How do I get over my crippling fear of men?I feel completely trapped by the clear and obvious power imbalance between myself and men. I cant ever find it in myself to trust a man, even if I really like him and hes only ever been sweet to me. Its like I have a gun pointed to me head with every interaction I have. Even when theyre being kind I feel like Im being coerced, fear is the undercurrent tainting every interaction I have with a man and I HATE it.
>>78010032Don't care tranny + not feeding into your emasculation fetish
>>78010032im a pretty passive dude, if you're white and american let me show you how to feel love, and post discord thank you
>>78010032Fear of what? Them hurting you? Manipulating you? Cheating on you?
>>78010032I'm so glad I'm not a woman
>>78010047All of the above. Imagine you talk to a person who suddenly pulls a loaded gun out and points it at your head. They dont even mention it, and aside from the gun theyre completely nice and friendly people. You cant honestly have a normal conversation with that person, every interaction would be secondary to the gun against your head, thats how I feel.
>>78010032>How do I get over my crippling fear of men?Have sex.
>>78010076What is the gun supposed to represent in this analogy? Physical strength? Mental capability? What do you feel is coercing you and coercing you to do what?
>>78010080That made all of this dramatically worse
>>78010094What? Did you have sex?
>>78010091Physical strength is the biggest factor by far. A capacity for violence doesnt help either. Even in normal social situations its plainly obvious to me that power inherently derives from strength and I dont have any.
>>78010110And so you feel that in any interaction with a man, you are being coerced because he is more powerful than you?>inb4 yes retardI'm just asking to make sure i understand what you're saying here
>>78010105Yeah, and while Ive always been scared of men to some degree it only became paralyzing after that.
>>78010124For the most part, yes. I feel like I cannot have a normal interaction with a man, no matter how he treats me, because of the clear and obvious gun. Its further complicated by my own attraction to men but thats a different can of worms.
>>78010127Ruined by Chad.Grim...
>>78010032enjoy knowing you choose chad who gave you trust choices. i hope every one of you retard niggers bitches die
>>78010139If you mean that you have some weird thing that affects your attraction to men then I think it's the same can of worms and trying to keep it separate will just make it harder to understand what's wrong
>>78010032Honestly, I'm glad that men scare the shit out of you.
>>78010032You should fear men, as a male I won't trust a male the first time I meet them or a woman either. Judge their actions, men with psychopathic tendencies can't help but act off eventually. For me if they are always trying to get something out of you I become weary like if they are always trying to borrow money or they claim a lot of people are always trying to screw them over, a man down on his lucky will do everything he can to get himself out without help so if they want help at the first sign of trouble thats weird. A lot of woman actually like those psychopathic dudes because they imagine they will be protective of them and it won't be used against them. A lot of women judge men on stupid shit their hobbies of what shirt they wear instead of important stuff.
>>78010032This is not /adv/ or crystal cafe. Fuck off, CUNT.
>>78010094So in other words you let chads pump and dump you even though you knew its wrong yet you keep doing it anyway because you're a stupid cunt?
>>78010032Detransition. That should do it.
>>78010148Choice had nothing to do with it.
>>78010160Why?>>78010165I dont have a healthy caution towards strangers like youre describing. I am terrified of men in general, regardless of their behavior. The only man I trust is my dad, thats literally it. It doesnt matter what hes like on the inside, he terrifies me.
>>78010032I'm one of the kindest, meekest men around and I've learned to use it in order to manipulate, abuse, and betray the trust of random women and the retards who love them. I feed on your fear, and entrap you like a quiet opportunist with the brutality of tactical might. This is all because my mom laughs about circumcision.
You should really seek therapy OP.
>>78010184Would you guys please stop making random shit up? No, thats not even vaguely close to what happened.
>>78010249Okay. If you got raped, there's nothing anyone here can say to help you. Get therapy. Talk to someone who knows how to help.
>>78010249if this isn't baiting, then please consider your position claiming to be a woman on one of the most misogynistic boards
>>78010155The fact that im attracted at all to men is infuriating to me. it makes the whole of attraction unpleasant. Its not that I have some weird kink or fetish, its that it feels like my body is working directly at odds with me by liking men in the first place.
just remember that you'll always be a man, so you're just being retarded and it's all in your head
>>78010270>>78010247I was court ordered to go to therapy and he tried to kiss me. Maybe trying again is the smart thing to do but if I was smart I probably wouldnt be like this to begin with.
>>78010032I am afraid and feel the exact same way about womanI tried exposure therapy but no luck so far
>>78010332>heGo to a female therapist. Hopefully she doesn't brainwash you into unironically transitioning. But there's not much we can say here. Also carry a taser or a gun.
>>78010110>capacity for violence>power inherently derives from strengthif these are things you believe are primary factors for your fear, then get on the same level maybe? get strong, develop your ability to defend yourself>>78010332the therapist tried to kiss you? what country are you living in, jesus
>>78010272Ive been here and lurked on here for a little while. I know some people are cruel or misogynistic but Ive also seen a lot of genuine people offer actual advice. More sane corners of the internet just give me pity nonsense or try to convince me theyre the man thatll cure me or whatever. So in some respects this place is more honest and hopefully helpfulIve also seen a lot of talk about how women view men wrong on here so maybe some of you can help
>>78010332So did you get raped or was it just this?
>>78010032Genuinely, my advice would probably be to go outside more. Associate with men in public, where other people can see them, and you know there will be checks to their strength in case they try something. Or hang around female friends when you talk to men. Things that'll balance out that disparity in strength that makes you fear men. Maybe at some point you'll meet a man who doesn't check all the wrong boxes that makes you fearful. Or maybe it'll be a slow process, but you'll make male friends that can help you relax over time. But yeah tl;dr public settings and female friends with you would probably be the best things to get over this
>>78010032"hello fellow women" ahh nigga lmaobruh
>>78010345Im not allowed to possess a gun for the same reason I was court ordered therapy.But I did learn to shoot prior to all that and carried a small handgun in my purse for a bit but it doesnt really help when its the men you trust who hurt you.>>78010349Even the strongest women are weaker than the average man unfortunately.This is the US. I might have been able to get him into trouble but I did not want to interact with the legal system anymore than I had to at the time and I was worried people wouldnt believe me and think I was just saying that to get out of therapy.
