?
>>41022272What's better, Latina Octavia or Chav Octavia?Actually could see a green where Octavia has a Latina mule cousin who comes to visit and meets Anon.The mule's name, Barrala, plays the guitarrón in traditional mariachi music. Barra is a musical term in Spanish, but the Spanish word for donkey is also burra, so it has a double meaning for her.Ponies used to make fun of her in school and call her Burrala- she's always envied her cousin, Octavia, who's full a full pony. Octavia's pony aunt met and fell in love with a donkey in Mexicolt and got pregnant with Barrala and stayed there, much to her high class family's shame, and it's only recently that Barrala and Octavia have started to bridge the gap between them after their mothers' falling out.though her pony heritage came through very strongly, and she's considered quite beautiful in her village, Barrala is still noticeably a mule and tries to hide that fact by wearing dresses and caring greatly about her appearance, earning her a reputation of being a tomcolt. She has a short temper from the bullying she's endured and is quick to take innocuous statements as insults and lash out.She's always felt like an outsider among both ponies and donkeys, so when she meets Anon, who is the only human in Equestria, she senses a kindred spirit in him.
>>41020340You should knock her turbo-marelet ass up.
>>41024197Imagine being a marelet and your child can pick you up before she's out of school.>>41024085This sounds adorable.
>>41024085Chav Octavia, who vacations down in Andalusia and meets her cousin Pastel Rosita (Pinkie Pie) to complain about things
>>41024305>Britbong>Spanish cousin?????
>>41020340>>41024197>Littlepip was at Rarity's getting an outfit repaired ahead of a convention in Fillydelphia>"I dunno what he was doing in the weightlifting section, or why he was talking to me.">Rarity pauses, getting mad at the denim's reluctance to accept a needle, "Well, what was he talking to you about?">"That's the thing - he was asking me about 'nerd shit'. I couldn't tell if he was making fun of me or trying to talk to me.">"Oh, I know the one you're talking about. Humans have pretty poor social skills, him especially. He's the one who picked a fight with Rainbowshine a week ago, right?">Littlepip's eyes drifted off to the side, there had been a substantial hoofmark on Anon's forehead>Rainbowshine catcalled, Anon threw a rock and hit, she came down and landed on his head>"Yeah... That's the one.">"Most human stallions don't have much romantic experience, and some never interact with human mares at all.">"So why'd he talk to me?">"I think he likes you.">"Ponyfeathers, he must have brain damage from that buck to the head.">"Fine, fine, if you don't want to talk about it I'll let you stay a marecel. Pray tell, what's this gaudy outfit for?">"It's a convention, Equestria Gaming Expo.">"There's bound to be plenty of stallions in skimpy outfits." Rarity teases, "Oh, I know! I can tell that Anon you'll be there.">Littlepip raises an eyebrow>"When?">"I see him at the boardgame shop, he paints little spaceguard figurines with Big Mac.">Rarity produces a little overpriced metal figurine of an ill-proportioned mare in comically bulky armor, "The mane isn't exact, but it looks rather close to me.">Rarity goes back to patching the outfit, "Maybe Anon will be there tonight, I'm sure it will be more fun than gaming alone.">"It's not alone, it's online with other ponies.">"Right, right."
>>41024313It's more likely than you think. Famously I think of the British Train guy who goes all over Europe following a Pre-WW1 rail travel guide. I think he was the former UK Defense Secretary in the 90s, but I know one of his parents is Spanish
>>41024334>>41024313Michael Portillo had an exiled Spanish republican father, and a Scottish mother. He was more than just a train guy. He was Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Secretary of State for Employment and Secretary of State for Defence. but yes the train show is quite good
>>41024085An extra idea to play around with here is that Barrala would be barren, being a mule.Knowing she can never give a stallion a foal makes her believe she's unworthy of love.Now two ways to go about this:1) Anon reveals that, being the only human, no creature in Equestria can give him a child anyway, and he had similar thoughts until now; of not being able to give a mare a foal, so the two of them together don't have to feel guilt for it.or 2) Magic Human fuckery means that he can actually knock Barrala up and is the only one in the world who could give her a foal.
>>41024426>>41024085Where RGRE?
>>41024426I like the idea of 1 leading into 2. They bond over their inability to create life, enjoy some worry-free sex, and then oopsie poopsie a double-negative is just a positive, and now there's a foal on the way
>>41024457In the details.Not every green needs to be super in-your-face with the RGR where the conflict is specifically about Anon not wanting to conform to the gender roles or ponies going, "Wow, Anon is such a janefilly." It can work as the backdrop instead.Some RGR elements to work with, however, should be on the Mexican side of gender roles. For instance, One of the most showy Mexican wedding traditions is the “el muertito”. During the reception, male guests lift the groom over the shoulders of all and then toss him several times into the air. Sometimes, the guests take off his shoes and put money and gifts into them.Imagine a bunch of Barrila's Mexicolt friends tossing her into the air and shoving bits into the folds of her wedding dress so that when she and Anon dance, she jingles with each step.Also, the reception, guests might “kidnap” the bride, and the groom must “pay” to get her back, often with a fun, mock funeral march tune. It's all in good fun, adding a unique twist to celebrations.The guests grab Anon and run with him, much to his confusion, then Barrila chases them down and pays for him back with some of the bits she was given prior.Usually the mother and father walk the bride down the aisle in Mexican weddings.Because Anon doesn't have parents to do it, Barrala's parents walk him down instead.Before the marriage and the courtship itself could have a bit of drama in that it's very traditional for asking the fairer sex's father (mother in this case) for permission to date, let alone marry the girl (colt/Anon). Barrala might feel conflicted about not being able to talk to Anon's mom about courting him.
>>41025410>To her shame, Applejack remembers the first time she touched a colt's most treasured possession
We need more filly RGR. Doesn't even need to be sexual, just cute sexist fillies hitting on colts, stallions, boys, or men.Idea:>Anon, the human child in Equestria, was found and taken in by the nice pony couple, Hondo and Cookie Crumble on one of their vacations.>Anon is raised as the little brother of Sweetie Belle and Rarity.>Rarity simply loves dressing Anon in frilly suits, and Sweetie Belle becomes very protective of him as the "big" sister.>When the CMC is formed, Sweetie brings Anon along, intent on helping him find his cutie mark too, but starts regretting it after she constantly has to keep him safe from Scootaloo's and Apple Bloom's advances on him.>They try to help Anon get a mark in sewing, cooking, house keeping, and other coltish things, and while good at them, he never does get his mark.>This may eventually lead to the fillies declaring his talent is foal rearing, or even siring, though Sweetie quickly puts a stop to that line of thought.
>>41025623>We need more filly RGR. Doesn't even need to be sexual, just cute sexist fillies hitting on colts, stallions, boys, or men.Gonna be real, the CMC trying to catch Anon with a butterfly net after misinterpreting something Rarity said to them is pretty funny.
>>41025623Maybe it’s magic.Or speaking of child Anon, maybe he gets adopted by twilights parents not because they are good parents but because they see magical potential in him and they see that Celestia likes him.Twilight starts feeling things for her adopted brother, and feels really really guilty, but she can’t help herself as he rubs his hands against her chest.or maybe Celestia adopts him, and when Twilight confesses her love to Anon to her friends parents or something else they are all worried about the politics, and really worried that Celestia will be furious. Despite the fact Celestia is trying to set them up.So every pony tries to keep Celestia from finding out.It’s 7 am here and I have yet to fall asleep so sorry for all the mistakes.
Page 10, not a single reply in 4 hours. Damn RGRE has really fallen off
>>41026335time to take the ol' gal out back and shoot her
>>41026335Excuse me for living in the middle of fuckin' nowhere and having to blow my entire mid-morning to mid-afternoon on a doctor's appointment and errands.
>>41026344>>41025623"C'mon Anon, we both know there's only one kinda shooting a colt like you should be doing."
>>41026550You are excused
>>41026335It's just a result of the times. We used to have more people on the board in general, every year since 2019 we kept seeing a drop off in unique IPs.That's probably why they got removed, we probably have maybe 370~400 people left, and that's accounting for different time zones.
What if I dip a mare in nuln oil?
>>41026843
>>41026843It better be old nuln oil otherwise your mare will come out with tidemarks
>>41026843I read that as 'nun oil' and was very confused.
>>41019074>"And I can get that, but really, I don't want to cause trouble over old news," she reiterated, a hint of worry in her voice that made Anon sigh."I get it. Don't worry, I won't do anything rash," he said, rubbing at the back of his neck. "You mind if I take a seat? We still need to talk about Jane's schooling going forward.">No, no, go right ahead," she answered, stepping aside to allow him easier access to the couch.>Back home, he had his furniture set atop wooden blocks to make them more comfortable for his height since it was all made for smaller ponies, but he doesn't have that luxury here.>Sitting down, his knees are bent more than he'd like, but he tried to ignore it as Moondancer asked if he'd like any coffee since she was about to go brew a pot.>He answered yes and after a few minutes, the pair were seated next to each other, a small mug in his palm and one in her aura.>"So..." she began after taking a sip of her heavily creamed and sweetend drink. "What's there to discuss exactly about Jane? The subjects you want me to focus on?"Taking a sip of his black coffee with one spoonful of sugar, he answered, "Well, I mostly expected we'd be talking about whether you really wanted to do this or not. I didn't think you'd be as sure as you seem to be.">She tilted her head.>"Really? Why not? I think Jane is a great filly, and if I can help her and you at the same time, why wouldn't I?""Well, it's a big time commitment, for one. We're talking years before she gets a high school diploma.">"Not necessarily. If she's as smart as she seems, she might be able to earn it years in advance. Not that I would push her that hard if she wasn't comfortable with it.""Considering the sponge she calls a brain, I don't think she'd be too adverse to the idea as long as she's being challenged," he said with a smirk before his expression sobered again. "That's still a few years though, and hours a day for the lessons, and however much time we put into preparing those lessons before hand.">"I guess..." she said, taking another distracted sip."And there's the question of bits.">"Oh, I wouldn't charge you-""I insist," he cut in. "Moon, you make money by submitting research papers, right?">"Um, sort of? I get my stipend which allows me to research at my leisure.""Right, but even if the crown or whoever is patient, I doubt they'd be willing to keep paying you if you just suddenly stopped submitting anything at all.">"Then I just have to make sure I keep working on my research, too.""And burn yourself out," Anon stated as if it was a forgone conclusion. "I wouldn't ask that of you.">"W-well, maybe I could hire an assistant?""Which would just make me feel more obligated to pay you, and I don't think I have enough bits to pay enough for that.">Moondancer started worrying her lip.>"But... Jane was so excited. I'd hate disappointing her now after getting her hopes up. Oh, why did I have to open my stupid mouth?"
