I made a joke variant of Chess called Bongcloud420. Here's the fucking rules.I made this variant because I was addicted to both Chess960 and Capablanca Chess, and then I decided to make a Chess variant that's just fucking silly. Consider this released into the public domain. I don't fucking care. The reason is it's called Bongcloud420 is there are exactly 420 different ways you can set the board up. The first time I made it, I used an excel spreadsheet, but then the Soviets gave my computer ransomware, so I figured out a way using D&D dice to do it.Here's what you need to make a Bongcloud420:Two full chess sets, ideally of colorful pieces. There are three places I know you can get colorful Chess pieces: Wholesale Chess, The House of Staunton, and Amazon. Remember by the rules of Chess, the lighter colored pieces go first. Then, you need a bottle of Gorilla Glue, and some D&D dice, a d8, a d4, and 2d6 of opposing colors.The Archbishop moves like a Bishop and a Knight. Rip the felt off the Bishop and superglue it to the head of a Knight, hold it for a while, and you're good. The Chancellor moves like a Rook and a Knight, so rip the felt off both pieces, and superglue the Rook upsidedown to the Knight. I didn't invent these pieces. Capablanca did. The Weed Wizard MOVES one space diagonally, but CAPTURES like a Queen and a Knight. As a result, this guy is randomly completely fucking worthless, then randomly becomes suddenly unstoppable. To make him, take a Rook, rip the felt off a Pawn, then superglue the Pawn to his head. If you don't know how a Queen moves, I'm not sure why you're reading this.As far as material value goes, the Archbishop is considered the weakest, the Chancellor is in the middle, and the Queen is the best, and I have absolutely no idea how to rate the Weed Wizard.
The very first rule you need to know is “Forced en passant”. The pawns can always double move, and if your opponent can en passant the piece, you automatically do the move for them, announce “Forced en passant” like you're announcing Check or Checkmate, and this doesn't even count as a turn for the other player. You can even do this while you're in Check, and it might get out of Check somehow sometimes, and if not, then figure out some other way to get out of Check.While setting up the board, the very first thing you do is move e4 for white then e5 for black, then if your 1d4 is 1 or 2, you go Ke2 with white, and Ke7 with black. That's the Bongcloud. If the d4 is 3 or 4, then you move the Kings to e3 and e6, and that's the Hyperaccelerated Bongcloud.The next thing you do is position the Weed Wizard, based on your 1d8. If you roll a 1, place a Weed Wizard in both a1 and h1, but if you roll any other number, you only place one Weed Wizard.Here's the table:2: b13: c14: d15: f16: g17: h1a1 is left blank, and e1 is always left blank, skipping the King's file. If you roll 8, reroll.The next thing you do is fill out your army, based on one of your 1d6s. Here's the table, and remember, a1 is left blank, unless you rolled 1 on the 1d8, and e1 is also left blank. Place the pieces left to right, skipping over the Weed Wizard's position and e1 is always left blank. Here's the table:1 QACAQ2 QCACQ3 ACQCA4 AQCQA5 CQAQC6 CAQACThen, mirror the positions of the army with black, and if you didn't roll 1 on the 1d8, a8 is left blank, and e8 is always left blank.Finally, you make a pawn inversion. There are 5 possible positions the pawn inversion can take place, and none of them can touch the Bongcloud. Here's the table for that. The first pawn is white and the second pawn is black, and as you can see, this idea was just fucking silly. If you roll 6 on this 1d6, reroll.1 a5 a42 b5 b43 c5 d44 g5 d45 h5 h4
The next rule you need to know is called King Inversion. If you can somehow put your enemy in Check on your first move (and remember Forced en passant doesn't even count as a move) then the two Kings switch places, and if this is going to somehow put yourself in Check, this is an illegal move.The next rule, I call 1000AD pawn promotion, because they changed the rule in the year 1000. If you get a pawn to the promotion zone, then you can only use what's out of play to promote the piece. If your opponent somehow completely fucks up beyond all comprehension, and you have nothing to promote, the pawn just stays in place until something in your army gets captured, you immediately promote it and then make your move.FInally, checkmate is how you win the game, and no matter how many times I've played this game, I've just somehow never seen a stalemate once, ever. However, there is a way to actually win the game, and that is to use Forced en passant to put the enemy King in check. If you do that, then that's Automate, and you actually won the game.However, there's also a way to actually actually win the game, and that's if a Forced en passant suddenly put YOURSELF in check when you were not previously in check. I call this Pipibrickmate and then you actually actually won the game. If for some fucked up reason, you wanted to play this game with ELO, I would count Automate as 2 wins, and Pipibrickmate as 4 wins.So that's Bongcloud420 for you. If you happen to own a timeclock, I recommend you play it as a speedchess game, and I also recommend you play Snoop Dogg ft. Dr. Dre “Smoke Weed Every Day” on loop in the background while you play this game, preferably, the infamous dubstep cover you can find on YouTube. And yes, I was high as fuck when I came up with this idea. Have fun.
I enjoy your insanity.
Make a browser client and I'll play this with you, OP.
>>93136594I don't even own a computer right now. I'm waiting for Windows 12. It was supposed to come out this year and it got delayed. Someone else can probably figure out how to do this.
>>93136506LOL OMG WEED KEK
>>93136893It's even deeper than that. Bobby Fischer was known to body anyone he considered a low skill opponent playing the Bongcloud from white. Google deep mind and IBM Watson have thoroughly studied this opening, and the only move they thinks makes sense is to move your king back to e1, and it's like black went first and white can't castle anymore
Today OP was not a faggot.
