OH SHIT NIGGA. You are lady Firemane. Of the (formerly) noble house of Fireborn! You were once the greatest wagon racer this side of the kingdom. Sadly due to shenanigans, you lost everything and went into debt with the Adventurer's Guild in order to survive. But then you found the Inexperienced Hero, Ezekiel "Kid" Rutebega ! You took him under your wing to mold him into the hero he's always meant to be: your devoted apprentice (probably)Ezekiel's older brother has started his campaign of destruction, he leads his hordes of undead barbarians to ravage the lands. As members of the guild, your party has went on the quest chain to stop said undead barbarian horde.You've just cleared out a major Barbarian encampment, stopping their siege on a nearby city. Currently the party is basking in victory.
Rolled 75 (1d100)>>6160416Inspect the camp like the loot goblin that you are. Nothing of value will remain, all must be sold to the vendor for big money!
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6160416The party is greeted by the near by villagers thanking heroes on their victory. They want to have a party!
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6160417Surely you can scrounge up something valuable from these savages
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6160420Common big money!
Rolled 35 (1d100)>>6160420THE BIGGEST OF MONIES!
>>6160421Anon winning big so soon?! That can't be right
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6160424All OP's must die.
>>6160426
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6160427Command Grab him! He has stolen the loot!
>>6160428
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6160432Take the loot from this O(bese) P(unk)
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6160432Now shake him upside down and get out loot back
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6160432Keep slamming! He has to drop the loot eventually!
>>6160433
Rolled 68 (1d100)>>6160438The party crowds around it expectantly as Firemane goes to open it...
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6160438Open the chest
>>6160441>>6160442
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6160449IT'S....!
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6160449It's the legendary legend item of legend!
>>6160453YOU FOUND:- A bunch of still intact skulls that barbarians use as helmets. These are the ones that survived the thrashing you and the party gave the barbarians.- Bags of golds and various precious gems. no doubt taken from the villages and towns they ransacked- Buncha rocks- Ancient artifact of evil- A fully cooked chicken
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6160461Holy fuck it's a fully cooked chicken!
Rolled 37 (1d100)>>6160461chicken
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6160461Surely this ancient artifact can be used for good! Let's try it on a random villager!
>>6160467>>6160466Right? You didn't even know barbarians can cook!
Rolled 62 (1d100)>>6160471These skulls would go great on our wagon!
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6160471Chicken IS good.
>>6160473It is clearly the most valuable thing here. You should keep it. And leave the rest to the party
Rolled 43 (1d100)>>6160482Do that
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6160482But of course. Then we can have a fancy, totally not romantic at all dinner with our disciple once we get back.
>>6160484
>>6160491Oh you boys
Rolled 74 (1d100)>>6160491Man, that was a great decision.Anyway, let's go back. This adventure has gone on for long enough.
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6160491>>6160493
>>6160493
Rolled 27 (1d100)>>6160506What's FoG doing?
Rolled 17 (1d100)>>6160506Th-Th-The, Th-Th-The, Th-Th... That's all, folks!Man we got through this thread real quick, good job guys. See you in two months.
>>6160507Punching rocks
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6160511Okay, well, is there anything left to do? Or we can finally end the mission?
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6160511Party?
>>6160514Party?....Yes. You should gather your party and return to the guild. Indeed.
Rolled 83 (1d100)>>6160515Ok do that
>>6160515>>6160516Damn, Captcha ate my image. But first,a conundrum. You took victory last thread via launching your magical sentient wagon "Shitfucker" through a barbarian golem. So now you gotta go find it if you wanna travel anywhere
Rolled 80 (1d100)>>6160517Just whistle so it magically spawns behind you.
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6160518Surely it won't be that easy. What is this. an open world adventure game?
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6160520Yeah it's that easy.
>>6160521Nothing happens
Rolled 36 (1d100)>>6160522Alright go find it.
>>6160524"I think it blasted off thattaway. Conveniently also in the same direction of the guild"
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6160526WALK
>>6160527Boy I sure hope we don't run into any random encounters
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6160530RUN SO YOU DON'T HAVE ANY RANDOM ENCOUNTERS
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6160531
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6160532GO GO GO
>>6160533
Rolled 96 (1d100)>>6160534Alright, where's our kart?
>>6160535IT'S....MY GOD!...ROLL 1d100 and the higher the result the better!
