>>41692812
Fine* I'll do it live

Fuck you, I'm tired.

>>41692812
I just noticed Lyra in that.

File: incoming numget.webm (269 KB, 1920x1080)

269 KB WEBM

>>41693049
Das a Numget mane

>>41693161
>Anon has a stroke in Equestria

>>41692813
Thanks.

>>41693867
<3

Bump.

Be sure to become strong enough to suplex an Alicorn.

>>41693049
There must always be.

File: the rock.png (194 KB, 424x318)

194 KB PNG

>>41695175
>AND THE ROCK IS GONNA WALK DOWN THE PONY'S AISLE
>GET IN THE PONY'S RING
>AND LAY THE SMACKDOWN ONTO BIG TWILY'S RUDYPOO CANDYASS

File: Dan vs Sunbutt.gif (996 KB, 500x364)

996 KB GIF

>>41695175

>>41696149
That’s not fair, Dan is some sort of bridge troll with higher base stats

>>41692812
Shouldn't this be thread 1218?

>>41696515
17-point-whatever

>>41695812
Slut

>>41696515
you can have a new number once you finish a thread

>>41696149
Horns don’t bend that way

>>41697450
Not with that attitude

>>41696149
I like how she looks baffled and annoyed.

File: 1643934301251.png (6 KB, 366x463)

6 KB PNG

>FirstAmendmentAuditor!Anon In Equestria

>>41698599
What’s in the Equestrian constitution?

File: 2265223.png (563 KB, 864x937)

563 KB PNG

>>41698997
>Whattya mean I couldn't be the Princess of the United States of Equestria...
>Tell me somethin'..it's still 'We the ponies', right?

>>41698599
Who the fuck is this

File: 1724769765645017.gif (1.07 MB, 401x494)

1.07 MB GIF

any other green author use a markdown software like Logseq for story notes? i've just been using google docs but it sucks ass, tired of feeling jumbled and having trouble keeping track of things

File: IMG_5288.png (299 KB, 1000x562)

299 KB PNG

>“Tch! Anonymous, are you sure a mare of my age really requires a prostate exam? And do we really have to be in bed for it?”

>>41700221
>a prostate exam?
Are you a pervert, or an idiot?

File: stareybelle.png (397 KB, 2998x2871)

397 KB PNG

>>41700221
>prostate exam

>>41700278
Both

>>41700209
I honestly don't often use notes for my stories. All my notes are in my head, where they're most easily lost

>You never thought just looking at the horizon would take so much getting used to.
>Especially after over a year.
>But life has a way of surprising you.
>And surprise you it did.
>Well, when it comes to describing how you felt after being transported from your humble life on Earth to a pastel-colored land called Equestria filled with magical talking ponies, “surprised” would be the understatement of the century.
>The powers that be didn’t even have the decency to turn you into a magical pony like every other citizen of Equestria.
>You were dropped into this world as the lone human.
>If you were a furry, you would have been devastated by this great big cosmic accident.
>You managed to get some light shining on the greatest mystery of your life.
>Thanks to a kind yellow pegasus named Fluttershy, you were introduced to her friend Twilight Sparkle: princess of friendship (whatever that means) and “the smartest pony around”.
>It was Twilight that explained the whole deal to you: some villainous pony named Riptide got ahold of a magical artifact that could open portals to other dimensions.
>Riptide tried to open a portal to a dimension containing an army of a million minions, but they apparently weren’t as adept in the magical arts as Twilight, and the attempt resulted in space-time distortions rippling out throughout the multiverse.
>While Twilight and her friends did manage to defeat Riptide, one of those space-time distortions caused your home universe and the universe of Equestria to “overlap” just enough for you to slip from your home world to this new world like a fish being transferred to a new bowl.
>Twilight swore to you that she would do anything to get you back to your home world.
>She pinkie promised you that she would send you home.
>You found it to be an incredibly cheesy gesture, but it was serious business for her.
>That was over a year ago.
>Over a year of asking what kind of progress she’s made on sending you back home.
>Over a year of being told she’s getting closer to a breakthrough, approaching a finish line that never seems to get closer.
>Over a year of clinging onto the hope of going back to the world you belong in.
>You don’t want to sound ungrateful, and there are certainly worse worlds to have been isekai’d to, but you can’t wait for the day you get to leave Equestria.
>You don’t belong here.
>You’re an alien.
>A gargantuan hairless ape in a world of small colorful ponies.
>The ponies are generally nice to you, but it’s impossible to ignore how they look at you.
>Their eyes are so big, big enough to carry a million unspoken feelings.
>Curiosity, intrigue, apprehension, amusement, disgust, and so many other things.
>At least you have the horizon.
>The earth, the sun, and the sky are still a constant in this world.
>You’re told the sun rises and sets because of an all-powerful alicorn named Princess Celestia who rules all of Equestria, but what really matters is the sun still rises and sets.

>>41701509
>In your spare time, you can sit on the grass and just stare into the horizon, grounding yourself in some kind of normalcy.
>In between all the unicorns and pegasi, you still have the horizon.
>”Is everything okay, Anon?”
>Fluttershy’s gentle voice brings you back to the present moment.
>You agreed to help her build birdhouses after a bad thunderstorm destroyed one of the trees that so many of her bird friends called home.
>You nod and refocus your attention on the mostly-assembled birdhouse on your lap.
“Yeah, just taking a bit of a breather.” You answer her, turning to face her.
>Fluttershy gives you a smile as she sits down beside you.
>”That’s good! You’ve been working so hard today, it’s important you take a breather.” She says to you.
>Fluttershy is one of the ponies you’ve gotten to know over the past year and change.
>She was actually the first to get to know you after ended up in Equestria.
>She looked past your alien physique and introduced you to her friends.
>Thanks to her, you’ve found enough work to make a humble living for yourself.
>But it’s temporary at the end of the day.
“This isn’t actually super hard work for me, I could stay up all night making birdhouses if you want.” You jokingly offer with a small smile.
>”Oh, no, I would never ask you to do that!” Fluttershy hastily assures you.
>You gently laugh and add the finishing touches to your current birdhouse and present it to Fluttershy.
“You sure? Because I’m on a roll here. If you want your cottage expanded, now’s the time to ask.” You teasingly offer.
>Fluttershy gratefully accepts the birdhouse and carefully holds it in her hooves.
>”You’ve done more than I could have asked of you today, Anon. Thanks to you, all our little bird friends will have a nice, safe place to sleep tonight!” Fluttershy beams, then flapping over to her cottage to place your latest birdhouse by the thirty other birdhouses you’ve built today.
>Above her cottage, countless birds covered with feathers of all colors anxiously watch her manage the birdhouses, eager to move into their new homes.
“I can hardly accept all the praise, Flutters. You’re the one who made all of them so pretty.” You remind her, gathering your tools and getting up from the grass.
>Fluttershy’s been hard at work painting the birdhouses you build, she made sure each and every home has a unique color and decoration that makes each and every one of them beautiful in their own way.
>Butterflies, flowers, suns and clouds, and other cutesy, outdoorsy things painted onto gentle, pastel colors.
>It’s amazing how nicely she can paint when she’s holding the paintbrush with her mouth.
>Fluttershy gently blushes as she gets herself situated before the bare wood birdhouse with a freshly prepared set of paints.
>”Whatever the case may be, I can’t thank you enough for all your help today. Would you like some tea while I finish painting?” Fluttershy offers.

>>41701510
>You stuff your tools into your pockets as you stand up, groaning a bit as you stretch out your body.
“Wish I could stay, Twilight said she needed to see me.” You say to her.
>Fluttershy perks up at this little bit of news.
>”Do you think she’s found a way to get you back to your world?” She asks you.
>The flower of hope that’s been growing in you all day begins to blossom upon hearing someone else say it.
>It’s reassurance that what you’re hoping for is actually possible.
>Over a year of waiting is about to come to an end.
“I hope so!” You answer, feeling giddy just saying so.
>”That would be so wonderful!” Fluttershy excitedly agrees, but you detect a hint of sadness in her voice.
>”Oh, but the little birds would miss you terribly after you’ve helped give them a new home…” She adds, looking up at the birds nestled together on her roof.
>She’s right, the birds do look upon you with sad expressions like they can understand your conversation.
>It’s a sight that plucks at your heartstrings, but your heart’s soaring too high to have its chords cut.
“I’m not worried about them. With somepony as caring as you looking out for them, they’ve got nothing to worry about!” You assure Fluttershy with a smile.
>Somepony.
>It’s a bit of vernacular you picked up on.
>Everybody- ah, everypony in town uses speech like that, you do what you can to fit in.
>Fluttershy gently nods in agreement, but she’s still not entirely convinced by your stance.
>She looks to you hopefully.
>”Well… when- I mean, if you get to go home, will you stay a little longer to say goodbye to everypony?”
>You can’t imagine how many would care to see you go.
>You’ve tried to minimize your presence in Ponyville, but you couldn’t avoid making some connections.
>They’re really big on “power of friendship” stuff here.
>No doubt thanks to Twilight Sparkle, princess of friendship.
>To answer Fluttershy’s question, you give her a gentle nod and matching smile.
“Of course I will, Fluttershy. I owe it to you and your friends after everything you’ve all done for me.”
>”They’re your friends too, Anon!” Fluttershy insists, clutching the birdhouse tighter.
>You chuckle a little and gently nod.
“Right, right. Anyway, I really should be going. Rain check on the tea?”
>”It’s a deal!” Fluttershy happily agrees.
>Smiling brighter at her and with a flutter in your heart, you dust off your clothes and wave goodbye to Fluttershy.
“See you later, Fluttershy!”
>”See you later, Anon!” She happily bids farewell to you, turning her attention to painting the birdhouse as you turn to leave.

>>41701513
>The stroll back to Ponyville is a bit of a hike for you.
>Fluttershy lives on the outskirts of town, just like you.
>Likely for similar reasons, too.
>The warmth you felt when working with Fluttershy fades more the further you venture from her home.
>You got into the habit of taking the long path to Twilight’s castle whenever you went to visit her.
>Walking straight through town draws too much attention to you.
>Even though you’ve lived within the town limits of Ponyville for over a year, some of the townsfolk never got used to seeing you.
>You can’t blame them.
>Whenever you have to venture into town to stock up on food, you always feel like a lumbering oaf in the midst of all those ponies.
>Always having to hunch down to talk to the ponies behind the counter doesn’t make you feel any smaller.
>There’s always another pair of friends sharing hushed conversations while looking at you, or another young pony pointing you out to their parents.
>Well, not for much longer.
>Twilight had to have found a way to send you back home.
>Back to where you belong.
>A world filled with humans, just like you.
>With doors and buildings built for humans.
>You walk with more pep in your step.
>Twilight’s magnificent crystal treehouse that she calls a home beckons you forth.
>Somehow, within its walls lies your ticket back home.
>You can hardly wait.
>Your walk turns to a brisk stride as you let the excitement you feel in your heart spread to the rest of your body.
>Then your brisk stride turns to a jog.
>You don’t care about how you may look to the ponies around town, what they think won’t matter soon.
>Before you know it, you’re standing right before the golden doors of Twilight’s castle.
>Twilight’s letter said you could come right in once you get there, so you do just that.
>Pushing past the doors, you’re met with a blast of cool air circulating within the castle walls, inviting you in.
>There’s hope in the air, you can smell it.
>That hope is laced with something tantalizing: the scent of home.
>It’s impossible to describe, but something about the air lingering around you reminds you of home.
>No more waiting, let’s go home.
“Hey, Twilight? I made it! What did you wanna talk about?” You call out to her, hoping she’s nearby.
>You hear some rustling nearby like you caught someone off guard, which you quickly recognize as Twilight’s faithful aid: Spike.
>Spike’s lying on a nearby cushion with his face buried in a book as he turns to face you.
>”Huh? Oh, hey, Anon. Twilight’s just upstairs, I’ll let her know you’re here.” He says to you, using some of his magic to send Twilight a note before going right back to his book.
>His book is something you recognize: the story of Superman, written by Anon Y. Mous.

