Come one and all to the meta-writefag and help raise the quality of MLP fanfiction! Featuring: another sexual abuse podcast!ITT: Evil sexy lesbian vamponies, Cozy Glow is a top, not very wholesome impregnation, barely disguised hedonism, a metaphor for the author’s virginity, being overstuffed to the point of almost vomiting, the most boring ships known to man, sucking on hags, 1111 of childlessness, Gay Fetishes Discussion, fucking Scootaloo's abusive mom, Luna wasn't invited to the island, and bad seduction with a heavy lithp!>/fimfic/ Secret Book ClubThe one hundred and eightieth is Transistance:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/104440/transistanceIf (You) want to participate, read the whole story by Sunday, July 12th.>Recommended stories:Tired of adventures that meander for a million words? Fed up with super special OCs? Well, we've compiled the best of the worst in order to bring you our absolute average!New Starter Kit - http://mlpficreviews.org.uk/starter/Old Starter Kit - http://i.imgur.com/vuTA7EN.png>Common fic abbreviations used by the thread:https://ponepaste.org/7317>A list of reviews made by the Anons in this thread:http://www.mlpficreviews.org.ukUse the commands ">review <story link>" and ">discuss <story link>" to add reviews to a story.Userscript for extra features: https://ponepaste.org/8619>An in-depth writing guide for beginners:https://eznguide.neocities.org/>Additional material for authors:Rhorse's Horse Behavioral Notes - https://ponepaste.org/932Politics and the English Language - https://www.orwell.ru/library/essays/politics/english/e_polit/Vhatug's tips for anatomically correct clop - https://poneb.in/g4VpEg4fPurdue Online Writing resources: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/index.html and https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/subject_specific_writing/creative_writing/writers/index.html>Can you pre-read my story?Post it on Google Docs or HackMD with comments enabled and give us a link.>Various reviews and riffs:Fillyanon's Bookshelf - https://ponepaste.org/5555Notkickass222urmom's Reviews - https://pastebin.com/u/notkickass222urmomIHeartShinzakura's Reviews - https://ponepaste.org/user/IHeartShinzakuraAppleanon reads fics - https://poneb.in/wmGX7FPmDeluxe Big Master Review List - https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1z9Bz7UnEbxo-svlXa2tV49PJkP-yFuR7pRXiBUn-IeUA Guide to Rational Fics - https://files.catbox.moe/3jzrfm.pngPrevious Thread: >>43313597
First for HIE
Second for best 2uo!Enjoy this conveniently packaged Tuna: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/580785/the-chrysalis-gambit
where can i read more of the best OT3
>>43340853Pic unrelated? Here is some: https://www.fimfiction.net/story/426056/a-spark-for-eternityAnd the group was made a long time ago: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/1290/twilunestia
>>43340853That's weird, they put two random, irrelevant side characters next to best pony
Nobody liked my mini Fleetfoot green from last thread and I'm still mad about it
>>43340901Actually, I did like it. I just didn't have anything to say beyond "unf", so I didn't bother to post.
>>43340901>writing greentext for /fimfic/
>>43340893>>43340888I find you both severely lacking in imagination.
>>43340942That's weird, they put two random, irrelevant side characters next to best pony
>>43340901I'll have you know I masturbated to it, I just didn't think it would be necessary to bring it up.
>>43340946>two random, irrelevant side charactersI like Shiny too but there's no need to talk about his wives that way.
>>43340987Now there's a Wonderbolt and three irrelevant background characters.
>>43341010>Now there's a Wonderbolt, an irrelevant background characterFTFY
>>43340901Lisps are cute
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/592584/healthy-as-a-horseDid a new fic about Celestia getting a checkup. No premarital sex this time, sorry.
>>43341054Is there a reference to her 1000-year old yeast infection?
>>43341057Vaguely.
>write for an hour and half>went by so fast, feels like you wrote nothing at all>1,800 wordsI hate I can only do this writing my fetish.
>>43341221Look at this guy, writing his fetish fics with both hands. Dohohoho!
>>43341378You mean hooves?
Oh yay, my favorite fic updated.
>>43342521How does that feel?
>>43342670it fills me with a warm happiness, the kind of warm happiness I imagine most anons associate with wholesome impregnation.
>>43342673What would this be, then?
>>43342844Like the migraine I nursed for the last two days that was so painful it made me nauseous, I suppose.
>>43342890>the migraine I nursedFuck, now we have a lactation fetishist too.
>>43343180Quick, someone fetch Celestia!
Club's been postponed for /mlp/con
>>43343206Does that mean later than usual, or skipped until next week?
>>43343303That post is most likely someone shitposting for fun; I assumed we'd do it regardless since we've never taken a break for the /mlp/con before. We've only skipped a week like two times in total, and I don't think either of those were for an online con. Expect the anchorpost at normal time. You should be able to tell that this wasn't me. Not only is the posting style very wrong (up to and including missing the final full stop, seriously?!), but I'd also ask for opinions before declaring anything like that. It's not my decision to make!Unless everyone else wants to skip a week? Nothing says that we can't do that, but I'd be against it. It's imperative that the bookclub be consistent.
>>43343198Fighting Alex for control of the great white teat.
At what point do I need to stop huffing copium and accept I need to split my oneshot into a multi-chapter? 15k? 20k? 30k?
>>43343468Anything over 20k.
>>43343463I'll be done reading the fic before Sunday, so I'd prefer to have the club at its regularly scheduled time.
I've been going insane trying to find an old fic I remember reading around 2012. It was a war setting with some sort of magical corruption, and the rainbow dash in it was missing at least one of her wings. She manages to do a sonic rainboom while falling and it dissipates the magical corruption
>>43340888>shills his shit completely unrelated to anon's requestThis is why people don't like you btw
>>43343468Never stop coping. Make your oneshot 400k words long. No paragraph breaks.
https://fimfetch.net/story/3750/a-rose-is-a-roseAny other completed fics that were deleted from the main site for some reason and are only available through archives?
I thought I was making good progress on https://www.fimfiction.net/story/485500/harry-potter-and-the-prancing-of-ponies but I'm now on chapter 73 (which is really called chapter 56) and I have 296,000 words to go. I don't have many ideas for how to even another 100,000 words could last.
