Previous thread: >>41354823Welcome to the Thread! Kinderquestria/Anon in pone prison focuses on the world and adventures of naive child like ponies and the misadventures and shenanigans of Anon that results in him going to prison! To get a good handle on how things are done around here I implore you to check out our new and improved one stop shop of kinder greens and prompts here >> https://ponepaste.org/7630
>>41509340It's really weird to not be the one who posted the new bread but it's good to know there are others willing to help out as well.
>>41509497Why do they call it helping out when you help in the post out hot eat the-I don't know this is just a distraction so Sweetie Belle can read your diary
>>41509710that little shite!
i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!! i want to have sex with fillies!!!!!!!
>>41509954yes. You may have sex with the fillies.
>>41509954Translator's note: 'sex' is what kinderponies call jumping on the bed
>>41510092damn butters must be an animal in bed
pre bed boop
Is Kinderquestria basically modernized G3?
>>41510836Don't think Im weird, but centipede pony is cute.
>>41510976The spider, too.
>>41510976Imagine the rapid clopping of hooves as she approaches.
>>41512226GET THE FUCK OUT FROM BEHIND THAT BOULDER, MARBLE
>>41511702>Bugponies have bug legs ending in hoovesWas Slepnir just a spider pony who got lost?
>>41510976She gives hugs
>>41512949Cute!
>>41512226Ah yes, here we see evolution by natural selection. The Marble has evolved over millenia to have a dull coat and mane, perfect for blending in with the stark, rugged, rocky terrain around her. This allows the Marble to avoid detection by predators, thus increasing her chances of passing on her beneficial genes to future generations of Marbles.
>>41513216Unfortunately, this Marble was too well-camouflaged. Her potential mates will be unable to find her unless she finds the inner strength to call out "Polo."
>>41513216must've also selected for cuteness too
>>41513216>Anon has watched too much Steve Irwin and Nature Documentaries.>Ends up in Kinderquestria>He is also a retard, so when he decides to start a made up on the fly biology documentary, he mistakenly separates the ponies by color instead of race.>Also belives the names of the ponies are the name of their Species/Subspecies.>"And here we see the land dweller distant cousin of the cross eyed Ditzies">"The Marble">"These creatures make their nests in rocky fields, quarries and similar places.">"It's not uncommon to see them poking their lil' heads from behind the stones, ready to alert the other Marbels of threats or predators.">"You see they are very good at hiding, their fur makes them almost impossible to see.">"Let's see if we can get a little closer">"Oh! Oh! Hey! Shh, she saw us, they have pretty good eyesight.">"Let's step back a bit, let her know are not a threat, don't want to scare her off">"Look, her ears are relaxing.">"Ain't she a beauty?"
>>41514592she's creepy but also cute, would hug.
>>41514592The most infuriating thing about this is AntLyra being a foot fetishist instead of a hand fetishist.
>>41510092Its also how they get pregnant. Couples jump on beds until they have kids. This is why selling beds is so profitable in kinderquestria.
>>41515825Five Little Monkeys Jumping On The Bed is snuff porn to a kinderpony?
>>41514429>Ah, a majestic example of Ponkius Pie-latius>Here we see evolution in action- note her pawing action>This, combined with her rock-hard hooves, makes her uniquely adapted for nesting in wooden floors>In a few short years, she'll have dug a rut to lay her eggs>Ponkii who fail to do this will often lose their eggs to the cunning Rainbow Dash
>>41514429>>41517526It would be extra hilarious to see the Ponies' POV, too!
>>41516544Yes. Off limits for fillies.
>>41517968>>41517526>Silly Anon>He doesn't realize this IS Rainbow Dash's egg>I'm just guarding it for her>Teehee>Imagine if Earth Ponies laid eggs>That's too silly even for me!>And I'm the avatar of silly!
>>41519156>The pudgy and crepuscular Twilight!>We're rather fortunate, my fair viewers- she's just finished a hunt!>Nature is fascinating, but she can also be cruel- parents may wish to have their children look away.>Done? Good. Now, as we discussed on the previous episode:>The Book is an invasive species that infests libraries and reading rooms.>Ponies will often wrangle excess books and leave them as offerings to predatory readers. This not only clears their nesting grounds of unwanted pests, but keeps the apex predators sated.>This mutualism between many pony species and predatory readers such as the Twilight is just one example of how nature foments friendship between the oddest couples->Oh dear! I do hope sensitive viewers heeded my warning! Look at her go!>The queen of the thatch jungle, with her massive absorption lenses, subdues the book and extracts mental sustenance from their bodies after cracking it wide open!>Oh the humanity!>As I've said many times- Nature is cruel. It's just the way of things.>She's getting tired now- after each feeding, a Twilight must sleep for at least 14 hours to digest her intellectual meal.>Look at her- you could almost forget the show she just put on, eh? So cute->Dear God! I can't believe it- keep your voices low. It seems- yes, we're getting a Spike!>Yet another mutualistic relationship- the Twilight protects the Spike from larger examples of its family like the Garble and the Discord. The Spike feeds on the dust and microbial scum produced from the Twilight's feedings, keeping her nest clean and free of parasitic Moondancers!>"Twilight, the weird guy is back.">"I know.">"He's saying weird things like you eat books and books will take over-">"Yes.">"It doesn't make you mad?">"Why? It's technically correct. All books must be pre-read by a Princess in case there's a monster inside.">"That's not what he said and you know it- you don't get full from reading!">"No, but sleeping helps your brain process information, so again- technically correct. From a certain perspective.">"You're just smitten because he said your eyes were big and good at readering, aren't you?">"Go to bed, Spike."
If you ever find yourself being accosted by a rambunctious mare who won't leave you alone, remember that you can always use The Sweater Technique to harmlessly incapacitate her.Simply slip The Sweater over her head and pop her head out of the provided Head Hole and watch her eyes widen as she realizes she has been thoroughly Sweater'd.Please note that side effects of The Sweater Technique include: Poutiness, Embarrassment, Bargaining, Flailing, Sleepiness, and of course, Acceptance.If you wish to resuscitate a mare prematurely, all you need is to pull the sweater off her and offer a tall glass of chocolate milk and her favorite cookie.For what to do if a mare is allergic or has no favorite cookie, refer to page 13 of your instruction booklet.
>>41519254KEK>>41519555czeched also makes them cute as hell
>>41519555Instructions do not work on half-mares it just makes them more holiday-cheerysend help
>>41520078You're on your own brother
>>41520078I guess that means resisting her is a Hopeless endeavor.
>>41521169PINKARLOS!
>9nom
>>41523387>The Anonfilly, common as fleas->"HEY!">"This guy talking shit about us???">Oh dear, the colony has been alerted to my presence!>Despite what Jaws tells you, predators will usually go for the easier meal- they're not psychotically murderous.>Let's throw some bread to cover our escape!>"Ooh, free bread!"
>>41519254funny
>>41529136Cute!
>>41530698kek
Pony got into your cupboardWanted flowers to snack onThings did not go as planned but she had fun anyways
>>41531148based
>>41531148Someone call the ghostbusters! There's a ghost mare in my cupboard!
>>41531148I'm gonna grab her and rub her on a pan (we're making cookies)
Boop
>>41534252Muffin with a muffin
>>41534983>Ah nature you cruel mistress.>The majestic Rainbow Dash, had found herself stranded.>While agile and powerful in the skies, here, bounded to the ground, is nothing more than easy prey.Anon stop this isn't funny!>She tries to screech and shout, to call for help and to try and intimidate nearby threats, but it's only a desperate attempt to cling to survival.Anon stop being a meanie!!>But Why? Why did this creature decided to seek her own demise by leaving the clouds behind? A question left unanswered>The rules are to not interfere nor disturb, no matter how much we want to.An-on sto-o-op!>Experts say that even if we freed her and reunited her with the other Dashes, she would try to get herself stuck and stranded again, head diving straight to another trap.Ano-o-on! You can't still be mad for that birdhouse! I said I was sorry.>In the end, this is the cycle of life... and there is nothing we can do about-*Sniff* Anon please...>Uhh-... LOOK VIEWERS! The rare sight of an AppleJacket courting ritual, observe how she makes a nest with apples!-The camera is left on the ground heading another direction where Applejack is playing with apples.--Offcamera the sounds of wing ruffling, anon trying to comfort Rainbow Dash and finally some wing flapping->It's a miracle!>The Rainbow Dash managed to unbind herself and find the will to seek life and soar the skies again!>Nature truly can surprise us with miracles from time to time!