Rolled 94 (1d100)>>6160537JOHN CENAAAAA
>>6160538Oh hey it's right over there, with nothing next to it
Rolled 28 (1d100)>>6160539Get in, we ride.
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6160539Sweet!
>>6160540>>6160541Wagon re-acquired. Commenced traveling.And I uh, gotta sleep. it's 4:30 AM. Probs will continue when I wake up. See yas.Updates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6161957Stop at the McKnight for some fast food.
>>6161958"Welcome to Mcknight, may I take your order?"
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6161963'Uhh yeah, can I get a number 7 with breast milk.. I MEAN REGULAR MILK PLEASE HEY WHAT DO YOU GUYS WANT'
>>6161967Stare of Judgement
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6161968Okay we'll get a Looters Crate for Ezekiel, Double Wizard will have two Number Nine large with extra dip and Fist of God will have the Crusader Meal. Aside from our Number 7, of course.
>>6161970"Would you like to order extra Knightly Fries with your orders so you'd get a free Happy Knight Toy?"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6161973Ezekiel tries (very poorly) to hide the fact that he really wants the toy.
>>6161974"HELL YEAH WE WOULD----I uh mean, yeah we should get the extra fries. I'm uh, extra hungry right now, yeah."
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6161977Yeah we'll take the extra fries.
Rolled 11 (1d100)>>6161977Or at least those apple pies
>>6161979>>6161980Fucking compooter crapped itself. Anyhoo, fries? And some pies too?
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6162006what flavor?
>>6162007"Well, we got Chivalric Cherry, Paladin Peach, and Avalon Apple "
>>6162013Avalon Apple will do. Now, what the total cost for all of it?
Rolled 99 (1d100)>>6162013>>6162017
Rolled 89 (1d100)>>6162013Give us a coffee to spill on double wizards crotch
>>6162021"Of course, ma'am, the total is..."Conveniently the exact same amount of gold you just looted from the barbarians
Rolled 8 (1d100)>>6162024man fast food has been getting expensive
>>6162024Wait a minute, my ward said no pickles!
Rolled 81 (1d100)>>6162027>>6162024
>>6162028"Yes. No Pickles. Noted."
Rolled 82 (1d100)>>6162030Collect the food, check the order is right and all there, then if so pay the knight.
>>6162030>>6162036This
Rolled 49 (1d100)>>6162036There shouldn't be any errors...
Rolled 20 (1d100)>>6162046What's this here?
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6162046Mmm...
>>6162048>>6162049
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6162051Wait a minute what's the fien print here
>>6162060
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6162069Alert the staffer about these billing issues
>>6162075"What...billing issues?"
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6162078TAKE OFF HIS MASK
>>6162102"Whoah there, calm down. I'm just a lowly fast food worker. No need to get angry"
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6162106We have another hand, unrestrained.We have a companion, unrestrained.That mask is coming off.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6162125"Oh shit"
Rolled 66 (1d100)>>6162177YOU CAN'T FOOL ME TODD
>>6162178
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6162182He runs away while the actual cashier comes back from his break
>>6162183"Oh hey, Welcome to McKnights. Can I take your order? Hope you didn't have to wait too long"
Rolled 92 (1d100)>>6162185>>6162017
>>6162187
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6162189How horrible, can we even pay that
>>6162194Yeah it's just the entire gold you looted from the barbarian encampment
>>6162204Goddammit.Okay, you know what, just get the stuff for the others since WE have the BIG ASS CHICKEN we stole from the camp. We can eat CHICKEN instead of burger.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6162207
>>6162207>>6162208And that comes up as....830 G.
Rolled 15 (1d100)>>6162210Okay FINEEzekiel better like that toy...
>>6162214"...Thank you Miss Firemane. I owe you my life"
Rolled 97 (1d100)>>6162217All the others get cool stuff
>>6162218
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6162223Those 100 gold are yours, finad something to buy while you eat your chicken
Rolled 13 (1d100)>>6162223the mkkk grand wizardlets spend the rest of the villagers stolen money
>>6162225BUt waht about turning in the quest so you'd get MORE gold
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6162229Good idea, let's go.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6162229arent we in debt? theyll just take our hard earned moneylets spend everything first
Rolled 76 (1d100)i kind of want a drawing of Firemane eating a burger and when she bites into it the sauce spills down on her breasts
>>6162230>>6162231Just don't tell em about the extra cash, ez>>6162232'Course you do
Rolled 59 (1d100)>>6162236Okay, let's get da money. Eat the chicken in one bite and go.
