How often do you think about death and dying
>>78867225daily but I am not suicidal I am more worried about having to die a physically/emotional painful death
>>78867225Wow this thread is very grim and very darkGrimdark!
Frequently. I could never bring myself to do it though. Too afraid I'll fuck it up and end suffering for a long time before I die, or getting revived in a state worse than death. Hell is a worry too.
Death is an illusion to keep you worried.
>>78867235Really? I thought it was just a feels thread. Grimdark would be if I asked how often you think about stalking and killing.
>>78867288Grimdark is brutal with no hope. Doesn't necessarily mean edgy for the sake of edgy. I love the word and that's why I say it ^^
>>78867225everyday I just need a shotgun ahhhhhhhhh
Literally every fucking day for as long as I remember. But hey, let's be optimistic and say it started around 14. Currently 26.Most days it's as soon as I wake up. Verbatim "I want to die"Often throughout the day I'll mull it over in my head in outlandish impossible scenarios. Gouging out my eyes, tearing off my skin, snapping my bones, repeatedly stabbing myself, guns, heights, fire, you name it. The more atypical the less...real the potential reality is I guess. Its the simple stuff, imagining or actually holding a knife to the neck or a gun in my teeth so I can feel the texture of the metal, that makes me seem to sober up from the delirium for a second. Or maybe everything else just clears away for a second and all that im left with is that very real possibility.And yet everyday I carry on. Might as well, I'll die when it's time. Slow or sudden.But if some hot topic alt girl wants to clumsily murder the fuck out of me, I'd be totally down. I've had no meaningful human contact in just as long so it'd be something to do
>>78867331Climb onto a transmission tower and grab the wire. Instant and guaranteed death
>>78867238This. It's really scary to think about that last point
>>78867225at least once every dayi wish i had a gun so i could blow my brains out
Every day I spend at least 30 minutes maladaptive daydreaming about being killed by anime girls. I own a gun, but I'm giving it a couple years to see if life gets any better, otherwise rip.
>>78868204If you ask me, the end of the world should be entertaining enough even if it is a slow burn.If you don't feel like starving to death in a small town after supply lines collapse, go actively participate in city riots and die on the frontlines if fate so wills it
>>78867225probably every day. I don't want to say I welcome it, but I feel it will go better than my actual life.
>>78868270I have wanted to die for the past 4~ years or so but I spent that time desperately looking for reasons not to. I'm basically at the end of the cope line with the understanding that it was over before it even began. The world chooses its winners before they're born, and the rest of us fight for their scraps. Even chad-lites and stacy-lites cope by engaging in endless hedonism. Chads, stacies, and the lucky few born into small towns with tightknit communities will get to experience "true love".One of my few remaining reasons to live is to experience the total oofie doofie market collapse. When the oofies start demanding prenups enmasse, the beckies will stop settling. Only then will the copers stop coping and admit that women only ever saw them as walking ATMs.
>>78868343I should be thankful then I guess. I have as many reasons to live as I do to die. None.I just keep walking forward. Or keep sitting here as the world keeps going.I cant tell most days.
>>78867225i am constantly thinking about ways to mutilate and kill myselfmy favorite part of VR shooters like onward is just killing myself when the odds go against me in the slightest
>>78867911Exact same here. Started having thoughts at 15 and haven't left since. I already decided that I'd shoot myself if I genuinely wanted to do it, but the idea of actually putting a gun to my mouth terrifies the shit out of me.Weirdest part is knowing how abnormal it is. How mostly everyone else genuinely likes living and doesn't have persistent desires and thoughts to end it all But, we all die some day. Might as well stick around in case a miracle happens.
>>78867225Everyday, but working out simmers down my unbridled rage.
>>78868499nigga what is going on with youima report you and have you searched and locked up lol yolo
>>78869151picrel is literally adam lanza
>>78868365we're all going to die anyways, why skip straight to the end? Even a miserable life is more interesting than nothingness. I'm not religious so I don't believe in hell or heaven, and I won't force my beliefs into you but the most likely case is that death is like things were before you were born. Nothing at all. If there really is nothing then might as well do what you please with the time you were given. Play video games, watch all sorts of movies, find new hobbies you like. I hate my guts but atleast I get to experience the few years I got if I live. New technologies, new games, new wars.. like having only one movie to watch. Maybe you hate this movie but no movies at all would suck more.