>>43341054>No premarital sex this time, sorry.
>>43344353The next fic will make up for it, I promise.
Fics with useful idiots?
>>43344557Any fic with Rainbow Dash.
>>43343848I don't know any offhand but after 14+ years I'm sure there's a buttload. It looks like Foalfetch doesn't let you filter for deleted stories specifically, but with the Fimfarchive collection you could probably vibe code something in an afternoon.
>>43343848>>43344839Uh huh.This is with a fimfarchive from almost a year ago.
>>43344897Nice. Can you filter for completed fics and sort by length or a popularity metric?
>>43344935Yeah, sorting by both is kinda tedious, but one is easy.
>>43344954"Complete?" appears to still be unchecked.
>>43344985I only filtered it a bit differently, it's there in green on the top left, all those stories were marked Complete the last time they were archived.https://fimfetch.net/story/414959https://fimfetch.net/story/391987etc
>>43344989I see now; my mistake.
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>43335595To avoid the "anchorpost doesn't have the next story" issue, I'll roll early.1-6 Stars7-12 Lines and Webs13-18 The Haunting19-20 reroll. Yes, I know I could do a d18, but that's heretical and cursed.
Such pure grade of edge?In this day and age?https://www.fimfiction.net/story/584403/lawbreaker
>>43345082>Red tags>Anthro>MC named Razor>Main theme is by Linkin Park>inspired by Berserk and Elden RingNice.
>>43345082This author's been drinking his capri sun, I see.
Was just looking at >>43324592 and how you can see the AI voice showing through the pony voices periodically. Has anyone made use of that in a story? Like a crossover between "real" and AI Equestrias? Or a changeling infiltration plot, only instead of changelings it's AI-controlled ponies?
>>43345118I hope he’s an alicorn, too.
Major kino incoming.
>>43345383i will be using>this is an entry for the gay contestin the future.
>>43345422This Anon is an entry for the gay contest
>>43345422Gotta capitalize it.
>>43345469No he doesn't.
>>43345473You're an entry for the Gay Contest.
>>43345036You could do a D12.
Just out of curiosity is there any other "me" here?
>>43345547No.
>>43345477I've never let any gays enter me. It's not my thing.
>>43345612That why you lost the contest. You're the worst at being gay.
Just to let you know, I'm nearly at two thousand words with my chapter of the exquisite corpse now, so I'm nearly done. I'll try to finish before Wednesday, at which time I'll have had two weeks to write. Sorry, life got in the way.
>>43345716At least it's taking you less than 9 months.
>>43345036>the club continues to dodge TyrantlestiaKek. At this rate, you'll never get to the "maybe the real tyrants were the Elements we harnessed along the way" sequel.>>43345082>My biggest sources of inspiration were the manga BerserkSo it's guaranteed to be a deadfic, then? From the comments, it sounds like the plot's just a worse version of Prevention.>>43345547No, but there is (You).
>>43345886>>the club continues to dodge TyrantlestiaI wouldn't be too sure about that
Any good grimdark recommendations like the timeloop or blink stories?
>>43345886>"maybe the real tyrants were the Elements we harnessed along the way" sequel.So Hard Reset sequels were not the only time it happened
randomly stumbled across a story about a guy who bought a house except it's also haunted by the ghost of a little filly and that shit fucked me up, god damnwasn't looking for feels tonight
We finally have a Hasbro-approved name for batponies and honestly it's better than half the shit the fandom came up with so I might use it.
>>43346309>We finally have a Hasbro-approved name for batponiesWhat is it?
>>43346324Not him but a quick scan of the catalog gives you the answer right away. In G5, they'll be called "Nocturnas".
>>43346327Why, that's practically "vesperquines!"
>>43346324>>43346327>>43346340It fits in with unicorn and pegasus better. Now if only earth ponies got a better name.Having said that I'll still just call them thestrals.
The real NLR has never been tried, not in>/FSBC/I still have pic related as a framed poster on my wall. I got it in early 2013 (or late 2012?) and took it with me whenever I moved. Anyway, I'm late, so I'll simply go with initial impressions in no specific order.It's curious that Luna doesn't actually do much of anything out of her own volition here. For a story where her desire to do things the way she saw as right, pretty much all of her choices are made for her. Droids, Empresses, and Princesses all put her in a spot with only a single possible path forward. And on that topic, this being a mild variation of the stupid Tyrantlestia trope, of course Celly's characterization is not amazing. To the author's credit, though, he did seem aware of this! There's a lot of "she can't do anything else" or "she does what she thinks she must" hedging since the early chapters, so the eventual confrontation and its outcome don't feel like an asspull. And it makes the fic way more "pony", especially how the NNLR crisis is handled by all the involved parties. There were some parts earlier that seemed out of tone, such as the handling of prisoners by the guard, but on the whole it's not so bad. It's kind of impossible to do a dystopian future with Celestia at the helm without writing her OOC. Synthetic Bottled Sunlight dodged this problem, and I can't think of any other fic to have pulled this off.Thinking back about Luna, a lot of this fic just kind of... happens. The story beats aren't wrong, but they are often exactly what you'd expect, and the story has a habit of glossing over them and forgetting about them as soon as they're done. If I wanted to be mean, I'd say we're on a theme park ride through sci-fi Equestria. A pleasant themed ride it is, however, and the sights are quite fun to behold. The setting does appear to be a focus here, and an above-average amount of care must have gone to creating it. That is not to say that the plot is bad. No, I enjoyed reading the story; it simply doesn't have much depth or exciting moments. Sure, even beyond getting "inspired" regarding the topic, it wears its references on its sleeve, even blatant ones like the Neighponese ad or the literal "ghost in her shell" phrasing, but it doesn't claim to be more than that.In any case, I've gone far over time, so I'll defer to what (You) all have to say. I enjoyed the story enough to updoot it. I doubt I'd ever recommend this to anyone over Cypress Zero or Equestria 485k, but it's not a bad sci-fi fic if you really crave one. I may view it slightly more positively because of nostalgia for the NLR, which was already dead and gone by the time this was posted. Oh, one more thing! For a 2013 fic, it's surprisingly competently written! You could post this today and no one would bat an eye, whether on site or in this thread.Next week:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/488834/when-the-stars-sleepVoting later, possibly sticking with the runner-ups from last week.
