Previous: https://desuarchive.org/trash/thread/77367207/ (He was beautiful and strong!)>Request, write, or share stories and provide feedback/critique when appropriate. All writers are welcome, SFW and NSFW.>Instead of asking for interest or worrying about a fetish, just post your damn writing/request and see what happens. You might get lucky.>Complaining about fetishes is dumb and stupid in /trash/. Use that negative energy for requesting, reading and writing instead.>Please tag stories so readers know what they're getting into. Nobody can force you to tag stories you share or make. However, people are MUCH likelier to skip a work if there are no tags present.>Try to bump the thread if it gets to page 9, but feedback is always appreciated for posted stories, for author or reader! Those are the best kind of bumps./d/'s Master List: contains old stories, writing guides, and morehttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1ccAAmGecQiEE5ywZc4S4d1347WuMPEsF3DbSNAS4LRo/editLewd Thesaurus shamelessly stolen from /flg/https://rentry.org/lewdsesaurusRequest Dump: Find/Post requests here toohttps://docs.google.com/document/d/1nyDKegfYhIvlv7ZvGoxswIVkiG5lw1lrOeDFvZbw_WU/edit?pli=1General grammar tutorials and key noteshttp://theeditorsblog.net/fularchives/https://theeditorsblog.net/2010/12/08/punctuation-in-dialogue/https://theeditorsblog.net/2014/04/08/keeping-adjectives-in-line/Tips on Improving Prose:https://jerichowriters.com/prose-style/Sites to post stories/WIPS at:ArchiveOfOurOwnHentaiFoundry, SoFurryRentry (if the system flags your post as spam, replace “.co” with “.org”)FF-net (fan works only)Pastebin (not recommended due to NSFW takedowns and filters)
Stories from #344Saga of Ka Tar and His Wives part 2>https://www.deviantart.com/thet0wer/art/The-Saga-of-Ka-Tar-and-his-Wives-Part-2-943696253>sex, nonconsensual, futa, amazonWorld’s Strongest C-Class Progress>https://www.deviantart.com/stash/02b8yhbo7g70>UntaggedBurya polov: Or, an effeminate Russian boy's story, Chapter Six>Link: https://rentry.org/burya-polov-ch6>Synopsis: Aside from an odd phenomenon that teleports anyone who sneezes (more on this later), Zhenya does not have to worry about a monster outbreak. But he DOES have to worry about a suspicious gymnastics club, in which he is enrolled against his will by... Valeria!?>Tags: work-safe, SFW, lighthearted, surreal comedy, magic, superheroes, slice of life, effeminate male protagonist, tomboy protagonistKobold Bard Storyhttps://rentry.org/koboldbard>M Human/F Kobold, hmofa, Bard, Bathing, Vaginal, oralAkemi, Lucy, and the Lizardman>https://rentry.co/328rdiwc>20k words, threesome, FFM, hemipenes, sensual biting, vaginal sex, blowjobs, cunnilingus, Menage-a-tois, romanceNew Chapter of Cursed Clussy Carnival>https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Cursed-Clussy-Carnival-Ch-13-1229901848>Clussy, carnivals, curses
Older StoriesJayden's Cursed Tabletop Game: Team Lucy Pt. 1https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Jayden-s-Cursed-Tabletop-Game-Team-Lucy-Pt-1-1230642687>CYOA, isekai, medieval fantasyThe Attraction of Vice by ChibiStarr Chapter 5 Updatehttps://rentry.co/AttractionOfVice>Weight Gain, Love Triangle, M/F Sex, Eating/StuffingAlsoA Winter’s Tale:https://www.deviantart.com/thet0wer/art/A-Winter-s-Tale-TG-WG-RC-ID-Fusion-948493376>Tags: TG, TF, WG, ID.Caption sequel for above story ^https://www.deviantart.com/thet0wer/art/A-Winter-s-Tale-2-11541515530.3 Release of the Girlfriend TF Gamehttps://mega.nz/folder/OqgHUK7T#aIQsiBfKUwJNB9zdh87EOg>TF, presumably
>>77613670Y'know, I think this is the first time someone actually shoved the word general in the subject line.
