>hanging out with my roommates (friends from college)>"I'm really glad the three of us get to hang out again">"There's four of us, anon">"Oh yeah, right">later that evening>"Hey anon, I'm gonna hang out with roommate A but just him because I'm not feeling really social right now, not enough for multiple people, you understand right?">"Yeah, sure">go out to the kitchen to get water>they're all hanging out together having a good timeThe reason I'm telling you all this is because I thought the feelings I get from things like this would go away after I got a girl to date me and give her virginity to me. "Ok, sure I may be autistic but I'm good enough for her to choose me so I can't be that bad, right?" are the kind of thoughts I thought I would have but instead it's just "Wow, I'm way more annoying than I thought, probably only a few days before she breaks up with me then if I'm this bad." The autism never goes away and the thoughts never go away. I'm going to be like this forever.
>>77268642I am just as autistic as you. But I am happy because I have self love, self respect, and I do not seek external validation from people. As you explained, the root of your suffering is exactly that, comparing yourself to normals and depending on their approval. If you were secure with yourself you would be happy just to be with friends and gf. It also doesn't hurt to actually ask people what it you do that annoys them, not in a needy insecure way, but if you notice someone doesn't like you despite maintaining the appearance of freindliness you might as well ask them what's up. I remember reading Elliot Rodger's autobiography and some of his roommates tried to help him figure himself out, but he was jsu tlike no fuck you I hate you I'm better than you how dare you criticize me.
>>77268642Its called imposters syndromeFake it till ya make it
>>77268642Maybe you vibe more with your gf vs the roommates. Your roommates could be jock or normie jerks, or like Tate fanboy frat boys. All sorts of things could happen.