>>41701515
>That’s how you made your humble living in between helping out ponies like Fluttershy: writing books for stories you’ve known all your life from your time in your home world.
>You’ve written plenty of books, telling the stories of the Star Wars, the Power Rangers, the Legend of Zelda, and many more.
>Ponies kept buying them, but you have a sneaking suspicion that they’re not THAT enthralled by your retellings.
>It’s likely just the novelty of having a story from another world that gets them to spend their bits on your work.
>You get paid, that’s what matters most.
“You know, I’m struggling to remember a time when I’ve come here and you weren’t reading that book. I’m amazed you haven’t gotten tired of it yet.” You remark to the baby dragon.
>”I’ll never get tired of this book! Superman’s so cool!” Spike gushes, looking up at you with excitement.
>The little guy’s happiness is really infectious, as evidenced by how you’re smiling along with him.
“Yeah, he is! He’s one of my favorites!”
>Spike readjusts himself on the cushion, redirecting his full attention to the written words before him.
>”No bad guys can ever stand a chance against Superman! He’s way too strong and tough to ever be beat!”
“But you’re forgetting Superman’s true power: his heart.” You remind Spike.
>Spike looks up from his book to give you a confused look.
>”What do you mean?”
>You step beside his cushion to talk more directly.
“Where I’m from, power of all kinds has been wielded by humans of all kinds. And some of those humans were truly, truly evil. What makes Superman such a great hero is how he inspires all of us to be the best versions of ourselves. Even though he born on the planet Krypton and even though he’s so drastically different from humans like me, he’s a relentlessly good person. Being a hero isn’t just fighting bad guys, sometimes being a hero is helping someone when they need help. Because that’s what a hero really is: someone who uses what they’ve been given to do the right thing, solely because it’s the right thing to do.”
>Spike blinks, then gazes down at his Superman book in amazement.
>”Woah… I never thought of it like that.”
“I mean, just look at General Zod! He was given all the same powers as Superman, and I’m sure his henchmen thought he was being heroic when he was threatening to destroy the world to bring back Krypton, but Superman was the real hero because he was always willing to fight for those who couldn’t fight for themselves.”
>”I get what you mean now!” Spike excitedly says to you.
>”Like, Hum Drum is just as much of a hero as Superman is!”
>If only you could have introduced the concept of superheroes to Equestria.
>But the Power Ponies beat you to it by several years.
“Yeah, exactly!”

>>41701516
>”Anon?”
>Twilight Sparkle’s voice draws your attention away from your riveting conversation with Spike.
>This is it!
>Your ticket home is moments away!
>You turn around to face the princess of friendship, bowing a little because you’re in such a good mood.
“Hey, Twilight! You wanted to see me?”
>Twilight smiles at you in return, but it looks strangely… forced.
>”Yes, um… follow me, please.” She instructs you, leading you up a set of stairs.
>Her tone doesn’t bode well.
>Even in another dimension, it’s a tone you know all too well.
>That’s the sound of someone preparing to deliver bad news.
>But whatever the truth may be, you’ll know what the deal is soon.
>”Catch you later, Anon!” Spike waves you goodbye, burying himself deep in his Superman book again.
“Yeah, see you later.” You say to him before following Twilight up the stairs.
>The staircase leads you to the throne room, where seven stunning crystal thrones, each adorned with the “cutie marks” of Twilight and her friends, surround a circular table.
>The windows have been shuttered, leaving you alone with Twilight, who you find standing beside what looks like the magical artifact that Riptide tried to use to open a portal to another dimension.
>The thing that got you here to begin with.
>Twilight sighs as she begins to speak.
>”Anon…”
“...Yes, Twilight?” You ask her, feeling the shadow of dread loom over you.
>Twilight is struggling to look at you, there’s pain written all over her.
>”...I spent all week trying to figure out how to say this, but I think the best way to do that is to just say it…”
>Twilight opens her mouth, but it takes another moment for her to actually speak.
>”...I’ll never be able to send you back to your home world.”
>...
>Time stops around you.
>Your blood runs cold.
>Your heart sinks.
>Twilight’s words echo in your mind.
>No.
>She couldn’t have said that.
>You had to have misheard her.
>That has to be it.
“...What?” You manage to say, your voice barely above a whisper.
>Twilight shrinks back in shame, her ears drooping and her head hanging low.
>”Y-You see, I thought even though your home world doesn’t have any magic for the Dimensional Scepter to connect to, we could open a portal there by honing in on your quantum resonance, but the thing about the multiverse is that… it’s infinite.”
>No.
>”I mean, even if we narrow down your precise quantum resonance down to a million digits, infinity divided by a million is still infinity…”
>No.
>”A-And even if we figure out which universe out of the infinite in existence there are, there’s still an entire universe to open a portal to! If we’re off in our calculations, even by a tiny amount, you could end up a mile underground, or on the surface of the sun!”
>No.
>No, please, no.
>This can’t be happening.

>>41701518
>Your head starts to feel lighter.
>The cool air around you bites at your exposed skin like millions of vicious ticks.
>The darkness of the shadows cast by the faint light peeking through the shuttered windows appears as an impossibly black void.
>And you…
>You feel so lanky.
>So strange.
>So alien.
“But… you promised.” You manage to say, your bottom lip quivering a little at the effort.
>Twilight winces upon hearing her pinkie promise invoked, but she forces herself to main eye contact and not retreat in shame.
>”I know, I…”
>Twilight hangs her head low, casting her gaze down on the floor and scraping at the polished tiles with her hoof.
>After a moment of suffocating silence, Twilight looks back up at you.
>”...I’m really sorry, Anon.”
>Now her lips are quivering.
>Tears are forming in her eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment.
>And you’re probably not far behind.
>You don’t know what to think, what to feel.
>This entire world just came crashing down around you.
>You take a shaky step back, glancing around the throne room.
>These crystal pillars and arches, you see them for what they are.
>Bars in a cage.
>You’re trapped.
>Trapped in Equestria.
>As far away from home as you possibly could be.
>Twilight takes a nervous step towards you.
>She wants to say something, but she doesn’t know what.
>The two of you just stand in silence, choking on the emotion of the moment.
>You stand tall.
>Freakishly tall.
>You and your gangly limbs, your gnarled fingers, your ape-like body covered with clothes and scant body hair.
>You want to sit down, but none of the thrones fit you, like it’s some kind of cosmic punchline.
>”...Do you wanna talk about it?” Twilight offers you, unsure of what else to do.
>Then, something comes over you.
>Numbness.
>You mentally space out from the present moment and step back, shaking your head.
“No, I’ll be fine.”

>>41701519
>”Are you sure? I’m one hundred percent here if you want to talk about what you’re feeling.” Twilight softly insists.
“Yes. I’m sure.”
>Like a zombie, you turn around and descend the stairs back down to the entrance of Twilight’s castle.
>The colors around you fade together, like you’re walking in a dream.
>You barely register your motions, acting on autopilot.
>You can hear Twilight start to follow you, but then she stops at the top of the stairway.
>You shamble past Spike, who peeks up from his Superman book to notice you.
>”How’d it go?” He asks you.
>Superman.
>The only things you got to bring with you to this world full of ponies: intangible stories.
“Mm.” You answer, not breaking your weak pace.
>Spike says something, but you don’t hear it.
>You push aside the doors and step outside to see the town of Ponyville.
>Then you stop.
>You just stand there and gaze out at the small, tight-knit community.
>You’ve never felt farther away from it all.
>Each house, so familiar in its architecture, yet undeniably foreign.
>Each one housing a pony or two, all with their own story.
>All of them so far away from you.
>So unlike you.
>None of them will ever be like you.
>In a world of square holes, you’re a round peg.
>You feel the urge to cry, you feel the burning pain of homesickness, but you don’t have it in you to cry.
>All you can do is stand there and look out at the town of Ponyville, the town you’re condemned to spend the rest of your life in.
>The rest of your life as an alien.
>At least you still have the horizon.

Some of you may recognize me as a writefag for Fingerbang. Recently I got hit with a flash of inspiration for an /AiE/ story, so tune in here for more: https://ponepaste.org/10565

>>41701522
Thx bby

>>41701522
Based

File: christian imageboard excu(...).jpg (101 KB, 867x839)

101 KB JPG

Does Anon have any vices he can't so easily sate in Equestria?
Cigarettes, porn, hard liquor? Anything the ponies would consider unsavory?

>>41703366
oat theft

>>41703366
Shitpost.

>>41703366
racism

>>41703366
Horseback riding.

Also, excuse me, but NINE HUNDRED second post timer? Wtf?

File: 1709510619106988 (1).jpg (82 KB, 578x691)

82 KB JPG

>>41703366
the ponies don't respond well to any of his dark humor. turns out asking a mare who's holding her foal. "are you going to eat that" isnt smiled upon.

>>41701522
>You make it back to your cottage through muscle memory alone.
>Your eyesight is blurred and hazy.
>None of the cheery colors and shapes of Ponyville register to you, it’s all a blur.
>Shapes and faint colors fade in and out of vision as you drag your feet across the dirt to get to your “home”.
>Maybe some of the things in your field of view are ponies, you don’t know.
>Maybe they’re talking to or about you, you don’t know.
>All you can hear is the blood rushing through your ears.
>Between that, a faint ringing.
>But when you focus some effort into listening closer, you hear Twilight’s voice.
>You hear Twilight’s voice repeating that one damn sentence.
>”I’ll never be able to send you back to your home world.”
>Sticks and stones, your ass.
>Those words ruined you.
>One sentence was all it took to completely crush every hope you hold.
>Hope was all you had.
>Between all the lingering gazes at your freakish body and awkward contortion you’ve done to make a laughable effort at fitting in, you had hope.
>And now, nothing.
>Your home is gone forever.
>Your life is gone forever.
>There is absolutely nothing you can do to change that.
>Nothing anybody can do.
>Oh, right, everyPONY.
>Feelings fade in and out of your mind as hazily as the sights you can register.
>You feel like you should be mad at Twilight for leading you on for so long, but you can’t bring yourself to raise your blood pressure at the thought of her.
>She’s the smartest pony around, you’ve seen that proven true.
>She knows far more about magic and portals and stuff than you possibly could.
>If she says it’s impossible, how could you argue?
>You register the sensation of pushing past your front door.
>You don’t bother shutting it behind you.
>You shamble over to your bed and collapse onto it.
>You roll around onto your back and stare up at the ceiling.
>A new feeling seeps into your being.
>Offense.
>Everything you can sense offends you.
>How soft your bed is.
>The paneling of the ceiling above you.
>Even the taste of the air.
>It’s all so close to being familiar.
>So close to being what you’ve lived all your life taking for granted.
>From a distance, it’s all normal.
>Up close, though, it’s foreign.
>Alien.
>The bed is too soft.
>The paneling is cut a little differently.
>The air tastes a little too sweet.
>It’s a world designed for ponies.
>Not a human like you.
>You feel like you’re intruding on this world.
>This cutesy, pastel world, tainted by the presence of a dirty, scary human.
>Your fingers sting when you think back to the times you curled them around a pencil or a spoon.
>All the times the gentle breeze scraped against your exposed skin.
>You stood in the path of the air when it was trying to get to where it was going.
>Blocking its path like some idiot in New York City.
>But there is no New York City here.
>No New York City in this entire universe.

