Burgerland morning editionPosting early since it's new years eve and know we've had people from all over lately.>How are you doing today?>Any plans for today?>When was the last time you hurt yourself?>Why did you hurt yourself?>Is there anything bothering you right now?
>>83532895And before I forget the links /cat/ usually posts> long list of self harm alternatives (thank you muddy):https://imgur.io/a/7Q2zgw7> first aid post cuting:https://www.lifesigns.org.uk/first-aid-for-self-injury-and-self-harm/> wound care guide:https://docs.google.com/document/d/1CsvJs8qNCVkHWHKekMSmCn6qn0GBEcgnq9fIqlA6Uv0/mobilebasic> bpd workbook:https://d-pdf.com/book/1781/read>a bpd Information Book (anon said it's exceptionally good)https://annas-archive.org/md5/1a4f329474320214a120a4d553c6b60c>a bdbt (dialectical behavioral therapy)workbook is intended for BPD but can work for anyone:https://cursosdepsicologia.com.ar/wp-content/uploads/2021/05/THEDIA1.pdfPlease don't post any drastic images and if you have to, spoiler them
>>83528270>hate the new things they make cuz you're more into their old stuff?the thing is, Bethesda even at their best in the past has never had great great gameplay. Morrowind(especially), Oblivion, and Fallout 3 all had clunky combat that was okay at best even for the times they came out, but were interesting and had quests and world details that made them interesting. Skyrim started dabbling with the generic quests but didn't hurt it too bad. Fallout 4 it was more noticeable while they focused more on gunplay, and Starfield probably had the best combat but everything else was much worse, boring, and most generic content. Not to say the old games didn't have half hearted copy paste content at times, but they still had good parts too.>bad feeling after dropping a gamehad that too. But thing is life is too short to force yourself to try to force yourself to like a game you just don't enjoy>idk if i'll ever say something like that thoI guess I should be clear. I don't mind self study, but I could never go back to school proper. Don't have it in me anymore>new reason for me not to play ityakuza is fun and I love the series. But they have a bad habit of having 30 minutes of cutscenes, followed by long action sequence, multiple boss fights, and more cutscenes... with no save point till the end. Infuriates me> don't know much about how trials worknot quick time events per say. They have this thing where the text appears on screen when they talk and moves as they say it and you have to aim and shoot at it with the cursor. Maybe i should stop playing with a ps5 controller now think about it lol xD>still sick right?unfortunately, sickergonna take a nap for an hour
It's New Year in a few hours so I guess I'm spending it with you guys.Do you think the first thread of the new year being #666 is a bad omen?>>83526459>so a lot of parents sent kids to Catholic school because they emphasized discipline infinitely more than public schoolThat makes sense. Since it was just a state school we were pretty prone to disruptions in class, but probably less so than regular state schools.>guys shouldn't be allowed anywhere near girls at all during probably the most important time of your life to talk to themWell, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. It didn't really help me, so to speak.>>83533046Enjoy your nap!
thanks for your messages everyone.i've moved from "wanting to kms" to "wishing for something else to kill me". i'm less of a danger to myself so i'm doing a good bit better desu. i'll still lie down and be sad for a little while though.as for the specifics, it's hard to say without doxxing myself. typical family/friend drama, essentially. everyone is a little correct, mostly wrong, and way too emotionally concerned with their own ego to have a proper discussion. it hurts so much, even when it's an issue that doesn't concern me.i can't wait to leave in 2 weeks. i feel a bit guilty leaving my mom alone to deal with my crazy family. she has her own issues. as much as i want to, i can't solve them for her. i need to start living my own life.it might sound sad but the act of loving opera o is the only thing keeping me stable at this point. i don't think it's pitiable though. this kind of pure admiration and love could only be held for a fictional character. might not be the "best" coping mechanism but it helped me fall asleep yesterday. this "unhinged" shit works better for me anyway.>>83522132>take care while you're gone!thanks, discanon! looks like i couldn't stay away too long (:>>83524423>mine was a bit disappointingoh no! sorry to hear that, officeanon! >it's our own responsibilityi definitely understand your pov but it's a two way street for sure. it's just you'd think your friends and family would want to get to know you at a deeper level but they just don't reciprocate anything when i try to open up. i thought i was used to it but it still hurts fr.
Hallo officeanon>>83532895>How are you doing today?Pretty ass, just awoke after a sleepless night.>Any plans for today?Starting the Myth of Sisyphus by Albert Camus. While I'm not really interested in philosophy, I am interested in reading his novel the stranger, which I'm told is best read knowing about Sispyhus. Also plan on buying some concert tickets today.>When was the last time you hurt yourself?December.>Why did you hurt yourself?Anxiety over passing college.>Is there anything bothering you right now?Not particularly. Post-grad all my real stress is long term, something to keep in mind but not really a bother.Hallo discanon >>83533819>Do you think the first thread of the new year being #666 is a bad omen?Definitely is, but what can you do really? Happy new year.>Catholic schoolWish I'd gone, not even Christian but it'd do me a lot more good than ths shit public schools I had.Where'd yuanon go? And that megu luka avatarfag? I see there are some new regulars as well.
>>83527206hey, anon. i don't think i met you before. yoroshikutanomu>you're trying to distract yourself with work it's not workingpretty much. definitely because i work at home.>don't let the sadness grow up moregood point. i'm trying not to. was in a really garbage mood yesterday but i'm feeling a bit better now.>i hope you feel better soonthank you <3 >>83523653>good to see you againhey cat! i briefly checked out your map. it looks so comfy. i wish i had seen it earlier!>>83527086>does anyone here feel similar? and what's the reason?i get what you mean. i do this a lot but, especially during covid, i used to listen to so much insane music while staying up studying. that was the peak of my existential dread. though, i might be a bit off the mark with your feelings.Anyway, I hope everynyan has a good new year! I kinda want to do that thing where you play a song the beat drop lands on new years. Unfortunately, my cringe anime taste probably won't vybe with them.>>83533819Any plans/resolutions for the new year, discanon?>first thread of the new year being #666The correct answer is that it's just luck but that's boring. I'm not religious but, depending on how 2026 goes, we might look back on this and say that was the cause.
>>83533819>I'm spending it with you guys.I'll be doing the same later with anyone around then, so no shame, even though I guess it's not ideal for a lot of people.Honestly, new years is one holiday I could never even pretend to care about even if it's one people associate with partying and fun times. I'm not much of a drinker though...>first thread of the new year being #666 is a bad omen?I for one welcome a devilish first thread of the year>disruptions in classwe of course had them too, but it was usually with female teachers who were utterly incompetent at controlling a room full of teenage boys. A lot of scary hard ass teachers who I think enjoyed working somewhere they were a little more free to push things with disrespectful students>. It didn't really help meI hear you and know a lot of people here had same experience, more so commenting on the delusion of some parents making their teenage sons live like they're in the monastery wouldn't have negative impacts on their development>Enjoy your nap!thanks! it was nice. But I slept awful last night and think I might have the flu or covid at this pointwhat are you up to this evening?
>>83534138hey operanon!>less of a danger to myselfi'm sorry things aren't going great, but glad to hear this little bit at least. There is a big difference between wanting to hurt yourself and being tired of bad shit in life> everyone is a little correcthow most problems are unfortunately. Family issues suck, believe I know>love could only be held for a fictional characterHonestly, I don't see an issue with this. Especially if it makes you happy. Even with "real" people, others tend to come up with idealized imaginary images of people, that then fall apart when they spend too much time. Having real people in life is good> friends and family would want to get to know you at a deeper level but they just don't reciprocate anything when i try to open upI get what you mean and it's something I struggle with. I had to accept my parents or horrible abusive people who never cared about me and struggled for years figuring out how to be motivated without anyone genuinely caring or rooting for me my whole life. I don't have a great answer what works or how to get over it, but I know trying to make people who don't care actually care is a losing battle. It's understandable and horrible when you get in that situation, but realistically if the only one who has an obligation to care doesn't, only we can fix things at that point, not strangers
>>83534152hey toganon! good to see you again. Have anything planned for new years?>sleepless night.Sorry to hear. I kept checking my phone for a call I knew was coming but had no idea when. Also very sick on top of that so wasn't great either> novel the stranger,have seen this one come up a bit. I went deep into philosophy years back and unfortunately got bogged down trying to read too much before getting into actual fiction. hope you enjoy all the same>buying some concert tickets today.if it's not a dox concern, what to? Understand if you can't say since know that can be too location specific.>Where'd yuanon go? christmas break vacation. He should be back few days into the new year if i recall> megu luka avatarfag?has not been seen unfortunately. Sad as I got into vocaloid more and instantly fell for Luka right after that anon vanished
It's near years here. I cut myself. I'm sorry Jory
>>83534138>i've moved from "wanting to kms" to "wishing for something else to kill me"I went through that recently. It sucks but it's much better than being a suicide risk.>i feel a bit guilty leaving my mom alone to deal with my crazy familyI felt the same whenever I left home. I don't know how she lives with dad without losing it... But there comes a time in your life when you need to start living for yourself. For me that involved getting far, far away from everyone I knew, and I think that was probably the right decision.>it might sound sad but the act of loving opera o is the only thing keeping me stable at this pointNothing wrong with that. If something brings you joy and it doesn't hurt anyone, you shouldn't care. I was completely obsessed with Momiji when I was younger and that got me through some very dark years.>>83534152>but what can you do really? Happy new year.We could skip to 667. My apartment buildings doesn't have a floors ending in 4 or a floor 13.>it'd do me a lot more good than ths shit public schools I hadSometimes I wonder how I'd be doing if I went to a private or grammar school. Maybe a little better.>>83534170>Any plans/resolutions for the new year, discanon?Be more consistent with my work, I guess. I can relax once I pass my probation.>we might look back on this and say that was the causeHopefully we won't have to.
Forgot my name. Oh well. One last fumble for 2025.>>83534196>new years is one holiday I could never even pretend to care aboutI've never really done much for it either. Went to an NYE party once at a friends house and kind of hated it because I don't drink.>it was usually with female teachers who were utterly incompetent at controlling a room full of teenage boysIt was that or one of the in-house substitute teachers we had. You just knew nothing would get done if we had one of those. Now that I think about it our year (or possibly just our class) was so bad that we had a couple of teachers resigned/fired.>more so commenting on the delusion of some parents making their teenage sons live like they're in the monastery wouldn't have negative impacts on their developmentThat's fair enough. I'm convinced my parents teasing me for liking a girl when I was like 10 basically sealed my fate.>think I might have the flu or covid at this pointThat sucks. Hopefully that clears up soon.>what are you up to this evening?Honestly just browsing 4chan while sipping on some CC Lemon. I've got my country's NYE stream open in another window. I might eat some ice cream.
>>83534743> kind of hated it because I don't drink.I genuinely don't like how it makes me feel. Only times I've been drunk I felt like i was dying and hated it. Even social drinking, I'll sip on a beer for a while and leave it at that.> couple of teachers resigned/fired.Think I saw that a bit too. Usually those poor foreign language teachers who were usually older women like I mentioned who couldn't control things. Think they averaged 2 years on average before moving to another school.> teasing me for liking a girl when I was like 10 basically sealed my fatesimilarly, first girl I liked my whole life I remember my parents telling me I would need to work really hard to afford a girl like that. Realized years later how messed up this was to say to a kid just starting to like girls> just browsing 4chanprobably most of my day in between games and napping whenever I can't keep my eyes open anymore>country's NYE stream open in another window. Idoubt I'm gonna make it till midnight. Probably sleep in my basement since I don't get woken fireworks from people crazy enough to go out in the sub 0 weather
Hello guys!>>83533046hello waddup>gonna take a nap for an hourhow was your nap?>>83533819Heya>New Year in a few hoursa little late happy new year!! ^^ >first thread of the new year being #666 is a bad omen?I think it's a good one nyehehe >:3>>83534138Hello>i'm less of a danger to myself so i'm doing a good bit better desuphewglad you're better :<>still lie down and be sad for a little while though.that's can be nice sometimes >too emotionally concerned with their own ego to have a proper discussionwhere do I know this from....>wait to leave in 2 weeksthat's good that's probably the best thing you can do>sound sad but the act of loving opera obetter than nothing I'd sayit can be sad in a way though what's sadder is not that you do that but that you have to do that to say sane because the world is now treating you well>could only be held for a fictional characternit to get too controversial but that's basically what people do with religion you just have your personal imaginary friend that is not controlled by some institution Stay strong fren!>>83534152Eya>Pretty ass,damnbut at least it'll pass, right?>told is best read knowing about Sispyhus. Also plan on buying some concert tickets today.have fun and where's the concert? is it like a new years one?>something to keep in mind but not really a bother.not ideal but it could be worse at least the biggest stress is over good work passing btw>>83534631hello anonmake sure to clean and patch yourself up why did you hurt yourself?
>>83535391hey cat! happy almost new year! whatcha up to for it?>how was your nap?it was okay. I really need to sleep better tonight. Last night was awful and was very stressed out over some things going on. Might be getting sicker too, so really important I get enough rest
>>83534324>good to see you again. Have anything planned?Likewise. I don't have anything planned, would've gotten drunk in my room if I had the money for it. Blessing in disguise.>kept checking my phone for a call ... also very sickMy doctor does the exact same with a 3 hour window, doesn't seem unreasonable to make it half an hour instead. Get well soon, I've been under the weather myself for a couple weeks now.>hope you enjoy all the sameHopefully. You gain any insight from reading all that philosophy or was it more just a passing interest? My interest in Camus came mostly on a whim, I really liked the Cure song killing an Arab, which was based on the Stranger.>if it's not a dox concern, what to?Big metal concert in Toronto, super stacked lineup. I care less about people on 4chan knowing than I do about people off it desu, would be lame if my online friends saw me posting in /cut/. Afaik the few that do never browse /r9k/ so it should be a non-issue.>VacationFor the best. I don't touch this site outside this general and hobby board or two.>VanishedShame, they were a good poster.>>83534722>My apartment buildings doesn't have a floors ending in 4 or a floor 13.I get 13, but why 4?>privateWorse. From what I've heard its way more clique-y and they've got bigger egos. >grammar schoolNever heard.Hallo /cat/, what's up?>>83535391>but at least it'll pass, right?Feeling fine now.>have fun and where's the concert?Unrelated to new years, metal one in Toronto.>good work passing btwThanks.
>>83535556>happy almost new year! happy ^^>whatcha up to for it?not much I think I'll just play some game not sure what though maybe some half life thing wbu??>stressed out over some thingshope they go well :c>>83535557>Feeling fine now\o/>Unrelated to new yearsand whatcha doing for new years?>metal one in Torontoniceever been to a concert like that before?>what's up?just chilling gonna play some games that's my new years
>>83535391>why did you hurt yourself?I hurt her and I didn't realize what I did until it was too late. I have been struggling with loneliness for a couple of years and thinking about what could have been brings me to my happy place. Hoping to go to the gym tomorrow if I finish my work early.
>>83535557>I don't have anything planned,all good. I don't ever really have new years plans either. Just going to enjoy the day off tomorrow I guess mainly>gotten drunk in my room if I had the money for ityeah, probably for the best not doing that. I'm not one to tell people what not to do, but remember one new years drinking alone really messed me up so bad i was even less of a drinker after, and was already pretty light> You gain any insight from reading all that philosophymostly interest in understanding the development of different ideas and trends in literature. I did a lot of reading classics in general and often regardless of when, philosophy of time is an important perquisite to getting most of what you read. In terms of practical insight there's been some. My mind isn't the sharpest right now from being sick and sleepy, but I do feel some of the exploration of the mind and perception and how it relates to us I've found profound and even gave me thoughts on how to communicate to others more efficiently.>Get well soonthank you! and same to you. It is becoming the worst time of the year for flu and everything else. Already seeing coworkers all come down with things>Big metal concert in Toronto,nice. Never been to a concert but feel if any would be an experience, metal is probably up there with most memorable to see>shameyeah, seen a lot of people come and go here, but always surprised when we see someone stop in who hasn't been around in a bit. Had a few of those not long back which was good but also sometimes concerning. I try to think most people who stop are hopefully doing better than when they came here>>83535656>not sure what though maybe some half life thingdo tell/show if you pick anything fun>wbu??I have a little bit more work to focus on. After that, games, maybe watching more Kaiji(really can't understate how much I like this anime), and rest since I'm unwell still>hope they go well thanks, hoping i'm through the worst of it
>>83535880hi anon, sorry i didn't reply earlier. Bit drowsy today>didn't realize what I did until it was too latei'm sorry anon. Everything is more obvious in hindsight. Don't be too hard on yourself. > Hoping to go to the gym tomorrow if I finish my work early.what kind of gym routine you do?
>>83535880>hurt her and I didn't realize what I did until it was too latethat's sadare you able to apologize?>Hoping to go to the gym tomorrow if I finish my work early.best of luck on your work thenwhat's your work like?>>83536222triips!>tell/show if you pick anything funmaybe thishttps://www.moddb.com/mods/timewarp>maybe watching more Kaijisounds nice maybe I should watch something too>rest since I'm unwell still:<>hoping i'm through the worst of ithopefully
>>83536347>triipsluckiest I've felt all day>maybe thisooh art style looks quite fun. Seems like an enjoyable premise for a mod too. Variety all that>sounds nicemost shocked I've been in a while for just how good an anime can be>maybe I should watch something tooanything in mind?>:<this probably the most out of it I've felt while still doing a lot of work and other stuff. I'm going to crash super hard early today since brain is already quite slow now
>>83536234>what kind of gym routine you do?Don't worry about taking time, I'm busy trying to finish a project. I try to hit the gym as often as I can, though it isn't that much in practice. I'm hoping to get on a better routine this year and go at least 4x a week. I have a day for push, pull, and legs, incorporating a few core exercises as well. I also do shoulders on either my push/pull day. I want a super committed running buddy but I haven't found anyone. Maybe when I finally leave this shitty place I'm in.>>83536347>that's sad are you able to apologize?I stopped talking to her last year after she ignored be for 8 months (I think she blocked me too). She finally apologized giving me a half-assed excuse that had to do with her trauma that I didn't fully recognize. I've been reading more about what she was going through and I feel bad because maybe I could have handled it differently but I had to cut her off because I also wanted to protect her and myself from getting more hurt. She has a baby with some guy now and it just makes me feel so lonely because there aren't many people who I'm close to right now. I was thinking of donating a large amount of money towards a charity that helps people who have survived what she went through for her birthday but she wouldn't know unless I told her. I just have guilt around the whole situation because maybe it was worse than I had thought>what's your work like?Right now my work is just a final project I'm going to be a day late on because I couldn't focus at all this past week.
>>83536872>though it isn't that much in practiceit's hard unless you live very close to the one you go to. Only reason I manage is I have a home one since I have a lot of space put lots of money of money into it. Basically can do anything I'd want at a gym, minus not having some of the machines that make legs easier.>push, pull, and legs, incorporating a few core exercises as wellprobably well rounded enough. I do 2 pull, 2 push, 1 leg, and alternate light vs heavy core workouts independent of that every day since they recover so quickly>running buddy but I haven't found anyonetough to find people to do stuff like that. I've always worked out completely solo, though also don't do a ton of high impact cardio since my legs get jacked up easily.>finally leave this shitty place I'm in.you don't like where you live?
hey officeanon! i wonder why didn't cat post todayanyways, how are you?>How are you doing today?bad ig>>83533046>Not to say the old games didn't have half hearted copy paste content at times, but they still had good parts too.aight now i understand your reasonsand i don't have enough information about their games' experience so i can't do but to read your reasonsand they sound pretty much to make sense and i'll probably have a similar opinion if i noticed these in a game>life is too short to force yourself to try to force yourself to like a game you just don't enjoylmao i didn't think like this, you're right ig>I don't mind self study, but I could never go back to school propermhm i guess no one really likes schools being annoying>and more cutsceneshow about a movie insteadi don't really like this>with no save point till the endit can't get worse lmfao>and you have to aim and shoot at it with the cursor.wait is it like choosing sentences in a debate or something? i remember a similar gameplay in another game>Maybe i should stop playing with a ps5 controller now think about it lol xDDUDE why did you even start playing with a controller lmaoo>sickerhmm care to take any meds?>>83534138hey operanon>i've moved from "wanting to kms" to "wishing for something else to kill me"> i'm less of a danger to myself so i'm doing a good bit betterthis actually seems like a good improvementso i read the rest and i really would like to help but i don't know much and i respect you not wanting to doxx yourself.i hope you get better soon mate>>83534170>i don't think i met you before.yup it's only been months since i started being active here>definitely because i work at home.OHdon't you get out of home? this can surely affect>was in a really garbage mood yesterday but i'm feeling a bit better now.mhm that's nice to hear!>thank younp>>83535391hey cathru?
hello everybody, tired as heck rn, hope everyone is well, and is pumped for the new year, I'm kinda just nervous and scared. but should be good!
>>83534170>while staying up studyingi don't really understandlike what did you feel back then?
>>83537525what happened gator?
>>83536807>luckiest I've felt all dayyay :>though also kinda sad>art style looks quite funyep I like that they're trying something different >most shocked I've beenwoa, how long is it?>anything in mind?now :/>this probably the most out of it I've feltnot goodwanna say what's bothering you so much?>crash super hard earlyever fireworks won't wake you up? :3>>83536872>stopped talking to her last yearis that all you did?>thinking of donatingI guess you could do that but only if you don't need that money yourself >work is just a final projectfor like a college?best of luck!>>83537470Helloohow's it goin?>hru?just chilling not doing anything else today just hanging out in my room and watching stuff on yt>>83537525hey ali>tired as heck rnwhat tired you out so much?>kinda just nervous and scaredI'm sure everything will end up being okay :]
>>83537929>just hanging out in my room and watching stuffwoah that's a routine i would dream of when i was 6 or smthn lolhow are you feeling tho? good?>how's it hangingpretty much strangeidk im so numb it's like i barely feelit's like when you're trying to move your hand while it's numb pretty bad ig
>>83537470hey rm! >why didn't cat post todayi posted very early in the morning my time so people anyone who were closer to new years could post sooner if they wanted to>how are you?very tired. I barely got sleep previous night so gonna crash early tonight most likely>bad igsame thing bothering you? sorry. try to take it easy if you can> i didn't think like thistook me a while to realize since i used to force myself to play games, but now i get so little time to game that don't want to waste time when plenty of games i do want to play> likes schools being annoyingsome people loved college but i was not one of them>i don't really like thisi at least found it entertaining. yakuza games are absurdly contrived soap opera tier plots with angry Japanese men yelling intimidating things at each for ten minutes straight all dramatic. Part of the appeal of the games is how absurd they are.>choosing sentences in a debate or something? yes but you have to aim and shoot it while it's moving. It's kinda silly and not that fun when you miss 5 times in a row>why did you even start playing with a controller so used to playing everything with a controller i never stopped to think if I should lol>care to take any meds?trying to avoid it, but if fever gets worse than maybe>>83537525hey gator happy almost new year!>I'm kinda just nervous and scaredsomething specific or just what's ahead generally speaking? Normal to be a little nervous, but hang in there. Had a lot of good things happen past year, sure next one will be even better for you
>>83537929>though also kinda sadI'll be luckier in a few minutes since I'm gonna get some rest lol>they're trying something differentalways impressed to see what modders can come up with> how long is it?it's an older anime back when they made things pretty long, so there's 2 seasons both like 26 episodes each. First season was amazing and had me hooked. And this second one was also very good. It's strange since I didn't really know what to expect from a gambling anime, but it's much deeper than i imagined and quite well written with satisfying twists that always are grounded in previous set up. >ever fireworks won't wake you up?i hope not. They don't come till midnight exactly and it's below freezing here so doubt there will be much.
wowow happy new year frens!
>>83538382happy new years! I probably am crashing out now since I'm tired. Forgot to reply in other post, but just am sleepy from last night all goodWish everyone else a happy near year and see you all soon
happy new year, everyone! :D
>>83537887oh nothing just general worry ig>>83537929>hey aliheya cat >what tired you out so much?just been getting very poor sleep>sure everything will end up being okay :]we'll see. are you excited?>>83538331>hey gator happy almost new year!heya office and yeah super exciting !>just what's ahead generally speaking?just in general, I've always hated new things and changes >sure next one will be even better for youwe'll see yea.>>83538382happy new year !>>83538480happy new year yuanon !
>>83538331>very tiredtiring days while sick.. i wish you can rest mate >when plenty of games i do want to playa nice method to arrange games' priorities lol but idk if im ever gonna do something similar>some people loved collegei believe it also depends on the major sometimes but not always ofc >Part of the appeal of the games is how absurd they are.i think i can sense thatat least from the memes lol>used to playing everything with a controller i never stopped to think if I shouldinteresting, i cant remember the last time i used a controller to play>if fever gets worseoh so you don't need it now?avoiding meds when not required is indeed good>same thing bothering you?yes but idk man im so numb but still hurtdays are passing and the thing that i hate to face alone is getting closerbut i think isolation is better than seeing him not caringi wanna cut but honestly im lazy and feeling cold>>83538480been a while
>>83538592>general worrywanna talk about it?
>>83535656>and whatcha doing for new years?Nothing special, probably just sitting with family for the countdown.>ever been to a concert like that before?I've been to another metal concert, though it was really more of a hardcore concert with the main act being alt metal. This coming concert is all metal and significantly heavier. Have you ever gone to any live music /cat/?>gonna play some gamesSounds chill. I've taken a page out of your book and started making custom stuff for source games. Wanted to replace the autoshotgun sounds in l4d2 with halo sound effects, so I made an addon. It was quite simple but I still felt happy with it, might start doing more complex stuff like importing models. How is your map making going?>>83536222>Just going to enjoy the day offCalm.>probably for the best not doing thatDefinitely. And besides, the disappointment that'd come from m reeking of alcohol ooutweighs any fun I'd have.>philosophy of time is an important perquisite to getting most of what you read.New concept to me, what's a philosophy of time? Like the importance of past/present/future?>I try to think most people who stop are hopefully doing better than when they came hereI've got the same outlook.>>83538382Happy new years.>>83538480Hallo yuanon, happy new year.
>>83538592thank you! hope you have a good time, too! o/>>83538669hi rem!>been a whiletrue. we'll be back to regular yuanon posting on the 4th of january. maybe the 5th or 6th. depending on how well i'll get home and if me and my friends will play wow on monday again. we'll see. but i'm really looking forward to talking to you all again.>>83538783hey buddy! thank you! i'm off now. see you all soon!
>>83538691>wanna talk about it?probably not, just scared of the unknown i guess :p>>83538948>hope you have a good time, too! o/thank you very much :)>i'm off now. see you all soon!goodnight and sleep well
>>83538123>woah that's a routine i would dream of when i was 6 or smthn lolyeahit's nice >idk im so numb it's like i barely feeloh so it still like that :/btw do you think about getting a therapists appointment again?>>83538373>I'm gonna get some rest lol:>and how's tomorrow going to be?>impressed to see what modders can come up withand they do it all for free just because they feel like making something >pretty longthat's good there's more to enjoy >hope noto7>>83538408>probably am crashing outsleep well>>83538480heyo happy happy >>83538592>been getting very poor sleepoh why?but bad sleep schedule?>are you excited?not really but I'm not sad either >>83538783>probably just sitting with family for the countdown.have a nice time either way >This coming concert is all metal and significantly heavieso that good?>ever gone to any live music /cat/no, I don't think I'd enjoy itlots of people and loud music>but I still felt happyaw that's lovely ^^>complex stuff like importing models.yep, someday you could even try making your own>How is your map making going?finished, I posted it :Dhttps://gamebanana.com/mods/642460>>83538948sleep well!
goodnight fellas
>>83535101>Usually those poor foreign language teachers who were usually older women like I mentioned who couldn't control thingsSome were foreign, most were homegrown. The common thread was that they couldn't control the class.>Realized years later how messed up this was to say to a kid just starting to like girlsIf I somehow manage to reproduce, I at least have a vague idea of what not to tell my kid to completely shatter their confidence.>probably most of my day in between games and napping whenever I can't keep my eyes open anymoreYou're in good company, at least.>Probably sleep in my basement since I don't get woken fireworks from people crazy enough to go out in the sub 0 weatherI don't miss living somewhere where people can just buy fireworks. It was very peaceful last night.>>83535391>a little late happy new year!! ^^Happy new year /cat/!>I think it's a good one nyehehe >:3Devilish.>>83535557>but why 4?It sounds like "death" in a lot of Asian languages.>its way more clique-y and they've got bigger egosMakes sense.>Never heard.It's basically a state school with an entrance exam that you sit at 11. They admit roughly the top 1/4 of students. Personally I think it's an alright idea but they closed a bunch in the 70s (so I lived in an area without them). >>83537525Hopefully 2026 will be better for everyone!>>83538480Happy new year!
