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Previous thread:>>41047948

Welcome to the Thread! Kinderquestria/Anon in pone prison focuses on the world and adventures of naive child like ponies and the misadventures and shenanigans of Anon that results in him going to prison! To get a good handle on how things are done around here I implore you to check out our new and improved one stop shop of kinder greens and prompts here >> https://ponepaste.org/7630

I wonder if pony booze is actually way stronger than human stuff because they have such strong constitutions.

>Anon is given really colorful, fruity-looking drink and thinks it's going to be nothing.
>Downs it, then wakes up in the hospital with the mother of all hangovers.
I mean everclear and grain alcohol alcohol in general is the strongest shit you can buy that shit is 95% abv at least where I live. its the highest abv you can get because alcohol is unstable at higher abvs and seeks out balance by absorbing moisture from the air and will naturally balance out at around 90-95% abv. to get 100% pure anhydrous ethanol requires the usage either molecular sieves or the addition of toxic drying agents. I have drank it straight before, its fucking horrendous tastes like the devils ball sack sweat and pure hellfire but it gets you nice and thoroughly fucked with only 3 shots. so unless they are drinking that shit it makes more sense that anon would just be a light weight in comparison.
>t. professional alcoholic
Fun fact: Horses can tolerate more alcohol than humans can due to their stomachs causing grass to ferment. They'd be shitfaced 24/7 if they didn't have a higher threshold for it.
No such thing as pony booze. For them it's juice, cause they can't get drunk on it.
Cider is the strongest you'll find cause it has a nice fizz, and anything stronger is a waste of time for a marked decrease in flavor (ponies hate bitterness).
It thus stands that there is no such thing as pony booze.
On the other hand, horses don't have any tolerance to caffeine, to the point of killing them if overexposed, so pony coffee is a thing. It's the pony equivalent of booze. It gets you hyped up and ready to party, it tastes like shit (to a pony), and if you drink too much you feel like shit later.
I thus declare that kinderpones do not have booze, as the recreational use for booze would be nonexistent with such high alcohol tolerance, but rather use coffee as their recreational drink.
Anon in kinderquestria would not find strong liquors cause they're just not made. Ponies know that strong spirits exist, but they're basically made for industry and disinfectants, cause nopony gets drunk on em. He would also only find coffee as strong as a shitty nestle brand coffee, anything stronger is deemed unsafe for consumption and requires a license to handle at all (such as as when making the ground coffee, making it softer by mixing with ground cocoa).
Anon would thus be seen as either a madman or the coolest dude ever for not only being able to drink black coffee, but enjoying it and NOT dying.
>Low levels of caffeine, mixed with high sugar and exotic flavor are basically a legal designer drug
>One day Anon shows up at Pinkie's with a 24 pack of Pepsi
>Anon is now marrying a very pregger Ponka under threat of having the Choosing Stone dropped on him
>Cadance tells Igneous to cool it cuz foals cannot happen without love
>"You don't get it! Why would a dad let his daughter be so wacky? I always WANTED to officiate a wedding-under-duress!"

On those notes, how do kinderpony lungs rate? Their hearts? IRL horses are fragile as shit and have all sorts of weird workarounds like their hooves being pneumatic assists for their blood circulation, and their lungs being pumped at full gallop just from their bodies sloshing around at such speeds.
Do kinderponies have the same fragile lungs and hearts? I kind of like the idea of them having bullshit defense against external harm but needing to be really careful about things that cause chronic conditions. Makes the dragon in Dragonshy a severe threat rather than a stinky annoyance.
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Pre-bed boop
Adorable and humorous.
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I will make a Twirrito and you can't stop me
It's not unstable, around 96% is just water-ethanol azeotrope, and while it does draws moisture from air there's this handy thing called cork to stop that.
I'm not sure if that's how it works. IRL horses are also much heavier than human.
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I stand corrected in my description thanks anon I just wasn't sure how to describe it, or totally sure as to the specific reason why it does. I'm not a chemist so sorry for getting it wrong.
>>I'm not sure if that's how it works. IRL horses are also much heavier than human.
It's pretty funny how many people fail to realize this, like the smallest full sized horse you can find is the icelandic horse and they average 330-280kg or 730-840 freedom units that's fucking huge despite the fact that the are the size of a manlet at the withers. realistically they'd be roughly on par with us maybe a little less, would also depend on if they like getting hammered too. there's also the fact that poners canonically eat a much wider array of food than actual horses as well, meaning they should a less specialized digestive tract than actual horses. people do it with the sizes of the genitals too all the time too but lets not touch on that. just thought i'd throw my two cents in while i was already responding to you cause its an interesting concept and a good point on your part.
retard moment meant *380kg
>I'm not a chemist so sorry for getting it wrong.
I'm not either but I had to put my 'tism to use somewhere while I was exiled from ponies before returnfagging lmao. But no hard feelings, it's just my pet peeve to correct people's classical misconceptions of alcohol and especially ethanol distillation.
But on the size question, yeah IRL horses are heavy as fuck, and my conception is that it's mainly bodyweight how much alcohol you need to get hammered and size of liver how fast it burns off. Take it there's no other biological sensitivities against alcohol. But I'm not equine biologist either so can't be sure.
What if our little ponies evolved to have big brains, sentience, sapience and, ultimately, bakery only because eating the floor was making them too high to survive? Imagine the golden age mythos in such a society. When a human learns that his horse friend works in a sweet shop, he doesn't understand the implications that are clear to anypony else. For us sweet shops are lighthearted and fun places. For them sweet shops are unglorified temples of reason, the only thing standing between civilization and insanity.
>>But no hard feelings, it's just my pet peeve to correct people's classical misconceptions of alcohol and especially ethanol distillation.
Holy fucking goddamn based you are doing the lords work, you should be given sainthood by the pope for that. I see so much bullshit surrounding alcohol and its insane the effects are literally the same regardless of the drink the only thing that differs is how long it takes to kick in, yet psychology kicks in and males people feel shit that isn't there and they take it as gospel. it's hilarious to me that people think freeze concentration booze is dangerous cause "muh methanol" even though methanol is naturally generated in fermentation, in small amounts, by yeast eating sugars they cant truly digest. and that people think the amount in freeze concentrated/ distilled drinks are enough to kill/blind you. in distilled drinks it may be concentrated enough to give you an absolute demonic hangover but nothing more. am drunk.
Wait, nta, but isn't Ethanol also a cure for methanol poisoning? And when concentrating alco, you concentrate both and drink both in the final concoction, meaning its fine?
I know Methanol distills slightly before ethanol, thats why you should not drink first shots that come out of the still, but I don't think its even possible with freeze distillation, you basically get the whole thing in one operation, right?
So the whole worry about methanol is moot, unless you're impatient in drinking your produce?
Sorry for turning kinder thread into great alcohol panel but yeah, ethanol is main treatment for methanol poisoning. The myth of freeze concentration and methanol probably comes from the fact that main ingredient of methanol is pectin contained by apple peels. How it came to be is mystery. At least in my home country many of the alcohol myths are pure propaganda from prohibition era and that could be the thing in United States too. Also in practice ethanol and methanol apparently distill in pretty equal ratio caused by polarity of molecules and vapor pressure. Heads taste bad in small batches but are dangerous only in mass industrial scales for how I understood it.
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Pretty sure I've read something that said horses are less sensitive to alcohol than the average for mammals, but I don't have a cite for it. Even without that, body weight and liver size is surely the main factor.
Pic unrelated, Hoers Ponka sugar coma
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I shiggy, I might even diggy

Picrel: Mother doping son with illegal brain boosters(crackerjack) before the olympics (local spelling bee)

(yes I am implying it's custom to do spelling bees with drunk foals, how else would you get kinderponies to pay attention?)
Wait what? The only time I'd heard people ascribing weird powers to booze is the old absinthe is a hallucinogen myth, and that one iirc had some backing due to the wormwood?
>Stronger booze/higher dosage = more drunk
>Weaker booze/lower dosage = less drunk
Is this really not common knowledge?
How the hell does she always manage to look so sensual?
“Twilight! Twilight I am serious! Get back here!”
>Twilight bounces giddily over behind a bush following a mare and her filly.
>Like everything else that has happened today you have little choice in the matter and follow her.
>”Anon, look!”
>She opens up the bush and waits for you to get on your belly to see through the opening to see…
>The mare and her filly still standing there.
>In your best attempt to keep a low profile you whisper-yell at Twilight.
“Twilight, this is a very bad idea. Do you have any idea the consequences something like this could have?!”
>”Of course I do! This is the breakthrough of a lifetime! I can’t believe nopony ever thought of it before!“
>”We’re witnessing firsthoof the behavioral habits of ancient ponies! Honestly, I’m surprised how far before recorded Equestrian history we had to go! Do you know what this means?”
>Looking through you can see the mother-mare lazily chomping some grass.
>The filly, excitement clear in her eyes, simply watches her mother.
>It takes a moment before the mare realizes that’s all the filly has been doing and slowly nudges the filly.
>The filly looks at the grass, then back at her mother, excitement replaced with caution.
>The mother nudges again, gently smiling and continues to chew the mouthful she pulled from the earth.
>”It means ponykind is well over seventy BAJILLION years old! We casted the time travel spell at least seven times each taking us at least a bajillion years into the past!”
“Twilight, that means anything you do here could have disasterous-“
>Dumb it down, Anon.
“Twilight, you might blow up the planet. Let’s. Go. Home.”
>”Not before I can document as much as I can about early pony life!”
>The little filly finally builds the courage to try a bite, chews reluctantly, but upon the realization that it’s safe quickly gobbles up some more with her mother.
>Just as Twilight presses quill to paper it snaps.
>Mother finally opens her eyes to reveal her wizened, wine-colored eyes and suspiciously eyes the bush hiding Twilight and barely hiding you.
>The filly seems confused at the sudden tension in her mother and inquisitively follows her gaze.
>Straight to you.
>The filly smiles and prances over, now it was the mothers turn to be confused, unable to stop the filly but clearly wanting to do so.
>As mother anxiously trot in place and with the gap quickly closing between bush and filly you and Twilight stay frozen in place.
>The filly, despite being almost face to face with the two of you, doesn’t seem to notice either of you.
>Instead, she seems singularly focused on whatever was growing on the bush and before you can properly identify it you can hear her sniff once, twice, and promptly begin to chew whatever was growing.
>”Anon, I think hiding in this bush was a bad idea.”
>Twilights eyes shoot up as she squeaks out, “Look!”
>Following her gaze you notice a lot of what looks like red Poison Joke.
>Oh that’s not good.
>Sudden, bright light comes from the other side of the bush and you and Twilight try to save your eyesight but it’s so bright you have to bury your eyes in your arm to stop the light from going through your eyelids.
>When you finally CAN see, you just barely catch the mother running into the threes in the opposite direction.
>The filly, stunned, rubs her horned head.
>”Anon…” Twilight whispers in hushed panic.
>Twilight starts to back away from the- where’d the bush go?
>It starts to register in your mind that the bush has been blown away, the filly has noticed you, and you notice the filly also has WINGS.
“Oh. Fuck.”
>”Fuck!” the filly shouts with a smile, wings extended in excitement.
>She quickly turns to her mother but upon realizing she’s gone, she turns to you with worried, saddened eyes.
>You simply point in the direction her mother ran, she follows your arm up to your finger for a moment and realizes what you’re trying to communicate and smiles happily at you.
>”Fuck!” She shouts excitedly before running into the bushes after her mother.
>It’s easily a minute of stunned silence before either you or Twilight dare to break it.
“Twilight, we should leave now.”
>As Twilight rips a final hole in time and steps in you follow closely behind.
>Surely this doesn’t have TOO large an impact on the timeline or whatever.
>Maybe it’ll all work itself out?

