Was having my normal afternoon nap. Lying in bed, for the first time in years I had a memory rush back into my consciousness of a teenage moment, me and some school friends were sitting in a park mid summer and high, getting ready to try and sneak into a music festival.I can intellectually describe at any time the feeling I had back then the same as anyone could with an old memory but for a brief half-asleep moment I actually felt all the excitement, retardedness and comradery I felt back then, for a few seconds it felt like I had friends again and was about to go on an do-or-die adventure with my bros without any fucks given in a world with infinite possible timelines.It was fucking wild how different the next couple of hours felt, it was like that scene in limitless where the guy realises how dirty his apartment is. With no effort at all I cleaned the whole place, started filling garbage bags with old clothes and other junk, threw out all he goyslop, cleaned my bathroom, shaved, put on the best clothes I could and left the house. All I did is go to the store to buy healthier food but the walk there felt like I was skipping down the yellow brick road.Came home, started doing some exercise, as fast as it had left me the pointlessness of everything I was doing hit home again. Had a shower and went back to sleep.Now I'm back to normal and until that brief moment I had no comprehension at all of just how muted and grey the world around me has been for the past 10 years.Is there a drug I can take for this feel.https://youtu.be/zeI7tP1YEcQ
thats how i feel for 1 or 2 days after i do lsd
>>80062399Take LSD and smoke meth on top of it. Not too much, but enough.
>>80062399I wonder if there are people out there who actually don't feel completely horrible every waking hourMy natural state of mind is so automatically negative and twisted into a ball of tension that just doesn't let up except for sometimes when sleeping. I've had a couple of those experiences some years back where the tension and misery lets up for just a few minutes and I don't feel like screaming like I normally do
>>80062399>the solution is more drugskek, you're basically a zombie. What likely happened is a new and interesting experience fell into your life and that unlocked neural pathways. Same thing happens to me when I do nofap and then do new experiences. The new experiences can be as simple as playing a new immersive video game. Better yet though is to go back to a childhood stomping ground on a walk or something.
Man that's a lotta words and I'm sure it took effort to write out but pic rel
>>80062435>>80062485It was having a massive mushroom trip in my late teens that really set in motion the collapse of my life into a mess. Maybe a microdose can fix.>>80062543I haven't taken any drug besides caffeine in 8 years.I've tried a few times to put myself in that state of feeling the good memory rather than just remembering it, I triggered it just 2 days ago half asleep so I know its possible.>>80062505Yeah man its horrible, I had no idea just how bad it was until I felt it was lifted, did you ever have a "crash" after feeling better for a few minutes? Once I realised I was back to normal I was just angry about it, didn't have any sort of comedown.
>>80062627>drink caffieneEven if its just in the morning it could be fucking up your sleep.
>>80062627It wasn't really a crash iirc and more just that I went back to "normal" after a few minutes, I think they actually call those manic episodes but just for a few minutesMy "heavy" mental state makes me feel physically ill in my multiple ways, I really dislike having the urge to just start screaming but knowing that it won't help anything so I just keep it bottled up and feeling miserable. It just makes me so so sick I hate having to live this way, cant even think straight
>>80062761My sleep comes and goes, haven't had a real schedule in a long time,I have nothing to do all day.I wake up whenever, sit on the computer, click 400 tabs until I have the urge to go eat something, then get back to hours of clicking random shit on here.It's not totally without purpose, I have a good amount of money in crypto, basically gambling my life against the btc 4 year cycle playing out (it has been, I've made a lot since November). The money I'm living off now is what I cashed out before Christmas and if I continue to not spend anything beyond the absolute minimum I wont have to cash out any more until at least March.Beyond March I've no idea.
>>80062813Have you tried taking anything or doing any sort of therapies?
they key word is passionwithout passion, the daily struggle and suffering of life wear you down until you're all withered awayi realized this lately too, as I've been playing a new game first time in years, and got so passionate about it that for a brief moment, I stopped fearing people and their opinions, and I didnt feel sleepy all day, and I didnt wake up at night. I guess we need something to put our minds to
