The conception. The miracle of life. This is where it all begins. You are the egg that was released at the right time and you are the first successful sperm to meet the egg. You start your existence now.>Roll 1d2 to determine if you implant successfully in the uterus.
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6147901
>>6147902>>6147903You grow and divide as you travel down the fallopian tube until you reach a plush bed of uterine tissue. The hormone conditions are perfect! You nestle comfortably into the soft network of nourishing vessels and make yourself at home.As you stimulate HCG production you wonder if the human you are parasitising are expecting you.>Roll 1d2 for planned/unplanned pregnancy.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6147905
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6147905This seems promising.
>>6147906It has been 2 and a half weeks, you start to feel a little hungry... It seems like the human is not taking any preconception vitamins... Are they not expecting you? You try not to think too hard about it since you have no brain anyway. You continue to make HCG and grow. The human will likely do a pregnancy test soon because of their missed period so whatever.>Roll 1d2 to determine if the human will decide to keep you or not.>>6147907If there are multiple different rolls the first one wins.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6147909
>>6147910It's ogre before it began. Resetting last save point.>Roll until you get a 2. I'm going to bed.
Rolled 1 (1d2)>>6147912
Rolled 2 (1d2)>>6147912
>>6147915Woo! Not aborted!
>>6147915>>6147919You feel the ghosts of two previous embryos before you, guess they were just in the right place at the wrong time. But you, you're different. It appears the human is receptive of your presence.Although you have been welcomed into your new home, you have no idea how well your landlord will treat you in the coming 9 months...>Roll 1d20 to determine the mother's life circumstances. 1 = homeless junkie, 20 = health conscious upper class.You get the embryo colored after your ID, grats!
Rolled 6 (1d20)>>6147948Let's see
>>6147949Here's hoping for reasonable health but poor.
>>6147949The womb belongs to an average working class woman, it seems she has access to some limited healthcare opportunities because you can feel the bare minimum of some folate in your environment. Looks like you won't be suffering any fatal developmental abnormalities! There's not quite enough iron or calcium but you can cope with this.6 weeks in your sex development genes are starting to switch on and off...>Roll 1d100 for gender, 1-48 = girl, 48-98 = boy, 99-100 = intersex (actual irl gatcha rates)
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6147967Check this 100.
>>6147968Hell yeah, boy.
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6147967
>>6147968You're going through all the right developmental stages towards becoming a healthy boy. No malformed genitals for you, hurray!The rest of your development will very much depend on ethnic background. You wonder what color the newly developing epidermal skin layers will turn out...>Roll 1d100. US census ratios. 1-13 black, 14-32 latino, 33 native, 34-36 south asian, 37-40 east asian, 41-98 white, 99-100 mixed.
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6147978
>>6147979That would make us...white! Nice. What kind of white, though, I wonder? Anglo? Germanic? Slav? Mediterranean?
>>6147979>>6147980Your skin, along with the rest of your organ develop as normal since there are not that many genetic disorders that are exclusive to white folks. You're glad you're hitting those developmental landmarks... Or are you??>Roll 1d5000. 1-7 rare genetic disorder common in white people, 8-130 autism.
Rolled 2737 (1d5000)>>6148000
>>6148004Although you do not have classical music playing outside your womb-nest, or the best antenatal nutrition, or feel the soft palpation of pregnancy massages; you also do not have any genetic or developmental conditions! Rejoice.Your human carrier is getting exercise from moving around, likely because she still needs to work a full time physical job while growing you... Poor human, you must try to remember to thank her in future. This moving and exercise will at least improve your chances of surviving the upcoming birth. You have been slowly reorientating yourself for this moment.>Roll 1d36 for number of hours in labour.
Rolled 27 (1d36)>>6148012
>>6148014Ooh, that's pretty long. Or isn't? I wouldn't know.
>>6148017haha
>>6148014>>6148017Prolonged labour... This isn't good... Not for your or for the human's wallets but financial worry can wait for now. This question is do you survive labour??>Roll 1d100. 1-6 death, 7-30 C-section.
Rolled 42 (1d100)die
>>6148025Did you forget a part? There's nothing above 30, but it's also not death...
>>6148029I assume that's nrmal vaginal birth. No MacDuff loopholes for us.
>>6148026Your under developed eyes are not yet ready for seeing detail but you can see the light. The warm hospital glow at the end of the tunnel. It hurts and you hear screaming mingled with shouts of encouragement. It's so so noisy...