>>41535642"And that's how it happened, Twi!">Twilight Scrunchle scrunched twilily>"I don't know, Rainbow dash.""What's there to get, huh?">"While I love watching Applejack play with apples as much as the next pony-">The hypothetical camera pans to a packed stadium with Applejack playing appley-sack>"I can't shake the lingering smell of VIOLATED OBSERVATION PROTOCOLS.">>>"Wait so you don't care that I was stuck in a storm drain?"
>>41535502she's gonna be doing laps around the room all through naptime and then is gonna crash hard.
>>41535642>>41535891KEK GOLD!
>>41536128It won't be empty after I put some cheez-its in her mouth
>>41536376Proof of best horse10/10 would share my Cheez-its with
>>41536128cute wife
>10
>Ponies can't see red>Anon gets an exclusive edition of Rainbow Dash (33% cooler)>Rainbow Dash is jealous of his ability to think she's even more awesome
>>41535642>that birdhouseMakes a change, normally it's the fountain. And I'll keep being mad about that as long as those FUCKING BIRDBRAINS KEEP PLAYING IN IT>>41535891>storm drainIsn't that a cattle grid?
>>41539220It might be, but consider how pegasi are the source of Equestrian weather, and how Rainbow Dash is stuck in it. Does this not mean that it is draining a storm?
>"Join the church of the Sisters Divine!""We have snacks!">"They've very good, I had three!"
>>41540484why is she so fucking cute goddammit!
>>41540498She's very enthusiastic!On another note, I find the notion of Anon accidentally starting a cult in worship of the princesses and having to wrangle in his rambunctious followers so they don't accidentally scare their fellow pones to be kinda funny.
>>41540531based! that's a cute premise would be nice to see a green of! love your shit brother! it's always cute and wholesome... even if it's horny as fuck lol TL:DR would hug the shit out of her and smooch her like the horny bastard that I am.
>SCP-Pickanumberformedammit>Containment Class: Apollyon>Destruction Risk: Low, as much as it pains Us to admit>Disruption Risk: Inevitable loss of divine mandate, leading to devaluing of currency and eventual collapse of Equestrian civilization>Special Containment Procedures:>O6 Luna is to be given fluff extensions as soon as possible.>Attempts to reduce SCP-?'s impact on trust in the pony government (by reducing SCP-?) led to seventeen separate planned chimp events across 7 families.(1)>Description:>SCP-? is an unknown force which causes satyrs to inherit the massive chest floofs of their human parents.(2)>While this phenomena is harmless when manifested on human entities, creatures with pony ancestry thus affected are almost always perceived as having an aura of authority and coolness(3) similar to their ability to bewitch human males and approximately 10% of human females.>SCP-?'s true risk to the crown was discovered when the royal guard began saluting Arianna despite her lack of any military experience whatsoever.(4)>Obviously this will not do. Ergo, refer to the special containment procedures and make my I mean Luna's chest floof utterly Sleepover Sized.(5)>1: We're pretty sure that Manehattan will be inhabitable again.>Someday.>Maybe.>2: No.>3: Technically true but->4. Ok that IS a problem but->5: LUNA THEY ARE UDDERS WE JUST NEED TO EDUCATE-(6)>6: Big chest is big. Big begets loyalty. Thy arguments fall upon deaf ears.Holy shit, captha: SATR00
>>41540802based
>>41540802Cool
>>41540484The existence of a princess implies a queen! Show us the queen!
Fresh mibble
>>41542742I’m gonna kiss you now. I don’t know when I’ll stop.
>>41542742The mibbliest mibble in all ofmibblonia
>>41539220>normally it's the fountainHow can pegasi be discouraged from frolicking around in one's water features? I considered blowdarting and plucking before releasing them as a warning to others, but that might be a little grim for Kinderquestria. Leave sugar-free gummy bears as bait? They might think that's worse. Never mind the laxative effects; are sugar-free foods (in general) considered a war crime in Kinderquestria?
>>41543078Sugar-free candy is so alien to a pony that it would not compute.
mature poners and the queenling have a lot more in common than you'd think
>>41543701Chrysalis's only crime was being hungy
>You find yourself idly sifting through your collection of coupons, sleepily planning your next trip to the store as any responsible adult would, when your loving wife Floor, tugs at the bottom of your shirt with her mouth.>Her expression was something akin to a mix of nervousness and concern."Something the matter, hon?">"Y-yeah...">She glances outside the kitchen window, and before she says another word, she shuts the blinds.>She then clears her throat and speaking in a hushed tone. "Have you uh... noticed anything weird lately? Since we moved back to Equestria...">You pause you coupon clipping for a moment."Well... I guess everyone has been particularly friendly since we came back, but I always chalked that up to Ponyville being the 'hub of friendship and comradery' or whatever...">You met Floor in Manehatten, and you remember them being a little rougher over there in the big city.>"Yeah, but it's- it's *too* friendly! And- And everypony seems so..." She circles a hoof in the air a bit. "Kiddish!""Kiddish? I mean...">Your eyes narrow.>She.. does have a point.>You don't remember ponies being so... carefree.>Everyone seems to have the rambunctious nature of a foal and never seem to tire of their silly antics...>Not only that, you've yet to meet a pony with a bad thing to say."I remember there being a lot more grumps...">You're pretty sure you haven't even heard a single 'Buck me' or 'Horsefeathers' since you got here.>And you remember that happening a lot before..."Maybe you're right...">Floor nods along. "See? Something's off! Sometimes it even feels like somepony's-">Her ears perk. "Did you hear that?""Hear what?">You watch as Floor shuffles over to the back door and places an ear on it. >"It's... talking.""I'm sure it's just Lulu talking to herself. You know how she-">Floor lifts a hoof, making you trail off and go silent.>...>"...thatsreallycool...andwhat'sthatonesname...pebble? ilikethatname...">"ahn thaths pubblewerf!">"hellopuddlesworth!">The two of you exchange a glance.>You can practically feel the motherly instinct boiling inside Floor as her brow furrows and she squints through the peephole looking into the backyard.>"I knew it!""Knew what?">"I knew those weird suit ponies were fishy! Nopony wears *suits*!""Floor, are you...">She turns her head to you and gestures you over. "I-I'm not crazy, dammit! Come over here and *look*!">With a sigh, you set down your safety scissors and get up with a wince.>Your poor knees..."Alright, alright...">Now at the door, Floor gestures you to the peephole and you roll your eyes.>This better not be some elaborate prank.>You lean down and squint through the-"Holy shit.">It only takes a cursory glance at the buttery yellow pegasus wearing a black trench coat and shades floating just beside your young daughter sitting on the grass for you to bolt over to the kitchen sink and grab hold of a soaking wet sponge.>"A-Anon what you going to-""Fixing the problem."
>>41543857>A pony in a trench coat and shades>Talking to daughteru unsupervised about their "pebbles"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RExO9zOixjkNo one is gonna sell my kid a stray pet rock
>>41543857>You grip the handle to the back door and take a deep breath.>One shot, one kill.>"Oh sweet Celestia... Is- It this what Cipher meant about glowies?! I thought he was just bucking with me! I didn't know they actually *existed*!""Shhh... Lemme concentrate.">Floor puts her hooves over her mouth and plops onto the uh... the floor.>With a huff, you thrust open the door.>Almost immediately, the fluttering pegasus mare lets out a little *eep!* and turns to face you.>Just to her right was Ceily, your half-pony daughter, who was sitting on the ground with her rock collection strewn about the grass.>With a braces filled grin, she gives an innocent little wave. "Hi dad! Mish Fluffersh-">The pegasus puts a hoof to her lips and gently shushes little Ceily. "I-I'm on a very secret mission! My identity is very-""Fluttershy!">"A-ah!">You hoist up the sponge, letting her see it drip onto the concrete step below."You have four seconds to explain!">"B-but I-""Three!">"Oh- Oh dear...">She continues to stumble and stammer as you count all the way down to one.>"W-wait!">You stop mere milliseconds from putting your pitching arm to good use."Uh-huh?">"It's- It's just that, well, you see, uhm...">You raise an eyebrow.>She takes an incredibly deep breath.>"I'msupposedtocatalogueallinstancesofpony/humanhybridsandreportbacktoprincesscelestiaandit'sjustthatyoumovedinandnowthewholethinggotturneduponit'sheadsincewethoughtwecountedthemallandshewasreallydisappointedinmeandIfeltreallybadaboutitandpleasedon'tbemadI'mjustdoingwhatIwastolda-and-">She lets out a squeak as you raise the sponge.>"Ah-ahm sowwy!" She sobs.>As Butterbutt continues to whimper with Ceily looking on in confusion, Floor pokes her head out the house.>"D-did you whack the glowie?""It's Fluttershy.">She gives you a bewildered look. "The element of kindness? Why is *she* at our house? Talking to *our* daughter in the middle of *our* backyard?">Flutters sniffles and opens her mouth the spill the beans once again, but she quickly covers her head as you waggle the sponge at her again."Apparently... It's just a census thing.">Floor frowns. "You're kidding.">You shake your head."I wish I was, but from the sound of it, this was just some over-complicated way to check how many 'hybrids' are living among us.">Floor cranes her neck to look at Ceily, who was now munching on carrot sticks from a little paper cup that you don't remember giving her.>"H-hey uh... Honey? Did- Did the strange mare do anything... weird?">She shakes her head. "Nuh-uh!">Fluttershy sniffs. "I wouldn't h-hurt a foal I prom-i-i-ise!""Hm... I guess she's harmless enough. Still don't understand why she didn't just, you know, ask? Should I... just let her fly off?">"Well... I guess you traumatized her more than enough.""Oh come on I didn't *traumatize* her! All I did was threaten her with a wet sponge!">"I mean... It *is* a pretty big sponge...""Floor, don't encourage her."