Before Twilight can start her in-person report of her horrible mistake, Celestia greets Anon with, "Oh-Fuck! It's you!"
What a cute little filly in that image.
Brilliant. When she said “Fuck!” my heart melted.
yeah you'd be surprised at some of the shit people say about booze the absinthe bs is the most common one though, worm wood does not provide hallucinations but can make you feel more drunk. the hallucination thing was propaganda from wine makers shitting bricks about losing profits to absinthe due to it being cheaper and faster to produce.
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>Containment Class: Safe (Reclassification to Explained/public production run pending)
>Danger: None

>Special Containment Procedures:
>SCP-31 instances are to be stored in a standard containment cubby when not in use.
>MTF-Tinkertoys has reverse-engineered the means of producing additional SCP-31 instances.
>Consistent lack of harmful properties has placed SCP-31 on the Declassification list, pending Ethics Board and O5 approval. Limited civilian rollouts are a possibility, Fungineers should standby to assist civilian contractors in such cases.

>SCP-31 is a small, pedal-powered wagon, able to fit a single adult pony. Cross-testing with SCP-063 suggests the object is a facsimile of a "Sports Car."
>SCP-31 has no apparent physically anomalous properties. The wheels function as normal, travelling no faster or slower than a pony can pedal.
>SCP-31 has significant mind-altering properties, both on its operator and nearby ponies. Operators consistently report less mental fatigue and more fun on long deployments compared to walking on hoof, or even taking a train. Bystanders are easier to disperse as well, with far fewer cases of ponies picking at cover stories, citing an obvious air of authority bestowed upon the vehicle and its operator.
>SCP-31 can act as a force multiplier against tall creatures, with its forward impact absorber being perfectly aligned to directly attack the Achilles Shin. Classification to Thaumiel was declined, as the additional secrecy of said class was deemed a poor cost/benefit proposal.
It's technically not a cure but an antitoxin, since methanol itself isn't toxic, but rather the metabolites are (one of them is formaldehyde, the thing you use to preserve corpses). Ethanol takes priority with alcohol dehydrogenase so methanol can't "find" free ADs to metabolize with, so it goes through unmetabolized, and you pee it out.
However, if you metabolized enough methanol already, getting smashed won't do shit, you're already poisoned with formaldehyde.
>Achilles Shin
Huh, I did not know that.
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Pre bed boop
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Oh dear...
>Containment Class: Safe
>Danger: Embarrassment

>Special Containment Procedures:
>SCP-301 is to be kept in a windowless containment cell.
>Cross-testing has been exhausted. Please stop asking, no matter how funny it was the last time.(1)

>SCP-301 is a seemingly normal trash can. This is believed to be part of its hunting strategy, as ponies will be compelled to investigate its suspicious normality.(2)
>Once an adult mare has entered, SCP-301 will shrink to such size that the mare will be stuck inside and require assistance to exit.
>The prevailing theory on its origin is some manner of embarrassment-fueled changeling variant, but no conclusive evidence has been found so far.

>1. Especially don't tell Twilight there's a book in there, and whatever you do, don't use the magic tablet to record it.
>2. It's totally normal, you idjits, stop making an SCP entry every time you do something stupid. It's ok. We've all been stuffed into an enclosed space because we thought there was candy in there. It happens.(3)
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>footnote 3
You got me
KEK good shit
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>Pictured: Brave testfriend investigates the faucet
>What mysteries lie beneath its function?
>How can this aid ponykind?
>Can it be befriended?
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Commodore pone a cute
Makes me wanna synthesize a pony voice with the SID chip
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why is she upsetti?
The human filly in Anon's magic box didn't listen to her and lost her backpack
Whatever you’re on, I want some.
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>the fast food place has lines for days, but the drive-thru is hardly in use
>human and poni do not qualify for the drive-thru separately, but together they do
>co-operation ensues
>Containment Class: Keter
>Danger: Broken friendships

>Special Containment Procedure:
>Any new instance of SCP-66 is to be destroyed.
>Instances catalogued for storage are to be defaced via physical damage with a chisel, and stored in the Site 19 Big Heavy Vault.
>SCP-66's anomalous properties quickly lead to boredom/arguments from everypony winning; as such, SCP-66 instances must not be allowed to infiltrate diplomatic summits.(1)
>In the event of a possible SCP-66 appearance at such an event, agents are to obtain and destroy said dice, no matter the cost. This directive supersedes all other directives as per contingency Ponies Playing Poker Pilfer Perilously.

>SCP-66 is a standard pair of 6-sided dice.
>The faces are marked with dot indentations rather than standard numerical symbols.
>The advanced construction and markings suggest they were intended to be shipped with an adult boardgame such as Clue, though so far no anomalous sets have been reported.
>SCP-66's anomalous properties become apparent when the dice are rolled.
>No matter the circumstances, SCP-66 will heavily favor landing on 6.
>The initial assumption was that of a non-anomalous, radical and ill-conceived dice set, due to the indentations.
>This assumption was disproved when multiple games containing functional indented dice were discovered.
>The method and source of SCP-66's creation are presently unknown.

>1. The one time it happened, it was bad. Celestia and Prince Rutherford were having a great time until Prince Rutherford realized Celestia would win just because she went first.
>Accusations were thrown, feelings were hurt, and the only Hayburger Hamlet in Yakyakistan was rendered uninhabitable for one moon.
kek silly poners
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happy derpo
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Anon accidentally made the Cone of Shame a fashionable item by cheering up Rainbow Dash, who had to wear one because of an injured wing she kept gnawing on. Anon taught her she could use the cone to be a pro peanut catcher, and she could drink a lot of cider really fast by just dumping mugs into the cone. Eventually other ponies saw how cool it was, and now they all wear their own makeshift cones. Even Rarity is wearing a cone made of ruffle and ribbons. Honestly seeing all the cone pones is starting to get a bit awkward
>Rather than the alicorn amulet, Trixie chooses another path
>She becomes apprentice to a mysterious being known only as "Uncle"
>Years of training pass
>She knows the art of summoning ear-money
>She knows the secret of the metal hoops
>She has even tasted the dreaded bean potion, straight from the machine
>Uncle finally ends her apprenticeship by pulling a shiny badge from behind her ear
>A holy symbol of the Crisp Angel of Magic
>She finally returns to face that purple jerk, only to find Ponyville under attack by an Ursa Major
>Trixie is ready
>The nose she stole from the beast shall forever serve as a monument to her powerful greatness
legend says that Twilight is still running calculations to try and figure out which cup the ball is under.
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Teamwork makes the dream work.
>Anon and Derpy start a delivery business
>Call it DoorDerp
Oh god that would be so sticky
Shit, now we'll have an alicorn sphinx
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Mundane activities that are considered acts of terror in Kinderquestria?
Doing a got your nose but not returning it is considered an act of torture, and thus effectively a war crime.
Derpy is now married and prego
Hiding too well, or not seeking well enough, can make ponies think their friends ditched them. Every town must have a Hide N Seek Master to make their rounds after every game.
Failure to do so is considered betrayal by the Crown and Princess, and legal grounds to stop paying your taxes.
Eating your desert before dinner is not really an act of terror, but more of a faux pas when done in public. Mostly because it typically results in a lot of chaos because everyone starts complaining that they want to eat their desert too, which then results in crying because there's no more desert left after dinner.
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Considering the amount of cake consumption in canon, I imagine the very concept of dinner courses is the kinderquestria version of Christian schisms.
Three different armies are fighting over an old town in Saddle Arabia because it might be where eggs benedict was invented.
>Praise be to Luna, who was sent to bed without dinner for our bedtimes

>Anon asks about what counts as a dessert, citing the human tendency to cover dinner meals in sweet sauce
>Twilight sighs and prepares for yet another siege
>News travels fast, there's already Breakfast for Dinner armies massing at the eastern border
>Anon does not notice this, the sigh that is
>Anon has already joined the crusaders
>He saved his Denny's hat and Waffle House apron for just such an occasion
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>The eternal conflict over which meal the donut belongs to
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i don't usually like/care for humanization's but that woona is very cute
She loses /mlp/ influence in exchange for gaining back pain and grade-point averages. Woona just can't win, can she?
>Anon watches a kinderpony die
>Subsequent attempted game end
>Averted by the realization that the ponies didn't seem to care about the dead pony
>It's not ignorance, they seem to understand they can't play with that pony anymore
>Anon is very disturbed and asks Celestia
>"Well, they're out of the game, silly- didn't you read the horse bible?"
"The- what."
>"Their influence over the gamefield is deemed null due to sustaining too much damage- but their families can still talk to them in spectator zones."
>At this point Anon is having a mental breakdown for reals
>"Oh dear- don't worry, they'll be back in the game next server reset- usually happens every Saturday."