>>43346309It easily beats the worst one (that also happens to be the most popular one), but I think it's worse than several of the secondary choices people sometimes opt for. And you should simply call them bat ponies or batponies. That was always the best name.
'ate thestrals'ate nyxies'ate vesperquines'ate nocturnas'ate batssimple as.>>43346359trvth. anything is better than "thestrals".
Didn't finish reading the club fic, but my thoughts: This is just DADOES but worse. No, you can't just shove ponies into a story and call it a fanfiction. No, you can't just copy a story and hope to communicate the same themes and messages. Shut up about hard-light.
>>43346356The setup to this does throw out some interesting threads but then manages to leave me limp and unsatisfied. The dialogue seems to get worse chapter by chapter, but perhaps that is just me realizing that the writer is most likely esl halfway through the third chapter. As for the plot, the romance between the "droid" and AI!Rarity and their crime isn't fleshed out enough to properly hang the rest of the story on, and the story suffers for that. Why does it matter that the "droid" have a proper trial, other than for plot reasons? She is property, not even a citizen in the way that a slave is, and they decide to what, make an example out of her? Just turn her off and put her on a pike outside Canterlot or something. There needs to be something different about this case that leads to the events of the story or it's just things happening because the writer needed them to happen. You see this multiple times where Luna is told to do something and she goes and does it without running into any problems. Luna is also beloved by the citizens of Manehatten, and we are only ever told this. We are never even shown the tiniest little reason why—even a little moment at the very beginning in the Blade Runner soup scene would have helped.Speaking of Luna, she acts like a child (or at least someone much younger than she is) most of the time and it doesn't make any sense to me why. Aside from the crude implication that she is a droid a la the Tyrell CEO being coy in their interactions, I guess (fuck all the way off with that). Three hundred years doesn't seem like enough time to become a stuttering mess in a courtroom when you have several times that of being a princess. The climatic confrontation in the last chapter is a mess. Why should I care about the droids again? They aren't even given the replicant "we made these slaves to do hard labor in deep space" sob story, they work and are even free in parts of Equestria. Plus not even the story seems to care about them at this point, with all the whinging between Celesita and Luna about their past fights. It all feels so pointless.The writer tried their best to not write a one-to-one ripoff of Blade Runner (Film), but the choices they made to make it different didn't work for me.Also>The images had been mostly of the trial, but now they wavered and flickered, and were replaced by an image of Celestia's head."I've come to make an announcement: Princess Luna is a bitch-ass motherfucker."
>>43346356I didn't like it. I felt like 80% of the story was missing, like this was the Reader's Digest version of a better and more complete novel. I think this could be turned into a longfic and would be better for it.(Does anyone else even know what Reader's Digest is? Since the 50s, they've published (in addition to a magazine) anthologies of abridged popular novels. Mysteries, thrillers, romances, etc., all with enough words omitted that an adult who wanted to pretend to be literate could "read" them in a few hours.)I liked the setting, but it had huge gaps. Ordinarily, I don't mind when an author hints at things they don't explain, but here, a lot of the unanswered questions seemed plot-relevant: What happened between Celestia and Luna 300 years ago? Why did Twilight leave for the space colonies? What's the Deckard Corporation and what's their relationship to droids? When did Celestia turn into Tyrantlestia and why? Why is the political situation so fragile? Why does Manehattan love Luna so much? All of these are easily answerable in a novel-length story but not in a story this short.In the same way, while I thought many aspects of the plot were compelling, there were things that seemed important but were omitted. To me, the most glaring omission was the first day of the trial. This is a huge moment in the story. It felt like everything had been building up to this. And then we skip it! We see absolutely nothing of one the story's key scenes! Until that point, I was ready to forgive a lot of the story's flaws, but this felt like first-degree story homicide.I didn't think much of the revolution, either. The initial escape from the courthouse is fine, but what happens next felt almost like a time skip: Twilight has already organized a rally, and ponies have already showed up, and the revolution has already grown so strong that it's irresistible. Popular uprisings can be great drama, but this one feels like it comes out of nowhere. I felt like we got only the vaguest hints that people were unhappy with Tyrantlestia until Twilight's secret conference with Luna, and even after that, we got hardly anything until ponies were filling the streets.I don't understand what happens at the end, either. Tyrantlestia is so emotionally retarded that she's trying to teach Luna a lesson by keeping millions of sentient beings enslaved? And Luna goes, "I guess I gotta betray the ideals they think I'm fighting for, lol. At least they call me Duchess now."Twilight did not make for a good "wise mentor" figure, nor for a good revolutionary leader. She wasn't quite as out-of-character as Celestia, but she didn't feel like Twilight.Why is that one character named Vangelis? That's the name of the guy who wrote the Chariots of Fire song. Every time he showed up, I imagined ponies running in slow motion.I can't really say that the story is bad. It has plenty of good elements, and I wouldn't feel right downvoting it. But it's terribly, terribly flawed.
>>43346369>What's the Deckard Corporation and what's their relationship to droids?I don't remember if it's ever explicitly said, but they're the creators of the droids, i.e. Tyrell Corp in Blade Runner.>the most glaring omission was the first day of the trialI'm of two minds of this, because I absolutely do not believe the author could have done this scene justice but it does suck that it gets skipped completely.>Why is that one character named Vangelis?Vangelis wrote the soundtrack to Blade Runner.
>>43346381>they're the creators of the droidsI should have been more clear: I did figure out it was a reference to Blade Runner, but in-universe, their role is never explained. We're told they make droids, and they have some kind of history with Celestia and Luna, but there's a lot of omitted backstory. I feel like the fic really suffers from its decision to not show us that.>I absolutely do not believe the author could have done this scene justiceYeah, I agree with that.>VangelisOh, that makes sense. I should have looked him up.
