am i going to get Error: 5 active threads whatever, or are we going to play the inaugural game of Cartomantic Card Combat for season 2025, where sacrifice has recieved a complete rework as evil has finally so gotten so out check because I got better with them and I finally needed to make major changes to break their kneecapsnot only did their deck get massively nerfed, hitting them a whole point of damage in their average curve, a joker is now worth 5, and now sacrifice works as follows, after running some math on my solar powered calculator: a pawn is still worth 1, a chess piece is worth 3, and sacrificing a queen during the queen phase gives you a queen of diamonds, letting you move the same piece twice. their piece array has been nerfed where i replaced white bishops with pawns, white knights with black bishops, and so as a result, they are going to have a lot of trouble defending white squares. in exchange, the midgame joker that always seems to get them killed right before they draw the pent is now another ace of spadesalso, evil's cards have gotten a visual rework, as the cards i was using were out of printas far as what has changed with chaos, now you can play a dragon card as a queen to make it knight hop, and because its spell immunity was fucking up chaos vs holy, i changed how a sword knight vs a dragon works, and now it works the same as sword vs sword: all pieces are banished and no cards are drawni am starting with chaos vs evil, because it is my least favorite matchup as it has been the hardest one to balance with the absurd earlygame against the worthless earlygamebecause i'm playing against new array, i'm not going to pause the timeclock to show you every time something absurd happens, instead i'll just show you the endgame position and whether me or katie peach won. i'm playing chaos, she's playing evil, we're going to play 2 games of that, then try evil vs holyYour fortune: Bad Luck
i guess according to the fortune, i'm going to lose very badlythis will be the background music:https://youtu.be/4SFkuwGPdegyou real don't get more chaotic vs evil than trying to telefrag shub-niggurath
seems overly complicated.... cant we play exploding kittens or whatever
>>12031964impressive.Your fortune: Reply hazy, try again
i forgot i gotta make some calls, and quite hilariously, my bank is being ddosed, so i can't tell if i got my autism bux check today or if comcast overdraft my bank account
alright, after puzzling this new board for like 3 days, we decided what the opening moves will be, and i just need to execute thembecause i was planning my board game to this is nice Doctor i had holy set up on a walmart chessboard, but he didn't have time to see it, he was already behind schedule and i was his 2nd appt of the day, so i gotta reset the timeclockalso gotta wash my glasses lole
this was A BLOODBATHbecause this is in alpha testing, and i haven't played this game once in all year, i did a takeback. i do them sometimes. i missed an opportunty to kingcast lightning boltchaos got two very unluck draws in the early game, an 88 and KK, meaning they can be defeated, but this is why i use cards instead of dice. i inspect my deck, i could tell all my kings were drawn, there was only 1 8 left, my attack was guaranteed to workone of the things that put chaos on the backfoot was the two unlucky draws resulted with a queen in my face and chaos had to spend mana to recover. then the next unlucky draw, where evil expected masamune to just trade with the piece that had them in check, no they won, so they used the new queen mechanic to put chaos in check, and this resulted in a situation where we were exchanging blows nonstop and ended up both silencedin the end, the queen of spades did her in. so checkmate in 7 fucking turns, with 10:54 left on the clock, so on the second set, she has to figure out how to win with only 14:06 on the clock, also meaning she only has 2hpthis was a high mana accel midgame victory, i don't need to resuffle the second decksalso, i forgot to put hall of souls on loop, so it played the whole quake 1 soundtrack insteadnow confessions of a rotten girl is autoplaying
alright, i got the board set upbecause katie peach in a situation where needs to close the game out, i know what strategy she's resorting to, nuclear warfare, where we just exchange fireballs until half the board is exploded, so this will be the soundtrack. some little kid murdering everything vs sans undertale seems pretty evil vs chaotichttps://youtu.be/Ka-yAR-SoiY
>>12032125How do we know you're not making this up.You never post play by play anymore...
