Previous thread:>>42986276Welcome to the Thread! Kinderquestria/Anon in pone prison focuses on the world and adventures of naive child like ponies and the misadventures and shenanigans of Anon that results in him going to prison! To get a good handle on how things are done around here I implore you to check out our new and improved one stop shop of kinder greens and prompts here >> https://ponepaste.org/7630
>>43084229He's committing a crime. He's committing a violent hate crime and you're just standing here!?
>>43084239its not a crime if they are laughing
>>43084291>Not a crimeSay that to all the foals still waiting for their turn.
>>43084366>Foal looks on with a thousand-yard stare as the thirtieth second without upsies ticks by
>>43084366>>43084370now that for sure is a crime most foal
>>43084229oh shit i drew that op pic wow
>>43084648based is a qt pic
>>43085215smoochable midwest hoers
No.
>>43085435Why?
Yes.
>Pony Jehovah's Witnesses are a lot more tolerable
>>43086288poorly colored but definitely not as culty
>>43086734Putting the Sparkle in Twilight Sparkle
>>43087077definitely visible in her chonkerness
>What has her in a tizzy?
>>43087704Portal to Earth opened, which means a vast new market of obligate clothes-buyers who need about 50% more fabric, so you can charge them more., and she already knows how to make the flame shirt and pants that anon swears are the the height of fashion and popularity there.
>>43087738Wow, my fingers can't type or edit wotrh shit today. And I need to code
>>43087739it reads fine to me anon
>>43087739>>43087963Same. There was like one period that seemed out of place, everything else was fine.
a little self indulgence here
>>43088240SPOONY
>10
>The ladies have gathered to discuss market trends>The shiny Charizard prices took an unexpected dip
>>43088845big F
>>43088919Yes, Charizard is big and a fire type
>>43085215
>>43089300La Creatura, highly dangerous!
>>43089867Nyeh heh heh, as soon as she follows the trail of carrots to the town square, the surprise party can begin!
>Applejack's first day as an IT technician>She did surprisingly well
>be equestria>happily, all your ponies and critters are all unicellular>assorted blobs shaped like ponies, bunnies, etc>plants? multicellular, but plants are fancy expensive creations, couldn't work as unicellulars here>the passive magic metabolism of every cell feeds back to the magical gestalt>be chill for millenia as nothing of note happens>be being as beings can be>suddenly feel an extreme magic drain followed by an equally massive influx of magic>feels like equestria went barren for a sec, then got filled with a million elements of harmony beams at once>all of nature noticed, they felt the sudden emptiness followed by excess energy>>be anon>wake up in some lush plains>you simultaneously feel sore in every muscle, bone, sinew and nerve, but also feel better than ever what the fuck>stand up>"hello?" you ask>you hear a reply behind you>you turn, nothing is there>huh? "anyone there?">you hear a chorus answer back" H E L L O ">FUCK your head it stings, but there's nobody here?>you spend the next hour talking with this formless chorus>eventually make the connection that the chorus is you>wat>did you suddenly get ultra schizophrenia>you realize you're hyperaware of the position of every single bit of your body>cosmic horror beyond your comprehension? YEP, you don't get it, you were never up for smartitude>start walking around, silently talking with yourself>find a town with small ponies>they talk somehow>a group lead by a purple one shoots you with some weird rainbow beam>man, if you felt any better it'd be like walking orgasms or some shit>the tiny horses freak out>sit down and try to talk>>be smart and purple, t to the w l i g h t, book nerd made of sparkle and smartitude>oh Celestia it resisted the elements, or consumed the energy? oh buck oh buck>it's gonna ea- it sat down?>it starts talking in a weirdly echoy voice>you feel invigorated just by standing near it, it's like a walking leyline>several hours pass and you make amends, seems he(?) is called anon>can't be a he, right? no single being could passively recirculate that much magic, except maybe the tree of harmony>is he a tree? "hey fluttershy, is this guy a tree?">she says no>>several weeks pass, anon has been hired to meander about in the local factory, his mere presence is enough to power the machinery and reinvigorate the workers>you came by to visit>a woodcutting saw cracks and shoots some fast moving shards his way>he dodges instinctively and only gets a mild cut on his cheek>phew that was close, but- why isn't he closing the cut?>you inquire with the creature>he tells you it takes a while for the cells(?) to close a wound, also something about my toe kondria or similar>cells? plural?