>>83539207>but bad sleep schedule?yea, Christmas break has breaked my sleep schedule, it was going so good too>not really but I'm not sad eitherfair, that's a good way to feel>>83539780goodnight >>83540000>Hopefully 2026 will be better for everyone!yeah ! and no matter what some good is bound to happen
>>83539207>so that good?Really good.>yep, someday you could even try making your ownWhen I get something better than my shittop definitely.>finished, I posted it :DAwesome. Wish I had hl2 to actually see ingame, looks comfy.>>83540000>state school with an entrance exam that you sit at 11.Must be an American thing then. You rolled quads of nothingness, evil digits...Happy new years from the real timezone (EST)
Hi.Im having a psychotic episode right now.I havent cut in a while but im wondering if it'd be alright to chil here.Sorta need to remain anonymous or people will be afraid of me again.Ree..
bumps on my skin
I crashed super hard and slept almost 11 hours straight>>83538480missed you hear, but happy new year!>>83538592>yeah super exciting another year of me sleeping through the new year, but i take getting a lot of sleep as a good start lol>always hated new things and changesyou've experienced a lot of positive new things though of late, haven't you? Change is always unsettling in ways, but also positive at times>>83538669>i wish you can rest matedefinitely starting off the year with plenty of rest> method to arrange games' prioritiesI don't really arrange or list things, I just keep track mentally i guess what I feel like playing some point. I'm not super organized by any means though>also depends on the majorthat and what peoples college was like. Mine sucked and I didn't care about classes and thought it was pointless sincee I got more skills on my own than in class either way>i cant remember the last time i used a controller to playi hate playing certain things with a mouse keyboard. I need a controller for FPS games and was playing some of those not long back. I grew up on playing xbox though so makes sense>avoiding meds when not required is indeed goodmy thought is i want to save it in case i really need it when I sleep. If i feel bad to the point it will keep me up, i'll take pills. Otherwise, try to tough it out>but i think isolation is better than seeing him not caringI'd say isolating from him for now is a good thing if you're worried how you'd feel around him. Said it before, but if you can sneak in some socialization with literally anyone else, keep that in mind that it might do some good. Just don't want your spiralling out of control because of him
>>83538783>Calmhopefully sets the tone for the year. Last year I started off really rough, so hopefully this one will be different. Not that I put much stock in the significance of the calendar change.>disappointment that'd come from m reeking of alcohol good attitude to have. Healthy of shame goes a long way to keep people on track>philosophy of timeactually a typo on my part xD i meant to write "of the time" like what ideas were being explored during a time period, but time does come up often in philosophy exploring metaphysics and reality often enough. If it's even a thing etc>I've got the same outlook.At least 3 or 4 people I've seen post here fairly regularly then come back one day have been in much better places than when they first came so do know for sure thread has helped people out. >>83539207> how's tomorrow going to be?I've got no work, so whatever I want! Maybe playing some games and doing cleaning at home>all for free just because they feel like making somethingI'm still amazed with elder scrolls modders who makes content that literally doubles and triples the size of the base game in some instances. Working on projects for years just because they love the world>there's more to enjoyI could see myself continuing the manga after. A lot people say it's the kind of anime that does get people to keep reading on. Kaiji has quickly become one of my favorite characters in anime
>>83540000>vague idea of what not to tellI feel the same way. Thing that worries me is I feel a lot of parents do opposite of what their parents did and it doesn't balance out. I had such an unusual, empty childhood and early adult life I'm not sure how I could help raise kids>You're in good companyfor sure. Nice having so much turn out for a thread i was worried might die by midday> It was very peaceful last night.that's nice. Honestly, I slept through the night no issue. It did snow here, so I'm guessing nothing happened. Usually it's Independence Day that is worst here. People will be setting off fireworks days leading up to it and days after... It's annoying and fireworks are technically illegal here anyway. I'd be more pissed if I didn't have a basically sound proof basement to sleep in that time of year>>83541008hi anon! sorry no one way around when you posted, but you're more than welcome to hang here. Not everyone cuts either way>Im having a psychotic episode right now.Is this a thing you struggled with or something push you to it? I'm not expert on mental health issues like that, but can talk about what you need to
I've had a couple of emails from her this week. I think she might be warming up again. I'm not really sure how to take it, but I think I'm glad she's still thinking about me and probably feels regret and/or remorse.>>83540231>no matter what some good is bound to happenVery true. With any luck there'll be an outsized amount of it.>>83541008>I havent cut in a while but im wondering if it'd be alright to chil here.I've never cut and they still let me hang out here, so you're more than welcome to post.>>83540910>Must be an American thing thenI'm sorry to announce that you've been talking to a Britbong the whole time.>>83542522>I feel a lot of parents do opposite of what their parents did and it doesn't balance outI get that impression as well. Still, I feel like there has to be a healthy middle ground.
First workout of 2026, already had equipment failure and almost an injury. An ill omen if I've seen one.Also learned what tea scum was after becoming deebly concerned>>83542554> she might be warming up again. I'm not really sure how to take itGlad to hear in some sense, but also have to try to keep a level about it. Don't mean this in a bad, but she obviously has issues she's working with too. Have to keep back of your mind you can't really know what to expect, so long as her issues remain.> healthy middle ground.Yeah. I think of how a lot of parents having no involvement in kids lives led to helicopter parents. Easy solution is to be involved and show consideration, but don't overdo it or try to keeps from doing stuff they're naturally going to do. Not sure how rare good parents are. Mine suck, but most people I've known have at least seemingly healthy dynamics with theirs.
GoOooOod morning everyone!happy 2026
>>83537349I've been busy for the past day with my project that I finally finished. It's nice you have a home gym. I don't know anybody who does, well at least where I live right now. I go back to my country in August thankfully; this has just been one ball of loneliness and disappointment. I never got to have the experience I wanted because what I wanted changed so much in the past 7 years. Sorry about being vague but I don't want to divulge too much. Now that my project is over, I will go to the gym tomorrow, vacuum, read, and some other bullshit chores I've been putting off.>>83537929>is that all you did?Pretty much. I told her how she made me feel, how it brought back some trauma, and how I couldn't continue being friends. She didn't respond but she saw the message. I think I might have pissed her off because I had posted something about horses on my feed (she's a horse girl) and maybe she thought I was mocking her? Idk I just wanted to show that she inspired me and helped me find my way but maybe it came off the wrong way because she saw it and subsequently unfriended me (at this point I didn't know that even if you yourself unfriend someone they can still see your stuff, I didn't block her). I still feel bad about it even though it was more than a year ago.>I guess you could do that but only if you don't need that money yourselfAgain I wasn't really aware of her situation which was what led to this whole misunderstanding. Also it was over text and I was trying hard to keep the friendship going so I felt the need to come up with something "witty" if you know what I mean. It was seemingly innocuous but it bothered her a lot to stop talking to me. Reading up more on her situation helped me to understand perhaps what was going on. There was really a lot more she didn't share with me for obvious reasons but there wasn't enough time and we weren't (that) close. I wanted to donate in the hope that other people don't get into the same situation.
>>83543120happy 2026 cat! how's it starting out for you?>>83543272> with my project that I finally finishedhope you can finally get a break then.>I don't know anybody who doesI mean it's not super common unless you have a house I suppose. And most people have a house have kids and things for them. So having one and not the other means I had a lot of extra space> I go back to my country in Augustwere you abroad to study? won't ask too many questions, but know plenty of people in that position end up very lonely and feeling isolated.>never got to have the experience I wanted because what I wanted changed so much in the past 7 years.relatable even if i don't know the details. Can think of plenty of times I went into phases of my life thinking "things will be different and I'll get what I want finally" only to be disappointed. It's a shitty feeling> Sorry about being vague but I don't want to divulge too muchit's fine. Know people can be either uncomfortable opening up to much or just worried about posting too much online for others, either are valid but get the general idea you're talking about
a little buzy but just found out there's a thing called lucky star ova and I have not seen it before So I'll watch it today>>83543605>how's it starting out for you?pretty good wbu?
hey /cut/. left some gashes on my chest for new years. the idea is if i get it out the way now, i'll cut less in 2026. the logic is unsound, but god do i love superstitions. happy new years, may we all be safe.
>>83534138>i've moved from "wanting to kms" to "wishing for something else to kill me"that may not seem my much but it's a massive leap. congratulate yourself, hope things get better from here, fren.>the act of loving opera o is the only thing keeping me stablepeople like us don't get to pick and choose. if it keeps you going, cling to it, use it to push further. stay safe operanon.
>>83542839>Also learned what tea scum was after becoming deebly concernedthey look so ugly on the surface of my tea, but at least they're not a health risk. or maybe they are, i'm not sure.>First workout of 2026, already had equipment failure and almost an injurythat reminds me, i should probably get off my ass and work out sometime soon. thanks for the unintentional burst of motivation officeanon.
>>83542839>An ill omen if I've seen one.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NwVNuyfhF0Q>she obviously has issues she's working with too. Have to keep back of your mind you can't really know what to expect, so long as her issues remain.Yeah. For all the confusing feelings I have towards her, knowing that she could just disappear for no reason is definitely something I need to keep in mind. But I suppose anyone could do that... It happened again today.>most people I've known have at least seemingly healthy dynamics with theirsMy parents definitely could have raised me better but they also could have done a much, much worse job going off stories I've heard from others.
>>83540000quads!>Happy new year /cat/!thank you!and you too>Devilish.ye! evil and wicked >>83540231>Christmas break has breaked my sleepD;well if it got fixed once in can be fixed again >that's a good way to feelI feel so tooI'm looking forward to summer though >>83540910>Really good.woo \o/>something better than my shittop definitely.you prolly could do it even on a shittopmy pc is pretty bad too and I can do things on it>Wish I had hl2on manmaybe one day>Happy new yearshappy!>>83541008Hello anonhopefully you're feeling better now :<>alright to chil here.of course you don't need to cut or anything if you just wanna talk you're welcome :]>>83542511>I've got no workthat's grethope you're having a nice time then>they love the worldonce upon a time they could've been hired for it>could see myself continuing the manga hopefully you like it just as much
>>83543861>have not seen it beforeit's been years since i watched lucky but do tell how you like it.>pretty good wbu?i read a bit of manga, did some cleaning, played more danganronpa, and went to the mall for rhythm games since it's open. Just got back and checked the thread>>83543889i hope you do find helpful at least. happy new year. Wish you the best in 2026>>83544048>at least they're not a health riskthat's what i read too. Hadn't seen it before despite drinking green tea most days but had let it cool a bit. Just gross>thanks for the unintentional burst of motivationglad to be of service! Did you ever have a routine you fell out of or trying to get started>>83544477>linkI take this lesson to hear with most things! working out however is one thing that, no matter how much I mess up anything else, I can say I've been very successful with keeping to> I suppose anyone could do thattrue. For a lot of reasons, which is an unsettling thought I think people don't like to think about since it's maddening almost. But that's life for you in general.>again todaysorry to hear that. At this point it's very back and forth. I'd try to just keep in mind it's gonna be up and down with any talks you have>could have done a much, much worse job how most are honestly. Not perfect, but could be worse. I've reluctantly had to admit mine are on the worse end after pretending they weren't, but this point not really mad at them either.>>83544767>been hired for itsad to say but probably working for the game developer allows far less passion than being a modder with how badly they treat employees>just as muchas do i since i'll need a manga after i'm done fire punch
>>83543605>were you abroad to study?Yeah I've been abroad long-term. I think it's stunted me a bit socially though I have friends. It's still lonely and some people don't open up much around me, either because it's the culture or because they think I'm a creep. Like this one girl who was hugging everyone good-bye but gave me a fist-bump. Shit like that that kind of hurts even though it's just one person. I've always wanted to be seen as normal my whole life and only now have I actually made the effort to do that.
ate some pish yayso a good day in my book>>83542554>might be warming up agaihonestly I feel it might be a bad thing you'll get hopeful only for her to leave you again >>83542839>An ill omeneh I don't believe in that stuff it makes sense you are less careful after having such a tiring day yesterday and being sick>becoming deebly concernedyou though you got poisoned?>>83543272>still feel bad about it evenyou shouldn't feel too bad about it though it might sound a bit insensitive but it sounds like you care too much Misunderstandings like that happen, it all could probably get resolved but it's probably too late for her to listen So now you can't really do anything else other than move on >something "witty" if you know what I mean. It was seemingly innocuous but it bothered her a lotyou couldn't have predicted that anon>stop talking to meshe should've told you it made her uncomfortable so you would've had a chance to apologize and do better That's how you get to know people and build relationships with themI understand that she's unwell but that doesn't make her behavior alright It all just feels like a big misunderstanding where no one's really at fault, you two were unwell in just the perfect way to accidentally hurt each other>>83543889Hello>the logic is unsoundat least you know thisbut feelings aren't really logical and make it'll help you feel like cutting less >>83544946>do tell how you like itit was nice ^^I enjoyed myself and I feel like I should watch more animeit's fun especially moe crap that distracts me from reality though depressing ones are cool tooI just gotta be in the right mood>Just got back and checked the threadsounds like a good day!
>>83538948>on the 4th of january. maybe the 5th or 6thtake all the time you need yuanon, i hope everything gets better. we miss you bud!>>83539058>scared of the unknownaight i feel you i guess, i hope you get okay soon>>83539207>so it still like that :/yep>do you think about getting a therapist appointment again?maybe in the future after years, but not now at all. why tho?>>83542440>not super organized by any meansehh doesn't really matter as long as you can finish thingsnot like im super organized either>got more skills on my own than in class either waywoah impressing, what was your major?>controller for FPSWHATit's been a while since i played an FPS with a controller so i don't remember how comfortable it felt but i know it was good, but currently i feel like mouse is way bettermaybe it depends on person and maybe i would think both are good if i remembered how it felt playing it>will keep me up, i'll take pills. Otherwise, try to tough it outthat's smart yeahand personally i think the worst thing while being sick is when you try to sleep and feel the sickness in your throat...that alone is painful>if you can sneak in some socialization with literally anyone elsei know, but the thing is i have problems a lot of times when i socialize or talk with friends, it's not like i get into fights with them but i just feel strange even though nothing bad needs to happen to cause me this feelingso it's a nice break from these feelings too.and i still feel like i have to talk more about this but thinking about it makes me suffer xD so i think that's it for now
>>83545169>been abroad long-term.That can be difficult for some people. Especially if you're very far and it's a very different country than where you lived most your life. I spent like 2 years back and forth between a few different countries literally on the opposite end of the world from me and couldn't but feel out of place a lot of times even if I was happier than my home.>they think I'm a creep.I think often times it's easy to exaggerate feeling this way, but is rarely what people think. Even in your case could be a lot of reasons for it, though understand your feeling>I've always wanted to be seen as normal my whole lifeVery relatable. I'd say that's one of the constant things I've wanted in my life that I never felt that sure on. Got held back by family issues and unusual upbringing, but a lot of reasons people end up feeling that way>>83545233>ate some pishnice! more sardines?>I don't believe in that stuffI don't for real either so no worries> less careful just ware and tear. I buy cheap equipment and use it for a bit will eventually fail>you though you got poisoned?honetly thought something left droppings in my tea from the nasty color till i was able to figure out honestly lol>I should watch more animeplenty of options out there to watch>especially moe crapparticularly this type :> though been a fair bit since i've watched anything similar
>>83545387>as long as you can finish thingsi get the important stuff done! at least, what was important to me... usually. >what was your major?computer science. I kinda hated it. I went into it half heartedly. I program decently and got get grades, but i hate my job and wish i would have been mentally healthier when I was back in school. Might have done everything differently>it's been a while since i played an FPS with a controller like I said, I grew up playing entirely on xbox so controller just feels right to me. It's usually RPG's I'll use keyboard for these days, mostly since I play older ones that don't have the controls out of the box and too lazy to set up>try to sleep and feel the sickness in your throati had horrible bronchitis a year ago and struggled to breathe lying down. I litterally hated nighttime since was hell trying to get any rest>nothing bad needs to happen to cause me this feelingdo you feel concerned like you did something wrong? Or they're looking at you weirdly? I've had a lot of issues with these things trying to be more social over the years so wonder if you're being over analytical in a way that leads to similar>thinking about it makes me suffer xD so i think that's it for nowno need to force yourself. If you get some relief just taking it easy, just do that for now. Will get on track eventually
>>83542440>another year of me sleeping through the new year, probably better then overly celebrating and regret it>take getting a lot of sleep as a good start lolyeah you'll have a nice restfulness year >lot of positive new things though of late, haven't you? yeah but that's part of it, everything that could get better now has, so now my mind just thinks about everything that can never get better lolhow are you doing today?>>83542554>With any luck there'll be an outsized amount of it.yeah surely <3 how are you doing today?>>83544767>well if it got fixed once in can be fixed againyea but i neeeeed to fix it before monday and thats sooo soon ><>I'm looking forward to summer thoughthat's nice, summer is always the greatest break no matter what. how's your day been btw?>>83545233>picsuch a cool cat :]>>83545387>hope you get okay soonwe'll see ^^
used the knife>>83545636>at least, what was important to me... usually.lol dw i understand>but i hate my job and wish i would have been mentally healthier when I was back in schoolwould've suggested studying again if that's possible where you live but you told me that you wouldn't want to go to school again so ig i know the answerand since you won't do it again anyway, so yk, don't dwell on the past, don't let it weigh you down :D>I grew up playing entirely on xbox so controller just feels right to meyep that makes sense>i had horrible bronchitis a year ago and struggled to breathe lying down.ouch, how did that happen?>do you feel concerned like you did something wrong? Or they're looking at you weirdly?not exactly thosemost of times i struggle with trying to understand the feelingsi think sometimes i feel kinda abandoned and my absence doesn't cause any difference in a friend group nor my existence does, or when i feel like no one takes me seriouslyand that felt heavily worse when i felt like even my best friend wasn't always taking me seriously when we were infront of the others (that one friend i've talked about, the same one)and these aren't the only things that cause these feelings, i supposebut i can't really rememberbut anyways i've been having similar feelings for years in a lot of places even before getting attached to that one friend>I've had a lot of issues with these things trying to be more social over the yearsi really hope you don't face any issues now, mate! :D
>If you get some relief just taking it easy, just do that for nowthank you officeanonif there's something i wanna say now it's that i feel so numb until it's insufferable, i don't want to have new breakdown sessions now, but i feel so numb to the feelingsi used to feel fire in my chest whenever i remember things about my friend, or things related to my melancholia, i used to feel like i wanna hurt myself when i remember and the urge to self-harm used to give a kinda good feelingbut now it doesn't give me the good feeling it used to give, and it's become rare to happen anyways, it's rare to have these melancholia sessions now, that's why i feel numb, even actually hurting myself isn't making me feel anything new.are you familiar with melancholy, officeanon? did you read anything about it?it's a really interesting psychological topic
>>83546012> overly celebrating and regret itAt this point, I doubt I could pull that off. I've gone from drinking very little, to almost not all. Don't feel like I'm missing out on much with that>have a nice restfulness yearcould use it after 2025 being a bit of a mess>everything that could get better now hasstill plenty of new good things can happen though!> thinks about everything that can neverdon't need to go too indepth, but what do you think can't improve? there are a lot things that don't seem like they can change, but can. So don't feel too down>how are you doing today?pretty good after getting plenty of sleep. Had a pretty relaxing day, no work, and mostly gaming or house chores>>83546220>used the knifeare you say cutting? :/ if so take care and make sure you do what you have to not get infected all that>would've suggestedI feel too old this point. I'd like to do it again, but only if I was like 20 again. Huge difference between being a young adult and someone who's been working years.>don't let it weigh you downi don't. There's things that bother me, but i try not to overthink and life isn't terrible now>how did that happen?got germs from someone, just not sure who. Lot of illness going around work January each year, and got a bad infection. Worst I'd been sick in the longest time>doesn't cause any difference in a friend group nor my existence doeswould it be fair to say you feel you don't have anything to contribute? I think socializing can be difficult even with friends, and if you doubt that what you say matters, it can be difficult to push past that.. So i think i follow along.>similar feelings for yearsit sounds very likely you're struggling with something deeply rooted here that current problems could also be stemming from
>>83546239>are you familiar with melancholyI think so conceptually, but not from personal experience. You mean feeling depressed a long time with no exact cause? That's what I think. Usually for me I would feel depressed due to obvious problems, but I've heard of people even with seemingly great lives deal with this, which can be difficult and cause them to lose what they have worsening things.has this been something you've experienced suddenly for a while on and off now then as well?>even actually hurting myself isn't making me feel anything new.does this make you think you're less likely to self harm then? I'm sorry you're feeling how you are but maybe this is also a sign you should try to explore other ways to get through these feelings
>>83545387>maybe in the future after years, but not now at all. why tho?I'm just wondering what could help u and maybe that could >>83545581>sardinesye>don't for real either so no worriesphew>will eventually failoh, it can't be fixed?>nasty colorlike oilslick?>options out there to watchI know but I think I may rewatch lucky star>>83546012>neeeeed to fix it before monday and thats sooo soon ><D;well at worst you'll just be sleeping for a couple of days and it'll fix itself >that's niceyou waitin for summer too?>how's your day been btw?pretty goodchilled, watched lucky star ova, ate pish>such a cool cat :]B3>>83546220heya>used the knifeit happens make sure to patch yourself up!
>>83546562>you do what you have to not get infected all thatdw, didn't make anything big>Huge difference between being a young adult and someone who's been workingwhy is being old a problem at this case?>but i try not to overthink and life isn't terrible nowglad to hear that, i hope everything gets even better>Worst I'd been sicki see, take care this january!>would it be fair to say you feel you don't have anything to contributemaybe>So i think i follow along.oh, sadly :/>deeply rooted here that current problems could also be stemmingyep, perhaps some of my feelings towards my friend are similar to some of the feelings i had before but they're huge this time>You mean feeling depressed a long time with no exact cause? That's what I thinki think the word is a bit tricky, it can mean two things i supposeone is depression overall and maybe for long time with no reason as u saidthe other one (which i meant when i mentioned the word) is when someone starts finding pleasure in being sad>has this been something you've experienced suddenly for a while on and off now then as well?if we're talking about the concept you mentioned (depressed a long time with no exact cause) then i've been like this for a lot of years, i suppose i was still a kid when i started feeling like thisno matter how happy i get, my brain still knows that there's something bad, something i should be worried aboutit's always in the back of my mind for yearsand the other definition which means the desire to be sad or finding pleasure in sadness is also something i have had for a long timei dont find pleasure in mental breakdowns ofcit's deeply related to nostalgia and a lot of things
>>83546588>maybe this is also a sign you should try to explore other ways to get through these feelingsyes it might be a signbut idk man, my brain isn't that creative when it comes to thisi was more into finding self-harm related methods to please myself, i need some time until i achieve something in my life, that might be a good time to find the healthiest solution>>83546600>I'm just wondering what could help u and maybe that couldthanks cat :> i appreciate it>make sure to patch yourself up!ofc! don't worry pal :D
>>83546239>if there's something i wanna say now it's that i feel so numb until it's insufferablenot officeanon but the numbness at times is even worse than everything else surrounding it. i don't know if you have bpd but for me and a couple of my friends, we agree that numbness/emptiness is general absolutely sucks more than all the other symptoms. you're a trooper for persevering through these things.>now it doesn't give me the good feeling it used to givei can imagine how terrible that'd feel. do you have ideas for any other coping mechanisms if cutting truly wears off, anon?a friend of mine used to cope by cutting and bashing his head into a wall until he bled. when that stopped working, he started making these beautiful paintings because it was the only thing that made him feel.maybe you can replace cutting with something healthier if the effect wears off? the above is an example but i think once self harm stops working, another activity to cope would help a little. stay safe anon.
>>83546852>thanks cat :> i appreciate itI'm glad you do how was your day today byw?>don't worry pal :Dthat's good stay safe
>>83547417>how was your daymy relatives came to visit and they are gonna sleep here, i love them honestly so im happy they are herei left the house for few hours and started reading the physics book i talked about, i read when i was outside and it's indeed fun :Dglad i bought ithow was yours cat? also hru?>stay safeyou too!
>>83547479>so im happy they are herethat's so nice!how long are the gonna stay?>was outside and it's indeed fun :Dsounds like you had a fun day then ^^>how was yours cat?I ate sardines and watch lucky star ova and chilled out now I'm in bed getting sleepy
>>83547053 >i don't know if you have bpdi couldn't get any medical diagnosis but looking at symptoms it feels like i have more than one mental issue, but the one i used to think i prolly have is anxiety some sort of it and ocdsome bpd symptoms could be there but again im not diagnosed and everything i said could be false>you're a trooper for perserving through these thingsyou too are. thank you so much anon i really appreciate your words>other coping mechanisms>paintingsit seems like your friend has something to start with, that's beautifulpersonally i have a lot of interests and some hobbies that can probably distract me from bad feelings for a while maybe but i dont have all the time for themduring exams i have to study and the stress that i get cuz of this is so bad i get extremely stressed and it's just terrible my brain uses every single cell to make me terribly scared and stressed.i have to spend some time healing from the stress session after an exam just to find myself studying again cuz there's another exam therefore another session.and if it's not exams it might be other academic problems, might be less worse but are still problems.basically i dont always have much time for a healthy mechanism but to start daydreaming which is so bad>stay safe anonyou too anon. again, thank you.
>>83547492>how long are they gonna stay i think they'll leave tomorrow night>fun dayyup today was more fun but yk :]>sardinesyummy>lucky star ova and chilled outwoah did you watch all the episodes? i found 6>getting sleepyhave a comfy night!
