Ya'll let it die AGAIN editionPrevious Thread:>>41664302Fauster's Story Archive: https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Uh-hmmm's Prompt Archives:https://ponepaste.org/1046Have a broken Pastebin link? Replace pastebin.com with poneb.inRemember:not to save anything of value on Pastebinignore all attempts at early new threadsignore new threads by the cheerimac poster
I keep intending to write for this thread, but I never get around to it. The most I have is a draft of 2000 words at most. Oh well, nice OP image.
>Autumn Blaze was even more excited than usual from getting this relatively hairless, bipedal monkey out of the jungle>She always have suspected that there's life far away on the stars>Even if he didn't actually know how did he got there, much to her dismay>She still found the "hooman" absolutely cute and kept him for herself>Eventually laying him and getting pregnant with his offspring>But he proved to be an even more pleasant surprise>Not just because he was fun to be around, contributing to many of the plays she wrote for the opera>Or because he was quickly adapting to the kirin customs>A kirin stallion can only go so far before he gets exhausted from cumming so much, having spent his precious life energy>The kirin stallions weren't significally larger than mares, since the physical strength wasn't that much useful for a species specialized in magic and fire>Sex takes a lot of life energy from the stallions, needed to power their own gestating offspring so they would be born healthy>Which wasn't of much an issue for the mares on the other hoof as the life energy costs for cumming were MUCH smaller>Due to that, the only way a stallion could magically compete with a mare is celibacy>But her human?>It was weird, he had no magic, he was physically weaker than her, and he wasn't immune to fire unlike any kirin>Triple helplessness, and she loved it, she could do whatever she wanted to him>He's a perfect colt for her>But what she loved even more is that he's eager to please>She could fuck him silly for hours, magically reloading his balls after an each orgasm>The average stallion would be dead at the point she's done with her human>While he still felt exhausted and weak by the aforementioned point, by the next evening he was still down for more bed fun>He was giving so much of his life energy to his foal, that it began to power up the kirin mare's own life energy, making her withstand her pregnancy easier>Autumn is absolutely exhilarated, pacing and dancing around her alien hubby just like when she wasn't pregnant>Anticipating her strong, healthy baby she's going give birth to
>>41735897Sniff the stinky nerd
>>41736064She's gonna fart on your face
>>41736135I would hope so!
>>41735897This seems to happen a lot.Are you sure there is enough sustained interest in this general to justify keeping it alive?
>>41735897I love Moondancer sm
>>41735951Same, got some encouragement from a few threads ago. But it's hard.
I liked that one time we talked about changelings and crystal ponies having a common ancestor.
>>41735897It's been a while since I been here last, but I was drawn in by the Moondancer ass. Is there a Moon story that was made recently?
>>41736760Last Moondancer story I remember is that one where Anon and his daughter appear in Equestria and Anon tries to date Moondancer.
>>41736433I think this thread would already be dead without the coomers, so maybe it is time to let it die. Almost all the greens posted here are more porn than RGRE anyway, except for the work of a couple writefags, so not much would be lost.
>>41736885Is sad you know? I haven't been around for a few years now but there was a lot more green that wasn't just coomer bait back then. At least there was a lot of good stuff last thread.I'm thinking about giving a go at a green myself. It's not taboo or anything if the pov isn't (((you))), is it?
>>41736927Half of rgre greens are from the POV of the mares with the new exotic stallion
>>41736927Writing green can be a fun challenge to your imagination.Be warned however, that no matter how well you write, someone will hate you for it. There seems to be an undercurrent of assholes trying to drive a stake in the heart of every content creator who dares show their face around here.We would appreciate the green, but someone will shit on you for it. So make sure you have thick skin before proceeding.
>>41735897Wow, what a terrible image.
>>41737072>twi is seething that her butt will never be as large as Moon Dancer's
>>41737072>Twi pissed because anon always stares are moon big plot
>>41737081Some guys don't like trash bag asses.Cellulite is yucky.
>>41736927>Is sad you know? I haven't been around for a few years now but there was a lot more green that wasn't just coomer bait back then. At least there was a lot of good stuff last thread.The thread launched 8-9 years ago. The show is long since over. We're a remnant of what we used to be. That's just what happens, Anon. Time passes, and things fade away. We were never going to maintain our pace forever. All the new topics have been discussed, all the good story ideas have been used, and all the REEEEEing has already been screeched. Enjoy it for what it is.
>>41737199I member the good times. Crazy to think I began on the /co/ threads, what, thirteen years ago?
>>41737199>and all the REEEEEing has already been screechedDon't know, anon, I still see the screeching relatively often.
>>41737311Yeah, but it's nowhere near as bad as it used to be. Multiple threads in a row have not been consumed, leagues of gullible rubes aren't taking the bait over and over, and none of our remaining writefag(s) have been chased off yet. If the old thread was a super villain, then the current thread is 40 years later where the super villain is old and retired and just grumpy compared to the villain-shit he did back in his heyday.
>>41737318Yeah, good point. That sounds about right.
>be me, Azof Brutus Rupert Integra von Bismarck>Azof for shortsies>I am the magical land of Equestria's sole human, and I most certainly do not belong.>I think it's been a few months since I arrived, but I'm not entirely sure. I never was the greatest at keeping tabs on time.>And I do not know, either, why or how I am here. Maybe I had a sudden brain aneurysm in my sleep or something. Maybe truck-kun claimed another victim and it happened to be me. Whatever force put me here would not allow me to remember, regardless.>Anything immediately preceding, or immediately after, was a blank space in the brain.>Rolling out of bed I go about the daily routine. I did have somewhere to be soon, after all.>Though try as I might to ignore it, just going thourgh the average morning process reminds me how much this place simply is not for me.>The sinks were too low. The showers, too small; as were the chairs, and the headspace was oh so very short.>The ponies here in the aptly-named Ponyville were nice enough after the initial scare of my sudden apparition. Their society and culture placed a heavy emphasis on such things, after all.>The local pretty purple pony princess pulled some royal strings to get me situated. It was her "Duty as a princess to help a colt in need," so she said.>Hooked me up with a small cottage home and a job as a clerk for the local mayor's office. >A local boutique owner even insisted that she be allowed to provide me a small ensemble, and even refused payment no matter how often I offered.>Admittedly I did enjoy designing a few custom articles with her. I'd never had anything quite as nicely-made as them back home, and the clothes on good old earth were ever so fucking boring.>But here? There were such stipulations. I could wear whatever I wanted, free of the usual cultural norms, and it was a delight to make use of a hitherto unused form of self expression.
>>41737817>Truly, I was very thankful to that mare.>After a quick breakfast--standard eggs, toast and cereal, but unfortunately lacking bacon, which was apparently a special import item from someplace called Griffonia--I get dressed.>A dark-gray longcoat with yellow trim, and a relatively short shawl worn about my shoulders, leaving little skin exposed save for the hands and face.>Quite dashing, if I do say so myself.>Sighing, I steel myself, and make way to the Castle of Friendship.>I had an appointment today with one Princess Sparkle, and though anxious for it, I did not intend to be late.>Some scant few ponies waved as I passed, and I waved back with a polite, forced smile, though the vast majority simply gave me a wide berth.>I could feel their eyes piercing me from the back and sides. I was an outsider. So much of one, in fact, that I was not even from the same planet.>I did not blame them for their avoidance. In their shoes, I would probably do the same. But it still hurt, nonetheless.>Everywhere I went, I stuck out like a tree in the dessert, and though my roots had buried into the sand, it still did not feel welcoming.>The whispers behind my back. The staring. The avoidance. Most interactions only reaching the level of forced politeness, no more and no less. I had never exactly been the most comfortable in my own skin, but this? It was torture to me, and I hated it.>But with any luck, that would change today."Please," I silently begged.>The castle drew near.
>>41737831more later, have this small teaser for now.
>>41737831>>But with any luck, that would change today.uh oh
>>41736054Triple helpless. Lady all I need is a fire extinguisher.
>>41735897Wow, what a delightful image.
>The day/night cycle of Equestria turns out to be different from Earth>29 hour days, split evenly between day and night>This plays hell with Anon's circadian rhythm, and Anon sometimes gets tired during the day and needs to take a nap>Anon gains the reputation of being the cute sleepy colt who might rest his head on your shoulder and fall asleep like that>If you're not careful, he'll snatch you up and you'll play teddy bear for the next hour or so
>>41722810>Anon wasn't sure to make of this stranger in front of him.>The zebra wasn't someone he was familiar with.>Let alone he met in the past"Sorry if we're intruding on your private property.">Spike suddenly had an idea and tugged on Anon's pants>"Don't worry Anon, Zecora is cool.">The little drake thought if Anon isn't comfortable with ponies, then the next best thing would work>Zecora chuckled as she eyed the strange creature>"It is quite alright. Though in a manner of my curiosity, may I ask your identity?>The human took a deep breath>"Well my name is Anon and I'm what you call a human.">He scanned Zecora up and down, scrutinizing if she has any bad intentions>Zecora seemed to notice this, noting how this male seemed to be paranoid at something>"Do not fret Anon, for in these woods I am a healer. Though in my eyes your stature alone is much scarier.">Zecora said that last part in a jest but that seemed to put Anon in a bad mood>Spike got in between the two as he shot Zecora a look saying 'He's kind of sensitive about his appearance'>The hermit nodded her head, and gave an apologetic look at Anon>"Sincerest apologies then." she said curtly>Anon scratched the back of his head and turned to the direction of Ponyville"I-It's alright. I've been called worse.">The three stood there not knowing what to do until Zecora spoke up>"If you seek a way to lighten the air, perhaps you and Spike would visit my lair?">Spike jumped up, excited>"Would I?! C'mon Anon, you've got to see Zecora's hut. It's filled with really cool stuff!">The human chuckled as Spike tried to drag him off to follow Zecora>At the very least, this was something new he had yet to experience>"Spiiike! We're home!">Twilight called out in her library as she looked around.>Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash followed her into the room as the latter flew up to scan each and every room>Twilight was confused and wondered where the two could've been>"Dash? You see them?">The pegasus returned and shook her head.>"They are not in the other rooms.">Now the unicorn was worried>"S-Should we go look for them?">"Probably, Anon wouldn't try to go outside since he seemed scared. Spike wouldn't be able to coax him to walk out.">Dash snorted>"We're talking about two colts here, well dragon and alien. Who knows how their mind works.">Twilight rolled her eyes.>Still, the idea Anon knew Dash before, and perhaps all of them was starting to make her worry.>"Alright here's the plan. Dash, why don't you round up the others while me and Fluttershy look for clues.">Rainbow Dash landed on the ground annoyed>"Aw c'mon why don't I be in the search party? I can cover more ground with how fast I am.">"Because you might scare Anon judging by his behavior I heard">The cyan pony huffed at Fluttershy's comment>"No fair you girls get to hunt an alien..."
>>41736433I would like to finish a few half-completed pieces before the general dies for good, but I'm swamped with work.
>>41735897>>41736433The previous thread got to bump limit you clowns.
>>41738740Wouldn't the rhythm simply adapt since it's linked to light-dark cycles?
>>41738871Maybe, but I like the idea of having an excuse to get cuddly with poners
>>41738876Fair enough. That exact reason is part of the reason why I like rhorse's horsey pony autism. Napping in the park causing ponies to lay down beside you because sleep is contagious is a cute thought.
>>41738881>Start to notice a trio of mares who nap on you more frequently than any others
>>41738076Won't help you much if she's on top of you, for example, you'll get instagibbed. And even if you do have a fire extinguisher in your vicinity, she'll keep being enflamed as much as she's angry.On the other hand, drinking her marecum does give you immunity to fire, since you're intaking her essence in your body.
>>41738927>guessing my waifu/ideal herdbegone from my walls, fedboy
>>41738927>Every pony gets a turn to nap with Anon>Luna gets a turn every nap
>>41736885You're not wrong. I get tired of the smutfics that are /only/ smut and lovey dovey shit. I'll be able to get started on a hopefully better fic myself in a little while once I finish the one I'm working on for another thread.>>41738740Actually without the typical day-night cycle of earth, Humans adopt a 28 hour rhythm apparently.
>>41739697how can other mares even compete?protip: they can't
>>41739807>Actually without the typical day-night cycle of earth, Humans adopt a 28 hour rhythm apparently.Damn. I remember hearing about that in something like a Technical Difficulties youtube video, where they were talking about that woman who lived in a cave without natural light for x-number of months and she defaulted to about a 28-hour sleep cycle.
>>41739849By being better than her.
>>41738927Always be prepared
>waifu gets into workplace accident>stuck in coma>no idea when, if ever, she'll wake up>doctors recommend pulling the plug>family says you should think about your own wellbeing and move on>don't allow it>go from househusband back to the sigma grindset to keep waifu supported with two jobs>her construction work brought in more than you could get with two 'colt' jobs, so you end up selling the house before the mortgage ate up the savings for medical bills>spend all your free time at the hospital with her, holding her hoof and talking to her hoping she's still in thereWould you do it? Decide your answer first, then unspoiler.>she wakes up after a year
>>41740108yes
>>41738927This is good because I LOVE MEARES
>>41740108Imagine waking up and learning that everyone you knew told your spouse to pull the plug, but they never gave up hope.
>stallions are quick shots often lasting something between 10 to 15 seconds.>because of this Cheating to a stallion is super easyHow it would affect RGRE mares?
>>41740108>not having a herd for support in this emotionally and financially troubling time>ishygddtNo plug pulling though. Always hold out hope. If friendship is magic, then marriage is at least double magic, which has to count for something.My weenie "I'm not in the story prompt" answer is that couldn't they just petition Luna to go and take a look at her mental situation? It wouldn't hurt to ask if there's anything going on up top that the doctors just aren't finding.>inb4 Luna hasn't returned yet
>>41740108Kiss her on the forehead to wake her up like snow white. If that doesn't work, go to the crystal empire to call candyass a fucking fraud. Either she kills me and I get to join my waifu, or she takes offense and uses forbidden magicks to revive her.Alternatively, grab a loaded weapon and lock myself in the hospital room with my waifu until she squeezes my hand, like that father did when the hospital was going to cut support for his son about 10 years ago.
