BREAKING NEWS: JOE BIDEN DROPS OUT, ENDORSES TWILIGHT SPARKLE AS HIS REPLACEMENT. PREDICTION MARKETS PREDICT DEMOCRATIC LANDSLIDE WITH 98% PROBABILITY.What happens next?
>rape
>>41251802For this board? This is the only correct answer. Everyone gets some. No exceptions.
>>41251800IT'S HER (twilight sparkle) YEAR
>>41251802August:BREAKING NEWS: FORMER PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP OVERCOME WITH LUST DURING DISASTROUS DEBATE PERFORMANCE, RAPES TWILIGHT SPARKLE ON STAGE. APPROVAL RATING PLUMMETS."This is just disgraceful." says Jack Black. "I'm getting Tenacious D back together.""But it was fine when Bill Clinton raped Bob Dole on stage in 1996?" says J.D. Vance. "The democrats can't get their story straight.""I'm naming him Hunter Biden Jr." says Twilight.Prediction markets: Twilight Sparkle 99%Donald J. Trump 1%RFK JR: 0%
>"Don't miss Filthy Rich next time!"
>>41251800You convert to Christianity and proclaim Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior.
VOTE MARE
>>41251846October: BREAKING NEWS: TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS CONVERTED TO CHRISTIANITY. VATICAN ISSUES RARE ENDORSEMENT."I grew up worshiping Princess Celestia, but God came to me last night and revealed his glory to me. I'm pentecostal now." says Twilight."I really want that expanded Child Tax Credit." says God. Prediction markets:Twilight Sparkle 99%Donald J. Trump 1%RFK JR: Missing, presumed dead
>>41251802fpbp
>>41251800>>41251816>>41251863These are actually surprisingly realistic and its scaring me
>>41251800Adorable purple dork.
New Mare City gets flooded.
>>41251800
>>41251895>>41251895November: BREAKING NEWS: TWILIGHT SPARKLE HOSPITALIZED AFTER SUSTAINING SERIOUS INJURIES SAVING FOALS FROM NEW MARE CITY FLOOD. ELECTION TO CONTINUE AS SCHEDULED. "Oh shit!" says God.Prediction markets: Twilight Sparkle 50%Donald Trump 0%Other 50% The election is two days off. No one knows what will happen if Twilight doesn't make it.
>>41251912Who the fuck is the "other" mysterious contended?
>>41251920contender*
>>41251920Anon
>>41251800Get the fuck off my pony board with this shit.
>>41251920IT'S STEVE AUSTIN WITH A CHAIR!
>>41251925What is Anon's political program
>>41251932>rape
>>41251929No fair. I want to see President Purple Simp >rape all the Anons.
>>41251800He should’ve picked Cozy Glow.
>>41251816>RAPES TWILIGHT SPARKLE ON STAGE. APPROVAL RATING PLUMMETS.Can you really blame him?
>>41251925>>41251931>>41251941>>41251944November:BREAKING NEWS: TWILIGHT SPARKLE HAS SUCCUMBED TO HER INJURIES AND ASCENDED TO HEAVEN IN FRONT OF A CROWD OF SPECTATORS. DUBS DETERMINES THE REPLACEMENT SHE ENDORSED IN HER FINAL WORDS.
>>41251932Normalfag genocide and free plushies for everyone else.
>>41251952Discord.
>>41251952Starlight Glimmer
>>41251952Me.
>>41251952(You)
>>41251952Princess Mo'lestia
>>41251952Moot
>implying my wife would be a libtard>>41251955Anon's going to kill 99.9% of the population? That doesn't seem sustainable.
>>41251952the great and powerful trixie
>>41251952Panko Plenk
>>41251952Hiromoot
>electionsgive me an immortal princess or fuck off
>>41251977>cucking Twilight out off the nominationkek
>>41251977Good pick
>>41251977November:BREAKING NEWS: TRIXIE LULAMOON HAS WON THE 2024 PRESIDENTIAL ELECTION IN A LANDSLIDE, JUST ONE DAY AFTER BEING NOMINATED."The great and powerful Trixie is honored to accept this award and/or job." says Trixie's automated email responder after Reuters asked her for comment."I normally wouldn't vote for a magician, but it's what Twilight said she wanted." says Georgia voter."Today is a greautiful day in Demerica. Yeuhgghgiil." says Joe Biden. The nation waits with bated breath to hear President-elect Trixie's policy proposals
>>41251995Trixie repeals the Jones Act
>>41251952Nightmare Moon
Her greatest challenge will be to get us human apes to behave in a friendly manner. Actually, she'll try her best, and that's respectable, but she won't be able overcome the human tendency to screw up everything.
