>Be me>Have a roommate with long hair>Somehow his hair ends up everywhere>Open fridge, hair>Go in shower, clogged with hair>Sit on the couch, get covered in his FUCKING HAIR RYEHZSTRGF>We have had multiple arguments over this at this point, but nothing changes>Sit in the living room one day>Cock starts itching>Scratch it a few times, however the itch comes back>Not only does it come back, but it gets worse >I take off my trousers to inspect my willy like inspector gadget>See something black sticking out from under my foreskinMom shouldve circumcized me>I pull back my foreskin to discover that my peepee is getting strangled by my roommates hair>I angrily start untangling the mess like I untangled headphone wires in the mid 2000s>My roommate enters the living room>He eyes my naked visage>We stand there staring at each other for a bit>His eyes fill with tears and he falls to the ground>iM gOINg bALDDDDDDm, he screams>ITS ABOUT FUCKING TIME, I screech in a high voice>He crawls towards me like a zombie>I kneel down ready to embrace him, but suddenly my ass starts itching >I reach in there with my left hand, as I am left handed, and what do I find?>MORE HAIR>I take out a giant hairball>I scream and chuck it at my roommate, knocking him unconscious >I stand there, holding my tangled penis like a defeated knight holding his broken sword.>Enough is enough>I grab the vacuum cleaner and switch it to turbo mode>Start sucking every hair in sight like my life depends on it. Couch, carpet, even the unconscious roommate
>Eventually the suction stops. I open the vacuum bag to inspect the damage>What comes out isnt a pile of hair, but a pulsating hair orb>To my amazement it slowly ascends into the air growing a pair of legs and handsChurch music starts playing>I scream and fall backYou should have cleaned sooner, it growls in a deep, raspy voice.>I grab my unconscious roommate and use him as a human shield>The hair blob laughs and disappears into the vents, leaving only the faint smell of coconut shampoo behind>Roommate wakes up hours later and denies everythingGuys, who should I call? What should I do? This is insane
>>80085415then punch him