>>43346381So this guy wanted a blade runner crossover without tagging it, huh
>>43346367I'm a cooler on the fic a few hours later. I think you're too harsh on the writing—it is better than what you'd expect out of a 2013 ponyfic—but even rereading my own post, it does sound like I'm making excuses for a mediocre story with the setting being its only good feature.>romance (...) isn't fleshed out enoughYeah, this and the lack of the first day of Luna's defense is what essentially killed any plot momentum for me when I read it. I think you're going a bit far—while legally the droids are property, clearly many ponies see them differently, hence the need to make an example out of her before ponies get the wrong idea about droid rights. That does make sense.>she acts like a childI think it's mostly her lack of agency. She's also impulsive, but that is to contrast Celestia, and a good trait to include here and also arguably in character, especially for an early season Luna.>>43346369This definitely wanted to be a longer story except that it'd be a bad one. Getting an abridged version that shows off the setting is possibly the best that we could've hoped for here, and I agree it's not great that this is all there is to the fic.>a lot of the unanswered questionsThey did answer almost all of the ones you listed. Some answers are a bit too shallow imo, but I think that was intentional?>What happened between Celestia and Luna 300 years ago?A conflict over Luna secretly selling her shares of the Moon to the Deckard Corp. Celestia didn't approve, and they fought (like, actually fought, not just argued), Luna got physically hurt and fled into exile, and Celestia felt bad enough about this to not undo Luna's deal and so she let Deckard keep their part of the Moon. Twi took Luna's role afterwards.>Why did Twilight leave for the space colonies?Her relationship with Celestia soured. She says this, adding that Celly's been far too much of an Empress lately.>What's the Deckard Corporation and what's their relationship to droids?They make them. This is stated explicitly.>When did Celestia turn into Tyrantlestia and why?>Why is the political situation so fragile?The latter happened because of the former (they say that ponies dislike how Celestia started to rule), and as for the former, nothing is said explicitly, indeed. You can blame her fight with Luna, but what Luna says hints that this started happening earlier.>Why does Manehattan love Luna so much?She spent 300 years helping them out in ways not mentioned in the fic.Anyway,>the most glaring omission was the first day of the trial>I didn't think much of the revolution, either.Yeah, those skips were both bad. I wasn't really that invested in the story by the time rebellion happened, and so a few scenes were at least neat to read.>she didn't feel like TwilightShe COULD be Twilight had we gotten more of her+Tia's backstory, but alas.>VangelisIt could be a sci-fi name/reference.>>43346381>ever explicitly saidIt is.>wrote soundtrack to Blade RunnerAh.
Dipping my toes into /fimfic/ for the first time. I don't enjoy clop or HIE. Quick review(spoilers) after reading a few stories that caught my eye/from lists:>Excuses/Winter Heat(combined due to being a sequel)Despite my earlier note about being defective, this HIE/clopfest was pretty enjoyable(mostly the non-clop parts).>The BadWingjob being an exception(actually interesting concept that was well-executed) the clop was objectively bad(this is a problem in most fiction and sex in general, but it was still bad). Guy kept coming back to the shed for the same words over and over despite trying to mix it up. >Spicy>PreenWe get it. At least Mobious knows what he's about(points for using "ozonic" in context but not elsewhere). Never any immediate, short term, or fake misunderstanding about not-really-being-in-trouble consequences for Anon's or Rainbow Dash's aggression so the stakes felt very forced and low, human discrimination story line is very schizophrenic after the reveal that Dash had to fight off half the town to keep Anon to herself and he's actively flirted with by another mare. Needed more Mane 6. This takes place so far into FiM it's just incredulous they didn't get more involved and zero chance Fluttershy would ever let this fly. S1 Fluttershy in a post-Zephyr world being a doormat to him when she was putting her foot down in his debut? C'mon. Don't explicitly call your therapy characters the therapy characters(Bow and Windy in Winter Heat) that's bad man. I don't understand the fic community obsession with puns like "coltfriend" even though they clearly use "boyfriend" in the series. >The GoodCute depiction of Rainbow Dash. Good interplay of insecurity, playful/competitiveness, defensiveness, but wanting to share her sensitive side. Three dimensional character, very good. Lots of directions to take a character like her, but it's a very believable Rainbow Dash and not some other character wearing her body for the fic. The discrimination part of the story sucked, but the culture shock/physiological differences gag/notes were pretty decent overall. Some repetition and stinkers, but in aggregate pretty good. Despite my complaints about a lack of Mane 6, with the exception of Applejack, characters who showed up were pretty well represented and respected. Misgivings about Fluttershy handling Zephyr, her scene at the party sold me. Love a Pinkie billboard. Good guy Soarin was handled well given they're a common straight ship meta-competing with Anon. Despite being therapy characters, Windy and Bow were fun and added a lot against the constant clop. Strangely I felt as though I had a great sense of the locations/backgrounds they scenes took place in, despite the author not spending a whole lot of time on set up. He carried the space being occupied very well through scenes.More like this hold the clop/HIE.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/365626/excuseshttps://www.fimfiction.net/story/401853/winter-heat
>>43346356>tech that goes on/in a ponies' skin isn't waterproof>it's Rarityof course>timeskip the first day of court>Twilight already has a rally going>I'm still her number one student!>The days of me being her student ended a long time ago.kek>the final a/nWew, did everyone hate the fic or what?Well I don't have much to say. It really feels like Luna was just sort of dragged along for the whole fic, I can't really recall if she does anything of her own volition. Twilight seems more like the main character if anything. I like that we get some much needed lore at the end. Overall, eh. I didn't dislike it but it certainly doesn't stand out much. Best part is probably just the setting and there's fics that do it better, although the moon base is kinda neat although selling the moon to a company isn't.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/590744/1/young-blood/heeding-the-voice-of-inexperienceThis was cute.