>>83546600>yehonestly hearing you talk about them so much is making me want to try them too. Maybe will pick some up next time I'm at the grocery store> it can't be fixed?maybe, but how cheap some things are probably best to toss and buy new. Already ordered a replacement for what I need. More annoyed I had to skip that workout today, but not a big deal>oilslickyeah, with brownish chunk to the side. It's the chemical reaction between chemicals in the tea and the water, but man is it gross>may rewatch lucky starnot sure what i'll watch after kaiji myself. Was hoping one of the ongoing series i like will be back soon>>83546842>why is being old a problem at this case?part of what i wish i could redo just everything overall and experience things normally rather than how i did. I don't know how things would turn out. I don't even have a particular degree or program in mind, but feel just having a normal initial experience might have motivated me to figure out instead of just making decisions apathetically because i was kinda lost back then>my feelings towards my friend are similar to some of the feelings i had beforecould also be rooted in the problems as well unfortunately. One of the things I found is the more you feel or worry things are a way, people can start to perceive such. For instance, I worry I'm awkward, I act a way people think I am. In your case, thinking they don't care what you say could in turn cause you to even slightly convey something that causes them to do that. A lot of worries can be self fulfilling even if there was no problem before, which is why I advised space before.> finding pleasure in being sadi think that can make sense to a lot of people here, especially this being a thread about cutting. If you're used to feeling a certain way, it becomes default state for you and mind can twist how it perceives that I'd say and make it feel weird and uncomfortable if things do start changing. something that you need to break out of
>>83547519>think they'll leave tomorrow nightso they're gonna stay tomorrow too?nice >today was more fun but yk :]and do you have any fun plans for tomorrow?>yummydo you like them?>did you watch all the episodes?yep while ago I think I might rewatch it> i found 6here's the full lucky star !!!https://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLWUMzvTN3fEKk1nzUNb3J1WOW6vAX1nnM&si=PY55Qo6Uzb2OPr8G:D>have a comfy night!thank you ~w~
>>83546842>i suppose i was still a kid when i started feeling like thisI think there's a pretty good chance if you explained this to some other professional, they would diagnose with something based this alone. Don't know what exactly, but prolonged history is usually a chronic condition of some type>it's deeply related to nostalgia and a lot of thingsthat's unfortunate and sorry to hear this. I'd say it doesn't need to be this way, but have to figure out the other issue first most likely, then get used to being different so brain can let itself re-wire optimal state (which does happen even if it's hard)>>83546852>my brain isn't that creative when it comes to thisi'm not the best with giving advice what to do instead. Plenty of people here might be able to give ideas though too. I'd say literally anything to take mind off of it, even trying to reward yourself for not doing it.>hat might be a good time to find the healthiest solutionand no need to wait till things are perfect to figure out. Just because you're working things out still doesn't mean you don't deserve better
hii everyone, how are y'all?>>83532895>Burgerland morning editionburgerland? :0>How are you doing today?im fine :]>Any plans for today?i played some resident evil on call w my friend, he went to sleep though so now im just browsing youtube, gotta make my bed later>When was the last time you hurt yourself?uhmm last year :3 (few days ago)>Is there anything bothering you right now?there's a thing i gotta do, which im dreading. I'll probably to it in a few days thoughit snowed a BUNCH over new years, like a lot, kinda annoying
>>83547548>full lucky starremember watching on youtube 18 years ago in low resolution lol Back when they to upload the videos in multiple parts because of length limits and there'd randomly be one part missing. Fun times
sleepy >>83547540>Maybe will pick some up next time I'm at the grocery storesure enjoy I reccomend warming them up in some hot water, just put the can in a some or get them on a plate and heat them up in a microwave just cover it in another plate Unless you don't like em warm>best to toss and buy newhm maybe but personally I like repairing stuff >skip that workout todaymaybe it's for the better >but man is it grossit sounds like itI didn't know about it but I don't drink tea>>83547594heya!>burgerland? :0officeanon made the thread early for some anons in america >fine :]glad to hear that :>>played some resident evil on cal browsing youtube, gotta make my bed have a chill time ^^watching anything interesting?>uhmm last year :3 (woaaa :0 (heh)>gotta do, which im dreadingDD;best of luck I know it's easy to say though >snowed a BUNCHyou don't like snow?>how are y'allI watched lucky star ova and had fun >>83547617heh I remember you could upload like 10 or 15 min unless you had a certain sub count right?
>>83546562>drinking very little, to almost not all. good job with that, quiting drinking is a great thing>plenty of new good things can happen though!maybe for some> to go too indepth, but what do you think can't improve? stuff with my body that i hate and just my childhood being homeschooled>Had a pretty relaxing day, no work, and mostly gamingthat sounds like the perfect way to spend the day, nice, calm and fun>>83546600>worst you'll just be sleeping for a couple of days and it'll fix itselfyea true, first few days should be easy anyways>you waitin for summer too?yea, even tho i know it'll be lonely school is too exhausting >watched lucky star ova, ate pishvery nice ! pish good ^^
>>83547594hi meowster doing good but starting to wind down since getting over being sick still>burgerlandanytime i make the thread it's burgerland edition because i'm American and the only Hooni pic I have saved is him with the burger >played some resident evil which one you play? >it snowed a BUNCH over new yearswe got a little. barely sticked, but think it ruined plans for many people>>83547728>I reccomend will keep that in mind and let you know how i like them when i get to it!> I like repairing stufffor me it depends. Honestly, some thing you'd be hard pressed to repair. Like this was a broken cable. Not really sure how I would or if it would be safe to use after coming up with something> didn't know about it but I don't drink teaI drink almost daily but this was the first time i saw it thankfully>unless you had a certain sub count right?back in the past, it didn't even matter how many subscribers you had. I remember they used to have the rankings for the top channels by categories it was all random people, not companies. I'm sounding really old now, but this was back before Google bought it. Much different site
>>83547594oh hey!>resident evil on call w my friendOo nice and fun :D>there's a thing i gotta do, which im dreadingaw hope it's nothing too bad <3 >snowed a BUNCH over new years, like a lot, kinda annoyingoh yea, snow is super pretty but there's a point where it definitely is more just annoying :/
>>83547805>quiting drinking is a great thingto be fair, i never did it much xD it's one of those things that a lot of people get into when younger because they think they have to, but you don't miss out on much not doing it honestly..>maybe for someyou never know what might come! just try to keep an open mind. Even if there are things you're not happy about or feel you can't change them, being open minded can lead you to finding good things you'd miss if you don't> nice, calm and funlast little bit before things go back to normal busy in the near future.how long till things are back to normal for you with classes and such?
>>83547728>officeanon made the threadohhhh>have a chill time ^^so far I've full on screamed like 4 times TwT>watching anything interesting?not reallyyy, some trackmania stuff and some workout stuff>best of luckthanks :]>you don't like snow?i do but, i think it can be annoying, gets my pants wet :/>I watched lucky star ova and had funooooooooooo how was it?>>83547832>starting to wind down since getting over being sick stillget well soon!!>and the only Hooni pic I have saved is him with the burgerlol, i got a couple myself>which one you play?Resident Evil 2 ^^>we got a little. barely sticked, but think it ruined plans for many peopleoh? was it a lot>>83547946>oh hey!hiii!!>Oo nice and fun :Dit was spooky but fun :3>aw hope it's nothing too bad <3I'll be okay>there's a point where it definitely is more just annoying :/it's very cozy :D but cold and wet
>>83547990>lot of people get into when younger because they think they have toyea true, definitely is this idea that you almost have to drink to have fun or something>being open minded can lead you to finding good things you'd miss if you don'ti doubt there's any good out of it, but thanks I'll try to be open >things go back to normal busy in the near future.yeah does suck always having the thoughts of you need to spend break perfectly or something >long till things are back to normal for you with classes and such?monday Schools back, i assume it will be easy the first week tho,>>83548013>was spooky but fun :3spooky games are the best :3 (as long as im not playing hehe)>be okayoki <3 always reach out if you need tho>it's very cozy :D but cold and wetyeah that sums up snow perfectly ^^
I'm sorry. I want to respond to everyone but I'm not in a good headspace right now.I relapsed. I guess this year is not off to a great start.I wrote a long message but I'll redact it on account of being too worrying/concerning. In short, I'm back to wanting to die but it's worse.I've had enough time to calm down though. I know logically I shouldn't do anything like that so the only thing I need to worry about is the impulse. I'll keep out of the kitchen and other places where dangerous items are. I especially feel bad after reading you guys's messages being proud for me.as for the actual situation, I kept a secret from my mom for a while (some months) and it finally got revealed today since I wasn't being careful enough wiht my words. She's so hurt. I feel so awful for doing this to her but she's so busy I never had the chance to tell her sooner. She's really mad at me and I don't know how to fix this, especially since this is the third time this happened. This isn't the kind of thing she'll just move on from either. Don't feel pressured to offer a solution or anything! this problem is so annoyingly complicated.
>>83548558hey don't know if we ever talked, nice to meet you.>relapsedthey happen, just make sure safe now.>redactdon't ever feel like you need to hide your thoughts or feelings, there real feelings, everyone understands how painful life can be so sometimes we need to just vent>wanting to die but it's worse.those thoughts can really be the worst and hard to get rid of, and they hurt so bad. our minds really hurt us more then anything sometimes >kept a secreti hide many things from my parents but even then i understand how having something revealed to someone you care about hurts, i just try to at least communicate better even if I'm not actually better just communicating better makes me feel less bas at least. but of course that's just me and only with online people, family changes everything. and sorry to hear your going through that <3
I sent off my extension request. Hopefully the admins will be sympathetic to my plight.>>83544946>no matter how much I mess up anything else, I can say I've been very successful with keeping toThat's good. I'm pretty envious of anyone that can stick to healthy habits. I need to get back into it, or at least doing cardio again so I don't die of a heart attack. Or even just commuting to the office instead of working from home, since I get a good amount of steps in doing that.>an unsettling thought I think people don't like to think about since it's maddening almostIf everyone thought like that nothing would get done. Thankfully it seems pretty rare in my experience.>sorry to hear that.It's alright. He's in a very bad place so I get it. I just hope he's not dead.>but this point not really mad at them eitherI'm not mad at mine either. It won't really accomplish much.>>83545233>ate some pish yayFish is good. I had some last night.>you'll get hopeful only for her to leave you againProbably. I still care about her but if it's going to work she'll to need to seriously commit to treatment and not running off when things get bad. That's probably a pretty big ask though.>>83546012>yeah surely <3 how are you doing today?I've been feeling pretty good lately. How was yours?>>83548558Sorry to hear that operanon. Try not to be too hard on yourself.Wishing you well.
>>83548430>spooky games are the best :3 (as long as im not playing hehe)realll>oki <3 always reach out if you need thoi will ^^ you too>>83548558I'm sorry to hear that, wishing everything works out well for you.
>>83549248>Hopefully the admins will be sympathetic to my plight.I'm hoping with you <3>I've been feeling pretty good latelythat's amazing to hear :) life really can be great >How was yours?ye good>>83549407>i will ^^okay good <3 all of us, and me really do care>you toono one deserves to have to deal with me.goodnight everyone that's still awake
>>83549732>no one deserves to have to deal with me.you're never a burden. Don't put yourself down like that, ur awesome-sauce.
vump for you
>>83542522>Is this a thing you struggled with or something push you to it?Its both. Its a permanent issue. But it gets worse and less worse. Lasts for weeks when it hits. Can't sleep because of hallucinations rn. Just like yesterday. Can't really use my voice to talk rn either. Forgot to eat food today again. Its annoying. Wrote a shitty story to get my kind off things then felt bad for doing it. Accidentally broke a pair of scissors today because I forgot that they could break and snapped the blades. I want to scream but I cant because id get institutionalized. I accidentally went mask off like 2 weeks ago and almost got put in the psych ward. Trying to control my shit but im legit like a low functioning insane person. Sorry for late respinse, forgot about the post.
My application's been handed over to the director now. No idea what's gonna happen if they no so hopefully it won't come to that. My supervisor told me to get the deadline pushed back way into May, so hopefully asking for another three months doesn't bite me in the ass (I thought I was pushing it with 1).>>83549732>I'm hoping with you <3Thank you. I need all the hope I can get.>ye goodGood to hear. Did you do anything neat recently?
back to work work work soon>>83548013>get well soon!!thanks! Another night did me some good so almost>Resident Evil 2I've been a long term fan of resident evil for many years back with the old ones. Still yet to play the remake of 2 but it looks quite good and creepy>oh? was it a lotnot really a lot, but did hinder people from doing fireworks i feel, which is a good thing>>83548430>drink to have fun or somethingI saw my sisters fall into that when they were old enough and aged them 10 years in like 3 years time>but thanks I'll try to be openall I ask. You never know if you shut down to the possibility. I learned the hard way >thoughts of you need to spend break perfectlyused to be like this, but relaxed a bit realizing those thoughts just make you spend more time stressing than relaxing>monday nice. looking forward to being back right?>>83548558hey operanon> want to respond to everyoneno worries. everyone understands> I guess this year is not off to a great start.it's okay. I saw one other anon say they wanted to get it out of the way early and hopefully not again. Maybe you can be the same>. I'll keep out ofthat would be wise. Please whatever you can do to make it harder you should do so. Don't keep anything around in close proximity either. Any precautions you can take when thinking straight, you should do> She's so hurt. I feel so awful for doing this to herPeople can get hurt by things people say even it's not someone else's fault. You're not in a good place right now, it's better to open up than keep things bottled up or hidden at your own expense. She might be unhappy, but it's better than the alternative.
>>83549248>I sent off my extension request. best of luck. Have my fingers crossed for you>can stick to healthy habits.I'm honestly a bit obsessive with it. Years of low self esteem and body image issues. I used to be deathly underweight and sickly before going full bodybuilder> I get a good amount of steps in doing that.honestly, I'd say that's all you really need. People overestimate the amount of working out you need to do to be relatively healthy. Any kind of movement like that is good and goes a long way>seems pretty rare in my experience.it's a curse for those of us who overthink literally everything. Most people are quite a bit more reactionary in their daily lives, which is probably more ideal most of the time than hyperventilating over every bad possibility>just hopeah thought this was related to her again for a second, but think this is what you mentioned before without much detail right? Hope everything is all right as well, whatever it is going on. And take care in the meantime>>83550864no worries about the late response anon.are you talking to someone about these issues I'm guessing? I understand the desire to not want to be locked up over it, no one ever wants that, but it also sounds quite severe and worsening. Not something that can be talked away easily with others.I don't have a lot of knowledge of this type of situation unfortunately, but the issue is if you spiral it could become dangerous or make it more likely you do involuntarily committed longer. I think there's fine line here where you need to try to share more info to get help if needed, without crossing the line you end up in a situation you don't want to be in.I know that's not a lot of help, but at the very least I think you need to think about what the least bad realistic outcome is, since I think no matter what there's going to be some discomfort to any solution.
>>83551507>best of luck. Have my fingers crossed for youThank you. Surely with all the well-wishes everything will work out okay.>I used to be deathly underweight and sickly before going full bodybuilderI'm glad to hear it worked out in the end. I'm pretty skinnyfat at the moment, but I'm not sure how much of that is related to posture. When I'm not hunched over I look fine, I think. Dare I say cute.>Any kind of movement like that is good and goes a long wayI definitely feel better when I do it. Not as good as when I cycled to class every day, but still pretty good.>but think this is what you mentioned before without much detail right?I think this is the first time I've mentioned him here. We're not super close, but I've known him long enough to warrant worrying. I think I've seen some signs of life since then, but given he blocked me out of nowhere I assume he doesn't want to talk.
meowrnin>>83551199>>83551970best of luuckkkand cute images hahah
>>83551970>skinnyfat honestly that is a lot of people. I'm in America where a good chunk of people you see out are just plain fat, so skinnyfat doesn't seem that bad. If you don't get much strength training at all, hard not to be>related to posturealso a tricky issue especially if you keep to yourself and can work the schedule you do. I mean I'm in software development, takes conscious effort to not have bad posture. Took me years to not just hunch over> I look fine, I think. Dare I saygood to be confident about that type of thing. My problem is I feel I intimidate people. I had bad teeth growing up so have trouble smiling naturally combined with the fact i'm nearly 2 meters taller and alternate between looking like a biker and businessman, I think off quite differently than I'm trying to>but still pretty good.i hear you since I used to walk much much more during the day than I do and I feel gross since I don't. Even though I'm still fairly healthy, I just miss the steps but don't really get the chance to go out>We're not super closeI get it, since I have a few of those as well. Longer time passes, more you're just happy to see the people from 15 to 20 years ago just doing all right>I think I've seen some signs of life since thensuppose that's all that really matters. Sorry if it's a tricky situation, but hope he's doing fine and you can relax a little at least with that in mind>>83552174morning cat! have a great day!
>>83552798thanks friend!you toowhen you some time to rest tell us how it's going >>83547805>few days should be easy anywaysbest of luck >>83547805>school is too exhaustingtrue :z>pish good ^^I agree very much >>83547832>even matter how many subscribersI remember watching some videos from 2011 and I think they talked about I think maybe sub or like or watch count rhat you can make longer videos if you reach a certain threshold >>83548013>full on screamed like 4 times TwThaha ^^sounds like you're having fun then!I should play re2 too I'm not sure I told you but I played silent hill 2 recently>how was it?I enjoyed myself more of what I like >>83548558heyo don't feel bad for not replying just focus on getting better :<>She's so hurt.sounds like a big problem you both will probably need to take some time to calm down and proces it all before thinking about how to fix it >>83549248>had some last night.what fish did ya hav?>she'll to need to seriously commit to treatmehow likely do you think it is?
>>83552174Thank you /cat/!>>83552798>If you don't get much strength training at all, hard not to beIt's very odd. You can see my ribcage sometimes but I have a slight beer belly...>takes conscious effort to not have bad postureI heard that leaving a coat hanger in your shirt works. Maybe I should try that.>spoilerI can see why you'd get typecast at that height.I'm a gigamanlet that still looks about 16 despite pushing 30 so I've decided to just lean into being cute while I still can. >Longer time passes, more you're just happy to see the people from 15 to 20 years ago just doing all rightI've not known him for that long, 16 months maybe.>hope he's doing fine and you can relax a little at least with that in mindHe's not in immediate danger but I think at least one vital organ is going to crap out in the next couple of years. That's just a depressing thing I've learned to live with.>>83553263>what fish did ya hav?Alaska pollock, I think. I really like how it tastes.>how likely do you think it is?Very difficult to say. I think she truly wants to get better, and she does still attend therapy every week which probably counts for something. Despite that, her impulse control is still really bad. She'd self-harm very frequently and her last attempt was incredibly impulsive. That and she left me out of nowhere one day...I do wonder how much of that is her vs unstable living/working arrangements causing her to act like a muppet. I think she'd really benefit from doing TFP in addition to DBT.
arm slipped doing weight dips. Slammed into floor with 45 kg worth of weight plates attached to me. Somehow didn't hurt my arm and knee is only slightly bruised, but man this year is starting rough>>83553263>when you some time to rest tell us how it's goingGoing just fine. Slow day, but being a little productive. Had a good workout, talking to a friend I thought was pissed at me and all is well, and pretty much ready for the weekendhow's your day going?>some videos from 2011think that is around when they changed based on a quick search.. Around the type big corporations started being the most subscribed to channels as well>>83553705>It's very oddpeople have very little control over where fat goes. What I tell everyone is you do control where muscle goes and that goes a long way to hiding fat distribution even with a little gain.>leaving a coat hanger in your shirt worksinteresting. I just did the awkward "imagine you're holding a ball with your shoulder blades" trick until I was able to keep a little more natural>why you'd get typecast it was awkward too i got huge in primary school ahead of everyone else. teachers, sub, and chaperones always thought I looked like I was the class bully and would starting gearing up to give me a hard time> lean into being cute while I still can.everyone should lean into their own strengths. I feel like a benefit of being in Asia is that going for that type of look is a little more common, whereas at least where I live, everyone is supposed to put the whole tough shtick all the time>I've not known him for that longahh i only know one person that long and another 10 years,. but honestly as an adult even knowing someone a year seems long given how quickly people disappear..>just a depressing thing I've learned to live withthat's awful sorry. Not a lot you can do but accept and not let it bother you too much while he's still all right.
a quick bumpi'll do few things before replying, cya everyone
>>83547540hey officeanonhru?>because i was kinda lost back thenis there a certain reason why you don't want to redo things and go to school again and stuff?>which is why I advised space before.i understand your concept buuut i think it depends and doesn't necessarily happen every time>something that you need to break out ofindeedthat'll take some time i guess>>83547578>they would diagnose with something based this aloneyeh but idk when will that happen>then get used to being different so brain can let itself re-wire optimal state >(which does happen even if it's hard)yup exactly that's the case, leaving something that makes your soul pleased (especially when it's unhealthy) is really hard, but possible yup>even trying to reward yourself for not doing it.thanks, i appreciate your advise mate :D>>83547548hey cat, how your day??>so they're gonna stay tomorrow too?yep they did and they left hours ago>and do you have any fun plans for tomorrow?i was only planning to leave the house again and read the book again but things went a bit different>do you like them?yup :D>here's the full lucky star !!!woah that's alot also i'm a bit surprised how does that playlist still exist without getting any copyright or smthn
>>83548558hey operanoni'm so sorry for you and i'm also very happy that you know you shouldn't do anything bad, keep up the good work!don't feel bad after reading our replies, it's okay, just be safe! :Dand i really hope things get better with your mom, i really wanna advise somehow but i don't know what that secret is (you don't have to say) so it's a bit difficult to know what should be said. but i think a safe advise is to give her some time then come to here trying to apologize or to fix the problem. wish you all the best mate, keep us updated whenever you feel you need to talk!
>>83553705>Thank you /cat/!no problem!>Alaska pollockoh I had it a couple of days ago! it is good indeed >counts for somethingthat's true though doesn't seem to be helpin much >think she'd really benefit from doing TFP in addition to DBT.would she be willing do try that?>>83554108>Somehow didn't hurt my arm and knee is only slightly bruised, butwatch outt!!>Slow dayI think that's good>thought was pissed at me and all is wellthat's good sounds like a good day then :>>how's your day going?just chilled, I know what I want to make as a map now>think that is around when they changedmight be >>83554348hello o/
>>83555087hey rm!>hru?pretty good. Ready for the weekend. feeling a lot better today so should be able to go outhow are you?>why you don't Partly not having a good idea, not sure I have the patience, and it's expensive. If I had to do group work with college age kids again, I will probably explode to the point I get in trouble. I have a bit of an angry side that doesn't really show here but it's come out more frequently as I became less worried about what others think. Might go back in a few years if things are more stable>doesn't necessarily happen every timethat's good then. Honestly, you know your situation best as I've said, can only help give ideas to approximate>when will that happenyou have considered talking to someone other than the previous person you saw, right?> makes your soul pleased (especially when it's unhealthy) is really hardthat is any addiction in a nutshell. Honestly, even in terms of cutting, I'd say there are far more harmful things out there. Think of many alcoholics there are in the world. >>83555184>watch outt!!was fine the end. Got scared when I crashed to the ground though>sounds like a good day thenassuming I'm healthy all the way tomorrow, should have a very full day >I know what I want to make as a map nowwhat's the new idea? Going to check out the map you sent over sometime tonight btw. I forgot I had hl2 uninstalled
>>83555087>how your day??pretty good just been chilling >but things went a bit differentwhy? and what did u do?>yup :Dnice I've heard alot of people apparently don't like them>playlist still exist without getting any copyright or smthnidk but I'm glad it's here \o/are you going to watch a couple of episodes today?
>>83555466>Got scared when I crashedwhat happened btw? did something break?>all the way tomorrowtomorrow?>what's the new idea?I think I'll remake this room and make all my textures in paint >forgot I had hl2 uninstalledit doesn't weigh much so it should install quickly right?
>>83556050>what happened btw? did something break?No, my grip just slipped and I fell. First time that happened. Maybe was pushing too hard. Not sure what got into me that was wrong>tomorrow?ah I mean if I don't think sick at all, will probably be out most of the day. Kinda have plans, but have to wait to see if I'm up to them>remake this roomlol nice>so it should install quickly right?already did! Just had forgotten when I went to look earlier and figured I'd come back
>>83556598>grip just slippedmaybe you should get gloves or something like that >Not sure what got into memaybe you just got unlucky >Kinda have plans, butwhat kinda plans do u hav?>niceyea it shouldn't be hard and it'll probably be fun :D
A female friend whom a met through tinder just cut contact with me because she's somewhat afraid of me due to my BPD. She thinks I'm some kind of monster I reckon. I'm beginning to lose count on how many friends I lost due to my disorder. I feel horrible. I just wish to die really. I don't deserve to live it seems.>>83534138>i've moved from "wanting to kms" to "wishing for something else to kill me".That's still suicidal ideation. I too have it, with being a monster and all without wanting to be. I'm a good person trapped in the skin of fucking Charles Manson. Anyhow, never seen you here before. Welcome!>>83532895Hey officeanon, doing good?>>83535656Hi catto, how you doing?
>>83557419Forgot the doggone name
Hey there, guys, it's nice to see the thread is doing great :) I used to post here regularly over a year ago, but I've become a bit busy since then. So, to introduce myself, I go by T. I'm going to try to be more active on the thread, and I would love to get to know you all better! How's the new year treating you so far? >>83557202Hey there, cat, it's nice to see you around here. How have you been? Hope uni is going well for you :) >>83556598Hey there, Officeanon, sounds like you've been in an accident? Hope you're okay.
>>83557202also I'm a bit sleepy si sleep tiem>>83557419hello o/>just cut contactthat suckshow do they know you have bpd?did you tell her about it? maybe you should do that unless they ask>don't deserve to livenot true>how you doing?just chilling and sleepy nowand as far more general stuff I failed uni and also made a map :Dhttps://gamebanana.com/mods/642460
>>83557601heyaa>new year treating you so far?I'm pretty good :3wbu?>Hope uni is going well for you :)I failed though no one around me knows it yetI'm not sad about it though
>>83557202>get gloves or something like thati have them actually, just never figured I needed them for this, but easy enough to start wearing> you just got unluckyunlucky enough to slip, but lucky enough not to get hurt! Guess that's a wake up call 2 days in a row now>what kinda plans do u hav?after christmas time shopping for a few things, might stop at mall, and gonna go to some sushi place during the day. Probably be out good chunk of the day>>83557419hi saka! Really is always good to see you here. Just wish things had been treating you better>due to my BPD. She thinks I'm some kind of monster I reckon. unfortunately, always very easy for people to react to things they don't understand and don't want to deal with. Shoot, even a depressive bout cost me an old friend few years back. People who go away like that aren't worth worrying about at the end of the day. Even if it happened multiple times, doesn't mean they're in the right>don't deserve to live it seems.i know you feel bad, but no one deserves to live or die based solely on how other people act. You're not hurting anyone, you're struggling with something unfortunate.> doing good?get over being sick, but can't complain. Last year was very bumpy with work, but have been enjoying slow time to recover.>>83557601heya T>see the thread is doing greathad quite a lot of activity past few months. Always good to see it busy with new and old posters.>new year treating you so far?I'll see on Monday once work is back to normal. I have a lot of concerns lingering from last year, but been preparing for whatever comes. How's yours starting off?>like you've been in an accident?minor slip working out. I didn't get hurt, so that's all that matters!
>>83557620>wbu?I'm alright, just finished cooking a delicious tuna pasta. I always seem to make too much even though I was trying to make less than usual lol. >I failed though no one around me knows it yet I'm not sad about it thoughDamn, it must be frustrating to a degree, but I'm glad you are taking it well. Will you be retaking the class? (It's okay if you don't want to talk about it) >>83557767>Always good to see it busy with new and old posters.To be honest, I've always had this thought of "what if the thread just dies," which I hated, so seeing it so lively makes me happy. >I have a lot of concerns lingering from last yearWhatever it is, as long as you are trying, as long as you know that you are on the right path, it'll work out, the new year is just a number :) >but been preparing for whatever comesHope it all goes well, a new year can be exciting but also scary a bit :> >How's yours starting off?Great, I'm living across the world from where I used to be. A lot has happened in the past few months, and it's been rough, but I'm kind of excited :D.>minor slip working out. I didn't get hurt, so that's all that matters!Oh, I'm glad you didn't get hurt too badly. Stay safe on your next workout!
heading off for the night. Will see everyone later. In this tread or the next>>83558263>always seem to make too muchI've been cooking a lot past year and this is always a problem as well>what if the thread just diesIt's had it's slower times where it's just a few of us back and forth, but cat is very good about making sure it's up everyday, so not gonna happen.> new year is just a numberit is also the start of new budgets for business of course! Which is really significance for me since work has been most of my problems for months. Just planning how to handle coming weeks and plan if I need to go>living across the world from where I used to beYeah I remember you saying that last post. If you don't mind, what part of the world (generally speaking) are you in now? Hearing everyone talk so much about big moves is making me miss my time abroad. Been a since last time I traveled and even longer since the 2 years I was bouncing around a whole lot> A lot has happened glad you're excited still despite the hard parts too. It's a big deal I mean. Hope it's treating you well and you feel a bit adjusted at least>Stay safe on your next workout!will do! I'm usually very careful. Just bit distracted today I guess
>>83558439>heading off for the night. Good night, officeanon, hope you sleep well :)>always a problem as wellA rule I always follow is that I never shop. Cook when I'm hungry, cause I always end up with too much food lol. >It's had it's slower times where it's just a few of us back and forth, but cat is very good about making sure it's up everydayAnd I'm really happy that we have someone like Catbro to make sure this place stays up. It's one of my favorite places on the internet :)>it is also the start of new budgets for business of course!Never really realized that, a new year can have a different meaning to people. >Just planning how to handle coming weeks and plan if I need to goIf you don't mind me asking, what is your work (generally speaking)? Whatever it is, I understand how stressful it can be, even in your free time, it can be all you think of. Hope your plans work well. >what part of the world (generally speaking) are you in nowI used to live in the Middle East (Arabian Gulf), and in November, I moved to the United States (south) for a really big job opportunity. I'm basically here for training for two years :> >Hearing everyone talk so much about big moves is making me miss my time abroad.It is definitely fun and feels like you can be anyone here, which is really refreshing. However, at the beginning, it was really scary, especially since everything happened so fast. I barely had time to pack my stuff, lol. I've been missing home, my family, and the people also living alone in a new country is no fun. Mind you, this is my first time ever traveling outside my home country, so yeah, it has been a bit rough lol.>Been a since last time I traveled and even longer since the 2 years I was bouncing around a whole lotIt does feel like if you have the experience, moving around can be fun, refreshing, and exciting, but also I can imagine it getting exhausting after a while lol.