>>41026985
>>41026335>>41026344>>41025647>>41025623>>41025705Any good child Anon Ideas. I was thinking that Celestia sees Anon has a huge amount of magical potential and adopts him so he doesn’t go insane like sombra and ponies don’t use him as a weapon. Over time she grows to love Anon despite the fact he has shown no to little ability to harness his magic.Basically I was thinking Celestia adopts him for political reasons finds out that the creature with more magic than even her, can’t use it properly but realizes that she still views him as her son, and loves him.
>>41027163>Celestia doesn't give you your own bed to sleep in until you're 14, instead being content to have you sleep in bed with her every night>Has to be convinced by Raven and Luna AND Cadence that a growing boy needs privacy>Blueblood thinks this will be an opportunity to have "colt talk" with you, aka talking about mares and makeup and which stallion you've arbitrarily chosen to be a bitch to>Blueblood is disappointed when you continue to not give a shit about "colty stuff"
>>41027163Didn't we used to have Anonicorn? Just take the ideas from that without the whole being an alicorn thing.Celestia as your mom, Blueblood as your cousin and Spergity as your best friend.
>>41027080>Matching chokers with each other's cutiemarksOne of my top fetishes. For mates to wear each other's cutiemarks in jewelry in my herd.
>You're enjoying a pleasant walk through the woods when you hear the sobbing.>Loud, ugly, messy crying that can only come from the worst of broken hearts.>You cautiously approach the noise, only to find that it's Rainbow Dash.>The so-called "toughest mare in town," bawling like a baby.>A flurry of thoughts run through your head.>EAT HER>RAPE HER>START EATING HER WHILE YOU RAPE HER>(You're a "stallion", nopony would ever suspect it!)>KICK HER WHILE SHE'S DOWN>BLOOD EAGLE >You fight down your darker urges, because a: you try not to be a complete monster, and b: Rainbow's husband, Nemo, is a very intimidating guy.>As you try to figure out what to do, Dash screams, "NEMO, WHY?!", pulls the wedding band off her left forehoof, and hurls it into the underbrush.>Okay, so "b" may not be a concern anymore, but "a" still is.>You're not the monster that your instincts want you to be.>And while you really don't like Rainbow, you'd try to extend some empathy to almost anyone in this much obvious emotional pain.>You circle around to approach from in front of her.>She's so busy screaming and weeping that she doesn't register your presence until you pull her into a hug."What's going on, Dash? Like, I can sorta guess, but --">"HE --" More sobbing and wailing. "H-HE LEFT ME!">You blink. You'd have sworn that Rainbow practically owned Nemo's soul, in much the same way that your Moonie practically owns yours.>An agonized, throat-tearing scream rips its way free of Rainbow's lungs. "HE LEFT ME F-FOR FOX PUSSY!">Rainbow turns around and flips her tail up.>You cringe and bring up a hand to shield your face."WHAT DO THOSE BITCHES HAVE THAT I DON'T?!>A number of biting responses come to mind, but you're trying to be a man, not a monster."I don't know, Dash. C'mere. Let's take you to Fluttershy. She's way better at this sort of shit than I am.">Rainbow sniffles. "O-okay... you're coltier than you let on, Anon.""No I fucking ain't."
>>41027759Felt like being meta.
>>41027759>"HE LEFT ME F-FOR FOX PUSSY!"Like actual foxes?
>>41027759How is this meta? I haven't seen any mention of foxes itt
>>41027796It's a gentle dig at NOF for leaving us to write human male on female anthro fox smut.
>>41027486Ah Spergity now that's a name I've not heard in a long time, a long time.
>>41027877Also this
>>41027877Fuck, that first post hit me hard in the feels. I just want to hold her hoof and tell her everything will be ok
>>41027877Why is Spergity so much more attractive than regular Rarity?
>>41027992Honestly? Because she's genuine. Unlike normal Rarity, if Spergity say's she like you or a hobby of yours she means it. Unlike regular Rarity who's a flirt and is just being polite.There is no bullshit, no mind games with Spergity, just a simple innocence. She'd still drain your balls with an incredibly autistic sloppy toppy tho
>>41028006Reminder that autists tend to have an oral fixation, so spergity would suck you dry constantly. I can visualize her giving you the sloppiest of tops, putting historical dicksuckers (such as celly and cadence) to shame, all while sewing and working at her best, since she's no longer distracted by the need for oral stimulus.
>>41027783Hopefully a diamond dog variant, or some new RGR slang for a type of mare, like cougars.
>>41027992While artist for that it is beautiful.
>>41028301you can't put that image in my head this early in the morning
>>41027877>tfw you're in the screen capAnd /I/ helped.
>>41027783Maybe Nemo is a weeb and those 9 tailed furries are a species.
>>41027798He included some pretty good pokemon world lore too. I like how thorough things are.
>>41027461She let's you have your own room at 14, what is this parent neglect.You mean Anon gets to sometimes sleep by himself like once a week and Celestia has warded his room, so no one other than her and sometimes twilight can enter.Celestia has long forgotten her son has infinite magical power, mostly do to the fact that out side of making him immortal, working like a monkey paw, and sometimes saving his friends he can't control it at all.
>>41028301U N FNF
If you enter sexist horse world and you are some how regressed to high school age there is only one course of events you must take. Get fucking yolked, practice acrobatics religiously, join the cheer squad, become head of the cheer squad, and now that you're at the peak of male popularity and beauty is high school exclusively dick down autistic nerds. Bloat loser wombs with your semen
>>41028330https://twibooru.org/tags/artist-colon-longiniusHere's the specific series, if you just want ponies in lingerie:https://twibooru.org/tags/series-colon-rarity%27s+secret
>>41028340I was actually referring to the stuff he's been doing over on /trash/, not the Pokemon stuff.
>>41028458He's in /trash/ writing smut? My god, that's disgusting. Tell me where the thread is so that I can avoid it.
>>41028450Unfathomably based.
>>41028450>>41028462>You basically became the male version of every head cheerleader from every 90's sitcom ever>You have an entourage of catty males who travel in a pack with you>The only thing you're lacking is a girlfriend (expected to be in the form of the captain of the all-girl football team)>It's your final year>You're on the path to become the valedictorian and deliver that bullshit speech at graduation>To the shock of your peers, you start hanging out at the nerd clubs>Join in a bunch of O&O games and genuinely have a good time>Nearly start a fist fight with the only other boy there because he doesn't thin his fucking paints>One nerd girl starts to walk you to your classes>You grab her by the shoulders and give her a real sloppy kiss in front of everyone>Nobody knows what the fuck is happening
>>41028460Heh. Here's the stuff he's churned out lately (I recognize his style even if he didn't bother using his trip):>>65042513https://rentry.org/AnEggInTryingTimes-Prologuehttps://rentry.org/dk52whttps://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/55076166/#55081218https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/62044533/#62046743https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/54820951/#q54823342I think he's also trying to do a VN for /hmofa/ - the snippets of story excerpts from that seem like his style:https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/64892717/#q64897774https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/64916566/#q64923268https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/64975685/#64976818
>>41028496Thanks, Anon.
>>41027783unfortunately I can't post it or I'll get banned for furry
>>41027881Why is she bleeding?
>>41028588Blink once for yes and twice for no.
>>41028593Because she's in a fight and is using flying sewing needles as a weapon.Perhaps she is going to sew her opponent's vagina shut, turning her into an incel (it's called Caslick's procedure, don't look it up on the school puter)
>>41028593If I recall correctly, it was from a green where Spergity fights for your hand in marriage against your Auntie Luna.Why were they fighting? Hell if I know, 2019 was a wild time.
>>41028496Those good for nothing foxy floozies have him wrapped around their fox-thumbs!
>>41028802I don't think it's their thumbs that they have wrapped around him...
>>41028496That's just awful. I'm going to follow that thread and pay close attention to see if he comes back, just in case.
>>41028788It was the end of an era
>Anon introduces the concept of glory holes to Equestria.>Or rather, Anon cut a hole in the wall between the mare and stallion restrooms in Berry Punch's bar.>Now theres a line of mares around the block who just want to see if the rumors are true.>A hole in the wall with a penis sticking out, and you're free to guzzle all the cum you want.>It sounds too good to be true.>Anon's balls are starting to hurt, unable to keep production up to meet demands.
>>41028979wouldnt they just press their cunts up against the hole
>>41028979A hole in the wall where you can play peekaboo with the pony in the stall next to you
>>41028496>first linkfuck I vividly remember reading that one fuckfuckfuck, forgive me Luna
>>41028496>(I recognize his style even if he didn't bother using his trip)kek, APA must be relieved that he's not the only one the local stalker has his eye on
>>41028462Honestly, I would love to go full autist and share my latest obsession with a bunch of horse ladies Which is Yu-gi-oh
>>41029139RD would play with you, but Twilight would lecture you on why Magic is better, Pinkie and Flutters would be into pokemon, AJ only know how to play poker, Rarity only plays bridge.
>>41029148Theoretically, there's a deck for every girl at that school. Sunset gets Fire Kings, Rarity gets Crystal Beasts, Rainbow can have Speedroids or Elemental HEROs deck, and so on.
>>41029139>>41029148Surprisingly enough there are a few YuGi Oh rgre greens. One even featuring Spergity
>>41029153RD is the only one dumb enough to enjoy play YGO
>>41029160Poor Anon is too illiterate to play. There's too many big words on the cards he can't understand
>>41029153flutters would probably have rescue cat decks that are so obscenely broken that she's banned from ever using them outside of friendly games
>>41029164How is a game that only lasts one turn any fun?
>>41029139My obsession is the galactic map in Elite Dangerous. Every time I look at it, I get sad that we'll never go to other stars.
>>41029188>"Sometimes not even one turn when some cunt turn 0s her opponent by nut drawing exodia!"
>>41029184Rescue Cat sucks, the only reason the Rescue Animals exists is to give new monster types support when they're still new and fragile, and are usually tied into the anime those monster types are associated with.>>41029188>He doesn't line his deck with floodgates and handtraps to stop his opponent from wiping him turn one.
>summer just around the corner>cicadas reemerging>realize that there's an unusually large amount this early even by cicada brood standards>check internetz>13 and 17 year broods synch up for the first time in over 200 years>remember the silly little 'cicada year estruses are particularly intense' oneshots from a couple years backhttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/36677039/#q36690056ought to be a fun year>>41029234>Rescue Cat sucksuntil the syncro monster set. i don't think you realize just how gamebreaking rescue cat got.
>>41029253>https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/36677039/#q36690056How do you remember this?
>>41029253I actually am a newfag to this (though I'm learning rapidly everything I can, hence the obsession)Can you enlighten me as to how Rescue Cat was broken?
