OH SHIT NIGGA. You are lady Firemane. Of the (formerly) noble house of Fireborn! You were once the greatest wagon racer this side of the kingdom. Sadly due to shenanigans, you lost everything and went into debt with the Adventurer's Guild in order to survive. But then you found the Inexperienced Hero, Ezekiel "Kid" Rutebega ! You took him under your wing to mold him into the hero he's always meant to be: your devoted apprentice (probably)Ezekiel's older brother has started his campaign of destruction, he leads his hordes of undead barbarians to ravage the lands. As members of the guild, your party has went on the quest chain to stop said undead barbarian horde. After losing your wagon in a battle, you stole another one from the barbarians and is now riding back to the guild.
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6112283What does barb car think, you know our night rider wagon?
>>6112284"I recommend murdering all barbarians. Preferably violently"
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6112290DOOOO ITTTTT!!
>>6112295HEY LOOK A RANDOM BARB ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6112298Fiddy points!
>>6112284>>6112301what the fuck is your RNG right now anon
>>6112303God owes me
>>6112301Goddamn. You annihilated that guy
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6112306The party is right to fear a female driver
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6112306What is the barbarian car's name?
>>6112307"See, Kid. This is why you gotta be on guard around females."
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6112345Double sexism
>>6112346"Y'see, females are actually only after one thing. Your mana. They steal it, and leave you powerless. And what happens then? That's right. They make you pay taxes. This is because women are actually a creation of the monarchy. Project F3M4L, look it up"
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6112352Honk honk next barbarian bites dust
>>6112353MEANWHILE, A BIT FURTHER UP THE ROAD"Howsit going, old timer?""aaaa I aint what I used to be. This is going to be my final campaign. After this, I'll retire and spend time with my grandkids""A noble goal"
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6112356Might as well go on a blast. Time to bring out the old wagon one more time to be race again.
>>6112366Did anon have a stroke writing this
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6112356Veooom
>>6112369>>6112356>>6112370Blood meter is full. Time for car show toons to sing along. Like a family. Put on heavy metal song alongs
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6112371
>>6112369Somewhat, ackAlso Vroom*
>>6112372Yes, hello, 911? Yeah, it's over for anon
>>6112377Doowap skoobididoop
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6112383>>6112377
>>6112384
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6112388Bleh, hold me close op! It's getting dark...
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6112388After score of barbarians on the path. We finally arrive to the guild and get pay.
>>6112390"Ah, welcome back. I got the news that you successfully protected the temple. Barring some...collateral damage""The monks were grateful for the help. We even got a new wagon from the barbarians"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6112394We need to name our new wagon
>>6112395Of course, while Kid deals with the payment, you go and name the new wagon
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6112398The Shitfucker
>>6112404A powerful name
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6112405This should do until we get our wagon repaired.
>>6112406Speaking of which, you gotta get that back to the shop. Kinda sucks that you just had it customized too.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6112411Get the payment from our current job and let's see how much it'll take to repair...
>>6112412"Miss Firemane! Look! We got a huge sack of gold from the quest. We can spend it on equipment and stuff before heading out to deal with the barbarians again"
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6112415TO THE WAGON SHOP
>>6112416"Firemane? Back so soon? Wagon needs a tune up?"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6112427Yeah it got kinda smashed by a giant rock.
>>6112429"Ah. Must be those barbarians huh. Alright, lemme see the damage"
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6112432Show em the wagon
>>6112435"Damn. This looks fucked. We're gonna need to replace so many parts you'd wonder if it even counts as the original wagon anymore"While ye olde Wagon Knight looks over the damages...I gotta go, Be back in like, 5 hours.updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6112439>mfw can't check for updates anymore because they banned xitter in my country
We are surrounded by unwashed hordes of Brazilians.
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6112584Wagon?
>>6112590"yeah, shit's fucked. Gonna take a while to fix. And by fix I mean replace most of it "
>>6112598Alrighty then, let's go spin the wheel of what wacky sideplot we'll go while we wait for the wagon to be repaired for conveniently enough time that it ends just as we need to go on another big mission.
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6112600Stoopid
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6112584NO FIREMANE, THAT SONG IS ABOUT COCAINE ADDICTION>>6112598Cool, I always wanted a Cart of Theseus
>>6112602
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6112607What's that on your shoulder, Cart Knight?
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6112607Now spin the wheel. What will it be?
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6112607Why cant we just use shit fucker?
>>6112611well I mean I thought the plan right now is just to use shitfucker until your wagon is fixed, then you decide what's next
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6112613Yeah that makes sense, what'd'ya say, Shitfucker?
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6112613No, we need to have an wacky sideplot while we wait.
>>6112614
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6112621Hey, i won that roll! Gimme my filler arc!
>>6112621Fair enough, lets go do anons whacky sideplot, maybe punch a penguin or two
>>6112622Indeed, anon, but you see...I was too deep into the bit and I didn't wanna restart so it iz what it iz.Anyway who wanna roll for a wacky sidequest
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6112625Lets roll some dice as well, that's always fun
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6112626Okay, well, let's see, we've already had an Ezekiel sidearc before with that woman...so that means the new sideplot can be either related to firemane herself, or Double Whiz
>>6112629>
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6112640So? Do you have any relevant storyline you need to finish that isn't important enough for the grand finale mission?
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6112640Look out, Double Wizard! Plot relevant event is right behind you! Relating to you no less!
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6112640Fist of God approves of double wizard quest
>>6112642>>6112644>>6112646
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6112654Little does he know he ran into his ex...who is also a tax collector
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6112656>Wizard>Ex
>>6112660He just never managed to hit it, you know how it is
>>6112661I thought he was anime protagonist level dense and never noticed his master flirting with him all his life.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6112654After him! We can't watch this quest with out our own eyes! Follow him fellow anons!
>>6112656"Ex? Silly anon. Women will steal your mana. I would never be in a relationship, as it would intrude on my magical capabilities. I only lived with my female master my entire adult life while studying magic"
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>6112669But lo and behold it is the spectre of Double Wizard's Double Wizard ex-master, called from the grave by necrobarbarian magic emanations!Also she's a tax collector too, what's up with that
>>6112670"Preposterous. No way shitass barbarian magic can do that"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6112681DOUBLE WIZARD WATCH OUT SHE'S GOING TO GRAB YOU AND THEN TELEPORT USING THE KIDNAP SPELL
>>6112691"Huh? Whaddayamean--OH SHIT"
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6112694Oh no, she's taken him....somewhere! Somewhere plot relevant! Like her old magic tower or something like that! And now we're going to have to save him!
>>6112696"OH NO! DOUBLE WIZARD!""HE'S BEEN TAKEN TO WHERE THE PLOT IS!"
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6112702How horrible!Anyway, what's for dinner?
>>6112704"BUT HE MAY BE IN GRAVE DANGER! WE GOTTA GO SAAAAVE HIM"
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6112712Okay. Grab the dinner to go. We'll eat it on the way there.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6112712Don't worry Boy, he's probably in a tax agency having his stuff audited over, look, there he is seen through the window of Ye Olde Taxes AgencyReally worst that will happen is him being sent to a local equivalent of federal prison...o no
>>6112714"DELICIOUS CHICKEN. TO GOOOOOO"
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6112722Mmmmm champken...anyways where did he go?
>>6112722Okay, let's go. Shitfucker, ride on!
>>6112723hmmm...where could have that ghost taken him
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6112728Double Tower
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6112728Here
>>6112729>>6112728Two chariots are about to crash in to the towers.
>>6112729Shitfucker, awaaaaay
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6112745Hey look, Barbarian Orphanage!
>>6112746"Boy, being an orphan sure sucks. Hope I get to join the horde soon""Hmmmm....rock"
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>6112749The wagon passes by in the background for comedic effect.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6112749Squish
>>6112751
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6112755Let's get to that tower, eh? Who knows what that woman is doing to poor DW....
>>6112756Indeed. who knows what nefarious deeds she is subjecting the double wizard to....Which we'll find out in uh...I dunno, whenever I wake up i guess. Head hurty makes me sleepyUpdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6112763>Meanwhile, at the Double Tower...
