Anonymous
Acid keeps making me feel like(...) 07/25/24(Thu)19:54:17 No.78280108

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Acid keeps making me feel like I'm hiding stuff Anonymous 07/25/24(Thu)19:54:17 No.78280108

>be me
>22
>unemployed loser seeking work
>spend a day with friend to do acid with her
>have almost done acid with her before
>prob because shes the only one who can afford it anyway
>start acid
>1 hour later and not feeling well
>1 hour and 30 minutes later and I get an immediate sense of "leave me alone"
>i start hiding under the bedsheets and lay there like a statue
>close my eyes
>start having one of those Omori-type internal trips
>I see a wall of layers that fold up and fractalize
>it starts going faster and faster until the last layer
>soon as the last layer is lifted I feel like my brain is vulnerable
>I see myself wearing a long train of masks (similar to that wojak wearing masks)
>face gets hot
>immediate fight-or-flight situation, but I pick flight and freeze and under the bedsheets
>my brain keeps repeating stuff
>"who are you really?"
>"why do you hide your real self?"
>"you always play a character behind another character"
>I realise this may be true but I hate it
>feels like the universe is backslapping me for being a bitch
>it goes on for a while
>I cry
>head home as soon as the come down happens
>apologise to my friend for not spending time with her
>soon as I get home I cry and realise I always wear multiple "masks"
>I act out as someone that I'm not with almost everyone I see
>this is prob trauma response cuz I had to lie to my mother a lot growing up
>but i dont think thats the reason
>also this has happened before, but less intense and lasted for like a minute

Not only I forgot how to be myself, even if I act like myself I'm just a boring lame person, does my subconscious hate that I'm lying? How can I interpret this trip? Do I have a mental disorder other than bipolar?

I don't really know what to do, I'm even scared of sharing something like this