You were shipwrecked on a deserted island with other survivors.>It was a family trip>>possible survivors: dad/mom, stepdad/stepmom, brother/sister, stepbrother/stepsister, aunt/uncle etc>It was a school trip>>possible survivors: classmates, teachers, friend, bully, crush etc>It was a prison ship>>possible survivors: serial killer, mass murderer, spree killer, cannibal etc>write in
>>6035683>>It was a prison shiponly one that dosen't feel like a meme
>>6035683>write in>It was a scientific exploration vessel bound for the mariana trench>possible survivors- marine biologists, ship crew, submersible specialist, camera crew, data analysts
>>6035683>>It was a prison ship
>>6035683>It was a prison ship
>>6035683>>It was a prison ship>>>possible survivors: serial killer, mass murderer, spree killer, cannibal etc
>>6035685>>6035700>>6035734>>6035745>>6035826>It was a prison ship>>possible survivors: serial killer, mass murderer, spree killer, cannibal etc>>>Difficulty: HARDYou find yourself shipwrecked on a deserted island, the remnants of a prison ship scattered around. Among the survivors, there are serial killers, mass murderers, spree killers, school shooters, and even cannibals! "Well, this isn't ideal," you mutter, glancing around at your new, dangerous companions. Looks like you're in quite a pickle.>You are an advertising executive>>You boarded the prison ship for cheap passage, not expecting this. Clearing your throat, you address your dangerous companions with a forced smile, "Alright, team! With a little synergy, we can survive this!">You are an actor>>You're best known for playing the victim in violent homosexual assault scenes. Gulping, you say, "Hey everyone, you might recognize me from that movie where I get brutally gang-raped in prison. Just a reminder—it was all fiction. No need for a reenactment!">You are a self-help guru>>You ended up on the ship while promoting your latest book. Clapping your hands together, you declare, "Alright, everyone, let's manifest our survival! Positive thinking is key, even if you’re a violent murderer.">You are a lawyer>>You nervously laugh and say, "I know some of you might be upset about what happened in court, but let's not dwell on the past. How about we focus on new beginnings, you know, like a group of dangerous criminals and their former state-assigned lawyer?">write in
>>6035830>>You are a lawyer>>>You nervously laugh and say, "I know some of you might be upset about what happened in court, but let's not dwell on the past. How about we focus on new beginnings, you know, like a group of dangerous criminals and their former state-assigned lawyer?"inb4 insta death
>>6035830>>You are a lawyer>>>You nervously laugh and say, "I know some of you might be upset about what happened in court, but let's not dwell on the past. How about we focus on new beginnings, you know, like a group of dangerous criminals and their former state-assigned lawyer?"Better Call Saul!
>>6035830 >Self-Help Guru
>>6035830>You are a lawyer>>You nervously laugh and say, "I know some of you might be upset about what happened in court, but let's not dwell on the past. How about we focus on new beginnings, you know, like a group of dangerous criminals and their former state-assigned lawyer?"
>>6035830>You are a self-help guru>>You ended up on the ship while promoting your latest book. Clapping your hands together, you declare, "Alright, everyone, let's manifest our survival! Positive thinking is key, even if you’re a violent murderer."
>>6035830>You are a lawyer
>>6035830>You are a self-help guru
>>6035867>>6036004>>6036021>>6036064>>6036089>>6036102>>6036106>>You are a lawyer>>>Difficulty: NIGHTMAREYou nervously laugh and say, "I know some of you might be upset about what happened in court, but let's not dwell on the past. How about we focus on new beginnings, you know, like a group of dangerous criminals and their former state-assigned lawyer?"The serial killer recognizes you first. He sneers, "That's the idiot they assigned as my lawyer! I had five consecutive life sentences, and then that idiot opened his mouth and I ended up with ten!"You gulp. "Well, everyone has a bad day. Let's all look at the bright side; you're free now, instead of in jail."The school shooter shouts angrily, "You are the worst lawyer ever! I had a perfectly solid case for self-defense, and you ruined it by being a moron!"You sigh. "Dude, you shot fifth graders. It's really hard to argue that was self-defense. THAT ONE was definitely not my fault."The school shooter snorts. "Sounds like something someone who has never been swarmed by fifth graders would say."You turn to the cannibal psychiatrist. "Back me here, Mister Lecter. We're cool, right? You said you would never eat me—"The cannibal psychiatrist grimaces. "I said I wouldn't eat you because I am not in the habit of eating literal garbage."You sigh. "That's incredibly hurtful, Mister Lecter. Herr mass murderer, do you have anything to add?"The 135-year-old German man who had been living in Argentina but was finally arrested after you bungled up his case looks at you balefully. He curses, "Du bist noch schlimmer als die Juden (you are even worse than the Jews)!">Embrace the End.