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6113287OH GOD ANOTHER ORB JUST HIT THE DOUBLE TOWERS
>>6117901dramatic approach to the towers deuce
>>6117902DUN DUN
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6117910Party wonders Do they cast double on their penis as well?
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6117912what the hell are you even talking about anon
>>6117913They are double wizards anon... One must know if they are packing double wands!
>>6117912>>6117913
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6117920...Ignoring that, it's time to arrive at the spooky undead wizard castle. This definitely isn't the opening cutscene of a horror survival game.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6117920Don't you look at me like that you whores!
>>6117922
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6117929It's time...to go.Go in.
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6117929Whip crack Castle vania style
>>6117931
>>6117940Firepunch that nigga and march on
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6117940Fire slash Pacifist punchFire ball
>>61179432spooky4me
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6117956Wagon slam
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>6117956Fire SLASH
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6117960WILL IT HIT?
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6117980
>>6117985You have obliterated the first obstacle in this castle of horrors:a single skeleton
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6117992Now onto the next enemy.
>>6117994Incoming horde of zombies, ghouls and skeletons!
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6117997What is this, OP? We are attacking a double tower and don't face a double horde of zombies, ghouls and skeletons?You fell off
>>6117997Blow em up, we got no time for anything less than a miniboss.
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6118000
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6117997Party attack of coolness tech
>>6117998Well, uh, you see, uhm, when there's 2 hordes, they make, uh, one big horde, yea
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6118007Very well, its two smaller hordes that look like one big horde from a distanceLet us battle
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6118008
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6118019wHAT THE fuck
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6118019Fight for the last
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6118019Mahji-deh(For real home boy!?)
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6118019Fight-eh!
>>6118022You were fending off the undead horde(s) but then suddenly, a particularly large abomination drags you across the courtyard and separates you from the party!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6118034Is this the part where it's revealed this whole kidnapping of the double wizard was a scheme to get us separated so one of the king's monsters could kidnap us and take firemane to his evil lair, forcing Ezekiel to take decisions on his own for the first time?
>>6118040Whut? Uh....pretty sure this was just a party seperation mechanic...Who tf is this king, when did he appear
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6118051Barbarian extinction timeline
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>6118051Ezekiel'd brother? Wasn't he an undead barbarian king? Anyway, you usually have these plots late into the story where the mentor gets captured by the Villain or something to let the protagonist show how far he came...but it's only on the final arcs. Not sure how much percent of the story we're on.
>>6118055Ah of course. The good timeline.In any case you're still being dragged across the courtyard. It is pretty painful. Preferably you should stop this.>>6118056Ah, he's more of a warlord at the moment. Currently directing his hordes to ravage the land. He'll become king if he succeeds.
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6118061Nah, you'll get used to it.
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6118061Oh Kay or have fist of God counter
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6118063Are you sure
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6118077Ye
>>6118079Unfortunately you did not get used to it, and took damage all the way. Fortunately, the beast lets you go. Unfortunately, it did it by launching you at a nearby statue. You are dazed!
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6118081Yeah, well, FIREBALL
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6118082DAZED. REELING. PREPARING A FIREBALLYou have a -35 malus due to being dragged across the courtyard and getting slammed into a statue
>>6118085>nat 1BUT THE BEAST FORGOT TO DODGE ANYWAY
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6118085>rolled 1come on OP
>>6118087Ya win some ya lose some. Das showbiz, bby
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6118088Turn it onto hard difficulty, it's too easy.
>>6118089THE ABOMINATION HAS SOMEHOW BEEN EMPOWERED BY THE FIRE.ITS ROLLS WILL NOW BE THE SUM OF 2D100+20AND ALSO YOU OWE IT YOUR LUNCH MONEY
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6118088What the rest of the party fighting?
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6118092IT'S SWORD TIMEGO CUT OFF ITS LIMBS!
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6118092Aw man, I need that money, this is Fire School all over again
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6118092Use team skill it can't have all our lunch money!
>>6118095FLAAAASSSSHBAAACK"Firemane! Just who I was looking for. Gimme your lunch money, nerd"
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6118101Go back to the fight before Opee shows up!
>>6118102What a terrible memory...now where did that undead beast go
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6118104Slap yourself back to normal
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6118108CAN YOU SLAP YESELF BACK TO NORMAL?Roll 1d100 with a -35 malus. While the dazed condition has a +20 bonusYou do that while I go...sleep. it's 4 Am. bread will continue later.Updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6118113Damn, this dazed condition got arms
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6118113*Concern*
Dazed, reeling
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6122980Reel in those feelings you got stuff to do
>>6122984Unfortunately according to the dice you haven't rolled a 100-35 that beast a 35 yet
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6122988They all say that, in school, at the driving lessons, my own father, bit of a weird thing to say casually in all honesty
Rolled 8, 13, 3, 26, 16, 27, 30, 4, 34, 6, 14, 16, 9, 32, 6, 30, 7, 12, 13, 19, 21, 31, 8, 16, 20 = 421 (25d35)>>6122988You did this
Rolled 59 + 35 (1d100 + 35)>>6122988Like this?
Rolled 34 + 35 (1d100 + 35)>>6122996Oh no wait >>6122988
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6122994>>6122995>>6122996Unfortunately you haven't been able to slap yourself awake yet.The Undead Abomination will now hit you with a clothesline. It has a +50 bonus due to you being dazed.
Rolled 32 + 35 (1d100 + 35)>>6122999Is it even possible to use a minus roll?
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6122999Aw man, even the trips
Rolled 7 + 50 (1d100 + 50)>>6122998>>6122999I put a negative in there and it turned to positive so it's not working right bruh.
>>6123000Okay, that was definitely a - in my diceOP, it's literally impossible to use a minus modifier, it just turns into a plus. Those rolls from before should have won.
>>6123003Anon I can just subtract it myself
>>6123005Okay but the rolls from before did beat the 35
>>6123005Then why did my 96 not count?
>>6123006Well it's because this one >>6122984 didn't count since it wasn't in "roll against this post" mode yet >>6123007There's a 96?
>>6123001Miraculously, you managed to dodge the clothesline! You must have used some epic fighting maneuver like listening to his coming attack or something!Or you just happened to trip. Who knows
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6123013Can we shake off the dazedness now
>>6123014Pssst. Hey. I got status effect cures right here.
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6123016You a cop!? I mean... You got the stuff?
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6123016What's the price?
>>6123018$39.99
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6123021Wait a second...TODD HOWARD!?AND THIS STATUS EFFECT CURE IS NAUGHT BUT STARFIELD DLC!!!
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6123021Better roll that in my pocket
>>6123024Being swindled by Todd has shocked you out of the daze
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6123030Japanese frame-u sword-u
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6123030GREAT CHAOS FIREBALL
Rolled 90, 13 + 20 = 123 (2d100 + 20)>>6123034THE UNDEAD BEAST MAKES A SOUND AKIN TO LAUGHTER! IT'S MOCKING YOU! PROVE IT WRONG
Rolled 46, 36 = 82 (2d100)>>6123042How do we roll? Normal or do you do the thing?
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6123042Aw man, where is me parteh?
>>6123045That's gotta count for something.
>>6123045>nat 100
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6123056Sick burn! What the party up too!?
>>6123057"Miss Firemane! Are you okay? We cleared the horde to get to where you were taken!"
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6123061Nat 100, baby! This is why you should start gambling, BOYSpeaking of which can I borrow 20 gold?
>>6123061Yes. We are definitely ok and totally not in pieces. No pain at all, no siree.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6123064
>>6123063"Huh? Uh sure lemme just get my coinpurse an--""NO TIME FOR THAT NOW, COMPATRIOTS! WE MUST PRESS ON! THE DOUBLE WIZARD NEEDS US!"
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6123074You're right! Let's follow this convenient yellow road that says it leads to the wizard!
>>6123079And so you enter the Double Tower, where even more undead awaits!
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6123090We ain't got time for this, time for Firemane and Kid to do a wombo combo flame to burn them all at once.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6123090Fist of God does a shoulder tackle of godly love!