>>83558439>Hope it's treating you well and you feel a bit adjusted at leastThe more time I spend here, the more I like it. Also, having anything below 20C is always a plus, lol.>will do! I'm usually very careful. Just bit distracted today I guessWell, I'm happy that nothing serious happened to you. Guess work follows you to the gym.
bumperrr have to stay up over night to fix schedule
>>83554108>you do control where muscle goes and that goes a long way to hiding fat distribution even with a little gain.That makes sense. I should probably look into that.>imagine you're holding a ball with your shoulder bladesI try to correct my posture when I remember. The problem is I don't do that often.>chaperones always thought I looked like I was the class bully and would starting gearing up to give me a hard timeThat sucks, especially at early age I can see that really messing someone up.>going for that type of look is a little more commonMost people have very short hair or bowl cuts. On top of being white it definitely makes me stand out. A girl took a creepshot of me once.>as an adult even knowing someone a year seems long given how quickly people disappearBeing an adult sucks. It's way harder to make friends and they just leave for no reason.>Not a lot you can do but accept and not let it bother you too much while he's still all right.I wish he would just stop drinking...>>83555184>it is good indeedIt's cheap too because it's really easy to farm. I prefer it to cod and that costs a fortune.>doesn't seem to be helpin muchMaybe. There's no way of knowing though. She could have been even worse without it.>would she be willing do try that?I think she would if I asked nicely.>>83557419>I don't deserve to live it seems.Sometimes I think like that when I'm overwhelmed with guilt, but I don't think anyone deserves death.>>83557601Hello, T. The last two days have been pretty good to me.You remind me that I've not watched Ed, Edd and Eddy in at least 15 years, and that makes me feel very old.>>83559610Good luck with that. I think I've just about fixed mine.
>>83559798>Hello, T. The last two days have been pretty good to me.Hey there, Discarded Anon, really glad you had a great start to your year. Did you do anything fun on New Year's Day?>I've not watched Ed, Edd and Eddy in at least 15 years, and that makes me feel very old.That's so true, it feels like it was just yesterday when I was a kid obsessed with Ed, Edd, and Eddy. crazy to think that show ended 17 years ago :<That show always has a warm spot in my heart. I remember stealing my mom's laptop and watching it all night long in the dark when I was a kid.
I'm new.. (I usually just lurk but I was intrigued by a thread on self-harm). I don't really have much to say, I slept most the day, my leg finally healed. It is nearly 3 am here. I am on a new medication but I haven't seen any difference yet, it is Lamictal so I have to wait..I'm just listening to Nicole Dollanganger and looking at yaoi slop. I'm trying to get neetbux cuz mental, physical health shit. Autism, ptsd whatever. Idk I have no aspirations beyond I'll probably rope if I get rejected again, I'm dependent on my remaining family and I don't like that. No matter how much they say they just want me to be ok they must be lying. There is no reason for them to do that. Stereotypical autistic NEET hikki bs situation lolIiii bought some games, tried to talk to people online cause my roommates are evil. guh i dont remember how to introduce myself lolz
>>83560708Hey there anon, glad to have you here :)>my leg finally healed. It is nearly 3 am here. I am on a new medication but I haven't seen any difference yet, it is Lamictal so I have to wait..Glad to hear your leg is doing better from whatever might've hurt it. Most mental meds take a while to have any noticeable effects, just hope the new meds work well for you. >Idk I have no aspirations beyond I'll probably rope if I get rejected again,Hope you don't get rejected, but even if you do, please don't hurt yourself. I'm sure there's a way for you to get the proper support you need, even after rejection. It's unfortunate that those who need support often have to navigate a complicated system just to access the help necessary for a healthy life. > I'm dependent on my remaining family and I don't like that. No matter how much they say they just want me to be ok they must be lying.I mean, they're your family, and it's their part to love and support you unconditionally. Though i understand that you want to be independent. >Iiii bought some games, tried to talk to people online cause my roommates are evil.What games did you buy? Anything cool you got on the winter sale? Also, why are your roommates evil lol.>i dont remember how to introduce myself lolzI think you did just great :)
good morning everybody how do you feel about the new captchas btw??
>>83560950Good morning, cat. How did you sleep?>how do you feel about the new captchas btw??sucks, I really hate how much more complicated they made it. It's like they're giving people more reasons not to post lol.
>>83545233>she should've told you it made her uncomfortable so you would've had a chance to apologize and do betterShe did tell me; I apologized, once over text and then over the phone. After I apologized over the phone there was a long awkward pause and then she just sounded so "fake" if you know what I mean. Like she didn't accept my apology and was not sincere about the whole transaction whatsoever. That was kind of the reason I decided to tell her a few days later I couldn't be friends with her. As I mentioned before she has had a lot of emotional baggage I barely understood, among other things. She is (was?) also seeing another guy, and I didn't want to be a burden on that. The problem is I'm obsessed with her. Living abroad, though I have many friends, subjects me to a deep loneliness. I know I'm dealing with this in an unhealthy way even though I don't stalk her or look her up, but I can't get past this shit. I've spoken to therapists, psychiatrists, friends, family, and nothing helps. Also mental health in the country I am in is treated like a joke. I think I just like being like this or something cause I can't (or don't want to) move on.
>>83560950Good morning (it's night where I am)At least the timer isn't as long as it used to be.
>>83558808>Cook when I'm hungryI try to cook new recipes weekly while following boring routine the rest of the week. Usually different cuisines. Even cutting recipes in half usually results in a lot of leftovers if I'm cooking for myself and one other person at most>one of my favorite places on the interneas it is one of mine too>what is your work (generally speaking)I'm in software development. My job has had a lot of changes mostly do to getting more responsibilities (and work) while the amount of help has gone down drastically. Been weighing whether it's become too much or if the fact I'm so overwhelmed is a sign they need me for now and it's stable. Lot of people worried about the economy after all.> I moved to the United States (south)nice! I probably mentioned before, I'm in the US too (mid atlantic/capital region), just seems like I'm in another time zone because my sleep schedule can be odd. South is nice. I drive around the country a lot and visited a lot of places down there past year.> big job opportunitydoes like quite a big deal. Happy for you and wish you the best with everything> I've been missing oh I can understand. It's a massive change > exhausting after a whilethere was a 2 year period I was constantly on the move and flying back and forth. Was one the best times of my life, but year always tiring>anything below 20C up where I am it's already pretty consistently below 0. The south proper usually has pretty mild winters so hope that's not an issue for you>>83560708hi anon, that's fine introduciton don't worry! glad to have you hear>trying to get neetbux wish you luck. Is it difficult where you live? Know some places are more accommodating with these things than others.>There is no reason for them to do that.you never know. Most families just want to help out their own.> bought some gameswhatcha buy?
>>83559798> I should probably look into that.a lot of people think you need a crazy routine to make any progress. Honestly, someone with little muscle can gain some lean mass with minimal time investment. Even 1 or 2 half hour blocks a week would make a difference> The problem is I don't do that often.again, my more obsessive personality had it's advantages I guess> I can see that really messing someone upEnd of day, anyone who is going to take out their past issues on a kid is probably a loser, so don't really care about that part of the past as much as I find it pathetic>makes me stand outI'm very clean cut, but needless to say, anywhere I went in Asia I kinda stood out a bit. >creepshot Yeah, it happens when you stand out over there. Weirdest thing for me was people asking to take pictures with me randomly. That was a China and Vietnam thing for me though, in SK people were a bit more chilled out lol>harder to make friends and they just leave for no reason.I hate because only people I meet new now are either significantly younger than me (and kinda hard to be friends with as such irl) or only focused on work. I get reality a lot of things are transactional and require effort, but there's zero sense of community or anything here outside families at my age.>stop drinkingit's a terrible thing that unfortunately most people can't quit just like that without a lot of intervention..>>83560950morning cat!>new captchas btw??I love finding which image has the least empty boxes
Terrifyingly it has come to my attention that the luck star playlist on yt has been blocked DD; !!!well here your can find full free LS in sub or dub https://www.dailymotion.com/jwillwalgaming/playlistsB3
Finished working. Hanging around a little bit, then heading out soon. >>83562165>has been blockedoh no! D: is it for you? I checked just now and is still coming up for me. Maybe regional. Youtube is like that
eatin lasanga :>lifes good I actually like the new captchas they take me way less time to solve because I don't really make mistakes while with the old ones that'd happened pretty often>>83561164hello I slept well hbu?I think I had a dream too but I don't remember much about it >>83561286good night then ^^hope you had nice dreams >>83561531heya>>83561273hey>The problem is I'm obsessed with her.oh man :/that's bad and don't really know what you could do about that>>83560708hello anonwelcome welcome
>>83562369>eatin lasangaas expected from a cat>I don't really make mistakesyeah, i think sometimes I can't judge what the old ones said on very occasions, but still enough to notice it
Page7bumpcutters
>>83562556>expected from a catkinda strange innit>what the old ones saidand I would accidentally type the wrong letters when I wanted do be fast
>>83560574>Did you do anything fun on New Year's Day?I played some video games but that's about it. My life is very boring. Did you do anything neat?>crazy to think that show ended 17 years ago :<Has it really been that long?I wasn't a huge fan of it, but I remember watching it when it was on pretty often. Marie probably impacted my taste in women in some way.I'll share this with you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJuudqtWLdE>>83560708Hi anon. Hopefully things pick up for you. Good luck with the neetbux. I've heard getting a lawyer helps with that if you're in American.>>83560950>how do you feel about the new captchas btw??Easier for me than the old ones. I think I just have really hard time deciphering text because I was failing that constantly.>>83561531>Even 1 or 2 half hour blocks a week would make a differenceThat sounds doable, even as a big lazybones.>anyone who is going to take out their past issues on a kid is probably a loserThat's true. I don't think I've ever picked a fight with a kid and I'll try to keep it that way.>anywhere I went in Asia I kinda stood out a bitI stand out every time I leave the house. I try my best not to let it bother me. Most people seem unfazed by me though, which is nice.>people asking to take pictures with me randomlyAt least they asked.>it's a terrible thing that unfortunately most people can't quit just like that without a lot of intervention..It's why I never started in the first place. I know I would completely destroy my life.
>>83555466>Ready for the weekendi almost forgot that's called a weekendi haven't been to school for a week and a half or something>feeling a lot better today so should be able to go outwoah finally getting better? how are you feeling today?>how are you?my brain kinda crowded right now if u get it lol i find it hard to give a good answerbut i think im fine>Might go back in a few years if things are more stablewell, i'm rooting for you!>that's good theni don't think so xD>can only help give ideas to approximatedon't worry about that mate i appreciate all advices>you have considered talking to someone other than the previous person you saw, right?i thought about something like that but i also thought it's still difficult, but today i got a new idea tho>Think of many alcoholics there are in the world.yup it can apply to many things>>83555604>pretty good just been chilling:Ohow are you today?>why? and what did u do?well my cousin saw me outside so we went to walk together cuz why not, so that happened instead of me sitting and reading the book>I've heard alot of people apparently don't like themdesu i didn't eat a lot of it and i think i used not to like it at some point but i think i have no problem with it>are you going to watch a couple of episodes today?i didn't, and i think i'm not going to watch it these daysmaybe in the futurethe reason is a bit stupid maybe but it is what it is :>>>83560950>how do you feel about the new captchasactually fun
>>83563461hey cat had to tell you right, I won more Miku prize figures today! 2 actually very easily with little money down! Think I got good at getting them. Maybe a bit lucky too.> would accidentally type the wrong lettersyeah, some could be a unclear and make me struggle too>>83564052>That sounds doableI feel like muscle gains happen pretty quick as a first timer without much initial effort too, so it's very satisfying starting off even casually invested in it.>I don't think I've ever picked a fight with a kidthe ironic part is I think most people who actually do are probably hung up over something from when they were younger, at least from what I've seen. Which in then in turn creates problems for the kids dealing with it to get hung up over in their future. Kinda sad how these things work>I try my best not to let it bother me.standing out isn't necessarily a good or bad thing (unless you want zero attention I suppose), just sort of is what is.> I know I would completely destroy my life.I think some people are more likely to get addicted to things and I had the same feeling as well just knowing myself
my pc is turning off every now and then and i noticed that only happens when i try to play cs2 (and doesn't always happen) idk if it's related to my house's electricityany advices?
>>83564286hey rm, whatcha up to today?>i haven't been to school for a week and a half or somethingyeah i remember while on breaks days kinda blended together when not working. Kinda miss that a little bit, but definitely wasted a lot of time> finally getting better?actually felt completely fine. Think my illness wasn't as bad as previously though, since felt great today and got quite a bit of time out doing stuff.>my brain kinda crowded right nowbeen there before. Don't think it's always easy to say, but thinks are at least overall tolerable for you>i'm rooting for you!thanks. Lots of surviving with work till then, but should be in a better place soon things go well next few weeks>but i also thought it's still difficultunderstandable, especially after a bad initial encounter, but might be worth it still> today i got a new idea thowhat's that?
>>83564492Does it cause a fan to run louder when you try playing? I had some games that's used to stress my PC out and would have the power go out for the circuit occasionally. I ended up plugging into another outlet not on the same circuit and didn't have the issue. Your problem could be a lot of things though I'm sure
>>83564500>Kinda miss that a little bit, but definitely wasted a lot of timeyup wasting time is really annoyingi remember how i was almost everyday in the last summer break trying to get myself into doing anything productive>actually felt completely finethat's awesome dude>but thinks are at least overall tolerable for youyup i suppose>but should be in a better place soon things go well next few weeksi hope so>but might be worth it stillthat too gives some motivation>what's that?it's that maybe in the future i can find a therapist online that lives near me, i don't think it's so hard if i use an app dedicated for doctors meetings and stuffbut maybe it's a silly idea that can be nothing but something to daydream with xDand anyways, i'll know more in the future i guess>>83564524>Does it cause a fan to run louder when you try playing?i didn't notice desu and i already launched it and that takes time so i'll see about that next time>I ended up plugging into another outlet not on the same circuit and didn't have the issueyup the outlet might be problem aswelli used to play it before and never had this issue, i think it's been only 2 days since it happenedgonna try several ways if it happened again ig
>>83532895>>How are you doing today?It's rainy and I got a headache.>>Any plans for today?did some shopping. Started watching severance.>>Is there anything bothering you right now?I did a 4 hour tattoo session and it hurts a little.>>83562369hi cat>eatin lasanga :>Typical. > I don't really make mistakes while with the old ones that'd happened pretty oftenYeah, the new match thing has some benefits.>>83562300>I'll share this with you https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XJuudqtWLdEhi office anon>Finished working.congrats!>>83564286hi rem>my brain kinda crowded right now if u get it I get it.My brain's been spiralling for a while.
>>83564616>get myself into doing anything productiveWhen I was in college all I did was playing video games all summer basically. I didn't have any friends when I was in college and wasn't motivated to go work because I didn't feel like working hard unless I got a girlfriend. I was actually an average r9k poster at that point of my life sad to say>find a therapist online that lives near methat is how I did last time I saw someone. Works pretty well. Can usually get an idea what they're like before you see them too, what to expect. etc. Not silly at all>i didn't noticefeel like it would be obvious though. I remember when I played cyberpunk my computer sounded like a jet getting read to take off and fly away>used to play it before and never had this issuehmm seems less likely a power issue in that case. Especially if nothing else is going off. Just throwing out ideas>gonna try several ways if it happened again igbest of luck
>>83557607>maybe you should do that unless they askShe kinda wanted to know>and as far more general stuff I failed uni and also made a map :DSorry to hear about uni, but congrats on the map!>>83557767>and as far more general stuff I failed uni and also made a map :DThanks. This is one of the few places were I feel welcomed.>Even if it happened multiple times, doesn't mean they're in the rightI might be wrong, and I hope I am, but I reckon most people are shit. From my experience in life so far, most people've been shit.I have BPD because of other people>you're struggling with something unfortunateBut for some it is 100% my fault. That kinda pisses me off. I don't wish to be like that. This girl used to say that I wasn't putting in the effort to get better but how can she say this if she don't know my life as well as I do? That makes me pissed>get over being sickI hope it wasn't anything too bad>but have been enjoying slow time to recover.Make the most out of it!>>83559798>but I don't think anyone deserves death.I'm catholic, so I think that we do deserve hell. The thing is, Christ Jesus came to this earth to redeem everyone, so by Him we can be saved. However, even if we deserve hell, we don't have the authority to kill at will. So even I think I deserve to die, I don't have the authority to kill myself.Not preaching, just sharing my take on this matter
>>83565036>all I did was playing video games all summer basicallyquite interesting for me cuz i find it a bit difficult to keep focusing on one thing like playing or watching etc>and wasn't motivated to go workoh, when did you start working?>I was actually an average r9k poster at that point of my life sad to sayi think a lot of people can be something similar to "r9k poster" but they might not be using 4chanlol i never thought i'd be here, i was on 4chan mostly to lurk in pol and i used to post there sometimes, but here i am now>Works pretty well. oh, nice. so i can take glance from your experience>feel like it would be obvious though.my headphones pretty much makes it difficult>sounded like a jet getting read to take off and fly awaylmao average cyberpunk experience maybe>Especially if nothing else is going offmaybe maybe, could be true
>>83564981been a while>My brain's been spiralling for a while.brains are jerks sometimes
>>83564981hey cynic!>I got a headache.take it easy and hope it passes. I had one on and off throughout the week feeling sick a few days, but better now>>83565183>This is one of the few places only place i have much involvement online and think everyone around feels that way> but I reckon most people are shit.I'd unfortunately be inclined to agree. I don't dislike people and want to be nice to everyone, but I frequently rant about how absurdly cruel people are for seemingly no reason. People for the most part don't even register people outside their existing in group as people at all I feel. Logically they do if they think about it, but rudeness and cruelty for the sake of convenience is how most people function.>I don't wish to be like that.that itself is a good sign I suppose. Just need to try to understand what you have control over and what you don't and work on the former. I don't know this condition very well to the degree I can understand completely, but I think that's a strategy with a lot of things>I wasn't putting in the effort to get better but how can she say thisI think this is one area it's impossible to seek help from people who don't get it. They can be a source of help with other things, but people who never went through a similar issue can almost never understand what is involved in dealing with such problems.
>>83565303>find it a bit difficult to keep focusing on one thing like playing or watchingThat would be now, but definitely not me back then. I didn't have much at all going on with life though>when did you start working?when I started talking to girls and ended up actually getting a girlfriend. Made me realize I took stuff posted on here way too seriously for my case>i think a lot of people can be something similar to "r9k poster"i think people can sympathize with some of the problems and things said. I think there's truth in some things people repeat here (discounting literal bait), but the real issue there's a lot of very lonely people and technology has made people more isolated and insecure about everything more than ever. >never thought i'd be hereI unfortunately found 4chan first time when I was in middle school MANY years ago. Back when /b/ was still the most well known board. Then trickled onto r9k around the time it was getting infamous mid 2010s. Now I'm just here for this thread and occasionally a and vg to steal images>so i can take glance from your experiencedo they let you make telehealth appointments there? I think here most therapists do video calls only. Makes it pretty easy to see someone.> average cyberpunk It made me worried since it was the nosiest I've ever heard my PC playing that game, but it was a lot of fun too. Did not play at launch however
>>83542511>Not that I put much stock in the significance of the calendar change.We all do a little collectively so it's still significant in a way.>Healthy sense of shame goes a long way.True, theres a lot of stupid shit I'd never do out of shame, which in hindsight was also a good idea for other reasons. It's sorta interesting how some cultures put more emphasis in guilt, while others use mostly shame as social control.>like what ideas were being explored during a time periodMakes sense.>come back one day have been in much better places than when they first cameI know I have. My original postings were about how I wanted to cut my chest up to orient myself towards change. I ended up giving up since I didn't have the money for a good knife, lol....>>83542554>SpoilerI like brits infinitely more than Americans on average anyway. Cool music, cool food, cool buildings. I've met a bunch of them on a visit to ingerland and they're wonderful people. I've only met Americans irl twice or so and they're a mixed bag.>I'm not really sure how to take itTrash them for your own sanity, if you're the type to ruminate it'll be hell not to read them when your mood dips.>>83544767>my pc is pretty bad too and I can do things on itMaybe maybe>>83560950>how do you feel about the new captchas btw??I preferred the old one, autosolvers have already been made so this just wastes a couple seconds more for human posters.
>>83566568>it's still significant in a wayi know. If nothing else, most businesses have updated budgets starting soon so am hoping for more hiring going on. More so meant I don't put much stock in trying to improve more than I already am working> hindsight was also a good idea for other reasons.I don't like being overly judgmental with other people's choices, but think there's many things people get shamed for that this is true it's probably good them to heed a little.>guilt>shame I spent a lot of time in and interacting with people from countries more shame based. Definitely can see the difference in how people act in public and these ones tend to change much slower. Pros and cons to both I suppose, since see bad and good with both. Glad I grew up in the one I did overall.>My original postingsI think I started I was just starting my current job off and complaining because things not being what I expected and had me in a bad spot. Crazily enough think that was almost 3 years ago now..>didn't have the money for a good knifeprobably shouldn't be top of list if you're pressed for money either way. They are damn expensive either way
>>83532895starts whipping my dick out and jerking off in public cums
used a better knife this timesome memories hit me cuz of it>>83566123>didn't have much at all going on with lifecould you call this "the good old days"?>Made me realize I took stuff posted on here way too seriously for my caseyou mean that you thought communication with girls was harder than it actually was?>technology has made people more isolated and insecure about everything more than ever.trueit's not really about "everyone is naturally being more into loneliness" cuz it's not strange to find someone being very normal with almost no issues like the ones we have and what's the difference? that one doesn't use internet as much as we do or atleast not the way we use itjust saying that these people actually exist>years ago. Back when /b/ was still the most well known boardthat's really somethingyou have grown up with this site loldo you use it more than any other website now?>Now I'm just here for this threadi sometimes post or reply in other places but 90% of my time on 4chan is in this thread>do they let you make telehealth appointments there?i have no clue to be honesti never asked and never saw someone talking about it i guessalso i dont feel like im the best one for video calls but that makes me rushing cuz im probably not having any of these soon>but it was a lot of fun tooi remember people hating on the glitches and thats one of the few things i know about iti think that affected it negatively and i didnt care enough to know more about the gamebut i find it more interesting now
>>83567123I too wish I were Diogenes>>83567194take care of yourself and make sure you patch up if you're going to do that. I think you need to explore healthier ways to handle things, but make sure you're careful if you have to>the good old daysthat's the age when most people would be having them I suppose, but for me was not. Didn't have that till I went traveling around the world once I had money from work. That kind of helped me out even more and easily one of the better parts of my life.>was harder than it actually was?More so I realized I was imagining problems that weren't real. I talked elsewhere, but I went to an all guy school before college and didn't have many girls in my department at college either, so was very limited opportunities to interact with girls either way. I really didn't know how to interact with them and my parents making me self conscious didn't help either. Finding r9k during the "beta uprising" period just solidified a lot of bad thoughts that luckily broke out of when I realized I was imagining everyone hating me and I'm quite frankly not easy to approach since I look intimidating and acting awkward/aloof didn't help.>someone being very normal I'd say technology has even made more "normal people" less happy. Maybe some of us use it more than others, but most young people do and are less involved with things> grown up with this sitesad to say yes, but i guess turned out okay in the end>any other website now?probably, yes. I use a little social media, but talk in this thread more than anywhere else online i'd say
>>83567194>dont feel like im the best one for video calls might not for you then. I suppose there is some awkwardness to it that isn't present for in person. Just know here especially it's way easier to schedule an appointment like that compared to a physical office>that affected it negativelyI heard it made the game nearly unplayable, but Witcher 3 was also a buggy mess at launch so i don't get why people were very surprised. I do think it's not great that developers push things out in that state, but unfortunately seems like many do anyway. Game is quite solid now though.
>>83567564>travelling around the world that's really cool mate, happy for your experience where did you go? i think you told me about s.korea before>out of when I realized I was imagining everyone hating methat's beautiful really, i don't always feel like "everyone hates me" so i find it hard to convince people who think they're hated that they aren't, I'm happy that you escaped this false assumption>but most young people do and are less involved with thingsa young one of my cousins uses it alot (i suppose she does) and man she's almost worse than me when it comes to connection, or maybe already worse>but talk in this thread more than anywhere else online i'd saydo you find it friendly? >way easier to schedule an appointment like that compared to a physical officewell that will take time and who knows? i might have a face to face appointment or an online one. who knows..>so i don't get why people were very surprisedi think it's because people were hyped and the game delayed multiple times i guessso the reputation was fast maybe>I think you need to explore healthier ways to handle thingsi do needbut yet again i didn't make anything big or dangerous with the knifebut it didn't really help make me feel betterso low desu
Good evening, I woke up, made a sandwich, and went out to buy a cig pack and just came back home, how're y'all doing? :>>>83561430>I try to cook new recipes weekly while following boring routine the rest of the week.So far I've been cooking in survival mode, trying to eat as cheaply as possible, but I need to change my cooking style cause I do enjoy cooking very much. >results in a lot of leftovers if I'm cooking for myself and one other personIt's really strange, like I don't get how people can cook 3 meals a day, for me, cooking once always results in enough food for two days lol. >I'm in software development. My job has had a lot of changes mostly do to getting more responsibilitiesSounds pretty exhausting. Maybe you are just burnt out? Have you tried just taking some time to rest and detox in a way? >Been weighing whether it's become too much or if the fact I'm so overwhelmed is a sign they need me for now and it's stableI think you might be overwhelmed, but it depends on how long you've been doing it for and if you have been taking time for yourself regularly. >Lot of people worried about the economy after all.Yes, especially with the current state of the world, nothing can be predicted. I just hope that nothing drastic happens this year. >I'm in the US too (mid atlantic/capital region)That must be a really nice spot to live in, a lot of things to do, and you have a lot of interesting places around. I live in a relatively small city, and it can get boring here lol. >does like quite a big deal. Happy for youThank you, and I feel like I really needed the change :) >Was one the best times of my life, but year always tiringConstantly being around new places and new people, and the life of a (really important business person who's always busy traveling) does sound fun lol.