>>41544018This is why the founding fourth-graders enshrined the right to bear big wet sponges
>>41544018This is really good.
Don't talk to me or my girl-son ever again, glowie
>>41544018Cute.
>>41546526How did Ponk die?
>>41546785Too many boops from anon
>>41546526>>41546857>1 day after Pinkie's fun-eral>Anon is nearly killed by a falling Ponka>"I'm not a pegasus so I just kinda fell and here I am, isn't that so neat? FUN FOREVER!"
>>41547127Look Luna, all my dreams involve Banjo-Tooie for the N64 to some degree. It just can't be helped that Grunty is such a villain.
>>41547127I don't even remember my dreams most of the time but when I do they are completely fucking unhinged. for example I had a dream where I was walking in a town with an irl friend, then trixie flew over us on a rocket and exploded, then in an instant after that giant beetles started bursting out from under our skin by the thousands while we stood there not caring before the dream did a complete 180 direction direction wise. so yeah for me that's a completely understandable statement.
>>41544018- - - ->O-okay... uhm... How does Twilight make these things?>Uh...>Oh! I know!>Ehem...>This is Agent Flutt- I- I mean... Agent Bunbun reporting her findings regarding subjects "F.B." and "A.A.">After a... *very* successful mission in where my identity was *not* compromised and I *didn't* cry, I have confirmed the whereabouts of special interest S-32.>As- As stated in a previous document compiled by Agent...>*Paper ruffling noises*>Agent Pinkie- Hey!>Why does Pinkie get to use *her* name?>W-whatever, keep going...>C-compiled by Agent Pinkie Pie, it would seem that the hybrid filly she had spied was indeed one not previously recorded in our stork records.>From my brief encounter with the filly, she seems to be a foal of at least five or six years of age and has a firm grasp on essential foal behavior such as asking too many questions and nibbling on grass.>I'm... not sure if hybrid foals should be doing that last thing, I've heard it makes their tummies rumbly, the poor things...>A-anyways... Despite the concerns of [Redacted], I couldn't find anything particularly anomalous about her.>Sure, her parents seem to possess a wildly abnormal capacity for [Redacted], [Redacted], and [Holy Crackers That's Getting Redacted], but all animals do that! It's just... not something ponies usually do. At all.*Editor Inkwell's Note: Please refrain from referring to [Data Expunged] while recording logs in the future, Agent Bunbun. It makes VIP-L very uncomfortable to be reminded of such things after her encounter with Subject F.B.s dreams.>They seem like a perfectly normal family to me, and little [S-32] is nothing more than your average foal, if a little... unsocialized. But I'm sure she'll make friends in due time! She seemed very eager to share her interests with me.>D-did you know where they came from they have cartoons as well? She seems to really like this one show called 'Wacky Races' and the funny dog that's in it.>I think she said his name was... Muttley? She was very adamant that she could do a good impression of his laugh, but since I have no frame of reference for that, I... can't really say if she did well or not.>I thought it was nice, though.>...I'm getting off track, aren't I?>In- In all honest I can't think of much else to say... This feels like a pretty open and shut case!>I- I know their arrival was a little surprising and I've heard Agent Bookworm's theories, but I don't think it's all bad! I- I know I'm usually the first one to be freaked out by something like this, but after seeing things firsthoof... I think as long as we treat them as neighbors and friends, they'll acc- acclimate without an issue!>Maybe... we could contact and set up a little get together with some of the other subjects? I'm sure [S-32] would love that. She seems a little... lonely.>I... I guess that's it.>How do I... turn this thing off?>Is it the red button or this one over-*click*
>SCP-16-F>Containment Class: Euclid>Destruction Risk: Hot>Disruption Risk: Caliente(1)>Special Containment Procedures:>SCP-16-F is to be kept compliant, preferably via standard Foundation procedures (see entries on Cartoons With Morals, Snackies, Bedtime Extension Protocols)>Due to collateral damage, SCP-16-F's flight paths should be carefully scheduled and coordinated with weather teams and insurance companies along the projected vectors. The Foundation maintains a Speedy Pone Big Sound Explosion fund(2) for when damage is unavoidable.>SCP-16-F is to be kept away from Rainbow Dash.>SCP-16-F is to be kept out of Rainbow Dash's sight.>In fact, the less Rainbow Dash knows about SCP-16-F at any point, the better it will be for everyone>Description:>SCP-16-F is a Near-Ponoid Creature discovered flying near Saddle Arabia approximately 16 ALR.>Saddle Arabian officials contacted Foundation brass, requesting an urgent meeting after "your newest princess split the heavens, rode the rainbow, and dunked on the evil dragon-genie we were originally going to trick you into catching for us.">Agents were able to parlay with SCP-16-F surprisingly easily, though while friendly she was completely unwilling to comply with Foundation agents, stating they were not within her chain of command.>POI Duchess Trixie noted the presence of YOOSIAN flags and suggested deployment of Foundation asset Jeremy (See: Beetroot Crisis); Jeremy either truly outranked SCP-16-F or was able to trick her into believing it(3), as SCP-16-F immediately swore fealty to the Foundation and agreed to be taken into custody.
>>41547922>After being taken somewhere without blindingly bright desert sand, researchers were able to properly examine SCP-16-F:>SCP-16-F is broadly similar to a pegasus pony, being an equinoid winged creature. SCP-16-F is approximately 2.2 Celestias tall, with corresponding increase in longular and wideular proportions.>SCP-16-F can pass for a Princess at a distance, but close observation reveals alarming and vomit-inducing biology:>SCP-16-F's wings are flat and featherless, and contain large fan-rockets. Her hooves contain wheels. She is capable of spitting watermelon seeds fast enough to [DATA EXPUNGED; RESEARCHER AMNESTICIZED.]>Due to being so radical you could just puke when you realize you'll never be as cool as her, SCP-16-F must sadly be kept hidden from greater pony society. Any testfriend with a plan to increase SCP-16-F's friendship potential is reminded that departmental Show and Tells are open to all.>SCP-16-F is capable of performing a sonic rainboom and maintaining these speeds for an entire journey. When questioned, she reports that this is simply her cruising speed and it's nothing special.>All staff are reminded that Rainbow Dash is not to ever percieve or otherwise be informed of this creature. She'd never leave us alone.>1. Mexicolt for "Hot." Mexicolt makes everything spicier so it's like... Hot 2.>2. Previously known as Rainbow Dash's Crash Cash Stash, and it's criminal that we ever changed it.>3. Nopony present spoke Dog, and Dog has no written language. Like how would we even write it down to get a translator? Don't be silly.
How would a normal pony react if they were whisked away to kinderquestria?
>>41548503they'd probably be mighty confused and may even break down
>>41548503A normal horse would poop everywhere and try lots of inappropriate contact. Ponies would be confused at how this baby got so huge without actually growing up.
>>41548503Depends on the character. Who would be best suited for such a role?
>>41550164Pinkie and Derpy are the obvious choices, but I'm putting a hail mary bet on Vinyl Scratch. She's so cool and quiet she'd instantly get Big Sister status and thrive.