>>41029262mental tangents>hear noise>realize cicada>oh hey there was oneshot with cicadas a while back>check archive>oh shit there it is. time to go down memory lane againsimple as>>41029268rescue cat's effect was 'tribute me and summon two low level beasts and sac those at end of turn'rather unimpressive on its own. what made it overpowered was that those low level beasts themselves could then be tributed or sac'd themselves, so you would play one of your syncro beasts, get rescue cat to cheat out two more on the same turn, and hey look at that you just got a free lvl 6 syncro onto the field instantly. and with further sets rescue cat could also help cheat out rank 3 xyz shit as well. absurdly powerful monsters that are supposed to take multiple turns to set up and get out instead only take one or two turns at most. it got to the point that rescue cat had to be banned for a while until it got a third errata negating the special effects (the abilities that would special summon the powerful combo monsters) of the monsters summoned by rescue cat.https://yugioh.fandom.com/wiki/Card_Errata:Rescue_Catso i stand corrected rescue cat does suck once again. the last time i looked at it was pre 2020 before its errata nerf
>>41029262also you just made me remember the time i brought an ancient writefag back to life for a little bit because I remembered his ponk greentext after forgetting its title immediately after I got done reading ithttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/33026748/#q33041858https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/33043573/#q33047745i wonder how anonhieron's doing nowadays
>Be Twilight>It took some effort to get the warrant>While the Apples liked to keep a low profile, they were the most connected family in Equestria>No judge you went to would sign it>Heck, more than a few of them were apples themselves>After a week or so of failure though, you realized that you went about this the wrong way>This wasn't about punishing a pony that had broken the law>Nope>This was protecting an endangered species>The last of his kind in fact>And, after looking through Equestrian law, you discovered that this gave you more than a little leeway>You and a pair of guard--colts; trustworthy as you could find--found Big Mac at one of Sweet Apple Acre's less used barns>It was a tiny thing>The paint on the walls was peeling off, and the roof was sunken in>At a glance it was just a forgotten barn; nothing to even look at really>You knew better>To his credit, Big Mac didn't bat an eyelash when you trotted through the door>He gave you a graceful bow with a polite "good morning">You smiled, giving your own good morning>The guards blocked the exit, spears pointed at the sky"I really hate to bother you today, Big Macintosh," you said. "I know you're a very busy colt, but I was wondering if you had seen Anon lately.">"Can't say that I have, Princess," he said, giving a slight shake of the head. "I heard he was in the horsepital. Is that right?""You're right," you agreed. "He stole a saw from the local shop and managed to cut his finger off if you can believe it.">The stallion thoughtful chewed on his stalk of wheat>"Well, I hope he's alright. Maybe I'll go an' bring him a pie to check up on 'um.""Oh, I'm sure he'd really appreciate that.">You made your way over the back of the barn>There was nothing but cobwebs and some broken machinery and pieces of metal"You know, there's a reason why colts aren't allowed to purchase tools. I'm not talking about stallions like you, Big Mac; stallions that have been working on a farm since they were little are just as capable and dependable as any mare. I can see that while you work with your family. It's why stallions like you have the special license to handle tools.">You turned toward him"That being said, colts like Anon was nothing but a danger to themselves when using tools. They can cut themselves, break bones, or worse. Even as capable as you are, you have to admit that the average stallion might be just a little more clumsy, right?">Big Mac said nothing>You stared hard at the wall that seemed to ordinary and empty.""Well, there's clumsy stallions, and then there's Anon. In fact, when the law was made two hundred years ago, I'm sure ponies like Anon were exactly who they were trying to protect. Every time he picks up a tool he ends up at the horsepital, and he's too darn stubborn to see reason."
>>41029357>It was clear that Big Mac had chosen his hiding place very well>No doubt the Apples had been using this barn for generations>Unfortunately for him, you had read every Daring Do book at least three times"I went by Anon's home a few days ago, and I noticed the strangest thing. It looked like somepony had been making repairs. Now, I now Anon would never call a handymare, so he has to be doing it himself. The thing is, I've checked his house. I've had guards check his house. There's no tools. Not so much as a nail. So, not only is he getting tools from somepony, he's hiding them with that particular pony.">A bead of sweat ran down Big Mac's forehead>You frowned"You wouldn't happen to know who would be supplying Anon with tools, would you, Big Macintosh?">"Nope.""Really?">"Eeyup" "I suppose you also wouldn't know who was hiding said tools either?">Before he could answer, you kicked a rusty, cracked plow>Instead of falling over, it snapped upward with a mechanical clang>The false wall toward the back of the barn flew into the air, revealing rows of tools of all shapes and sizes>Big Mac's eyes widened, and you watched as he went ramrod stuff"The punishment for a stallion with your license selling untrained stallions tools can be a fine of up to 500 bits. That's per tool," you said. "If it's over ten tools you could lose your license and face a maximum jail sentence of three years.">You walked over, plucking a hammer from its place on the wall and examining it while the big stallion sweated"If I really wanted to, I could look in to just how many stallions in town you've been selling these to, but I won't. Your sister is a great friend to me, and your whole family is important to the community.">You sat the hammer onto the old table, turning back toward him"What I need you to do it not sell or store ANYTHING for Anon. He can't be--:
>>41029365>Before you could finish your thought, a cleverly hidden hatch in the floor right by the table opened>Anon poked his head up>"Hey Mac, you here? I hate to be a bother, but is there something you can do with this hammer you got me? I swung the dang thing twice and it's already--">Anon saw you>He saw the guards>Immediately, he lowered himself back down into the hole he had just popped up from>You, Max, and the guards stared>After ten seconds, an arm reached up out of the hole, going for the hammer you had placed on the table>With a sigh, you summoned an etheral hand and gave the arm a hard smack>"Ow, fuck," you heard, followed by the sound of aggressive crawling>...>By Celestia's teats, you almost wished they still lobotomized colts...
>>41029357>"You know, there's a reason why colts aren't allowed to purchase tools. I'm not talking about stallions like you, Big Mac; stallions that have been working on a farm since they were little are just as capable and dependable as any mare. I can see that while you work with your family. It's why stallions like you have the special license to handle tools."Big Mac a gunrunner?? This makes Twilight an ATF Girl
>>41029369>"Quick Mac! Hide Wynonna!"
>>41029368>>41029368I would love a strong hoof between the crown and the apples, which, despite their name, make around 50% of all Equestria food. And the Apples refuse or simply don't care if Big Mac is guilty or not; no one messes with an Apple not even the crown.
>>41029139Man fuck yu gay oh! I have seen cards that have more word printed on them than your average greentext!
>>41029369Suddenly Twilight is worst Pony
>>41029368>>41029384The Apples are not seriously ambitious folk; all of them are happy to stay on their farms and provide a healthy, large, bountiful harvest. Heck, the only reason Apple Jack is so different is because she's an element of harmony.But with a mixture of only wanting to expand their farms and not wanting massive struggles, most unicorn, pegasus, and other earth pony nobles often ask the Apple clan for favors of all types, from food, tools, and heck, even some low-interest loans, because unlike filthy flying cat niggers, the apples only charge a maximum of 3% interest.After thousands of years of peace, deals, and obligations, there isn't a noble in Canterlot, Cloudsdale, or beyond that doesn't owe some sort of uncashed obligation. So when the Apple Clan gets angry and uppity, every single noble sweats.
>>41029488The Apples specifically avoid trouble, but at the same time, they simply refuse to back down when an Apple has been wronged.
>>41029488Fuck me instead of a book of grudges. The Apples have a book of unpaid/owed favors and obligations gained over the centuries and generations.
>>41029685I mean, Celestia gave them a huge chunk of land for them to settle SAA on right next to canterlot mountain, what do you think she owed them for?
>>41029685Pinkie's innate sense for pinkie promises is her deep rooted Apple blood calling to write a wrong.
>>41029703Managing to farm and keep ponies feed during Discord's reign of chaos?
>>41029703Someone had to build a city on the side of a mountain without it falling off.
>>41029714The timeframe for that is all wrong- Discord happened pre-Nightmare Moon, while Ponyville's first farm was settled roughly 200 years ago?
>>41029787The Apple family keeps and maintains a very detailed archive.
>>41029368>You, Max, and the guards stared>MaxlelThat was good. Just another day in sexist horse land.
>>41029080Sometimes at night when I'm just about to fall asleep, I can hear the grinding of gears from within the confines of a little hidden camera
>>41029843So be good, for goodness sake.
>>41029188Ramp is for pussies. Yu-Gi-Oh is the greatest card game of our time for the sole reason of not constantly guzzling Magic's cum for game design principles.
>>41029450Yeah when I saw twilight green I was really happy. But yeah
>>41029888Why not just flip a coin, and whoever wins the coin toss loses?
>>41029888I used to know this son of a bitch who would trim the edges of his cards so that he could stack the deck when we played. I also remember buying that duel city arm thing, and then realizing that if we're both like 5 feet from each other and standing around, it's really hard to look at your opponent's cards.
>>41029888Nice Trips>Anon brings his old deck to the local tournament>Unicorns scan his cards for legitimacy and the hologram code somehow works>All the ponies are surrendering the moment Anon drops his raigeki and wipes out their turn 1 link pendulum tuner beatstick>Now the pro players have their eyes set on taking Anon's deck>But how does a nerd who showers once a month gonna take it from him?>Through seduction of course!
>>41029922Cause it isn't a coin flip (most of the time).If you are playing a deck that can't do literally anything to stop an opponent's turn one plays, you are either playing a shit deck or a deck that is designed to work in those conditions. The entirety of the game is condensed into those first few turns, because why wait ten turns before you can ramp enough lands to activate a card when you can just play them whenever? "Players want to play their cards" after all.If you want a Yu-Gi-Oh game that lasts more than three turns, let me introduce you to the Tear Zero mirror match. People can complain about tier zero formats all they like, but those mirror matches are some of the most skillful games you'll ever encounter.
>>41029843Pick up your socks.
>9
>>41029253>>36690154 >Changelings buzz like cicadas when they're horny.I choose to believe.
>ponies will never realize how touch-starved you are
>>41028496Godamn. Imagine having a tiny fluffy wife that deeply cares about you and showers you with physical contact and affection.Wait that's pretty close to what some write about in here as well...
>>41030480These two would be great herd sisters
>>41030581>reminding me how touch starved I amThank you anon very cool
>>41029139And i want to spreg out about tanks models, but i dont think any mare would like it>tfw no cute mare to talk her ear off about tanks
>>41031278Anon starts ranting to Celestia about tanks and how they work and operate. After a few minutes of Anon ranting, Celestia is torn about whether to throw him into Tartarus or begin writing notes and blueprints for the Equestrian military.
>>41031278Find a fluffy haired Yukari in mare form
>>41031294Celestia opens a portal to earth, right outside a model shop, sends in guards to raid the place of model kits. They use the model kits to entice Anon to reverse engineer the tanks for her.