>>41704116
>The lights around you fade.
>Day slowly turns to night.
>Darkness envelops you.
>You can’t tell you if you sleep at all.
>You can’t tell when your eyes are open or closed.
>You’re pretty sure you don’t sleep.
>The ponies you’ve gotten to know mentioned stuff about how Princess Luna watches over those who dream.
>You’ve never met Princess Luna, but you have a feeling you’d know it’s her when you see her.
>Eventually, night turns to day.
>Light returns to your vision.
>Just as blurry as it was yesterday.
>You haven’t moved at all since you got onto your bed.
>You can’t feel anything, not even hunger.
>And yet, through the silence, through the solitude, that sentence haunts you.
>”I’ll never be able to send you back to your home world.”
>Why?
>Why you?
>What did you do to deserve this?
>You were an asshole back home, fine.
>A bitter, antisocial, misanthropic asshole who spent all his time outside work shitposting online.
>But if this is merely a vision conjured by the ghost of Christmas future, you can only pray he lifts the curtain soon.
>You’d do anything to go home.
>You’d renounce all shitposting.
>You’d dedicate your life to becoming a monk.
>You’d go vegan.
>Anything.
>But as you silently cry out to the heavens, nothing answers your call.
>Day turns to night once more.
>Another questionably sleepless night comes and goes.
>You lose track of time.
>How many days have passed?
>How long has it been since you’ve eaten?
>There’s no telling.
>You feel nothing.
>Nothing but the once sentence Twilight said to you.
>”Nonny? Are you in here?”
>No, that’s not it.
>Wait.
>That wasn’t Twilight’s voice.
>That was Pinkie Pie’s.
>”Your door’s wide open so I figured it’s fair if I let myself in!”
>Her painfully cheery voice cuts through the sleepless haze you’ve spent the past… however long in.
>You can hear her cheerfully trot through your cottage trying to find you.
>”Ooh, are we playing hide and seek? I love that game! You can’t hide forever, Nonny!”
>Your other senses catch up to your hearing.
>You blink a few times and regain focus on the room around you.
>You sniff the air and detect the scent of freshly baked goods.
>It wouldn’t be Pinkie Pie without baked goods.
>”Hide all you want, I’m gonna find you!” She calls out to you again.
>You don’t live in a big cottage, if she was really looking for you, she would have found you by now.
>It seems like she’s intentionally drawing this out to “play along”.
>Whatever.
>She can do whatever she wants.
>Her trotting turns to careful tip-toeing.
>Or is it tip-hoofing.
>Whatever it is she’s doing, she’s doing it.

>>41704118
>Out of the corner of your eyes, you see your bedroom door open slowly.
>Peering out behind it is Pinkie’s snout, sniffing around for you like a bloodhound.
>She’s carrying a basket of muffins in her mouth.
>The sight of those muffins gets your stomach rumbling, waking it from its coma.
>How long has it been since you’ve last eaten?
>The rest of Pinkie Pie appears from behind the door.
>She inquisitively sniffs around before her eyes fall upon you.
>Her eyes shoot open with glee when she sees you, dropping the basket of muffins on the floor.
>”There you are, Nonny! Who’d’ve thought you’d be so good at hide and seek?” Pinkie excitedly greets you.
>Either she somehow hasn’t noticed your current state or she’s choosing to ignore it.
>You still don’t have it in you to speak, so you just groan.
>”Gosh, I’ve been worried sick about you! I was going about my day today but I just couldn’t shake the feeling that something was missing. Then it hit me: I haven’t seen my favorite human in the whole wide world in so long!”
>The only human in the whole wide world.
>”At first, I thought it was some kind of weirdo coincidence that we haven’t ran into each other. I asked Applejack and Fluttershy if they had seen you, but they haven’t seen you around either! So I thought, maybe Rainbow Dash saw you recently! She’s always up in the sky, she sees all sorts of stuff! Like that time Rarity ate a whole tub of ice cream!”
>”Anyway, I asked her like ‘Have you seen Nonny lately?’ and she was like ‘Nah, ain’t seen him around.’ and then I was like ‘Do you think something’s wrong with him?’ and then she was like ‘I dunno, probably’ so then I went ‘I gotta go find him!’ and then I did!”
>You don’t respond.
>You just keep looking up at the ceiling.
>You’re really not in the mood for conversation.
>Maybe if you ignore her she’ll go away.
>”So what’s the dealio, Nonny-o? What’s got you so down in the dumps?” Pinkie asks you, stepping closer to you to investigate for herself.
>Your immediate instinct is to say ‘nothing’ or ‘I’m fine’ like you did with Twilight, but you’re far too exhausted to do that.
>Pinkie looms over you, peering at your alien human body.
>”Are you sick? Because Twilight said it might be easier for you to get sick since you’re not from around here!”
“Twilight says a lot of things.” You answer in a dry, raspy voice.
>Huh, that didn’t take much effort.
>It’s like those words were pushed through your lips by some being within you.
>Pinkie backs off a bit, blinking in surprise.
>”Anon… is something wrong?” She asks you in a softer voice.
>Well, there’s no backing out of this now.
>Might as well fess up.
“...Twilight didn’t tell you, did she?” You ask her.
>”Tell me what?”

>>41704122
>You sigh.
“...Twilight told me I’ll never be able to go home.”
>Pinkie’s ears droop and her mane loses some of its poofiness as her expression falls.
>”Oh, no…”
>You nod a little.
“Yeah. I’m trapped here for the rest of my life.”
>”Don’t say that, Nonny! Living in Ponyville is tons of fun!” Pinkie insists.
>You shake your head.
“For you, maybe. You’re not an alien like me.”
>”You mean like that hero guy you wrote about, Superman?”
“If only. Superman didn’t land on a planet full of ponies.”
>You turn your head to look out the window.
>One of the perks of living on the outskirts of town is getting a nice view of the horizon.
>Rolling rolls covered with trees, stretching out to who knows where.
>There’ve been nights where you’ve lied awake in bed, hearing something of a siren call to the great beyond.
>”What’re you saying?” Pinkie asks you with a hint of worry in her voice.
>You take a deep breath and turn back to face Pinkie.
“...I don’t belong here. Not in Ponyville, not in Equestria.”
>Pinkie gasps in shock and horror, covering her mouth with her hoof.
>”Anon, how could you believe that? Ponyville has room for happy folk of all shapes and sizes!”
“Could’ve fooled me. I look around and all I see are ponies. Unicorns, pegasi, but not another human anywhere.”
>”What you look like doesn’t matter at all! Not even a little! What really matters in Ponyville is being a good friend!”
“I still get stared at when I go into town. Every time I go out to get food or help Applejack or Fluttershy, I feel them stare at me. They look at me like I’m a space alien.”
>Pinkie hesitates for a moment.
>”W-Well, you can’t be friends with EVERYpony! Believe me, I tried! Some ponies can be such meanies, no matter how much you try to meet them halfway or do nice things for them!”
“I don’t want them all to be my friends, I just want to not be treated like something from outer space.”
>Pinkie’s smile weakens as you refer to yourself in an unkind fashion again.
>”...You’ve gotta be hungry. Have a muffin!” Pinkie orders you, presenting one of the muffins from the basket she brought.
>Looking at the delicious treat makes your stomach rumble again.
>Pinkie’s right, you should probably eat.
>Straining a little, you reach out and carefully take the muffin and bite out of it.
>As soon as you chew it, your body sings its gratitude.
>Some might say muffins are a rather homely treat compared to its sexier cousin: the cupcake, but muffins are plenty delicious.
>Especially when baked by a baker as excellent as Pinkie Pie.
>You can’t help but contentedly sigh as you chew and swallow the rest of the muffin.
>You won’t lie, you do feel better.

>>41704124
>”Ooh, wait! Lemme get you some water!” Pinkie realizes, galloping into your kitchen and quickly returning with a glass dangerously full of water.
>Your hand is still sticking out from up the bed, so Pinkie slips the glass right into your grasp.
>A little water spills out onto your hand, so you have to be a little careful when you drink it.
>It’s only after you swallow a mouthful of the cold water that you realize how dangerously dry your throat is.
>The rest of the water hurries down your throat and into your stomach, bringing you some much needed relief.
“Thank you, Pinkie.” You graciously say to her once you’re done drinking.
>”No problemo, Anon Y. Mo!” Pinkie chipperly replies, as some of the poofiness returns to her mane.
>”Now lemme ask you: have any of those ponies said anything mean to you?”
>Re-energized after having had something to eat and drink, you shake your head in a little more lively manner.
>”Then maybe they’re just curious about you! One time, all of us here in Ponyville were super-duper scared of this zebra named Zecora. But we never had any zebras show up to Ponyville before, so we all hid from her whenever she came to town. Turns out, she wasn’t up to no good, she was only trying to get her shopping done, just like you! Maybe if you just got to know them, they’ll warm up to you!”
>Drinking water made you a little more agreeable.
>You’re able to actually rest now that your dietary needs have been a little attended to, so you relent and nod.
“That’s a good point…”
>There you go! That’s the spirit!” Pinkie beams, snuggling up to you and throwing one of her forelegs around your shoulders.
>”I’m super, super duper sorry you’ve had a really bad day, but you shouldn’t let that keep you down! There’s a ton of beauty and fun to our little town, and I’m absolutely-positively certain you’ll fit right in! You’ve got yourself a Pinkie Pie guarantee that you belong here!”
>Pinkie gasps, shooting away from you.
>Oh, no.
>Pinkie has an idea.
>”I’ve got it! Tomorrow, you and I are gonna hit the town! See everything there is to see! Do everything there is to do! I’ll get all your friends in on it, too! You’re gonna believe once and for all that you belong here in Ponyville, because tomorrow, we’re gonna have the best day ever!” Pinkie declares, standing up on her hind legs and throwing her forelegs up into the air to add emphasis.
>This sounds like a lot.
>A lot of pressure.
>A lot of being seen in public.
>With your gangly limbs and upright standing hairless body.
>You’re not so sure about this plan.
“Pinkie-”
>Ah-ah-ah! Don’t do anything now! Just wait here!”
>Filled with chaotic, joyful energy, Pinkie zooms out of your bedroom.
>She returns an instant later, brandishing a bottle of bubble bath soap.
>Where did she get that?
>You don’t own any bubble bath stuff.

>>41704128
>”Don’t you worry a hair on your handsome human head! I’ll do all the hard thinking and hard work for tomorrow, all you need to do is to focus on resting and relaxing before your super big, super fun day tomorrow! I’ve drawn you up a bubble bath, and you can have the rest of the muffins all to yourself!” Pinkie instructs you, with some notable firmness in his voice.
>You’re not much in the mood for arguing, and a bubble bath does sound nice.
>”...Can you do that for me, Anon?” Pinkie gently asks you, giving you a reassuring smile.
>A smile finds its way on your face, too.
>After what happened with Twilight, it feels good to smile again.
“Yeah, I can.”
>”Pinkie promise!” Pinkie orders you.
>You exhale through your nose a little, but nod.
>The two cover one of your eyes with one of your fore appendages.
“Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” You say in unison with Pinkie.
>It’s cheesy, but it’s a little fun.
>Pinkie bounces back, fully invigorated in her plan.
>”Okie dokie lokie! You get right into that bubble bath, mister! The next time you see me, you won’t be able to stop smiling!”
“Aye-aye, cap’n.” You answer her in a dry but lighthearted tone.
>Pinkie happily trots over to the door to your bedroom, but stops just before leaving.
>”...Are you gonna be alright here all by yourself?” She softly asks you.
>You give Pinkie a firm nod.
“I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me. You go work your magic.” You assure her.
>With her smile refreshed, Pinkie leaves your home, setting off on her grand quest to give you the best day ever.
>Alone once again, those two words linger in your mind.
>Bubble bath.
>You better get on that.
>You clamber out of bed, but you’re feeling more ready to move.
>Your legs ache a little from the stress, but after a little motivation, they’re putting one foot in front of the other like naturals.
>But when you get to your bathroom, you find the bathtub almost overflowing with bubbles.
>A mountain of lilac-scented bubbles rises from the top of the tub, almost reaching the ceiling.
>It’s more bubble than bath.
>It’s beautiful.
>You strip off your clothes and sink right into the water hidden beneath all the bubbles.
>Just what the doctor ordered.
>Your human body sings in delight upon being immersed in the intoxicatingly relaxing sensation of warm bath water.
>Your eyelids flutter shut and a satisfied moan leaves your lips.
>Washing yourself can wait, you want to enjoy this.
>Your human body sinks lower into the tub, immersing as much of yourself as possible in the water.
>This is nice.
>This is really, really nice.