>>78010384I was. That caused a lot of messy events which ended up with me having court ordered therapy which ended with him trying to kiss me. Separate but related events.
>>78010399How do I get over that initial hurdle? Currently the idea of willingly spending time around men makes my stomach churn and my heart race. Public helps and I do go out with friends sometimes but I feel like Im always on high alert, I feel sick doing it sometimes.
Try getting raped by a feral pack of niggers, your fear will evaporate over night goyim
>>78010438Ok. And I assume it was a trusted man who raped you? Was it a boyfriend or what?
>>78010474It was a trusted man, I dont really want to get into the details. The situation is hard to explain and I dont really want to give specifics here.
>>78010426>Even the strongest women are weaker than the average manthis is just brainrot lmao, grip strength is a poor indicator of overall strength (climber with 120kg grip that can't squat 100kg). the average man can't do a pull-up, you could be stronger with a few months of training. but even besides that, learn how to fight, not bjj or muay thai or women's self defense classes, i mean really learn how to fuck a dude up. bite, gouge, claw. it's all fair game. get a knife
>>78010510Genuinely that does make me feel a little better. Still dont really believe I could be stronger than the average man, especially with my size. But maybe I will look back into learning some actual self defense stuff
>>78010537you're stronger and smarter than you realize. you have better answers to these questions and fears than anything some retard online can give you, including me, so go find them
>>78010032>I feel completely trapped by the clear and obvious power imbalance between myself and mengood, know your place, you are weak and men are strongthe weak should fear the strong
>>78010032Hell, even as a 6'1 185lb fit man, I cannot trust anyone. Any person with a small amount of coordination and a knife can get you if your back is turned, and that's just physically. The world is a fucked up place and though not everyone is out to get you, they COULD be.
>>78010558Thank you, I cant say I entirely agree but Ill try. >>78010574I dont know what kind of weird power trip youre on but Im being serious.
>>78010456>initial hurdleHmmmm, I'm honestly not sure. One other method I hadn't thought of is online communication. You're talking to men right now in this thread, probably a few dozen have commented. Does that frighten you? Maybe try taking it one step forward, maybe make male friends online, that you don't intend to meet, and seeing if you can handle camming with them? I'm not offering myself, I just mean in general. If the threat isn't present in texts, it shouldn't be present there, so practicing eye contact with a man that has no ability to harm you should be a good middle ground until you're ready to make a public leap, I would think.
>>78010574>good, know your place, you are weak and men are strong>the weak should fear the stronglol
>>78010631I have tried talking to guys online, its definitely a lot easier it just doesnt usually translate to talking in person.Its also hard talking to guys on camera because they all usually expect something sexual and I feel bad talking to them knowing I have no interest in taking it further. I really hate letting people down like that and even if the guy has never met me I feel rude just using one for practice. . .
>>78010499Then you have to understand that when men have a woman who they care about, we want first and foremost to protect her. Whether that be by doing things to make her life easier, helping her, or by actually physically protecting her, it's all different forms of protection. You can see this in, especially older since a lot of feminists view it as demeaning, books and movies and video games. The damsel in distress trope is basically just an easy way to get men to relate to the main character and make him a hero who they want to be like, as it is something which men latch onto even as young kids. You should first try to just be near men in public situations, eg if you're on a bus then sit near a man. Once you're more comfortable with that and you want to try dating a man, you should make it clear that you want to wait a while before sex and make the dates in a public place. Also try to lean towards cheaper dates or pay for your half. This will filter out most men who just want quick sex and will prevent him from feeling like you just want a free lunch. Use this time to try and weed out anyone left who just wants sex or who has dark triad traits. Once you're a couple dates in and are pretty sure that he's a genuine person and you're more comfortable around him, try to find dates where you can connect in a less surface level way and try to find some small problems which he can solve for you. Don't cause pointless drama, but if there's something small and he can help you with it, you can see how eager he is to help you and whether or not he enjoys helping you. (1/2)
>>78010730Once you've seen that he wants to help you and that he really cares about you, you can invite him over to your house. The first few times at least shouldn't be for sex. Maybe the first time can even be with a friend of yours. Just try to make yourself comfortable with him being in your home. Once you're completely comfortable with him and can trust him, only then should you start having sex with him (if you aren't going to wait until marriage).Remember that men will not generally want to hurt you. There are a few men who will use their strength as a sword to try and hurt or take advantage of you, but the vast majority of men will prefer to use their strength as a shield to protect you. Your job as a woman is to filter out the swords from the shields. The swords will usually be dark triad or similar, and if you look at how things were traditionally done then you might learn a lot. (2/2)
>>78010730>>78010744I appreciate this actual response that you put real effort into. I think my wants and my timescales are definitely longer than youre imagining. . . But the method at least is pretty helpful. I think it will be a while before Im comfortable going on a date with a man and sex feels an eternity away. I worry that Ill never really get over that inherent fear I have even if I try to expose myself to more men. Im also worried finding men willing to tolerate this many problems and how slow Id need to go will be really hard.