>Anon later finds out this was metaphorical speech on Celestia's part (she's not as dumb as most)
>Kinderquestria IS a real place, not an MMO or some other gay plot twist
>Kinderponies are just various pony spirits(1) who all went to heaven but got sad that they were dead
>Enough ponies whined that being invulnerable and immortal was boring so Jehorseh caved, made them their own plane of paradise, and made them forget they died
>So they could be blessed with ignorance and never feel sorrow for the mortal world they left, of course
>Absolutely not so they couldn't remember how to find Jehorseh and demand content updates or patches, how dare you
>No big deal
>Living on a planet populated by 4,000,000 blind idiot gods and three teenage girls who are also blind idiot gods
>Jehorseh finds out, naturally, and has to do something about this
>And that's how Anonfilly became a meme

>1. All ponies go to horse heaven, unless they're into horse satan, but even then they're given heckproof suits so they can have all the fun of heck with none of the poison oak itching
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Today's meds is Tim Horton's iced coffee (entirely too much) and 32 hours no sleep
based retard doing the make it to kinderquestria early speed run.
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>32 hours no sleep
Go to bed.
Ok so my thought process was "hehe Kinderquestria is literally pony valhalla but the ponies all forgot they were dead in the first place"
Ok but I stayed up all night to appreciate your moon, and now you want me to go to bed?

Kinderpone "would" means "would hug" instead of the "would fuck" like on the internet.
>you're just walking around ponyville when you hear a pony behind you going "unf, would"
>you turn around and the pony gets up on her hind legs, hugs you tightly, and afterwards says "did"
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I like it.

>Be enjoying a stroll.
>"Anon!" is shouted and you recognize as coming from a certain vibrant pegasus.
>Look over to see Phonk, Crackerjack and Taste-The-Rainbow, who's pointing at you, sitting at a table.
>"I would if I could." Applejack says tipping her hat.
>Pinkie blurts out "Would I?!"
"Uh, whatchya girls talking about?"
>They all realize you've walked up to them and go wide-eyed.
>"Um, ain't nothin' sugarcube! Just talkin' about the weather is all!"
>"Y-yuppers! Just work things right Dash?"
>She nudges Dash, who's staring at you as if you just told her spiders with wings were real and they live in clouds.
>Deciding not to press the issue in case Dash faints you just nod and let them know you'll see them later.
>But as soon as you're around a corner you try to listen in on them.
>There's a brief pause before they do so, but Pinkie starts.
>"Well, Dash? Would you?"
>"Huh? Oh, p-pass, next question."
>You're about to walk away when the other two gasp.
>"Ain't no way..."
>"What? I'm passing, I didn't even answer!"
>"Not answering is an answer! Everypony knows that if you would hug somepony you would say it! If you wouldn't you would say so! But saying nothing and PASSING means-"
>"So do ya know for sure you like-like him or-"
>"I DON'T LI-I, I do! But, it's not like that! I wouldn't hug him because I don't think he thinks hugs are cool but if he hugged me I wouldn't...really...mind it."
>"I think you should go for it Dash! I reckon I can't because he's so tall and I don't really know how he could hug back and I don't want him to feel bad for not being able to return the favor but you can just fly up and hug 'em to his hearts content!"
>There's a long pause.
>"Do you really think so?"
>"I know so. Next time you see him! We'll be right behind ya!"
>"Hey! Why wouldn't somepony think hugs are cool?"
>The conversations falls within the purviews of philosophy, trying to determine what exactly "cool" is and what "is" cool before turning into a discussion on the health of the Equestrian hug economy.
>Either way, you're scooping up and hugging all three of them next time you see them.
>Equestrian Hug Economy
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>Rainbow Dash learns about long division
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Top of the head, that's 100 points!
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What's she looking at?
she see's (you) and wants (you)
She's trying to sneak a peek on the next issue of Light Ape comics but is happy to see it's being worked on.
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>SCP-006 Literal Pepperbox
>Containment Class: Safe
>Danger: Minor cosmetic damage

>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP-006 is to be kept in the Site 01 spice rack and made available upon request. Priority is given to diplomatic summits, retirement parties and promotions, in that order.

>SCP-006 is a rotary pepper grinder. The handle strongly suggests a non-equine origin.
>A pull ring is located on the same side as the handle's curve. Pulling this ring completely will cause SCP-006 to rotate one-sixth and emit a burst of flavor.
>Flavor burst events are accompanied with a flashing light and the sound of fireworks. Testfriends unanimously agreed this adds a five star flair to any dinner.
>SCP-006 is harmless. Testfriends performing the Parasprite Test reported only comical char marks on the target. Live pony tests followed with the worst harm being a pegasus whose muzzle was rotated to the back of her head.
>SCP-006 can fire six times in one 24 hour period, corresponding to the six individual tubes on the bottom. SCP-006 resets itself each day at sunrise.
For added flavor, it should only present its anomalous effects on Saturday
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>pegasus whose muzzle was rotated to the back of her head
>hasn't seen the hundreds of bugs bunny episodes where daffy duck gets his beak (?) rotated to the back of his head after a misfire or being on the receiving end of a shot.
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Most ducks have bills, but Daffy has a beak. He's too cheap to pick up the bill.
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I know, that's why Bloom was giggling.
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I could've sworn Celly was getting into the cookies again... Must've been the wind.
>Legendary stealth hugger Anonnzio Incognitore is hired by the kitchen staff
>He stays up late one night, hoping to catch the thief in the act
>Celestia does the thing and hides her face
>She's giggling so hard she somehow fails to notice being picked up
>The next thing she knows is being in a garbage can
>That Anon is the sneakiest guy who ever lived!
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*licks her back*
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you have been visited by yeah filly
thanks filly
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Contact with princess plot makes property values skyrocket
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>Celestia said "kidnap"
>Not foalnap or ponynap
>Twilight knows Celestia never makes mistakes
>There must be a hidden meaning in that choice of words
>Twilight forgets to rescue the Princess because of all the conspiracy theorizing she has to do

>Meanwhile Panko and Pringle are enjoying the vacation from Twilight's twilynanas
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look at her go!
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This is a blue board
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>Filly Luna brings home Chrysalis
>Celestia chases her out
>1,000 years later
>Chrysalis wants to ask Luna to help
>Sees Celestia treating her basically the same as she did back then
>Gets pissed off
>Proceed to Canterlot Wedding
>The first Castle of the Two Sisters was decidedly less impressive.
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Silly long horse
stealth mares
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>Trixie returns from exile
>Her first act is to cast SUMMON LUNCHABLE
>Is she great and powerful yet?
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Jail! Jail for 1,000 minutes!
>Frick you, dummy!
>Containment Class: Apollyon (previously Euclid) (I'm yer wurst nightmare HA)
>Danger: Imminent Societal Collapse, poseurs

>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP-TOUCAN is to be recontained by any means necessary. (fat chance)
>All standard methods of euclid containment have failed.
>Field operatives have free reign in taking the subject in alive.
>Repeat: All standard methods have failed. (Of course you couldn't keep me down)
>SCP-TOUCAN has cracked the password on Foundation intraoperative diary-archives, because she is sooper cool and the Foundation is lame. Field operatives must rely on their own nonmagical notetaking (d0rkz)

>SCP-TOUCAN is a biologically normal member of the hybrid species Ponus Chimpus Maximus (Big Monkey Pony). Her anomalous nature was discovered by the Foundation when she was grounded for using no-no words in public.
>SCP-TOUCAN proved immune to the spell of grounding, and simply told the attending officer "[REDACTED]."
>So far, SCP-TOUCAN has stayed within Site 01, and is often seen drawing on walls or being totally awesome you guys.
>Seriously, you don't even know how awesome I- I mean The Subject is.
>Smell you later, losers.
kek, what a rascal
I feel like Cozy Glow would admire her and try to team up.

>"With my smarts and your un-groundable-ness,, we can rule all of Equestria!"
"You're still thinkin' small time, pinky-"
>"I'm Cozy, not Pinkie"
"-Why stop at Equestria, when we can rule the whole world? All the cookie jars will be ours!"
>"Golly... You're so naughty... I love it!"
"Wow, don't be throwin' around the L-word, filly. You're get me gaggin'."
>"Oh, sorry, of course. Villains don't lo-, er, the L-word."
"At least not before the first date. That's what Pappa says."
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The green menace is and always has been a problem.
Will probably be thaumiel when she grows up
>Villains don't love before the first date
Cozy too, really. She'd be a perfect fit for the Foundation. Twilight can't play that cold numbers game, Luna is too busy playing playstation, Celestia gets beat up by a starving insect.
should have grabbed her by the butt
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Anon no!
How's the weather up there?
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How is Derpy staying on that lilypad?
Does she have power over plants?
Or do lilypads count as clouds?
lilypads being considered water clouds by kinderphysics is pretty dope
pre-bed boob I mean boop
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Anonfilly has never seen a boob
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>Too dumb to look at your own boobs between your legs
She ain't gonna make it, folks
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>tfw you haven't have snacks in over an hour
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Finally, an orb worth pondering
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rub the tum
looks similar to the tum tickle defense stance
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She dance, she snoof, but most of all, she ask you to hold her hoof (she crossin the street)
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snoofy ponies greatly amuse me
if the lunchables are without the high amounts of lead they seem to contain. Not that I don't like them but yeah food be like that these days
Hat level increased!
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the more racist she is the bigger her hat becomes
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holy fuck your art got way more crisp dude fucking NICE!
Thanks anon much appreciated!
absolute qt
hehe, AnonThrilly
This artist gives me life
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Pre-bed boop
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>what a bottle of soda does to a grown stallion
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>Soda is like drugs
>The bubbles tickle and inspire ponies to shenanigans
>Colas have acid in them so they're strictly for adults
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mibble save
fucking hell board is stupid fast today
Did someone say 'fast'?
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cute derpy
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If Gabby is half bird, does she eat worms? Does she just walk around with a tum full of worms like it doesn't matter?
She's a bird of prey so she walks around with a tummy full of rats
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>Gabby forgot to chew
>One can now hear faint singing from her
>I'm da giant rat dat makes all of da rulez
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Would cubic zirconia be considered the same as artificial sweetener?
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diet gems
Violence unseen in Equestria for over 10,000 years. I hope spike makes a full recovery.
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Starlight! Stop hijacking the news!
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lol no
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she wants you to smile!
The ponk is crisp!
yeah his art style pops out really fuckin nicely
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>Anon's in prison because he stubbed his toe.
>...and cursed like a sailor in front of a princess but he prefers telling his fellow inmates it was JUST because of stubbing his toe.
>Normally, cursing is a low level offense that would just have a quick prison time (practically time out in a special building with a spa built in) but that was with "Low Level Curse Words".
>All the ones Anon knows are apparently "High Level" to "Forbidden".
>The difference between the two is like saying Hell in public and SHITFUCKDAMN in our world. No one bats an eye if you grumble "Hell" to yourself over there, however...unless someone was a prude but still.
>Tangent aside, Anon's got a sentence to serve and as long as he can avoid blurting anything stupid out he'd be out in no time.
>...shame he's caught the eye of the local Black Suits. Villains to put it shortly.
>Apparently cussing in front of a princess is a big deal and they're gonna want to test "The New Guy".
>Cue Sombra's "Prison Bitch Shenanigans". (That's what Anon calls it, Sombra isn't entirely sure what it means)
>Man-er...Stallion respected a creature that could bad mouth in front of a princess so he'd follow Anon around to see what else he could do.
>When Anon is caught unawares, Sombra witnesses quiet Cursing that'd make even Celestia faint!
>Words of Destruction and Fiery Torment that put Sombra into quiet awe.
>Oh yes, this strange creature would make the PERFECT frien-uh...cohort! Perfect cohort to help him get out!