>"I'm telling you, I got it all fucking set up!">Be John>John Doe>Not your real name obviously, but you weren't going to give your real name to a bunch of magical creatures>You didn't care that they looked like cute horses, you weren't getting your soul ripped out of your body, or whatever else they could do>You had found yourself in a weird magic world filled with "ponies" fairly recently>Your house had come along, which was kick ass>You had just gotten the thing, and now you didn't have to pay the mortgage >It had a new air conditioner unit and everything!>You found yourself in a previously empty lot in a town called Ponyville>Not a bad place really>The produce here was great, and it wasn't too far from the capital>Air and water were clean, and the folk were friendly, even if they happened to be demons in disguise >There was an issue however>A human had appeared here before you>His name was Anonymous>This was his actual name, not a made up one like yours>As his stupid name suggested, the fella was not the best person in the world>He had given the residents here a good deal of trouble from what you had told>Rudeness, tantrums, just random cruelty>He refused to work, didn't wash himself properly>Honestly, the list went on and on>He was so bad that it took a good deal of work to get the townsponies on your side>You had to do a lot of volunteering and bake many a cake before they came within twenty feet of you>Eventually, the ponies did realize that you were a normal, decent person and not... Anon>The entire town warmed up after that>You kept up your volunteering, finding a lot of accomplishment from it actually>You did find a job at the local bakery>Hard but honest work, and the Cakes were extremely kind>And, just like the rest of the town, they were thrilled not all humans were assholes>Anon actually had the ponies convinced that all humanity acted like he did and they hadn't wanted to be rude to his culture>Once they found out he was just a jerk, they had much less patience for his nonsense>He couldn't get away with nearly as much, and while mares wouldn't lay a hoof on him more than once a colt had bucked him in the stomach hard enough to knock him off his feet>Last you heard, Twilight was demanding he get a job, otherwise she'd have to kick him out>More than once, he had tried coming to you for sympathy, but you knew a dirt bag when you saw one>Last time he was at your house you had caught him trying to swipe some jewelry and a box of Oreos>Fucker>The jewelry you hadn't been all that mad about>But you couldn't go to the shop here to get another box of Oreos>You'd never get them again, and there he was trying to steal them to fill his fat belly>And here Anon was again, pacing on your front porch, a wild look in his eye while you stood in doorway of your front door, fingering a bat you kept in your umbrella holder just in case
>>41741162>"--The mare said it will work! I'll finally be able to ditch this flesh suit and be a superior pony," Anon said with a grin.>He looked at you, seeking some sort of approval>You just sort of awkwardly stared back, wishing that he'd go away"...Pardon?">"A pony. I'm going to have a unicorn turn me into a pony," he said. "What the fuck do you think I've been telling you for the past ten minutes.">You squinted at him"And why in the world would you want to be a pony?" you asked>"Because it fucking sucks here being a human. I'm sick of everyone looking at me funny, or avoiding me.""They do both of those things because of your personal hygiene and because you're not a good person, Anon.">Anon continued to pace your porch>From the look on his face, you were pretty sure he hadn't even heard you>"I'll be able to get myself a herd. I won't need to work a goddamn day in my life. I'll have a big ol' horse dick too! It'll be perfect!">If this were any other person, you would take them inside of your home>Speak to them about what was very clearly not a good idea>Maybe try to talk them into getting help, whatever that might entail>You could also ask some important questions>Did this mare really know what she was doing?>Was this safe?>Or legal?>Would this hurt you or anyone in the area?>Etc, etc...>But this WAS Anon>And he WAS a dickhead"Might I ask why you came to my house to tell me this?" you asked.>Anon wheeled around towards you>His face turned ugly with rage>You had a feeling if he didn't know you'd beat him purple he would have tried attacking you>"Once I'm a pony I'm going to make sure they drive you out of town," he snarled, his lips drawn back to reveal yellowed teeth. "I had a good thing going until you FUCKED IT UP. I'm just letting you know I'm gonna return the favor and then some.">He took a half-step towards you>You calmly grabbed your bat, bringing it to bare>When Anon saw it, his rage was replaced with fear>He mumbled something, then quickly waddled off your porch and down the street>You watched him until he disappeared>Sighing, you put your bat back in it's place>Maybe you went ahead and told Twilight about this...?>Something bad might happen...>...>Or maybe not...>Knowing Anon, he was just making it all up to try to get a reaction out of you...>Honestly, it was best not to think about it...>Shrugging, you went ahead and stepped back inside of your house, closing the door behind you~_~_~_~_~_>Still be John Doe>Sitting in your kitchen>Eating cereal>No milk because, unfortunately, the cows here were massive perverts
>>41741168>You were halfway through a bowl of generic horse Captain Crunch when you heard knocking on your front door>It wasn't a calm knock either>It was a rapid, frantic pounding>A the-whole-world-is-ending-or-something-terrible-happened kind of knocking>Making sure to get one last spoonful of sugary goodness--the world MIGHT be ending after all--you hurried over and opened your door>On the other side of it was your friend and the mare that you paid taxes to>Princess Twilight Sparkle>The alicorn looked haggard, her eyes wide and panicked>Some of that panic disappeared once she saw you however>"John! Thank Celestia. I thought something happened to you too!" she said>You frowned"Happened? What's going on, Twilight?">You watched as the princes dryly swallowed>"Something happened to Anonymous...">The funny thing about Anon's rantings the other day was that you weren't the only one that he had ranted to about turning into a pony>He had actually gone to Twilight about it>Many times before even yesterday actually>It was one of the many long list of things that finally made the Princess want to force him to get his act together>Transmutation was a deeply taboo magic>Dangerous, unnaturally, and hard to accomplish in any measure>Twilight had told Anon more than once that she wasn't even comfortable with the topic, much less casting any of that sort magic anywhere near a living thing>Turning an apple into an orange was one thing, but turning a humanoid into a different critter?>Well, Horse Jesus wouldn't like that very much at all>Just like you, she really hadn't put much stock in his rantings>No sane pony would attempt that kind of magic on a living thing; much less have the magical power to do so>So, she didn't so much as raise an eyebrow when he had proclaimed that he would be a stallion very soon and would "get all the horsepussy that he'd ever want">She had just nodded her head, reminded him to look through the newspaper for job listings, and went to make herself a cup of tea and a comically large sandwich>It seemed that both of you hadn't fully understood just how determined Anon was about with whole transforming thing>The crazy bastard had become penpals with a equally crazy mare living in Canterlot>One with a great interest in transmutation; with both the power and knowledge to do just want he wanted>Unfortunately for him, she succeeded>The absolute moron~_~_~_~_~_~>Be Anon>The man who was supposed to be the ONLY human in Equestria>You had had it all before that KEK came>Pretty mares all around you, a great big room, and no need to do anything other than what you wanted>John had ruined a great thing>If he wasn't bigger than you, you'd have fucked him up>You still might of if he didn't keep flashing a baseball bat at you...>Fucker>You'd get him back>Get him back for everything
>>41741180>And you had the perfect plan>This weak flesh sack you had wasn't good enough here>The reason why you weren't absolutely drowning in horsepussy was because the mares just didn't like humans>Which you understood>You HATED people>Always had, even when you were little>You hated humans from the bottom of the soles of their feet to the tops of their heads>You had realized a way to free yourself from such a terrible, unbased body however>Transmutation >Magic that could turn a thing into another thing>Even if that thing happened to be alive>You'd be able to go from a disgusting human into the hunky stallion with a massive horsecock in the blink of an eye>You had tried getting Twilight to fix you>Explained just how much better things would be if you were who you were truly meant to be>You even hinted that you'd "thank" her after it was all said and done>But she had said no!>Before John came, you could get her to do pretty much everything you wanted!>Now, no matter what you said she refused>A lesser man might have given up, but you were far from being a lesser man>With some work, you were able to find a noble with much... looser morals>After a few letters being exchanged, she said she would be able to help you>Free of charge>She'd even come down herself, so you wouldn't need to go anywhere!>It was almost too good to be true!>But the day came and she was at the front door with a great big suitcase>After that, things became a little hazy>You remember getting symbols painted on your body, some chanting, then screaming, then pain>When you finally came to you were in a hospital bed, with a bunch of IVs in your arm and cables attached to your chest>It still hurt>Your whole body felt like it was just a little bit on fire>In a bad way>But, amazingly, it seemed to work>The depth of your field of vision was crazy>You could feel your new ears fold and unfold against the sides of your head as you heard the beepbeepbeep of the heart monitor you were hooked up to>Your sense of smell was so much better>And>You >Had >HOOVES!>And fur!>And a tail! >Right now, you were just a little too weak to properly examine yourself, but when you did you were sure you'd find the perfect chiseled form of a stallion>Hopefully you'd be a unicorn>You really wanted to learn magic>Being a pegasus would be cool too>Being able to control the weather and fly and all that stuff>Despite the pain, you couldn't keep the smile from your face as you laid there>Things would start to look up now>Hell, they'd be better now you were a hunky colt>Now you'd be drowning on all the ponut, and teats, and snowpities you could handle>You heard the door to your room begin to open>For the tenth time since you woke up, your ears twitched>You watched as Twilight stepped into the room>With John right behind her>Your smile disappeared, and a familiar rage welled up onto your chest
>>41741189"Fush you!" you slurred, both from the pain and because you weren't yet used to your new mouth and tongue>Your voice sounded funny>A higher pitch than you were used to>Though, that just might have just been your super hearing>"Anonymous, I'm extremely disappointed in you," Twilight said with a frown. "Why in Equestria would you do something so dangerous to yourself?">Because now you had a big, fat horsedick, nerd>That's what you wanted to say, but all you managed to do was let out a weak laugh>What was she going to do, throw you in jail?>She wasn't going to throw a stallion in jail>Especially a hot one>Which you were now>"Hey, Anon.">You stopped mid-chuckle to look at the dumb fuck>He had an unreadable expression on his face as he looked you over>"Did you happen to give yourself a look over yet?" he asked>You blinked"What?">John gestured at you>"You said you wanted to be a stallion, right? I think the crazy mare that did this to you messed up.">You looked over back at Twilight>The mare stared back, biting her bottom lip>...>What?>A surge of panic filled you, driving away the pain and exhaustion>What did that stupid noble do to you?!>She said that it would be perfect>That you'd be what you were always destined to be!>You wanted to call John a dumb fuck liar then cuss him out, but that look on his face>...>You pawed at the blanket covering your body, eventually managing to rip it off>Hauling yourself into a proper sitting position, you looked down at your lower body>There was no sheath there>Instead, you saw a pair of teats>Bigger than a handful; slightly darker in color compared to your green coat>You felt your heart jump to your throat>Letting out a strangled noise, you looked over at Twilight>"I told you this was dangerous," she said quietly, trying to look upset with you, but you could clearly see pity in her eyes. >The haze you had felt since waking up was long gone now>Now, you were stone cold sober, your mind racing"...W-What am I?" you asked. "A-Am I--">Slowly, you reached up and touched your head>No horn>Now hyperventilating, you tried to move wing on your back>But there were no wings>No horn, no wings>You were an earth pony>Easily the worse tribe by far>You looked back down at your teats, then at Twilight, then at John, who, unlike Twilight, had no pity in his eyes
>>41741201>"Anon," he began. "The entire time I've been here you've been a pretty terrible individual. You've abused the graces of everyone here who've wanted nothing more than to help you. Your sexual perversions have made a considerable number of the population uncomfortable. You are angry, you are racist, you are bitter, lazy, and I could go on.">To your surprise, a smile suddenly broke across his face>"You did this wanting to make your easy life even easier because you in no way wanted to apply yourself. And, guess what? You managed to do the opposite to that. Now you're a little mare, and ponies are going to put up so much less of your bullshit.">He sighed, turning to Twilight>"Twilight, thank you for bringing me here. This has showed me that sometimes bad things rightfully happen to bad people. It's showed me that there's some... higher power that cares about things like goodness and justice.">He looked at you one last time, then nodded>"I have a rosery somewhere in my basement. A bible too. I think I'm going to start using both from now on. If nothing else than to maybe express my sincere thanks. Anon, I wanted to thank you as well. I just want you to know, you fucked up SO badly that you've given me a faith that I haven't felt in such a long time.""C-Christcuck...">John's smile was as sweet as pie>"It's hard to take a little green mare seriously," he told you. "Especially when your ears are wiggling like that.">Without another word, he reached over, patted a very confused Twilight on the top of her head, then spun around and left the room>As he began walking down the hallway, you heard him start to whistle>...>Man...>You REALLY hated that guy...
>>41741162>>Rudeness, tantrums, just random cruelty>>He refused to work, didn't wash himself properlyHashtag too close to home
>>41741180I mean, Twilight did turn her friends into Breezies, but for this story we can ignore that.
>>41741168>>No milk because, unfortunately, the cows here were massive pervertsYou say that like I don't want to get talked up while also getting fresh milk. In fact, that's why you get to keep the milk - that's payment for groping their tits and relieving some pressure.
>>41741212Still funny that John hides the fact that he's racists towards ponies.
>>41741212Well, someone sure hates the "I hate humanity I'm the only one that deserves to go to Equestria if there was a portal I'd go through and blow it up behind me humans are evil I'd tranny myself into a pony and that'd totally make me different inside working is for losers I'd never work a day in my life just leech off others" types.
>>41741278Wonder why did he work so hard to ingratiate himself with them if he thinks they're literal demons.
>>41741278conceal your powerlevel, anonrevealing too much of it rarely has positive consequences
>>41741212Good stuff, LaP.
>>41741255Milking cows actually seems like a natural fit for a human in Equestria when it comes to farm work.
>>41741974Unless you're some kind of prude, like that weenie is.
>>41741974true, but also consider the following
>>41741974Some mare is probably
Would stallions discriminate against mares with a cutiemark with a low earnings potential?Would a colt dump his fillyfriend if she got a cutiemark in plumbing?
>>41742567>Would a colt dump his fillyfriend if she got a cutiemark in plumbing?Those considering themselves to be "high value trophy husbands" (read: solid 3's) probably would.
>>41742567You can tell a mare is insecure about her profession if she wears a dress to the first date.
>>41742587Wouldn't it be seen when asking him out?
>>41742705Well, that too, I guess.
>>41742567>plumber>low earningSomething tells me ponies are willing to pay a pretty penny to ensure they don't wake up hock deep in shit.
>>41742780Wouldn't you want to be married to the earth pony plumber? Just imagine her breath after a hard day's work.
>>41742802That's less an issue of her profession and more an issue of her not wearing her proper fucking equipment like a retard, and she should be called as such. Earth ponies must have various types of mouth protection, otherwise electricians and anyone dealing with chemicals would kill or maim themselves after a few weeks.
>>41741212Love you LaP, full homo.
>>41742830I wonder if certain cutie marks are reserved for certain races. Given the mouth-grabbing nature of earth ponies, maybe they only rarely are gifted with a cutie mark that would put them in danger, like electrician/magitrician, plumber, or some other career that involves them shoving their heads and mouths into dangerous/gross situations. At least pegasi can use their wings as crude arms.
>>41738881I had a dream like that, probably over ten years ago now. I was in Ponyville doing whatever, and was at the park. I fell asleep under a tree where I'd set up a picnic blanket. At the same time, Cheerilee had the class out doing some field trip thing. The CMC were goofing off in general instead of what they were supposed to be doing, and when they spotted me decided it had been divinely ordained that it was time to goof off even harder and take a nap. It didn't stop with them though, over time more and more of the class saw and peeled off to flop down. The last part of the dream was me waking up slightly in-dream, seeing the class plus Cheerilee and a few random poners all curled up around me, and then going back to sleep and the dream cutting out.
>Mares will protect their stallions>Mares are taught from a young age that it's a noble thing to stand up and defend a colt, and not to be afraid to do it>But protecting a stallion (either from a threat or an unwelcome mare) tends to have romantic undertones to it>What with the harlequin romance novels that lonely middle-aged stallions buy and readSo what if a platonic mare friend feels the need to protect you? Maybe a group of mares approached you while you two were hanging out, being pushy and clearly looking for an easy lay. Would she feel awkward after, stepping in like that? Is she worried you'll like her less because of the cultural romantic association with mares protecting stallions? How do you even thank a platonic friend for putting her well-being on the line for you?
>>41743179>platonic friendit will soon become romantic friend, them friends with benefits and we gonna have a horse marriage
>>41743179>>41743193
>>41742567Didnt that mare became the CEO? But they probably would>I would dick and marry any anyways even markless
>>41742970Undoubtedly. It would be a little hard for a pony without wings to have a cutie mark in something weather related.
>>41743237What would be the type of mare to hold on all those coupons and cash them all in for one date?
>>41742587Some mares use temporary tattoos to hide their true cutie mark. every mare knows about this but it is never spoken in public
>>41743875The trick is to not try to cover entirely, but to take the design into consideration. Like you don't turn F's into A's on your report card, you turn them into B's because the shape is already similar.
>>41742567>>41743875>Mare gets a cutie mark in gambling.>Since her cutie mark is two six-up dice/Blackjack/Royal Flush nopony is going to play against her.>Has to temporary tattoo them to be worse but she'll eventually get kicked out of the casino eventually.>Stallions aren't going to trust literal gambling for financial stability.Lucky in cards, unlucky in love.
>>41742567Ponies, like humans, appear to mate assortatively, so I'd assume stallions would pair off at, or slightly above, their social class at the mean.That said I do entertain a headcanon from time to time about stacking a herd with mares across the spectrum in order to structure the homestead.>>41742830Fuck, thanks for reminding me I need new filter cartridges for my respirator. Hocked up a rust colored loogie earlier. Not getting those brain cells back.
page 9 ain't finePic related, it's not you.
>>41742567What is the dude magnet cutie mark?
You're out shopping with your stalpals when suddenly this mare smacks your ass.How do you respond?
>>41745512>"Sorry dude, I don't swing that way."
>>41744244Could be worse. She could be the asbestos mare after Celestia outlaws it.
>>41745512From that mare? I don't know, I'll probably be unconscious from being sent through a wall.
>>41745590>Any work involving asbestos now requires this mare to decontaminate it.She'll be fine.
>>41745604She's been skipping calf day, you'll be fine.
>>41744244>>Lucky in cards, unlucky in love.>In an alternate universe, the cards on her cutie mark are replaced with pillows>Stallions love her, but only for nappingShe just can't win.
What are some jobs that would be looked down upon for males to join in RGRE world?You see some girls in construction work but they're usually rough and tumble old birds.Females can be cops, though one only needs to watch a single Angry Cops video to see how poorly they are, compared to their male counterparts.
>>41746628For some reason they always get upset when a stallion with a take charge attitude tries to get into politics. So what I tried to crown myself Emperor. The crystal empire was in need of a more masculine touch.
>>41746752For some reason my mind immediately goes to Emperor Norton. Equestria would probably just think he was adorable. Lord knows people did even in our world.
>>41746628We have a few Hard Boiled Detective Anon greens don't we? I seem to recall reading something about a detective anon, although perhaps it was a dribble that was never pone/paste binned
>>41746752>men in politics lol lmao even
>>41747119I'd like to read a noir novel of Anon going around fighting gangmares and saving leggy dames.
>>41747703>leggy dames>in pony worldSo, what, giraffes?
>>41747703I've read a lot of trashy dime novels and here's how the old pulp detective novels usually go: Starts on a rainy day, protagonist enjoying a hard glass of whiskey alone in his disheveled office, no clients, no money.Then some leggy brunette walks in, say's he's the only hope she has of finding something (usually jewlery or her missing brother/father) and the main character goes into a monologue about how the city is corrupt and filled with sin, and that he doesn't accept charity cases or whatever. But fortunately the eye candy has cash or something to pay, and boom the story begins.After that the PI goes to the docks, fights mafiosos or union men or generic gangsters and finds clues, and pieces together that the love interest's brother is involved in a shady deal or something. (This was before drugs were allowed to be mentioned in literature so usually it's a gem/gold/weapon smuggling ring)Then he investigates a warehouse where the smuggling is happening, but gets hit in the back of the head and wakes up tied to a chair. Lots of dialog and somehow he is saved, then he see's the missing family member or jewlery or whatever and springs into action. Finally after a suitable amount of gun fights, the day is saved and the Detective returns to the girl, only for him to be doublecrossed somehow. Then the story ends with him right back where he was at the beginning, drinking whiskey alone in an empty office.