>>78010621>I dont know what kind of weird power trip youre on but Im being serious.who's not being serious? women are weak and men can kill them easily
>>78010127Do u shave? do u swallow cum and piss? do u cum quick? how often did u fuck? are u kinky? greentext your first time fucking
>>78010794If you choose my method you should look for more traditional men as the concentration of dark triad men will be a lot lower since there're less social consequences to not doing it but it makes pumping and dumping etc. easier. You will need to be more traditional yourself to attract them, though, this is something that a lot of women overlook. You can stretch any of those steps to as long as you want, I don't know you so your individual circumstances can change anyone of those things a lot. It's more like a general guideline. From what you've said before in this thread, it seems like you'll want to try speaking with more men exclusively online. I've recently been introduced to vrchat, you don't need vr and it can run on basically any computer. There are a couple threads here about it every once in a while and you can even start one, there's no pretext and it's purely social. If you start it here, it'll probably be all men, too. If anyone wants anything sexual, make it clear to them that you don't want a relationship so you won't have to worry about letting them down or anything. You can also use text chat on vrchat if you aren't comfortable using voice yet. (1/2)
>>78010916There are also autists on this site who would do anything to talk about their special interests, if you were to give them a chance to you could have a conversation with them for hours and they wouldn't be bored. The only thing is, I will guarantee you that if they are unattractive enough to be on this site then there's never been a woman who allowed them an opportunity to discuss their special interest with her and they will probably want to date you. You can just tell them no, but that might make you uncomfortable going by what you said here >>78010704. You can find some autists easily on /sci/, just start a thread and explain how you want to discuss their /sci/ related special interests on camera and that there's no chance that this turns into a relationship so don't even look for that if you don't want to lead them on. There's like 50 of us who regularly use that board though, so it'll be pretty slow. You can try other boards, that's just the most autistic one I know of and autists love to talk about their special interests but don't usually get a chance to. (2/2)
>>78010032The urge to type BOO! is overwhelming. In all seriousness, I am male and there is a lot of men who scare me, so your perspective is not illegitimate. It's okay to be afraid! Fear is healthy and normal; it's there for a reason, after all...
>>78010110You know, in groups of apes it's not actually the biggest, strongest ape that's the social leader. It's the most outgoing one, who makes the most friends. Why? Because no ape is stronger than three apes, and even if there is the occasional freakish superape, he's still not stronger than six apes. You just need to recognize that the same danger you feel towards yourself can and socially is taught to be employed on your behalf.
>>78010032Get a sub top him. It will help.
>>78010916why the fuck would a male speak to a female if sex wasn't on the table lmfao
>>78010951Walk up to an autist and tell him that you will have a conversation with him about his special interest for as long as he wants where he can ramble as much as he wants and he doesn't need to worry a out being seen as weird.t. Autist who never gets a chance to discuss special interest
>>78010928lol i was hoping someone would give this broad a good spooking but instead it's just the standard "fook foids because no give me sexy time me jerk off in hand not liquid cooch"
>>78010928>booI wish people would appreciate their ghostly brothers a little bit more!
>>78011005I hear that. Horror is one of those genres where people say "let's watch a horror movie / let's watch a horror game." In a twist of a most spin-tingling and eerie irony, that day comes not!
>>78011030you type like a faggot but yeah it do twist
>>78011042Tell me, lad. What would a man have to pay you to sleep in a graveyard? Suppose you'll be watched over and so you won't have to fear robbery. Suppose the city has given you permission in conjunction with the community so no law is broken; and suppose you will be escorted there and back so you will not delay your earthly obligations.
>>78011052>/lit/fagging this hardbruh fuck off
>>78011052I'd probably do it for free. I once passed out in a graveyard for like 45 minutes then I woke up to some women with her dog who thought I was homeless.
>>78010032The first step is to not ask this question on 4chan, OP. What the fuck are you doing??
>>78010916>>78010926Bumping for (You)s because this effortpost took me a while and (You)s make me a little less lonely
>>78010032With cases like these I always think the most potent solution is to encounter and be with someone who proves you wrong. I have no trauma so dismiss me if you want.I fear the possibility of a woman pursuing a platonic or romantic connection with me, and assume the worst when we interact. Any display of kindness from her is a ticking time bomb. Her smile will vanish, her voice will raise, and her touch will turn razor sharp. It's all my fault.If my situation is anything like yours, then I hope we can someday take back enough room in our hearts to harbor doubt. And with that doubt, delude ourselves from fear just long enough to connect with someone again, because that connection might become our living proof that we do have a place in this world amongst others
>>78010032>its like I have a gun pointed at my headHrm, maybe arm yourself withal a gun yourself and suddenly that power imbalance evaporates because that little tool in your pocket gives you the power to blast any man to death in 2 seconds.
>>78010032Most people have to deal with similiar things, this isn't really a man - woman thing neccesarily, for example, I'm a big guy, I do boxing and powerlifting, some of my male friends are like 50-60kg and they are skinnyfat nerds who don't do any sports, I could kill them with one punch but this has never been a real concern for any of them, cause obviously I wouldn't do that.Most people won't resort to violence, especially against women cause they fear the consequences of the law. So yeah, realize that your fear is somewhat irrational, engage in exposure therapy. Maybe at first try talking to men while your dad is there or something.
>>78010032Have you tried showing your tits to anonymous men on the internet? To build confidence, ofc
>>78010426>Even the strongest women are weaker than the average man unfortunately.Nope. Look up videos of women beating men in armwrestling. And this all ignores the fact that men have a massive permanent weakness between their legs. Hitting a man in the groin will drop him to the floor. A male is always at a female's mercy because at any time she can kick him in the balls. Nature is cruel but it's nature's way of leveling the playing field so to speak.
>>78011935is this some weird femdom-fetish post or do you unironically believe this shit?
>>78011940>do you unironically believe this shit?That kicking a man in the balls will drop him to the floor? I mean it's true unless you want to demonstrate otherwise lol.
>>78011960Doesn't really work that way in my experience. It's a dice roll at best, and odds are it won't work and the chick gets KO'd in the responding punch.
>>78011960It's not really though, as you get older they hurt way less then as a kid or a teen, if you wanted to hurt someone you could very easily power through the pain of a kick in the nuts.
>>78011974Not too mention, grade school is basically training for how to recognize and evade/block nut shots. Pretty sure most of us went into middle school being able to see that shit coming from a mile away.