>>83561430>pretty consistently below 0. The south proper usually has pretty mild wintersWe do get days where it's way below 0, and most nights here it gets under 0. However, the weather here is unpredictable, so it can change from 0C to 20C in just a day lol.>>83562369>hello I slept well hbu?My neighbor has her dog out on her front porch from 7 am to 11 pm, and that dog just loves barking at people. It's been going on for a week, and I can't have peaceful sleep anymore :< >I think I had a dream too but I don't remember much about itHope it was a fun dream at least :>>>83564052>My life is very boring. Boring lives are the best, they are just so comfortable :>>Did you do anything neat?Just went outside and watced drunk people going drunk stuff lol, and i randomly met some people from my college so we hung out fro a bit and called i a night :)>Marie probably impacted my taste in women in some way.I absolutely know what you mean, she has always been my childhood crush lol. >I'll share this with youI just love how he's just standing there with a smile, looking so out of place, thanks for sharing, loved it lol :D
>>83567789>where did you go?Had a couple places I've been.. South Korea and Vietnam were where I spent most time over the years. Brief time in Thailand too. Went sporadic trips in Europe around that time Finland, Estonia, Czechia, Austria, and Germany. Last time traveling was China a little while back with stop back in SK. Not really all over the world compared to some, but a lot for an American xD>hard to convince people who think they're hated that they aren'tI'd say I would have a hard time doing the same, since usually people who feel this way have good reason to. For me it ultimately started with my parents convincing me to feel that way. Think that's a common source of "that" issue>almost worse than me when it comes to connectionI get concerned with my niece was one of the ipad babies. That stuff is concerning>do you find it friendlythis thread might be the friendliest place I've encountered entire internet honestly> who knowsobviously no rush to do something you're not sure about. It can be pricey no matter what. Just hoping you find something that works for you>game delayed multiple times i guessunfortunately it seems that more evidence of a broken launch than stable these days>i do needis there a way you can maybe keep yourself from getting a knife so easily? it may sound stupid, but wondering if you need to try to make it harder to cut and make it so you think alternatives to doing this in the meantime. Worried it could get worse if you feel what you're doing isn't enough, so need to push back against any thoughts like that
I'm off after this see everyone later>>83567795hey T! My day is wrapping up soon. Very productive between work, workouts, going out for a bit, and cooking this evening. Hope you had a good day all the same>trying to eat as cheaply as possibleunderstandable, but can get boring. Plenty of resources for cooking on budgets that to appeal to people trying to mix things up a bit more too.>I don't get how people can cook 3 meals a day,i usually cool one and eat pretty sparingly rest of the day. I'm big on fitness so feel like I'm drinking protein shakes most of the day with small meals till later>Maybe you are just burnt out?I am and it's getting worse. But not expecting to be getting better where I look, so keeping my eyes out. Don't want to go on a vacation till I figure things out since saving just in case. I'll figure things out one way or another>nothing can be predicted. you can say that again. Best course of action for a lot of things now is keeping your head down and having a few back up plans I feel>be a really nice spot to live init has it's pros and cons like all places. I have my own gripes, but I still live here. Nice thing is I live a bit out of the way, but driving distance to the more built up areas, which is perfect for me>life of a (really important business person who's always busy traveling)can't say I lived that xD But life of a remote programmer with nothing tying me down was more like it and probably more enjoyable even I was still stretched a little thin with money back then>>83567879>the weather here is unpredictablebasically true in every single US state honestly lol Can be like that here but lately it's just consistently cold and miserable
Hey, everyone! I was really destructive when I posted that last message but, crying it out and letting time pass, I feel a good bit better. Thanks for your sweet messages.Mom hasn't brought up the elephant in the room again but she seems normal enough for now (maybe she grew numb around the third time?). I know she'll bring it up eventually. Around her, I really freeze up.She mentioned seeing a family therapist together. I think would be really good for both of us. Hopefully, we'll start that soon.In other news, I'm trying to get back into reading and life and stuff. I want to do some creative writing. As someone who only writes essays, it's a very different skill but I need some Opera O x Trainer fanfiction to self-insert into.>>83548987>nice to meet youNice to meet you gator!>real feelingsI appreciate that, gator. I trauma dump a lot and I've realized that, instead of putting it on someone else's shoulders, I'd rather put it in my diary, sort of like a tome full of emotions, messy, happy, sad.>sorry to hear your going through thatI'll definitely try to communicate better in the future. Honestly, at this point, I don't think I have any more secrets to hide though lol. thank u <3>>83549248Hey discanon!>extension requestFingers crossed!>Try not to be too hard on yourself.<3>>83551402>better than the alternativeThanks for the advice, officeanon. You're right.>>83553263>big problemIf I'm being honest, she reacts this way for all problems but I'm still not used to it lol.>>83555143Hey rm!>what that secret isyeah. I feel a bit nervous saying it since it could probably dox me so I'm trying not to go into specifics. >safe adviseYeah. That is sound. I hope she doesn't bring it up yet. I would only feel comfortable talking about it in front of the family therapist/some mediator.
A bit unrelated but I'll be travelling throughout the UK for a while soon. Can I access 4chan from the UK or will I need to figure out some sort of workaround?>>83557419Hey saka. Nice to meet you. Sorry friends aren't treating you well. The correct answer is that someone so ignorant is not worthy of your time anyway but I can understand that might not be what you want to hear, especially since people like us can't really afford to be selective.>ideationYeah. I ideate a lot about it, especially about sh to the point where I have to check my neck to see if I actually did it or not.>being a monsterI'm sorry you have to go through that, saka. Fwiw, I've barely met you but you seem alright. If you frequent these threads and are interested in improving yourself, you're probably pretty cool.Also, officeanon said it well: about not how other's opinions shouldn't affect your ownership of your life.>>83567789>but it didn't really help make me feel betterSounds like it's probably a bad habit. Personally, I cry and write in my journal, which mostly worked well until the other day. I doubt I'll go through another situation that traumatic anytime soon.I hope you find a better way to cope, rm!>>83568049>this thread might be the friendliest place I've encountered entire internet honestly^^ very true! I was thinking of hosting an image board and trying to cultivate a warm and friendly community like this but managing that would be so cumbersome.Especially with a heavy topic like cutting.
Hey gamers. It's Sunday so the demolition guys seem to have had the day off, so I managed to get some decent sleep.>>83564451>I feel like muscle gains happen pretty quick as a first timer without much initial effort tooI'm a manlet as well, so that should speed things up from what I've heard.>I think most people who actually do are probably hung up over something from when they were youngerIt's weird that the human brain does this. I think a lot of murderers had awful childhoods.>(unless you want zero attention I suppose)Unfortunately that's me...>I think some people are more likely to get addicted to thingsI think that's true on a genetic level, but that might just be some popsci thing I read once.>>83564492Hard to say but it could be one of your components dying. I'd wager your PSU. But it could also be nothing and it'll solve itself.>>83565183>However, even if we deserve hell, we don't have the authority to kill at will.I'm not a religious man but these are basically my thoughts. Death is so final that we shouldn't be going anywhere near it.Unrelated but you might enjoy Father Ted.>>83566568>I've only met Americans irl twice or so and they're a mixed bag.Most Americans I've met were very nice, but that's probably to do with the circles I was in more than anything.>if you're the type to ruminate it'll be hell not to read them when your mood dipsAlready done that multiple times... I wish I wasn't like this.>>83567879>Boring lives are the best, they are just so comfortable :>That's true. I'd be exhausted if stuff was constantly happening.>Just went outside and watced drunk people going drunk stuff lolPeople watching is always fun. I live high enough that I can see people on the street and they can't see me, so it's fun to just look out my window and see what's going on.>she has always been my childhood crush lolNazz probably had a bigger impact now that I think about it.
>>83569206>crying it out and letting time pass, I feel a good bit betterGlad to hear that!I hope the therapy ends up being productive for you both.>Fingers crossed!Thank you!>>83569302>Can I access 4chan from the UK or will I need to figure out some sort of workaround?I'm pretty sure it's still accessible, but I vaguely remember some mobile ISPs having it blocked with parental controls by default.Where will you be visiting, if I may ask?
woah i just woke up and its page9bumpcya later everyone
and the last bump before i leave the house
Woke up and internet is out and power looks like it flickered over night. Not a great start to the day
just a bumpton hello
Haven't posted in one of these for a while. I've been feeling really good since new years eve because i've been talking to a really really nice girl. We've been messaging back and forth but I don't know if shes actually into me. We met through another friend of ours and she has no reason to keep talking to me but she does. I'm worried im reading it wrong. Although shes overseas at the moment and is still actively talking to me, which is pretty cool I think. What i'm mostly worried about is if she isn't into me, i'm going to come crashing down really hard. I was already in a super bad spot over the last month or so and if she stops talking to me i'll be completely fucked. I feel like my brain keeps duplicating itself over and over again millions of times thinking about all of this and if it crashes it'll just explode. Like an AI from Halo splitting itself into rampancy.
>>83569206hi operanon> I feel a good bit better.sometimes you just have to let everything out I suppose. Glad it helped you some>seems normal enough for now just like it took you time to pass through feelings, probably did for as well. People take time to process stuff, important to remember with others as well>I think would be really good for both of us.i think in terms of working things out involving others, neutral third party can do some good. Hope it does help.>want to do some creative writinghope you are more creative than I am! I know I tried to do it once before (not with fanfics, but writing in general) and realized rather quickly I can't and was forcing it too hard>>83569302>hosting an image boardfunnily enough, there was an anon who would Lain post who would visit this thread sometimes and actually did that for a little bit. The thing is, this thread is kept on r9k since it's intended to be easy to fine. Cat and others have said we don't want to be an exclusive club but a place anyone can stumble into from the rest of r9k>>83569576hey discanon>I managed to get some decent sleep.nice! somehow I managed to oversleep. Very rare, but suppose it's Sunday so not a big deal>should speed things up I think it has to do more with overall frame size. Smaller frame people have less surface area for muscle. Gain is still the same, just how it looks> weird that the human brain does this.I can tell fairly easily there's been times even as an adult people have knee jerk reactions where they associate me with someone or some bad experience they had earlier and act negatively as a result. Always a bit ironic since I probably relate more to them in those cases than whatever they're lumping me with.
>>83569576> that's mecan imagine you're in the wrong part of the world to go completely unnoticed D:>think that's true on a genetic levelhave heard people say this before. Not sure either. I didn't even mean at that level personally, but more so mentally. I think I look for a crutch against a lot of times to get through bad times just based on how I grew up>>83570638have a good day rm>>83571151hi anon> if shes actually into me. We met through another friend of ours and she has no reason to keep talking to me but she does.that itself at least seems to be a good side. If there's no objective reason, she at least seems to value the interaction for now>I'm worried im reading it wrong. honestly, it's best not to get too attached, but I wouldn't let doubts get you down too much. If you worry too much she doesn't like you, it might incidentally make her lose interest in talking, since girls really aren't forgiving of doubts and hesitancy >already in a super bad spotoutside worrying about her, what's getting to you? I'd say putting too much faith in her to keep yourself stable is a dangerous situation no matter how things go to be honest.
>>83571151>I've been feeling really good since new years evethat's good to hear anon.>but I don't know if shes actually into meage old dilemma. i can imagine how good she makes you feel when you talk to her. some might say it's better than drugs.>if she isn't into me, i'm going to come crashing down really hardgod yeah i feel you. girls trigger my bpd to all hell and it always feels like the end of the world.>and if she stops talking to me i'll be completely fuckedi hope you and her work out anon. do you have any contingencies for if things don't work out the way you wanted? i don't know your circumstances but this is where having a couple solid friends comes in handy. i can't count how many life-threatening crashouts have been averted because i got invited to match of risk of rain or taken out to a cafe somewhere. maybe that can help. if not, there are other ways to take care of yourself while alone.stay safe anon, you got this.
How do you guys shower with cuts?I'm worried if they sting a lot during cleaning or if I'm in worse state for not being able to feel them during it
bump of today for cutters
>>83571808It stings like a bitch.I just wash with antibacterial soap, gently. Pat dry with a paper towel and not a cloth one.Then I apply any neosporin or bandages as necessary I also wipe a lot with alcohol when I'm actually cutting and clean the blade a lot. It really stings too but whatever.Thanks for asking, because this is the shit these threads should be filled with. I'm not a fan of how these threads are just namefags talking about random shit all the time, I wish they'd just get a discord server or something.Showering doesn't bother me as much as sleeping on them though. I have to be careful where I choose to cut because i can only sleep in a few positions.
>>83562369>oh man :/>that's bad>and don't really know what you could do about thatYeah me neither. My therapist suggests just finding another girl, but it's difficult in my situation given there aren't many girls around me to interact with. I also have body dysmorphia so dating apps wouldn't be therapeutic. I have asked girls out in the past and am always willing to do so but there is nobody I have feelings for or even a small crush on. I think my best bet is to get back on this anti-psychotic I used to take but it makes me so tired. I really just need a "good" friend like the type who will just hang out with you when you're doing shit like laundry or cooking. Someone whom which we can motivate each other to get work done, go to the gym, hobbies and whatever else. I had that in my last college which allowed me to get straight A's and be my best self but ever since I transferred three years ago I have been struggling to find a good friend. Mind you I have friends but they never want to make their way to my dorm especially on cold days like today. It's such a toxic living situation and my only hope is that I leave for good in less than 8 months whether I graduate or not.
yelloa bit of a busy day today so I won't be able to hang out in here mucj today but at least now i can rest a bit and eat a tortilla >>83571808hello>How do you guys shower with cuts?I just shower normalyI don't really pay attention to my cuts during it, sometimes they sting sometimes not, it's nothing to be concerned about Just carefully wash the skin around them with soap before leaving the shower >>83571915Technically you shouldn't put alcohol or any disinfectants inside your wound because it might slow down healingThe inside of your body is clean and doesn't need disinfecting unless you used a dirty blade What you're supposed to do is clean the skin around the cut to prevent bacteria or dirt from getting into it >talking about random shit all the timeto each their own I don't really feel like arguing
>>83571808Not really a cutter per say, but it's important to clean any open wounds. If it's too much while showering the rest of the body, might be a good idea to cover the direct wound while cleaning with bandages are possible (they make some pretty big ones) and clean that independently >>83572078> difficult in my situation given there aren't many girls around me to interact with.Relatable. I went to an all guy school in high school and then was a comp sci major at college. I barely had women around in any significant number during any portion of my life and that itself is a huge limitation when it comes to dating>body dysmorphia so dating apps wouldn't be therapeutic.and agree. If you're in college still I wouldn't recommend doing this unless you exhaust all options or work on improving how you feel. An insecure person on dating apps is only going to make themself feel much worse i'm afraid>>83572103have a good day then cat! going to go out for a bit as well
GODsome strangers took me to their housei literallly mean it the man literally forced me to go with him and his family to HAVE DINNER i got back home finally but man my anxiety killed me im still overwhelmed I'll talk more about it when i get to my pc
>>83572345>going to go out for a bit as wellhave a good time>>83572642what??!!?how?You probably should tell you parents about thatand you should get some weapons man, I'm serious
so, i live in a place where like a lot of people know each other, it feels like a big family (but i dont know much people)so, a very cohesive society we could saythat led into people being very sweet to each other, they might be very generous to a point where it becomes a bit weird to other cultures.so i was sitting in a place i love and a man i dont know with his sons saw me and i suppose he wanted to be nice, he asked me kindly to come with them to their house and eat with themi simply refused and didn't have any intention to accept but he was very stubborn lol and (since i have issues with saying no) i had to go with them.and i got so scared firstly i thought maybe im getting kidnapped maybe they want money from my parents or something, even tho they were so sweet, didn't look like criminalsthen we arrived at their house and they wanted me to wait in the guests room until dinner's ready, while some of them had conversations with meso we actually ate together and later we had a warm drink. and that's where everything got calm and coolwe talked about fun topics even though i was so anxious but i managed to get a bit betterand after that they took me to my place i mentioned and later i got back home by myselfwhat a thingi was having a hard day, it's nice to meet sweet people but im not used to this at all, i need some time to be okay i got super anxious>>83572721 #cat! how was your day?>how?i talked about it now :D>tell your parentsyup i did when i got home>weaponsreal i think i should get some, for stray dogs if not for dangerous people
>>83568049>Not really all over the world compared to somelol that's actually a lot even for a non american i guessmaybe i just don't know how many times people travelbut guess you had a lot of fun there >since usually people who feel this way have good reason toyup sadly>started with my parents convincing me to feel that wayso sorry for you. wanna talk about it? would like to hear it>That stuff is concerningyup>might be the friendliest place I've encountered entire internet honestlyprobably the same for mei don't think i would've kept talking otherwise>Just hoping you find something that works for youthanks mate :]>it may sound stupidit isn't stupid at all, i remember seeing an advice like this before it's actually useful if one can make itbut i'm not cutting like before, i'm not doing it a lot these daysso i think i'll try to hide it if i found myself doing more dangerous things>>83569206>could probably dox meyup don't worry you don't have to tell>would only feel comfortable talking about it in front of the family therapist/some mediator.good luck with that!>>83569302>I doubt I'll go through another situation that traumatic anytime sooni hope that doesn't happen operanonstay safe!>I cry and write in my journalcrying is very helpful but i can't always cry loland writing in my journal.. didn't do that a lot of timesmaybe talking here is like writing in a journal tho lol>>83569576>But it could also be nothing and it'll solve itself.sheesh, i hope so>>83571808>if they sting a lot during cleaninghmm if the cuts are old and a bit dry and closed idk if they will stingbut anyways wash it with antibacterial soap or something like that>or if I'm in worse state for not being able to feel them during itwhat do you mean exactly by that?
A lot of yearning today. It feels very hopeless. Other than that I've been alright.>>83571151Be careful around women who enjoy talking to you. It's probably fine.>>83571491>Very rare, but suppose it's Sunday so not a big dealIt's good to have a lie in. You probably needed it anyway.>there's been times even as an adult people have knee jerk reactions where they associate me with someone or some bad experience they had earlier and act negatively as a resultTo an extent I feel like I have to act as an ambassador for white people here for similar reasons. Thankfully I've never been on the receiving end of anything bad (yet).>>83571515>can imagine you're in the wrong part of the world to go completely unnoticed D:In a way it works. I can hole myself up in my apartment and be relatively unbothered.>but more so mentally. I think I look for a crutch against a lot of times to get through bad times just based on how I grew upI'm sure that plays a role as well. I think for most mental things some people will be more predisposed to stuff than others, but childhood is probably what causes a lot of it. At least looking at my own.
>>83571151hey anonI'd honestly start getting used to the idea that she's not into yougetting too attached like that is a bad idea because it'll mess you up if it turns out she does reciprocate your feelings >>83572944>i have issues with saying noI'm glad nothing bad happened and ur safe but you have to practice being more assertive fren>how was your day?a bit busy with some crapbut I'm okay I ate some raspberries today :]>think i should get someyep u should what eo you think about getting?>>83573198Hello>hopelessit'll get better, it's just one of those days you gotta suffer through maybe you could do something to make it a little easier like maybe watch a movie or anime?
>>83573306>gladthanks cat!!>practice being more assertiveyupi dont have enough connection to practice this :/>bit busy with some crapwhat is it? wanna talk about it?>ate some raspberries todaycoool how did it taste?? i never tried it>think about getting?i dont really knowi always thought about having a stick for dogs but that's way too big and won't really work igwhat do you recommend? pepper spray?i also found out how disgusting my curriculum is
>>83572944>what a thingthat is quite interesting. I don't quite know you're living situation or if there's a cultural element to this. Where I live, I feel it's weird to even talk to your neighbor honestly. So this sounds crazy to me, but glad all went well and seemed to have a good time. Don't go somewhere if you're not feeling safe>>83573161> that's actually a lot even for a non americanI suppose so too who we're talking about. Europeans travel abroad a lot, but they can move to other countries very easily due to distance and transportation ease, so it's a bit normal for them compared to Americans. Suppose most people in non-european countries it's a difficult because of money, visas, etc. so my comment I guess was compared to western nations>wanna talk about it? would like to hear itit's not anything I feel particularly upset about now or need to vent about, but my parents are kinda jerks. I'd say my dad is somewhat abusive. He never hit me, but threatened quite a bit and made me terrified. Remember I was 8 or 9 getting screamed at to the point he was spitting in my face, threaten to make me regret ever being born if I ever got out of line. I was pretty scared most of my childhood of him. They also kept me isolated, then made fun of me for not having friends and being awkward. Most my problem with girls stemmed from not interacting with them and my dad constantly telling me no girl would ever waste time with a loser like me and I should focus on getting rich instead when I started being interested in them around puberty. I was in a weird situation where I was very isolated from outside world and only contact was with people who genuinely were actively trying to break me mentally.>so i think i'll try to hide it if i found myself doing more dangerous thingsthat's fair enough. Just be careful. And if you do start getting more carried away you should consider taking more action to keep it away from yourself
>>83572721>have a good timewas okay. Many am I tired though. Need to figure out what I'm eating later>>83573198>A lot of yearning today. It feels very hopeless.sorry to hear that. Regards to what? situation since her by any chace?>Be careful around women who enjoy talking to you.this is why I could never have a secret fed job. I'd be way to easy to tap for info. >You probably needed it anyway.don't doubt it. I feel me getting sick before was just a combination of stress and me refusing to sleep and rest more while fighting off stuff> act as an ambassador for white people hereI get this. I'm overly polite and careful, but don't want to make them think less of anything while I was over there. It's amusing to think I was the first white guy and American in general many people I met ever talked to when I met people. I don't think I lived up to many of their expectations. I was once asked what dating in America was like and was probably the worst person to ask. >I can hole myself up in my apartmentas long as you're happy and comfortable how you're living, that's what matters.>predisposed to stuff than others, but childhood is probably what causes a lot of itlike a lot of things, genetics and experiences both play a role. I don't think anything runs in my family, but my dad is also a bit buts and not really sure what the source of that is.
>>83573993>if there's a cultural element to thiseven i don't know if that's normali'm not social so it's like i'm discovering new things just now lol>I feel it's weird to even talk to your neighbor honestlywe were talking about how internet made lonely people's situations even worse, remember? i think it appears easily in my place that those who aren't very much attached to the internet are very very sociali know some people that make me wonder how are they so comfortable being social that much>Don't go somewhere if you're not feeling safeman even i felt safe i wouldn't really want to go i guess, unless if they had a strong relationship with me.i'm still feeling strange, it happened a lotwhenever i get unusually social like this i feel really bad, i hate it so muchand now i feel insecure and the place i used to love is now a place i'm kinda scared to go to, i used to have a calm session reading my book and doing things i want to do alone in that place, now there might be someone waiting for the chance to invite me to their house. maybe i'm being ungrateful but i've always wanted to have a place like that..well, i'm not emotionally attached to that place enough yet so i can find a new one i guess>but they can move to other countries very easily due to distance and transportation easeyep that's a cool thing in europe>I guess was compared to western nationsnow it makes a lot more sense>I was in a weird situation where I was very isolated from outside world>who genuinely were actively trying to break me mentallyi'm so sorry for you, that's very harshhow did you manage to get things better? or like when did it happen?>not anything I feel particularly upset about now or need to vent abouti hope you have overcome all of this..>more carried away you should consider taking more action to keep it away from yourselfyep. thank you mate!
>>83573306forgot to mention that picrel is funny and cute
>>83573923>dont have enough connection to practice this :/well I'm sure there's a way to do it online it might not be very good but maybe it's something >how did it taste??there pretty sour the way I like em>pepper spray?hmm I feel like a pepper spray + some other thing like a knife could work well because if the dog is just following you and barking you could just spray it and if it tires to atrack then spray won't do much and you'd have to use something else to fend it off >disgusting my curriculum iswhat happened D;>>83574218>figure out what I'm eating laterhmm maybe lasanga or sardines or maybe just nuggies and fries >>83574460he is literally mee :0
>How are you doing today?This is probably one of the worst days of my life.I pushed away someone close to me, for good. I did it because I knew I was bad for them and the longer I kept them around, the more I was hurting them, and I was keeping a thing from them that I know would hurt them. I just really feel like a terrible person
>>83574838that sounds difficult and complicated :cHow were you hurting them? did you explain to them why ur doing it?Sending hugsfocus on trying to relax a nice, get in bed and try to focus on some show to distract yourself Hope you will get better with time
>>83574838chill mate, you did it with good intentions, they might also appreciate it if they knew your intentions.relax and take care of yourself!
>>83574724>well I'm sure there's a way to do it onlinelmao even online i remember having some problems cuz of it, mostly on discord>there pretty soursour?? didn't know that i thought it's sweet>pepper spray + some other thing like a knifemakes sense, dogs are really scary herei think i talked about the big dog i saw on my way to school>what happenedi already know that the curriculum and the way of teaching and the system overall here is trash but i read a little bit about the system in the states and it seems pretty much cooli'm gonna talk about physics;my curriculum doesn't give much information, maybe it wouldn't be that bad if the book was presented to to someone who doesn't have much things to care about academically, maybe it's good if it's for someone who focuses only on physics so he can use other sources freely without caring about timebut i have a lot of other subjects to take care of i can't just give physics all my timeso basically the book doesn't give the best basis, as if it assumes that students can remember concepts they studied 3 years agoand the questions and problems in the book are way too difficult for us, we need a lot of time to get used to it, it's just unfairi really wish i can study in a better place that actually understands that students aren't computersand the teachers themselves are strange, like a teacher considered my answer is wrong because i wrote it in a different context (my answer was: "because the velocity slows down *so it's negative*, another teacher told me that the "correct" answer is "because the initial velocity is negative" or something which is literally the same thing)i tried asking another teacher cuz that one i'm talking about was absent but i couldn't fix my grade.. maybe the teacher that corrected was actually right but the answer i got from the other teacher doesn't make any sense.and i'm only talking about physics, other subjects have trash things too>he is literally mee :0cool :D
>>83574965>How were you hurting them? did you explain to them why ur doing it?I gave some explanation, but I don't wanna tell them what I was keeping from them, It would hurt them a lot more. I just think that, if I hadn't screwed it up the first time I met them, It wouldn't have been like this. We might still be friends after, idk though. Depends if they forgive me for hurting them. Idk I can just feel myself spiraling, i feel like such a terrible person
gettin eepers>>83575034>lmao even online i remember having some problemsok them practicing even online will probably be helpful >didn't know that i thought it's sweetnope they're like sour candy>think i talked about the big dog inot sure I remember how big was it?>makes senseyou think you're gonna buy something online or maybe you have some store near you with self defense stuff >other subjects have trash things toothay give you too much crap to deal with :c>cool :DB3>>83575045>gave some explanationthat's good still, sorry it had to happen but you'll probably get better with tiemmaybe after some time you could be friends again?
>>83575561 >eepershave a comfy night>sour candydidnt know that>how hig was it?i didnt see a lot of dogs but i think it was big enough, maybe as tall as a motorcycle too>online or maybe have some store near youi dont really know i never tried to find these things, might ask or search and might buy online at the end>too much crapgotta be patienti talked a lot today i feel annoying but i didnt expect strange things to happen today lolanyways thats the last vent for todayi went to school after a while and my brain was suffering i wanted to leave everyone and everything, i felt everything was so loud and that i dont want to see the face of any human being in the school, its not the first time something like that happens but it was way worse this timesimply nothing caused this, it's just that my urge to isolate has grown i guess and it showed off very bad today cuz of some annoying thingsalmost everytime i socialize my brain goes crazy with similar feelings i kinda forgot about it, and forgot how it exactly felt cuz of the other strange things todaymaybe it doesn't even deserve mentioning, idk maybe words made it simpler but im sure i was genuinely freaking out.im scared tomorrow might be similar, hoping it's gonna be a calm day
hey everyone, idk who's still up but I made plans with my gf and one of her friends to go to a festival in her hometown in July. let's hope I don't get murdered!.
