https://youtu.be/bd35OWQEQX4?si=LgMExpxCDEoHtBfZ [Open]now that i've puzzled over this game, and i flashed back to how the fuck the succubi explained to me, i can finally play this game properlyhere's how i invented this game. after dating for 2 years, me and my succubus, katie peach, were having a dead bedroom problem, so all of sudden, she suggests breaking out this bootleg dakimakura of Sona Buvelle, from league, the breast support in the game, where I did something clever to her. I found an on/off hentai of her and bootleged it, then cut a slot where her pussy is, so i could slide an onahole in it and fuck it missionary. it was interesting.in order to do this, i did some bullshit ritual with my black ghost playing cards, and boom. the sona daki starts talking to me, and tells me to bring her as many queen of spades as possible. then once i do, she says "you fucked up. i'm very powerful now"then for a week, all that's happening, is all 3 of us are completely naked watching nothing but hentai trying to make me HFO, and she's injecting this fucked up plot for a hentai into my head, i wish i spoke japanese, because some psychopath would make this hentaithe skeleton of the plot is as follows. this loli and her platonic male friend, living in some suburban area of japan, where the wires are making that weird sound effect they do in lain, get locked in this female scientist's basement, and she's a single mother, where she wants to try a fucked up experiment. let's do the opposite of HRT, and pump her daughter with estrogen, pump her friend with testosterone, and tell them nothing about sex, and leave them fully naked, and only bring them food and injections and female birth control, and see what the fuck happens. in order to throw the police off the trail, she files a missing person report, and is such a sociopath about it, they don't suspect anything at all
in order to determine how many cards to draw, you roll 2d4-1. the nobles had special dice with a 0-3, i don't have that.if the cards are somehow a draw, you put them at the top of the deck, and reshuffle the whole deckafter the deck is exhausted, you go into the obliteration phase. you draw out everything they captured, and if they captured something of the same card, it gets obliterated, and it's removed from the game. however, because the jokers are always opposing each other, they stay in the gamein the end, it ends up being a snowball game, where one side gets a slight advantage, and it spirals out of control, unless something lucky happens, just like fucking league, so i thought it was hilarious that sona suggested this gamethere are two victory conditions. the first, is that one entity went on a run, and captured every single card. the second victory condition, is that the only card left in the entity's deck is the joker, then it goes full heath ledger, they shoot themselves in the head, and the entity who still has cards winsanyway, sona won. so i fucked her first. that's just how it went.in this game of succubus solitare, the white deck, which i blessed with holy water, will represent yosho, the ultimate force of good. the black cards represent spikeman, the ultimate force of evil. and I, Yuji Sakai will be the referee of this match.i'm not going to take a picture of every single draw. i am only going to take a picture of before and after on each obliteration phase, and tell you how many positive and negative cards are in each deck.
what ends up happening, is i get ransomware, i'm yelling at comcast all day, because i quickly figure out it's my router that got hacked, and i'm knocked down to a phone with a low data plan, so i call my psychiatrist, and tell i can't do a zoom appt, we need to do a phone appt. and he never ends up calling me. and because my computer is dead, i'm blowing through sticky notes, so i go to staples to get a pack of stickies, it turns out their registers have been hacked, and they can't ring me up, so they give me them for freeas a result, i think the bombs are about to drop, and i go panic hoarding food, and i'm only paying with a snap card, and the cashier is like why is it charging you tax on snap, and i need a manager override. then i go through a second loop through the store, notice someone else panic shopping, and apparently they tell me they work in cybersecurity, and i ask them if the power grid is going to stay on, and she's like oh no, the power grid is fucked, if the russians want to pull the trigger, and gives me the technical explanation as to how it works. as a former computer hacker, i've known this classifed information for decades, and its only within this decade we've finally started fixing the problemon the way home, i make a call to someone, and my phone sounds like it's under a wiretap, and i notice a guy wearing shades is following me, blowing through red lights. so i do what you're do when you're being followed, i take a deliberate wrong turn, with my turn signal on in the direction i'm actually supposed to turn, and this guy immediately peels out through a double yellow and blows by me.