>>77613860I'm so proud to hear about our promotion. Writefaggotry Colonel Thread never sounded right.
>>77614398... alright you got a laugh out of me
It's taken me almost a year to finish something again. I feel so embarrassed.
>>77616214Year+ to finish one fic club represent!
I got over 5k words done on my work today, I feel like a KING.
>>77617090Congrats!
goodnight thread.
No ideas for the sex scene. Guess I'll sleep on it.
>>77618887what its it about?
>>77618910nta but i assume it may involve sex
up
>>77620079True...>>77618910It's the kobold one in the OP, the pair basically share a bath and bang. The current one mischaracterizes them quite a bit to work.That said, I think I've got an idea now.
>>77617090A great night. I've only managed that a handful of times, when I am really inspired. Honestly, it's hard to find a day where I have no other obligations and can focus on nothing but writing.
>>77613751I went ahead and posted the Lizardman threesome story on Ao3/HF. Here are the links to it. These links to not need to be included in the next OP recap.Ao3>https://archiveofourown.org/works/70326796HF>https://www.hentai-foundry.com/stories/user/Greencap/77926/Akemi-Lucy-and-Lizardman
>>77624710*do notbiggy brain me ammuch thinky
>>77624710Mlep
So. What's everybody's current projects? Let's talk about em.
Up
>>77627004https://www.deviantart.com/samaster/art/Cursed-Clussy-Carnival-Ch-13-1229901848I most recently did another chapter for the Cursed Clussy Carnival. Didn't get any feedback from this thread on it yet. I cut what I was writing a bit short cause I think I had the better stopping point, so I have a bit of next chapter done. Basically when Cal and Bowtilda get to the Arcade it's closed cause the owners are paranoid about the killer running loose- so the instead head to what's essentially a laser-tag arena that's 1950's sci-fi themed like the Diner (and run by Stella's sister) where Cal can get his weapons upgraded. It also looks like going to Jester Junction won the poll, so I'm wondering how to settle going over in that direct. Like I'm imagining roughly that Cal meets up with Detective Shades or Officer Juggs, but I'm wondering what the leadup to it should be, and what poll-choice to end on. I'm considering that maybe one or the other is initially missing, which acts as sort of a first leg of the mystery.I'm also wanting to work more on the Girlfriend Game, gonna make a portrait of the Girlfriends mother that gets changed for each-route, I've just been letting myself distracted. I also want to work more on the World's Strongest C-Class and finish that story, I'm just wondering what the next plot-beat in the chapter I do there should be. And I've been wanting to get back to Jayden's Cursed Tabletop Game. It's just working with the 3d models is bothersome, especially since where I'm in the story I have to keep doing custom maps.
>>77629344I miss dragalia lost, dammit Nintendo why couldn’t u have just made a paid offline version?
>>77613670Post tags you like, find interesting, don't mind, or and dislike.
>>77624710Sorry for the lack of feedback, I still haven't finished reading it.
>>77630993No worries, I was just itchy to get it posted. Take your time and enjoy.
>>77630536Oh- also I'm thinking about that post-apocalyptic futa super-mutant story idea I brought up last time. Main thing I think I need to figure out is what the ending is. I have two ideas I'm both unsure of. One is them trying to get to New York, and ending when they establish themselves there. The other is them being in a more remote area nearby and the two characters managing to navigate the government coming in into a position of official authority.
Okay, how's this as a story-pitch-Fighter anime, but with Bimbo Jojo Stands that turn their users into femboys.
No.