>>83572944Different cultures are fascinating. At least you didn't get murdered or abducted into a cult. >>83573306>it's just one of those days you gotta suffer through Yeah. The last few have been pretty bad for it. I hope this isn't a rest of my life thing. >maybe you could do something to make it a little easier >like maybe watch a movie or anime?I should be able to distract myself for a while today. So hopefully things will be easier. >>83574218>Regards to what?I just miss her a bunch. Not much more to it than that.>I'd be way to easy to tap for info. Same here. Just be a bit nice to me and it's over. >refusing to sleep and rest moreCould be. Your body needs rest! >I don't think I lived up to many of their expectationsNeither do I. There's a kind of expat stereotype here and I don't fit it at all. To be honest I don't think I fit in anywhere but that's a discussion for another time. >as long as you're happy and comfortable how you're living, that's what matters.For the most part I'm happy with solitude and I can get that in spades here. >my dad is also a bit buts and not really sure what the source of that isI've definitely inherited behaviour from my parents. Whether that's from genes or memes I can't say.>>83574838As someone that's been on the recieving end of this (and is posting here as a direct result of it), the best thing you can do is try to reconcile. If you were especially close, being pushed away is deeply upsetting, no matter how altruistic the reasoning may have been. The last two months have been absolute hell and worse than anything she could have said or done to me. You don't have to do it now, especially if you're not in a state to, but please consider it when you're feeling more stable.>>83576451Is your hometown particularly dangerous?
>>83576872>Is your hometown particularly dangerous?mine kinda is, but it's in her hometown in france. I've never been there so idk if it's dangerous or not
bump, this is q bump, bump bump bump yipeee
goodnight everyone sleep well and nice dreams
bumping until I can post without error messages
>>83579441So long, Mr. Bumper.
>>83574405>i'm not social so it's like i'm discovering new things just now I hear you. I was mentioning this another conversation here, but I am a terrible representative of what's normal and not from a perspective of americans, just because I didn't live or feel connected to culture here pretty much ever>i know some people that make me wonder how are they so comfortable being socialsame, I'm very jealous how natural it looks for some to do things I can't even imagine doing>whenever i get unusually social like this i feel really bad, i hate it so muchis it nerves or you just don't like it? And you say you're introverted?>i'm not emotionally attached to that place enough yet so i can find a new one i guesssorry you feel like you got chased out of your spot, but yeah. Sometimes you need to find somewhere new but takes adjusting to>cool thing in europeUS has a lot of variety, but it still always feels like America no matter where you go here, where as Europe the history makes it at least feel kind different going distances that are shorter relative to how far I've driven across the states>how did you manage to get things better? I suppose it's debatable whether or not they did. I've improved a lot of things in life and done many things worthwhile, but I also think I might be stunted some areas mentally as a result of it all. I don't think much about it and it's hard to tell here since I have somewhat successful career and relationships, but I also don't think I'm very serious or mature compared to people who probably had a more normal life. idk how to describe>>83574724ended up having steak which was a very good choice>>83574838never say for good. Things happen and people drift away for little bits of time sometimes, but if this person cares about you I'm sure it won't be long. Just stay open. I'd try to talk more openly if you get the chance though, since that can help everyone more than being vague
>>83576451hey chev>let's hope I don't get murdered!.be careful, but don't worry too much. I'm sure she knows her hometown well. Also people don't usually murder for no reason. I'm something of an expert on violent cities. >>83576872>Not much more to it than that.figured. Sorry. Not much else I can say either but hang in there.>Just be a bit nice to me and it's over.So much for my defense industry career. It sucks because I'm right near the US capital and a ton of jobs are the secret "don't talk to foreigners type" but that would already eliminate a lot of my sparse social circle. I applied to one of those jobs back when I was in school trying to figure out what to do after, but the only people I talked to at the time were Chinese international students and realized I had to find something else or just go hermit. > There's a kind of expat stereotype here and I don't fit it at all. expat stereotypes are one reason I was hesitating to spend too long term over in Asia since I don't do well with people judging me poorly and there are some very trashy ones over there. I was told that I didn't dress, groom, or carry myself like the bad ones and people could tell. Not sure what truth there was to it though.>honest I don't think I fit in anywhereCan relate, since I feel it too. I don't think there's much to fit in with where I live though either way. America doesn't really have a coherent culture most parts of it. It's just groups of different people, none of whom I belong to.
>>83580830>So much for my defense industry career.I thought about applying for a job at NATO a while ago but I ended up missing the deadline for it. I wonder what my life would be like if I got that job.>I don't do well with people judging me poorly and there are some very trashy ones over thereHere the stereotype is that they basically don't interact with the locals at all. That's me in a sense, but more because I don't interact with anyone. Plus they either teach English or work an extremely well paid finance job. It's funny seeing people on the internet ask if they can live on a salary 5x times higher than mine.>I don't think there's much to fit in with where I live though either wayIt's probably why I had such little hesitation about moving to the other side of the world now that I think about it.
hello 9v9how are you guys doing?>>83576178>feel annoyingyou're not!>scared tomorrow might be similar,hopefully it doesn't :<tell us how it goes>>83576451have a good time>>83576872>hope this isn't a rest of my life thing.probably not how are you feeling today?
>>83582114>I wonder what my life would be like if I got that job.I don't have any regrets about my decision. If I went to work for them, I'd have never left the country, probably would never have experienced any positive interaction with any women (every girl who's ever gotten along has been foreign), and couldn't post here most likely. Even if it was steadier work, I'd probably have lost it by now> they basically don't interact with the locals at allThat's better than the rep foreigners get in SEA for sure> if they can live on a salary 5x times higher than mine.I'm amazed how much money people think they need. I make good money but am probably underpaid, and I hear people jump and down and freak out over salaries more than mine>why I had such little hesitation about moving to the other side of the worldhonestly, I wish I had done it for real rather chickening out worrying what other people thought. I also thought I wasn't good enough to pull it off either till I realized people I know are less skilled than me pulling it off. Then I just had regrets
>>83582932heya cat!pretty good! Work is fine, doing some cleaning during down time, and helping gf with some school thing she has.how are you doing?
>>83569582>Where will you be visitingI'll be in London. I'm pretty excited since Ive heard it's pretty good for thrifting clothes/electronics.Also, going to the Kikuo concert in Feb! It's my first big-artist concert!>>83571491>I can'tDon't say that! It's probably just a very different muscle than you're used to, like it is for me. I pretty much exclusively read romance and murder mysteries so I'd want to write something of that vain eventually but fanfics are a great way to dip my toes in. >intended to be easy to fineI see. honestly, I only visit r9k for this thread. I read a little bit about the history of it but I still don't really understand the culture on here desu.If I revisit this idea, I'll probably need to foster my own community n stuff and that'll be a bit much. >>83573161>talking here is like writing in a journalYeah. It kind of is. >>83572944Wow. That sounds so lovely actually. In the moment, I definitely would've been nervous too tho lol.
>>83580725hey officeanon, hru?>but I am a terrible representative of what's normal and not from a perspective of americanstotally understandable for mei'm a bit of the same here>is it nerves or you just don't like it? And you say you're introverted?idk what you exactly mean by nerves, and idk if i can call myself introverted, it's just that sometimes i feel very bad when having some connection and to be honest i don't remember much about it now it's a bit complicated for my brain to spot the reasons and stuff>feel kind different going distances that are shorter relative to how far I've driven across the statesyup that's exactly why it's a cool thing in europethere are a lot of countries that are historically related to each other to the point where you feel like it can be cool to see the boarders between them open. but eh politics doesn't work that waynot related to the topic but man politics can really affect how one talks to people from different placesit doesn't necessarily make one racist but it might always be there during a conversation, hiding itself so the friendship can stay alive xDit's a bit strange seeing someone holding himself from saying anything bad about a politician from your countrybaka CK3 does things to you>idk how to describei find it pretty much clear, you did improve in your life but there still scars if we could call itthat doesn't seem strange, it's extremely normal and expected.i'm glad you aren't feeling as bad as before.>>83582932heya cat!hru?>how are you guys doing?mkay>you're not!thanks :D>tell us how it goesit wasn't that badare you making a new map?
>>83583071heya>I definitely would've been nervous too tho lolyuup even tho it's lovely it's still very strange
>>83582990helloglad to hear you're good ^^>how are you doing?I'm alright just workin on a map>>83583173>hru?pretty good i got some pish today :3>mkaywhat did u do today?>thanks np ^^>you making a new map?ye :D
>>83583311>good i got some pish todaysome what? :O>what did u do today?nothing much, went to school and studied when i came back, now chilling >yewanna share? :D
>>83583562>some what? :Opish = fish :>>school how was it? anything interesting happened?you got any tests planned?>now chilling\o/how are you chilling?>wanna share? :Dyep I posted a pic of it here >>83583311
>>83582932>how are you feeling today?I felt better, then had a small breakdown again, then felt better after some sleep.>>83582947>Even if it was steadier work, I'd probably have lost it by nowFair enough. As long as you're happy with your life as it is, it's best not to worry about what-ifs.>I'm amazed how much money people think they need.Me too. After rent (which is about half my salary lol) my expenses are minimal. I make about the median salary here and even then my money is just piling up because I have nothing to spend it on, and that's with me buying dumb shit most months.>I also thought I wasn't good enough to pull it off either till I realized people I know are less skilled than me pulling it offThat's how it was for me as well. To be fair getting a visa to work in most countries is pretty tricky.>>83583071>I'll be in LondonHave fun. I'm not the biggest fan of London, but there's a lot of cool stuff to do there. Just be careful because there's a epidemic of phone thefts there. Don't use your phone on the street.If you can, consider visiting other parts of the country. Cambridge is very nice.
tried to die yesterday, ofc i failed so now I'm forced to keep on living, and no one would have cared or missed me, friends never talk or even care about me anymore I've been so depressed but have to hide it, and if i ever do reach out i just get ignored. just know there's no reason to keep going. my life is ruined, my family caused that, and no one is gonna save me. sorry, sorry.
>>83583071>It's probably just a very different muscle than you're used to, like it is for me.true. I've had luck drawing after putting absurd amounts of time into it. For years I said I just don't have it, but putting in insane amount of work did it.>read romance and murder mysteriesquite the different genres there. Easy ones take inspiration for though, but writing in general requires skills I think take time and effort to develop>visit r9k for this threadI post other threads occasionally, but not like I used to> read a little bit about the history of it but I still don't really understand the culture on here do you mean r9k in general? Has changed over the years a bit.>I'll probably need to foster my own community n stuff and that'll be a bit much.wish you luck if you do so. Not an easy thing to do. More importantly, have to worry about moderation. Since a lot of people will try to mess it up if not careful.>>83583173hey rm! pretty good. Work is going okay, had time to clean up a bit in between and had a good workout today>i'm a bit of the same heresuppose that's true for a lot of us who post here since a reason people gather online after all> i feel very bad hmm yeah that doesn't sound like either... Do you think it could be something bothering you from the past? Doesn't sound like a typical experience even for most conditions I know, unless it's some how trauma related, but don't want to grasp at straws if you know best> you feel like it can be cool to see the boarders between them open.it is easy to move between many, but then again not true for all
>can really affect how one talks to people from different placesagreed. I think people know it's a sensitive topic and want to avoid it, especially with people they like and are worried they might disagree with. I'm from the USA, but don't really care about my country much at all, so I got along with even people from countries that are very much at odds with mine. I think sometimes people talk about almost political topics in the thread, but everyone here gets along well enough and knows it's all above us either way. Regular people don't have much say in how anything works>i'm glad you aren't feeling as bad as before.thanks! It does bother me occasionally, but most my life is pretty good so have little right to complain>>83583311>glad to hear you're goodexcept I couldn't remember to put my name D: Sad to say, I have too many anime figures now. Had to clear space to accommodate the Miku ones I won over the weekend. >I'm alright just workin on a mapvery Finnish, nice!>>83583744> it's best not to worry about what-ifs.agreed. At least not ones I definitively know I wouldn't be at all happy about>my expenses are minimal.I own a house and my mortgage is actually less than many people pay in rent. Insane how much that eats up for many people. Past that, not going out a ton makes it easy. I go out once a week and that's not as bad as some people>with me buying dumb shit most months.highly relatable. I went into a figure buying craze for a bit, but I chilled since the space I have on my shelves isn't there and I don't want to turn into the guy with shelves of these>To be fair getting a visa to work in most countries is pretty tricky.especially if you don't want to go the teach English route (which I refused). I feel I missed one chance since I had an interview lined up for a position they wanted someone foreign and worked with certain tech I had experience with, but chickened out. Would not make that mistake again if I had the chance.
>>83584116Hi anon. I'm sorry, that's not a great situation and friends who always ignore you aren't really friends at all.>my life is ruined, my family caused thatwhy do you feel it's beyond improving? and what did they do? If you can answer. Don't force yourself if you can't
>>83583744>small breakdown againbut at least you get better after a while that's important what kind of stuff did y do today?>>83584116hey anonthay don't sound like they're really your friendsso how are you doing now? are you safe?>family causedwhat happened?>>83584585>couldn't remember to put my name D:dw the picture was enough of a clue >space to accommodate the Mikuowaa you should send a pic some time >very Finnishyep also added some more stuff
>>83583607>pish = fishohh mb, i had sardines in my house today btw but i wanted to eat egg instead>how was it? anything interesting happened?hmm nothing much but that i kinda found out new ways to help studying for the that one year before going to collegei still haven't chosen the best way. thanks to the ministry of education that doesn't know to educate.>you got any tests planned?nah gladly, not yetjust few questions tomorrow>how are you chilling?i ate some biscuits and played a bit>yep I posted a pic of it herei saw it but i wasn't sure that's the mapit's so interesting really it doesn't look like the other maps you made, it's very beautiful and it looks comfy
>>83584468>and had a good workout todaythat's perfect man>since a reason people gather online after allyup i guess we found a a culture for ourselves, not the best one imo>but don't want to grasp at strawsgrasping at straws is something to do and to think about, while waiting a definite answer from me is a bit more difficult xDit's a bit complicated; i was a shy person ever since i was kid so this could tell why i feel so bad around some people now, but i wasn't always like that and didn't have the same thoughts before. and also, i'm not that shy currently.guess it's a lot of things that, over time, caused these symptoms to appear now, giving enough look at current conditions of mine.>but then again not true for allisn't it true for all countries in the EU?>Regular people don't have much say in how anything worksexactly. also given how friendly this thread is.>but most my life is pretty good so have little right to complaina nice soul that is :D
>>83585558>sardinesdid you eat them?>education that doesn't know to educategrrrr >:/>not yetwowowowo :DD>questions tomorrowbest of luck!>some biscuits and played a bitsounds good :]what did you play?>look like the other maps you madethank you!yep I decided I'll draw all the textures myself
sleep timetomorrow's gonna be very tiring physically and mentally..>>83585867>did you eat them?no D:>best of luckthanks!>what did you playcs2, im not playing any other thing these days>decided I'll draw the textures by myselfwaaait you drew those??? they're so cool :DD
>>83532895>How are you doing today?Better than most I'd imagine. >Any plans for today?-Not really (NEET)>When was the last time you hurt yourself?-in 2011 i sliced my palm with a razor blade>Why did you hurt yourself?- I thought self mutilation was blood magic .>Is there anything bothering you right now?-Yeah...
>>83585224>the picture was enough of a clueI am if nothing else, at leas obvious>you should send a pic some timethink I owe you a couple pics, will finish moving stuff and then can do that>also added some more stuffnice. This ones small but makes it easy to detail. Always uncomfortable with mattresses on the floor though D:>>83585649>we found a a culture for ourselves, not the best one imo>while waiting a definite answer from me is a bit more difficult lol fair. We all have things we have difficult putting to words, so no worries>bad around some people now, but i wasn't always like thatthen it does in fact sound less clear cut. Probably be something worth talking through, maybe if you see someone>isn't it true for all countries in the EU?I am the wrong person to ask for certainty, since one of the few regulars who isn't from Europe at any point of time. Pretty sure yeah but don't know, and excludes the countries that aren't part of the EU.>>83586321gn and good luck
>>83586370>homura best magical girl poster>I thought self mutilation was blood magic .an honest mistake>Yeahwhat's going on?
slepe tiem>>83586321sleep well!and hope the day goes well :<>no what D:>thanks!you're welcome!>cs2you're enjoying it>waaait you drew those???yep :D>they're so cool :DDaww thank youu>>83586370Hello >Better than most hopefully it stays that way>NEETneets can have plans toolike going on walks >2011so it been a whileI guess it didn't become a habbit for you?that's good >mutilation was blood magicif only I'd be casting spells like a mingun>Yeah...what's bothering ya?>>83586512>finish moving stuff and then can do thatokay ^^>This ones smallit is a bit but honestly I'm glad because painting the textures takes more time than I expected though remember there's more to it than just this one frame, that's only one side of the room>uncomfortable with mattresses on the floorwhy?
>>83586646>>83586521I've become suddenly very busy- and will come back another time.
>>83586646> painting the textures takes more time than I expectedi have no doubts, I wouldn't have the patience for it myself>that's only one side of the roomlooking forward to seeing the rest>why?eh just uneasy bed to close to the ground personally. I mean in real life though obviously lol Always feel nervous something crawling to the bed that low>>83586822no worries anon. Come back when you feel like it. If thread died, it's usually back by later half the day
>>83584609>friends who always ignore you aren't really friends at allwell i don't really have a choice, there the only friends i have even if they ignore me all day and only talk when they need me or something, still better then being alone>why do you feel it's beyond improving?there's just some things you can't change mentality or physically >and what did they do? nothing that bad really, they just weren't there mentally ever, so if something happened I'd have to deal with it by myself. and they'd always get mad, it just really messed me up mentally and socially in a lot of ways I always shy>>83585224>so how are you doing now?I'm doing alright i guess. >are you safe?yeah can't really do anything now>what happened?just my parents not really caring about me much, I'd always have to deal with things alone and i feel that caused me to mature to soon so i was always different from everyone and now im just a husk of a person and I'll never be normal
i hate myself so much it is genuinely fucking unreal. flying tomorrow, with my mother. domestic. forgot my passport at school so mom freaks out. i say i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry and she gets annoyed at that. i find my passport card (completely valid flying ID, solves the problem). not enough for her. she drags my dad away from working (at 11 pm mind you) to ask if it's okay. he's like why doesn't he have his passport. i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry. he gets mad at me "why is this such a big deal" i don't know i say mom gets mad at him for getting mad at me. they start bickering i try to slip away. hear them say something about me. dig my fingernails into my forehead. it hurts and i whimper. dad hears me and goes why does everything have to be a problem mom goes what are you talking about why are you always mad at me. they bicker further i run away look in the mirror. i didn't break the skin so i'm a fucking pussy who can't handle any pain. slight fingernail marks in my head but will fade. i think my hair is starting to thin right at the edge of my hairline. disgusting. fucking viscerally horribly disgusting. my hair is the only thing anyone has ever found attractive about me in my entire life and i can't even keep it. i'm 20 years old and definitely not balding it's probably just stress. but that makes me more stressed. and everything is going well i had a friend over today we had a great time we talked it was normal but the slightest provocation and i turn into a dogshit unregulated danger to myself who's ruining my parents' marriage. i don't even want to be traveling it's just to see family including my grandmother who actively hates me and makes fun of me to my mother behind my back. i wish i wasn't such a pussy so i could actually do some fucking damage to myself but instead all my unearned emotions just build up impotently until they fizzle out in a tepid flashbang of babyrage. i'm scared i'm going to lose my cool at the airport and get arrested or killed.
>>83588353>wish i wasn't such a pussy so i could actually do some fucking damage to myselfdon't beat yourself up about it anon. other ways to feel the adrenaline, maybe rubber bands work for you. just because you don't break skin it doesn't mean you're a pussy. you just have a semblance of self preservation.>i'm scared i'm going to lose my cool at the airport and get arrested or killed.bring whatever you need to soothe yourself. music or snacks or stress balls or plushies or whatever. if it keeps you stable, utilize it. your goal is to keep things together at least until you have the freedom to let it all out somewhere safe. if need be, imagine the stressful situations beforehand and prepare ways to cope for them. what to do if your parents argue at the airport, what to do with the uncontrollable rage of a delayed flight, whatever.you got dealt a difficult hand but you have options anon. save everything else about your fears of balding or your self loathing, among other worries, for when you're out the airport and are in a safe location. good luck.
i want to cut instead of starving but i rage quit from the aftercare and the ik feeling of feeling my scars not fully heal under
>>83532895welp shit here again.>How are you doing today?clearly a bit rough , i feel like i am at the brink of losing it again.>Any plans for today?work then go to bed, it is all i do in my life.>When was the last time you hurt yourself?Today. typing with one ar the other one is still bleeding for ages.>Why did you hurt yourself?I dont have an excuse. sure i hate myself but everyonr does. I even said i would only do one and now over half my arm is completely covered in blood fucking went 2 months and i fai like this pathetic pathetic.>Is there anything bothering you right now?Nothing specific, i am just tired of being inhuman and watching the world go past me always, there us no readon for me to live anymore really but, i dont know i suppose i have no balls to kill myself sober, and if i cant do that i dont deserve to die frakly.
>>83584585>Insane how much that eats up for many people. "Buy land, cuz God ain't making any more of it.">Past that, not going out a ton makes it easy.That would explain a lot.>but I chilled since the space I have on my shelvesI'm out of space now actually. I need to buy another shelf soon...>I had an interview lined up for a position they wanted someone foreign and worked with certain tech I had experience with, but chickened outI had the chance to move to Singapore a few years ago but I think my area of expertise was just a little outside the remit of the job os they went for someone else. Probably for the best since it's incredibly hot all year there. Here at least it cools down in the winter. I think I might have a slightly higher quality of life there, but Singapore is a bit too sterile for my tastes.>>83585224>what kind of stuff did y do today?To be honest I've already forgotten what happened yesterday. I think I played video games and slept. Today I've just been slightly out of it again. Probably due for another breakdown, honestly.What did you do today?>>83587938>there's just some things you can't change mentality or physicallySometimes what you need is a change of circumstance. I know that's much easier said than done but my life is basically incomparable now to how it was even 5 years ago. Don't write yourself off completely if you're in a bad environment.>>83590543I don't know how appropriate it is to say here but I don't know how cutters do it. I'm in complete agony over a paper cut but my ex would completely lacerate her arm some days like it was nothing.>>83590686Sorry to hear things suck, anon. Make sure you get yourself patched up.
i barely slept 2 hours i thinkand went to schooland now i have to stay awake for 10 more hours if not morethe biggest issue isn't the many hours, but the things i'll have to face during the next hoursalso it's impressing how the thread isn't getting archived>>83586646>and hope the day goes wellthanks cat>whati wanted to eat fried eggs D:>you're enjoying ityes, something nice to play without thinking>thank younpnp>>83586370>in 2011woah, cool really>Yeahwanna talk about it?>>83586512>We all have things we have difficult putting to wordsyh i guess so>maybe if you see someonelol i'm very picky about thisi know it might be the basic concept of keeping secrets but i think my "secrets" are many, i have a lotto the point i think twice before saying anything about myself when i'm talking to someonei feel bad when i talk a lot about myself unless if my brain somehow process that it's okayso i don't think i would talk about this problem of shyness to anyone in real life, atleast not any of the people i know right now>and excludes the countries that aren't part of the EUthen i think it's true for all countries in EUi can find the answer by just searching but i dont feel like it xD>>83588353anon, you're not a pussyyou're just doing right, you're doing what a normal human would naturally do; not hurting themselfyou're going through a lot and it's totally valid to feel bad so much but don't punish yourself, it won't fix anythingnor will it make you happy or better, humiliating and harming oneself is not the solution to problems.
>>83590833>but I don't know how cutters do itsome people go so far to a point i don't know how they do it, i would never dare to do it. and apparently they have a community and may make fun of cutters that don't cut deep, calling them cowards or smthn.i'm not belittling their grief but i saw horrible cuts, cuts that can very easily throw one to the edge of death, worse than any gore video i've ever seen.i think it's not always about sadness, i think some people have something wrong in their minds that make them want to feel pain. there are a lot of strange syndromes as such.
aaand a tiny bump before i have to go. wish me good luck guys
heyoI was at a gun range today, it was pretty fun though I expected the guns to have more recoil>>83591600best of luuckk
things got a bit delayed i supposeanyways im super nervous and anxious, would like to disappear for this day so i dont have to face the struggles todaynow i exactly know why i wanted my best friend to help me during this day, gotta face it alonr nowi hope no one hates me there cuz i might get extremely anxious and be mean to some>>83591654 hru cat>gun rangewhat is this?now i gotta go seriously now, see ya everyone.
>>83591891>nervous and anxioushuggg!will that thing take a long time?>what is thisa place where you get and shoot guns
>>83532895>How are you doing today?pretty bad not gonna lie.>Any plans for today?Just organizing.>Is there anything bothering you right now?I went to a "peer interview" and everyone was in suits. I was in a rain jacket. I apologized for it. I have a week until I found out if I passed. I feel like I fucked up.>>83591654hi cat>I was at a gun range today, it was pretty fun though I expected the guns to have more recoilthey are fun. I should go again. Guns had more recoil when I was malnourished, so I think you just got stronger. What gun were you using?>>83591891hi rem, see you later.
>>83587938> i don't really have a choiceIs there anyone else around you can talk to? I get the feeling, but it might actually be worse in the sense it makes you adjust to feeling like you need to be useful for people to warrant attention, which is very unhealthy>there's just some things you can't change this is true to an extent, but what is it you think is so bad anyway? Part of knowing limits is figuring out how to make do with them.> and they'd always get madthat's relatable. I don't having any positive memories of my family... So know how that fucks a person over to the point it's really hard to pull yourself up.>>83588353shitty situation to be in, sorry. Don't blame yourself for your parents fighting. If they fight, they will find a reason regardless of you. Just kinda how it is.Wish you the best surviving all that. Hope it goes well today>>83590543hi anon>i want to cut instead of starving you starve yourself? Like refuse to eat? What got you doing that?>>83590686hi anon>work then go to bed, it is all i do in my life.do you feel like there's anyway to break out of it? I know it's tough, I work full time and feel drained as things with work are always very stressful.> there us no readon for me to live anymore reallyanything you wish you could be doing that would make you feel like it was more worthwhile?
>>83590833>Buy landall good till the government finds a reason to take it away from you>That would explain a lot.Usually healthier to make your own food than buy it everyday. I know I'm a fitness nut, but I don't know how people order out the meals they do everyday>need to buy another shelf soonI have a lot of books too, so I have like a room that's a wall of shelves. Keep that separate from the anime figures since really do want to keep it separate >Probably for the best since it's incredibly hot all year thereI'd also say if you keep in a lot, probably doesn't matter too much where as long as you're happy with things>Singapore is a bit too sterile for my tastes.I had considered visiting it once and seemed cool at first glance, but ended up passing for that reason. Kinda kinda seemed like I'd be bored>>83590920>i barely slept 2 hours i thinkbest of luck. Sorry you're not better rested :/ always miserable being so sleepy>impressing how the thread isn't getting archivedlongest we've had in a while>i think twice before saying anything about myself when i'm talking to someoneaha well in this case I meant talking to a mental health provider. Need to share some details with them and what they're paid for>atleast not any of the people i know right nowit's okay. Don't think I'd be comfortable opening about most things with people irl either>i can find the answer by just searching but i dont feel like it apparently cyprus and ireland are not in schengen and Bulgaria and Romania just recently joined... So not all EU in fact!>>83591654hiya cat, how are you?>I was at a gun range todayopes, very cool. I'm yet to visit one>>83592135hey cynic, sorry you're down> have a week until I found out if I passed. I'm sure there's more criteria than how you were dressed. It might be down a little, but maybe not even all the way, so don't sweat it too much till you hear back
>>83592135hello>pretty bad :chopefully you get better fren>was in suits. I was in a rain jacket.is it such a big thing? >week until I found out if I passedbest of luck!but you probably don't need it ^^>so I think you just got stronger.I'm not sure maybe I just expected too much >gun were you using?ar first some .22 then 9mm then then some assault rifledesu I'm not sure what their names were I just asked the guy to give me whatever he thought would be fun>>83592679>very cool. I'm yet to visit oneit was more chill than expected desuthe guy just quickly explained what not to do and then wasn't even looking at what I was doing lolthat's a bad thing but at least there was no pressure and I was doing everything correctly anyway It wasn't cheap though
>>83593309ar first some .22 then 9mm then then some assault rifle. .22 and 9mm are manageable with the right gun. I used to use a sig and everyone talked about how much kickback with had. But then again, malnourished. >is it such a big thing? Idk, it wasn't expected before. I'm hoping they assumed I was working.>but you probably don't need it ^^thanks>>83592679hi office anon>but maybe not even all the way, so don't sweat it too much till you hear backI probably should.