>>41746628>cops>be a bright eyed young stallion guard, freshly graduated>showing the world what stallions can do>they can be guards!>it's hard work but thanks to some great friends and mentors, you show all the haters by making it through the academy and onto the force>locking up criminals as a stallion; solving the case as a stallion; working the beat as a stallion>gotta be tougher than the mares, gotta work twice as hard for half the recognition>it'll all be worth it to see their faces when the stallion gets the bad gal!>don't even make it a year before just getting utterly laid out by a thug in a dark alley and raped hard in your cute little guard uniform>this was your first real confrontation ever>lying there with her panting in your face and jerking your limp body with her thrusts>realising that you've been lying to yourself the whole time>that they really did cheat you into this job, like all the bullies had said>that everypony was pretending for some corrupt incentive and you actually believed it>none of your mare coworkers would have let this scumbag disarm them; they'd never freeze in terror at the sight of a switchblade>maybe when they hear about this, they'll all privately roll their eyes>say, "gee, wonder how that could have happened">she's rough with you, like she's angry>when she finishes she bites you, adjusting her pace to however she likes to ride it out, chuffing through her teeth into the crook of your neck>she keeps going, after>staring down at you with cold, unthinking aggression>it's terrifying>you're picked apart by her gaze, all your tears and sniffling and weakness exposed to her>and she watches when you start to squirm and gasp>you've never done this before, being inside a mare is so overwhelming>when she finishes you, you can't help yourself from trying to bury your face in her tuft>she angrily shoves you back down>maybe it's just to keep watching your face, but you're such a stupid colt you sob at the rejection>she pins you as you buck into her, enjoying getting to force you to act like you want it when you don't>afterwards she pulls off, wiping herself on your stomach fur>"Say thanks to your chief for me, understand? Tell her to send studs more often," she drawls in your ear>her voice sounds dumb and mean>she forces you to look at her, shaking you and repeating herself until you choke out that yes, yes you understand>she leaves, wandering into the shadows>after a while you get up off the ground, and look for your cap>your ears are ringing>the color looks like it's been washed out of everything>the air chills your fur where it's wet>you don't even make it all the way out of the alley before you pass out>when your precinct finds out, it settles a private office betting pool
>>41747703>>41747709>Gun, With Occasional Music in Equestria
>>41747784Ha stupid stallions, they're not strong like me! An Anon is stronger than 10 mares, definitely!
>>41746628Gonna say garbage man. When's the last time you saw a female garbo-collo (that's short for "garbage collector") hanging off the side of a garbage truck?>You hear the garbage mare shout out in front of your house, frustrated as usual.>"Garbage day!">Your eyes shoot wide open>You forgot to put your trash out again.>AGAIN."NO!"
>>41747749I mean I'd read variations of that over and over again. God I just want AI that's good enough to DM a coherent noir mystery for me.
>>41739950>Everytime Celestia raises her sun, she could feel every stallion's face get hit by their rays
>>41748096>face>not their balls
>>41748098>>41748096>Celestia started the tradition of ponies sleeping in line with east-west, with their heads pointing west and their rumps pointing east>It was all a ploy to enjoy the sensation of her sun's rays hitting stallion's balls
>>41748098>>41748100>Celestia synchronizes the sensation of millions of soft testicles caressing her faceAbsolutely diabolical.
>>41747919>>41747749Just add some ponies and make them sexist toward Anon, bada bing bada boom. RGREifiedJust don't forget to add some 1920s slang to Anon and you're golden.
>>41742567I don't think there is such a thing as a low-income cutie mark.A blank flank needing a summer job, or a pony with a mark needing to fund their tuition or w/e, is not the same as a pony who has a sudden personality-defining flash of revelation regarding the Hayburger Hamlet corporation.I think a fast food cutie mark indicates a high likelihood of at least a franchisee, if not a regional manager or HQ bigwig.There's also the question of if fast food work is even stigmatized in Equestria? I'd prefer to think that it isn't, or at least not very much (as long as you're not still working the registers in your 40s, girl.) and the big national chains have a company culture closer to Chik Fil-A or Arizona Tea than fucking Mickey D's.>>41742587I do agree with this though, if for no other reason than it being a gender dynamics thing that isn't just humans-but-reversed>>41744244She could get a job as a dealer or a pit boss, hell I bet any sensible casino would love to have a mare who's got unnatural luck and an instinctual eye for cheaters and card counters. She could be raking in legbreaker money, easy.And now my own question: is the stereotypical gendering of pets kept the same? I mean how in a lot of media, especially older stuff, cats are implied to be the choice of effeminate men and normal women and dogs are always with tomboys and manly men. Would that hold true for ponies?Or would cats be seen as marely because they'll just do their job and come to you when they need something, while dogs need so much deliberate action that they're practically trainer foals for colts?
>>41742567She smell like french fries
>>41747709spiders
>>41738767>Fluttershy and Twilight headed off to ask the locals if they've seen Spike alongside Anon.>Rainbow Dash decided to head to the nearest friend she could find>"And that would be me, Pinkie Pie!">"Gah!">Dash held her tuft from the sudden appearance of the pink mare>"Don't sneak up on me like that!">"Well how would you want me to sneak up on you like that?">Dash felt a hoof on her shoulder and turned around screaming.>"Like this?">"Knock it off!">The original Pinkie walked away as the pegasus addressed the second>"Look we have a situation regarding a very antsy and jumpy alien colt getting lost." >The earth mare gasped and shook her friend>"You mean that Anon fellow you three kept talking about as I hid somewhere to surprise you three?!">Dash shook her dizziness away.>"Y-Yep urp that. We're also gonna have to get Rarity and Applejack here as well.">"Okie dokie! Gonna bring Rarity here so we can start the hunt!">A Pinkie shaped dust-cloud was in her place as the energetic mare left the library>With that settled Dash flew off from the window to get a certain farm mare>"Applejack! You home?">the multi-colored mare hovered above the orchard looking for a certain orange mare when she heard grunting and tree rustling>She landed nearby and spotted Applejack with a wheelbarrow full of Apples>With a solid buck of her hooves against the tree trunk, the stetson-wearing mare knocked off a bunch of apples and landed on the stacks of apples.>"Hey Applejack. You busy?">The mare in question grunted and did another buck, sweat pouring out of her hat>"What does it look like sugarcube? Currently on my shift today.">Rainbow Dash eyed all the apples that have yet to be harvested>"Well we kinda got a situation. Twilight's... friend got lost we're bringing all the girls in to find him">Applejack didn't notice the offhanded comment and continued bucking>"Colts get lost in the forest and in town all the time.">The farm mare turned to the jock pegasus with a frown>"Ya be a gentlemare and help them fellers up, and then suddenly they accuse ya of rubbing yer tuft in their face.">Rainbow Dash shook her head>"Nu uh, this is a different type of colt. Tall, jumpy, kind of hates me.">"Be specific Dash, lots of colt hate you for being a creep.">"Why does everypony here keep calling me a creep?!">The pegasus looked around frustrated>"Look, Anon's not exactly a colt. He's an alien Twilight brought here and now he's missing.">Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash with a raised brow>"Now yer losin' me sugarcube.">The pegasus sighed>"Just, help us out on this one. Twilight won't hear the end of it if we flake on her.">Applejack looked at the stacks of apples she has to carry and turned towards her friend>She sighed>"Alright then, might hurt ma conscience if a colt got hurt because of mah negligence."
>>41748317>>41747919>>41747703>You are Anon E. Mous, the best private eye in the big apple.>Or at least you were, until a few weeks ago you found yourself hanging from your legs as you were lowered to your doom.>It was a big case, the biggest of your career. This was the one that would finally get you out of this business.>And in a way it did.>You were hired on to investigate this big cheese egghead from the University, apparently his employers believed him to be embezzling funds and supplies for his own devices. >If only they knew...>To cut a long story short, you caught him in the act, something about some worm's hole or something, you wouldn't know all that science mumbo jumbo.>You'd only finished 8th grade after all.>Anyways he flipped some switch and the next thing you knew there was a huge flash of light and then you were gone.>You awoke to a terrible sight.>Your own personal brand of hell, a world where broads are in charge.>Also the ponies.>But mainly the fact that females are in charge. Your old man was right, giving them the right to vote was the first step to lunacy.>Welp not like you can do anything about it now. Seeing as how you're barely managing to keep your own head afloat. These past few weeks of settling in were not easy.>Turns out dames in the world don't like to rely on a furless ape for help, partly because there's not much that they need help with in this topsy turvey comic land, and partly because you are a male. >Apparently there's no need for a hard boiled private eye with a passion for rye, and an even bigger passion for violence in such a brightly colored world as this.>But you know looks can be deceiving, the brighter the light, the darker the shadow.>You're in your own little world, ruminating on the stench of corruption when the door to your office is knocked.>"He-llo? Is uh anypony there?" a timid voice calls out.>Your instincts scream at you to stay silent, clearly this is another vapid attempt by the office lady from across the hall to get into your pants. >Sadly you weren't able to afford your own place, so you had to split an office building with some shysters who were starting out in the legal business.>You sigh and take a sip from your tumbler. "At least the alcohol in this place is alright." you think to yourself.>You pause for a moment, thinking back on how in your world you'd have loved to be a tomcat, having females tossing themselves at you. >Unfortunately the dames around these parts, are 4 foot nothing, rainbow puked, fast girls. Er, fast mares that is.>"Um, I was told there was someone I could go to for help here?" the timid voice calls out once again.>Against your better judgement you decide to call out to her.>You're beginning to get desperate for greenbacks.And that's all I have time for tonight. I was thinking of having Coco be the mare who needs help, given that she has the classic flapper look.
>>41747784>>41746628Eh. You forget how FUCKING HUGE stallions can be compared to mares.It's been discussed before, but simply doing RGRE 1:1 as things are on Earth doesn't work very well. The usual RGRE go-to is stallions being assigned monotonous, hard physical jobs, like plowing fields and the like, since they're slow and dumb (and not worth wasting education on), but they (usually) are physically stronger than mares.I think a more likely scenario is stallions being disliked as cops would be exactly because they're dumb rather than weak. Besides getting their asses kicked, the other half of the videos of female cops show them being retarded Karens, completely ignorant of the actual law and harassing the shit out of people for 100% legal things.
>>41748100>>41748132Yeah, but now her rays are also hitting mare cooters. Celestia may well be the world's premiere turbo dyke.
This thing update!>>41720776************** >Still be Strict Standard.>It's a brand new day, though!>You smack your lips as you slide out of bed, stretching your legs on the carpet before standing up and flexing your wings, scratching your butt with a hoof.>Last night was...>Pretty good.>There's a bit of a headache, but nothing crushing.>Remembering something, you glare from the window, scanning everything outside.>Though you and the rest of your squad didn't have any hecklers or journalists showing up, once you all went your separate ways, things got weird.>You could have sworn you were being watched while you were trotting home... And it didn't disappear when you took wing.>Flying while intoxicated was never a good idea, but you didn't feel like your instincts were lying to you just then.>You weren't sure whether the strange shadows flitting about were hidden assassins, or entirely in your imagination.>That servant mare was right, you ARE paranoid...>But it's not paranoia if they're really out to get you.>You're still not sure who "they" are or if they're really out to get you, but, well.>You doubt they're happy with you busting their operation.>Giving one last look towards the window, you trot towards the bathroom, quickly gargling and rinsing your teeth.>Drinking half a jug of water, you trot over to the door.>The chair that you placed against the handle is still there, undisturbed.>Not that it would stop a break-in, but it'd at least make noise if the lock got picked, or something.>Oh, well... Nevermind that, then.>Taking the chair back to the kitchen, you scan the calendar."Let's see here... Got locked up on Tuesday, set free on Wednesday...">And today was Thursday.>You took some vacation days right before the raid, so that at least they couldn't pin dodging work on you, if things went south.>So, you still had today and Friday off, and Saturday was a normal day off.>You did have a weekend shift scheduled on Sunday, so that's three days free, if you're counting today.>...If your request got approved, that is.>You groan as you rub your forehead.>You did drop your request out of nowhere and in a rush, citing a family emergency before galloping out without waiting to hear the answer.>...While the rest of your squad was doing the same thing, all of you decked out in your gear, which you then took straight to the brothel raid.>It's still not impossible that they didn't actually approve your leave... Not to mention, the City Guard might be a bit short-hoofed right now, what with the detainments, arrests, and all that stuff."Bleeeeeeh.">Maybe you'll even come into work, if they ask nicely enough. Which you kind of doubt they will. Then again, you don't even know who's in charge any more. Golden Hoof is done for for sure, but you wonder how many of the officers got caught. The chain of command probably has some serious holes in it right now.
>>41748732>As much as you don't want to deal with it, you feel like it's your duty to go to your precinct and check on things. Both for you and your squad.>Speaking of them, you agreed to meet with them today, all of you agreeing to try and stick together whenever possible until this whole mess was sorted, or at least settled down a little.>Glancing at the clock, you calculate the time.>Breakfast, then wing it to the station, then meet in front of the hospital...>Should be able to make it. **** >Flapping your wings, you bleed some speed, spreading them wide a moment later and gliding down.>Landing on the street, you eye the central precinct, one of the four in the city.>For a Guard station, it was fairly large. Canterlot was packed really tightly, so it had four precincts for the same amount of space where other cities would have just one, and they were pretty big, too.>Capital, and all. Need to keep order... And make sure no one's up to anything shady.>Shaking your head, you slowly canter towards the door.>On one hoof, it's still hard to believe that there was such deep corruption right in the heart of Equestria... On the other hoof, why not? The exact same kinds of ponies lived in Canterlot as they did in the rest of Equestria.>Mostly good, with a few rotten apples.>As you open the door and go in, you scan the lobby.>The mare maring the entrance glances at you, doing a double take once she sees who you are, taking a tiny, almost imperceptible step backwards.>Interesting.>Picking up the pace, you trot towards where the internal bureaucracy gets dealt with.>The place is not exactly empty, but it definitely feels quieter. It's like the ponies are afraid to even make noise, the ones that recognize you getting a wide-eyed look and suddenly glancing away.>It makes you chuckle under your breath. Do they think you have the power to take them away?>Well, you did bust Golden's flank personally... Heh.>And the princess did say that she wanted to make the corrupt ones afraid...>For better or for worse, it seems to be working on just about every pony in the building.>Eh. If they did nothing wrong, they'll be fine.>Entering the office you were looking for, you knock on the door once, the somewhat overweight, graying unicorn mare snorting as she seemingly wakes up from snoozing with her eyes open while staring at some document."Hey, old mare," You nod towards the veteran.>"You," She spits. "Do you know how much trouble you caused with your stunt?">You shrug."Not as much as the one that was actually sucking clits for the traffickers.">That makes her deflate.>"Yeah... Yeah. Can't blame ya there. Guards should have each other's backs, but...">But that was for cases like some scumbag that got a beatdown trying to sue for getting whooped too hard, or something. Not the stuff Golden Hoof was up to.
>>41748734>She continues grumbling, rubbing her forehead.>"Didn't see that coming, I'll admit. Been here before Golden Cunt, didn't think I'll be here once she's gone... Wait, why are you here, anyway?""Just wanted to make sure my leave actually got approved. I did gallop out of here before you could say anything," You shrug.>She snorts, grinning wryly, though her grumbling doesn't stop.>"Yeah it did, you feckless milksop. Though I was damn suspicious when the rest of your squad suddenly put in notices too, but I'm not getting paid to care. Damn reckless nutcase firecrackers... Reminds me when I was younger, heeeeeh," She wheezes, coughing and hitting her chest a few times. "Should have invited me... Wait, where's yer damned armor, you damned airhead?!" She screams suddenly, glaring at you.>You nervously raise a leg at the shout, putting it down again."W-what? I got detained, the Royal Guard took everything we were-">"Well then get your oh-so-special-friend-of-Celestia flank to them and get the armor back, the quartermaster's yanking my tail about them!" She grumbles again."Hey, If I was a personal friend to Celestia, I'd have busted this open way before now," You shake your head. "And I'm sure the Royal Guard just forgot to return them, they're busy with their Special Investigation.">"Well then, remind them-""Hmm, that sounds like work. Nah, I'm off duty.">"You damned fecking-""I'm sure you can send some rookie to retrieve them. Got what I wanted to know, bye!" You grin as you swiftly turn around.>The curses of the old mare echo through the corridor, though you know she doesn't mean them.>Probably.>Gotta love veterans, they're always a ton of fun. At least those that are fun-grumpy, not the "perpetually pissed and crapping on the new recruits" grumpy.>Trotting through the precinct, you make your way to the exit, taking off again.>Putting some extra magic in your wings, you blast your way towards the hospital, enjoying the simple pleasure of telling gravity to piss off for a short while.>Once you get to the hospital, you notice that most of your squad is already there, save for a couple mares.>Landing, you trot over, cocking your ears as Breaker and Warder explain something with dramatic gesticulations.>"So yeah, we were a little suspicious, but I guess the princess is really looking out for us.""Who with the what now?" You ask once you get close.>"Oh hey sarge," Breaker and Warder say in unison. "Did you feel like you were followed last night?""I did, actually," You nod. "What, did you catch them?">"Not exactly," Breaker shakes her head.>"Our security wards were tripped by some ponies watching us from outside," Warder adds.>You shake your head."Hold up, I know you two nutjobs enchanted your place up to the nines with every defensive spell just for practice, but outside? You're not putting spells on the entire neighborhood now, are you? That can get you fines, you know..."
