>What is Flutterrape? Flutterrape is a collection of stories about ponies trying and failing to have sex with Anon, the only human in Equestria. While the title implies that it is Fluttershy trying to rape Anon, others may follow in her stead and attempt their own versions of rape. There are different versions of Flutterrape, but most are light-hearted comedies about the ponies failing in their attempts to get into Anon’s pants. Just because your story has Anon in it, doesn't mean it fits in this thread. Check other threads (AiE, RGRE etc) about story content before posting. >It's been 12 years, how is this thread still alive? A perverse mixture of necromancy and spite. >How do I start writing? Use your imagination, you nitwit. Additionally, brush up on your grammar and abandon your standards. Writing Guides: Clever Dick's Tips For Short Stories -- https://ponepaste.org/1274 Driverbang's Writing Guide -- https://ponepaste.org/1275 Navarone's Writing Rules -- https://ponepaste.org/1276 For additional information, lurk. You could also check out the T:EM/P/O or /bale/ threads for further writing advice, unless they're dead. So many threads have died, but only Flutterrape has remained. We shall always remain. We are bound to the fate of the board as a lich is bound to its phylactery. //// Masterlist: https://ponepaste.org/user/FlutterrapeGeneral Author List: https://ponepaste.org/1270 FIMfiction Group: http://www.fimfiction.net/group/211640/flutterrape Request Bin: https://ponepaste.org/1268 Thread Archive: https://desuarchive.org/mlp/search/text/Flutterrape/ Old Thread: >>41444904
Sorry I’m late, I got really horny yesterday and I ended up banging a human woman
>>41566642On a monday? Look at mr. fancy pants here.
>>41566640I might be a bit late to the party but I just read exchange after putting it off for 10 years and it made cry like a bitch 3 or 4 times
ATTEMPTING SEX WITH ANON WILL RESULT IN A 3-STAR WANTED LEVEL
>>41566642At least it isn't Fluttershy
>>41566827>Attempting and failing gets you arrested.>Attempting and succeeding gets you an award.Curse these vile ponies.
>>41566894>finally get a human woman to sleep with you>two mares in a trenchcoat
>>41566735It’s really good
Yeeeah work that grill baby.
>>41566909>>41566894And the bottom mare was fluttershy all along.
>>41567480>and Fluttershy was bottom mare the whole timewe know
>>41566642>”A-Anon… you did the hanky panky with a human girl i-instead of us…?”
>>41567621you're hanky, panky.
>9NO.
>>41567621With how many parties you throw, you hanky pankied the town at this point.
I would probably fuck Fluttershy.
>>41568117>"Yes you would~!">"You'd LOVE to feel her wrap her limbs around you in loving embrace while you're inside her!">"Feeling her hot breath on your neck from her... heaving."
I would most definitely fuck Fluttershy's mom
>>41568146>"N-no!">"Fluttershy is a perfect lady for you, I swear it!">"Posey Shy is already taken!"
>>41568158I don't care, I'm not fucking Fluttershy.
>>41566735Kinda jealous, getting to read it for the first time is great.
>>41568278Yeah he’s pretty lucky
>>41566735Exchange is one of the best fics i ever read. its perfect
>>41569332Yeah it’s a really good one
>>41568176You shouldn’t any pony.
>>41568117This is not a real Anon. He is propaganda to make you give up. Stay strong people.
>>41570561How’s anon gonna get out of this one?
>>41570561Anon you fool!! Stand up for the love of god!!
>"Are emo mares your fetish?"
>7
>>41571331Not a fetish, but she clearly needs friends.
>>41571909she just wants you to buy weed for her anyway
>>41571909>"You don't want to be friends with her. She's weird, and she smells like cigarettes and unwashed mare.">"I'll be your friend instead, how does that sound?"
>>41572270you smell like cat piss and unwashed mare, weirdo
>>41572270Holy shit Fluttershy. Don't you represent one of the tenets of your nation? What the fuck are the elements of harmony suppose to mean if you reject someone like her? Get your act together you piss horse and go be her friend. Don't visit me until you do.
>>41572270>First of all yellow horse, you stink like a barn animal, as do the rest of your kind>Second of all you deal with animals all day so you smell like bird, mammal, and lizard shit all the time>YOU STINK
>>41572274>"I took a bath last week, so I definitely don't stink!">>41572323>"The only thing I represent is a mare trying to get your HOT MONKEY DICK!">"I've been trying for YEARS, but suddenly you want to 'befriend' this emo skank at the drop of a hat?">"I'm not gonna sit by and watch as you invite some random mare inside to watch 'Edward Scissorhooves' or whatever weird movies she likes.">"So you better forget about her and be my 'friend' instead, or else."
>>41572382shut up stinky maybe if you were in any way attractive, physically or emotionally, you wouldn't have to beg for monkey dick all the time
>>41572386>"Fine, be that way. Have fun with your friend.">"If you need me, I'll be in your bushes masturbating."
>>41572382>last weekIs that why you smell like badger shit and duck semen, you stinky horse?
>>41572451is that why my fucking bushes have been dying?
>>41572512>"Perhaps..."
>>41572527I'm sending you a bill for the landscaping
>>41572382Oh boo fucking hoo, can't get monkey dick. Is this really the best that 'kindness' can be? At this point, anyone can be that bearer. In fact, it's mine now. I get to be the Element of Kindness, and you can go cry in a corner. That's all you usually do.
>>41572556>anon becomes the element of kindness.>completely outshines her in every metricI can't stop snickering just thinking about it
>>41573345>fluttershy gets so consumed with raping anon she loses her elementStinky pony LOL.
>>41573363Sounds about right
>>41573345If the others get lippy with him he'll take their shiny rocks too. I'm looking at you Pinkie.
>>41572451lol, cuck
>10
>>41566640Why the fuck does Fluttershit look like a Muppet?
>>41574939because she wants you to stick your whole arm inside her
>>41574939I just imagined Fluttermuppet at my door asking if puppet play was my fetish in the voice of Kermit.
god this fucking mare
>>41575277nice try fluttershy we all know that's ketchup you spilled
>>41575769Looks like Celestia found a use for you after all.
>>41576063The Royal ponut polisher
"Wanna make out?"
>>41576432Not with you
>>41576445
>>41576453There are only two mares I wouldn't kiss, and you're one of them.Stinky get ye gone.
>>41576476Whos the other mare?
>>41576476"Who's the other one?"
>>41576476I know five fat mares and Fluttershy is four of them
>>41576484Glimmer
>>41576500Shes too powerful for you to stop.
>>41576505She's no match for my secret technique
>>41576525
>>41576487Moondancer has that good marestink, unlike Flutterpiss.I'd be rock hard if I ever caught a whiff.
>>41576554Shut up, Moondancer
>>41576432hell yes
>>41576554>good marestinkImagine the smell of a real life horse barn stall, that's marestink and it's rancid.
>>41572382>>41576432>>41576453Sorry Flutters but I'm more interested in your friend Twilight Sparkle. By the way, you don't mind hooking us up together, right?
>>41577123
>>41577101>"You will regret this."
>>41577123>going for the annoying nerdy one instead of Rarity or AJBAD
>>41577101Actually, horse barns don't smell /that/ bad.Mind you it's a different story if you have to clean the stalls, and there's a bunch of rancid piss soaked hay and shit at the bottom. But day to day it's honestly a pretty easy to ignore odor. >>41577149Rarity is basically a shittier Twilight. More annoying, more bitchy, less intelligent. Applejack though? Absolutely a good fuckmare.
>>41577508>more elegant, prettier, smart where it matter sin wordly things. Rarity qt.
>>41577101>ew horses stinkyThis fag will never gets past Equestrian Immigration
>>41577798this sunburstflaggot said that horse pussy is disgusting/
>>41577148This is the moment Fluttershy became Breaking Bad
>>41577867It was bound to happen eventually
>>41576554>>41577508>>41577549What is all of this horse loving nonsense? Are you trying to get graped?
>>41577127Disgusting.
>>41579483Each other? Go for it. I won’t watch.
>"Hello Anonymous. I have another joke for you. Would you like to hear it?"
>>41580217…sure?
>>41580373>"Who's tall, handsome, and going to be a father of two in eleven months?"
>>41580394Someone you've always taken for granite.