at this point, i feel like i'm in danger, and i need a safe location with security cameras to be, and i happen to run into the town sheriff at my bank, explain everything that happened, and he says this sounds like something between a james bond movie and something actually happening today, i need you to go in for a psych eval, and i show all the food in my car, give him the keys to my car, and he brings all my expirable food home.in the end what happens is, even though i'm on a 14 day psych hold, i'm released in 5 days, because my psychiatrist says yes, i did get ransomware, and my phone was jammed, so i had to pay the ransom. i had no choice. but when i try to open an FBI investigation into this, he goes full hillary clinton, and says i do not recall. all the FBI is able to figure out is how i got hacked, and i was right, it was the router, but they were never gonna figure out who hacked me. that's the NSA's job. as a result, this leads to an out of court settlement with comcast, where i'm talking directly to their corporate hq, and they waive 2 months of service i didn't recieve, and the early termination fee, and i just take the offer, because i don't want to roll the dice in court. they also say they're going to red flag this router and figure out what the hell happened to it.i did get something out of this trip to the psych ward though. i met two white witches, and one of them taught how to perform an exorcism, with the white circle. the first time i perform it, i use my archangel cards, but it is imperfect, all i do is throw her back in the box i kept her in.
what ends up happening with the hentai it works exactly like mice. the boy has no fucking idea how it works, but the girl figures it out, explains it to him, and basically rapes him. the other thing going on, is they're essentially morphing through puberty super fast. by the final episode of the hentai, the boy is jacked like goku, and the girl has the big mommy milkies, and the boy rapes her, and that's kind of how it ends.anyway, after days of doing nothing but nothing but watch hentai, i still haven't HFOed, and they're finally like oh well, let's start the threesome, and they're aruging about who should initiate the threesome. then sona tells me about this ancient card game lost to history, played by royalty, who could afford this, shuffle the two decks together, and then the two decks represent something, and then the cards obliterate each other as the game goes on, and there's a ranking to the suits. you are merely the referee to this card game. hearts represent love, so that gets 4x. diamonds represent beauty, so that gets 2x. spades represent weapons, which get a 1x multipliier, and clubs look like the holy cross, which a succubus does not want to see, so it's actually a -1x multiplier, they would crunch the numbers on a quill and scroll, and whoever won, goes in the capture pileas far as the face cards go, a K is an autowin, but a Q actually trumps a K, and is an even bigger autowin. and a J is an autoloss. if you somehow draw a combination of Q/J or K/J, then they go directly in the obliteration pile. an A is simply worth 1 at the time playing cards were invented. as far the joker, it goes full society bottom text, and all cards are obliterated, except for the joker itself. it goes into its own entity's capture pile. and there is only one joker in each deck, not twothis is katie peach btw, for you guys in /x/. the trick to summoning a succubus is to sleep with an object shaped like a woman. then you trip balls on oxytocin and she starts talking
Chatgpt postsDead internet theory
one day, i roll 666 777 rolling 2d1000, and all of a sudden, sona's back. and then katie peach and sona are locked in an epic psychic battle, and i'm playiing succubus solitare again, and what's on the line, is what color wig i buy next. if sona wins, it will be blue, and she will take object possession over my doll. if katie peach wins, i get a blonde wig. i clearly see sona is winning, but she is insane, so i immediately interverne, and use my archangel cards in a solid perfect circle, and say "God, get this demon the fuck out of my apartment", and it worked, because He immediately responded with a very local lightning strike. then in order to seal it, i encase the daki in 3 white trash bags, the holy number, and throw it straight in the trashi eventually talk to a catholic priest about this, and he explains to me that katie peach is not evil, she is a gift from the holy spirit, because i was in love with her, and Satan cannot mimic the power of love, but the other succubus that was making watch hentai, very clearly was evil, and he told me to stop watching pornography and just have sex with my doll. i haven't been doing that. i'll just sit in purgatory for this.anyway, in order to play this game in my bed, they had me clear my marble chess board, and use it in my bed as a table to draw out all the cards. i have been using this marble chess board to make a board game where it's like chess, mtg, and starcraft had a threesome, and chess isn't sure who the father is. instead of a king, you're a wizard, and you're so old, you can't move, but you have an array of magic spells to get yourself out of check. so this marble chess board clearly has magical properties.anyway, from hereout, i am give this deck a deep shuffle, going to take photos of each obliteration phase, and see if yosho or spikeman wins in this timeline
>>11725203nope, i'm just fucking insane. you will see photos very soon.