>>41550930Octavia would be a kino choice too
>pfw poner's face when walking through cobwebs
>>41551994And the aftermath:
>>41551994>>41552173god unicorn twilight is such a cute
>>41552300Such a cute what, anon?
>>41552575Poner
>>41553635Twilight doesn't even realize I can rotate a High Definition 3D Twilight in my mind for free
Pictured: brave soldier fights her toughest battle (bread with crust on it)
>>41554306Poor amethyst will have PTSD for years after this
>>41554306If you scream at icky food it tastes less bad.
>>41554954Ponies brave enough to eat off the floor after a food fight will become addicted to chasing that dragon (and throwing food at him)
Silver boop
>>41555970didn't draw...posted cause I liked it.
>Auntie Dashie had one too many Arizona Tall Boys at Harvest Time Harvest Holiday Feasting>It starts with eating silica gel packets>It'll end with suggesting a no-beds solution to the bunk bed crisis
>>41555981>so drunk he though /kinder/ was /bale/bros im ngmi
>>41554306Cutie
>>41557941Bonfighting is a barbaric sport!
>>41558536Nuh-uh, it's fun for all parties.
>>41559213Careful, Luna! Those red flowers look like poppies! Whatever you do, don't extract the juice and sell it for a lot of money to unsavory characters!
>>41559922No one would even know Chrysalis changed places in Kinderquestria.
>>41560893Silly Luna, those won't get big enough to make anything with. You need these magnum condoms I got for my magnum dong if you want to make a giraffe.
>>41561558>Grownups can cast Lay on Hands at will
>>41562426>Kinderquestrians genuinely do not get what's so great about the Olympics.>Sure, they know about races and even have them from time to time but those are usually friendly or a tradition for a town to have.>Plus, little fillies could "Go Fast" as well as any human, if not even more so for cases like Rainbow Dash and, surprisingly, Derpy Hooves.>So, no, the Olympics are just kinda weird.>Now, knowing how to give a hug that could cure any known variant of the dreaded "Hissy Fit" in mere moments? THAT was impressive and deserving of being scored and shown off worldwide.
>>41562426>>41562553God I have all of HorseWIfe saved I need to reread it
Why are these horses so silly
>>41563160smol brains
>>41563160how else are they going to get clean?
>>41563160GOD DAMN IT I WILL FILL YOU FULL OF SUGAR-FREE GUMMIES UNTIL YOU SHIT YOURSELF INSIDE OUT >>41543078
Kinder ponies are far trickier than you'd expect
>>41543078>>41564321>Ponies require sugar to live long, happy lives.>Therefore, sugar-free candies would be seen as the ultimate "Junk" food not only because it'd provide nothing nutritious for them but because it causes the absolute worst kinds of tummy aches imaginable while taking nutrition AWAY from a needy pony's body.>Aka, that shit might as well be a step above poison and it will worry the ever living hell out of any pony who spots Anon with sugar-free gummies.>...he knows what he's going into.>Pray for him.>And his shitter.
>>41564885This level of cunning is why Sweetie Drops is a secret agent.>I don't care WHO the IRS sends, I am NOT paying taxes!
hoomin fashion has begun to catch on
>>41565763and the poners are the cuter for for it
>>41565763>"Nice hoodie!"
>>41567124LYRA YOU LIL SHID
>>41566675Cute twiggles
>>41567124Thought for a second that he stuffed them down his fly.
>>41567951That is a distinct possibility, it is anon after all.
>>41568191How the hell is he doing that? The Kinderpublic have a right to know if he eats his veggies and drinks his milk!
what a hardflank
>>41569487>Be Rainbow Dash>Be breakin da rulez>Eating cookies in the pool, right in front of a sign saying not to do exactly that thing you're doing right now>Everypony is watching>Mares wish they were you>Stallions also wish they were you, because who wouldn't?>You stop briefly in your anarchic frolicking to leer smugly at the lifeguard>*plop*>What's this!?>Your cookie crumbled right out of your mouth!>The splashing water must have weakened it!>Only once it's too late do you realize the rule was there for your protection!>Dashing out of the pool, you head straight for the nearest Princess Church to reform your wicked ways>Or you would have, had you not noticed the unsullied grass in the new park (featuring a very tempting sign!)
>>41570526
>>41572079>Sergeant Commander-Sergeant was the first to wake up from his nap>Sarge was ready to go- the mare-ines provide everything a manotaur needs! Every allowance is a king's ransom, every snacktime is a full lunch, he just LOVED his job!>The other manotaurs (he was very insistent that satyrs were part goat, not part pony) were still groggy and trying to stay in bed, but eventually started getting up>Insults were traded, teeth were brushed, his squad was finally in working order>>"Hey Queso, anypony ever mistake you for a pony?">I said- in working order>>>"I dunno, anypony ever mistake you for a marine?">AHEM. WORKING. ORDER.>>>Thank you.>Booper Companysquad filed into the zeppelin's briefing room, still arguing over the->Sigh>Sarge is gonna have to-"ONE TWO THREE, EYES ON ME!">Plots immediately hit the floor, eyes forward>One mouth shut so hard as to send its owner to the infirmary"That's more like it! Now, we're hitting the ground running and soon, so pay attention!">A map of Mopey Meadow whirred down on a fancy automatic wall display thingy."Town's gone silent- haven't paid their tia taxes in a week, no telegrams- yes, Corporal?">A batyr mare, callsign Queso, had her hand raised->>"How do we know the whole town didn't just get grounded?">sigh>Lord be testing Sarge."BECAUSE- their dang flag is gone! An enemy force has made an undeclared act of aggressive sporting on Equestrian soil! You think Princess Twilight Sparkle would spend money sending us on a wild goose chase?">Private Sprinkles raised her hand-"NO, that doesn't count, the Crystalian Goose was an existential threat!">And quickly withdrew it>Sarge began rattling off intel, punctuating each navpoint with his laser pointer"...After initial sweep, Alpha squad will do a full door-to-door sweep of the east, Uno on the west- PRIVATE GOLDIE, what is your malfunction!?">A yellowish, clawed hand had been batting at the map, attached to a half kitty, half birb, half girl who was looking quite sheepish>>>"Sorry sir, doc says I'll never not be able to chase a red dot.""Right. Not your fault, you got too much of your dad in you. Just sit on your hands, soldier.">The briefing resumed with no interruptions. It might have been an impressive performance, if Booper wasn't already the best."Alright ladies, you did good with morning circle. Any other company might give you gold stars. I never liked stickers-">A dozen satyrs maintained their composure against such blapshemy"I prefer toys. I pulled some strings, we'll be doing the field test for the latest gear!">One of the cabin fillies dragged in a pallet of extremely heavy crates to a chorus of oos and aaahs"Presenting, hot off the toy store-">A lid was pried open"The TW-SP Smart-Nerfer! Wait-">The box contained Princess Twilight Sparkle and an overly complicated harness>>>>"Hello! My friends and I realized we were really bored, so we're issuing ourselves to your team!"
anonfilly seems to be going native
>>41572079It's only a matter of time until they ban assault ponies
>>41575566Fortunately, I converted mine to an apepper pony
>>41572422Twiggles would make a pretty good weapon, I think.
>First, ya get the sugar>Then, ya get the bakery>Then, ya get the women!>"Actually, I'm on a diet.">I'll never understand humans.