>>78011970>>78011974>Kicking a man in the balls d-doesn't work, so stop thinking about itExposing the male's silly weakness makes men uncomfortable, huh? It's taught in female self-defense classes because it's so darn effective.
>>78012122Yeah, you're in a self-defense situation you want to use every method possible, doesn't mean it's a surefire.like i said here >>78012025before too long i got to the point where i could catch peoples legs between mine whenever they went for a cheeky kick.
>>78010032Did you not think about going out with a traditionalist man or a deeply religious man? From what you wrote I think you fear that you don't have a system where you know what to expect.
>>78010032sounds like you need therapy desu
>>78010916>>78012543>>78010032If you go for a traditional man OP then atleast be honest with the guy about your being experinced (not on the first date but tell him before sex or before start to date seriously) because lot of trads are really adamant on wanting to have a virgin gf. Some will make expections for rape but it is better for you to know where he stands before starting a serious relationship with him
>>78012758I'm the first anon responded to and yeah that's true, I forgot to mention that.
>>78012758>>78012543>just date men who are known to beat their wifes and keep them like cattle
bumping for the good advices
>>78013119Second anon who you responded to.All traditional Christian denomination condemn wife beating, beyond some fringe "fundamentalist" freaks nobody think it is moral. Also wife beating is a dark triad thing which this >>78012855anon already advised against. Also if you see traditionalist man expecting of their wife to dressing modestly and not have sex parties as "keeping them like cattle" then something is wrong with you
>>78010032Your fear actually gives you tremendous power over men because it incentivizes them to do stuff to prove that there's nothing to be afraid of. Because, you know, being around someone who's afraid of you even though you've done nothing to them hurts
>>78010110>power inherently derives from strengthnot really. It derives from leverage. And you, being a woman, have a fuckton of leverage over men. But pretending that you don't only gives you more leverage (and therefore more power) so you'll never admit to it
>>78013301Statements and facade mean nothing.Only facts do, that you ignore wilfully.
You don't really stop being afraid, you just put up with it.
>>78013119most of the guys i see beating their wives are degenerate abusechads. funnily enough it seems like the people that have prospered the most under sexual liberation are the exact sort of men women claim to hate. can't imagine why.
>>78010032Here is howIgnore all other posters hereAs a female, you have immense power over males, in all sorts of waysIf you give them attention, are kind and friendly, and spend time with them, they will be totally under your controlEspecially the types of sad loser guys that end up in places like thisIt's kinda pathetic, but it's trueAnd given that so many guys are like that nowadays, this should give you some confidenceSo, please don't feel so down on yourselfIf you want more specifics on this, then you can add meurokosakanabito
>>78013514added thx
>>78013404Okay then please post data about non-religious vs religious wife beating (abusechads and dark triads not counting) else you just asserting your biases
>>78013404>>78013567The biggest group of wife beaters is police officers
>>78013788>beat minorities by day>beat foids by nightis there a more based existence than this?
>>78010916>>78010926Sorry I passed out, Im surprised this thread is still up. what is a dark triad exactly?Ive seen vr chat before but I always assumed it was full of furries or children. Is it actually a decent space that isnt just hyper sexualized?Sci isnt a terrible idea, Ive been there a few times. Though Ive found setting out hard boundaries from the get go doesnt always deter guys its definitely a good idea
You have to basically just accept it. Like how I accept thet heart disease is practically guaranteed for me. Its a part of life
>>78010032>I feel completely trapped by the clear and obvious power imbalance between myself and men. I cant ever find it in myself to trust a man, even if I really like him and hes only ever been sweet to me. Its like I have a gun pointed to me head with every interaction I have. Even when theyre being kind I feel like Im being coerced, fear is the undercurrent tainting every interaction I have with a man and I HATEGuess what. Even men feel weaker when around OTHER LARGER men. There's always a bigger fish.
>>78010940The problem is men adapt to this. Its why men behave very differently in public and in social settings than they do alone. I cant always be in the safety of a group, and men are most likely to show their true colors when theyre alone with you.>>78010943I would consider something like this but I dont have a dominant bone in my body.>>78011120Several people on here have given me actual advice. The malicious people dont even bother hiding it so its not hard to separate the wheat from the chaff.
>>78011405Sorry! I hope youre still around, I feel bad for passing out. I made this post when I was already tired.>>78011543Im really trying. . . But its so hard to even do normal things with men when youre so terrified of them. A lot of the advice boils down to small exposure, but that small exposure is hard when I look like Im panicking during it
>>78011563Im not allowed to possess a gun. But it doesnt really matter because its very rare for a guy to just randomly approach a girl on the street and hurt her. The only times men have hurt me was where a gun wouldnt have helped.
>>78011793I wish it was the case that as many men feared the law as men seem to think they do. Im not saying every man pulls the trigger, or even that a majority do. But the power isnt in pulling the trigger its in having the ability to do so, and I dont have the ability.
>>78012758I dont think you know what youre asking me. I dont think telling every guy I meet about how I was raped as a child is a very sane thing to do. I cant imagine that reads well to anyone.
>>78014073Not that anon but dark triad are three psychological trait: Narcissism,Machiavellianism,Psychopathy. People with high dark triad traits statisticly shown to be more antisocial,abusive,lack of empathy, and prone to crime. They are the guys who rape,kill,beat and abuse woman (and man) etc
>>78013301I will say its a little frustrating how many guys say >dont worry, people of Y group find X immoral, so you dont have to worry about X in Y group.But people do immoral stuff all the time. Hard to find a group of anyone who finds rape moral, yet its incredibly common. So just because a group says they dislike a thing doesnt mean they wont do it.
>>78014124Hey, it's ok I'm still here, ill write a longer explanation as to what I meant but I can't do it right now so it's going to be a minute. For now, >>78014207 is the technical definition and that's the most liberal idea I was alluding to when I referenced it.
>>78014238Literal, not liberal lol. Autocorrect.