>>6148029>>6148031You have arrived into this new world as a fully formed human! You are alive and you feel so much. The sensation of the air, the shouts, the voices (some familiar, some less so), the smells, the colors... It's all too much so you cry. Maybe this is why those two humans who feel and smell familiar are crying too, maybe it's all too much for them as well.What is that word those two keep repeating?>Name yourself. 1d20. I'm actually going to bed, will come back tomorrow, highest roller gets the name. May the odds be ever in your favour.
>>6148039Damian Grey
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>6148039Hmmmm, blonde? And since we're American...how about Reinhard?
Rolled 4 (1d20)>>6148039Cecil King
Rolled 19 (1d20)>>6148039Ritz Reinhardt.
>>6148041Don't forget to roll!
>>6148045https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=YsGjFh1ke44
Rolled 2 (1d20)>>6148039>>6148041
Rolled 8 (1d20)>>6148039>Dovahkiinhttps://www.pcgamer.com/parents-name-child-dovahkiin-earn-a-lifetimes-worth-of-bethesda-games/yfw more than one set of parents in the world are really THAT desperate for a free lifetime trip on Todd's wild ride!
Rolled 5 (1d20)>>6148039Nathaniel Monroe.
>>6148064Yeeeeeah, given the recent Bethesda games, that's not exactly a big win. I'd prefer our parents to be weebs with good taste.
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>6148039Bob
>>6148045I'll support this.
Rolled 14 (1d20)>>6148039>Ronald McDonald
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>6148039Walter White
>>6148045"Oh Ritz my sweet baby, momma and daddy love you so much. You wouldn't believe the troubles and fright you gave us. Oh look you have daddy's eyes!""Honey I'm going to get us some coffee, you want some doughnuts too?""No worry Mr Reinhardt, our student midwife can to that for yous. You can stay here with your missus and lil baby Ritz."As you suckle on MOMMA REINHARDT's teats you hear her and DADDY REINHARDT discuss circumcision. Her freckled arms are stocky and strong, you trust them.+1 NOURISHMENT>Roll 1d10. 1-6 you get the snibsnab.>Write in eye color.
>>6148413>60% chance of genital mutilationHow horrible. I'm gonna go for>BlueOf course.
Rolled 9 (1d10)>>6148414Support>>6148413Guaranteed snip snip
>>6148421Phew, that's lucky. I guess our parents are smart enough not to cut off a part of their son because a cereal company told them to.
>>6148421You regard your parents with big underdeveloped sky blue eyes. You can't see much yet but their blurry faces are comforting to you.It seems like your faith in them has paid off. You live in blissful ignorance of the pain and suffering they just chose not inflict upon you as they drive you home. You drift off to chattering of future plans.+1 FORESKIN>Roll 2d20 for level of support offered by extnded family. 1 = no family connections or friends, 20 = lots of friends and family to help with childcare and kindly neighbours.>Write in where the Reinhardts live.>>6148414Thems the odds for a white male born in Murica
Rolled 20, 12 = 32 (2d20)>>6148435I'm not an American, so what place do you guys think would be interesting for Ritz? Hopefully somewhere that isn't just like, California New York or Texas, that's boring.
>>6148436Oh shit, 20! Nice!We still need a place, though. Hopefully somewhere interesting.
>>6148435> We are AmericanAwww man. Wonder what year it'll be though.>>6148436Hell yeah brotha, good fuckin rolls. I hope it'll be somewhere not too urban. That way we can get up to more wacky scenarios that aren't just drug smuggling. Maybe Florida or Alaska. (I am not American either)
>>6148439Florida or Alaska seems like a good choice.
>>6148436Dang, foreskin and tightknit support network, baby Ritz doing GOOD. I'm not American either, figured I'll just learn as I go along. It's easy to grab US census data off chatGPT.
>>6148439>American Yeah been using real life data for rolls since we hit early fetal development stage.We live in a weird time continuum where it's [CURRENT TIME] forever. Gonna let more write ins happen before I draw more.
Rolled 2 (1d2)You know what, let's roll for it too1 - Florida2 - Alaska
>>6148447Alaska it is. That'll be my vote.
>>6148435I'll also vote>AlaskaThough Dinosaur, Colorado would have also been good. If it's Alaska, though, gotta be >Unalaska, Alaska>>6148049It's because we're a cracker, get it?