>>41027079"Hey now, none of that," Anon quickly interjected before she could continue her self-deprecation. "You didn't mean any harm; you were just trying to be a good person. The fact that you so genuinely tried to help people you've barely just met, as a knee jerk reaction no less, is frankly amazing."He placed a hand gently on her shoulder and added, "You're amazing, Moondancer.">She stared, wide-eyed and blushing as she sputtered, "I-it's not that big of a deal. A-any pony would do the same I'm sure.">Smirking, Anon removed his hand and shook his head."That's optimistic, but besides the few ponies who've helped me settle in when I first arrived here, and my publisher for giving me so many chances to publish a book, I don't thin that's true. You're a special pony, Moondancer, and I'm lucky to be able to call you a friend.">He sighed as he leaned back on the couch to look at the ceiling."Which is why I don't want to take advantage of you like this without being able to offer anything in return.">"W-well, if I do end up doing this for you, maybe you could, y-you know, um, if you're okay with it, you and I could, um...""Yeah, we could...?">Anon's prompting only seemed to make the mare stutter more, but eventually she blurted out, "Maybe you could make me some homecooked meals!">Anon blinked."You... want me to cook for you?">Looking like she'd just watched her home burn down, Moondancer just numbly nodded.>"S-sure, that's what I was getting at. You know, I mostly just order out, or snack, so I don't get many homecooked meals. If it wouldn't be much trouble, you doing that for me would not only be kind of nice, but would save me bits, too. Restaurants and snack food gets expensive, after all."Slowly, Anon began to nod and said, "I guess that's a good place to start, but it's still not enough to make up for all the time you'd be spending on my daughter instead of your job... Hey, how about I help you with that too?">"Help me with my research?" Moondancer repeated with a tilt of her head. "Are you sure? It's not exactly the most exciting work, mostly just reading dozens of dusty books, cross-referencing them, and compiling all the relevant information together in a more comprehensive format. I mean, no offense, it also requires a pretty solid background in magical and historical studies, if only to be able to decipher what's actually written.">She chuckled quietly. "Most ponies think learning a new spell is hard, but having to translate them from old Equish first makes it way worse."Anon wasn't deterred as he said, "I'll just have to learn as I go then. I've been putting off learning more about this place and its history as it is, so if Jane's going to be studying hard, then I should do the same. It'll even help with my next book, I bet.">Anon rubbed at his chin as he thought about it."I've been mostly limited to slice-of-life since I started writing for an Equestrian audience because I don't know enough about this world."
This is why having God on speed-dial is a bad thing for Pinkie Pie to have.
>"Auntie Celly, why doesn't that weird monkey live in the castle with you anymore?"
>>41031558Princess Cadance gets asked what the birds and bees are from Pinkie as Anon won't tell her. If only she wouldn't keep asking in a public place as loud as possible.
>>41031558>>41031644>>41031986Not rgre, try again
>>41032481And then she slapped Anon on the butt and told him to make her a sandwich.
>>41032481>Fleur De Lis sacrificing her health and possibly risking crippling herself physically in the ring all in order to feed, house, and support her stallion and foals isn't RGRESure, whatever you want to tell yourself faggot. If instead of bitching about content try making the content you want to see.
>>41032552Fine, from now on I too will bump the thread with whichever off topic images of my choosing.
>>41032552>Talking to itMistake number one.
>>41032481How is the second one not at least potentially RGRE? You have Luna being overbearingly protective and panicking over the 'trapped' colt, and Celly being an abusive cunt who hurts Anon 'for his own good."Sure, it's not necessarily RGRE, but it can be read that way without really any mental gymnastic.
>>41032634mares abusing colts isn't rgre?
>>41032856Mares being possessive/overprotective of colts can be, though. Which is how the picture reads to me- maybe I'm reaching here, idk.
Find that lonely, colty mare who thought she was going to die a virgin, and KNOCK. HER. UP.
>>41017204>Rainbow thinks Twilight just took them from someoneWhen no one was looking, Twilight Sparkle took two foals. She took 2 foals. That's as many as two ones. And that's terrible.
>>41033259The princesses don’t want you to know this but the foals at the park are free you can take them home I have 45 foals in my basement
>>41028469>Join in a bunch of O&O games and genuinely have a good time>first time there you get the expected>some are too shy to say anything>some are actively against it>some girl even says you probably don't even have a character done>pull out an already done character sheet and backstory>the character isn't OP or minmaxed>the backstory isn't edgy>you see several legs cross and wings spread
>>41029714>Managing to farm and keep ponies fed during Discord's reign of chaos?>>41029765>Someone had to build a city on the side of a mountain without it falling off.
>>41031364>sends in guards to raid the place of model kits.>be wagie clerk>another day another 8 hours of contemplating the barrel of the gun waiting at home>suddenly noises outside>suddenly shouting>suddenly breaking glass>techni-color horses come in and raid the place>steal model tanks, planes, rockets, and the old cardboard cutout of Tom Selleck>one of them stops, leans on the counter and flirts with you>in English>the flirting pony gets yelled out>she's gone as soon as she appeared
>>41033340>Anon just starts kitbashing spaceships and cool stuff, but nothing really realistic.>Celestia's top engineers have made a perfectly working full size spaceship based on Anon messing around with the left over parts.
>>41033351Galaxyquest moment
>>41033340"Get lost marecel. You smell like a barn.">the mare looks as if you've just daggered her and then ran her over with a dumptruck>she sniffles and waits outside the store for the others to finish stealing the tanks>the local autistics are not gonna be happy that the tanks are all gone
>>41028469>>Nearly start a fist fight with the only other boy there because he doesn't thin his fucking paintsi've seen a woman do this. insufferable cunt called herself a makeup artist as I watched her ruin her sisters of battle minis
>>41033608It's different because I'm right.
>>41033608Citadel paints are for tryhards
The coomare
>>41033616Fillynids
>>41033340I'm going to get fired because of this. Guess it's time for that gun then.
How is cheating treated in Equestria, and are stallions treated with more leeway? >"He felt unfulfilled and lonely, what did she expect?"
>>41034114If he cheats is because he was not having emotional needs met. If she cheats its because she is a scumbag.
>>41018704This thought never occurred to me. I'm so very glad all my experiences didn't involve teeth.
>>41034136Another reason why life would be better in RGRE. If some dude were known as the crazy guy who clamped down on his girl's clit during oral, he wouldn't get a second chance to bite more clits.
>>41028496>learn that dimwitdog put out a ninetales animation a month ago right as I learn this>mfwi don't know if fugg commissioned that or if it's just coincidence but considering his strong antilewd stance in his pokeymans story i find it much funnier to just assume he did for the lulz
>>41034118if stallions are the gatekeepers of sex then it is their responsibility to select the mares that won't neglect or cheat on thembut you know>stallions>taking accountability for their actions>ever
>>41034151>>learn that dimwitdog put out a ninetales animation a month ago right as I learn this>search>find itHell yeah.
>>41022531>Yelling at my amre because I accidentally burnt dinner>They had absolutely no input or was even aware I was cooking
>>41034313>Yelling at my amre because the firewood she chopped had something wrong with it
>>41034167>>41034151The ninetales animation. . .Unf
>"Consarn it, Anon, you can't mix other fruit trees in with apples! T'aint natural!"
>>41034376>Cut to Anon planting pine trees between every appletree."Trust me, this one will work!"
>>41034376Human farming techniques is deeply unnatural to earth ponies and the worse thing about it, it actually works really well.Splinting, combing plants and the rest deeply unsettles any earth pony farming community.
>>41034359IT HAD A SPIDER IN ITShe saw me crying, she crew too, we crode together
>>41034376You weren't saying that last night when I planted some seeds in you
"AJ, can I buy twelve gallons of unfermented Sweet Apple Acres cider from you?">"Sugarcube, you're bein' a silly colt again. Not even Rainbow could drink that much cider before it goes bad!""I'm only going to drink two gallons. I'm going to use the rest instead of water when I brew my next batch of mead. It's supposed to produce a tart mead called a cyser...">AJ flops to the ground and begins foaming at the mouth.
>>41034376>The Apples are good Celestia-fearing critters>They realize marriage is full of hardships, but they also know that through diligence and faith in the Great Apple, all conflicts have their end>They also know that Celestia doesn't look down on horsedivorce very kindly, and they know who butters their apples.>But when Anon suggested - and Applejack still to this day cannot say the words without gagging - 'tree grafting', Applejack didn't know if her faith in the great apple pie in the sky was enough to weather this storm>Would she end up the first Apple in over a century to get a divorce (or divhorse, if you will)?
>>41034408>Equestrian fruit and vegetable are mostly inedible while raw>It's mostly through a combination of seasoning, aging, and cooking that makes the average pony's stock edible>It's packed full of nutrients, but ponies really haven't done anything to alter father nature's design>Ponies are deeply unsettled by human concepts like 'selective breeding' and 'Punnett squares'Why do you think apples are most desirable when either in cider or zap apple jam form? Imagine eating a shriveled-up, weird-looking bigass lime and going "mmm, I love watermelon".
>>41034410I crae er'ry time.
>>41034151KEK
>>41034151>>41034375ya got a source for dat
>>41015697How would mares react to an extremely horny stallion in RGREquestria? Would they be overjoyed or find it weird/too mare-like?
>>41034523Does this also apply to animals? We don't see too many pet dogs/cats in the show, and they're all teeny little ornaments with Winona being the only working pet. How would ponies react upon seeing a dachshund clearing out a badger den? Could ponies resist the intense protective instincts of a sheepdog?
>Anon is a famous pop idol in Equestria.>His shows, often dressed in short-shorts and skin-tight tops to show of his pecs are always sold out as both stallions who are genuinely fans of his inspirational, happy-go-lucky songs and mares lusting after his body show up in droves.>Sweetie Belle, an up and coming star in her own right is going to be the opening act for Anonymous Heartthrob and she can't believe it.>The young mare is a sweaty mess as she's directed towards Anon's dressing room.>She's going to do it.>She's going to meet the most talented and sexy colt in Equestria.>Oh Faust, is her deodorant working?>Should she brush her teeth for the eleventh time to make sure that heyburger meal isn't still on her breath?>She's cursing herself for ordering onion rings as she knocks and the door is opened by a colt mane stylist.>He lets her in and her eyes dart around in search of the star of tonight's show.>He's not in the styling chair, nor by the large rack of clothes.>No, he's off to the side, headset on as yells obscenities in the mic and mashes buttons on a video game controller.>Sweetie can only gape as the Anonymous Heartthrob shoves a handful of cheese puffs into his mouth only to cheer shortly after, crumbs flying everywhere."Take that, loser! You were just beat by a 'gamer colt'! How about you go make me a sandwich next time, bitch?!">Sweetie... is strangely more aroused.