>>41580455That pun doesn't work, Carlos.
>>41580455>"Hilarious.">"Now I'm going to make your bedrock while I milk you with my stalagtite pussy."
>>41580482. . .Shit, that's solid. I prolly wouldn't even resist after a solid counter-pun and pun combo.
>>41580482Call me calcite, because I'm not hard at all right now.
>>41580520>"Your cooperation is appreciated.">"Now hold still."
>All these Anons submitting to ponies.
>>41580586>"That's normal. Calcite hardens via cementation. Cementation occurs when mineral deposits between the spaces of calcite crystals.">"Then you apply pressure over time, causing the calcite to harden.">"It's not to dissimilar to the blood flowing to your penile vessels, causing it to harden when I put it under pressure."
>>41580626Uh, you do realize we have wildly different Chromsomes and we cannot have kids.
> https://derpibooru.org/images/3472601
>>41580626Maud using rock metaphors to explain what she’s going to do to me gets me going
>>41580740Twilight says different
>>41580599It's not my faultI'm not to blameIt is the pony girl the witch who sent this flameIt's not my faultIf in Faust's planShe made horse pussy so much stronger than a man
>>41581835Good work
>>41581308> https://derpibooru.org/images/3034529
>>41581405Until you start to look at her formulas. What are these symbols? Utter nonsense. Did her brain get sucked up to make her wings?
"So, shape-shifting," you say to her out of the blue.>She looks up from her scrolls -- plans, you think.>"What about it?""Do you have to read my mind to figure out what I want, or...?">"Have I not explained this before?">You shake your head.>"I listen to your emotions.""I don't get it.">She flares her thin nostrils, tosses her mane away from her face, and gazes at the gramophone across the room for a moment. A string section on low volume drifts from the horn.>"When you hear a record playing," she begins, "you can't read the sounds coming out of it, can you? You can neither touch, taste, nor smell them. You hear vibrating air, but that's not enough. You might sense that there is music playing, but your brain must interpret the sounds further to determine whether it's a happy piece or a sad one, and if there are lyrics you may even be able to hear what the singer is moody about. Does that make sense?">You purse your lips at your gramophone as well, absently scratching an itch in your neck stubble with a finger."Huh," you say after a while. "Never imagined it like that.">"All changelings can do it from birth. But just as it takes years of experience and exposure to make a pony -- or man -- into a connoisseur of music, young changelings must be educated to hear emotions properly so that they can interpret the specifics and subtext of what their target wants.""Interesting. And how--">The far wall implodes.>Sunlight pours into your dim front room and Queen Chrysalis hisses from her spot on your sofa, holding up a pillow between her and the offending glow.>"Anon!" comes an unwanted intruder, "stay where you are, we're here to save you!""Sparkle, you son of a bitch," you bellow. "I have a -fucking- door!">Twilight Sparkle and her Disciples are gathered around the hole in your lounge, only wide enough to allow a single pony at a time.>Just behind her is a quivering mess.>"There-- there she is, Twilight!" Fluttershy squeals, her hoof pointing accusingly at Chrysalis, whom returns the gesture with a withering glare.>"Queen Chrysalis!" Twilight stomps into your home, her squad following her lead.>Rainbow Dash barges in second after Twilight, and leaps into a stupid pose as if she's a secret agent.>"Area clear!" she says, ignorant.>Pinkie Pie follows her lead more for the fun of it, babbling a hodgepodge of military and culinary jargon and giggling.>The others -- Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy -- stay huddled near their leader.>"I didn't want to think you'd returned, but Fluttershy's diligent reconnaissance alerted us. We're here to stop you!">Chrysalis doesn't move from her spot on your sofa. If you couldn't get her to budge then you don't see how Twilight could manage it.>Instead, she settles the pillow she'd clung under her leg and leans on it. She then yawns, widely and deliberately, making sure all present see her bone-white fangs. When she speaks, it's in a bored drawl.
>>41582750>"Stop me from doing what, foal?">"You're using Anon! Draining him of his love! You're--">"His love isn't yours!" Fluttershy squeaks.>"Yes, thank you, Fluttershy, Chyrs--">"It's mine!">Twilight shushes her friend with a hoof and scowls at the visibly amused Queen of the Changelings.>"Ever since we defeated you in Canterlot, I've wondered when you'd make your next move. I first considered--">"Sparkle," Chrysalis interrupts, "I'm sure you had a lovely speech you'd been preparing in your tiny, unevolved brain when you were sauntering over here, but I haven't the time or patience to listen to it. Do you want to have a fight, yes or no?">Her gaze flicks to Pinkie Pie, who's wandered off to root through your things in the dim corners of the room as the others are talking. No one else pays this any attention, other than you.>Twilight digs her hooves into your carpet and paws at it, her hackles raised.>"I guess if you don't want to talk, we can restrain you. I'm sure Princess Celestia will appreciate getting answers out of you herself!">"Restrain me. Really, now.">Chrysalis' gaze flicks again, this time to Rainbow Dash, who is stood off to the side presumably trying to play the part of the cool lone wolf.>She looks back to Twilight. She smiles.>"That sounds like a bore. Perhaps we -should- try diplomacy.">"Let Anon go!">At this, you flop onto the sofa and, with both hands, shove the Queen further over so you have room to slouch. Her patchy tail slaps you in the face to show her displeasure, but she doesn't look away from the unicorn.>You rest your cheek on a fist, watching things unfold.>"But what about our agreement?" Chrysalis holds a hoof to her chest with cloying innocence. "I'm only fulfilling my end of a bargain.">Twilight opens her mouth, but you speak over her before she can begin."I've got a thing going with her, Twilight.">Fluttershy goes rigid, eyes wider than you've ever seen them."She drains my 'love'," you say with finger air-quotes, "and I get to enjoy Mariah Carey dressed like a Christmas elf.">"She... what?""That or an eight-foot tall naked Galadriel who kicks me around and calls me worthless. Depends how kinky I'm feeling on a given day.">"I do enjoy the Galadriel one," Chrysalis mutters, nodding.>Twilight goes red. As always, anything sexual derails her completely.>You look away from Twilight to the queen beside you.>She's more interested in Rarity, stood at the back of the huddle.>You turn your head to check on Pinkie and Rainbow.>But they're gone.>Chrysalis' smile seems wider and more at ease.>"Perhaps you would be interested in joining us for an evening, Sparkle? We changelings are ever so flexible.">She relishes the final word, afterwards running her forked tongue over her grinning teeth.>Twilight stammers, but before she can get a word in, Fluttershy shunts her aside.>"I knew you'd be corrupting him, you hussy!">The queen quirks an eyebrow, saying nothing.
>>41582751>"Give me back my human!" the pegasus demands."Give me back my personal space first, you fucking weirdo. Reason I'm cooped up in here with the curtains shut to begin with is because you hound me the moment I step outside.">"You don't mean that, Anon, you like our walks!">Applejack makes a strange noise like a cough and a squeak.>You look over the heads of the others in time to see a pair of orange legs disappearing into the ceiling.>Regarding Chrysalis sidelong, she bobs her eyebrows at you.>You slap your knees with your palms."Fuck it, I'm bored. Let's just have a fight instead.">You stand up, looming a good couple of feet over the much littler ponies.>Twilight backs away. The threat of imminent danger reminds her of her priorities. She points her horn at you.>"Okay, girls, Anon's in league with the enemy. I hate to do this, but we'll need to take them both down. Ready? Charge!">She yells and runs straight at you, horn glowing.>Quick as a flash, you slap her across the point of the bone, and the light flickers out.>She yelps. You grab her. And in a beat have her grappled.>You sit on the carpet, the pony held against your chest with one arm and free, firm fist closed over her horn.>She thrashes against you for a few seconds, then slows.>"Where are..." she trails off.>You all watch as a pair of changeling drones drag a furiously writhing Fluttershy, her mouth and wings blocked with green slime, eyes reflecting sheer animal terror, into an abyssal hole in your carpeted floor.>As this happens, more drones skitter from holes all over the room, from above and below, chittering amongst themselves. With a curt nod from their queen, they begin industriously sealing the hole in your wall where the Elements entered.>Using a mixture of stray wall-debris, bits of wood, and liberal helpings of the ubiquitous, multi-purpose building material you've come to call "goop", they plaster an opaque membrane over the hole, more concerned with blocking it now than making it look good.>Before long, the sunlight fades, and the familiar indoor gloom descends once again >Chrysalis pretends she's checking her hoof as this goes on, and as Twilight redoubles her efforts to break out of your iron grip, shakes her head sadly.>"Such a pity," the queen muses. "All your friends are gone, and here you are... -restrained-.">As the sun's rays are banished for good, she locks eyes with Twilight. A slow, vicious grin spreads across her obsidian features. In the exaggerating low light, even you have to admit it's unsettling.>Her horn flares in sickly green, and the queen vanishes in baleful fire.>In her place, Princess Celestia lies resplendent on the sofa, and in a soft, perfect mimicry:>"My faithful student. I have several very personal lessons I want to teach you.">Twilight swallows, trembling.RIP Twiggles.