The Reinhardts are driving down from the regional hospital to their rental home in Fairview, Anchorage, Alaska. Their modest family income of $50k is just short of average for the area. Daddy Reinhardt works at Costco and Momma Reinhardt work at Walmart. Thankfully they live close to their extended family, Daddy Reinhardt with two younger sisters and Momma Reinhardt with an older sister and a younger brother. All four grandparents are alive and retired. Lucky little Ritz isn't born to much but will not be short of cousins to play with and doting grandparents to help change his nappies. >Roll 1d3 for pet, 1 = cat, 2 = dog, 3 = no pet.>Write in names for all family members. Mom's side on the left and dad's side on the right. Mom holding Ritz and Dad behind grandparents.
>>6148453Ah sorry, I had already started drawing/writing
Rolled 1 (1d3)>>6148465Someone else can decide the names.
>>6148467Ah, Catto.
>>6148465Okay, I'm guessing the other anon doesn't know how to name them either? So I'll at least name the mother's side>Carlos>Frederico>Olivia>Hans>Estelle>Cornelia>Josef
>>6148467You relax in your suit-patterned baby gro while Catto, the 4 year old family cat groom you hair. This is The Life. You were named Ritz after the hotel in a show of defiant aspiration, your parents wishes for you to become a hotel owning real estate tycoon that they were never able to be. You are their American dream.However, real life gets in the way of such ambitions. Momma Reinhardt's meagre 10 week paid maternity leave is already near the end, you parents now face the hard decision of whether to move you to formula or for Momma to take more time off work to nurse you.Your family fortunes translate to 4 DOLLARINOS per month. 2 is spent on rent, 0.5 on insurance, bills, and gas, 0.5 on groceries, and 1 for misc spending/saving. Currently the family has 0 DOLLARINOS savings but also 0 dollarino debt.Choose one:>Formula = no penalty.>Momma stay home for longer = -2 DOLLARINOS per month pff work.>Write in.>Roll 1d6 (+4 bonus from MAX SUPPORT) to borrow necessary money 1-5 from family/friends or 6 get bank loan at 0.1 DOLLARINO interest per year.
>>6148473Accepted.
>>6148481Don't Americans have those pumps that they use to take milk from the mom so the baby can feed while the mother's not at home?No way we're choosing formula BTW - not in a country where they add corn syrup to it.
>>6148484Estelle and Daddy Reinhardt reaches out to their family and friends for advice and someone kindly gave Estelle her old breast pump! (1d6+4 automatic success).This solves the milk problem. Estelle and Daddy Reinhardt both return to work while Cornelia, Josef, Grandma 2 and Grandpa 2 take turns to look after little Ritz. Grocery costs go up to 1 DOLLARINO to account for grandparents staying over. But overall the family is saving a good chunk of money because of all the hand-me-downs and community support.>Roll 1d6 to determine amount of DOLLARINOS saved over the 1st year of Ritz's birth.
>>6148490+3 NOURISHMENT from the breast milk. I forgot.
Rolled 5 (1d6)>>6148490
>>6148492Nice. We're still poor, but at least we're saving.
>>6148492The Reinhardt couple has an average IQ of 102 so they reach out to their in-law Carlos, a shrewd salesman for some financial advice. He advises for them to save 2.5 of the 5 DOLLARINOS in Ritz's name so that it is not taxed. Way to go Carlos!Being developmentally perfectly healthy you enjoys playing social games like peekaboo and clap along. You can crawl along at high speeds and make regular attempts to stand unaided (no success yet).What would you like to do today with caretaker of the day Grandma Cornelia? >Write in
>>6148504> Gather your playbloacks and erect a glorious tower with which to piece the firmament and lay siege to the Heavens.
>>6148506+1 tower of babbyl is a go
>>6148506>+1Tower of Baby
>>6148506+1>>6148465Dad can be Adolf, or VERY INSISTENTLY "Dolf". Sisters Ada and Della, his dad can be Marius and his mother Delores.
>>6148506>>6148507>>6148510You decide to start construction on the Tower of Babbyl. This magnificent structure will rival that of the ancients. You will become the God Emperor of a new ag-Wait, no, stop wobbling!>Use leg to stabilize the structure (+1 WIT)>Use a block to fix the bottom (+1 INTELLIGENCE)>Keep stacking, you leave it to the divine hands of Fate (+1 FAITH)>Knock it all down (-1 PERSEVERANCE, +2 STRENGTH)>Write in (GM discretion)
>>6148514Accepted. Now just need names for the in-laws on Daddy Dolf's side.