>>41748737>Not to mention that where Warder makes shields, Breaker knows how to make booby-traps. But that could get you serious punishment, so you just keep silent about that one. On one hoof, it's illegal, but on the other one, you can't fault them for being careful right now.>"Hey, nothing like that," Breaker frowns. "Ward here just knows some good spells.">"Yeah, like anti-scrying ones. They also get tripped if someone tries to peep through your windows. The spell's inside, but it can tell if someone's staring from outside. So we shone a real bright light in that direction," Warder nods."Oh, huh. And who was it?">"More of those bats, apparently.">You furrow your brows in confusion."We were being stalked by the ERS?">"Don't think it was them, sarge," She shakes her head. "They had this strange, angular armor... Never seen that pattern before.">"Easy. We're friends. Celestia's eye is upon you. Sleep well," Breaker quotes in a faux-spooky voice."...Huh. I guess she has more secret agents than I knew.... Not that I actually knew anything to begin with. Well... She's certainly taking this super seriously. Cool. I think. Not sure if I feel safer, or more threatened by this information," You shake your head.>There's a minute of silence as you and the rest of the squad processes it.>As you're pondering it, Dive Dodge lands nearby, Thunder Spark galloping over as well.>They get filled in as well, their reactions similar to yours.>Unusually, it's Brick that breaks the silence.>"Looks t'me that th' princess has this in hoof. Let's just focus on our own business.""Yeah... Let's see how Anonymous is doing," You nod, turning towards the hospital.>The eight of you get some curious looks, but no one bothers you as you take the stairs to the upper floors.>It's not hard to see that Anonymous is still in the same room, two stern-looking Royal Guard stallions blocking the entire corridor to that section of the building.>"This area is closed off, citizen," One of the mechanically announces once you get close, keeping his gaze straight. "If you're looking to visit somepony, they were moved to other rooms. Check in the reception, please.""I'm pretty sure the one I want to visit is in there, actually, since you're guarding him. And I'm from the Guard, actually - City Guard, that is.">That immediately gets their attention, both stallions frowning at you with furious expressions, flaring their wings as they scan your squad more closely, eyeing you up and clearly planning the fastest way to take you all down."Um, I was the one that pulled him out of the brothel - sergeant Strict Standard?" You grin nervously, taking a step back and showing that you're not a threat.>"...Ah. I see.">Their expressions turn more neutral as they carefully examine your appearance and your cutiemark.>"What is the purpose of your visit?"
>>41748739"I just..." You trail off a bit, glancing at your squad. "The girls and I wanted to know if he's alright, that's all. If that's too much of a bother, we'll leave.">He gives you a measuring look, sharing a few glances with his partner. Biting his lip, he shuffles his wings.>"...Perhaps," He eventually manages to say. "But I will need to clear this with the officer in charge. Remain here.""Of course, sir," You nod.>He swiftly turns around and trots off, his partner watching your squad closely.>"You and your squad did well, sergeant," He speaks under his breath, so quiet that you can barely hear him."Huh?" You blink, not sure if you were imagining things, your squad sharing confused looks.>He acts like he didn't say anything, though you do notice the faintest, barely perceptible upturn of his lips.>Heh. Looks like you made some fans among the Royal Guard. You bet plenty of them would have liked to join you on your raid.>His partner returns, giving you a nod.>"The lieutenant gave his permission for a visit. I'm afraid that mister Anonymous is still unconscious, though.""Oh, well... Might as well see him," You shrug. "Thank you, sir.">"Of course, ma'am. Just doing my duty.">As you nod to the guard and trot deeper in, you notice two more guards by the door, both of whom salute you, to your surprise, making you freeze with a foreleg in the air.>Your ears folding in embarrassment as your squad sniggers behind you, you turn the handle, going inside.>There's four more guards in there, and with your entire squad, there's not that much space left."Sorry about the fuss, gentlecolts. We'll be out of here soon," You nod to the guards.>"Not a problem, ma'am," The lieutenant shakes his head. You're not fully sure because of the masking enchantments, but you're fairly certain it's the same one that was with you during that fateful day.>There's still a nurse with the patient, sitting on a chair near the bed and looking at Anonymous with a sad look.>"How is he, nurse?">"Not great. We're to keep watch over him 24/7, but there's little we can do," He sighs. "Doctor Swift is hoping for a breakthrough soon, though. She sent for some ponies from Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns.""Hm? That's a magical school, though, not a medical one, right?">At least, as far as you know.>"It is, but she apparently thought up a clever magical solution. I don't know what exactly it's supposed to be, though.""Alright then.">You slowly canter over closer to the bed, examining Anonymous more closely.>With all the excitement, you didn't actually get much chance to do it before.>Now that you're really looking at him, his face seems oddly... Flat, compared to all the other sapient species that you know.>They usually have beaks, muzzles, snouts...>Not just a... Generic face. Huh.>His skin is even more yellowish than before, and his breathing is shallow.>Very slowly, you bend down to his odd, unclawed paws, nuzzling one of them.
>>41748740"Hope the doctor's plan works. Get well soon, okay, buddy? And it's not just because you're my star witness for whatever was happening in there.">Nothing changes, and after a few moments, you sigh, turning to your squad with a shrug."Doesn't look like there's much point in us hanging around.">There's a round of muttered agreements and nods.>Before you can turn around, though, the door opens, Swift Diagnosis cantering in, followed by several other ponies.>"Who the Tartarus- Oh. Sergeant?" She squints, looking you up and down. "Didn't recognize you out of your armor.""Yup, just visiting," You nod. "Don't worry, we were just about to leave.">"That's probably for the best, given the circumstances. Any interruptions to the ritual-">"Shouldn't be caused by other ponies simply being there," Another old mare interrupts her. "Isn't that right, fillies? Celestia's best can work through something as simple as trivial distractions, yes?">"Of course, professor," A younger unicorn nods.>You examine the unfamiliar group. All unicorns, the one that got called "professor" quite old, and three young mares with her in robes.>Must be that Celestia's school group the nurse talked about."Sorry, a bit out of the loop here," You shake your head. "Should we leave?">"Just stand by the walls and don't touch the spell circle," The professor takes charge of the situation as Swift Diagnosis rolls her eyes.>"This is still my hospital, you know.">"And these are my students and my area of expertise. Now shush, and stand aside. Get to work, fillies.">"Yes, professor.">The students nod, levitating multiple pieces of chalk from their satchels and scribbling out a spell circle in the middle of the room, with four points, one of which the professor occupies after examining the whole thing with a critical eye.>Anonymous's bed is wheeled over to be in the center of the thing, the students taking up the other three points."Sorry," You whisper to the doctor. "But what's supposed to happen here?">"Alchemical extraction spell," She mutters after a minute of internal debate. "You know how there's magic to extract rare, often reactive elements out of solutions for chemical use and the like?""Sure, I heard about them.">"They don't work on living things, though," Breaker supplies. "Unless you, you know... Break them down first. Until they're no longer living.">"Quite. And yet, Anonymous here is... Unique. The reason those spells don't work is because every pony has a magical field, and it just rejects the spell, They could technically work on a living pony, horrific as that would be, if the caster had enough magical power. But since he has no magic, well...">Winter Gale tilts her head."Oh. Huh. I didn't think you could just... Yank a poison out of someone with magic.">Swift Diagnosis hums.
>>41748742>"Spells like that do actually exist. Back in the old days, with all the cloak and dagger nonsense the nobles got up to, poison was one of the methods to take each other out. They worked best when casted by a unicorn on themselves, since other's magic would get rejected, and would need to brutally overpower the pony's own magic to take effect. Even when cast on themselves, though, poison purge spells were... Unpleasant.""How unpleasant?" You ask, morbidly curious.>This time, the nurse speaks up.>"Everything gushing from every orifice, from what I heard.">"Quite," Swift snorts. "Including plenty of blood. Eyes, mouth, nose... Even the pores in your skin. It'd usually save their life - usually - but leave them severely weakened. And with the spells being so brutal, and Anonymous already so weak... I thought I'd ask a professor to see if they couldn't come up with a gentler version, since there's no need to compensate for his lack of magic resistance, and the stuff killing him isn't as fast acting as the poisons used for assassinations.""Huh. Neat," You mutter, the others nodding along.>"We're ready to begin," The professor announces. "Any last-minute concerns?">"None that I'm aware of. The spell won't boil his insides or anything, will it?">"I'll have my student's heads if it does," The professor scoffs. "And I'll stand by to intervene if they start messing it up. Ready, fillies?">"Yes, professor!" The leader nods with a grin, smiling at her compatriots. "Let's get some extra credit, girls!">In a synchronized fashion, they light up their horns, pumping power into the spell circle.>One of their auras is a straw yellow, almost a gold like Celestia's, while the other is a pale cyan, and the final one's a deep blue.>As they mix, the spell circle is lit up by a rich, emerald green color, bathing the room.>You, the guards, and the doctor with the nurse watch with bated breaths as the glow envelops Anonymous, sinking into his body.>Ever so slowly, tiny droplets of... Something begin seeping from his skin, getting picked up by the magic and levitating into a slowly growing sphere over him.>Swift Diagnosis whispers something to the nurse, who leaves the room.>A few minutes later, he comes back with a trolley with a bunch of medical stuff on it, as well as a couple junior doctors.>Meanwhile, the spell keeps progressing, the sphere having grown to about the diameter of a hoof.>The amount and the size of the droplets get smaller and smaller, until they become so small, you can't see them with the naked eye any more.>"I think that's more or less done," One of the students says. "Right, professor? I'm not picking up anything any more.">"And I don't think blasting him with an overcharged spell to get the last tiny vestiges out is a good idea if he's that fragile," Another student adds.>"Hummmm," The old mare eyes the flowing magic critically for a few seconds before nodding. "Alright. Shut it off, nice and clean."
>>41748745>The hum of magic grows quieter, the aura around the spell circle dissipating.>The sphere slowly floats lower and almost loses its cohesion, before the lead student grabs it in her aura.>"Um-">"Right here," Swift Diagnosis commands, holding out a biohazard-marked bin with her magic, the student plopping the liquid inside.>Once it's out of her magic, your nose is immediately assaulted by a strange mix of chemical, herb, and blood smells.>You can't help but wrinkle your nose in disgust, pressing a hoof over your snout so you don't sneeze, most of your squad doing the same.>"That's rank," Winter Gale mutters.>Ignoring her and everyone else, Swift Diagnosis puts the bin down on the trolley, hurrying over to Anonymous, lighting up her horn and listening to his heartbeat, performing various scanning spells. A moment later, the junior doctors join her.>"Vitals seem stable... Stabilizing, at least... Damn shame we don't know what his baseline actually is..." She mutters, opening his eyelid and shining a beam of light into his eyes.>"I think his breathing got much better, doctor," One of the junior doctors that's wielding a stethoscope says.>It goes on for a few minutes, the doctors eventually wheeling him back towards the wall and continuing there, while the professor commands the students to clean up the spell circle,>"He's not going to wake up, is he?" Stern Hoof eventually asks, her voice slightly disappointed.>"Not yet, it seems. Here's to hoping he didn't end up in a long-term coma," Swift Diagnosis sighs.>"Um..." Breaker and Warder raise their hooves simultaneously. "Why is he... Green?">You blink several times, rubbing your eyes with a wing as the rest of the ponies in the room squint at the patient.>They're not wrong. The spell bathed the entire room in a green glow, but it was over now.>However, the same green color now persists on Anonymous' skin.>That gets the professor's attention, the mare frowning as she trots closer, her students following nervously behind her.>"Well now..." The old unicorn mutters, staring at Anonymous.>"W-we did everything right, professor, I swear!" One of the student stammers nervously.>"So it looked like to me," She nods. "This looks like some residual magic from the transmutation component of the spell, but that should get dissipated in seconds by a pony's own internal-">"Which he doesn't have," Swift Diagnosis interrupts. "Non-magical lifeform, remember? The whole reason why you had to do this in the first place."
>>41748747>"Fascinating," The professor mutters. "Nothing like I ever saw before... Unfortunately, doctor, I don't know how to dispel this. There's plenty of spells to clear residual magic while preparing a clean area for a spell circle - and, well, they're all magical. If he's that absorbent to random bits of magic, all we'd probably end up doing is changing the color to a different one. Or maybe end up coloring him in different splotches. Perhaps if we were able to study and attempt some experiments-">"Not until he wakes up and gives consent, and not until he's healthy enough to do so," Swift Diagnosis immediately shuts her down. "At least this doesn't seem to be impacting his health... I think. If I find out that that's not the case, I'll call up on you again, and you can do your experiments.">"Then we're done here," The professor nods.>Her students give each other hoofbumps with big grins.>"Yeah! Extra credit acquired!">"You still need to write this all up," The professor points out.>"Let's get going while it's all fresh," One of them nods, pulling out a notebook and scribbling something as she turns towards the door, the others following her.>Meanwhile, Swift Diagnosis orders her ponies around.>"You, set up a saline drip, he lost some fluids from that spell. Nurse, clean him up. You, get this thing to the lab, and test the concentration of the drugs in it. We need all the info we can get about him, including how much he can apparently deal with. If that liquid is mostly drugs, it's several times over a lethal dose for a pony.">"Perhaps the fact his body doesn't break down and absorb it actually lessens the effects, doctor?" One mare theorizes.>"Probably. Anyway, keep watch for signs-">They keep talking medical stuff as you share some glances with your squad.>Nothing more to do here. Guess it's time to go.>As you turn towards the door, you hear the nurse mutter with disgust.>"Such callous mares... I don't think they cared about his condition in the slightest. Just their extra credit.">"Well, the stereotype of most wizards being high-functioning sociopaths is not without reason," Swift Diagnosis rolls her eyes. "Or just sociopaths.">You snort quietly as you open the door, nodding to the guards.>They nod back, shooting glances towards Anonymous' green form.>It's a bit unusual, but if it doesn't hurt him...>Well, he should be fine, right? Unless he hates the color green, or something.https://ponepaste.org/104911584It's not easy being green
>>41748722This is a perfectly reasonable post.Still, when I jerk off to femdom rape, I imagine my mares are magically enhanced or something.
>>41748590>spiders
>>41748722>I think a more likely scenario is stallions being disliked as cops would be exactly because they're dumb rather than weakDon't you get rejected from the cop job process if your IQ is too high? I thought they didn't like the smart ones.
>>41749089Yes if you are about averageor above, even slightly then you are rejected, they want dumb, low moral and low impulse control people, afterall itbis much easier to make the Police corrupt if they are dumb and easily swayed by miney and power.
>>41749077Spiderses> https://youtu.be/46OVd8nBDRk
>>41748590
>>41749144spoodlers
>>41749137Sorry about the horrid spelling, I am on my Phone, and it is just going crazy with weird blabber spelling, I should have never updated it.
Alright, I'm going to ask the question we're all thinking. Do mares keep themselves clean 'down there'? Because I remember growing up, the boys and young adults around me didn't really give a shit about personal hygiene unless something or somebody was going to touch their penis. Hell, I was a stinky fuck until somebody commented on it in school, so I know there's at least one person out there (me) who was like that. Like, if you go out with a mare and she takes you home, does she panic and realize she forgot to do the mare equivalent of shaving your balls before a date, just in case? Did she even remember to shower? Is there a "when she's fat and retarded and doesn't shower" horse-meme that gets passed around the horsenet? inb4 "imagine the smell"
>>41749338>'down there'?They have to.Hooves actually require a lot of maintenance, especially when you walk on hard surfaces.
>>41749344I wonder if ponies have slip-on horse shoes. Shoeing a horse takes time, and you literally nail nails into their hooves. I imagine that a civilized society that has ponies keeping it operational would find something less time-consuming and more civilized than nailing your shoes to your feet. I bet they use velcro, that's something all 3 pony races can use.
>>41748753Great update! I'm loving this story.
>>41749346Maybe a recent invention. Back in granny boomare's day, you hammered your shoes in and kept em on until you died, dadgummit. Damn millennials not wanting dirt in your beds.
>>41749935Beds?
>>41749935>>41750355Darn tootin'! Back in my day, you slept standing up, on a bare dirt floor, like nature intended.
>>41749935>Back in granny boomare's dayI read that as back in granny broodmare's day
>>41750379Why do you think they call her "boomer"? you turn it into a sex joke, I got nothing.
>>41750384Should have been "banger".gottem
>>41750510bottom submissive man thing, he looks like a cut of fuckable meet
>>41748753He wasn't green all along? we've been hoodwinked!
>>41749935>hammered your shoes in and kept em on until you died,This is also why the backhoof was created, aside from having to put colts in their place.
>>41751475Every bad mare wants a abuse stallion. Those who love a mare In charge
>>41749344So the equivalent for the "doesn't shower" meme is a mare who is off balance and suffering joint pain because she hasn't gone to the farrier to get her hooves trimmed for months?
>>41749388Cheers, I'm busy these days, but should be able to put something out every week or two. Probably.>>41750938Well, I usually write my Anons as normal humans, heh. He's green now, though!
>>41748753Great update, anon! I liked how you approached interactions between magic and the human, pretty unusual for a non-shiposting green. And how Anon got actually green is pretty neat too.
>>41751510Pretty much. Think Rainbow in this green.https://desuarchive.org/mlp/thread/29465110/#q29478529
>>41748753There's our green bean.
>Perhaps Anon integrated a little *too* well?
>>41754181Anon is known as the rape slut of ponyvile Any mare can bed him by force and he just moans like a slutEven the police take turns raping the guy
>>41754252Well of course they do. He's a fully licensed rapee.