>>83593376>used to use a sigdo you still go to any ranges >I'm hoping they assumed I was working.they probably will dw :]ans besides that did something nice happend today? or will you later have time to chill a little and do something nice?
I had another breakdown earlier and made some more regrettable blogposts. This sucks. On the upside the guy on AliExpress decided to actually ship my package so I've got that to look forward to. Swings and roundabouts.>>83590920>and now i have to stay awake for 10 more hours if not moreI've had days like that and they're generally completely miserable and while being completely out of it at the same time.Hopefully it isn't too bad for you today.>>83590952>i think some people have something wrong in their minds that make them want to feel pain. there are a lot of strange syndromes as such.Makes sense. I think there's some masochism going on with her, at least to a degree. There is for me as well, just not physically. But I think it was mostly a way of coping for her, but evidently she has an insanely high pain tolerance.>>83591654Were you any good at it?>>83592679>I don't know how people order out the meals they do everydayLaziness mostly. I'm pretty guilty of ordering slop or just walking down to the McDonald's down the road.At least I have the excuse of my life falling apart.> so I have like a room that's a wall of shelvesLucky. I'd like a room like that one day but I don't see it happening soon.>if you keep in a lot, probably doesn't matter too much where as long as you're happy with thingsTrue to an extent. I've always been a hermit but my hometown annoyed me because I couldn't just walk or cycle places the few times I left the house. Even though I don't use it often, the option is nice.>Kinda kinda seemed like I'd be boredI'd like to visit at some point but there's really not much to do there, especially as a tourist, as far as I can tell. It's nice place to live by basically every account I've heard but I don't think it's for me.
>>83593886>do you still go to any ranges yeah, i got a glock I take to a local range>ans besides that did something nice happend today?I guess not. I've been writing and watching severance.
hey everyone!! i'm finally back and ready to post again! :D quite the thread you guys have going on here. not sure if i'll be able to read it all...
I think I'll finish it tomorrow
>>83594226hi catbro! o/ what's that? looks very different from your usual style. very cartoony.
>>83593887hello>another breakdown earlierdo you think they might get weaker with time?>regrettable blogposts.D:but you can delet them right?>ship my packagyay>you any good at it?not that good but to my defense it was super cold and my hands were shaking a little though actually I did good with that rifle, probably because it was heavier and I could hold it steadier >>83593961>got a glock I take to a local rangefun!so you just use it or do you also try out other stuff from time to time >guess not.hopefully tomorrows better >I've been writing and watching severance.how do you like it?>>83594026heyaa!! :D>not sure if i'll be able to read it all...you don't have to I had a pretty okay day, I went to a gun range and later worked on a map
>>83594249o/yep I decided to draw all the textures by hand!I guess it looks sorda like "anthology of the killer" it's a super cool game if you don't have anything to watch I could send you a link to gameplay of it because it's cool and I think more people should know about it
>>83594249also inspired by this image >>83556050
>>83593309>it was more chill than expectedHow I imagine those places are. I know a lot of people who I never in a million years would shoot a gun went to them and did it no issue>It wasn't cheap thoughwhy I'm not going anytime soon>>83593376>I probably should.just take it easy. Would hate for you to ruin your week worrying about something that could be fine>>83593887> made some more regrettable blogpostseasy come easy go. Imagine damage is done, but could you delete at least?>decided to actually ship my package so I've got that to look forward to.always a pleasant surprise>Laziness mostly. which i understand since I feel lazy some days too. But I feel miserable after eating too shitty too long. Might also be my body is less used to junk than most people and just rejects too much of it now>I'd like a room like that one day but I don't see it happening soon.it's easier when you buy a house somewhere no one wants to live!> I couldn't just walk or cycle places the few times I left the house.I get it. I live in the states where everything is made for cars save for like 2 cities total. I love driving, but hate having to drive to go literally anywhere at all. Can't even walk 5 minutes up the road because it's just not meant for foot pedestrians>especially as a tourist1 or 2 things that interested me, but think it was at the time a choice between that or more time in Thailand, so probably not gonna go there unless for work one day>>83594026welcome back yuanon!how was your time away?>not sure if i'll be able to read it allnow sure it's worth at this point lol
btw I got another sardines today and when I opened them they looked like nice fishthe last ones I got a week ago were in a round metal can and on the inside were all mashed up and looked like cat foodI guess in a way they actually were cat food
>>83594292>you don't have tothat's true, but i guess i want to know what everyone has been up to. :> maybe i'll read up on it later in bed.>I had a pretty okay day, I went to a gun rangesounds cool. how did you come up with that idea? did you shoot some guns yourself?>later worked on a mapvery successfully, i might add.>>83594330>I decided to draw all the textures by hand!that really impressive. reminds me a lot of those cell-shading games that were all the rage back in the day.>anthology of the killernever heard of that before, but after looking it up i see it.>if you don't have anything to watch I could send you a linksure. i don't think i'll do much of anything tonight, so that'll help me to kill some time>>83594348ah, one of those gondola things, right?>>83594364hi officeanon!>how was your time away?it was fun, but also very draining. got to relax for about a week and then my friends arrived... it's not that we did anything crazy, but always being around people and having to play games and stuff exhausts me, so at the end i was as burned out as when i left. i'm just not a very social person, it seems. ^^' what have you been up to while i was on vacation?>now sure it's worth at this point loli'll be the judge of that. ;Di finally got my copy of fire punch vol 1. it's sitting on my couch, next to a reprint of all 4 volumes of nausicaa of the valley of the wind that i decided to buy on a whim it's 4kg of manga. not sure when i'll get to either, but at least it's in my possession now.>>83594538was it a different brand?>I guess in a way they actually were cat foodheh. :] as long as they didn't taste like it.
>>83594364>I'm not going anytime soonalthough the don't have to spend a lot if time don't shoot any big onesyou should look up the prices >>83594637>maybe i'll read up on it later in bed.if you wanna that alright >how did you come up with that idea? I thought about going in summer but I didn't so I decided to go now>did you shoot some guns yourself?yep :>>successfully, i might add.thank you ^^ >that really impressiveaw thanks but it's mostly just simple doodles >so that'll help me to kill some timeit'll help you kill a bunch of time https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=yVmxtCkHEOg&t=3s&pp=ygUXYW50aG9sb2d5IG9mIHRoZSBraWxsZXI%3D>gondola things, right?yep yep>different brand?yes and these ones were smoked they were okayI didn't eat them all though I'll eat the rest tomorrow And how was your day
>>83594538that would be a bad first impression if I got them and ended up like that D:>>83594637>got to relax for about a week that alone sounds like a pretty nice amount of time to just do nothing. Could go for that now, but I'd have a hard time disconnecting from everything anyway>i'm just not a very social person, it seems.fair, that takes a lot out of some people even if it's people you want to be hanging out with>what have you been up to while i was on vacation?A whole lot of nothing honestly. I still had work, but it was slow with so many people away. Didn't have real holiday gatherings since family were all sick. Spent a lot of time playing video games honestly.>i'll be the judge of that.were a few posters who was surprised to see stop in. Been pretty active threads>fire punch vol 1.nice. I'm not super far since didn't get around to getting the volume I needed, so haven't formed a deep opinion yet. Definitely think vol 1 set the tone for it being very harsh and mean so expect it's only going to get worse knowing Fujimoto>i decided to buy on a whimwas the season for that>>83594750> don't shoot any big onesyeah, the most fun ones cost so much. I looked at other ranges before and couldn't believe it.I have something else I'm considering a visit to soon that will cost a little bit of money, so probably do that first
>>83594750>if you wanna that alrighti have been warned ^^>I thought about going in summer but I didn't so I decided to go nowi guess there's a lot less visitors around this time of the year. probably a good decision.>yep :>did you have a good time?>it's mostly just simple doodlesmaybe, but you gotta start somewhere. and you could have just looked for assets online, but you didn't. good job!>it'll help you kill a bunch of timethank you! what kind of game is it?>yep yepdo i know my memes or what! ;D>these ones were smoked they were okayinteresting. i don't think we have smokes sardines in cans here. at least i haven't heard of it. it's usually in brine, in oil or some sort of sauce. i prefer the ones in oil.>I'll eat the rest tomorrowthat makes sense. canned fish can be a bit much.>how was your dayjust a regular one. went to work, came home, ate and here we are. nothing out of the ordinary happened. at least i don't think so. guess i slippes right back into my routine.
>>83594958>would be a bad first impressionyeah probably maybe avoid those in cat food shaped cans they still tasted okay >>83594958>have something else I'm considering a visitoo whaat?>>83594971>have been warned ^^yeah the threads been up for like 6 days!>a lot less visitors around this time of the yearprobably the range was coold>you have a good time?yep it was pretty cool man I'll go again some other day>looked for assets onlineheck noI have a world thing for trying to make hl2 not look like itself >good job!^w^ >know my memes or what! ;Dthat was a zinger granpa, you really know the internat well x3>in oil or some sort of sauceyep those were in oil actually >canned fish can be a bit muchespecially in the evening >slippes right back into my routine.that's goodhow was work?
>>83594958>that alone sounds like a pretty nice amount of time to just do nothing.can't argue with that, but i can't seem to get much out of it. guess not eating all that well also played a part in that.>Could go for that now, but I'd have a hard time disconnecting from everything anywaymaybe next time you get a break, look for a nice remote place and try to force yourself to actually not do anything at all besides maybe walks and reading. it might not sound very appealing compared to what you usually do, but sometimes it's necessary.>that takes a lot out of some people even if it's people you want to be hanging out withif nothing else, i learned that i have a limit.>A whole lot of nothing honestly.yay! \o/>still had work, but it was slow with so many people away. knowing you, you probably worked harder on those slow days than i on a regular one. :p >Didn't have real holiday gatherings since family were all sick. Spent a lot of time playing video games honestly.no arguments *and* video games? that's what i'd call time well spent. what did you play?>were a few posters who was surprised to see stop in. Been pretty active threadspeople weren't as busy over the holidays, i suppose. :>>Definitely think vol 1 set the tone for it being very harsh and mean so expect it's only going to get worse knowing Fujimotonot what i usually read, but i have to challenge myself and accept recommendations from time to time, so looking forward to this. i'll report back when i read it. i also got a friend who usually doesn't read manga to read dungeon meshi and he's really into it so far.>was the season for thattrue. i wanted it for a while, had 100 bucks to spare and it was 98. lucky me. :]>>83595049>yeah the threads been up for like 6 days!man. that's crazy. only got threads like that a few times. maybe i should just skip through and leave it at that.>the range was cooldgotta shoot the flamethrower then!
>>83595049>yep it was pretty cool man I'll go again some other dayseems like you're hooked. :> i've been thinking about it here and there, but i don't know if there's one nearby and if i'd actually want to spend money on it.>I have a world thing for trying to make hl2 not look like itselfyou're always knocking it out of the park in that regard. you effort shows and really pays off.>that was a zinger granpa, you really know the internat well x3how do you do, fellow kids! ^^>those were in oil actuallyhm. maybe those here are actually smoked as well and i just didn't know? gonna investigate.>especially in the eveningor any other time of the day. i really need to be in the mood to appreciate it>how was work?i don't know. i had times when i really didn't mind going there, but i haven't felt like that in a long time now. it's getting harder and harder to get over myself and head out. work itself isn't even that stressfull atm, but i just can't get into my flow at all.started the vid you watched. the game looks cool and i dig how the camera works.
>>83595049>maybe avoid those in cat food shaped canswill do. if you say it tastes fine maybe it is, I just have a hard time telling what's okay what's not for things I haven't tried before>oo whaat?the casino! Hearing a lot of people talk about going not long back and kinda want to try it out. I don't think I have the personality to get addicted to gambling, I just like the games and feel of it>>83595228>guess not eating all that well also played a part in thatalways ruins things for me just a little bit. Always say break time and vacation I can eat whatever I want, then regret not eating how i always do>it might not sound very appealingit does sound very appealing. What my vacations were like during covid (minus the fact I didn't go anywhere) so get the appeal of doing nothing>i learned that i have a limit.think we all do, but to this point i think this made me realize I might not be that introverted as I believe, since I never get tired of being around people> worked harder on those slow days than i on a regular onedifferent types of work, so not a fair comparison. Now, working more on the slow day than some colleagues on a regular day.....>time well spenta little sad about noting having real christmas, but oh well>what did you play?the last danganronpa game that I've been putting off for a bit and some persona 5 after going back. One these I'll for sure finish, not sure the other.>not what i usually read,Yeah, remember you mentioning you don't like the story being too cruel. I will say with Fujiomoto, he gets progressively worse as stories go on I feel, so if you don't like the tone at the start, you'll probably hate it later on. Least as far as that goes
going to sleeepill reply to u guys tomorro ~w~have nice dreams
what a dayi came back home like 6 hours ago and i felt like i deserve to rest as i wish nowfuck, man.as tired as i am, i feel i cant find the words to speakit's just a strange ending to what started in april. now i just feel left. not sure what im feeling to be fairi wish i could skip school tomorrow cuz that thing was brutali didnt sleep yet but my nerves calmed down for minutes i guess, not a nap exactlyi will reply tomorrow, i need some restsee you later everyone
>>83595638i wasn't paying attention and my phone died on me mid reply. i'm to tired and devastated to rewrite it now. i'll do that tomorrow. :[>>83595691good night, sleep tight!>>83596278hi rem! good to see you again! (^-^) sorry you had a bad day, though. let's talk about it tomorrow. i need some sleep, too.good night!
>>83595691gn cat>>83596278hey rm, good job surviving!don't sweat anything else right now just rest and hopefully see you soon>>83596376> my phone died on me mid replyughhh that's the worst, sorry. Always seems to happen for me (though closing the tab instead) right when ready to postTake it easy and see you later
yo everyone, sorry i've been away. my emotions have just been all over the place lately. i've just been chilling
I had a sleep and calmed down a little.I realise I've probably trauma bonded with her but I'm not sure what to do with that information.>>83594026Welcome back, yuanon!>>83594292>do you think they might get weaker with time?They only seem to be getting worse ;_;>but you can delet them right?I did but it's probably too late now. I wrote another, more sane one explaining I've been driven to madness by the silence and that I'll try to post much less. It was getting to 3-5 entries a day.>not that good but to my defense it was super cold and my hands were shaking a littleI'm sure you'll get better with practice.>>83594364>Imagine damage is done, but could you delete at least?I have but I'd imagine she saw them anyway.>always a pleasant surpriseI live pretty close to China so it shouldn't take too long to arrive. Still finds a way though.>But I feel miserable after eating too shitty too longWeirdly it's not been too bad since moving. Maybe I just got used to it.>Can't even walk 5 minutes up the road because it's just not meant for foot pedestriansSounds miserable. I don't think I could live somewhere like that.>so probably not gonna go there unless for work one dayYou could maybe explore if you had a long layover there.>>83596278Have a good snooze when you finally manage it.>>83596826Good to see you again
im watching breaking bad for the first time and its making me very sad because it's reminding me of my family which was destroyed by crime.
I have nothing to contribute but have a bump anyway
goodmorning everyone :]>How are you doing today?not the best, but I'll be fine>Any plans for today?clean and get stuff ready for tomorrow>Is there anything bothering you right now?a lot but, idk how to let it out
>>83596826hey chev. no obligation to post, but could to have you here when you do.Hope things are okay. Know you have a lot going on>>83598128> trauma bonded I think ultimately it's hard to break out of that if you associate positive feelings with that person exclusively. The problem is, if you feel like you don't prospects other than her(which I know you might feel based on things) it's really hard not to fixate on. Solution to that easier said than done too I know, but it doesn't have to be permanent....> imagine she saw them anywaydon't sweat it too much unless you know for sure she did>shouldn't take too long to arriveI'm amazed how quickly I get stuff from say Japan when I order, but stuck that happens to come from middle of no where in the US takes forever to reach me. How stuff ships is mysterious to me>Maybe I just got used to it.this for sure, since I remember when I started being strict with nutrition my body hated it too> don't think I could live somewhere like that.I don't think I'm meant for it either, but I reckon the US is unideal for most people living here. I at least am not too far from one of the few places that has okay public transportation. Just don't find myself there often. it's still very dangerous at night though, so that's given almost everywhere>>83598671hi anon> destroyed by crime.sorry to hear that.. Unfortunately, not a very rare problem that only people who've dealt with it really get. I'd probably stop watching if I were you, since imagine it gets worse and no reason to force yourself to watch something that will make you that sad>>83599739morning meowster>ready for tomorrowgot something going on?> idk how to let it outobviously just feel free to say whatever you want whenever here
>>83595638>Always say break time and vacation I can eat whatever I want, then regret not eating how i always doword. that has been going for the whole month of december for me and i feel accordingly. need to go back to a better diet for sure.>What my vacations were like during covid (minus the fact I didn't go anywhere) so get the appeal of doing nothingi've already mostly forgotten about that, but that might be because my life was pretty much the same except for wearing a mask from time to time. still might be worth it to look for a nice cabin for ykur next break and just let the world be the world for a week or two. biggest problem with that might be your girlfriend, though...>I might not be that introverted as I believe, since I never get tired of being around peopleat least you have a very large social battery. for me it got to the point i didn't even want to talk anymore and responded as little as possible.>working more on the slow day than some colleagues on a regular day.....guess they figured out the sweet spot to do as little as possible and still stay employed. helps when you have someone to do most of the work for you. :p>a little sad about noting having real christmas, but oh wellin the end it's just about sending off the old year while spending some quality time with family, friends or by yourself and not about that veneer of festivities.>One these I'll for sure finish, not sure the other.which one is which and why won't you finish it?>if you don't like the tone at the start, you'll probably hate it later on. Least as far as that goeswe'll see how i'll take it. there's a difference when it's part of a well told story instead of just being a vehicle for the author's misanthropy.>>83596826hey chev! what's up? skipped through the thread and saw you have a girlfriend now? :D>>83598128hi dinon! how have you been? from what i gathered you're having some rough times, don't you? :<
>>83598671hi anon!>im watching breaking bad for the first time and its making me very sadit's a good show, but maybe not the right thing to watch with your history? or maybe it is and it'll be cathartic to watch? hard to tell. anyways, make sure to take some breaks when it gets too much >>83599739morning moewster! :D>I'll be finei hope so>clean and get stuff ready for tomorrowwhat do you have to do tomorrow?>a lot but, idk how to let it outdo you need someone to talk to or do you think letting out some steam in a way (like smashing something) might help?
Hopefully it's out of my system now. I checked some old posts in the archive earlier and I've said something like that a bunch of times...>>83600262>if you feel like you don't prospects other than her(which I know you might feel based on things) it's really hard not to fixate onI felt like damaged goods before, but even more so now.>it doesn't have to be permanent....Here's hoping.>don't sweat it too much unless you know for sure she didThat's true. Maybe it's fine. But I also saw a vague post here the other day made me worry maybe she isn't okay and that worried me a lot. That probably set me off.>How stuff ships is mysterious to meI think it's pretty much magic. Some countries seem to have their postal service down to an art while others are barely functional. I send and receive stuff from all over the place and it's interesting to see where packages get held up in the tracking.>it's still very dangerous at night though, so that's given almost everywhereThat sucks. No one like feeling unsafe when they're out and I'm fortunate to almost never feel it here.>>83600440>how have you been? from what i gathered you're having some rough times, don't you? :<Yeah, I've not been so hot this last week. Same old same old.I know I'll be okay eventually (at least I hope I will) but it sucks in the moment.
>>83591953>will that thing take a long time?it could've taken 7 hours, but i left after only 5 hours or so>a place where you get and shoot gunsi thought so, are they real guns btw??>>83592135>hi remyo, you're active again?>>83592679>always miserable being so sleepytrue> I meant talking to a mental health provider.i thought so but i wrote the thing in case you meant talking to normal people yk>Need to share some details with them and what they're paid foryep>Don't think I'd be comfortable opening about most things with people irl eitheri guess we're just like that xDsome people make one feel like they have nothing to hide>So not all EU in fact!mhm (i sometimes forget that cyprus is considered european)if it's based on geographical place then it should be considered asian imo, else anatolia should be considered european toobut it's not based on it ig>>83593887>another breakdown earlier and made some more regrettable blogpostsi'm sorry for you disanonhow are you feeling now?>the guy on AliExpress decided to actually ship my packagewell you got this atleast xDwhen will it arrive?>and they're generally completely miserable true>Hopefully it isn't too bad for you today.thanks>I think there's some masochism going on with her, at least to a degree.that's a huge topic in the case of self harm reallyi forgot to mention that masochists can do crazy things too but even that seems too much, like there must be a limit to the desire of being hurt. but each one has own limit i guess>just not physically. how so? if you don't mind talking about it of course>but evidently she has an insanely high pain tolerance.this and maybe she got used to it somehow. did she show any signs of pain?>>83594026welcome back yuanon!!! how you been?>>83594538>I guess in a way they actually were cat food.....is it dangerous to eat it?
>>83596651>>83596376> let's talk about it tomorrow. i need some sleep, too.hope you had the sleep you needed!>>83596651>good job surviving!thanks officeanon!>don't sweat anything else right now just rest and hopefully see you sooni even skipped school, i wasn't planning to do this but hey i'm feeling better now>>83596826hey chevhope you're feeling okay now>>83598128>I realise I've probably trauma bonded with herdo you think you'll stop having breakdowns soon? i mean it's hard to tell but do you think you might eventually get better by time?
>>83600440> has been going for the whole month of december for meAs it is for a lot of people. Honestly, this Christmas season felt the most unremarkable of any I think I ever experienced. Perhaps I guess because work is fucked, no one is in the mood, and most people I'd talk to around this time save for gf are kind gone away. idk, kint of a let down. >i've already mostly forgotten about that,Only thing I remember from the period is reading an insane amount of books and everyone else crying about not being able to go out as much. Weird times>might be your girlfriendshe is going to be more busy than she's ever been before soon, so might not really even factor in that much to whatever I do> someone to do most of the work for you. Funny since there's not enough people for this so it's becoming more obvious where the lagging is happening so it's only a matter of time.>which one is which and why won't you finish itI'll definitely finish Danganronpa since I enjoy everything about those games, whereas Persona I enjoy on paper, but the lows are soooo low and it's like 100 hours long which makes it hard to power through.> just being a vehicle for the author's misanthropy.Fujiomoto isn't Gege(who unironically hates his reader), he coincidently makes everyone miserable because he's nuts. >>83600779> said something like that a bunch of timesit's okay. All have habits we can't break out of>felt like damaged goods beforeeveryone has their own issues. I'm not the type to tell people it's easy, but fact you're doing what you're able to do means you have more going positively for you than a lot of people. Know it doesn't fix the problems you're going through, but means you're better than you give yourself credit for
>>83600779>Some countries seem to have their postal service down to an art while others are barely functionaeven within a country it varies. The post office that used be my local was awful and would deliver certified mail to the wrong addresses even, whereas where I am now I have the best postal workers I've ever encountered in my life.>where packages get held up in the tracking.I dread seeing packages going through certain centers for this reason. Especially since some are known for having important things go missing fuck you memphis>No one like feeling unsafe when they're outnot much to be done here. Guns are the ultimate equalizer. I know guys bigger that got a gun in their face some nights. Not much you can do about that.>>83601051>i guess we're just like that i think everyone has topics they like to avoid I suppose>cyprus is considered europeanwhile most of the Balkans and apparently Norway as well are not part of the EU. A lot more going into these things than just geography, but then again I'm over in burgerland so I'm not the most knowledgeable person on this>>83601061>i even skipped schoolopes, hope that's okay.> hey i'm feeling better nowglad to hear it's not too bad whatever happened then
>>83601051>how are you feeling now?Better. Usually there's a build-up with how bad I feel, then I just collapse entirely and feel better and more lucid afterwards, and I think that happened again.>when will it arrive?According to tracking, January 2... Maybe Monday if I'm lucky.>like there must be a limit to the desire of being hurtI think there probably is for most people. Although on the deep end some people are okay with losing limbs...>how so? if you don't mind talking about it of courseI end up in a lot of awkward or stressful situations, usually through inaction. I'm not sure how much of that is masochism though. But a big hint is I'm still pining for a woman virtually everyone has told me to never interact with again after what she did to me.>did she show any signs of pain?I only ever saw the aftermath in video calls near the end of our time together, and she went out of her way to hide scars early on in the relationship. I never asked if it hurt because it seemed wildly inappropriate. I assume it did though. Hurting herself was her go-to coping mechanism.Thinking about it, she did refer to herself as a masochist quite a few times.>>83601061>do you think you might eventually get better by time?I thought I would but it's been over two months now and they just seem to be getting worse every time. I'm sure time will fix things but it seems very bleak right now.>>83601096>you're better than you give yourself credit forMaybe career-wise but I'd hesitate to say that transfers over to human connection.>>83601148>I dread seeing packages going through certain centers for this reasonThere's the UPS one that's basically been purgatory for the last few months. Stuff that got sent there had a good chance of getting destroyed by customs.>I know guys bigger that got a gun in their face some nightsScary stuff. I'm very glad to live somewhere with basically no violent crime.
heya>>83595228>only got threads like that a few times.yep and it's alive again today :0>shoot the flamethrower then!haha they have a working maxim so it'll probably warm the room up>>83595363>seems like you're hooked. :>not that much desu but it is pretty fun though what I'd really like ti shoot is a flintlock or a matchlock, sounds fun>want to spend money onyou should check out the prices, it can be quite cheap if you just use a pistol >how do you do, fellow kids! ^^I knew you'd say this lol>actually smokedI think they should have it written on the can if they areAlso hello hellohow are you today?>>83595638hey>have a hard time telling what's okayif the smell or taste makes you gag then probably you shouldn't eat it They taste like regular fish desu>the casinoit can be run :]though not for me but honestly it'd probably be more expensive than a range >>83596278hope you had some nice sleep>>83596826heo o/>sorry i've been away.dw about it>i've just been chillingthat's good did anything fun?>>83598128hey>calmed down a little.good>seem to be getting worse ;_;damn it :< >>83598671hello>family which was destroyed by crime.yeah if that's the case you probably shouldn't watch it, it doesn't seem like a show with lots of whimsy and cheer to make you feel better
>>83599505thanks >>83599739mornin>not the best, but I'll be finehopefully >get stuff ready for tomorrowoo what u plannin tomorrow?>idk how to let it outhm maybe writing a story or drawing something?>>83600779>Hopefully it's out of my system nowwell seeif not completely then hopefully it helped you at least a little bit >>83601051helo>after only 5 hours or sothat's still a lot of hours :o>are they real guns btw??yep real guns :3>dangerous to eat it?oh it wasn't really cat food (probably)and honestly most catfoods are probably safe to eat for humans It's actually mostly human food that is unhealthy for cats
>>83601461>I'd hesitate to say that transfers over to human connection.and I would agree with you there, but it's not bad either. People are fairly complex with lots of areas to look at. Deficiency in one way doesn't mean a person isn't worthwhile, just means it's a lot difficult depending what we're talking about.> good chance of getting destroyed by customs.that's like a very big annoyance. I have a bad experience with UPS in general as far as shipping goes. Think regular post has been better>glad to live somewhere with basically no violent crime.it's odd because I spent most of my life convinced things were I live are just normal, but even as far as the states go, cities nearby are an anomaly more than the norm(though almost any city in the US are far worse than most cities in other developed countries)>>83602003hiya cat, how's your day going?>smell or taste makes you gag then probably you shouldn't eat itwise advice for any food>taste like regular fish I think I found the brand I want to try. Will try to get some and let you know>though not for menot for a lot of people suppose. I like card games and not planning on blowing much money>probably be more expensive than a rangedepends on how much you want to use, how well you do, and what the table mins are. Obviously you don't plan on winning money overall, but if you win at all it can extend the amount you play for. Where as a range you shoot anything for a little bit you're done. Either way it's $100 minimum for ranges around me it seems so at that point not in a rush since personally have more fun with this I believe
>>83598128hey dinon, glad to see you too. >what to do with that information.do with it as you will i guess, it's not good or bad per se.>>83600440heyuanon!>what's up? the weather has been taking a bit of a toll on me i suppose, everything all dark and covered in snow, usually i'd like that but right now not so much. haven't been in the mood to do anything miniature related either. >saw you have a girlfriend now? :Dhaha that's right, but idk if i'm so happy about it. relationships are always pretty difficult and i always have to force myself through it, hopefully she's the one i guess. best I take it one day at a time. >>83601061>hope you're feeling okay nownot sure, but i'm stable now. that's all i can ask for >>83602003>did anything fun?not really, just been watching vids and writing a lot on a story i was working on.
