You can take one standard action to impress her. How do you proceed?
>>94767057Depends on the setting/system
Ill do one thing that elves can't do. Die young lmao
>>94767057wild shape - dire wolf
>>94767057Charm Person seems like the most direct solution
>>94767068You sure about that? I've only played DnD once but plenty of other games I played use the term standard/major action. And there's still the matter of multiple settings existing within DnD. A Dark Sun elf would be impressed by completely different actions than a Dragonlance or Forgotten Realms elf.
>countless sessions of having specified my pants were breakaway pants on my character sheet will finally pay off
>>94767090Looking at this art, I'm pretty confident this is not an Athas elf
>no "roll to seduce"This site is finished.
>>94767112>NYOOOOO U HAFF TO REGURGITATE THE SAMM JOEK FOR 20 YEARS NYOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOReal tourist hours
>How do you proceed?with DC 80 Escape Artist check
>>94767057>hey you want to see how hard i can piss?
>>94767098Sure, but you never know. Hence why it's important to specify.
>>94767057>I said "standard action">now my shitty nogames no discussion thread is on topic
Rolled 7 (1d20)>>94767057I roll to perform a backflip
Strike her down with my cock, a two-handed reach weapon.
Rolled 9 (1d20)I use prestidigitation on her ears
>>94767057Why do I care about the opinions of merchandise? I continue to ignore her and ask the merchant her price.
>>94767173I don't feel pity for you. You have resigned yourself to garbage, which is pitiable. However, you want to spread your defeatist mindset, which is loathsome.
>>94767188As you twirl your hand and flick your wrist, her ears seem to disappear. She panicks frantically.
>>94767260Is there a way to panic gracefully?
Fireball
>>94767267Its called crippling anxiety lmao
>>94767205Any setting where elves are merchandise is a shit setting.
>>94767057Lumineth spouses...
>>94767057*unzips dick*
>>94767323
>>94767057I cast power word: Rape.
>>94767309Any setting where elves are "like humans but..." is a shit setting.
>>94767354Well done dumbass, every setting ever all the way up to the Indo-European mythology... is shit.
>>94767309Perfect for this shit thread then
>>94767362The word "elf" is indo-european, but the concept isn't. For instance, Ancient China had legends of immortals that are far closer to the modern Western concept of elves than the original Anglo-Saxon folklore stories that the word comes from.
>>94767362Yes, you retard, because they're often made around the message they're trying to deliver, and don't focus on being a coherent setting that's lived-in.
>>94767057I don't want to impress her, my character already has a loving wife who's not some knife-eared hoe.
>>94767057Hide thread
Punch her in the fucking temple and rape her.
>>94767467In which deity's temple?
>>94767057Why?If you want me to generate content for you, you have to at least give me a motivation.
>>94767354Exactly.Buying and selling humans has always been a thing, so doing the same with elves just make the elves boring and the setting shit.
>>94767486Athena's, obviously.
>>94767486The fucking temple.
>>94767057>animu picWear my best brass knuckles and punch her in the face as hard as I can.
>>94767486Of Slaanesh
>>94767506Zeus, no!
I show her my figurine collection.
>>94767057>standard actionIt's d&d slop so i roll persuasion or cast a charme spell.
>>94767830You win.
>>94767057Breath weapon, LightningShe'll be SHOCKED that I'm unironically playing a Dragonborn and she'll start laughing at me :(
>>94767057Vital Strike to the heart then use my move action to spill my spaghetti.
>>94767243I have a girlfriend faggot. And I didn't have to do backflips to get with her.
>>94767112>WTF THEY AREN'T REPEATING THE SAME MEME CATCHPHRASES OVER AND OVER FOR 20 YEARS LIKE REDDITyeah im thinking you have to go back
>>94767057>How do you proceed?Introduce her to my wife.
>>94768202Ah, I see you're a green elf connoisseur as well.
>>94767057I pull down my pants.
>>94767057I don't why would I want impress her? is she important? can she help me with my quest?
>>94767173This reads like it was written by a lanklet that gets pegged by his landwhale gf
>>94767057I bring out a bowl full of eggs from my inventory..
>>94767057is there a spell that casts "immediate 9 month pregnancy"?
>>94768202>>94768248With that facepaint it really does look like a green nightelf lul
>>94768274Because it was!
Traditional games.
>>94768288You cast it and 9 months later you get this. Turns out, gestation takes five years for high elves. Better luck next time!
I cast Shun the Dark Chaos to fix whatever grotesquely widened her brow and face
>>94768285we got a real player here
>>94768313um, anon, I said "immediate"
>>94767057i shove her off the nearest clifft. goblin
>>94768288I'm 90% sure PF had something like that.
>>94767057> the widely separated eyes of the autisticI walk away
>>94767096Her being an Elf, she might appreciate a Jackass reference too.
>>94768376>Her being an ElfOh, what system is the character from?
>>94767057As if we needed any more poof of where the nogames posters come from, 'standard action' was a dnd 3.5 term. There is no such thing as a 'standard action' in 5e, its just called an action. So its not just a dnd player, but an OLD dnd player who never moved on. These nogames posters are all 3.5 gorgnards that haven't played the game in multiple editions and refuse to leave, but still want to pretend they are in some way still active in the hobby.
