why it hurts so much? why i found a flower so beautiful in front of me, but it was just not for me. it just wont happen. it just didn't.i can't touch it. but i can still feel it in me. her voice, mannerisms, everything. the whole playful interaction. the feeling of being clingy to me, attached, connected.illusion, emotion, movement. i feel like i'm fadingdont even feel like fapping anymore, nor seeking other girls, nor doing anything of the sort. i just don't feel arousal anymorewhat's the point of living if i am not loved? sure i can just "love myself".. but for what? i can't fathom. it just doesn't make sense why is it constantly denied? i don't feel like finding other person. why i am subject to these things? is this hell? a fools game?
>>80114775(You) are not your feelings.The feelings feel themselves.Think about the "thing" perceiving all these senses, behind all of them.That is you. And it can choose to believe in the sadness, or be beyond it.Don't be stuck in illusion now.
>>80114995i know that from multiple lsd and ketamine sessions.but that's what my body is going through atmweird, isn't? to know about the whole observer vs observed schema and still suffer like that.
Love and romance are just storiesWe dont really rely on each other any more except in family relationships which is why we are all depressed until we have it
>>80115095its... sad. don't know what to sayit corrupts medrain my soulmakes me lose my energy
bumpi am fucking confused
>>80114775i think lain is prettey
>>80114995Literally a DBT mantra which confirms this person is BPD
>>80115586What happened, did your egf break up with you?
>>80115612sortawe were never bf;gfbut we would talk daily over a myriad of topicsplay, watch stuff together every nightshe would call me constantly to do things togetheronce i developed full fledged feelings for her, i was straight and the answer was no.we talked one last time and i blocked her from everywhere. i removed her from my life forever she doesnt even live that far. its something so close yet i will never see it again.
>>80115604Me tooLets all love Lain!
>>80115650How long did you know her for? Why break things up instead of staying in contact so you can still get along together
>>80115683cause it hurt me so muchand before that talk she went out with another guyso like... i was there all this time having such a blast but was never an option. feel it?
bumpidkshould i still talk with her? i mean, i know she also wanti mean, moving on but still i dont knowmaybe i need to let the candy go forever?fuck.
>>80116841>should i still talk with her? ino, but you're probably going to anyway if you're already trying to justify it to yourself, you will never heal if you hang around her but you're an esl retard so i know there's no talking you out of it and you're going to make the wrong decision
>>80116909i'm trying not todoing my best, you know?
my chest is heavy literally
dear god, i wont send her a message
I am fucking destroyedGoing out for a runCouldn't do much at work Her face keep appearing in my mind Photographic memory is a pain now
Almost got run over by a car Man i need to get my shit together
>>80115074If you've done LSD and so forth, why didn't you practice meditation trances. If you make yourself good, it over rides the sadness. I think breath stuff is the easiest way to do it (although if you want the really mind bending trances you need flow while meditating).
>>80118533brother i spent countless hours doing meditation on sessions that had ranges from 30 minutes to 3 hours, also days where i spent blindfolded to connect more with other senses. now, falling in love like this is the first time in my life. it really gave my head a full blown earthquake in the last 72 hours and i'm doing my best to deal with this seriously.just came back home after runnning and cycling and i spent the whole time paying attention to my thought process. im trying to stabilize the whole thing, but i feel like i must think about it in order to sort those emotions.
>>80118596>>80118533to be honest, in all my sincerity, the whole day feels like a trip for me,, specially the night. i slept just a little too. it felt like the last time i did 5 grams of shrooms and my consciousness was just stuck in the now with the current problems i had to think about, categorize, analyze and let them go through the natural process of spawning, making its presence and going away
bumpbu.mpbmpmp
I set a date to leave this world. I have hope she comes home to me before then. If she does not do anything then I will go to the next life. I can't live in this one with her being with someone else. Nothing else matters to me. It's all empty indulgences and distractions. Once the date happens then I will send her a goodbye and leave her a letter/package. If she trys to be with me on that date I will still leave. I won't push her with this. On the date is her answer if she does nothing.
>>80120080why are you typing my thoughtsstop reading my mind