>...meanwhile, Anon has no idea that Sombra just caught him saying that he'll "burn that goddamned, mother fucking end table in the fires of hell itself" if he hit his foot on it one more time.
What if pone prison is just a big sticker that says PRISONER? Nothing changes except now you're a prisoner?
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would absolutely snuggle with burritoponka
>When Anon went through the line to get his new duds (Minotaur sized black button ups since he was too big), he noticed that as soon as he put his shirt on, a sticker was quickly placed over his breast pocket.
>"Prisoner" it was labeled. In comic sans of all things.
>It even had a teeny frowny face at the end just to drive the point home that the uniform wasn't for "Good Creatures".
>Or, at least, that's what Anon assumes.
>When he took a look around, he realized that some prisoners were probably repeats because they'd have the sticker reapplied somewhere.
>He guessed that made some weird pony sense because that'd help the staff keep track of who was a repeat offender or something.
>...it's then that he sees his fellow Black Suits.
>Chrysalis had just enough to almost cover one side of her chest in frowny faces.
>Tirek was almost the same way which was weirder on him since he had to be kept tiny so it almost looked like he had more.
>And Sombra...
>Geez, the dude looked like he was ready to fall over with how many stickers he had on him!
>How many times have they put him in?
>...it was later that Anon learned that some of those were just for escaping and getting brought right back in.
>Repeat offender
Changelings are black because ponies ran out of uniform space and had to start writing 'prisoner' in small print all over the changelings' bodies
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Chrysalis can't help that the ponies keep falling for the "Help! I'm a guard! Chrysalis escaped and put me in the cell instead!" trick.
>Anon gets "Get Boy Points" for catching Chryssy doing this nonsense.
>Hell, he doesn't even necessarily have to catch her to get any! He just has to acknowledge that "Hey, all the guards are right here so who's in there?" and her tricks get thrown right into the mud.
>Plus, doesn't hurt that humans are crafty bastards in their own right.
>...and that Chryssy can't help but monologue and sometimes SING her plans when she thinks no one is listening.
>Anon swears she could do Pony Broadway if she could just realize it. The acting potential alone would be priceless.
>Get Boy Points

>The first week of prison comes and goes.
>The warden comes by Monday morning with something like a ration book.
>"GET BOY POINTS TRACKER - PROPERTY OF ANON" is printed on the cover.
>Odd typo, but whatever, it's a miracle any of these silly poners can even construct a typewriter, let alone operate one.

>The prize counter was located on the eastern wall of the prison's Buccee-Cheez.
>From a distance it just looked like a bunch of cushioned shelves, no telling what was actually there.
>Or maybe it was a blindbag operation.
>"Next! NEXT!"
>Anon snaps out of his contemplation and lays his chitty on the counter.
>After a moment of scrutiny, the prison guard grabs a hook and pulls one (1) earth colt off of a wall of bunk beds.
>Wait. A colt!?
>Indeed, a colt is foisted into Anon's arms. The prisoners ahead of him have theirs slung over their backs.
>"There's your playmate, you've earned him."
"You're just... giving me some earth pony?"
>"Buddy, don't complain- most prisoners don't get this kinda cred for weeks."
"That's not-"
>"You can work your way up to a unicorn or a pegasus. For now just be happy with what you've got."
>Any further questions were cut off by a team of burly prison guards and their even burlier wives loudly clearing their throats.

>Anon was herded away, back to the main playground.
>The gravity of the situation finally hits him as he looks down at the...
>Did he really just get issued a prison bitch?
>Is the colt a prisoner here or is this the Nick Jr. version of a conjugal worker?
>So many questions.
>The colt looked up at Anon with tired eyes.
>"I know I suck, you can't even use me to cheat cuz I can't do anything cool. Feel free to use me as a shield in dodgeball."
>He wasn't even upset about the implications.
>Poor kid.
>Fucking systemic tribalism making this colt always get picked last for reindeer games.
>The sheer cheek of it rustles jimmies long since settled in Anon's sundae bowl.
"Look, I dunno why they just gave me a kid with the same gravitas as giving me an arcade token, but you don't gotta worry about me ditching you. What's your name, kid?"
>"Name's on the tag- you don't gotta pretend you care, mac."
>He was wearing an actual cat collar, apparently his name is Alcatraz Seltzerwater.
"I ain't pretending, Alka-Seltzer. I mean, yeah, we just met, but the way they just give me a kid like it's nothin- and act like he's just the basic model right in front of him... It ain't right. I'd rather stick with you outta spite if not friendship."
>"Oh. Huh."
"Uh... Do I gotta feed you, or do they... uh...."
>"They'll give you extra, you can decide if I get any..."
"Ok, nope, that is just- NO. Tomorrow morning we're going straight to the warden, how the HELL do they justify giving pet kids to criminals? You deserve better!"
>Unbenownst to Anon, three gold stars were just placed in his permanent record. Would've been four if he hadn't swore so loudly.
Meant "Good Boy Points" but I greatly enjoy what you've done with the typo. Just Anon literally getting "Boi".
>"Get Boy Points"

>A prisoners ID is just the order in which they arrive.
>That also means a new number if you escape and come back.
>Though it can be a little tricky if multiple escapes happen at the same time you can essentially choose what number you are.
>Leading to some inmates leaving, getting caught, just to fill their villainous ego.
>Thankfully the very early numbers were lost to time otherwise Chrysalis, Sombra, Tirek ect would still be rioting for 1.
>They've all settled on fighting and escaping for second best, though.
>Prisoner No. 1111
>It may as well already have belonged to Chrysalis, who excelled at deception and trickery, until that meddling ape came from no where and swiped it from her.
>Of course if they can't have it no one can.
>If they could get Anon out of prison the number would be lost to time.
>There's only one small issue.
>Anon doesn't really want to leave.
>It's quite comfy here in Pone Prison.
>The prison's pizza parlor/arcade is heavily rigged.
>It's meant to throw the criminals' evil ways right back in their faces.
>Usually it works, but Anon is content to stay.
>Turns out, the worst kinderarcades are less stingy than the best human arcades.
Would Ponka be a beef or chicken burrito?
Ponies are frens not food.
But if food was fren what food would fren be?
A veggie wrap
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>Pictured: A herd of hybrid fillies, preparing a performance of their forefathers' war dance.
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Emergency boop
After a day of silly nonsense, even a kinderpone can appreciate a nice, quiet cuddling session.
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Kinderpones need to cuddle at least one hour a day to stay healthy.
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>Equestria is but one of at least a gillion worlds.
>Each day, thousands of commoner ponies undertake grueling math tests and spelling bees for the advancement of the empire
>Young mares are taken by the herdful from each world, to fight and get bruised in the name of the Queen of 1,000 Suns
>Meanwhile, the Astral Corps ferries goods, deters icky new species, and performs awesome fireworks-laden parades you can see from planetside, aboard their mighty voidships forged from the finest playground equipment.
>Ponies live their entire lives serving their purpose, never knowing of actual war or terror.
>For in the slightly less bright and cheery future of Four Weeks From Now, there is only dodgeball. Celestia protects!

>Most ponies are bound by their cutie mark, and take great comfort in familiar routines.
>They live their entire lives beneath a single sun and sky, content to create art and trade stuff amongst their neighbors in the name of the Princess's inequine benediction.
>But the Empire is ever-hungry for cool stuff: new kinds of froot gummy, foreign comic books, new species to inspire stuffed animal makers.
>Ponies, though pious, are equally superstitious and afraid of the dark.
>And getting new stuff? Honey, the charted skies are dark, sure, but new stuff means going out into the DARK-dark!
>Such realms are the domain of lunar cults, boogeymares, bullies and worse!
>Thus did Her Majesty weasel up an old law and use it to ennoble a new breed of merchant, knight, explorer and diplomat, entrusted with a sacred writ even older than Equestria:
>The Bearers of Harmony.