>>78013420Can you elaborate? If youre still here.
>>78013514I wish more men realized how vapid and often useless the social power women have really is. All of it relies on the assumption youre dealing with a normal man who never succumbs to his darker desires. it also assumes that Id be totally fine getting raped so long as I get to imprison the rapist after. None of it is true, social power disappears when youre alone with a man, and retribution isnt worth shit to me.
>>78014099But the odds a man is raped by another man is incredibly small. Its also very rare for guys to be in a position where large men are constantly hitting on them, trying to get them alone, or showing interest in them. It really isnt the same thing. especially when a lot of guys can get stronger, whereas we have a genetic barrier in the way.
>>78014090But heart disease (I assume) doesnt prevent you from interacting with most of society. A big part of my problem is that men are everywhere and do everything, I cant just avoid them forever if I want to have any kind of life. . . So how do you manage your fears?
>>78010032that's extremely arousing, if you're femaleif you're male, rope you freak
>>78014207Ah, thank you for explaining.How do I avoid that though? In my experience men with those traits dont typically show them off until its too late.
>>78014238Im glad youre still around! And Ill keep an eye out for your longer post then.
>>78014309Why on earth is that arousing. . .?
>>78014205I know what I wrote, but I think you misunderstood me, femanon. I am only saying that you shouldn't lie to the guy about being a virgin (omission is also a lie), because if he finds out that you lied about it, then there is a high chance that he will break up with you even after dating for years because you "lied about it".(trads really care about stuff like this) Also, you don't need to tell all guys who you date; you can tell this only after dating for months and getting to know him more on a personal level (you said that you don't plan to sleep with them after one or two dates after all)>I cant imagine that reads well to anyone.yes you are right this is why you should wait before telling him but should tell him at some point to avoid future drama about it
>>78010032You're avatarfagging as that anime girl every tranny on LGBT us using I don't fucking care about some biological make faggot being scared of other men, take this conversation to LGBT, Not a biological female, not worth the thread Fuck off SAGEAGE
>>78014300You just go out and do shit. Simple as. Ignore your compulsions. Most violence doesnt occur at random but within interpersonal relationships. The average person is more likely to crap his pants I. Front of you than bring you any real harm
>>78014331I wouldnt lie about it. But its hard to mention it at all without elaborating and elaborating is dumping a lot of baggage. You cant say omission is a lie and then say wait several months. If it matters this much to trad guys wont they ask far earlier than that? What do I say then? How do I explain Im not a virgin but Im not a whore either without telling them all the trauma?Sorry if Im coming across as rude, I dont mean to, its just a frustrating topic for me. It feels very unfair
>>78014345I googled >scared anime girlAnd picked the one I thought fit the post. I dont really know where it came from or how its used, I just know that everyone uses anime girls on here as their image.
>>78010110>power inherently derives from strengthlmaoPower is the capacity to get others to do what you want. Do you think the king of a country is the strongest person in it?
>>78014327it's incredibly arousing.nothing gets my cock harder than a girl who pisses her pants the moment I raise my voice at her.I want to befriend you and make you feel safe and listened to, and once I've got your trust, drop subtle cues that I'm always a hair away from beating you for misbehaving.If we fucked, I'd be extremely rough with you on purpose, and act sweet afterwards as if nothing every happened.I'd never actually hurt you though, there's no fun in that.the only thing even hotter would be if you were shamefully aroused by the idea of violence and abuse as well, fuck that gets me going really fucking hard.you're probably a guy though, women are never honest about this stuff and it's fucking boring
>>78014466Why does a subject obey the king? Is it because the king said so? Or is it because if you dont, someone with physical strength will make you, or punish you. When it comes to men and women, men are both the king, and the soldiers in this analogy.
>>78014495Your argument is akin to saying that only a dictatorship can inspire obedience to a cause. The concept of "constructing the morality" is the notion of giving a people something worth fighting and dying for. Negative reinforcement cannot do that on its own and inspires no loyalty among those with self-respect.
>>78014484This isnt a fetish post. Its not a kink for me, Im not in some power fantasy porno. This is all deeply frustrating and embarrassing for me, I cant just get off and go back to a normal life. I seriously struggle to interact with almost any men in even basic contexts. I genuinely dont see why thats so appealing to you, but its nearly debilitating for me.
>>78014525Every single government, be it a democracy, or a dictatorship, has power at its core. Theres a reason anarchies and egalitarian countries dont exist. Sure theres a lot of ways to control people and not all of them require violence, but all of them have the capacity for violence. You dont need negative reinforcement but you DO need the threat of negative reinforcement.
>>78014372>You cant say omission is a lie and then say wait several months.I don't think so. If you just dating and don't have sex then you have no reason to meantion it. If you were to have sex then then that would be an omission because you didn't mentioned it when it was relevent>If it matters this much to trad guys wont they ask far earlier than that? He will but if he ask in the first date or initiate sex very early(like the other anon said) then it is a red flag as the guy most likely not stable and obssed with the idea.Normal trads tend to be more reserved about asking about pior sex life. Because they find it uncomfortable topic to ask about. (some would assume that you are a virgin or not a whore if you consistently act in a modest way)>What do I say then?Just be honest with him>How do I explain Im not a virgin but Im not a whore either without telling them all the trauma?Some part of the trauma you need to tell him at eventually or it will fester under the relationship until it comes back in a worst way.To be in a healthy relationship you need to trust your partner and open up to him at some point.You can say something like this: "Oh anon before we make the take step I must tell you something.I said that I don't dated much before but I think you deserve to know about something which happened in the past...." and you explain what happened.>Sorry if Im coming across as rude, I dont mean to,Don't worry I take no offense to it>its just a frustrating topic for me. It feels very unfairI understand I too have my frustrations with living up to the trad masculine ideals
>>78014560Switzerland grants its people that strength rather than maintaining an army, and its one of the calmest nations in Europe.