>>78867258this up until recently, every human knew instinctively that death is just a transformative experience and a transition from one conscious state to anotherthen the demonic powers that be convinced the general population that the universe is actually just cold, uncaring, unthinking matter and that when you die it's just an infinite oblivion
All the time desuhttps://youtube.com/watch?v=6gyF_5GBMj0
>>78867225Literally every day. Multiple times a day for the past 15 years
>>78867225>How often do you think about death and dyingDaily, knowing full well that I can't commit to offing myself yet knowing that it would be my peace. I want out.
>>78867225not much but i think about getting older while being a loser
>>78867225when I wake upit takes time for the internet dopamine to kick in
very close to everyday. i am tired of going to psychwards. i am tired of being abused. i am tired of being used.
>>78867225quite oftenit's usually seasonal, once fall hits i get really depressed, basically thinking about suicide every single dayit's been that way for the last 7 years, ever since i turned 14never have acted on it thankfully
These thoughts are very common. You have to witness the thoughts when they come and say no to them. Ruminations can be escaped by also confessing your ignorance when they come. There is a possibility to renew your mind and be free, it might need varying degrees of inner work, self study and flipping of perspective on a whole many things.
>>78867225More than several times a day at least. Even just doing mundane things like cutting vegetables or peering out of a window in a tall building makes me contemplate suicide even if it's not currently on my mind. I've spoken to suicide helpline, samaritans, teacher saw my cut scars, even told cops I'm going to kill myself. Fortunately, nothing happened. I've never been psychologically examined or anything. People just rehearse the same old tired script. That's for the best. I know I'm not a psychologically well person, I've been told that my whole life, but the last thing I need is "help". I don't really live for anything. I'm just living to see tomorrow. The only hope I have is that I will finally find someone who cares. But why would anyone give a shit about me.
>>78867225Mostly at random moments throughout the day, enough to unsettle me a little as I'm doing something more dangerous like driving, walking down the road, etc. Suicide I think about while I'm laying in bed at night.
>>78867225I practically have a tic of saying "kill me please I want to die" and the most I can do is keep it under my breath when other people can hear me.
I just want someone to like, read this I guess. I don't want to tell anyone I know even online but HOLY FUCK I just wanna kill myself. Work. I'm so fucking sick of working, of waking up tired and working tired and going home tired. Of doing it every day. I feel like I blinked and lost 5 years. My dad has gray hairs now, I haven't talked to him in a month. I just work. I make only enough to afford the apartment I sleep in when I'm not working. I don't really know how to break the cycle of working and I'm fully convinced I'm just gonna die when I'm 60 and used up.I've also been neglecting my health, just kind of depression and laziness and time constraints. I brush my teeth maybe like a couple times a week and shower once a week, it doesn't matter since my job is just wasting away in a chair all night. I go to a dentist twice a year and always have to get fillings and now I know that i have some abscessed teeth. So looping back to the thread uh, I might kill myself soon-ish by just not treating it. My jaw already pops and clicks because it's spread there, I might just let it go septic and kill me.Or maybe I'll just get in my car and drive as fast as I can into something. That's three ways I guess I'll die
>>78867225almost everyday
https://youtu.be/cs3j9hXKRC8?si=7K0Y81MR6j4b1mN6
I think what infuriates me most about this topic is thinking about how many anons were driven to this state of mind by normalfags.And that normalfags themselves probably never think about all the people they made feel this way. They don't think about robots and incels wanting to die because they were constantly shunned and insulted. They can't even recognize themselves as being in any way responsible. That's why I never feel bad for normies when people go berserk and cause mass casualty events. Those normies didn't care about the people whose lives they ruined. Why should they deserve any pity?
>>78867225everyday about every other hour. i refer to it as "early retirement" tho.
>>78867225Daily. But I will not give up till later. Since I don't want to hurt my family. Maybe never desu, because I have siblings that I care about.
>>78867225I think about death quite frequently, yeah. About every few nights i think. I don't think i'd mind dying that much but what happens after death upsets me the most. Fucking nothingness for forever. Although i'd rather die and dissolve into said nothingness than be immortal and suffer for eternity.