>the coke and mentos reaction is much stronger in equestria
>>41572422"Uh...">Twilight>That is, the TW-SP Smart-Nerf, a portable-"NO! Just- NO.">Sarge was trying to find the right words, all the while stomping his hoof hard enough to make dollar signs in the eyes of even the most charitable farriers"Just- what- no, wait- AW, SWEET NO-BAKE FUDGE FROM GRANDMA. We're marines! We can't be responsible for the safety of royalty in a field operation!">Twilight smugged, then twitched at the thought of an emotion being verbed>"You won't be! You'll be responsible for the field testing of new equipment, silly!""You're not cleared for military exercises! International laws! Palace protocol! COMMON SENSE!">"Of course we're not! But your guns are!">As Sarge excused himself to the screaming room, Queso carried out the....>Inspection?>Be Bappina Ryujinx Jr, AKA Queso>Be strapping The Actual Fucking Princess to your designated LSW guy"Don't lose her- I'm pretty sure they'll find a way to ground us twice if you do!">"Don't be silly- rigorous scientific studies have proven being grounded while grounded cancels it out!""And you-">>"Not to be a bother, darling, but you ARE speaking to a-""Squad automatic weapon. And DMR(1)s don't talk, either! If you're being gear then you have to commit to the bit or we're just taking our normal stuff!">Ignoring the harrumphing and the scrunching of snoots, you move to get the other boxes open>One Honest Appleseed Spitter in the Red Delicious wavelength (with cooling hat)>One Portable Party Mortar (do not ask how to reload)>One less-timeouty 'hypnnoshy'?>One->Hang on"Uh, Rainbow Dash?">>>"MMMMPH!">"Sorry, we had to muzzle her, she kept trying to lick the cheeto dust off of Pinkie Pie in-transit">Shit.>Cheeto dust thief?>How can you trust a mare who'd steal flavor from her friend?>Fucking nepo-baby, you'd get court martialed for stealing from a comrade but noooo here she is getting to insert herself into your mission>No goddammit not the pleading eyes"FINE. You can be a jetpack. DIVERSITY HIRE! Guess who's not dragging the team down anymore?">The only earth satyr onboard snatched the muffled multichromatic mare, >As the second in command/current leader, you're the only one who can be trusted with heavy weapons>How the hell DO you reload a Pinkie Pie, though?>The sensually mischievous look she's giving you isn't helping>1: Darling Mare (Rarity)
scoota nom!
>>41577688For a second I thought that said scoota mom and I was very confused
10
>>41577958based retard id imagine most fillyfags would gladly make her a mom though
>>41579354What kind of pudding?
>>41579379Vanilla
>>41579846I stealthily swap the vanilla for white chocolate when she isn't looking
>>41579929You monster! white chocolate is garbage.
>>41580005I was testing her. She has proved worthy of the Chocolate/Vanilla Swirl!
>>41577248>"FINE. You can be a jetpack. DIVERSITY HIRE! Guess who's not dragging the team down anymore?">>The only earth satyr onboard snatched the muffled multichromatic mare,
>>41580845Based retard
pre-bed boop also I think Flufflepuff would be a tactical nuke
>>41582245agreed
>>41565763The sneakers are a nice touch
>>41584320the pic was originally just junebug with sneakers the hoodie was added in by another anon.
>>41510836>The screen flicks on and shows an image of a grey stallion holding a toy microphone. “This is Bucker Coltson reporting live from the streets of Fillydelphia where a giant monster is currently attacking the downtown area.”>Camera feed cuts to zoomed out footage of Mothra attacking the city.>Overhead pegasi fly in formation dropping water balloons on the giant moth.“Princess Celestia has declared a state of emergency. Naptime for the Royal Airforce has been suspended and Royal Guard units are being deployed on the streets.”>A street view shot of royal guards setting up pillow forts and launching pumpkins from catapults.>Mothra shrugs off the attacks and lets out a roar."CHEEEEEERNNNTTTT!”>The camera cuts back to Bucker Coltson.“Breaking news! Princess Twilight Sparkle has come up with a plan to defeat the monster!”>The camera pans to Twilight Sparkle flying above the countryside with a giant round egg held aloft in her magic.>There’s a grey mare clinging to the side of the egg.“You can’t give Holder’s Boulder away! It’s miiiiiiiinnnnnnneee!”>Twilight rolls her eyes.“It’s not yours! Mothra just wants her baby back!”A few hours later…>Bucker Coltson stares at the camera tiredly.>Draped over his shoulders is a star patterned blanket.>Besides his microphone he’s holding a teddy bear.>In the background the burning ruins of Fillydelphia can be seen.>Smoke and fire contrast against a darkening sky.“The battle for custody of Mothra’s egg is ongoing.”>Smash cut to Mothra and Limestone duking it out in the middle of the city, or rather what’s left of it.>Despite the size difference the mare manages to hold her own dodging streams of silk spit from the kaiju’s and retaliating with bucks and double hooved punches.>The royal guard are all tuckered out and lay huddled amongst the ruins of shattered skyscrapers clutching their emergency teddy bears and catching up on much needed rest.>An increasingly grumpy Twilight Sparkle can be seen dodging attacks from both sides while frantically yelling at Limestone to share the egg.>The camera cuts back to the news reporter who looks on the verge of drifting off.>A loud yawn comes from the stallion.“As you can see, Operation Sharing is Caring is currently shaping up to be a total failure. Rumors are circulating that Canterlot is looking into unleashing the Time Out contingency.”
>>41584704KEK>Deploying pumpkins in civilian areasThere's going to be a war crime tribunal! Have you any idea how far the goop of a pumpkin can spread!? How nasty it tastes without sugar and spice!?
>>41585482Every auxiliary function of the Tactical Mare can be engaged by booping her snoot and hoping she guesses the correct spell.>>41577248>T minus zero-zero>The landing went flawlessly, not even Sarge's drink got spilled and he doesn't even use a sippy cup>Mopey Meadows, the most ironically named place in all of Equestria!>West side is a giant chocolate factory, east is the biggest Hayburger Hamlet playplace in the eastern hemisphere at 8 square miles!>Recon confirmed the town is empty- so while Uno raises the flag, you've been tasked with investigating the playplace>Be Queso>Be creeping through cramped tubes>Thank Meg this playplace was built to be inclusive towards minotaurs, or you'd have to crawl>Every time you pass a junction, teal and lavender lights flash down as nervous satyrs watch for threats>No sounds but the clopping of hooves, the WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP of the giant overhead fans, and the constant pings of your smartguns' playdar>"Book. Book. Book.">"Darling. Darling. Darling.">Morale has been grim ever since you realized Pinkie Pie was shipped with only a bunch of coffee-scented hairspray, disco-polka music boxes and one (1) can of Bang! Protein Coffee>And you, as field commander, get the dubious honor of carrying the PMD.>"Book-Book-Book-BOOKBOOKBOOKBOOKBOOK">Approaching a large clearing, Sprinkles raises a fist and does 4 Naruto battles worth of hand signs>"Hold up. Something ain't right here.">>"Yeah? Besides a bunch of fliers and literal royalty crammed into close quarters you mean?">"Not doing my nerves any favors, Goldie!">>>"WHERE IS EVERYONE!? THE WALLS ARE-">>>>"WE'RE ON OUR LAST QUARTER! GAME OVER MARE, GAME OVER!""EYES ON ME!">You set Pinkie's implausibly-heavy ass down with a rubber squeak>Goldie runs over and grabs an Adult Beverage out of Pinkie's mane>>"Ha- knew that would get you to stop for a sec.">She pops the top on her diet Pepsi as the squad snickers at you>"bookbookbookbookbookbookbook">Fuck it, you should be mad but you *have* been schlepping for an our or two>Time to grab yourself a wheatgrass shake>"BOOKBOOKBOOKBOOK">>"We really had you going there- come on, nothing ever hap-">BOOP
>>41586111
>>41585901https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LJjS5sHnPag&pp=ygUVYmF0dGxlIG9uIHRoZSBhbWVyaWdv>>"-nothing ever hapMMMFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA">In the span of 3 seconds, Goldie gets booped and dragged into the slide on the south wall>Twilight falls to the floor with an "OOF- I mean BOOKBOOKBOOKBOOKBOOKbook-book-book-book">You grab Twilight before she can be boopnapped, ordering defensive position around Panko>Everypony backs into a circle, ponies trained on the various dark and dingy holes>Book---book-----book-bookBOOKBOOKBOOKBOOKBOOK>Scrabbling in the northwest netting tunnel>You turn and squeeze Twilight's hoof, illuminating a half dozen changelings with magenta boop-beams>All heck breaks loose, all you can hear is bug hooves, boops and seed spitting>A ladybug queen nearly grabs you, stopping inches from your nose by Fluttershy's 'yay'>>>"We're outta apples! Affix bayonet!">Sprinkles yoinks Applejack's tail, revving her front hooves like a chainsaw>You see them wade into an ocean of lings, parting their numbers for a moment>Then the ocean falls back upon them>You see them no more>Fluttershy valiantly holds down entire corridors with her stare, but she can't look at two at the->Yep there she goes>Situation normal: all fucked up>"WE'RE ALL BOOPED! LOAD ME! LOOOAAAAD MEEEEEEEEE!">DARLINGDARLINGDARLINGDARLING"HOW!? THERE WERE NO INSTRUCTIONS!">BKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBKseriouslyi'mgettingtiredBKBKBKBKBKBKBKBK>"Duh! Open mouth, insert coffee!">Well>Obviously>Your hearing fades into ringing while the battle rages around you>Eternity passes in 2 seconds as you stare at the arming drink in your free hand"Teacher have mercy on us all...">You boop Pinkie's shin, making her mouth open wide with a rusty creak>The can of Bang goes right into her mouth like it was designed to fit>"HEY WAIT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO POP THE MMMMMMMF">Gulp>Nothing's happening>"Mmmmm, metallic and-">BOOM
>>41576044Pinkie certainly thought so
>>41587118That ass goes on for days and she doesn't even know
>top of the class for eight years of infiltrator trainingExtremely sneaky
>>41590065Unironically, the lings could've lived in peace with ponies doing this.