>Anon is a fucking psycho>When he found out about the reversed gender roles he went out and spent months stalking a NEET loser mare>When heat season began he kicked down the door to her house and declared that he lived there now>She gets raped constantly And they love happily ever after
>>41035017How would a kissless virgin even know she was getting raped?
>>41035072He makes her wash out her cooch.
>>41035085He holds her in a head lock and drags her to the bathroom and holds her in the tub, turning the water on, she squirms as the cold water hits her hot snatch.
>>41025623>"Ey, Toots! Why don'tcha come hang wit' us fer a while? Lemme git a feel o' dem crazy long legs!">You sigh and prepare an appropriate horse-y comeback as you turn to face your catcaller.>But your words die in your throat when you see what appears to be a group of children grinning lewdly at you.>Children who appear to be dressed as 50s greasers.>You knew Manehattan was full of what horseland considers delinquints, but this is just ridiculous.>Seemingly emboldened by your hesitation, the filly closest to you calls out again.>"C'mon Sugar, don't be a blushin' groom! I'll show yous a good time!">What the fuck."Aren't you, like 12? Go play with dolls or something.">Her friends start to chuckle with laughter as your supposed harasser starts to pout.>"Whaz wrong wit' yous? Imma grown-up mare! Old enough to give yous the ride'a yer life!">You roll your eyes."Whatever, kid.">You adjust your grip on your cases and start to head off further down the empty street.>"Ey! Ey, 'old up!">You reluctantly turn once more to see the filly trotting after you.>"Where yous off to, Legs? This ain't a nice neighbourhood, y'know. 'Specially fer a colt.">You purse your lips in thought."So what, you'll accompany me?">She gives a cocky grin."No thanks. I don't need a bodyguard and I'm not about to give you whatever it is you're after.">"Hey! I ain't after nuthin'! I'm jus' tryin' to be a proper gentlemare 'ere 'n all! I know these streets and yous is obviously in need of some protectin'.">You raise an eyebrow.>That would have sounded far more convincing if she wasn't eyeing your crotch.>Then again... she might have a point.>While you're confident in your ability to handle yourself against tiny sexist horses, it'd be hard to protect both your chastity and the case in your hand.>Plus, a unicorn could be trouble. You were magic resistant, but that case wasn't. And you shudder to think of what would happen if it was lost or damaged.>Plus plus, you could really use a guide. You're... fairly certain you know where you're going... but fairly certain isn't completely certain.>...>...you might have fucked up by coming here alone.>This filly obviously won't be any use in a scrap, despite her apparent ego. But travelling with a local, and a child at that, would probably make anyone with ill intent towards you think twice.>And while you still don't trust that she isn't trying to rob or molest you herself, if you're going to get assaulted you'd rather it be by someone you could easily punt into the stratosphere."...alright, then. I'm headed to The Drunken Dragon. How much for an escort there?">Her grin gets even more smug.>"No charge, o'course. All I need's a little more time to work my charms, and I'll have ya eatin' outta my hooves fer sure.">You roll your eyes."Thanks, kid.">She trots up next to you and starts leading the way.>"Name's Babs. Don'tchu forget it, Toots. Yous is gonna be screamin' it 'fore the night's out."
>>41035091>Be Floorb>Be forever alone>That tsundere green monkey is following you again>You know you should ask him out so he can be all "it's not like I LIKE you or anything, b-baka">But you're too much of a ballsack to even attempt proper courtship>Yeah, just run on home and watch your neighongo cartoons>It's what you deserve, you shriveled little nag>Suddenly your door is caved in>A flash of green muscle takes you by the ear while screaming "this OUR house now!">Wait what->You're dragged to your bathtub and tossed in onto your back>"We're not having sex until your cunt is clean enough to eat out of! 'Cause I intend to!">Oh baby, what did he just- Oh fuck that water is cold!>You reflexively start doing a cute little doggy paddle trying to get your hot mare depths away from the cold dihydrogen monoxide>You swear his bulge wasn't that big a second ago>This goes on for several mortifying minutes, until finally he grabs your hips and hoists your back half out of the tub>He shoves his face right into you and takes a wink-inducingly deep sniff>"Finally! Now get into your bedroom and get ready to be split in half! And keep your eyes closed!">He sends you off with a slap on the rump>Well, you're not going to not do the thing that might lead to sexo>Yep, totally gonna lose your virginity tonight>He's totally not fucking with you and robbing you>Totally not going to shit-talk you to the other boys while they braid their ball hairs or whatever it is they do>Yep, aaaaaany second no->Suddenly a sudden intrusion, complete with a nice tingly feeling back there>It's really happening>Oh sweet Celestia he's ramming it all the way in>Slapping his crotch-tuft against your cunt>He leans forward and grabs you by the chest, trapping you in an inescapable fuckhold>And so the plap-plap-plapping at your babymaker door continues for..... fuck, you can't really keep count>Your mind can't handle the sudden flood of penetrative stimuli, and you pass out sometime after your third orgasm>Wake up to the smell of breakfast>Head out to the kitchen>He's still here, making food like a stallion should>He insists it's just because 'ponies can't be trusted to make fucking eggs and bacon'>Sure, honey>Long as that sweet dick keeps coming in hot and rough, he can believe whatever the hay he wants
>>41035101Sounds like Anon is into shady business.>Anon was going to sell some changeling honey.>Ever since they became the nulings, they stopped harvesting love and producing the substance.>It's considered one of he world's finest aphrodisiacs, or for the more morally bankrupt, the ultimate date rape drug.>Couple drops in a colt's drink, and they'll be in love with you for the rest of the night.>Anon didn't care about what it was being used for, he just wanted the money.>When the buyers decided they wanted an exotic male to sell on the black market along with the honey, he had to make a run for it.>Luckily they didn't expect the wrist rocket.>Those big, cutesy eyes make easy targets.>He grabbed Babs as she rolled up her sleeve and prepared to fight a group of three adult mares.>Even if one was currently screeching and holding a bloody eye, the other two would have throttled her and he didn't want that on his conscious.>She's grew on him with her never ending pickup lines as they made their way to the meetup spot.>It was late by then and Anon quickly dipped into a sleazy motel, dropping bits on the counter even as the tired mare at the register raised a brow at the sight of a squirming, cussing filly under his arm.>She just shrugged though and gave him the keys.>He gets to the room, drops the filly on the bed, then flops down himself, exhausted.>She instantly goes quiet, which he's thankful for.>She can tell him where she lives in the morning and he'll drop her off.>Babs is currently coming to terms with the fact that she's actually in bed with a stallion and is paralyzed.>She talks a big game, but she honestly didn't think she'd make it this far.
>>41035178I was thinking of making him something lame like a musician who got lost on the way to a gig, but I like the intrigue.>Anon feels awful for putting a filly's life in danger>Babs couldn't give a shit and is just preoccupied with the possibility that she might actually get laid
Are there any actual RGRE foalcon green?
Listen up, coward-niggers. Not a single one of you is brave enough to cuddle your waifu in bed and it makes me fucking sick.
>>41035244daily reminder that snuggles > cuddles
>>41035301Dare I say, snuggles > fuggles?
>>41035244Any good Ponka RGRE greens? I know there's Fasuter's archive, but does anyone have a recommendation for a Pinkie green?
>>41034375>>41034167Found it. It was kind of meh.
>>41035241Anonfilly general
>>41035244Nigger, you what?
>>41034509Shed get over it when you explain it'll be an apple drink for a wine glass instead of a mug. Cutting into new markets
>>41035581Mr Skeltal made good onesNervous Ponk https://ponepaste.org/1048 Nonfu https://ponepaste.org/1017
>>41035244A more serious take on this would probably be, "Not a single one of have enough control of your lust to cuddle your waifu in bed without turning it sexual every time, and it makes me fucking sick."
>>41036008Buddy, hate to break it to ya, but at the top of basically every one of my pastes is a credit to the original author who just didn't save their shit. Only one thing I have it original, and I am not the best at writing.
Mares love watching stallions lezzing out, but the second two mares stand too close to each other, suddenly its gay and gross.
>>41036370>Colts can do cutesy shit with each other without being called gay>But as soon as two mares so much as brush thighs when they sit down, suddenly everyone has to hear the two of them loudly talk about the marely and not-dyke things they've done recently
Here's an on-topic question:How do you handle it if your mare or mares wants to herd up with a pony that you can't stand for some reason?Mild and shallow example: you're dating Roseluck and she wants her sisters to herd up, but you don't want to look at Daisy's eye-watering color scheme for the rest of your life.
>>41036688paint her
>>41036688Arrange for them all to die in a train accident and collect the life insurance.
>>41036688Unironically, get to know her.See her as a cute mare of her own, with her own maresonality, hobbies and positives.Suddenly, that 'eye-watering' color scheme becomes an odd, even cute, little quirk that does not defy, but adds depth to her cuteness.And thats love.
>>41036688I can never not associate her fur and mane color with that weird neapolitan ice cream I had as a kid that nobody liked. The third color was yellow, I think.
Ponies would say unhoof or unhand me. This is important
>>41036818Mathematically, your statement is correct.
>>41034934Haha that is funny
>>41020291Exactly why he should than he could say he saved the princess and use that fact to influence the princess.
>>41036750Pistachio?
>>41037030I think so.
>>41028496>https://rentry.org/AnEggInTryingTimes-PrologueSays prologuelink to the rest?
>>41036741I want to take a long lick up this ladder of luxury. From winking clit to soppy fuckhole to ponut to dock, and all over again 2 more times. Going up this stairway to heaven. A long luxurious lapping session.
>>41037492It's NOF, and he's not getting paid for that one. I don't think there is a "rest" yet. (Honestly, I can understand. The paying projects have to come first.)
>>41036741How's the weather in Israel, Schlomo?
Would you a fat poor mare who thought she was going to die alone, RGRE?
>>41037804>Dump truck ass>Pretty face>Redhead>Makes burgersPicrel
>>41037804
>>41037804You can easily fix that by telling her she doesn't get dick if you can catch her.
>>41037804This is too much knowledgeHow am I to know what she's thinking?This is metagaming
>>41037991oh fuck is that what Ms. Mare looks like?
>>41037861Gonna have to agree with Anon here
>>41037804my sleep-deprived mind thought that was littlepip at firstI'm not even a FOEfag and I can't unsee the resemblanceI'm going to bed
How do mares feel about the fact human balls/crotches are hairy?
Man, I wanna play a guitar for pones to show them the superiority of human fingers
>>41035157>"This is how a life is made."
>>41038458>the superiority of human fingers"Hey babe, I'm gonna play Wonderwall on your pussy."
