Been years between responses with my old gaming buddy. I hope you’re playing games with actual friends and not just acquaintances. I grew up playing games with the same group of guys then I moved away. After that the guys I played games with were never guys I went to the movies or got a beer with. Except for pic related was the best friend I made as an adult. We managed to survive 2 years after my 1st kid too but the adulthood drift got us.
>>94421300Updated my phone so lost the other side of this convo but it was back and forth and you can see daily exchanges was the norm. We had been friends 5 years at this time and was 2 years after my son was born. I don’t know just thought some “no games” users might appreciate this experience.
>>94421300Put the bottle down and stop posting bro. Be glad you had friends at all. I never did. Not real ones anyways.
>>94421300Oh man, that's sad as fuck.I have a bro that begins sending me messages at like 6am. I'm his go to guy to talk D&D 3.5e.We spend the day chatting back and forth about games in general.We also played Gloohaven and a couple of other boardgamestoo, in person and online.It would suck if he suddenly disappeared.
Man this sucks. I also have what would want to pass for a friend. He spends his time telling me how much he wants to play RPGs, then he never joins. He started a larp vampire thing and ghosted after two session, good thing I wasn't involved. His most /tg/ thing is buying bioware video games and then complaining about how they all suck, and sending 40k meme comics. Can't be relied on to catch fire if I pushed him into the flames, he would find a way to ghost that too.
Almost always, losses of friendship like this can be the hardest. Do some reading on ambiguous grief and you can look into acceptance and commitment therapies as well. Based on my experience, ALMOST always it's because someone has had a marked and irreversible change in world view or responsibilities that preclude the ongoing connection, but it doesn't make it any less painful. Good luck, and don't worry. Accept that this person shared something important and helped you grow. You'll start to feel better when you can redirect the energy towards positive thoughts and hope for this person rather than the pain of their absence.
>>94421359I got a group chat with my brother, FIL, and uncle. It’s funny that, that is now my friend group but it’s honestly what keeps me sane. >>94421359That last line is great. What’s really sad is this friend was an IRL bro. I finished college in May of 2017 but started my contract in January and he was unemployed for a little while so we hung out like teenagers and played games multiple days a week.
>>94421435Our lives are very different. I’m married with kids but this happened 3 years after my 1st so that seems an odd reason. My friend also had some depression issues in the past and possible ADHD? Bc he gets obsessive and hyper focused on one routine? And sadly he seems to be a recluse outside of work now. But even that seems odd bc he managed those issues the entire time I knew him. I barged in on him a few times in the past 2 years to make sure he was still alive and living in the same place / making it to work. He was gracious and 1 time we had a good hangout, but the last time seemed like he was just masking so haven’t bothered him since. I really hope he is going to work fine and just loving his steam account.
>>94421300>but the adulthood drift got usOh. I just thought he died, you mean, the usual thing.
>>94421473Oh no. I’d be worried about me if I kept texting a dead persons phone
>>94421300>I hope you’re playing games with actual friends and not just acquaintances.That's how you get friends as an adult. When you're a kid you end up being friends with people first and finding things to do together comes second. As an adult you decide what you want to do then find people who are doing that, and then maybe you click with a couple of them enough that you end up doing things beyond just that original thing. I literally do not have any friends from before I was 18, and most people I am friends with I met in my late 20s and early 30s through hobbies.
>>94421464You need to recognize that this person doesn't owe you anything, nor have any obligation to you, just because you shared previous context. You have some pretty odd attachment if you "barged in" on him a few times and yet still persist in failing to close the connection. He clearly knows you've still been wanting to maintain the connection, yet makes active choices to not sustain it. The best and kindest thing you can do is recognize this person no longer sees any value or connection in you, and your strong attachment to him is only harming yourself. What hole is this connection filling? Do you like yourself? What are your life goals or life project? What are you afraid of? Spend some time in reflection. What are you missing that you project onto him? Stop following his steam account. Delete or block his number. These are not cruelties. These are the universal ways that you mature and accept as an adult. I went through something similar years ago with a partner that left me, and only found a beautiful and meaningful life when I accepted: she was gone. The figurines do nothing. Do something with your life. "The figurines won't win her back. They do nothing."
>>94421911This is a weird response. You barge in on people bc they can fall into ruts or bc strict formal boundaries are weird among friends. If you have never been woken up by your bros who let themselves in your house you missed out. I’m 40 and I still have 3 friends that show up unplanned just because.