>>78014544you're a fucking troon do you think I'm fucking stupid? I can practically smell the estrogen pills on your desk
>>78014584Switzerland has police and prisons. It collects taxes under threat of force.
>>78014564I just think its way messier in practice than youre making it out to be. I know I have to tell him at some point, but I cant do it right before that would entirely kill the mood. And if its not right before I wouldnt know when the right time even is. I know I cant hide it forever but I cant just drop it on him either, thats not fair nor is it a good look. And if Im cagey about it hell probably just assume I have some crazy high body count. I really dont know how to turn your ideas into reality here.
>>78014608I dont really care what you think, my chromosomes say Im a woman. Im looking for help here, not a boyfriend or whatever. If you want to think Im a guy, go for it. You didnt want to give me advice anyways, you just wanted to talk about your weird fetishes.
>>78014786what the hell do you expect to happen?you're posting this in incel central, what do you expect me to say to you?you're afraid of us, okay get a gun then.there is no "advice" anyone can give you that will help you, especially not in a shithole like this one
>>78014682>I just think its way messier in practice than youre making it out to be.Yeah it is messy but nothing ideal in this world. We somehow need to face this cruel world and find happines in it>I know I have to tell him at some point, but I cant do it right before that would entirely kill the mood. And if its not right before I wouldnt know when the right time even is.Ideally you would find the right timing with the first trad guy you date but even if not you should not give up. You should get back up and attempt a different timing with a new trad guy (I don' mean this in the sleeping around way but as dating)>And if Im cagey about it hell probably just assume I have some crazy high body count.He can also assume that you are shy about sex. But the general tip I can give as a guy that you should act in a modest way where you really come off as a good girl. Also if you don't have crazy body counts you should not worry about appearing like a whore. In general trad guys can judge if you are really a whore or not(piercings, obvious tattoos around the neck and face, choker, small clothes, and erotic plastic surgery)>I really dont know how to turn your ideas into reality here.Practice and time. Firstly go to a female (non-feminist) therapist if you symptoms are really severe but if not then start learning about trad female roles or/and go to church (which don't have lgbt or female pastors). Learn to how to cook and clean (it is good for you in every way beyond just dating) to get into a trad female role, and start looking for guys in more trad places and filter them like this >>78010730anon suggestedBy way traditional female roles around the house become very easy thanks to modern tech.
OP, I'm a guy but can I hug you? I'll be gentle
>>78014948I mean, read the thread. Ive gotten a lot of good advice from well meaning people that Im trying to utilize. And I cant get a gun.
>>78014207When I was mentioning dark triad, I was referring more to the general personality traits which are related to that. These are the diagnoses (plus machiavellianism, which is a little more wishy washy) which would lead to one being technically considered dark triad. What I was talking about is more in regards to men who want to take advantage of you and who will have less empathy. You can gauge these things by how he treats the people and things around him. If he is more careful with delicate things, if he is patient, if he is willing to work long term to achieve something in the future, then that shows positively as people like this will be more likely to try and game their way out of a situation that requires hard work or patience. I'm not perfect at this myself so I'll have a harder time giving you real examples of what to look for, but if he cares about smaller details, shows compassion to those around him, and isn't manipulative, then you'll be better off with him. This isn't to say that any of these things is a red flag, if he doesn't like cats because he has some bad memory of them and they surround his house and claw him all the time then that's understandable, but if you notice that he gets his kicks out of seeing cats suffer or by teasing homeless people, then that's probably a red flag. You could do with doing some research here to get a better familiarity with how people like that think so you can better understand what to avoid. (1/3)
>>78015017>>78014073I've only ever really used vrchat like once, but it was pretty fun. You'll probably find some kids on there and due to it being heavily integrated with vr the concentration of furries is probably higher than most places, but if you look for something that works for you then you'll probably find some people who you enjoy interacting with. I actually used to get nervous just making anonymous posts here, so I kind of understand how you're feeling with getting nervous about small things (I'm not a woman, but I have crippling social anxiety from not great family life + a lot of bullying). I only got better by continuously posting and pushing my boundaries with social interaction until I got comfortable enough that I'm now shamelessly begging for (You)s like you saw before. I also practiced some social interaction with chatgpt, so if you're a real basket case then you might find that helpful. Don't be afraid to go slow and don't be afraid to mess up, just go at your own pace and figure out how you want to navigate things.>>78014682When I mentioned in passing earlier that if you want a more trad man you have to be a little trad yourself, this is part of what I was referring to. Your past will be a significant part of what a trad man cares about, so you should be honest. Don't just tell anyone about it, but make sure he knows before too much commitment has happened. Maybe in between the parts I was saying where you're getting to know him better and when you're really starting to get closer. It depends a lot on the situation you find yourself in in the moment, and so you might again benefit from doing some research into how more trad relationships operate and trying to find a time on your own. Regardless, you have to make sure that he is aware before anything serious begins. This is the type of thing that matters a lot to a more trad guy. (2/2) (I was able to make it more compact than I thought)
>>78014949I guess I can try that. . . Its just dating feels like such a mountain from where I am currently. The idea of having to do it multiple times just to figure out how to explain to a man that Im not a virgin but its not my fault sounds exhausting at best and hellish at worst.And Im just so scared ill run into some freak or weirdo along the way, I dont think Im that good at sussing them out. Ugh, I wish this wasnt so hard.
>>78014967I dont know, I dont really like to be touched. . .
>>78014949Also yeah I should have elaborated more about like what this guy said. Trad guys will see a bit of nervousness around the topic of sex as closer to a benefit than anything, and he'll almost definitely understand if you tell him everything. If you filter correctly, then you'll be getting much better guys. A lot of the issues women have in dating today is from filtering for the wrong things and rewarding the wrong things in bad ways.
>>78015057It'd be at your own pace. As much as I would enjoy smothering you in affection, I wouldn't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable. You deserve to be cared for, let me care for you.