>>41038458>mare plays guitar better than you stillTHOUGHT I WASMUSICMAXXINGBUT IT TURNS OUT I WAS WRONGTHIS IS YETANOTHERGENERIC MARECELCORE SONG
What's up ya hair lipped retard, did Soarin' dump you because you can't say his name. Thoarin'? Bet that gets pretty annoying instantly.
>>41038622Nooooo, pick up the mare, give her a hug and make her a nice sandwich while asking her what's wrong
>>41038622Hashtag rude.
>>41038128>ywn never architect Littlepip into having a dumptruck ass
>>41038909>ywn neverDid you have a stroke? Am I having a stroke? What does this mean?
>>41038458>>41038485My fingies are ready
I was thinking about how fashion would be if we had reversed gender roles in real life.>Women would wear incredibly baggy tops that completely obscure their chests. Much like how men in our world wear jeans that obscure our bulge. >Men would wear form-fitting pants with a groin pouch to openly display the shape and size of our balls. Much like how women in our world wear tops that show off the very size, shape, and contours of their tits and ass.
>>41037861
>>41039347>Men wear tight pants with "JUICY" written across the groin>Get pissy when you look to read the word "JUICY"
>>41039347Your junk is still your junk. Having form-fitting pants would be like a woman showing off her camel-toe.But men would have to always wear shirts, on the grounds that their nipples serve no purpose other than erotic stimulation, and so the shameful things should be covered in public.
arr gee arr e
>>41039742Someone come get Berry, she thinks she's a pirate again.
>>41039753>during estrus, Berry gets drunk, dresses like a pirate and runs around town, searching for stallion booty
Anons, when we all get to Equestria you're all gonna help me lynch Anons who are mean to mares right?
>"Welcome, Anon! You're finally here; in a world filled with the sexist mares you've always wanted?""...Really?">"Ab-sol-utely! If you'd just follow me I can take you to your herd where you can begin a life of foal-rearing and house care.""A herd? For me?">"Oh yeah. The most sexist I could find. They won't even let you open a door. I'm Lilith by the way, you're cute lil guide for the time being.""Oh, well nice to meet you. Hey, where would you say I am right now?">"Ponyville of course!""Of course, of course. Not somewhere else, right?">"Oh, don't be a silly colt. This is Equestria! The land of sexist ponies that would just LOVE a human like yourself and-- hey, what's behind your back?""Hmm?">"You're back. I can... um... I see you're holding something.""Oh really? Oh, it's nothing much. It's just a cross.">"A cross?""Oh yeah. Why, is there something the matter?">"Could you... maybe put that thing down?""What for?">"No particular reason... It's just that ponies might think you're a WEIRDO for walking around with something like that.""Oh, well, I wouldn't want to make a bad impression. Tell you what. Why don't you come over here and take it? You can do whatever you want with my little cross here.">"...Or you could just put it down?""...">"...""...">"...""Exorcizamus te, omnis immunde spiritus, omni satanica potestas, omnis incursio infernalis adversarii!">"OH FUCK! STOP WITH THAT!""I fucking knew it!">"Now I got ringing in my ear, you stupid idiot! How'd you even get a cross down here? You're dead!""You're not gonna get me, demon!">"I already GOT you mortal! Now you're going to suffer for--""Omnis legio, omnis congregatio et secta diabolica, in nomini et virtute Domini nostri Jesu Christi!">"OWOWOWOWOWO!""I've known that I'd go to Hell since I was eight years old, you stupid demon. Cute little mare or not, you're not tricking me!">"I'm going to RIP OUT YOUR INSIDES!""Come over here and do it. I don't care where I am, I'm gonna be the worst neighbor I fucking can!">"You know, they said you were going to suck, but mare do you SUCK!""Eadicare et effugare a Dei Ecclesia, ab animabus ad imaginem Dei conditis!">"Dammit! You can't exorcise me when we're both in Hell, dummy!">Anon dies>The paperwork gets missed up>He goes to the pit, to suffer forever>Unfortunately for the pit's residents, he's here for a reason, and it's not because he didn't pay his taxes>Cadence, Princess of Love and Queen the Crystal Empire and sole ruler of Tartarus, is less than happy >Her mares would have their work cut out for them
>>41038909>alien colt only has eyes for the pudgy mare he saw in the marelet pit at the gym>goes so far as to decline an audience with the princess in order to make a floundering attempt at asking her out
>>41039938>>"Dammit! You can't exorcise me when we're both in Hell, dummy!"kek
>>41037804>>41037902Read that she won't get dick if she can't catch you>On that day Hot Buns manage to break the Equestrian record for being the fastest pony in existence.>Despite being an earth pony>In other news, former record holder, Rainbow Dash, is furious and going bald from having her record stolen
>>41038317Probably excited that our tufts are located where they can lock in that dick smell they crave
>>41038622No bully the cutie.The lithsp is adorable.
>>41039877Yes
>>41039938I still would the succupones. I wonder what the succupone equivalent of weddings rings are? Or even that old "crown with objects related to each mare in the herd" idea. It has to be something to do with your soul, right?
Celestia and the maretriarcy does not want you to know this but, you can just take mares, also most mares are very easy to trick. If a mare is getting feisty challenge her to something, than win.
>>41039877>>41040146These Anons will watch, unable to stop me, as I spread my evil deeds leaving a trail of young mares' suicides in my wake.
>>41039965>camping at spawnpoints waiting for rare mares to appear in Equestria
>>41039877You won't need to. The horse homemaker mafia is real and is quite experienced in handling sensitive issues.
>>41039938oh my god>RGRE is hell>Not that it's bad, literally that it's Hell>The place>Anon went through life thinking that women who got catcalled were just whining and should be thankful for the attention>His ironic punishment is that he is now the sexist-ee and not the sexist-er>Each pony is AKA a demon whose job is to torment him>They take the form of cartoonish creatures in a fantasy world to torment him>His tormentors would be creatures who would normally have no business being higher up than him on the social food chain, but now are>They're cute, they're cuddly, they think friendship is the dopest thing in the world, and they won't let you forget that you're a baby-maker and a bed-warmer in their eyes>The reasons mares have such stubbornly sexist behavior despite dealing with an alien being from a completely different planet and culture is because the 'ponies' are doing it deliberately to irritate Anon>It's exaggerated to the point of nonsense sometimes, but that's because none of it is real and it doesn't have to be internally consistent or even plausible>It's just an ironic hell staffed with pone-demons
>>41040415>It's also why Anon acts like a grumpy autistic jackass all the time in various greentext>He knows that the demons know that he knows they're demons, so Anon's not even going to dignify their antics by playing along>And what are they going to do if he behaves like a fuck, KILL him?>He's already dead, stupid.>If "Pinkie Pie" comes around his house while he's trying to make breakfast, Anon sees no problem in swatting at the literal hell-spawn with his spatula while he yells at her to get the fuck out of his kitchen.
>>41040415"Why the fuck do you dumbasses keep turning over my crosses every single day when I'm not here?">"Because it's EVIL, silly.""No, an upside down cross is a symbol for the martyrdom of St Peter.">"...""Hollywood idiots thought it was something a demon would do, because they don't look into anything, so they put it into all the movies.">"...""Which means people think it's a bad thing, when it's actually a symbol of humidity and faith. You know that. I know you know that, you fucking dumb, marshmallow, snaggle-toothed doofus.">"You know, you should smile more.""Fuck clean off and get out of my house.">"No."
>>41039938Evil sexist mares deserve christian love, if they can get past the Christian part they can have the love.
>>41040447>humidity and faith>humidityhhheheheh
>>41040447I would love a Autistic Anon who knows more about demonology and mythology then actual demons.Its the same feel as a foreigner knowing more of a countries history and traditions then a Native.
RGRE crossed over with Laundry Files when?
>>41040998Fuckin' never, hopefully. Grimderp shit that's an insult to Lovecraft and Robert E. Howard both.
>>41041005>grimderpThanks for telling everyone you're retarded beforehand.
>>41041038I know what I read, and what I read was grimderp. Disgustingly so.
>autist unable to recognize parody and pastichemany such cases
>>41039938Pater noster, qui es in caelis,sanctificētur nomen tuum.Adveniat regnum tuum.Fiat voluntas tua,sicut in caelo, et in terrā.Panem nostrum quotidiānum da nobis hodie,et dimitte nobis debĭta nostra,sicut et nos dimittĭmus debitorĭbus nostris.Et ne nos indūcas in tentatiōnem,sed libĕra nos a malo.Amen.
>>41041576He's speaking latino...
>>41041576DOS TACOS, POR FAVOR
>>41041985Con todo joven?
>>41042347I dunno, CAN todo joven?
>>41042347que
Back in the saddle baybeeeeeee >Something was very wrong.>You, Anonymous, could feel it in your very bones.>You aren’t sure /what/, considering everything seems to be going perfectly right now.>Cut agreed to skip work, Pike agreed to go with the two of you, everything's coming up Anon!>Yet, as the three of you traipse through the snow, you can’t help but feel there’s a certain electricity in the air.>An electricity that’s only debatably real, seeing as Pike and Cut very obviously don’t feel it at all.>They’re happily trotting along without a care in the world!>Well, Pike at least has one care.>She’s trying not to show it, but even with her jacket she’s obviously still feeling a little chilly.>Ha! So much for superior Thestral genes, they pale in comparison to your Unicorn might!>You don’t even have a jacket on and you feel as comfortable as if it was a crisp spring morning!>It's things like this that you hadn’t properly appreciated when you first got turned into a horse.>Starting at Pike shivering though, you start to wonder...>Do Unicorns ever donate their coats to thermally deficient tribes?>Like locks for love, but for warmth?>You suppose you wouldn’t mind rockin a short cut if it helped Pike out.>Or maybe there’s such a thing as warming spells?>Either way, all you can do right now is give her something to focus on other than the cold.“So, about this extended vacation you’re taking.”>She perks up, but the uneasy look that passes over her is as plain as day.>You’d bet your life that has something to do with her early rising.“Did you have anything specific planned? Cuz Cut’s right, we probably can’t pull this kind of stunt /too/ many more times before Jargon gets genuinely pissed.”>Pike quickly looks between the two of you, before sighing. >”No, not really. I just—”>She hesitates, her wings shuffling uncomfortably. >”—wanted to do some /things/, you know?”>You resist the urge to mirthfully roll your eyes.>In your very unprofessional opinion: the time for being cagey about this stuff has passed.“Things like...?”>”Things like... the things I never really got to when I was a filly.”>She looks out into the distance, a wistful smile tugging at the edges of her lips.>”You know... domestic stuff. The arts, all those things I’ve been too scared to enjoy.”>She spreads her wings wide, pantomiming some foreign motion for you with the claws on the ends.>It almost reminds you of knitting?>”And then I’d... just see where that takes me I guess.”>It doesn’t take a genius to read between those lines: she doesn’t know. >She’s flying blind as a bat, and in a way that has you more than a little worried.>The concept of taking some time off of your career to find yourself isn’t foreign to you, it's just that in your experience that usually involves traveling or a similar major change.>Not just sitting cooped up, alone in your apartment.