>>41582753They never did that well fighting the bugs.
>>41582635>"You don't understand magical theory!">"Talk to me again after you've studied at Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns for four years!"
>>41566735>>41567014>>41568278>>41569332Link?
>>41583307https://www.fimfiction.net/story/169217/exchange
>>41582753Chrysalis can't rape me. Its impossible.>>41583303Fuck off, Spergle.
>>41583310thanks anonactually looking at this now I think I may have read it years and years ago, crazy to find it again. rapey twi is seriously underrated
>Princess Luna gearing up for another night of having to hear Fluttershy's... interesting dreams of being plowed by HMD.
>>41566640>>41574939Wrong, it's the car from "THE CAR" re-incarnated as Fluttershy
>>41583515I’m shocked we never had a green about this
>>41583828https://ponepaste.org/7985#8
>>41581405Yeah sure Twi, your oversized gross horse eggs can totally be fertilized by my refined sperm.Keep coping, nerd.
>>41584199This nigga thinks earth science matters in Equestria's high-energy magical field. Hope you like paying abomination support!
>>41584412This nigga just spoke facts
>>41574939I saw it while browsing for images of Fluttershy, lost my shit, and said "Yes. It has to be THIS one." I did consider other Fluttershy images, but I couldn't bring myself to choose anything but this majesty-travesty. >>41575045This guy gets it.>>41584199This guy is annoying. Can we get SatyrFag back?
>>41583575Legit terrifying, anon
>>41583856That’s a great one
>>41584454You're the one who wants gross human horse abomination hybrids, you're the annoying one.
>>41583515Poor Luna
>>41580599>God taps his pen on his desk.>A steady, rhythmic double-tap of burnished steel on stone.>You try to keep still in your chair, but you're trembling all over.>The Almighty leans back and rubs his eyes with a forefinger and thumb.>"Anonymous," he says at last.>As always, his booming voice is accompanied by a faint angelic chorus and a light breeze.>The chill atop the holy mountain isn't helped by the additional draft. God's office is really more of a desk centred on a plateau, the mountain's tip sliced cleanly off as though a knife had passed over it. All around is an ocean of orange clouds, their colour cast by the setting sun.>Ordinarily you'd be elated to be receiving his attention, but he's wearing a look he only reserves for troublesome heaven-dwellers.>"You have served myself and the Heavens well, and I am ever grateful for your continued devotion.">Yet, he's frowns down at you.>You peer up at him, towering over four times your height from behind his great marble desk.>"The Equestria mission has been difficult for you, hasn't it.""I'm doing my best, Lord, I only need time to work on it.">"Would you like assistance? A companion or two? I'm sure some of your brothers would enjoy travelling with you.""I can handle it on my own, Lord, I promise. Please don't send anyone else, they'll just get in the way of a delicate process.">He hums. It vibrates in his chest, deep booms inside a hollow chasm.>"Eight times I have sent you into that world. Eight times I have had to pluck you from it lest you fall to its corrupting influence.""Ninth time's the charm, Lord," you try a laugh. Your divine creator's frown deepens. You see starlight and miraculous visions swirling in his eternal eyes.>"Is it not a land of peace and harmony? Is it truly so difficult to do what you've been sent to do?""It's a land of peace, Lord, but the residents are, uh, licentious.">"So you have claimed.">You swallow a lump in your throat.>"And what of my counterpart, Princess Celestia. Have you managed to gain an audience with her?">You wriggle in your seat."Not... not as such.">God spreads his hands.>"As you are aware, there is little I cannot do, but I cannot redeem Equestria until I am granted access.">You raise your hand as if you were in school, your downy wings clenched tightly against your back.>God's brow raises."But you are, of course, omnipotent, Lord, so you--">"In this universe," he calmly interjects.>Your mouth hangs open.>God tilts his head slightly.>"You understand I am the divine shepherd of... -this- universe, and not Equestria?""That... I do now, Lord.">"Hence why I cannot intrude. I must send my angels." He gestures a fatherly hand down at you. "My purest, most dependable angels.">Your heart swells."Thank you, Lord. But if you didn't create Equestria, then, uh, who did?">"She was called Faust. I know naught else."
>>41586418>His steady gaze lowers, his creased face becoming more-so.>"But she is gone. I cannot find her light. It is... saddening.">He glances up. You're holding your hand aloft again."So is that why we need to ask Celestia instead?">"Princess Celestia, yes. In Faust's absence, she has become the de facto god of her world. We must bring her and all others into the fold. Our purpose is to bring light to all places.""Question: what do I do if she's the one that's been raping me?">God stares at you."Like, repeatedly. As soon as I show up.">He stares."And she's really, really, -really- aggressive about it. Super pent-up. Insatiable. Just a complete animal.">"Then she would be a fallen god," God says after a pause, "and the Equestria project becomes more difficult.""They're all like that.">God's frown is on the verge of becoming a scowl."I first came down from the heavens and found a pony resting on a cloud. Yellow fur, had the whole..." you gesture around your hip, "you know. She looked at me for maybe a few seconds before trying to pull my toga off and grab my genitals.">God leans back and tents his fingers, waiting for you to finish."That was when you first pulled me out. Then for the next few times I was floating around trying to find a resident that wouldn't fondle me on sight and bumped into Celestia.">"This would be the fifth time.""Yeah, the fifth.">"I did attempt to retrieve you, Anonymous, I sensed something was amiss, but you understand that my powers in foreign universes are greatly diminished.""I figure she knew something was trying to pull me out, but she stopped it.">"Because she was fornicating with you.""I'd more say fornicating ON me. She likes being on top.">"Did you get a word in, at least?""Not really. I tried introducing myself, but she just shut my mouth with magic and went to town. Kept saying 'where have you been all my life'.">"A curious phraseology.""I was more concerned about the other stuff than what she was saying.">"In your professional opinion, Anonymous, should we abandon the Equestria project?""O-oh, uh, no, I think we should try for as long as we need to, hah.">You smile up at the Creator, sweat building on your brow and under your pits.>The Creator frowns down at you.>His frown crosses the threshold into a paternal scowl.>As with most things, he sees straight through you.>"Oh no you don't. No universe is worth the soul of an angel. We will not venture there again. We will find another universe to influence. You are forbidden from returning to Equestria.""What? Come on, God, you can't just stop now--">"-Forbidden-, Anonymous. Do not test me.""I was so close to making a breakthrough, I'm sure of it! Just one more time-- uh, maybe three or four, at least!">"I wasn't born yesterday, Anonymous. Report to the infirmary for dehornification.">You do your best not to sulk as you trudge down God's cloud-smothered mountain.>He shakes his head as you leave.
>>41586422>Once you're gone, he motions with his hand and looks thoughtfully through an opened portal.>Beyond, he sees starlight and a dreamy valley. A winding river. A sleepy town. A white city.>He sighs, lamenting what could have been, and closes the portal for good.*>Celestia sits pert on a balcony overlooking the moonlit Canterhorn valley. She's wide-awake, buzzing with caffiene, and quivering with excitement.>Luna sits beside her, periodically checking the time and yawning.>"Are you sure he's coming back?""Luna, this last week has been the best sex I've ever had, I promise it'll be worth the wait. He normally shows up about now." She points a hoof at an unassuming bit of sky. "Right over there. Same entrypoint every time. We'll snag him when he comes through, he's putting up less and less of a fight each time.">Luna surveys the prepared stockpile next to her sister."Do we need so much lubricant? And is that a whip?">"Oh-hooo yes, believe me, we'll need it. We'll need you, too. Something keeps yanking him back to wherever he came from, so with you here we can anchor him once and for all.">She clops her front hooves like a foal and looses an uncharacteristic squeal.>"You'll love his wings, trust me, they're almost his best feature.""His best being?">Celestia gives Luna a coy smirk.>The two of them wait, even as the moon crosses the sky.>And, God willing, they always will.