>>78015036Filtering for trad guys and making it clear that sex won't be for a while will do most of the filtering for you. The rest is in paying attention to smaller details about how he interacts with the world around him things which show that he values the world at least as much as how he values himself are a good thing, behaviors which show that he values himself more than the world are a bad thing. That's the general guideline to follow. Also that's all a long way off so just get a bit better before you start exhausting yourself with hypothetical about if you meet a guy and if this happens and if that happens. Remember that right now your mentality is one of needing to survive and defend yourself, so you're assuming worst case scenarios. Things will change between now and then, and he'll probably be a lot more understanding than you are thinking. A trad guy will definitely care about virginity, but the importance lies more in what it represents and in the idea of getting over hurdles and learning things together than the actual virginity itself. Remember that, and you'll do well.
>>78010032You've come to a very odd place if you want to be reassured that all men aren't dangerous and perverted psychos.I'm certainly not though. I dream of convincing a cute, anxiety-riddled, man-hating girl that I'm not like the other guys (our relationship would most likely end in breakup or divorce, but it would be cute while it lasted).
>>78014982you're delusional beyond belief if you think a wall of text will solve your problems.you live in the safest time in history, and are even safer because you're a woman.it's ridiculously unlikely you'll suffer violence unless you go seek it out with your histrionic bullshitany man who lays a finger on you will get assraped in prisonit's never enough for you ungrateful cunts
>>78015017>>78015029Even if the cause is different I appreciate hearing how youre overcoming some of this stuff.I might give VR chat a try. Its just, I feel like its hard to find well intentioned men on a lot of those places. I havent done much of vr chat specifically but I feel like a lot of guys are in spaces like that to try and get something out of a girl. And Im not really experienced enough to figure out which men are decent and which arent. Im worried Ill be manipulatedI know I should be honest but its not exactly something I like talking about or would be super comfortable explaining, especially feeling like hes going to judge me for every bit of it. I dont like the idea of my past being examined like Im some thing for sale, its not easy willfully showing all the cracks and dents. . . How do I know when its serious? How do I know when the right time is or when its too early or too late?
>>78015063Ive seen guys complain about that hesitation to talk about the past as a sign a woman is secretly slutty. How do I avoid them thinking that without also just dumping all the trauma?>>78015102Thank you for all this advice, it is helpful even if Im not sure how to implement a lot of it. . .I just feel like Im missing a lot of the prior experience most people have with this kind of stuff. I feel like I dont have the intuition for filtering men and detecting these red flags or assessing how they view the world.
>>78015085I just dont think Im ready for that kind of stuff with a man . . . Basic interaction freaks me out and youre wanting a lot more than basic interaction>>78015111Are you the same guy who said he wanted a girl to think she was a hairs breath away from being beaten. . .?
>>78015120I dont need someone to solve all of my problems, thats not what Im looking for. I just want nudges in the right direction, and people have been giving that. You can call it safe all you want, you can say its unlikely, but none of that changes whats already happened to me. If someone got mugged would you go up to them and say >um actually this is the safest time in the world, mugging is very unlikely!
>>78010032Only date weak and easily manipulated simps. It's not rocket science.
>>78010076Why are you conversing with men outside of family and co-workers?
>>78010032post discord I add you, we play games if I can tolerate youShrimply as you just have to view people as human first
>>78010032fucking pussy
>>78015269>If someone got mugged would you go up to them and saythat doesn't happen. it won't fucking happen to you if you don't seek it out.even an asshole like me has never beaten anything but a boxing bagtouch grass>>78015257no that was me kek
>>78015182It's literally just talking to people over the computer but instead of being in anonymous posts on an image board it's voice or text chat through a virtual avatar. If you're comfortable here then you're comfortable there, there's nothing to be worried about and no amount of ill intentions can reach through a computer monitor and hurt you. You can just use text to type and they'd never even know you were a girl.He isn't judging you like you're for sale, but if you're dating a trad guy then he's considering spending his life with you and he wants to make sure that you work together. For a trad guy, the whole virgin thing is more about the idea of learning things and finding your way through life together, of being each other's one and only. Marriage is also, fundamentally, a unit of family, which is part of why sex used to be something you wait until marriage for. Also as a guy, the real bad thing about a girl who's been with other guys is thinking about what she did with him, whether she told him the same things she's telling you, and feeling like she's not yours, it's just your turn. None of these things are really impacted by being raped, if anything it's another chance for him to show you that he cares about you and wants to protect you. I'm not going to sugarcoat it and say that you're going the be the priest's daughter in law perfect virgin tradwife uwu, but just a regular trad guy have really any problems with it. He might think about it one time while he's upset at something else but then he'll immediately feel like an asshole and make himself stop. It's really not as big a deal to most men as you might think, the important part is just that you be honest and don't try to hide it. Again, it's more of a values thing so if you're unsure then be on the honest and upfront side because that'll show character and traits that are conducive to a successful relationship than anything else. (1/2)
>>78015328I can't tell you when it's serious for you, that's just something that you have to figure out in your own relationship because it's something that's very individual. That's in a while though, so for now just get comfortable interacting with normal men on the internet and then in real life. (2/2)
>>78015283Is this a joke. . .? Men are everywhere. Theyre waiters, cashiers, plumbers, electricians, professors, lawyers, therapists, case managers, theyre in all of my hobbies and all of the bars and all of the grocery stores.
>>78015301Read the thread. I assure you it does and has happened. And no, I wasnt seeking it out.
>>78015102>but the importance lies more in what it represents and in the idea of getting over hurdles and learning things together than the actual virginity itself. Just to correct this point anon is half correct here. There are some trad guy who will be in good guy in every other way but still place more importance on the virginity being physically present then what is represents (it is really person based but this group is most likely a minority in the trad community). I just clarifying this to let OP now that she should not be suprised if she come across a guy like that and she should not give up.