>>43346356The introduction immediately presents this fic as one of those that did not stand the test of time. I was sold Luna, and the initial setup did not deliver anything except reminders that this OC only used to be Luna and is not anymore. Later on, Luna’s favorite line is apparently that nopony has called her Princess, even though almost everypony calls her Princess.The introduction of Sapphire was also pretty poor. The dialogue seemed like it was out of a bad anime, where the characters inexplicably know each other and throw 3deep5me philosophical concepts at each other that all at once can’t be strung together into a coherent whole, don’t even support the arguments they’re trying to make. The commentary on choices really falls flat when Luna is hauled to and fro by the ponice, of whom all the royal ones are bastards and definitely not nice ponies at all in this universe.The trip into the archives was visually a lot of fun, but once again the actual philosophical banter was simple nonsense. Rarity says Vangelis doesn’t think her love is programmed in the very same chapter that has Vangelis revealing that Deckard Corporation deliberately programmed the AIs to love. If I hadn’t dropped the fic at the first conversation with Sapphire, it surely would’ve been here.The whole court case seemed like a couple sketched Ace Attorney frames blended in with concepts of a TV court with a second try at opening arguments and plea after they had both already been done, like the author realized that time-skipping some of the trial’s most important scenes was a mistake. And “solved” by Luna starting a rebellion? Cut to Twilight lying to her friends about having arrived that night when she was in Equestria from offworld for over a week. With so many more mistakes, I can’t believe it’s purposeful subterfuge on Twilight’s part, but just that the author forgot what Twilight said in the previous chapter.I quit reading at the high rise squad car escape. This Luna doesn’t seem to have any of her own ideas or plans. It's like the other characters expect her to have the experience and capability of a multi-millenia-old goddess, but she's about on par with Applejack. She helplessly stumbles in whatever direction was given to her last. Why does she need to be told that Manehattan is primed for rebellion when she’s lived there for three centuries? Was she ladling soup in one food bank for that whole time?I might pick it back up again after this post, but still probably am not going to finish it.For a "Future Luna Adventures" fic, "Luna, Princess of Space" delivers. For a "Are maredroids ponies?" fic, Passing Familiarity delivers, although more in a Star Trek style than a Blade Runner style. This fic is bad.
>>43346356>It's curious that Luna doesn't actually do much of anything out of her own volition here... pretty much all of her choices are made for her.Yeah, this was probably the weirdest part of the fic for me. Luna is just along for the ride>If I wanted to be mean, I'd say we're on a theme park ride through sci-fi Equestriafucking kek, and so is Luna>In any case, I've gone far over time>17 minuteskek>I doubt I'd ever recommend this to anyone over Cypress Zero or Equestria 485kYeah, within about a page I was reminded of Jessi's fic that starts with Twi going to a food stand and getting jumped by gryphon gangers or something before going to Canterlot to check in with Luna. Also Jessi ruined Luna's scene with a rewrite for some reason. It was truly almost the exact same as Luna getting food and the guard showing up to bring her to Celestia. Except even in this single scene Twilight has more free will and influence on the events around her.>>43346365>Shut up about hard-light.Yeah I can definitely agree with this>>43346367>There needs to be something different about this case that leads to the events of the story or it's just things happening because the writer needed them to happen.yeah the main plot was eh. I'm still not really sure by the end why Luna is even getting involved other than I suppose it's 'the right thing to do' so she starts calling in huge (valuable) favors right away. Although then the moonbase guy says 'now we're even' and then at the end she (and he) both imply she has many more favors she can call in from them kek. Honestly it's the same vein as Twilight saying she's still Celestia's most faithful student, later followed by saying the time of her being Celestia's student is long gone. Also Luna repeatedly saying she's not a Princess, and then every character in the fic considering her a princess.>Luna is also beloved by the citizens of Manehatten, and we are only ever told this.Yeah also Twi and Celestia make it seem like Luna is a hard pony to reach, but everybody in Manehatten seems to know her and she has a normal fucking address kek>Speaking of LunaCompletely agree with everything you said, including that it seems to be implied that she's a droid of some sort>>43346369>I think this could be turned into a longfic and would be better for it.Definitely, as long as the author had an actual vision and probably an editor>All of these are easily answerable in a novel-length story but not in a story this short.Completely agreed, I nliked the lore peek we get at the very end, but really there shouldn't have been so many questions in the first place. In this sense it reads like a story in a 1k words contest. A story that is literally not able to give you exposition so you are forced to read a small slice of something greater.>the most glaring omission was the first day of the trialkek>teach Luna a lesson by keeping millions of sentient beings enslaved?fucking kek
>>43346575Shorter stuff I've read>Those Golden EyesIncredibly sad and tender. Short and sweet. Kill Cliff. https://www.fimfiction.net/story/72790/1/those-golden-eyes/>I Am Not Big MacInterest concept, mid execution, too bad this one died. Good use of multiple points of view. Beginning of the story drags on, easily the weakest part of this. Gabriel is way too angsty for way too long, even if they're trying to draw Apple Family parallels about stubbornness. Very out of place lesbian jump scare. Pinkie Pie steals the show as a supporting character. Apple Bloom section hit all the beats it needed to. The Applejack tenderness/concern turnabout hits right. Interesting FiM timeline placement for this, I assume this is the author's way of trying to respect their story not conflicting with the canon.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/538664/8/i-am-not-big-mac/>My Sediments ExactlyNot a ship I would have expected, but I get it. You can really do this whole "Big Mac is just a rock" with any of the Pie Family Farm girls, but there's extra comedy here with Maud's spectrum against Big Mac's quiet. Simple cute and funny story that doesn't burn all it's good will by keeping you too long.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/175629/my-sediments-exactly>Roots and Rocks(currently reading)All the pieces are there, but writers really gotta slow down. Not exactly asking for a slow burn, but they're really laying in on thick with the love at first sight with a dumb promise conflict when we've got 8 chapters to really sell this thing. Hopefully it's not just a bunch of melodrama(not holding my breath).https://www.fimfiction.net/story/580066/2/roots-and-rocks/chapter-1-hard-harvest
>>43346575>Dipping my toes into /fimfic/ for the first time. I don't enjoy clop or HIE.>this HIE/clopfest was pretty enjoyablekek, is anonfilly back?
>>43346633>It's like the other characters expect her to have the experience and capability of a multi-millenia-old goddess, but she's about on par with Applejack.fucking kek>Why does she need to be told that Manehattan is primed for rebellion when she’s lived there for three centuries? Was she ladling soup in one food bank for that whole time?kek, probably. Although even that probably would've shown her how much ponies hate her sister
>>43346577>has luna killing pedophiles mentionedIs the author an anon from here?
>>43346645Deep inside we are all the little filly.
>>43346660Not me, I'm deep inside the little filly.
>>43346666Wasted get, reluctantly checked
>>43345886>>43345551I see. "We" have not yet "arrived" here, it seems.