>>94421911You're jumping to a couple of extremes here>You need to recognize that this person doesn't owe you anything, nor have any obligation to you, just because you shared previous context. OP never implied as such. None of your friends are obligated to be your friend, so when someone stops being your friend "well they aren't obligated to be" doesn't answer or help with much. It's true sure, but the focus is on why they at one point chose to be and currently choose not to be.>no longer sees any value or connection in youHuge extreme here. There are people I no longer talk to but see value in as people, and even value the connection I had with them. Someone moving on from a relationship does not mean they are apathetic to it or the people involved.OP is still here, which implies he's still into his tabletop hobbies, he has multiple kids, and his last message before this one was 9 months ago. I'm not trying to be rude here, but I feel the idea of him not having anything else in his life is massive projection on your part>"The figurines won't win her back. They do nothing."Okay, nevermind. I didn't realise you were Disco-pilled, that's pretty cool.
>>94421300My closest friend, with whom I would spend every weekend for approximately ten years, cut contact with me completely when I got a girlfriend. They blocked me on the socials and everything.I'm heartbroken about it. I thought our friendship had been worth preserving, but I guess I wasn't all that important to them. I was just someone to spend time with, I guess.
>>94422374Girl, fag, or incel?
>>94422387My friend was a girl.
>>94422427sounds like the bpd obsessive type
>>94421300So who likes Terraforming mars better on digital or thinks WH40k has shit rules?
>>94421911>>94422054I never got the 'They don't owe you anything' line. Because if you're friends surely you do owe each other something, a mutual respect and courtesy being a conservative estimate. Unless it's a nihilistic statement about how loyalty is a choice and not an obligation, in which case, sure, I don't feel anyone owes me to not stab me 17 times in the kidneys, but I'd still very much prefer if they didn't. A couple of years ago I had a friend ghost our friend circle, he had some kind of mental issue where he kept isolating himself gradually more and more. He would often talk about how he ghosted others and how he didn't 'owe them anything', and the writing was on the wall right there. But what I'm left with in the end is that someone I was very close to felt that the history of the friendship wasn't even worth a goodbye. Feels crummy, feels like we were never friends to begin with. I think people owe each other a lot of things, and friends owe each other more. I think 'They don't owe you anything' is what the kids call a 'cope', it's a way to deflect responsibility to justify bad behaviour. If no one owes anyone anything then you don't have to have a knot in your stomach! Easy!A simple 'I can't really engage with people any longer, I am sorry, maybe we'll meet again some day.' would mean we'd part as friends. I've lost contact with friends over the years and sometimes we'll cross and I've apologised for being distant. They accept it, we don't stay in touch but we know that when the zombie apocalypse comes we can be in each others warbands. Ghosters genuinely need a good whooping, it's a very cruel thing to cut someone off without a word, especially your friends.
>>94422901I have to agree with both of those >>94422920It is likely a mental issue as you say, that's a little easier to forgive for me
>>94422374>>94422427Rare case of femanon getting NTR'dEven now, anon is totally oblivious
>>94423005Terraforming Mars is the Catan of midweight games
>>94421911This "I don't owe you anything" mentality is utterly psychopathic and its proliferation makes me concerned for the future of our speciesI say that every person on earth owes something to every other person to varying degrees, and this is the thing that separates us from the beasts.Do parents have an obligation to their children, just because of the previous context of having created their life, or is it totally cool to leave babies in the woods to die of exposure? Hey its not violent man, I just don't feel like sharing my time with that boring baby anymore.If someone is drowning 10 feet away from me and I have a life vest in my hand, do I have an obligation to toss it to them, or should I say "fuck off, I bought this for me."My hilarious hyperbolic examples are the logical end of this line of thinking. More to the point, friendship is a beautiful gift and by accepting it you do place yourself under obligations. Among the least of which, a courteous farewell is required before breaking that bond.final note: there are many cases of suicide which could have been avoided if one caring friend had barged in on the sufferer>Do you like yourself?Who cares? Life is about liking other people and finding ways to help them. Nobody is an adult without a community who they care for and protect. That is what defines adulthood, a state of being that only exists in relation to others. You may disagree, but I'm hereby stating that my opinion is actually "universal" and not yours, so you can't be right.
Idk man whaddya do. Most of my friendships I feel like I'm going out of my way for people who don't seem to care much about me, always putting in the effort, helping them through their issues, alone with respect to my own. Maybe I am a bit aloof but I am very, very generous with people and am ok with making sacrifices to help. A lot of people just end up expecting this, however. I think I will try and start a local wargames club. I'm just not the sort of person who gives up completely, more someone who gathers themselves, tries to improve and tries again. Just borrow a hall and set up some games.