>>41042624>Plus, just the very idea of Pike taking a sabbatical from being a guard honestly has you a little freaked out.>It goes without saying that she loves being a guard. /Love/ loves it. >You’d go so far as to call her a bit of a workaholic! >So this idea of her taking an extended break to just... hang around the house and cook?>VERY unlike her. Distressingly unlike her even.>Even with your breakthrough moment yesterday, something is still eating her. >You’d bet your horn on that.>And you’re going to do everything in your power to soothe those anxieties God damn it!>You’d already been planning to find some excuse to keep the three of you together, and ironically the breakfast debacle provided both that excuse and more evidence to its necessity. >You're going to give Pike a nice, relaxing day out if it's the last thing you do.>”Well this is uh... a little eerie.”>You, Nocturnal Pike, had to agree.>Honestly, your feelings on Canterlot’s main market have always been a little mixed.>A labyrinth of stalls and shops, laid out in a way that had probably only made sense to ponies back during the unification era. >When it got busy it could be a real cluster, and the constant calls to respond to incidents out there only reinforced that idea.>But compared to now? You’d almost prefer it that way.>The place was a ghost town.>Every stall and shop was set up and ready to do business, but...>”Where is everypony?” Cut finished the thought for you.>”Did we get here too early?” Anon asked. “I thought places like this opened at the crack of dawn.”>That thought brought a bit of a smile to your face.>The universal Thestral experience is worrying about getting to a place before it /closes/, so you suppose getting to a place before it opens is a nice change of pace. >Cut’s brow knits, “I... don’t think it's a holiday today? Hearth’s Warming isn’t for another few weeks at least.”>Anon paces in a small circle, searching all around the market instead of actually looking at either of you. “Could be one of those random national holidays. We had those all the time back home, like /President’s day/.”>You chuckle, remembering the conversation when Anon had attempted to explain the finer points of his “democracy” to Cut and yourself.>A holiday for something as ephemeral as a president? Ludicrous!>Pony national holidays are reserved for the eternal, divine princesses.>Something WORTH celebrating. >That’s also not being celebrated today. You’re a public employee, you’ve had those dates memorized for years!>Today’s just another day like any other.>Or at least, that’s what you thought until the first shopkeeper showed up.>She moved with the trudging steps of somepony who desperately didn’t want to be there, and her eyes were sunken in like she’d borne witness to countless horrors. >She looked like somepony walking to her own grave.
>>41042630>”Uh, Pike?” Cut asked, while fearfully eyeing the mare. “I-Is there something we should know about?”>With the appearance of the first mare quickly came a dozen more, the whole market rapidly filling up with employees.>All of them looked equally haggard, but what was most peculiar were the hoofful of them that had dressed up.>Head to hoof, they’d taped pillows and other protective things all over their body.>It almost reminded you of...“...makeshift riot gear?” you finished out loud.>You, Anon, and Cut all share a disquieted look.>”We should go,” the three of you say simultaneously.>But it was too late.>Your only warning as you turned was a low rumble, and then, like a lightning strike, they were upon you.>The stampede.“A-Anon? P-P-Pike?” you, Cut N. Paste, try to call out.>But the effort is wasted.>All the noise your feeble voice makes is drowned out by the ocean of stallions that now surrounds you.>You honestly don’t even know how it happened. >One minute you were standing beside your herd, the next you were being /literally/ swept away by a tide of ponies. >Now, you’re well and truly lost in the crowd. >All around you, what feels like every stallion in the city has descended into an unrelenting shopping spree.>Every public aisle is flying room only, and despite wishing for them every birthday since you were six, you don’t have wings. >It makes you miss the creepy empty market, you didn’t know how good you had it.>It's like a scene out of your nightmares...>...or it would have been, a year ago.>Sure, the noise is still a little—>”I CANNOT believe she said that to you!”>”By jove! And here I thought those fillystines destroyed all of these for being a ‘public health hazard’!”>”Excuse me, but does this come in mauve?”>—overwhelming, but you know yourself well.>This has the hallmark of all the things that /should/ be giving you the mother of all panic attacks.>Suddenly being trapped in a crowd of strange stallions, surrounded on all sides, even occasionally physically being pressed into...>The familiar tightness in your chest is there, but it feels more distant than it would have before.>More manageable. >Almost like you can do this.>You... you can do this.>Holy buck you can do this!>This time when you speak, your voice cuts through the crowd.“Anon? Pike? Where are you?”>And before you know it, your hooves are moving. >Now you’re cantering through the market as ponies move out of the way for /you/.>You don’t need to dodge through the crowd, constantly excusing yourself to an ocean that doesn’t even know you exist.>No. These ponies are seeing you, acknowledging you, and moving aside because you’ve got somewhere to be.>If anything, they’re asking /you/ to be excused.>A massive, goofy grin blooms on your face. This feels great!>Moving through here would normally have taken hours, but you’ve already managed to pass through two whole aisles.
>>41042632>Hopefully Anon and Pike weren’t in either of them, because you were /definitely/ so caught up in the moment that you weren’t actually looking for them.>Coming to the dead center of the market’s square, you stop and take stock. >You should be able to see Anon’s head above the crowds, and Pike’s probably taken flight out of sheer annoyance at this point.>But even standing on the tips of your hooves, you can’t see them.>You were about to call out and continue searching, but then you spotted somepony unexpected.>Somepony you wouldn’t have noticed, if not for the many years you spent learning to watch out for her when you were young.>Slipping in between the crowds, ducking and diving between the stallions, was your sister: Cloak N. Dagger.“Cloak...” you growl, your mood turning on a dime.>You hadn’t seen your sister since the party.>The party she spent looting your herd’s underwear drawer for a piece of sex wear to drag out in front of everypony.>Your coworkers, Pike’s coworkers...>It nearly gave poor Pike a panic attack; it would’ve /ruined/ her reputation!>It probably would’ve ruined your and Anon’s reputations too, if you’d had reputations to ruin.>And now she’s here, stalking the market?>Most ponies would have assumed that was just a coincidence, but you know better.>You know Cloak.“CLOAK.”>She practically leaps into the air upon being called out.>Her wide eyes meet your narrowed ones, and for a moment you think she’s about to split.>But she doesn’t. She waits there patiently until you’ve finished stomping up to her.>All the while shrinking back with every step you take.>”Hey... sis,” she says.>Your anger explodes.“DON’T you ‘Hey sis’ ME! WHAT were you—”>You stop, suddenly remembering where you are.>If there was a metaphorical heart of Canterlot’s gossip scene: this would be it.>A scant few stallions have /already/ stopped dead in their tracks to watch you like hawks.>Screaming your sister’s head off here would just ensure everypony in the city knows Pike’s business by the end of the day.>You’d be no better than her at that point, buuuut you don’t want to let her off the hook either.>It seems a compromise is in order.>Mirroring your mother from days long gone, you leap at Cloak, biting down on her ear.>Cloak is caught utterly off guard, and shrieks as you start dragging her away.>She doesn’t even fight back, allowing you to lead her through the overstuffed corridors of the market until you find the perfect place.>An alley behind two of the shops at the market’s edge.>Pulling her in you finally let her go.>”What the buck was that for!?” she immediately cries, bitten ear flicking in annoyance.
>>41042634“What was tha— you know what that was for!” you harshly whisper, still not wanting to take any chances.>Cloak swallows, suddenly looking as sheepish as when you’d just walked up.>This could easily be the maddest she’s ever seen you.>She opens her mouth, but when nothing immediately comes out, you press on.“YOU were the one who told everypony to come to our apartment, weren’t you? And then that stunt you pulled. Were you trying to humiliate me? Humiliate Anon? Humiliate PIKE? Huh!?”>For the first time in your life, you think you see actual hurt on Cloak’s face.>”What? N-No! Sis of course not! I just... I wanted you to make some more friends. It was just meant to be a joke to break the ice.”>Your blood boils.“A joke? You thought pulling out our /sex wear/ in front of Pike’s whole squad AND my coworkers would be FUNNY?”>She rubs one of her forelegs, unable to meet your eyes.>”Well, yeah... We joke and brag about what we do with stallions all the time at work, and we both know the kind of mares Aunt Jargon hires. I... I didn’t think it would be any different. I thought she’d like showing that off...”>Oh.>Your anger, once burning white hot, flicks off like a light.>She’d misread the situation, missed the important social context.>Something you’ve done countless times before.>What she did was still unacceptable of course, but suddenly you’re the one finding it much harder to maintain eye contact.>”But now nopony’s seen or heard from Sarge since, and suddenly they announce she’s taking a sabbatical? I-I’m really worried I screwed something up sis. Learning everything about everypony was supposed to stop this from...”>You can see it plain as day on her face, that familiar spiraling sensation.>That feeling when you finally thought you all had it figured, but now it's tumbling away.>”...that’s why I’m here. I followed your herd, I /need/ to know what’s going on.”>She couldn’t know that would happen, any rational pony would have assumed that the lingerie was Anon’s.>Heck, you’d had your suspicions, but even /you’d/ always assumed that apron was meant for Anon too. Until yesterday, at least.>All that was just her trying to look out for you, like when you were foals.>In her own horrifically stupid way.>”Do you know anything about what’s going on?” She asks with the ghost of a tear in her eye. “Please, I need to know.”>Before she can say anything else, you leap in to hug her.>At first she tries to jerk away, but when that fails against your Earth pony grip, she stays.“Oh Cloak...” you say, all traces of anger gone.>It is weird to say, but you’ve never felt a closer sisterly bond to the mare than at this moment.>Pulling back, you wipe away a single actual tear as you look at her.“Pike’s... going through something right now. Best you can do is just give her some space.”>”But—”
>>41042638>You shush her.“She’ll tell you when /she’s/ ready. Trust me, digging into it will not help.”>In fact, that’d probably just make it worse again.>But, you don’t say that part out loud.You give her a surprisingly, genuinely confident smile. “Just leave it to me, alright?”>Cloak smiles, and for the first time in years it doesn’t look freaky.>”Alright, little sis,” she says quietly. Then, abruptly chuckling, she continues, “Feels like this is usually the other way—”>”I knew I recognized that voice! I had to search all over the market but I’ve FOUND you!”>The sudden voice shocks you and Cloak alike.>It's a stallion, but not Anon.>You mind reels, reaching for what other stallion could possibly have been looking all over for you.>You thought you recognized the voice, but it couldn’t possibly be...>...Blueblood.>He’s there, standing at the entrance to the alley, some weird device strapped to his foreleg.>Grinning like a lunatic, his horn lights up, “I hope you’re prepared...”>You feel the wind completely drop out from under your wings. >The rapid shifts in mood have taken their toll, and you find yourself in a familiar state.>Completely and utterly unable to process the social scene before you.“Uhh, hey. We were uh, kind of having a moment here.”>Turning away from the mad stallion, you intend to beseech your sister for help...>...only to realize she’s vanished.>You’d be lying if that didn’t peeve you a little bit, but that’s exactly what you should have expected from Cloak.>Besides, that’s the closest thing you’ve gotten to an apology from her in /years/, so you’re willing to give her some grace.>Blueblood smiles like a lunatic, “Well, it seems the moment has passed.”>You blink, your mind still struggling to play catch up.“What did you want again exactly?”>He barely waits for you to finish before shouting, ”A rematch of course!”>He follows up by tossing a box your way, “And don't even THINK about trying to use the excuse that you're unarmed! I've been carrying an exact replica of your deck for this exact occasion!”>Deciding not to ponder the implications of that comment, you gingerly pull the box from the snow. >Joy. The only deck he's seen you play with was that awful new expansion, so it’s probably—>Your heart stops as you open the box.>This is one of your /favorite/ decks. >So much so that you didn't want to bring it to that tournament for fear of damaging it.>You look back to Blueblood, wide eyed.>His grin has somehow stretched even wider, and the thing on his leg has begun unfolding into some disk like dueling device.>How the heck did he...?>”Are you ready?” he asks.>You take one more look at the cards in your hoof.>Steeling your resolve, you turn to him and say:
>>41042640“Nope. Absolutely not.”>And take off in the other direction.>”Hey WAIT!”>You charge out the other end of the alley like your life depended on it, hoping to put as much distance between yourself and the mad stallion as possible. >”Get back here!” He shouts as his voice begins to fade. “What about your honor!? What about...”>And just like that, you slip into the crowd. Cloak would be proud. >Now, on to a much more important matter: finding your herd. That's all for now, and I did make my deadline! More coming sooner than 6 months from now lmao. If you want to read from the beginning, feel free to settle in and start here https://ponepaste.org/158
>>41042644very cool. thumbs up emoji
>>41040266Since their is a lot of greens of Anon being silly and breaking the lawsWhat does mane 6 or celestia do after I follow the laws as much as possible than capture Twilight and give her all the belly rubs and cuddles I can.