>>6123095
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6123099Push forward commrads
>>6123100And so the party makes their way up the tower. Tune in next time to see what shenanigans they get into. Which is like....20-ish hours from now. I gotta go eepupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6123109Cool action fight scene where our party is making progress through the enemies, with wrestling moves and chair throwing included.
yes. Hello. I was told there was an adventure in progress
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6124113
>>6123109>>6124111>>6124115
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6124117This is taking too long. Time to backwards long jump through this stair.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6124117Oh! Out of nowhere its!
>>6124119IT'S REVENANT ORTON! HE'S POISED TO STRIKE! WATCH OUT! WATCH OUT!
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6124125Fuck it. Tank it.
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6124125Ezekiel one-shots him with his FIAH SWORD
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6124125Foot to face style
>>6124131WATCHOUT WATCHOUT HERE COMES THE REVENANT KO IT----AND EZEKIEL COUNTERS IT
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6124136Enough of this shite. BLJ, ACTIVATE!
>>6124136
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6124143Let's hope there's no door at the top.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6124144Roll for it
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6124148Someone is ruining the side quest!
>>6124149YOU SLAM INTO SOMETHING AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6124148I'M LATE I'M LATE, ARGH
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6124153You should have stayed even later.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6124152Look behind
>>6124158A GOLEM!
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6124161No.
>>6124164
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6124166I don't care.
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6124166kick him in the balls
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6124166Yeah that was rude anon
>>6124167"Damn bitch, chill out"
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6124171You should say your sorry anon. His heart maybe artificial but his feelings are real!
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6124171A fireknight NEVER CHILLSNAPALM UPON THEE
>>6124172
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6124175*pfft* yeah my bad
>>6124178
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6124178>>6124182Stonehead didn't even notice it was another anon that apologized.Okay, let's go.
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6124183
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6124191Blockhead.
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6124191
>>6124194He realizes that he's supposed to be stopping you right now
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6124197Mario jump his head
>>6124200"Are you sure that's wise?...He got a spike on his head"
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6124207No spike is a match for Firemane's thunder legs.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6124214
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6124218
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6124218Hit him straddled to avoid the spike. 100000IQ move
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>6124218
>>6124219>>6124225>>6124220Ah fuck that hurts like hell. This was a terrible idea
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6124226Pocket sand?
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6124226That's because you didn't BELIEVE in the LEGSYou gotta BELEEV
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>6124232It's 3 AM so I gotta sleep soon. Last roll for this sesh:
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6124238stop rolling good
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6124238
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6124238
>>6124240>>6124242>>6124243Unfortunately, you left your pocket sand at home. With this failure, the bread is suspended. Next sesh in...I unno, not sure yet, im eepy.updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6124248Damn. Night Anon
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6126304We're taking too long! Let's finish this. Time to pull out a special move. Not the specialist move, of course, we gotta save that one for the barbarian brother.
>>6126309Right. The special move. The special move to defeat the golem. But not the special move to defeat the undead barbarian warlord brother. That special move.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6126318Do that
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6126318Throw legally distinguishable fire version of the lighting bolt move.
>>6126322You mean.....a Firebolt?...Eeeeyyyyy
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6126329...I don't get it. There's nothing comical about the word firebolt.
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>6126329What's the deal with these barbarian airline food? Amma right!?
>>6126332"What a shame. It was too high brow for you"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6126337..Can we throw the bolt at the golem now?
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6126337Or maybe this anon is just a dumb head
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6126340
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6126343You know if lightning's just plasma and fire that's hot enough is plasma so we should be able to hurl bolts if we level hard enough
>>6126343Draw op draw >>6126346
>>6126346Probably.
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6126356Now hurry what crazy things could they be doing to good DubzWiz
>>6126357"DOUBLE WIZARD! ARE YOU OKAY?!"
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6126359..Well, is he?
>>6126361"BEGONE! APPARITION OF MINE OWN MASTER! YOU WILL NEVER TRICK ME!""For the last time, I was resurrected an---EXCUSE ME, WE'RE IN THE MIDDLE OF SOMETHING HERE"
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6126374Heeeey I get it! Lightning bolt, fire bolt, hah! Good one, skeleton
>>6126377
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6126383Oh right, erm, UNHAND THE DOUBLE WIZARD, YOU...d-...DOUBLE HARLOT
>>6126384"Double Harlot? Huh, well. So this is the company you keep, Double Wizard II. I must say, I--DOUBLE LIGHTNING"
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6126392That's what he called you during one of his rants SCATTER
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6126359Yeah>>6126374>>6126392No wait you are just so hawt
>>6126393A hole is blown into the side of the tower
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6126398Wait are you the og! The original double wizard! The hawtest spell caster in the land!?
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6126398Your magic is no match for my FIST
>>6126403Hey man roll for more hawt wizard pics. For wizard research
>>6126403But what if it was...FIST MAGIC?!AND DOUBLED?
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6126409Then it's time for FIRE PUNCH
>>6126411
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6126416FIREPUNCH FIREPUNCH FIREBALL FIREPUNCH
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6126416Dick punch
>>6126417You throw a barrage of flaming punches against the Double Wizard's own massive flurry of magical fists! But soon you are overwhelmed and sent flying backwards to your party!"It seems fisting isn't your forte! Then allow me to swap in!" says The Fist of God
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6126426Do it
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6126426Yeah you do that, lets double team that double timing double bitch!
>>6126431
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6126443Aratatatata
>>6126445
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6126448NOW DOUBLE WIZARD, EXECUTE YOUR NO DOUBT EXISTING PLAN WHILE YOU WERE CAPTUREDYou uhhh did have a plan, right?
>>6126451"oh shit"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6126467Fist of God then proceeds to give that double bitch a double slap while she isn't looking
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6126467Damn nice honkers
>>6126468THE SLAP COMETH..TOMORROW! SINCE IT'S 3AM AND I GOTTA GO TO WORK SOONtoodles,updates be here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6128604And back to the slap pre duck dinner
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6128604Double slap yourself in the faceWhy were we trying to stop DW to get laid with his undead hot teacher anyway?
>>6128606Because Firemane'll be damned if anybody gets to score with their love interest before she does----I uh mean, The double wizard is clearly in much danger! He was kidnapped! No doubt to be used for the undead barbarian army's nefarious schemes! yes
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6128610Yeah, so obviosly, DW must forever stay thinking that this is an "apparition" designed to "trick him", or something. No one's getting laid on our watch! Man, we have weird goals in lifeAnyway, double slap the double harlot
>>6128612Oh right of course. Fist of God was about to do that...AND WITH A THUNDEROUS CLAP, THE UNDEAD DW IS....gone! Oh shit maybe she really is an apparition
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6128618Damn, a ghost. I bet she probably wants to turn Double Wizard into an undead creature too! And maybe reverse his age so he stops being old and gray? I dunno what undead people want.
>>6128618Virginity Rocks!
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6128621
>>6128622Ah yes. The virginity rocks. It is said that the barbarian tribes would give these rocks to virgins, so that they one day throw it away when they lose their virginity, i---"SHE JUST USED TIME STOP TO GET OUT OF THE WAY! LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6128626DOUBORU WARUDO
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6128626HOLY SHIT IS THAT A ROAD ROLLER WAGON?
>>6128627OH SHI-
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6128632Fist of God gets a fist through his chest!
>>6128634
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6128637Hope something soft is in the way
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6128637Oh shit! He's a holy donut now!Firemand and Ezekiel gotta watch out, she'll target one of them next! But who?
>>6128638>>6128639"With faith....even this incredibly hard and painful wall....can be as soft as....a pillow....blerrrgghh"
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6128645free double wizard
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6128645Holy shit, okayThat's some serious force, I guess the undead female DW really is evil (ignore our home invasion)Try to pull him out of the wall and run away with him while kid runs away with double wizard
>>6128646"GOT IT!""TAKE COVER!"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6128652Double Wizard and Ezekiel should take FOD and run, we'll hold her back! Probably?
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6128652take cover
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6128652Ask double wizard if he knows any double flight spells, if yes, grab Fist and jump through that >>6126398 hole to escape
>>6128654SHE TRIES TO CATCH THE PARTY IN A TIME STOP IN RESPONSE! AND YOUR DOUBLE WIZARD COUNTERS! THIS LEADS TO THEM CONSTANTLY STOPPING AND UN-STOPPING TIME!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6128658ah, fuck this shit, just throw them out the hole, i'm sure they'll figure out a way to soften their landing. We'll fight her ourselves and figure out a way to deal with it.