>>83602010Hello /cat/ how are you doing?>if not completely then hopefully it helped you at least a little bitIt usually dies down for at least a few days after a big outburst. So I've got that going for me, at least.>>83602231>Deficiency in one way doesn't mean a person isn't worthwhile, just means it's a lot difficult depending what we're talking aboutI agree. As a person I think I'm alright. As a partner, probably not.>I have a bad experience with UPS in general as far as shipping goes. Think regular post has been betterPersonally I'd trust UPS with my life because I've never had an issue with them. Recent tariff stuff seemed to catch them with their pants down, as it did for basically every courier and postal service.>I spent most of my life convinced things were I live are just normalCrime is, unfortunately, normal in a lot of places. I didn't live in a particularly dangerous city, but someone was stabbed on my street one night... Bike theft was a fact of life where in the other place I lived too.>>83602785>it's not good or bad per seI suppose so. At least it explains why I've been so obsessive.>but i'm stable now. that's all i can ask forGood to hear!
>>83600262>Unfortunately, not a very rare problem that only people who've dealt with it really get.yeah, i suppose so. it's like a tornado. really does damage where it appears.
map's sorta finished at least visually
>>83603163tomorrow I'll do the sounds and also add some easter eggsdo you guys have any cool ideas about what easter eggs to add???
>>83602835>As a partner, probably not.and honestly, most people aren't. know it seems things aren't gonna change soon, but don't mentally lock yourself out of the chance>UPS with my life because I've never had an issue with them.honestly i've had better experience with everyone other than them, just coincidence i guess> tariff stuff seemed to catch them with their pants downas it did everyone here with literally everything...>theft was a fact of life where in the other place I lived too.theft is pretty common a lot of places i guess. I right it off as fine since it's much more tolerable than what else we have>>83603117i'd probably avoid it honestly. Good show I've heard, but not worth torturing yourself over. Life is too short>>83603163>>83603179looking goodi'll save thoughts for otherslol at the mikus though
>>83600779>I checked some old posts in the archive earlier and I've said something like that a bunch of times...why? no need to concern yourself with what you said here. i don't think anyone will hold it against you.>Same old same old.i see. seems like you two can't let go of each other. hard to say what's the best course of action in this situation.>I know I'll be okay eventually (at least I hope I will) but it sucks in the moment.that's usually how it goes, but it'll take longer when you get constantly reminded why you're feelimg down>>83601051>welcome back yuanon!!! how you been?thanks! i'm fine. had a good time with friends and family. didn't do much besides eating and playing games, though. ^^' glad to be back. how are you?>>83601061>hope you had the sleep you needed!i guess, but it doesn't seem it's ever enough. ^^'>>83601096>this Christmas season felt the most unremarkable of any I think I ever experienceddamn. i think i had that the year before. it culminated in a christmas day that was so warm it felt like spring. utter waste of a season.>no one is in the mood, and most people I'd talk to around this time save for gf are kind gone away.harder and harder to get into it these days. i don't think i've really felt it this year, either. lets hope this year will be better. it's just around the corner anyway. ^^>so might not really even factor in that much to whatever I domaybe it's a nice opportunity to get some you-time. what's she up to?>it's becoming more obvious where the lagging is happening so it's only a matter of time.interesting. maybe it'll have consequences when you get more coworkers again. can't see them throw those employees out when they're already behind.>ll definitely finish Danganronpa since I enjoy everything about those gamesthose are visual novels, right? the name rings a bell, but i can't put my finger on it.
so who's gonna bake the new thread we hit image limit
>>83601096>Persona I enjoy on paper, but the lows are soooo low and it's like 100 hours long which makes it hard to power through.same. i tried 4 and while i enjoyed the setting and characters, but i couldn't deal with the social life sim aspect at the time. what version did you play? i heard there is one that's supposed to improve the pacing, but i'm not sure how many hours it shaves off.>Fujiomoto isn't Gege(who unironically hates his reader), he coincidently makes everyone miserable because he's nuts.i never understood authors who are at war with their own audience, but i haven't created anything either, so i guess i don't know how it feels to get a constant stream of criticism. i'll take nuts over antagonistic any time of the day, though.>>83602003>yep and it's alive again today :0it lives! \o/>they have a working maxim so it'll probably warm the room upis that a heater?>what I'd really like ti shoot is a flintlock or a matchlock, sounds funhm... guess you'd need to find some reenactment group for that. maybe theirs some sort of fair near you where you could meet these kind of people.>it can be quite cheap if you just use a pistolmaybe if i just throw the thing. :p feels like something that would be a bureaucratic nightmare here. i guess i should just check out how much it actually is.>I knew you'd say this lolnot hard to predict that. i'd never let an opportunity to say it slip. ;D>I think they should have it written on the can if they areyeah. they're probably just fried.>how are you today?i'm good. just watching some stream right now. though i got told i probably have to work on saturday and that didn't help my mood at all. what about you?
Well, I've ruined my sleep schedule yet again. Better head to bed soon.Thanks for chatting with me, everyone. You help more than I let on.>>83603163>>83603179Looks good! Is this in GoldSrc?>>83603224>but don't mentally lock yourself out of the chanceIt wouldn't be fair on them. I still think about her constantly. I just don't see it happening while I'm like this.>just coincidence i guessProbably. DHL seem to be the worst offender for me. I currently have two packages that have been stuck in Germany for over a month. This isn't even the first time it's happened.>it's much more tolerable than what else we haveI'd rather that than burglary or being robbed at gun/knifepoint, I guess.>>83603812>no need to concern yourself with what you said here. i don't think anyone will hold it against you.It's more guilt around not making any progress I suppose.>hard to say what's the best course of action in this situation.I think calling each other and talking for a while would go a very long way to help both of us figure out what we're doing, but I can't force her to do that. It's taken a tremendous amount of self-restraint to not call her, even though I feel like it would probably solve a lot. Maybe I should take some pride in knowing I haven't.>it'll take longer when you get constantly reminded why you're feelimg downDespite not running into much stuff that reminds me of her, this week has probably been the most difficult in a while. I'm not really sure what's going on.
>>83602785>the weather has been taking a bit of a toll on me i suppose, everything all dark and covered in snowi do like snow a lot, but that reminds me: i probably should take my vitamin d pills. >haven't been in the mood to do anything miniature related either.me neither. i guess i need to play a game to once in a while to keep my motivation up.>idk if i'm so happy about it.i reckon it's the girl that you thought was a bit quick to move through the steps of a relationship?>i always have to force myself through it, hopefully she's the one i guess.lets hope she is and that it's all worth it.>best I take it one day at a time.true. good luck.>>83603163>>83603179always hard to come up with something... >>83603971>Better head to bed soon.good night, sleep tight!>Thanks for chatting with me, everyone. You help more than I let on.i think that's how most of us feel. it's good to have a place like this. thanks for being a part of it.>It's more guilt around not making any progress I suppose.life is an odd dance of moving forward, standing still and falling back. it's always good to try, but you can't expect to make progress all the time and we don't expect you to.>It's taken a tremendous amount of self-restraint to not call her, even though I feel like it would probably solve a lot.stuck between a rock and a hard place. damned if you do, damned if you don't. i think that's all the smart sounding idioms that don't really help but fill the void i know. :/>Maybe I should take some pride in knowing I haven't.you did well in that regard.>this week has probably been the most difficult in a while. I'm not really sure what's going on.who knows why the brain does what it does? does it help you in any way to be reminded of a 20 year old jingle you heard as a kid? no, but here it is anyway...
>>83603826Probably not worth it this point in the day since would probably die over night at his point finally>>83603812>t culminated in a christmas day that was so warm it felt like spring. utter waste of a season.that was what it felt like here today. Of course, past weeks have been arctic cold, so having a nice day was kinda nice>what's she up to?will talk about it just not here>throw those employees out when they're already behind.you'd think that makes sense, but it requires thinking, which you never know if they do that or not>those are visual novels, right? part visual novel, but more interactive, almost like old click and point adventure games. They are very very very dumb, but I enjoy them. just always painful watching the characters I like die to early >>83603951>tried 4 and while i enjoyed the setting and charactersFor me it was 3 I really liked. I'm playing 5 a little now since it's one I have on steam, so figured i'd give it a go> i couldn't deal with the social life sim aspect at the time.Reminds me of my brother in his early 20s telling me how weird is to play a high school life sim with dating as an adult and I told him I don't have a problem in my 30s>authors who are at war with their own audienceThe thing Gege was people liked what he did, but it wasn't the reaction he wanted. People were supposed to hate Gojo, and he got really pissed he was popular, so then flipped his shit and impacted his storytelling as a result while he threw a temper tantrum trying to ruin it for fans as much as possible. Meanwhile Fujiomoto watched the CSM Reze movie and said it was so sad that it made him wonder why the author made the decisions that he did lol
>>83603971>I've ruined my sleep schedule yet again. Better head to bed soon.easy come easy go as I said. Hope you get on track eventually>Thanks for chatting with me, everyone. and don't mention it. Glad to have you hear>I just don't see it happening while I'm like this.I know it's hard to imagine much, but I think if you were in the situation you'd probably bounce out of these feelings faster than you realize. I think it's hard to realize that until you get to that point though>. DHL seem to be the worst offender for meWhich I again have had no issue with D: No rhyme or reason for any this is my take away.>burglary honestly, this is my biggest worry. I spent a lot of money doubling up on hardier locks an extra measures to keep people out. Maybe overkill since I'm not rich and most people break in based on convenience, but that's why I make as inconvenient as possible
>>83604173>Probably not worth itMakes sense, I'll bake a fresh one 9AM EST then. Should catch most posters at that time.
>>83602231>how's your day going?pertty okay though I keep feeling frustrated like I want something but I don't know why>advice for any foodyep even if you can eat something and it doesn't make you feel good, don't eat it>Will try to get some and let you knowok, just don't overthink it frenit's not like sardines are expensive anyway oh btw now that I think of it i thnk I had sprats not sardines, they're just a bit smaller >not planning on blowing much moneynobody ever does I feel >Either way it's $100 minimumwhat :0that's a lot>>83602785>watching vids and writingthat's alrightat least you could relax a little >>83602835>how are you doing?okay though feeling frustrated for no reason >usually dies down for at least a few daysyep at least it's not constant, maybe you could do something to prepare for your next breakdown?>>83603224thank you>lol at the mikus thougshe lives in my wifi, and my walls and my skull and she's always in the corner of my vision >>83603971>ruined my sleep scheduleD;>this in GoldSrc?nope it source :]>>83604067>come up with something...I think I'll figure something out if I look ar various images I have saved on my phone but I also want to include some of your guys stuff >>83603951gonna reply to u in a sec
>>83604173>that was what it felt like here today. Of course, past weeks have been arctic cold, so having a nice day was kinda niceas long as it's a welcome change of pace. i suppose it can't really tank your mood when you aren't in it in the first place. ^^ enjoy it for what it is.>will talk about it just not hereo7>you'd think that makes sense, but it requires thinking, which you never know if they do that or noti mean, when you think about it... the more people you fire that don't get things done, the higher the percentage of people who do get things done, so the less employees, the more gets done! i am very smart!>almost like old click and point adventure games.i miss those. when i was watching the game catbro send me a vid of i couldn't stop thinking that it would be a great point&click adventure if it added some puzzles.>They are very very very dumb, but I enjoy them.that's more then enough and most of the manga i read. ^^ >just always painful watching the characters I like die to earlyis there a way to avoid that or are the deaths part of the story?>For me it was 3 I really liked. I'm playing 5 a little now since it's one I have on steam, so figured i'd give it a godidn't they just remake 3 and a lot of people are pissed that it's way to bright instead of gloomy? i always wonder why the people who do these kind of remakes never get why people like the aesthetics and designs of those older titles.>how weird is to play a high school life sim with dating as an adult and I told him I don't have a problem in my 30sthat's not even my biggest issue.since i told those skanks to sod off every chance i got! :p it was more that whenever i made the character study, make plans with friends, etc. i wasn't able to not compare myself and what i was doing irl to it and i didn't like what it showed me about myself.
>>83604173>People were supposed to hate Gojo, and he got really pissed he was popularwell, he got that reaction out of me. i hate the character so much i stopped watching the show... good job, i guess?>while he threw a temper tantrum trying to ruin it for fans as much as possiblei guess the smarter move would have been to give them what they want and laugh all the way to the bank, but that's the problem with actual artist. they want it to go their way or to hell with it.>Meanwhile Fujiomoto watched the CSM Reze movie and said it was so sad that it made him wonder why the author made the decisions that he did loland then there's that guy... ^^>>83604586>I think I'll figure something out if I look ar various images I have saved on my phone but I also want to include some of your guys stuffyou're way better at figuring that stuff out than i am, but maybe something from ed,edd n eddy? t has posted it a lot and i feel like the style of the show fits the style of your map.
I been feeling quite frustrated for no reason today I was constantly looking for something but I didn't know what, honestly in the past I'd probably cut but it didn't come to my mind today Anyways at least my bee feeling very nice nice comfy nowfor some reason I couldn't get comfortable yesterday but today is good>>83603951>lives! \o/probably doesn't have much left hehe but 8 days is a pretty dang lot >that a heater?ig you could call it that ^^it's an early machine gun like a 1900s minigun>need to find some reenactmentthey're not actually firing any buletsbtw apparently real muskets firing any suuper loud wild that people back then didn't use ear protection >something that would be a bureaucratic nightmarehard to say I expected something similar but it was very easy, getting a gun to own is what is difficult >never let an opportunity to say it slip. ;Dyep, you're funny^^>probably have to work on saturdaygrr >>>:lyou should tell them you cant just ao they know they can't just use you like thatwhat are they gonna do about it >>83604769>ed,edd n eddyyep I could make the plank heh ^^ thanks
>>83604851>I been feeling quite frustrated for no reason today I was constantly looking for something but I didn't know what, honestly in the past I'd probably cut but it didn't come to my mind todaythat's quite odd. glad you didn't cut, but you must have been really annoyed to completely forgot about it.>my bee feeling very nice nice comfy nowthat's good. your bee deserves to be comfy.>I couldn't get comfortable yesterday but today is goodthat's nice. my blankets don't really feel comfy recently, either. not sure what that's all about.>probably doesn't have much left hehe but 8 days is a pretty dang lotis their an actual post limit?>it's an early machine gun like a 1900s minigunah, that makes more sense. ^^>they're not actually firing any buletswould be one hell of an reenactment if they did>btw apparently real muskets firing any suuper loudand they took quite a chunk out of you when you got hit. heard that one of the reasons people ditched the backplate of the cuirass was that early firearms were strong enough to penetrate the breastplate, but lost too much force to penetrate the back and the bullet would just ricochet inside your armour.>wild that people back then didn't use ear protectiongotta hear your orders.>I expected something similar but it was very easy, getting a gun to own is what is difficulti suppose that's true. ever heard of jorg sprave and his slingshot channel? the guys only reason to live is to build weapons that circumvent the stupid german gun laws. we have a law now that specifically targets one of his creations. the sixneedler. a co2 needle revolver.>you should tell them you cantmaybe, but a coworker is sick and i don't really have a reason to say no. i can use the money right now. i've been on a bit of a spending spree lately...
>>83601148 #>not the most knowledgeable person on thisneither am i, time to leave this topic>glad to hear it's not too badthanks mate!>>83601461 #>and feel better>and I thiink that happenedclearly it's toughi hope you overcome it>Maybe Mondayso 4 days later?>are okay with losing limbswell, can't be fully surprised>end up in a lot of awkward or stressful situationsshheesh dude this really hurts, idk if you get the same feelings i get cuz of awkward situationsdoes it give you pleasure though? i think the answer can help psychologists naming the case>big hintwell idk if it counts as masochism but that's really a thing, and i believe it's dangerous but idk how far you go with it>I assume it did thoughtbf maybe that's something we can be sure of, unless if she got very used to it to a point where she doesn't feel pain or something.i hope she gets well>two months>it seems very bleak right nowmaybe you might eventually get better by time but it seems quite unhealthy to leave yourself like that, you got any distractions?>>83602010 #>a lot of hoursyep>real guns:Onever held oneis there any reward at the end btw?>wasn't really cat food (probably)well let's hope so>are probably safe to eat for humanshmm but i think the taste is clear enough for humans to know it isn't the best option, isn't it? how did the sardines taste?>>83602785 #>stablewell, wanna talk about whatever bothering?>>83603812 #>had a good time with friends and familyheyy that's cool!>eating and playing gamesdidn't you get bored? :Oi would get bored ig>how are you?had to go through some of the hardest times and decisions in my life but here i am alive, though it's one of the hardest days. pretty much not fine overall>doesn't seem itever enoughtrue xD
>>83605290>heyy that's cool!i thought so, too. (^-^)>didn't you get bored? :O i would get bored igyeah, but getting away from everything and to do nothing was pretty much the point. what kind of vacations do you like?>had to go through some of the hardest times and decisions in my life but here i am alive, though it's one of the hardest dayswow. glad you made it through and hope it all went well. i'd ask why, but i won't pry. i'm rooting for you, though. will it be better from here on out?>pretty much not fine overallsorry, buddy. :< what are you going to do now?
going to bed now. good night. (~.~)
how long will i have to endure this pain? im so tired man. nothing in my life is easy on me, every single day is a challenge that will hunt me instantly. memories are killing me and fear of the future is so painful, having to face every day's problems is so tiring, every single interaction is something to keep my brain burning. every solution is so difficult. i wish it wasn't that hard to find words that describe me well
>>83602835>why I've been so obsessive.that's not healthy, try to work on it for your own sake man.>Good to hear!thanks, hope you are too!>>83604067>i probably should take my vitamin d pills. yeah me too haha, i'll get some tomorrow if I remember.>play a game to once in a while to keep my motivation up.that's fair, i'll probably assemble a lot of my stuff. gonna do some subassemblies probably.>was a bit quick to move through the steps of a relationship?nah not her, just someone i didn't realize at the time was right for me. guess i had the male version of girls going for the toxic guys.>lets hope she is and that it's all worth it.only time can tell, but i believe in it.>>83604586>at least you could relax a little yeah i was looking on the wplace thing, pretty damn interesting.>>83605273>well, wanna talk about whatever bothering?mainly just relationship insecurities. idk if thinking about it makes it better
>>83604689>the less employees, the more gets done! Now you can be a CEO!>i miss thosea fun genre for sure, though I don't think I e> part of the story?this. The games are very very story heavy. And the story is about murder games where people are supposed to murder and get away it to escape, so very few in the cast survive till the end. You kinda don't expect your favorites to make it to the end, but sucks when the ones you like die first half the game D:> pissed that it's way to bright instead of gloomy?yes they did and saw this but I don't get it. I think it looks good. Original is just old now, don't think the direction is that off. But there were people upset that it's not always night in Cyberpunk, so go figure> told those skanks to sod off every chancethe canonical option obviously that or dating everyone can't tell though> wasn't able to not compare myself and what i was doing irl guess that makes sense. I suppose most people playing 100+ long jrpgs either, just some us feel disconnected from that stuff. I used to have stuff with games would occasionally rub me wrong>>83604586> i hate the character you had the correct reaction then and I'm on the same page as well but they do give less focus after where you dropped it> laugh all the way to the banknot like that didn't happen anyway. I'm wondering how fans will react to next season coming out soon. My brother is 100% insisting people will hate it, but let's see
>>83604586>>83604851> feeling quite frustrated for no reason todayhmm maybe just a feeling of restlessness? can happen sometimes. Especially after finally being done with school> but today is goodglad to hear things a little better take it easy>don't overthink it frenwon't, i'm just picky brands I buy of things hear, but there's one I saw that have at the better grocery store I go to>nobody ever does I feeltrue, but best way is to limit up front before going so I can't use more. >corner of my visionkinda scary D: lol>>83605759hey rm! what's got you down? more of the same from earlier?try to hang in there... Know there's a lot going on in your mind right now, but you can't it drag you down.>>83605555whoop, quads
I just woke up so have a quick bump before I reply to everyone
>>83604067>it's good to have a place like this. thanks for being a part of it.It is. Thanks for being a part of it as well.My old haunt seems to have disappeared so you guys are the only people I interact with some days.>it's always good to try, but you can't expect to make progress all the time and we don't expect you toThat's true. It's easy to hold yourself to very high standards and be disappointed when you don't meat them. For me, at least.>i think that's all the smart sounding idioms that don't really help but fill the void i know. :/That's okay. Ultimately this is something I alone have to navigate and none of the options are good or easy.>does it help you in any way to be reminded of a 20 year old jingle you heard as a kid?Yeah, I guess I shouldn't worry about it too much.>>83604229>Hope you get on track eventuallyThe building being demolished is working pretty well as an alarm clock, honestly.>Glad to have you hearAnd you!>I think if you were in the situation you'd probably bounce out of these feelings faster than you realizeI don't want to think my feelings are that fleeting. That's upsetting, no?>No rhyme or reason for any this is my take awayIt's probably best to assume they're all useless and you just got lucky...>that's why I make as inconvenient as possibleAside from stuff getting stolen, the feeling of being unsafe in your own house really messes you up. I think it's reasonable to make yourself a difficult target.>>83604586>nope it source :]Are you making it in Hammer?>>83604851>I was constantly looking for something but I didn't know whatSometimes I get like that. The feeling that something is missing or that you should be doing something but you can't figure out what really messes with my head.>in the past I'd probably cut but it didn't come to my mind todayGood to hear!>>83605759Sorry to hear that things suck right now. I can't really advise but you'll always have here to vent, and that's better than nothing.
good morning, everyone! guess the thread lives another day!
>>83605904>i'll get some tomorrow if I remember.hope it helps. hard to tell sometimes, but most people tend to have a deficit, so taking some shouldn't hurt.>i'll probably assemble a lot of my stuff. gonna do some subassemblies probably.i think that's a good idea, especially for the bigger models. have fun!>nah not herthat's quite the turn of events! :0 didn't expect that at all. probably a good choice, though. wishing you luck!>>83605910>Now you can be a CEO!guess my degree of douchebaggery is in the mail :p>a fun genre for suremy favorite growing up. i should check if there are any new ones around.>so very few in the cast survive till the end. You kinda don't expect your favorites to make it to the end, but sucks when the ones you like die first half the game D:hm. can be fun if the story and whatever gameplay there is are good. are there multiple paths you can take?>yes they did and saw this but I don't get itas someone who was pissed at small design changes before and as someone who really hated the sudden art direction shift from classical fantasy rpg to persona 5, but fantasy, i do get it. i just seeth a bit and keep my money as a result. guess they really listened to yoko taro...https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=XhWGuV6mcE4&pp=ygUUeW9rbyB0YXJvIHJlIGZhbnRhc3k%3D>the canonical option obviously that or dating everyone can't tell thoughgot no clue about that, but tali from mass effect! now that's a romance option, let me tell you! until they revealed her face on a photograph which turned out to be a slightly photoshopped stock image...>some us feel disconnected from that stuff.sure. it's just not something i could deal with at the time. guess that's why i gravitate more towards fantasy and sci-fi settings instead of modern or more realistic ones.>I used to have stuff with games would occasionally rub me wrongwhat bothered you?
>you had the correct reaction theni guess, but i'm an outlier when it comes to my taste in anything, so i'm not sure why he thought he'd get the reaction he wanted from the genetar audience... i knew at a glance that it would be a very popular character.>they do give less focus after where you dropped itguess that's what happens when you kill the character, but picking a series up again is always way more difficult to justify for me than just trying it out. >I'm wondering how fans will react to next season coming out soon. My brother is 100% insisting people will hate it, but let's seeyou can make a living out of outrage farming, so it could work despite people hating it. for people to just drop something they previously liked it has to get really bad, like arcane season 2 or game of thrones later seasons kind of bad.>>83607690>My old haunt seems to have disappeared so you guys are the only people I interact with some days.not the worst bunch of people to limit yourself to, i'd say. ;D>For me, at least.i'm doing that to myself, too. it can help to let others be a voice of reason in that regard.>I alone have to navigate and none of the options are good or easy.true, but i wish i just could somewhat help in that regard.
Will be along soon
I guess riding this one all the way to the bump limit. Hi anon who saw me in the other thread.>>83609163>not the worst bunch of people to limit yourself to, i'd say. ;DYes. You're all very good to me.>it can help to let others be a voice of reason in that regardI agree. Going through life I've not had too many which is probably why I'm so prone to it.>i wish i just could somewhat help in that regard.I'm grateful either way!
let's let this one archive and I'll make another thread in a bit
>>83607690> building being demolished is working pretty well as an alarm clockalarm clock doesn't help if you're not managing to sleep at night anyway. Hope you're at least getting some sleep>That's upsetting, no?honestly, I get it since I used to be very idealistic about that type of things before becoming very jaded and cynical. Not sure what's better, being hurt by feelings you can't shake or being very apathetic to the idea of those types of feelings being real. idk > assume they're all useless most likely the correct when you zoom up enough with mistakes made. Just our individual shipments are insignificant enough> feeling of being unsafe in your own house really messes you up.I've been on the fence about getting a gun. One of these days, just not exactly cheap>>83609120>degree of douchebaggery is in the mail has to be from that one Harvard business program that people pay to say they went there but never actually studied there!>are there multiple paths you can take?nope strictly linear visual novel in that sense. But it's fine, i like them, just not very much in terms of replay ability.
>>83609120>who really hated the sudden art direction shift from classical fantasy rpg to persona 5, but fantasy, i do get it.what game was that?? >guess they really listened to yoko taroi wouldn't mind trying nier is school style....>what bothered you?i could physically not stomach doing evil stuff in games. Even if it's a game. I could never play evil path in RPG's and just straight up could never really get into GTA period because I felt uncomfortable with the concept. >>83609163> not sure why he thought maybe inspired by some traits he didn't like in a real person and assumed his view was the right one and was too blinded by that hatred. Would explain ths pissyness but who knows> when you kill the characterthat is actually not what happens after you dropped. I was trying not to post spoilers for it even if it's been out a while. I go out of my way to not spoiler anything Except maybe chainsaw man, might of flagrantly posted spoilers unmarked for that lol>liked it has to get really badi don't know the extent, but might be. My brother said the manga nose dives off a cliff and it's like he got bored>>83611106woops, saw this after I replied but wanted to finish
new thread >>83611499>>83611499new thread >>83611255it's okay :>