>Lady-Duchess-Big-Cheese-Supreme Twilight Sparkle, scion of House Bookhorse, paced the halls of the Holy Palace of Canterlot.
>Her title was only 5 words long, yet she had been personally summoned by Her Majesty; thus, she had been escorted to the waiting area designated for mares who aren't officially cool yet, but aren't so uncool as to need to wait with all the mouthbreathers.
>It was a distinct honor she cherished every time it was granted, taking extra care to walk where her ancestors had worn a rut in the floor-
>-savoring the imitation jasmine tea (another rare honor meant to make her more appreciative of the real jasmine tea Celestia would pour with her own mouth)
>"Uh, Twilight?"
>She even loved how the magazines were always at least 2 months out of date (so summoned guests could laugh with the Princess at how uncool and outdated the supplied opinions were! It's so genius!"
>Twilight spun around at least 8 times, which must be a new record for a mare holding her lunch.
>When she finally pointed her snoot towards the voice, she was met with the Princess, radiant and tall.
>"Hehe. The Princess will see you now, my most faithful student."
It's less than a bajillion, but more than A Lot
Ponehammer 40k
Actually PonePoolNoddle 4WFN (4 weeks from now)
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"PRINCESS CELESTIA! I-uh-who-how- your highness."
>Twilight bowed low enough to be respectful, but not so low as to indicate she didn't see Princess Celestia all the time.
>"Twilight, I've told you there's no need for that, especially when we're in private."
>"But, you're right- today's a big day, perhaps some pomp and circumstance is required."
>Twilight immediately clued in on this concerning development.
>The Princess isn't pretending to hate being a princess to test Her students?
>Was she getting a promotion!?
"Oho, have I piqued your interest? Oh, don't be a sourpuss- your right eyebrow was so high I could've moved it with the same spell that moves the sun, silly filly."
>The implications have been further implied!
>While the pair took a leisurely walk through Canterlot's vaulting sanctums, Twilight was walking the delicate tightrope of trying to gather enough supposition and implications from small talk to figure out what the big event was.
>Because one obviously does NOT just directly ask Her about important stuff. Ponies will be told when ponies are told, and all shall be well. But dang it if Twilight wasn't curious.
>Eventually their path meandered towards Celestia's bedchamber.
>Twilight struggled to contain her excitement.
>How could any pony not be ecstatic?
>Past those solid oak doors lay one of the most sacred artifacts in all of ponydom, an object so central to Celestia's royal personage it might as well be part of the crown jewels.
>"Ah, yes, feel free to lay on the water bed- just be careful with your horn, dear. I'll get the tea."
>The Royal Waterbed. That which Princess Celestia Gertrude Baldwina Solanae IV had slept upon for thousands of years.
>Celestia, Keeper of the Cradle Sun, Babysitter of Ponykind, Mother of all Orphans, Captain of the Dodgeball Legions, Inventor of the Spork, Instigator of the Great Field Trip.
>This bed had had her butt on it for each of those accomplishments.
>The history in the room simply staggered Twilight, but what staggered her more than all of that?
>Princess Celestia not only had a real waterbed, but could be trusted to keep books near it.
>'She can just buy new ones if it leaks on them!' a less pious, possibly even heretical pony might say, to which Twilight would simply point out how many first edition books there were on that shelf!

>"Helllo? Canterlot Orbital Control, calling Voidship Twiggy!"
>"Hehe. That always gets you. You were doing that thing again, dear. Your tea is getting cold."
>Twilight savored the pale golden tea. It always had an odd... memory? to its taste. Like licking the ballpit of a Hayburger Hamlet that's been closed for years. Like longing and being disgusted by your own actions had a flavor. Nostalgia in a cup.
>She still didn't know if that was just some quirk of this blend of tea, or if being physically brewed and poured by a living goddess just kinda had that effect.
>She definitely didn't know a polite way to ask, and so she would remain ignorant.
>Tea and cakes were eated in abundance, as silent and fluttering Turbo Sprites attended the master and student.
>They always seemed to complete a task a split second before you were going to ask. Dishes were never allowed to empty until you were about to be done. How did they know?
>"Now then, since the pleasantries are out of the way..."
>As She spoke, Celestia reached out with Her magic, grabbing a few books, scrolls, and a badge Twilight hadn't- no, wait, she had seen that before- on her flank!
>"I won't lie, Twilight. The Empire is in a bit of a rough spot right now. Ponies hate the current season of cartoons, they want anime from those Kirin upstarts but not actually anime or from the Kirin. Foals are getting tired of the current offerings of lunchable, no matter what kinds are in stock. Traitorous goth mares stinkbombed the entire Yak/Pony kickball tournament, another parasprite hive fleet ate ANOTHER picnic planet-"
"OH NO! We need to organize a rescue! I volunteer to handle the fleet's logistics, I'll stay up until 11pm if I have to! Get those ponies offworld before-"
>"It's too late, Twilight. The parasprites got everything and everypony."
"E- e-e-e-very... p-pony?"
>Celestia did not answer immediately. She looked out the bay window, watching the city far below. When she answered, finally, Twilight strained to hear.
>"Even the governor's 2 year old son was left... completely hatless. And such tragedy is but a drop of water in a sea of misery, as of late."
>Twilight was stunned. Even the Princess was fighting to not sob. Even the poorest guttersnipe can afford a baseball cap! To think that one of Fancy birth would be..... no, she can't bear to finish that thought!
"What can we do? What can *I* do, since.... wait, you called me here to- you don't think *I* can fix this, do you?"
>Twilight had never been more scared in her life, until she saw how the Princess was looking at her.
>Not pride, not even love, but-
>She had seen this look before, mere hours ago. Many times today, in fact. It almost looked like...
>The Princess was looking at Twilight the same way ponies look at the Princess.
>Something beyond faith, for inevitability doesn't need mere faith.
>She knew Twilight would be able to help, somehow. It was beyond any possible doubt in Her mind.
>The warmth of this realization filled Twilight's bones, but the fear of such a monumental task still occupied her tummy and maybe her liver.
>"Certainly not on your own, Twilight. But, I've been training you for a task and a purpose, one which will place you in a position to do the most good for the most ponies."
"But what can I do, Princess?"
>"Come with me. You'll understand everything, once the ceremony starts. No, just come as you are, dear. Don't worry about your hat or any makeup, yes, really, it'll all make sense."
>Twilight followed her Lady and Mistress to...
>Where are they going, actually?
>And why are so many Fancy ponies bowing so long?
>They seem to be waiting until Twilight had passed them as well-
>They couldn't be bowing to Twilight as well, could they?
>"Ah, you noticed it too? Seems even I can't keep some things secret for long."
>Twilight's response was silenced, not by any pony's actions, but by the sight of their destination.
>A vast golden gate, in the shape of a heart, a rainbow faintly shimmering at its edges.
>The Queen's gate, thronged with hopeful pilgrims, guarded by the Prefects and their legendary bo staff skills.
>Many ponies told of the awe-inspiring majesty of the Gate, of the Grandmother of All who lay in dignified retirement beyond, but Twilight couldn't help but think they left out how...
>How terrifying it was, knowing you're the center of whatever's going on here.
>All the glitter and rose petals, all the priests with censered markers wafting their blessed scents
>All for Twilight's honor, but why?
>Finally, she dared a word-
"Princess? What's-"
>The Gate flared to life. Fanfilly screams filled the air. A few older mares cried.
>Pious ponies picketed the perimeter, perchance to perceive the potentate, perilously prodding the Prefects.
>The shimmering, undulating field stabilized, and beyond the golden heart Twilight could see...
>What looked vaguely like a monkey, a very old monkey, on one of those breathing machines.
>Everypony in the audience bowed until their snoots booped the floor, even Princess Celestia herself.
>Twilight tried, but found that she couldn't. A faint golden light locked her knees.
>"Not today, Twilight. Approach the Queen. This is your graduation, my most faithful student-no-longer."
>The hundred-stride walk felt like a hundred miles. Twilight's heart skipped a beat when The Queen looked straight at her.
>"Hello? Oh, hello there, my little pony! For a second there, I thought I was losing my marbles! My little Sundance told me you wanted to talk to grandma, yes?"
"Um.. I.. Don't know? Celestia didn't actually tell me."
>"Oh, yes, that sounds like my little Sundance- likes teaching through tricks, doesn't she? Well, let's see- She and I've been talking and, it seems like ponies really need you to be brave?"
"Uh.. Yes, granny."
>"Well! Maybe a little imagination will help. Lessee, there's none braver than an old sea salt, don't you think?"
>Twilight nodded. Captains have to know all sorts of dirty songs and eat old bread. The math added up.
>"Then, why don't we make you a captain? No, spare your doubts dearie, I know you can do it. Granny's sending you a- a little present, Twilight. One of those lovely helpers should be bringing it."
>True to Her word, the High Honors Prefect himself came down the aisle, a crushed velvet cushion and a parcel on his back.
>Inside, there was-
>No, that can't be right.
>Twilight was shaking and holding back tears. A fine tricorne hat, with real feathers.
>The Prefect, noticing her hesitation, bowed low as he placed it on her head for her.
>It fit perfectly. More perfectly than the most finely tailored hat she'd ever owned.
>It really was hers.
"Thank you, grandma. It's perfect."
>"Oh, I'm so glad you like it, dearie! I-i-Grandma's got to go now, it's time for my medicine and then my soaps! I love you all, my little ponies! Stay safe!"
>And just like that, Twilight Sparkle added Big-Hat-Captain to her list of titles.
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It's at least a thousand. Maybe even more.
>Princess Celestia approached, the Royal Cardboard Tube in her grasp.
>"Kneel, Lady-Duchess-Big-Cheese-Supreme Twilight Sparkle."
>She did.
>As Celestia spoke, each sentence was punctuated with a gentle tap of the tube on Twilight's shoulders or head.
>"By ancient accord, doth all Ponykind enter covenant with thee. Thou shalt be master and commander, thou shalt obey no bedtime not set by thee, thou shalt be restricted from nowhere, permitted everywhere, for as long as thou serveth the needs of thy People. Dost thou accept this grave charge?"
>"Then We bid you: Rise, Lady-Duchess-Big-Cheese-Supreme-Big-Hat-Captain of the FriendShip Ponytacaravel."
>Twilight did so, and was given the stack of things Celestia took from her bedchambers.
>Or, rather, these looked a lot fresher and crisper.
>"These documents are sanctioned Xeroxes, of the correspondence between Grandma and I. The originals, scrawled by Her own hand, shall remain protected within Canterlot's archives. Hoist these blessed documents high, that all who serve you will know the worth of their leader. That all who dare impede you will know the gravity of their folly. That your own doubts will know the faith placed within you, whenever your heart falters. And so shall it be, for as long as your House has a worthy successor."
>The ceremony was capped off with something Twilight could hardly imagine, even after being uplifted to near-sainthood:
>Princess Celestia personally placed a gold star upon Twilight's hat of office. A real gold star, that had to be sewn in, and had a slip of laminated well-wishes from Grandma herself hanging from it.
>A Purdy Seal! A real Purdy Seal!