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6128658thats fine since we dont perceive that lose of time at all. From our POV the wizards are just dancing in place.
>>6128661
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6128673Alright, enough of this shite. Time to pull out a super secret Fire Knight combo that can counter crazy magic like this. The one that we totally taught Ezekiel during his training arc. Offscreen. That one.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6128674>>6128673Ah yes, the fireball to the face technique
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>6128673LmaoOkay we should probably pry the Fist out of the wall now. Ezekiel can help
>>6128675"Miss Firemane! You mean to use...THAT?!"
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6128679YES! 'THAT' ATTACK! WITH 'THOSE' MOVES! WITH 'THESE' DRAWBACKS IF WE FAIL!Better hope your teamwork is good, dawg! Show that bitch how a TRUE disciple-master couple does it
Rolled 27, 13 = 40 (2d100)>>6128680The moment of truth!Roll 1d100Double wizard gets to roll 2d100 and pick the higher result
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>6128685
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6128685Double wizard rolled double shit
>>6128687>
>>6128689Aw dang it, we accidentally moved the camera over to this random ghoul. Damn. Would have been epic to see the maneuver that Firemane and Kid did to save FoG and Double Wizard.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6128691but what of the Evil double wizard? how defeated is she?
>>6128696"She has teleported away from here! No doubt to nurse her wounds for the eventual rematch!""Amazing that all of that happened entirely offscreen in the span of 2 panels"
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6128700look for loot
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6128700Uhh. Is fist okay?
>>6128703With the danger seemingly passed. Ezekiel helps Fist of God heal himself, while talking to Double Wizard about what exactly transpired. Getting his thoughts and opinions on his now undead Master, his plan to deal with her in the future, his resolve. Through this, Ezekiel gets to know the party better and make team cohesion even stronger....But you got more important things to worry about yourself, like finding sweet loot in these ruins
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6128709Yes, look for the loot. Definitely don't think about how DW's refusal to confess her feelings led to her sorry state, and DEFINITELY don't think of how you could end up the same. Why are you thinking about it? Stop thinking about it. Stop.
>>6128709inappropriate fan art
>>6128718I wonder whose fantasy this is, Firemane's or Ezekiel's
>>6128713>>6128718
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6128726Okay, fine, you can have ONE panic. Freak out away.
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6128726checking for traps is a important step to dungeon looting
>>6128727You freak out as the party looks on in bewilderment. While I gotta go to bed as it's 4AM. If thing goes well we'll continue bread soon enough.Updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladinToodles >>6128718also thankies from mcspankies
>>6128736Thanks for running.>>6128718Also yes, very nice.
>>6128718that's really coolSojourner?>>6128719Firemane's 100%. Ezekiel has displayed 0 romantic interest in anyone and might have the density of an anime protagonist
>>6128740Well, I sure as hell ain't letting Firemane end up like DW1.
>>6128741In stockings?
>>6128744No, those might actually be useful. We WILL penetrate that hero denseness shield, or my name isn't Anonymous!
>>6128736no, thank you for your hard work! I wont take up anymore of your image limit.
SEX WITH DOUBLE WIZARD'S SEXY DOUBLE MENTOR. UOOOOOOOHHHHH SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEX HER! SEX WITH THE SEX WIZARD!
>>6128751You are a plebeian. No witch bitch can beat the mature appeal of Firemane. Chicks with helmets are the true Patrician's choice.
>>6128749>blue lineswhat color is she actually?
>>6128718>>6128749Soj pls
>>6128709While we wait...can anyone decipher what they're saying in the background? It's blurry but there's text.
>>6129061Orange.>>6129139You'll never knoooow
>>6129494Man, optimal armor build knight and nuclear wizard would be such insane playthroughsFirst would be us constantly swapping gear to something more stupid (but with better stats)Second would be us constantly on the run form the feds from all the fallout we'd cause with our abysmal self restraint
>>6129494The Mob knight are definitely one of the knights of all timeMob will return. Mobbed again
>>6129494Wait, we have a sword?Also where did our vest go?
>>6129694Yeah Firemane always had a sword, like here >>6118019As for the vest, you're still wearing it. I just keep drawing it more skin tight with every thread. For reasons.Also also I kept forgetting to draw the zipper line in the middle
By the way, thread 3 doesn't seem to be on the archive.
>>6129703You sure? I checked the zip, it's in therehttps://www.mediafire.com/file/yglu8mtb7dfpvb6/HERO%2527s_party_member_QUEST.zip/file
>>6129735It`s not on the qst archive
>>6129736Oh that. I uh, don't update that thing myself so. Whoops.
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6130301Here lies firemane, she never scored
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6130301Died of realising that her romance plot is gag-based and if she actually gets the boy(tm) there will be no gag anymore, therefore she can never get the boy(tm)Also resurrect and punch the face drawn on the grave
>>6130311
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6130317Alright so Double Witch disappeared but is it a "End the stage and fight here at some other point" teleportation or a "Everything up to here was just the halfway point and we have to beat her up again to get any rewards" thing?
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6130317Double describes his cruel, horrible torture by that demon masquerading as his mentor.She definitely wouldn't have tried to seduce him, say that he must stay for his own safety or tell him that other girls are temptations of the devil
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6130317Alright so, stop comparing yourself to double witch. You're not like that at all. You're not gonna obsess over the same guy for decades and even after your death. Fuck it man, if he's not into you, just go out with night knight or somethingGo check on the others, they've been looting the place like the true murder hobos they are
>>6130322> Fuck it man, if he's not into you, just go out with night knight or somethingThat's good advice but we should probably actually try that question out before we give up, no? Well, let's not worry about it now. We have loot to get.
>>6130326true lol, it's just the last story images were those: >>6128726>>6128736and firemane is being a drama queen in themLoot, loot is good
>>6130320"...and that's when she said that other women are all evil and are trying to steal my mana"
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6130330Check for loot, clearly we won for now and she won't block all ways out
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6130330Hey, that's not true! *We* don't want to steal any mana at all!
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>6130330The face Ezekiel is listening with, lmaoAsk DW if we can track the totally-not-double-witch down, or we have to wait until she kidnaps him again (Ask while looting)Man, we don't even get anything out of looting, our armor is class-based and our attacks are mostly throwing fire anyway. We loot out of habit
>>6130331And now, the most important of all dice rolls.The loot die
>>6130336Ah yes, let's throw it while hand of god says that he'll never wash his chest again after having being touched by the witch
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6130336How big is it?
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6130336>>6130340>>6130341
>>6130341It could be more than. Big. Large, even.Anyway, roll 2d100. First is for picking and second is for results. Higher the better.
Rolled 60, 44 = 104 (2d100)>>6130343Less go
Rolled 45, 49 = 94 (2d100)>>6130343Roll
Rolled 74, 95 = 169 (2d100)>>61303433 lockpicks, an iron sword(worse than ours), 2 sweet rolls and a diary filled with peak femcel seethe
>>6130348Oh hell yis Stop rolling
Rolled 41, 18 = 59 (2d100)>>6130343>>6130348This guy knows what he's talking about
>>6130348My god, this could only mean, you find the greatest treasure known to man...
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6130352...But we don't have a console.Or a PC.Or even know what those words mean.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6130352Open it and you find out it's actually Starfield instead
>>6130355
>>6130356Alright we're back to despair
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6130356Damn. Any of the others have more luck?
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6130356NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
>>6130360"Welp, I found this comically large bag of gold, what did you guys find?""A fancy box of chocolates""Ancient Forbidden Tome of Banned Magics"
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6130369There's nothing else you can find, except her diary
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6130369Damn. So unfair. Okay let's go.
>>6130376What do you mean unfair? You obtained the greatest treasure of all. Enjoy your gift.
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6130382There's a diary taped to the back of it
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6130383Damn bro you really want that diary huh
>>6130384Yeah anon, you kinda sus right now
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6130385Alright, fine, let's go finish this mission and return to the guild. I'm sure nothing bad has happened while we were here...