>"Alright everypony, what's the plan for today?">"Well, when Anon leaves his house we need to get horse hair all over his furniture. Like a lot, and it needs to be everywhere.">"We also need to tell him to smile more and open the door for him. He really, really hates both of those things.">"Maybe we could tell him that he can't buy a specific thing at the store because it's not supposed to be for stallions?">"We could do that thing where we all have feet instead of hooves and just gaslight him for the whole morning then have hooves again after lunch.">"Oh, he'll really, really hate all of that! Anything else?">"One of us should comment that the clothing he's wearing is too slutty, even though it's the exact clothing he wore yesterday.">"At least half of us should pat him on the butt after we talk to him. He really won't like that.">"Again, we really need to focus on asking him to cook things for us without rhyme or reason.">"All good ideas, girls! Remember, he's only tried killing himself twice this week. We can really get those numbers up, can't we?">"RIGHT!">Living in Hell can be boring, especially for it's natural denizens >The demons know Anon would be prepared for the usual maiming and torture; hellfire and snarling beasts for eternity >They also knew what they were currently doing now would drive him up the wall so much more>He HATED this cartoon-y land, they knew>Hated the singing and friendship and the joy that happened in this little town they had made for him>They never hurt him and said nothing more foal than horsefeathers>It had only taken a week for him to crack under such conditions>His autistic tirades about their shenanigans happened daily now>He had tried launching himself off a building, only to bounce like he was on a trampoline >Knives turned to rubber in his hands so he couldn't stab himself >He would be here, in this magical land fill of talking sexist horses, forever>And his suffering would be legendary
>>41042644Did Canterlot go mad? I'm so confused now.>>41043081Oh no, what did this Anon do to end up in this kind of hell? You know, so I can avoid it.
>>41042564Its the way the taquero says to you if ya want onions, cellery and salsa in your tacos
>>41015697Does anyone else know where to find more rgr/rsm content?
>>41043129Its stallions' bargain day. Like black friday but for stay at home dads
>>41029188It's not. Magic is the better game for sure.
>>41043081>>Knives turned to rubber in his hands so he couldn't stab himself>Ponies mockingly ask him why he's so shit in the kitchen
>>41043666>MagicAs much as I hate the fat retards who play MtG they keep the local games shops alive. Them and the L*rcanafags.
>>41040447>Roman church anon when Anglican church anon also goes to the same RGRE hell
>>41043751Do c*tholics even realize their version of christianity is like this fake paganized parody?>catholics asking their priest to talk to God for them meanwhile baptichads can literally just pray whenever
>>41042644An enjoyable read as always! Though Blueblood's sudden appearance seemed a bit... out of the blue
>>41042644Thank you, from the bottom of my hea5
>>41043838>something something horse catholics work like state troopers>the bigger your hat the higher in the hierarchy you are
erge
Geralt canonically likes mares.
>>41042644Thanks SQA you blessed bastard, cant wait for more, im glad to see you are still around.
>Be Sunset>Be in bed, not very happy>You had come into this room to do some BUSINESS, but ended up looking like some silly filly>Anon was next to you>You hadn't been able to look him in the eye for the past ten minutes>It was a bad day>You had pulled something this morning>It was this body's fault>You hate this stupid body>If you were a mare you would have been able to fuck him through the floor>Two spells and the good ol' one-two-clench would have made him fucking WHINNY >But no>You had these stupid teats and arms feet and hands and gangly limbs that you didn't know what to do with>You were the queen of fucking!>Just... not as a human>And because of that Anon had been allowed to be the mare in the bedroom>He had been the one making you cum, not the other way around>All of your ancestors were up in that great golden oat field in the sky looking down at you>Disgusted >You felt the same>What sort of mare let a colt make her CUM?>Absolutely pathetic >You only hoped Anon wasn't too disgusted with you>You'd need to make it up to him somehow...~_~_~_~_~_~>Be Anon>You managed to make a girl cum>Like more than once even>Your friend Derek said you'd never be able to please a woman>Well, what did that faggot know?>Not a damn thing that's what!>Now you just needed to figure out how to convince Sunset to order you both a pizza without ruining this little moment you both had in the bed
>>41045791Fuckin CUTE
>>41045791>Derek still lives rent free in his headngmi bro
>>41045791Having a hair trigger gf would probably be pretty fun
>>41045993I volunteer as tribute
>Be Anon>Hanging out with the mane six in sugar cube corner at a table>"And so I said to the dyke, 'you couldn't even suplex that lightning cloud, let alone me, the Dash!">Its the usual Rainbow Dash bragging >Some of you were listening, others were doing their own thing>Do a little fuck up and drop your fork on to the floor"I'll get it.">You lean down from your seat >Suddenly feel some pony put their snout on your ass crack and take a HUGE audible whiff>Immediately sit up and glare at your companions>Rainbow Dash was still talking>Twilight was looking at the window>Fluttershy had her head down>Rarity was fixing up her hair>Pinkie Pie was inhaling her cupcake through her nose>Applejack had her hat on her face to take a napWho dun diddly do it lads?
>>41046503Trick question, it was actually Bon Bon using her secret agent bullshit
>>41046503obviously it's rarity
>>41046503Rainbow Dash is too self-absorbed to do anything at the moment.Apple Jack does not have the skill or poker face to keep herself from twitching about doing something so dishonest.Pinky Pie's mother would come to Ponyville with her beating rock to discipline Pinky.Rarity and such fast speeds would ruin her hair too much for her to even consider doing it.so that either Fluttershy or TwilightTwilight would either be freaking out, use a spell, or make some wackass invention.So that leaves only Fluttershy as the culprit!
Someone posted this in another thread and it made me kek. Figured I'd cross-post it to see if we could run with it.>Waifu that announces what you're doing while having sex.>But she does it like a Mexican luchador referee.>"And here he comes, with the rubber!">"But he's denied by la mordida rompe condones!">"If he wants to win this encounter, he'll have to go raw like a bestia salvage!">"...Babe please, the neighbors are starting to understand the Spanish and they'll realize this isn't happening on TV.">"Then you better get this over before the bells ring, hombrecito!">"Porque te vengo con la chupacabra 3000!">"NO WAIT!'>*Incredibly loud slurping noises*>"And Anonimo loses the first round!"
>>41047137>>"...Babe please, the neighbors are starting to understand the Spanish and they'll realize this isn't happening on TV."
>>41046854The solution?>mating press Fluttershy
>>41047137Forty fucking keks, Anon
>>41047137She underestimates my ability to do a Family Guy skit where I spend ten minutes fiddling with the condom wrapper trying to get it open
Would you rather be stuck in a forest with a mare or a bear?
>>41047943Mare, duh.Bears are fine too
>>41047943Mare. Even if the mare was a lust-crazed marecel. Bears are no joke.
>>41047943A griffon. Big and strong enough to just fly us both out of the forest.
>>41047970>BeakHave fun never truly sharing a tender kiss with your griffon waifu, Anon. I hope you don't mind her pecking your balls when she goes down on you.
>>41047943can it be pooh bear?winnie the pooh bear
Kirin midlife crisis
>>41047943Imagine getting fucked in the ass by Harry while you fuck Fluttershy in the pussy.
>>41046503Trick question, it was obviously Mrs. Cake. She gave birth to every race except for her husband's; she's not above trying to sniff colt butt.
>>41049312She's given birth to an alicorn?
>>41049395I don't recall Cadence showing.
>>41049807Would
>>41047943If I have a bear can i use it to get a mare?
>>41046854Agree. Looking down. Not making eye contact. Guilty as fuck. No I don't care that she's always like that. Still guilty as fuck.
>>41045954I had one way back. Yeah. It was fun. She wrecked me in the end. But it was still fun.
>>41043729Kek.I did manage to hurt myself with a rubber knife once. They bruise if you really go at it
>>41015697This thread is beautiful, anons. I just want you all to know that I love you all no homo.
>>41050980>She wrecked me in the end.Many such cases
>>41015928>it is NOT funnyIt kinda is.
>>41015697I have no love for the board anymore, so this is it for me. Take care, bros.
Please sticky this thread. I'm not ready.
>>41050980With a strap on?
>>41015697>rape
>>41051040See you, space cowboy.>>41049807>>41050703How is Sombra viewed here? I don't think I've seen many RGRE stories involving them.
>>41051138Well slavery is evil regardless of gender, so still worse pony in history.
>>41051138>How is Sombra viewed here?Usually either as "I can fix him" or stallionist coltboss.
make a new thread fags