>>12032128i just wanna play. i completely reworked evil, so it's a whole new ball gameonce i'm finally not contagious, i'm going to make a youtube video, crossed my fingers i don't get banned for advertising and i realized if i edit the video correctly and get a good camera angle, you're just gonna see me in my wizard outfitkatie peach got fucked with the opening draw and couldn't do nuclear wafare. you need at least one, and she drew nothing but aces and dragons. then i closed the game out absurd by going for a high reward play, you know how every now and then your gut is telling you just go for it, and yeah it worked. she drew 8K, so my rook didn't self destruct, i blew another queen, she ran out of timeclock time and that's deathmate2:0 on the set. Yuji Sakai is god. i guess both sides can win. i'm gonna set up another one of my favorite classical music channels is trolling me, so i gotta see what this track is abouthttps://youtu.be/ZaDvuieuUmI
btw, this game ended on evil's 4th fucking turn. maybe i need to treat it as a queen of hearts instead, where you move two different pieces instead, that's less powerful
and now calling my bank is just giving a message that their systems are down, but i've read things on the tech news the chinese are ddosing everything since trump got elected. maybe he's trying to bait them into nuking that country into the glasslands
>>12032128there's something else going on. i did window shopping on amazon, and finally found some decent stickers i can use to notate my chessboard and people will be able to see it. 1/2 inch with white black and block as a circle. they'll arrive wed or thurs
i need to take a break before i play round two of this bloodbath, i'm really hungry for no clear reason, and i'm not sure why this is classical music for people slowly going insane
alright, i just talked to my bank, and apprarently the ATMs still work, so i gotta check account balance the hard way, and if i have money, i'm gonna pay my bills and go to the weed store
the morons at xfinity did not overdraft me, i did not autism bux check, so goodnow just need to eat a snack and play another match
i don't really see how this halidon playlist is slowly going insanenow it's playing tetris theme a from the nes
i just got trolled by youtubei thought i was clicking on the mortal kombat song and it was the full movie insteadhttps://youtu.be/EAwWPadFsOAkatie peach just came up with an absurd idea. she's going to go nuclear launch detected on my 3 queens as quickly as available even if she draws no king
>>12032367Since we're old do you remember in the theatres when the reptile vs cage scene started the whole damn theater got hypeYour fortune: Reply hazy, try again
manthacles is sending tutorials on how to properly select and board a vessel.there's a little more to it than meets the eye.*sip*visiting the oracle is the best move i've made in game.Your fortune: Very Bad Luck
>>12032370it was reptile vs liu kang, and me and my bros knew it was coming, because it was mortal kombat 2movie theater stayed silent
>>12032370also you got chrono quads, the preferred digit checking of spikementhis game devolved into nuclear warfare. this is when you blow up so much stuff with a fireball the only logical response to throw a fireball right back at them with your mana flood, as killing 9 queens is 9 mana right there, then you have two options - start summoning like mad, or result in nuclear warfare, where you just fireball chaos right back, and then you fireball you right backthis led to a trade down situation where i knew i was fucking boned, but i just had to play to put as much damage out as possible. she even went for extermination instead of checkmate, killing all my pieces, but i had enough HP one of the ultimate endgame conditions, the blood sacrifice, where if you have no legal moves, it gives you a free cast of summon that's the only action you getso katie peach's chaos won 17 moves with 6:24 on the clock. i gotta break out the calculator and figure out how much time i have and reset the game and clock for round 2
i'm taking a break between sets because my pulse is elevated again and i'm letting katie peach brainstorm ideas as to how to play out me droping a fireball on all her queens better, because we know from experience nuclear warfare is a evil vs holy strat, it never works vs chaos in either matchup
i'm gonna have to give you like 1 minute to decompress between matches if i can get this to become a playable vidya game
here's what happened. i actually thought i lost, and if we were blitz chess players, i would have, because i would have got sephirothed. she actually made the triple knight move for 2 hp, i took the photo, then was like wait a second, she's out of timebasically, i took damage, i was like shit i only one minute left and just through out a panic lightning bolt, and then she sephirothed me, not realizing she hit deathmateshe bled out on time, so i win the 1:1 seti'm going to deal with my kitchen for a few hours then play 2 matches of evil vs holy
>>12031976Magic Mike Robot by New Bright ®
the game lasted 12 fucking moves. now that i own an awesome dgt3000, i've noticed games end in 10-30 moves, and this is the fastest matchup of the 3, where someone is going to die very brutally
>>12032597dont you know? Rover Bear-Robot No. 938W by Supertoys
>>12032600no i don't, i had a my pal 2 and i made my parents get rid of it cause it started talking at 3 am and scared the shit out of me, i was afraid of that robot
>>12032606if you dont get it together theyre gonna blow your house up man !!!!! The Great Garloo by Marx Toys, Japan
>>12032610i don't have a house, i moved out of the ghetto into upscale elder/disabled housing
>>12032615stop playing with me
>>12032617not playini even got an unconventional move and that's why my apartment is so clean, freshly renovated unit in my own apartment complex, and now my apartment is dubs, impressive, very nice
>>12032626 PetsterTM Puppy Robot by Axlon®
alright it's time to send in FEMA before Trump eliminates the department
>>12032636youd know a thing or two about this wont youYour fortune: Reply hazy, try again
>>12032641
>>12032644we was the the great garloo but now your playin
god damn look at my handsi got through everything but the silverware, and now i'm making a pot of covfefe, my stepdad got me an awesome metal coffee pot for xmas, because i'm clearly not going to sleep at a reasonable time tonight
>>12032738That right there is hard work son. You are a part of the team, give him a succ!
>>12032744i'm going to go full nuclear launch detected on my counters with undiluted bleach tomorrow
alright, now that i'm done drinking my coffee, i'm gonna go set the board up and play another 2 full matches
i'm having a problem wiith the prototype. i never tried shuffling these cheap chinese gold cards before, and it doesn't work out all at all, so i'm trying to figure where the hell my green cards went, because i'm not gonna use em again
alright, so i wasted my money on those gold card. that's what i get for buying something from one of those JOGYOFOO or whatever those chinese brands on amazon are that are usually bootleg products. not only are they not the same size as a bicycle card, they're really hard foil, and don't shuffle well at all, and just kept sliding around. it took me forever to track down my other cards, and it turned out they were in the box of cards i wasn't using for [chess4s]now that it's 6 pm, i don't know if i have the mental energy to keep playing. i think i'm ctrl+a this whole thread into an external editor and rewrite it to be appropriate for the reddit shitposting audience, because while i get noreplies.jpg, there seem to be a few people who absolutely love my wallsalso i might get my chance to kill sans undertale soon. i see quints coming up