Rolled 45 (1d100)>>6130385We all know they witch keeps her weaknesses in the diary, also it's fire Firemane to laugh at>>6130387I'm sure nothing bad will happen
>>6130387What actually ahppened just now is my eye suddenly real hurty and I think it's swollen. Gonna have to suspend things for now and continue later. furkcupdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6130392Op, wash your hands more you won't get pink eye!
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6131460Check your eye
>>6131466
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6131486Now punch self in face while op tells us the recap!
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6131486Is there something there? In your eye? Hidden?
>>6131490
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6131493But what if there was?
>>6131494
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6131495Uh-huh.
>>6131497
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6131501Okay, fine, let's go, mission finished. Let's see if the world outside is still alive or if the sun turned into some weird firey eclipse thing.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6131501Surely time was on pause while we went on a companion quest, and undead barbarians didn't burn the country to the groundAlso, throw away that copy of starfield we got. We never even bought GameOrb Series X Pro because it has no games, so it's useless
>>6131505I mean. This quest took like, a night. Or maybe a whole day, tops. (In-universe, anyway). Things couldn't have gotten that bad in such a short time
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6131509Okay, then go out.
>>6131509Okay, then we're fine. Maybe just keep the starfield CD to use as a projectile on the next enemy.Load the squad into our newly stolen talking car and let's GO.
>>6131514See. Everything's fine.....if you ignore that one village over yonder being ransacked
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6131521Hmm. Well it's not like we're *paid* to go save them..
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6131521Being? That village's already burnt. You don't burn until *after* you ransacked. So that village's gone.Alright, let's go back to the guild.
>>6131528Overall this little detour hasn't allowed the barbarians to gain THAT much ground. So everything's still relatively under control.Definitely not because OP is too lazy to actually draw a blasted hellscape
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6131538Surely not! Space Dice guides us!
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6131538Time to report in, I guess.
>>6131542>report inAnon, I think we weren't even on a paid quest. Our buddy DW just got snatched, and so we went
>>6131542"Yeah, what anon >>6131550 said. This was a personal matter for you to resolve. The guild has no hand in it, so you won't get any rewards from us. On the other hand, if you're looking for actual guild work, I've got plenty of quests to hand over"
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6131551WHERES Rachael!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6131551I HATE YOU GUILD MAN, I DESPISE YOU AND CURSE YOUR HEARTH AND HOMEAnyways what's the job?
>>6131558Double wizard has double turrets
>>6131558Here be your quest selection:- Find the warband who ransacked the nearby village and deliver vengeance upon them- Take out a Barbarian encampment to mess up their war effort- Join in the defense of a city under siegePick one while I go....sleep. We'll continue this same-ish time tomorrow if nothing goes wrong.updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6131565Hmmmm...I require counsel, of the only member of the group that I can trust with such a decision...Shitfucker, what say you?
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6131565- Join in the defense of a city under siege
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6131565>Find the warband who ransacked the nearby village and deliver vengeance upon themMad max chase, LFG
>>6131576"Whichever course of action that kills the most barbarians"
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6133809So like do all of them?
>>6133827True, you can accept all of em. But you still need to pick one to do at a time. As you know, you can't clone yourself.Unless you want to split the party.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6133830Well the city seems the most urgent and we might find out info
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6133830split party route time!Our favorite!We surely won't miss anything of value if to do that
>>6133832Of course, nothing ever goes wrong when splitting the party
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6133833no sudden kidnappings sureanyway, the city siege sounds most urgent
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6133833or your other party acquiring giant ancient chinese golems while you are dealing with boring shit anyway speedy up towards city siege
>>6133835Just to confirm, towards the city siege as a whole party or...?
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6133836nah you alone is enough for the job. send rest to barbarian encampment
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6133836>>6133837Ah yes a solo mission, helped by the fact that they are literally near each other
>>6133838Barbarians literally settled near city walls to not go too far from siegeyou know, good benefits of a work place being near home
>>6133837>>6133838Ah, so this is our plan of attack
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6133845Yes, my plan is to be the bait so that the rest of you can attack the encampment safely and get all the loot while I suffer.Wait.
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6133845yea, it's perfectalso kid needs to learn how to kill other kids left unattended
>>6133848Alright, time to head to the siege
Rolled 54 (1d100)>>6133852Turn on the radio
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6133852>>6133856it's all barbarian stations
>>6133859You check your radio(crystal ball) and sees that it's all barbarian ads
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6133860Oh, it's new Coldgate ad tho.
>>6133861"NEW AND IMPROVED COLDGATE! KEEPS YOUR TEETH SHINING WHITE! EVEN IF YOU'RE DEAD! SO YOU CAN LOOK YOUR BEST WHEN YOU'RE CRUSHING YOUR ENEMIES, SEEING THEM BEING DRIVEN BEFORE YOU AND HEARING THE LAMENTATIONS OF THEIR WOMEN!"
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6133868Do you even have teeth underneath that helmet?Actually, how do you even eat and drink?
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6133868oh look, ad is streamed live in city which is under siege
>>6133869Fire Knight secret
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6133874...but Ezekiel is also a fire knight now, and he still eats normally.
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6133874It's time to cancel these ads
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6133874>>6133880No it isn't
>>6133880That's right! Truly this is the worst crimes those barbarians have committed! even worse than their other, actual crimes!
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6133889you say that but you buy exclusively cold gate to polish your wagons tho
>>6133890>coldgate shillI wonder who could be behind this post
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6133892that's silly of you anoneveryone knows that barbarians can't use computersThey are barbarians after all!Durr hurr rock culture
>>6133894
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6133892>>6133894Barbarian hands typed these
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6133895Okay, that was fun, but we wasted enough time. Less go defend a siege.
Rolled 4 (1d100)>>6133895Let's just kill those barbarians and shill our own toothpaste later
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6133895Why would anyone go on internet and tell lies, OP
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6133897That's right!Now roll to see if you get there during the barbarian's attacking phase or do you arrive early while they were still preparing
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6133900Roll!
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6133900nyeah
>>6133901>>6133902Damn! They already started their assault!
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6133903ram straight into the horde
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6133903THEN THE FIREKNIGHT ARRIVEDCOMING DOWN THE MOUNTAIN SIDE
>>6133906
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6133909Blind the enemies with your glorious appearance!Sun is on your side!
>>6133910"the hell is that?"Will the barbarian find out what the hell is that?Find out in....I unno, 2-3 hours, I gotta go eat dinner, see ya soonupdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6133916SUN TZUtreat yourself some poak buns op
>>6134038It's time to BREAK A SIEGE
Rolled 47 (1d100)>>6134040
>>6134042
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6134044PREPARE THYSELF
>>6134046
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6134054Just go running over them. Run over all the barbarians. Get a high score.
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6134056Roll to get a highscore
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6134064Damn, that's a pretty high highscore. Who set it?
>>6134065Perhaps an ancient Fire Knight, one of your esteemed ancestors.Unfortunately before you could break that record, you crash into one of the great undead siege beasts
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6134073How DARE they Fireblast the beast from bellow. That'll hurt.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6134073It's ok we dodged it
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6134078FIRE BLAST IT BEFORE IT STOMPS YOU!
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6134087BLAST
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6134087PAPOW
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6134087I'll frag this charlie
>>6134092
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6134101The beast fucking EXPLODES THE SIEGE SHALL STOP
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6134109"THE FUCK YOU MEAN THE BEAST EXPLODES AND THE SIEGE SHALL STOP. EAT ROCK" One of the barbarians on top of the beast yelled. As he throws a rock at you
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6134113nuh uh
>>6134116>6
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6134127Is this better?
>>6134130Yes. But unfortunately too late
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6134134Wonder how Kid must be doing on his first mission away from you while you take a...tactical breather underneath the huge boulder.
>>6134135Right, let's cut cameras over to Kid's party and see wassup
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6134141What comedical hijinks is he up to now?
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6134141Turns out he's overleveled as hell and is sweeping the competition.
>>6134144
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6134156He can beat them, totally! I trust in you, Kid!
>>6134162"That's right Kid. You're gonna go in there, and you're gonna eat lightning and you're gonna crap thunder! Those barbarians? They're bums!"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6134187Yeah! Go there! Show them the power of a fire knight! Time to make your hot, weirdly clingy master proud!