>>43346645It's just one of those>It can't be that bad, right?>It was that badThe non-clop itself was pretty good and HIE just isn't for me(weird immersion breaking). From >>43346641 you can see I've stuck to neither since then. Most people just can't write sex period and apparently they're even worse at writing sex between a mare and a man, which I already wasn't inclined to. I skipped practically half of Winter Heat because outside the intro to set up the premise, it was straight clopping for multiple chapters with no emotional beats until Bow and Windy show up.
>>43346660Fics that make you wish you had a horse mommy to take care of you?
>>43343848faggot 67 67 lol 67>67 sex
>>43346922HI CHAT!
>>43346922
>>43346554I feel like you're still making excuses for the fic. I agree that every question I raised is addressed somehow in the fic. But in each of those cases, I feel like what the fic provides isn't really an answer. For me, the fic is more than "a bit too shallow" (as you put it); I had the sense that all of the questions I raised had deeper and plot-relevant answers.>A conflict over Luna secretly selling her shares of the Moon to the Deckard Corp.Why would the Deckard Corporation want to buy part of the moon? Did they just need space? Was it to escape Tyrantlestia? I'm guessing it was to escape, but it's not explained.>Celestia didn't approveBut why not? If the moon is just a lump of rock, then why would she care? Whatever symbolic value it has is surely more relevant to Luna than to Celestia. And if Deckard Corporation is so disfavored, why does Celestia allow them to continue to exist, let alone have the power they obviously do?>they fought (like, actually fought, not just argued)But why? Something appears to have gotten out of hand. Both of them have more emotional maturity than toddlers, so I assume there was an actual, serious, irreconcilable difference of some kind. Perhaps that difference is just the sale of the moon, but then I'm led back to the question of why Celestia didn't approve.>[Twilight's] relationship with Celestia souredWe're told this but not shown it.Come to think of it, telling but not showing is exactly what I'm objecting to. The story tells us answers to my questions, but it never shows why or how things got to be that way. We're expected to accept at face value that everypony has changed in the ways the fic says. We know that Celestia is a tyrant not because she acts like one, but because the fic announces that she's one; we know Twilight's relationship with Celestia has broken down not because we see tense interactions, but because the fic (via Twilight's dialogue) tells us; we know (prior to the revolution) that Manehattan loves Luna not because she does things for them, but because we're told that they love her. The first day of the trial is the most obvious instance of telling and not showing, but it happens throughout the fic. If the fic showed more and told less, my issues with it would mostly, maybe completely, go away.
>everyone hates the ficThis is what happens when you select a fic for the club based on a random anon's trips.
>>43346911I'm pretty sure every parenting fic is from the perspective of "god I wish I had a filly daughter" and not "god I wish i was a filly daughter"
>>43347391I feel like I would have had more fun with the one with the guy fucking Scootaloo's abusive mom.
>>43347391But we didn't select based on trips. We selected based on quads, and you can't argue with quads: >>43335555
>>43346779>you can see I've stuck to neither since thenExcept for that last one apparently(Roots and Rocks), didn't notice the sex tag. That wasn't too hard to do was it? Maybe this is just the difference between a fetish scene and a sex scene.
Is Past Sins actually worth reading?
>>43347631Not really.
Are there any similar to "The Needle" horror fics? With psycjological and unknown suspence?
>>43347645If you can stomach EqG and journal style fics, this one's good.https://www.fimfiction.net/story/508734/hey-twi
>>43347631It's cute.
How do people feel about a fic that's all dialogue with the occasional sound effect?Or is that too much like a script?
>>43347857It's been done, and some people like it: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217629/dialogue-only-contest-d
>>43347857It better be a one-shot or a specific choice made for one scene. I'm not reading a whole book like that.
>>43346633I finished the fic and my opinion on it hasn't improved. I agree that the final confrontation was sorta decent in that they talked it out. But Celestia's reason for setting Luna up to fail was catastrophically bad writing. Not just because it's OOC, but also because it still wouldn't make any sense if if was an OC doing it. Luna would still have known her campaign on Sapphire's behalf was thwarted by system rigged by Celestia. There's no insight to gain from that except what's right on its face.I agree with >>43346369 in that Twilight never particulary read like Twilight. So, the only vaguely in-character canon characters are the AIs.The further inconsistencies with the Deckard corporation owing Luna favors and Twilight being or not being Celestia's student were as annoying as the earlier ones.I agree with the sentiment that important plot threads were underdeveloped, particularly the romance, any reason for Celestia becoming a tyrant and the cause of the rebellion. For the rest of the questions in >>43346369, I don't agree with them: they don't seem to be genuine problems with the story.Overall, I regret reading and voting for it, and would never recommend it.
>>43346666>jew gets satan quadsIt's just so easy for you.
>>43348307I agree that some of the questions I raised aren't really problems with the story. Leaving out their explanations isn't some kind of fatal flaw. However, I do think the story is worse this way. As I realized in >>43347036, when the fic addresses backstory, it's always told and not shown. "Show don't tell" is basic writing advice for a reason.
I'm still reading https://www.fimfiction.net/story/485500/harry-potter-and-the-prancing-of-ponies . At this point, all of the MLP content is a flashback to a Voldemort redemption arc that even the author admits has sacrificed fun for believability. The HPMOR content, and it's probably no spoiler to admit that the cast make it make to Hogwarts, is convincing me to keep reading. I may regret this if it turns into another set of chapters where they do nothing but gain power, but I'm at the point where I might be able to recommend the fic to a HPMOR fan if they skip all of the MLP content. I believe that most of what is happening would actually happen if you put the cast in the situation they were in after the MLP content, which is actually making it a believable HPMOR sequel. With the exception of Draco Malfoy and the Practice of Rationality, it's the most believable I've read. Whether or not it's actually good remains to be seen. There is currently very little tension in the fic. The kids have just agreed to go see Star Wars.
>>43348486>Whether or not it's actually good remains to be seenDoes it, though?
>>43348491I'll presumably know by the end of the week. The fic is going in a new direction.
>Before they raped me, they would chant "In the name of Celestia, the most gracious and the most merciful"I need to stop writing crossovers with everything I read.
