I don't have enough intelligence left now to properly work through all the baggage I've accumulated and connect to other people in order to heal myself (nevermind help to heal them...)I can only make shallow connections and they're exhausting and not really fulfilling. Just enough to soothe loneliness and boredom by a bit.I would like to find someone to trust and delve further into my issues with them but I can't properly reciprocate. The level of interest I used to have in people isn't there and I can't become invested. The details or their lives become a jumble in my head. Or at least the finer points are lost enough that it makes it futile.The first questions I will be asked, i always need to deflect because I can't proceed by telling the truth. Too much explanation is needed for "why are you living like this", "why don't you just do that", etc. and it becomes exhausting if I actually give real answers.I wish I'd been able to make connections when I was younger. The fear and confusion I had then was debilitating.Now, the fear isn't so bad but the confusion is worse. And I get so tired.The pain isn't so intense anymore but there's no will left for bigger things. Little things might change and help make life a bit easier and nice but it's not going to something I truly can call valuable. I'm nearly 40 now. Still coming back to this slop pit. An addiction the provides minimal comfort and nostalgia. But just enough I guess.My brain has become rather lazy. I've passively absorbed so much stuff from here that I don't really agree with but I guess I did just enough for it to set in. Maybe I'm not as bad off as some since I can recognize it. Some seem not to be able to at all.I guess the average age here now is quite young. Though I don't think the young people in the past were as dumb on average - meaning young people on this site in particular, not necessarily all young people.Well, there's my vent post for the year.
>>77999895Glad I can pay for therapy so I don't have to vent on this shithole.
>>77999911are you making much progress in it?if I were going to therapy again, I think i'd still feel the need to vent anonymously
>>78000007It's been effective for me so far, guess I'm lucky. I went from being depressed all the time to very emotionally stable