>>You sigh deeply and say, "Alright, let's just get this over with. Who's first to kill me? No need to drag this out.">Attempt Escape>>You look around frantically before declaring, "I'm out of here! Catch me if you can, suckers!" and bolt into the jungle.>The Chewbacca Defense>>You adopt a serious tone and say, "Alright, Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must let me go. The defense rests.">Pretend to Be One of Them>>"Guys, I'm actually a vile, soulless criminal too! Really! I'm just like you, only with a suit and briefcase!">Play Dead>>"Maybe if I play dead, they’ll leave me alone." You collapse to the ground, eyes closed.>Start a Sing-Along>>"Let's all calm down with a sing-along. How about 'Kumbaya'? Everyone loves 'Kumbaya'!">Desperate Bargain>>You use the same tactic you had used to graduate law school. "Look, if you let me live, I will suck you off! I will even swallow!">write in
>>6037794>write in>I can see that you're all upset and I'm upset as well, why don't we all sit down and make a blood sacrifice to queen Mazela in order to lighten the spirits
>>6037795>>Attempt Escape>>>You look around frantically before declaring, "I'm out of here! Catch me if you can, suckers!" and bolt into the jungle.
>>6037795>Desperate Bargain
>>6037795>>>You adopt a serious tone and say, "Alright, Chewbacca is a Wookie from the planet Kashyyyk. If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must let me go. The defense rests."
>>6037816>>6037818>>6037819>>6037912>>Attempt Escape>>>Difficulty: 80You look around frantically before declaring, "I'm out of here! Catch me if you can, suckers!" and bolt into the jungle.The serial killer, mass murderer, school shooter, spree killer, and cannibal all chase after you, shouting, "Get him! Kill that lawyer!">roll 1d100
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6038081
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6038081
>>6038082>>6038085>95>>SuccessOf course, being a lawyer, you have zero survival skills. You are also hopelessly out of shape. As you crash through the jungle, panting and wheezing, you can hardly believe you’re still on your feet. Behind you, the shouts and curses of your pursuers grow fainter."How am I... outrunning... these guys?" you gasp between ragged breaths. It’s a mystery, but maybe desperation and sheer terror are working in your favor. You push through the thick foliage, branches whipping at your face, legs burning with every step.Just when you think you can’t go any further, you burst into a small clearing. Gulping down air, you lean against a tree, trying to catch your breath. The jungle is eerily quiet, save for the distant, frustrated yells of your would-be captors."Did... did I actually... lose them?" you mutter to yourself, still in disbelief. Against all odds, it seems you have. For now, at least.>Hide>>You dive into the underbrush and think, "Maybe they’ll start fighting each other and forget about me. Hopefully.">Escape>>You resolve to find a way back to civilization. "A deserted island is NOT for a lawyer," you mutter. "This is definitely not my natural habitat.">Investigate>>Spotting human footprints, you feel a flicker of hope. "Wait, there are other people here? Civilization at last! Surely, these gentle uncontacted natives will appreciate a lawyer!">Camouflage>>You smear mud on your face and wrap leaves around yourself, whispering, "If I blend in, they won’t find me. I am one with the jungle now!">Booby Trap>>You start setting up rudimentary traps, thinking, "If movies taught me anything, it’s that even a lawyer can make booby traps. Right?">Prepare Case>>You start preparing a case in your head, "I’ll sue this island for emotional distress and endangerment. Just wait till I get back!">write in
>>6038105>>Hide>>>You dive into the underbrush and think, "Maybe they’ll start fighting each other and forget about me. Hopefully."Look for shelter
>>6038105>>>You smear mud on your face and wrap leaves around yourself, whispering, "If I blend in, they won’t find me. I am one with the jungle now!"
>>6038105>Camouflage
>>6038105>Prepare CaseOnly logical choice as a lawyer, hilarious writing so far
>>6038105>write in>Find a gecko and sacrifice it to Queen Mazela in order to curse the prisoners.