>>11725203the first obliteration of the game just happened, and the spikeman is losing his cards. you still think i'm chatgpt?
>>11725230No, now I think you're pretending to be insane
>>11725233DUBS!!! LOLE!!!round 1 is complete. i'm going to repost this creepypasta to /x/, and then i'm going to deal with the bloodbath on the opening round
on the left, that's what yosho captured. on the right, that's what the spikeman captured. it's going to me a long time to get through this clusterfuck
obliteration phase one is complete, and round is always a bloodbath. yosho has lost all his queens, has a single jack left, and the spikeman has a queen, but is heavily indexed into negative cards, so i'm not sure who will win round 2
>>11725175>where she wants to try a fucked up experiment. let's do the opposite of HRT, and pump her daughter with estrogeni was about to make a thread asking what would happen if you did thisYour fortune: Bad Luck
round 2 is completenow i gotta figure out what got obliterated
not much got obliterated in the obliteration phase, but here's what i'm noticing. yosho will have more negative cards than the spikeman, and he has 2 jacks and two kings, while the spikeman has a jack, a king, and the last queen standing. he also has significantly more hearts, but yosho has the 10 of hearts still, and that's worth 40, so he will most almost certain win that round unless he draws a jack or a joker. the jacks are basically feeding uncontrollably, to use the league analogy, but i think the spikeman is winning
on the second draw, yosho drew the worst possible draw, where he drew two kings, and his 10, and spikeman drew no cards at all, so it's just 0, so i think yosho's fucked. spikeman did draw his queen on draw 1, but i think it's not going to go for yosho on the rest of this deck
yosho got really lucky with the jokers. it obliterated one of spikeman's queens, then the other one obliterated a bunch of his clubs. this is some kind of baron throw.
round 3 is complete. now that the deck is getting pretty thin on cards, it's time to change the track to spikeman phase 2 songhttps://youtu.be/8lzHaKNoVvI?si=7M7BbcUhSOY7ulnW [Open]
yosho abruptly obliterated all of his face cards with a joker. the only face card left is the spikeman's jack. the spikeman is probably gonna losei happened to roll 6 over and over, so this round went super fast, so are we suddenly in the final battle. all that got obliterated, in the obliteration phase, was the 9 of diamonds. this one might even be a draw, if the joker manages to self destruct everything at oncehttps://youtu.be/nxSJY6D-cEw?si=udzS6T4E7xhRIZwC
and that's exactly what ended up happening. this game is a fucking draw.
so here's the ending we got. yosho and spikeman will have to settle this tomorrow
>>11725202I feel fantastichey hey heyI feel fantastichey hey hey
alright, and i already got my deck shuffled. i just gotta get through my morning routine and we'll see if spikeman incredibly high defense get broken, or if yosho just runs out of ammo
if any of you guys are lurking, this is probably the song you should be listening to while i get through the absolute clusterfuck that is round 1https://youtu.be/jVNqtFd271w?si=vXk6_xcYugbzw3zA
DANK MEMES RAIN FROM THE HEAVENS!part of the reason there's so many goddamn cards this time in obliteration phase 1, is that when i rolled a 1, yosho drew his joker, so absolutely nothing got obliteratedi got a lot of calls to make at 10am, so i have to get through this clusterfuck, and it's going to be a while before i can resume this gamestay tunedthis time, i'm going to post the game in /x/ first, then crosspost it here
i'm back from walling /x/, [s4s], and now i'll repost the game hereanyway, i realized, for clarity purposes, i should first sort the deck by color, then by suit, so i can get a clearer glance at the next round's deck statemost of the face are gone. yosho has two jacks, and a king, and the spikeman has a jack and a king left, yosho has more cards overall, so i think the game is gonna go his way.