>>43090292>you hand him a hoofkerchief and covertly dap another one in that strange red fluid>say goodbye and tell him to go to the doctor if the cut was too bad>plural... Only plants have multiple cells>you go to the botanic microscope and put the dyed hoofkerchief under it>you see thousands, if not millions of tiny ones, walking about>luna, please protect me from this knowledge >>after a few weeks of study, you have come to confirm that Anon is indeed multicellular, like a tree. But so much more detailed>it's not that he's particularly good at recirculsting ambient magic, it's that he has trillions of himself doing it at the same time>try to communicate with the individual cells>they barely respond to basic stimuli, they look lost and disheartened when disconnected>they start working again the moment you put them near or on Anon>you make it your mission to befriend this alien colony>>be a bipedal hivemind with a purple butt companion>this purple mare has been chatting you up for a while>she's nice, you like her>"you know, twilight, I'd call you my vvery first friend here, thanks for always being here.">she freezes in shock>a counter appears in front of her horn and it rapidly climbs from 9 to well over the trillions>she bends down in what seems to be agony>"OH FUCK TWIGGLES ARE YOU OK?">she gives a quiet moan of approval as extraneous magics fill her body>a pair of wings suddenly form from her back>her horn grows a lot, and she gets way taller too>she calms down and loses her balance after this sudden shift>turns out being your friend counts as being friends with an entire planet's worth of people, making her the most harmonious and friended pony in history>ok then, what now?>>you were never into horses, so you're pretty much eternally single>meander about the world without a care, your visit being treated as a beneficial natural event>make your way to the far norths>find a derelict research station with a weird tentacly pony living within>she seems chill>hang around for a while>start catching feelings for the thingpony>neither of you talk, but you can communicate all the same>hivemind telepathy? maybe>maybe you ARE into horses a bit, or at least this one>ask her out, she agrees>take her back to ponyville>twiggles is genuinely horrified at a cosmic horror beyond compare in the shape of thingmare>she does a quintuple take when you tell her the thingmare is your girlfriend>live the rest of your days just hanging around and doting on your thingwife, your unique multicellular biologies allowing you engage in ways the normal ponies cannot>life is good for a hivemindApologies for the weird shitposty green, it just came to me and wouldn't let me sleep if I didn't let it out. Hope you can enjoy it.
>>43090294It's Kino anon. i love multicellular anonfics in monocellular kinderquestira
>>43090294based as fuck anon
It's Celestia's turn with all these toys she found in Anon's metal cabinet
>>43091999Raymare?
>>43085025The bap appears to be unsettled
>>43092134Who let that horse drive
>>43087077>Kinderquestria where Anon needs to keep the ponies from getting fat on sweets
>>43090294a (You) for a nice, simple green
>>43092511she nom
>>43092511The ponk be partying pinkily
>>43090294this is great
>>43090294Interesting read. Curious concepts sown here and there. I liked it.
>>43094544Oh that issue is funny
>>43094700mare stack
>>43095790Twiggy
>>43096845Classic Rarararararararararara moment
>>43097017ong
Pre bread
>>43097714She yap and she flap
>>43085435Wrong
>>43085953Right
>>43098332Would hug and pet and smooch until she cracked a smile.