Okay I did a couple lines for the World's strongest C-Class, but I feel like where I'm at I need to transition into a fight-scene that I don't quite know how. Basically the idea is our characters will steal some ether-crystals from a smuggler- but the complicating factor will be the return of Nicole and Wesley from earlier who were also looking to get some ether crystals making the fight much larger (specifically using some of the ether crystals to revive their summons to full strength- so maybe some of them fall to the ground). And then somewhere between all that we get a little hear to heart scene with Scott and the summon, and then after that a scene where she accepts a Summoners contract to get a power up. After that I think I have things more figured out. It's more sort of leapfrogging ahead to that point where I'm a bit confused and am struggling. Here's a link to the work in progress if someone could help me flesh this out. https://www.deviantart.com/stash/02b8yhbo7g70
>>77631823Getting to New York and settling sounds more organic for wanderers, but I don't know what your world's political system is like and how easy/difficult it would be to get into the post apocalypse government.>>77632503Not for me personally, but it sounds like something that would definitely have an audience.
>>77634689I was thinking Jersey is kind of the cutoff point, and this story at this point in the timeline would be slightly easier than later, as the government is still cementing control in the area. In that case I figure the characters will want something out if settling in New York. Something tangible. Also maybe i combine the two by having their ticket to New York being joining the government. Like they have a sidequest when they reach Jersey City? And it ends with them getting an apartment in the under city, reasonably set up.
>>77627004Thinking about the potential further humiliations to put Shantae through, and plot out more Tinkerbat things to happen. Decided on a wedgie chapter where her pants gets shredded until they look like undies to do some pulling. Probably something involving a genie magic-suppressing collar. Maybe a forced team-up with a Tinkerbat to get out of a especially dangerous dungeon , and Shantae inadvertently breaking the last bit of respect the Tinkerbat has for her (or has built up) that would lead to the eventual sexing with her.I might use the other ideas anon shared with me last thread during the collar chapter.
>>77635562How are the shantae games? I only know of the character. It's been awhile since I've played a good platformer, and Shantae's cute.
>>77636320I only played Pirate's Curse and HGH. The former is pretty fun for a simple metroidvania, although in general, after playing HGH, they're generally alright. The plot(s) usually don't take themselves too seriously, and the characters have cute and sexy appeal if you like eye candy as you play. The systems aren't super deep or complex, but HGH has a lot of replayability thanks to the different ways you can New Game after beating it the first time. I was thinking about trying out Risky's Revolution at some point now that it's out, but I'm not super sold on it myself.
>>77636890I'll keep an eye on them to watch for a sale. I haven't tried reading Tinkerbat either, so I'll give it a go too. It seems like my sort of thing based off the tags.
>>77627004I learned that sharks have bellybuttons, which makes the abs worship scene I was planning for the shark girl pizza delivery story objectively less interesting.
Goodnight, everybody.
>>77627004I just finished the epilogue!Still haven't written the smut part, though. I'm thinking maybe I should edit everything and when it's finally over, then I do it, like a treat? Feels more like I'm pushing it off for future me, though.
>>77640753what story are you writing?
>>77640880 This one from last thread:>>77490772Set in 2nd ed. D&D's Planescape settingWanted to write a story in a bathhouse and it ballooned from there when I tried to justify the sex that I wanted to eventually write. Now there's been no sex, just an adventure and some 'teasing' between the two main characters. And the story feels like a bit of an orphan to me, since I've only ever written smut and I can't think of a good place to post it besides here. So the capital-S sex must happen, eventually.
requesting a pokemon fucking human girl story with some TF twists>perverted girl uses her ditto on herself like a living body suit>like a transforming costume/fursuit to take on the appearances of different pokemon >uses it to get closer to wild pokemon and have sex with them since that's her kink>what she doesn't know is ditto is getting better at transforming and bonding with her as her suit>instead of just being a form fitting costume at first the ditto is changing her too>now when changing it also alters her pussy to become the same look and feel as the species of pokemon she's disguised as>i.e. puffy canine vagina for canine-like pokemon, horse pussy for equine pokemon, etc>which results in her getting pregnant from her pokemon fucking adventures >since it's a ditto that she's wearing/bonded to she takes on the ditto's universal compatibility trait >meaning she can breed with any and every pokemon as long as she's wearing ditto during the matingSide note I don't want her to fully transform, but stay similar to like the ref image while wearing the ditto and can still take the ditto off to be back at normal human form. Of course she'll want to wear the ditto more and more for ease of access to fuck wild pokemon. Maybe even using the ditto to always be naked and have it mimic clothes too.