>The rest of the day was a whirlwind of balls, galas, cotillions, and even a shindig near the end.
>Finally, FINALLY, she was led to the orbital balloon station, where an unfamiliar cyan mare was waiting next to her personal shuttle.
>"Captain. Flight Deck Officer, 2nd Class, Rainbow Dash. At your service."
>There was something off, something cold, about how Twilight's chauffeur greeted her. She decided to press the issue:
"Is there a problem, Rainbow Dash?"
>"Nothing a mare of your station should worry about, ma'am."
"Speak freely, Ms. Dash. That's an order."
>A huff and a puff and a sigh just exaggerated enough to be insulting without being so exaggerated as to warrant action followed.
>"I've lived my entire live aboard Pony'Vel, doing safe runs to Cloudsdale-Upon-Venus, or at least safe-ish runs to the Griffish asteroids, and now me and everypony I've ever known are taking orders from a mare who's going to send us out to the places the maps just say 'idunno!' You think I'm being a butt? My whole job is getting out of the ship- how bad do you think it's gonna be when the cafeteria ponies, or the school teacher, or the- you get the idea. Captain."
>As rude as that outburst was, Twilight had to admit she had a point. The young captain had just encountered her first friendship problem!
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"Well, I can't do anything about that from here. Let's get underway, Ms. Dash."
>"Aye. Board at your leisure. She'll be ready for dustoff in about 2 minutes."
>2 minutes? That was 2 whole minutes! Unacceptable!
"What do I do if I want her ready when I arrive?"
>"Call 2 minutes in advance. Preferably 5- I'm not *always* napping in the pilot bay, just usually."
>Rainbow Dash's smug countenance suggested she'd been waiting for that exact question.
>Well played, Dash. You can have this round.

>Twilight's shuttle was a standard design: camper van, controls at the fore, slots to attach wagons, spacious enough to serve as a home away from home without being so large as to invite impolite accusations.
>Normally Spike chauffeured her around, but now-
"Wait. Where's Spike!? How could I forget him!?"
>Rainbow looked back from the controls, her wings half-inserted in the flappy flap flappers (technical term)
"SPIKE! Little purple dragon! Basically my brother! He's been on a trip for weeks, I was so caught up in-"
>"OH, that guy! I've seen him around, folks said he was the ship's new comms officer."
"Oh. Huh."
>"Methinks Her Highness let him in on the plans early. I wouldn't hold it against either of them, if I were you."
"Why shouldn't I? She already told me all of this TODAY!"
>That may have been the wrong thing to say. Fear and concern flashed across Rainbow's face, for a moment at least.
>"Uh... Well, being the comms officer means being the central... guy... who every string on a cup, walkie talkie and dragonfire message goes through. Ponies say the engines or the NappyGator are the most important parts of a ship, but personally I've seen ships sail on solar winds and make unicorn-powered jumps. It's the radio guys who keep a ship functional at all."
>"Yes'm. Truth be told, 3 weeks is a rush job. Guy needs way more training than that, but if he's good enough for the Princess then he's good enough for me."
"And what about me? Huh?"
>"You're the boss. I'm contractually obligated to give you a hard time, all the fly girls are. You can't even get a learner's permit without 3 instances of insubordination on your record."
>Rainbow finally finished the pre-flight checklist. Her hooves were on the bike pedals, her wings were securely in the wireframes. The fuzzy dice on the sensor panel were fluffy and pink as could be. The air fresheners were emitting veritable clouds of pine scent.
>She looked back towards the passenger compartment, awaiting orders.
>Orders! From Twilight!
"Get us up to my ship, quick as you ca-AAAAAAAA"
>The ship lurched into action, reaching escape velocity near-instantly.
>Twilight couldn't help but notice Rainbow failed to even warn air traffic control- the mark of a true maverick pilot.
"Lieutenant- how many times were you denied a promotion because of general chicanery?"
>"Look at it this way: I oughta be an admiral by now! HA! Not gonna catch me with a desk job, jerks!"
Good stuff.
not my cuppa tea but based as fucking hell! continue anyways.
>The blue of Celestia's sky quickly gave way to the infinite black of the Backstabber's Night. Twilight found herself reaching for her emergency Smarty Pants doll.
>"Yep. No such thing as a full egghead in the void."
"MS. DASH! Concentrate on flying instead of-"
>"You do realize space is so big that using your eyes is pointless, right? Sue me for checking on my passenger!"
"Okay, your insubordination has gone far past 'hot shot attitude' and well into the territory of a... a..."
>"Disruptive pony? Delinquent? Chowderhead?"
>"YES, YES and YES!"
"Too bad. Doesn't count. I'm technically part of your ship right now, so unless you wanna dismantle your fancy yacht every time I talk back, you got no legal grounds."
>That. Cannot be true.
>Twilight could see the flash of a grin in the cockpit mirrors.
>"Go ahead, check."
"Oh, I most certainly will! Let's see- Here we are, Astrotime Laws and Regulations by Ship Shape-"
"Acceptable carob ratios in ships' chocolate- no."
"Proper storage of capital-class kickballs- save that for later."
"Ah, right here, proper conduct of a small craft pilot! 'Due to a technicality in the control mechanisms, a pilot is legally cons-ggrAAAACH!'"
>The ship lurched, and lurched again, as Rainbow Dash doubled over in laughter.
> horse world or some shit
> anon exists there
> Pones are the big curious
> it would be rude to withhold from them, so you tell them about yourself.
> you're human, you can eat just about anything, you used to work in automotive repair, your hobbies include drinking Piña Colada and getting caught in the rain, etc.
> eventually, pones know enough about you, but they want to know more about humanity.
> being around them for a few weeks by this point, you know they're quite emotionally young, so you sugar-coat everything you say, as much as you believably can.
> eventually, pones like MoonButt and her inferior sister are interested in your stories too, so that they may better rule.
> eventually, you have to tell them about wars.
> rough, but nothing you can't handle. I know EXACTLY how to sugar-coat this one:
> less details, more results. if there are heartwarming stories of heroism or human kindness, sidetrack to those stories. mention killing and death as LITTLE as humanly possible.
> this almost works, but most ponies are horrified that a species could fight so often. even the adult mares are quite shaken. but stories like Sgt. Stubby, stories of medics saving others and enemy soldiers refusing to fight enemy medics, etc., are the kiss-n'-bandaid that makes the story all better in the end.

> now, a Hearth swarming tradition in Canterlot castle or maybe Canterlot theater is YOU, telling the story of Christmas 1914, a story about how thousands of "enemies" suddenly realized that they shouldn't be fighting, and they meet in the middle to play games.
> yes, despite how you sugar-coat it so much it might give you diabetes for reading it, your act is still adults only.
>"Coming up on her now. Might wanna take a peek while we still good her in full view?"
>Slowly, carefully, Twilight tiphoofed to the fore of the craft.
>Her fears were for naught, as Rainbow Dash proved a surprisingly competent pilot.
>Either that, or the inertial snugglers she paid for were actually worth the money.
>Both seemed equally unlikely, honestly.
>Twilight tried to make a snide remark in that general idea, but her voice caught in her throat as she saw what was now *her* ship.
>The beautiful command tree!
>The entire decks dedicated to dodgeball ballistae!
>The crystal ring of orchards, constantly rotating around the middle-aft! Twilight could see ponies tending to the ship's staple crops from here!
>The sheer size of her! There must be thousands of ponies! All working for Twilight now!
>All depending on Twilight now....
>Anyone of them who gets left behind or loses their job or their snackies could blame Twilight now....
>Oh no
>What did Granny say?
>The hat, of course!
>As long as Twilight wore that hat, she had a physical reminder of the faith placed in her.
>She can do this.
>She can do this!
>Take a deep breath and come back with her business face!
"Ms. Dash, take us in. As close to my bridge as you can."
>Dash cocked her head to the right, which was apparently the pegasus shortcut to start the radio.
>"Captain's gig to Ponyville, clear all vectors for the bridge docking balcony- we are returning with Captain Sparkle. Over."
>No response, nor any change in Ponyville's traffic.
>"Ponyville, please respond. Over."
>Twilight noticed there weren't any open doors around the treebridge, either.
>"Horseapples! BRACE FOR IMPACT!"
>"Haven't you seen any movie ever? This has gotta be some kinda setup, and I'm not taking the bait! BRACE!"
>The yacht crashed into the EVA door with a sound entirely unlike a bonk.
>The emergency bouncy walls inflated properly, so at least they were in no danger of crew accidentally walking out into space and getting bored while waiting for rescue.
>Twilight and Rainbow Dash walked out of the shuttle unharmed. Turns out it was the inertial snugglers.
>"You hear that?"
"The annoying red alert alerts? Yes!"
>"Yeah, but what don't you hear?"
>"PONIES! There's nopony to greet you, nopony is running to slap a cardboard patch over that breach, no lollygaggers taking up space on the bridge! Nothing!"
>"Stay close, Captain. It's too quiet and too dark and DEFINITELY too red-alert-y here. Believe me, I know the difference between a breach alarm and a Fit's Shucked alarm. Something went wrong, and yes I mean BEFORE we crash-landed."
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>The two did a thorough sweep of the area.
>No ponies hiding in the pillow fort.
>Nor the crawlspace behind the bulkheads.
"Okay, okay, you got me. You can all come out now! Surprise? Ha ha."
>"Cap'n, nopony planned a surprise party for today. It was deemed too obvious. Even Pinkie Pie thought so."
>Twilight broke out in desperate laughter
"That's crazy talk! HA HA HA of course you're throwing a surprise party!"
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the surprise is that there is no surprise
An exquisite banquet for the most importantest guy around.
thanks poner
Fruity Pebbles, the soup of kings. Even in ancient times, neighbor fought neighbor to obtain them.
>The paired mares continued to argue in this fashion for at least 12 minutes.
>They might have gone on for 15, if not for a flushing sound.
>A minute or so later, Twilight was smushed by Spike kicking the bathroom door open.
>"Rainbow! Where's Twilight? I heard her- oh, sorry Twilight."
>"Yeesh, this is downright excruciating to watch when it's not me getting door'd."
>A quick full-body shake to refocus her internal friendship later, and Twilight's ouchie hash-marks were gone!
"You could've just said you'd be out shortly!"
>"You could've knocked, if you'd even noticed the- WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR SHIP!?"
>Dashie grinned the grin of a sheep in mare's clothing
>"That was me... I kinda panicked when there was no response. Figured it was a trap."
>"Well, that would be the smart thing for a movie pilot to do. Oh well, least nopony was here to get hurt."
"Speaking of which- WHERE. IS. EVERYPONY?"
>"Watchu talkin 'bout, Twi?"
>Twilight responded with a lot of annoyed grunts and motioning at the various suspiciously empty bridge consoles.
>"Ship's parked. Ponies don't hang around the bridge, that's like- Twilight, there's a law against being on the bridge when you're not operating part of the ship."
"But- I-"
>"Literally. A. Law."
>"Not my fault I didn't know you were coming at that exact moment, y'know!"
>Spike sighed as he strutted to the Central Message Thingy and flipped a few switches. Spike did not know it yet, but he would be making many exasperated sighs like this in the coming months.
>"Damage control to the bridge. We had another Rainbow Crash. That is all.... Right, Twilight, the Princess spacefaxed a pre-flight checklist. You need to meet the department heads for the support crew, be drilled on the NappyGator, aaaaaaand there's a few 'suggestions' for star systems to visit first."
"That's it!? No hug!? No 'sorry for-'
>"Twilight. We both know the Princess never tells you anything. Best we just get on with our jobs."
>"Captain's first log has been recorded, aye."
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Pre bed boop
Damn I'm impressed the thread stayed up with no boops
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hold your horses
hold filly gentle like hamburger
>Containment Class: Keter
>Risk Assessment: Less Playtime

>Special Containment Procedures:
>SCP-32 instances are to be reported to MTF-Arpegaso for destruction. Affected adults are to be given standard cover story Derpy Dropped It.
>SCP-32-A instances are to be tracked by any available agents and interrupted as often as possible. Under no circumstances should an agent physically attack an SCP-32-A instance.