>>78010032people like this are so predictable. you will shut out all healthy people and pursue the people who actually scare you because then you can at least point to something concrete. but you will never leave them. you'll use it as a narrative builder and a sympathy dispenser until they get rid of you. better to stay alone until you work out whatever's happening in your head.
>>78015237You shouldn't be secretive about it in the sense of actively trying to hide everything about it from him, if it comes up in conversation a little earlier maybe go something like hey I never slept around or anything like that but there was an experience which I don't want to talk about. Idk don't use exactly that I'm autistic and used chatgpt to teach me social interaction, but something along those lines might help. If you feel comfortable with it you can also just give a very short explanation as to what happened with just I was a virgin but I got raped, I never had any sexual experience beyond that but that is something that happened and I'm just letting you know so that there's nothing left unsaid between us. I'll feel more comfortable talking about this later, but it's a sensitive subject and I'd prefer to leave it alone right now (again, take this with a lot of salt).Just read about what dark triad is and the psychological disorders underpinning it, if you can generally understand what makes someone like that tick then you can better understand how they work. Maybe offer him to go somewhere with a trusted friend of yours and ask what they think? I hear crabs in a bucket mentality and don't settle for anything ever mentality is big amongst women though, so make sure it's a really trusted friend. Maybe even a male friend who is already in a committed relationship or a brother or something of that nature. I don't know your personal circumstances though so I'm trying not to give specific personal advice as that will not be good advice.
>>78015387Yeah I tried to make it clear that that's most not all but if that didn't get across then pay attention to this.
>>78015328Maybe its just me but I feel like the jump between text and voice chat is pretty big. . . I can sit and think of a response all day long for text chat, and I can proof read and make sure it makes sense and I dont stumble over my words or stutter or say something stupid or impulsive. Its scary giving all that safety upIts just so hard to be upfront and honest about all of this. I cant even really speak about it without breaking down a little and I cant do that early in a relationship, Ill look insane. . . But if I wait too long Ill look like Im hiding it. If a traditional guy is looking for a good woman why would he ever waste time with me when Im so nonfunctional to begin with? Maybe Im just too in my head about it, it just freaks me out. . .
>>78015392this.watch OP ignore this and continue asking for "advice" aka mental pilpul to pretend she's not a dumb cunt
>>78015392Basically none of what you said is true. I havent been in a relationship in almost 10 years now. Im not chasing anyone, let alone people who scare me.
>>78015465Again, you can type on vrchat. That's what I did and the person I was with was pretty patient. I'm able to summon text walls out of my ass at will, but just practice with chatgpt or on here more if you want to. Then you can move onto something closer to real time like text chat on vrchat, and then voice. As I said, take your time and don't be afraid if things happen slowly.
>>78015452I just dont know if I can be that matter of fact about it. . . Bringing it up at all is hard for me and Id feel so anxious if I just mentioned it and tried to move on. Id be so worried about what hes thinking and how he must view me and what if he thinks its my fault? What if he doesnt believe me or thinks its an excuse? Im sorry, I know Im not being reasonable and I dont mean to shoot down your advice im just. . . I dont know how to do the mechanics of any of this stuff
>>78015530Oh, I totally missed that part. I thought it was all text chat.Thank you, that is helpful. Maybe Ill give it a try
>>78015575>>78015530Voice chat* god my brain is not working
>>78015554I'm someone who is a lot more comfortable being very straightforward and matter of fact so that's not something I can help you with. That's something which you need to become more comfortable with social interaction and then to get closer to when you want to say it so that you get an actual handle on the situation itself. Just try to get better as soon as you can, again, these things are all much later so don't worry about them as much now.
>>78015257>Basic interaction freaks me out and youre wanting a lot more than basic interactionThat's understandable. Admittedly I'm starved for affection and desperately want someone to really lovebomb. I just don't have people in my life to show affection for and am tired of bottling up the affection that I know I am capable of holding for people. I want to treat you right is what I'm saying. No trauma that has been inflicted upon you prior will make me see you as any less of a person than anyone else.I apologize for being so late to respond.
>>78015353Why the fuck are you having lengthy conversations with a fucking plumber or cashier?>all my hobbiesMen do not partake in dumb shit like knitting circles or whatever it is women do. If you are in a hobby that has a lot of males in it, you should leave. Again, there is literally no reason you have to be interacting women men outside of professional/formal settings other than family members.
>>78010143Chad-divorced. Many such cases.
>>78014291>But the odds a man is raped by another man is incredibly smallTell that to all the niggaz in prison
>>78010076>>78010110I'm also rather weak physically and would probably lose a fight against most people, but that power imbalance doesn't really bother me or make me scared, because I know most people won't wish to attack or hurt me. In fact, most people who are physically stronger than me are quite kind and nice to me, which has reinforced that I'm not scared just because someone is stronger than me. Could it be that you have had past expiriences, or perhaps even a common chain of expiriences where people who are stronger than you punched you/abused you/otherwise used their superior strength over you? If that's not the case either, then it's probably just a form of anxiety and uncertainty.
>>78015301>won't fucking happen to you if you don't seek it out.nta but I've been mugged. I was only in the 8th or 9th grade and he put a gun to my head over the 20 bucks i had. There was another time too. I try to avoid blacks now. Worse part is he was going to shoot me because I couldn't understand what he was saying.>Buss up Foo>I said buss up>if you dont buss up right now I'm bout to pop yo assI DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!?
>>78016962Sure, if youre a man in prison you are also likely afraid of men too.>>78017621Yes, Ive had bad experiences before. I mentioned some of them in this thread. But I was scared of men before that, it just got a lot worse after.
>>78010032> my crippling fear of men?Women and men can be psychopathic and dangerous now. You should fear both equally. It's not like men are worse than women. You obviously just need to go hang out with more women until you develop a crippling fear of women and then enjoy men's company more again.
Regret is not rape. Get the fuck off my board reeeeeeeee.
>>78010032These are my feelings but towards women instead.
>>78010032Realize that transitioning will never get you away from being one
