Honestly, what keeps you from doing it? Why shouldn't I just do it right now?
>>80172850Because your last post would be on r9k and people bait others to kill themselves here all the time I wouldn't be happy to die if I let some freakoids on 4chan be glad I offed myself.Must live another day to irrate those who wish to destroy you.The world sucks and I shall continue to make it worse by being here and it shall not defeat me no matter what. I hate it and I cannot let something I hate win over me
>>80172850because reading, vidya and gundam are fun also I want to buy a boat someday and fuck off to the middle of the ocean on weekends.on an slightly unrelated note, I hope reincarnation is real so I can try my best on my next life
>>80172850I'm afraid of deathit's that simple
>>80172850>>80172850>Honestly, what keeps you from doing it? Why shouldn't I just do it right now?Too many things that can go wrong. Last time I was discovered. Could've ended up with partial brain damage.Would you rather live out the rest of your days as a vegetable, even more burdensome on everyone around you?
>>80173216this. wtf is non-existence like, what does it feel like? I'm afraid, I'm praying for death to take me by surprise soon. preferably while I'm unconscious
>>80173247Non existence doesn't feel like anything. Its probably like when you sleep with no dreams and you don't remember falling asleep. Just a lack of consciousness.
>>80172850Family would be sad and I'm worried I'd fail or die in a way that causes problems for people.Plus I have too much shit I don't want people going through after I'm dead. It would take a while to get rid of.
>>80173354honestly I dont care if my family gets sad they are the reason why I'm like this in the first place, dad was never around, well he was around physically but he was always yelling at the tv and getting drunk and mom was emotionally neglectful this combined with people bullying me at school made me what I am today, for better and mostly for worse, sure they kinda try to talk to me now but the damage is done, saying sorry isnt gonna fix anything
>>80173372Yeah, my parents dropped the ball pretty hard too but I've lived long enough now to understand that they were both broken people in their own ways. I can't be too upset at people with really bad unmanaged medical-grade mental conditions (bipolar, OCD, ADHD, PTSD, etc) who were raised in a time when nobody went to see psychiatrists and there was an even bigger stigma around the concept of having a mental illness diagnosis than there is now.I've been trying to help my mom now that she's kind of at rock bottom from a lifetime of neglecting it and is willing to actually listen to what I have to say instead of aggressively insisting I'm the problem. If I killed myself she'd definitely break down completely (probably permanently, she might attempt suicide herself) and I can't do that. I think it might also be sunk cost fallacy too, like, I could've killed myself way earlier and had the exact same outcome, but I've made it this long so I might as well try to do "the right thing" and see things through. I can always die later.I don't know what your situation is like but you could try forming a relationship with your parents, it sounds like you can if they're reaching out to you and trying to mend bridges. Couldn't hurt to try.
>>80172850honestly nothing but spite for the like 5 people i know who would find it funny if they heard about it
>>80173587>is willing to actually listen to what I have to saythats the problem with my mom though, I already have a lot of problems communicating with other people especially about personal stuff and when I do she doesnt even pretend to listen, after the topic comes up again she doesnt remember a single fucking think I told her and keeps insisting its all my fault because I dont surrender myself to god and that I reap what a sow, even though I have explained to her countless times that when I was a kid (when all my troubles started) I truly believed in god and prayed every day and still everything went wrong.as for my dad, he tries to talk to me now but after so many years of him mocking me whenever I tried to have a serious conversation with him I just cant even begin to try and talk about anything with him these days very rarely do I feel like spending time with him and when we do we just watch a movie
>>80173654why dont you kill those five people before killing yourself?
>>80172850my mother told me if i kill myself she would kill herself too
>>80173666at least one of them isn't really realistically possible to break in on, so i'd have to pretend to be his friend again just to get close enough and i'm too lazy and short-tempered for that, also i'd probably get like 2 people down the list before getting caught and not be able to kill myself at my leisure anymore and it'd be super embarrassing to go to jail for life
>>80173686you could invite them to a reunion or something like that, or thats probably too unrealistic
i like it when stuff happens
>>80172850Too much of a pussy to do it, that simpleI can try to inject a stupidly large amount of oxycodone into my veins right now, I'm just afraid I'll somehow fucking survive it and have to live with the aftermath.