>>41586429Good green anon
>>41586429It’s worse than I thought. Kinda reminds me of that green where Anon and Incog are space travelers and they want to try and study the ponies but they end up being taken by Celestia and Luna before they can escape after they get freaked out by Twilight’s hornyness.
>>41586518That was a good ass Neb green
>>41571331>You're writing poetry.>Ordinarily you wouldn't be caught dead doing it, but you're exploring alternative avenues towards getting Fluttershy to fuck off, so here you are in a secluded part of Ponyville's main park.>Just as Fluttershy routinely appears to show you equine-made horrors well within your comprehension, you're trying to meet her halfway with your own man-made retorts to get the message across that you don't want to fuck or start a family with her.>So far, you've both been failures, but you're starting to get into the creative rhythm of parrying her ceaseless molestations with your own unique witticisms.>You understand now how Fluttershy keeps it up -- once the creative juices start flowing it's hard to plug them.>You pause mid-stanza, sudden disgust making your toes curl in your shoes.>'Juices' shouldn't be anywhere near thoughts involving Fluttershy.>You chew the end of your pencil and squint at your notepad.>You've got something epic in mind. Something grand and dramatic, like an opera."Should this be an ode? Or a ballad?">For a while you doodle a little drawing of Fluttershy hanging from a tree, then get an idea.>You scribble out the words you'd written earlier and start again on a new line."Enter an equine of excretory existence... it's a start..." you mumble.>Someone nearby sighs loudly.>You don't look up. Ponies will sometimes pass through even here, but there's nothing you can do about that."Her end is nothing her friends would mourn? Too clumsy...">Another sigh, this time closer, and a minute passes before you nearly leap out of your skin.>There's an unknown slate-coloured pony sat on the grass beside you.>You can't see her full face behind the mass of forward-thrown jet black hair covering her eyes, but she seems downright miserable; shoulders hunched, head tilted down.>As though the universe wishes to drive the point home, her cutie mark is even a black heart with a pin stuck straight through it."You good?" you say after a moment watching her.>She sighs again and tosses her mane.>"I'm never... no, forget it...">She sighs once more, doing nothing more than staring at the distance. Or into the mass of hair. You don't see how she can tell what's in front of her.>You shrug and return to your notepad.>If this is to work, you need to capture Fluttershy's purest essence. Just who -is- she? What is she to you and the world? How can you capture her mareish spirit in a single word? Does such a word even exist? It's no pity if there isn't...>You gnaw more heavily on your pencil, vaguely registering the mulching wood splintering on your tongue.>Poetry is not for the slow of mind, and son, you're the slowest mind in the West.>Your new companion shuffles closer to you. You can feel her staring, so you turn again."So what is this, exactly?" You motion between the two of you. "Is this your spot, or something?"
>>41586949>"I never thought I'd meet someone else that liked poetry...">She tosses her mane.>Come to think of it, you might have seen her around before, but you can't fathom where."I think a lot of people like poetry, actually.">"No, they don't... Not like me.">She sighs. Your jaw clenches involuntarily.>The mare looks up, tosses her bangs aside, and gazes into your eyes. You don't know how your eyes look to ponies around here, but hers are pink and framed with huge bags like she hasn't slept for a year. Though it could be liberally applied mascara.>"Poetry is a window to the soul," she whispers with gravitas."...Yeah, kinda," you say bluntly.>She nods slowly, her expression expectant.>"A window to the -soul-.""...Yep. Sure is.">"Do you... like that line? I thought of it myself. I put it in one of my poems. It's no big deal...""A lot of people have commented on things being windows into souls. It's cliché at this point. Are you sure you're good? You look depressed.">She heaves in a deep breath, but before she can let it out you raise a hand."Don't.">"What?""Don't sigh. Stop sighing.">She frowns.>"It's just... that's just how I feel.""Going up to strangers in the park and sighing at them is a good way to get punched where I'm from.">She shrugs.>"Then beat me. Hurt me. Tear at me. Make me bleed. Dig needles into my veins and score glass over my heart, you can't inflict any pain greater than the sort I feel every day.">She sighs and turns away from you.>A chill runs up your spine. Memories of high school surge up like a geyser within you, haunted by the whining vocals of Gerard Way -- the voice of a subculture you'd long forgotten."Oh god, you're an emo.">"Is that it? Another rejection? Put in a little box and pushed under the bed with all the other broken toys? Guess I'm just another fool who thought she'd found a kindred spirit... another tender heart to keep close, keep warm...""Lady, you gotta snap out of it. There are better ways to make friends than being angsty and gay.">"Aren't you the one writing poetry?""So?">"Doesn't that make you a little bit angsty, and a little bit gay?">She taps the paper you're working on.>"Little skulls and knives, a heart wrapped in barbed wire... are those the drawings of someone society welcomes with open arms?""Hey, get out of my head, man, I'm not one of you.">"What's your poem about?""It's about Fluttershy," you try to say it as gruffly as you can. "You know, her.">"Oh... do you... love her?""Jesus, no, I want her to die. But murder's illegal, so I have to settle for hurting her feelings so badly she'll take herself out. I'm in arms race: if she wins, I'm fucked six ways from Sunday, if I win, she's buried six feet under.">The emo sniffs and tosses her mane.>"That's so dark," her eyes drift down your body and back up. "You're hot.">You leap to your feet.
>>41586958"Don't go getting ideas, lady, I've already got one mare ruining my life, I don't need another.">"Then we're both ruined. Two barren lives meeting on a night like this...">She gives you a shy smile, but even that's performative. Just about everything she does is obnoxiously deliberate.>"It's fate.""It's four in the afternoon, you spastic.">"Yeah, but it's winter, so it'll be dark soon. Do you like the dark? It's the only time I feel at peace.">You do like the dark, actually, but you're not telling her that."I don't want you trying to drag me into any emo shit.">She tosses her mane and smiles, then gestures at the pad you're crushing in one hand.>"I don't need to. You're already in it. I'll guess see you later... Anon...""How do you know my name?">The mare flashes a mysterious smile.>"You're... still wearing your uniform from Pone Mart. I saw you there today... I'll see you tomorrow, too, kindred.">And she shuffles off, eyes firmly directed at the ground.>You watch her go, stunned.>Then look at the poetry in your hand.>You stuff the entire notepad in the nearest trash can and sprint home.>Tomorrow morning you're quitting your job and taking up woodworking. No emo ever tried woodworking, and if Fluttershy sees how much effort you put into a statue of you kicking her in the cunt she'll surely leave you alone.WHEN I WAS
>>41586429Those creatures called ponies are truly a lost cause.>>41586963Now this Anon should have known better than to be a public location where any horse would have access to him. Nice greens, Anons.