>>6134189
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6134206GO KID GO! BEAT HIS ASS! BEAT THE OTHER GUYS TOO! BEAT THEM ALL!
>>6134208Spurred on by the power of friendship and a bunch of other stuff. Kid beats the crap out of the undead barbarians.And I gotta sleep as it's 3 AM. Bread will hopefully continue soon, preferably sometime tomorrow when I wake up. toodles.updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6134760Ezekiel's gonna solo this whole mission by himself. He is finally becoming DA HERO.
>>6134761
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6134774So, Kid, how are you feeling now that you have become a proper fightah of your own and no longer a mere apprentice?
>>6134780"THIS IS AWESOME! I NEED MORE BARBARIANS TO CRUSH"
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6134797Well, let's leave him to it! Unless there's anything else, cut back to Firemane having a not-so-great time.
>>6134800We now cut back to....Firemane being stuck under a rock and getting the crap stomped outta her
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6134805It's time to asspull some random fireknight technique to get yourself out of this mess.
>>6134807AND THAT RANDOM FIRE KNIGHT TECHNIQUE IS:- Fire Blast, but uh, AOE ground version- Wagon Slam- Defenders inside the city gives assist- Genuflect
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6134811Fire BLAST
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6134812>>6134812COULD THIS BE THE ASSPULL TO SAVE FIREMANE?
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6134816No?
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6134816I'M ROLLING
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6134816lol. lmao.
>>6134821>>6134826Wow, doubles. What are the chances.
>>6134821ONE OF THE BARBARIANS SEEMS TO POSSESS HIGHER THAN AVERAGE BARB INTELLIGENCE! HE INTERRUPTS YOUR FIRE SPELL WITH A ROCK SMASH TO YOUR HAND!
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6134831Okay...wagon slam?
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6134832ROLL AGAIN TO SUMMON SHITFUCKER REMOTELY
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6134836Fuck you OP stop rolling good
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6134836We're speedrunning a failed quest right now.
>>6134839SHITFUCKER SLAMS INTO THE ROCK, KNOCKING IT OFF YOU!
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6134846NOW GET BACK IN SHITFUCKER AND START TEARING SHIT UP
>>6134849>>6134849
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6134856GET ANGRY THAT IT STARTS TO AFFECT SHITFUCKER TOO AND POWERS IT UP
>>6134857SHITFUCKER: FORM GREAT FLAMING CHARIOT
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6134864JUST LIKE THE FIRE KNIGHTS OF OLD!
>>6134866Like a giant fireball, you cut a flaming swathe through the barbarian ranks!
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6134869... did we do it?
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6134869Plow through every last Siege beast, and we can win the battle!
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6134871Let's find out before I pass out
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6134884It's over...
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6134884Less go
>>6134846Nice, I thought we were about to get damseled
>>6134887You've caused enough damage to break the siege! The barbarians are forced to retreat! The city cheers and calls for you to come in!
Rolled 90 (1d100)>>6134896get rewarded...
>>6134897AND YOUR REWARD IS......WE'LL FIND OUT NEXT TIME WHEN THREAD RESUMES. I gotta go sleep sleep.updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6137172YOUR REWARD....IS!
>>6137174
Rolled 10 (1d10)>>6137176CURSE YOU TODD HOWARDCURSE YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6137177Oops, missed a 0.
>>6137177>>6137179
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6137180Man, first we get beaten by barbarians a bunch and then todd strikes again..this mission was crummy. Let's go back to theguild to meet up with the others.Surely the others had it just as bad as us, right?
>>6137181"Brave Guild Warrior. We thank you for helping driving the barbarians back. But they won't be gone for long. They will definitely try to siege the city again. Would you join us in defending until they are completely defeated?"
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6137188Maybe we'll drive them off if we burn their camp? They do have a camp, right?
>>6137189"Of course. They must have mobilized from their fort and set up a staging camp near the city for the sieges. We already sent requests to help break the siege and get rid of the fort. If you'd agree, consider attacking the camp and breaking their forces a new Guild Quest"
Rolled 88 (1d100)>>6137190Alright. But we can't waste any time so...put us on the catapult and THROW US AT THEM!
>>6137191"....Is that...uh...are you sure? I mean, I see you have a wagon and everything. You sure?"
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6137193yes.
>>6137194"Absolutely sure?....Alright. Head over to the catapult then. In completely unrelated matters, what is you name again? We'd like to know to uh...report with your guild"
>>6137197We are LADY FIREMANE. Strap us to a rock and fire us at Barb-aviv, we are ready.
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6137198
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6137200"Alrighty then. Good luck."
Rolled 32 (1d100)>>6137201OFF she GOES
>>6137202Ancient secret Fire Knight powers keep the boulder upright mid flight
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>6137203Time to ride the cannonball straight into their camp.
>>6137204"Is that a cannonball approaching our camp from the city?""Since when did they have cannons? Last I checked they had catapults""Then what's approaching us then?"
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6137206It's a CANNONBALL fired BY A CATAPULTThey ran out of rocks ok
>>6137207"Really? Really, anon? That's your explanation?"
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6137214yes
>>6137215
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6137218Shut up and keep the plot rolling.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6137219Okay wiseguy, how bout you roll this dice
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6137221no.
>>6137222
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6137225Now BURN THE CAMP
>>6137226"LOOK, BOYS! IT'S THAT BITCH FROM THE SIEGE!""MIGHTY STUPID OF YOU TO JUST INVADE OUR CAMP BY YOUR LONESOME!""NOW YOU WON'T HAVE THE CITY DEFENDERS AND THAT SENTIENT WAGON OF YOURS TO HELP YA"
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6137232pull string go boom
>>6137234The who in the whatnow
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6137235goBOOOOOOOOOOOOM
>>6137236WILL FIRE GO BOOM? FIND OUT....IN LIKE 20 HOURS. I gotta eepupdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
soon
>>6140196Lies
>>6140582it hasn't been 20 hours in OPverse anon.
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6141338Damn fucking 15 minute timer...forcing me to wait...Anyway, uh, barbarians go kaboom.
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6141343Roll for the kaboom
>>6141345>>6141343
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6141345
>>6141356SOMEBODY CANCELLED OUT YOUR CHARGING FIREBALL!
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6141368I blame the 15 minute post timer.
>>6141369
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6141370Fuck you, every 15 minutes is 1% of a day. I'm losing 1% of a day waiting to post.
>>6141372
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6141373Okay, but nevertheless, who the hell dares? Some sort of anti-fire barbarian babe miniboss?
>>6141374>anti-fire barbarian babe minibossDamn anon why do you wanna beef with a baby
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6141368Because it's the babe. The babe with the power.
>>6141377See >>6141376
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6141382He has the power of Voodoo.
>>6141383IT CANNOT BE! AN ACTUAL BABY MINIBOSS?!
Rolled 100 (1d100)>>6141388Well, if we can't use our fire, then its time to call in some help. Time to call in Shitfucker!
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6141391SHITFUCKER'S COMING! ROLL TO SEE IF HE ARRIVES EARLY OR NOT
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6141395Roll
>>6141396It'll take some time for Shitfucker to get here
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6141399Well, until then...FIGHT AWAY
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6141399Guess we gotta kill the baby, uhhhh
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6141401>>6141403IT EMPOWERS ITS MINIONS AND SENDS THEM AFTER YOU! WATCHOUT!
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>6141404You know what, no more reservations, kill that little guy!
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6141404Damn, baby's got hands
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6141406DAMN! WATCHOUT FOR THE FOLLOWUP!
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6141409Why are you rolling so good? Stop doing that.
>>6141412I do not control how the dice rolls. Only what happens in accordance to the results.And what happens is ANOTHER BARBARIAN WAS WAITING BEHIND YOU AND GAVE YOU A PAINFUL ELBOW STRIKE TO THE SPINE AS YOU WERE KNOCKED BACK!
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6141417Keep fighting until shitfucker arrives.
>>6141423CAN FIREMANE SURVIVE THE ONSLAUGHT TIL THEN? FIND OUT IN.....(hopefully) 20 HOURS. I GOTTA GOupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6141427Firemane seems to have the same gene that Shotasniffer does that makes her boobs grow bigger the more the quest continues.