>>6148518>Use a block to fix the bottom (+1 INTELLIGENCE)Intelligence will be necessary if we wish to claw ourselves out of lower class hell.
>>6148518>>Use a block to fix the bottom (+1 INTELLIGENCE)
>>6148518>Use leg to stabilize the structure (+1 WIT)With enough wit, you can bullshit all the intelligence you want
>>6148518>Use a block to fix the bottom (+1 INTELLIGENCE)
>>6148518>Use leg to stabilize the structure (+1 WIT)>>6148519LaMontagne and Saul.
This quest is intriguing! You've got yourself a new voter OP.>>6148518>Use a block to fix the bottom (+1 INTELLIGENCE)We've got this covered.
In a brilliant flash of genius, it occurs to you to rotate the light green piece so that it can be used to strengthen the foundations to your architectural magnus opus. Wonderful!+1 INTELLIGENCE (IQ 91)You continue to pile blocks on until you reach that one... last... piece... You reach out and...>Roll 1d20. 18-20 for success.>>6148601Names accepted
Rolled 16 (1d20)>>6148704bitch you unlocking some core memories for me too
>>614870616, nice.
>>6148706So close.For the briefest instant our fingertips brushed against a star...
>>6148713Thus begins our villain arc
>>6148706https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cvQ2LF3hyuY-1 HUBRIS+1 RESILIENCE It's fine. Sounds like Granny Cornelia is preparing some food for you...>Dry your tears and wait>Write inI need to sleep then go be a wagie, there'll be a delay in updates
>>6148722>Write inGIVING UP IS FOR SISSIESWE CAN REBUILD IT. WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY.
>>6148722>Fuckin' try again! Learn our lesson in block-based structural engineering!
>>6148727Clearly. We must use better bases.
>>6148722>Try to go help in the kitchen, insteadMaybe cooking is our forte? Chemistry, down the line?
>>6148722>>6148725Defeat is found not in failing but in the collapse of resolve.> Learn from your mistakes. Start over. Do it better this time.
>>6148722>Try again
>>6148725>>6148727>>6148728>>6148734>>6148737+2 PERSEVERANCEYou try again. And fail again... And again... Until you notice Catto lying down near by. How has this not occurred to you before?? It's so obvious. It's all a matter of perspective...
>>6148741+1 WITYou decide this feat of civil engineer shall henceforth be known as THE LINE; Saudi Arab-, THE LINE; Anchorage. A next generation smart city, the talles-, er, longest building in the world. You gaze proudly upon your creation and lazily wave your arms to summon Granny Cordelia for food.>Wait for GM, I mean granny, to cook
>>6148752>Wait for GM, I mean granny, to cook
>>6148752>Wait for GM, I mean granny, to cookhell yes we a jeenyus
This is a really nice quest QM! Absolutely love your art - is extremely pretty!>Wait for GM, I mean granny, to cook
>>6148752>>Wait for GM, I mean granny, to cook
Looks like Granny Cordelia has found a variety of food stuffs in the kitchen. She's simple woman, goes to church every Sunday and enjoys playing Words with Friends 2 on her ageing smartphone with friends around the world. As she waits for the breast milk to warm up, she ponders on what else to make for you. You're a growing boy afterall.>Roll 4d6, 1-3 = prep, 4-6 = put back into fridge/pantry. You can roll for all 4 or just a selection and let someone else roll the rest if you're too chicken and are scared of getting THAT WEBM. Game proceeds when all 4 dice has been rolled.>1d6 for mini Costco doughnuts>1d6 for fresh fruit and vegetables>1d6 for cereal>1d6 for orange juice>>6148853This is so lazy and low effort compared to your beautiful blender art! I appreciate it <3
Rolled 4 (1d6)>>6149454
>>6149462Nice one! 3 more to go.
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>6149466I was leaving it for someone else to roll, but...>>6149454
Rolled 1 (1d6)>>6149467Damnit...no vegetables or fruits. That sucks. At least it's not doughnuts.>>6149454
Rolled 6 (1d6)>>6149468Cereal? At least it'll be good for our jaw, I guess.>>6149454
>>6149469Welp, guess we're eating cereal and milk. Not exactly healthy. This is why I don't like rolling.