>>41586429If a universe's god can open portals to other gods' universes, what happens when Celestia realizes he's not coming and starts trying to find him? D:
>>41576505"So it all started about a hundred-million years ago. You had this race of super advanced aliens called Necrontyr, but they evolved on this irradiated hellworld that made them have really short lifespans...">The guy at the bar is too polite to ask you what you're talking about.>You don't care.>You're five pints in and haven't spoken to anyone about anything Warhammer-related in over a year, so tonight this guy's going to be your sounding board."...Then they find out about this even older race called -- get this -- called the Old Ones, and they're basically perfect, but they're also immortal, and the Necrontyr are desperate to be free from their tragically short lives. Anyway, then the Ne--">You vanish in a flash of light.>The stallion staggers back in his seat, trying to banish the black spots dancing in his eyes.>He looks around the bar, expecting to see you hidden behind a table.>He frowns.>"Aww. I wanted to know more about aliens..."*>You reappear in the air over a rug, landing on it with a wheeze.>Your head swims in discombobulation both alcoholic and regular.>A room comes into focus. One that in your daze appears familiar.>The décor is angsty and purple, and for a moment you fear you've arrived in Twilight's domicile.>"Nice of you to drop in, Anon.">The voice doesn't fill you with scientific dread, so you unclench your sphincter.>It takes a few tries to roll over onto your back and sit up, your head pounding all the while.>None other than Starlight Glimmer is sprawled on her bed, lying on her side, her head resting on a hoof, eyes half-lidded.>"Heard you were alone on a Friday night. Me too. How about we--""I wasn't alone. I was at the bar talking to a dude about Necrons.">She stops, her mouth ajar at a gormless angle.>"What dude? What's a Necron?""I don't know, some guy. Can you send me back?">She scowls and sits up a bit.>"Can't, it's one-way only. Listen, we're both alone now, and it's Friday, and I've been doing a lot of--""Why is it only one-way? I thought you were good at magic.">"I... I'm -very- good at magic, thank you! Now if you'll just shut up for a moment I have something to say.""No, no no, you can't just take me out of something like that, it's unethical. Either you send me back, or you're going to be my new drunk-talk buddy.">She starts to speak, but collects herself first, even managing a smile.>"I can be your buddy, if that's what you want. Like I said, we're both single and alone on a Friday, and I was doing a lot of thinking. Maybe it's time we cut a deal? You scratch my back, I scratch yours? Go from being friends to being friends with... benefits, if you catch my meaning?"
>>41587461"I'm thinking I trade you Warhammer lore, and you trade me sitting still and listening to me ramble about Warhammer lore. Anyway, I'll start from the beginning. First of all, do you know anything about the Emperor? Actually, bad question, I'll walk you through the golden age of Humanity first since it's important for understanding the... No, actually, I'd better just go back to the Necrons since really this whole thing is their fault. So, you had this super advanced alien race--">Your mouth clamps shut. Blue magic envelops you. You rise from the rug.>Your world spins, and before you know it you're thrown back on Starlight's bed.>She straddles you, the most forced, manic smile you've ever seen on her face.>"Okay! Great talk! Ha ha! Now listen, I think you and I need to get more familiar with each other, you understand? I'll walk you through my situation since you're being so kind as to be quiet.">She puffs out her cheeks.>"All the girls have boyfriends. Even -Trixie- went and found a partner," she speaks through gritted teeth: "Don't know how -that- happened.">The mare takes a moment to run a hoof through her frazzled mane. You now realise the curtains are shut, there are tissues all over the bedspread, and the air reeks of musk.>"So, you and me are the last ones standing. We held out to the last, my friend! Ha ha! We're both single and about the same age, so I think we're perfect for each other, don't you? I like my theories on magic and economics, you like your, uh, human history studies, I guess.""Technically it's a history of the entire galaxy, and humans only play a very small part until about the twenty-third millennia when shit goes off the rails because of artificial intelligence--">"Exactly! That's right! Artificial whatever!">She presses her nose against yours and bloodshot eyes glare into your own.>"Take your clothes off," she growls."Listen, Spangles," you say carefully, "you have to take it easy. So your stupid village failed because your politics were dumb. Big deal. Happens to everyone at some point, that's no reason to rape a man.">You see the neurons firing in her head as she tries to make the connection between what's happening and whatever the fuck you're going on about.>Eventually, she just bluntly answers you.>"Own Town didn't fail because of politics, Anon, it failed because Twilight showed up and derailed everything.""Spangle, please, don't kid yourself, there's no way what you had going had any sort of long-term validity.">"We're not getting into this now. Get naked or I'll -get- you naked.""Socialism is dumb.">...>The bedside clock ticks innocently away as though nothing was happening.>Starlight's expression contorts from neutral to serious.>"No it's not.""Yes it is.">"No, it's -not-.""It's a stupid political model and it goes against human nature."
>>41587468>"Okay, first of all, it's not just a political model, it's economic as well. Secondly, there aren't any humans here so that point of argument is invalid, and additionally, there are plenty of places where it's worked--""Name five.">"Own Town was a fantastic experiment!" she shouts directly into your face. There's alcohol on her breath. That's another thing you have in common. "I did more for Equestria than your stupid human history will ever do!""Warhammer lore is a legitimate area of study! They've written a whole library on the subject! A black one!">"Holy sun, will you just shut up and fuck me already! I'm so bored of being the one without a boyfriend! Every time the girls and I go out nowadays it's always "my partner" this, or "marriage" that; what, am I just expected to suddenly have a partner just because I'm in my thirties?! Is there a spell to magically make one appear?">She laughs in an off-kilter way.>"Well surprise, looks like there is! Remote teleportation was the answer the whole time!">She slams her hooves on either side of your head and presses her nose against yours again.>"Put a FUCKING foal in me, Anonymous!""No child of mine is growing up with a god-damn Communist for a mother!">You punch her.>She punches you back.>And like the War In Heaven once raged across the galaxy a distant universe away, so too do you and Starlight Glimmer drunkenly brawl on her bed, yanking hair, bludgeoning legs and ribs, even strangling each other before you tumble off her bed.>Then you're both on the floor, then up against the bedside cabinet, then on the rug, then against the wall, then the door, then back on the bed, then against the headboard, then again against the headboard, and again, and again and again against the headboard until the wall plaster starts caving in from the hammering.>It started out with split lips and biting, and ended very much the same way but in a wildly different context.>You're not sure where you lost track of what you were meant to be doing, and by Christ does your head hurt.>But at least you're not single anymore.>And at least you're not-->Fucking... Twilight?>Eh, good enough.
>>41587474kek, she really is OP
>>41587474Glad Sunburst dodged that bullet. Wish Anon wasn't the one to catch it.
>>41586963nice green, anon, it inspired me to doodle something
>>41587474Two drunk idiots starting a relationship? A fascist warhammer man and a communist girl together? It'll never last.Join us next week, as we regale you with the story of their child, lil' nazbol.
>>41587956Look at Anon, in his own little word. Trying to write up a slam jam on Fluttershy. Then this emo just decides to be a lump on his back.
>>41586963I would plap this little emo mare consequences be damned
>>41588193The consequences of weak men create rape times.
>>41586429>>41586963>>41587474These are all truly wonderful.
>>41588632Yeah they’re really good
>>41587956Love it, thanks Anon <3
>>41587956That’s great
No dieNo rape
>>41587474You suppose her commi town would’ve have starved off eventually? They didn’t even have grass to chew on.
>>41591694They would have started invading neighboring towns for resources, as commies are won't to do.
>>41586963That image is like a time capsule
>>41586958>I'm in arms race: if she wins, I'm fucked six ways from Sunday, if I win, she's buried six feet underFUCKING KEK
>*gasp* "Girls, look!">"A man!">"Finally we can start a family!">"Finally we don't have to sleep alone anymore!"
>>41592728Would
Great.As if Butterhush and Purplesmart weren't enough, now we have these walking dust mops after us.
>>41592748It could always be worse.
>>41592728https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PDfQDzqGmiU
>>41591240>One day, you have an epiphany."Hang on," you say to the mare about to hand you a carrot hotdog, "she can't rape me if I kill myself!">The hotdog mare stares at you.>Then, very slowly, sets a sign on the counter that says "Out to lunch" before backing away, never breaking eye-contact with you.*>Mister Waddle adjusts his glasses and clears his throat.>"If, uh, if the audience could please compose itself...">The audience is perfectly composed, save one.>Fluttershy has shed her body weight in snot and tears; the pony is a blubbering, wailing shambles.>The high ceiling of the funeral hall echoes back the din.>The rest of the gathering is silent, watching Fluttershy writhe on the floor before your casket. They've been doing so for at least five minutes.>She again rises, sodden and howling like the creature from the black lagoon, and drapes herself across the closed lid a decorative pervert.>Being in close proximity to you, she naturally tries humping you a little bit, but there's two solid inches of mahogany separating you both, and she's too deranged to get a proper thrust going, so she once more unleashes an ear-splitting wail and covers yet more of your already soaked casket with pony slobber.>Twilight's forelegs are crossed and she's slouched in her seat in the front row.>The rest of the Elements look to her, and she shakes her head.>Instead, she prods Applejack in the belly.>"Your turn.">Applejack sighs and gives Rainbow her hat. Then, approaches Fluttershy, gently-but-firmly grips her, and drags her back to her seat, where the pegasus will remain for perhaps thirty seconds before sliding off and wriggling back to you in a marvellous impersonation of a bereaved worm.>Your detached spirit observes this with elation.>If you'd known dying would have caused her this much grief, you'd have done it months ago.*>Ghosts are meant to move on.>Ever since you sat up from your corpse -- sprawled in an exaggerated pose like a naff swastika having done a quintuple backflip off the town hall roof -- you've felt compelled to disappear.>The compulsion comes as naturally as breathing, all you'd need to do is let go and allow your spirit to depart.>But you're intrigued by life in Ponyville.>You can be forgiven for your new voyeuristic habits insofar as you're not from this planet.>These are still aliens you're watching, so you think of yourself as a nature documentarian.>You follow a pair of young lovers into a bush, your spectral hands in your ghost-pockets (apparently, clothes come with you to the afterlife).>The young mare giggles as her boyfriend nuzzles her ear then licks at her tail dock. Her tail flags. He unsheathes.