>be outdoorsy anon>you love fishing and hunting>be fishing in a river not far from ponyville>"Hey dweeb what are you doing?">behind you is a griffin, you heard about them but never seen one before, gilda was her name if you remember rainbow dash's story about her"I'm fishing.">"You've been there for like hours.">you see the griffin's chest tuff puff>so cute>"Watch and learn.">she flied up then dives, coming out with a fish in her mouth>damnnature.mp4>she drops it next to you>"Y-you know colt, if you become my coltfriend I can catch fish for you everyday and touch my tuff as much as you want.""Ok.">"Come on, colt I'll- wait what?""Sure, you're cute. Dinner on saturday at 7?">her face when
>>41755053You don't even have to be very sigma to rizz up an Anon. You could be a beta mare, or even delta, and still pass the vibe check.A mare could be a sub-3 skibidi rizzlet and still secure the glizzy if she had some Trixie Tate pick-up lines prepared.
I want to go to Manehatten and share my love of musical theater with the ponies. Should I start with Phantom of the Opera or Les Miserables?
>>41755662Writing for the theatre is a mare's job, colt.
>>41755662Colt thinks he can have opinions lol lmao
Y'all cowards won't even get booped
>>41755619>What the buck are fillies sayin' these days?>'Bloom what's skibbidi?
>>41755723pfft, only dykes work in theater
>>41756592Stallions aren't even allowed to be in theater you absolute hick.
>>41757083>Create entire industry dedicated to being something expensive and fruity for mares to impress stallions with>Ban stallions from enteringSo, are city ponies just a special breed of retarded, or is it living in a city that makes you retarded?
>>41757083>>41756592>Male roles are played by mares, like that one real-life culture that one time a few hundred years ago
>>41757288It might surprise you to learn, but that Phantom of the Opera, is played by a female kirin. I know, you can't tell the difference between male and female kirin, but that was a mare playing a main male character.
>>41757677You heard what they said? one kirin boy got Anon to fuck his ass till he passed out
Probably will update the suicide greentext soonFor now a prompt>You walk along a very sterile hallway>Accompanying you a man in a suit with a briefcase>Not a good start on your first job after college studying to be a vet>The agent, named Larson, opened the door with a code before ushering you in>You gulp before entering a room filled with scientists>beyond the glass wall on the far side lies a creature you'd been sworn to secrecy>A creature unlike any other, something out of a fairy tale in a children's book>"COLTS! Where is my sammich?!>Her voice boomed across the glass as the Larson opened the briefcase to you>"She hasn't done anything too drastic, other than threatened to stab the female scientists. She seems to be a bit more lenient to men.">"Just get in, feed her, get out. We'll be here just in case anything happens.">So your a potential sacrificial lamb>Dicks>Inside the briefcase, a sandwich. No meat, all veggies a standard horse would need>You take the sandwich and head inside the glass cage>Inside a hybrid between a unicorn and a pegasus>Her mane was physically impossible, a plethora of stars that danced around the waves>Her eyes sharp like a carnivore about to pounce>She turned to you with a smirk>"Hmmph, at least they sent their cutest one this time.">Well ain't this one a charmer.
>>41758275Moar
>>41758275Did she chill out when she learned that humans both like the night and the moon?
>>41758275She does have sharp teeth, they probably gave her a burger the first time. That was a mistake. While not ponies, cows are good citizens.
>>41757677>I know, you can't tell the difference between male and female kirin,You anons really piss off us kirins with this. If you actually took the time to make friends with some kirin, you'd be able to tell the difference pretty quick. But since you're too busy living in Ponyville, lusting after ponies, let me give you some pointers.>Male kirin have horns that taper off at a different angle>Male kirin have deeper-plunging chest-fluff than females>Female kirin have bigger eyes than the males>Female kirin have bigger penises than the males
>>41759225gas
>>41759780imagine not knowing such an ancient meme
>>41757083>>41757677I prefer the good old explanation that there isn't much stallions to play stallions in theater.How many stallions is in that village anyway? Three?
>>41759780>gas>gas gas>I'm gonna step on the gas
>>41759910G A S
>>41759930>How many stallions is in that village anyway? Three?Ah yes, that quaint village of Manehatten.
>>41760378Canterloters, right?
>>41756398God I want more Eris stuff
>>41760707
>>41760378>Manehatten>CityTechnically the population only counts if it's ponies, and last time I checked Manehattan was full of changelings conspiring to destroy our way of life.
>>41760378Nigger, I was talking about the kirin village.
I'm about to be ruined for all other mares, aren't I?
>>41761481>Typical colt, expecting me to read their mind.What was I supposed to think when Manehatten and "city" were the original places mentioned with theatre and you replied to comments about kirin and stallions in general?
>>41761315Nah it's full of ziggers and burras too.Disgusting place.
>>41761845>A dirt-horse who has to bite her clothes to even put them on>ruining you for all other maresPlease. At least go for a mare who doesn't have to pick things up with her mouth.
>>41762307>other mares don't put their mouths on everythingAnd that is why you fail.
>>41762307This is a earth mare orn head, she will ruin you with her mouth game + superiar muscle control
>>41762317And their fertility. Unicorns, they have to try a good few times before they can conceive, which is why unicorn families are so small. Pegasi have a certain degree of foalhood fatalities just because they live up on clouds and their foals don't always have the bird-instincts to stay in the fucking nest no matter what. But earth ponies have big families, and they can conceive for longer periods of time. A unicorn might get too old to breed in her 30s, but an earth pony is good to go well into her 40s.
>>41762050>one of posts I quoted talks about PotO being played by exclusively kirin mares>thinks I was talking about Manehatten like I quoted an another post for no reasonFemale logic, amirite fellow stalpals?
>>41762595>Stallion>ThinkingHoney, you need to find yourself 4-6 nice mares and start filling stomachs and pussies. Stop with this 'thinking' nonsense before it's too late.
>>41760916God I love the way Nignogs draws her, he’s still around right?
>>41763242>wanting a stallion to ride the pussy carouselWhat a cuckquean! How disgusting!
>>41763276>4-6 loyal wives as Celestia intended>Pussy carouselEquestria isn't gonna make it if all we've got is radical monogamists like this.
>>41763314Sis you LITERALLY want to raise YOUR HUSBAND'S DAUGHTER.
>>41763326>monobitch trying to subvert the traditional colt roleI bet you are a "stalionist" too
>>41763331>doesn't deny itI accept your concession.
>>41763326Everypony in the herd considers all the foals their own. That's how it's been since before we had enough brains to be called a civilized species.Don't get mad at us because of YOUR motherless behavior.
>>41764017Hey mare, I kinda want to have only one mare... You know a waifu..
>>41764278Fine, whatever, alien monkey wants to take a fat bitch for himself that's fine. Less competition for the rest of us. Just don't come crying to normal, sun-fearing herders when you can't find anything to lease for less than what 4 working mares can handle.
>>41764388The mare I want is you, and the only fat I'm chasing is the one in your flank.
>>41735897LOOK AT THAT ASS
>>41764394We call it "Biggus Thickus."
>>41764017I'm sure in more hostile times there was a need for mares of a herd to take turns with pregnancy so the non-pregnant mares could defend the others. It's a crucial system, but also offers high incentive for exploitation. I like to imagine a strong culture of honour arising around the topic, presumably many vows and much sternness. Can't just pair off with some filly who'll go behind your back and get knocked up at the same time when she's supposed to be on basically guard duty.
>>41765154In more violent times, it was more common for all the mares to get pregnant at the same time, so that it was more likely that at least one of the foals of that year would survive."Taking turns" is a modern innovation, that why so many mares chafe at its implementation.
>>41764388>Just don't come crying to normal, sun-fearing herders when you can't find anything to lease for less than what 4 working mares can handle.That explains why the Cakes just decided to let their weird employee live in their house and be alone with their infant children. The economy must fucking suck if you're single or mono.
>>41765464The economy was set up with herds in mind.
>>41765768even in RGRE, singles are discriminated against
>>41765790>>41765768>>41765464>Anon tries to live by himself when he finds himself in Equestria>Realizes quickly that he can't afford the rent all by himself>Is forced to look for a small apartment with 3 weirdo mare roommates>Is uncomfortably aware that he's being lusted after in secret by at least 2 of them
>stallions do be shopping
>>41765904Any specific weirdo mares?
>>41765948sweater-autist, neet-horse, and empty chair
>>41764394
>>41765953>hfw she can't roll higher than a 5 all sessioni wonder what creative ways ponies would develop to "retire" cursed dice
>>41765790Wonder if any jobs would refuse to hire single mares because "we need a mare who's working for more than herself"
>>41765953Wallflower pone is very adorable.
>>41767041Who the fuck is Wallflower?
>>41765953>Not wifing and impregnating all three of them within the year.Suspension of disbelief broken.
>>41767047Some gay OC from the optional pedophilic spinoff.
>>41765904>Is uncomfortably aware that he's being lusted after in secret by at least 2 of them>2 in secret>the third is blatantly open about how much she wants you to fuck her and the things she wants to do>the other two always try to not leave you two alone if possible, but sometimes she gets home earlier than them or fakes being sick to stay after they go for work>seeing the other two starts to become a relief of your daily routine>you've even started to let one of them sleep in your room on occasion ever since you caught the third one watching you sleep>little do you know this has been their plan all along>the third mare is the fall gal, for now>she creeps you out until you fall into the protective hooves of the other two>when the other two get you open to the idea of herding they slowly bring the third mare in>she miraculously stops her overly crass behaviour and almost becomes pleasant to hang around>meanwhile the other two gently nudge you two to try spending time together again>before you know it you've been roped into a herd and the entire time you thought it was your idea>all according to mare keikaku
Merry Christmas, RGR!
>>41755053>love fishing and stuff>called 'outdoorsy' anonWhat if I just like to get drunk and hold the rod while the fish swim by in complete safety?
>>41767836Kenjaku needs to stop with those jack ass plans
>>41768576me in the middle
>>41768576>>41768623me walking in
>>41768576>>41768623>>41768726Christmas at the casul household like:>THERE'S that run of the mill anime girl I wanted!It's ok though, it's the holidays so a bunch of entry level shit like that is predictable
>>41768749remain mad into perpetuity
>>41768793And yet nothing makes anime seeth more than saying >no hooves in their low effort threads.
>>41768749I'm glad we have people like you around to quash the limited activity we get anymore. Thread dead, you saved rgre, mission accomplished.
>>41768749
can we have a Twilight Fic
happy horsemas anons
>>41770242AKA "B. S"
>>41770261
>>41770288Well you're spot on, Pinkie is the obvious contender. Schrodinger's Pervert - innocently traversing l-lewd social minefields with the ease of a mare who doesn't even know what a penis is. But also capable of dropping the dirtiest innuendos that'll make your head spin. You can never be sure if she's saying it on purpose.
After a rather bummer of a chrimbus, I am lacking a fellow tist mare to play games with.1.I will go out there.2.I will find the NEETs.3.The NEETs will be fuggd.4.The NEETs will be maledommed into traditional, if nerdycute sexist mares.5.???6.I will sit back watching a pile of 20 foals spread fear and destruction everywhere we go.This is non-negotiable. Point me to the sweaty nerds or be bred yourself.
>>41771627Go find a library. That’s where they all are. Mostly a unicorn thing though.
>>41771911Perfect. Built-in handles.Speaking of, that must result in the deer bucks being easily handled by the meadow bitches. None of this stallionist & sunhat malarkey, just as nature intended.
Literally all I want from my NEET marefriend(s) is that she showers regularly. A smelly cooch isn't as sexy in real life as it is in mangos and animoos.
>>41772221A smelly cunt is literally vomit inducing, I don't know why people fetishize it.
>>41772221Oh Jesus, tell me about it.
>>41772221>>41772532>>41772911Sexhavers...
>Be Rarity>Be at the marketplace>It was just a quick shopping day today>You were going to make yourself and Sweetie and nice dinner>Not quite what father would be able to whip up, but since him and mother were in Neighpon traveling you'd do what you were able>It was a nice day, if a tad chilly>Sunny, but not overly so>There's hadn't been a monster attack for nearly a month as well, which was lovely>You were speaking with Bonbon, attempting to get a discount on some fudge, when you saw her out of the corner of your eye>Pinkie Pie>Far taller than she should have been>The reason?>She was standing, like some filthy mountain goat, on top of poor Anonymous' head>The poor stallion had recently... appeared here>The trip had... messed with his mind somewhat>Twilight insisted that he would eventually recover, but for now was a bit...>Simpleminded?>Applejack said he was a "few apples short of a dozen" but you felt that was far too rude>Just like what Pinkie was doing now"Excuse me, Bonbon. I must correct an issue.">Nodding to the earth pony, you hurried over>Anonymous was just walking around with his usual childlike and calm expression, seemingly not at all concerned with the fully grown mare perched on his head>If a pony would get too close, he'd reach down with his soft claw and attempt to pet them>Normally, he'd utter a quiet "mare" or "not mare" as he did this>Most humored him, allowing for a few soft pets, before going on their way>Trying your hardest not to make a scene, you walked right up to him, glaring up at Pinkie"Pinkie Pie! What in Celestia's name are you doing" you demanded>Pinkie let out a long hum, using a hoof to shield her eyes as she stared off into the distance>"I'm on the lookout.">You frowned"On the lookout? What in Equestria could you be looking out for while on top of poor Anon's head?!">The pink mare looked down at you>"I got a funny feelin'," she said, once again turning her attention somewhere else. "It told me I needed to get up a little high, but not on top of a roof high, but not on top of a chair high, so I went ahead and chose the middle road. Nonners here was happy to help too. Isn't that right, Nonners?">"Mare," Anon said>He tried petting you>You gently, but firmly, moved his hand away with your magic>While his pets were... interesting, you had just gotten your mane done"Pinkie, you know I've been remarkably tolerant of your... Pinkieness, but this is just a few steps too far," you said. "You cannot be doing this to a stallion!">"Nonners isn't a stallion," your friend quickly replied, turning in the opposite direction to stare down the street"You. Know. What. I. Mean," you replied. "It's improper, and, to be frank, humiliating. Anon doesn't have the--">You watched as Pinkie began to convulse >"Eye twitch, bubble gums, itchy back left hoof," she said, then gasp. "Nonners, to the south!">She tapped the human on his head, then pointed
>>41773178>Anon, mumbling to himself, began walking in the direction"Pinkie? Pinkie Pie! Get off that stallion this instant!" you hissed, trotting after them>Pinkie, of course, ignored you as Anon lumbered along>The mare's eyes were narrowed as she stared at... something>Despite yourself, you tried to follow her gaze>It looked as if she were looking at a cottage>A regular, normal little home>You knew Pinkie Sense was a strange power your friend had, and it was a thing to be acknowledged, but you couldn't help but feel this was unnecessary "Pinkie?">"Yeah Rare bear?">Your eye twitched"Might you enlighten me as to what EXACTLY is going on? That way I could feel more reassured in how you're treating Anon.">"Whatcha mean? Me and Nonners do this all the time! It's that right, Nonners.">"Mmmmmmare.">Pinkie giggled>"See? He's over the MOON. Speaking of overing things...">You watched as she reached into her mane>She grunted and mumbled, a look of intense concentration on her face>You heard the clanking of metal, an engine starting, and a rubber chicken squeaking>Your eye twitched again>"Ah-huh! There you are!" your friend said, producing a comically large net. "Set anchor, Nonners! Momma's going fishing!">She tapped Anonymous' head>The human mumbled, stopping a few feet from the side of the cottage>Pinkie sat down on his head>She gave you a sly wink, humming to herself as she maneuvered the net so that it was in the center of the road you were standing on>You looked up nervously, taking a few steps back>After some thought, you figured staying as close to Anonymous as possible might be the more intelligent option, you moved right towards his side>And then you waited>And waited>And waited even more>You perked up your ears and held your breath until your head was swimming>All still seemed quit and serene>Nothing out of the ordinary in the slightest>Other than the fact that there was a fully grown mare sitting on a poor, befuddled colt's head>...>Was this a prank?>Were you being pranked by Pinkie Pie?>She DID enjoy doing that from time to time, and only she would be able to fool you for so long>...>It IS a prank, isn't it?!>You opened your mouth, ready to verbally bash this silliness until the situation was well in hoof when you heard a squeal>A blur flew over the cottage in a mass of thrashing hooves and wings>Pinkie, as calm as could be, moved her net just a hair>The blur let out a yelp of surprise as they fell into the net>They bounced, then stopped, completely safe and sound>Upon closer inspection, you saw that it was young Scootaloo>The filly was red-faced and wide-eyed, but no worse for wear>"Wow... We used way too many fireworks," she said, rubbing her cheek>She slowly blinked, looking at Pinkie>Seeing her, she smiled>"Thanks, Mrs. Pie!">Pinkie just giggled
>>41773184>"At least you wore your helmet," she said, lowering the net to the ground so the filly could free herself. "Were you and the girls strapping fireworks to things again? You know Twilight doesn't like it when you three do that.">Scootaloo looked sheepish>"Applebloom found a bunch of them in one of her barns and we didn't really want them to go to waste... soooo.">For a moment, Pinkie looked stern>The filly, in turn, flinched>"I'll go back over to the farm and give the rest of Applejack.">Pinkie's smile returned>"Good filly. Now get going. Me and Nonner's here have some more patrolling to do.">Scootaloo gave a hurried goodbye, then scootered away as quickly as she could, turning into an orange blur as she raced down the street>You still hadn't quite managed to pick your jaw up from the floor>You looked at Pinkie, who was putting the net back into her mane>...Somehow>Pinkie gave you a sideways glance>"I like to do some community service on the days I don't have work," she explained. "Keep an eye on things. I've been bringing Nonners here along so he gets some stimulation. I think that's good for his brain. That and he's really BIG.">She patted the human on the head>"Colt or not, a big critter can be pretty useful.">You stared up at your friend>A mare that was supposed to be a goofball and a partier"How long have you been doing this, Pinkie?" you asked>Pinkie shrugged>"I've always KIND OF done it. The Pinkie Sense is REALLY helpful, but, I guess I've tried to do it a whole lot more since we got the elements.">She nudged Anon's head>Anon mumbled and began to walk>Without saying a word, you followed>"I know we don't save the world every week, but we are sorta heroes right?" Pinkie continued. "That meants we need to try to help where we can, at least a little. Since we ARE heros, if somepony sees me do a little they might do a little, and if somepony sees them they might do a little too, and my Granny Pie always told me if enough ponies do a little it turned into a whole lot!">The mare smiled again, this time from ear to ear>"I just figured it might be a good idea to be extra helpful where I can I guess. If that makes sense.""...It does," you said, slowly nodding your head
>>41772195What the skibidi? Linky wears a sunhat??