>>94767057Dominate Person.
>>94768373Don't let the door hit you on the way
>>94767057
>>94768442
>>94767260>She panicks franticallycan she see her own ears?
>>94768506She sure can feel her hair on her ears.
>>94768484The absolute state of this board
>>94768777>>94768657
>>94767057>fugly 4/10 by elf standards dressed like a high-end hookerWhy would my fighter bother when he can afford better?
>>94767057She's too pretty for me to think rationally I think I would just fall to my knees and start crying because she's too pretty. Elf woman, too much energy for me.
>>94767057Power Word: Kill
>>94768942She's dressed like an elegant art deco lady. If that makes you think of whores, that tells more about yourself than this art.
>>94767057I can, but I won't. I speak as a free action. If we're not compatible, there's no reason to force it. She'll never love me, merely the mask I put on to impress her. I'll only set both of us up for disappointing.
>Open Bag of Holding>Evard's Black Tentacles fall out
>>94769185This is staged, btw. The original guy who dropped pasta on the floor was, shockingly, a jacked bodybuilder.
>>94769286>This is stagedWhat. No way.
>>94767057Traditional games?
>>94769286>spilling spaghetti is a real life event, not just a silly metaphorwtf? Tell me more.
>>94767057She's so beautiful... Why can't real women all be white and yellow and pointy eared like this, they're all fat and dark and stupid and wear yoga pants instead...
>>94769341You can google that, but essentially a bodybuilder went to a halloween store to buy a weegee board, wanted to grab his wallet, put his hand into the wrong pocket and accidentally dropped pasta on the counter. The original joke was derived from the absurdity of carrying pasta in a pocket.
>>94767830>t.
>>94767062This is not what this thread is about.
>>94767096>roll a 1 on it>you fail to pull them off completely, and in your enthusiasm you have effectively done a leg sweep on yourself.Roll a CON check to see if landing head-first knocks you out. You automatically shit and piss yourself if you fail.
>>94769541Yeah okay, nothing will happen with this thread.Have fun with your off-topic.
>>94769606You neither belong on /tg/ nor on this website.
Rolled 3, 6, 6 = 15 (3d6)>>94767057I roll against Physiology (Elf) at SL 14 to start massaging her ears
>>94769631>gave yourself the easiest SL in the world>still somehow failedLmao, we only play roll-under in this house, gaggot.
>>94769631
>>94769631What system did you use for this roll?
>>94767057ask her if i can have her dirty socks
>>94769811Anon...elf girls don't wear socks
>>94769856Sounds like a fantasy spin-off of Plumbers Don't Wear Ties
>>94769856what about panties?
>>94769941
>>94767068>Standard action is d&d terminology>calls others nogameslmao
>>94767057Downy elf
>>94768442uuuh, how is he nogames when your entire argument is that his brain was rotted by a game?
>>94767090You playing wrong doesn't change that D&D has consistently, in all of its iterations since 2000, used Standard Action to refer to the main action you do.And have some fucking perspective, retardo. The Elf in OP, given her attire, can only exist in one of the kitchen sink fantasy settings that uses medieval aesthetics as an overlay on modern day Seattle.
>>94770670Yeah, nah, in Seattle she would be lynched for being too white.
>>94770682You're thinking of Tacoma or Everett.
>>94770670she's wearing a modern dress, she's not from a medieval setting
>>94770706You haven't looked at the absolute state of D&D-style fantasy lately, have you?
>>94770720a mistake being perpetuated doesn't make it stop being a mistake
Rolled 18 (1d20)>>94769550Alright. Let's do this.
>>94770571If someone hasn't played a game in 20 years, would you not call them a 'nogames'? Its a description of activity, its not a purity status like viriginity where as long as you opened the players handbook at least once you are forever a gamer.
>>94770798no, i wouldn't ever unironically use the word nogames because if i ever shitpost it's always ironic
>>94768795Why yes, it is possible to not play games but still talk about them.
>>94768777>troll and shitpost constantly, filling up the board with inane posts that don't help anyone in any way>finally get banned after thousands of such posts>act surprisedlmao
>>94770731Your inability to see the world outside of moralizing language seems have you misinterpreting my point. D&D and its derivatives are absolute garbage, and the people who unironically like them are a blight on the hobby. But the gameless loser who keeps spamming depends on system/setting or what game is even worse.
Rolled 15 (1d20)>>94767057I look her in the eyes & ask>How you doin'?
>>94771095>wanting a discussion on a discussion board is trolling and shitposting>trying to get a retard to specify a tabletop game in a thread on the board for tabletop games couldn't ever help the people who want to discuss tabletop games>posting as a means to promote actual discussion is inaneIf you're serious about your assertions, you're fucking retarded. Seek help.