>>41592866"The male approaches the female in the pony's most natural mating ground: the bush behind the schoolhouse whilst class is in session," you say in a wizened, dry voice. "There, they will consummate their affection in the hopes of having what the youth call, 'A good time'.">After a few failed thrusts, the stallion finds his mark and the mare gasps.>"Ohh, Grand Sprout!" she gasps."Nothing 'grand' sprouting from him, lady," you snicker at the stallion's length.>The two go at it with you watching the proceedings with a wry smile."Hah, this is so gross, what the fuck.">Suddenly bored, you wander off in search of novelties.*>A few days roll by like this.>You've been taking your time, meandering from house to house, spending a few hours watching each family go about their business, listening to clandestine conversations, catching up on missed gossip.>"Lily's pregnant-- again!" hisses Roseluck.>"Shut up, she is not! Who was it this time, Big Mac?" Daisy hisses back, shooting a worried look at an oblivious Lily Valley, who is snipping dead leaves off a sunflower at the other end of the shop.>"Nope. This time it's -Cloud Dancer-.""God, what a slut," you and Daisy say in unison.>There's only so much gossip you can hear without being able to pass any of it on before you get bored, however, so a week or so later you find yourself stood in Ponyville square with your hands stuffed in your hoodie, brooding.>The afterlife calls, but you were hoping there'd be more to do.>You wanted to go to Canterlot to spy on Celestia -- perhaps confirm the rumours that she's hiding what Rainbow Dash once drunkenly called a "fuck obelisk", but the farther out of town you walk, the harder it is to proceed.>A force like a breeze against your face builds and builds until you're bend at the waist pressing your hands against a hurricane. Before long you're sent tumbling back the way you came like a plastic bag in an eddy.>You're bound to Ponyville, it seems.>And in your wanderings there's only one place you haven't visited yet.>An evil place where even the dead fear to venture.*>Fluttershy's cottage looks calm enough, but within that painted shell lurks a demon.>One that can no longer harm you.>Encouraged by sheer boredom and nothing else, you walk with pocketed hands through the wall and--"Oh.">And you stop dead."Well, fuck.">From a beige rope wrapped and tied a dozen times around a thick roof beam, Fluttershy's body is pendulous.>There are no animals inside or even out. Possibly they've all fled or were told to leave beforehand.>Beneath her swaying limbs on a table dragged over is a pile of papers a good foot deep, neatly stacked in a block.>You peer down at the top-most sheet, glad for once that you can't interact with the physical world.
>>41592871>"My Suicide Note And The Circumstances Of My Depression And Ultimate Self-Destruction, by Mrs Fluttershy Anonymous.">"Book 1, Volume 1, Chapter 1: New Beginnings.">Fluttershy's body doesn't seem as though it's been dead for very long. You checked out the Ponyville morgue yesterday, and the bodies there have a distinct bloat to them that indicates how long it's been since they kicked the bucket.>Perhaps there's a chance someone will find her and-->"GUUHHUUAH!">You shriek like a filly and leap away.>From the corpse's interior, a translucent hoof emerges and waggles around, followed by another, followed by a head gasping for air.>The Ghost of Kindness Past flops gracelessly out of her former body and faceplants the floor.>She drags herself to her hooves, spins to look at her body, and watches it for a moment.>"Oh... my," she touches her face. "Was I always that fat?">The pony studies her swaying vessel for a while long before turning -- and freezing.>You stare down at her unable to move, sheer terror gripping the place where your heart used to be.>Her eyes slowly widen with recognition. You'd only set foot in this hell-hole twice in your former life, so it's understandable she'd be so unused to seeing you within her lair.>"An... on? Is that you? Were you... waiting for me?">Her worried face shifts into a smile, then a full-on beam.>"You were waiting for me! Watching over me!" her tail wags. "Oh my goodness, I knew I could hear your voice! I knew I wasn't crazy! Now we can be togeth--""NOPE.">Without a single second of further hesitation, you spread your arms, allow the light at the end of the tunnel to break through the walls of the world, and go gleefully into sweet oblivion.Imagine being trapped for eternity with a mare.Haha wouldn't that be awful haha can you imagine haha.
>>41592875She finally did it
>>41592875>Go to the pearly gates.>St. Peter says your soul is riddled with sin.>Make snarky, smart-ass remark.>St. Peter is in no mood for your shit.>Kicks you down to hell.>Its a cottage with ghost-shy.>Wherein your immortal, undying soul is trapped forever.There is no winning.
>>41592989She probably go to horse hell anyway.>>41592728Now that is hell.
>>41592728I could’ve sworn the snow mares got some green awhile back, can’t remember if it was Neb or Zigzag that wrote it though
>>41593640They did get a green. It was a oneshot involving Cave-Anon and honey.
>>41593646Yeah that’s the one, it was a good one
>>41592875Good green
>>41594059Paste please. Sounds fun.
>>41594643I wish I knew, I can fret and find it though
>>41593640>>41593646>>41594059>>41594643>>41595157Cave-Anonhttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37448867/#37463050Other onehttps://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/37448867/#37472723
>>41595260Thank you anon, I got distracted by greens while looking for it
>>41595695Get your FAT musky wet rump OFF MY BED!
>You watch your house burn to the ground.>The flames are such that any attempt to save any of your belongings is suicide, so you sit on verge across the way as your material wealth turns to ashes.>Fluttershy is sat next to you, having landed a little while ago without a word.>You've not spoken for a few minutes.>The top floor collapses inwards, becoming one with the bottom floor.>"Are you hard yet?" she inquires."Why would I be hard," you say in dull monotone, refusing your lift your chin from its place in your cupped hands or take your eyes off the inferno.>A few pegasus ponies are doing their best dragging clouds over to douse the fire. The local fire department -- really more of a loose mob of volunteers -- is thundering up the road with a wagon loaded with a water drum and hoses.>Fluttershy screws her face up.>"Because... pyrophilia is your fetish. Isn't it your fetish? That's what you said yesterday.">You gaze transfixed at the cleansing fire. It is beautiful, in a sense. The way it burns away impurities. Fluttershy could benefit from a good fire. You should lock her inside her cottage and share this gift with her.>You shake your head."Fluttershy," you begin slowly. "I said pygophilia. Py-GO-philia.">"I've not heard of that.""It's butts. My fetish is butts.">"...Oh. You mean like... mine?""Like Applejack's. Or Rarity's.">"I think I have a nice butt.""Applejack's is nicer. As is Rarity's.">She frowns.>"So I burned down your house for nothing?">You let out a long, long sigh through your nose.>You already knew, of course. The timing was too sudden, and Fluttershy has no comprehension of subtlety."You did. You took away everything I had for nothing. Now I am homeless and destitute because you're a deaf sociopath.">"I'm not dead.""Deaf, you fucking..." you trail off, giving up early.>You say all this still with your elbows on your knees, and chin resting in your hands.>There's no fight left in you today. All your energy was spent in the initial blaze, but fires and wooden-frame houses with thatched roofs don't mix, so it was over as soon as you'd found that it had started.>A low growl vibrates the skies, and a dark bank of cloudrolls overhead, courtesy of Rainbow Dash and the weather patrol. It parks above your house, bringing a veil of shade with it, and a single fat raindrop hits the top of your head.>And then it's a downpour.>Fluttershy extends a wing over you and holds it there as the rain drenches everything in the vicinity: the fire, the firestarter, you, your life.>You neither push her away nor thank her.>Too tired for that. Too fed up.>"You can live with me if you'd like. Maybe we can find out if zoophilia or xenophilia are your fetishes too?">She either doesn't understand the implication of zoophilia, or does. Either one scares you. The latter maybe more.>You don't answer her. You just sit. After the fire is fully dead a clear voice reaches you.