>>41773192>You three walked in a comfortable silence>Lately, you had been thinking very hard on her newly acquired position>You had gone from an up-and-coming designer into a national hero in what felt like a blink of an eye>Why you?>Twilight you understood, as you did Rainbow Dash and even Applejack>They were mares willing to go on adventures, fight the good fight and all that>Even Fluttershy, despite herself, could be a very brave and courageous mare>But even on her best day, you wouldn't consider yourself a pillar of feminine valor>Really, you didn't want much to do with the adventures and the monsters>Fate had just sort of... pushed you in that direction>It did make you think...>And wonder...>But maybe Pinkie here had the right of it>Maybe you didn't need to be a prodigy in magic like Twilight>Or a legendary athlete like Rainbow>Or... whatever in Equestria Applejack was>Even Pinkie Pie here was so astoundingly special, yet here she was, saving foals from breaking their noses>It was such a little, simple thing>And that might have been the most important part of it>You didn't need to fight world-ending monsters every week to feel as though you deserved to be called a hero>Little acts like walking around town like Pinkie and Anonymous were doing even now could be just as helpful>Maybe more>Monsters were rare>Helping a neighbor, or keeping an eye on playing foals, or walking an elderly stallion across the street were things that could be done every day>You couldn't do what her other friends could, but she could do all that>It felt strange to have such a realization when your intention had been to get Pinkie away from Anonymous, but it was not unwelcome>Not in the slightest"...Pinkie?>"Hmmm?"While I don't approve of you using Anonymous as a beast of burden, I...">You took a deep breath, looking up at your friend"I would like to join you on your "walks" the next time you do so. I might not have your Pinkie Sense, but I would still try to be helpful.">Pinkie smiled>"Me and Nonners would be happy for you to join us! Isn't that right, Nonners?">"Mare," the human agreed.
cute green
>>41773211If it's so cute why don't you just marry Pinkie and Rarity, huh?
>>41773211Is this gif from that Trixie Enjoyers Discord?
>>41773206very cute green, good enough as is, but I would welcome more, especially if Anon slowly gets his mind back from being purely mare
>>41773206I imagined that Anon as being kind of like Matt Damon in Team America, but with more useful things to say.
>>41773979Compared to his peers, he was quite eloquent.
>>41772221>>41772532>>41772911>>41773046Who knows, but Napoleon loved it. Literally wrote to his cheating wife not to bathe before his arrival. Which is gross, I agree. But here we are.Just accept some people are fundamentally broken.
>>41774120Napoleon was a turbo-manlet. I've known a couple of those and they were always fucked in the head.
>>41773206The man has Swiss cheese for brains, but he’s got good mares watching him.
Having a herd is just cuckolding to the mares.So stop going after other mare when your already in a relationship you whore.
>>41775880Per standard RGRE lore, there are far too few stallions for each mare to have their own, so herds are the norm.>Isn't this just wish fulfillment?Yes, but not at first.
>>41776888Trips of truth right here.In pretty much every polygamous society, women are considered the root of all evil. There is a reason for this. While yes ostensibly the men are the ones that hold the power in the relationship, the women within the marriage can leverage their own status and their family if the man is not treating her properly. Imagine having /four/ mother in laws./especially/ in a matriarchial society such as RGRE.
>>41777280>Imagine having /four/ mother in laws.oh my god, family holidays meals must be so fucking chaotic.
>>41777280You just need four tar pits then.
>>41777666Calm down satan.
How you have fallen.
>>41773206this is only gonna end with pets
>>41778496Welcome back fallen poster
>Fluttershy became enraptured with alien male>He called himself a human, and was pretty tall and graceful>He was a real handsome, more than any stallion in her eyes>The shy pegasus realized that she needed him right now, before any other mare could have him>So she decided to sway him with her virtue of kindness>Like a good mare should>Helping him around, like explaining many things about the pony culture, he needed only to ask>Or helping him walk to his home during winter>He eagerly accepted all the help she have provided to him>She couldn't refuse his payback of helping her around the cottage and with the animals in the sanctuary>Besides, she could keep an eye more on him>And getting a chance her human crush more>One day, she finally got the courage to confess her feelings to him>To her own surprise, he kissed her face all over, confessing his own love to her>And that night, the yellow mare took him to her bed>Riding him fervently, keeping him pinned as she enjoyed his length deep inside her>He moaned and begged for more>Sometimes she thought that she's being manipulative to him>But he clearly enjoyed his position>She knew that there's species where males are the dominant sex, unlike ponies>Like the majority of apes, and he said that males are the ones running everything in his society>Since that night, she would fuck him everyday, pinning him to her bed>And he never refused, in fact he was only eager to lay underneath her, to spread his legs for her>She could show him how strong she can be, and he appreciates it>He changed her life, making her more confident>He was also eager for some postcoital cuddling too, which she could never refuse
>>41778636>>He was also eager for some postcoital cuddling too, which she could never refuseTangentially related, I bet that Rarity doesn't even know how to have sex with a male. She talks big about romance, but she'd faint if you cuddled her. Fluttershy has big-teat energy.
>>41778797>I bet that Rarity doesn't even know how to have sex with a male. She talks big about romance, but she'd faint if you cuddled her.Wow, she's literally an average nor/mlp/erson!Also that reminds me, Fluttershy is a sensor speaking in incel horoscope terms; she has more control of her surroundings unlike Rarara the intuitive.
>>41778811Anyone know what this cigarette is saying?
>>41778813dsfargeg
>>41778811>>Wow, she's literally an average nor/mlp/erson!>Rarity is involved with multiple creative writing groups in Ponyville>Has been kicked out of half of them for getting autistically upset about someone else's character, or because she screamed when a pony she didn't like joined the group>Legitimately hates Lyra (even outside of theses clubs) solely for introducing humans as a concept to one of her writing groups, and can't stand it when anypony includes them in their storiesIt hits too closer to home, lads.
>>41778874>hfw a real human shows up in Ponyville through nonsense one day.>Lyra's smugness skyrockets
>>41778636>Fucking FluttershyGood end?...>>41778874That's what she gets for joining creative writing groups. We're awful.
>>41779465Fucking Fluttershy is best end.
>>41778894How does Lyra have time to be smug in public between getting railed by said human and not dying of dehydration
Clearing my folders and I found this reminder of old times
>>41779695Magic water spell helps.
>>41779719That was a nice green. Too bad it was never finished.
>>41780096>Water spellI'm imagining an enchanted stillsuit that ensures not a single drop of cum and sweat is wasted. Naturally her diet of cum water increases her smug by a factor of 7.
which of the CMC would grow up to be the most sexist?
>>41781646Babs Seed
>>41781600>>41781646>RGRE
>>41781646Scootalo Just think about that she's a pegasus that can't even fly nor she have any older figure that could introduce her in a healthy way to dating. She probably would be a sexist Marecel with anger issues and deep frustrations
>>41781646Scootaloo, specifically because of RD's influence.
>There was a pop>A ringing in your ears>A blinding white light>Weightlessness came, then disappeared>You were Celestia>And it seemed as if Twilight's spell had gone afoul >She had wished to show a new "project" to yourself and Luna>A spell that would help balding mares everywhere>A plight that had affected your little ponies since time immemorial>You had been standing in her laboratory, her horn had glowed, and poof>It felt as if you had been teleported, but it was... different somehow>Patiently, you waited for your vision to clear >While this wasn't IDEAL, you weren't especially worried>You were a big mare>No matter where you ended up you'd no doubt be able to return to Equestria>Slowly, your vision returned>You found yourself in a cozy little kitchen>The sort one would find in a normal home, though it was... higher than you were used to>You looked around, then paused when you saw you weren't the only one in the room>There, not five feet away, was a creature>Dressed>Very tall>It was by a counter, holding an egg>"...Oh, a unicorn," it, HE, said in perfect Equish, head cocked to the side as he started at you. "With wings. That's pretty neat.">You frowned>Traveling to another world was one thing--you had done that many a-time--but it felt awfully rude to just appear in front of a colt like this"I'm called an alicorn actually," you replied. "My name is Celestia. I apologize for appearing as I did.">The creature nodded his head>"Ah-huh. Well, it's nice to meet you, Celestia," he replied. "I'm Anon. Hey, I don't know of you are here to destroy the planet or whatever, but I just got back from mass and was going to make some french toast. Before you kill us all, would you like something to eat?">You blinked"Well, I don't need to intrude, but if you're kind enough to offer I wouldn't say no to a homecooked meal."~_~_~_~_~_>Be Luna>Be furious>That doofus Sparkle had really fouled up big time>Sending your dearest sister with a spell that was SUPPOSED to help regrow hair>You had spent the better part of the day examining the remnants of the spell, and were confident that you'd be able to open a portal to wherever she had disappeared to>Behind you were a legion of guardsmares, as well as a thoroughly chewed out Twilight and her friends>You yourself wore your old armor, ready for anything"Ready yourselves," you said. "I shall cast the spell now.">With a thought, you channeled magic through your horn>The firmament was torn, and a portal was created>You and our entire host tensed, ready for anything...>And there was your sister>In a kitchen>Stuffing what appeared to be raw cookie dough into your maw>You froze>The guards froze>The elements froze>Celestia nosily chewed, a look of pleasure on her face>You watched as one of her purple eyes glanced over to you>"Oh, hello Luna," she said, spitting cookie dough everywhere. "This place has cute colts that will bake treats for you!">...>Your eyebrow twitched
>>41783124>Mare-pattern-hair-loss is a thing in Equestriait's overthis was quite nice, do write more if you feel like it
>>41783124>I just got back from massBased regenerate Anon.>raw cookie doughNow how did we get from "I'll make some french toast" to "cookie dough"? Was Anon tasked with feeding the boundless belly of the sun? God have mercy on his poor soul.
>>41783124She really can't say no to dessert.
>>41782832No talko taco pink horse.
>Be Farmanon>Be owner of the world's only naturally-green mare>Heartstrings is a weird one, but she's always eager to get to work, yep>People call you weird for using a workhorse nowadays, but they won't be laughing when gas is 20 bucks a pint>You've saddled up and turned her towards the->Hang on. What the fuck was that noise?>Are you floating?>Yes, you were- and now you're on the ground. Ow.>Heartstrings is floating in a hazy blue field, with a fucking unicorn- Hold the fuck on, since when did she have a horn too!?>There's three horses you've never seen before, and someone put them in little police outfits!?>One of them has a two-tone candy puff mane? Do horses even get curly hair? What the fuck? She's talking!?>"I'm sure you have a lot of questions- I bet Lyra kept telling you she was disabled, but really she's a PERFECTLY CAPABLE UNICORN who has WAY TOO MUCH FREE TIME and INVISIBLE INK.">The little horseycop (ponice officer?) keeps turning to Heartstrings to yell at her in the middle of talking to you.>All you can do is sit on the ground, slack-jawed.>"It's okay sir. We've been chasing this DEGENERATE for years. Mares will be mares, y'know, but I'll make sure she gets a stern talking-to WHEN WE GET HOME, LYRA.">>"FUCK YOU, BONNIE! WE LOVE EACH OTHER!">Goddamn right. Nobody ever got you like Heartstrings- Lyra? Lyra, it seems. You would marry her if only the laws of this degenerate country didn't favor God's punishment for man's stupidity.>You've told her that many times. Whispering in her ear.>Is it weird that Heart- uh, Lyra being intelligent this whole time, makes you feel dirtier about all the filthy horse sex you were having?>Yes. But also that bitch is stealing your best worker/booty call. Fucking self-rustling horses, THANKS OBAMA.>Well, the question is obvious: Do you shoot at the bitch and risk an interplanetary incident with alien horses, or do you let these assholes wander off with the freakiest girl you've ever known who can apparently do jedi shit?>This is /rgre/, so of course you're going to be whimsical and horny.
Ay foo', 'mass'? You tryna' make me look bad, homie?I'm a GOOD Easter & Christmas catholic, Chico!You're lucky these lil' horses is all cute and stuff, or I'-..stop staring at my socks!
>>41785596are you okay anon?
>>41785610I dunno man. I thought the idea of a guy owning a mutant horse only to find out it was Lyra being a perv was funny. Doubly so if he's into it.
>>41785596Dude is dumber than a sack of potatoes, but he loves his horses.
>>41783124>Be Anon>It had been almost five hours since the magical horse had appeared in your kitchen>You had, still in your church clothes mind you, been cooking for her nearly the entire time>She had loved the french toast you made for her>So much so that she ate five pieces of it>Then she had some eggs, and toast, and juice, and an entire boy of sugary cereal>Then, she found out you liked to bake sweets, and it had all been downhill from there>Cookies, candies, rolls, cakes>You had been forced to go to the store to get everything, and an hour in you had to go again>Thirty pounds of butter, ten pounds of lard, bags and bags and bags of all sorts of sugar and flour>Enough to bake for like two hundred people>And it didn't seem to be enough>The sweets were barely able to cool off before she was eating them>Tray after tray>Plate after plate>For the longer baking goods you'd just make a massive bowl of raw cookie dough to hold her over>You gone from pleasant, to annoying, to concerned, to absolutely fascinated>Where in the world was she putting all of it? >She easily had to have eaten twice her body weight>Just the sugar alone would have been enough to kill an elephant, yet here she was asking for more>The whole while, she was very complimentary about your cooking>Said she "loved a stallion that knew how to cook" >Whatever that meant...>But hey, you didn't mind cooking>And, hopefully, you were keeping her from enslaving the planet, or killing everyone, or whatever she was here to do>As you were making some more apricot rolls, there was another loud pop>Looking over, you saw a group of colorful horse creatures staring at you through what looked like a portal>Many were armed>All looked confused>...>Oh lord...>You were going to be cooking all night...
>>41786699Anon being a true hero here. Stopping the fey invasion with baked goods.
>41783124>And there was your sister>In a kitchen>Stuffing what appeared to be raw cookie dough into your mawNice of Celestia to share.
>>41787538Whoops, meant to link to >>41783124
>>41786699She better compensate him. That shit is expensive.
>>41785607Shortly thereafter, CholoAnon was subjected to a grievous abuse of power.
>>41788180I'm sure the totally not corrupt Chief of Ponice Cuddle Wings wouldn't let such things slide under her watch...If she was the chief in Manehattan, that is. I looked through the archives a bit, and she's all over the place. Canterlot, Ponyville, there's no fixed location. I could have sworn she was from Manehattan, though. Probably because of the uniform. Canterlot guards seem to still all be using metal armor rather than modern uniforms, probably out of tradition and this being the capital and stuff, so Cuddle Wings would look out of place. And here I was thinking of adding her as a cameo to my green as being from Manehattan.
Herdoids are all dykes.>teehee I want to share my colt with other mares because I totally don't want to rub my clit with them while I fuck him!
>>41788301God I love that a character made 7 years ago still gets referenced sometimes.
>>41788420Bitch we've done the math it's out there if we don't herd we die off if you read a book every once and awhile you'd know this you selfish insecure cunt.
>>41789162Okay, lesbo.
>>41789162>some bratty nouveau gets a stallion all to herself>starts dunking on working class herds trying to get byTale as old as time, really.
remember spergity?
>>41789673good old doomstar
>>41789673Yugioh with Autistic Rarity
>>41789673
>>41789862How often does a stallion hit her? That doesn't seem to be a good trend.
>>41790345Only when she asks them to.
>>41790345>>41790538rarity is into cuntbusting
>>41791051>get the hottest, sexiest marewife of your dreams>she only gets off the hardest when you spank her cunt as hard as you can and twist her clitWorth it for you?
>>41791098The things a stallion does for his mares. Worth.
Happy new years fags.
>>41791758Y-You, too Anon
>>41775880i consider it honorable to want a herd, to love mares who need it is an ethical act and to confine it to a single mare is selfish, especially in a society so unfair to them. my only regret is i can herd the entire continent of equestria.
>>41792442cant herd*
>>41791758no u
>>41792442You can became a broodman and let every mare fuck you if they want to.
>>41792550Chitin hooves typed this.
>>41788301>the machine has decided Cuddle Wings has blue eyeshadowMonkeys with pens, I suppose, but cute nonetheless.