>>41704129
>...Mom used to give you bubble baths.
>When you were little, she’d use bubble bath soap like this to make your baths more fun.
>She’d scrub your hair nice and rough to make sure your hair got washed.
>You hated it at the time, but here, now, you can’t help but miss it.
>The water seems a little less warm now.
>Your eyes open again.
>You’re not home.
>You’re still in Equestria.
>Far, far, far away from mom.
>One or two tears drip down your cheeks and disappear into the bath water.
>You shake your head.
>Think about Pinkie.
>Think about tomorrow.
>Tomorrow all of these doubts are gonna disappear.
>You’re gonna find a home in Ponyville.
>You’re gonna have the best day ever.
>The best day ever…

>>41704080
Hey at least he'll get along with AJ right off the bat.
>"..Sure are a lot of hookbeaks and gem grubbing dragons around for a harmonious pony land.."
>'THANK y'all, Anon! Finally, someone else ah can identify with without being called 'rayciss'.."

>>41704422
>"We call them ziggers where I'm from."

File: 3486328.png (819 KB, 3287x3412)

819 KB PNG

I was writing a green about an alcoholic/drunken Pinkie Pie and Anon for this random prompt thread >>41615750 and it died while I was sleeping. I said I would continue the green in AiE. I hope anyone who was reading it can find their way here. This was the last post I made if it helps the two guys who were following along. >>41699196

Please accept this cute picture as tribute.
>>41615750

>>41705170
Keep going

File: 1726368565557536.jpg (37 KB, 308x337)

37 KB JPG

>>41704131
more i love it

>>41705783
As you command. Here's a ponepaste link for anyone who would rather read that than go through a thread. https://ponepaste.org/10419

>>41705170
>>41699196
>There’s still a large “oof” released from your lungs when she does it.
>She’s still heavy enough.
>”Onward my valiant steed!”
>”You’re supposed to say ‘Loyal’ not valiant.”
>”My bad.”
>Pinkie plays out her motions and lip sync in reverse to properly address you.
>”Onward my loyal steed!”
>”That’s better.”
>Now that you are rightfully titled you start moving your legs.
>It’s pretty hard with the amount of booze in your bloodstream and the amount of pony on your back.
>You gotta be careful you don’t get pulled over for carrying under the influence.
>But you’re building momentum.
>Picking up speed.
>You’ve got direction and velocity.
>You’re now running with Pinkie in tow.
>The run is a bit wobbly and swaying, but you’re staying upright.
>You can see a mailbox, it belongs to a modest cottage.
>Not really sure who owns that cottage.
>Too bad for them they wanted to get letters so now they must suffer.
>*You barrel towards the mailbox, trying to get Pinkie close without slamming yourself, stomach first, into it*
>Pinkie goes for the wind up.
>She twirls the bat behind her head.
>She swings.
>With a satisfying wooden crack the mailbox explodes.
>You flinch slightly from the shock.
>Wow, you were expecting it to take a dent, get knocked off the post, or maybe just bend the whole thing.
>But she demolished that thing.
>”Holy shit Pinkie. That was amazing.”
>You’re still running, keeping a good pace.
>”Oh you, you’re just trying to bu-atter me up.”
>”That was terrible.”
>You don’t say what you mean.
>Because you’re laughing and so is she, she’s snorting even.
>You want to look back to see a nameplate or something, to know whose house that was.
>But you can’t quite turn your head.
>”Hey Pinkie, whose house did we just hit?”
>She turns around and exaggerates the motion for a spyglass.
>”Uhh, I think it was yours?”
>”Oh man I’d hate to be that guy.”
>Thinking is hard and running easy.
>Best not to think then.
>You and Pinkie have more mailboxes to smash.
>Flowing through Ponyville together, you feel great.
>Just really alive and free with this pink pony.
>She demolishes another mailbox.
>You’re just absolutely enamored by this mare.
>Another swing, another homerun.
>”Hey, is that Rarity’s boutique?”
>Pinkie double checks before responding.
>”Heck yeah it is. She’s been pranking me for weeks. Let’s get her!”
>*You change direction and head towards the overly designed fashion store*
>Unfortunately it turns out that yelling and sprinting through town committing acts of destruction against private and public property creates a lot of noise.
>Rarity opens her door.

>>41706047
>She’s levitating a sewing machine with her.
>”I swear to Celestia I will brain whatever deviant ruffian thinks he can mess with my property!”
>You are still running towards Rarity’s box.
>You’re too close and going too fast to stop.
>”Anonymous? Pinkie Pie!”
>Although you supposed Pinkie could just not swing.
>”Hi Rarity!”
>However, Pinkie thinks otherwise.
>She cracks that mailbox in half with thunderous reverb.
>You were going to keep running anyway but now you have no choice.
>”Get back here you vandals!”
>Rarity is chasing after you.
>Oh no, you forgot.
>You can’t run as fast as ponies.
>She’s catching up to you, even with her focusing on that sewing machine she’s still got levitated.
>Oh God, oh Celestia, oh Pinkie.
>This is how you die.
>By getting your skull caved in by a marshmallow.
>You’re moving through back alleys trying to evade her but she’s not slowing down and she’s only getting closer.
>She’s right on top of you.
>Looking behind to see her within braining distance you trip.
>Together you and Pinkie roll and tumble to the ground, stopping when you hit a wall back first.
>You and Pinkie grab each other for comfort as Rarity now slowly approaches.
>”What is wrong with you two? By Equestria’s might I will teach the both of you a lesson in respecting the beauty of a hoof crafted mailbox!”
>At last your troubles are over.
>*You close your eyes*
>Pinkie’s mane and tail start vibrating.
>”Oh Nonny! Nonny Nonny Nonny! Hold onto me tight!”
>You were about to do so even if she hadn’t asked.
>With you in her embrace Pinkie grips you back and pulls on the end of her mane, stretching it to its limit.
>She lets go and it springs back, it makes a snap sound and teleports both of you safely away through a pinkhole.
>Rarity is left standing alone.
>”What? WHAT!?”
>Rarity is so flabbergasted she loses her concentration and drops the sewing machine, breaking it.
>”You have got to be kidding me!”

File: cheers.png (1.25 MB, 2598x3661)

1.25 MB PNG

>>41704080

>>41706274
*TINK TINK TINK*

>>41706274
I love this horse

>>41706274
Updoot

Geez, and I thought fingerbang was dead

File: 1730233897311266.png (143 KB, 800x600)

143 KB PNG

>>41706274

File: pain.png (2.12 MB, 1618x980)

2.12 MB PNG

>>41708284
Hey, at least we have you, the drunkthread anon, and whenever PK decides he wants to exist

>>41708284
Mlp is dead. It's fucking over.

>>41709283
Are people just now catching on that the finale was a couple years ago and that G5 was a flop?

File: le chiffre.jpg (271 KB, 1920x1417)

271 KB JPG

>>41708324
>..Agent Bon, despite your best efforts of appearing as a normal 'hyooman'..I'm well aware you're actually two ponies in a trenchcoat.
>"Why'd I listen to you, Lyra.."
>'Bonnie, how many face guy cards is a good thing? because you're holding a lot.'

>>41709695
How’s she holding them with no hands, dingus

>>41707456
Time for a nap
I'm a mare who loves to snooze

File: 2139068.png (308 KB, 498x675)

308 KB PNG

>>41710308
They did a lot of stuff in the show with hooves instead of hands, nigger.

>>41710308

>>41709695
>actually two ponies in a trenchcoat.
>Lyra
>Bonnie

She's using her telekinesis. Learn to read.

>>41710873
God she’s hot
How did they get away with it?

>>41700209
I use notepad++ and just write into the notes, making them as if plot points. So if it goes too awry I just make a scene skip or know I kinda need to pull back from going too far.
Often times I just write into the post body itself though.

>>41697450
Look, it's perfectly normal for unicorns after a certain age to have problems maintaining their horn's firmness.

File: 1721814401456469.jpg (193 KB, 1296x2200)

193 KB JPG

>>41712243
>It's just a physiological phenomenon!
>It's perfectly normal, anon!
>Don't laugh!

>>41713037
>”What’re you gonna do about it, limp dick”

>>41706049
Yeah I’m thinking kino

File: robert.png (602 KB, 680x477)

602 KB PNG

>>41713846
>Kino
Robert in Equestria, too?

>>41706049
…

>It’s dark when you open your eyes.
>And you still have your tequila.
>”Pssst. Nonny.”
>”Pinkie? Are you dead too?”
>”We’re not dead silly. You gotta push open the door.”
>”Huh?”
>”Puuuush.”
>You do as she commands, bracing yourself forward up against something flat and hard in the darkness.
>It’s starting to give away as you gain more confidence in the amount of force to use.
>Too much confidence.
>You tumble face first into the ground.
>At least the door was open now.
>*You look around to figure out where you ended up*
>”Pinkie, I am too low to the ground and drunk to see where we are.”
>Pinkie Pie being the thoughtful and caring individual she is, stands in your back.
>”Lucky for you I am only one of those things.”
>She takes a peek around, spinning her head, and only her head, three hundred and sixty degrees before it snaps backs to position.
>”It looks like we're at Sweet Apple Acres. More specifically an outhouse at Sweet Apple Acres.”
>”Oh. That's gross.”
>”It may be. But it's also funny.”
>*You pick yourself up, knocking Pinkie off for her turn in the dirt*
>”Well. I don't know about you but I'm starving.”
>”You know Nonny, Applejack also pranked me. I bet she's got something to eat in her kitchen.”
>”I bet she does.”
>The two of you take your bottles in hand and hoof, thinking alike and without words.
>The caps come off and the bottles go bottoms up.
>Not all of the liquor ends up in your mouths.
>You're sloppy, she's sloppy.
>Pinkie doesn't even seem to be enjoying it anymore.
>She winces and struggles to keep drinking.
>She coughs and her rum spills down her cheeks, chin, and neck.
>But she doesn't stop, neither do you.
>Gulp after gulp until your bottles are empty.
>Your vision is shaky, like the whole world is vibrating.
>You just need some food to balance you out.
>With your bottle dry you lift it up high above your head and throw it far off, shattering into a million dangerous shards right where Apple Bloom plays.
>That didn't really feel good but you would still do it again given the chance.
>”Alright Pinkie let's-”
>It's hard to focus your vision on your companion.