Rolled 20 (1d20)I scream "YOU'RE NOT MY WIFE, THAT'S MY BAG I DON'T KNOW YOU" and roll to hit with an unarmed strike (slap)
>>94771887Based & Bobbypilled. Too bad you're one off from trips too
>>94769663GURPS
>>94767057Take a shit as long as I am tall
>>94771784>repeating an insane mantra over and over for years is constructive i swear
>>94772302"In your setting" and "elf [NOUN], what do" are just as repetitive of mantras, retard.
>>94770670>You playing wrongWhat an odd conclusion to leap to from me saying "other games also use this terminology". It sounds a lot like you perhaps have only played DnD and are sore someone has a wider breadth of experience over you.
>>94774572>Lying bout what you said onlineWhy would you dothis?
The games are traditional.
>>94767057There are giant crazy archfairy bitches begging for Oath of the Ancients cock. Why would I bother with a wingless, womanlet elf?
>>94774728see >>94767090>I've only played DnD once but plenty of other games I played use the term standard/major action.Why are you trying to rewrite the past when it's plainly visible for all of us to see? What compels you to make up such easily disproven lies?
>>94774815Because when you come back after sex with an elf woman you won't find out that five hundred years have passed in the real world
>>94772302Seek help.
>>94769185lol
>>94767057How's it hoppin, babe?
Of traditional nature.
>>94775745lurk more newfag
>>94767057I ask her if she knows any single dwarven ladies.
>>94768199First post was some "what system" faggot saying the line.
>>94775126Holy shit I love it when women have wide hips, slender waists with some definition, large yet firm breasts and full, luscious lips! Is there a name for this fetish?
>>94767057I put on my robe and wizard hat.
>>94767057"Marebreak" her till she can't walk
>>94767079Elves get a bonus to saving throws against enchantment. You need Dire Charm at least.
>>94780122"Being attracted to the normal things that men are attracted to".
>Zero personality fashionista whose "hobbies" are probably all shit like "drinking bubble tea" and "shopping" and whose only qualification is *technically* ticking off every checkbox for being traditionally hotHit her with that turn 360° and walk away before I get sick and angry over shit taste.
>>94768403And they never spoke about actual systems ever again.
>>94780355>attractive>outgoing socializerThis is why you friendzone her, my melaninated brother. Befriending hot chicks is how you meet more hot chicks, one of whom may have an interesting personality.
>>94780355>Zero personality fashionista whose "hobbies" are probably all shit like "drinking bubble tea" and "shopping" and whose only qualification is *technically* ticking off every checkbox for being traditionally hotHoly shit, perfect wife, where can I get those
>>94767057roll anal circunference
>>94767057I have double standards though, can I take two?
>>94767057Shove my thumb up her ass.
>>94767076One simply understands
>>94767057I present her with the foreskin of two hundred Phoenicians
Rolled 9 (1d20)>>94767057
>>94774877>Still lyingPathetic
>>94768403Any pre-Fall Maiden World will do.
Games of traditional nature.
>>94780122"Basic bitch"
>>94767119This guy fucks
>>94767057I cast Marriage as ritual
>>94792364Even an elf?
>>94792803For those who do in fact know and the implications are horrifying
>>94792785but they are both girls
>>94769531what kind of elf is it? What constitutes as a standard action? Setting/system matter a lot to this thread.
>>94767057I'm thinking I make her Gnocchi. Stuff is devilishly rich, sure to make her weak in the knees.
>>94795285It's an house elf>A house-elf (sometimes also referred to as just elf) was a magical being which was immensely devoted and loyal to the one designated as their master.[3]>House-elves served wizards and witches and were usually found under the employment of old wizarding families taking residence in elaborate establishments, like mansions, and must do everything that their masters commanded unless they were freed. A house-elf could only be freed when their master presented them with clothes.[3]>House-elves had their own brand of wandless magic which, despite their small physical size and lack of wand, was very powerful.[3] House-elves also presumably produced elf-made wine, given its name.[4]
>>94795285System is Shadowrun>The Shadowrun game mechanics are based entirely on a 6-sided dice system.>The game is skill-based rather than class-based, but archetypes are presented in the main book to give players and gamemasters an idea of what is possible with the system.>Before the fourth edition, skill and ability checks worked like this: All actions in the game, from the use of skills to making attacks in combat, are first given a target number that reflects the difficulty of the action which is then raised or lowered by various modifying factors, such as environmental conditions, the condition of the character, the use of mechanical aids, and so forth. The character then rolls a number of dice equal to their level in the relevant skill, which then the number of dice rolled that meet or exceed the target number determines if the character is successful performing the action and to what degree of success the character has. As an example, a character with a high firearms skill not only has a better chance at hitting a target than someone with a lower ranked skill, but also is more likely to cause more damage to the target. Target numbers may exceed 6, in which case any dice that show a 6 have to be re-rolled (a target number of, e.g., 9 is reached by rolling a 6 followed by at least a 3; thus, a target number of 6 and one of 7 are identical). For even higher target numbers, this procedure has to be repeated; thus, an action with a target number of 20 (like attempting to procure military-degree weaponry) will only succeed if 3 successive dice rolls result in sixes, and the fourth gives at least a 2. This system allows great flexibility in setting the difficulty of an action.