>>6038108>>6038129>>6038144>>6038371>Camouflage>>Difficulty: Harder than you thoughtYou smear mud on your face and wrap leaves around yourself, whispering, "If I blend in, they won’t find me. I am one with the jungle now!""What the hell is he doing now?" groans the serial killer as he and the rest of the criminals finally catch up to you.The cannibal squints at your mud-caked figure and replies, "He's stripped down and is rolling in mud."The spree killer furrows his brow and mutters, "But why?"The school shooter just shakes his head, "At this point, I don't even want to know."Emboldened, you stand, mud dripping from your arms, and shout defiantly at the criminals, "I am one with the jungle now!"The old German man, who had been living quietly in Argentina before this, curses loudly, "Dieser verdammt dämliche Anwalt ist ein noch größerer Idiot als Himmler!"Suddenly, a group of savage, half-clothed natives bursts onto the scene, screaming and brandishing makeshift weapons. They surround you and the criminals, their faces painted and eyes wild with excitement.>Blend in with the Natives>>You think, "Perfect, I'm already naked and covered in mud." You start shouting gibberish at the criminals, hoping no one will notice you're on the wrong side.>Sigh in Relief>>You breathe a sigh of relief. "Finally, an enlightened and gentle native race of noble savages," you think. "Surely, they'll appreciate my wisdom as a lawyer and protect me from these dangerous criminals.">Declare Yourself Their Leader>>You puff out your chest and declare, "I am your new chief! Bow before my legal expertise and mud camouflage skills!">Offer Legal Services>>You shout to the natives, "Need legal representation? I can help with land disputes, inheritance issues, or even wrongful imprisonment!">Organize a Class Action>>You address the natives, "Together, we can file a class action lawsuit against these criminals for disturbing the peace. Who’s with me?">Pretend to be Possessed>>You roll your eyes back and mutter in tongues, hoping the natives will think you’re possessed and leave you alone.>Dance Ritual>>You start performing an awkward but culturally sensitive dance, chanting, "Ooga booga, lawyer in the mud! Ooga booga, don’t spill my blood!">write in
>>6039795>>Pretend to be Possessed>>>You roll your eyes back and mutter in tongues, hoping the natives will think you’re possessed and leave you alone.Recite every case law you remember verbatim in a trance just like you did to pass the bar exam
>>6039795>Dance Ritual>>You start performing an awkward but culturally sensitive dance, chanting, "Ooga booga, lawyer in the mud! Ooga booga, don’t spill my blood!"Holy shit Crusoe, this is fucking hilarious
>>6039795>>Offer Legal Services>>>You shout to the natives, "Need legal representation? I can help with land disputes, inheritance issues, or even wrongful imprisonment!"
>>6039795>Blend in with the Natives
>>6039795>write inTell the natives that you're a follower of Queen Mazela herself and that these heretics are chasing you due to you following Mazela. The natives are also followers of Mazela, they'll understand the struggle we're going through and save us
>>6039795>>You puff out your chest and declare, "I am your new chief! Bow before my legal expertise and mud camouflage skills!"These choices are actually pretty funny.
>>6039795>>>You start performing an awkward but culturally sensitive dance, chanting, "Ooga booga, lawyer in the mud! Ooga booga, don’t spill my blood!"The quest is pretty fucking funny.
>>6039795>>Dance Ritual>>You start performing an awkward but culturally sensitive dance, chanting, "Ooga booga, lawyer in the mud! Ooga booga, don’t spill my blood!"
>>6039795>Organize a Class Actionyou be a lawyer, do what you do best. SUE!
>>6039827>>6039869>>6039970>>6039978>>6039995>>6040010>>6040086>>6041094>>6041193>>Dance Ritual>>>You start performing an awkward but culturally sensitive dance, chanting, "Ooga booga, lawyer in the mud! Ooga booga, don’t spill my blood!"The serial killer, school shooter, spree killer, cannibal, mass murderer, and the island savages all stare at you in awe (or something like awe) as you chant and dance.The serial killer finally breaks the silence. "That guy is not with us. Never seen him before in my life." The other criminals nod in solemn agreement.One of the savages steps forward and says in perfect English, "That was weird as heck, but I guess he went all in his role.""Wait, you speak English?" asks the shocked spree killer."Yeah, why wouldn't we?" The island savage looks puzzled, then surprised. "Wait, were you guys actually shipwrecked? Damn. You’re in New Zealand, mate. We do tribal reenactments on weekends. I'm Dave, I work in IT.">Return to Civilization>>"Take me back! New Zealand is no place for a lawyer!">Remain>>"Leave me; I have become one with the jungle!">write in
>>6046342>Remain>>"Leave me; I have become one with the jungle!"
>>6046342>"Leave me; I have become one with the jungle!"However, please take my card if you happen to need any legal council, oh wise reenactors of the jungle.
>"Leave me; I have become one with the jungle!"