>>77630978I like gay stuff mostly, and stuff with anthros or monsters
Kissing demons…
>>77642469Based>>77630978My favourite is (male) anthro, sometimes even feral, interspecies/anthro on human. I like actual living relationships. I can enjoy gay stuff too. I can tolerate rape if it is not degrading. I can't stand degradation. Anything I find degrading is an instant pass for me. Other fetishes I am usually indifferent as long as it is not degrading.
>>77643840*Loving relationships
>>77630978>>77630978>>77630978Like: monsters, male anthros/human females, tentacles, tomboys, can do vanilla or non-con, and I'll read anything with an oral focus whether it's male or females receiving.Interesting: unconventional tags like "living doll" where the subject is an actual doll made out of wood. Concepts that would be a challenge to make erotic.Don't mind pretty much everything else in terms of fetishes, even if I don't read them. I will always avoid isekai, and the only tags I actively do not like are the ones that make no sense, but somehow come up in Ao3's tagging system like "car crash lesbians" or something. That isn't a real tag I've seen, but it captures the essence of what I'm referring to.
Epic, I replied three times. I hate mobileposting.
>>77630978Likes- pregnancy, hyper pregnancy, weight gain, BBW, SSBBW, USSBBW, belly stuffing, belly expansion, lactationDislikes-futa, incest,beastiality, guro, isekai, anthro, piss, scat, NTRNeutral- gay, lesbian
>>77645840What does SSBBW stand for? I assume the U in USSBBW is an amplifier like ultra.
>>77646769If I had to break it down>BBW - Big beautiful woman>SSBBW - Super sized big beautiful woman>USSBBW - Ultra Super Sized Big Beautiful Women Basically degrees of fat you like in girls.
>>77646769
>>77630978Specifically for NSFW stories I have 3 pillars: Transformation, Sadism, and Restoration/Savior kink. The latter only as the one doing the saving. The throughline is that the actions of a single character (or character group) cause life-altering change to another character that wouldn't have happened without them. Feel free to psychoanalyze that all you want. Dislikes (which are more like disinterests than active "you're an idiot if you like it" type things) are: gay/male only, MtF, slob, NTR (victim side only), foot/paw fetish and inanimate TF. The only thing I actively hate is mind control, though even there some exceptions are situationally possible.
>>77646812I think it's interesting it goes up in steps like that. Nothing I'm into has any sort of ramp up, it just is what it is. Have you come across anyone that shares your fetish that is a USSBBW elitist or anything, where unless the ladies are as big as they can be, they aren't interested?
>>77646960>The only thing I actively hate is mind controlIs there a specific reason? Is the removal of agency a red line for you, was it a bad fic you read, or maybe a shitposter or something was big into it and that turned you off it because they were just annoying about it? It's fine if there isn't a reason or if you don't want to share, I'm only curious because I don't think I've ever seen anyone single out mind control as something they actively dislike.
I'm pretty sure I just got an request sent to my inbox that was written by ai.
>>77647279>Is there a specific reason?Yes. In my eyes a character using mind control is admitting defeat. The character is admitting that they aren't skilled enough to get somebody to do something through manipulation or coercion, and has decided to resort to parlor tricks and brute force to get their will enforced. Its crude and brutish. A shortcut to get instant payoff without having to put in the work. Out of universe I feel that writers who portray mind control as strength do so because its the easy way. No need to set up believable plots and schemes when your big bad can just go *bing* you're my puppet now. In short I feel strongly that all reward should come through effort. And what's more effortless than just taking somebodies mind and say "overruled!"?