>>41714365
>But you can still tell something's off.
>”Pinkie what's wrong with your hair? It looks flat and lifeless.”
>”Huh?”
>Pinkie rubs her mane, and to her surprise you're right.
>”I guess it is. But I feel fine.”
>”Are you, um, are you like sure?”
>”Maybe?”
>”You wanna throw your bottle like I did? It made me feel better.”
>”Ok.”
>Pinkie leans back, not very much mind you she's incredibly drunk and would fall over.
>She doesn't toss it very far.
>Instead she opts to throw it directly in front of her.
>It still breaks but not as fantastically as yours.
>One of the glass pieces came back and hit Pinkie in her left front leg.
>”Pinkie you're bleeding.”
>”Am I? It doesn't hurt.”
>”Let me help. I'll get it.”
>*You bend at the knees, crouching to keep balance to take out the glass*
>It's not very big but she's still cut, blood is slowly dripping out.
>”This is rough. We should get you a bandaid or something.”
>”Yeah Nonny, I bet there's some in AJ’s house.”
>”And food too.”
>”And cider!”

>>41714368
I'd hate to see what AJ would think of those two sneaking around in her home in the condition they're in

>>41705170
Fuck I got too busy to remember to bump that thread. Thanks for continuing it here

>>41714713
Anon with two holes in his chest in equestria

>>41714178
There’s a picture of Robert ponified as a zebra but I can’t find it so you’ll just have to pretend I posted it

>>41716700
https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/41424038/#q41442858

bump

>>41716718
Christ you people are fast

>>41716718
Hahah sick
>"Back to see Captain Marevel for the 140th time, Anon?"
>'And then off to get my professional haircuts afterwards, Rob ol' buddy!'
He really is one of the good ones, you know.

>>41704131
>*TWEEEEET!*
>You jolt awake, back in your bed.
>Yanked from the peaceful solitude of your slumber by the sound of a kazoo slicing through the air.
>”Wakey wakey, eggs and bakery!” Pinkie’s ever-so cheery voice greets you good morning.
>Brief dizziness clouds your senses, but dissipates in the face of what Pinkie brought with her.
>Proudly placed on your lap is a plate stacked high with cookies, covered with chocolate chips, sprinkles, and plenty of frosting.
”Ngh, Pinkie?” You groan, rubbing the sleep from your eyes and sitting up in bed.
>”How’s this for starting off your best day ever? Dessert for breakfast!” Pinkie beams, pushing the plate of dangerously sugary cookies towards you.
>Wait.
>The last you remember, you were taking a bath.
>What are you doing back in bed?
“What happened to me?” You ask Pinkie, regaining some consciousness.
>”Funny you ask! Late last night, I was just wrapping up everything for today, when my Pinkie sense started to tingle…”
>Oh, yeah, the Pinkie sense.
>It’s something not even Twilight can make sense of.
>”So I trot on down here to make sure everything’s all hunky-dory, and I find you fast asleep in the bathtub!”
>”I know how you get all wrinkly when you spend too much time in the water, so I got you nice and tucked in your bed for today! Now you get to enjoy your best day ever wrinkle-free!” Pinkie explains, her voice filled with pride.
>Pinkie lugged you all the way from the bathtub to your bed?
>She’s got some real strength when she needs it.
>Hold on, STRAIGHT from the bathtub to bed?
>You check under the covers.
>Sure enough, you’re naked.
>You reflexively cover your body and feel your cheeks glow with embarrassment.
“Pinkie! I wasn’t dressed!” You complain.
>”I dunno why you make such a big deal about wearing clothes all the time, we don’t wear any clothes and you don’t make a fuss about it!” Pinkie retorts.
“It’s a cultural thing!”
>”Wowee, no wonder you became such good friends with Rarity! I’ve never seen anypony care as much about clothes as you two! Anywho, eat your breakfast while it’s still warm!”
>Your stomach rumbles, seconding her motion.
>No longer feeling so numb as to deny yourself proper care, you grab one of the cookies and take a bite.
>God damn, you really needed something to eat.
>The explosion of sugar and sweetness in your mouth wakes you right up.
>Your stomach screams at you to keep eating the cookies.
>Every dentist you’ve ever visited in your life, human or otherwise, strongly advises you to stop now and reconsider your dietary choices.
>But Pinkie’s mere presence overpowers all of them.
>So you eat more cookies.
>You dread to imagine how many calories could be in each of these, but you don’t care about that right now.
>Each generously decorated cookie gets eaten swiftly and efficiently.
>Within a couple blinks of the eye, the plate is clean.

>>41718704
>”Sooooo, whaddya think?” Pinkie asks you, leaning over the bed to gauge your reaction closely.
>You wipe some of the residual frosting and sprinkles from the sides of your mouth before answering.
“It’s delicious, thank you.” You say to her, still feeling tired.
>As nice as the bath was and as tasty as “breakfast” was, you can still hear Twilight’s words faintly echoing off the walls, like you’re being haunted by the spirit of your dead hopes.
>Pinkie, unaware of your inner turmoil, smiles widely at your praise.
>”Thank you, Nonny! But don’t get too comfy in that nice big bed of yours! You’ve got a super big day ahead of you!”
>You clear your throat and place the plate to your side as you sit up in bed.
“I know, I remember. So what’ve you got planned?” You finally ask her.
>Pinkie gleefully hops up onto the bed.
>”Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy! First, we’re gonna head on up to Sweet Apple Acres. Applejack found a box of SUPER old fashioned apple cider she’d love to share, and the morning sky looks so pretty over the apple trees!”
>”Then, we’re gonna pay Fluttershy a visit for a tea party! She told me she promised to share her tea with you after you were so helpful with her birdhouses!”
>”And then, we’re gonna swing by Carousel Boutique! Rarity’s secretly been hard at work making a bunch of fun outfits for you to try on!”
>”But before we spend more time with your friends, we’ve gotta have lunch! Get this: dessert for lunch at Sugarcube Corner! Mr. and Mrs. Cake were nice enough to help me make a nice, yummy meal for you to look forward to!”
>”Right after that, we get right back into having fun with your friends! Twilight’s gonna be joining us for a spa treatment from Aloe and Lotus Blossom, and you can bet your bippy Spike will be there too!”
>”In case you think things couldn’t possibly get any better, Rainbow Dash managed to get in touch with somepony who got us a hot air balloon ride! Can you IMAGINE how amazing that’ll be?”
>Geez, Pinkie really pulled all the stops for today.
>She might not be a unicorn, but she’s got a magic all her own.
“...Wow.” You say in amazement.
“You sure we’ll have time for all that?”
>”I made sure of it! I pinkie promised!”
“...No, you didn’t” You remind her.
>”Well, you weren’t really AWAKE when I made the pinkie promise, but it still counts!”
>That’s good enough for you.
>You don’t know if you have the energy for it, but this “best day ever” is gonna happen to you.
>Whether you like it or not.
>”Doesn’t all that sound like fun?”
>You don’t answer.
>You hardly feel like leaving the house today, but Pinkie’s determined to drag you around town.
>Through crowds of ponies going about their day.
>They’ll all be looking at you.

>>41718707
>You don’t even want to know what you look like right now.
>Your hair’s a mess, your skin probably is, too.
>Rarity would be beside herself if she saw you.
>And you’d look even more creature-esque to the equine townfolk.
>You’d look like something that lives in a cave.
>You feel your body sink into the cushion-y mattress a little more.
>You only wish it could swallow you whole.
>Take you away from this pastel-colored plane of existence.
>”Nonny? You there?”
>Pinkie’s words bring you back to the present moment.
>The only pair of pony eyes looking at you are Pinkie’s.
>You take a deep breath and nod.
“Yeah, it’s just… a lot to take in all at once.”
>”You’ve got nothing to worry about! You’ll see! You’ve just gotta get up and get going! You’ll see yourself as a true-blue citizen of Ponyville by the end of the day!”
“Well, I dunno, how would those ponies that run the spa feel about working on a human? And I’ve seen the kind of hot air balloons that get flown around here, I think I’m a little too big for those.”
>”Anon, every single little worry you could possibly have has already been taken care of. We’re gonna have a blast, you’ll see!” Pinkie insists, unrelenting in her optimism.
>You sigh.
>You don’t want to keep arguing.
>Especially with Pinkie Pie, after everything she’s done for you.
>And you know she’ll drag you out of bed to Sweet Apple Acres if she has to.
“...Okay.”
>Pinkie bounces joyfully.
>”That’s the spirit! Now come on, we’re burning daylight!” She urges you, using her forehooves to push you out of bed.
>The blanket wrapped around you cushions your fall a little bit, but you still groan from the impact.
>Before you can fully recover, you’re hit in the face with a clean set of clothes.
>”If clothes are really that important to you, then you better get dressed quickly!”
>You hear Pinkie shuffle a bit on the other side of the room.
>”Don’t worry, I won’t peek!”
>Slowly, you get to your feet and slip on your underwear, socks, pants, and shirt.
>Glancing over at Pinkie, you find her facing the wall like she’s intently focused on making sure the paint dries as soon as possible.
>Her puffy pink tail swishes eagerly, her entire being filled with excitement about today.
>Your shoes are by the front door, you’ll put those on when you’re heading out.
>”Ooh, wait!”
>Just then, another article of clothing is tossed at you.
>It’s a well-worn sweater of yours, very stretched out in the stomach and neck area.
>”We can trot across Ponyville as the pal pod!”

>>41718711
>Oh yeah, the pal pod.
>It’s something Pinkie came up with, you’d carry her around inside your sweater with her head peeking out of the neck hole.
>Being the weight-carrying half of the pal pod makes it a little difficult to see where you’re going thanks to Pinkie’s massive hair…
>...But Pinkie makes it fun.
>”Come on, whaddya say?”
>You relent, slipping the stretched-out sweater on over your head and holding the bottom of it open for her.
“Climb in.”
>With a giddy squee, Pinkie bounces over to you and climbs inside your sweater.
>It feels weird to have Pinkie squirming around on your stomach, but an instant later, she’s situated herself .
>Her legs are curled up inside your sweater and her head’s nuzzling right up to yours.
>You support Pinkie’s body with your arms, knowing that she’s making you look like you’re pregnant.
>Pinkie giggles gleefully as she cuddles right up to you.
>”Ready to head out, pal?”
“Almost…”
>You walk over to the front door and slip on your shoes, then open the front door.
>A gust of fresh air blows in to introduce you back to the land of Ponyville.
>Where rows of nice little houses fill the hills, rolling into the horizon.
>The morning sun hangs low in the sky, still yet to ascend to its mighty peak as the sky surrounding it is painted in gentle hues from light blue to pink.
>Some pegasi can be seen tending to the clouds, seeing that the day’s weather forecast is in order.
>It’s a view you’re going to have to get used to.
>It’s intimidating.
>It seems so different.
>So much farther away, now that you’re a permanent resident of this world.
>You’re a part of this world like a section of rebar embedded within a careless construction worker.
>But you have to be strong.
>Give today a chance.
>If not for yourself, for Pinkie.
>You slowly nod.
“I’m ready.”
>Pinkie smiles gleefully.
>”Onward, pal pod! Onward to the best day ever!”

>>41718688
>"Shut up and give me my crab legs, Robert."

>>41719132
Don't forget your Phoenix chow!