>>94421435>ALMOST always it's because someone has had a marked and irreversible change in world view or responsibilities that preclude the ongoing connectionYep, this. I've severed tons of connections ever since I got married and had kids. Ironically to this thread perhaps I cut ties with everyone who wasn't a tabletop gamer. I still play games weekly with the same group of people I've known to close to 30 years now. I didn't mind hanging out with the non tabletoppers when I had more disposable time, but they were the first ones to go as soon as it became a luxury currency.
>>94423565The only people who think "we are a social species and owe each other our time/attention" want to tell you what to do. It's peer pressure turned philosophy and I will not let you slander the human race like this.
>>94423934nta, time and attention? In most cases, no, but a bare minimum of decency, yes. That's what allows society to exist in the first place. You can go around outside of your home with a usually justified degree of certainty that the next car driving in your direction will not run you over for shits and giggles, or that the guy walking beside you will not stab you. That said, it doesn't hurt to be careful.
>>94423565>This "I don't owe you anything" mentality is utterly psychopathic and its proliferation makes me concerned for the future of our species>I say that every person on earth owes something to every other person to varying degrees, and this is the thing that separates us from the beasts.Very naive worldview. Will you actually act out on it and get used by everyone? Cause that's what you get if you think in these terms. I've abandoned these ideas in the end and looking back at everything I lost I realize that this mindset is subservient, your time is a finite resource and most people understand that, and will dedicate that time to themselves and nobody else. It's sad but that's how it is. You think in terms of profit and live a profitable life. You think in terms of giving yourself away to others and you get drained. It's your time in the sink.
Man that sucks anon. I still have a lot of friends but adulthood drift is slowly setting in I feel. It particularly sucks because I have a few pretty good wargaming pals that I appreciate but there's so much going on that we haven't been able to play. I play at my LGS but it isn't a direct replacement. It really doesn't help that I'm an enormous introvert and I keep to myself to the point where it's a fault (I hate bothering people) so one day it'll probably just be me playing sadhammer and painting stuff but that's just how it is.People will fall out of your orbit and that's okay, I think it's just how it is. I try to drop the line that I'm always up to play a game or something so hopefully that's welcome. I also try to keep my friends in mind because I've been extraordinarily lucky to have them.
>>94421911Kill yourself you fauxbertarian retard faggot. Go get AIDS from your polycule. You fuckheads ruined TTRPGs with your mindset, which is cancer, and spread the fauxbertarian bullshit all over reddit and YouTube to make them insufferable as well.
>>94423651You are doing this to yourself. A lot of your friends are probably eager to listen to you and help you, but you got to speak to them, you can't expect them to guess that you need to speak or help. Or you are a very poor judge of character and your so called friends are not.
>>94421911This reads like a facebook post curated by a 21 year old woman who just finished her second year of gender studies
>>94421911People with this mindset are the absolute worst people to be friends with. A quick word of warning, if you catch a "friend" ever talking like this then understand that they don't view you as a friend but rather a temporary source of entertainment.
>>94425020It's because they view the relationship as transactive.Sure, every friendship has give and take, but what makes it a friendship is that neither of you are really keeping a ledger over it because you trust that it'll all hash out in the end.These 'people' are not like that. Everything in their world is an exchange and if it's not exactly equal, or better yet to their advantage, they'll remember it until the heat death of the universee.Because they're cunts.
Sad story bro
>>94423651Whenever I see something that makes me think of someone I reach out to them. Rarely goes the other way outside of family. I still have uncles that send me anything they see with wrestling or certain movies and I don’t have the heart to tell them I’m not into either one anymore so stay on topic bc it’s cool that they thought of me. I just sent an old buddy a picture of a Napoleonic clock bc he’s heavy into napoleonic wars and his favorite general is Wellington. I haven’t heard back from him yet but he is probably salty over the election right now. He is a former hippie and we are in a former swing state that swung hard right.
>>94425020Anon just said to come to terms with it. You can choose not to be like this in your own relationships but ultimately people want to get something out of things. Most supposed friendships are like this, conditional, and you might as well take notice of what the conditions are before you act. You have good reason to dislike it though.
>>94425038This, most people I've lost over the years were people who wanted preferential treatment. Very genuinely once I did not give a guy a magic sword in dnd and he quit the campaign and stopped hanging out with us. He was 28 when he did, we had been friends since we were 18. Sword was what that changed the calculus.