>>43346309>Hasbro-approved nameIt wasn't actually made, so I don't think you can say it was formally approved. The thing was just the season 2 pitch they made. They even used Echo as a placeholder, which would have obviously never gotten past the lawyers.>>43346575>I don't enjoy clop or HIE>this HIE/clopfest was pretty enjoyableKek. Pic related.>>43347631It's thoroughly okay. Definitely in the My Little Dashie realm of being way over hyped and overhated at the same time. If you're ever in the mood for Twimom stuff, it scratches the itch.>>43348491He just has to read another 200k before he can make up his mind. It's a 600k deadfic so no matter what, the answer is 100% no.
>>43348534>It wasn't actually made, so I don't think you can say it was formally approved. The thing was just the season 2 pitch they made.they also used it in the comics though.
>>43345716Those Fable outages hit everyone, don't they?
>>43348830kek
Sweet Celestia someone help me - is there ANY vanilla Derpy romance that doesn't involve some nameless nopony explicitly calling her retarded and useless in the thickest most heavy handed way for the ship/oc/second person to savior fag about?
>>43349330>Is there any romance fic where Retardy Dipshittems isn't called a retarded dipshit only for her boyfriend to assure her she's not a retarded dipshit?Are you retarded
>>43349342You would expect it to come up at some point and in some way, sure. Most of the time it's literally to the point of physically assaulting her and stepping in - IN PUBLIC! It's just ridiculously over the top.
>>43349330>Thinking fimfic writers won't jump at the chance to mischaracterize ponies so brutallyI'm sure there's one somewhere, but I highly doubt it.
>>43349348Is that a thing in derpy fics? I read the one doctor who anon wrote here and that's my only exposure to it.
>>43349330If you don't want to read a fic about Derpy but want it to still say Derpy, you can make one by fetching a vanilla pegasus mare romance and search-replacing the MC's name to Derpy.
>>43349342>>43349348Genuinely just read one with two of the worst offenders>Derpy bumps into some stallion in public>Everyone shirks away as he starts yelling at her and raises a hoof at her and Bic Mac has to step in>Some time later>Derpy has a miscarriage>Mares say she must've had a miscarriage because she's retardedDo people really defend this? Do people really like this???
>>43349359>Everyone shirks away as he starts yelling at her and raises a hoof at her and Bic Mac has to step inFor clarity yelling at her included telling her that Dinky Doo didn't deserve to have a retarded mother like her. Surely there's a gradient of temperature here you could depict talking about her eyes and bird brain with and not just hot and cold.
>>43349359You could just curate your experience better.
>>43349351Derpy isn't mentally handicapped in that though.
>>43349330I remember reading a Derpy/Twilight romance that didn't have her as mentally retarded. Just a bit slow.
>>43349351To be fair in that one I still have ponies be kind of jerks to her, just lower key and behind her back.
>>43349357>it's based and natural and expected for ponies to call Derpy subhumanWhat did he mean by this?
>>43349567It's expected and disappointing for Derpy writers to fixate on her disability, because she is the the one canon pony for that.If you want a where everypony treats her normally, the way they do when she's a background character, it's easiest to start with a story that's about a pony that everypony treats normally and then swap her in. It's not like she has any other canon character traits, which is the whole reason for this situation.
>>43349590>because she is the the one canon pony for that.What about Scootaloo
>>43349648>What about ScootalooYou could also do Kerfuffle or Tempest Shadow if you're feeling adventurous.
>>43349657There's also that Make-a-Wish kid who got a pegasus with wheels.
>>43349663>get your self insert OC into the show via Make-a-Wish>get to voice act your own character>spend all the royalties on commissioning porn of your now-canon character fucking the shit out of everyonegigachad
>>43349657I would saviorfag for Fizzle so hard my ass would literally fall off and catch fire.
>>43349648Complaining about a derpy fic having her have random ponies abuse her for her eyes and mental retardation so her boyfriend can rescue her is pretty much in the same vein as every single Scootaloo fic. I can't think of any work centered around her where she's not an object of pity.
>>43349688Kaz put your flag back on.
Do you shill your stories on social media?
>>43349813Yes but it doesn't matter because none of my social media accounts have any followers.
>>43349657Well, Scootaloo fics are all the same in a different way, aren't they?They're actual characters, not a blank slate. And if someone calls Tempest in particular an Unterpferd, she'll disassemble them. How is a nice guy supposed to step in?>>43349663Is there even a market for white knighting for stallions?
>>43349947>Is there even a market for white knighting for stallions?There's enough Zephyr Breeze fics to say, "yes"
>>43349691Rarifag is circumcised?
>>43349948Zephyr Breeze exist, yeah, but not like >>43349330I've never scrolled past one that looked even remotely like someone was defending him.
>>43340815Just finished rereading Daring Do amd the Hand of Doom. Love that fuckin story
>>43350240I mean Zephyr Breeze isn't fanoned as being a disabled retard, at least medically speaking.
>>43350287That's what I'm saying, Zephyr Breeze fics don't supply "white knighting for stallions" content, even if there is a demand for it. Nopony's defending him from hecklers. They're probably all him being even more of an asshole.
Any fics with ponies getting trapped somewhere but cannot die and they slowly go insane and lose their humanity turning into a monstrous mockery of their former self?
>>43350371This series, https://www.fimfiction.net/story/22323/a-fleet-ng-light-n-the-darkness
>>43350371Monument has a bit of that.
God why didn't I commission this cover months before the fic was doneWhy am I so fucking dumb
>>43350481I don't have to worry about comms since I have my own mediocre art. It goes along well with the low effort low skill stories I make.
>>43350523I just underestimated how many artists make it as inconvenient as possible to commission them.
>>43349330I don't think it happens in Winning Pony, but I honestly can't remember and it's definitely something Chenger would have pulled. But even if it doesn't, that would mean reading Winning Pony for the romance, which I would never recommend. Though Derpy ends up ironically being the smartest pony in that whole clusterfuck.
>>43350264Yeah, UH might be the best/most consistently good underappreciated author I can think of. Definitely if we're adjusting for word count.
>>43347870Hey, I remember submitting something for that.Was a fun experiment.
>only two human fics on the sinboxAre we back
>>43351313If we are back then it will be so over by tomorrow.
Scootaloo, the alicorn, is in love with Harry Potter.
>>43351687I love this fashion style.
>>43351788Why is always ScootalooIs it the tomboy part
>>43351791Goth mariachi?
