I did a group meeting with my classmates to do acting for a short skit and it was awkward and cringe as fuck. Thank god it wasn't just me, the others were just as awkward as me. I was sweating and my face was beat red. Trying to keep up with scripted conversation that none of us looked at more than once before filming was also cringe. We couldn't keep up with our lines and I had a hard time forming thoughts about anything. It was my first time under public pressure since high school (I'm 31). It could have been worse and been in person in front of everyone. I'm even more convinced I'm disabled because I couldn't formulate thoughts and assess the situation and make decisions based on that. I could only handle in the moment things. They were probably 10 years younger than me, though, so they have more of an excuse.
Thinking about bad things while the pillow around my head melts from the heat of my embarrassment. It was a bad experience but not that bad I guess. I've had way worse things happen when I was younger that haunted me for years and years. Nothing I can do except keep keeping on. I just can't hide away forever. Even though I sometimes want to.
