particle physics paper 50 years ago>here’s an elegant way to endow chiral particles with mass inspired by methods in condensed matter physicsparticle physics paper today>dark matter Higgs portal axion sector without anomalies???>in this totally original paper, we introduce a completely random gauge group and randomly assign representations to the SM particles>this group is of course compact and semisimple because I’m too lazy to open a math textbook>the reason because we chose this group and not some other is because… well it just magically works and I don’t know why>we spend the rest of the paper spewing trendy buzzword salad and doing meaningless calculations to put all that shit on an experimentalists’ plot>now gibs me money
Actual "particle physics" papers today (literally today on arxiv)>hep-ph>1. [Fake Czech paper I will skip]>2. Probing Supernova Neutrino Boosted Dark Matter with Collective ExcitationThis is roughly the kind of paper you are parodying but the theory involved is not doing anything too crazy.>hep-th>1. One-point functions for doubly-holographic BCFTs and backreacting defectsTakes a well-studied theory which is arguably interesting but has nothing to do with the real world (N=4 SYM), and adds some boundary defects since that is a trendy topic recently. They calculate something with no real motivation given for why they want to calculate it, and it will take a month to understand their calculation even if you already have a phd in some other subfield of hep-th.
chemistry papers>here is a revolutionary new nanoparticle made from the ass hair of an elephant>it will remain irrelevant for 15 years then become widely hyped until it is dumped 5 months later for the next new thing
>>16548130>>the reason becauseNice, another ESL OP
>>16548422And? Total saar domination incoming.
>>16548303This is why I got out of nano-materials chemistry. I got hyped into it in about 2000, did a PhD in it and slowly got disillusioned. By the time I was in a postdoc I was just done with it. It was 90% bullshit and I was expected to also spew bullshit and beg for money based on my hyped up bullshit. Nah.
>>16548297>it will take a month to understand their calculation even if you already have a phd in some other subfield of hep-ththis is the only yardstick for papers today. Oh, it sounds complicated n shiet? Must be important.
meanwhile youtube:>hello sars, today we will make evaporust knockoff that doesn't work any better or worse, at a small fraction of the cost, take these 3 common household ingredients and mix them together in these quantities and there you go, leave that rusty shit in it for 12 hours or something and all rust will be gone, you CANNOT fuck this upreal science is very simple and just works, no paper needed
>>16548422Oh no, an ESL physicist? Time to shit my pants and fuck my computer until I die, this is the end.