Are there any long stories with bat ponies I can read or a good human becoming bat pony story?
>>43352098There's Journey with a Bat Pony, She Drives Me Batty, Genealogy - (or the Mating Habits of Nocturnes Pegasi), Of Lilies and Chestnuts.
>>43352137>or the Mating Habits of Nocturnes PegasiNice
>>43351953Harry Potter is also a gay male.
>>43352220Scootaloo's barely a girl so it's okay.
>>43352174some memes are just not meant for pony redrawsgod help me for saying this but leglocks are only available to the b&throfags
>>43352283You underestimate pegasus flexibility
>>43352283I dunno man I saw that whole mp4 of Twilight leglocking Big Mac and it felt in-character to me.
I decided to look at this guy's latest story:https://www.fimfiction.net/story/592501/rise-of-the-gynoids>!>>Walking into his apartment Izuku staggered to the diner table, placing the bag of scrap he had collected.The first fucking sentence gets something like this wrong, so I stopped reading there.We also got an explanation for why he wears the mask.
>>43352344There's a reason his fics all are massively downvoted. He often takes the exact same story and just swaps around the names, then abandons it. He has been doing this for over a decade and no matter how many people tell him to kill himself or at least vaguely improve as a writer he won't. Chris-chan kind of mentality, basically.
>>43352344Sorry I can now only think about pony gynoids. And now pony SHODAN
Say I wanted one of my characters to speak with a more archaic diction.Nothing too elaborate, just something like Victorian era English.What would you recommend I read to get a good grasp of the way they spoke back in the day?
>>43352174>YWN be looked at that way by a mareTonight's the night.
>>43352791Jane Austen, Daniel Defoe, Ann Radcliffe, and Laurence Sterne are a little pre-Victorian. The Brontë sisters, Charles Dickens, Thomas Hardy, William Makepeace Thackeray, and Anthony Trollope are all properly Victorian authors. I wouldn't use anyone any later as a reference since the end of the Victorian era happened around the same time as the rise of modernism, and modernist novelists like Virginia Woolf used a quite different style.
>>43352795Just be a cheeseburger and Twilight will look at you that way.
>>43352361He always claims that the work was a commission, too.
>>43352361>no matter how many people tell him to kill himself or at least vaguely improve as a writer he won'tUh, based?
>>43353113On what, hubris?
>>43353126Sloth, at its core.
>>43353144Fair, I can get behind that.
>>43353168Sloths are notoriously pretty slow, I think most people can get behind one.
>>43350481I've got the opposite problem. I'll commission cover art for some idea I've got too far in advance, and then I feel bad for asking the artist not to post it. Whenever I try to break this cycle, however, I've ended up waiting months on the cover art and needing to use a placeholder instead, such as the sketch, yeah.>>43350525Would you like some recommendations? By now, I know a lot of artists, with an idea of how quickly they work and all. I got new cover art for my Eris story, which is totally going to get its next chapter this month by the way.>>43352361>>43352968Thanks for the info. He's lying about his work being commissioned? That's even worse than I thought, kek.
>>43353352>Would you like some recommendationsI'm looking for someone who could handle detailed backgrounds, ideally. If you know anyone in the horse neighborhood who can do that, I'm down.
>>43353457What are you trying to commission?
/)(\ Congratulations to SlopWriter for>https://www.fimfiction.net/story/592606/rockin-onYou got your story read on stream by BGM up to the kissing part.
>>43353957Campy space opera cover.
>>43353457Let's see. Of these, Whiterabbit95 is pregnancy-focussed, and none of the others are:>sleepyhoers/Candelhttps://derpibooru.org/images/3589963https://derpibooru.org/images/3614057>Whiterabbit95https://derpibooru.org/images/3790125https://derpibooru.org/images/3755966https://derpibooru.org/images/3585549https://derpibooru.org/images/3478358>Dull Diamondhttps://derpibooru.org/images/3820195https://derpibooru.org/images/3745932>zrider2295https://derpibooru.org/images/3587085https://derpibooru.org/images/3700456>Ikakinshttps://derpibooru.org/images/3759707https://derpibooru.org/images/3527256>Jotun22https://derpibooru.org/images/3773171https://derpibooru.org/images/3374277https://derpibooru.org/images/3548649https://derpibooru.org/images/3595858https://derpibooru.org/images/3649104https://derpibooru.org/images/3658089You'll have to ask me in a PM if you want this guy, because he's listed as an anonymous artist here:https://derpibooru.org/images/3648376https://derpibooru.org/images/3826858Out of these, Candel, Whiterabbit95, Ikakins, and Jotun22 are available for work right now. I'd have to ask about Zrider2295, I know Dull Diamond is too busy, and the anonymous artist may be too busy. Jotun22 and Whiterabbit95 are the fastest artists listed here by a good bit. Jotun22 is inconvenient to pay unless you can use Boosty, since he's Russian, which is an issue affecting none of the others. I hope this helps, I don't believe I've got any other recommendations I can make to you.
>>43354008Oh, I should also mention Whiterabbit95 has his own original space opera comic, so he'd probably enjoy working on this.
>>43354093I'll take a look, thanks.
>>43354143You're welcome. You should be able to find some of his contact info you can use from here:https://sites.google.com/view/whiterabbit-arts
>>43353352>picMy mother said that if you can’t say anything nice, then you shouldn’t say anything at all. So I’m not saying anything. Nope, not me. I am not criticizing that picture in any way whatsoever. I’m making my mother proud by not saying anything.
>>43354551You think you make your mother proud?
>>43354551Well, I like it. ^:)It fits the story, because Caramel is pained to look anywhere except directly at Eris in this scene. It's a cool iteration of her chaotic personal dimension, I think.
>hey /fimfic/ gimme a fic that’s extra long.>”extra long.”>and hold the story.>”hold the story?”>and hold the plot>”hold the plot??”>”hey faggot, gimme a longfic with nothing.”>>”nothing?”
>>43354689https://www.fimfiction.net/story/550684/
>>43354703Lord if it ain't ever...
>>43354689>gimme a longfic with nothingSo, every longfic?
>>43345716Alright, I'm proofreading now, so I'm just not quite done.
Now I'm done. Sorry for taking the whole two weeks.