>>6162237Are you sure you can devour this delicious chicken in one go?
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6162239In one bite.
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6162239Yes, all of it.
>>6162241You know not what power you're messing with, Firemane
Rolled 85 (1d100)>>6162244You will submit to MY power, lowly chicken!
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6162245
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6162246big talk for an already dead chickenjust accept your place and be consumed
Rolled 10 (1d100)>>6162246Perish, fool!
>>6162247>>6162248
Rolled 72 (1d100)>>6162251This chicken is stil a littlel raw, roast it more.
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6162246Chicken
Rolled 5 (1d100)>>6162251youll see whos laughing when you start dissolving in stomach acid
Rolled 26 (1d100)>>6162253HOW DARE THIS POULTRY
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6162257Smells good.
Rolled 84 (1d100)>>6162257correction time
>>6162259
Rolled 16 (1d100)>>6162263Now eat it with gusto!
Rolled 31 (1d100)>>6162263killed and cauterizednow we can devour the even more delicious chicken in one go
>>6162269Yeah cuz it's uh...more compact now, yeah
Rolled 53 (1d100)>>6162281atleast it has learned its lessonlets head back to the guild and our mountain of debts to move the plot forward
>>6162283"Firemane. here to deliver the good news?" asked the Guildman.Chew the chicken in a way that bits and pieces fly into his face? Y/N
Rolled 33 (1d100)>>6162281Concentrated. Bite-sized.
Rolled 22 (1d100)>>6162285Nah, eat the whole thing. MAKE NO WASTE.
Rolled 58 (1d100)>>6162285>>6162286We killed the barbarians, and found out that double witch is back from the dead or whatever she went to
>>6162288"Yeah---I---just---what was that----wizard?----I----hrrmmm----"
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6162294Quest is done. Gib reward plox.
>>6162295"Right. Of course. I'm not quite sure what you said back their due to how much you rattled my helmet with your....I don't even know what bits. But word did get sent that you saved the city. Here's your gold, with the guild's cut already taken, of course. Go prepare for the next quest. The barbarians are still out there"
Rolled 19 (1d100)>>6162305I think we deserve a lil' break and get a down-time after we finished like 4 quests at once. I'm certain the other have stuff to do too.
>>6162307"The lord's holy work is never done. But I do need some time to recuperate, and I'm sure you all do too. You know where to find me if you need me""And I'll just be heading to the local archives to....meditate. Yeah. Meditate....DOUBLE Meditation"
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6162316Guess it's just us, then, Ezekiel?It's the perfect opportunity for a date. Don't waste the chance, Firemane.
>>6162320"Yeah! I'm ready for more training, Miss Firemane! We'll show those barbarians who's boss!"
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6162326Haha, yeah...training. Well, uh, this ultra-special-training is gonna take a while to make, so be sure to go and get ready for it while we set it up. Go wash off all the barbarian corpse smell.
>>6162330"Okay. I'll see you later then. Find me in the guild hall. See ya miss Firemane"
Rolled 63 (1d100)>>6162336Okay, Firemane, you have the opportunity for a nice date with your boy before all hell breaks loose and the apocalypse begins or whatever. You need to think of an idea QUICK!!!!
>>6162340Honestly you never gotten this far before. Oh shit. What DO you do on a date?All you can think of is variations of "Take him to a wagon race or something"
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6162346Okay, okay, let's think. You've spent plenty of time with Ezekiel. Surely you remember at least one time he's talked of something he'd like to do???
Rolled 3 (1d100)>>6162350Roll against your own memory
Rolled 76 (1d100)>>6162353le funny roll 1
>>6162356Wait of course! That's right, during your training up on Fire mountain. Ezekiel mentioned that he was into....
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6162361Hey, if i was creative enough to think of something like that, i'd be making my own quest.
Rolled 86 (1d100)>>6162361dont look at me i just got here
>>6162365>>6162367"Pssst. I heard he's super into The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim."
Rolled 9 (1d100)>>6162374BEGONE, TODD!Let's just pick somethin easy, like...I don't know, some random samurai knight animated series on Knightflix he enjoys.