>>6141438It's only natural, given how we anons follow quests solely for the plot and no other reason, that as the plot thickens, so does the protagonist.
>>6141514Ezekiel sure is lucky.
>>6141427these fire titties jC save me
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6141866Quick, use your FAT FUCKING TITS to soften the blows until Shitfucker arrives!
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6141868CAN YOU HOLD OUT AND SURVIVE THIS ASS BEATING UNTIL THEN?
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6141876Let's see
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6141876Not good!
>>6141879Unfortunately, the empowered barbarians are beating your ass too hard, that you'll be dead by the time Shitfucker arrives. At this point you need a miracle. A deus ex machina. A sudden appearance by another character that would conveniently save your life
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6141881Uhhh uhhh uhhhh....Night Knight?
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6141881Obviously they take us prisoner
>>6141882Actually this would be great
>>6141882Would you like to....roll for it?
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6141885Hmmmmmmm....nah, I'm good
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6141885I like the night knight angle
>>6141886>>6141888But anon(s), gambling is great! Don't you know 100% of gamblers quit before making it big?! Your plot hook is assured! With definitely zero chances of something horrible happening instead
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6141890Okay OP, here is how we do it, toss a coin, heads we roll, tails Night KnightBy that I mean roll a 1d2
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6141890Ok but I want there to be at least a 50% chance to get knight night
>>6141893Alright, keep your eyes on the coin
>>6141896you want me to call it?
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6141896Cool coin, man
>>6141900>>6141901
Rolled 50 (1d100)>>6141903Hm, I sure could go for a new copy of Skyrim right now
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6141903it landed knight night side up
>>6141905
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6141907He, eat the coin
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6141907no one caries cash on them anymore
>>6141912Suddenly, anon is ran over by a mysterious high speed vehicle
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6141924About time, firemane was getting her asss kicked this whole time
>>6141933SUDDENLY, SOMETHING BURSTS THROUGH THE BARBARIANS' CAMP!
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6141942WHO IS IT????
>>6141944WHO IS THIS MYSTERIOUS WAGON RIDER? YOU NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE!
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6141949mystery rider! why have you come?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6141949NIGHT KNIGHT!? AKA UMBRUS DARK, LIVING ON A KING STREET 72 WITH IP ADDRESS OF 192.158.1.38!?
>>6141952".....Uh, no"
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6141953roll a perception check, bonus for mortal enemy
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6141953Whew, hate that guy
>>6141956"Yeah...uh...right...Ahem. GET OUT OF HERE NOW, I'LL COVER YOUR ESCAPE" he yelled as he slams his suspiciously Night Knight-like Wagon into the barbarians
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6141960Hm, interesting, Night Knight's wagon, very rare model of whom only about six custom orders were made, not even counting the specialized modifications he put in, maybe coincidenceAssist the mystery knight
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6141960"Aah~ mystery knight... he is so COOL" also this >>6141962
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6141962>>6141964Perhaps NOW your fireball would hit?!
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6141967Doubtful, but maybe I WILL ASSIST YOU COOL MYSTERY KNIGHT
>>6141962>>6141971How the fuck?
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6141967Hell yeah fire time
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6141967Yes?
>>6141971THE MAGICAL BARBARIAN BABY DESTROYS YOUR FIREBALL YET AGAIN!
Today we job
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6141976FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT, FUCK IT, RUN THAT STUPID KID THROUGH WITH A SWORD
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6141979FIREMANE IS IN A RAGE! CHARGING AT THE BABY WITH HER SWORD!
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6141983LETS JOB
>>6141984THE BABY ORDERS SOME BARBARIANS TO STOP YOU! BUT YOU RAN EM THROUGH ALL THE SAME AND AINT SLOWED DOWN ONE BIT!
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6141989Grab the little shit!
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6141989Kids killerLets kill some kids tonightKid. Killer.
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6141991
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6141998Hrarh
>>6141999
Rolled 70 (1d100)>>6142002Hmm myou know, killing a baby would be kinda fucked up, so uhhhh beat him unconscious, we'll feed him to Shitfucker later
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6142002spanking time
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6142004Ah, then he's in the perfect position to be dropped....AND THEN BE HIT WITH THE FLAT OF YOUR BLADE FOR A HOOOOMEEE RRRUUUUNNNNN
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6142012RunHomeStrike
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6142012to the moon
>>6142014YOU SENT HIM FLYING! INTO THE DIRECTION OF THAT WALL OVER THERE
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6142016NOW we can fireball in PEACE
>>6142019JUST THEN...SHITFUCKER ARRIVES AND BURSTS THROUGH THE WALL!.....HITTING THE BABY AND SENDING HIM FLYING IN THE OPPOSITE DIRECTION! INTO ANOTHER WALL!
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6142022All aboard, catch up to the MYSTERY rider
>>6142023THE MYSTERY RIDER WAS ALSO JUST HAPPENED TO BE AT THE OTHER WALL, AND HE MAKES A SHARP TURN JUST AS THE BARBARIAN BABY FLIES TOWARDS HIM, SMACKING IT TOWARDS THE OTHER OTHER WALL
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6142028The baby bounces from ANOTHER walll flies off into the distance team rocket style.It's okay, he'll live.
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6142028Alright I think that's enough.Imply off-screen infantcide
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6142028Mystery rider, who are you why did you help me?
>>6142032"....I am, uh...merely a passing rider. I simply saw a barbarian war camp and I knew, I uh, had to clear it out...yeah. Total coincidence---" JUST THEN, the REST OF THE PARTY breaks through the OTHER OTHER WALL and makes the Baby bounce into another direction for the third time"--that's my cue. You won't see me again. As this was a total coincidence. So no way we'll run into eachother anymore. Eeeeyup. Time to leave"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6142034wow so mysterious and cool.
>>6142035And with that, the mysterious Night Knight-shaped Driver, on his mysteriously Night Knight-like wagon, with his mysteriously Night Knight-like driving style, speeds off into the distance. It is very likely you'll never see this mysterious driver ever again. Who he is will forever remain a mystery
Rolled 24 (1d100)Where's the quest archive? I have no context for what is going on. Anyway, infanticide is bad, okay? We need to call the baby's parents or the barbarous child protective services to put him away non-lethally.
Rolled 25 (1d100)>>6142038..Anyway,Ezekiel! You're here" I'm certain you had just a hard a time as we did with your mission.
>>6142040I uh, only have my own downloaded archives:https://www.mediafire.com/file/yglu8mtb7dfpvb6/HERO%2527s_party_member_QUEST.zip/filecuz i don't upload archives myself onto suptg gomenasorry
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6142038>>6142041Whatever you do, don't think about domming the cute little man before you, nor fantasize about him turning the tables and domming you instead Firemane, and DEFINITELY don't picture yourself holding hands with him. This is a blue board goddammit!
>>6142041"Uh, yeah! Miss Firemane! We took down the barbarian fort and all the remaining barbs inside, then we followed their trail here to their forward camp!"
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6142042Thank you! <3
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6142050Yes of course, haha I had a very easy time too actually yeah
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6142050Are you sure? You don't look like you had the living tar beaten out of you like we had.
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6142050Isn't what you're doing to the barbarians, itself, barbaric? Clearly, if we don't want to stoop to their level we ought to give them a fate worse than death for their kind... we should civilize them! Somehow.
>>6142054"Haha, nice joke, Miss Firemane. But no way you'd get beaten by these barbarians. Just take a look around! You've already taken care of them before we even got here!"
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6142057Oh wow, haha. Yep. Totally. We sure did.Try not to panic that your student has probably already surpassed you and is probably leaving you behind in the dust.
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6142057flex
>>6142058"Auch, you should have seen him. Seems like that training you had him go under did wonders. Kid took out like the entire fort practically by himself. Me and Double Wizard barely did anything aside from actually demolishing the place. Haha. Good job Firemane. You've trained the boy well"
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6142058Why would Firemane panic? [SPOILER]Having the little man be stronger than us makes him hotter.[/SPOILER] I mean, the most flattering thing that a teacher could wish for is for not only to pass the torch to the next generation, but also have said generation burn even brighter than the last, Firemane's legacy shall live on through Ezekiel's deeds. [SPOILER]We are SO gonna take the credit for Ezekiel's developments no matter what.[/SPOILER]
>>6142068Nice spoiler tags
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6142068FUCK, did the spoilers wrong, pls ignore, nothing to see here, haha. Rolling for deception
>>6142068haha you fucked up
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>6142068No, anon, see, if he becomes better than us, then he doesn't need us anymore.