just to give you guys a quick side profile of how thick the decks are, the deck on the left is what's in play, and the deck on the right is what got obliterated. round 1 is always a bloodbath, so now, spikeman is pissed, and it's time to go back to this songhttps://youtu.be/bd35OWQEQX4?si=QcUHP3dN7Eg_TBq0
529 KB JPGi had to stop and take a photo of this draw, because this was fringe situation upon fringe situation. spikeman obliterated himself, but yosho lost, so he would still capture some cards, but the absolute last card drawn is the joker, so society, bottom text, a ton of the face cards suddenly got knocked out of the game, and i might actually need to my calculator a lot on round 3. it's generally totally obvious who won at a glance, but if it looks close, i have to crunch some numbers
obiliteration phase two is set up. i could very clearly the spikeman got lucky with the shuffle and rolls, and all he lost for spades, is ace, and that's his most worthless cardnow i gotta sort it out, obliterate the cards, and i'll be right back
and this is why i think this game is fucking hilarious to play, because this succubus named sona from league of legends came up with bullsuit solitaire game that snowballs like crazy when one side gets a slight lead. and spikeman deserves this. he would have destroyed the world in 1999 if yosho didn't travel back in time to stop him. this fight just skipped to the final phase of the yosho vs spikeman battlehttps://youtu.be/nxSJY6D-cEw?si=ZplEy8BBgP-CdiNZ [Open]as far the card state goes. spikeman has nothing left but spades, which are only worth 1x. he's fucked. and yosho has a lot of strong red cards. the game might go in a loop because of the jack, but eventually, the jack and king will collide, then he will just lose every hand on a shuffle and he's done. the only weird thing that could happen is i get an extremely high roll with a joker and yosho gets chunked on his cardsalso, katie peach is clearly trollling me, because there's a 69 of clubs, and in my game, those would be crosses, and the priest told me she's a gift from the holy spirit
anyway, the cards off to the side are from my insane fucking board game. and there's something about the lore of Yuji Sakai, that might interest you /x/, is that he became a fucking cartomancer man. i ripped up an ace of spades on chirstmas eve that caused a ripple through parallel dimensions via quantum entanglement that caused a tactical nuke in a parallel universe to get launched at a computer in china that solved quantum physics, so we could finally break encryption, and that world was fucked. that nuke needed to get launched. i saved that multiverse. once encryption is broken, the economy is fucking done.the penultimate card is the ace of the cross. it's damage value is infinity, and the piece it kills gets banished directly to heaven, hell, or the big bang. while it is on top of the deck, as it's upsidedown and it's always in the same position in the deck flipped upsidedown so you can see it, enemy pawns cannot attack. the ultimate card is the pentagram of protection. it completely nullifies an attack on your wizard with one caveat. instead of take 2 damage from a knight wielding excalibur, masamune, or the vorpal blade, and discarding mana, you only take 1 damage and don't need to discard mana.the dragon card is not the strongest card in the game, but in my most recent buff to the dragon piece, now, you can spend it during your turn to get an additional move with it, in addition to your regular move. in terms of damage, it is simply worth 15 attack. an ace is also worth 15 attack, but the enemy dies no matter what damage they dealt, so it's more powerfulyou can make an argument that the queen of spades is the strongest card, and a lot of cartomancers make this argument that it is the strongest one. it's a complete and total turn skip, so it's usually what you need to do get damage in on the wizard. he can figure out how to move a piece and if that doesn't work.
this game hilariously. the spikeman lost. two magical rolls happed. all that yosho discarded was joker and jack, and even though i gave it a solid bridge after mixing these cards up with these eyes closed, and checking to make sure it wasn't a solid string, i checked the faces, after i bridged it, to make sure it wasn't a solid block, but after i did that, he somehow bottom decked all his cards at once, drew his own joker all his cards commited suicide. and in the [s4s] lore, there was a favorite famous comic where all the bearies are asking him for advice, and he suggest they all seek suicide. we are living in the yosho timeline. in some other parallel universe, i'm entertaining a huge group of people with this game and this story in the post nuclear apocalypse that spikeman caused
this is the timeline we're in, [s4s]yosho stopped the spikeman. the world was not destroyed.
What if you cum in the cards
>>11726369the number you rolled is directly relevant to the question you asked!!!!!! LOLE!!!!!!!!
>>11726295I think that's what happened
>>11726434that's the key scene
>>11726266>>11725344>>11725199checking