>>41563160
Showing off her impressive skills
>>41591637very implessive
>>41591637She didn't even use fire she just slapped it hard enough to cook
she wishes to enter
>>41538085>"Ponies can't see red">Rainbow Dash driving a car"Why are all those things taking photos of me? Probably cause I'm so awesome! That dude gave us a free car wash from his internal organs!"
>>41593567>Call Cadance Candyass>Ponies are shook>"How did you know I was secretly a donkey?"
>>41593052>Humans and toon physics mix... funny>A 5 car pileup resulted in a bunch of organs doing a conga line back to the guy's skeleton
>>41594675kot pone
>>41533412endless energy is not profitable twily, have a cup of dirt® with dirt® included
>>41587157>"SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!">You awake to a streamer-filled partypalooza>Changeling clowns are taking turns turning into balloons and making balloon animals>The food->"I assumed you were Mexicoltian so I made a bunch of quesadillas!">No>NO NO NO>This was all a setup!>Pinkie just can't not give parties!>You can't be at a party! Especially not a Mexicolt party!>Not since.... The Academy>They found you in the bathroom, drinking straight out of a squirt bottle>Called you quesadilla-face>Why is Twilight mocking you? She was supposed to be the only pony who understood!>"Hey, you OK?">"Queso? Y'allright?">Les Collaborateurs Changeling have already run like hell>They could probably smell the impending freakout>You? You'll be smelling wet fur in the morning>The smell of victory
>>41596077But mostly blue.
>>41596589>>41596122The GREAT and POWERFUL TRIXIE has more blue than the pitiful Rainbow Dash! And before you ask, no, she is not sharing her sandwich with plebians.
>>41596927she's definitely quite blue
Since we was posting bugpones earlier
>>41597031I like the lil' fella's enthusiasm
>>41596077Be Pinkie then
>>41598127
>>41598403Based and full of panko breadpills
>SCP-1111>Containment Class: Safe>Destruction Risk: High>Disruption Risk: High>Special Containment Procedures:>Get us more SCP-1111 now do it now do it do it do it we NEEEEEED IT>Description:>SCP-1111 is a species of fried wheel cakes(1) of unusual size and delectability.>Typically found in groups of 13, inside a white box with red markings(2); exhaustive testing has unfortunately proven they do not simply manifest inside such containers.>They are great and command wants more of them. Please help us.>1. Pony Joe has copyrighted the term "Donut" oh dang it there goes 2 bits>2. Best translation efforts approximate to "Crunchy Milk." The deeper implications of this are currently unknown.
>>41599263God, Krispy Kreme are nasty, way too much sugar. Kinderpones would love them, of course.
>>41599263rip the poners being tempted by heaven only to fall
>>41599386I've never had one in my life, the only Krispy Kreme in my area became a KFC then a shuttered old KFC when I was in grade school
>>41599848I find them sickly sweet and kind of empty-ish on the inside, like if you made a fake donut out of cotton candy. They seem to be popular with the scooters-and-beetus crowd Me, I'll continue to patronize my local family-owned donut shop, their donuts are fucking awesome.
>>41599930>Scooters and BeetusI'm kekking on the outside cuz I've had intense personal experience with those types but also I'm picrel on the inside for the same reason
>>41600059
the kirin are trying to communicate
>>41600163Sleepy scoot.>>41600684Love that gif, what are they trying to say I don't speak more?
>>41600976>"pleas pet kirn"
>>41601314Would
>"Pinkie Pie will be sooooooo jealous of this party cannon we found!"
Any Nightmare Night themed kinder greens?
>>41602717I think? idk best to check the pastedown, there's probably at least one and i just don't remember.
would you?
>>41603153Yes, I'd go Trixie Treating with her
>>41603204based retard
Before eepytime nose poke
>>41602717very spooookyhttps://ponepaste.org/5853
inb4 tummyache
>>41604081funnily enough the risk of salmonella actually come from the flour rather than the eggs.
>>41604312>"Sam o Nella? That funny guy you showed me? I'd love to meet him!">Cue an epidemic of raw flour eating in an attempt to summon the funny guy who lives in my laptop
grump ponk
Watching Luna Eclipsed followed by Scare Master last night really shows a big contrast to how the show became in later seasons. I think Luna Eclipsed is much more Kinderquestria than Scare Master. I didn't like how they belittled Fluttershy for trying to be scary instead of giggling along like I was. Granny Smith's comment about the "bones of ponies who didn't make it out alive" was too much. Why can't we just have cute mares being cute? The costumes are all adorable, of course.
>>41606612Those colors are very nice
>>41606612I'm more concerned by the implication that ponies have astronauts.
she was looking for snacks
>>41607548Welp, guess we going to the gym together
>>41606612kino
>>41609090who dat
>>41609518Chineighese spy balloon
>>41606812More likely that Rainbow Dash was cosplaying as some sci-fi character.
>>41609701No Twilight! Don't say it!
>>41609728
>>41609728oh shit i just noticed i accidentally replied to you in that post >>41610048
>>41610048f
>>41611548That's a ton of cake for a little pony
>>41612948supervising what exactly?
>>41613611A lot of things. She's one of Ponyville's licensed adults, after all.Baking candy can be pretty hazardous, and that kind of training is very helpful in everything from fixing a sink to making sure every clock has its battery changed. The adulting license is hard to get and it takes a lot of studying but it's a great way to give back to your community.
>>41610048Poor Fluttershy shouldn't have to eat decorative flowers. I will regale her with how dogs and humans have been friends for 50,000 years and hopefully the friendship magic will heal her.
>>41613745based bonbon>>41613909how sweet
>>41614833
>>41615423I bet Octavia tastes like rosin
>>41615423Thats cute as fuck i love it
>>41615423omnomnom
>>41615423kek
>>41616713Must be hard being a single teenaged bugmom
>>41616713The bug in the leghole is unsettling
>>41617394They did it in the show.
>>41617609Eurgh what was this? To Where and Back Again?*Translator's note: "To Flame" is a human activity where insults are flung on a forum.
>>41618453>"Oh no! The red underwear is inside the white shirt!">-Kirin watching her favorite Soap Opera
>>41617783'The times they are a changeling'.
>>41619199Pretty creepy looking
>>41619199
>>41620830KEK
>9
>>41621831Lewd
>Oh, um, hello dear viewers...>Um>Welcome to another episode of Fluttershy's Friends>Today we're discussing the domesticated Roomba, if that's okay>Much like cats, Roombas are descended from vicious predators, though they prefer dust bunnies rather than mice>Speaking of cats- if you have a cat at home, a roomba is an excellent cohabitator>Don't be surprised to see your cat riding your roomba- it's not a domination act, I promise>They don't compete for food in the wild, so they have little reason to fight>The roomba's efficient gait helps the cat conserve energy for its hunting ground, and the cat scares off opossums who like to steer roombas away from their food source!>Isn't nature fascinating?>Oh, dear, that's all the time we have->Yes, Angel Bunny, I know you'll 'choke a bitch' if you don't get your fruit salad
>>41622095KEK based
boop
>>41623254>While I appreciate your devotion, darling....>Owning ponies is illegal. And mean.
>mash E to boop free
>>41624152EEEEEEEEEEE
>>41624625request for pic of her after he removes the belt
Nuzzle the swibbleLove the swibbleForfeit all cutie marks to the swibble
>>41625435as swibble wishes
leera hoers
>>41626204>Her name was Leera Horsethings all along
>>41626226she's always been hoers
>>41620067
>>41627048Her shoes are so cute
>>41627182agreed
>>41627788How fast do you have to spin around before she can't hang on any longer?
>>416287665
>>41629677Shit cute!