>>6149468
>>6149468>>6149470It's Kellogg's cornflakes it looks like, which isn't the BEST but certainly could be worse.
>>6149462>>6149467>>6149468>>6149469Granny Cordelia is a sensible woman. She knows kids don't need none of that syrupy nonsense in doughnuts and juice pouches, and as for making a healthy fruit and steamed veggies smoothie? What do you take her for? Some hipster yuppie? No, for her grandkid, it's gotta be flaked corn. Good and simple as God intended. Evidently no-one has dared to tell her about all the additives in cereal.She makes you a comforting bowl of cereal softened with warm breast milk. It looks like she had acknowledged your grasping abilities! Instead of feeding it to you as usual, she is watching and waiting for you to try picking up the spoon by yourself.>Roll for handedness 1d100. 1-12 for leftie.
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6149480
>>6149482Perched atop your THRONE OF DINING, you carefully grab the spoon with your right hand. The challenge is what comes next... How much mess will you make eating the cereal?>Roll 1d20 for mess level. If 1-10, +1 DEXTERITY
Rolled 13 (1d20)>>6149485
>>6149487You have defeated the cereal! There may be bits of food everywhere but battles are rarely free of bloodshed. You raise your spoon in a victory that belongs to you and you alone.+1 NOURISHMENT.Do you let Granny Cordelia clean you up?>Yes, your body is your temple, allow the worshipper to keep it clean and tidy>No, do not succumb to societal standards. Dirt makes you stronger>Write in
>>6149501(Write-in) Cast your eyes downwards. Brandish your noble scooping scepter and rend away the clinging crumbs which besmirch your form.
>>6149503Board is a bit dead because of Thanksgiving I guess. I'll wait more for votes.
>>6149501>Yes, your body is your temple, allow the worshipper to keep it clean and tidy
>>6149505Essentially.>>6149501>No, do not succumb to societal standards. Dirt makes you stronger
>>6149501>Yes, your body is your temple, allow the worshiper to keep it clean and tidyGo further beyond, abhor filth, become a borderline OCD. As a paragon of cleanliness stand smug knowing none will be cleaner than you.
You graciously allow Granny Cordelia to cleanse your corporal form. Good grooming is a mark of good character after all. She is heaping praise on you for being so much easier to work with compared to cousin Frederico. You gloat. +1 HYGIENE +1 NARCISSISM Which outfit should you wear now that your blue onesie is dirty?>Suit onesie>Dino green onesie>Lurid purple onesie>Slightly darker blue onesie>Insist on being naked
>>6149663>Slightly darker blue onesieCan't go wrong with blue!
>>6149664You change into a fresh onesie, can't go wrong with blue as they say.As you sip on some post-bath reheated milk granny has prepared for you, you ponder on what to do next...>Take a nap (+1 ENERGY)>Watch daytime TV with grandma>Crawl around the house (-1 ENERGY)>Stare down Catto>Write in
>>6149678>Watch daytime TV with grandmaAdopt the mannerisms of beloved private investigator Thomas Magnum, in the hit show Magnum, P.I. Such a legendary figure is someone you should aspire to be like. Take on the mind set that he is "Literally me"
>>6149678>>Take a nap (+1 ENERGY)
>>6149678>Crawl around the house (-1 ENERGY)Cause trouble in a way only an unsupervised baby can
>>6149686Can we also watch Columbo?
>>6149694Agreed. Clumbo and Magnum, P.I reruns
>>6149694Yes on columbo
>>6149678>Stare down Catto
>>6149686> Stare down the catIn this comforting mundanity, the human will knows no greater vice than the fluorescent, attention-devouring siren contained within panes of blackened mirrorglass.
>>6149678>Watch Columbo>Use Columbo's techniques against Catto
>>6149678>Watch daytime TV with grandma
>>6149686 Iagree
>>6149686LETS GO MAGNUM PI!
>>6149678Everyone knows the proper decorum after a bath and warm milk is an eeby nappy>Take a nap (+1 ENERGY)
Oops sorry everyone! I went on a trip for a few days and forgot to take my iPad Air 1st gen. The free drawing app is the only thing it can still run.
>>6151408No worries, welcome back!
>>6151408welcome back no worries! Hope you had a nice trip
>>6149678>>Stare down Catto
>>6151408Any idea when we're starting back up?