>Date XX/XX>From my notes thus far, it should be well-apparent that this curious species in this strange land are cephalized like no other that humanity has yet encountered, bearing an uncanny resemblance to homo sapiens, notwithstanding their classification of themselves as the "ponies" to which they bear some resemblance in appearance and conventions (it remains to be discovered just whether their use of the English language was independently developed or somehow adopted---it boggles the mind just which is further-fetched).>In addition to use of language, as has been stated, their ingenuity has brought them to a commendable level of civilizational advancement, all without the dexterity that humans might have considered indispensable---remarkable indeed.>This log, however, is to detail a bizarre blind spot in their cerebral design. I have yet no theories as to whether this is merely some cognitive glitch brought on by the actions of a foreign agent that never factored into their evolution or if it might serve some sort of yet-unknown purpose.>Upon being hoisted up and raised overhead, higher cognitive functions seem to shut down, causing the pony to revert to a sort of childlike, ecstatic state.>I had apparently observed this same phenomenon some time ago, but thought nothing of it as it had been with a few mere foals; children acted like children. However, grown adults appear to react in much the same way. >This doesn't seem to cause a particular break in their cognition---though they pick up where they had left off smoothly enough, they do evidently register the events that transpired and seem not to be disoriented in the slightest by shifting between states of consciousness. This researcher had initially assumed they would have had no recollection of what had transpired, but it seems they really just think nothing of it.>That is, for the most part. The majority of these specimens seem to passively appreciate the act---many even enthusiastically request it and express gratitude afterward---but others tend to respond irately, generally after having protested beforehand (though notably not making any effort to avoid being selected, at least as far as I have thus observed).>Regardless of the specimen's attitude before or after, he or she invariably essentially becomes a giggling, cheering foal upon being lifted. The specimen apparently has severely limited vocabulary, with the only polysyllabic speech yet recorded being sentence fragment requests to be carried around at a swift pace or tossed into the air and caught.>Curiously, even the pegasus family of ponies seem to react the same way, even if increased altitude ought not be any sort of novelty to them.
>>43098364>For all of their remarkable grasp on linguistics, the nomenclature they use even in complete lucidity is the rather pedestrian term "uppies." This researcher cannot understate the jarring nature of being scolded by a prideful, apparently high-class mare for imposing "uppies" or having them requested by an otherwise highly competent and dutiful governing official.>This researcher will admit that it is a branch of equine psychology he is eager to continue exploring.
>>43098365>Date XX/XX+2>I have come to discover another odd pressure switch similar to the "uppies" case. >Though it's easy to begin registering these specimens as essentially quadrupedal humans with the "pony" moniker being only a reference to their shape, it is to be noted that they share a number of qualities with their equine counterparts more familiar to us.>Notably, diet. Their typical fare is largely focused on the sorts of plant-based feed generally administered to their counterparts on our farms back home.>Curiously enough, they seem to resemble said counterparts more than ever when offered a handful of oats. Once again, higher cognitive functions phase out and then back in in this case.>Cupping out one's hands and offering a serving of the grain has a magnetic and seemingly hypnotic effect. One could be having a conversation about quantum physics and then hold out a palmful of oats, and the subject would invariably trail off and be no longer this sort of /equus sapiens/, but merely a hungry pony, blissfully eating out of one's hand. Then, a few moments later, asking "where was I" and resuming the conversation.>Were I to hazard a theory, perhaps nourishment could have been scarce enough at some point in time that this "priority number zero" was etched into these creatures' psyche. Without further study of their history, however, it remains a shot in the dark.
>>43098365>This researcher cannot understatecannot overstate, fug
>>43098385>science anon in kinderquestriaMoar please I beg you.