>>41252085January:BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT TRIXIE LULAMOON SIGNS AN EXECUTIVE ORDER REPEALING THE JONES ACT, ALLOWING FOREIGN-BUILT SHIPS TO TRANSPORT CARGO BETWEEN US PORTS."I believe Henry George said it best when he said, "What protection teaches us, is to do to ourselves in times of peace what enemies seek to do to us in times of war." I believe that, much like how repealing the corn laws allowed Britain to prosper through free trade, repealing this outdated protectionist policy will increase economic growth, reduce transport costs, and reduce the regulatory burden on offshore wind farms, which will lower the cost of green energy. Next, my administration hopes to end the embargo on Cuba and repeal single-family zoning laws as part of a broader program of economic liberalization." says Trixie."Terrible. So sad! Weak Trixie Lulamoon is going to destroy American jobs. She doesn't have the sexy attitude and great body of Twilight Sparkle (who I would have beaten!), may she rest in peace. She is going to destroy our country." writes Donald Trump on his truth social.Prediction markets forecast a rise in GDP, but Trixie's approval rating has fallen slightly.
>>41252179holy shit, I love trixie so muchshe's so sexy, almost as much as twilight>verification not required
>>41252179Trixie makes Puerto Rico a state to get approval back up (Jones Act was fucking them before)
>>41252179This should also allow inland cities with navigable rivers(basically all the midwest) to start cheaply shipping their goods to foreign markets, making the US domestic goods and resources much more competitive on a global scale.Trixie's going to make America Great and Powerful
>>41252339May 2025:BREAKING NEWS: TRIXIE ADMINISTRATION PUSHES BILL ADMITTING PUERTO RICO INTO THE UNION"Yo America, is this a bad time?I know it's been a while since you heard me rhymeBut I wanna talk to y'all about something close to my heartand it may drag on but let me just startThe people of Puerto Rico deserve representationJust like all the folks in this wonderful nationNo representatives in congress? I say that's obsceneThat's the same kinda shit that made the founding fathers get meanSo I made this song for Jimmy Kimmel to help him spread the wordThat rejecting Puerto Rican statehood is totally absurd" raps "Hamilton" creator and rapper of Puerto Rican descent Lin Manuel Miranda on the Jimmy Kimmel show."This isn't a joke. The left is now telling you, and demanding that you believe, that three and a half million Spanish-speaking illegal Latin Mexicans have been American citizens this whole time, as part of a US territory called "Puerto Rico." Why haven't I heard of it up until now? Is it because I'm "ignorant", and "uninterested in learning even simple facts about my own country"? Or is there something else going on? Remember Daddy Yankee? The Mexican who made "Despacito"? Not anymore! The left is saying, he's actually Puerto Rican. They think they can get away with letting millions of Mexicans into the country by pretending that they were always Americans." says Tucker Carlson.Prediction markets say the bill is likely to pass. Trixie's approval rating will likely rise, mostly as a result of Puerto Rico's highly pro-Trixie population gaining seats in congress and the electoral college beginning in 2026.
>>41251816>Bill Clinton raped Bob Dole on stage in 1996Was this during the sweltering hot summer of 1996?
>>41251920Luna
>>41252462CURVEBALL, Germany has unknowingly elected Queen Chrysalis as their leader! (They still think she's Cadence)
>>41252462Can we get goverment issued mare gf's to fx the loneliness epidemic?