>>41714368
>You both smile at the thought of more booze but it doesn't re-frizz Pinkie’s hair.
>It'll be fine.
>She's probably just sad about not having enough to drink.
>The pair of scoundrels that you are, you head together towards the Apple family home.
>You're trying to remain unseen as you fall climbing over the fence.
>Pinkie wants to be as quiet as possible when she throws a rock through the window by the front door.
>Only to find out it's unlocked.
>That makes her laugh.
>You too.
>Pinkie goes towards the kitchen first, you check the bathroom for some first aid.
>You've been inside a couple times, it's not too hard finding your way around even if you're wasted.
>Bingo, a box of pink bandaids labeled for children.
>*You go to the kitchen to assist Pinkie*
>”Psst Nonny, check it out. I found a six pack of Babst Blue Ribbon.”
>”Sick.”
>Standing is getting pretty tiresome.
>You decide it would be easier to get on the floor and crawl over to Pinkie Pie.
>”Hold still for a second. I need to put this on your cut.”
>Pinkie has already cracked open a cold one, she puts the opening to her lips.
>”Hmm?”
>She nods and muffles out a “okay sure”.
>You've got to keep your hands steady for this next part.
>Careful, careful…
>You put the bandaid on the wrong direction, going perpendicular to the cut.
>”Nailed it.”
>”I'm fine, I'm fiiiine. Now take a beer already would ya?”
>”Yes ma'am.”
>Slowly you rotate into a slump, back against the cabinets and drawers.
>Pinkie just flops down on her butt, leaning against the cabinets with you.
>Right next to you, rubbing right against you.
>She goes to open a can on her mane hook.
>She forgot it's not there.
>”Oh, right.”
>She just gives you the unopened can.
>”Thanks Pinkie.”
>*You pop the top and take a sip*
>So does Pinkie.
>She sighs.
>So do you.
>”Hey Nonny.”
>”Hey Pinkie.”
>”I think I'm sad.”
>”I think I know why.”
>”Well I don't. All I do now is get drink with you. Drunk I mean.”
>”That's, I mean we don't have to do this anymore.”
>”I don't know. I don't think it's the drinking. I liked it before. I like you now. I hope you like me too.”
>You both drink.
>”I do.”
>Another drink.
>”Nonny?”
>Suddenly, an interruption.
>”There they are AJ, get ‘em!”
>”This is my habitat and I do not consent to your presence!”
>Applejack comes from behind the corner, spouting her rehearsed speech should anypony ever break in.
>She is also walking upright with a shotgun.

File: doc backgroundhat.png (140 KB, 1000x1000)

140 KB PNG

>upright with a shotgun
-Say when.

>>41719549

>>41719934
>You, Doc Applejack?
>"Thas' the rumor, sugarcube."

>>41719265
Oh dear. It appears Ponk and Anon have made a fucky wucky.

File: 1584830118728.gif (42 KB, 300x300)

42 KB GIF

>>41708714
>whenever PK decides he wants to exist
in my defense, i didn't anticipate how difficult writing a longfic with two different perspectives would be. skeleton for the next chapter is done though so i'll start working on the actual chapter tomorrow

File: 1622195335418.jpg (37 KB, 728x410)

37 KB JPG

They got the metric system in Equestria?

>>41719265
>Apple Bloom is hiding behind her like a child behind her mother tattling on other kids at a playground.
>Except this playground is a clear cut case of breaking and entering.
>”Hi Applejack!”
>”Pinkie? What in? Apple Bloom! Ya told me there was burglars and ya feared for your life.”
>AJ throws her shotgun onto the table making a loud clatter.
>Her attention is turned towards her young sister.
>”But they are burglin’ and Ah did fear for my life!”
>”Yeah well, go back to bed.”
>”But!”
>”I said go!”
>Apple Bloom kicks her hooves on the ground and trots away, mumbling angry little swears to herself.
>”Now Ah know Ah didn’t just hear what Ah think Ah heard! Ya better be in bed, asleep, by the time Ah’m finished here!”
>Apple Bloom groans but continues upstairs.
>AJ sighs and returns to the two of you.
>Drunk, dribbling, and bleeding on the floor.
>”This is exactly what Ah’m talkin’ ‘bout. Ya’ll got no respect for others or tradition. Like the tradition of not breaking into my house in the middle of the night.”
>Pinkie lurches forward, plopping onto her chin.
>She rolls around getting closer to her possible cousin Applejack.
>”It’s just a prank AJ. Did ya get it?”
>”Do ya see me laughin’?”
>AJ is about to say something incredibly hurtful but honest.
>But she finally notices Pinkie’s hair.
>As much as she would like to lay into her about breaking a window and stealing her liquor she would prefer to be a good friend.
>”Is this your doin’ Anonymous?”
>”Hmm what?”
>You were starting to doze off for a second there.
>”If ya hadn’t noticed Pinkie’s state?”
>”She’s… drunk?”
>AJ moves towards you, her hooves touch down just a level below stomping.
>She quickly jabs your shoulder, digging a hoof into you before taking it out.
>”No you dirty player.”
>AJ moves her face in close to whisper to you.
>”She’s depressed. Are ya blind or just stupid? Didn’t ya see her mane?”
>”Yeah, I noticed. I was working on it.”
>”Breakin into my house no ya ain’t. You’re makin’ things worse by bein’ destructive. Ah have half a mind to detain ya for the authorities.”
>”Go ahead. Pony Prison is probably a daycare compared to what I’m used to.”
>”You’re about five seconds away from getting a hoofprint on your teeth.”
>Pinkie bumps into AJ’s hooves and your legs.
>She has rolled her way back to you both.

>>41721503
Probably, it’s a Canadian show

File: 1640736620498.jpg (92 KB, 635x1013)

92 KB JPG

>>41722128
>The deeper into Equestria Anon goes he notices it's becoming more like Canada

>>41722764
Cucked by horse india?

File: IMG_0801.png (630 KB, 1195x674)

630 KB PNG

>“Hey Fluttershy, your mom is giving me a Hoofjob.”

>>41723178
Go home, clown

>>41722128
Vancouver is barely canada

>>41721550
I like how AJ is always the voice of (relative) reason

>>41726622
Because canucks don't know how to write a southerner because they've never seen one.

>>41721503
You know I don’t think it ever came up…

>>41727558
Centimeters are mentioned.
Unicorns are a race of nerds, so they might have developed the metric system by convergent evolution.

>>41727558
>8ft tall candy cane

>>41727824
Commies.

>>41721550
>”AJaaaay, are you being mean to Nonny?”
>”Not, Ah mean, darn it all to tartarus. Yes Ah am. Ah knew right from the start this was the wrong way to do things and he’s not good for ya.”
>”But I reeeeeaally like him, and he reeeeeaally likes me.”
>”That’s not important right now.”
>Pinkie’s getting a little misty eyed.
>”But what could be more important than liking me?”
>”Pinkie Ah, there’s a lot of…”
>Your mutual pink friend is on the verge of a total, sobbing, meltdown.
>Applejack sighs heavily.
>”Fine. But ya’ll are both goin’ to be workin’ for breakin’ my window.”
>In the bottomless pit that is your wisdom you have a moment of clarity and decide not to mention all the extra crimes you committed on the way to AJ’s farm.
>Pinkie does not have this clarity.
>”Does that mean we have to fix all the other stuff we broke all over Ponyville?”
>*You stare at Pinkie, your eyes somewhere between half asleep and glaring*
>”Uh, no. But Ah will be takin’ you to police for that.”
>Pinkie rolls around in pure agony, unimaginable suffering, bottomless despair.
>”Aw geez.”
>You’re not going to jail.
>Neither will you let Pinkie.
>”You’ll never take us alive!”
>In your drunken haze you reach out and grab Pinkie to make a break for the door.
>You manage to get your hands on your pink pony pal.
>You manage to move towards the exit.
>You manage to make it about two feet before tripping over your own legs trying to stand up.
>Falling face first into the floor, still gripping Pinkie at least.
>The beer cans that had been half drunk were also spilled all over the floor.
>The thought that AJ might be a few seconds from bucking your brains out crosses your mind.
>Hmmm, AJ bucking you…
>”Anonymous Ah am about three seconds away from givin’ you a lickin’. Just stop messing around and hold still.”
>”Huh?”
>Applejack bites your waistband and in one heaving motion hoists you onto her back, stomach down.
>”You too Pinkie.”
>”Okie dokie.”
>Pinkie’s skin moves as if Applejack also grabbed her in her teeth.
>She floats up into the air herself and lands smack on top of you.
>”Uh, thanks Pinkie Pie.”
>A full grown mare landing on you really takes it outta ya.
>There’s too much alcohol in your stomach and not enough food or water.
>You can’t take it.
>*You vomit onto Applejack’s floor, and part of her side*
>”Oh my Celestia! Ya can upchuck all ya want you’re still going to the station Anonymous.”
>That wasn’t your plan but also damn it.
>You’re too weak to move sandwiched between Pinkie and AJ.
>Oh yeah, that’s cool.
>Whilst you are having perverted fantasies in your head Applejack starts trotting.
>She’s one hell of a strong mare and she intends to carry both you and Pinkie.
>And unfortunately for you, she can.

…

>>41729633
He should let one be, bugs that size will live under your appliances and keep flies or spiders at bay.

>>41729633
Look out! Turks!

>>41728371
Now I’m more confused

>>41729844
>Fags itt live in irl roach motels

>>41731453
>boo-

File: 1704882993448296.jpg (3.69 MB, 1750x2425)

3.69 MB JPG

>>41731453
This would kill you. And it would be so worth it.

File: 1720812346102044.png (112 KB, 440x407)

112 KB PNG

I'm just going to post random shit until the thread gets back on track.

>>41734506
There was a track?

>>41729323
Unf mare sandwich

>>41735775
Was

>>41735321

>>41735321
She deserved it

File: kal's annex placeholder.jpg (103 KB, 1280x720)

103 KB JPG

trying a new approach to greenposting - piecemeal until chapter is done. seeing if it helps me push regular updates from here on

previously: https://ponepaste.org/10098
>An aged spruce ceiling holds your exhausted eyes.
>The tinge of an aching burn nibbles at their edges. You rub away at them with your good arm, but the ache deepens, tormenting you almost as much as the throbbing in your other shoulder.
>You haphazardly exhale through your nostrils, and the absence of air in your lungs alone is almost enough to knock you out cold again.
>With whatever strength you have left, though, you fight to stay awake - you’ve already slept most of the day away, and it won’t do to be so vulnerable.
>Even though Kalliope swore up and down that you were safe in the annex above the restaurant, you can’t help but feel otherwise.
>You’ve long since shucked your old worker’s uniform, too, which got rid of that strangely dank smell. Realizing that your bandages have become more crimson than white doesn’t help much with the anxiety, but it’s something.
>Owing to that creeping fear of being found out, you’re huddled away on the floor in the corner of a spare bedroom, as far as you can possibly extricate yourself from an oddly placed skylight. The crepuscular rays of the evening sun being cast onto the wooden floorboards glint off of lilting dust, a veritable shower of sparks playing around in the stale glow.
>Beside you, Hearth still slumbers, blissfully unaware of the current predicament that befalls the two of you.
>Her chest rises and falls at a rate that you’re not altogether comfortable with; every couple minutes or so, you can’t help but press two fingers against her jugular to check for a pulse.
>It’s always there, but the uneasiness never leaves.
>You turn to look at her, beholding every bruise, mark, and laceration her body bears.
>Red and purple cruelty leap out at you, even from under her thick winter coat. Almost every inch of her that you can see is covered in torturous welts and gashes.
>Perhaps the most disheartening part of her that your eyes meander over, though, is her face.
>She’s got one hell of a black eye, and while the bruising isn’t quite enough to hinder her sight, it still looks swollen to high hell.
>Her bottom lip is busted in two places, and there’s some additional, lighter bruising on her right cheek as well. Couple that with the black eye, and you’ve got clear-cut evidence that they were beating her, most likely repeatedly.
>So hard, apparently, that it had left lacerations in her skin. Dried blood matts her fur here and there, mostly near the areas where she had been struck.
>Her breathing hitches for a moment, and her forehooves twitch this way and that.
>For a second, you think she’s about to wake up, and your own breath gets caught in your throat.
>After a few tense moments, though, she returns to stillness, her breathing settled.
>Your back hits the wall with a thud as you sigh in defeat.