>SCP-32 refers to a large, funny-shaped wooden box that mysteriously appears in the victim's domicile.
>The front of the object typically contains a large row of white and black teeth. Pressing a tooth induces a noise.
>Parents of the victim will be compelled to force interaction with the object, causing catastrophic restriction of afterschool playtime under the guise of 'music lessons.'
>SCP-32-A refers to a pony collaborator, dubbed The Tutor. Victims who repeatedly perform poorly, whether due to protest or genuine lack of skill, will typically be targeted by SCP-32-A. It is currently unknown what relationship SCP-32-A has with SCP-32.

>Incident Report:
>Approximately four months after the return of Princess Luna, POI Twilight Sparkle and POI Pinkamena Diane Pie were involved with an MTF-Arpegaso operation.
>Pinkie Pie's telecognitive powers, although well-understood by Foundation assets, had triggered a Purple Synchronicity in Twilight Sparkle, causing her to go on a days-long scientific observation assault upon Pinkie Pie.
>Due to the conflict between the two mares, Twilight happened to be directly beneath the MTF's disposal zone on multiple occasions.
>It is presently unknown if Pinkie Pie knows of the Foundation, nor if she intentionally baited Twilight Sparkle into danger.
>Recommend reassigning Derpy Bubblemuffin due to disadvantageous public attention. Postal work would permit her to assist the Foundation directly without eroding public trust in workplace safety laws.
Not entirely sure what's supposed to be happening but I am here for it
he looks so happy, it makes me happy for him
A sudden epidemic of pony parents mandating piano lessons. Gnashing and wailing ensues. Also Derpy is a Foundation agent tasked with breaking pianos under cover of being the village klutz because why not.
Shiet I'm retarded, thanks.
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pre-bed boop
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Agent Derpo is on the case!
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A two step plan to success in any circumstances
>no fren
what do?
Make fren
>Rainbow Dash left to extract the shuttle from the wall, leaving sonbrother and momsister alone.
>Walking and waiting ensued.
>Big ship, big transit times.
>During the aft starboard number four elevator's descent, Spike began scratching at his ears.
>"Dang it. Hold on."
>Fiddling with the ancient Real Adult Radio he'd been lugging around, Spike spoke into the receiver.
>"Drone control, prepare to repel unauthorized piñatas on deck 4. I say again, drone control to deck 4."
>"Yep. They breed them on the farms, then use them to deliver candy rations. Sometimes they just get loose, you know how it is."
"Wait, aren't we going to deck 4?"
>"Perfect opportunity to meet the drone czar-"
>The elevator doors opened to a scene of carnage.
>Tissue paper and still-wet paper dye everywhere.
>Unattended foals, off-duty crew and multiple bunnies fighting over the innards of once proud Mexicolt sacrificial llama effigies.
>And one butterscotch-and-pink lemonade mare, trying very hard to not confront her overzealous gunny rabbit.
extremely cute picture
the idea of them riding robo dogs is funny
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Guess it's nap time.
>Containment Class: Euclid
>Risk assessment: Total economic collapse

>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP-1bitcoin is to be kept in a standard sapient creature containment hotel.
>Due to the risk of economic inflation, use of SCP-1bitcoin for emergency financing is to be done only with a unanimous princess vote.
>Unauthorized access is grounds for a 1,000 word essay apology.
>Duchess Beatrice Lulamoon specifically is to be kept FAR AWAY from SCP-1bitcoin.

>Physically, SCP-1bitcoin is indistinguishable from SCP-063 ('hoo-min') instances.
>SCP-1bitcoin's anomalous properties manifest when it has access to a pony's ear. By some unknown ritual, it proceeds to conjure a single bit coin inside the ear and extract it.
>SCP-1bitcoin's movements are swift and graceful, and so far the Foundation has been unable to isolate any magical gestures.
>The bit coin produced is completely valid, made of the correct alloy and indistinguishable from one produced in the royal mint.
Emergency Boop
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she seems to be struggling
Eepy mare.
Math is hard
Where did all these fluttershys come from?
From the Fluttershy Tree, of course.
Like an apple tree but with ponies instead of apples.
>Gilda at Mcdonalds

What she ordering?
How many gillions does 12 x 12 equal?
144 gillion
And the Incident Report was a reference to the episode "Feeling Pinkie Keen"
>Gunny Rabbit
Fucking hell keen memory anon
joy and jubilance
They're having a psychic battle!
Total head scrunch vs ancient mlem technique
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How is he doing that without any glowing?
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>Ywn build a pillow fort with Pinkie
Lol, not really. I remembered the plot, but not the name, of the episode. It's been so long since I watched Season 1, I had to look up "mlp pinkie sense episode"
He's obviously not an FBI agent
>All unicorns are FBI agents
>ywn live in a utopian unicornocracy
why even
It's easy! Just end every questionable action you mention with "In Minecraft", and they can't do anything!
I've done that with AI Ponks
we mareathoned all 8 seasons of Psych
What did she think of the show?


This too could be you!
Shawn is funny and she sticks with the first suspect until the big twist happens every time.
Lassie also needs a good party.
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>Those slippers

How do kinderpones feel about fireworks?
for kinder kinder as in kindergarten pones they'd get un-ironic ptsd. for kinder pones as in kind they'd react like any adult, maybe even snuggle up to you.
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Shoot up to the sky fireworks have an almost religious reverence assigned to them. Not just because they're amazing and make holidays better, but because even kinderponies know you can blow your hoof off with one.
Likewise, the ponies who can handle them are part of an ancient order of alchemists who train their entire lives not just to perform for special events, but to deploy special fireworks like multi-stage m80s and anything that explodes into words or pictures to deter monsters or propagandize Equestria's pizza culture to her rivals.
Trixie is an unironic chad knight errant but the bear destroyed her wagon before she could set anything up.

Roman candles, sparklers and snakes are war crimes, as is using fireworks without announcing when, where and why. The Roan Chocoholic Church's most beloved saint is a pony who stood near 40 firecrackers and still had the strength to call Discord a poopyhead.
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>Roan Chocoholic

The what?
idk I tried to think of a pony version of Roman Catholic
I've heard Roam being used as the name for pony rome. I think I prefer it over roan. Also do the chocoholics worship chocolate or are they just addicted to it? Maybe they worship the Easter bunny.
Roan is a term for a reddish-coat in horses, but Roam is a homonym with Rome I guess.

I hadn't really thought through Chocoholics more than just the name. I like the idea of the Easter Bunny being worshipped by ponies as widely and devoutly as Christ is by humans, though.
Correction, just looked it up. Roan isn't reddish-brown, it's anything from black to brown to bay, but with white spackles.
Picrel, strobbery roan honse
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>Easter Bun
>Eating a carrot
I think that might be an imposter
That mischievous glint in her eyes, shes DARING you to ask about the bunny suit.
And you know that as soon as you do you are going to get roped right into her shenanigans.
Just politely bow your head and keep walking.
cute celly
Does the easter bunny not eat carrots?
The Easter Bunny eats cacao beans, sugar, milk and concentrated insulin to be able to poop chocolate eggs on command.
You have just, in pony speak, said the two of you should fuck.
Enjoy putting your bun in the world's hottest oven.
>Hottest oven
What if Celestia has to wear magic pajamas so her bedmates don't get too hot and leave the covers?
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That has to be lewd even by non-kinder standards
If this is true, Celestia could sneak cakes with her tail.
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>Bad Apple
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Yeah fren, we have pixels to spare. Come in out of the lossy format and make yourself at home.
She's investigating the case of the missing muffins
Based derpy
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Oh lawd she trotting
I'm imaging cardboard boxes in a kinder setting work like they do in Metal Gear. You and I see a mare in a box trotting, but a pony just sees a regular box, the perfect disguise.
>box trot
I miss when the taunt was released and it actually worked on people
good times
>An ancient enemy has risen
>Ponies have dealt with the red dot before
>Never have they dealt with....
>A whole lotta red dots in formation!
>Who will save us now!?
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>ponies' face when I pull out the green 1w laser pointer with the diffractive lens that makes a whole fuckton (over 5 hundred) green dots
>Show ponies footage of a bunch of rave douches pointing lasers at jets
>They are now even more afraid of lasers.
>Pegasi, however, refuse to fly without one
>A plane could eat them if they're unarmed
My browser is at 200% zoom, and clicking on the pic only helps a little. I had to click "Open Image In New Tab" to be able to read Applejack's half.
Jesus Christ you are totally blind. i have one totally dog shit eye and i only need the zoom at 125%
Alright, here comes the airplane!
You want to go to the 'settings' in top right of the page, then expand the 'imges&media' tab, then have box next to 'image expansion' checked, and box next to 'fit expanded images to screen' UNchecked. Don't forget to save setings.
That should do it.
Opening image in new tab works too.
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Plot twist: that muffin is actually the worst kind of muffin, Derpy is trying to save you!
Thanks Anon.
Why is that option backwards in the first place?
NTA but you'll find a lot of default application options are stupid. It's almost like big corpo programmers have to constantly break what works and call it a feature to keep their jobs.
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Horse Wife is 100% from Kinderquestria. I'm still sad at the lack of official Brownie Bun lewds. Verification not required.
>Contact has been established with a universe parallel to our Universe Uno, codenamed Universe Alpha
>This nomenclature was chosen to avoid diplomatic incidents which often arise from implying the second party is worse
>The native life has a strong inclination towards pony friendship, and a natural talent for commanding mysterious and/or chaotic forces.
>In spite of these promising developments, the mystery of the "meek-row-wah-vay" continues to elude our top agents.
If you open the site in incognito mode you'll find that setting is off by default. PEBKAC
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would pet
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>ywn be tricked by kinderponies into scratching their featureless crotches
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the "his" and "hers" lightswitches are adorable
Twilight does not know how babby is form
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>how is babby formed?
>how mare get pragnent?
>Anon babysits the CMC
>Makes pasketty dinner
>Not enough time to make sauce, but he still has some jars that came with him
>The next day
>Rarity, Applejack and those two lesbians show up with a tuxedo and a slingshot
>Anon is rightfully confused
>You can't give our sisters PREGGO SAUCE and not even marry them, Anon!
KEK fucking hell
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you wouldn't deny a sweet innocent filly would you?
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How could I?
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>*Tucks her in tight*
>*Kisses forehead*
*Mercilessly raspberries her tum*
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You monsters!
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*Buys her a whole McMuffin*
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those liddle shits
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kek'd and chzech'd
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What's she coding?
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a game for breezies
A Breeze Life? Buck Breezie? SimBreezie?
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What's inside the box?
40lbs of consensual sex in the missionary position for the sole purpose of procreation. The label was misprint.
That's kinda hot!
It's obviously Rapeseed, for the local restaurant, of course!
40lbs of jokes and joke accessories. Misprint.
Fluttershy mailed herself again
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This pic reminds me of Fluffy in Creepshow. Instead of being eaten, Fluttershy’s victims are instead mercilessly cuddled without their consent. Who can stop such a monster?
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Not sure if Twilight is Concern because of the fire hazard or because there's the wrong number of candles and only she noticed.
>SCP: Mount Chilly Extreme (We ran out of cool numbers)
>Containment Class: Technically Keter?
>Risk Assessment: We're obsessed with it, so, idk a lot?