>>78871540I relate to that way of thinking on some level, but we are limited by our life experiences. I am bitterly jealous of normal people for never having to end up in the kind of mental state I've spent my life in, but I also know that if I were in their position, I simply would not have the capacity to understand or relate either. I would barely know people like me exist, I wouldn't understand why they are the way they are, and I wouldn't have much reason to think about them at all.Normal people didn't choose to be who they are anymore than I chose to be who I am. I can't really feel hatred, mainly just disappointment. I got unlucky and they didn't, that's all.When outcasts lash out and hurt others, it just makes normal people more prejudiced towards outcasts. Maybe you could make a case for revenge against specific people who wronged you, but inflicting suffering upon random people just seems pointless. It's just blindly directing anger towards people who (probably) were luckier than you, I don't see where the justice is in that.I was bullied for nearly all my years of school, and while that obviously psychologically fucked me up, what bothers me is less those negative experiences so much as the utter lack of positive experiences.Can I blame people for not wanting to be around me my entire life if I'm a weird awkward stupid weak ugly autist? Can I blame people for not valuing me if I offer nothing that they want? Even if in abstract someone would want to help people like me, they can't realistically force themselves to genuinely like me and accept me irrespective of their values and tastes, at best they can just try to tolerate me and ignore me. Maybe I'm just lucky that once I entered adulthood people mostly left me alone, or I'd be much more bitter.
>>78867225Literally every minute of every day.
Quoted incorrect post, fuck.>>78870277I've done this all day long when I think no one can hear me, for I have no idea how many years by this point. I wonder how common that sort of thing is. It's reflexive when I'm reminded of some aspect of my life I'm hopeless about, so I'm not necessarily considering the full weight of what dying means every time I say it. It's more equivalent to saying "I want the pain to stop.">>78869074I find it intensely frustrating that I can't convince myself to die in spite of thinking about it so much for so long, even with my method of choice prepared and waiting. Deep down what I really want is not actually to die, I just either want to be happy, or I want to have never been born in the first place, but since both of those things aren't possible, dying is at least close to the latter.I hate how my laziness and the in-built urge for survival keeps me making excuses to arbitrarily live a clearly hopeless, empty life against my better judgment, just on the incredibly unlikely chance that somehow something comes along to make it all feel worth it. I can't even imagine what that would take, I have nothing going for me as a person, and I have so many mental hangups that realistically nothing is going to fix me or satisfy me.
I like to do this thing where I lay in bed and I just imagine over and over again putting a handgun to my temple and pulling the trigger and the sweet release as my brains and blood and skull matter exit the other side. Feels really good and comfy. Feels like what I imagine happiness and peace and contentment feel like.
I'm both afraid of dying and getting older. Getting weaker, sicker and uglier, doomed to die an ignoble death (which is terrifying in itself).It also has made me obsess over how I need to make my time *count* so I don't waste it on stupid shit, but at the same time I have no idea what I should do with the time so I just procrastinate, making me feel even worse. Instead of watching a movie I just spent 3 hours scrolling on 4chan or looking at my phone (which is also a terrible fucking habit I've picked up the last year).I miss the time where I could spend an entire weekend watching bad movies and have a good time doing it
>>78870425I read your post. I relate to your suffering, only I wasted many years of my life as a NEET, and now I am wasting it at a meaningless job instead. It feels easy to be trapped in this cycle of working just to live and living just to work, taking the path of least resistance and letting the years pass by meaninglessly, especially if your life is so empty and dysfunctional that when you're not working you don't have the time or energy to try to fix it and introduce good things into it because it's too overwhelming.I am working every day to come home and do practically nothing but reflect on everything that's wrong with my life, and the only solace is that my job distracts me from those thoughts. There is no point in this kind of life, but if I were going to kill myself I'd have done it already a while ago, so I'm trying to accept it.I barely take care of myself either, but I try to convince myself to brush my teeth at least once a day and to bathe and shave at least a few times a week, which is more than I'd done when I was younger.Even when it's extremely difficult to give a shit about doing the bare minimum to take care of your body or plan for your future, it's best not to make yourself suffer more than you need to while you realistically can expect to go on living for a while. Try your best to take care of things until the exact moment that you're ready to take the steps to die. Don't make my mistake of spending your life fooling yourself into thinking you'll be ready to kill yourself any day now, and soon your problems won't matter anymore.