>Sea of Thievin' Varmints
>>41629677Cute little mare in cute little shoes
When Anon is vacuuming, nopony can hear you scream
>10Get booped, smooched, and pecked
bacun horse blep
>SCP-1800>Containment Class: Safe>Destruction Risk: Meh?>Disruption Risk: My coiffure!>Special Containment Procedures>SCP-1800 is to be stored in a standard containment cubby. Additional instances are to be disposed of via standard anti-electronics bathtub.>Description>SCP-1800 is an elongated object made of a substance similar to Lego blocks. When a button on the topside is pressed, the metal tip at the end begins to rapidly vibrate. At this point, SCP-1800's anomalous properties have engaged.>The holder of the object will experience an intense, subconscious urge to sweep the metal tip across the manes of any ponies or dollies they can find. SCP-1800's metal tip functions as a rapidly snipping scissor, capable of making ponies bald with terrifying efficiency.>Initial containment found three objects in the possession of the Cutie Mark Crusaders (See SCP-003) and was disastrous for Rarity's mane, Silver Spoon's doll collection, and the Ponyville creek trout population.
>>41633402>Ponyville creek trout population
>>41633864They fell into the creek with it, it's also how they found out taking a bath with it will destroy it.
>Moochick casts a spell of protection>Now the party can safely explore that gas station bathroom
>>41634935kek
prebed derp
>>41626709
>>41635672
>>41509340I would like to request that the archiver adds dates to the stories. So I know which ones are new to read. Thank you for your amazing work.
>>41635956This would not deter me at all
fresh bloom
>>41637055qt poner
>>41637055Meowdy!
>>41636032Now that we're mares we can do anything!https://youtu.be/vpuRYLHf3ZE?si=342elluLKwraLZlQ
>>41628892Five what?
>>41619199Looks like they're wearing PJs.
Anyone got prompts for kinder stories?
>>41609527That's a weird name for a pony
>>41609536Fuzz Lighthoof or something. Neil Hoofstrong? Buck Rodgers already sounds like a pony name. Now I'm wondering what kind of Scifi stories Dash is into.
>>41618453The magic gateway to other worlds. What secrets does it hold?
>>41637667>Be science anon in Equestria>Still unsure of how technology works here>The other day you tried to take apart one of their machines>Inside was loose wire not connected to anything, some spare change and a chewed-on crayon>Results inconclusive. Further testing is required
>>41628186The risk of being bitten by a pony is low but never zero
>>41637743Yeah it's at least five.
>>41637728>Kinderpones use Ork-techSeems legit.
>>41637652>"Were We not clear? 'Tis five."
>>41638816Twiggie monch
>>41638063
>>41639541I like this Celestia design
>>41637935Do red ponies go faster?
>>41636567The secret is to read them all, then just search ponebin for /kinder/ and keep an eye out for new stuff.>>41637667There should be a prompt dump on ponebin somewhere.
>>41640175Rainbow is the fastest and she's only 10% red.
>Oh, don't mind me>MONCH>I'm your official snack taster>NOM>Yep>KWUNCH>All your snacks are certified Cool and Not Poison>You should buy more doritos though>You just ran out
>>41640861She's very cute so im 1005 ok with that
>>41640451Obviously that means: rainbow ponies go fastest.
>>41641400How princesses be lookin at you when you have a brand new box of full-size candy bars
>>41641400pretty pony princess
>candy makes this face at youWhat is she planning?
>>41642803Makeover and dating game show with (you) and the legion of doom
>>41642803She's going to order pizza and wants to know what toppings you want
>>41643392>"You can get tropical froot!?"
>>41643675She's gonna blow!
>>41644524Lucky for me, I'm a thertified doofuthCaptcha: SAWKTH
>>41644217Left: Most motivated canonquestria fast food workerRight: Least motivated kinderquestria Speedy Dining Chef
>>41636567your will be done https://ponepaste.org/7630 its updated now
>>41645906At the risk of being narcissistic, how do I get my stuff added?
>>41646093put your greens onto a ponepaste and link that pone paste to me and i will add it...eventually, I tend to procrastinate a little. the only reason i didn't add your stuff to the spc archive was a combo of laziness and lack of response. sorry for being unfiltered honest. i take my time because I'm retarded.
>>41646159Don't worry, we're all retarded down herehttps://ponepaste.org/user/woggs123
>>41646173based will hop onto it when i feel like it, sorry.
>>41646190Why be sorry when you could be indulging in this filly's softness?
>>41646259not a filly fucker personally but would pet
>>41647095What's "fuck"? I meant hug her and rub her tummy you silly
>>41647099
This confuses the mare.
>>41647267Open mouth, insert carrot
>>41647548Carrot + Mare = Good times
The mare wants to show you something......but she doesn't understand the consequences of doing so...What do you do, anon?
>>41647582What if we adjust the ratio? Add more carrots? More mares? Science demands it!
>>41648127Politely ask her to give the radiator back to whoever she took it from
>>41648146The mare does not understand your request.She simply picked up the radiator from the room, which was not occupied when she entered it. Hence, as per her understanding, nopony owned the radiator, and she was free to take it.How do you explain the concept of absentee ownership to the mare?
>>41648198"You wouldn't appreciate me taking stuff out of your toybox without asking, would you?">Mares share because they care"Even if you don't mind sharing, you'd still want to know where they'd gone. You would want to know where your toys are so you could make sure they get put back, right?"
>>41649060No carrot + mare = good timesNo carrot + no mare = bad times
>>41648198At the point I think they'd also struggle with object permanence.
>>41634935What loot is there to be found in the gas station bathroom?
>>41638063The numbers mason, what do they mean?!
>>41631743That's a messed up looking easter egg
>>41649116>Go to grocery store during easter>Cut open all the avocados and replace the seeds with actual toys>Tape them back together>Boom, lots of happy ponies>Start a new holiday tradition
>>41649081More than you'd think!If you have a unicorn, you can get tons of exotic fertilizer (can be combined with a farm to make plants)If you find the key and run off with it, the gas station attendant will leave his fortress to get it- this is your chance to get ultra rare snacks from the main building>>41649091Five is more than four but less than six. Advanced math for a kinderpony, I know.
edgy bon is edgy
>>41649509The kind of mare who says "no we can't!" to Bob the Builder
>>41649526how dastardly
>>41649071>tfw no carrot no mare
>International outrage today at the United Horsenations Princess Spelling Bee>The host had been replaced by a changeling, but investigators could not reach the itty bitty pony committee to halt the event>By the time the deception was revealed, Princess Celestia had already spelled ICUP before an audience of millions!
>>41650754Equestrian 9/11
>>41649267Are the ponies using gas for fertilizer???
>>41651340Wait. Does your local gas station put its pumps in the bathroom?
>>41646173https://ponepaste.org/7630 you have been officially added you are now in the big boy league, when ever you post a standalone green please link to the pone paste so I can add it right away. thanks for your patience and your contributions! I never realized just how many greens you have written for this thread.
>>41651332>A second bad word has hit the podium>"Your majesty, I'm afraid that saying "x x x x x x x " sounded like you were saying "sex">>41651340>Pinkie takes the gas>It's the best thing for growing molotov cocktail cherries>>41651576I need to write more but it ain't coming to me
>>41651931is all good senpai don't burn yourself out
pre-bed bananoop
>go to gym>buff mares offer to juice you up>laugh about not wanting to drink cranberry juice>they give you weird looks and pull out syringes>oh shit okay, real gear it is then>get sent to hospital shortly after>they scan your embolism>it's cranberry juice
>>41510836>those eyesIs this a ja0822ck piece?