>>43098385>Fig. A: Visual Representation of Oat-Induced Behavioral Override
>>43098385oh my god fuck yeah this spurt of green is some good shit anon many thanks
>>43099350Oh no
>>43098385>hand feeding tag has only 4 matches on derpibooruUnused potential
>>43098385>Date XX/XX>So that I might be able to continue my research unabated, I try to remain impersonal and professional. However, though I fancy myself a scientist, I am also a human being.>Put bluntly and honestly, from the moment I encountered these specimens I wanted to give tummy rubs.>This has, however, led to some discoveries.>But initially, fortune was not in my favor; the citizens here reacted at best by declining while politely hiding their discomfort and at worst with hostility---it seemed their personhood trumped ponyhood in this case. As diplomacy to the ponyfolk is my priority, I understood not push to breaking point and let up.>There was a single individual who obliged and rather enthusiastically, but was hard to keep in one place for long; I contented myself to make peace with what I couldn't have.>Some time later, I was to make a discovery: it would seem that there are no such predispositions regarding being scritched behind the ear. One subject had requested the act upon observing this researcher's digits and noting their relative dullness compared to the claws of similarly dextrous creatures native to this this realm. The individual reacted positively enough that another noticed and asked for the same.>This emboldened me to offer the service to more locals, and to my surprise was accepted universally, even by those who had balked at the idea of my prior proposition.>Testing the waters, I came to find that even unprompted, it was universally welcomed. I could approach a café patron at a table and begin scratching the sweet spot and the only trouble would arise from a neglected conversation partner.>Now, I must temper the following observation with an acknowledgement: though we humans fancy ourselves to be fully autonomous and rational actors, numerous psychological experiments have consistently induced behaviors through imposition of circumstances, reminding us of just how beholden we are to instinct and wiring.>That said, it seems that these creatures, bright and lucid as they are, truly are ponies through and through.>From the first instance of ear-scratching, it took only so long to realize the effect it had upon them. Inhibitions seemed to melt away in minutes or even seconds. Treading nervously yet eagerly, I explored just how willing the subject had become, and found little by way of boundaries.>I'll admit I might have been even more elated than the pony when I finally found my opportunity to administer the rubs I had assumed were beyond my reach. To my pleasant surprise, both seemed far more receptive to the act after this [scratches over what appears to read "forep"] preparation.>Remarkably, this proved as universal as reception to those initial scritches. Subjects with more prim attitudes tended to take longer to open up, but would invariably allow or even invite it given time. Notably, onlookers seem not to register or object to any of this.
>>43100176>Perhaps it's also a fluke or glitch in their neurology that resulted from something completely foreign suddenly being introduced and engaging in a way that has no developed response. In any case, it appears to be an ultimately mutually beneficial arrangement.>Date XX/XX+3>I find myself battling with myself.>The princesses have summoned me to an audience to discuss my presence and my research.>This is to be my first meeting in person. We have had some correspondence thus far, and they have graciously approved of my work provided I keep my methods ethical; as of yet they have had no particular objections, and our relationship has remained positive.>However, a temptation has taken hold of me. I know these two to have some of if not THE most lauded intelligence and temperament in the kingdom; I cannot help myself but wonder whether they would be as beholden as their subjects to this phenomenon I have discovered.>Maintaining strong relations with the people is my first priority, and with the governing bodies especially so. Yet, I suppose I must acknowledge that I too am beholden to compulsions of my own.>Perhaps if I just can manage to get behind both of their ears at once, there would be no opportunity to raise objections...>Date XX/XX+30>Please do not be alarmed by the gap in log updates, especially in light of my aforementioned concerns about offending my hosts.>On the contrary, my rapport with the Equestrian royalty is stronger than ever!>However, as diplomacy and maintaining that rapport are top priority, most of my time and focus must be allotted to my duties as Royal Masseuse. Presently my research can only be fit into the cracks of my busy schedule.>I still have many questions to investigate, and still hope to do so at some point in the future!
Board rocketed up 2 pages in like 5 minutes wtf
>>43100462>>43100760based for watching the thread for some reason i couldn't post on mobile
>>43100203utterly based I'm loving this green anon
>>43101492dorklight
>>43101372Thanks! That's all the material I came up with but I had a lot of fun writing it, will post more if the muse strikes
>>43102000Lewd and trips
>>43102759cute crystal poner
Don't worry, dragons are tough, it's basically spitballs to him
>>43103630absolute sovl
>>43101015Speaking of, have you guys noticed that the captcha for mobile is WAY easier than the one for PC? I've had to wrangle that fucking captcha for 5 minutes on PC trying to post a gren, but it's barely a 10s thing on mobile.
>>43103820I don't use a phone, on PC I get the 'slide the bar and hit next on the shape that's different from the other two" thing. Never had a problem with it, way easier than the old letter/number typing thing.