Rolled 67 (1d100)>>6162374damn you todd even in my quests you come to distribute yet another version of skyrimis he into figurines or toys given his totally not excitement before?
>>6162384Ah yes of course! You remember now. He sometimes mention his interest in those figures? dolls? models? Of knights and warriors. Especially the ones that comes in parts so you can build yourself. He called em...uh...Knight..Pla. Yeah KnightPla. Totes
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6162403TO THE KNIGHTPLA STORE! THERE IS NO TIME TO WASTE! Time to put the gold we saved to use
Rolled 41 (1d100)>>6162403Okay so we have to take him to the classiest model shop in town. We need to dress the part! Quickly, storm to our wardrobe and look for a nice dress to wear.
Rolled 1 (1d10)>>6162409Wait, would the date be making the gunpla? Or would it be buying it? I'm not sure.
Rolled 39 (1d100)>>6162414Ooops, that's a d10, not a d100
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6162403wait is he really a kid? firemane you sick girl
>>6162416Kid is just his nickname. Ezekiel is totally, 100% legal. Certified.
>>6162417DOUBT
>>6162416His nickname's Kid. Also, you sayin' dudes can't be into plastic models? HUH? Anon?
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6162421Yeah, you tell him OP!!!Anyway, I guess anon is right, we should probably buy the thing with Ezekiel instead of just getting whatever. So let's go get firemane prettied up for a date! We don't wanna smell like barbarian corpses either.
Rolled 29 (1d100)>>6162421>implying implicationswe should paint figurines togetherit would make a killer date
Rolled 1 (1d100)>>6162421stop hiding your vtuber plastic models
>>6162422Not to worry, Firemane. Due to your fire...mane, the barbarian corpses sticking to you doesn't smell like usual barbarian corpses.They smell like burned barbarian corpses
Rolled 21 (1d100)>>6162433Well, what are you waiting for? TO THE CLEANING CHAMBER!
>>6162433We should increase our allure and set a good example by giving ourselves a good polish
>>6162438Washing in progress. please hold
Rolled 42 (1d100)>>6162441Not even a shower curtain shot? Booo!
Rolled 93 (1d100)>>6162441Wow we get no fan service, how far you have fallen OP.
>>6162443>>6162447Well it's simple anon. We have to tease the fanservice. We have to imply it. So that you'd be asking for the real thing.But mostly it's because it's 3 AM and i'm tired and lazy
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6162451Okay, well, I guess i can save the fanservice for the date. Let's have Firemane prepare herself until then.
Rolled 91 (1d100)>>6162451i will be expecting nothing less than a microbikini armor then
>>6162452On that note. Imma pass out now. As it is 3AM. Continue bread....whenever I can continue bread.Nighty nightUpdates b here: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 2 (1d100)>>6162457cute kneesthanks for breading
Now I kinda wanna see Firemane without a helmet. I hate it when they leave that sort of reveal for the finale.
Rolled 18 (1d100)>>6162457Oh dear fellow thread watchers, it appears someone has stolen Firemane's clothes from this bath! This must mean that she now has to go on a comical adventure hiding her naked body to find them before her big date with Ezekiel!
Rolled 57 (1d100)>>6163218Who the hell wears the same dirty clothes after a bath? Surely she must've stashed away a fresh change of clothes somewhere nearby...
Rolled 61 (1d100)>>6163840You're thinking small. This is a Date. That means Firemane has to put on her DATE ARMOR to utterly swoon Ezekiel.
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6163218Oh my God! My Dice God, my one Supreme God, my Barbarian God! Anything but this!
>>6162457Nighty knight???? Where?????
>>6162457Merry Christmas, OP!
>>6165192
Rolled 6 (1d100)>>6167161Boy I sure hope there isn't a snowy chill that will create a festive atmosphere and drive our young compatriot physically closer to us for warmth against the cold air haha
>>6167165Yeah wouldn't that be something, huh anon
Rolled 38 (1d100)>>6167168Let dress up for our supposed 'date' with Kid. Now what to wear. . .
>>6167174
Rolled 48 (1d100)>>6167178We've gotta have finer wear, a nicer jacket or something
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6167178we may need to buy a bow or something
>>6167189A bow? How would that help
Rolled 64 (1d100)>>6167191Let's just take a deeper peak into the closet
>>6167194Let's see...there's the jacket from when you were part of a wagon racing gang
Rolled 52 (1d100)>>6167201Your first actual wagon too...you miss it so much
Rolled 78 (1d100)>>6167201Nah that ain't workin. Surely we have something more casual.