File: pal portrait WIP post.png (211 KB, 691x751)

211 KB PNG

>>41739992
>How potent was that fucking spell…?
>“Won’t do ya any good to keep checkin’ ‘er over like that,” Pal says softly, bedbound on the opposite end of the room.
“I can’t help it. She’s been out for like, what, twenty hours or something now?”
>He shrugs his shoulders as he casts his gaze to the skylight.
>“I’m probably not the best person t’ ask,” he says flatly. “But yeah, somethin’ like that.”
>Oh, shit… right.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, uh…”
>“Nah, it’s fine. Was just tryin’ t’ joke around, is all.”
>His fallen expression betrays how he really feels. You opt not to press it any further; the last thing you’d wanna do is upset him.
“Your wife said she might have something that could help, didn’t she?”
>The mention of Kalliope seems to bring him out of his stupor for the time being. While he still isn’t quite as chipper as he was before he had the news dropped on him, it’s a marked improvement.
>“Mhm. She was the one who used t’ patch us all up whenever we got into trouble.”
>His spectral eyes comb over Hearth’s sleeping form for a moment before he continues.
>“She’ll be able t’ take care o’ Hearth’s regular injuries, but I dunno if we got anything geared toward that sleep stuff she’s got goin’ on.”
“What do we do if she doesn’t?”
>“Well,” Pal sighs. “We got two options in that case - wait it out, or get some outside help. I might know a guy, but a lot can change over eight years.”
>The room falls silent for a time, the muted goings-on of the restaurant below filling the air with some merciful form of noise.
>Kalliope said she’d be closing early today, but you aren’t sure just when that’ll be. There’s a shelf nearby with some books atop it that might help you kill some time, but you wouldn’t dare partake without asking her permission first. Guest’s manners, and all that.
>Instead, you broach whatever you can grasp for discussion.
“You excited to be with your family again?”
>He lights up like a christmas tree, the spectral pinpricks in his eye sockets brightening rapidly.
>“Oh, more than ever,” he muses, sitting upright as he turns to face you. “Kal ain’t aged a day, you know that? Eight years, and she still belongs in royal paintings.”
>He gestures to himself, chortling.
>“Guess I hit the wall, though, huh?”
>You can’t help but chuckle, even if it’s a bit forced. How the hell can he improve his mood so fast…?
“Seems like you’re taking it pretty well.”
>“I’m tryin’,” he sighs again. “I just have to keep my head up. It’ll pass eventually.”
>He shrugs as he rises from the bed, making his way over to your corner.
>“I mean, I’m /here/ now, ain’t I?”
>You nod, pausing a moment to consider your next words.

>>41739999
>Really, though, can you even say anything of significance? His situation is so alien to anything you’ve been through - without experience to back your words, they’ll certainly fall flat.
“Yeah, you are.”
>Filler it is, then.
>As he takes his seat on the other side of Hearth, he nods, an air of appreciation about his skeletal features.
>“Yeah… Not gonna waste that.”
>His musings over, he holds your gaze.
>“How ‘bout you, ‘non? You holdin’ up okay?”
>You search his features, eager to pick up on any sort of sarcasm.
>There isn’t any.
“I mean… not really.”
>He gestures to the well-kept room around you with wide arms, letting them slap the top of his knees as they come back down.
>“Better than yesterday, though, isn’t it?” he asks, nodding along as if to influence your answer.
“We’re being /hunted/, man,” you almost spit. “We went from being chest-deep in shit, to being waist deep. Push comes to shove, /it’s still shit/.”
>“Sure, sure,” he placates, hands up in mock surrender. “Won’t argue with ya there, but you’re thinkin’ about it all wrong.”
“How?” you ask incredulously.
>He deadpans as he leans in toward you.
>“Weren’t you gonna be that lil’ witch’s sex slave?”
“Yeah?”
>“I haven’t known ya long, but I’m willin’ to bet you wouldn’t have taken well to that gig. No freedom, no autonomy, all that.”
>You let the back of your head gently hit the wall.
“…Yeah.”
>“Well, there ya go,” he says. “Would I rather not be bathin’ in shit? ‘Course. But if I gotta, then I’d much rather be up to my waist than my chest. Little stuff, Anon.”

more very soon

>>41740003
Hey you

>>41740380

>>41740003
T hanks

>>41741362

File: 1685417217087750.png (522 KB, 1020x1478)

522 KB PNG

>AiE
C'mon
this is what'd really happen

>>41742821
She's just mad at the sexual tension.

>>41743053

File: 1727462062185233.png (749 KB, 1509x1027)

749 KB PNG

>>41692812

>>41744534
Anon will never get a job with that face tat.

>>41745584
Sounds normal for him

>>41729323

>Applejack opens the door to the police station.
>”I'm not fucking finished talking about the power level problems between a level twenty fighter and level twenty wizard.”
>You have been rambling into AJ’s ear about whatever autistic thought popped into your head during your ride.
>”Well Ah’m done listenin’.”
>”I'm not!”
>At least Pinkie Pie always has your back.
>She's right on top of it even.
>Applejack pays no attention to either of you.
>She trots right up to the counter to talk with the officer at the front desk but is cut off.
>”Hi Anonymous!”
>The voice of the officer is familiar.
>Like you hear it every day.
>*Using all you strength and will to look up, you see the face of a ditzy grey mare*
>”Derpy?”
>”Uh huh. At least I think I am still.”
>”What are you doing here? Why are you dressed as a policemare?”
>”Because I am one!”
>She salutes the air as she enthusiastically replies to you.
>”This is my night job.”
>”How… how do you find time for this? Aren't you a single mom?”
>”You make time for the things you love.”
>Derpy sheds a single tear.
>”Shush you.”
>Applejack shushes you.
>”Ah have brought these two for ya on account of them goin’ on a vandalism spree.”
>Pinkie snaps into the conversation.
>”And boy did we spree. Ponies are gonna laugh about this one day. Heck I'm laughing about it now.”
>”Botha y'all shush.”
>Derpy is unperturbed.
>”Hi Pinkie Pie!”
>”Hi Derpy!”
>They both wave at each other.
>Applejack’s patience is wearing thin.
>”Look Derpy it's really late and Ah got lotsa work to do in a few hours. Could ya take these troublemakers off my hooves?”
>”You want me to take Pinkie and Anon in? But I'm too busy waiting for someone to bring in some vandals.”
>Applejack shucks you and Pinkie off her back and groans.

>>41746660
>”Derpy Ah don't have time for this bit ya do. These are the criminals you're looking for, right here. Anonymous and Pinkie Pie. Please, PLEASE take them away. Ah’m going home to sleep.”
>Derpy scratches her chin inspecting you and Pinkie.
>”Oooh. I think I get it now.”
>”Uh huh great.”
>AJ is already halfway out the door.
>Leaving you and Pinkie alone with Officer Derpy.
>Your back hurts, you’d throw up again if you had anything left to throw up.
>Maybe you can just get up and walk out without Derpy noticing.
>*Click*
>You have been handcuffed to Pinkie.
>”Alright Mr. Anonymous and Ms. Pinkamena Diane Pie, let's go to the drunk tank.”
>Derpy has placed both you and Pinkie under arrest.
>She helps you both to stand and guides you with her wings.
>The chain on your cuffs is long enough so you can with your wrist attached to Pinkie’s hoof, but not comfortably.
>You’re put at an awkward, unbalanced lean to stay upright.
>”Hey Derpy come on, we’re friends right? You know, you know me. Think of all those good times in the office.”
>Derpy looks around with shifty eyes to make sure nopony can hear her in this empty front desk room you’re all in.
>She leans in close to whisper to you both.
>”Hi Anon it’s me, Mailroom General Manager Derpy.”
>You reflexively whisper back.
>”Hi Derpy, so can you let us go?”
>”I’m really sorry Anon but that would be against the rules.”
>”Isn’t arresting us without reading us our rights also against the rules?”
>”Anon don’t be silly. You know your rights from your lefts.”
>*You groan*
>Pinkie is giggling but it doesn’t sound natural, more like she’s forcing herself to do it for the moment.
>”Alright Mr. Anonymous. Stop resisting and move along nothing to see here.”
>Derpy hits you in the back with her hooves.
>It’s not very painful, or hard, or aggressive.
>She’s not very good at her job.
>Even in your drunken stupor you can’t bring yourself to tell her at risk of hurting her feelings.
>You let her guide yourself and Pinkie through a set of double doors, pushing them open into a holding cell area.
>There’s a large cell with a few familiar faces in it.
>Berry Punch is in there with some of her belongings from home, she must come here often.
>Lyra is huddled up in the corner being comforted by some butch looking mares.
>And a handful of other ponies with silly sounding names you can’t remember right now.
>”Okay Mr. Anonymous and Ms. Pinkamena, please wait here while I get you processed.”
>Derpy opens the cage door and you both shuffle in.
>”Hey what about our cuffs?”
>Pinkie steps out of her half of the manacles, getting up on her hindlegs to bang against the bars.
>”Yeah, what about our cuffs!”
>Your cries fall on deaf ears.
>Derpy keeps trotting away towards the doors she escorted you through.
>She walks face first into them, forgetting they are pulled from this side.

>>41746664
Kek, Officer Doofy Hooves

>>41747236

>>41746664
Unf handcuffed to mare

File: loureedmlp.jpg (64 KB, 750x828)

64 KB JPG

Am I going full retard or is the Project100 zip broken now?
>https://poneb.in/AhuvfmmL
>a.pomf.se/muakpv.zip
Can anyone confirm that this works on their machine.

>>41748751
Mine worked

File: mfwmybrainisfullofponi.gif (2.09 MB, 957x537)

2.09 MB GIF

>be driving with a car full of poni
>it's the mane 6
>purple smart decides to represent autism by speaking
>"You know, Anon, you really shouldn't be speeding. It's not only bad for the car, but studies have shown that more accidents happen on the road because of haste rather than mechanical error."
>"Twilight, do you think you can, um, stop talking? It's just that, you're distracting him, and I think that might be upsetting him, because now he's going a lot faster than he was before, and... Oh, I can't look anymore!"
>"Whee! We're on the sidewalk! Hiya, mister tree! Do you like streamers? I'd throw some on your leaves if you weren't so tall and skinny."
>"Anonymous, I can't focus on plucking my eyebrows with you driving like you're Scootaloo. Get back on the road and slow down. And Pinkie Pie, you will do no such thing to that poor palm tree. Ribbons would look much nicer."
>"Don't listen to Rarity, Anon. Look! There's the freeway exit! Go faster! I bet we can get a little air in this thing if we hit the ramp going ninety."
>"He ain't gonna hit the ramp going ninety. Am I the only one that's actually thinking about the car here?"
>"Well I've been talking about cars this whole time, but apparently no pony is listening to me."
>"Can we all maybe please just, um, stop talking, and slow down a bit--and get back on the road--before something..."
>"Hiya, mister squirrel!"
>a squirrel suddenly runs out in front of the car
>dives under the tires
>gets a one way ticket to Equestria in ten seconds flat
>pic related

>>41749743
Alright good to know. I'm having trouble downloading it for some reason.

>>41705170
I found my way here! Time to catch up.

File: Consarn it!.webm (222 KB, 676x714)

222 KB WEBM

>>41746664
>>”Isn’t arresting us without reading us our rights also against the rules?”
>>”Anon don’t be silly. You know your rights from your lefts.”

>>41748751
Is Lou Read actually demented?

>>41749961
Nothing happened

>>41750792
I am sorry I have failed you.

>Poni court of law
>Where literally anything you bray can be used against you in a sort of caw

>>41750792
What are you talking about? Plenty happened.

>>41751021
>”N-“

File: pinkapets.jpg (534 KB, 1703x1277)

534 KB JPG

>>41718713
That pal pod thing is cute as fuck. Pinkie is great in this but I'm guessing that cheering up Anon isn't going to be as easy as she thinks.