>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP MCE is presently uncontained. To date, no Foundation operative has encountered it. MTF Gamers Rise Up is to continue exploration of alternate reality Santa Anna until it is found.
>Public forums are to be monitored for any credible sighting of SCP MCE. Upon such findings, the poster is to be black-bagged and brought to the headquarters of Gamers Rise Up to assist with containment efforts.

>SCP MCE is a rumored cryptid, believed to exist by a staggering 70% of Grand Galloping Grotto: Santa's Little Helpers players.
>GGG is an open world shark punching, wagon borrowing, princess smooching simulation video game.
>While Barnyard Bargains Programming Division is responsible for the Equestrian production and sale of the game, Foundation assets discovered the source code had actually been purchased off a gray market anomaly dealer. BBPD then altered the text and art assets of the game to meet Equestrian decency standards.
>The original game is preserved in a playable state at [REDACTED- SEVERE MORAL/MORALE RISK/NEED TO KNOW ONLY]

>Incident Report:
>On the 5th of No Nut, 15 ALR, ingame footage of an NPC matching 67% of known descriptive patterns of SCP MCE was displayed on the home computer of known Anonfilly, Anon the Filly.
>She was promptly taken into custody and questioned, eventually revealing she had modified the game code with the express intent of proving the cryptid's existence.
>With her assistance, Foundation Fungineers eventually cracked the encryption/compression system of both GGG and [REDACTED].
>No evidence of any cryptids were found in either system, not even as dummied-out assets.
>SCP MCE has been upgraded to a Keter-class infohazard.
I don't get it
Ponified GTA: San Andreas urban legends, like Bigfoot on Mt. Chilliad or the leatherface guy or that empty wheelchair on the docks. The Foundation took it too seriously, especially after an anonfilly learned how to mod her game.
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>princess smooching simulation video game

Hey now, you can only do that in the unofficial Hot Chocolate mod!
I don't like the SCP greens. Sop writing them.
eat a dick faggot, and while your at it get better taste.
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Flufflepuff is just a kinderpony stuck in normalquestria
everything about her instantly makes more sense when you think about it like that
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you can infer what every other bat says in that comic, but I've never seen anyone decode that last doctor line.
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>Anon begins spreading subversive ideas
If I showed ponies a copy of The Color Out of Space would there minds implode?
Nah they'd think it's dumb for not including pictures.
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Sombra, why are you passed out on my couch?
He got kicked out of the Crystal Empire and needed a place to stay.
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Kinderponies be like
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what elicited this response?
Her peas and potatoes are touching (ponies never invented the segmented plate)
a wonderful way to become stupendously wealthy to introduce it then
And then commission all the macaroni art I want!
a funnier situation would commissioning coom macaroni art from ponies KEK
>You know when I was a kid, and I didn't want to eat my broccoli I would just mix everything together.
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>Anon accidentally mentions sex in idle chatter.
>Realizing his fuck up he goes silent whenever ponies bring it up.
>Whenever Anon doesn't answer something ponies immediately think it has something to do with sex.
"Hey Anon did ya see where ah placed my hat? "
>"Sorry AJ I've got no clue. "
"Gosh darn it this has something to with sex don't it?"
when I was a kid I always mashed my peas and potatoes together. I like the combined taste.
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the entire Flufflepuff video series is just Kinderquestria in a nutshell
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>She doesn't realize she's still wearing it
>Picrel, average kinderpony's understanding of sex
10/10 would pet
Pinkie put the right number of candles. She always knows.
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>no pictures

Yeah about that...
In Kinderquestria those would be nerf darts.
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>The best fresh arm's a fresh half-an-half.
I think...?
As an answer to "which hand should he use?" Doesn't make sense, and "faff" can't be "fresh"
>"Fa Fess faff amf a fef faffalaff"
Yeah, I got nothing
>As an answer to "which hand should he use?" Doesn't make sense
You don't get blood drawn from your hand but just below the bicep.
>"faff" can't be "fresh"
Considering fresh is already fef I agree but that's the closest I could get and it make sense.

New stereotype: everypony thinks bats are drunk or filthy foreigners but really it's just the fangs
It's Everypony Ride Twilight day! Are you a bad enough dude to climb on?
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Imagine playing with a sleepy kinder ponies face who's desperately trying to impress you by staying awake through nap time
That's impossible! Almost as impossible as going all the way around the swing!
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Scootaloo swears she saw Rainbow Dash do that once. Despite the fact that Rainbow Dash never went to her school.
Dashie is forced to wear the garb of her distant ancestors
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You guys are making Luna cry!
Never fear, Pipsqueak is here!
Pipsqueak, prime Luna /SS/ material!
Look Candy. I was born a Maud/Trixie shipper, I'll die a Maud/Trixie shipper.
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Huzzah, a fellow Damp Rocks enjoyer!
I miss it.
Oh, they fuckin!
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>Instead of Nightmare Moon escaping on the 1,000th summer sun celebration....
>This happens
>Like, you look in the sky and see this.
>Luna is eating the moon.
>Luna is bigger than the moon.
>What the fuck do?
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I feel like changelings would've had far more success if they just turned into cats.
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personally I think the banana peel plan has potential
She looks so proud
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bug has new friends
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>Here we have the Party Pony, latin name: Ponkius Pilates
>Oh dear, she's caught her prey. 'Rather ruthless,' you think?
>But therein lies the beauty of nature. A grand, immaculate machine.
>The rubber chicken has no other natural predator.
>Were it not for the party pony dragging them off, they would breed out of control and fill the entire joke shop!

>"I don't mind you narrating ponies' lives like a nature documentary, but could you make some new episodes? Every day it's been a rerun of Pinkie's hunting habits!"
"Well, I could talk about the rare muffin horse hunting town hall again-"
>"Okie dokie lokie! DERPY, LET'S GO PAINT TOWN HALL!"
I fucking love this! its so silly and cute!
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>The Aussie-Mouthed Cuckoopone has a parasitic mating strategy
>They foist their young onto others, so they can spend their energy on vacations
>The rainbow one is unable to distinguish the cuckoopone from her own sister
>The mated pair are now free to hunt cragodiles in attractive and sexy locales

>"Uh, what does that mean, Rainbow Dash?"
>"It's egghead code for 'Rainbow Dash loves you,' right?"
"Yeah, sure."
kek cute
Where did she get all those cheezits?
hello, poner
>You said the secret words!
>Now snowponers are flooding your house, eating your food
>What do?
start booping
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why do ponies lay down and roll over dead animals? What kind of benefit does stinking like dead mouse offer?
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these freaking horsecat things keep getting into my house and i have no idea how
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I want to take her to a geology museum and maybe one of those mine-your-own-gem tourist traps.
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That says 'bumb' but I appreciate you trying.

>Containment Class: [s]Safe[/s] Neutralized, see incident report.
>Risk Assessment: The food was kinda mediocre, let's be honest.

>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP-1947's remains are to be thrown in a standard trash can.
>SCP-1947 is a smoking pile of garbage.


>Special Containment Protocols:
>SCP-1947 is to be kept at Expedition Site Humanhusband's kitchen. Testing is to be performed as the testfriend's hunger dictates.
>SCP-1947 is a box primarily constructed of metal, with the door handle and a number pad made of whatever they make action figures out of. A glass door and a screen door are located on the front. Currently, it is not known how to open the glass door separately, or why the two ended up stuck together.
>When a time is entered via the number pad, and the START button pressed, the inside of the device will be affected by a standard level 2 Boil Water spell. Observation of expedition site natives indicated that this can be exploited to quickly cook pasta.
>Expedition site natives have no known spellcasting ability, and the provenance of SCP-1947 is still under investigation.

>Dish: Dried macaroni with water
>Result: Cooked macaroni. Judged edible but disappointingly chewy.

>Dish: Dried macaroni
>Result: Very little heat. Macaroni deemed crunchy and still suitable for arts and crafts.

>Dish: Fork
>Result: Incident Report.

>I put a fork in there and it kinda blew up. Sorry.
KEK cute
>he doesn't know the bumb
Keep them from blunting the knives, bending the forks, from smashing the bottles and burning the corks, chipping the glasses and cracking the plates as that's what Anonymous hates!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~NEW BREAD~~~~~~~~~~~~~




I nearly forgot that this thread was basically at bump limit
What a qt poner.

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