>>77647035>>77645840Ah, should clarify I'm not the guy you're replying to but there's a question he should answer
>>77642469>>77643840Honestly I’ve been getting into scenarios where it’s gay human on anthro/monster. Instead of monsters using the human as a flashlight they use his dick as their dildo instead, these guys want their asses played with and bred instead, something like the reverse of what usually happen in he tsi, or a human gangbangs a group of anthros or so
>>77647762Yeah, I see your point. I agree with the sentiment, if the primaey antagonist uses mind control, it can make for a completely uninteresting story. How do you even fight that beside "mind forcefield!" I think in certain contexts it can be used to great effect. It strikes me as a concept better used in Sci-Fi than fantasy, because in Sci-Fi you can have some sort of emitter or alien psychic race that can be countered in some way, but if it's magic in a fantasy universe, you'd have to find a really creative way to get around it. An example of it being done in a way I really like is from the game Stalker: Call of Chernobyl. Tl;dr (and also spoilers) if you are unfamiliar, instead of radioactive fallout, mysterious physics defying artefacts and anomalies start popping up in the exclusion zone that can be sold for a lot of money. There is a myth about a wish granter at the center of the zone, but there is a mysterious force called the Brain Scorcher that fucks people up who get to close. But it isn't an obstacle to prevent people getting to the wish granter; the wish granter is a lie planted to get people to walk *into* the brain scorcher. If you're unlucky you're turned into a sort of Psy zombie, and if you're one of the lucky few, you are tricked into being a religious zealot that begins worshipping the "monolith" (wish granter) as a holy force/object. The brain scorcher and wish granter myth was made to protect the *real* secret at the center of the zone by creating a self-sustaining obstacle of both fear, and actual resistance for people who get to close. If all that wasn't there and it was just some dude brain zapping people from his throne in the center of reactor 4, it would have sucked super hard.In an erotic context, I do like some mind control. Mostly in terms of overconfident female adventurers getting brain blasted by some giant bug to be impregnated while still concious of their actions.
>>77646769super Saiyan blue black and white
>>77647426Reply with an AI generated delivery
>>77648327Not saying it can't be done right. The One Ring from Tolkien himself is, at least in my opinion, mind control done well. Slow. Insidious. Gradual. Corruption seeping in and twisting even the most noble mind in due time. Making people consider an exception to their moral code. And then another. And another. Untill that becomes the standard, not the exception. Unfortunately, in 99% of stories that's just not how it goes.>An example of it being done in a way I really like is from the game Stalker: Call of ChernobylHmm, I don't think I like that example. Too instant. The temptation and the mind control are too separate here for my tastes. Its just bait to have you walk into the mind whammy field. Now if it was more like mental whispers, tempting you to get closer, to touch the anomalies, your prize is so close, all you ever wished can be yours. Just one step closer... And one more, just think of the riches... But anything that just makes you theirs in an instant just by getting too close is a hard no from me.>In an erotic context, I do like some mind control.From where I'm standing it can't do anything charisma, intimidation, and leverage can't get you. I'd rather those bugs web her up, glue her to the wall, or inject some poison that barely leaves her able to stand over some voice in her head commanding her to "stand still right over there please". No offense.
>>77648948>No Offense.None taken, everyone has their different tastes. I haven't actually read tolkien's books, but I watched the movies and have a paperback of the trilogy sitting... somewhere. I don't know how much they changed the interpretation of the ring's seductive or mind controlling effects for the movie, but from my perspective the ring can have a rather immediate influence on characters in some situations to make them try and take it by force, IE Boromir, but the effect isn't instant and permanent domination, which seems to me is what you dislike in particular?For Stalker in specific, there are those whispers of temptation, but they aren't being spoken directly into people's heads, they are inherent in the world. Stalkers are inherently desperate gamblers who would rather walk into an irradiated alien hellhole than take an honest job to try and make a quick buck. The outskirts are all being picked clean, and you have to go further and further into the zone, and closer to the brain scorcher, to get what you want, what the *buyers* want. I still think it was clever for the writers to have that built in as a concept of the story because it feels very human and insidious. People all know what happens if you get too close to the center of the zone, but they still go because it's human nature. They want money, fame, or to get their ultimate fantasy realized. But as you say it is still an instant fry, and if that is the hard out, then we can agree to disagree.For me, having an actual voice talking to people and tempting them can be kitschy, but I it was suitably creepy and done well in the LOTR movies. I think that in particular worked with the ancient power of Sauron, but given he isn't at his full ability, the most he can do is whisper, tempt, and try to prey upon the fragile will of fallible creatures. You have got me curious to see how exactly it's done in the books, and should really go digging through my closet for that paperback.
