You are Cloud Strife, you didn't make SOLDIER and you are tired and jaded because your waifu Aerith got murdered in front of your eyes and a homo with a long sword who is probably compensating for something won't leave you alone. You just want to relax and take it easy.What do?>Go somewhere nice and clear mind.>Talk to second best girl Tifa.>Talk to best girl Yuffie>Talk to your best guy friend Barrett.>Talk to that other homo Vincent Valentine.>Go to the airship and take a ride with your other best guy friend Cid.>Pet your pet cats Red XIII and Cait Sith.
>>5952582>Talk to second best girl Tifa.
>Talk to second best girl Tifa.You decide to talk to big titty lady and take your mind off everything that bothers you so you go to the Seventh Heaven bar. When you walk inside you see Tifa at the bar mixing cocktails."Oh, hey Cloud!" Says Tifa."Tifa, I-"
SUDDENLY THE WHOLE BAR FUCKING EXPLODES AND GOES UP IN FLAME AND YOU GET SENT FLYING BACK. YOU COUGH AND PICK YOURSELF UP AND SEE TIFA AND SHE REACHES FOR YOU MUTTERING YOUR NAME AND THEN FALLS LIMP.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kw0C8gzZBTAYOU LOOK UP AND SEE THAT MOTHERFUCKER, THERE HE IS AGAIN HE WON'T FUCKING LEAVE YOU ALONE."Cloud." Says the smirking Sephiroth."SEPHIROTH!" You shout."Shall I give you despair?" He says.>Use OMNISLASH V.5 on Sephiroth>Cry like a bitch>Get annoyed and go somewhere else.>File a restraining order on Sephiroth
>>5952609>>File a restraining order on Sephiroth
You get up and scoff and walk off, leaving Sephiroth behind there. You have had enough of this, you cannot take it anymore, you will deal with this once and for all so you can relax at last. You decide to go to the Shinra (formerly Shin-Ra) Electric Power Company HQ and see the head of urban development, Reeve Tuesti."I want to file a restraining order." You tell him.Reeve blinks."Wait a minute, aren't you with that terrorist group, Avalanche?" Reeve asks."Yeah, but I want to file a restraining order.""That's not even what my job handles. Who do you even want to file a restraining order o-"
BOOOOM THE WHOLE SHINRA HQ SUDDENLY EXPLODES AND STARTS BURNING TO THE GROUND AND YOU ARE TRAPPED UNDER A PILE OF RUBBLE WHICH YOU QUICKLY SLICE USING YOUR BUSTER SWORD. YOU LOOK UP AND SEE SEPHIROTH."Cloud." Sephiroth says."SEPHIROTH! DAMN IT!" You say."Tell me what you treasure most, Cloud. Give me the pleasure of taking it away from you." Sephiroth says as he raises his really long gay ass sword."You literally already did that." You remind him.He smirks and laughs."Oh yeah, I did. Well, tell me what you treasure the second most, so I can take that away from you too..." Sephiroth says.>Fight Sephiroth>Ask him what the fuck his problem is and why he won't get a life already.>Go to Smash Brothers for a getaway already.
>>5952631>>Fight Sephiroth
>Fight SephirothYou decided you have had enough of Sephiroth's shit try to fight him but he reminds you that you are a little fruity pie twink and starts stabbing the shit out of you and then he lifts you up by his long sword and holy shit that is painful like seriously you guys look at that shit you are literally being held up by a huge fucking sword impaled through your shoulder like fuck dude you could slide down at the angle this asshole is holding you up on it and cut yourself more like shit that is painful"Cloud, we should do a convoluted time travel plot." Sephiroth says."W-what....?" You mutter, trying to ignore the fucking sword impaled in your shoulder."Think about it. We should have a bunch of mystery niggas in black cloaks that fly around come up and subvert the expectations epicly and then we can charge players seventy dollars for the same game again not only twice but three times in a row by leaving it on a cliffhanger each time. And we can throw in a Gilgamesh appearance for the brownie points too." Sephiroth explains."What the hell are you talking about...?!" You say, looking at him like the schizo he is."I poured out all your Redbull by the way." He says"YOU DID WHAT?""It's true. I went in your fridge while you were asleep and poured each can down the drain."THAT MOTHERFUCKER!>Inform him that Kefka is a better villain because unlike him Kekfa is intelligent, nihilistic and has a wicked sense of humor.>Use the Knights of the Roundtable, the strongest summon in the game>Cry like a bitch and call for help like the weak twink you are>Address the immense homoerotic sexual tension here already.
>>5952683>Address the immense homoerotic sexual tension here already.
>>5952683>Inform him that Kefka is a better villain because unlike him Kekfa is intelligent, nihilistic and has a wicked sense of humor.
>>5952683>>Address the immense homoerotic sexual tension here already.
>>5952683>Inform him that Kefka is a better villain because unlike him Kekfa is intelligent, nihilistic and has a wicked sense of humor.>Double down and say that even within his own game, Rufus Shinra is a far better written and motivated villain.
>>5952683>Use the Knights of the Roundtable, the strongest summon in the game
>Inform him that Kefka is a better villain because unlike him Kekfa is intelligent, nihilistic and has a wicked sense of humor.
Kek this was a funny thread, OP
Finally, a GOOD fantasy quest.