>>43103823Check this thing out, that's the easiest shit. Meanwhile I have to fuck with the goddamned "match the thing" captcha that's so deep fried and twisted I genuinely can't see shit while using my PC.
>>43103820The captcha you get depends on your posting history, if you use the PC more you'll get easier captchas
>>43103842Yeah that's what I get on PC, the only difference is it has a little slider bar instead of a touch the image thing.
Pre bed
10
>>43104573Cheery Beery
>>43104573qtqtqtqt
>>43104935cozy
>>43105728rocking out with her cock out >>43106002happi twi
>>43106578lemn
>>43107074she's got da moves in her groove
>>43109111Trips confirm infinite muffin
>>43109111Weird how muffins just condense out of the air in Equestria
>>43105728>>43106169She's got a cock in her mouth.
>>43110127Sentenced to endless hugs
Pre-bed ghost check
silly lil horsie
>>43112078Unclechai kino
>>43112432pinkie blep
>>43112502ponk would easily be the snuggliest poner
>>43112622i’m sorry however fluttershy (aka my shyshy) is the snuggliest poner by far like it’s literally her whole vibe… soft voice, gentle hooves, maximum cozy aura. tuck me in and emotionally heal at the same time
>>43112781No, Fluttershy would cuddle while Pinkie would snuggle. There's a difference. Both are best enjoyed together at the same time.
>>43112769Dubious blue creature
>>43113858
>>43114235Look at them climb
nyoooooom
>>43115349kinder zoomies
>>43115349Kinderkirin, or kirinderponies?
>>43115804kinderkirin
>>43116114That horse is filthy
Kinderpony Death Stranding would just be normal rain. Random rain. Just the horror of getting moistened anywhere outside would drive ponies to stay indoors.(Yes I am playing the PC port of 2 right now)
>>43116140BUT WITH JUST THREE SHOTS FROM KITCHEN GUNBANG BANG BANGAND SHE SPARKLES LIKE NEW!
>>43116534This is a top tier kino reference >>43116762She need some milk
>>43116993
>>43116998kek
>>43117247what a sleazy bloom
>>43117633"So I said, 'sleazy bloom? she's not even wearing a shirt!"
>>43118373B O O T Y>>43118619Microwave ramen in the bowls is superior to the cups in my opinion. You get more noodles and usually some veggie packets.
How do kinderpones have sex?
>>43118816Simple answer: the normal wayFunny answer: the parents have to bake a baby by mixing batter in a huge pot, with their own hair and spit as part of the ingredients. The "mother" (kinderponies don't have biological sex, just different ways to pee) is whichever one holds the pot steady during the mixing phase and whichever one spends the most time minding the oven/tending its fire afterwards.Because maintaining a pregnancy is a willful act of tending an oven for weeks or months on end, abortion is a non-issue since you can just not bake the batter in the first place if you're just fucking for fun.Stirring the pot sounds exactly like fingering a wet pussy and the act of married baking is exactly as pleasure-inducing as sex is for humans, with all manner of lewd kitchen gadgets available to buyers of legal age. Anons can and will hear lewd squishing sounds and wives demanding their partner stir faster and harder only to peek in and find two messy bakers shrieking at the intrusion.Speaking of Anon, the first anon was immediately assumed to be a sex guru after he wore a Kiss the Cook apron to a bbq. After he got out of jail for indecent exposure (it was NOT an Adults Only bbq) he was swarmed with mushy Hearts and Hooves cardsHumans can breed with kinderponies but the biological contribution comes from... c'mon, you can guessRumors abound that Celestia herself even owns a metal rolling pin
>>43119336she nomin hard
>>43118987Wait until they hear about the all in one kitchen tools
>>43119665Fellas, show your wife you care with a battery-operated whisk
>>43119995
>>43120864Posca?Shining would be familiar with it if he led long marches.
he's gone native
>>43121417It would take me 1 picosecond
>>43100203I love this green so much, please write moar
>>43121417The dream.