>>41653473yes>>41653442KEK
>>41653442Lmao
Thinking of resurrecting this so i'm throwing out the bit I had saved>Anon is often allowed into places he shouldn't be>Being level-headed and brave by kinder standards helps>Mrs. Cake asked him to be there for the birth of her foals>That's way too much>Can't make her sad>Anon holds her hoof through all the groaning>Suddenly a stork>An actual fucking stork with two babies in a sack>A potato sack, not even a fancy hospital sack>The Cakes' labor pains increase>Even Mr. Cake is now doubled over in the corner>"Look, someone's gotta sign for these brats" the stork says>Apparently the thought of paperwork causes most kinderponies physical pain>Explains why Twilight and Mayor Mare can keep getting away with stuff>The twins are delivered safely and with all papers in triplicate>And you have a mystery to track>Using your superior, predatory, pattern-seeking brain you track the minimum wage servant of whatever fertility god holds sway here>Following a trail of shredded paper, dropped pens and feathers you come across a large, silvery pool>No>Ain't no way ponies come out of a giant cabbage patch milkshake>N green foals climb out(1)>Followed by a very irate and middle manager-looking stork>"THERE YOU ARE! We've had your back order waiting for years!""My... what?">"Did your parents never have the talk with you? Every time a pony 'gets pleased' in springtime, Marephrodite takes this as a request for a foal.""Buddy, I ain't ever been with a mare once, let alone N times!">Okay once with Pinkie>But everypony's been with Pinkie>Even Pinkie>Especially Pinkie>"Yes but the All-Mother saw how often you were.. uh... don't make me say it, anyway she took this as a heartfelt prayer to give you a family and YOU kept them waiting!">You're about to say something when the greenest of the fillies shouts>"Aw pork off, you motherfudger! He got here when he got here!">The peanut gallery provides variations of 'yeah!' in a discordant harmony>You're going to have to work on those swears if they're going to survive their first rap battle>It's a cruel world out there, you never know when the quiet kid will bring a boombox and backup dancers to school>....Maybe being a father will be good>And if they destroy Equestria, you can always blame Marephrodite>1. Where N represents the truthful number of foals the author hasn't decided yet; last time it was 8 and I derailed my own story just trying to name the bastards
>>41654490KEK
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAqZqR_tYaM
>>41654490>AFewHoursLater.mp4>Be in your 'unfortunate hovel' (spacious apartment that just isn't a tree or a giant cupcake or a hereditary fiefdom granted by Sunbutt)>Happy as you were to have... wait, there's one more?>Shit, one of them was asleep, she floated up while you were signing for them>How did she get home?>You don't recall anyone carrying her; you only just now noticed her via the honk-mimimimimimis emanating from her facehole>Did she just float home?>YESFATHERIDID WHATISTHENAMEOFOURGRANDHOUSE?>Well, ponies don't seem to do last names and their relationship to you is metaphorical at best>Wait a second->Something's not right here>How the hell are you gonna feed these kids!?>WECANFEEDOURSELVES>DIDYOUMEANTOASKHOWYOUWILLPROVIDESUFFICENTFOOD?>Oh shit!>You remember with a small sigh of relief, the snacktime laws>Much like in any good kindergarten, kinderquestria has free milk and "snacks" (3 meals a day is a snack according to Our Horse of the Unconquered Sun)>Needing them is seen as a 'weenie move,' cool ponies can bring their own snacks from home>You're not too proud to be banished to the nerds' circle, but these girls deserve the best>Still, it's good to have a safety net>You'll need to find a better-paying job than being Big Mac's fluffer>Not that it's a bad job, pillows need fluffing and so does the padding under his harness>It's honorable work and has good perks but you just can't support a family's coolness on part-time farmhand wages>There's always being Celestia's petter->No, not an option!>You know she means well, but the last time you did that you ended up rubbing your hand down to the bone>You can't let these kids get stuck on the school lunches, what can you do?>The only other human here is that wacky old guy- no, he doesn't like you, ever since you nearly drove his house-sized truck into a river>The dog told you to do it! The engine was about to blow!>Crazy old->Your train of thought is derailed by an outrageous French accent>"Just let us eat cake, father!">You'll call that one Anontoinette>Nettie for short>Hey- cake!>There's an idea!
pre-bed butt boop
>>41509954>>41509717>>41512240>>41539220>>41512240FRANK ALLEN BALL made IRON MOUSE. he wears a cheap STAR VS THE FORCES OF EVIL wig with his ex-wife's things he yelled not to take. daddy's pantyhose
>>41656096
>>41655691me on the right
she found a bug!
>>41657994Cute anon filler brother brother
>>41655691>SCENE: Evening, Casa Anon>You, I.E. Anon, have just sat down for dindins with the daughterus>A bounty of My Little Deborah cakes was dragged here with you, along with your NERF gun->Oh, right. The NERF gun.>Don't you technically have a knighthood? You seem to recall Celestia being afraid to take it from you but unwilling to let a commoner have one.>Stupid ponies and their stupid mind games to preserve their stupid egos.>You're about to say grace when you hear the telltale crinkle of a twinkie wrapper>And then many more"Young fillies, not until after prayer">"Daaaaaaad, why does some jerk god care what we do before we eat?" comes the reply in a thick Manehattan accent>Anon Junior, worthy of being your firstborn by virtue of her greenness (calling that delivery bird a loser was also pretty funny)"You kids were made by a jerk god, y'know. Might not want to burn any bridges.">You close your eyes and recite the sacred texts"Lord John Browning, we thank you every day for dear Ma Deuce. We thank you for upholding the promise, that every /k/ommando can be innawoods an hour before the ATF knows their tax stamp is fake; that every gun lost in a boating accident can be hoisted from the mire, that every dog lost to the glowies will await us in Your glory-">You almost choke, remembering what they did to your Irish Wolfhound>Sent him to a farm upstate and didn't even give you the address>Stay strong! You're a father now!"By your design, amen">"AMEN!" is followed by the sound of a gaggle of cats eating something cats shouldn't eat>"Fazzer, should oui be eating zis with or without ze shell?">Why does she have a French accent?>For that matter, how do they know how to talk when they were born this morning?>NO FATHER THE YOUNGEST OF US IS SIX WINTERS OLD WE SPENT OUR FORMATIVE YEARS EDUCATED BY STORK AND IN DREAMS BY SHE OF THE SHINING MOON>What.jpg>WHAT AN AMUSING IMAGE FATHER BUT TO ANSWER YOUR QUESTION I AM ABLE TO SET MY MIND TO FLY I BELIEVE HRM LUNA USED MY MIND AS THE NEXUS AND IT BLED HER POWER INTO ME JUST A SMIDGE>You frantically search the room>Your eyes fall on the latecomer, who seems perpetually asleep>She must be awake though, or at least lucid dreaming, right?>CORRECT FATHER FOR FUTURE REFERENCE MY SISTERS HAVE TOLD ME I SNORE WHEN I AM ASLEEP>Your oldest daughter was used as a dream relay and now she's telepathic>You were already going to have to clean up your act but come on!>BE NOT AFRAID FATHER I AM WELL AWARE WE WERE BORN OF SIN WHEN YOU OBSERVED MAYOR MARE'S THIGHS>I AM NOT INCLINED TO DISCUSS THIS WITH THE OTHERS>I WOULD HAVE PREFERRED TO BE NAMED "NYX" BUT I ALREADY SENSE THE CONTENTION WITHIN YOU>Yep, ain't no goddamn way you're naming one after THAT>PERHAPS 'ANONEIROS'? IT WOULD SATISFY EQUESTRIA'S LAW OF BAFFLINGLY PROPHETIC NAMES
pre-bed boot
>>41659591fud
>>41659900Food can also be a boat!
>>41659591"Wow this invisible food Twilight invented is delicious!"
>>41660890Does invisible food turn into invisible poop?
What did Anon say this time?
>>41661319this >>41661063
they are coming for you
>>41662027Qt chikun
>>41661487Hallelujah
>>41661319Despite being less than 1% of the population of Ponyville, Zecora makes up 90% of rhymes.Applejack does a great job of keeping her house free of chiggers, specks, and chinks.>grape
>>41661487my body is ready
>>41658287>You come down from the latest (of many) panic attacks>You're daughter's psychic, honestly no big deal, this is Eq->*YOUR>Your daughter is psychic. Thisisfine.jpg>Oneiros is still slumped over the table>The girls speak to her, followed by a soft phosphor-glow under her eyelids>Presumably her eyes glow when she->Her Twinkie is moving to her mouth>On its own>No unicorn glow, no hoof involved, she is willing the object towards her food-hole>CORRECT FATHER I HAVE PSYCHIC POWERS DID WE NOT PREVIOUSLY ESTABLISH THIS?>This is going to get difficult very fast, can she consider not reading your thoughts?>YOU ARE THE ONE WHOSE THOUGHTS BLEED INTO THE NOOSPHERE PERHAPS CONSIDER CONTAINING YOUR MIND-EMBERS AS I DO EACH MOMENT I AM NOT 'SPEAKING'>That carries some... implications for humanity>What implications? You don't know, don't care>But things sure are being implied>An idea!>You go into the kitchen, seeking the psi-disruptor helm you inherited from your crazy uncle>Upon your return, the peanut gallery is laughing at your tinfoil hat"I know, it looks silly, but uh.. I can't contain my brain? Apparently? This stops me from shouting everything at lil sleepyhead. It seems to block her messasges so if she ever refuses to leave you alone, you know what to-">You look down at your empty plate"Who took my Twinkie?"
>>41663250don't do it durial
>>41663366More like Durian