>>77649370Also, no pressure to continue talking about something you dislike. I'm just enjoying the discussion.
>>77648948I'm just gonna jump in on the conversation, but one game I think does mind control pretty well is Darkwood, where the deeper you go into the forest the more intensely it tries to trick and seduce you with calls of your family, illusions, and dreams, eventually warping you into a monster or making you go mad to the point where you worship the woods itself.The Doctor character ends up going from a pitiful man desperate to see his daughter to a tree eating savage near the end of the game, rubbing mud all over himself and pulling out his own teeth like it's nothing, as if his brain was scrambled by the forest until he became a part of it entirely. I always thought it was really cool.Darkwood even has some metacommentary on the whole mind control jig, where you go deeper into the woods looking for an exit while the protagonist slowly goes insane over course of the game, both you and his methods becoming more brutal the harder the challenges become and the closer you get to the center of the woods. The deeper you go the more you inject yourself with mind altering drugs made from the flesh of the forest's monsters, giving you special abilities to help you survive but also communing with the forest even more, literally injecting parts of it into your bloodstream. It turns game mechanics into a descent of morals and sanity which I think is really cool.
>>77649518>DarkwoodAnother thing I have sitting around that I haven't taken the time to properly engage with. I've been playing Gloomwood, which has consequently made me think of Darkwood because of the name. Funnily enough you are a doctor in that game too, but afaik there isn't any mind control, unless we're talking about how much it makes me want to play it. It sounds like that slow descent and slow burn is more in line with what the other anon prefers for mind control, and narratively it sounds compelling.
>>77630207Wish we would have an online editor that was fully free
>>77649370> immediate influence on characters in some situations to make them try and take it by force, IE BoromirDon't remember the movies too well, but in the books Boromir was in the party since Rivendell (and was present for the council of Elrond) AND he was particularly weak-minded. Like with all temptation some people are more susceptible than others.> instant and permanent domination, which seems to me is what you dislike in particular?Instant and complete is what gets my goat, even if willpower lets the target break free afterwards. I feel it doesn't prove anything. It means the target isn't obeying out of fear, or love, or because there would be terrible consequences to loved ones, but just because a voice in their head tells them to. No temptation, no threats, no promises.> there are those whispers of temptation, but they aren't being spoken directly into people's heads, they are inherent in the world.Greed isn't a supernatural effect. It's (part of) what makes people susceptible to temptation, but its not the temptation itself. Like, the various treasure hunter genre (Indiana Jones, Uncharted, Tomb Raider) villains aren't under any mind control aren't they? Take that away and you just have a field that claims your mind the moment you step inside. But obviously that's just how I see it.> You have got me curious to see how exactly it's done in the booksMovies always have to cut and compress. If you have the time I would strongly reccomend you to read any books you like the movie adaptions of. Except Starship Troopers, what with how the movie is a criticism of the book, not an adaption.> DarkwoodAh yes, I remember tossing some money to the crowdfunding of that game back in the day. Never really found the time to actually play the finished product. Sounds like they've done the mind corruption stuff well. I should remember to check it out if I'm ever on a horror kick again.
>>77650037Somehow missed tagging >>77649518 whoops.
>>77647035I never encountered a USSBBW elitist. I'm sure they exist, though.
>>77648063I want a gay Cheetah twink
>>77645840Why is 'isekai' a dislike? I assume it's for different reasons than 'expand dong,' more that it's overused?
>>77653071I want one of those big muscular anthros, one that would suck me off, finger himself in front of me then rider my dick,
>>77653865NTA, but for me it all boils down to being cookie cutter JRPG fantasy where the main theme is "what if all the hot girls liked me because I was a gamer."
>>77654208Yeah most of the. Are pretty much the same
>>77655102I think the problem is the genre has solidified tropes, moreso than regular anime. The main difference between them is what OP ability the main character has. You have to have the demon lord, the MC has to be a shut in loser/otaku, the world has to have some obtuse JRPG level or MMO skill system, and you have to have the harem of women with every color hair (animal ears and tails optional).
