>be me>straight>can clap my asscheeks loudly on command when i throw it back>i think its retarded but it makes my friends laugh really hard so i use it as a party trick>earlier today i invite my friends over to play vidya in the living room bc i have the house to myself>after a bit my 2 friends start arguing after a round of smash>i try to lighten the mood by doing the assclap thing>my shorts slip down a little after 3 claps>all of a sudden a 12 inch turd shoots out of my ass like a fucking missile>it torpedos directly underneath the fridge at like 30mph>hear an audible thud when it hits the back wall>i try to salvage the situation with a joke but the only thing my autistic fucking brain came up with was "welp, who's up for BRUNCH!">immediately feel the awkward tension so i just walk out the front door>realize i just walked out of my own house but have nowhere to go>feel too awkward to walk back inside so i decide to hide under the porch until my friends leave>my friends do eventually leave after like 4 minutes, but it felt like 5 minutes>walk back inside and immediately get hit with the smell of shit>try to get the turd out from under the fridge with a fork but it doesnt reach far enough>eventually get it out with a pair of tongs>dont know what to do with it now that its out so i stomp it down an air vent on the floor>get my phone and send a message to my friends group chat apologizing for shooting a turd at them and that i've cleaned it up for the next time they want to come over>realize i've accidentally sent it to an entirely unrelated group chat for an old school project>open my contacts to try and find the correct group chat and see that my friends have already removed me from it>go back to the kitchen to clean up the shit streaks on the floor and the tongs>napkins just keep smearing it around so i smear it around enough that you can barely notice it>spray a bunch of febreeze in the kitchen and call it a daywell that was embarrassing.
>>77264786>i stomp it down an air vent on the floorpics or it didn't happen
>>77264786Holy shit OP, this greentext made me laugh so hard. Thank you. Genuinely the best greentext I've seen in months.
>>77264786>"welp, who's up for BRUNCH!"
Don't care if it's fake still kekd
too fake not even worth stealing
>>77264786>>my friends do eventually leave after like 4 minutes, but it felt like 5 minutes