>>94426286That's really bizarre and makes you think if he even was a friend. Anyway it's sobering to be reminded that there are genuine adults posting in /tg/ as well. Sometimes you forget in the cacophony of screeching nogame outcasts who hover the hobby threads just to spread their pointless miseries.
>>94426326I am simplifying a little, but genuinely the item was the issue, not anything else. Which, yeah, is fucked up. On one hand I miss the guy, on the other the idea that our friendship was only as good as the benefits it accrued makes me never want to see him again. And yeah, there's plenty of old farts on 4chan these days, more than there used to be I think. I just wanna play pretend, hang out with cool people, and have a good time. As time goes on it's sad to see old friends either fall off due to real life responsibilities, or reveal themselves as jerks, but hey - life goes on.
>>94424511>when bad things happen to you , it's because you're badNot today Satan>>94425038I like to give without expectation, the problem is beinb accessible to everyone and putting in a lot of effort just lowers the amount of baseline respect you're given. I know people who go ojt of their way to contact me to set up hanging out to cancel at the last minute, time and again. Iy's gotten to the stage where I'm quite explicit and say "look, let's not make plans because you will cancel, I still think well of you but let's just stay in touch because you definitely will do this again." Then they insist, no, I'm so sorry and then proceed to...do it again
>>94423026I hope that's not the case. We were online friends, and a relationship would never have been realistically in the cards for us.Also, what's this about a 900 second wait? That's ludicrous.
>>94426854>Then they insist, no, I'm so sorry and then proceed to...do it againTell them you're sorry to not include them in your plans then. When they get pissy about it you can tell them to fuck off. Get some self-respect and find some people who are a net benefit in your life.
>>94423093Totally agree, but if I'm going to play it it may as well be digital. Sorry to keep refusing your batchall or whatever.>>94426393>, there's plenty of old farts on 4chan these daysSometimes the only way this place makes sense is imagining a handful of people who've been here for 10+ years and a million shitty bots
>>94426854I'm not saying you're bad you moron, I'm just telling you to speak to your friends.
>>94422920>I never got the 'They don't owe you anything' line. Because if you're friends surely you do owe each other something, a mutual respect and courtesy being a conservative estimateSame. A friendship is not a zero-commitment contract you can drop out of whenever you feel like it. Least one can do is say goodbye and acknowledge the other person.
A D&D session was the final straw for a friendship of mine. We had been friends for the better part of seven years. Once we graduated, he started putting a lot of focus into having a partner. He went through a few girlfriends, and it was the classic case of each time he was dating, it was suddenly like I didn’t exist. Yet after every breakup I would be there for him again. I thought I was patient and understanding, because I figured that sort of connection was important to him.But I started to see all the effort he could put into other people while doing the bare minimum for me-cancelling or forgetting plans, never being the one to reach out if I didn’t-and how it wasn’t really a genuine relationship he wanted, but sex. He bragged about losing his virginity by manipulating a girl who just got out of a years-long relationship, flew out to Texas for a booty call, and even asked me if I thought it was cool of him to ask out his own stepsister because they “hugged a lot.”I tried my best to keep the friendship strong and invited him to a D&D oneshot with other friends. 15 minutes pass start time, I called him to see where he was, and he was grocery shopping. He forgot. Like the cuck I am though, I had us all wait an hour for him to get on to play. I didn’t bring up how disrespected I was feeling from his behavior, because I had little hope he would change. Still, my dumbass thinking I could prove my worth to him by just trying harder, I later invited him to an event. He said sure, but that he got the sense that I was mad at him (no idea how; like I said, I didn’t even confront him about it). Since he was asking, I told him I was, but that I was over it by now (half-true). He said we could go to the event, but that we should stay away from each other because me being mad at him made him “uncomfortable” being around me. I told him that was a shitty thing to say to a friend. Haven’t heard from him in the three years since.
>>94423934The only people who talk like this have insane issues with responsibility and want to spin the expectation of basic social mores as justification for their antisocial behavior. Childish.
>>94421330Then they're in the future.
>>94431074>waah you owe me your time and effort because I'm so special and important!>you just do okay!
>>94430757Yeah, I think I've come to the conclusion that treating a lack of commitment in terms of friendship as more of a warning to stay away. Because:>>94431074The people who are willing to cut and run are also invariably the people with the biggest load of personality disorders. They'll tell you that their behaviour is fine, and also that they have few friends and a bad family relationship. Who could possibly have predicted that?
>>94431156I'm sure you have lots of friends you could rely on