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6167201reminisce
>>6167204Ah yes. The days when you ruled the streets with your gang of fellow Knights of Fire
Rolled 98 (1d100)>>6167205No wizard nerds were safe from our harassment
>>6167206
Rolled 44 (1d100)>>6167207Ah, the good ol' days.But uh, you sure that whole style still fits? >>6167201 looks like you're wearing a sarashi instead of a shirt.
>>6167208Good times. Shame that the gang broke up when everyone else got their own young hero to look after before you d---ahem, I mean. Yes less look at other options. For example, something much more casual
Rolled 71 (1d100)>>6167211By fitting i meant like literally fitting in your body, if that thing was supposed to be a shirt it really shrunk or you really grewAnyway, casual is nice, but it won't do you any good for a first date. You need to wear something that'll make Ezekiel swoon!
Rolled 56 (1d100)>>6167211Too casual
>>6167212>>6167213Of course, something less casual
Rolled 73 (1d100)>>6167214Maybe show a little bit more skin? Don't you have like, some cute clothes good for dates you were given as a gift but never wore because you never needed to and that's totally not sad or anything?
>>6167216Well there's this dress that's been lying in your closet for a while...
Rolled 79 (1d100)>>6167217Well, that is pretty nice...though it feels a *bit* too formal. You're not going to a grand ball. It's close though. Try thinking of something truly fitting...something neither too casual nor too formal, and also showing skin. I'm totally not saying this so I can see firemane in different clothing, hehehe
>>6167219There's also this "armor set" that the Optimal Armor Knight gifted you. An "armor set" that you deliberately ignore most of the time
Rolled 77 (1d100)>>6167222Wait, I KNOW!!!!Fuse this with the first set. You take this armor. And then you put on the shorts, and jacket.
>>6167223Hmmm, I wonder why you'd pick this combination anon.
>>6167228Might be too cold for that, let's just fall back to sweater and keep the optimized set on hand if things go well
Rolled 87 (1d100)>>6167228Because it's hot. But fine, you can button it up while you're outside. Only Ezekiel and us, the spectator should have the right to see her FLAMIN' ABS
Rolled 51 (1d100)>>6167228Just go in your pyjamas
Rolled 95 (1d100)>>6167229>>6167228
>>6167232You know, we could have just buttoned up the suit instead of using the sweater.
>>6167232Keepin' it casaul huh
Rolled 60 (1d100)>>6167236Carry along. Let head back to the Guild Hall. To see Night Knight sister chatting with Kid.
Rolled 34 (1d100)>>6167236Alright, *fine*just remember to wear the sexy armor fit inside.
>>6167237
Rolled 65 (1d100)>>6167239Ask her what she's doing here while staring a hole through her.
>>6167241"What? Can't I congratulate my childhood friend on a quest well done?"
Rolled 30 (1d100)>>6167244Well your CHILDHOOD FRIEND is going to go on a DATE i mean AN OUTING with HIS TEACHER now.
Rolled 55 (1d100)>>6167244Night Knight's Sister is a childhood friend to Kid? Good, everyone knows the childhood friend never gets the boy
>>6167246"Who knows. What if they decided to subvert expectations this time? Hothead?"She said hothead like it's a slur somehow
Rolled 40 (1d100)>>6167247I don't think so, nighty. Now scram before I put you to sleep
Rolled 7 (1d10)>>6167247Then why aren't YOU his teacher, huh DUSKY???
>>6167249As Firemane and Night Knightess flings slurs at eachother, I uh, gotta go somewheres. Bread on hold until I'm donezo.updates b here n shit: https://twitter.com/notapaladin
Rolled 14 (1d100)>>6167251Damn, a bit too late and a wrong roll. Dusky is a great insult, though.
>>6167252Is Ezekiel angry here? His eyebrows are turned down.
>>6167252Why do my neurons spark looking at fireamane? I hope she is aggressive during snuggle sessions.
>>6167277Moment ruined for him. Now he will never get to touch boob.
>>6167277It's just the shape of his headgear, trust
>>6167277He's not angry, he's trying to think really hard over why they're fighting.Could it be that he's getting past his protagonist density??
>>6167285>I can change the plot of this if I simply take control of Op's mind and GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