>>41752300
Hornses are not cats

>>41750795
Five hour jelq session as penance

File: kitty face.png (88 KB, 228x283)

88 KB PNG

>>41752755
They are now

>>41753696
Pspspspspspspspspsps

>>41753696
Hi Rope

>>41749847
Probably a virus

>>41692812
Tripfags in Equestria

>>41746660

>>41745584
We only allow neets here, sir

>>41758933
That explains a lot

File: henlo frendo.gif (1.57 MB, 563x563)

1.57 MB GIF

>>41755378

>>41760302
I will never forgive them for editing her in any re-airs.

>>41750486
Nah, the record company screwed him, but had him in a binding contract to make another record for them, so he technically fulfilled his contract with the fuckers and made sure they'd get as little money as possible out of it.

>>41761389
Too bad his music sucks

>>41761914
highly overrated

>>41760958
It’s weird to think how the downfall of the show started with some autistic tumblrtranny raising a fuss over her

>>41762282
I wonder if that bigchinned loonytroon made it 43% yet.

>>41749810
Good

>>41746664
>She does so a few more times before getting fed up and turning around and leaving through the backdoor instead.
>A much more sensible choice.
>Pinkie huffs and gets off the bars, placing her hoof back in the cuffs with you.
>”This sucks.”
>Pinkie sits down with her back to the bars.
>You join her.
>”I agree.”
>Getting put in jail was not on the itinerary.
>Are you gonna lose your job over this?
>Are your friends gonna treat you differently?
>Will they still be your friends?
>The negative spiral going on in your thoughts hurts almost as much as your headache.
>”I wish we had more booze.”
>”Yeah. Me too.”
>Pinkie sighs heavily.
>”Oh wait. I almost forgot.”
>Pinkie reaches into her hair looking for something.
>She's having a difficult time with her hair still straight and sad.
>Her hoof goes in deeper and deeper, as if she was digging in her skull.
>Nothing's coming out.
>You can see her getting frustrated, angry.
>Pinkie’s other hoof starts pulling on her mane.
>She's shaking it and grinding her teeth.
>She's starting to get desperate in get movements and sounds.
>The whites of her eyes look red and irritated, snot is starting to leak out her nose.
>”Nonny, can you please help me.”
>”Yeah sure of course. Uh what am I doing here?”
>”Just reach in there and grab the bottle.”
>”What bottle?”
>She sounds upset you don't know what she's talking about despite never telling you.
>”The bottle I put in there.”
>”Okay I'm sorry I just didn't know.”
>You brush off her snapping at you and stick your arm into Pinkie Pie’s mane.
>Despite how physically close you've been with Pinkie and how many times you've been intimate with her you have never tried rooting around in her mane.
>Even like this it's so soft.
>Not like what you're used to, it's more like satin or silk.
>Normally it's so fuzzy but not scratchy.
>You prefer her that way.
>You're getting distracted.
>You're up to your elbows in Pinkie.
>Just fussing with it until there's a smooth, cold sensation on your fingertips.
>*You wrap your fingers around it tight and pull*
>It's stuck.

>>41764239
>You tug with all your drunken might.
>Tug tug tugging away.
>”Ok Nonny. It's starting to hurt. You got it?”
>”Yeah, just need a little… leverage.”
>*You brace one foot up again the bars*
>It doesn't actually help all that much because you're trying to gain leverage on Pinkie not the bars.
>But it makes you feel stronger at least.
>The bottle is starting to budge.
>There's a cartoonish rubber stretching sound coming from inside her mane.
>”Almost there-”
>Suddenly it comes loose all at once.
>You weren't ready for it.
>You fall back on your ass with the bottle in hand.
>Pinkie sighs in relief.
>”That was close. For a second there I thought you were gonna drop it.”
>”Me too.”
>The bottle slips through your fingers and crashes on the concrete cell floor, breaking and spilling the alcohol everywhere.
>Unfortunately for you, the cheap repurposed malt liquor label peeled right off.
>You can hear several ponies sniffing the air.
>Like blood in water the sharks come in a frenzy.
>”I call dibs.”
>Berry Punch is the first to swarm.
>She dives from her homey corner to slurp and lick the booze right off the floor.
>Several other ponies join in, crowding around you and Pinkie.

>>41764239
>>41764247
Horrifying, I love it.

File: chew.gif (1.22 MB, 520x700)

1.22 MB GIF

>Be mean green fapping machine
>Be sitting on a Ponyville bench and observing the market square
>Spot the (second) mintiest mare in town buying some kale
>You've hardly talked to her, only enough to set up a dental plan
>She generously offered one year free of charge
>You want to thank her by buying her some food at a local restaurant, but your social anxiety pins you to the bench, your mind racing with bad outcomes
>But you can't spend your entire life here as a friendless NEET, either
>Eventually you gather enough courage to approach her
>She turns her head to you with a faint smile at your approach
>"Oh, hello Anon!"
>Now's your chance
>Straighten posture
>Make eye contact
>Take short inhale
"Haha, yeah, g-good to see you."
>Exhale
>Place one foot in front of the other
>Place hand on hip
>Turn slightly to the left
>Close eyes
>Cross arms
"I'm kale-ing it a day."
>"Huh?"
>Turn back to Minuette
>Point at her saddlebag
"HAHAHAHAHA!"
>She stares at you, confused
>Pause
>Look at ground
>Open mouth slightly
"Do you want to eat?"
>Strike a confident pose
>Make eye contact while fidgeting slightly
>Stare for a few seconds
>"Uh, sure?"
>Kneel down
>Spring back up
>Hold arm towards Minuette
"Follow me to Hayburgers."
>Exhale loudly
>Quickly turn around
>Walk toward Hayburgers with mare in tow

That's how I would ask a pony on a date.

>>41763385
Did she do anything else after ruining everything?

File: 4738390201.png (2.31 MB, 2048x1002)

2.31 MB PNG

Guys, my AiE tastes funny.

>>41765387
Next time don’t buy off brand

>>41765387
Try restarting while holding down shift >:3

>>41766694
>Offbrand!Equestria
Oh man, imagine that, like there's no Chewy Chip's Ahoy or Good brand toilet paper, there's just 'Pony Select' and 'Horse Street'.

File: 1734835325279463.png (122 KB, 242x227)

122 KB PNG

Mr Cribmas aieeee

>>41768297
“Glitter Horsel

File: Derpstar.png (437 KB, 800x461)

437 KB PNG

>>41768601
no u

>>41770265
Then she cums, right?

File: Els00grUYAAYxYQ.jpg (85 KB, 1946x825)

85 KB JPG

>Oh my god..
>Patrick?! YOU'RE Anon In Equestria?

File: 1709947618906634.png (289 KB, 1080x845)

289 KB PNG

>>41773058
He didn't say that.

>>41773782
>Hey, darling!
>Wahaha!

Poni starts everyday with a fierce regiment of snootle scrunches
She can do a thousand now

>>41773788

>>41773058
Robert! He said the thing wrong on PURPOSE!

up

File: rob.png (477 KB, 665x631)

477 KB PNG

>>41775836
>You know the penalty for misusing kino memes, Anon.
R-Rob..Robert-kun, mi hermano..don't send me to the rock corn mines!

File: duality-of-man-full-metal(...).gif (87 KB, 640x358)

87 KB GIF

>>41764991
>I'm kale-ing it a day
How fucking dare you. I hate puns. I chortled. How fucking dare you.

File: Spitfire_-_Give_Me_20_by_(...).png (195 KB, 979x816)

195 KB PNG

>>41778468
>PRIVATE ANONYMOUS, YOU HAD BEST UNFUCK YOURSELF OR I WILL UNSCREW YOUR HEAD AND SHIT DOWN YOUR NECK!

File: 1711254522226937.jpg (38 KB, 478x720)

38 KB JPG

>>41778490
I am living in a world of shit.

>>41779245
>multiple wings
Is Anonymous a biblically accurate angel?

>>41779598
he shakes little turds out of his pant legs all the time
he dropped a pear sized one out while flying over the schoolhouse one time and it put Apple Bloom in a coma

File: 1707728885355424.gif (1.29 MB, 294x294)

1.29 MB GIF

>>41779643
Excuse me?

>>41779812
huh

>>41764247
I'm starving

>>41764247
>>41781037
Touch grass. With your mouth.
Personally, I'm thirsty.

>>41781037
Hungry for worms?

>>41781037
For DICK

>>41777896
>”I’m afraid its aviary seats for the month.”

File: lewd.png (182 KB, 680x658)

182 KB PNG

>>41781904

File: 1709687824426976.png (664 KB, 1211x955)

664 KB PNG

me on the far right

>>41783254
which right

>>41779598
Those are six wings.

>>41783254
Your ceilings are really dusty.

File: image_2024-12-30_001040351.png (290 KB, 890x890)

290 KB PNG

Anon babysits the CMC

File: IMG_6606.gif (992 KB, 309x238)

992 KB GIF

>>41698104
Congrats! By Alicorn custom to have bested her in a wrestling match; custom dictates she is now your mate. Now jam your thumb in her butthole to complete the courting ritual. Be quick about it. You don’t want her to feel she’s undesirable

>>41764247
>All the Little alcoholics fighting for a few free drops.
>You're not usually a violent person.
>Aside from tonight obviously but attacking inanimate objects shouldn't count.
>Despite this something comes over you and you enter the brawl.
>Elbowing and shoving your way into getting a piece.
>These ponies are strong as hell compared to you.
>You fight dirty instead of harder, biting some Sweet Cinnamon looking bitch to score the broken bottom of the bottle.
>Crawling your way out secures your prize.
>You crawl back to Pinkie with it to share.
>”I had to beat someone to get this.”
>”I don't know how to feel about that.”
>”Well do you still want it?”
>Pinkie looks at the sharp edges of what is probably three, maybe four sips of liquor.
>She sighs.
>”Yeah I do.”
>She takes the glass offered and puts it to her lips.
>She lightly yelps when the sharp edges cut her mouth.
>Something inside tells you this is your fault somehow.
>Like a complex feeling that makes you want to ease her suffering you may have caused.
>*You try to take the glass from Pinkie*
>She turns away, instinctively thinking you're stealing it from her.
>You're trying to put on a kind and trustworthy face for her.
>Instead you look like a stroke victim with spittle on one corner of your mouth and your eyes blink one after the other.
>Pinkie understands though.
>She gives you the broken base.
>You only want to help.
>*You make a cup with your hand and pour the alcohol into it*
>Finally, one advantage for having hands in Equestria.
>”Here you can drink from me.”
>”Thanks Nonny.”
>Pinkie bends her head down to gently and elegantly slurp homemade alcohol from your palm.
>She takes every last drop, licking your hand clean to ensure so.
>Even getting her tongue between your fingers for any liquid slipping through.
>What's left in the bottle you pour into your mouth but from high up so you don't have to actually press the sharp edges to your lips.
>Why didn't Pinkie do that?
>With both of you finished you chuck the broken bottle somewhere towards the corner.
>Some more ponies chase after it to scavenge anything left.
>”Nonny, I feel different. Do you feel different?”
>”I feel angry that Derpy was being a retard and ditched me.”
>You didn't mean to say that.
>”I didn't mean to say that.”
>That was just your first thought, your reflexive internal monologue.
>”Nonny what the heck you can't just call Derpy that even if she is retarded!”
>Pinkie covers her mouth with her hooves.
>Something tells you that wasn't supposed to come out.
>Pinkie never calls ponies retarded and you kicked that habit a long time ago.
>There's a commotion coming from the other ponies in the drunk tank with you.
>”I didn't want anyone to know it was me so I buried them!”
>”I say I miss my mom all the time but haven't talked to her in the years!”