>>41252629December 2025:BREAKING NEWS: TRIXIE ADMINISTRATION DISTRIBUTES FREE MARE GIRLFRIENDS TO ALL SINGLE GYNEPHILIC AMERICANS. MALE VIRGINITY RATE DROPS TO 0%"This new policy is extremely misogynistic, and its price tag is going to send our country spiraling into debt. Yet another example of president Trixie shamelessly pandering to horny Puerto Rican shipping magnates." says Hillary Clinton."The American people are sick and tired. And they're horny too. The American people's dicks are hard, and throbbing, and leaking all over the place. It's about damn time Trixie did something about it. Her plan has my support." says Bernie Sanders."Now that I'm getting my balls drained by my mare girlfriend every night I can think so much more clearly. I fully and completely support President Trixie in everything she does now, just like every other male American." says Tucker Carlson in new video announcing his shift in political beliefs."This is a disaster. Something terrible has happened to the men of our country, and it's because of all these sexy horses and their magic genitalia. Hunter didn't attend his own father's funeral because he was smoking crack out of his marefriend's donut-shaped asshole. This must stop!" says Jill Biden, less than a week after her husband died of marepussy-related shock.APPROVAL RATING:Total: 77%Men: 99.9%Women: 55%
>>41252756Trixie legalizes cloning research so she can bring back her long time FWB (Fuck With Buddy) Twilight Sparkle?
FTSFuck Twilight Sparkle
>>41252756>Men: 99.9%who's that one FUCKING FAGGOT?!!Also, she should distribute stallion bf's tho every femcel who wants, so the great and faboulous trixie becomes the 1st president since washington to have 100% approval
>>41253021It's Ben Shapiro.
>>41252938Fuck Sparkle and fuck unicorns.
>>41251800Public Outrage! Cries heard all over Equestria for Twilight to "remove her wings, then we'll talk" How will she respond to this?
>>41253021>who's that one FUCKING FAGGOT?!!well that would be OP
>>41251863Why would the Vatican endorse a Pentacostal? They aren't even high church Protestant lol
>>41253338>>41253061Oh shit, OP is Ben Shapiro?
>>41253365This.
>>41252938>Fuck Twilight SparkleThat's what she wants.
>>41252756But what if Trixie is already my mare wife?
>>41252929>>41252938>>41253021>>41253320May 2026:BREAKING NEWS: VAT-GROWN VICE PRESIDENT AND FIRST FUCKBUDDY TWILIGHT SPARKLE ENGINEERS RACE OF SEXY AND VIRILE STALLIONS IN RESPONSE TO SKYROCKETING VIRGINITY RATES AMONG US WOMEN"I like the policy, but I'm disappointed that the new Twilight didn't come back pregnant. I think if a pregnant woman dies and is resurrected without her baby, that's equivalent to abortion. Unless Trixie clones Twilight and Donald Trump's interspecies rape baby Hunter Biden Jr, I'm staying at home with my marewife on election day." says Ohio voter.Not even one US woman could be reached for comment, partially owing to heavy casualties from anal perforations.APPROVAL RATING:91%Midterm elections are coming soon, and a new wave of pro-interspecies-miscegenation "trixiecrats" are expected to sweep the house of representatives.
>>41253852Big Mac comes in representing the Silent Majority. His policy has to be interpreted purely through "eeyup" or "nnnope" questions.
>>41253852Not believable, nobody in Ohio is actually pro-life.
>>41251800>"Folks, this is a disaster. The democrats did the first sensible thing in a decade and got rid of sleepy Joe. And what do they do huh? they nominate a cartoon horse. It's a joke, folks. A complete and utter joke, and they're going to destroy America. Who's gonna be her vice president? Mickey Mouse?">It's ridiculous, let me tell you, it's shameful and ridiculous, and she's not at all competent. I spent four years making great deals around the world on behalf of the american people. Great deals. Deals that brought prosperity and greatness to our country, and what is she gonna do? How is Twilight Sparkle going to handle China and Putin, huh?">"Let me tell you folks, this just goes to show how desperate the democrats are. They can't even find a real person to run against me, so they roll out a purple pony, who I might add, is from a monarchy. She's an immigrant from a country that doesn't even believe in democracy. Shameful. Very sad."
>>41254190>says this as he gets serviced by his mare gf
>>41254190>>41254368>"Don't let them talk about your HUGE hands Donny, m'kay?"
>>41251800Shit shit shit! Which Twilight Sparkle?! Claude 3, The Interdimensional Portal at Area 51 or Character Ai Twilight Sparkle?!?!