>Be Twilight>Have a problem>You have an alien coltfriend named Anonymous>You loved your alien coltfriend very much>The only critter you were closer to was Spike>He was nice, polite, insanely handsome, a good cook, and a million other things>He was the one for you, and very soon, he was going to be your horseband >The issue was that he wanted to wait for said marriage before the two of you...>...>You know...>It was a belief from his old world>He wanted to be "pure" for you>Which was great!>Really!>The thing was that you really, kinda, sorta wanted to rut him through a bed if the two of you were in a room for more than three minutes>You mean you wanna do some carnal, hot, FLITHY things>All the time>Every single day>It wasn't your fault!>Anon was just so... >Just all of him was...>For Celestia's sake, it was like he was a walking succubus!>The way he moved, his smile, his SMELL, those grabbers of his, the feeling of his skin on your fur>He had the most spankable flank you've ever seen on any creature in Equestria>You ran the numbers on that too>Twice>It was hard to keep your hooves to yourself>You and Anon did kiss, but that only made the BURNING PIT OF LUST inside of you only burn hotter>While you didn't want to rush anything with Anon, you were going to keep to propose pretty soon>If you didn't have INTENSE FOAL MAKING SEX with him soon, you were worried that you'd bust an ovary
>>41793867"Blowjobs aren't real sex, fucking go for it"-Matthew 12:24
>>41793867nice
>>41794079>Matthew 12:24>"But when the Pharisees heard this, they said, 'It is only by Beelzebul, the prince of demons, that this fellow drives out demons"Probably one of the worst verses you could have used, Anon.
>>41794123Should've gone with Ezekiel 23:20.
>>41794079>Song 7:6-8>How beautiful you are and how pleasing, my love, with your delights!>Your stature is like that of the palm, and your breasts like clusters of fruit. >I said, “I will climb the palm tree; I will take hold of its fruit.”>May your breasts be like clusters of grapes on the vine, the fragrance of your breath like apples,
>>41794123I picked at random.
I will PAY MARES BITS if they let me lick their ponuts until the mareflavor is gone
>>41793223That shit is just herdmaxxing and Cheeselegs would want all the dick for herself because she's a glutton.
>>41794522So you're saying you'd pay mares bits to play with mare bits?
>>41793867Spike meanwhile knows what's about to happen to Anon and he is making peace about losing a friend.
All I want is one of those honey changelings to do a weird dance in front of me to tell me what her address is or where we should meet on a date.
>>41795590Those are a thing?
>>41796100>he doesn't knowhttps://ponepaste.org/5538
>>41796580>ywn have a comfy hive full of adorable fuzzy bee-lings kidsEnd me now.
>>41793867this is really cute
I'd eat a mare out on the first date
>>41796580I need to give those greens a read. Been on a real /rgre/ kick these last few weeks.
>>41797977Whatever dyke, nopony asked.
>>41797977Slut.
So when are we going talk about the princesses haram of stallion she clam their her "royal guards"?does she have secret gangbang with them?
>>41799346Yes, this post sure is absolutely haram.
I like the idea that RGRE isn't natural. That it's being enforced by a hidden greater entity. Stallions still trend towards the extreme ends of the physical and intellectual spectrum, but some unnatural force is altering society to such a degree that even recognizing this fact becomes impossible. Celestia is the one of the only ponies who is unaffected, which is why her royal guard is still primarily male.
>>41782832spanish ponk 2
>>41799732never fuck a spichorseyour sons will hit the wall at mach 1 at age 24 or their first child, whichever comes first
>>41797977Watch out! The ape monster is going to put you in his sandwich after he spears you!
>>41799851something something I love latinas sonic
>>41800742What
>>41789673Anybody got the screen cap of the post that started spergity?
>>41789673>>41800925I can't believe it's been over five years since Spergity and Anonicorn and the Doomstar shit
>>418010555 years!?? No. No that's not possible. It was only 2 years ago?
>>41800896Do you not go anywhere outside 4ch? It was a big meme a few weeks ago.
>>41754252God I wish mares would "rape" me every day.
>>41801055Oh yeah. The doomstar was a bit much, this place got carried away with the cult, and the star daughter and all the jazz. Anonicorn was a solid idea just as the base, without the extra fluff.Being raised by Celestia, being friends with Spergity, having Blueblood be more than just a prick like most stories have him be, bonding with Auntie Luna. I mean there was a lot of material there
>>41801481>>41801055And Doomstar?
You know what, littlepip autist? I concede. You can have her. I want a gang of legion mares to drag me away to be the camp cuddleslut.
>>41749338>shaving your balls before a datelmao whatdo people actually do this? is this a thing?
>>41749154twiggy piggy
>>41802028I do it all the time. I hate how they curl up and start tying themselves into knots or how much more miserable it is to have a sweaty swamp down under.
>>41799732>Rainbow Dash bucks Pinkie Pie and she falls into the street>A carriage immediately runs over her hooves
Went to read Gynophobia again and the author went through with deleting it. I've got a copy saved but dammit that was a good one.
>>41802311Was that a fimfic or a green, and do you thin you'll upload the copy?
>>41802311>tfw I may have accidentally bullied a fic to deathI'm not gay so I won't waste any time wondering if maybe I'm the one who needs to change, but this is still pretty startling. RIP to a real one, that guy truly knew how to write good RGRE dynamics.
>>41802311>>41802582Sometimes I wonder if we read the same fics/greens, because I was not impressed with this one and I don't remember it at all.
>>41802316https://ponepaste.org/10639Done
>>41802197BUENOS DIAS, PINKIE
>>41802789*SPANK**SPANK**SPANK*
>>41801481>>41801055Sounds great, are there stories of greens about this?
>>41802756I was just engrossed by the strong RGRE elements. The fic itself was very weak: the rambling narrator was insufferable and the plot beats were meandering and trite.
>>41804218Yeah I didn't care for the plot either, but the moment to moment was fun, especially when we get a break from the shitass and get to see Dinky interact with her moms and what not. Ultimately it was RGRE that was both very strong in its presentation but also not a simple 1:1 swap of human sexual dynamics, and I want more of that dammit.
>that time in the proto-RGRE story Xenophilia where Applejack (who isn't really even friends with the protag) remarks she doesn't mind bucking the mare that told the protag that he should either be in the fields or in the bedroomI'd like to be casually, almost unthinkingly, defended on principle that I have value and am worth something.
>>41801055>be me as a kid>total autist>have bad case of 'autism accent'>the worst are my Rs, I can't pronounce the R well at all, particularly after a vowel>sound like a retard every time I open my mouth>people can barely understand me>start trying to push past R sounds as quickly as possible>people understand me better>keep finding ways to deemphasize sounds that give me trouble and emphasize other parts of words instead>eventually I develop a new accent based around my impediment>sounds vaguely British>to this day people keep assuming I'm Britishholy shit guys I think Rarity's accent is just another sign of her tism.
>>41804515Modern man, you must choose.>Sound retarded>Sound British
>>41803845Eng made a good fic, forgot what it was called. Plus there were plenty of short stories made for it, art too. I think Spess made some green? There were a few about playing games with Spergity
>>41804249>>41804218Alright that's fair. Looking over it again, I agree with these sentiments.
>>41804582Those are the same choice.
>>41804450I want to have the power of being the fairer gender to make mares blush at the unexpected sensation of being wanted and appreciated.
>>41805968Towering mares have big bellies. Big bellies get big belly rubs. Brushes and boops, until it is done.
>>41805968bigpone
>>41805968God I want to ride that big mare into the sunset as marelet watches.
>>41807051>If a mare isn't 4 feet high and doesn't make at least 100,000 bits per year, then she deserves to be ignored.
>>41805968"Enough about Ponies, Anon. It's time you learn what it feels like to be with a horse. We'll have to get you a soapbox just so you can rut me, but it'll be fine.">>41807381If a mare isn't even 20 hands tall, is she even a mare?
>>41805968Is there any story that fits this type of situation, like either with a big mare or/and a bully mare drinking hitting on someone in a bar
>>41805968>"(You).">"Me.">"Bed.">"Now."
>>41807381What matters is the size of her heart
>>41805331I want to fuck every Marecel in Equestria and make their brains melt. Every mare that has low income or that is "undesirable" for the common stallion. Those are the mares I want. Even if I become the town slut I won't allow any mare to die as a virgin.
So do all stallions like bad fillies?
>>41808101tattoos look like shit
>>41808163Hers or in general?
>>41805968garbage, I hate that this crap was posted here
>>41808183Most in general. Hers in particular.That pink-and-purple one on her thigh is particularly offensive.And how is this supposed to work? They would have to shave themselves for the tattoos to be visible.
>>41808207What's wrong with it?
>>41808254>That pink-and-purple one on her thigh is particularly offensive.You mean her actual cutie mark?>And how is this supposed to work? They would have to shave themselves for the tattoos to be visible.Picrel.
>>41808422>You mean her actual cutie mark?
>>41808395ignore it, it’s only a faggot
>>41808078Cardiomegaly is not healthy, anon.
>>41807910>If a mare isn't even 20 hands tall, is she even a mare?I don't know, because I don't notice them if they aren't.
>>41809829>SlenderponeCould be slightly RGRE if the "6ft height minimum" criteria dating had was parodied.
>>41809829Mandela Catalogue pony gf?
>It was another average day in the market. Twilight Sparkle was among the vendors and potential buyers getting her weekly groceries with Spike. The young dragon was seated comfortably on her back, happily chewing on a fist-sized ruby.>Twilight was in no particular hurry. Sure, there were books to be read at home, but the weather was just so nice that they could wait a while. It would get colder soon after all; better her and Spike enjoy it now before the weather team brought a cold front.>While she was bartering for a brick of alfalfa, a sound made her ears perk up. The sound was followed by a stirring inside of her soul. A stirring that only a pony was able to feel. >It was the magic of music.>All ponies were attuned to this magic. It was the creator's joy that they all be able to sing, and they all did so often and happily. This sound--humming it was for now--stirred something deeper than a playful chorus however.>The mare watched as Anonymous the human walked through the marketplace. The colt on his two legs always looked like he was about to fall over, but today he had an odd fluidity in his movement. He didn't so much as walk around ponies but glided. >He was walking through the market, hands behind his back. The human wasn't staring at anything in particular, a small smile on his face as he hummed. Many of the ponies around him perked up as they felt the magic in the air.>A pit began to form in Twilight's stomach while she watched him. This was a heart song. She had only heard them very rarely, and other than Anon here she had NEVER heard anypony other than a mare sing it. The amount of courage and longing that it took for one to sing a heart song was tremendous. Anon had done so every day for the past two weeks without fail.>He also had not yet had one join in on the song.>Twilight had heard stories of mares falling into deep despair when their song were not answered. It showed that their soulmate was out of reach, or perhaps unattainable, and most weren't able to handle that. Yet, despite the damning silence, Anon never seemed to falter. He started his song, a smile on his face:Don't you worry there, my honeyWe might not have any moneyBut we've got our love to pay the billsMaybe I think you're cute and funnyMaybe I wanna do what bunnies do with youIf you know what I mean>He slowly spun around as he walked, his head bobbing to music only he heard. Twilight looked on, her stomach tightening. All around her, other ponies looked around in sadness. All except one.
>>41810200>Cheerilee hadn't been in town for the last few weeks. The mare had just returned from a teachers' conference in Manehattan, and had wanted to get groceries before she had to go back to the school tomorrow. She had a bag of produce tucked safely in a saddle bag, and had been about to grab the bundle of carrots she had just purchased, when the human began to sing.>The earth pony had gone ramrod stiff when she heard his voice. Her ears had perked up and her eyes had widened. She had never heard the song before, but as Anon sang along she realized she knew every single word. A strange warmth flooded her body, and she began to bob in place to music only one other could hearOh, let's get rich and buy our parentsHomes in the South of FranceLet's get rich and give everybody nice sweatersAnd teach them how to danceLet's get rich and build our house on a mountainMaking everybody look like antsFrom way up there, you and I, you and I>Hesitantly, slowly, Cheerilee stepped forward. She danced in tune with the human, a smile slowly coming to her face. The crowd let out a collective gasp as they felt the magic within each of them tingle. Any sadness that the crowd had disappeared as they realized what was about to happen>Anon had found one that he could share his song withWell you might be a bit confused>Anon stopped. He turned towards Cheerilee, as noticing her for the first time. He cocked his head to the side as the mare's words seemed to hang in the air. The, without warning, he moved towards herAnd you might be a little bit bruisedBut baby how we spoon like no one elseCheerilee sucked in a lungful of air. Surprise and joy filled her eyes. Her words had been soft when she had first song, but now her words her steady and strongSo I will help you read those books>Anon joined herIf you will soothe my worried looksAnd we will put the lonesome on the shelf>Then, face to face, smiling, they sung together, embracing.Oh, let's get rich and buy our parentsHomes in the South of FranceLet's get rich and give everybody nice sweatersAnd teach them how to danceLet's get rich and build our house on a mountainMaking everybody look like antsFrom way up there, you and I, you and I>All around, ponies let out a cheer so loud that it might have been heard from Canterlot. They stomped and bucked, smiling so hard that many would have aching jaws in the morning. Despite all the noise, Anon's and Cheerilee's voices could be heard as clear as dayOh, let's get rich and buy our parentsHomes in the South of FranceLet's get rich and give everybody nice sweatersAnd teach them how to danceLet's get rich and build our house on a mountainMaking everybody look like antsFrom way up there, you and I, you and I>Soulmates finding each other were awfully rare. That being said, rare and wonderful things tended to happen in Ponyville.
>>41810207Well that's cute.
>>41805968I want to be snuggled and protected by a hoers
>>41808254>And how is this supposed to work? They would have to shave themselves for the tattoos to be visible.Obviously it's magical permanent paint that will continue to display the image even if the original fur has been shaved.
>>41808254Using gamma rays to mutate a pony's fur follicles until the fur is permanently 'programmed' to grow in a desired color and pattern
>>41811398Instructions unclear; created the maniac (or saddle rager) instead.
>"Gotcha!">You get knocked down by a pony who throws her entire weight at you, knocking you down and away from the street into an alley."Oof!">You smack your back, hard, against the cold concrete.>"Hehehe...">She straddles your body triumphant, slowly rubbing your groin area with her wide hips.>You just stay there, in a combination of shock and a little lust.>Already your dick is diamonds from the movement and heat of her body.>She cracks a grin.>"Ooooh, excited already, aren't we~?">Then, she starts undoing your jeans with her hooves.>You're just flabbergasted.>The fuck is happening?>You would try something, but, like, c'mon, free sex.>Your dick pops free, standing at attention in the cool air."F-fuck!">You barely take in the cold as she sets her entire weight on you, capturing you in her extremely tight and hot insides.>"Hmmmf~!">Her eyes roll back as your cock burrows its way deep inside, resting its tip against her cervix. >Two hooves find purchase on your chest as she acclimates to your size, slowly rotating her hips.>When she finally feels comfortable enough, she starts to ride you, her curled mane bobbing up and down as the connection slicks and shlicks.>"Enjoying it, handsome?""Hell yeah.">Her brow furrows, then relaxes as a small smile graces her face.>"I always knew it, you- mm~! -slutty stallions always fantasize ah~! about being raped.">Wha-?>This bitch.>Doesn't she know who you are?>You're /the/ ANONYMOUS.>The shitposter, the faggot, the connoisseur and dispenser of:>rape>Using your superior human strength™, you quickly flip her over so she's laying on her back instead of you, and immediately start thrusting deep and hard.>"Mn~!~!~! AH!~!~!!~!~! Ah~! Mmm~! You're quite the stud~~~!""If anyone's doing the raping, it's me!">"Ha! Y~! You-! ~ YOU~WHORSE~! See- Ah~! you~!~~! Ah~!!!~! -you studs ~!~! l~love being raped! Ah!~!!~~! I'm the raper!">Did she just call you a horse?>Dafuq?>Still-"I'm the raper!">"What? No- MMMH~!~! I'm raping you!""No you're not, I'm the one thrusting!">She flashes you a lip-biting grin.>"You~! !~AH~! s~sure~?~!!~~!~?">She gyrates her hips a little, catching your attention down.>Her hips are mashing against yours to meet in the middle.>Fucker.
>>41811958>You grab her body tight and smother it, along with her forelegs, against your chest and THRUST.>"AH~! MMF~!!~ !! B-BUCKER~! ~!!!~ Ah~! Ah ~! AH~!!!~!~~/AHHH/~!!!!~!!!!!!~~~! ~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!">The blush spreads across her entire face and flushes a deep crimson.>You can feel her body clamping down on yours, thrumming and squeezing you for all she's got.>Still, you continue thrusting in harder to compensate for the sudden resistance.>Her little nub peeks in and out as it works overtime to stimulate the two of you, gushing her juices over your lower half.>The ground and your pants get soaked in her juices as your thrusts spray it everywhere.>You grin."So how are you the raper if you're already cumming?">"I-I'm nnnnnng~! -the~! -the one getting off~mmmmmmfgh~! not~youuuuu~!~~~~~~!""I am getting off, I just don't finish in 10 seconds!">She doesn't respond, the whites of her eye and tongue only showing.>Still, you continue pumping as her body unconsciously responds>You huff her scent — it's a mix of herbs and sweetness — and it's delicious.>You rest your head in her soft, puffy tuft and rub your face in all of its soft goodness.>Damn, ponies are amazing.>As quickly as it came, she comes out of her post-orgasmic bliss."Enjoying it?">She nods dumbly for a second before stopping, her blush reaching another level.>"Y~!! YES! Because I'm~!!~! the~raper!""So if you're the one doing the raping, why can I do... THIS?">Your arms reach down and grab her lecherous thighs, pulling a throaty moan from her mouth.>It feels absolutely incredible with how soft and malleable her flesh is; they fill the spots between your fingers nicely.>Kneading the soft tush to and fro rewards you with the sound of squeaking and slight tightening of the loins.>"Mmmnnnnnf~~! Nnnn~~!!! Gah~ah! S~stop~!""What was that?">Her eyes widen.>"I! I~!!! I mean~~! KEEP~! GOING Y~!~OU SLUTTY WHORSE~~~!">Each word washes you with hot breath and you gladly take them in.>You lean in closer."I don't take commands from the >raped.">Taking advantage, she brings her snout to you and latches onto your lips.>Each kiss is deep, her mouth pushing against yours whenever the pressure lets up.>You can feel each of your thrusts pulsating through her body.>Hooves somehow find their way around your neck.>Her tongue eventually launches through your parted lips, squirming desperately around to taste and feel each part of you.>Your tongues wrestle for a little, and right before you start winning she pulls back, leaving for a split moment a trail of mixed drool.>She licks her lips and grins.>"Enjoyed it~~~? I guess I'm~! the raper if I can do~!! that.""Wuh-? Wrong!"