>>43122340Lyra with a fried wheelcake
>>43123572gonna be me later on
>>43123932you just know for a fact the food in kinderquestria would be so fucking good cause it's local and fresh as fuck
>>43124349mega horny
>>43123932
>>43113621God i love my mom
>>43124835based>>43124508smoochable honses
>>43124806In awe of the bread?
>>43125511first nice digits, second what a trooper getting back up after that
>>43126076Cheerileader
LOL to this. very funny
>>43126819Reminds me of my old roommate
>>43126819>pinkiesnakewat
>>43127288most advanced kinder flight program>>43127851she's gonna say it shes gonna call you a n'wah
>>43128169I also like beans! Let's get married.
>>43128169slander
>>43097714SHE'S SO PRETTY I LOVE HER I WANT TO HOLD HER WHILE SHE YAPS AAAAA
>>43129358My neck: in shamblesMy scalp: warm
>>43129471hell yeah brother
>>43130422Do not abuse the dorp
>>43130695a weapon to surpass maretal gear
>>43130975>Maretal Gear
>>43132159God I wish that were me
>>43132513Same
>>43133142going native as a good filler does >>43133313thats a weird hat
>>43134479I need a Derpy mod for Death Stranding
>>43135334she looking thicc
>>43135900KEK
>be anon in kinderquestria>already went through all the stages of denial and "maybe they're not that childish">notice that the market values 1 fruit/veggie at 2 bits, but the dozen at 5 bits>get a 500 bit investment from filthy rich (promise a return in a month)>buy 100 dozens of assorted fruits and veggies>sell a pair of fruit and veggie for 2 bits>ponies flock to your stall cause you sell at half the price of all the others>make a massive 2400 bits in 3 days>pay back the investment loan (600 bits) >save 800 for thr next cycle of selling>use the remaining 1000 to buy a size-appropriate cottage near the edge of town>repeat the process ad nauseum>become a millionaire>nopony understands how you managed to do it>any attempts at explaining result in the ponies looking at you like one would look a physicist explaining advanced quantum mechanics
>>43137192>Anon ruins Ponyville's economy by introducing walmartGood lord
>>43137192I'm sure filthy would be proud >>43137215at least it would be significantly higher quality produce than walmart for sure and he'd less scummy with his business practices all he did was notice a gap in the market and gunned for it. that gap being bulk discount produce.
>>43138042agreed
>>43139534cozyhonse
>>43140412pretty twiggy
>>43140394tiny twiggie!
>>43118816The normal way. The best way to maintain the innocence of the kinderponies is to make sex a mundane biological function no different from breathing. The perversion comes from the human mind, not the act itself.
>>43142138she could use a break no doubt
>>43084373mods boop this mare
>>43143314
>9
>>43143814I haven't seen a ring pop in like 10 years
>>43145013Ayyy lmao
>>43145638smug thumbnail sized little shit
>>43145990qt carrot hoers
>>43146671Howdy doo!
>>43147714glad you like that one, I'm still pretty happy with how this one came out. Finland came out so cute! makes me wonder what kinder country ponies would be like?
Boop
>>43148122Whoop whoop
>>43149099Licking the microwave doesn't make it cook faster!
>>43150207look at her go
>>43150608holy shit, celly and luna with bob cuts
>>43150813luna pulls it especially well imo
>>43151165Luna pulls EVERYTHING well...
>>43150608hnnnnngespecially for Lunalooks like Yukari from P3
>>43100203Really fucking cool green. I love these so far.>>43137192>the kinderquestria economy works on Bethesda/Fallout 3 logiclmao
>>43151174Lewd
>>43152589The horse has been pacified.Back to shenanigans.
>>43153156shopping bags full of shopping bags full of shopping bags full of shopping bags full of shopping bags full of shopping bags full of
>>43153250Plastic bag vs Celestia is like hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby
>>43154331the cutest twiggy angle
>>43154626The cone of shame denotes failponies. The only hope of redemption is to remove it and gnaw at the itching parts!
>>43155328Basketball shoe squeaking sound at ver hgih speed