Rolled (1d00)>>6142071I'm rather rusty since its been almost a year since I've been on a running quest on /qst/. Cut me some slack here.
>>6142072
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6142076That ship has seemingly sailed like a thread ago already given the shenanigans he's been pulling now. We gotta keep bullshitting till Firemane is no longer in debt and a preferably noble lady sitting on top of the skulls of vanquished barbarians.
Rolled 64 (1d100)Anyway, it's almost 5 AM right now. So imma pass out soon. Roll 2d100 for the next event. First roll is for pickings, second roll is to contest against my roll
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6142080damn looks like we flexed too hard and Firemane's bra snapped
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6142086
>>6142080YEP! NOTHING TO SEE HERE AT ALL!
Rolled 87, 24 = 111 (2d100)>>6142086Roll
>>6142092How terrible. We will find out what happens later, when I wake up. Whenever that is.updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 8, 84 = 92 (2d100)>>6142091>>6142086
Why did Firemanes boobs get smaller again after last session?
>>6142594Her HP got too low, the tiddies are like a health bar. If she gets close to death, then she becomes flat.
Rolled 46 (1d100)>>6142594>>6142596Gee, I sure do hope that Firemane isn't aware of us perving on her bodaciousness or lack thereof, also, flat is justice, medium is premiun and oppai is truth.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6142725Let's see
>>6142728Aww man, i was hoping we'd fail.
>>6142728Is that a no on her knowing about us peeping?
>>6142728>>6142725The council of Anons subtly inspect Firemanes assets without being discovered.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6142826>>6142880
>>6142902
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6142906Ahem, event time. What is the event?
>>6142908Oh my god, IT'S...A. The other half of the barbarian camp, who were hiding offscreen all this timeB. Rampaging undead beastsC. A powerful undead beast stage bossD. The baby's motherE. Something completely unrelated to the whole Barbarian horde
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6142915>C. A powerful undead beast stage bossAn Undead Rock has risen to fight us.
>>6142918Is THIS your final decision?
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6142915>E. Something completely unrelated to the whole Barbarian horde
Rolled 12 (1d100)>>6142920...I thought it would've been, y'know, a little bit more impressive than this.
>>6142922
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6142925Hand in there little buddy, I'm sure you'll be a fiercesome undead rock monster some day!
>>6142927IT HAS BEEN MOTIVATED AND GAINED A GROWTH SPURT
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6142930Now that's more like it! A worthy battle!
>>6142931
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6142932Time to impress Ezekiel so he falls in love with us and forgets that stupid hussy of a childhood friend!
>>6142933>Night Knight
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6142936CHARGE! OUR FIRE SWORD BURNS WITH THE HEATED PASSION OF LOVE!
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6142939
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6142946RAAAAAAAAAAH!
>>6142947IT'S A HIT! DON'T LET UP NOW, KEEP ATTACKING!
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6142979Is it over?
Rolled 7 (1d100)>>6142986Shieeet, I dunno anon, roll for it
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6142990Yes, it has never been this over... FOR THE ROCK MONSTER
>>6142993
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6142998Another one!
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6142998but what about scissor not beating rockyou need to be a paper
>>6143006Another rock?
Rolled 69 (1d100)>>6143008Another strike!
Rolled 24 (1d100)>>6143009
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6143011Ka-pow! Fire Punch!
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6143011nyeah
>>6143012IT DID NOT APPRECIATE YOU SLICING ITS HEAD IN HALF! IT CAUGHT THE PUNCH!
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6143017Slice it AGAIN
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6143018CAN YOU?
Rolled 23 (1d100)>>6143021with faster rolls maybebut should've used wagon
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6143021Cucumber slice?
>>6143024>>6143025IT MANAGED TO BLOCK IT"C'MON GUYS WE NEED TO HELP HER"
>>6143027use wagonas a weapon
>>6143030THE PARTY CHARGES IN! WILL THEY SUCCEED?I DUNNO, I GOTTA GO FOR A BIT. WE'LL FIND OUT IN LIKE, 4 HOURS PROBABLY.updates b here https://twitter.com/notapaladin
>>6143033thanks for bread OP, treat yourself a poak bun
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6143097He wants the bun
>>6143101
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6143103QUICK, TAKE THE BUN AND RUN
>>6143108
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>6143110Okay, back to our regularly scheduled programming, and Firemane's mega-buns. It's time to defeat da monster.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6143111That's right, you're all locked and loaded. Ready to slam Shitfucker into that rock monster.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6143116I don't like those odds
>>6143118IT CAUGHT SHITFUCKER!
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6143119Uhh...aha! That was part of my plan! Now we can attack it while its hands are occupied!
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6143121WHAT AN AMAZING DISPLAY OF TACTICAL ACUMEN. TRULY FIREMAN IS A WISEWOMAN BEYOND OUR COMPREHENSION
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6143122Gadhdamnit where are the other anons to help me roll
>>6143123Unfortunately, this means the rock monster now has Shitfucker as a weapon. A fact that he exploited immediately by slamming the wagon down on you
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6143126Okay, well, since you're gonna keep rolling so well, is there anything we can do that doesn't require a roll-off?
>>6143129Well, you canA. Get rektB. Try to hang back a bit, get your bearings, figure out something else you can doC. Give OP your moneyD. Be a distractionE. Give OP your moneyF. Lean into the fact that you're injured to motivate the partyG. Give OP your moneyH. Give Shitfucker a boost
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6143137Okay, here's your money
>>6143139Hmmmm
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6143149It says "totally legit" on the bottom, so you know it's good.
>>6143151Of course. You wouldn't lie to me, would you anon
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6143155Of course not. Now let's go pay to win.
>>6143157YOU GET BACK UP FROM THE CRATER IT SLAMMED YOU INTO, USING SOME SORT OF UNDISCLOSED ENERGY RESERVE
Sorry I got distracted by drawing cute flatchested girls with big eyebrows and fang>>6143160space timeline cops show up to sue for unlicensed use of unlicensed energy
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6143160>>6143165they also stole my rolland ability to read undisclosed since I read it unlicensed for few times
>>6143166Okay anon, time to take your meds
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6143169YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!I GIVE SHITFUCKER BOOST HE NEEDS!
>>6143171YOU BLAST A SURGE OF FLAME INTO SHITFUCKER! HE STARTS UP AGAIN! HE'S TRYING TO BREAK OUT OF THE ROCK MONSTER'S GRASP AND SLAM INTO IT!
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6143178Channel some additional hatred toward barbarians and their rock culture
>>6143180IT GAVE SHITFUCKER ENOUGH POWER TO SHOOT OUT OF THE ROCK MONSTER'S GRASP LIKE A BULLET AND PUNCHING STRAIGHT THROUGH ITS ROCKY BODY
>>6143186Hatred is really efficient fuel source, you know?Take notes, engineers
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6143186>>6143187Engineers stole my rollAnyway battle won, but shitfucker may have gone far away so it'll take time for you to get your wheels back
>>6143188But overall, it was a success. You saved a city, had a barbarian fort and camp destroyed and took out a branch of the barbarian army. A cause for celebration.And a good point for me to go to sleep. It's almost 2 AM and we already past bump limit. See ya next episodeupdates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6143193Thanks for bread, OP, enjoy your dreams about poak buns, gulag freedom and have a good week
Bread is over so I can now post this in secret
>>6143431Hot
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6143431Rolling for Ezekiel to survive the dehydration after Firemane drains him harder than a caprisun
>>6143431You already posted this, OP, I saw it on your twitter!Just...with less bloom
>>6143582It's the uh, bread exclusive ver
>>6143618Trying to bait Souj into drawing Firemane smut for you aren't we, OP? baka, I thought you better than that
>>6143631Nah nibba I'm just bricked up
>>6143641When do you think you'll snap and draw the actual act of intercourse taking place. I don't even mean for this quest I'm just talking in general.
>>6143647Right now
>>6143657You know what I walked into that one, that's on me.