Hello!I've never been to this thread before, but I saw it a few days ago while rewriting one of my works and figured I'd lurk a little, see what was up. It looks like a cozy place so I figured I'd drop my work off and see how my peers think of it.As for the story itself, its a 12k word fic of Pseudoregalia which I originally wrote a year ago when I was pretty new to writing and storytelling in general. I've had it in the back of my mind for a while now, thinking about stuff I could've written better and just general improvements to both the story and the smut. I've been dissatisfied with it for a while but I recently got a huge wave of inspiration to write and decided to improve it the best I could.Tags for the story in no particular order: NSFW, Romance, Hmofa, Oral, Vaginal, Handjob, Blowjob, Vanilla, Hurt/Comfort, Gentle Femdom, Creampie, Anthro, and some Fluff.
>>77655739my stupid ass forgot to link it mbLink: https://archiveofourown.org/works/60729490
>>77655759I'll give it a shot. What's the QRD on Psuedoregalia?
>>77655823Basically, dream lady goes to dream and murders a princess. There isn't really any story besides that, it's mostly a quick 2-3 hour platformer with hot goat lady.
>>77653865At some point isekai stopped being about the characters developing and overcoming their flaws via experiences in a new world to the new world exists to validate the character and their flaws.
>>77656001I wrote a long isekai fic that ends immediately after the main character gets his supernatural powers. I think it's more interesting for him to exploit real-world knowledge (and even that can backfire).
>>77655962Sounds pretty neat, and after a quick google search, I agree that goat lady is indeed hot. I'll type up some feedback as I go along.
Just putting an anchor post for the gay Orc Fic
>>77655759>Kind of like Deja-Vu.The video game? I thought of it because the original Macintosh version is monochrome too. If it's normal words and not a title then use lowercase.>a beastly womanBoth "beastly" and "bestial" have negative connotations that I don't think are appropriate. "animalian" avoids these but it's a rare word that will distract some readers. "anthropomorphic" isn't strictly equivalent but is arguably the best choice because the readers will understand it. There's no real good option here. I'm just throwing out suggestions.>diamond shaped irises"diamond-shaped irises">The exotic beauty did not give a very appealing answer as she shook her head, her expression grim.I think you mean she remains silent, but this could be interpreted as her saying something unspecified.>“Sybil,” she greeted.That's not a greeting, and in any case there's no real need for a speech tag here.>judging by the silly courtesy she gaveTechnically correct, but "curtsy" is more common (or "curtsey", which is also correct despite what my browser's spell checker thinks)>We were currently in the middle of a residential,"residential" used as a noun like this is non-standard. You used it once before, but in an informal context where I think you got away with it. Here it's distracting IMO. "residential area">just a few yards worth of space"just a few square yards of space" avoids the ambiguity.>I graciously accepted her offering"offer". "offering" in this context would be some physical object.>grey wooden table"grey" is British English. "gray" is the standard American English spelling.[continued]
>>77663242>her tits near on the verge ofThe "near" weakens the "on the verge of", which I don't think was intended. You only need one of the two.>Sybil’s smug ass look"smug-ass"Impressive rack you have there, miss.>my fingers honing in on"homing in" (it's a pigeon racing metaphor)>her well ploughed hole"well-plowed" (hyphenate phrasal adjective, and American spelling "plowed" instead of British "ploughed")>and if I laid on herIntransitive, so "lay".>glazing it with a pearly glaze coat that burned to touch.That doesn't sound healthy.>leading to another road that led to a speakeasyIf he doesn't know that part of the city, how does he know it's a speakeasy?>The two of us laid together in silence"lay"I liked the ending for this fic. "It was all a dream" endings are usually annoying, but there's a surprising twist here so it's no problem. I haven't played the game but from >>77655962 I assume it's appropriate.
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Rentry is absolutely fucking the vertical spacing of my paragraphs when I copy-paste them in reeeeeTell me there's an easier fix than manually adding an extra enter key gamers