>>41595756>"Anonymous!" you allow a smile. "I saw the smoke-- your house!" Rarity is there, dressed in a raincoat and levitating an umbrella above her.>In the midst of a murky downpour she looks absolutely radiant. She turns to the side to stare agog at the ruins of your home, and your eyes trace her body, staying on her back end. Fluttershy follows your gaze and fumes.>Meanwhile, Rarity hovers her umbrella over you. It does a much better job keeping you dry than Fluttershy's wing. Rarity turns back to you.>"Don't say a word, my dear, we'll get you sorted out. You can tell me all about it back at the boutique. Come along now! You'll be living with me from now on -- Not a word! I'll not take no for an answer. Come along!">You rise, smile at Rarity, and motion for her to lead the way.>She trots off, but you hold back to look down on Fluttershy."I suppose I ought to thank you.">"My butt's way nicer. It's got more cushion.""Whatever you say, gluteous minor.">Life's about perspective, in the end.>A man can lose everything and still have all he needs.>You trail Rarity down the road, your eyes on her swaying flanks all the while.>And your life could be far worse.
>>41595760REARity does not rape.
>>41595760Fluttershy btfo'd
>>41595695I'm sending you a bill for the new mattress after you leave your slime trail all over it, yellow
>>41544132You shake your head. “I tried to tell the truth, I really did. Maybe an aftershock of whatever spell Aphrodite put over me?” You shrug. “It’ll be fine.” With that, you finally head out of the room, oblivious to Fluttershy’s worried face. Internally, you aren’t screaming but you are as nervous as she is.>For now, you’ve got some time until tonight’s festivities, so you decide to… stop. Your mind has ground to a halt again. Why did you think of Discord’s help when talking to Cadence? You haven’t seen him since you slid off that couch of his. You shake your head, even as your subconscious begs you to remember what happened so recently. Perhaps the little home bar in your home would be a good stop. You need a stiff drink.>Be Celestia. You are a little annoyed that Twilight didn’t show up to help plan this festival, even if Anonymous tired her out. What does he even MEAN by that? This isn’t making much sense to your ancient mind, so you may as well rest two pegasi with one cloud. >Fortunately, Aphrodite is going to temporarily leave the realm. Something about a better dress, whatever. It doesn’t matter, she’s at least out of your hooves for a bit. You open the door to Twilight’s room, and see her conked out on her bed. >Walking up to her form quietly, you gently nuzzle your former student awake. Her eyes flutter open with an adorable little yawn. “Princess Celestia? What are you doing… here?” She gets up and checks out the room, as her waking mind catches up to her body. You just sit back and watch her as her synapses clear out their fog.>Then she frowns. “Luna. Where is Princess Luna? I-… No. Nevermind. Where is Anon?” Her frown deepens, as she gets up. “Why do you need to know where either are, Twilight? If you’re worried about Anonymous, he’s fine. He joined us for the discussion with Aphrodite. A discussion you should have been present for, mind you.”>Twilight’s face scrunches up in annoyance, but she bows her head and sighs. “Sorry Princess, but I- Anonymous and I realized we… uh… have feelings for each other today-” She gets this adorable little blush and looks away with her ears pinned to her head as she continues. “-and we were acting on those feelings. And Luna interrupted us Fluttershy’s behalf, I think. Pretty sure.”>You can practically feel the waterwheel in your mind slip off its axle as you take this new information in. Oh dear. You don’t exactly spy on your Student’s love life, but you’re pretty sure she would have written a letter if she was smitten with some stallion or mare. As the realization fills in, it’s your turn to blush. “I see. But if Luna interrupted, surely you wouldn’t be that tired, right?”>”Well Uhm. We may have ran away the first attempt to interrupt and ended up in her old bed at the castle of the two sisters?” Twilight gives a very cheesy smile, as you bring a hoof up to your temple and begin to rub.
>>41595928>Be Twilight.>Internally, your mind is BEGGING you to tell Celestia that the real reason Luna put you to sleep is because of Aphrodite, but your body refuses to let her in on the secret, even though Luna already knows.>Now you sound like a teen filly who just got caught. Joy. Luna is also getting thrown under the carriage, as if she’s just mad about you playing in her bed. Actually, now that you think of it? She might actually be pretty mad about that, meddling of the mind or not. Note to self, get some kind of apology gift.>You feel a hoof gently caress your face and you look back up to your mentor. “Oh Twilight. Why didn’t you ever tell me that you were interested in Anon in your letters? Did you just assume that once Fluttershy had his hand, you would herd up?”Your head bobs up and down against your will. “I did. She loved him first, and it… felt wrong to jump ahead of her in that respect. But when I found out Anon loved me, and not her? I… Well I took what I wanted. Is that so wrong, Celestia?”>You feel her wings embrace you in a hug. “The heart wants what it wants, Twilight. If Anon only wants you, then he only wants you.”>The embrace is stopped, and Celestia smiles down at you with a twinkle in her eyes. “Want to go and get something to eat together? That will give Luna more time to sleep in until the festival, and we can talk some more.”>You genuinely find yourself happy to spend time with your mentor, even in these awful circumstances.>And so the castle now sits empty, as ponies and a human go about their individual plans. >Be Aphrodite. >Quite impatient, even by Goddess standards, and quite good at mental math. By your figuring, Anonymous knows his place within reason, and has enough mental fortitude to stave off your control over him. It’s quite impressive in its own way. It’s a given he will show you a good time during the festival, so why not indulge early?>You sit on his… now rather modified couch. You certainly don’t remember the room looking like it does now. Seems that little serpent has been doing more than just watching you, thinking himself hidden. Well, either way you’ll be giving him quite the show.>Just then, Anonymous makes his way through his door, and smiles at you as you smile at him. “Come here, little human. I’m so very bored of being bored.”
>>41596007Glad to see you back
>>41596007Anons' gonna get raped by a Goddess.
>>41596367That makes the second time this month.
>>41596367Sure is! But look at the bright side? ....*aphrodite is, a goddess*.(This message sponsored by Olympus LLC.)
>>41596007Great stuff
>>41596007At least it isn't a pony.
>>41597632Subdue her with ear scratches and run away while she’s rolling around on the floor.
>>41597632> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_lE0YLTxqE4
There's only one way to get a restraining order on Fluttershy
>>41598074Let’s see how that plays out for him
>>41597638belly rubs, I bet Celestia loves having her cake kneaded
>>41598479Anon, no! Getting that close is suicide for your dick! maintain one arm's distance at all times! Ear scratches only!
>>41597638Awfully confident for someone within telekinesis range, Anon.
>>41598628I got it covered.
>Three knocks on your door and you prepare for war.>At least that's what Pavlovian conditioning has done to you whilst living in Ponyville.>With a bike chain in your hand (no idea where it came from) you approach the door, ready for violence.>Dark nights harbour dark deeds.>You throw it open and-->"Nightmare Night! What a fright! Give us something sweet to bite!">Three small children are on your doorstep, wearing costumes and underdeveloped toothy smiles.>You blink at them, dumbfounded.>"Cool!" says one of the colts, a knight. "You're like, a murderer, or something!">Dressed in your stained, white under-shirt, black gym shorts, two-week old beard, and clutching a bike chain, you can understand the assessment.>"So do we get anything?" asks a little princess filly."Uhh. Sure.">You hold out your chain and drop it into the centre colt's bucket.>The three of them peer at it in silence for a moment.>"...Cool!" the colt exclaims again. "A real murderer's weapon!">"I'm gonna use it to kill my big sister!" yells the filly.>"I'm gonna give my bully what he fricking deserves!" says the other colt -- a jester.>"Thanks, mister!" they cry, and with that, they tear off into the night, laughing.>You watch them go with a tired smile."You did a good thing tonight, Anon," you say, nodding, then close the door.*>Another knock.>You open the door again.>Full-sized ponies this time."Yeah?">"Nightmare Night!" says a pony disguised as a mummy. "Come on, Anon, pay up!""Oh. This is a thing, then. I don't have any candy.">"Boo-oo. You're boring. Give us something else, then.""Like what? I already gave my bike chain to some kids.">One of the ponies flips up her ski-mask.>"You did what," Cheerilee says in a low voice."I don't have any food or whatever, so you'll have to try the next house.">"Oo-or, you could give us some of -this-!" says the mummy, and she gropes your balls through your thin shorts.>"Oh my god, Lyra!" squeals one of the ponies, batting her friend on the shoulder, and the two laugh.>Cheerilee doesn't join them. She's still glaring at you.>"What bike chain," she intones again."I don't have shit, girls, now leave me alone.">"Fine," says Lyra, "but I'm telling everyone you're giving away hornjobs.""What? Why?">"Serves you right for not getting candy! Later, alligator!"