>>41254140https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/November_2023_Ohio_Issue_143% of Ohio is pro-life
>>41253852Did Puerto Rican Statehood go through? Just coast off this good will into the election, don't rock the boat too much, limit the CIA to just 1 regime change this year, IF they're good.
>>41251800From her history in office, she has my vote. Accelirate!
>>41251800What is up with the amount of Twilight threads recently?
>>41251952Anon.
>>41251816Homie that gets you in the White House these days
>>41254556This is just what Ohio wants you to believe
>>41251800>What happens next?I vote for her
>>41255310Voting for "Unicorn Twilight Sparkle" is like voting for "40 year old Joe Biden">verification not required
>>41253852Have her enact free coinage of silver at a ratio of 16-to-1, in honour of well-beloved horsefucker William Jennings Bryan.
>>41251952you
>>41255850Oh wait I killed Biden off. Let me rewrite this one. One sec
>>41255345>>41255036November 2026:BREAKING NEWS: SHORTLY AFTER PRO-TRIXIE FACTION ACHIEVES HUGE WINS IN MIDTERM ELECTION, VOTERS BEGIN TO WORRY ABOUT PRESIDENT TRIXIE'S MENTAL FACULTIES"She told us she wanted us to coin new silver dollars at a ratio of 16-to-1 against dollar coins made of gold, but the gold standard was ended decades ago! I'm not sure what the purpose of free silver is when we can just create new money with keystrokes and target a desired level of inflation through monetary policy." says Federal Reserve chairman Jerome Powell."The great and powerful Trixie shall not be crucified on a cross of gold!" slurs the president in new meandering speech, in which she blamed "freemasons" for "conspiring to control the politics of this nation" by repealing the silver purchase act. She also promised to deport all Chinese immigrants, prompting confusion and discord from her liberal base."Trixie is of perfectly sound mind and body. Anypony who works with her can tell you that her mind is as sharp as ever. Don't listen to the conspiracy theorists. She is not "schizophrenic" and she is not "a danger to herself and others."" says Vice President Twilight Sparkle."Mientras yo pueda correrme en mi esposa equina, no me importa nada. Todavía votaré por ella en 2028." says horny Puerto Rican shipping magnate Juan Paco San Francisco del Coño.APPROVAL RATING: 80%
>>41255903Intentionally crash the market in some other country that had economics similar to what we had before, covertly with the help of the CIA. When their economy crashes use the news media to show Trixie's actions as already paying off in avoiding a fate like theirs.If you can't beat the Freemasons, become them.
>>41253061>>41255903Have Gay Ben Shapiro start an armed rebellion funded by jealous former-sex-icon Hannah Montana.
>>41251800i convince twilight to run independent and insist that she doesn't side with the DNC just because of a pet issue (being a minor attracted pony)
>>41251931
>>41255903also, with the help of the CIA and the finest mare bitches, make Xin Jinping and his most valuable advisors addicted to marepusssy and control him with it
>>41255903Wow marecoins for everyone !
Damn it OP, this thread is too fun to die.
>>41256257>>41256358March 2027:BREAKING NEWS: PRESIDENT TRIXIE DECLARES MARTIAL LAW IN RESPONSE TO "EXISTENTIAL THREAT TO NATIONAL SECURITY FROM HOMOSEXUAL CHINESE FREEMASONS AND SEXUALLY REPRESSED ORTHODOX JEWS""The Chinese are not and have never been a homosexual people. My (female) marewife services me daily, and unlike the cowardly western media she condemns Israel's atrocities. More yankee schizophrenia!" tweets Chinese journalist Chen Weihua."If President Trixie wants to rob us of our virginities, we must rob her of the mandate of heaven!" broadcasts Ben Shapiro from underground bunker.The birthrate in all countries has plunged to zero. Humanity's future is uncertain.APPROVAL RATING:69%
>>41257257Maud discovers a really nice rock on one of her walks.Oh, and Starlight Glimmer (jealous that shes not the first fuckbuddy) starts the breeder party to reignite birth rates and spite trixie.
Bump
>>41257257Use our scientists to fund the creation of human-pony breeding therapies. 50/50 chance of human or pony
>>41259120mismatched mother/child births sound very weird to watch