>>41811963>As punishment you throw long, bottoming thrusts that slam her body with even more force.>"AH~~!! MFF~~!!! HAH~! NNNG~~~!!—">You force your lips to suckle hers, pressing her head against the concrete.>Drool spouts from the connection, dripping down onto the ground.>Her frame shutters as your tongue forces hers back, giving you free reign.>Your hands rake her body from hip to thigh, drawing your fingers deep.>Suddenly, her breaths become shallow and fast, and an all too familiar feeling grips your shaft.>"Mmmmmfffff~~~mm~~!!!!!!!!! MMFFFFFFFF~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!">She pulls you closer as she orgasms again, excited juices gushing out of her once more.>A desperate motion in her body thrums around your cock to drink in its reward but you refuse to yield (yet).>Instead, you opt to rake each and every bit of her insides with pure pleasure while assaulting her mouth.>You hold onto her tighter with each hilt, the sensation of her individual soft folds rubbing themselves on your tip sending waves of ecstasy through you.>Wait wait wait oh shit, you actually might go over the edge here.>You have to let off the breathless kiss, whose respite she takes gladly.>And she follows it with a lusty moan as she gushes, /again/, and tightly milks you with vigor.>And you react as any man does:>You hold your quarry tightly and push deep within her, sending wave after wave of insemination into her fertile little body."Ghhhhhhh~~~~~!">The feeling of her womb being pumped full of possibilities turns the mare into nothing but a blabbering mess.>Your stream of children begins to slow down, though her body continues to eek out as much as possible, finally pulling out the last to ensure her impregnation.>In her stupor, she has a woozy, yet victorious grin plastered on her face.>"I... I won... I'm the raper.""You won? /You/ won?">Her muzzle reaches up and gives some licks on your neck as her hot voice breathlessly washes over your sweat stained skin.>"Yup... made ya' cum. So much... hehe... you're /quite/ the stud.""You honestly think you won? That you're the raper? Really now?">Dazy eyes slowly come back as a scrunch appears on her muzzle.>"...what?">She doesn't know.>You only shake your head and let out a small chuckle.>Silly mare."Well I'll let you into a secret here. I'm the raper.">"hu-?">With your still rock hard cock, you continue to pummel into her as your now mixed sex begins to splash at everything.>"!~~!?~~????~~!!~!?~?~~!~~!!~~!!~~~~!!!!~~~!~~!~!">Yes, it's still solid as FUCK because you are /ANONYMOUS, THE SUPREME AUTHORITY OF >RAPE/.
>>41811964>And you will /NOT/ let this little mare try to humble you, no matter how hard she tries."You see now!? /I'M THE RAPER/!">You bite down on her neck, overpowered by her scent and >rape >rape >rape >rape.>Squeaks and moans are the only sounds that come from her mouth as her legs weaken their grip on you.>It's hard for her to even focus on anything except the absolute pleasure climbing from the bottom and rupturing over every inch of her body.>"!~!~~I ~~!~!!!~I~!~I'M~!~!!!~!~~T~!~THE!!~!~!~~AHH~!!!~AH~~~!!~AH!!~~!!—">Something bursts.>"~! ~! W-! Well~! I- AH~! I CONSENT!""WELL I DO TOO!" (you have to, anyways)>You continue thrusting for a little more before it dawns on the both of you, at the same time.>You're just having regular sex. On the filthy concrete ground.>The two of you just stare at each other, the plapping slowing down to a standstill.>"Uhmmm, well...""Shit.">Everything in a ten foot radius is covered with sex, even the air.>You cough awkwardly, your dick still in her snatch.>Welp.>You were getting tired anyways.>As you try to get off her, she starts.>"Ahem... I, uh, have an apartment not too far from here.">You bring her up as your lean back (she /is/ holding onto your neck), entering a sitting position.>She's resting against your chest, breathing heavily, and you only naturally wrap your arms around her.>What can you say? It's the afterglow and she's plump in the right places.>And you're still inside of her.>You have yet to wilt. You grin. Still got it.>You notice her eyes are looking up at you and hot damn, there are hearts in her eyes.>That somehow makes your dick grow a little.>She /is/ pretty cute.>"...and you did The Foalmaker... even though we're not, uhm, ...hitched...">She avoids your eyes a little, but there's a spark at the end of her sentence."I really never got your name.">"Oh! My name is..."Morgan Freeman voice:>And then the two were promptly married, moving into an a larger than average Manehatten apartment.>Rape was no longer had, only consensual >rape followed by an intense cuddling session before sleep overtook the two.>Two soon became four.>They moved out of the apartment and into an suburb home, where their life blossomed much like a brilliant rose.>It was a close family. A loving family. And a very, /very/ loving husband and wife.>The end.
>>41811967kek
>"Why yes, I AM in a herd with my hubby like everypony else!">"Meet my herdsister and my closest friend, Silhouette Gloom of the Sundown Lands!"
>>41811958>>Then, she starts undoing your jeans with her hooves.>>You're just flabbergasted.>>The fuck is happening?Well, maybe she's a unicorn, or maybe earth ponies have extra-dexterous frogs on their hooves in this greentext. The possibilities expand.
>>41811958>>rape>>Using your superior human strength™, you quickly flip her over so she's laying on her back instead of you, and immediately start thrusting deep and hard.>>"Mn~!~!~! AH!~!~!!~!~! Ah~! Mmm~! You're quite the stud~~~!">"If anyone's doing the raping, it's me!">>"Ha! Y~! You-! ~ YOU~WHORSE~! See- Ah~! you~!~~! Ah~!!!~! -you studs ~!~! l~love being raped! Ah!~!!~~! I'm the raper!">Anon and rapehorse wrestle to the ponice department>Both claim they're turning themselves in for rape, and that the other is their rape victim>Go to court where both stubbornly (to their lawyer's chagrin) plead guilty to rape>The judge is sick of their shit and throws them out>Years later, their kids ask them how they met, and neither has the heart to tell them the truth>"Coffee place!""Book store!"
>>41812463>Your kids eventually find old newspaper articles up in the attic>"Sex Pests Waste Tax Dollars">It's a picture of their mom and dad glaring at each other>Big quotes from both of them are featured in the article>"You're a whorse and I raped you!">>"You fucking slut, you got raped!">"You!">>"YOU!">Their kids wonder why their parents saved and framed the article
>>41812463>>41811967I hope their children don’t become superrapers.
>>41811967
>>41810200That was good, Anon. I'd like to see more if you are able.
>>41813299Based anon saving and posting the screencap. Going straight in my RGRE folder.>>41810200Have (your) daily (you). That was lovely.
>>41812138When you are past 30 and the only dating options are the bubbly mare and her thousand year old necromancer best friend. They say they're a package deal.
>>41735897>https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1XiJRe1NWl_kIoWsHssZ27BMV7bZAe1jgX59-dWggYkA/Is this thing still being updated? The fact that RGRE has it is incredible, I wish other generals had something similar.
>>41814144I doubt it?
>>41814144No.
>>41814144I was searching for that one green where Anon convinces Twilight he is a pet and needs daily blowjobs but couldn't find it. I did however find that "All For You" by Notonefuck links to a privated pastebin, guess no one moved that fic to ponepaste
>>41814252Pssssssssssssssssssstponeb.in
>>41813921Even better, in that case the package deal is a schizo kirin and her shadow.WWYD if your "herd" is just one mare, and her "herdsisters" are just her imaginary friends?
>>41814707Pray that some male companionship and a good dicking or a few helps get rid of the feeling of being watched.
>>41814847>Pray that some male companionship>"Oh goodie! Twocolts for the price of one!">"Now, that I'm busy with your friend, my shadow will take care of you. -c—:^)"
>>41814252That sounds hilarious, please post it if you find it
>>41812138Does this mean Autumn can only give hoofjobs with her right hoof, since her left hoof is her herdsister?
>>41815403Yes, but she can also use magic.
>>41815411Glowjobs would surely be an interesting sensation, if nothing else.
>>41815418>be sitting down>drinking some bomb-ass tea>Autumn Wife's horn is glowing while she's talking to her hoof>suddenly get a case of the tingly-weenies
>>41815719Ghost blowjob!
>>41816892MODS DELET THIS FILTH
>>41816892Ooooh yeah, that's the ticket. You shake your dad's hoof with those hands?
>>41813763>picWhat a lovely mare
>>41817225You talk to your betters like that little filly?
>>41817559Unsheathe or gtfo, gigolo
>>41817743Ahaha someone should get a shitty drawing of that interaction.
Marrying Siamese twins is simultaneously a mono marriage and a herd. One pussy, two brains to be full of pleasure hormones, two mares to please.
>>41818279Do these cuties have different cutie marks on each side?
>>41817728This makes me want a green where Pinkie, unfamiliar with sex because of her sheltered uprbrining, and who is currently dating Anon, does "research" of how to have sex with her new coltfriend.Her research consists of erotica literature from Rarity's collection and hentai manga from Fluttershy's, so she throws out phrases she hears from both during sex.
>>41808254Actually saw a pretty clever headcaon a long time ago to explain this.Pony fur is translucent and the color comes from their skin underneath.This is why you can see them blush and presumably any tattoos.
>>41793867Women not putting out is one of the leading causes of infidelity from men.Anon better be careful or else some gold digger stallion is going to try and seduce the vulnerably horny purple princess from him.
>>41818279Yeah... No. Too freaky for me.
>>41819326I'm sure she' nice. Not sure about the other mare.
>>41802582Can you bully the authors of "A Quiet Rune Scribe" and "Horse People Go Naked" too?You'd be doing a great service to RGRE.
>>41819681>A Quiet Rune Scribe" I keep seeing that thing pop up in fimfic, what's it about?>"Horse People Go Naked"Isn't that one some retarded anthro shit? Why would you even read that, anon?
>>41819681>>A Quiet Rune Scribe"I havent read it but 288 chapters and nearly a million words in just a year is pretty impressive.
"Just. Be. Nice. To. Them.">Be Fluttershy>You were in a small, windowless room>You had been there for around three hours, and to be frank you were starting to get upset>Staring at you, seated in neat little rows, were a group of Earthling women>All shapes and sizes and races and colors and from all walks of life>Around thirty in total>Picked at random and brought here under the princess' orders as per your request>They were staring at you blankly, as if the plain Equish that you spoke was incomprehensible to them>It wasn't>They all spoke the same language you did>You had been forced to check after the first ten minutes of what had turned into slamming your head against a wall>The other girls had said you were crazy for trying this>Let the Earthling women rot>Take all their men and forget about them>Rainbow had said a LOT of mean things>But you hadn't felt that way>The Earthling men had been... rough around the edges when you all first came here, and after just a few months they were mostly as right as rain>Heck, you had a sweet boy back home waiting for you right now named Anon>He had been confused about becoming a state-mandated husband, but he just seemed happy to be included>So, you figured that with some gentle teaching, you could help these women be a bit more like Equestrians>For the sake of everyone>Again, you hadn't thought it would be THAT difficult, since how things went with their men>You had seen the reports, and Twilight had told you some unsavory stories, but you were pretty sure most of those were tall tales>They surely couldn't be that bad>After a few hours being in a room with them though, you were beginning to feel like those tall tales weren't all that tall unfortunately"Okay...">Dragging a hand down your face, you, once again, grabbed some magnets with words on them>Be, Nice, to, them>You placed them in random order on the board behind you"I'd like to try another exercise, if that's alright with you," you said, taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself. "I'm going to point at a word, and I'd like you to read them out for me.">The women staring at you nodded>Actually, some did>Others were staring at their phones>Which you had asked them to put away when you had them brought in here>Your eye twitched"Ready everyone? Now, Just...">"Just," the women parroted."Be.">"Be.""Nice.">"Nice.""Good. Just be nice. You'll all doing very well with that part! Now, we just need to add the last two words, alright. Just be nice to.">"To.""Them.">Again, you were greeted with blank stares
>>41820108>You took a deep breath>Held it>Then released>Alrighty...>Maybe some frank honesty might help...>You were never one for confrontation of any kind, but you really did want to try to help these women"Girls," you said, walking out from behind your desk. "I know everything that's happened might be a lot to process, and your... position might not be like it was, but I think that's good for everyone.">A overweight, dark skin women suddenly stood up>"We ain't changin; SHET!" she said, wagging a finger at you. "If a man want THIS, he gon' have to WORK for IT!">The other women nodded in agreements, many smiling"While I... understand your reservations, I really do need to," you said. "I mean, just a LITTLE kindness will really--">"DOWN WITH THE PATRIARCHY!" one women screamed>You could only watch in confusion as the women let out a cheer>"Yeah! FUCK MEN!">"FUCK THEM ALL!">"MY BODY, MY CHOICE!">You watched as a woman ripped her shirt clean off>Another was pounding her chest>Many were just screaming >Not like animals>You had many sweet, kind animal friends>The noise they made was worse>The guards in the room with you took a few steps towards the group, though not out of seemingly any aggression>Just like you, they seemed confused while the Earthlings began dancing around with various chants, most of which were aimed at men and how terrible they were>As you watched them, you oddly felt a weight had been lifted off your shoulders>...>Demons>Earthling women were demons>Or some lesser sort of animal, like Princess Luna had suggested>You all were here holding out a hand>They could be leaders that they all insisted that they should be>The ones that would steer the ship>And here they were, reveling in hate and chaos>You were friends with a chaos god>You were also friends with a girl that had turned into a world-ending magical demon>These... things were worse>You didn't need to save them>It didn't seem worth the effort>Meaning it was perfectly find to take all the men here>These... women didn't want them>They HATED them in fact>So, why not take what they didn't want?>You were a big fan of recycling after all>After seeing what you had just seen, you felt as if it were your duty to lead more Earthling men into the arms of Equestria >You'd need to tell Twilight>Then you'd go home and made sure you and Anon would go to horse church so you'd pray the evil from this room off of you>Yes...>That sounded very nice actually>You turned and made your way out of the room while the Earthling's started throwing chairs and banging on the walls>Smiling>Now totally free from any doubt or concern
>>41819700>I keep seeing that thing pop up in fimfic, what's it about?Honestly? Nothing much. It's basically an autist's life blog but as a human-inna-pony isekai, with a lot of "I do this" prose and a lot of talk irrelevant to the plot. Like the first chapter reads like answers to interview questions and it just doesn't get better, to the point that I wonder if the author's only goal is to crank out chapters without regard to quality or even to develop a plot or characters. Maybe a year ago, I gave up reading it after chapter 20 and cannot much about it except being bored.>Isn't that one some retarded anthro shit? Why would you even read that, anonI didn't, but I would like to not see it nor the other story in the RGRE fimfic group when I sort by "last updated.">>41819822Too bad the story sucks.
>>41820120Ponies just need to respect women's wishes and dump them into the Everfree forest. The problem would solve itself one way or another.
>>41820334https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hVYkgqmRnpQ&pp=ygUodGhlIGlzbGFuZCB3aXRoIGJlYXIgZ3J5bGxzIG1hbiB2cyB3b21hbg%3D%3D
>>41820369brother that fucking link
Mares! or fillies for those that prefer that.>Mares!
>>41820120>>"MY BODY, MY CHOICE!"KEK. I remember the malding after the election was won and people kept saying Your body, my choice. It was glorious
is Trixie still considered a Chad in RGREverse?
>>41820937yes
>>41820937In RGRE, Trixie is the stand-in for chad. A sexually desirable and successful mare is an absolute Trixie.
>>41820334>PoniesThis is a h00manized green you dum-dum.
>>41821271Truly vile.
>>41821271>Then you'd go home and made sure you and Anon would go to horse church so you'd pray the evil from this room off of you.Uh huh. Even no-hooves know of their equine superiors.
>>41820108>forced to get a state-mandated wife>she turns out to be a model and not a fat tatted up stripperDamn, Equestrian bureaucracy is just built different I guess.
>>41821320Srsly doe, still calling them ponies while making them not ponies is stupid.
>>41821428I'm pretty sure most of us would end up with mares (humanized) on the tier of berry punch and less lmao.>Oh man what luck, it says my new state mandated gf is an element bearer and former model!>-..No, wait..shit..she's an alcoholic with a kid.