>>41598918>And she prances off with the other mystery mare.>Cheerilee stays on your doorstep a while longer, squinting at you.>Before she can speak, you slam the door on her.*>You let the knocker knock several times before you haul yourself out of your warm, plush seat and lumber to the door."Fuck my life, -what-?" you say as you open it.>"No way, Lyra wasn't kidding! You girls heard that, right?""That you, Rainbow?" you squint at her.>"Pfft, no," says Rainbow Dash, wearing a pirate hat and false parrot and nothing else. "I could be anyone.""Uh huh.">"So you're giving out hornjobs? Nice. Do you give wingjobs as well?""I don't have candy.">"Who needs it when they can have a snack like you?">The other ponies with Rainbow all laugh.>Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy by your guess.>Pinkie raises her hoof and waves it around, "Question!""What.">"I don't have a horn or wings, do I still get a job?""If you want a job you can clean my toilet.">"Awesome! When do I start?""Right now. Stuff's in the closet under the stairs.">"Suh-weet! Move aside, ponies, your girl's a salarymare now!">She squeezes past you and starts rooting around under your stairs for the cleaning supplies.>Applejack seems worried, but then she always does whenever Pinkie does anything.>"Anon?" Fluttershy is also raising her hoof."I don't have anymore jobs. Or candy. Or bike chains.">"Um, I was hoping maybe I could give -you- a job? One that involves blowing?""I was sacked from my last leaf-blowing job for negligence, sorry.">"N-no no, I meant--">"What's that about a bike chain?" Applejack says bluntly."I've got nothing else, please spread the word," you start closing the door. "Good bye, good luck, whatever the fuck."*>You watch Pinkie bounce around your front room, dusting here and wiping there.>You don't own a maid uniform, but she's wearing the hell out of one anyway."Are you just, like, going to clean my entire house as a joke?">"Yeppers!""Huh. If I told you to do my taxes for a giggle, would you do that too?">"Yes indeedy!">You tease your fingers through your beard like a wizard and ponder the implications of this.>But before you get very far, there are further knocks.>You groan, get up, and answer it.>Only a single pony this time.
>>41598921>It's Luna in a trenchcoat.>You can tell, because it's obviously Luna. In a fucking trenchcoat.>"One hears this is the place for certain... services.">You stick your head out the door and look around for anyone else.>You're alone."I have two garden gnomes stuffed with poison joke if you're interested.">"Gnomes?""Guards never check gnomes, Princess.">Luna scowls.>"That's illegal, citizen; you forget who you're talking to. Besides, I'm here about -other- services, if you understand me. Of the horn variety.""Oh, that. No, I'm not doing that. It's a dirty lie being spread by a mummy that groped me.">She huffs.>"So even you are being granted sexual favours-- by mothers, no less. Whilst I'm left with nothing. Fine. Very well.">She turns to leave, but pauses.>"Actually, I will have a gnome.""Hundred bits.">"Ten, and I won't throw you in prison.""Deal.">"Marvellous."*>Your house is now spotless, and you're eating caviar.>You hate caviar, but you feel inclined to eat it since it was presented to you on a silver platter with hummus and other side dishes along with freshly baked bread."Really committed to this bit, aren't you?" you ask Pinkie, now dressed as a moustachioed waiter.>"Oui oui, monsieur.""Ni hao to you too, you zany fuck.">More knocks."Can you get that for me?">"Non. Zat ees imposseebley.""Trust a Frenchman to never do any bloody work.">You open the door, still holding your entire platter.>"Nighmare Night! What a frigh--">You tip the entire platter into the front-most child's cauldron.>She stares at the mass of reeking caviar, savoury dips, and moist bread.>She looks up at you, traumatised."Bone apple tea, my dude.">You slam the door.*>By now, Pinkie's just slouched on the sofa next to your chair reading a comic book."Does this Nightmare Night thing happen every year?">"Uh huh.""Can I expect to be groped every time?">"Uh huh.""Are you going to deliver the punchline to this bit before long? I want to go to bed and you're not sleeping with me.">Pinkie smirks at you. You didn't think she was the type to smirk, and now you feel betrayed by someone you thought was a sincere pony.
>>41598925>Something hard and heavy hits your front door three times."If that's Luna she's not having the second fucking gnome.">You open the door and wish you hadn't.>The Grim Reaper looms before you, its shadow reaching over you, through you, and into your house."Oh. This is for the bike chain thing, isn't it?">The Reaper says nothing.>Then pulls her hood back.>"What bike chain thing," says Princess Celestia coolly."Uh, nothing, I misspoke. Can I interest you in a garden gnome?">Celestia scrutinises you for a moment, then puts her hood back up.>"I'm here undercover.""That's...">You take in the clearly giant white pony wearing a black cloak that doesn't even cover her hooves, which are still bearing golden sollerets, and raise your eyes to the white horn protruding from the top of her head."Yeah? Anyone see through your disguise yet?">Celestia grins.>"Not a single soul. Not even the alluring blue pony in a trenchcoat I saw earlier. Now, listen to me, Anonymous, I've been hearing rumours...">You pinch the bridge of your nose."About what," you say with your eyes closed.>"I heard you were...">Celestia looks over her shoulder.>"...Giving away free caviar and hummus.">You purse your lips."I ran out. Sorry.">She narrows her eyes. "I didn't leave Canterlot just to be denied, Anonymous.""You're like... god, or something. Can't you make some up with a bit of hocus-pocus?">"Hocus-pocus magic was banned six centuries ago for inciting the fourth mage war. No, I shall certainly -not- be doing that. If you cannot give me my caviar, I'm going to have to take alternative payment from you.""Payment for what? It's a public holiday, isn't it?">"I want my fish eggs, ape.""I can give you a garden gnome.">"I'll take the gnome, but I want more.""What else can I give?">Celestia smiles at you.>Just then, Pinkie appears at your side and prods your butt.>You look down at her."Yeah?">"Punchline.""What does that--"*>You're in your bed, trembling.>On your right, Pinkie Pie is snoozing, cuddled up against you.>On your left, Princess Celestia is drooling in your ear.>Nightmare Night.>What a fright.
>>41598927dammit, >raped again
>>41598927>You're in your bed, trembling.>On your right, Pinkie Pie is snoozing, cuddled up against you.>On your left, Princess Celestia is drooling in your ear.>Nightmare Night.>What a fright.Well this sucks.
>>41598927I was expecting Anon to get his chain back as a bloody mess. Would have saved him from this mess.
>>41598074>"Tell me about your relationship with your mother..."
>>41598927Great work please bin it
>>41598927At least it wasn't Fluttershy
>"Get a marelfriend or else!"
>not wanting to fuck the horse with a canonically fat assextremely gay
>>41599927>>not wanting to fuck the horse with a canonically fat assI would absolutely fuck Mrs Cake though
>>41599927>fuck the horseAnd make the baby Jesus cry? What kind of filthy deviant do you take me for?
>>41599927yellow hooves typed this
>>41599341I'll compile all the shorts I've written into a paste and post it next thread.
>>41600022Imagine Mrs. Cake pinning you under her
>>41600162Oh no that would be just awful hahaSince we're not supposed to lust after mares and all... haha...
>>41600144Much appreciated
